oh god yes!

I could have sworn this Lich got served, a fate better than he deserved. Mother fucker runnin up and down in his tomb, trying to devise new plans for our doom. Dropping his spells as fast as these beats, making sure no peasant was safe in the streets.

That no good skeleton better learn his place before I have to go PELOR on his face. Oh back in the days of adventures old, when maidens were rescued and rewards were gold. You ain't never seen a paladin quite this bold, just sit back as I let this story unfold.

I smote my first demon at age fourteen, the mess it left was fucking obscene. I grew into adulthood dam well over night, bringing out some bad ass Pelor's holy light. Using my shield to defend my bros, against some punk ass demon ho's. This is my calling, my career, my life to save all the people from this horrible strife.

If I see some dope ass rhymes ya'll, I'm gonna have to draw all yer characters.

Wait, did you say DJ Phylactery? Well, I'll just remind that SOB that his destiny's to connect with the knee of MC Warlord, yo.

He may think he's hot on his throne of bones surrounded by crones but he ain't got no stones just an empty void where his balls got destroyed when he couldn't resist my fist my sword my drill my boys on the hill who he treated like cattle till the battle where I brought his empire of dead down on his head and he fled his bed from the dread of my power bringing down his tower in a shower of rocks and blocks hard as my boys' cocks when Phylactery's ladies summoned from Hades sportin' DC80s came to me and my Diplomacy mastery to be free from the necromancy of Phylactery.

And now that bitch is a lich so what? I'll just beat his ass into the grass with me and my crew they know what to do how to raise the stage for the rage of the mage as I take his cage break it with my sword for the Lord of War am I and I testify you cannot deny what I supply though you try as you die again.

For good this time, Homes.

>>5331479

Look at this fool, with rhymes hibernal, you think you can rouse the Lich from sleep eternal? The lich spits fire, you be spittin milk maternal, a round with the Lich be leavin ya bleeding internal, you ain't got the stones to battle with the master of the infernal.

Nigga you outclassed, it's plain to see, you'd best stick to prose when you rhyme A-A-B-B, the Lich rolls 20's you be rollin d3's, you a blind master of blind faith understandably, unaware that the Lich could devastate you instantaneously, nine out of ten badass devils agree, the Lich is the number one nigga in this undercity.

That paladin goes everywhere, undead-hatin. Tell you what boy, that girl you saved ain't no maiden. You're wastin' your time fighting outside my walls, while I'm down in the dungeon crushing your buddy's balls. You think you're it, but you ain't shit, my skills are legit now pardon me while I take a hit of this magic-potion so I can put in motion my plan to ban all righteousness on this plane, I tell ya you're insane thinkin' you can stop me don't you see that you're outclassed, passed over and about to get massed over by my minions.

bump

Yo, you liches aren't pimpin at all, down in your dark dank wet dungeon walls.
I'll drop you faster than a balance critfail, you'll be tossing and turning, but always to no avail.
You think your rhymes have me running scared? You might have a chance at killing my familiar if you were properly prepared.
You think immortality makes you and your kind all that, when you don't realize that i'm about to make you fall flat - On your face.

I'm a master of my god and my religion, and it's what you can consider a superior system!
I don't need phylacteries or minions to run my own show, all i have is my familiar, and he takes the form of a crow.
So come up, step up, quickly, if you think you're the best, but you will soon know that your defeat is just another of my tests - By God.

Once i come stompin' into your lair, you'll know it's the end, and you'll have no more excuses or reasons to pretend.
You see, in the greater struggle of morality, destroying you first is a necessary fatality.
So come one, come all, if you think that you're game - In a few hours more, you'll be nothing but a stain.

>>5331655

Your skill is amazing compared to that first guy, but soon yo' death rattle will become yo' battlecry. I invite you to try, but when it comes to phylacteries, I, spared no expense making sure my defense would be completely dense, leaving me with no suspense as to the nonsense you be trying to commence. A DC80 might as well be a D-C-2 when you attempt to will save and my spell goes right through, every single magic missile I cast is coming straight for you, your family, and yo' whole damn crew.

The Lich don't take kindly to threats, so homey step up and watch your 'friends' place their bets, on the lord of darkness cuz they know you can't win, fightin the Lich won't leave you with a pot to piss in. They call you MC Warlord but I call you my-soon-to-be minion instead, cuz when you mess with the Lich, nigga you be better off dead.

>>5332073

You got me confused with some other undead, cuz when it comes to pimpin I got mile-long cred. A dank nasty dungeon ain't nothin but fronting, if you live long enough you'll see that my crib's always jumpin. Ain't never been a party like at my homestead, even Clerics try to crash it when they TURN UNDEAD, but don't think that shit will work, I ain't over the hill, every one of my minion's got a platinum grill. I'll turn you flat on yo' ass but I'll give your girl a thrill, help myself to sloppy seconds cuz I never get my fill. So if you think yo' gods be flyin and phat, you ain't foolin no-one but yourself, nigga you full of nothin but crap

Lich is serving up some pwncakes tonight. Come on PCs!

>>5332279
>>5332279
shut up

I wish the real DJ Phylactery was here. This guy's good, but he's not as good.

>>5332130
Well lookey here!

It's the talking skull and he's full of shit tonight ain't that right thinking his undead blight can put up a fight against my might when I take his punk ass out back of his shack and smack his pathetic attack with its lack of mack straight into the dirt he crawled out of.

And if you think you can make me your slave because my Will save is lacking then you've got the INT of a kraken 'cause CHA I'm packing in abundance so your rants don't change my stance just one glance and your pants are covered with stains from the remains of your entrails the details of which I don't need to show since we know you ain't got the CON to take my description you'd have a conniption and your head would shatter and spatter grey matter all over your tomb.

And there ain't no room for that cause then I can't take the hat sitting on your pate as your second-rate Magic Missiles abate on my plate pathetic as your fate of late since you got the date I'd send you to the gate between this world and the one that had you so afraid that you stayed and made this masquerade which delayed your fade into the Abyss the Hells the Lower Planes and the varied banes that are waiting for you once my crew gets through with Phylactery 2: Electric Boogaloo.

And once you're dead I'll take your head line it with lead so I can use your cranium to pot a geranium made from uranium that'll glow in the night when I hang it from a height giving perfect light for my bedroom when I take your daughter the whore on the floor like I did before made her beg for more as I made my tour of every smoking hot curve.

So you can just stand there unnerved totally served like you deserved as the contest swerved out of your control Warlord's on a roll and prepare the hole where your soul used to be for a sting like a bee bigger than a tree or at least that's what you're gonna think my sword feels like.

>>5332243

You seem to serve the greater immorality, killing, lying and stealing - You misunderstand the virtue of serving others with healing.
Your crib is nothing but a cesspool of dirt and excess, letting all adventurers know that you live in a mess.
Piety and honor have their own charms you see, and when i destroy your phylactery, then i'll set your soul free.
Nothing will aid you in your sad little plight - what power you hold is nowhere close to my might.
So make rhymes about your evil, and your sin, and you crew - But once i send you to the other world, you'll be in store for something new.

We did get some sweet ass art out of it. Not enough though.

I say the party is winning, just for the fact that they actually post images.

Haha, version 2? Dunno if I'm up for that tonight. Can I trust this thread to be here in the morning?

>>5332687

Probably not. I'd wait for the real DJ Phylactery to make another one.

>>5332637

Oh my god, is that supposed to be a Black Paladin version of me? I... I never thought I rhymed well enough to be thought of as black.

>>5332752

Well, even the lich comes off as black there. Note the dreads and the WICKED hoodie.

>>5332687
Well fuck if I know, bro, but I'll try to throw a show that don't blow for as long as I'm still able got rhymes in my stable images on my cable caffeine on my table and time for this fable so Justice can drop back in tomorrow.

>>5332772

This thread shows promise.

>>5332770

Oh God, I just noticed the hoodie. Brilliance.

>>5332816

Er, dreads.

/tg/ - where even rap music can become something awesome.

>>5332607

MC Warlord, thinks he's gar beyond compare, but I'm down with the concept of ultimate despair, the gloves are off now, shit won't even be fair, my style will have you gasping for air while my minions slay your party and flay your ass bare. First off, your rhymes are sick, but I've had my fill; I'll split you right open with my GIGA BONE DRILL, and if that don't suit ya, then just wait you still, my zombie hordes will have y'all grabbin pills. When it comes to spell savin', I dare you to try, lets see how long you last when you're up against save-or-die, I got the mega-death spells in vast supply, and it's only a matter of time till your punk-ass cries. You warriors may be thick in the neck, but ya ain't thick in the brains, I'll bust your Con with some ABILITY DRAIN; as for being my undead slave, that'd be the best you could expect, when I'm through with you there won't be enough left for a TRUE RESURRECT, and the minute you suspect that I'm not being direct, pay a visit to my lair dawg, and prove me correct.

>>5332632

Holy boy ain't there a priest you should be fellatin? You come in here spittin like you're lyrically masturbating, but welcome to thunderdome, it ain't the time for consecrating, pontificating, or sermonizing, all your preachin's done is left me despising, do you think your rhyme is surprising? My darkness is rising, you're alone in my lair bitch, you'll be doing nothing but dying.

>>5332607
>I take your daughter the whore on the floor like I did before made her beg for more as I made my tour of every smoking hot curve.

Your opponent is a lich, and you fucked his undead daughter?

>>5333075

his smoking hot undead daughter

FEEL THE RHYTHM
FEEL THE RHYME
GET ON UP
IT'S BOBSLED TIME

What's up, what's up, Beardshot's here to play! You motherfuckers ain't seen nothing yet in the fray! I'm standing in the middle, bringing you rhyming diddles playing your spines like pretty little fiddles! Got my finger on the trigger don't need to be no bigger I'm the face shot rigger gonna bring this down quicka! So what if you got some shitty Dee Are, bone's as brittle as yo' lame ass rhymes so far! Got multi shot and I'm not on the spot and I've got ten I'll drop hot and I'm gonna trot bitch. While I'm sitting on your bones hearin' your moans, I'll pour a forty for all tha shorties. My beard's lined with gold, and my ale's strong and bold, my axe and bow I hold, while you're fuckin steamrolled!

Don't expect any lesser from our crew, cause I got them hopped up on my special brew. I got my bow aimed for ya and you got no high init rolla, while I fling my 'rrows from ya bony head to ya ugly ass goblins' toes. Fuck yer preconceptions of my shorter stature, my boots gonna stomp down and I'm gonna flat yer bony white ass and I'm sure I ain't lying, when you wish you were living so you could start cryin!

>>5333111
>george takei
Are you sure it wasn't his son?

>>5331362

Time for the scribe to drop a jibe.

Now gather around, here the words of my tale, about Heroes and Liches and the things they entail. 'Twas the sickest battle that has ever took place, in the history of, well, every single race. DJ Phylactery and MC Death Knight, spittin' their rhymes and ready to fight. Then along came some adventurous souls, bringing armor and swords and some dangerous rolls.

Phylactery started spittin' and dissin' 'em out, but DJ Divine Justice was truly devout. He shrugged off the blows and returned in kind, rhymin' with lyrics that would blow your mind.

Then in popped a Barbarian, not Conan but worse, droppin' sick disses in every verse. In with came a Druid, a man with some class, takin' no names but kickin' some ass.

At this point Phylactery was not amused, and in slid the best boy from his undead crews. DJ Death Knight, this playa was called, rhymin' so hard that he'd make ya go bald.

>>5333448

Phylactery and Death Knight, a truly fearsome pair, comin' down hard and spreadin' despair. Our heroes needed backup, they needed it bad, and so in jumped two dudes who were totally rad.

A Rogue and a Warrior, with skills that were rockin, stuff that would send evil-doer's knees knockin'. Phylactery and Death Knight rhymed hard and fought back, repellin' with ease almost every attack.

Another party member then joined the fight, spittin sick rhymes for Justice's light. A masterful bard, spoony at that, rollin out the rhymes to crush the bad guys flat.

Even more playas joined the fight, spittin their rhymes and fightin for the right, to be the victor in this battle of hearts and words. Would the heroes win? Or would the Lich Lords?

The battle continued for hours on end, rhymes flyin out, both sides refusin' to bend. The battle raged on, no one would quit, rappin too fast for it to be writ.

But eventually, the battle came to a close, both sides fought valiantly against it's foes, but alas, much to everyones disdain, the battle was a draw, both sides felt the pain.

And thus is ends the story of Heroes and Liches, heed this one well, you BBEG bitches. Huh? What is the moral? You're joking right? If you diss on the heroes, you're in for a fight!

I fear this might be the start of a New Wave of Nerdcore Hiphop.

>>5333289

People gonna be running in disgust, not fear, once they catch sight of your filthy neckbeard. Even this undead motherfucker thinks your furbush is a sin, what are you trying to hide, except for a shit eating grin? Did you honestly think you could win? The only thing dwarves are good for is cleaning foreskin! That is, if dwarves knew how to clean--there's a damn good reason reanimating dwarves ain't my scene. Nigga I'll be straight, you deserve less credit than to you I am alotting, but dwarf's never cleaner than when his corpse is rotting! Let me know when a real opponent shows up, if one can be found, it's not fair to talk shit at turd three feet from the ground.

>>5333289
Ha ha. Little Dwarf thinks he can play with the big boys. This here is MC Bramble, so without preamble, let's begin to show you your sin.

Beardshot's can't hit for shit, attack bonus of minus five, how do you stay alive? Your AC's even worse, it's like a curse, only way you can't be hit's with Thac0, which is almost as old as you. Your beards got less brown then grey, so don't delay, and hit the hay old timer, you poor rhymer.

Leave the forest for the Elves, stop embarrassing yourselves, you're even worse at dungeons delves. What's that, a short bow, oh I know, you even roll low, it's 'cuz you blow at archery, you're worse then Phylactery is at the beat, it's time you feel the heat, so go back to the forge, or maybe gorge on ale and mead, it's what you need, distract you from the fact you're an embarrassment to bow users, you're an arrow abuser. Many-shot? Please bitch, a real ranger can cause danger with one shot, but you ain't that hot.

Unlike me, my AC's sky-high, just like my MS and my hide, you won't see me 'til I already fired, an arrow in their gullet or maybe Beardshot's mullet. My AB, you see, is easily, higher then your bearded mother after I hit it, and I don't mean combat but she won init'.

Yeah. MC Bramble here. Chaotic Neutral this fucker up.

>>5333542
I'm ok with this being a new /tg/ regular feature.

Awwww yeah, Monk up in this motherfucker.

The name's MC Buddhalicious, and my rhymes are so vicious they make your threat seem fictitious. With Body and Mind so Divine I'll make your treasure mine, due time for your crimes under the sky.

So Lich, bitch, you think you got style? Take a look real quick, you make even all your zombie bitches sick. I can score with the bitches you can not, which I'm sorry to say is a lot. My fists are so fast, way out of your class, I grapple with a free action, and get all the bitches reaction. Have them all on the floor, begging for more, and with a quick flex of my pecks I make em all so wet everyone here will have to make swim check.

You gave up your soul for immortality, but that's just lead to your own fatality, I'm truly timeless and I've got eternity, to undo your entire fraternity. Got spells to throw? They're nothing compared to my unarmed blow. One round, two round, three and four, you'll never know what hit you that's what you got in store.

So give it all up lich you cannot defeat me, you'll need more then you can ever have its easy to see. So just sit your bone ass down, while I beat your ass down and wear your skull as a crown.

Now listen here tree bitch, I didn't wanna be rough, but if you think I'm gonna take shit from you and the Lich, then I'm gonna have to bring up the good stuff. You say I'm an old timer and a piss poor rhymer when your ass wears eyeliner. Gotta stay pretty for the debutant ball where you all got the gall to pretend your above it all. Bitches look like boys and the boys look like bitches, while the others are watching, laughing till they're in stitches. Your bitch ain't got tits or ass, and while my honey drops it, she brings up some hard sass. She's a rough rider with a rougher smack, gonna make you her bitch while you hear the whip crack.

And listen up you bone bitch in a hoodie, my stature aint the disaster, it's your tiny ass booty, claim you've got the pile, just makes me laugh and smile. Bitch I'm like fucking Scrooge McDuck, gotta move my cash with a hundered dump trucks. Swimming in piles of jewels and gold, and carrying my clan emblem all proud and old. Got ten generations, full of dominations, war torn stations, and complete enemy annihilations, all building to my 'tiny ass', but I'm gonna show you my axe handle's brass. Gonna shoot you up, then hack ya down, motherfucking corpse withoout skin, and sharp eared clown.

Now I don't try to beat you poor ass tree huggers too hard, need someone to regail my tales in your sissy bards. But don't make me show you that I'm not just about shootin', bitch I'm about hacking and attackin and lootin. I got ninety nine kills under this blade and bow, you wanna be the fucking hunderedth show? Best step aside and deal with Skeletor first, or I'm gonna be drinking while they shuffle you off in a hearse. I don't feel like handlin' two pansies today, but I'll do it and I'll be grinin' all the way.

>>5333771
oh so fucking saged for failrap.

What's this? A rap battle and I wasn't invited?

I'm gonna end this thread in two parts:

Lich:
Fuck you Lich, you fake to the core, you ain't the real thing you just a store-bought whore. You flow like a bitch on her period--three days late--unable to create anything resembling a great lick, but I can understand how it's hard to rap when you're SUCKIN PHYLACTERY'S DICK. You're barely a third-level caster, your hooks are a disaster, my comebacks are faster, so leave the rapping to the master.

MC Warlord:
Only room for one warrior up in this bitch, and you ain't got the skill to battle the Lich. I see you trying to row row, fight the power, but you be praising dead virgins while I'm dick deep in pussy showers. Foes run and cower at the mere mention of my name, and you're crowdin the scene, nigga we ain't even the same. You spit hot and cold so I'm not quite sold on your prowess to rhyme, but in the meantime I'll issue the following extortion: back the fuck off or I'll perform your forty-fifth-trimester abortion.


DJ Divine Justice I'll see you at a real fuckin rap battle.

All of you step back because DJ Shold the Kobold is gonna put you on hold, ya been told, but ya too bold now we'll leave you out to get old in the cold.

If you come into our caves ya better behaves or we'll have fun-fun like pun pun, we got traps and snares for our homes and lairs you'll be sayin' "What's this DC? It can't be! It's too high for me!" Ya took thick we'll give you an ass kick, our CR's through the roof you take us on prepare to lose a tooth!

Come after us, then, fucker, prepare to learn a lesson from my main main Tucker. Spike traps and poison darts, turning feng shui into a martial art. You break in here lookin' for loot? Prepare for an asskicking by a Kobold Boot.

>>5333819
Did... a Kobold just try to school us?

>>5333806

OOOHHH DAAAAYUMN!!

Sword 'n' Board in the house telling it like it is.

>>5333819

somebody cap this motherfucker. Fucking Kiggers should know their place

>>5333819
What's this I hear so faint? A Kobold? How Quaint. I remember your kind, a real challenge there so hard to find. I remember having nothing then, but even you had no way to defend, my fists from coming down making your whole body bend. No spell could heal, while your items I steal, and bring back to the good people over yonder field. Your CR is an insult to my style, and here I thought all this while, you might have learned, but you're still the same shit just a different pile.

>>5333806
Oh Sword 'n' Board, is it. Step back you make us bored you'll just get floored what's that? Don't wanna be ignored, boo hoo to you, hide behind that shield on the other side of the field before it's revealed you're a chicken shit, afraid to take a hit? Well they're comin' your way in bulk so go sulk.

MC Bramble'll reduce you to shambles 'cuz my ABs higher then your AC, your saving throws can't beat my DC, your feats are easy to beats, just as you're weak I'm elite, I'm sleek, walk away freak before you get a beat down, leave town, you make the ladies laugh you're hung like a calf, whereas I'm packin' a staff.

>>5333771
Ha ha. Little Dwarf thinks he stands tall, for that he'd need a wall, or a step ladder if the height don't empty his bladder. I've done bitches of all race but the Dwarves finish in last place. Tits like sandbags, pussy like swamp hags, beard you can hold, never do as they're told, MALE Dwarves're the bitches, they're given an order they shit their britches, you can't take ANY of these liches. No one's listening to anything you're sayin' so sit down now, the BIG kids are playin'.

>>5333819
I ain't in no mood, kobold, I'm takin your candle, it's going straight up your ass, right up to the handle. You best believe I'm a vandal so be sure to scream clear, a kobold in pain is music to my ears. I've slayed them for years, it never gets old, I've ended their lives a thousand-fold, so for you, DJ Shold, for being so bold, I'll serve up a beating extra cold.

>>5333940
its like some kind of nerd rap duel.

you are my eternal hero

>>5333854
>>5333970
Ha! Let me show you my home, it ain't the land of a Gnome, this shit's REAL so you better learn to deal otherwise prepare to be peeled.

Walk down this passage you're shoulder to shoulder then suddenly BOULDER! We do this shit like Indiana Jones, lettin' it crush your bones, hope you've got your phones, you'll be calling for aid I can't believe you jokers get paid, let alone laid by the time we're done you'll be afraid.

Come around this way and you'll pay, a poison dart in the face put you in your place, you'll be here a while, let me show you our style, that poison's a paralytic, we flick'it an' you fall you too tall that crash's gotta hurt, it's ok to blurt and blubber for yo mother, she's in this cave in my bed, that's just the start you'll wish you were dead.

>>5333940
Men don't take shit from pussy arrow flingers, MC Bramble you more of a joke than legolas_licking_his_fingers, but don't feel like you need to invite me to linger, while you're fucking a tree I'll be the one yelling TIMBER! You be dissing my shield cuz it ruins your game, no matter how you aim, your arrow's won't maim cuz you ain't gettin through my battle frame. Your high A-C means nothin to me, I could roll threes and every hit would be guaranteed, it would be a killing spree, and I ain't stoppin until your head from body is free. Nigga, you just became the main course on the menu; did you forget it was you that brought me back to this venue? My point's clear but I could continue, to deliver more of the pain in my retinue. Y'all elf-folk are little bitches.

Hmm, this rap battle needs more genuine villains.

>>5334054
Haha! So you're fucking clever thinking shit up like this? All your traps are likely to miss. You'll have to have more you little fuck. A rock is for naught, my body is stone and built like a truck. Darts and arrows? Please, I snatch them like flies buzzing round your rotting corpse, which after I'm through you're looking mighty warped. Step down now and you'll avoid the show, a cinematic epic staring the flow of my chi into your skull like a pro. The crowd will applause, the final act which brings your life to its final clause. A rat who didn't know when to give pause.

Don't give up, Sword n' Board, these pussies ain't got nothing on you.

Alright long ears, you want me to take off the kid gloves? I'll show you what's what, when push comes to shove. I'm not your king of the shot, or hide like a pussy in a pot. I'm the fucker who rides up, firin' till he's face to face, and then hacks and hacks 'till yer all over the place! Motherfucker I just took the feats for the run! I'm the motherfucker who goes up for the one on one. You and the lich best step on back, or I'll show you my motherfuckin' whirlwind attack. You think I'm faking all my skill making, but you gotta know I'm multiclass takin. Hacking it up, and shooting it down, don't make me bend your ass over while you wear that frilly leaf gown. Bitch I'm gettin' pissed and you're not gettin the jist and I'm gonna show what you wish you had missed!

BITCH IMMA RAGE ALL OVER YOUR HEAD! IMMA SMASH AND BASH TILL YOU'RE ALL FUCKIN' DEAD! FUCK YER WILDLIFE AND FUCK YOUR TREES! I'LL CUT EM ALL DOWN AS I FUCKING PLEASE! MOTHERFUCKER YOU CALLED THE BEARD A JOKE! ALL THAT'LL BE LEFT OF YOU IS A CRATER TRAILING UP SMOKE! TRY TO BUST MY HIDE IT'S GONE BUCK WILD AND MY ROLLS ARE CRITTIN WHILE YOUR PANTS YOU BE SHITTING! FUCK THE FINESSE AND FUCK THE FLAIR, I'MMA CUT YOU UP CAUSE I JUST DON'T FUCKIN CARE! I'MMA BARBRANGER AND I'M NO STRANGER TO YOU ELVES THINKING YOUR SELVES NOT FUCKIN' ENDANGERED! FUCK I'M MAD BUT I'LL LEAVE YOU TO SWORD AND BOARD, AND TAKE ON THIS UGLY UNDEAD HORDE!

>>5334054

I'll step into your cave bitch, and make it my domain; ya kobolds best shoot up your own poison just to deaden the pain, it's time to rip and tear folks, here comes the night train! I just read tomorrows forecast: sure chance of KOBOLD BRAINS. You rat-shit kobolds are insane, ya think you're tough but your act is straight mundane. So as a word of closing, I just want to make things plain, when you fuck with Sword n' Board, I make sure you die in vain.

Bitches who disrespect Sword and Board better get steppin', cause MC Druid is back to sweep the competition, that pansy-ass elf is just a me-light, it won't be too long since he's outta the fight. Kobold? You kidding? This must be a joke, my summons and spells will leave your traps broke, then I'll leave your CR ONE-QUARTER self out to choke. I'm MC Druid, Captain fucking Planet, you can't handle my power, and it's too late to ban it.

This will never get old. I hope /tg/ rap becomes a nightly thing. Each and every one of you deserves a medal.

>>5334356

Keep it real MC Druid, I'm heading out for the night.

>>5334356

Yo you call this a contest? You’re lame attempts’ be disturbing my unrest. Where’s the BBEG who gonna make your brains rattle? MC Aberration all up in this battle! So we down now Druid, we’re rockin’ my hold, shit, the only thing with less skill than you’s that lame-ass kobold. So you think you can smack me with yo’ nature’s wrath, think you can stop me get outta my path! Finder’s fee, that’s what you try to take from me but instead I take from you your bitch down on her knees, she be ready to please as I give her a squeeze. Damn yo’ bitch’s brain be fillin’. If you ready for me, punk, I be here just chillin’

>>5334265

Yo who let in the short stack? You're rhyme's don't snap so step back! This battle's restricted, gotta be this tall to ride! But wait, you a powder keg, ragin' and blazin' while you think that we lazin'. Man I think you got that Syndrome, mad at what you got, be mad at me bro, your bitches dropped. Nah not their skirts, that'd be whack, I took their little brains for a midnight snack! On a rampage, harvestin' brains and dishin' out rhymes and what's with the beard bro, get with the times! Look at me man, all clean shaven as I'm attractin' yo' maiden, she can't resist as I'm defilin' her haven. So what bitch, you gonna step to me, or are you just bailin'?

>>5334534
Yip yip!

I would'a had your back, since you seemed whack, then you sneak attack. We were a match made in heaven, would've turned shit up to eleven, but you gotta be hatin' on the Kobolds, go back to figure-skatin'. Call yourself an Abbarition, according to a statistician you be rating one out of five, so take your jive to someone who cares, pass a lore check you could tell the bears.

All you party members better contact your lenders you'll need more balls to even LOOK at my defenders. We been fightin' you non-evil since times primeval and we're still here so let's be clear - you attack us an' the price will be dear. Sure you can afford it? Your affairs sorted? Adventurers came here before bought it.

We ain't no startin' quest, we the best of the best, other Orkoid nations got our back - don't need rogue levels for their sneak attack. Just like you guard your mother - that skank - you better keep an eye on your flank. You think you're smooth, you think you rhyme, come back round our cave and shit'll be REAL next time. MC Shold the Kobold'll knock you out cold, you've been told, so piss off before your corpses feed the mold.

>>5334686

'Aight bro, you seem to got flair, what you say we let bygones be bygones, step into my lair. I just popped at ya as I was layin' my dominance, but hell bro you look like you gotta chance. So how bout it little man, be my right hand as I school this land? How's that sound? MC's Aberration and Shold, layin' it down?

>>5334745
Well alright we'll be tight for this righteously evil fight not like smokin' these losers will be hard - it'll be like flying a kite, hell, not one of them's a bard, they got no perform skill they better fill out a will. They ain't got a hope in this conflict soon they'll be gettin' ticked and bring out the spears in hopes of inspiring fears or respect from their peers. What no-hopers, poor jokers, worthless floaters.

DJ Aberration and MC Shold will hold against any attack and we'll rip off your back, sack an' crack.

What's this, didn't realise I was late for the party gentlemen, step aside -

Back in the seminary taking tea with luminaries, I go by a certain moniker that would astonish you mere mortals, a portal, a path to more righteous things while you busy yourselves with +1 swords and magic rings -

I do the business of my master most divine because I'm so inclined to hand out fat stacks of HP not blind myself with sorcery or spend all night reading my spellbook, I'm fully booked, appointments with the Lords from Pelor to Kord I don't discriminate I'm universally adored by the high and the holy, if you look closely you'll see that I am solely responsible for all the Good in this town, could do without you bringing it down -

so I respectfully ask you to leave, no repreive, a man of my stature has little time for this rapbattle action, slinging curses is beneath us, there's no need to cuss, no need to speak uncouthly I'll lay this down truthfully -

I can fight you on the front lines or fight you second rank, there's no time to thank me for the bank of knowledge I impart to you you'd just get confused, used-up and bruised, my powers are limited just by the power of limitless Gods, I'll teach all of you clods, when I kick off my mircales you'll just be able to nod -

I give off rays like a sunrise you're surprised to see a man of my calibre mixing with you animals, that phenomenon you witness that leaves you witless is not some trick of the light or some minion wight, but the godly power shifted in this hour to a pressure atmospheric, when they ask who won this battle tell them MC Cleric.

I think the rapfags all need a lie down, or something. They seem tired.

>>5334841

Ooooh step back, got a holy boy in town, don't worry son, you gods won't stop me takin' you down! So you think you're pretty whack with your Turn Undead, but I don't need no magic to get yo mom in my bed! Holy Blessing, yes I'm guessing, that's what you brought here when you tryin' messin, with the best, it's Aberration in the house and you know it's down when I got Mind Blast ringin' out so loud, so I Suggest you best step back 'fore my thralls make a mess of your best laid plans before I get up because it's time to dance! Macabre, that's what I am, bro check out your Manual, monster's what they call me, bitch you think you can handle? Relgion can't help when yo head's on my mantle!

There are few things more exciting then seeing a rap battle between a Mind Flayer and a Cleric.

I'm going to have to steal some of these rhymes and have the BBEG bust them out against the party in my next campaign.

ITT white nerds pretend they can rap.

>>5334922
Yip yip! MC Shold's got your back, only way this loser'll live's through DM Fiat. Hope your god's keepin' out an eye, since all he's gonna see is you're gonna die. Hope you got raise dead since you're gonna have need, get hasten as well so you can run away at speed.

This Diety you're all about, they ain't packin' shit! They ain't even epic levels and they ain't got kit! Hope you like that +1 since it's all you're gettin', if you hope to beat us you're just forgettin' you're up against a team, dream team, killin' machine. Abbaration's the steak, Shold is the sizzle, all you bringin' to the party is the fizzle. You misfire, your situation's dire, now it's your turn, but you just failed a save against BURN.

It's a shame that you deign to respond to my genius lyrical, should have listened to my Gods who were so cynical - I hoped for the intellect to prevail but all attempts at civility fail - now I could cast Silence or resort to violence but that'd be no fun, you're struck dumb by the ten-ton weight of my vocal strength, no need to be bound by spells when you're spellbound at length -

I note your kobold friend is silent because he's clearly inferior spending all day and night in a cavern's interior, take my advice and heed it well my son, when I need an accomplice I just cast Summon Monster 1 -

Your tentacles look neat but can you move your feet under all those robes? My Searing Lights flash like strobes, you're dazed and blinded, wishing you could rewind it, but let's bring it up a notch, you're triggering my Deathwatch - hell you're about ready for a Death Knell - then a Gentle Repose I suppose, I am a man of honour in this temple of horrors -

You needn't cast Augury to see you'll end up in a morgue while we (my party and I, some pretty Good guys) storm your mother's basement that you claimed was inpenetrable, loot your psychic crown cast your statues down re-educate your thralls and turn a blind eye while our Barbarian introduces your mother to his balls -

Casting Zone of Truth to cement this proof, your Doom is forseen and I'm so sad to be mean about this, you can spit and hiss, but I'll Shatter your mic and beat your ass off, don't sob yet, I'll help you track them down with Make Whole and Find Object.

>>5335138

Aimin' high there boys, invadin' the basement, now I'm feelin' oppressed, was it worth the hassle? Yo' bitch weren't impressed, she let me breach her castle, walls are fallin' now you'll be breakin' your vow, spitting curses cuz you can't bring me down. You hit me with Harm? Feels more like a scratch, good thing you brought you whole party cuz I'm more than a match.

Barbarian? His Will be so bland, he won't even stand, be doin' my dishes won't even demand. Lemme guess, brought a rogue down and a wizard too? Let's not stand around all day, gotta slay your crew! So yo wizard be spittin' fireballs and magic missiles, Levitate or Fly, bitch be gettin' so high, won't help you now the end is nigh, unstoppable that's what I am, Psionics on hand,shit's on demand, Suggest you get your ass back on land. Picked the wrong boy to Grapple with, arcane brains rearranged it's time I claimed the rest of you fools. Check it out, your party's gettin' maimed.

So where exactly do you sons a bitches think you get off? I'm the Dungeon Master bitch, I'll waste you 'fore you can cough. Your stats are out of date and you seem pretty impaired, sorry if I stared but I'm not one who likes being caught unawares. My PCs are coming to put your grandpa asses in wheelchairs.

The Barbarian's got a helmet to protect his tiny brain and dull the strain from scrambling the asses of any who remain after the wizard blows a hole fifty feet wide made of nucleotides and gives your fucking cavern a new window out the side.

I may be a harsh master but I'm fair, and after what the rouge did to the owlbears looks like by this time next week I'm going to have a custom race, but you should've seen the look on the paladin's face!

It's not like I'm dissing, I'm just not submissing, and before you go too much further you should sit down and grab a listen.

Now there's this new guy in the party who's been acting like a dirty whore, been ducking out during epic fights and jacking the horde. Now since my players are cool, they haven't been messing, but this motherfucker my patience has definitely been testing with his fifteen sourcebooks and his level dipping this munchkin is riling up for a righteous and humbling ass-kicking. So if you'd like to co-operate I'll send some baddies your way, but don't take too long 'cause I have to get this adventure made.

>>5335482
You see this? This is shit gettin' REAL, yo.

>>5335482

Uh-oh guess now I'm trouble, so what if you run shit, expect me to be humble?

The stench of mildew from the dank dungeon walls? How bought some RP I'm sick of these crawls. Sly an orc, slay on orc, slay a troll slay a bugbear, oh shit it's a dragon, yo got shit prepared? I seen it all comin' bro, it ain't no surpise, when your BBEG hits the sidelines. Your evil can't top me, I'm one of the best. I cast Magic Missile, attacking the darkness, you shit's gettin' old, better take that rest.

Here's another DMPC with the god-like ability, try it punk, like to see you get near to me, no-one likes your Mary-Sue Faggotry, don't sweat it boys, I'll take care of this one for free. Does his skin twinkle? Dark brooding eyes? Helps the helpless won't ever tell lies? Step in the room watch all the bitches sprinkle? I won't lie to you man,you might hurt me plenty, but it won't help you when I roll that Twenty.

So what now? Rocks fall, people die? It's a pretty lame genocide forcing out an unnatural landslide. Maybe if you handled shit better, we wouldn't chant "woo woo" as we follow the adventure's letters.

You rouged up an owlbear? Dude that's pretty twisted, but hey if it gets you up, you'll probably still miss it.

I knew I could count on the eloquen/tg/entlemen to keep this up.

Hey hey, what have we here, some more evil to smite? that's alright, hell, I might just wanna do it every night, ain't a fair fight, but you better believe, I'm gonna turn your evil ass, don't expect no reprieve, from the illest holy man this side of the Underdark, they say "Hark, to the lyrical hymn, of Justice", when I walk in the room everybody try to bust this, but I got advice, homie, don't even try to fight back, you got nothin' on my rhymes let alone on my stacks, the attack, don't stop comin' you lack, the skills to see me so pack, up ya bags, motherfucker, and listen, to the lyrical revelations of a man on a mission, evil look away, when I enter the room, convenient enough the place is already a tomb, cuz I'll smite you out right quick, soon, it's like boom, this faith gonna be ya doom. Sit on back and sample a little more of my style, I got the time to grill ya for a while, now child, don't doubt my shit, I got the wit and the CHArm, ain't no false alarm, true LGs ain't gonna come to no harm, while I got 'em, I roll up, smile and deliver my payload, yo, you on the road to a major confrontation, but don't you know mothafucka, I'm above your station, our relation-ship is somethin' like a sick-ass joke, go ahead and attack, I'll save while I toke, son, I got the Will, and the Fort, the Reflexes to save, so bring it on, I got the time to smoke one more bitch-ass knave.

(c)Rap = Retards Attempting Poetry

>>5336152

oh, you

if them party members even got tears left to shed
its MC DeepLich, rising from the dead! yall beleived the story i fed!?
just spitting this singular, cuz i aint nothing in particular, no returning master.

they call me Deep, coz its how i do what i do, like creepin in my dungeon swathed in shadows behind you, deep in my thought of the sport of intracacies of undersea fort construction,tousand minions unseen under every instruction, and my corruption, deeper than cthulu is the dark blue, deep like my half-rhymes coz i dig how they chime all out of time, so sublime with the righteous left crying.
deep like the spike from a pressure-trap pike, just in spite,its in the room where we fight, if you could call it that, you should turn around and just head back, because no lich ever before, had a deeper dungeon floor, and no one forever more, will escape my gloomy tombs doors. no one ever deeper in your mother, the whore, i hope that settled the score between you biches, party 0, and one for the liches.

MC DeepLich proven his point, time to break this joint.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WALK IN ON.

Holy shit, this is awesome.

Oh sweet, we're still on!

>>5336134

Well well well, someone finally entered my lair, you got shit to drop, you think you're a player?

Let's set the stage right, could take while but I'll be here all night. So you roll into my crib screamin' "Smite Evil", you ain't even brought back up is this shit for real? Your divine protection won't help you now, this'll be your tomb, lemme show you how.

So you're rocking the saves and you're knocking back knaves but you're messing with Evil now you've entered my caves. Your Charisma ain't shit when you're down in the pit, you're rockin' with punks who ain't impressed by your wit.

Get your crew to stick around, I'll make it worth your while so here we go, kickin' it up, Underdark style! I got my Hulks to the left, Beholders, right, we got the eye rays to keep you here all night!

Before this battle's over, you'll swallow your words, step up ladies and gentlemen, Justice is Served!

I get no sleep frorm thiis then pass out for five hours. DAMN YOU RAP BATTLES!

Zzz....zzzz...*yawn* Eugh, motherfuckers bringing my wrath with this crap, after all of my ragin' I had to take a nap. But don't you bring up any concern. I'll be able to help send this 'flayer back in a tentacled urn. You all seem to have a problem with my smaller size, what's amatter bitches, want to face me eyes to eyes? Well that's okay, we got all day, I'll just hack you down to size and just say "Hey!". Motherfucker's got some issues with the shorter races of the land, guess you just wanna hear the same elven whine brand. Fucker's I'm the stone grinding, family minding, axe swinging, ale keg slinking BACK, there to to attack, fighting with my party all stacked. Don't think just cause I solo grinded your ass, means that my nap was a complete setback.

Got MC Divine back to even the score. But we'll need that fuckin' elf back, beggin' for more. Got the party leader here to settle our strifes, the group face here to bring back the vibrance of life. Got the Holy Healer, wandering who know's where, but you best man up like you got a pair. Flayers and drow and the underdark, are nothing to a dwarf who's grown up with it as his playground park. Learned to hack up you evil bitches, from ghouls, to beholders, to skeletal liches. Fucker's need to be facing the situation before that aberration brings out spheres of annihilation. Gonna have to roll init on this giant squid man, but I know we work it right, we'll all take down his plan.

>>5336369

hey check it, Stunty's back up! Enjoy you're beauty nap? Shit, didn't do much! So you think you're gonna roll through here, breeze through here before I can make your punk ass recoil with fear? Time's gettin' near where I can make it clear just how it's gonna go down so listen! Hear that sound? It's me takin' out your crew before you even know that they're missin'!

So what's the name? Beardface Facebeard Beardaxe Axebeardface shit you guys're weird, how'd you even find my place, let alone eachother's assholes? Yeah I know all about that "Divine Blessing" and how it only makes the pain lessen. You boys be need needin' Mordenkeinen's lube, but you outta luck that shit don't come in a tube. At least you guys got one, bitch, that's good for your health! Whoops my bad, motherfucker's an ELF!

Paladins ain't as nice as me, they think so then they dead wrong
That's fucked up for you, you should of been on
Rappin' again, punk rappers need to grab up a mace
Put the mic down, go back to hitting elves in the face
Rhymin' for gold, no money, pa, rhyming for dough
No group, just me and my lute, highlighting the show
Liches said I lost my image, when I cut off my dreads
But I'm the nicest class out duke, so fuck what you said
I got a monk bitch that live in Japan
black belt, sucks dick, chops bricks with her hand

>>5336360

Haha, now come on, kid, your style is weak, you a freak, I think you're hidin' fear under your undead mystique, your future lookin' bleak and no question why, Justice in the house and there ain't no lie, I roll high, don't need no party to show up and crash yours, bring the minions from every dungeon floor, I'll straight show you up with Justice-class swagger, the rhymes I spit just about to make you stagger, you looked pretty haggard even before I got here, shoulda steered clear of me, I ain't got a peer, unequaled in the quality of how I hold it down, 'bout to serve you a flood of rhymes, kid, try not to drown, cuz I found, you strugglin' against some kids who ain't on my level, gonna revel, in the burns tha I lay on your ass, I'll take a pass on the free ones and approach it with class, you mass, your minions and hide behind 'em like big bad guy, but no lie, you lookin' more like a small fry, yo, I, got the fire to light up the place, but face, it, it's a-symptomatic you see, but you signed your own fate with Justice and S&B, feel free, to step yo game up, go on any day now, how, you gonna challenge this, yo, I feel like you better off goin' for low-bies, follow me and I'll give you the grand fuckin' tour, of my spit, my shit, my red-hot style, next time, you might wanna consider more guile, cuz I know you think you hot, but I thought, you could use, a wake-up call before you try to light Justice's fuse, I admire your devotion but I believe that it's safe, to say MC Justice got the upper hand on the faith, but yo, you lookin' like you need all the hope you can get, when you provoke a Justice-Sword-n-Board vendett-a, sit on down, mutant, you got nothin on us, have a seat before I reduce your Lich-ass phylactery to dust.

>>5336630
In the underdark drow bitches call me Sergeant Slaughter
I'm guaranteed to get more cut than a barber
I bet you I'll drill your bar maid like Black & Decker
This pussy wrecker a waterfall couldn't get it wetter
I'm guaranteed to leave in the morning for more cheddar
I give a fuck about plate, light armor fits better
What's type, whatever chainmail to lamb leather
I've seen it all in the trap with fitted caps for cold weather
Villains know I, telepath my shit, overnight express my shit
Deliver my threats quick, who next on my shit list
Banana liches need to split
Quit fucking with this thorough click
This here is bard magic we make your terrific shit tragic
My flute and harp make violence more graphic
When you see me, just surrender before I smash it
One muthafuckin' verse and it's already a classic
One muthafuckin' verse and it's already a classic

One free internet to this thread!

i came everywhere
make sure this gets archived, too

>>5336630

Shit, who let the kids in? Son you need to know, it's vital, this is a battle, not poetry recital. I'm not gonna lie to you, I was feelin' much worse, havin' a lousy day before you dropped that verse, now I'm laughin' histerically thinkin' no way this scrub's gonna step to me. Battle, son, understand the concept? Maybe not, maybe time you just left.

>>5336678

So Justice, can't step to the plate? This scrub's the first thing to attract the hate? You swagger around with your honour and valour, it don't pay that's why your bitch gets paid by the hour. You might be leveling high but that shit won't fly, high enough my Challenge Rating's enough to make you rebuff your faith, you know it can't save you, so lay down the Zone of Truth I'm daring you to, but your bitch ass knows I'm spitting nothing but fact, come on Justice, you about to get Wracked! Think the levels in Sorcerer are just for show? Think it's the Charisma that makes the bitches ready to blow? Psionics, At-Wills, Melee, Arcane, you think dope lyrics' all I bring to this game?

You can't rise to me, let alone step to me that's why I'm making this call, out to you Justice, you Ready to Fall?

>>5336691
AB AB aint no way to rival we, the liches, if you wanna freestyle you gotta, kinda, sorta, mix that shit. catch my hit? hope ya did, it fo your own good and you should take it to heart before you start your next post.

>>5336779
damn, motherfucker, shows i aint no poet, when i said AB AB, i mean AA BB
had you noticed it?

I'm thinkin up a master plan, Got nothing but Death conjuring in my hand. This isnt no service to any one fan, I'm doing this for all my ghoulies that I consider my fam. SO, yo think you got what it takes to wear this ghoulies death skates If you can conform to my hourly rates i'll take you round the course a bit and see if you can handle it
But I gaurentee you wont be able to touch this shit.

My name is echoghoul, all these other MCs straight actin' a fool, getting worked over like a tool. But even under this pressure I can pull it off like hugh hefner. I guess I shouldent hesitate, but i got 20 succubus lickin up my undead taint Seems like it must be fate that a pro like me starts Ripping on everything that cant compare with me. Dont you get me wrong Nothing compares to me I'm such a badass that I beat asmodeus' fat ass.

>>5336778

I been over this with punks twice your CR, best step down before you step to the ER, you far, from bein' enough to make this motherfucker fall, I ball, out of control for a little bitch Lich like you are. You may have some perks, but your rhymes are tired, I'm wired, to show, that you got, far to go, but yo, you lookin' confused like your bitches' kids I sired, your flow be too slow to keep up while I go, shit, so why don't you be a good kid and mothafuckin' stow it?

>>5336856

You talkin' performance, bro don't tell me there ain't no issue, pretty hard to deliver when you ain't got the tissue. I know yo' ass can't even jerk it alone, irony ain't wasted when the undead can't bone!

That Ghoul Touch don't rock much, paralysis should come from leavin' them star struck, when it comes to undead, you're the lesser being, when people see even the goblins ain't fleeing!

Rhyming ass with ass? You got an obsession, with the birds and bees, sounds like yo' missin' a lesson. Go hang with the paladin, he might give you his blessing.

>>5336932

Lich? Bro you failed your Spot Check, so it's gonna be too late when my tentacles' round yo' neck. Breed with my bitch? Shit, get outta church and inta Biology class, but then you wouldn't know shit even with yo' head in yo ass. Know what's tired? This Holier-Than-Thou-Cannot-Break-My-Vow-shit you got goin' on now, it's time you tell Pelor his ass is fired!

I'm gettin' sick of dancin', it's time to attack! Opportunity's risin' and I'm surmising that you're too busy prancin' to see what shit's risin'. All that glitters ain't Garl, and that gnome's got some sack compared to you and I'm layin' down gold and you know I'm pure class, got my Immovable Rod up in yo' girl's ass!

So how bout it? You gonna stop messin? Gonna Lay On Hands or maybe try Blessin? Me? Hell I ain't goin' nowhere, but it's time you mount up and get out of my lair!

>>5336969

Better use that time travel to avoid this battle because im gonna strap you with a saddle and ride your ass like some cattle. Looks like I'll be eating calamari tonight, because kids like you dont even put up a fight. Keep hating on me all night, while some of your brothers become my cousins. I'ts a vicious little wheel we turn, the one where you lie to yourself standing there by yourself, you couldent cast melfs acid arrow you got the magical aptitude of a scarecrow while I got the war powers of a pharoah. I got the skill to pull the drain on your big communal brain and earn all the fame. thats why people say i'm insane, but lets see you think straight when you got a rotting blackened brain. Squids like you have no game its no wonder when the waters turn red that the krakens get all the cred. Man you looking like you need to be kept fed, go ahead and take a bite i wont fight, because it'll be a truely worthy and amusing sight when you sputter and spew then I go wreck your crew.

>>5337113

Bitch you only one step above moanin' "braaaains" and you wanna start trashin' me about hunger pains? You ain't even a snack, you ain't even junk food. So let's get this battle back on track, cattle? You want to to talk beasts of burden? That's yo momma, and it's a big load, she's learnin'.

So how's it feel to be rottin' away? Must be hard to play when you ain't got the full deck, cards are drawn and the Joker is you, ain't got the aces tryin' to battle me, true. But I'm dealin' out Spades and it's time to relay to you, the gravedigger's noticed and he's comin' for you. A level one commoner with an improvised weapon, more than a challenge, your rating I'm guessing, it's gotta be low when your brain and your rhymes are moving that slow.

But I digress, lame insults ain't no test of skill, points of argument I'm guessin' are wasted on your wasting intellect. You ain't even worth the Free Action it takes to diss you.

Alright bitches, time to abuse my riches. Gonna show you what dwarves keep in their stash. Time to take my pipe and blow out a giant smoke cloud of hash. Fuck your alien anatomy, and your high horsed feeling. With my thousand generation bred ganja you bitches will be reelin'. Gonna rock out with the pipe and my axe and bow, while everything around us feels all slow mo. Gotta know when to enjoy when to play with your toys but boy oh boy, gonna pluck a few arrows over my head and into your gut. THen I'll stroll on up and give a chop and a cut. Gotta keep keep on goin and being a hero, while I bust your head and HP down to zero!

Watch it, MC Abby, or I'll leave you all scabby, with the gashes from my axes cuz you think my ass if flabby. Ever seen a Barbranger play it up when the game's full of danger. Got my power attack and my leaping strike, gonna bust up yer head and take yer mic. Don't look at my form and think a four foot loser, cause what I lose in height, I make up in being a hardhatted bruiser. Gonna rock your face and you better keep up with the pace or you're gonna get an axe in every place and my presence graced. Gonna swing and chop and charge and hop, and come down with my boot on your slimy top.

>>5337097

-CLANG- What the FUCK WAS THAT?!

You fuckin' know it's MC War Priest all over the mat, ready to wrassle yo' tentacled ass down flat. You think you got hot rhymes, all I heard is Cthulhu F'thagn, that shit ain't pronounceable but I bet it will rhyme with me floggin' your ass. Your grab ain't got shit, trying to burrow them wigglies in my face, I'll show you who's the real ace when it comes to grapple. Yeah I need a light weapon to attack when I'm in this, guess I'll use your dick as dirk if you even HAVE one. All I know is, at least I'm not packin' a short sword.

My warhammer been bludgeonin' bitches all up the Sword Coast and that ain't no boast, it's the truth, and guess what, forsooth I heard you penetrated inside Baldur's Gates, if you get my drift, but oh no it was a short shrift. That gay shit doesn't fly around here, and it looks like your CR needs a lift, cause I see you got minions and artillery fighters, no chance that you could be one of them Solo encounters. Our DM already schooled you and then went quiet, he's too busy laughing as we show the BBEG is a BUMBLING BOOB of an ELVEN GISH, or maybe just a BITCH.

War Priest up in this shit.

>>5337246

With that thick skull there can't be much left, somethin's gotta give, I guess it's intellect. You want to get in range of me you think you're rockin' a Will save? You're HP's pretty useful when I got me a mind slave. Meat shield, I feel, that's the best use, not like you're brain is pumpin' with juice. I'll save my energy for something of use, I heard those dwarf maidens hang pretty loose, I'll have me some fun while I tighten the noose, round your neck you still wear that beard what's the deal, it make you respected and feared? That comes from that axe you're swingin' so wildly, learn to use it and I won't take you so mildly.

>>5337097

Immovable Rod? Yo, I got a solution, if you think that your low-ass Constitution, can handle Viagra, then give that a shot, you into delusions that your rhymes are hot, forgive me for callin' you a Lich, I misspoke, I guess you're closer to a fuckin' joke, your flow seems broke, but then, so are you, you a fool, tryna act like you can start somethin' like World War 2, but yo, it's more like the Cuban Missile Crisis, except this time no backup's comin', you iced, kid, step into the disaster, area, don't fuck with the master you classless bastard, and what, you know I'm not talkin' 'bout the sword, I'll turn your ass with a word, from my Lord, ya heard? Take a seat, kid, let me show you around, you actin' pretty hard but this is my fuckin' town, I clown on motherfuckers who decide to step, I'm adept, at breakin' down suckas who are tryin' to rep. Yo, but I'm givin' you way too much credit, cuz Phylactery and your shit, he wouldn't have even read it.

>>5337373

>>5337283
>>5337344


Haha, well three on one, now we might have some fun, the fight's gettin' fairer if you're joinin' us son.

So this is how it goes, party rolls up fuckin' ready to blow. Aberration ain't shaking, he knows where he stands and how to get this bitch quakin'. You think you know Evil? Well step back motherfuckers shit's bout to get real!

No backup comin'? Been rollin' this encounter solo why change that shit now? Been racking up the XP from dissing these clowns. So we got a cleric got a warpriest got a dwarf with a lack of focus, multiclassin' that shit ain't nothin' but bogus. Three on one, one on three, I've been cagin' the beast time to set it free!

You boys think your weapons compare? You swingin' it round but you ain't got the flair. You think you got skills, but my message is this, you ain't fightin', you only exercising your wrists! I ain't even afraid of yo incoming attack, I got mad Dexterity but yo momma knows that. I'm rockin' the Finesse that'll see the best, of you it's your insides I'm seein' but I want to read yo minds before I start believing that you actually think you got skill to set my stomach churning.

Turnin'? Bitch didn't I tell yo ass to get learnin'? Aberration ain't no undead creation, banishin' me is gettin' ideas above your station. You still only rockin' with me, ain't even brought the Beholders, get over here, I'll take that weight off your shoulders.

Warpriest I hope you're ready to rally your boys, cause we all know you can't make the noise to raise this roof, why don't you summon that Feast and show me some proof? Inflame? More like inflamed after Cleric's done playin' his games, with you and his god, man this crew is pathetic. Your god is helpin you right? Just check it.

Guess what squid boy, you're not the only one to try that ploy, An enchanter tried that shit over in the Kingdom of Moroy. Held me on a leash for a month and a week, till an old friend came, and for me he did seek. Broke the hold, and suggested I use my gold, keep out them voices and make my actions my choices. I don't mind throwing a wrench in your tricks. Gonna show you my riches and the toys for kicks. Got a decanter of endless water and a bottle of air, and I don't think I'm plannin' to share. Go ahead think I'm a dumbass, laugh and joke. Cause when you can't breathe, it's your ass who's gonna choke.

Go ahead and think that you're the taller and wiser. Well all I got to say to this bottle is "GEYSER!"

some parts of me want this to go on forever
other parts of me scream "dont let those faggots overdo and ruin it!"
dont kill it /tg/, because its awesome

>>5337516

I gotta agree, though it's good to see some more freestylers come out of the woodwork. Whaddya say eloquen/tg/entlemen? Why not leave it til Phylactery kicks up a new thread. Keep it fresh?

>>5337379

You thugs be straight frontin, from Kobold to Abberation, what we got right here's nothin less than an infestation, a bad translation of whack ass style and verbal constipation. First off, Kobold, you ain't still in this fight, your ass got served early on in the night, never met I kobold I didn't pike, so step down from the mic, cuz nobody likes a loser sore, you just keep coming back for more, nigga you spent, shut the fuck up and just head for the door.

I trump bear-bugs and aberratin' thugs, nigga you best be on drugs if you gettin smug. Ain't no mind flaya who was ever a true playa, nigga you don't got a prayer cuz I'm a lyrical conveyer, a damn force of nature, I'll etch my face on the moon, and by the time I'm done yo' ass will be crying home to Thoon. I'm in tune with your flow, so it's time you should know, I'm the main nigga here running the show, ain't no Illithid bust as many minds as I-did, thrust as many rhymes as I-did, or grind as many chick's behinds as I-did. Understand, Abberation, my skills are legendary, every aboleth's got my file on memory, so if you comin for me, that's nothin but lunacy, but I'll extend the courtesy: talk back and I'll deliver the pain explosively.

>>5337491

Yo, maybe you forgot, but I'm a paladin Slowbro, your rhymes are chronically so-so, don't worry I'll keep it on the low-low, but I'm afraid you already made it painfully obvious, you actin' big but you ain't got what it takes to roll wit us, you heard me, but if your game is so sturdy, why you always turn away when the bitches say "His ass is nerdy"? Don't hate the way I break down your lair of bullshit, watch it, and learn how to do it legit, take lessons from the bold way that I rhyme and spit, please excuse me ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we 'bout to see the lame-ass rhymes that pass for his fury, ooh me, oh my it's lookin' real case closed, when even his hoes know the motherfucker be hosed, your prose, it ain't poetry and as a matter of fact, if you could rhyme like it weren't the '90s maybe you wouldn't be so wack.

>>5337550

agreed.

Echoghoul out for a while, im gonna slumber. But remember this aberration its for you i hunger!

sorry for the haitus it seemed that I should wait for this - gaggle of ghouls to come to fruition, you should listen, there's some of what you call "dissin'" and "frontin'," polite conversation is taking the brunt and -

I'm a gent, speak clean and eloquent, wowing your women with my Knowledge: Religion and leading them to my church like the piper of lore, much better than your boudoirs and fast cars I teach them a life of chasity no gunfire no catastrophes, I take care of my charges keep them safe and sound as none of you dare cross my Consecrate Ground -

there's a lot of animosity with lyrical verbosity 'twixt all comers, with player versus player adding another layer to the mixing pot of danger that gets stranger and stranger that I find myself in -

So I'll drop 3.5 and hope I stay alive in 4e to forsee the uniting of each side in battle, one great divide between the Good guys and the cattle, and orchestrate an assault with rhythm that you don't see coming, dumbing down my lexicon so you can understand your hex is gone, I hope you're not a bleeder because with this new edition I buff MCs like a Leader

>>5337610
thought he was holding a mic in that picture at first...

Y'all no me stil same ol' green
Gork an' mork don mez round
Orkz aint notin but shootah machine
Get yo git azz on dah ground

WAAAGH

All dah choppaz
shootahz
speessmareen lootahz

WAAAGH

ORKZ ORKZ ORKZ
I like big gunz
Orkz cant deny
Big bozz make u cry

>>5337599

Maybe if you'd paid attention it was a double attack bro, though you weren't really worth the mention. You shouldn't have a problem stayin' on track what you got your little posse here behind your back, you really should have noticed the one-two punch, first you, 'fore I made Priest into lunch. So why don't you scurry on back to your party, Altar Boy, you gotta come up with a new strategy I gotta destroy.

>>5337570

So what we got here? Sword 'n' Board? Bored is right, I think I got floored, damn it's been a while since I got a good nap, thanks for comin' along with that lame-ass rap, it put me out for a while I must divulge, but don't you see now I got that Mornin' Bulge, good thing your bitch is keepin' me company now she's down on one knee and I'm hearin' her plea, damn these ho's can't get enough of AB, now she's knockin' on wood, you hear me bro? Don't you think it's time that you should switch to steel, don't you think that plank ain't got the real, defense, it's what you need if you're stepping to me. Legendary? Boy what small town you come from? You want to cut it you gotta spit strong, from plane to plane and across my domain, bitches screaming my name as I show them my Fame!

>>5337610

Your knowledge: religion needs a reality check, in all my years I never seen a dude so wrecked, I'll interject that if you attempt some soul searches, you'll never get ANY by showing bitches your churches. First lesson at Sword n' Boarding School is how to make a bitch moan, I'll get with all your girls, nigga, you stuck in the friend zone. And your attack is whack when you say I can't rap in a way eloquently, well that's just heresy, so allow me to state undoubtedly, that you're rooted in outright redundancy, because any apology would be in utter futility, things are bound to get ugly, so say your prayers to Pelor, because Pelor's praying to me.

MC-AB got balls taking on S&B and the pallie at the same time is all i can say

>>5337842

I'm takin' all these bitches on, you seen any other Evil step into the ring? Gotta represent homes.

AFK for a while, gonna be out. S&B, you got a handle on our tentacled homie?

now I cannot stop reading things with a dope beat behind them. thank you /tg/. really helpful.

>>5337774
hahahaha awesome

Anyone requested an archive on this thread?

>>5337965
for the greater good

>>5337868
snnn.....mmmf...zzzzzzz
ACK, say what, whats that! freestyle attack!? dont i get no time in the sack to service my girls crack!?
you guys are still squabbling below while i sleep on my throne? its like watching a kids show, time to deal the deathblow.
MCDLs here to smash this thundersphere and loot all your gear, so keep those holy texts near an try not to blank out from fear, when i make them confetti, your attempts at me are petty, watch while i slay the whole party, TPK, that OK? no comprende? then get outta tha game! fleeing from a lich of my fame wont get you any blame, you can run home now fya want? you adventurers all the same, "ho yea im ready i can take on the world" then they see me, their toes go curled when the see the magic i hurled at their token NPC, that shows for free, can you flee? have i made you too weak in the knees? oh please! just leave! your so bad im getting negative XP!
no if youll excuse me, i got bitches to please.

>>5337927
anyone got any youtube links or any reccomendations as to what to listen to while reading these?
S&B fits a slightly slower style maybe

This MC Aberration spittin' one last time, I got other places I need to take my rhyme.

These thugs talked some good shit, but in the end look, they all quit, I gotta step outta the lair, got business to attend , but if you boys come back know I'm ready to defend!

>>5337805

MC-AB I'll invite you to think, I'm the fuckin reason your race is going extinct. I exist to cease you, past future and present; new ways of destroying your kind I'll constantly invent, I'll circumvent attempts when you proliferate any kind bullshit resembling player-hate. The only aberration here is you attempting to flow, and if you got with my girl, shit I don't mind letting ONE go; Sword n' Board keeps a fully stocked STABLE of hos. Besides squiddy, you wouldn't really know where to stick it, I've killed enough mind flayers to know you're HERMAPHRODITIC, and now you're just being parasitic, suckling for fame, but you're doomed now that you're on my plane, I'm the dungeon master and you're trapped in my game. I'll make sure that squids like you ain't never be fly, take it up with Thoon when I FALL ON YOU and you die.

>>5338131
DAMN SON! POP N' LOCKIN!

My bottle's run dry, I'm afraid to admit, but since we're all busy, looks like we all gotta quit. Gonna have to run hard and right next time. All the playas laid some hot phat rhymes. Next time though, better watch where you walk. Four feet ain't much, but I'll talk the talk, and I'll draw the line with the chalk. I'll go chop chop chop, while on your head I'll hop. My clan needs defendin' while I gotta split. Though this'll happen again, in the rap battlin' pit.

Yo, one more before I go, kick it DJ.

Uh, you tryin' hard to come off real Lovecraftian, but after that last verse you soundin' kinda sucks-shaftian, crafty man, but damn, you already know who I am, the illest holy man, bitches step aside when we spreadin' the word, ya heard, Justice Pelor Sword&Board, so go ahead and bring ya hordes, I was thinkin' I needed a trophy to sit on my sword, and yo, already found a few among your bitches, they tired of tentacles and pentacles, come to the righteous man, enjoy your hand, all stand, please rise, for the entrance of Your Honor, the Super Size Paladin spittin' for the pious commoner, yo, they call you aberration, you're more like a nonessential mutation, to my faith, son, you lookin' kinda small, gonna take more than a wannabe Cthulhu to make this man fall.

Yo yo yo, Def Blue-Blood here, Def blue. Lemme shake it out and drop somethin here. Uh, check it.

I'm back from torpor, been lounging out so bored. PCs they can't touch this past my loyal minion horde. It's embarrassing man, moppin ya up like gold currency. Yo +6 armor, it ain't shit to me. I'll put it on the pile, add it to my treasury, then eat yo whole party. You ain't shit to me. Because I'm too regal, I hold it down for lawful evil. The way I make the wenches swoon makes yall pimpin look feeble. You think you got guts? You wanna step to this? I'll quake ya with my greatest hits. Bitches like you I rebuke with evil eyes. See you shakin in ya armor makes me wonder why I bother, I'm the father of these terrible skies and spit rhymes like lightning bolts. It's no joke I'll fry ya with arcs of blue. Got skills of hard they crack diamonds. Keep it in the tavern son, your outmatched. I'm reignin over kingdoms while your hiding in a bubble bath. Soft-skinned bitches, I got claws to rend and sunder so keep it off my coastal turf, word out from MC Rolling Thunder.

>>5338153
>>5338195

FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

And I thought you guys hated hip-hop. I'm floored.

Never change, /tg/. Keep it awesome.

>>5338195
Holy. Fucking. Awesome.

bump for glory

this shit needs to be archived. Part two is good, though I wish DJ Phylactery was around D:

we need some drawfaggotry all up ins.

>>5338153

Aight bro, I was out, but I ain't out til I put these punks back down where they belong.

It's curtain call bitches, you parting blow misses, two on one you still couldn't land a crit as I left this shit, so let me lay it down once and for all.

Board, you walking the walk, you talkin' the talk but I seen your statline bro shit's makin' me balk.
You called it extinction, I call it survival of the fittest, I'm still standin', still spittin', still takin' your bitches. Your race is just weak man, you one in a million, just like all these other punks,you ain't nothin' but average, even know what a bonus is? The race of men, shit, kinda hard to stand out when you're stats all read TEN.


Call this a dungeon? Man looks like my bathroom, you called up the players a little too soon, at least prepare your shit, rest a bit, go spend some time perfectin' it, call me again when the CR's legit.

Hermaphroditic? You bitches ain't quit it, got more appendages than they know what to do wit'. Explain somethin' son, if I ain't got a dick, what is it you just got shafted with? Better tether that opinion, in that stable you keepin', say hi to yo' mom, she in there weepin'.

>>5338195

As for you, Holy Boy, I got some choice words for you. Lovecraftian? Shit I'm king of Cthulhu.

Supersize? More like Happy Meal mius the order of fries, I get more satisfaction from the free toy, that's your boy, Sword 'n' Board, but hey what can I say, I never turn down a meal when I don't have to pay.

Divine? We need some intervention before your brain starts hemorrhagin' from the lyrics I'm bringin' in. Better Dial M for Murder cuz God ain't answerin' your, call now and receive a second half price, that's two for one on the punks gettin' iced.

Holy man? Don't demand, it's getting funkier in here than that second hand plate mail thong you don't think is great, but who am I to question I ain't a being of faith, Pelor says wear it better do what he say, your ass is his at the end of the day.

Out.

Well, shit, niggahs. Just got in from work to see this thread almost full. Next time I'll be waiting, try not to fail your Spot check or I might shank you.

/tg/ I am absolutely flabbergasted. I thought you all hated rap. I love you even more now.

Someone needs to find some instrumentals for these babies. Even if someone just finds a good one for one good rhyme, that man wins many internets.

All these solo monster acts make my dead heart beat, all this new shit coming makes the act complete. Hitting fast and hard from Underdark to Compton, these motherfuckers know your ass up to somethin'. Sliding out from the darkness to kill your ranger then back to dealing crack in the torture chamber; rollin over again, attacks awesome and sick, packin CRs bigger than your dick.

Respect all

>>5338460
Waitin' for what? A pair of nuts. MC Sneak got a spine like cubed jelly. Rocks the kinda courage where my kobolds make him flee. Stay in the shadows man it's not safe in the light where I shine so bright and ignite the fire in Tiamat's eyes. She's so devious, givin' Blue the kinda serious skills to make you envious. You want to shank the great wyrm? Well soon you'll learn to step back from my dungeon's traps, they're mental attacks so hard you'll pack it back to the cabbage patch. You're no challenge man, got all your ranks in commoner, rakin' dirt while I drop mine into epic verse. Take it home little boy and don't forget to send your tithes, 20 virgins is what it takes to save your life.

Respect the Dragon.

How many of you listen to Captain Dan & the Scurvy Crew?

Bump for great justice!

The worst part is how you faggots seem to think you're doing a good job.

>>5338835
It's a bunch of DnD nerds. What do you expect? Get your nose out of the air and show us you can do better, otherwise fuck off and let us enjoy the show.

I am terrified this new /tg/ regular feature will grow old and stale from too much exposure but...

Fucking hell /tg/, I love the image of a lich freestyle battling a party.

Bump, of both the fist- and normal variety.

>>5338431
I can't even leave without squid-bitches calling me out, no way I'm letting you have last word in this rap bout, I'm about to turn this battle into a complete rout, squiddy, you going down beyond all reasonable doubt.

You say you're balking, but I see you fidget, did you notice my strength's rockin triple digits? I'll roll with the punches, I'm always legit, and I'm not gonna quit, until your ass is devastated by crits. If it pleases the court, allow me to submit, your continued existence is something only I permit, for the moment you're amusing in the way you spit, but don't take too much credit, you just a stand-out log in a sea of shit, but now it's time to flush you nigga, I'm done with my afternoon sit.

bumping a 24-hour-old thread ftw

BAMP!

where has this thread been all my life D:

>>5340029
God I hope this doesn't get played out. It's so good.

so who won the rap battle D:

This is the most awesome thing I have ever seen.
I love you /tg/.

fuck how is this thread still here

>>5346567

because you bumped it to the front page you retarded sack of shit