- Beardbeard's missing eye.

- Ruby's mean left hook.

- Joan's virginity.

http://www.warehouse23.com/basement/box/

*A kitten that always stays adorable....until it kills you in your sleep.

*Satan's fiddle. It's made of gold and sounds terrible.

*Your wallet/ purse.

*A manilla folder

*One bottle filled with "Liquid Ass"

*One ass filled with liquid Bottle

* Gary Gygax's golden set of dice

* Fossilized Dorf in obsidian

* A dragon skull codpiece

>>4888034
>>4888046
They must never meet.

*A bottle of rum that never runs out.

*A compass that points towards the thing you want least.

*A book called CGI For Dummies.

*a rubber penis that squirts infinite horse cum when you squeezes its balls

*a box filled with 'buttfuck'

>>4887950
A copy of Dracula with certain sections highlighted, notes in front list the correct way to kill a vampire.

A small metal rod that is never in the same place twice

The second volume of the voynich manuscript

A faded black and white photo showing men with pointed ears building a B-17, any analysis will show the image to be unaltered and date to 1943.

a badly corroded purple heart, analysis shows it to date to 300 BCE

>>4888080

*A lightbulb that never burns out. Taking it apart ruins it and reveals nothing special.

*Bugs Bunny. Totally insane and unfunny because he is now in our three dimensional universe.

*A bottle of water.

*Sqand!

* Bottled elf manliness.

* Canned dwarf politeness.

* Conserved orc intelligence.

* Dried cutebold sexual instinct.

*Adam's penis, fossilized. its fucking huge

Fried Cockatrice wings.

Luke Crane's Red Glasses of Douche-Baggery.

* A half empty bottle labelled only "math." Analysis reveals the contents to be ionized water. Further analysis reveals the fingerprints of one A. Einstein on the bottle.

*a porn movie with dinosaurs

>>4888110
>* Dried cutebold sexual instinct.

* 3 Platinum, 8 gold, 2 silver and 7 copper pieces!

A small box containing a confused kobold haberdasher.

* A perfectly preserved suit of armour with dried blood on every square centimetre inside of it.

* A box with a large collection of 8-track tapes from bands of the late nineties.

* A piece of granite perfectly chiselled into a strange looking diminutive human with a beard, it looks extremely unhappy.

* A small silk bag that seems filled with a liquid, when opened it appears empty. When you put an item inside, it will stay there and can just as easily be removed, unless the item is a foodstuff in which case it will mysteriously disappear. Putting a finger or a similar appendage inside and closing the bag around it will give a sensation as if the body part is being massaged and suckled inside the bag.

>>4888158

>>* A small silk bag that seems filled with a liquid, when opened it appears empty. When you put an item inside, it will stay there and can just as easily be removed, unless the item is a foodstuff in which case it will mysteriously disappear. Putting a finger or a similar appendage inside and closing the bag around it will give a sensation as if the body part is being massaged and suckled inside the bag.

does it bite? if it doesnt, then that's the ultimate sex toy!

The entire Twilight series, along with a dozen books of the series yet to be written.

*The name, address, and phone number of the one other person in the world whom you would get along with in what could only be described as an "epic" way. Too bad she died in the early 80s....

*An octiron sword.

*Post-It notes that never come unstuck.

*A cigar box filled with pennies.

>>4888177
Labeled "The Compleat Mary Sue Collection"

A contract to be delivered to one Stephanie Meyer from the estate of the late J.R.R. Tolkien, authorizing her complete rewrite of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and the subsequent forbiddance of reprinting any copy of the previous version.

*One cowboy hat.

*One green poncho.

*One bag filled with gold coins. An additional bonus is that the bag makes the coins light and easy to lift.

*An empty revolver.

*A leather necklace.

* A sheet of well preserved papyrus. If you translate it (it contains three different languages and scripts: ancient Greek, Egytian Hieroglyphs and one that is unknown) it reads:
What can go wrong, will go wrong.

*a rather old telephone, probably from the 30ies or 40ies. Every year, on the 30th of October, shortly before midnight it rings. If you answer it, a somwhat worried German voice asks 'Sind Sie sicher? Um Fünf Uhr Fünfundvierzig?'

*Fire in a Bottle. You can't pour it out, and the bottle is extremely cold to the touch.

* A message in a bottle. The message simply reads "Rescue me before I fall into despair". One year later, the finder of this item wakes buried beneath one hundred billion bottles with the same note.

>>4888214
*Lightning in a Bottle. You CAN pour it out, but doing so means it will electrocute the fuck out of you and everything around you.

*A brick of .22 LR ammo.

*An expensive watch that never keeps the right time for more than a day.

>>4888173
Tests with fingers have revealed no biting, however using it as a toy for sexual gratification and inserting for instance a penis has not been tested because of the possible danger of the bag consuming foodstuffs. This would only be a possible issue when one would ejaculate in the bag, does the bag just consume the ejaculated sperm and leave the penis alone? Or does the presence of foodstuff urge it to consume the entirety of the bag, penis included? Animal test subjects may be needed to safely test this.

a box containing a slightly larger box, though this is only apparent once you pull it out. This box contains a slightly larger box, which contains a slightly larger box, etc.

*The original LOLcat.

*A door. Nothing special lies behind it because it's just a regular door.

*Your hard drive. All of your porn has been decrypted and placed out in the open.

*One floppy disk.

*One floppy disc.

A CD with the final, completely finished build of Dwarf Fortress. Upon removal from the jewelcase, the CD breaks in half.

*Mint condition copies of every Bunnicula book ever printed. Looking at them induces severe nostalgia. Really severe, like so severe that you literally shit your pants from it.

A 40 lb. box of rape

*The Super Ultimate Extended Cut of 3 Ninjas.

*A DVD of Eraserhead with director's commentary.

*One dime.

*A box with a mirrored bottom, in which you see an anthropomorphic rabbit watching you from above.

*a cheap airsoft gun with 100 bbs.
*magic toilet paper that never runs out
*a bucket of kfc (extra crispy)
*a unit of Headon, with instructions to apply directly to the forehead
*a picture of Julia Roberts with her mouth open (causes a fear effect when seen)
*an enchanted weapon made of chocolate.

>>4888267

i think i'd test it if i had the chance

A tiny bat.

Three cans of spam in a two-spam-can skillet.

A stuffed monkey. It squeaks when you squeeze its belly.

A hamburger. It has entirely too much mustard, but is otherwise hot and delicious.

*a pack of bb bullets that when shot from any airsoft gun, will strike its target with the energy of a 30mm shell. the gun will recoil as if it was shooting normal bb bullets

*An immovable rod that sets itself to a universal stillpoint and is completely impossible to move while activated.

>>4888439
high explosive or armour piercing?

* Some Skub.

*A TARDIS. But this one happens to be a carnivore.

*A copy of Carnivores 1 & 2 for the PC.

*A floppy disk with a single image stored on it. It is a pic of the ultimate troll post.

*Scissors. Thousands of them.

>>4888454
that would never wo- CLANG- WTF WAS THAT???

>>4888454
>>4888504
Ah nostalgia.

-Woody Allen. He's very confused, and does not know how he got into this box.

-Six cans of Faygo Red Pop.

-A tiny, tiny, tiny little hummingbird in a cricket cage.

-A letter opener shaped like a 2d Starship Enterprise.

*An inanimate carbon rod.

*Four polished rocks.

*A comfortable leather chair.

*An antique iron framed bed. It eats people who sleep on it.

*An antique iron potbelly stove. It rapes people, but only the raped know how and they arent telling.

>>4888479

the bb bullets in the bag are a mix of black and yellow ones or red and yellow ones.

A slightly bloody copy of Womans weekly, it is dated July 1993. All the heads are replaced with pineapples.

A sealed jar of Tabasco sauce. Although for an unknown reason, its contents are blue and it occasionally rolls on its side on a cool day.

A pokemon card. The pokemon title is 'Missingno' but the rest of the writing is utter gibberish.

A purple sock that smells like apples

A homemade guitar built from a g15 keyboard, three usb cables, a DVD cover, and an unfortunate looking hamster. Strangely enough it seems to work perfectly.

>>4888544

make that 'or' an 'and' then it makes sense again.

>>4888543

*CLANG*
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!

>>4888560

* One pistol grip pump

*Bearspam. It's still better than Glauspam.

*A burger called "The Incredible Assrape Burger!". It is nothing but delicious going down, the assrape comes when you try to shit it out.

*Pic related.

a small mouth made to fit inside your mouth, where it will sit comfortably. then you can eat while you eat, and everything you eat that way will be twice as fulfilling.

ITT: /b&tg/

Large box full of bones labeled "A. Hitler". You could build at least fifteen different skeletons from all those bones.

A large cooler filled with ice an approx. two 24-packs of miller light cans. The beer is cold and refreshing.

*A car carefuly placed inside a larger car that lets you drive while you drive. There is a dog in the passenger seat that barks at minorities.

*A broken bottle.

*Mighty Ducks VI: So Very Tired

*Amy Winehouse's self esteem.

an attachable penis. the end opposite to the glans is shaped like a buttplug. when you insert it into your butt, the penis becomes real, so you can fap while you fap, and cum while you cum

*A dusty can of Butthole Massage Cream.

*A broken calculator.

*One doorknob.

*An empty burlap sack.

*A comically oversized magnifying glass. It lets you see the horrible things that bugs fear like humans fear bugs.

a laptop containing access to all the variables of the universe

*The sense that the thing you are about to see will make you profoundly sad and that you should not look.

*A permanent portal to the alternate universe of your choice. Too bad it is only the size of a postage stamp.

>>4888601
*One pistol with a pump grip. Totally useless because it's a penis pump.

....wait a second....

a bunch of banana seeds. they're separated in four types, melon flavored bananas, orange flavored bananas and pineapple flavored bananas. the fourth type is experimental, and apparently the taste of the fourth seed's bananas are random, and not limited to fruits.

>>4888890
Examples of:
*Ass flavored bananas.

*Love flavored bananas.

*Banana flavored bananas.

*Hot dog flavored bananas.

box including:
A cat
A vial of poison inside a glob of wax
-------------------------------------------------------
A bottle labeled "eniru"

>>4888802

Sounds like a tight fit, but you should be able to stick your penis through. We can choose any alternate universe, even ones that we make up?

* A doorknob that jams after its first use

* A set of beakers that each break when processing a certain chemical.

* A periodic table of as-yet undiscovered elements. Some exist, some do not.

* A formula written on a set of severed child-fingers.

* Condoms with arcane runes scribbled on them in black sharpie.

* Half-filled dogfood bowl.

>>4888924
Your choice, broseph. NewsRadio, Xena, that one that only exists in your head, the universe that pornos take place in, etc, etc.

* A bloody rubberband ball

>>4888911
>A bottle labeled "eniru"

>>4888985

elaborate please, i'm curious

>>4888985

I wish people who took good images and made macros and motivators out of them would fucking die already.

>>4888987
I'll give you a hint. Ask Alucard. He can help you.

*A bottle of Reeb.

*A bottle of Elohssa

*A bottle of Yag

a bottle of cthulhu

a bottle of fresh human semen. the bottle is enchanted and the semen will be always fresh. if a woman gets impregnated with it, she will give birth to the antichrist

a bottle of fresh human semen. the bottle is enchanted and the semen will be always fresh. if a woman gets impregnated with it, she will give birth to the goddamn batman

>>4889035
if you touch the bottle the cthulhu musical 'a shoggoth on the roof' will play in your head forever driving you insane.

*Pictures of your ass. You look pretty good, man, maybe you should do modeling.

*A bottle of Racecar.

*A black box with a red button. Pushing it will result in your instant and eternal damnation.

>>4889076

what happens if you drink it?

>>4889090
You piss hunting horrors.

*A bottle of Liquid Roosevelt. Your legs will be crippled the instant you finish it.

*A bottle of Teddy Roosevelt. It cannot be opened without shattering it all over and ruining it.

>>4889090
R'lyeh will rise and the old ones return. you turn into a shoggoth and mankind goes insane.

>>4889117
Still sounds better than Sobe.

>>4889117

this can't be THAT bad

A box that contains a time machine disguised as a 1920's watch, a set of 1920's clothing befitting you perfectly and a book to speak French for tourists. Using the watch will send you to Paris on the 7th of October, 1920.

Closer inspection reveals a hidden sepia photograph of your parents in clothing of the same era.

a small box. when opened, several tentacles will emerge, entangling your limbs and raping you in the ass and mouth with full force. after its done, it will return to the box, remaining there until someone opens it again

>>4889177
Nah just kidding, after it's done it will wait a short time to let you catch your breath. Then it does the same thing again for shits and giggles.

>>4889143
thats a drinks company right?

>>4889152
well on the upside you get immortality and you can rape all the humans you want

* A treasure map leading to the final resting place of Jimmy Hoffa

* A rotary phone that can take inter-dimensional calls.

* An unopened STAR WARS Star Destroyer Lego set.

a box containing 12 lb of rape

a cat tail buttplug. while you're using it, you have 7 lives. the tail gets shorter everytime someone loses a life with it

Comfortable shoes.

>>4889321

Don't you mean 9?

>>4889325
I'm calling bullshit on this one.

*A computer printer that never runs out of pink ink.

*A bottle of Reeb. It will sober the fuck out of you and could even drive you insane.

*A TV that picks up every channel ever.

*A printout of the filthiest fanfiction you have ever read. Someone has made painstaking corrections to structure and spelling in red ink.

>>4889345

lol you're right, i dont know why i had 7 in my mind

>>4889384
I was assuming you were intimating that it had already been used, 2 charges having been used up.

>>4889402
2nd. I was thinking it was just a cursed item that killed you off for thinking you had two more than you actually did.

>>4889402

there's actually no way of knowing how many lives it still has, without knowing its size when fully charged

An MDC flashlight, you are not playing Rifts.

12 9 volt batteries.

A bottle of super glue

A potion of cure minor wounds

4 dry erase markers

A Vorple nerf sword

A metric measureing tape

one gauntles of oger power (the other is missing)

A Penis shaped +4 mace of Climaxing (it's a real item. Book of Erotic fantasy.)

1 deathstrike rocket launcher

Notes on a governmental project called Electronic Living Viral Invigorating Singer. It appears to have been a great hit. Taking this to any newspaper or governmental department in any country will result in a polite sending away and a future letter requesting a little less conversation and a little more action.

Pictures of a man in places you've been. He looks familiar...

A bottle of water. Tastes normal but after a while it will have all the benefits of alchohol with none of the down sides.

An extremely tiny marine doll. When picked up, it will shout and curse at you for being an extreme disappointment.

a ring that when used, transforms its user's asshole into a bag of holding

>>4889458
>and reroutes your internal organs so that you now have to shit out your mouth.

A scientific paper explaining the appeal of music. Towards the end, it goes into extreme detail on the history of music until the section called Origin. After which the pages are torn out.

A pair of sunglasses. They will make anyone seeing you in them think you are extremely cool.

A catalogue of take away restaurants. Apart from the numbers and prices, the writing is done in an undecipherable language.

A dusty tome. It reads in Hebrew, the Passions of Chris. It looks to be a naughty book.

An old mp3 player. Still works. When listened to and played, instead of music it will tell you what you should do at that exact moment. It will always be right.

A mobile phone. It rings every once in a while. The callers are famous people from around the world who blurt out their problems and deepest secrets before realising that it is the wrong number. The number of recieved calls stretches into the thousands.

*A very pissed off cat.

*The only funny snorgtee. Out of production.

*The Thing, frozen in ice.

A video camera. When turned on it will reveal a holiday video of a sterotypical british couple on an alien world.

A wallet that eats cash. It always looks hungry.

A pocket sized book. It fits really well into your trousers. Despite its size, the stories seem to go on forever.

A magazine article titled How to Meet an Intelligent Woman. The article has no words.

A pamphlet titled Men and Commitment, How it Can Work for you! There are only pictures of unhappy women inside.

An old poster from Nazi Germany. It has a picture of a german soldier saluting a blasting rocket. Underneath, in german, it says 'Volunteer for the Space Program Today!'

A vial filled with scientific fluids. Mixing them with anything results in explosions.

A bottle simply called Liquid. It's contents are all of the other bottles in this thread combined into one drink.

A brown liquid in a penis shaped container. It tastes delicious.

A USB drive filled with images labeled with the names of famous reaction images. Opening them will invariably result in reacting as the filename says you will.

*A small keepsake locket. The first to open it will remember everything they have every experienced, including the massive trauma that is birth.

*An old dusty photoalbum. The pictures inside depict you, throughout your life. Odd stains are on each one, near and on your face.

*Ann Frank's second diary. It involves her being invited to Hitler's mansion for icecream, becoming a princess, and eventually being in a position to rule the world.

*A loaded rubber band gun with the word 'Ydennek' scratched on the side. For some reason, rubber bands fired from this gun attain lethal velocity.

*An MP3 player with tracks named after 40 famous people. When you press 'Play' on one, it plays everything the named person is currently saying as they say it. When found, Leonardo DiCaprio is cursing out a waiter for bringing him a bagel when he clearly asked for 'a fucking english muffin'.

*The diary of a contestant on one of those VH1 Celebriality '_____ Of Love' shows. The contestant appears to want to kill the 'prize' celebrity for ruining television forever.

*A big box of colored pens. Each one writes in a different language.

-a can of coke that tastes like Dr. Pepper
-a needle that makes whoever is poked by it sing your favorite song
-a book entitled "How Things Work" it describes how everything works , everything
-a pamphlet warning about the dangers of dating a mermaid
-a toothbrush which has no bristles but when placed in your mouth leaves your breath fresh for the rest of the day

* Essence of "Big".

* A copy of Voltaire's "The Prince". Obviously, it was written by a Voltaire from another dimension.

* Machiavelli's cookbook.

* A bottle of Gin Rummy.

>>4889754
A can of Coke that tastes like bats blood.

A can of Coke that tastes like motor oil.

A can of Coke that tastes like moose piss.

>>4889754
what does it do if i have never fully decided my favourite song?

>>4889801
It plays something random from Toto.

>>4889815
fuck yes that is the best item ever

A bucket full of nothing.

No, literally. Anything a person places inside the ordinary-looking 4-quart galvanized-steel bucket will behave as if it had been exposed to the vacuum of deep space. The effect stops at the rim of the bucket and is not affected by the bucket's position, such as if it were turned upside-down.

- A booklet with every image of every monstergirl ever illustrated. EVER.

*A small transparent plastic box used for keeping insects holding what appears to be a miniature Dracula. A label on top instructs to feed him crickets once a week

*A plain looking banana that is actually the leader of a fruit planet. He is very polite and is waiting for someone to say hello

*A photo of your mother in her early twenties nude and in a sexy pose. Look at the tits on her!

*A fez that fits you perfectly, when worn it whispers strange advice to you. It appears to know all the events of time and is bestowing this upon you

A pistol with a single bullet in it. Will always hit its target in no more than 12 seconds, regardless of distance. Can not be stopped. Will teleport through the multiverse if necessary. Gun explodes after use, killing the user with no chance of living, regardless of what they do.

>>4890021
>*A photo of your mother in her early twenties nude and in a sexy pose. Look at the tits on her!

rolled 38 = 38

>>4890071
Rolling for sanity loss.

>>4890021
When my dad died, I was tasked with going through his things, and actually found a faded nude pic of my mom. 4chan herfderfing about incest aside, she was way fucking hot.

... be back in a bit.

*A bag of rice.

*Four bags of dehydrated milk.

*Five bags filled with bags.

*A can of Pepsi flavored Coke.

*A can of poison marked as Coke.

*A can of coke marked as poison.

*Gnome poison.

>>4890071
NOW LISTEN UP, BOY...

..or pornography starring you mother will be the -second- worst thing that happens to you today!

a large empty crate. a shipping order attached to it reveals that it at some point in the past contained AYIN

a large receptacle of AYIN

a small and heavily faded photo of zalgo

a small normal looking six sided dice. upon inspection it turns out that it has only five sides... roll for sanity loss

A javelin which can be ridden upon when thrown, and an ancient but unrusted sword.

*A can of ass-kicking. Anyone who opens it becomes an unstoppable force of pure beatdown until the contents of the can are fully consumed or go flat, a process that takes about a half hour.

Two silver rings. One of them inscribed with 'Hero' and the other with 'Squire'. Wearing the 'Hero' ring increases or decreases your physical abilities depending on what the wearer of the 'Squire' ring thinks of you. IE: If the 'Squire' thinks the 'Hero' can crush bricks in his fingers and leap small buildings in a single bound, then the Hero can. If the 'Squire' thinks the 'Hero' is a waste of flesh, then the 'Hero' has trouble doing anything other than maintaining a spark of life.

>>4890680
Clint in a Can

>>4890354
pics or it didn't happen

>>4890680
Be better as 'Hero' and 'Villain', IMO.

A thick file folder full of pages from different books which have been torn out with scribbled notes filling the margins, noting inconsistencies and occult significances. They're all from the same story: Little Red Riding Hood.

A bag of baby teeth.

A bottle sealed with a melted quarter. The contents appear to by three differently colored gasses that shift about when the bottle is tilted but never diffuse.

A pair of old computer speakers.

A set of venetian blinds, damaged beyond repair.

Forty-five soda caps, stamped with serial numbers, arranged in order.

>>4890733
>>4890680
'Hero' and 'Vilein'

Oh, I am so witty.

* a pot which if placed on a turntable with a needle riding along the grooves in it, plays Queen's "Don't stop me Now" in simplified form.

A bag of old newspapers. On closer inspection, they are from the future.

A symbiote. Once it attaches to a host, it becomes fiercely loyal. It takes the form of a truly awe-inspiring mustache.

A powerfist. The power-source is dry.

A bottle of pure love. Opening it will allow it to spread throughout the world, bringing joy and happiness to all.

Plans for an alien invasion. If the bottle of pure love is opened, we will be defenseless against them.

A sororitas in full gear, who swears fealty to you.

>>4890872
>A symbiote. Once it attaches to a host, it becomes fiercely loyal. It takes the form of a truly awe-inspiring mustache.

Unless it bonds with a female. Then her pubes grow long enough to braid. Shaving removes the symbiote, and it will refuse to re-bond with someone who has "rejected" it thusly.

Bump for teh Bump God

* Sword of Oblivion

* An empty Sprite Can

* a half empty lighter

* 1 Drum Stick

* Glasses case

A Chevy Malibu. It's color is brownish, and is unreasonably hot. The heat seems to come from the trunk, which gives an odd humming sound.

A magic lamp with a genie inside. The previous master made the following three wishes:
1. "I wish you can't say the word 'wish'"
2. "I wish you took the appearance of the devil"
3. "I wish you REALLY want to grant wishes"

When you rub the lamp, the devil comes out: "YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT! JUST SAY THE WORD!"

You open the Box inside is a Mint Condition Dodge Charger, Souped up with 120 mpg
But all the seats and the wheel have had coke spilled on then, you cannot clean it
and the trunk smells like a dog died in it

Several very embarrassing and erotic photos featuring Benjamin Franklin and a moleman.

*A potion that allows you to quad-weld weapons
*Bees
*Scantly clad elf women
*A complete breakfast
*two chickens
*Faptau
*A lion

>>4889321
According to a myth in many cultures, cats have nine (or sometimes seven) lives.

I'm brazilian, and here the 7 lives myth is the core one.

>>4888543

Rapestove

- Two solid one-inch diameter spheres made of stainless steel. They have a rather unusual property of multiplying the momentum of the one carrying them.

The secret to destroying /b/ without shit flooding the internet.

A contract designating the sole owner of Games Workshop and Wizards of the Coast. It is filled out in full, except for the name of the person to be named owner.

The bag of dicks that everyone has been telling you to suck.

* A rottweiler puppy who stays perpetually a puppy. He never shows any emotion. You suspect he may be up to something.

* A large refrigerator box. A naked man painted bright yellow calling himself a sun elemental will burst out once every year and will run off into the distance. The box somehow repairs itself whenever no one is around. The man, upon bursting from the box, will literally run through anything or anyone attempting to stop him.

*Milk. It expires the second you open it.

* An upside-down cardboard box reading, "Transmogrifier". Below, in slightly smaller print:
Warning: Hazardous
-C