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    80 KB FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU Drowface McLawfulstien 06/25/09(Thu)07:07 No.4993479  
    So, I left my god damn game because the BBEG is the DMs mary sue Dick head who gets to ignore spell resistance immunities and saving throws on this save or dies. ITT: moar DM horror stories
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)07:13 No.4993497
    ECL 15 game, party is hired to investigate a haunted mansion.

    We go in, place is larger on the inside than the outside, we cant get out. Okay so we head to the first room. DM says bunch of cryptic lettering, alphabets and a body is strung up between 2 pillars in the middle of the room.

    Everyone fails the knowledge rolls with pretty high DCs. Absolutely NOTHING happens for ages as everyone talks to each other, pokes around the room, but otherwise does NOTHING whatsoever. DM refused to give hints and just sits there watching us narrate our actions to each other.

    I am a ranger with good fort/ref saves. I try to get the plot movign by cutting down the body. DM says i triggered an epic trap with a save or die DC of something like 38. I fail. He cites the "occasionally some enconters will be tougher than normal" rule in the DMG. As far as i know the campaign didnt go anywhere because nobody dared to do anything, nobody could figure out anything and the DM refused to deviate from his carefully prepared plan and just sat there watching them do nothing.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)07:22 No.4993510
    My DM suggested we try out 4e.

    I'm still laughing about it.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)07:23 No.4993513
    less trolling more rage
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)07:28 No.4993528
    Now now, less trolling there, 4e has its merits.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)07:29 No.4993531
    I've mentioned the vampire Vincent before, but I don't think I'll ever get over it.

    DMPC Vampire, it's Vincent Valentine, he just stands there not saying anything to us, he just smirks at us like a cock when we tell him there's a criminal on the loose and it might be dangerous to just stand around, he just stands there, we shrug and ask him to move, he ignores us and smirks, we try to get past him, BAM no roll required maximum damage I'm unconscious no save!

    Our monk throws some knives at him and our ranger sends an arrow his way, DM doesn't bother letting them roll and just says

    "He catches them"

    I get knocked out again, so does the monk, then Vincent jumps over a house into the night...
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)07:39 No.4993549
    No matter how many times I hear that one, it still makes me rage.

    How the hell do people like that ever keep a gaming group!?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)07:41 No.4993560
    because you wont DM/GM?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)07:43 No.4993567
    I do, me and another GM alternate every few weeks...
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)07:43 No.4993568
    Celebron the fucking prince of Lothlorien. A fucking elf king with a half-banshee wife and a sword that shoots lightning bolts. Also, everyone else was forced to be his servant or we "would be trying to break the game". So yeah, making one of the PCs the boss of everyone else and the best at everything forever with a super hot wife into kinky sex.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)07:46 No.4993578
    This is the truth. Get off your ass and run a game yourself. That way you won't have to deal with asshole DMs and you can probably regulate what players get in to some extent.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)07:47 No.4993579
    Had a GM who would play ever Dwarf as a Scotsman.
    And every scotsman as a GMPC, seriously as soon as you knew the guy was scottish you knew you could never touch him, one guy burst in at a plot important part dual weilding Miniguns and blew the hell out of the entire crew of an enemy ship in one round after we'd spent nearly 3 sessions slowly planning our attack.
    He also played every Irishman as wildly unstable and borderline insane...
    Every god damn one. And at least one of these sterotypes would turn up every game.
    Fantasy, dwarf Scotsman, Sci-Fi Scotsman and an Irishman, with a Robotic Cockney Cyborg turning up at one point who had the ability to take apart tanks with his bare hands. I think he just did it to show off his accents but it was so stupidly annoying.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)07:47 No.4993581
    all monsters have DR 30/+5

    ...we were playing 4th Ed.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)07:48 No.4993582
    Smae Person here.
    Oh, and he'd never let the PCs have any sort of power, at one point in the Sci-fi game one of the PCs, playing a charismatic group leader sort who'd been playing it for over a year managed to call in all his favours, contacts and IOU's and get a small fleet together with a single massive superweapon that could destroy small planets, fair enough he'd spent the points for them and got everything together IC in a series of long and grueling quests.
    He has it for 2 rounds before suddenly a massive 'patrol' (Read as 'Big Fuck off army of') the local evil empire 'happens across us' (Read as 'Warps in from Fucking nowhere'), instantly recognises us as criminal scum and attacks.
    And more and more of them kept coming out of the warp hole, about the equivalent of 3 planets worth of hardware and weapons, due to some Fuck off lucky rolls and tactics we beat them and manage to steal their superweapon. No way any amount of their ships could beat us now right?
    Nope, instead a second warp hole opens and Fucking Aliens come through, Millions of them, there was one alien species in the thing and each one was better, faster and stronger than a small squad of humans (Imagine the tyranids but with less shooty and more power and smarter tactics), and our fleet is destroyed in a matter of turns in their biggest ships, a mother fleet (Maybe 3 of them in the universe, how the hell he managed to say that they 'stumbled across us' with a straight face i'll never know.), superweapons and all, leaving us with nothing except the escape pod we're in.
    Fuck. That. Shit.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)07:53 No.4993599
    Alright I'll put this one out there, since it's my numero uno bad dm story.

    Fresh faced to the campaign I decide to roll up a Rouge/Monk, because we've got a 10+ group apparently so I don't need to try and be the best at anything and I didn't want to step on any toes. Level 15 character some of the Regulars are at 18, one unlucky sob is at 12 due to irregular showings and dieing constantly.

    First memorable encounter has us fighting about 8-16 group of mindflayers with one invisible mastermind. No biggie we're dealing with them okay, but our bard is caught by a mind blast, and is one round away from brainsuck (invisible MF got hungry hombre) I'm trying to get the bastard off but no luck due to invisibility. Mage casts glitter dust, I see Mind flayer, stunning fist flurry of blows with sneak attack if SF succeeds. MF fails save, gets flurry of raped everyone's happy.

    That's the good part of the game here comes horror story...
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:02 No.4993635
    We continue on, and reach a teleport trap. We end up in a hallway, that no seems to recognize. Party leader decides that we should go "that'da way". We do. Orc Rouge takes point, with me acting as his backup. We encounter a huge ass door. Orc stealthily opens lock, succeds. And proceeds to creep into the chamber inside. We see nothing. DM asks for AC. Fuck. Okay he gets the orc's AC. Full Attack on suprise round you take 200 some odd points of damage. Orc is at negs. We see a colosal plus great wyrm Red Dragon (yes it is an epic level greatwyrm). I say well that's bad. and decide to buy the party some time. I close and hold the mother fucking door to buy the party a round to run like fuck (hallway was to small to accommodate the dragon which was bigger than the room but made it's stealth check).

    Dragon busts through the door with no roll and uses its breath weapon save dc 40 something. I amazingly make a nat 20 on my save (in front of the group so they backed me up when DM gave me the look) Evasion saves my ass. Everyone else? Take 300 points of fire damage. Myself and the fire resistance heavy cleric live, everyone else TPK'd. Cleric and I gather what we can and word of recal the fuck out.

    Turns out the dragon was summoned by Orcus to protect the portal chamber since the party had killed the last guardian. A CR 39 red dragon that could kick his ass just says "sure thing brah". The game ended right the fuck there.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:04 No.4993644
    The only thing worse than this is you being unable to spell "rogue".
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:10 No.4993673
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    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:11 No.4993679

    Oh noes I misspelled something while writing first thing in the morning, please tell me the secret grammar police wont come to put me in their prisons.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:12 No.4993684
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    They're coming.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:13 No.4993689

    That's actually not that bad. I had a DM desperately attempt to suck up to a girl that joined the group because she liked D&D. Also he had the habit of graphically detailing the rape of female PCs, which soon fell out of habit because none of us (before we ditched him) made any female characters.

    Or any characters with any surviving family, or important people in their lives. Mainly because he had a fetish for killing them off in incredibly depressing, or moronic ways.

    I had a character who adventured because he used to be a chef and had aspirations of God Chefness and more importantly, wanted to get better so he could go back to his rinkydink shit village and make it a better place. He also had a little sister and his now aging mother.

    That character's hopes and dreams ended when he unknowingly ate his little sister and mother.

    Despite the fact that the characters were literally halfway across the world from Shit Village, with no plausible way for the character's family to end up there. I'm not shitting you, the conversation went like this.

    "Oh by the way, [name], you look similar to dinner."
    "[NPC describes PC's family]"
    "so i'm eating my family."
    "Yes. Do you have a problem with that?"
    Me: What the fuck, man?
    DM: [creepy smile of glee]
    Me: I kill everyone in the dining room, except for the party.
    DM: Aren't you guys gonna stop him?
    Party: no
    Me: sure
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:14 No.4993694
    >roll up a Rouge/Monk
    >Orc Rouge takes point,
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:16 No.4993699
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    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:22 No.4993722
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    Wow, you sure are a control freak if you think the DM has to play by YOUR rules.

    Or you are a straight up pussy.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:22 No.4993725

    Yep that's the worst one because I usually only game with people I trust, and more often than not turn out to be the GM. Also I don't give GM's that pull the GMPC faggotry much chance to piss me off, I let them know up front that I will leave the game if they start ignoring the rules in order to make their characters more special and/or awesome.

    I had to deal with a DMPsue before, but I wasn't bothered by it since I was playing a throw away character, cleric, swashbuckler, artificer, whatever hit my fancy, who broke the fourth wall and spent more time inventing than fighting. So Drow Sephiroth only bothered our half orc fighter guy, who was constantly being one upped. Me I was too busy dishing out Poseidon's wisdom and making decanters of endless holy water to care.

    Basically since my niche was so far out there, the DMPC was unable to one up me on it and be "awesome" so I was spared the rage of having to deal with him being a better Warmage/Warblade/ Warcleric/Warmaster/Warfucker super triple double gestalt special snowflake. But if I had been a straight up fighter? My god the rage.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:23 No.4993732

    You were doing it wrong.

    >Me: I kill everyone in the room, except for the party.
    >Party: no

    That's how you should've rolled.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:24 No.4993735
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    Big deal. It's just the DM railroading you.
    Ask him afterwards if there is something wrong with the situation. If he says he just wanting to fuck with you, then quit the game by beating his ass. Or steal his dice.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:28 No.4993747

    We had 4 main casters and a bard in a 10+ person group. The orc was a power gamer though, this was his attempt to not be broken. Me i just didn't care and wanted to try out a concept that in a small group might not have worked. I was dismayed that said rogue/monk was the biggest (non magic) damage dealer of the party. Then again see before we had magic up the ass, but CR "Fuck you" with SR "suck it" negated our casters rape factor. Also glass cannons/ not minmaxed powergaming jerkoffs with locate city nukes. This was about 4 years ago now, so I've been lucky that this is my worst experience to date.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:28 No.4993749

    ...isn't Orcus, like, a god?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:29 No.4993753
    I had a funny thing when I DM'd. For the longest time, whenever I had a dwarf come into the game, the players automatically thought he was a total good guy and he'd be their best pal. This went on for a couple campaigns over the years.

    Then one time I made a dwarf fighter and the party befriended him. And they got out of a dungeon to encounter some highway men. The party slaughtered half of them and decided to chase off after the remaining bandits. The told the dwarf to stay there with the loot. When they got back, the dwarf was gone with almost half of the loot.

    Even a couple of the players thought it was funny.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:33 No.4993768

    3.5 just a demon prince with delusions of God hood. Also said dragon was based off Malyrstrix (or however you spell it) from Dragon Lance. Also a god.

    For those that care it was based on the RA modules.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:36 No.4993778

    I'm not a fan of hurting people for trivial things, but I would have smacked the shit out of that DM. I'm glad you ditched his ass.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:36 No.4993780
    Epic level trap in a ECL 15 campaign.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:36 No.4993781

    Wow, someone's watched too much southpark
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:38 No.4993784
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    You fuckers need some Courage Wolf!
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:39 No.4993791
    Re-read the last line of >>4993722 and then read >>4993784
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:41 No.4993801
    Why would you want a shit DM in your game as a player ruining the game for the rest of the players? Thats assuming he would want to play and not god-dm his own game.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:41 No.4993805

    Funny enough, terrible GMs are also often terrible PCs.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:44 No.4993812
    As always it's good to remember there is such a thing as a bad DM. If you encounter one your options are:

    1. "Fuck you" and leave the group or at least no longer game with said DM as DM.

    2. "Fuck you" and get your revenge on the DM by being an even bigger dick to them while running your own game.

    3. "Well I got nothing better to do" use DM's depravity to your own advantage and personal amusement by fucking with everyone DM included.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:44 No.4993816
    Our old DM used to do that too.

    every session there would be a new NPC who just tries too hard to be badass by blocking our path for no apparent reason, muttering "they don't understand" to itself.
    some of them had long anti-heroic monologues. on really bad days there would be two of them, and we would be treated with the rare honor of watching the DM roleplay with himself.

    one day in the middle of a game, I just yelled out; "I'm the new DM, a wizard has turned you all into housecats!"

    ...and a new game was born.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:47 No.4993828
    Addendum: If using option two inform the other players that the purpose of the game is to torment bad DM and ask for their cooperation. This should help to prevent you from becoming bad DM 2.0.

    I applaud your game hijack good sir. I hope it was at least entertaining if not down right awesome.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:50 No.4993839

    ...until you realize one of them is a closet furry.

    Which reminds me: don't play Exalted games with Lunar PCs when the GM is a furry. That's a horror story I'm taking to my grave.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:52 No.4993844
    A party consisting of a cat druid, cat monk/rogue and cat paladin/kensai went on for quite a long time, being run by different DMs.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:54 No.4993851
    >That's a horror story I'm taking to my grave.
    Tell us in detail or it didn't happen.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:54 No.4993852
    This isn't really a horror story but more since others have mentioned DMPCs, I'll throw this out.

    Our GM always has a DMPC. No matter what game or setting, his name is Noodles. Noodles is both powerful and weak, in that, he can kick ass and is pretty smart but he only does anything when we are in trouble. Most combat he stands around shooting arrows/guns/lasers whatever and hits nothing. If our GM sees that the encounter is over our head (which isn't often because he is a pretty good GM), Noodles starts hitting. He just stands there with a match or piece of straw in his mouth, only speaking when he points out a clue that is obvious in hindsight.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)08:57 No.4993865

    I can almost guarantee that if you added one PC mindrape solar it go from horrifying to awesome. The dickery that would ensue cold be legendary. Also if you just have the desire to fuck everything that lives/moves/respires essence then you elevate yourself from furry to Solar Godking of Deviants. AKA play Desus in a furry lunar game.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:02 No.4993893

    It wasn't Desus, but there was a (canon) first age Solar with the Motivation "fuck every Celestial Exalt"
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:06 No.4993915

    Actually that was a Lunar. Ma Ha Suichi (or how ever the fuck you spell it). Swung every way that he could.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:11 No.4993935

    I think you missed my point: the GM turned the game from Exalted: Lunars into Exalted: Furries. Considering how the other two players and myself were not furries the game took a turn for the very, very awkward.

    That and the GM didn't understand social combat, or any combat really.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:13 No.4993953
    You do realize that there's a feat for that. "Snatch Arrows", even a level 1 human can get the necessary feats for it. Heck there are gloves of snatch arrows.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:14 No.4993956

    I think we've encountered his reincarnation. Glorious Saviour of the Repressed - think Lord Flashart, complete with the 'WOOF!' as he enters scenes.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:16 No.4993968
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:17 No.4993974
    doesn't that still require a reflex save? and you can only catch one per round?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:17 No.4993975
    Definitely not. Ma-Ha-Suchi is still kicking it, and most certainly not old school.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:18 No.4993978
    I had a wizard NPC kind of like that many many years ago when I first started running D&D (and that's old D&D). After the first fight where he saved the day, I decided to change his spells to buffing spells to help the PCs in times of need.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:18 No.4993981
    Spelling is part of Grammar
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:19 No.4993990
    No reflex save. Can catch as many missiles as has free hands.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:19 No.4993991
    There are so many things wrong with that post it's not even funny.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:22 No.4994007
    No, no it isn't. Grammar is proper recognizable sentence structure. Spelling is... spelling.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:25 No.4994028
    How can you have a total party kill if two people survived?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:27 No.4994046
    killed by a giant fucking laser. only one in the group.

    in D&D.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:27 No.4994054
    no save, but can only catch one, actually. Though if you catch a thrown weapon you can throw it back during their turn.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:31 No.4994081
    Snatch Arrows [General]
    Dex 15, Deflect Arrows, Improved Unarmed Strike.
    When using the Deflect Arrows feat you may catch the weapon instead of just deflecting it. Thrown weapons can immediately be thrown back at the original attacker (even though it isn’t your turn) or kept for later use.
    You must have at least one hand free (holding nothing) to use this feat.

    Looks like the charracter can catch any number of arrows in a turn, so long as they drop them (or throw them back) right away. Keeping one hand free at all times.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:33 No.4994098

    INSTEAD of deflecting.

    when can you deflect? ONCE per turn

    Deflect Arrows [General]

    Dex 13, Improved Unarmed Strike.

    You must have at least one hand free (holding nothing) to use this feat. Once per round when you would normally be hit with a ranged weapon, you may deflect it so that you take no damage from it. You must be aware of the attack and not flatfooted.

    Attempting to deflect a ranged weapon doesn’t count as an action. Unusually massive ranged weapons and ranged attacks generated by spell effects can’t be deflected.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:33 No.4994099
    Playing a homebrewed game where we had to go to planet L5R and rescue the empress. At the start, we were told this was a top secret mission, if we get caught blah blah, standard black ops shit. We lose one character due to a trap. Another becomes useless due to some trauma and I'm put in charge. Since we don't want to be caught, I stuff the bodies into serveral vats of lye that happened to be in the storage room. Eventually the imperial palace got a little trashed due to comabt, minor corpse mutilation, bodies and blood every . We insulted the shit out of BBEG and his mother, and our combat monster grapples BBEG, and curb stomps him. Our escape didn't go as planned, I offer to sacrifice myself and set up an entrenchment in the top of the main donjon, and keep them busy the only way I know how, by being a dick. Well GM has his Mary Sue NPC's come rescue us, as apparently we were doomed to fail from the begining.

    After all is said and done, we get horribly fucked in game because apparently another DMPC's, a little 6 year old girl had been following us around invisible (thanks to the Clow Cards) the entire time recording what we did. Seems that our actions were not deemed to have been "honorable", and we got reemed. The best part is, a 6 year old child wasn't at all phased by the ridiculous amounts of blood, violence and death.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:35 No.4994108
    Nope, deflect arrows is once per round, and snatch arrows is just an addon to that
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:41 No.4994157

    alright, i forget the specifics of it, but i remember there are rules for using an arrow as an improvised dagger, so it could count as a melee weapon there.

    the Throw Anything feat lets you treat melee weapons as throwing weapons.

    With Snatch Arrows, would it be possible return fire on an archer empty handed?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:42 No.4994162
    I'm not sure, but because the feat says thrown weapons, and it wasn't thrown at you I'd say no.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:43 No.4994168
    >Clow Cards
    >> This is the mildest of instances, mind. MonkeyToho 06/25/09(Thu)09:44 No.4994173
    rolled 30 = 30

    Spending a good chunk of my starting gold as a 2nd level character on Magic Chalk--the kind that never runs out and can't be erased by mundane means.

    Turns out there's OCD goblins in the sewers that have magic fucking mops that can clean that shit up.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:48 No.4994199

    Didn't happen to me, but the Rogue of our party (hafling) stole a crowbar. He uses it to pry open a chest in a dungeon. An alarm spell goes off, emanating from the crowbar. Que "WHO THE FUCK PUTS AN ALARM SPELL ON A FUCKING CROWBAR!!! FFFFFffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..."

    I laughed though considering it was one of about 5 magical items we came across the entire game (went from 5-20).
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)09:56 No.4994230
    That's not a horror story. Thats fucking hilarious
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:02 No.4994269
    Only 5, or 4 magic items in the entire game, up to level 20? Hope you didn't have to face anything that required a +1 sword to hit.

    Or just rolled up clerics and mages who aren't as dependant on magic items like fighters.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:02 No.4994271

    Oh I know, I was just relating to what the previous poster said. sorry should have mentioned it wasn't intended as a horror story. Though that halfling might disagree, that was his only magic item in the whole game... I still find it funny though. That character was trolled so hard throughout that game, by just about everyone though, good thing the player was such a sport.
    >> MonkeyToho 06/25/09(Thu)10:06 No.4994298
    rolled 13 = 13


    HA! That's hilarious.

    See, I wouldn't have been as annoyed as I was if the DM hadn't changed it mid-way through description.

    DM: You see a goblin scrubbing away the symbols you made in chalk.
    Me: Actually, magic chalk can't be erased by mundane means.
    DM: ...oh, well it's a MAGIC mop.

    Fucker. At least I sold the mop and got some cash for it after I ran the goblin through.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:08 No.4994311
    Other than being able to scrub away magic chalk, what made the mop magical? There can't be that big of a market for magic chalk removing mops.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:09 No.4994314

    It was a custom setting so DR/Magic was pretty rare. We did fight demons and dragons at the end though, but by then I was a Pryo-kinetisicst and we had a few casters and two playing a custom class that was part monk part dragon (broken as hell since they also had spell casting abilities) so it wasn't all bad. Even the rogue became an arcane trickster.

    For the icing on the cake though in the final battle I was launched from a ballista on a flying ship toward the BBEDragon and conflagrationed upon impact. AKA ballista-nuke. It was a fun end to the game.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:13 No.4994338
    DM fiat. That DM was probably just railroading. If the mop had to have stats it'd probably be something like
    "Cleans any surface of even magically based blemishes! Sovereign glue holding you down? Well not anymore my friend the Supermop 5000 is here to wipe away your troubles!"
    (Not orginal poster to chalk vs. mop btw)
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:14 No.4994343
    I still think it's funny that the solution for a "low magic" setting is to play as magic-using characters.
    >> MonkeyToho 06/25/09(Thu)10:16 No.4994358
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    rolled 60 = 60


    Nothing. The DM just likes to do shit like that because he thinks it's funny or something.

    He can run a dungeoncrawl pretty well, but when it comes to actual story it always falls flat. It doesn't help that he has a boner for dwarves, gnomes, and halflings, so of COURSE we have to deal with them ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

    "Here's a dwarf, interact with it" has become a meme in our group because of him.

    >"Cleans any surface of even magically based blemishes! Sovereign glue holding you down? Well not anymore my friend the Supermop 5000 is here to wipe away your troubles!"

    I now have a new Artificer idea. Thanks!
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:19 No.4994369
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    Aww, too bad. I always liked the concept of some mundane item with a powerful enchantment. See: The Hoe of Destruction.
    >When describing the encounter, Mack mentions his hoe. Around the time the game takes place, the magical Ether is greatly disturbed, and most of the mages of the land have gone completely insane. Some years before the game starts, Mack had taken his broken hoe to a mage called Mumb, who, almost unable to practice magic anymore, had started to fix things. At the same time, a fighter had brought his sword to Mumb, hoping he could turn it into a "Sword of Death". It appears that Mumb, in a fit of insane confusion, managed to enchant the hoe with terrifying magics, and the fighter killed Mumb because his sword was now only good for cutting weeds. Whatever the truth is, Mack now had the Hoe of Destruction.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:20 No.4994373
    yeah, the DM was more concerned about making magic items more rare and strange than just making magic impossible to have. There were plenty of races that had magical abilities (water walking etc.) but finding a magic item that was dangerous to your enemy without being dangerous to you was difficult. Also actual casters were rare, but hey we were PC's so it was cool. Every magic item had a drawback and I don't think we had time to make our own.

    I not sure if the DM ever took what we did to heart other than realizing that 3.5 was not the system to use for his setting in the future.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:23 No.4994393

    Once during that shitty D&D game, before the vampire Vincent turned up (turned out he was actually called Vincent, probably Vincent Lockheart which was the name of the guy's character in another roleplay) the GM had to go out. I forget why, phone?

    So I said to everyone, "OK, you're getting ready to leave the monastery when suddenly there's this giant airship holy shit ninjas are falling from the sky!"

    When the DM came back, we were all wild eyed and I was frenziedly detailing the raining ninja body parts that the party had left behind in an ultra-violent kung-fu extravaganza.

    Freeform D&D meets Fist of the North Star. Shit was so cash.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:24 No.4994398
    Glad to be of assistance, go forth and clean the world of impurities you crazy artificer you.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:25 No.4994403
    I absolutely love the Crowbar of Alarm. I may have to steal that.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:26 No.4994410
    You mean there's a feat that lets you become immune to all weapons fire and catch three knives and one arrow in one round with no save and only two hands?

    I know about the feat. Perhaps the Level 28 (yes, that was his level - we were level 2) Vampire had it, but there's also a dice roll involved. And I believe that even epic level characters have an AC, instead of just "infinity"
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:27 No.4994420


    I think you would of had much fun with it, but then again you would not now be regaling us with tales of "Vincent: the most foul".
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:29 No.4994429
    this makes me rage harder than anything else I hope you beat the fuck out of your worthless shit DM and taught him a very valuable lesson about not being a complete retard.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:31 No.4994441
    >sigh< Infinite Deflection from the ELH then. Level 28 god damn it. I'm not even raging about it, I'm just annoyed that DM's pull this shit. Though the catching still breaks the rules, he could only catch two items if both hands were empty otherwise he would have to deflect them.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:32 No.4994445
    Whoops forgot about greentext. apologies. Any other horror stories out there that need telling?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:38 No.4994471
    Yeah, but if their AC is 60 and you have a 50% miss chance, that means you would have 0.25% (rolling two 20's in a row) chance of succeeding. Good luck with that.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:43 No.4994497

    I think at that point you want to bring the walls down around him, sure he'll make the reflex save, but you made the fucker move. I'd also recommend jump checks to try and clear his reach but overall that's the point when you just take the DM aside and tell him he's being an ass and you don't appreciate it. Or punch his teeth in. Whichever.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:44 No.4994500
    I could tell some more stories from the Vincent roleplay. Like the retarded anti-slavery campaigner.

    Because we were against slavery and were escorting an escaped slave, we pretended she was our slave whilst we were stopping off at this landowners estate. He had lots of slaves you see, it made sense. Halfway through dinner, for no fucking reason, him and his sons attacked us. Because he was actually an anti-slavery campaigner who thought the best way to hide his illegal activities would be to kill anyone he dines with who supports the (legal, enforced and accepted) practise of slavery. What the fuck.

    And when we had to break into the city, and we couldn't climb up it because there were too many patrols, and we were told OOC that we would not be allowed to get in disguised, and that there were no caves or any way to sneak in through a cool cavernous structure (I practically outlined a cool sounding way to get in using my PC, who at this point had a secret obsession with pulpy women's romance novels).

    The Monk's player, who is awesome, calculated that for the guards to patrol the city walls as often as the GM claimed (one guard every ten metres) every single person in the city would have to be trained, drafted, and then sent onto the city walls.

    The GM railroaded us into hiring an army to lay siege to the city, because apparently that was the most logical way to keep them from noticing people from breaking inside.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:46 No.4994521
    Yeah but a better thing to point out is why would a GM introduce a level 28 (not counting level adjustment) vampire to a trio of level 2 adventurers who were kept so poor they couldn't even afford a wooden shield between them.

    At that point I'd never GMed before and this was my first ever game of D&D. For all I knew D&D was meant to be that railroady.

    Fist of the North Dungeon should totally be my next setting though.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:51 No.4994550
    Played in a game with 7 players and a DMPC. Casters were nerfed, everyone and everything had max hp per hit die, and he threw nothing but hordes of kobolds and goblins at us, which often had class levels and took forever to kill. Some games we went the entire 4 to 6 hours wading through ONE fight.

    "I attack! Damn, I missed."
    20 minutes later...
    "Oh, it's my turn again? I attack! Damn, I missed."
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:51 No.4994552
    Players: Okay then. We go and find dragons to kill.
    DM: But you need to do this!
    Players: We'll get to it. Trust us.
    DM: But...
    after leveling up...
    Players: I Dimension door in and open a way in for the other players, if you fuck me on this I will let the other caster use stone shape if you fuck them, I swear to god I will kill your Mary Sue DMPC. So help me I will find a way, I will turn this entire campaign into a quest to kill Vincent and the only way to stop me will be to cancel the game. Now do we get the fuck in or not?
    DM: ...

    At least that's how I would like it to go in my head.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:52 No.4994562
    Thinking about it, using snatch arrow to catch the 1 arrow, but the 2 thrown daggers could theoretically do 8 hp, maximum, if they all hit? Presuming the BBEG has 100-150HP, I would describe a hit as "deflected". It ate a papercut's worth of plot armor away from him. Otherwise the game ends up with a guy with hundreds of missiles stuck in him.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:55 No.4994579
    And then he dies. This makes perfect sense.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:57 No.4994589
    Alas, there were no casters allowed in this game, because "we didn't know magic existed". Although I was allowed to be a half-elf.

    To my rage he later let in some guy to play a half-dragon with colour changing eyes and a 7+ level modifier. An effective level 9 character, although he didn't exactly dominate because the DM ignored level restrictions and threw level 9 and above challenges at us anyway (he was especially fond of those goblinoid wolves and Greater Basilisks).

    The guy left after a couple sessions though, thankfully the mood-eye character didn't hang around and when he came to games I was running he was much better.

    Oh and we weren't allowed to die. The game was a nightmare realm where everything is at least twenty-five to thirty levels higher than us, and had supernatural abilities when we were barely a cut above NPC classes.

    And the Other Realm. Oh god, the Other Realm...
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:57 No.4994590
    That does seem painful I'll admit. Though the slogging it out aspect of it is something I think most DnDers have seen.

    Ah, then you are forgiven your sins, and are encouraged to make Fist of the Dragonstar your next campaign as long as you make sure it is lighthearted or so over the top that everyone realizes it's just for fun. I recommend giving bonuses to actions when delivered right before or right after a poignant one liner on the character's views of the world and morality (whether positive or negative)
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)10:58 No.4994600
    Fist of the Dragonstar sounds like it needs to use Exalted instead of D&D.
    >> MonkeyToho 06/25/09(Thu)11:01 No.4994621
    rolled 97 = 97


    Trust me, this isn't the first time he's done something moronic like this. We generally browbeat him with logic, which is kind of bad but he's the kind of person who needs a handler or else he does stupid shit.

    He's...getting better. Slowly but surely. This current game is pretty fucking shitty, but I'm already running a game so I can't just take this one over and make a better one; otherwise, I would.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:02 No.4994631
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    I don't get it. I don't play pen and paper style, I admit. But if your entire group agrees that the DM is being an enormous cock...and he's right there in the room with you...why not just, you know, "iron things out" directly?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:04 No.4994650
    Player: Cut it out.
    DM: What why?
    Player: Cut it out or I burn you fucking books in the grill and use them to make barbecue that everyone else may enjoy but you.

    My good sir, you have my sympathies for all the shit in that campaign. Even when I was new the only bullshit my DM pulled on me was.

    "A group of bandits knock out the NPC who is on watch, and abscond with all your stuff except artifacts. Yes even your one dot familiar. You do not get a check to notice or stop this from happening. You are not able to catch up with them"

    I was new and I thought it was pretty shitty but I didn't think to bring up rules and the like. At least I kept most of my stuff. This was an Exalted 1e game btw.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:09 No.4994688
    The Other Realm - see, every so often the Games Master would ask us what we're doing. You know, after describing a new scene and such. At random, he'd listen to us, say "Aww, you weren't looking behind" or have us make an awareness roll that nobody ever, ever passed no matter what, and suddenly ping! We'd find ourselves in a fucking stupid 'maze' of puzzles. The Other Realm.

    I met The Monk, the most infuriating monk of all time, who just sat their meditating and partially ethereal. I asked him where I was, because I didn't know where I'd been teleported (and herp derp, magic was impossible except of course for the flying airships) and he just answered "You are here" to everything.

    The DM was just patting himself on how "deep" and philosophical he was being, and the monk would just ignore all attempts to talk like a fucking human being. In the end he started ignoring me, and so I tried to be silly and disrupt his mediatation, to no avail. In the end I said, "Thanks a lot, douche bag" and left the room to face a load of shitty puzzles that the DM thought would be 'deep' and 'clever'. The other players were snickering at all of this, until it was their turn to wake up and contend with shitty puzzles.

    Somebody showed me the Bounto arc of Bleach recently, and I discovered that many puzzles were ripped off that, only made even harder and dumber. The bit with Ichigo stuck in the museam? That was what our monk player had to face. Ended up with him trying to dig his way out with a spoon after prying up all the stone floor (and an argument with the DM on why he could just say "it is infinite").

    Later, for no real explained reason the monk PC went through a door face to face with a red dragon. I think it was for railroad purposes. It killed him, but Not Allowed To Die so he just woke up in a different part of the puzzle area. Nobody ever found out why it was there, and it was never mentioned by another we met.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:10 No.4994694
    It comes down to hurting feelings and not starting drama. you also have to worry about who will replace him if the shit keeps going on. Generally I've noticed most groups just don't want to come off as being an asshole and stomping on someone's game. The general consensus that I've seen on /tg/ has been to try and convince these same players that sometimes they should risk hurting feelings in order to make sure that not everyone is miserable.

    I agree that exalted would be excellent for a FotDS campaign but it has a large learning curve to learn the system well. I love it, but most other DMs I know think it's too clunky.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:12 No.4994706
    Wha? "Feelings?" No, I'm talking about holding them down and beating them with a bag of oranges.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:14 No.4994722
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:15 No.4994730
    Red Dragons the monk's most fearsome natural enemy. I now want to make a monk only feat that gives bonuses only when encountering a Red Dragon face to face after opening a door or entering a new area.

    At least you are trying to train him. Unless he's cool outside of game, you probably have more patience than I.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:16 No.4994736
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    This thread is now about fruit bats. :3
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:18 No.4994742
    It was there that we met El, who was the only likeable character in the entire game, and only because she was a mute.

    She was blue skinned, for some reason, and had healing power. She was a healing class from the miniatures handbook, and I believe the DM actually followed the rules instead of just giving her infinite magic (although she never really prepared her magic, but I guess that's okay, she might have been some kind of celestial).

    Had El been able to talk, I'm sure she would have been yet another vehicle for the DM to peddle his shitty chauvinistic views. Our one female player screwed around with this a little by making her character a dirty slut, which was awesome since she was playing a high-born elf noble from a kingdom that actually knows magic exists (and therefore, was meant to be super-awesome and super-dignified). Despite how timid that girl was, she was actually the only one to not stand for his bullshit, and stopped coming.

    Did I mention the cannons? The world had gunpowder, but nobody used cannons on land. Why? "Because they don't". Cannons only used on land. Had I been properly informed of just what I was getting myself into, I would have played an Artificer scientist and (try to) conquer the world with cannons and musketeers.

    And there were flying airships everywhere because Final Fantasy. And he would not call her Aeris - you know what I mean.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:20 No.4994761
    Comes down to the same thing really. Also fear of criminal charges. Most of the times though I'll just push a group to excommunicate the bad DM if it's getting to the point of physical violence. We're not all internet tough guys you know.

    Though I have seen fist fights break out over games and honestly, it's stupid. It's a fucking hobby and fighting over pretend characters is just silly. When it's connected to other issues IRL though, that's a little more understandable.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:24 No.4994794
    Slightly related note, how many GM's around here put their personal views on center stage of a campaign? Do you think it's a sign of a bad game or is it something bad DM's just use improperly?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:25 No.4994804
    Sorry, cannons only used at sea.

    Yes, they weren't even used on the airships. There were no hand weapons or musketeers - everything was basically the 12th Century besides the sailing boats, cannons, and unusually large cities with suspiciously few wells or nearby mines.

    The DM hated religion - I don't know what his views are, I suspect he just got stuck in that teenage "Christian fundamentalists R evil ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH" - so naturally there was no religion in his world. Anywhere. There were odd shrines and monks who didn't really worship anything but who followed a vague meditative philosophy that definitely wasn't a religion. We aren't from the USA and we don't have the extreme athiest/extreme christian hostility that you guys seem to have, so it was even more fucking retarded.

    Oh and the GM fancied himself an incredible history buff too, often enforcing arbitrary decisions (not to mention incorrect) on the grounds of "historical authenticity". Yes, this is the same game with blue skinned celestial slave girls, monk-hating red dragons, and mood ring eye vampire DMPCs ripped off of Final Fantasy.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:27 No.4994820
    If you thrust your personal views on a game, you are a gigantic faggot.

    You can make a thoughtful game, and draw attention to important issues, perhaps environmentalism, racism, immigration, education, science, religious conflict, but force your views and you are a giant faggot.

    See also the Vincent DM and his retarded sexism (that led to another - very experianced - girl player to refuse to ever join any of his games again) or his retarded political views, or his retarded religious views. Or that guy on /tg/ the other day who played with a Bush worshipping DM with hilariously bad results.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:30 No.4994840

    The atheist/christian hate isn't as extreme as it appears (well not in my circles of acquaintances anyway and we do have a mixed religious dynamic).

    I'd say that if this game you played was an elaborate attempt to troll the players then it would have been a masterpiece. It has enough rage fuel for 4 games let alone one jam packed with it.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:31 No.4994850

    Yeah, there's just a small minority of really stupid people on both sides that make it seem worse than it is.
    >>   06/25/09(Thu)11:32 No.4994854
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:33 No.4994863

    That's some shit Ling Tong 63.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:35 No.4994879
    Shit, I've spent a long time ranting about the one roleplay. I *think* I've just about exhausted my supply of rage.

    There was some other stuff, little things mostly already hinted at. I guess there was the first session where I was railroaded to stay in the house for some reason. Oh, and the wizard, who was pretty much Vincent again but as a wizard. Had an invincible forcefield that prevented us from punching him in his smug fucking face. For some reason the DM thought we'd just plunge right into the horde of ghoulified dire wolves he'd summoned and leave him to stand at the back.

    In the end he turned into an eagle and flew off, completely immune to all damage from our ranged weapons. Yes, we ignored all the monsters just to throw things at him.

    By that point (it was one of the closing sessions before we just said fuck it) we were wise to the DM's faggotry and I was just casually rolling with it.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:37 No.4994893

    Did you guys ever confront him about it? Did he even try to defend himself sensibly. Has he realize how terrible that game was yet?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:38 No.4994903
    Racist human paladin demands blood-sacrifice from my half-elf cleric or he'll throw the rest of the party to a pitchfork-and-torches-bearing mob. To save his friends, cleric agrees, begs the elven father-god for forgiveness, and nearly bleeds to death.

    Paladin doesn't fall, elven father-god curses my character for not honor-killing himself.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:43 No.4994937
    One final post - the Vincent miniatures game. You know, I really wanted to be a good and helpful player. I asked him if I could hold on to my character sheet and use my Miniature's Handbook to make a skirmish adaptation. I thought it would be cool to try in our wargames club. He refused because he was a control freak, and jealously guarded the character sheets. They were his, and his alone. Sigh. I tried my best to be excited and help out.

    A few months later, the DM wanted to reenact an 'epic battle' from the prehistory of his world. Apparently it was more advanced or the same as the world thousands of years later though, as it had a lot of full plate wearing knights. ANYWAY

    Although the DM had by this point purchased and presumably at least looked at the pictures of over £700-800 pounds worth of D&D books (basically every supplement ever written), he saw the D&D mass combat rules. Not the miniature game supplement though, like I had, no. This was the one that was just simplified combat rules for skirmishes of 20-30 people. So, he decides he wants to use that. In retrospect I don't think he actually read the rules. I think he just convinced himself he read the rules.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:48 No.4994962
    He got yelled at a lot for his Vampire DMPC, and our always super calm (with one notable exception) monk player talked to him for three hours about that.

    I leant him all my DM guidance books (I'd been pouring over loads of How To DM books) telling him that I found them helpful, trying to be as nice as possible about it, and also leant him my GURPS books for quest ideas (and also so he could maybe get a fucking clue about the genre and historical periods he thought he knew so much about).

    I don't know how he feels about it. At least on some level he knows it sucked, and that he's a complete fucking failure in everything he does, but he's also a deluded basement dwelling weeaboo and probably thinks he was awesome and that the only reason the campaign stopped was because the girl player ditched the game due to her mysterious and inscrutable female ways.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:48 No.4994964
    Using video game characters in tabletop games is bullshit regardless.

    a guy I know, EVERY character he makes is the same stupid furry mary-sue asshole, and every NPC-- every single fucking one-- is a stupid mary-sue DMPC and usually the same stupid furry. (The last one I recall having stats was an Aberrant character, where every Mega-Stat was 5.)

    He also has a creepy tendency to try to shoehorn in "love interests" in the form of furry versions of girls our group knows, but don't play in his games because he uses his stupid furry DMPC to hit on them all.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:55 No.4994999
    So, 'epic battle' then. How do you use rules intended for small scale skirmishes to simulate massive Lord of the Rings style battles? Answer: You don't.

    Imagine a 2000pt Warhammer Fantasy game. Now imagine replacing the Fantasy rules with the D&D Core Set. You see where I'm going.

    So two and a half hours in, we're almost halfway through the first turn (at least we could move people as units). My horsemen run into a forest. It's booby trapped! Everyone must make a DC25 check or fall off their horse! These are level 1 or 2 warriors. I lost interest after that and handwaved attempts to call me back to the table away.

    I felt awful for abandoning the Monk-player to the guy, endlessly shuffling Warhammer models towards an entrenched line and dying, in a pointless mass battle played using the roleplay rules. I couldn't handle counting the HP of all the hundreds of individuals, and I suspect such attempts soon stopped after I left.

    Suddenly, I hear a bang. A crash of a box, and the sound of a model hitting the game table. One voice, familiar yet alien, in a tone so loud people heard it in the bar downstars - "NO! WE'RE NOT PLAYING THIS DO THE BLOODY GAME YOURSELF"

    The Monk-player, normally an avatar of understanding and backbreaking politeness, seems to have grown to twice his usual size. He's red-faced, and fucking angry. He stomps out of the room, perhaps to head downstairs to get a strong drink.

    The DM just stands there, acutely aware of the eyes upon him, and says quietly "Nobody made you do this."

    Then he packed up the models, quickly and quietly, and left the room.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:58 No.4995020
    So is this "Furry-Sue" based on a video game character then? I would like to say it's not always bad to have video game elements in table top games like say having a sci-fi game based in the Mass Effect universe wouldn't be to bad in my opinion.

    Since you bring it up I think that is my biggest complaint about DMPC's. Being over fucking powered. Like level 28 vamp in 2nd level party, etc. That's the shit that gets me going most of the time. I've even said a few times in game "Well I guess you've got this one then since you're so all powerful, we'll be over here chilling." while in a DMPC can do anything game.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)11:59 No.4995023
    Creepy. Got any good stories of him?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)12:09 No.4995058

    Wow, that seems like it was months worth of frustration boiling out in a flood of "Fuck this shit."

    Surprisingly I've been in a similar situation, as the reasonable guy, that just has had enough. You get tired of being reasonable, you get tired of trying to see both sides of the argument, and in that moment where it's too much to hold in any longer you just let it go. You purge the bile from your system and you could give a fuck what anyone else thinks.

    It's only happened to me twice, in my life time. Once due to a misunderstanding that I realized I had made almost immediately after my outburst (where I quickly sorted the mess out with my compatriot) and once when it became obvious the GM didn't care about what we felt about the game and just wanted to have a fucking wank session of how awesome he is and he just kept bossing another player around like it was his god given right. The room was quiet for about 10 minutes after I conveyed my displeasure at the situation.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)12:15 No.4995096
    In an early game of Dark Heresy, the acolytes were on this mostly empty planet trying to find out where the smugglers were setting up shop. While trying to find them, we were failing our tracking rolls and getting nowhere. After about 30 minutes of trying to come up with new ways to look for clues, the GM finally just told us where the path was but he was *pissed*.

    We finally get moving when we see a satyr kid running around and make the Emperor-loving choice of burning his heretical ass. After a long series of "Oh you've hit him? He dodges" and using psychic powers to make our guns all misfire, the damn NPC decides he's going to help us. Half the party is screaming WITCH! DAEMON!!! BURN IT!!! while the GM is just standing there getting his girlfriend to convince the party that we should just let it help us.

    The NPC proceeds to lead us to the smuggler's hideout, kills all the smugglers while we hide in a building whilst waiting for our chance to kill the bloody satyr. Finally, it's injured, we take our chance to kill him and the GM immediately saves the NPC's ass. We get wisked off-planet being told how awesome a job we did and the GM asks if we had fun.

    We weren't playing, we were watching the GM play.
    >> Fist of the Dragonstar not edited in the slightest 06/25/09(Thu)12:20 No.4995120
    The sun began to set over the wrecked monastery. The orange light glistened on vines, damp from the afternoon rain, that covered the walls.

    Sat serenely on the roof was Spar, the sole survivor of the order that once inside the monastery. Away on business, he had been shocked to find his whole life in ruins. He had nothing outside his monastery, and so with it taken from him, he now had nothing at all.

    Nothing at all. Nothing a... voice calling his name from down below. It was Lia, an elf from the exotic east.

    "Did you find anything inside on the second try?" he shouted down.

    "No, sorry, only more tigers acting in packs."

    "I think I can see some lions in the walled off garden."

    "Yeah, the tigers inexplicably turned into lions halfway through our fight and ran off."

    Clearly, there were supernatural forces at work. No matter how many people tried to tell him it was impossible. The impossible was possible. His training, his master, his entire life drove him to know it as a learnt instinct.

    "Where's Bram?"

    Lia gave a smile and a pointed inside.

    "Counting his money."

    "He must be dwarvish"

    Lia gave a short laugh.

    There was a sound like buzzing thunder, a hum, a rumble to the air. Sharp noise, coming from where? Somewhere in the sky. Something fell out of the clouds and silhouetted itself against the sun set. An airship!

    A great air galleon, here of all places! The alkamech engine roared, and the great wooden beast whoosed over the monastery, dropping down rope and black-hooded figures as it did.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)12:20 No.4995121

    This honestly made me shudder.

    Playing with a DM like that would be emotional torture for me.
    >> Fist of the Dragonstar RATATATATATATATATATATATA 06/25/09(Thu)12:20 No.4995122
    Spar assumed a defensive stance. He was surrounded on all sides, balancing precariously atop the ancient gothic rooftop of a ruined monastery, four floors up from the ground.

    The ninjas were perched on gargoyles, balancing on the roof tiles, tip-toeing on pipes, crouching in the window ledges of the tallest towers that still stood.

    "Fuck off, I'm having a bad day," said Spar.

    "I don't think so, survivor of the meddling monks," said a particularly burly looking ninja.

    With no obvious movement on his part, the ninja's hood flew off, revealing an old man. Silver haired, and a beard flowing down to his knees. His outfit flared open, as though on ethereal winds, unfolding into a epically long cloak covered by a skin of daggers and wicked looking barbed implements.

    "Spar of the Northrup Monks, your incredible journey ends today!"

    "I don't think so..." said Spar. His own knives were on the ground, but he still had his fire bomb.

    "I am the monk Spar, trained by the grand masters of this once great citadel! You.." he threw his bomb out in a lightspeed lash, a clean cut that made the air itself whistle.

    "You are already dead!"
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)12:23 No.4995135
    It was terrifying for me to watch. This was the nicest guy you could ever possibly meet, and suddenly he was motherfucking Jack Bauer..
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)12:44 No.4995257

    Video game elements in an RPG aren't bad, I'm planning on running one where the premise is along the lines of, "The PCs are the genre-savvy residents of a standard JRPG town; the heroes came through a while ago, broke into everyone's houses, took everything that wasn't nailed down, glutted the local economy, and took the town's best prophetic secrets in order to save the world from the recurring millenial evil by gaining four objects of power and fighting god... and failed, because the dumbshit kid playing the game couldn't beat the last boss, which means the heroes are dead, and no one's going to save the world if somebody doesn't do something, because just because you're not playing the game it doesn't mean the world stops existing." This is roughly based on a nightmare I had as a child.

    But I digress.

    The furry in question picks up elements from whatever this particular neckbeard has seen recently, or thinks is cool; most recently Fate/Stay Night but also DBZ, Naruto, Digimon, Marvel/DC comics, and similar, and I'm told he gets his ideas from the video game versions of said things, and a couple of XBox FPSes for flavor.

    I think the worst one was where he tried to play a different character in a game that didn't have any anthro races; he normally refuses to play anything where he can't be a furry but the guest DM they had has such a reputation for fuckawesome games that he allowed himself to be convinced to play a human.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)12:45 No.4995263

    He basically fucked everything up at every opportunity and at the end of the game, in his epilogue portion, his character was court-martialed (which was an extremely light punishment for all the problems his attitude and total ignorance/ignoring of policy caused) but otherwise got off light.

    When guest DM left for his home state, he basically decided that everything about the game was cool except his character didn't get enough attention, so he's REWRITING the game with himself as the main character, changing the ending, and basically parading it as original fiction.

    There are worse ones that I could go on at LENGTH about, but that's the most recent one I can think of.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)12:52 No.4995293
    Then there was the time he wrote a fanfic about his retarded mary-sue furry character-- except he turned everyone he knows into a furry in the same universe; all the guys ended up being emasculated pussies who needed his character to save them from whatever bullshit problem there was, and all the girls were sexy, nubile catgirls who existed primarily to be rescued and/or sexx0red by him, and insofar as I know, there was no villain or antagonistic force behind any of it.

    It's sad, really.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)12:52 No.4995295
    Well, let's see... there was the time we let the ravingly anti-religious faggot in our group DM a game. Cue the world's most heavy-handed reworking of a setting as all the gods are revealed to actually be demon lords pretending to be good and the couple of good clerics and paladins that he allows in the setting are forced to actually be loony gold dragon descended sorcerers, including one that was a hilariously thinly disguised version of jesus. Also, "in character" rants by all his villains --who were, of course, evil clerics-- about how the masses were all a bunch of dupes for following the church.

    Even this wouldn't have been so bad, though, if he weren't ALSO totally defensive about it whenever somebody would point out that we were basically playing through one of his anti-religious rants.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)12:53 No.4995300
    Two tales.

    Event the first. We are playing in a Planescape game. Due to a bastardization of the rules (by the DM( and myself being fairly opportunistic I have created something terrible and wonderful at the same time. It's not overpowered in the 'all encounters are easy' way, but in the 'tough to kill' way.

    So we run into a mimic. The barbarian decides to open the mimic. He gets attacked, I rush back to help.

    The mimic attacks both me and the Barbarian. He hits. and Initiates grapple. So, after he hits me, I point out the mimic no longer threatens any squares and has lost dex to ac, as he is grappled. Meaning the cleric can go help the barbarian, whom is more squishy than me.

    it come to my turn. 'I roll opposed grapple', fail. We are level 3. I may have three attacks from twf/flurry, but I only get one grapple check. I make sure the gm notices this (so the mimic doesn't ream both of us).

    It gets the the barbarian's turn. I pass the phb which I have open to grappling rules. The gm says "well you're grappeled you have a psuedopod attached to you, but you're not grappling back, right? So your hands are free and you can make an attack".

    We had the grapple rules right there. You don't 'choose' to grapple back. You are involved in the tussle.

    l2grapple rules if you are going to run mimics.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)12:53 No.4995303
    Why the fuck do you still hang out with this twit?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:00 No.4995342
    I get back from living out of state. My younger brother has a group playing M&M with a 'high school supers game'. I don't really want in, but one day with low playership, they request me in. So I figure, what the heck, I'll help him out.

    So Joab be-Reubens was created. An Israeli exchange student that was a special agent in training of bulls-eye cailber. Caps were for pl5, but you began with pl3 points. I didn't need 'powers' to be deadly. I am originally abducted and introduced by the DMPC mary-sue, named Anton, who knows my 'safeword'. Because he can read minds, scry, teleport summon shadow demons and do anything else that matters.

    But I dont know all of that yet. Over the course of a few missions, we run amok of some time traveling A.I.M. knock offs. Anton sends us to the future to fight them. Our group of high school aged super characters invade the base, kill some soldiers, I find out they are israeli and by the end of the quest discover that Anton takes over the world in the future -- and all of our characters are dead.

    We go back to the past and must decide what to do.

    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:02 No.4995352

    I don't. I just said I know a guy.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:04 No.4995364

    I'm assuming it gets worse later, because right now finding out that the DM has killed you all in the future seems like it would make for a great setup, albeit for a rather stressfully antagonistic game.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:11 No.4995407
    >>4995295 loony gold dragon descended sorcerer who thinks he's a paladin

    I'm going to steal this idea, mmkay?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:12 No.4995408
    So, I begin to plan. I solve out ways to convince each of the parents/guardians of the super-powered teens to release them for performances, school trips, etc. I have gained a few points now, but I am still way behind the others (in points, not power)-- the gm assigned powers and mine were 'probability/luck control'.

    We are back one day and Anton has taken over Russia. So we figure its got to stop.

    My plan consists of several parts, and is reliant on player nature, GM's protection of Mary-sue, on the rules.

    First I steal a fast experimental aircraft from the U.S. Government (none of us have movement powers).

    Second I pick up. One player before all of the others. My brother, (irl not in game) His Character's Name is 'Jace'. Jace is probably the most useless character in the group, but here I will give him a chance to shine. He was assigned 'regeneration'. So he's like wolverine, but not physically fit, not claws, wealthy, teenaged has a strict 'paladin-like' code of honor and take a few hours to return from the dead (read useless in combat). He also happens to be only able to be killed permanently by one substance, which Anton has, be a master of disguise and owe Anton a favor.

    Here's how it goes down. I have written out the plan on a peice of paper to reveal to the gm when shit goes down. Our master of Disguise swtiches with me, and I switch with him.

    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:15 No.4995438
    We will go to Russia wherein, he will leave unnoticed to tell Anton that we are coming to get him, discharging his favor. It wont be him, it will be me. With his dc40 disguise performed on another.

    While I (but really him) remains on the ship stalling everyone else in case I fail, then leading a suicide banzai charge.

    I wont fail.

    Everything goes off according to plan. My brother plays Joab in Disguise as Jace. I Play Jace in disguise as Joab, I even act more Jace like than Joab like.

    Then the Gm takes my brother aside to talk about what happens when he goes to anton.

    my brother begins combat. You can hear a loud WHAT?! from the other room.

    The gm storms out furious. I'd had the combat worked out with the 'anti-fiat' power the GM HAD GIVEN ME (see 'luck control'). Upon reaching Anton, there was no way I could fail.

    He says essential 'no, rewind'.

    And has me make will saves every round for the x-mile walk to the kremlin. (essentially failed) I fail, faint, and have my character eaten.

    I worked out a way to do it again -- since he made me disembodied BIG MISTAKE. But I quit that group shortly thereafter. My brother left out of state, I didn't have to deal with his friends. You know the drill.

    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:17 No.4995450
    I heard from someone who games with them, that apparently Anton makes them be his friends or some shit afterwards.

    When you set up someone to be the bad guy. He must fall, and you must be willing to let him fall.

    Once I was within 50' of anton that battle would be utterly decided.

    Until then though, We were all fucked.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:23 No.4995490

    "My luck powers activate. I roll nat 20's on every bullshit roll you make me take. I kill your super special snowflake. How much XP do I get."

    Pretty nice plan my friend. I think you should have started a shit fit when he fiated you though. "He who is the most obnoxious wins this game!" seems to be how DM's like this operate.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:27 No.4995517
    Luck control aloows you to conter 'gm fiat; for a hero point.

    he also shit fitted that 'He sees through your disguise when you fail a will save.'

    Dc40 disguise requires a spot/sense motive roll.

    I knew his mary-sue couldn't roll that high.

    hence why we just switched players, so that gm ooc 'oh noes my mary sue!' couldn't protect him.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:30 No.4995541
    Oh I was sure there was a balancing mechanic in there, but he was spouting bullshit, I've learned that to counter GM fiat, invoke player fiat. The DM has control of the game to an extent but you have the ability to veto bullshit. Overall though, at least you don't deal with him anymore and can go on with you games knowing that there are likely few instances where anyone will trump said DM in douchery.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:33 No.4995554
    He was a douchey player too
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:37 No.4995580
    Guy from the Vincent roleplay here. Anton player, I can't understand why a gamesmaster would do that shitty thing.

    At least mine, and oh man was it bad, wanted a badass moody anti-hero that nobody understood. Along the main villains looked like they were going to be horrifically overpowered Mary Sues, we never found out for sure. I can't understand why you'd set your shitty Mary Sue in direct opposition to the players. How can anyone seriously think it is going to end well?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:44 No.4995618
    I don't know maybe we were supposed to discover 'I'm not the bad guy yet, I can be saved'.

    But I didn't really give a fuck. Obstacle:Solution.

    My character was a nationalistic Israeli, and you are going to try to fuck with Israel, you made me kill my people?

    Shit like that doesn't fly.

    and this is 'super heroes' we are supposed to solve problems by punching them. I just got a little batman on him.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:46 No.4995625

    Oh, well that's different then.

    As it previously sounded, the setup reminded me of a nice off-the-rails scenario I was in this last winter, when our group encountered an oracle who told us that one of the party members would betray us and doom the world. The oracle was SUPPOSED to have been a lie planted by the manipulative vizer that was the story's designated villain in order to try and make our party suspicious of each other, and our DM, who prided himself on thinking of multiple ways through his scenarios, had set up several methods for us to discover that the oracle was corrupt/inaccurate.

    Unfortunately, one of the other players decided to take the initiative, as it were, and actually did backstab the rest of us before we could finish figuring out what was supposed to be going on.

    The DM's response? "Well... shit... uhm... You wanna run the game now, Jarod?"
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:48 No.4995635
    Oh, man. There are some real winners in here. I have a story, though;

    I used to play on an online forum; it was a freeform thing so mary sues were par for the course, but none of them lasted very long. It was a multi-universe anything-goes type of thing, so I played a Call of Cthlulu detective who had developed a kind of human-supremacist attitude because he was sick of seeing humans getting snacked on by space monsters and everyone assuming that human brains are so primitive and simple that they can't process complex information and so are as good as livestock in a cosmic sense (let it be known that he was batshit crazy.)

    I made him specifically to be a kind of companion character for another PC, so he had elements in his backstory that they could bond over, and it worked out.

    Enter Mary Sue.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:48 No.4995637
    That's what I call doing it right
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:49 No.4995647
    I don't know how we were to figure that out, except to get our asses whupped by his 1000 summoned superpowered minions and listen to angst speech when he is in control of the situation.

    However by dying I changed the timeline anyway.
    They went a few more then restarted. That group had some of the worst characters ever.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:53 No.4995670
    I actually feel really bad for the DM there.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)13:53 No.4995671

    At this point my character had gotten to be fairly popular on the boards because I make a point of involving as many other players as I can, and Mary Sue had decided she wanted more attention.

    This character... oh, god, if there was a checklist of cliches he would have hit every fucking one. Tragic canned backstory where he killed everyone he loves and is now the bearer of an amazing cosmic destiny and he's so tragic and emo and noble for protecting the whole universe with his magic sue-crystal tragically embedded into his hand, and he has every magic power ever and can do anything because he's so great blah blah blah. And tries to impress the CoC Detective by talking about how puny and weak humans are, and how fragile he is, and so on, and at one point chokeslammed him just to prove it.

    Sue-Player is surprised and offended when CoC Detective declines his offer for sex with a gun.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)14:02 No.4995750

    Dude, that's awesome. I was in a situation like that once; where my character (a thief) filched a cursed amulet; dice are rolled, DM says "You are convinced that the rest of the party has lead you here to kill you; an unstoppable rage builds inside you and you thirst for blood. What do you do?"

    My response: "I turn invisible, and use my faster-than-sound-superspeed, extra actions, and increased damage to kill everyone in the room except me."

    The DM had us roll some dice, did some math, and said. "Okay, I guess you do. Everyone dies."

    And then one of the other players says "I make it rain in the room so we can see her."

    And the game continued on as if nothing happened, and suddenly the evil posessed amulet was gone. All just a dream, apparently.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)14:12 No.4995842
    The only time I have ever used the 'it was all a dream' was when a player (who I am now rid of) insisted that I roll the random encounters for his loli mary-sue when they separated from the party (because he want's to prove how not useless he is). He is level 11. The encounter is cr 7. He runs after round 1 and still manages to die.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)14:21 No.4995917

    lol. In our case, we actually did change who was running the game. Jarod kept to the original DM's basic plot outline for the sake of an easy transition, but had his character take the generic doomy artifact that stuff revolved around and go be boss of the bad guys, and the old DM rolled up a character from the NPC monk order that was supposed to be protecting the artifact to play as.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)14:49 No.4996143
    Dunno if it`s as good as some of the stories here, but here`s mine:

    We were playing oldschool 1ed Earthdawn game. After some loong journey, filled with shitty encounters with some overpowered shadowed organisation, which for some reason didn`t like us, our party finally reaches one of the big cities.

    Everyone in the group was faucking anxious to get to spending their cash and xp, but looks like our GM didn`t like the idea one bit. By some extremly stupid plothook("look, I won`t give you any information unless you kill that dragon over there" stupid) he had us rob some old wizard`s mansion, presumably filled with traps and stuff. Since we had two optimisation freaks in our group, thing were going smoothly, untill, out of the fucking blue, our GM goes nuts with some mary sue of his design.

    Turns out the wizard is the one unique snowflake and is the master of some broken kind of magic, that of course only he knows about. Nevermind, that this shit broke ALL the rules for magic in earthdawn nad as GM said it himself, worked basically on handwave.

    So, it doesn`t matter we passed all our magic detection tests, we still got some shitty ass curse on one of the PC`s. When asked about this, GM replied: you didn`t made a check for this kind of magic, if you would, you could find it. Yeah, cause how the fuck were we supposed to know it even existed?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)14:55 No.4996186
    DM rules lawyers are worse that player rules lawyers because in game there is nothing you can do about it other than quit. Thats why you should bitch slap them.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)15:10 No.4996326
    What's worse than that is when a DM calls in a player specifically to be a rules lawyer because the DM himself doesn't know the rules.

    It can only get worse if, while the player is busy explaining how the rules work to another player, the DM tells him to shut the fuck up, which practically invalidates everything he's just said.

    I speak from experience, mind you. He doesn't DM anymore, though.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)15:27 No.4996452
    The first D&D game I played in was a game where the DMPC was constant, and the characters where food for him.

    They were epic level characters. All of them.

    This meant that I had to spend hours at first rolling, then just putting 18 in every ability score and leveling up from there, epic level characters. These included: A Pyrokinetic, a psychic dwarf, a Druid who had a spell that could turn anyone into a plant, a Minotaur who ran a taxi service on sigil, and an awakened velociraptor.

    Only the minotaur lasted for more than one session, and he was turned into a vampire.

    I think it warped my fragile little mind.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)15:28 No.4996459
    Also, the DMPC.

    Level kazillion monk with spellcasting powers and kamehameha shooting powers. He had excalibur. He may or may not have been a vampire.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)16:57 No.4997176
    >>4996459 He had excalibur

    So he was the King of Britain? Because other than that and possibly being a law-aligned weapon Excalibur didn't actually DO anything. The sheath was where the power was at.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)17:00 No.4997198
    The latest Sonic the Hedgehog game states that the wielder of Excalibur IS King Arthur in all meaningful ways.

    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)17:04 No.4997227

    ...Does this mean Sonic, in addition to being a Saiyan and having ZA WARUDO, is also king of a human country? LOL WUT?
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)17:07 No.4997246
    Well, yes, but only within the one magical copy of The Knights of the Round Table he got sucked into.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)17:11 No.4997274

    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)17:19 No.4997332
    That's the plot. Merlin's Grand-daughter summons an epic hero from beyond her world to help her stop King Arthur, who's gone mad with immortality and power. She gets Sonic. He winds up with Caliburn, a smartass sword, and eventually gets Excalibur.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)17:22 No.4997362
    Almace deserves much, much better than this.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)19:17 No.4998604
    entertaining thread is entertaining
    bump for moar stories
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)20:48 No.4999608
    I had a DM who insisted every so often on making us run pregen characters. I wouldn't have minded, except that he also invariably used this as an excuse to test out his utterly retarded houserule ideas- usually classes or races. Best case, we'd end up with something hideously broken and cruise through everything and just wind up bored; worst case we'd get something completely fucking gimped and he'd get huffy when we died for 'not using his concept right.'

    There's a reason I started DMing for that group.
    >> Anonymous 06/25/09(Thu)21:18 No.5000255
         File : 1245979088.jpg-(10 KB, 251x250, Bobafett.jpg)
    10 KB
    bamp for moar
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)00:29 No.5001812
    the DM's BBEG points at you and you die, no save,
    if you think thats not an asshole DM I never want to meet you.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)00:40 No.5001876
    Basically, if you're a sore loser, don't DM. Ever. Because the whole point is that you lose if nobody fucks up.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)00:43 No.5001896
    First D&D campaign went like this:
    "No two members of the same race or class, except for the elf married couple from the campaign before you joined."
    "No prestige classes, multiclassing, or any classes outside the PHB. Except the Beguiler gnome and Duskblade elf from the campaign before you joined. No alternate class features, except for the Ranger elf from the campaign before you joined. Level 1."
    "No, you can't play a paladin, it's... too difficult. [Later] You see my DMPC paladin who rides a griffon. He accompanies you."
    "Every other class you want to try has already been called."
    "We need a healbitch, roll a Cleric. Skill Focus: Concentration is a great feat. Anything outside the PHB is far too overpowered."
    "It's okay if the Duskblade blatantly cheats, because she's the DM's gf."

    Oh, and I had my starting equipment when the campaign ended. At level 7.
    >> MR. RAGE !D9l9S8Lio6 06/26/09(Fri)00:52 No.5001953

    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)00:56 No.5001984
    The DM loses when no one has fun.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)01:02 No.5002034

    Yes, if you're operating in the proper mindset, then that's how it goes. But from the perspective of a sore loser, he can't have fun unless he's beating other people, which means killing the party. Which is why, like I said, they shouldn't be allowed to DM.
    >> MR. RAGE !D9l9S8Lio6 06/26/09(Fri)01:07 No.5002067



    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)01:26 No.5002246
    Ah a favorite of mine

    "You didnt SAAAYYY you were looking UP so the gargantuan Ancient Red Dragon surprises the entire caravan your 1st level PCs were guarding"

    "You didnt SAY you locked the door the third time you had to go back and forth.The omni-present invisible thieves that i apparently always have stalking you waiting for your magic items to be left in an unlocked house strike while your away"

    "Ok we are gonna be running the same damn against the giants adventure from 1979 that nobody ive played with has played through because I either kill you all as the DM or as a backstabbing PC after a big battle"
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)01:37 No.5002333

    The first of those is particularly obnoxious because it could very well just magically make itself invisible and therefore avoid the stupid factor.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)01:42 No.5002383

    Well yeah but that would defeat the point of proving we were stupid for not being born 15 years earlier and playing PvsPvsDM style 1st edition D&D
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)02:02 No.5002562
    Our dm had a 'date' and actually used the phrase rocks fall, everyone dies. then left. turned out he lied and wanted to go bowling.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)03:49 No.5003508
    One of the guys in our group kept telling us about how great Palladium Fantasy was. So he DM'd a game of it.

    After we were ambushed in 6" grass by an Ogre and 4 Orcs, we were rescued by an elf ranger, firing from the horizon (BVS.) He escorted us to a town where we joined two DNPCs. The Werewolf, we could work with.

    The other guy was a Cleric of Loki. Had a dagger that did 4d6, and anyone who was stabbed by it would "writhe in sexual ecstasy, as their soul is sucked out".
    So, this guy has a Stormbringer-level purple wand, and if you look up Loki in the book, he has a d6+1 knife that "counts as magical."

    After he kills off a giant spider (as 1st level characters we couldn't do shit against it.), the DM says "He's really hurt, you guys will have to do something next fight. " At that point, we say "We're covering him with oil, and setting him on fire" and we all die trying to kill this 5th level guy.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)05:14 No.5004238
    I would have beaten him in the face for being an utter fuckwit.

    The DM's job is, soley and singularly, to see that the players have fun. If he cannot do this, or refuses to, he is not fit to be the GM.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)05:33 No.5004427
    Sweet Jesus. WAY too many of these stories have a DMPC. If a DM runs a PC, quit the game. As soon as you know about it, stop going.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)06:23 No.5004861
    I wouldn't say that having a DMPC is an immediate GTFO flag, but it has to be done VERY carefully or you risk upstaging the players. >>4993852 is a good example of an easy way to do this, and provides an excusable way for the DM to fudge combats or nudge players in the right direction.

    I personally refuse to run a DMPC unless the players actually need or want one. It's one more hassle I'd rather cut back on if I don't need it for the game.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)07:08 No.5005137

    It seems there's quite a bit of confusion about the use of the term DMPC as well. The way I always understood it, it referred to an NPC who was the subject of blatant favoritism on part of the DM, essentially being his own player character (hence the name).

    On the other hand, many fa/tg/uys nowadays seem to refer to any NPC ally traveling with the party as a DMPC, whether that character is handled neutrally or as a source of self-gratification on part of the DM.

    Also note the frequent use of "DM" as opposed to the more generic "GM". I'll leave it up to you to decide if this means the problem is considered more serious in D&D than in other roleplaying games.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)07:10 No.5005147

    I ran a GMPC in a Cyberpunk campaign. The players lacked technical skills, so they recruited this guy. He was ex-SAS, pretty decent at fighting but damn good with tools and sneaking (the sneaking so there'd only be "the bad guys spot the NPC, roll initiative" if I rolled like shit)

    Basically, he was Hudson except with more sneaky. The PCs were more like Hicks, Hicks, Hicks and, de Niro's character from Ronin.

    Anyways, Wossface was about as skilled overall as the characters.

    He did as he was fucking told, called the team leader "Sir" and fucking liked it.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)07:14 No.5005164
    Well, D&D most explicitly requires a full set of "roles" (fighter, wizard, rogue, cleric) for the game to function, even if this wasn't explicit in the rules prior to 4E. It pretty commonly resulted in the DM slipping an NPC in to round out a lopsided group or to help fill a small (three or fewer PCs) group.

    The problem with DMPC vs. NPC traveling with the group is that favoritism is in the eye of the beholder; what one group (or person) considers perfectly reasonable another may consider intrusive and unnescessary. Personally, I'm of the opinion that any NPC that the party can't leave behind should be as background-y as possible, but different people have different playstyles so I'm not going to accuse anyone of having badwrongfun.

    (Also, D&D has explicit levels with resultant bonuses, which make it more obvious when someone is more powerful- even a starting Shadowrunner could theoretically have 18 Body, but no 1st level PC could have 200 HP.)
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)07:24 No.5005191
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    We ran into a supremely overpowered weretiger with NINE lives that gets more powerful when it gets killed.

    The only reason we're still here is because my nutso sorc dropped the thing off of the flying fortress.

    That only killed it once, in addition to like two or three times we killed it without getting it off the fortress.

    Fuck the DM. Do the Impossible, see the invisible, touch the untouchable. You are a PC
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)07:44 No.5005299
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    Somehow, my GURPS players seem to attract NPC party members like a rolling katamari, if you'll pardon the weeaboo expression.

    One of them is from a PC's backstory, bought with character points as an NPC ally. Then they took another one along from their home city, and later proceeded to bump into a third one far more powerful than them, originally meant as the BBEG of the adventure, but kind of turned into a mentor figure instead (long story). And that's just the NPCs who travel with the group on a semi-regular basis, they have a number of other recurring allies as well.

    I have tried to cut down on the number of NPC party members every now and then (it's not like I don't have other stuff to focus on!), but the players seem to be working in the opposite direction. I guess we just need more players, really...
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)07:51 No.5005331
    Yeah. Leaderships is about to work like that. But as a crew for a giant spider fortress.

    Incidentally, /tg/ is responsible for the personality of the main companion
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)08:41 No.5005645
    I am under the impression that you need to make rolls for it. Same you are meant to roll to successfully attack and inflict damage.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)08:58 No.5005742
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    I'm fapping to how much win in failure is here

    I'm also bampin' fo' moar!
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)09:15 No.5005825
    One of our friends decided he wanted to run Shadowrun. I don't really like cyberpunk, but I figured I'd give it a go. Made a complete loser of a character with the awesome name of EDUARDO SANCHEZ.

    Except the game never really happened. We'd turn up, the GM would walk in and go "Shit, guys, I'm tired/ill/both, going bed, bye". He'd sometimes do this in the middle of a session. It took us four sessions just to get inside a warehouse that should have only taken us the one.

    Eventually we just went 'fuck it' and played something else. I don't think the GM ven noticed.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)09:19 No.5005851

    I ran a homebrew game, and one of the players decided to play something completely underpowered. He was utterly useless in combat. Then, halfway through the first session, he discovered that by bursting into tears and being unbearably cute, he could actually brainwash NPCs into fighting for him, like a Pokemon trainer or something. I had to pull stats out of the air for them.

    It was bloody hilarious. Best character in the whole game.
    >> CommissarHavoc !!jtQXUhFGp59 06/26/09(Fri)09:21 No.5005862
    Improved Trip is too broken. I'm nerfing it. Also? You all have 200 extra health, I'm making the enemies more powerful, and increasing their spell resistances. I'm gonna go ahead and nerf all spell casting, actually. Oh, and there are save crystals, you all get super special abilities, and I'm gonna go ahead and throw in about 50 recurring NPCs. My Character is a Paladin. He's incapable of falling, even if he leaves his Chaotic Neutral teammate in a room full of poison gas and does nothing to save him."

    This is the 3.5 campaign I'm currently in. The only redeeming part was using my Fighter to just trip the fuck out of one of his bosses. He'll be nerfing the rules for trip next meeting.
    >> CommissarHavoc !!jtQXUhFGp59 06/26/09(Fri)09:26 No.5005901
    Oh, I forgot. No multiclassing, nothing out of anything other than the Players Handbook unless you have one of your characters from an older campaign. There's more, I'm sure, much more, just nothing that comes to mind right now.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)09:31 No.5005929

    You must be really desperate if you play in a game like that.
    >> CommissarHavoc !!jtQXUhFGp59 06/26/09(Fri)09:34 No.5005940
    I don't know any other gaming groups in my area. This one in particular runs a bunch of different games, fortunately. I've taken to just trolling this particular game and pissing off every NPC possible as much as possible. Don't even get me started on the other players in this campaign. It seems to drag out their stupidity more than anything else.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)09:58 No.5006069
    A friend of mine once run a diceless Exalted game focusing on the Primodial War and warstrider combat. Instead of character sheets the storyteller just had us describe what our characters were good at. None of us were allowed to play exalts, so instead we played various other essense users (dragon kings, elementals, mountain folk, half-castes, etc.) The game started with the PCs all being on some massive airship that was leading a force to attack a storyteller-created Primordial. After a brief taste of "oh shit fighting demons with warstriders this is awesome!" the storyteller essentially railroaded the PCs through the battle in which the Ebon Dragon (yes, the Ebon Dragon in the Primordial War) killed some Solars and the PCs were rescued by some dragon-blooded mary-sue characters.
    What followed was about ten sessions of some of the most boring railroading I've ever seen. Our characters were led around in trashy warstriders by dragon-bloods constantly surrounded by a host of DMPCs. He basically ignored all attempts by the PCs to further develop their characters in ways that didn't follow his master plan, and eventually we all just started saying we were busy whenever he wanted to run his game.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)10:48 No.5006304
    In a game of Coriolis-rules-based-Starwars i'm going to DM one of the charakters has a Humongous Bounty (gives him more points to buy skills with etc, it's a flaw)
    And i'm going to make the most Mary-fucking-sue-bitch-ass-undefeatable-DMPC of a bountyhunter.

    Only he won't really be. No he'll be a social Expert, having spread rumour and lies about his accomplishments and dark and troublesome past.
    He catches his bounty by trapping them in an apperently unwinnable situation, where most will surrender.

    the players will haaate him, untill of course they attack him and just kick his sorry ass and leave him begging for mercy.
    >> sage 06/26/09(Fri)11:01 No.5006374

    As far as defending the concept of a DMPC, I run games with less than the recommended number of players - typically two at any given time. Whatever skills I deem might be useful I toss into a DMPC and tell them to tell him what to do.

    Had some fun in the last session of DH I ran, with a psyker who has yet to destroy the world and a guardsman who has "seen some shit." My DMPC: A techpriest who is now frequently busy at the local manufactorum, but still finds time to point them in the right direction when tech-heresy is involved.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)11:05 No.5006395
    >the players
    >not attacking

    First good laugh of the day.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)11:20 No.5006473
    That's what you use COHORTS for.
    That is not a DMPC, it's a highlevel NPC who might have a bit of charakter.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)11:23 No.5006494
    Of course there will be some initial trouble like
    Player -"I attack with my blaster" *PEW*
    Me- *Duuiommmm* He seems to have erected some sort of forcefield between the two of you.

    Just do that a few times. Of course in the end, the point is that he is a villan and he ISN'T supposed to get away with it :P
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)13:29 No.5007418
    Our group has a GM that has a tendency to become emotionally attatched to 80% enemies in his campaigns. Almost every single guy we fight actually has 45 minutes of dying speeches ready, a book of backstory, is a Mary Sue, or at least Emo and even if we get upper hand fighting him, he uses some Deus Ex Machina to run away while the GM says something like: "I won't let you beat my precious DMPCs like that!". But the DM is pretty honest and lighthearted telling us he just loves his precioussssssss and can't watch them die, even if the NPC is a serial killer asshole powerful wizard snowflake. Good thing is, he doesn't mind the fact we're openly making fun of his invincible NPC's and we all get a good laugh... except the person who didn't bow down to the NPC and got his ass handed to him the third time in one session.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)14:36 No.5007869
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)16:46 No.5008709
    So, the term snowflake right...

    You're calling something a snowflake because the NPC or whatever is made to be "OMG SUPER UNIQUE AND COOL!" right?
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)16:51 No.5008739
    I don't care how nice a friend he is, your DM is terrible at actually running a game.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)17:38 No.5009101

    I feel the need to link the Universal Mary-sue litmus test in this thread. See how high your GMP-Sues score!
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)19:05 No.5009977
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    I bamp, but fear a 404 is coming...
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)19:15 No.5010079
    Someone make new thread, maybe?
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)20:18 No.5010540
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    I was surprised to find two of the borderline Parody Sues we have both scored lower on that test than the main player character, who's had to fight tooth and nail for everything he's ever achieved. This leads me to doubt the usefulness of the test in question.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)20:30 No.5010644
    ITT Proof that frustrated wannabe authors should never be allowed to GM.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)21:03 No.5010921
    Okay, I've got one. I live most of the year on campus (for major holidays like Winter and Summer breaks, I go home) and I suite (a three room, four man apartment, basically) with three other nerds. These other nerds included my idiot room-mate who can't help but make a Mary Sue because he's totally powerless in every imaginable way in the real world, my giant (he's literally huge) suite-mate who can't help but roll a character that looks and acts like a viking (there are worse things) and my short, dumpy, greasy-haired weeaboo suite-mate that never bathes. One day, while we're watching TV, I suggest the possibility of playing a pirate-themed campaign, as I'd recently decided to do a little homebrewing and had made a pirate base class. Weeaboo agrees to DM and so we roll up characters. I play a pirate, after having my class approved by Weeaboo, Viking plays a rather competent fighter and Idiot plays a psychotic white haired, red eyed halfling with a Napoleon complex.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)21:10 No.5010994
    The game starts off well enough with the group escaping from a date with the gallows by stealing a ship and sailing off into the night. Weeaboo's a pretty easy-going DM and he'd reward you for innovative thinking, but he fancies himself an author (you know the type) and so spends far longer than he needs to with descriptive pose. Now, I'm all for an in-depth narration, but I don't need to know WHEN this priceless vase was constructed - especially when it's not a plot-related vase. It was just sitting there. We weren't even stealing it. Anyway, we quickly realized that Idiot would always get his way. Always. Anything Idiot wanted, Idiot got. I can't really blame Weeaboo for this, though, because Idiot was a 21-year old manchild who would through screaming tantrums if he didn't get his way, so I guess Weeaboo gave in to avoid confrontation. Personally, I'd have arranged for Idiot to take a short vacation behind the chemical sheds, but whatever. Eventually, I started noticing that player input was mattering less and less and DMPCs started showing up in droves and taking over our plot. Now, I'm the captain of a pirate ship in a pirate-themed campaign, so you'd think that I might be important to the story. You couldn't be more wrong.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)21:14 No.5011023
    If they don't, who will?
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)21:19 No.5011071
    Eventually we're hunted down by the captain of the guard whom we'd escaped from, except now he's a fucking cyborg. We're playing D&D 3.5 standard (whatever you'd call it) so there are no warforged. Anyway, yeah. Cyborg. With a giant metal arm. No matter where we sail, he finds us and kicks our asses under the pretense of taking us back to face trial, but by now it's obvious that this is just Weeaboo masturbating over his new favorite character. Oh, that reminds me. Apparently Idiot got tired of his psychotic halfling and bitched at Weeaboo to let him change characters. So Weeaboo allows Idiot to start playing a half-fiend paladin (not blackguard, paladin) of some lame-ass made up demon prince. I was forced to allow this smarmy, silver-eyed Mary Sue fuck to join my crew. Sometime later we, including the cyborg, find ourselves imprisoned in an underground fortress in cages of "mythsteel" which is, I should mention, stronger than adamantine. I mention that because my character had bought an adamantine dagger, so escaping was out of the question. Weeaboo let us sit in those cages for two sessions before outright telling me that I had to slide my dagger over to his DMPC because "only his incredible strength would be enough to cut through the mythsteel." He broke my knife in the process. Weeaboo narrated the cyborg's adventures in the fortress until he finally (the next session) found the keys and set us free, whereupon he put us under arrest.

    I quit the game.
    >> Anonymous 06/26/09(Fri)21:26 No.5011118

    A new thread appears >>5010950
    >> Anonymous 06/27/09(Sat)00:15 No.5012617
    When I joined my current 4e game as a Dragonborn Sorceress, the DM took me aside and told me that I wasn't allowed to use seduction-style Bluff or Diplomacy, ever, except on other Dragonborn. He let the slutty Elf Rogue do whatever she wanted, but he'd flat-out tell me that I'd failed regardless of what I rolled if I said anything "suggestive" during a conversation with most NPCs.

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