>>4915568
Time to get the fuck out and never step foot near that dude again.

Man, seriously. Bros before hos.

>>4915568

Now don't think we took this abuse lying down. We did try to call Charles on this stuff several times, but whenever we did he either ignored us or did something incredibly douchbag in game. For example, after midgame blowjob incident, a friend of mine we will call James complained. Well James was a road warrior, he had nearly all of his points in driving a shooting. Well next game Charles blows up his car and won't let him get a new one for several sessions.

I will admit I am not proud of how long it took me to get fed up. For one, Charles was a long-time friend and I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Second, I had loaned several gaming supplements to him and stood a very good chance of never seeing them again if I cut off contact with him.

Well, after what Charles did to James I demanded my stuff back, left and formed my own group. We are still gaming today and couldn't be happier.

4d6 is for faggots
3d6 down the line is the only way

>>4915608
Yeah... but he had a hot girl who'd blow him in public.

this is copypasta. i swear i have seen this shit before. either that or d&d has a lot of mutants that play it. If you are going to get a blowjob from a girl when friends are in the room, make sure they get ones from other girls too. If you are into that shit go for it. but that kind of attittude is just rude.

>>4915568
WHY DID HE HAVE TO RUIN DEADLANDS !!!!!
Dam him.

This is hilarious. I suggest you start hitting on his girlfriend whenever possible.

>>4915713

I would, but I haven't seen either of them for three years.

>>4915636
This is rather rude. The GM should have let the other players suck him off too.

>> other girls
>> more than one girl

does not compute

>>4915731
I lol'ed.

OP, you also made me laugh, whether or not you're copypasta.

That sucks dude. In the group I play with we often get some people in for a few games, then they leave and we get a new person or two. The only people who've been in it for a whole year are myself and our DM. Our group normally has some pretty good players, but we've attracted two really shitty dudes over time, both of whom are gone now.
The first was so socially retarded it was surprising he didn't have some form of autism. He also was painfully action focusd. Most of us like to RP for a bit, but if it took longer than five minutes or so he'd start to whie about how much time we were wasting doing nothing, when we cold be out gettin XP and advancing the story. Note that he only did this when his character wasn't the main focus of the RPing going on. He also coerced our DM into letting him play a really OP creature from MM II as his PC, so he was way overpowered for his level. He'd conveniently forget his level adjustment when it came time for XP to be awarded, and would raise hell when the DM chose to follow the rules about that. He also was annoying in our personal lives outside of the game, wanting to hang out on a basis that excluded some of us from doing things with other friends, if we agreed. Mostly we just started to ignore his calls. He also would really awkwardly hit on a girl who was friends with myself and another of our DnD group, which was pretty awkward since we only really played with him because we needed more players. We didn't exactly like him.

>>4915744
Continued:
Another player, later on after we had booted this dude the fuck out of our group was also pretty bad. He had one really fucked up eye from cancer as a child or something, so he was on the social fringe like many of us nerds. My group of friends took pity on him, and when he asked if he could play in our game we agreed. Sadly, at this time, the girl mentioned in the previous paragraph was now part of our group (when we first met her, she was so introverted it was painful. She had only one good friend, and minimal social contact. Two others and myself have spent nearly a year getting her out of her shell, and shaping her into a nerd. But that's another story.) So, what do you think that this socially awkward, sexually unappealing guy did? He hit on her the whole damned night. And, in addition to that, the caracter he made was a half-orc fighter with charisma and intelligence modifiers that went into the egatives. So, needless to say, our party and NPCs treated him as an uncouth, ugly, idiot since that was the way that the player had chosen to build him and roleplayed him (very badly I might add.) And he took offense to that, since apparently he wasn't able to distance mocking of his character from mocking of the self. Needless to say, we didn't invite him back.

>>4915713
wise words!

>>4915568

Someone MUST have a story as bad or worse than this. Come on! I still remember the RPG.net thread about this subject. With wonderful stories like fat guy who loves RPGs so much he will shit his pants rather than get up and use the restroom, or the guy who used the pretense of a Vampire the Masquerade game to lure a 17 year old goth girl into his apartment and murder her (his room mate stopped him).

>>4915636
>this is copypasta

>I'll start with an oldie but a goodie
>oldie but a goodie

NO SHIT, REALLY?

>>4915615


words of wisdom to live by.

>>4915768

OP here, actually I lost the copypasta text file so I'm retyping this from memory (of the actual event, not the pasta).

Also, I left out the part where Charles was a huge weeaboo and everything involved anime/ JRPGs in some way. For example, his character built a mechanical Moogle.

>>4915760
>the guy who used the pretense of a Vampire the Masquerade game to lure a 17 year old goth girl into his apartment and murder her

Looked good up until that last part. what the fuck.

The DMPCer:

My DM knew how to craft an encounter. He had his own homebrew system for generating armies of mooks, and even worked in environmental damage in a few battles.

He did, however, have three or four DMPC's, one of which could summon a demigod before we were past level 10. He had whole conversations between said DMPC's, and everyone else's character development took the back burner.

>>4915749
>>But that's another story

I vote for hearing this one.

>>4915749

Was she cute?

IF HE BROUGHT A GIRL TO BLOW HIM, HE HAS TO BRING ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE.

>>4915826
Yeah. She's dating another guy we're friends with now, so hopefully no more creepy dudes will hit on her for the time being.

>>4915820
Seconding

>>4915820
It mostly consists of dragging hr out of her shell, and spending a year introducing her to every bit of nerd culture out group has to offer. We are clearly a total success, since now she actually is extroverted enough to date someone and have extended conversations about things without getting quiet and letting everyone else do the talking. She is still the most introverted of a group of intoverts, but she's improving. We plan to cap off our year of forced socialization by taking her to the local comic/SF convention and embarassing the hell out of her in front of people we know for an entire night, forcing her to interact more than usual.

>>4915922
I hope it works.

Not that I expect public humiliation to be at all helpful, but you know her better than I do.

>>4915608
If said adventure involved mutant frogs, the players' car was supposed to blow up. Hensley and Goff were big fans of the "Keep 'em poor" school of GM railroading.

>>4915943
Public humiliation works more than you'd think. Extroverts seek to avoid pain (mental anguish) by avoiding social situations that cause it. Ergo, if she survives a little ribbing, she might just realize that ribbings aren't so bad and then not be quite so introverted anymore.

>>4915943
Nothing bad, but definately more social interaction than she is used to. The people we know there tend to make mocking each other without really meaning it a hobby of sorts, so we hope to get her to just roll with it. I'm imagining it as sort of a trial by fire to see if she can really handle social situations with strangers.

No gaming group story I have will ever match David's level of douchebaggery

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37WlxhMF2dA&fmt=18

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XN00029FSKk&fmt=18

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMDH1LeurQY&fmt=18

Die in a fucking fire, David!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

>>4915986
Unless she finds it to be too painful, and gets even worse.

And then blames you for it.

>>4916013

But David never got a blowjob in front of his entire group.

>>4916034

He doesn't need to, man. That's what the hot pocket is for!

>>4915568

What did the chick look like and did you actually get to see her slurping on his man meat?

>>4916018
It isn't going to be bad. If you really get into the swing of it, the banter is pretty fun. You have to avoid taking anything said seriously. It worked on one of the guys we're planning this with a couple years ago. It was his suggestion that we try the same thing on her. Only our group is taking the place of the guys he knows, and the people who did it to him are the people we're taking her on the grand tour of Con to. It will be fun in any case, even if it totally fails to make her any less of an introvert.

>>4915986
You used extrovert when you meant introvert there, bro.

>>4916057

She was a typical nerd girl. Stringy black hair, glasses, skinny as a rail and pale as the full moon. Kind of cute, but also a massive bitch with smelly feet.

Sadly, I did actually see Chris's penis. It was tiny, and pasty white.

>>4916013
Fuck I hate David. I've convinced myself those vids are staged.

>>4916098

>with smelly feet

How the fuck did you learn that?

Weird how somekids go for roleplaying as some kind of flirting method, it never works as far as I've seen. A friend of mine I had a thing for is in our gaming groups sometimes and I AVOID it and go beat up on a punching bag instead. Not the same thing I guess, but you've gotta let people have their fun.

>>4916098

>Chris's penis

>Let's call them Charles and Natalie

>Let's call them Charles

>Charles

Wat.

>>4916111

We actually had the rape thing happen in our group once. The details a frighteningly close. Dumbass finds tied up halfling, dumbass rapes halfing, dumbass finds ancient, tattered parchement on halfling tried to get him to say what is on it and slits his throat when he won't tell his. Fortunately, the DM rolled with it and adapted.

No sooner than we arrived in the next town, we were all arrested. Apparently, the local huntsman witnessed the whole thing and ran to the Militia who mobilized in force. The whole session ended up with us on trial for his murder and having to convince a Lawful Neutral wizard that we were innocent. It didn't work and the entire group was hanged.

Fun times. The douchebag left after that. No idea what he has been doing.

>>4916139
I caught that too.

>>4916123
Have you never had someone take off their shoes before? The fuck is your problem?

>>4916209
We aren't in Japan faggot.

>>4916098
>tiny and pasty white

It wasn't even a grower? Man his dick must be >tiny<.

>>4916177

I just remembered the once instance of rape that almost happened in our group.

It was a supers game and the guy playing the power house is a typical socially awkward nerd. We're in Africa for some reason I can't remember and we go to this tiny town to get some information. Because our group is morally questionable it results in chaos. While everyone else is distracted by interrogation, the powerhouse crashes into a small house, kills an old woman and then grabs her daughter and prepares to stick it to her. Not really wanting this to happen, I have my character with probability control, try to stop him discretely. GM rules that he ejaculates prematurely. Everyone laughs, though the powerhouse somewhat awkwardly. He then kills the woman.

>in addition to that, the caracter he made was a half-orc fighter with charisma and intelligence modifiers that went into the egatives. So, needless to say, our party and NPCs treated him as an uncouth, ugly, idiot since that was the way that the player had chosen to build him and roleplayed him (very badly I might add.) And he took offense to that, since apparently he wasn't able to distance mocking of his character from mocking of the self.

I cant count the number of times Ive seen this before.

>>4916227
You don't wear shoes 24/7, faggot.

>>4916177
We once had to save our gnome bard from rape. He was a total man-whore, and would try to sell sex to get us free weapons and items. That backfired when he tried to do that at a "store" that was just a front for an S&M dungeon, which had to be hidden since I don't think most nobles/ wealthy citizens who could afford it would be happy to be known to use it. He was almost raped, and we had to rescue his sleazy ass. We wound up killing all the employees and and customers when they attacked us and burned the whole building down by accident. And we had just been looking for a place to get a few new weapons...

>>4916284
You can't imagine how bad he played this guy too. He had no depth, and did in character but demand we go find fights and antagonize every NPC. And the sad thing was, that for a min-max fighter, this guy was worthless. In our very first combat encounter of that campaign he charged the singular opponent standing in front of us, and got beheaded in one round.

I just started a Rifts campaign on the side with a couple of guys from this weekly D&D campaign we've been running for a few months now. The group was made after a few of us were tired of the bullshit that was going on in the other group. For starters, we have the typical guy who argues over every rule to benefit himself. He also happens to be the guy who brings his notebook to the table and constantly browses Facebook and YouTube while asking us what's going on with the story. There's also this new guy to the group who metagames like no other.

"Oh yeah, I totally know how to kill this X!"
"But you're an exile prince who until last week lived his life in complete luxury with the only knowledge of anything non-human coming from your 'xenophobic' teacher."
"Oh. Okay, well I'll just do this thing that is obviously X's weakness but I'll just chalk it up to luck."

On top of that, he also is what I call a killjoy. Anytime any of us try to have a little fun, like using using prestidigitation to turn the fighter's armor pink or steal the local priest's shoe, he makes a scene and accuses us of ruining the game night despite the fact our DM is enjoying the evening. I should also mention he enjoys running straight into danger and bitches when he's affected by area of effect spells.

>>4916416
Forgot to finish. We had to pay almost all of our starting gold to get him raised. And the druid was more useful in melee the whole time. Worst fighter ever.

>>4916111

I don't think so. Noone is that good an actor :(

David makes you appreciate your group that much more.

I work at a game store , and I have stories that would shock and dismay you.

>>4916482

Do tell. DO TELL!

PLOX!

>>4916247
What is a grower?

>>4916482
Tell us more...

>>4916507
Something you lack, Captain Babydick.

i have never played any type of roleplaying game before but have always been interested in trying one.

however these threads continue to disabuse me of that notion.

seriously, if i used you guys as an indicator, D&D is nothing but trying to rape anything that isn't nailed down, Exalted is raping the shit that is nailed down TOO, and nWoD is nothing but gay vampires pretending to rape each other.

>>4916520
Ahh, I see.

I have never heard a penis referred to such before. Thanks.

>>4916507
The penis is a very odd organ. Because of the way in which it is 'designed,' the percentile difference between a fully erect penis and a flaccid penis is more pronounced in the progressively smaller flaccid penises. The smaller the bored dick, the larger the erect dick with grow (with outliers on both ends.)

He's talking about the unfortunate outlier.

>>4916507

A guy's either a shower or a grower. Figure it out.

>>4916440

Continued: Anyway, so this new side game we've started was created to escape their bullshit. All it seems I have done is jump from one hell to another. The main problem with this group stems from one guy. There are four of us total including myself as the GM. The group is composed of a neural intelligence robot who doesn't know he is a robot (hur hur original), a star elf gambler (Terrible in combat but makes up for it in social situations), and... I'll be honest when I say it's basically a black man from space who melds in the shadows and does nothing else (this is the problem guy). The first clue I was going to have a problem was when he told me his character's name was Starfucker. I let it go under the pretense that he went by SF. I regret my decision.

Every session degrades into him asking me what time of day it is every five minutes. When it's night, he gains a ridiculous prowl bonus which he abuses to the fullest. The first session he hacks into an ATM and steals way too much money. He also managed to kill several innocents using the excuse that they attacked him first. What does he think is going to happen when he fails a pick pocket?

He also spends all his time trying to hit on the NPC who hired them so I had to remove her from the game and now she gives them instructions via drops. Here's the best part about the guy.

>>4916507
There are two types of penises. One kind expands and lengthens when becoming erect (a grower). The other appears big most of the time, but doesn't get much bigger after achieving erection (a shower).

>>4916588
So this unfortunate outlier had.... a small bored dick... and a small erect one.

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to hear that Chris.

>>4916492
>>4916519
Ugh, fine, well , who horrifies you most, 40k nerds or tabletop roleplayers?
I see the 40k nerds as being , like, a horde based monster. Like a zombie mob. They stink, they make horrible mewling noises, and they are only really dangerous in packs. Tabletop gamers are more like some singular horror. You know, the way they corner you, with their slightly off kilter eyeballs, their weird mingled scent of BO and Cheetos.They corner you and trap you and slobber about their fucking characters at you.
Look, just because I work at a game store doesn't mean I want to be your friend. Yes, even if we have games in common.Believe it or not, when I am unpacking the latest shipment of plastic crap you man-children want to waste your disability check on,that is NOT the time to lenghtily tell me about your half orc paladin, oh my god yes that is an unusual race/class combo GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME WHAAARGAARBBLE.....
OK, I am gonna have a beer and try to relax, then I will relate more specific tales. Please vote, 40k or RPG horror. I have shiocking tales of both.

>>4916614
I may be stupid, but I'm not quite understanding how it gets the name Shower, aside from "you get what you've been shown".

>>4916661
Ah yes, I remember this post. There was a whole thread full of variations of it.

>>4916541
These are just our worst memories of gaming. I've been playing for about a year now, several hundred hours all told. I can remember only a few sessions that I didn't enjoy, maybe 12 hours of time. In between all the S&M dungeon burning, which was about 4 sessions ago, we've gotten a near total wipeout of the party by zombies, attacked and wiped out a bandit camp, were kidnapped by a sea hag, got lost in a cave complex we sailed the boat into on the island we were being taken to, fought off a harpy attack, accidentally killed an entire town by wiping out the Psicrystal they were all linked to in a sort of hive mind (we hought we'd be freeing them, not killing), and had the greatest victory ever in our last game. There were only three of us who could make it last time, which was when we wiped out the town, and after we escaped the island we were picked up by pirates. We agreed to help in a raid in rturn for our rescue, but our DM was a dick and threw a level 18 wizard at us. A group of two level 3s and a single level 2. And a bunch of 1st level swashbucklers. But we killed it, by pure luck and seemingly magic damage rolls with our spells and weapons. We each skipped almost two whole levels from the XP reward. And got kick-ass magic items.
Pic related. It was my reaction to realizing we killed something that was so high level could cast timestop

>>4916680
"What you see is what you get". Just like Tabletop games~!

>>4916680
A shower is going to prance around bottomless with a bunch of growers who'll think "Whoa! I wonder how huge it gets when HE'S going at it!" Then they feel totally ashamed and worthless and a little gay for thinking two sentences about some dude's winky.

>>4916608

Finishing up: At the end of last night's session, he complains that I try to ruin his fun by purposely trying to throw obstacles in his way. I know the DM isn't supposed to have a "me vs them" mentality, but when the guy abuses his abilities to the point when he's out of his alignment, I have to penalize him somehow. Okay, so they can't see him. I could just throw in lights but he'd just kill them. Instead, I put in heat vision cyborgs and dogboys for their amazing sense of smell.

Anyway, he confronts me in front of the other guys while they're shopping for gear at the end of the session. He basically wants something that masks his heat signature. I know why he wants it and what he'll do with it. I decided I'd sell him something that he wants, but at a cost. Essentially, I offered him a cloak at some ridiculous price that would cover his heat as long as he remained still or moved slowly BUT the moment he took hostile action or tried to use it for evil, the cloak would burst into a bright light revealing him. The reasoning behind it was the shopkeeper was tired of people using his items for evil, so he put up a contingency plan to save his name. Needless to say, the guy hated the idea and demanded I give him the cloak sans drawback.

I then did what only a normal person tired of crying would do. I told the guys we were done for the night, gave out XP to the other two guys, and left without giving him anything. Outside of the whole game nights, the douche guy is an okay person. It's just that when we game, he turns into the whiniest fuck I know.

>>4916681
I think I may have posted before on this topic, a few months ago. But seriously, man. You gamer geeks STINK. I mean, not all of you, and to be fair, the 40K guys are at least slightly better groomed. If for no other reason than that many of them are children and not man children, and their mommys still oversee their hygiene for them. But the squealing massed chattering of the 40gays is maddening.
Oh, and I am using "40K" as a dump category, really I mean ALL miniwargamers, including HeroDicks and Whoremaachine. You toy soldier generals pay the bills, for sure, buying crap all day every day, but man, are you annoying in groups.
Also, the only time I ever had to break up a physical fight and throw people out of the game store LIKE A FUCKING BOUNCER FUUUUUU...ahem...was at a 40K tournament one of my coworkers had the brilliant idea to host. he went and got a trophy and everything. This was a couple years ago, I guess Necrons were kicking everyone's ass. Anyways, the Necron guy got all bent because of some "counts as" bullshit, and as the argument grew heated, they actually started sacreaming at each other.
Then it went racial (Tau player was a dorky chinese kid, I cant make this shit up).Good for him, Tau kid didn't take it, he walked around the table and popped the bigger, fatter white kid right in the face. But then the fat kid went berserk, grabbed the little chinese Tau kid and bodyslammed him...into the entire row of folding tables.
Picture 4 peoples entire miniature colelctions...no, picture YOUR miniature colelction, you spaz...rainign down onto hard unfrogiving concrete and linoleum. Shattering, scattering, mingling .
Moment of silence.
Then Ragnarok.

>>4916541
You did see the thread is about HORROR stories, right ?

>Picture 4 peoples entire miniature colelctions...no, picture YOUR miniature colelction, you spaz...rainign down onto hard unfrogiving concrete and linoleum. Shattering, scattering, mingling .

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

>>4916844

jesus tapdancing christ.

>>4916844
Pic related, I am Xykon.

>>4916844
Oh god! I don't even play warhammer and even I cringed.

>>4916844
oh god, as I read this story, people from my LHS fit perfectly into the descriptions, its like I lived that moment, and I could see the brawl that would occur afterwords... person by person....

and also *RAEEEGEEE*

>all came to a head

I see what you did there, OP.

>>4916844
So much rage I would feel...
and yet...

This somehow feels legendary.

>>4917199
The Warhams. It Got Real.

>>4915568

I kind of miss rolling dice for stats. Yeah, I got a lot of shitty scores, but it was fun trying to work around that.

>>4915731
Clown Ninja. Where are your Kyon-ko?

>>4915568

lol, I made the OP's pic. I only posted it on Facebook (As far as I can remember.)

I'm going to guess wildly and say that the OP is Sar or one of his brothers. Confirm/deny?

>>4917415
I'm conserving them so they can be quickly deployed as needed.

I have a pretty awful one. Back when I was a young lad of 16 I ran a Rifts game. One guy that showed up was named Darren Mills. Darren was a creepy motherfucker. All of his sentences trailed off into this "ehhhh" noise. At first I thought he was just a strange guy, then I found out he was 20 and still in High School. Shortly after that I found out he was only graduating because the school was sick of him. Darren would occasionally show up to the game with 2-3 other people, mostly between the ages of 12-14. I finally kicked him out of my game due to his latest characters, a pair of Ley Line Walkers who were siblings and had sex with each other.

Fast forward about 4 years, Darren was in my local paper. He was arrested for molesting young boys. According to the paper he had molested close to two dozen kids.

He about two years ago he got out prison and I saw him at my FLGS. That particular evening they were having a Yu-gi-oh tournament and Darren was hanging out with the kids. I informed the owner and he threw Darren out. Two weeks after that he was caught hanging out near an elementary school, I have not heard whether or not he is back in jail. I can only hope they locked that sicko up long term.

>>4915922
uuuh public humiliation is NOT a god idea to cure introversion, dude. it will ony make it worse.

>>4916541

Agreed that's why you should play Shadowrun, M&M, or Dark Heresy.

>>4916844
>Shattering, scattering, mingling .
Moment of silence.
Then Ragnarok.

There arose a wailing and a gnashing of teeth of such torment and anguish as has not been heard since the ancient days of Egypt.

bamp

>Picture 4 peoples entire miniature colelctions...no, picture YOUR miniature colelction, you spaz...rainign down onto hard unfrogiving concrete and linoleum. Shattering, scattering, mingling .

>>4916013

Fuck I lol'ed

>>4916844

I hope that both of those punks were permanently banned from the store. Jesus, tap dancing Christ.

Being a sore loser is one thing, being a racist sore loser is another but starting a massive fistfight near masses of very delicate miniatures is unforgivable.

>>4916844
Holy shit that picture makes me want to go out and fight for the GUREATU GOO

>>4916844
encore, encore!

>>4916844

I think you win this thread, sir.

Bismuth approves.

>>4919785
So do the rest of the Magnetic Men!

>>4916661

Let's hear the horrifying RPG tales now,

For a couple years in high school I gamed with a guy I'll call Dan (because that was his name.) Dan literally believed he was Jesus Christ and the Nietzschean Ubermench. He was also a die-hard conservative Bush fan, and tried to work "allegories" into all his games. For instance, in his Forgotten Realms games, all good faiths had churches or temples, while faiths like Bane and Cyric were always described as having mosques. He also loved R.A. Salvatore and was always trying to "train" us like Drrzzt did with his companions. He usually did this by having his DMPC (a CG Drow fighter/magic user who dual-wielded longswords or some shit) teleport in and berate us for failing. Dude had some serious daddy issues.

>>4919785
FUCK YEAH BISMUTH

ITT: Man getting hurt that a whore is getting paid in a very geeky currency - not because she's a whore, but because the monopoly money she's getting is slightly more than what he gets for not sucking the DM off.


Also, several dozen butthurt nerds fapping and plotting.

DM: Furry, railroader, DMPC abuser, attention whore, bit of a weeaboo.

However, I can put up with it.

2-3 people ended up ragequitting, those that did started a gaming group. I am an active member in both.

>>4919846
Not-so FLGSfag here, glad you guys enjoyed my tale of 40k woe.But the old school RPGers are, in a lot of ways, as bad or worse.I am having my morning coffee, but I will relate an awful tale or two for you. Let's start with a short one.
So, 4 e has come out, with all that signifies. Now, i never planned to play it, but I have the normal curiosity about the rules changes, so I volunteer to oversee an after hours 4e session for some of the regular customers. One of them has the core books and is gonna run a dungeon crawl, meanwhile i will hang out, do inventory , drink beer and watch as they play.Now, there's a register and all, so the front door is locked, right? Obviously. Everyone gets their snakcs and stuff together.They're playing, everything seems to be going fine, I am doing inventory in the office, listening to the game , rubbernecking a bit. So far so good.
Now we have a toilet. One toilet in the store.That sense of foreboding and dread you are feeling? totally justified.If you want to bail out now, I understand.

>>4920135
Continued
Still here? Masochist.
So I get up, the coffee is running thru my bladder, and I get up and shamble towards the can. Now, at this point it's 9 pm or so the game is a cou[le hours in. Almost everyone has used the can at some point but me. As I approach, I catch the whiff of a strong stink, so as I walk by the table I make a snarky comment about the stink from the toilet and go on to open the door.
Okay, is "shitpocalypse" a word? If it isn't I want to coin it myself to describe the scene I beheld in my horror. Im not talking about a floater left unflushed, mind you. I am talking someone utterly and completely destroyed the toilet, and it's, shall we say, environs.Imagine the crustiest nastiest public toilet you have ever seen.Yeah, that bad, only freshly applied.
In tvtropes what do they call it? tranquil rage? that was my mental state as I approached the table. I said , very calmly, whoever obliterated the bathroom, please go clean it, right now.
Noone fucking cops to it.At which point I say gentlemen, rocks fall, everybody dies.Kicked them all out.
Shit happens, but that doesn't mean i want to clean up someone elses.

>>4916693
Xykon cosplay FTW

Age for a horrible thread

So, there's this guy. Socially inept in comparison to socially inept people. Creepy, loud, scrawny loser living with his parents at the age of 20 (which is fine, really, but it's not fine when your mom gives you early curfews, supplies your money, and requires permission to go anywhere), he can't drive and has no car, generally works about ten hours a week and complains about it. You know, biiiig loser.

We were playing DnD. A campaign where the characters are meant to be the players themselves sent to a fantasy world and trained in a class (not exactly creative on the DM's part, but he's cool anyway).

One guy gets cursed to go berserk and kill a bunch of people. He does so and gets bundled off to jail. So we go see what we can do about getting him out, since it was all because of an interfering magical effect anyway.

First off, the creepy dude approaches a guard and makes a joke about offering him a blowjob to get the other guy out of prison. Immediately everyone in the room says, "NO." And he gets all annoyed like we're trying to keep him from having his fun, and starts insisting that he give the guard a fucking blowjob. The DM refuses, the players don't even want to consider that. But the guy just keeps on it. Quickly we ascertain that he is actually serious. He wants to give this dude a blowjob to get his friend out of jail.

So the DM is fed up. He says, "Fine. You do it. You lead him to a secluded corner and suck him off. Roll a d20." He rolls, gets a 17. "Congratulations, he really enjoys it."

Guy starts in on how it was his plan the whole time to try to steal the key while the guard is distracted. Dude does not even know if this guard has a key. Never asked, never been sad. He doesn't know where it is, and he has a FACE FULL OF COCK. He fails. The guard in question is in control of nothing and can't get the friend out of jail anyway. The DM rules that the guy in jail had to watch all of this.

>>4920329

mmediately, I, being an asshole, point at the imprisoned player and start chanting, "What has been seen cannot be unseen!" Quickly, the DM throws out, "Okay, imprisoned guy, you suddenly develop your latent psionic powers. You can send other people mental images! But only the image of the loser giving the guard a blowjob and only to the wizard (me)."

"I do it," he says, and I do my best Klaw impersonation with a lengthy, "CUURSE YOU!"

Everyone is horrified, and points out to the loser that his character is supposed to be him, and he just gave a random dude a blowjob for basically no reason. He starts talking about how he was obviously just joking and we MADE him do it and god it's all everybody else's fault. We haven't let him forget it to this day.

I like you FLGS owner. You remind me a little of my own ever-tortured store owner. I always try to avoid saying stupid shit to him and don't mention any of my games, he gets enough crap from the 40kids and WoW players that insist he wants to hear about x-detail from the Necron Codex or their level 70 shaman.

Also, rpg-horror stories plz.

>>4920332
I wish i had the balls to ask people if i could suck their dick.

Freeform science fiction roleplay. I won't go into the details, but here is a recent statement by one of the players:

"Actually you made a mistake with the maths, my country controls four-hundred and fifty hundred million billion galaxies at last count"

>>4915744
It always upsets me when people use autism as an insult, as I am actually mildly autistic myself and (as far as I can tell, anyway) am nowhere near the most annoying person in my group. I'm usually quiet, I try to be as helpful and polite as possible, I almost never play anything but support characters (occasionally leading to me being berated for being less good in combat than the Guardsman with a flamer or whathaveyou) and I even try to make the hideously annoying neckbeard feel a little less hated by pretend-chuckling at his horrendous fucking jokes.

I mean, I can understand WHY you would not want to play with an autistic person, but it still makes me feel a little awkward and uneasy to hear people talking about it.
I'd post a horror story, but I don't really have one. I like my group, even if they do ignore roleplaying almost completely (and look at me funny when I try to do it) in favour of shooting orks in the face..

>>4920568
I was going to make a mean post teasing you in order to make you feel even more awkward after you exposed your feelings to the internet.

I have decided against doing that though. Clearly I am a paragon of virtue and morality. You should give me a hug.

>>4920593
Quit whining. People use 'gay' as an insult and while i love the cock, you don't hear me complaining about it.

>>4920568
A mild ASD is not "autism", in the same way that a sore leg is not "crippled". Your sore leg does not give you a right to object to people using the word "cripple". You are not your diagnosis; stop identifying with it.

>>4920600
first i fuck up my sentence then i misquote. whatever. My point being you shouldn't give a damn what others think.

>>4920603
But what if my leg is REALLY sore?

>>4915628
You assume she was hot.
Most girls who hook up with nerds are not.

>>4920568
>as far as I can tell, anyway

that's the major problem. too many socially inept douchebags claiming to have a problem that they haven't had formally diagnosed as an excuse for their social ineptness. THAT is why autism is an insult.

>>4920568
It's like faggots. Just because you call someone a faggot does not mean you have something against homosexuals.

Horror story and the reason I will never again play WFRP (that and because the game is at most shallow): Imagine the most inane, trivial monster hunting plot you can. Now replicate it several times over, each time nearly ending with a TPK. Now imagine that every time we wanted to do something that is not monster hunting would get our arses kicked in various awkward way... genocide elft? Fuck you, elfs cast spell no you all lurve elves. Go fight in the arena? Good luck with facing a character with 1000 more XP than you. Become a blacksmith? Well... the iron needed to make something costs more than you'll ever get for the finished product. Anything? Nope. Monster hunting, again and again and again. This was several months ago. I quit the group. They are currently after a TPK and are hunting a new monster.

It was... embarrassing to see the GM play in this game, I felt sorry for him and the players. :<

>>4920622
I actually take being called a faggot as a compliment. This confuses people when they try to insult me.

>>4920140
we're still here, and waiting for more.

>>4920643
Yeah, I'm a big fan of "Jeez, and I just kind of threw myself together this morning. I look gay-level well-groomed? Nice!" myself.

Is this another one of those, make up unfunny stories and pretend they're real threads?

Not so much a horror story, but freaking awkward. There's this - I don't know - autistic or severe asbergers guy who joined are group. Creepy as fuck, he talks to himself and seems like he plans his conversations with people five minutes in advance, and likes to sit in the corner laughing loudly shouting about "DE-MONS!".

Weird thing is, yeah, he's not really a bad dude. Mixes some good tunes, probably the best DJ in our Student Union Club, and does seem to genuinely care about people and how they perceive him. But can't seem to notice how creeped out his weird talking and cackling 'jokes' are...

Holy fuck, the creepy misted eyed expression when he talks about the gore post-combat. He also never roleplayed, only joining in to roll his dice, and no matter how long he played he never ever grasped the rules.

Urgh. Will not roleplay or play Warhammer with him again.

>>4920673
>I look gay-level well-groomed?
Man i am probably the worst groomed gay person ever. Imagine this. I'm a white guy but with black people hair..i'm trying to grow it out.
It is winning against gravity and chemical science.

>>4920674
My good sir, I'll have you know all my tales are quite genuine.

>>4920622
2nd ed WFRP i guess. And a really fucked up GM.
All my WFRP sessions ended really well, i love the dark fantasy feel.

>>4915608
>>after what Charles did to James I
For some reason, I read that as "after what Charles did to King James I"

>>4920710
Yeah. 2nd. I really see no good sides in the system.

>>4920727
It's all fun and games until Guy Fawkes blows up Parliament.

>>4916844
>You gamer geeks STINK.

Hey, fuck you buddy.
I wear anti-perspirant and cologne. Cool Water. Smells good, man.

>>4920772
Antipersperants don't work on me. I have some kind of godawful glandular hyperactivity going on. Meaning my glands are hyperactive all the fucking time.

In layman's terms, I sweat a lot at the drop of a hat, I salivate A LOT, my nose is constantly blocked and I cry at nothing. I cry just from yawning. It's weird.

>>4920805
>glandular hyperactivity
so you're a tyranid

>>4920805
You should hire a midget to act as your own personal towel boy.

You could be all like, "TOWEL BOY, I SWEAT!" and he'd be like, "I'LL CLEAN THAT RIGHT UP, MASTER" as he midget rushed over to your side to dab you dry.

Badass.

>>4920767
neither do we, so we still use 1st ed.

I love how with your advances your social class improves - you can get from a beggar, through a thug stabbing people in alleys, to a full blown highwayman!

honestly, kidnap a good GM [it'd be best if he had a knack for storytelling - combat based WFRP sessions tend to be short, due to players getting killed to death] and make him organize a short 1st ed WFRP campaign - you'll rediscover role playing.

I just noticed that the bottom right die in the second panel shows the 1 and the 6 on adjacent faces of a d6.

>>4920805
you should carry a washcloth in a plastic baggies with some soap.

Just give yourself a quick clean up, and re-apply your deodorant.

I'm such a neckbeard for noticing that the sides of the d6es in OP's pic aren't numbered correctly (the 6 should be opposite the 1, etc.)

>>4920828
I'm being reminded so much of Korgoth right now. Particularly the tavern scene.

>>4920852
And hopefully wash the washcloth every day. Please.

>>4920876
Does it really matter?

>>4920813
>>4920805

>>4920876
Only one of them is mislabeled.

>>4920994
err, one would assume that since you are carrying soap around, you could wash the cloth off after use, wring it as dry as you can, and return maybe hang it to dry.

>>4921076
Just remember to do that, then.

>>4915568

I think I just leveled up

>>4915590
>Bros before hos

I don't think 'Bros before Hoes' is a sentiment A Pimp Named Slickback can't co-sign on. I mean, don't me get wrong A Pimp Named Slickback will put a lot of things over a ho, Money over a ho? Always. Brand new gators over a ho? Absolutely. A turkey sandwich with just tomato? Guaranteed. But bros? Oh no. A Pimp Named Slickback DON'T DO shit for the bros. Let me reiterate: DON'T DO shit for the bros! Unless the bro wanna walk that stroll and get that money, the bro ain't getting a goddamn thing and the same goes for homies, peeps, dudes, fellas, dunnies, comrades,whatever the fuck niggas is callin each other nowadays.

Sounds like some gay shit to me.

I'm gay and I get offended on the internet! Please pay attention to me!

>>4921009
...yes.

>>4921127
you have my undivided attention, until my pizza arrives.

>>4921127

if you'll excuse me, my microwave johnnycakes are ready

Not a terrible one, but pretty fucking agonising at the time.

So, our party was on the Plane of Air, just killed a boss after a painfully long, tricky fight, and barely survived her dying explosion (half the party went into negative HP as a result of her suicide bombing). Instead of immediately leaving, our mage (one of the troublesome players) insisted that we return to the lair of a white dragon we killed before, so we could loot its hoard - in actuality, the fucker just wanted an excuse to get a dragon egg so he could have a DRAGON FAMILIAR.

On our way there, we happen upon a frozen lake. Most of the party decides to run around, but I, in my INFINITE WISDOM OF 28, decided that I'd ask one party member with wings (can't recall his race) to just fly me over. Now, this guy was on his second character - the first one, in addition to being agonisingly weak, pissed off the entire party immensely. As we were an evil party, we had no qualms about abandoning him to certain death. This second character was not much more endearing, and was even more useless: technically speaking, he had died twice already in three sessions (including the boss fight). But, being an arrogant cleric of Loviatar, I decided to just put my Use Rope skill to use and have him fly me over. A few Entombed pop out from the lake. He decided to fly only 10' above the ground.

We were promptly taken to the ground and fucked up.

Now, while I couldn't save him, I actually had a fighting chance at surviving the Entombed gangrape as we were playing optimised characters and I had some tricks up my sleeve to rock the shit out of undead. I also got Delay Death on myself for good measure. Things were going pretty badly from the start, but the shit hit the fan when the mage decided to throw a maximised fireball at the pack of Entombed. With me in the centre. Would he use his Sculpt Spell feat to make it into a ring, saving me from being burned to a crisp?

Nope.

The Entombed do finally get killed; dumbass-on-his-second-character couldn't be saved; and the rest of the party barely, BARELY, gets me into positive HP with items.

However, being a cleric of Loviatar, I tortured the mage into insanity a few sessions later, causing the mage to become a DMPC (which made her much more useful and interesting) and the jerk that fireballed me to death had to reroll.

Moral of this story: if you play with idiots, play an alignment that lets you get back at them in-game.

>>4920805
Are you sure its just glandular? I had something like that and my doctor said it was a bacterial infection. Go ask your doc and see if tetracycline will do anything for you.

Had a dm that would ALWAYS fudge the dice in his favor. Not help the BBEG escape fudge the dice but make sure the goblin kills my horse fudge the dice. If we ever fell below 3/4th health we were pretty much screwed since any big brute monster would kill us in a swing or two without ever missing.

>>4920805
>my nose is constantly blocked

$8 at walmart, I can actually SMELL things now.

>>4921316

I think the former is worse. Your DM was making the game more lethal, however, and if you weren't playing CoC or DH, I'm guessing you didn't want that.

>>4921354
He made it disproportionally difficult, we ended up running from almost every fight until he started blocking us in with 1 way doors. It was also low magic and the cleric couldn't even heal unless his god granted it (happened I think twice). It just felt like we were there for him to beat around and laugh at.

>>4916844

How... how... how was this resolved? I don't envy the store manager put in this position.

>>4920833
Is there a rapidshare or something of 1st edition anywhere to be found?

bumping for more stories

OMG I think I may be the GM in OP's post O.o

>>4920140

Was it as nasty as the toilet in Trainspotting?

>>4922662
Don't kid yourself, faggot. No woman could love you, ever.

>>4921621

ah well, the healing thing makes it understandable, that is pretty stupid.

>>4920140
Reminds me of a friend I have. I actually ended up shouting and swearing at him because he forgot to pull the toilet seat UP and pissed over it. The guy can't fucking aim with his piss yet I've noticed he sometimes doesn't even turn on the goddamned light.

I hate him.

>>4922662
same guy here, I am pretty sure that the story was about me but the only problem is I am still in contact with and on relatively good terms with all the players who were in that session. I even apologized to everyone afterwards since it was a joke that went too far (I offered to add a legend chip to the pot for anyone willing to give me head and then everyone in the party started pressuring my girlfriend to do it but once we actually went through with it everyone just got uncomfortable so we just moved on with the session). Not sure who the OP is but if I was the GM I'm sorry about that incident

>>4916844
my... Army... all my army... Gone?!

YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!

But yeah, I know bad gamer hygiene, but most of it comes from the fact that he's are freshmen getting used to the dorms for the first time and don't have mommy telling them what to do. Hopefully next semester they'll realize that bathing comes with benefits, like longer social interactions, increase in neighbors appetites, and gaming sessions that don't require Air freshener every 10 mins.

>>4920622
>facing a character with 1000 more XP than you

10 advances is not that big a deal in WFRP.

>>4915568
>>4915608
Delicious, yummy pasta.

>>4922688
>>4920140
Pic related