/tg/.

>>5363722
"/tg/ it is! Well, I guess it's time for you to save the city. Good luck."

You wake up. Your neckbeard has grown a bit, and seems to be moving of its own accord.

>>5363784
Eat the pillow.

Create cold fusion.

give beard sentience
neckbeard is our only true bro, coz we need someone to trust in this harsh world

>>5363794
With your Pac-Man style mouth, you devour the pillow.

>>5363837
Wonder where the walls went.

(d)esignate c(h)annel

force the bead to grow legs and walk out the (lack of) walls.

>>5363833
The beard gains arms and legs, hopping off your neck and landing on the bed. It mutters about animal cruelty or something. Silly neckbeard, you're not alive!
>>5363849
You blame the script for the randomly disappearing walls.
>>5363856
You cut a hole in the bed. Of course, the separated sides of the bed do not fall.
>>5363864
It already has legs. The walls are back, too.

>>5363909
Equip NECKBEARD to the codpiece slot and move right.

(d)esignate downward staircase (j)

>>5363920
Your beard is not all that effective at blocking anything.

You put your pick back in your pocket and head to the right. You find the door to the outside. You have not been outside in a couple of centuries. Or weeks, you forget which. Anyways, you all but forget what the outside world looks like.

You hear moaning outside. And not the random orgy moaning, either.

>>5363920
That would be cruel, we should have it ride around on our head.

>>5363946
Open the door. It's obviously an orgy and we're just idiots.

>>5363942
You start digging downwards with your teeth. Your crotchbeard seems somewhat wary.

>>5363971
Fight the balrogg below our bedroom. You know it's there.

>>5363979
You dig faster and find...

The Balrogg, a hobo who recently read the Lord of the Rings. You can't help but wonder how long he had been down there.

Should we kill him, valian/tg/uardsmen?
First person to get 4 out of a d3 wins.
Fine, fine, a d4 it is.

rolled 1 = 1

>>5364013
Suffocate him with neckbeard.

rolled 2 = 2

>>5364013
Piss on his box.

Shit how do i roll! I MOVE AND SHOOT!

>>5364064
dice 1d4 in the email field, bro.

rolled 4 = 4

Make him carry our stuff.

rolled 2 = 2

>>5364064
oh

>>5364074
You order the hobo to use the box to carry your supplies. When he shakes his head, you show him the pick and he quickly obliges. Into the box you put:

Your porn stash,
Your printed /tg/ archive,
A loaf of MEATBREAD,
and a couple dollars.
You hear the sound of the door breaking upstairs.

Your crotchbeard hops off your crotch and climbs onto the top of the box, claiming it as its kingdom.

>>5364115
Tell neckbeard to not be so greedy, and inform him that his job as codpiece is very important.

(b)uild Fuck the Wor(L)d device

Collapse the shaft

Find out what the fuck is going on upstairs.

Ready availible weapons.

>>5364133
Since the crotchbeard does not listen to you, you simply place it back where it should be.

>>5364134
You build a Fuck the World device. The lava is already flowing into the shaft.

>>5364154
You would have to break the floodgate to do that. Do you want to do that?

Also, If this gets a 100, the floodgate breaks and you will get covered in lava.

rolled 65 = 65

>>5364192
Crap, fudged my roll.

Start digging towards to the east.

>>5364219
You quickly dig towards the right, pushing Balrogg out of the way. The floodgate breaks and most likely kills your homeless friend. But, at least the world is fucked.

Deploy my A.T Field to protect myself from the lava.

>>5364263
Collapse the ceiling so that the world ending device is stalled.

But you didn't get a 100...

Shed a tear for lost meatbread.

>>5364219

RIGHT, mother fucker, RIGHT. We exist in a 2 dimensional, er, dimension! There is no EAST

>>5364263

RUN TO THE RIGHT AS FAST AS I CAN

Try to escape the lava flow.

>>5364285
You barely activate it. It seems all is safe for now, but the rest of the cave seems to be already dug...

>>5364336

Continue onward toward the right.

Ready availible weapons.

>>5364336
Poor neckbeard, we hardly knew ye.

Using Spiral Energy, manifest a mech using nothing but RAW DETERMINATION AND MANLINESS.

>>5364373
You're /tg/, not /a/. AT field was pushing it.

>>5364373
Madcat up in this.

>>5364355
You move on after shedding a single manly tear over the meatbread.

You see a person walking towards you. He smells like moldy cheese.

>>5364383

Holy shit, you're right.

OP: We are are fa/tg/uys, after all. We demand the OP now draw us as a complete lard ass instead of a rail-thin stick figure. We waddle our big asses to the right.

>>5364402

From his posture and disposition, I can obviously tell he is a zombie.

Embed pickaxe firmly in his skull.

>>5364402

Being the fa/tg/uys we are, we challenge this person in a duel of words over 3rd edition VS 4th edition.

>>5364417
After that, we sit on this individual and crush him under the massive weight of our bulk, suffocating him if he is of the breathing kind.

>>5364386
The ceiling expands for your Timber Wolf. You then get into it and aim at the hobo/zombie/whatever the hell this thing is.

>>5364440

Fuckit, just step on him.

Aim the guns and missiles UP, shoot a hole in the ceiling, use our jump-jets to fly UP out of the ground to surface level.

Pray to Xom for guidance.

Check and see if this Mech has internet.

rolled 15 = 15

>>5364449
After killing him off, you destroy the ceiling. Xom turns you into an Urbanmech and you jet out to the surface. In front of you is an Eggman-esque flying machine with a fucking huge cannon.

Rolling to see if we somehow don't get killed instantly.

ENGAGE THE FOUL XENOS.

>>5364510
Fucking awesome roll!

We blast that motherfucker into pieces and then proceed to rob the local gaming store of all their RPG books and 40k figures!!!

>>5364510
BOOK IT

>>5364535
You somehow hit the thing with your small laser. It fires the Fuckhuge Cannon at you, but barely misses.

Roll a d20 to find out if you live, kids! 11 or above = win.

10 or lower = Ejecting.

rolled 7 = 7

FAIL

>>5364601

rolled 4 = 4

NO RULES
FINAL DESTINATION

OOOH GOD EJECT EJECT

>>5364607

Fuck.

After we eject, we whine and complain that the dice were cursed, we would've made the roll if we used our own dice instead of the DM's, that the OP is railroading us, that we should've gotten the initiative for sub-terranean surprise attack and being in a light mech, then we waddle away and order a pizza to stuff our fat face with.

>>5364632

How about FUCK YOU
We eject upward toward the eggman and it's fuckhuge cannon, pickaxe at the ready

rolled 11 = 11

>>5364607
The Fuckhuge cannon hits! As your Urbie falls over, you eject and fly away.

This may be the last post for the day, kids, depending on how this roll goes.

We survive?

>>5364680
High roll = good roll.

>>5364646
You get out of the ejection pod and hop at the Eggman thingie. However, you're going to be landing in the cannon itself.

>>5364688

Well shit.

Uuuh...suggestions guise?

>>5364688
Prevent the damn thing from firing through our ability to RULES LAWYER!

Pull some obscure BattleTech rule out of our ass (or even make it up) declaring that the enemy mech's cannon caused too much heat and so it has to shut down, now.

>>5364688
Plug up the cannon with our big ass.

Get Creed's help. We wind up in the cockpit.

>>5364715
>>5364719
NOW you guys are thinking like a TRUE /tg/!

Play to your strengths, men!

>>5364707
You pull the entire Battletech rulebook out of your ass and point it down the barrel, hoping that it will somehow stop the cannon from firing. Sadly, this cannon uses 40k rules.

But, they still need to load the cannon. So we have a bit of time.

>>5364740

In that case, use >>5364719
suggestion.

We suddenly appear in the cockpit because of TACTICAL GENIUS!!!

>>5364740
Quickly! Crawl up the barrel!

>>5364719
Do this.

>>5364719
You find yourself in the cockpit with Creed. "Thanks, man," you say. Then, you stare at the creator of this machine. It is none other than our character from 1, 2 and 2.5!

How are we going to win this one, /tg/?

scream
I A YOU
AND YOU ARE ME
WE ARE THE ULTIMATE
LET US DESTROY THIS EXISTANCE
ALL LIFE IS BETTER OFF DEAD
JOIN ME!

>>5364780
Quickly! Equip the HP sword and throw our codpiece at them!

>>5364780

She's just a fucking maid!

We sit on the maid with our tremendous fa/tg/uy asses. Smother her to death. Fart in her face.

>>5364807
Why are we not making the maid into our slave?
I think making the maid into our slave is a good idea.

>>5364824

We ORDER the maid to get us a bag of Cheetos, pizza, Mountain Dew, and other traditional fa/tg/uy snacks for gaming.

>>5364796
He stares at you confusedly before tossing the HP sword at your stomach. You fall backwards and onto the ground. You look around for Creed, but his TACTICAL GENIUS must have been needed elsewhere.

The BBEG takes out the loading bar. It looks pretty bad for us.

Berserker rage. Now.

>>5364841

I proceed to piss and shit all over the floor out of sheer terror of our impending doom...

...what this will actually do, however, is trigger the maid's unquenchable desire to CLEAN. The moment he start to clean up our shit and piss, we remove the HP sword from our stomach and kill her with it.

>>5364853
You enter berserk rage, but you hide it for now.
>>5364860
You quickly cause a mess. The maid puts away the loading bar and moves forwards, towards the mess. You then take the sword out with pure rage and cut him/her/it in two.

You have won, /tg/ Man, but you are dying.

>>5364892
Stick the sword back in. It should solve the problem.

Begin a Quest Thread called "Trauma Hospital - Impalement" and use the tips and techniques outlined within to heal yourself.

Cast Wish and wish that you had an immortal blob that can't talk and is extra sensitive to pain. You've already fucked over the world, so now lets have someone forced to live in it.

IF I AM THE GREATEST
AND I CANNOT LIVE
THE REST OF THE WORLD DOES NOT DESERVE TO EITHER

rolled 5 = 5

>>5364892

Tear off the maid's outfit and use it as a bandage wrap around our stomach. As we are /tg/, we took skill points in healing. Rolling now to see how well we healed ourselves.

We should have leveled up, right?
Take a level in Cleric, cure self before death.

rolled 7852248 = 7852248

Testing the rolling thing.

Make a deal with evil furbies to prolong our life.

rolled 4 = 4

I stabilize.

rolled 9 = 9

>>5364981
I attempt to stabilize again.

Testing to see if I can post, since I've been trying to put a post up for about five minutes straight.

>>5365016
Hiya.

>>5365016
We await with bated breath.

>>5364998
Good enough. You stabilize and then head into the cockpit. There's a big, red, shiny button in front of you.

/tg/, roll five d100s. If you get a 1, rage, because that will cause exterminatus.

Good luck.

rolled 67 = 67

>>5365041
ROLLAN

rolled 36 = 36

Derp

rolled 66 = 66

They see me rolling
They hating

rolled 18 = 18

>>5365041
How about you let each of us roll 1 die each for shits and giggles?

rolled 100 = 100

It's time.

rolled 91, 97, 27, 25, 10 = 250

I wonder what this button does...

>>5365072
Holy fuck.

OP, make something good happen for such a FUCK-AWESOME roll!

Cuz that's how we roll!

>>5365072
Anti-exterminatus.

>>5365072
You know what, I'm going to go with this. Give me ten seconds and over 9000 hours in paint.

>>5365016
ya i hate it when that happens. try leaving the thread and then entering it from the front page. usualy fixes the problem

>>5365087
You press the button.

The ship flies out into space and then aims down at Earth.

A voice recording plays:
"Attention all crew, this ship will self-destruct in fifteen minutes. Since this is a BBEG ship, there are no escape pods. Have a nice day."

>>5365116
Cast Teleport.

rolled 87, 46, 95, 6, 4 = 238

....... Wait what!?

>>5365116
deactivate selfdestruct.
become BBEG.
equip MAGIC BAR.

>>5365125
You teleport to the ship's waste dump. There is a handle on the waste door that allows for it to be manually opened.

>>5365153
Equip cactus armor, quickly, then open waste exit.

Fanart.

>>5365161
Since you do not have any cactus armor, you just decide to open the exit. You are ejected into space and are losing health.

>>5365184
Use our stat bars to make a box.

>>5365187
Don't you remember, silly? We're using Battletech rules. There are no stat bars in Battletech!
>>5365177
Thanks for showing that bit of inspiration. Makes me want to put a bit of work into the last drawing in this quest.

>>5365177

I point out that Anon can draw better than the OP.

>>5365206
Fine then. Use our farts to boost us back to Earth. We are fa/tg/uys, after all.

Dislodge jaw.
EAT SPACE.

>>5365229

Trust us, we're fa/tg/uys. We can eat anything. Even milk that's been in the fridge for two months and moldy old cheese, because we're too fucking lazy to go grocery shopping when we could be painting miniatures.

>>5365229
Fuck YEAR

I wonder why our crotchbeard disappeared after
>>5364336

>>5365259
We must've sacrificed it to create the AT field. Poor thing.

>>5365286
Neckbeards can be used to create AT fields? Awesome.

>>5365220
You slowly boost yourself towards Earth. However, you run out of oxygen very quickly. In your last moments, you see the BBEG ship explode. Somehow surviving going through the atmosphere, you land in an empty field as night falls.

To answer >>5365259
There was something fuzzy in the corner of the cockpit, something too small for you to notice in your berserkar raeg.

Anyways, that's the end of WutQuest 3.0: the Mutants and Masterminds Tribute. Mind you, it had nothing to do with Mutants and Masterminds, but still.

I take it 4.0 will be next Thursday?

>>5365308

Weep a tear for the maid we had to kill. :'(

Even though she was most likely a trap because she was... us.

>>5365308
OH SHIT IS THAT COLOR!

THIS IS NOT OUR PLANET!

WHERE IS OUR PLANET?

>>5365308
Awesome, OP.
Manly tears ;-;

>>5365320
Damn straight it will be.
>>5365321
Firstly, you're fucking dead. You can't cry if you're dead, bro. Secondly, yes, she was a trap.

>>5365320
he's had one every day, with two yesterday.

if i remember right,

>>5365336
Fuck you too. >:(

>>5365339
I need time to make sure my ideas work well. So, I'm either going to make it once a week or every other day, depending on the demand.

What do you want it to be, /tg/?

>>5365355
Every other day. We have no life.

If you ever hit a "dead night" where the thread falls to page 10, you can go to just once a week.

>>5365376
Good enough. Thanks for being supportive, everyone, and may I someday take the time to actually draw something without a mouse.

>>5365355
every other day.

but skip weekends.

/tg/ actualy seems LESS active on the weekends.

probably cause we are all out at our FLGS

>>5365390
:D

>>5365394
Meh, they all get archived so you'll all be able to read back anyways.

The new schedule is Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. Until I get lazy, of course.

>>5365414
Awesome, you rock Mr. WutQuest guy.

Moar fanart, I guess.
I kinda merged it with practice for DrowQuest which I was thinking of running again today.

"/tg/" needs more defining traits than crotchbeard, Health Bar Sword and Berserker Rage. I would have added an AT field if I knew how to draw it.

>>5365466
fat...

hair ALL OVER OUR BODY

ummm....

fat...

>>5365466
To be honest, the characters in WutQuest have all been pretty simplistic. The main reason for that is that all characters should either die or finish their story by the end of their part. Otherwise, the quest gets bogged down. Anyways, I might create a branch of WutQuest called SrsQuest, which will allow for a wee bit more character development before the eventual end of the character.

>>5365552
That would be awesome.
Shit's always more epic when it involves a character that's been developed. Fact.

>>5365582
Well, then, I might just have SrsQuest be a Monday thing. Mind you, it'll be just as badly drawn as Wutquest, but that's because I can't afford a good tablet. I've tried the ones that you have to look on the computer screen, and I just can't use those. But, if I get a nice tablet, then SrsQuest will be much easier on the eyes.