You are Britguy. An average British citizen.Armed with a cup of tea and a hat, you prepare yourself to embark on your epic journey through "Ye Dungeon".What is your first action?
drink the tea
find some crumpets
Pour tea in ear.
Where the fuck is my monocle? Are their monocles in the dungeon? Let's get a monocle.
Apologize for being late.
>>5405049Then later on some strumpet amirite?
Be assaulted by a group of fangle-toothed youths with knives, have everything I carry on my person stolen and report the incident to the local Muslim police officer who beats me down for being an infidel.
Double check the location of the portable hole hidden deep in the hat
Dither about trying to decide whether to enter or not until a woman convinces me one way or another.
>>5405049You drink the tea. Yum.>>5405042You head off in the other direction to look for some crumpets.>>5405053There is no tea left, you drank it all.
Do whatever my nanny state tells me too before I get carried away by the thought police.
Invade France.
>>5405088via the chunnel
>>5405068>>5405084Oho, do I sense someone trying to start a britain vs america shitstorm...
Defend myself when a robber enters my house and proceed to go to prison while the criminal goes scot-free and raids my home a second time while I am serving my time.
>>5405088Heyyyy.... You're not Germany.....That should read>colonize Africaor something.
Do whatever my new slav overlords tell me to, let the niggers tread all over me and allow the Islamic extremists to cover my wife in a black bedsheet because it's "multi-cultural".
You have located a box of crumpets>>5405060You apologise profusely.>>5405059You note down that you should find a monacle>>5405070There is no portable hole within your perfectly maintained hat.
>>5405117>>5405104>>5405084>>5405068Aren't you a busy little samefag.
>>5405106No, we did enjoy invading france in our time.
Go speeding because I am late for work and end getting a longer prison sentence than a child-molesting pedophile.
ATTENTION /K/, YOU HAVE A BOARD. PLEASE REMAIN CONCENTRATED IN THAT CAMP LIKE STRUCTURE.
Go to prison because I actually go to church on sundays and such isn't allowed in an atheist-islamic nanny state.
I'll just ignore the obvious trolling, shall I?
Stay inside my home at all costs because if I don't, I will be attacked by violent youths who will only get ASBOs while I get a prison sentence for trying to defend myself.
>>5405068>>5405084>>5405104>>5405117>>5405132go the fuck back to /k/ you daily mail reading sister fucking redneck.
We should definately invade france rather than africa.If we invade africa, people will bitch about us oppressing third world countries and it'll stir up a shitstorm.If we invade france, no-one will give a fuck. Well, except the french.
>>5405148You could go to the local cafe and order another cup of tea, and possibly a fry up.
Do whatever the police tell me to because they are the law in this beautiful surveillance state that we live in.
Bump because the faggots keep ruining a good start topic
>>5405068>>5405084>>5405104>>5405117>>5405132>>5405143>>5405152Fucking fuck, this is not your political shiteating ground. Get. Out.
>>5405156And besides, France has better dungeons anyway, I read it in a guide to europe's dungeons.
>>5405159We get it, our law and justice system isn't as good as it was, you can stop posting now.
>>5405156You set sail from Dover, packing the crumpets in your boat. It's time to give those Frenchies a darn good thrashing.
I am an American, and I have no idea what these posts are talking about.>>5405117>>5405068
bemoan my modern police state and the fact that there is nothing i can legally do to defend myself if attacked short of the knife actually standing on it's own in my chest. mugger should have binned that knife.
>>5405175You forgot to bring some longbow archers with you, you cannot defeat france without longbows, it just doesn't seem right.
Try to defend myself with a gun-- no, illegal, okay a knife-- nope, illegal again-- how about some mace-- no, even more illegal. My fists? No?Illegal?Okay, I let the thug step all over me because I am a law-abiding citizen.
>>5405175Could we represent a British stereotype other than the jolly tea-drinking Londoner?
>>5405175We should get some orangina if we arrive.
I stand and ponder the state of modern-day life. Does this dungeon represent our infinite cycle of sleep - work - sleep? Does the oppressive, dank, darkness relate to the feelings of utter apathy towards my fellow man?Fuck that, I draw my stabba and go about my business killing kobolds.
>>5405193The jolly tea-drinker IS the stereotype.
Lose my job because some Polish bastard decided to come over to London for free and he expects money to be poured on him.
>>5405191DEFEND yourself with TEA and HAT
INSPECT BOX.
Make a small racial comment in my own home.Have my home raided by the thought police.Have all of my belongings and my home stolen from me and handed to slavs because I made a joke.
>>5405199Britains dungeons are lame, if you wanted to crawl around in the dark and damp, you could GO OUTSIDE!
What date is it? Are we in Victorian times?
>>5405189You head back to Blighty in order to collect some longbowmen.>>5405193You replace your Top Hat with a more cultural Baseball cap.
No longer allowed to celebrate any event that took place over fifty years ago because it's not multi-cultural enough.
>>5405227any AUSTRAILIAN bowmen?
Convert to a foreign religion because it's multi-cultural.
ITT: STEREOTYPES AND RACISM
I jus want some orangina :/
Allow the police to rape my family because the police have more rights than the standard citizen.
>>5405244I don't think we brought Australians to Agincourt
Return to airstrip 1 to inform thought police of my traitorous nephew who recently used the world sedition in a sentence.
Be forced on to the streets in favour of giving a parasitic tribe of self-righteous Africans with no respect for others a roof to live beneath.
>>5405295>>5405284>>5405277>>5405266>>5405264>>5405232>>5405219>>5405209>>5405191>>5405159>>5405152>>5405143>>5405133>>5405132>>5405117>>5405104>>5405084>>5405068While stopping off in Blighty you go and vote for the BNP.
>>5405322I got a chuckle
Do an American one next time, a fat redneck who sleeps with his sister.Go to India and kill a bunch of them
After retrieving some longbows you set sail from Dover... once again.
Denounce my white British heritage and desperately try to paint myself brown or get a slav accent so I have more rights.
get ye flask
>>5405353Hunt sea monsters for practice with longbow
>>5405353Trade a longbow to those french elves for an orangina.
>>5405371You cannot get Ye Flask
>>5405371You take a swig from your flask.>>5405372Behold! The mighty Kraken appears!
>>5405353Is anyone waiting for us in France or do we have the advantage of surprise?
Do whatever the Europeans tell us to because we're willingly their bitch.
>>5405421You are arriving unexpected. However France is currently the least of your worries.
Aim for Krakens mouth
>>5405416The kraken appears to be running out of complaints, now is our chance... to.. ermwe drank the tea...so we are slightly caffinated. BONK THAT THING! WITH A LONGBOW!
>>5405416Start a heated conversation with the Kraken!
Do we have any Bodkin arrows for our Longbows? We can't use our Longbows without Bodkin arrows!
Do whatever the Kraken tells you to because it's an ethnic minority.
>>5405505Hows the weather?
Not only did we not get a monocle, you took away our top hat? sage.
>>5405444You take aim with your longbow.>>5405470You are unable to bonk it while taking aim.>>5405480The Kraken is apparently French, he doesn't understand what you're saying.>>5405494You have: Bodkin and flaming arrows. And Crumpets.
>>5405533Shoot the beastie in it's mouth.
>>5405544Roll for accuracy (1d100)
>>5405533as long as we have those crupets we are in no risk of being eaten, fire!
Bows and arrows are dangerous weapons. Forget the kraken, hand them into the police now so they can be destroyed.
rolled 20 = 20>>5405562We're in international waters!rollin if anyone else hasn't rolled.
>>5405572Your shot veers off into the distance.>>5405557The kraken attacks, you lure him away with a crumpet. You have 5 crumpets left.
rolled 85 = 85I though the British were like elves and hardly ever miss with their bow! Take another shot!
>>5405593Your arrow lands directly in the Kraken's eye. It is now infuriated but inaccurate.
>>5405593Excellent shot old chap
rolled 13 = 13>>5405607Fire a flaming arrow at it. I'm sure this will not end poorly due to the centuries of pollution and oilspills etc.
>>5405636We are in the water also...
>>5405636Your boat is now on fire.
>>5405664Brilliant! A fire-boat! Just like we used to blow up the Spanish navy! Sail it into the Kraken and hope for the best!
>>5405688You sail into the Kraken. The sea monster erupts into flames, your boat is no longer on fire due to the splashing.You lose your baseball cap.
rolled 77 = 77>>5405766>You lose your baseball cap.Its on now france.Fire another flaming arrow at the kraken.
>>5405766We should use this opportunity to heat up any tea/crumpets that we have left, also, put on your other hat.
>>5405782You hit the Kraken in the mouth, it's insides are now on fire. Let's hope they're not volatile.
>>5405786You begin roasting crumpets over the Kraken, also, you re-equip your top hat.
We should apologise.
>>5405817I demand a monocle as fat lootz for killing the kraken
>>5405823I like it!How would we do that?diplomacy roll?sail away slowly shaking our head?
>>5405823You apologise. Rather rudely the Kraken ignores it and explodes.Various things from inside the kraken land inside your boat.A partially digested crumpet.Some goopy fleshy stuffA monacleLevel up!choose a class.
>>5405858DorfOr sorcerer
>>5405840Let's take this opportunity to get away. Change the direction of the rudder and move past the kraken while it's distracted. Or wait until it's dead and then collect it's delicious fried corpse. French love disgusting food. Use it as a Trojan squid!
Pirate
>>5405858Let us be the gentleman class.
Butler
Grifter
I'll wait until you atleast partially decide on a single class out of these.Pirate, Gentleman, Sorcerer, Butler, Dorf.
>>5405881I was going to say Ripper but this
Ammendum: Grifter is added to the list.
Queen-lover
English Dorf= Win
I vote grifter.
Gentleman.
>>5405887What the fuck? No Hooligan? I want to be a damn Hooligan!
>>5405923These are character classes, sir. Hooligans have no class.
>>5405931Neither do most Brits. Anyone who's been to the country would know this.
>>5405931http://instantrimshot.com/
You are now a level 2 Grifter.You gain the skills:Cheating[20]Swindling[30]Shady Dealing[50]You have a new ability! SwindleYou have a new ability! CheatWhat is your next course of action.
>>5405958cheat our way to france?
Grow sideburns
>>5405966You cheat the laws of physics and arrive in France.>>5405979You now have sideburns.
>>5405966Get some hats
Declare war.
Go to the Louvre, pee on the culture
and pick up a bottle of orangina, those frenchies cannot make a propper cuppa, and it probably will help defeat any scurvy we gained on our voyage.
Swindle france
>>5405991Seduce the one hundred most comeliest and well-shaven lasses in this fair new land.
Chevauchée time baby!YEEEE HAWE!
>>5406014You declare war... nobody hears you.>>5406020>>5406025On your way to the louvre you bump into border patrol, your thirst for orangina grows.
shoot him in the face.
>>5406046Swindle him out of all his earthy possessions, then beat him to death with the ones you don't want.
>>5406049Thats not very sporting...>grifternevermind!
Start a soccer riot. Use the days of rioting as cover for your dismantling of Paris
Swindle him out of his gay hat.Then burn it in front of him.
English longbow FTW!*SHOOT HIM*
Guy's if you're going to shoot him atleast roll for accuracy (1d100)
rolled 98 = 98FLAMING ARROW!
>>5406073Also roll for swindling (1d100, must get under your swindling skill to pass)
>>5406079Jolly good shot, sir.
>>5406073While we're at it, could you give us a general idea of what's a hit, what's a miss, critical, etc?Ie 75+ critical success, 50+ hit, 25+ miss, 1+ critical failure.
Loot his Corpse
rolled 1 = 1>>5406087I use cheat to use my swindling skill.
>>5406097Probably just a bunch of croussants.
>>5406104I'm pretty sure you're cheating the wrong way, isn't high good?
And retrieve our ammunition.
>>5406049>>5406064>>5406079A marvellous shot! His head erupts into flame, his hat burns to a cinder.A quick search of the corpse reveals a baguette and some onions.
>>5406112He said for swindling we have to roll under our skill level for it.
>>5406119Can we equip our monocle?
>>5406091That seems like a good table to use.>>5406112The higher your skill, the easier it is to roll under it.
Use HEAD to set fire to nearest field. Or hovel, or forest, or border patrol station.Chevauchée! Chevauchée!
>>5406150The nearby village of Cherbourg is now aflame. In the distance you can hear screams.>>5406130The monacle is already equipped, I forgot to draw it.
Righteous! We have restored the authority of the Crown to these barbarian lands. What's up next guys?
Spot of tea to celebrate?
>>5406196India anyone?
>>5406207You settle down to have a cup of tea.Nearby is a door with "Le Dungeon" written above it.
>>5406211Yes! Onto india, and then china. We need our supply of Opium
>>5406150Burn the thatched roof cottages to swindle the locals into believing it to be the work of a dragon.
>>5406253Look around inside for the passage to India.Or maybe some Indians.
We should probably take the time to recruit some Gurkhas from Nepal.
>>5406254>>5406268You enter the dungeon... inside there is a small corner shop. Behind the till is an indian man.>>5406264The villagers are all dead.
>>5406327He looks suspiciously Pakistani to me....
>>5406327>The villagers are all dead.War. War never changes.
>>5406340You are a white British citizen. You do not care for political correctness.
rolled 54 = 54>>5406327Swindle him into thinking he's a Gurkha in our army.
>>5406348But political correctness is what our culture is based on!
>>5406351Your swindle roll fails. He tells you where the gherkins are.
Swindle him out of his money because you need to get to the gherkins.
>>5406415The Indian kicks you out of his shop. The entrance to the dungeon has now closed.
Burn down his shop! That bastard must pay!
>>5406586You burn down the shop and prepare for the long crawl through the dungeon.It appears interest has died off. I'll pick this up again tomorrow.
Detect evil.If evil is detected, use prepared response>>ARHGHFJGLFLBLARRHHSMITEEVILSMITEEVIL
>>5406631Continue on to Paris. Everyone knows that the French have never defended Paris successfully in the 20th/21st century!
