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  • File :1244949875.png-(59 KB, 600x400, pause.png)
    59 KB Dorf Quest LIVVI Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/13/09(Sat)23:24 No.4871936  
    PAUSE SCREEN
    BEARDBEARD GODSLAYER, Dorfen Berserker
    Current Quest(s): Conquer Region, take Heracles' divinity

    ALCOHOLISM: sated
    GOLD: 19,725 at Buzzardloved - none at hand.

    STATUS: BBEG

    MUTATIONS:
    Vestigial Wings
    No Left Eye
    3rd eye on back
    What Hands?
    One Breath
    Poison Immunity
    Scales
    Twoface

    INVENTORY:
    Iron Axe
    +8/+10 Two Handed Axe of the Pit
    1 Torch
    Overworld Map
    Hydra Armor
    Wooden Leg
    Map to Beardbeard's Kingdom
    Golden Sceptre
    Antimagic Bird Cage
    Dragon Armor
    Gnomish Axefoot
    Silk Cape
    Spiderarm Axe
    Ovenshield

    Party:
    Presley and Cheska
    Lolth
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/13/09(Sat)23:25 No.4871946
         File :1244949917.png-(39 KB, 600x400, 1.png)
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    Picking up right where we left off...

    >Ask Lolth how she's feeling. We should make sure that eating shadows doesn't make people sick.
    She says it wasn't very filling. Kinda like eating nothing at all.

    To recap last time: You currently have Driblis and his kobolds guarding a batch of eggs that will hatch hundreds of Giant Cave Spider babies sometime in the next month. They will be very hungry when they wake up, and all they have to eat if they do so right now are kobolds and some shadow meat.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/13/09(Sat)23:26 No.4871956
    WHERE DID THE HAND OF XOM GO?
    >> Anonymous 06/13/09(Sat)23:28 No.4871966
    >>4871946
    Find some elves and use them for food.
    The irony will be delicious.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/13/09(Sat)23:28 No.4871973
    Also, go find some elves for food.
    >> Totallynotsamefag !!PwrhihocaUN 06/13/09(Sat)23:33 No.4872003
         File :1244950386.gif-(1.07 MB, 250x187, AHHHHH.gif)
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    >>4871956
    oh I'm sure it's off somewhere...spreading... chaos

    OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR FACE
    >> Anonymous 06/13/09(Sat)23:33 No.4872007
    So shadows don't make good food. Let's go chop up the chaos arm for food instead.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/13/09(Sat)23:35 No.4872033
    >>4872007
    I thought that was destroyed. Maybe we should return to Buzzardloved.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/13/09(Sat)23:37 No.4872061
         File :1244950676.png-(50 KB, 600x400, travul.png)
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    >>4871966
    >>4871973
    Elves it is! You know a good nearby city of elves, and head towards the settlement.

    >>4871956
    What are you on about? Are you talking about how he stuck one of his two mutated hands into a spider's leg? I am confused.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/13/09(Sat)23:40 No.4872087
    >>4872061
    Xom's arm got deforested, and we have first hand experience to what his hands can do.
    >> Anonymous 06/13/09(Sat)23:41 No.4872094
    >>4872061
    The mutating arm devouring Aordor. Unless we did something about that. I don't remember.
    >> Anonymous 06/13/09(Sat)23:42 No.4872100
    >>4872087

    At this point isn't Beardbeard pretty much like an evil version of Xom's avatar or something.
    >> Anonymous 06/13/09(Sat)23:42 No.4872106
    >>4872094

    That was destroyed by Furious George, the skeletal monkey of Satan
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/13/09(Sat)23:43 No.4872122
    >>4872100
    He can't mutate people like priests of Xom can.
    >> Anonymous 06/13/09(Sat)23:44 No.4872132
    >>4872122
    What happens if a Paladin of Xom uses Laying on Hands?
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/13/09(Sat)23:47 No.4872157
         File :1244951279.png-(50 KB, 600x400, 2.png)
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    There was an elf here.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/13/09(Sat)23:48 No.4872161
         File :1244951312.png-(54 KB, 600x400, 3.png)
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    It is gone now.
    >> Anonymous 06/13/09(Sat)23:50 No.4872175
    >>4872132
    >Paladin of Xom
    >Lawful Good Crusader of the God of Chaos
    >Lawful
    >Chaos
    I don't think paladins work that way.
    >> Anonymous 06/13/09(Sat)23:52 No.4872193
    >>4872175
    You offend Xom with your limited thinking.
    >> Anonymous 06/13/09(Sat)23:52 No.4872194
    >>4872175
    They aren't stuck with LG anymore, bub.
    >> Anonymous 06/13/09(Sat)23:52 No.4872195
    >>4872161
    >>4872157

    I approve of this, wholehearted massacre of an elven town can only be seen as a positive thing.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/13/09(Sat)23:53 No.4872200
    Can we avoid hacking them up so they stay full of delicious juices? Use an elf corpse instead(unless you can't pick one up).
    >> Anonymous 06/13/09(Sat)23:55 No.4872211
    Part of worshipping chaos is struggling against it. When Xom sends monsters after you for fun, you're not supposed to just let them and kill you. You're supposed to fight them.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/13/09(Sat)23:55 No.4872213
    Also, isn't there a temple of Yog in Teven?
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/13/09(Sat)23:56 No.4872216
    >>4872211
    No you're suppose to survive.
    >> Anonymous 06/13/09(Sat)23:58 No.4872230
    >>4872213
    I'd say defile the hell out of it, but every priest we've met so far is pretty kickass, and we're not up to full strength.
    Let's just write 'XOM WUZ HUR' on it in elven blood.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/13/09(Sat)23:58 No.4872236
         File :1244951926.png-(63 KB, 600x400, 4.png)
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    A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go, a high ho the derry oh a hunting we will go.

    >>4872213
    Yes, there is.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/13/09(Sat)23:59 No.4872238
    >>4872230
    You're right, we're not drunk enough to resist mind control.
    >> Anonymous 06/13/09(Sat)23:59 No.4872240
    >>4872211
    Xom is the most benevolent god of all, giving the mortals of the world challenges to make them strong, fast, cunning, adaptive. Stagnation is death! Order is oppression! HAIL XOM! HAIL XOM!
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:00 No.4872243
    >>4872236

    Let's go convert the Temple of Yog into a temple to Xom by sacrificing the priests to our giant spider.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:00 No.4872246
    >>4872236
    Oh hey, we killed Link.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:00 No.4872247
    >>4872236
    Ask Presley if he has proficiency with swords.
    >> Fuuka the Fey Mood 06/14/09(Sun)00:03 No.4872261
    >>4872236
    Is that the triforce?

    LINK!

    NO!

    BEARDBEARD YOU BASTARD! HE WAS ONE OF THE COOL ONES!
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:03 No.4872269
    >>4872247
    Take Link's stuff, give it to Presley. Even if he's not proficient with it.
    Tell him he'll look more awesome with a sword strapped to his back, and in Beardbeard's glorious dictatorship, everyone is required to look awesome.
    As long as you're not as awesome as Beardbeard.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:05 No.4872284
    >>4872269
    It's impossible to be as awesome as Beardbeard.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)00:07 No.4872291
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    >>4872247
    >Hey Presley, how are you with a weapon?
    "Weapon? Oh no no no! I'm a lover, not a fighter. I'm feeling queasy enough just bagging up these bodies for the baby spiders. I don't want to kill anyone myself!"
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:08 No.4872297
    >>4872291
    "FINE. Pussy. We'll give it to Driblis."
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:08 No.4872298
    >>4872291
    Well pick it up anyway. It might be worth something.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:09 No.4872307
    >>4872291
    That's almost too faggy to keep him around.
    We need a retinue of hard-fighting, hard-farting, iron-fisted, dorfy dorfs!
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:09 No.4872311
    >>4872291

    Man, the pink one is the manliest of the corpses there...
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:10 No.4872315
    Pick up any loot you can while you're here.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:13 No.4872349
    >>4872315

    Just kill the whole city then use Loot Everything
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:15 No.4872365
    So... This is a forum game, then?

    I was kind of hoping it was a you know, real game.

    Because if you can have a game with STATUS: BBEG...

    mmmmm... *fapfapfapfapfapfapfap*
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:15 No.4872367
    Get Lolth in on the action. She's a giant cave spider, the most deadly creature in the world, next to carp and of course, Beardbeard.
    >> Driblis !!GOrJudN+wNz 06/14/09(Sun)00:16 No.4872376
         File :1244953003.png-(10 KB, 640x480, driblis_hey.png)
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    Driblis is in DorfQuest? And not dead (yet)?

    I *have* been away a long time.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:16 No.4872377
    Forget the loot, it's pansy elf loot anyway!
    What we ought to do is make this incredibly insulting, I mean, what's a raid and a mass murdering rampage without "Screw you tree-hugging bastards" written in the blood of their infants on the tree-walls?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:18 No.4872391
    >>4872376
    Driblis is not only in DorfQuest, but is Beardbeard's esteemed DOUBLE GENERAL.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:20 No.4872408
    >>4872377
    What about sunshine? Unless it doesn't exist in this universe.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)00:21 No.4872414
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    >>4872297
    >"FINE. Pussy. We'll give it to Driblis."
    You take the Master Sword to give to Driblis later. You take the shield for yourself.
    >>4872315
    >Pick up other loot
    You also obtain large amounts of cashmonies, and the wrath of the local militia. After taking out about 3 dozen civilians, you began to be harassed by some spellcasters.

    Is this enough bodies for now, or do you want to try to assault the casters?

    >>4872376
    All indications point to Driblis probably making it out of this entire thing alive, too.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:22 No.4872421
    Rip and tear man, rip and tear.
    >> Driblis !!GOrJudN+wNz 06/14/09(Sun)00:23 No.4872426
         File :1244953386.png-(4 KB, 250x250, title.png)
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    >>4872414
    Well, woo. I'm just glad to see the little guy is still around in the collective minds of /tg/. I keep considering continuing the quest, but I'm a lazy sack of crap.

    Ok, off I go again, back to lurkan.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:23 No.4872431
    >>4872414
    Through the oven shield at him.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:23 No.4872434
    >>4872414
    I do recall being fried to a crisp last time we faced the runecasting faeries and temple priests.
    Of course, enraged slashing is always a valid course of action.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:23 No.4872437
    >>4872414

    >Is this enough bodies

    These are elves, THERE ARE NEVER ENOUGH BODIES!
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:24 No.4872438
    >>4872431
    >Through
    Dammit
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:25 No.4872447
    >>4872434

    Plus back then we weren't covered in Xom's Love, maybe some of the mutations gave us magic resistance? Or something?
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:25 No.4872450
    >>4872434
    Dragon armor protects from fire, and since it's the blue eyes white dragon's hide, electricity.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:25 No.4872452
    >>4872431
    I second throwing the oven shield at him.
    Then run, flipping him off as you go with your nonexistant fingers.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)00:26 No.4872459
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    >>4872421
    You charge.

    ...Why are they not getting any closer.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:28 No.4872477
    >>4872459
    I knew this was going to happen. We are only good at fighting dirty.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)00:30 No.4872495
         File :1244953822.png-(42 KB, 600x400, 8.png)
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    ...Fuck, its a hold spell. And those faeries are done casting. This is going to sting.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:30 No.4872497
    Ok, just making us float won't kill us. If they attack, we can reflect it, and if they bash us around, we can bust through the wall/floor to escape.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:31 No.4872503
    >>4872495
    Shield!
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:32 No.4872511
    We don't have any magic resistance abilities/mutations! NOOOO!
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:35 No.4872540
    >>4872511
    Note to self: Acquire cloak of magic resistance.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:35 No.4872544
    May I humbly suggest that when we finish slaughtering these elves, we set about making a lever which will cover the entire globe in lava?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:36 No.4872551
    >>4872459
    Attack that damn magic directly. You shouldn't be able to, but that hasn't ever stopped you before.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:36 No.4872557
    Throw your shield at them Captain America style.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)00:36 No.4872564
         File :1244954206.png-(80 KB, 600x400, 9.png)
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    Well that hurt a lot less than you anticipated.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:37 No.4872571
    >>4872551

    That's right, we've torn apart reality before, why not again?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:37 No.4872587
    >>4872564
    CAPTURE A FAIRY IN YOUR ANTIMAGIC BIRD CAGE.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:37 No.4872592
    >>4872564
    HOLY SHIT that's a big laser. Lets leave, we have enough bodies.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:39 No.4872610
    >>4872564
    Presley is CREDIT TO TEAM.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:39 No.4872618
    I wonder how healthy magic fairy corpses are for growing demon spiders. I say we try to get one. I'm seconding Captain America style shield tossing ass kicking.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:41 No.4872636
    >>4872618
    We know first hand that they are delicious, but they don't do anything interesting.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)00:44 No.4872666
         File :1244954645.png-(26 KB, 600x400, 10.png)
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    >>4872592
    Since that hold spell hasn't worn off yet, Presley approves of this idea. He picks you up, adds you to the chain of bodybags, and runs. As quick as his little legs will carry him.

    >>4872587
    >>4872618
    >>4872571
    You are not happy with his decision.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:44 No.4872675
    >>4872564
    PUNCH THROUGH ELF AND EAT FAERIES.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:47 No.4872703
    >>4872666
    Well, it could be worse. We still have enough to hopefully feed the horrendous spider babies without throwing kobolds at them. I forget, do we have a chef? They should have a nice first meal.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:47 No.4872709
    Tell Presley to take the bodies back to the cave, and you'll og get a drink.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:47 No.4872713
    >>4872666

    Shut up, Satan.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:51 No.4872734
    >>4872713
    We still need to kill Heracles and reinstate Real-satan by killing Fake-satan.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:52 No.4872739
    >>4872734
    We don't know about fake satan, and Beardbeard probably wouldn't care anyway.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:55 No.4872764
    >>4872739

    Satan and Garrelf were added to our hitlist anyways.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:55 No.4872767
    Are we unheld yet?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:55 No.4872768
    >>4872739
    Hey Satan is our bro.
    We did give him godhood.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:57 No.4872780
    >>4872768

    Then he killed Sunbeard with that power.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)00:58 No.4872787
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    >>4872709
    You are not entirely pleased with this turn of events, but somehow you made it out okay. Its a surprise those spellcasters didn't pursue you. Weird.

    Anyway, you decide you want to go get yourself a drink. You send Presley back to the cave to give those corpses to the kobolds. There's gotta be some chef in there to make them all nice and prepped for the babies. You have Lolth accompany him, in case something bad pops up.

    In the meantime, you need a drink. Where the hell are you going to go get a drink.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:58 No.4872790
    >>4872768
    We were going to kill Glittergold anyway. Satan getting godship was just a byproduct.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)00:59 No.4872800
    I think its time we make our own brewery.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)00:59 No.4872802
    >>4872787
    Go to cultist and ask for some kay-oss ale.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:00 No.4872807
    >>4872787
    Eridia!
    Also how much moneys do we have from our elfslaying?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:01 No.4872812
    >>4872787

    Head to the port town, and we can get good and maybe burn the town to the ground if it doesn't get us drunk enough.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)01:01 No.4872815
    Head to Eridia to get a drink. We have a god there that we're planning to kill and usurp, may as well scope out the competition while getting us some booze.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)01:01 No.4872817
    >>4872807
    7,209
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)01:03 No.4872834
    >>4872802

    Well, if they're home yet. But they're heading for the Temple of Heracles if they got our note, so let's deal with Heracles first.

    And make sure that Lolth sends us one of her baby spiders to give to Lily as a gift.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:03 No.4872840
    >>4872812
    I second the port town. Such towns attract pirates, and pirates always get the best booze.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:04 No.4872848
    Idea for later: trim off some Xomflesh, feed to Llolth or one of the babies.

    What could possibly go wrong?
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)01:06 No.4872858
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    >>4872807
    >>4872812
    >>4872815
    Eridia it is! You stop at the first bar you see, and get yourself some nice, strong brew.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)01:06 No.4872859
    We need someway to corrupt the temple of Yog in Eridia. We have no god powers, but praying might work.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:06 No.4872861
    Did we ever actually heal up after our Musclebeard battle?

    If not it may be a good idea to find some healing in Eridia.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)01:08 No.4872870
    >>4872861
    We'll be fine once we get some ale.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:09 No.4872878
    >>4872858

    Say hi to the nice stanger
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:09 No.4872881
    >>4872870
    Good point. Drunkeness heals all wounds.

    For a Dorf anyway.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)01:10 No.4872892
    >>4872858

    ...what, who's that girl?

    Did the vampire chick reconstitute from her melting? I mean, if she's Discworld style, all she needed was a drop of blood in her ashes while the ashes were all in one place.

    Or is this someone else we've unknowingly fucked over?

    ...meh, who cares. Be magnanimous, buy her a drink of her choice, as long as it's something the bar has. The gears of social interaction mesh better with proper quantities of alcoholic lubricant.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)01:10 No.4872894
    >>4872881
    It's no wonder dwarfs in dwarf fortress take so long to heal, it's because they aren't getting any booze.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:11 No.4872902
    >>4872892
    It's a guy. Girls are pink.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)01:11 No.4872903
    >>4872861
    I think we spent enough time doing nothing really harmful to ourselves since the Musclebeard fight that our wounds have recovered. The hideous mutations and scars haven't, but we can fix those later.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:12 No.4872907
    >>4872892

    First, they're not pink, so it's a dude. But I believe that that is Rary, the super powerful wizard-dine-and-dasher
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)01:14 No.4872918
    >>4872902
    ...damn, I'd somehow forgotten that.

    Shit, that's Findlay, isn't it? I mean, what other dudes with a creepy face and long hair do we know? Besides Garrelf?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:14 No.4872919
    >>4872858
    Greet Rary. Ask what's up.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)01:14 No.4872920
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    >>4872907
    SHIT IT IS
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)01:14 No.4872927
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    >>4872878
    You say hi. He replies, "Its a wonder you can still stand, with your injuries. A wonder indeed. Would you like me to help with those?"
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:16 No.4872941
    >>4872927

    Ask him how he feels about godslaying
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)01:17 No.4872946
    >>4872919
    >>4872920

    Do we even know that Rary exists on Beardside?

    I mean before now?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:18 No.4872953
    >>4872946

    No we don't this is a first time meeting.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:18 No.4872960
    >>4872927
    Free healing? Sure why not.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:19 No.4872964
    >>4872927
    What's the catch?
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)01:19 No.4872970
    >>4872927
    "I suppose that depends on what your help would involve."

    In other words, how much will it cost us and how likely is it to go spectacularly wrong even without the guiding hand of /tg/ to fuck things up?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:19 No.4872971
    >>4872927

    If he is referring to our mutations, its a hard call, we are dwarf at heart and should be dwarf in body, but on the other hand, they are signs of Xom's love...
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)01:20 No.4872983
    >>4872927
    "What wounds? It's just a scratch"
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:22 No.4872999
    He sounds like he's genuinely happy to meet us.
    Yeah why not, we can't get much more fucked up.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)01:24 No.4873015
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    >>4872941
    "Well, that's a rather strange question. I suppose I am indifferent to godslaying. I mean, its happened a lot in these past 200 years, and I haven't tried to stop it before. Why would I start caring now?"

    >>4872983
    >"What wounds? Its just a scratch."
    "Hahaa, what a tough guy. Well, I could make it as if those scratches never happened. Or your mutations, either. You'll be as healthy as can possibly be. All I ask is all the gold you're carrying, and you will be good as new."
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:26 No.4873027
    >>4873015
    He's known for taking money and running, and we're seven different kinds of fucked up as it is. GET AWAY FROM HIM.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:26 No.4873032
    >>4873015

    How would we buy ale?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:27 No.4873033
    >>4873015
    Tell him its all cool, its not like these mutations are a deficit. Plus we wouldn't want to upset Xom would we?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:27 No.4873035
    >>4873015
    "Know anything that could help me kill Heracles?"

    Before we accept this offer, how drunk are we?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:27 No.4873045
    >>4873015
    COUNTERPROPOSAL.
    Beardbeard drinks his fill of ale first. Then we give Rary whatever gold we have left over.
    Also, we get to pick which mutations we keep or lose.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:28 No.4873052
    >>4873027
    I don't think Beardbeard knows that, though. How much gold do we have on hand??
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)01:28 No.4873057
    >>4873015
    Ask him to just give us working hands and a working leg.

    And then to point us to where we can find a cybereye or something.

    The rest of the shit we can deal with once we've acquired GODLY MIGHT.

    Ask him if he knows anything about the particular habits of, say, Heracles, Pelor, and Ra. Best to keep people guessing about WHICH god we're going to slay, or they might get suspicious.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:30 No.4873065
    We can't give up our mutations before using our One Breath.

    That said, I'd like to get our normal hands back so we can use our Axe of the Pit again.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)01:30 No.4873071
    >>4873057

    Oh, and tell him that we're only going to pay him after he gives us what we want. After the way Queen Whats-her-face fucked with us in the Shadow Realm, I think we'd want to avoid getting boned like that again because we didn't make sure they had to follow through on their end of the bargain.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)01:32 No.4873080
    >>4873065

    Come to think of it, if the issue with our hands is the webbing, maybe we could cut away the webbing to give us fingers again?

    Or just take that Axe of the Pit and duct tape it to our left flipper or something.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:32 No.4873083
    >>4873052
    None I believe.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:32 No.4873084
    I say fuck it and do it. Retarded bravery is what got us this far, and I'll be damned if we abandon it now.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:32 No.4873093
    >>4873084
    Retarded drunken bravery.

    Just make sure we're drunk, then go ahead.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)01:34 No.4873108
    >>4873083
    We have 7k from looting Teven.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:35 No.4873119
    FUCK THAT FUCKING FUCK!

    Beardbeards body is a walking testement to the life he has lived, undo it all and you spit upon that history.

    Hands and a leg would be nice though.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:38 No.4873136
    >>4873015
    Tell him we need this money for boozing.
    Then proceed to spend EVERY GOD DAMN CENT ON BOOZE, AND DRINK IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)01:38 No.4873137
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    >>4873045
    >Beardbeard drinks his fill of ale first. Then we give Rary whatever gold we have left over.
    "Of course. I would never get between a Dorf and its ale."

    >Also, we get to pick which mutations we keep or lose.
    "My apologies. My brand of magic is rather... all-or-nothing. I can't just pick and choose. At least, not in the way you'd want me to."

    >>4873057
    "I know more about the gods than probably anyone else in the multiverse, Fate included. Answers will cost you gold, however."

    >>4873052
    >How much gold do we have?
    We have 7209 gold on hand, but after paying for ale we will have a little less than that.

    >>4873035
    >How drunk are we?
    A bit drunk. You'll need a few more flagons to start making a dent in your considerable constitution.

    >>4873119
    >I don't want your stupid mutations fixing. Legs and hands would be nice though.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)01:39 No.4873150
    >>4873137
    HURR DURR DIDN'T FINISH THE BOTTOM ONE

    >>4873119
    >I don't want your stupid mutations fixing. Legs and hands would be nice though.
    "I wish I could help you there, but I can not. My apologies."
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:39 No.4873156
    >>4873137
    Can we go do some annoying fetch quest for the god info?

    Getting some hands for our axe would definitely be worth our gold after drunkeness.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:42 No.4873173
    >>4873137
    Wait, he knows about the gods? Fuck healing, give us the skinny on Fate. And Heracles. And Moradin. And Xom. How much is this costing us?
    Does Xanatos put out? Because we're thinking of proposing after we become a god.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:43 No.4873179
    >>4873137
    All or nothing? I think we should pass. I like some of our horrible mutations.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:44 No.4873187
    Hmm... The prospect of getting our hands back is tempting, but we'll lose our poison immunity and One Breath, and we need our breath weapon to use Axe, Ale, Beard, Pride.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)01:44 No.4873191
    >>4873137
    Pay for info on the gods; we can get healing elsewhere.

    Also, ask him why he came looking for us. Or did he just recognize us from the newspapers?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:45 No.4873200
    Accept his offer, and tell him that before we were mutated, we were like, twice as strong as we are now, so that'll have to come back too.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)01:47 No.4873213
    >>4873187
    >>4873179

    Right on, brothers. Our horrible mutations build character, except for the ones that fuck us over. If he can't fix it selectively, that's no good.

    ...ask him if he can recharge our breath weapon, though. Or if he knows where we can.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:48 No.4873223
    >>4873200
    SAY THAT PRIOR TO MUATION, YOU WERE AS STRONG AS MORADIN, NO STRONGER.

    You will make it work with nega-logic
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)01:49 No.4873232
    Ask Xom what you should do, if he ignores you, kill the priests of the Yog temple and ask again.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:49 No.4873234
    Do it! Mutate to Dorf 2.0!
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:49 No.4873238
    Beardbeard would do it, based on his history. He did chug xom booze just for shits and giggles, after all.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)01:50 No.4873244
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    >Wait, he knows about the gods? Fuck healing, give us the skinny on Fate. And Heracles. And Moradin. And Xom. How much is this costing us?
    "Why that depends, my godslaying friend. How much gold do you have?"

    >>4873191
    >Why did you come looking for me?
    "Come looking for you? Now that would be rather useless. Important people eventually meet. Its how legends are made. Its how gods are replaced. Its how peasants become the king of a horrible army of cave spiders, marching across the entirety of the continent, forcing the gods themselves to try and stop him before they no longer have any worshipers... but we aren't quite that far in the legend yet. Nothing is a coincidence, Beardbeard."

    >>4873223
    >Hey, prior to my mutations, I was stronger than Musclebeard!
    "You will never be stronger than Musclebeard. There is never going to be a point in your life where you could defeat him in a flat out contest of strength."
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:50 No.4873246
    Didn't Beardbeard chug mutation beer from a barrel, was xom blessed or something?

    This is like the same thing, we should do it.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:52 No.4873259
    Wait.

    This guy has power over mutations. ASK HIM TO MUTATE US EVEN MORE.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:52 No.4873260
    Accept the offer, then try to find a way to get a new breath weapon.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:53 No.4873265
    >>4873244

    Tell him we have tons of gold in Buzzardloved he can take for his services, he just has to go get it.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:53 No.4873266
    >>4873244
    >"You will never be stronger than Musclebeard. There is never going to be a point in your life where you could defeat him in a flat out contest of strength."

    Unless we become a god too?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:53 No.4873271
    >>4873244
    Could we ever be faster, have more stamina, be more durable, have better senses, etc?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:54 No.4873275
    Ask if he knows where we can get some Kay-oss Beer.

    Chugging another barrel after healing should more or less obtain the same results.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:54 No.4873277
    >>4873271
    this idea, I like this.
    we damn well better be keeping an eye towards a rematch.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:55 No.4873281
    >>4873266
    I think he's saying that while we're alive, we won't ever match him. We're going to have to be struck down and rise again more powerful than he could possibly have imagined.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:56 No.4873292
    Either mutate us more, or change what we are completely. We are an agent of chaos, a mutable form would only strengthen our chaotic power.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:57 No.4873303
    >>4873244
    "I've got about six thousand gold. Or will, after I'm done drinking. Tell me how to kill Musclebeard. And Heracles. But mostly Musclebeard."
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)01:57 No.4873304
    >>4873244
    Given that he's now Blindy McSightless thanks to us, I figure we don't have to fight Musclebeard in straightforward fashion anymore.

    And if Rary's so interested in legends, ask him if he wants to follow along with us for a while. Tell him it could be fun.

    Plus, given that he's a wizard, he probably owes us one for replacing the God of Magic with one who isn't as much of a pussy. Don't necessarily say that part to him, though.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:57 No.4873310
    Make us our best, whatever it is!
    >> Fuuka the Fey Mood 06/14/09(Sun)01:57 No.4873311
    GUYS.

    SERIOUSLY.

    OUR PILE OF INJURIES IS WAY TOO FUCKING BIG AND OUR HANDICAPS GROWN TOO MUCH.

    AS COOL AS SOME OF THE MUTATIONS ARE, THEY ARE HOLDING IS BACK NOW.

    WE NEED TO GET RID OF THEM.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:58 No.4873315
    Ok, lets chug some beer, get drunk, and get healed up.

    Unless we can get kay-oss beer, but I doubt it.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)01:58 No.4873317
    >>4873304
    This man is stronger then the gods and has probably killed at least one.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)01:59 No.4873323
    >>4873304
    He seems to already know everything that is going on.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:00 No.4873329
    >>4873311
    You're new here. Rationality didn't get us to where we are, dwarfiness did.

    Would Xom have raised us as an undead monster had we not dove into a well after our axe?
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)02:01 No.4873335
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    >>4873281
    >So you're saying that while I'm alive, I won't ever match him. I'm going to have to be struck down and rise again more powerful than you could possibly have imagined.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:02 No.4873342
    >>4873311
    Fuck that, we have no idea what his 'healing' will actually involve. We got this far as a dorfen pile of mutations, we can go all the way as one.
    >> Fuuka the Fey Mood 06/14/09(Sun)02:02 No.4873349
    >MUTATIONS:
    >Vestigial Wings
    Useless mutation

    >No Left Eye
    HURR DEPTH PERCEPTION.

    >3rd eye on back
    Won't effect out ability to kill people.

    >What Hands?
    This means we can't even use our GOD SLAYING AXE.

    THE VERY THING THAT ALLOWED US TO, OH, SLAY A FUCKING GOD?

    >One Breath
    One use left isn't that big of a loss. Get over it. We'd need to replace it after one more use anyway.

    >Poison Immunity
    We are fighting gods, not snakes.

    >Scales
    >Twoface

    Both.. well you get the idea.

    And should I add WE ARE IN NEED OF WORKING LIMBS?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:02 No.4873350
    >>4873335
    QUICKLY

    While he's got his head against the counter, pour beer in his hair.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:03 No.4873359
    >>4873335
    No, but seriously. Tell us how to kill Musclebeard.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:03 No.4873365
    >>4873329
    We can't beat the god of dorfiness by being dorfy. We have to become more than a dorf.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)02:03 No.4873367
    >>4873317

    What a coincidence, so did we.

    Although I suppose that the real reason to get rid of the mutations is that, up until now, we've been winning our battles against things by just using Xom or Fate or whoever for help. He keeps saving our ass. But if we want to not merely kill a god but usurp his power for ourselves, I think we have to do this one on our own. If we can't take that power with our own strength, then we probably don't deserve it to begin with.

    We began this journey with nothing more than our ale, our axe, our beard, and our pride. We need nothing more than that to bring cutebolds and cave spiders to our side, elves and fairies to their knees, and gods to utter annihilation.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)02:03 No.4873368
    >>4873329
    Did we ever kill that snake?
    >>4873335
    Accept the offer. What could possibly go wrong?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:03 No.4873369
    >>4873335
    "Are you mocking me?"
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:04 No.4873372
    >>4873342
    but he will make us our 'best' look at the fucker, I am sure his definition of 'best' is just as fucked up as we are now, only WE WILL BE HEALED.

    DO IT.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)02:06 No.4873384
    Also, ask him to come along with us. He seems like a pretty cool guy.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:06 No.4873385
    >>4873335
    Well he seemed to do pretty well after the last time he died.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:06 No.4873394
    >>4873368
    No.

    New objective: Go to the dungeon and thank that snake.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:07 No.4873399
    SUPERDORFITUP
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:08 No.4873409
    Let's take the healing. It's not like we aren't going right back to high magical situations and getting ourselves right fucked up again in five minutes, we'll have some more mutations in no time. Also, we need to look into getting warforged prosthetics in case we're handless again. ROCKETO PAUNCH and all that.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:09 No.4873419
    >>4873367
    I agree. We need to seize godhood and fuck it into submission with the things we started with: Axe, Ale, Beard, and Pride.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)02:11 No.4873426
    >>4873367
    In other words, take the offer. TAKE IT. But ask what we'd need to get healing AND the lowdown on the gods.

    Also ask where we can find a barber who specializes in adding EXTRA DORFITUDE to beards. We've got an awesome ax, we've got plenty of pride, but our beard and ale could use some work.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:12 No.4873430
    take the offer, but then proceed to get more mutations.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:12 No.4873438
    >>4873409
    Rocketaxe Punch.
    It's dorfier.
    >> Lots of talking this session Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)02:13 No.4873440
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    >>4873335
    "Oh, ohhh, that was good. Oh yes. But seriously, though, you already did that. You can not do that again."

    >>4873359
    >Seriously, how do we kill Musclebeard?
    "Well, I'll give you a word of warning. He's not half as blind as you would hope. Being the god of Stone gives you some nice benefits, like tremorsense. Its for the best that you fell unconscious when you did - if you'd kept moving, he would've found you for sure.

    Oh, and his skin is made of stone. You'll need some way to pierce through that stuff just to hurt the guy, but I think you can manage it somehow. Just a hunch I have."

    >Accept his offer of healing
    "Sorry, that bit of info just cost you 2000 Gold. You don't have enough for my healing anymore."
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:13 No.4873446
    >>4873434
    >Beardbeard
    >Smart thing
    Yeah, there's a precedent of that happening, all right.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:15 No.4873460
    >>4873440
    Could we give him the Master Sword we were saving for Driblis as a form of payment?
    >> Fuuka the Fey Mood 06/14/09(Sun)02:15 No.4873462
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    >>4873367
    This!

    PERFECTLY THIS!

    Listen to this man!

    We'll get you a hot dorf woman, beardbeard. Picture related?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:16 No.4873467
    >>4873440
    Well, if we can't afford healing anymore, we might as well get properly drunk.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)02:17 No.4873471
    >>4873440
    So boots of levitation + hammer of crushing will make him drop like a bitch?
    >> Fuuka the Fey Mood 06/14/09(Sun)02:17 No.4873472
    >>4873460
    ..BRILLIANT!
    >> Rubric Marine !5YmRrjC64A 06/14/09(Sun)02:17 No.4873473
    >>4873440

    Can he mutate us anymore?
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)02:17 No.4873477
    >>4873440
    Give him a down payment now, tell him we'll give him the rest when we loot the treacherous citizens of Buzzardloved.

    Alternatively, offer him some of our gear in exchange. Like the Hydra Armor, for example. Heck, maybe even the Satan Axe; we can't use it with our Spiderarm Axe, after all.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:18 No.4873480
    >>4873440
    'You said that it would cost as much gold as we have. Well, we have 5209 gold, and it is ALL WE HAVE. By your terms, it is enough.'

    BeardBeard, as a dorf, becomes capable of exceptional intuition when drunk. It's how dorfs figured out growing beards lengthens the lifespan of dorfs.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:18 No.4873486
    >>4873440
    "Well, if you're sure you don't want the other 5,000 gold..."
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:18 No.4873488
    >>4873477
    Instead of healing, we pay him to tie an axe to each hand stump.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:18 No.4873492
    What the fuck? He would get the same amount of money either way, and he didn't actually answer our fucking question. Make with the healing, or at least give some small sidequest we can perform for it.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)02:20 No.4873498
    Ask him how much the healing+mutation cure will cost. You have some more money at your mountain home.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)02:20 No.4873499
    >>4873472

    Also, do we really want to insult Driblis by giving him a sword made by elves?

    Fuck, I'm surprised they can manage swords; it's not as if an elf would have much experience with anything that's long and hard.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:21 No.4873503
    Can't he just take the money we left in Buzzardloved, he should be able to just teleport there and pick it up if he's such a great wizard, that's like 19,000 gold.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)02:21 No.4873508
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    >>4873460
    >Could we give him the Master Sword we were saving for Driblis as a form of payment?
    "Ooh, that's a nice blade you have there. I will take that as appropriate payment, yes. Give me that, and I will undo everything that has happened to you. Understood?"
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)02:21 No.4873509
    Also, be surprised that Musclebeard is the god of stone.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)02:22 No.4873515
    >>4873471
    Just use our Dorfen Telekinesis on our beard and move with that; it'll cushion our movement. Then find that eyestone thing we had and shove it into Musclebeard's face.

    But we're going to kill Heracles first. We're already here, after all.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:23 No.4873517
    >>4873499
    It just occurred to me, but doesn't Driblis use a spear?

    Why the fuck were we giving him a sword in the first place?
    >> Rubric Marine !5YmRrjC64A 06/14/09(Sun)02:23 No.4873518
    >>4873508

    Am I the only one not trusting the wanted guy?
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)02:23 No.4873522
    >>4873515
    I don't know man, Heracles has a rocket launcher.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:24 No.4873526
         File :1244960650.gif-(159 KB, 629x365, commisar holt large gun.gif)
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    >>4873480
    THIS. Pic related, he didn't choose his words with exceptional care.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:24 No.4873527
    >>4873508

    Is that everything right up to the point before we drank the xom ale, or before we died for the first time.

    Because if we lose exp/stats/items over this and everyone else isn't also appropriately reset, blood will flow.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:24 No.4873529
    >>4873508
    NO
    Not everything done to us.

    We became an agent of Xom, we levelled up and learned new moves.

    Rephrase less ambiguously, and we have a deal.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)02:24 No.4873531
    >>4873508

    "Just making sure, this isn't actually going to turn us back into 1st session Beardbeard, right? I mean, physically, maybe, but hopefully not mentally. We don't want to lose our epic badassery."
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:26 No.4873536
    >>4873508
    He doesn't get this offer right next time, we walk the hell out of this bar fast. We are NOT losing all that progress.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:26 No.4873538
    >UNDO EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU.

    admiral ackbar.jpg!!!!
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)02:27 No.4873544
    >>4873508
    Just make sure this won't make us weaker or less experienced.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:27 No.4873548
    >>4873508
    ...Wait a tic, he wants the master sword to undo everything that has happened to us... motherfucker, he's going back seven years and fucking up the timeline! Keep it out of his hands, give it to the first redheaded orc we find.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:28 No.4873549
    >>4873508
    "Wise guy, huh? No, I give you the sword and you undo my wounds and mutations. And that's all!"
    >> Fuuka the Fey Mood 06/14/09(Sun)02:28 No.4873550
    >>4873508
    HAHAHAHAHA!

    I love how eager he is to get that sword.

    Too bad we can't hold it to use it as a weapon. I bet it would smart if you hit a god with it.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:28 No.4873551
    >>4873508
    NEVER. I like our mutations, damnit. We'll keep them. Or figure out a different way to heal them.
    Besides, this "undo everything that has happened to you" stinks of Literal Genie.
    Let's just keep pumping for god info.
    So. Xanatos. Does she put out?
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)02:28 No.4873553
         File :1244960912.png-(36 KB, 600x400, 17.png)
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    >>4873531
    >Just making sure, this isn't actually going to turn us back into 1st session Beardbeard, right? I mean, physically, maybe, but hopefully not mentally. We don't want to lose our epic badassery.
    He smiles. "Do you want to accept my offer or not?"
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:29 No.4873556
    >>4873553
    No. Fuck you. Smarmy little bastard.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:29 No.4873557
    >>4873553
    No.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:29 No.4873559
    >>4873553
    YOU GET HIM TO MUTATE US MORE.

    MOOOORE
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:30 No.4873560
    >>4873553
    Fuck no, we're leaving and healing some other way. Don't let it take the sword. Carry it out in your teeth if you have to, we can find healing anywhere.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)02:30 No.4873562
    >>4873553
    Get interrupted by a goldmoon assassin, or Presely.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:30 No.4873563
    and then it cycles back to the first part of dorfquest. QUEST OVER VIA TEMPORAL PARADOX.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:30 No.4873565
    This is some high stake gambling here.

    And what would beardbeard do?

    ROLL THE DICE, MOTHERFUCKER!
    >> Rubric Marine !5YmRrjC64A 06/14/09(Sun)02:30 No.4873567
    >>4873553

    No! I, for one, do not trust that wanted guy.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:31 No.4873569
    >>4873553
    >>4873562

    Cancel Negotiations: Interrupted by an elephant!
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:32 No.4873573
    >>4873553
    "Not if you're going to be so VAGUE about it. I'll just sit here with my sword and drink away my 5,209 gold that you don't have."
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:32 No.4873575
    >>4873553
    I'm way too skeptical of this, your magic may be all-or-nothing, but those terms are not acceptable.

    Make it healing and mutation curing only, or no sword for you.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:32 No.4873576
    rolled 1 + 1 = 2

    >>4873565
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)02:33 No.4873579
    >>4873553
    You know what, fuck it. Let's rock.

    No matter what happens, he will still have his AXE. He will still have his ALE. He will still have his BEARD. And he will still have his motherfucking PRIDE.

    And since he has Logic 0 and therefore listens to whatever the voices in his head (i.e. /tg/) tell him, we can fill him on on whatever shit he may not know about.

    Besides, if this motherfucker could actually undo all of time itself, his bounty would be a lot higher.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)02:34 No.4873588
    >>4873578

    Tell him we'll give him the Satan Axe instead. Then find some way of defiling the sword as a big "fuck you" to the elves.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:35 No.4873590
    >>4873579
    Shut the hell up about axe and pride, you gigantic nancy. Are you really that worried about a few damned flesh wounds that you'd risk everything just to get some hands back? We could kill a thousand elves without hands, and we'll kill a thousand more without legs or eyes if we have to. We'll get healed, but not like this.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:35 No.4873591
    >>4873579
    Logic 0 doesn't mean we can tell him anything, just that he doesn't filter out our stupid suggestions.

    The only person we can directly talk to is Lily, who is far away from Beardbeard and not likely to help him after we told her he's evil and shit.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)02:35 No.4873594
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    >>4873556
    >>4873557
    "Congratulations, Beardbeard. You just avoided having your legend entirely erased from the books. So, what do you want to know about those gods?"

    >So. Xanatos. Does she put out?
    "Well, I don't think you'd WANT to do her, but she probably would, yes. She very rarely gets living suitors."

    >>4873559
    >Can you mutate me more?
    "No, no I can't. I can only send you back in time, not forward."
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:35 No.4873595
    Beardbeard cancels agree to quest ending deal: Taken by a mood!
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:36 No.4873605
    >>4873594
    That means we're going to get MORE MUTATIONS.

    Fuck yes.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:37 No.4873608
    >>4873594

    Oh man, oh man, oh man, we have to make her our God-bride now.

    Anyways, we need to know the god's weaknesses and whatnot I guess.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:38 No.4873615
    >>4873594
    I kinda like Rary, even if he can majorly fuck up reality like that.

    What's the deal with Heracles?
    >> Fuuka the Fey Mood 06/14/09(Sun)02:39 No.4873630
    ..The leg isn't such a big deal, but we do need to fix our damn hands.

    We need to be able to actually HOLD A WEAPON.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:39 No.4873631
    >>4873594
    That was a close one. We should find out if there are alternative ways to challenge the gods instead of a straight up battle. Can we, for instance, engage Heracles in a dance off with out army of monster spiders as back up ala West Side story?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:40 No.4873638
    >>4873630

    We are looking at this the wrong way, why fix our old hands when we can GROW NEW HANDS elsewhere
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)02:41 No.4873640
    Ask how strong Xom is.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)02:41 No.4873642
    >>4873594
    Well, at least he's honest. For that, he shall live to see another day. For the gift of ale, he would live even if he hadn't warned us he was going to fuck us over.

    Ask him to fill us in on how to not get our shit ruined next time we go god hunting. And ask why we wouldn't want to bang Xanatos, aside from the whole Goddess of Death thing.

    >>4873590

    It's more that I figure that as long as we have those four things, nothing else matters.
    >> Fuuka the Fey Mood 06/14/09(Sun)02:43 No.4873648
    >>4873630
    Say.

    He can control time, right?

    Could he focus it on our hands and ONLY our hands? Locally reverse only the time for the hands?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:44 No.4873658
    >>4873631
    THAT SOUNDS AWFULLY ELFLIKE TO ME.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)02:44 No.4873662
    >>4873631

    I suspect that if we can prove that we're more deserving of that god's mantle than the god is, we could probably strip it away pretty easily.

    So realistically, Xom and Heracles are our easiest targets. And then maybe Moradin. Our pride alone let us stand against him last time, we just need to prove ourselves even more a paragon of dorfiness and we take his title by default.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:44 No.4873663
    >>4873642
    >nothing else matters
    How can you tell what song my Metallica playlist is on? ...You ARE Rary, aren't you? You were trying to influence us to screw ourselves over via rousing speech, well HAH. No one in Beardbeard's head knows the first thing about talking fancy! I'm keeping my eye on you.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:46 No.4873678
    >>4873648
    There's no point asking Rary to heal us. His offer was a trap from the start.

    Ask him which god resurrected us.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)02:46 No.4873682
    >>4873648
    Improve our CRAFT skill. Make ourselves new hands. That's the properly dorfy way to do it.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:46 No.4873686
    >>4873662
    I don't think Beardbeard is as chaotic as Xom.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:47 No.4873693
    Hands are easy. We just chop one off, then have it regenerated like we've already done at least two times previous.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:47 No.4873694
    >>4873678
    We don't need to pay for that information. The God of Fate pretty much told us he did it.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)02:47 No.4873695
    >>4873662
    Challenging Xom would cause SAN loss worse then talking directly to Cthulhu.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:49 No.4873711
    We seem to be on autosage.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:50 No.4873717
         File :1244962257.png-(37 KB, 445x635, wtfishedoing.png)
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    >>4873662
    Have you been paying attention? Xom is batshit insane LOLRANDUM!
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:51 No.4873722
    >>4873711
    Ride the waves?
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)02:51 No.4873723
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    >>4873608
    >the god's weaknesses
    "How about this instead: The weakest gods are Pelor and Poseidon. With the exceptions of Xom, Yog, Xanatos, and Fate, every other god has been replaced multiple times. Those 4 are the original gods for their portfolios, and have never been replaced. I suggest not messing with them. They have staying power for a reason.

    Also Poseidon's only still a god because no one who wants her job can breath underwater. Pathetic, I know."

    >>4873631
    >We should find out if there are alternative ways to challenge the gods instead of a straight up battle
    "Ahaha! The god challenges thing is a farce. You kill a god, Fate gives you their Divinity. It doesn't matter how or where you kill them. Fate made up the entire God Challenges bit to slow down the turnaround rate on gods. I think what broke his back on that was 5 different gods of judgement in the same month. Reality was a mess."

    >>4873640
    >How strong is Xom?
    "Don't mess with that elegant gentleman. If he were to ever take anything seriously, well... I would not want to be anywhere near him. He is easily the second strongest god."

    >>4873648
    >Could he focus it on our hands and ONLY our hands? Locally reverse only the time for the hands?
    "...So you want me to send just your hands back in time to the first dungeon, effectively cutting off both of your arms? Really? Really. Well, if that's what you really want..."
    >> Fuuka the Fey Mood 06/14/09(Sun)02:51 No.4873725
    Then..

    Could we TIE OUR OWN GOD SLAYING AXE to our hands with bandages?

    Like Guts from Berserk?

    Or chains.

    Or whatever we could find.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:51 No.4873728
    >>4873662
    >>4873717
    Besides, I like Xom. He's our buddy.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:52 No.4873729
    >>4873662
    Musclebeard isn't the god of dorfs. He's the god of stone. If we want to earn his godhood, we can't get it just by being dorfy; I doubt we're earthy enough to compare, considering how bad Beardbeard is at craftsdorfship.

    What we are, however, is strong. If we want to replace a god, it should be Heracles.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:52 No.4873732
    >>4873717
    And he might just let us have his godhood just because no one would ever see it coming.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)02:52 No.4873734
    >>4873686
    >>4873695

    I'm just saying that Chaos and War, aside from Dorfiness, seem to be the divine portfolios that Beardbeard currently has the most right to.

    Obviously we're going after Heracles first. Xom's cool, we won't fuck with him yet.

    Of course, if we really wanted to fuck with this, we could challenge Heracles to a Wargame of some sort. Then Timberserker the game board, leaving our pieces the only ones standing, and call it our victory. Or something.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:53 No.4873738
    >>4873723
    I'm guessing Glittergold was even weaker than Poseidon?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:54 No.4873751
    >>4873723
    >"Don't mess with that elegant gentleman. If he were to ever take anything seriously, well... I would not want to be anywhere near him. He is easily the second strongest god."

    Has Xom EVER taken anything seriously?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:54 No.4873755
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    Beardbeard x Xanatos... Just saying...
    >> Fuuka the Fey Mood 06/14/09(Sun)02:54 No.4873756
    >>4873723
    >"...So you want me to send just your hands back in time to the first dungeon, effectively cutting off both of your arms? Really? Really. Well, if that's what you really want..."

    AS AWESOMELY HILARIOUS AS THAT WOULD BE?

    NO.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:56 No.4873774
    Is it possible to have more than one godhood?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:58 No.4873778
    >>4873756
    Beardbeard's arm stumps would just be granted sentience by Xom, and graft themselves to something horrible. And get claws. It's a bad idea is what I'm saying.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)02:58 No.4873783
    >>4873723
    Killing Pelor sounds so tempting now, but we can't do shit with his divinity.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:59 No.4873786
    >>4873774
    Yes, see satan
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)02:59 No.4873789
    >>4873786
    Satan wasn't a god before we gave him godhood.
    >> The Sandman !!ZUKCVYzSAiY 06/14/09(Sun)03:01 No.4873795
    >>4873774

    Good question. Although realistically, aside from the fact that you need to have the right qualities for that bit of Godhood, it would seem to be possible.

    And as far as Xom's divinity goes, just ask him if we can borrow it for a while. Tell him it would probably be really amusing.

    And we'll give it back once we get bored with it, which, knowing Beardbeard's attention span, won't be all that long.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)03:02 No.4873804
    >>4873795
    Only if we get XOM QUEST for a day, where we see what Xom does when not being a God.
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)03:03 No.4873812
    >>4873804
    How about we just control Xom with his powers for a day?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)03:04 No.4873819
         File :1244963062.gif-(4 KB, 406x424, saddorf.gif)
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    >>4873795
    If Xom is the original, primordial god of Chaos who has never lost his godhood, I doubt he would fall for that.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)03:07 No.4873835
    >>4873723
    >cutting off both of your arms
    Of course not, just want some way of getting around this crappy mess of mutations. Know of any tricks to get around this? How to get shapeshifting powers maybe?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)03:07 No.4873836
    We don't really qualify for many of the other godhoods:
    Pelor is judgement, obviously we don't judge things very well.

    Poseidon is sea, and the sea involves CARP.

    Yog is law and control. We don't exactly show control, and we're chaotic through and through.

    Xanatos is our future wife.

    Fate requires too much planning to fuck with.

    Nemelex is luck- we rely on brute force, not luck

    Ra is sky and weather, and the only connection I can think of is lightning and Beardbeard's hatred of trees.

    The only godhoods we can definitely take are Heracles, Moradin, and Xom.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)03:07 No.4873838
    >>4873819
    It's not a question of falling for it. He's so random he might go through with it anyway.
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)03:09 No.4873845
    >>4873838
    yeah, but he's just as likely to turn us into a newt
    >> Vector !NEy29ODpvs 06/14/09(Sun)03:09 No.4873848
    >>4873836
    Lighting is air, and therefore fey magic.
    >> Rubric Marine !5YmRrjC64A 06/14/09(Sun)03:10 No.4873856
    >>4873836

    >Fate requires too much planning to fuck with.

    So, Fate is DorfQuest's Tzeentch? What would happen if they met?
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)03:10 No.4873859
    >>4873838
    see
    >>4873732
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 06/14/09(Sun)03:10 No.4873861
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    New thread: >>4873858
    >> Anonymous 06/14/09(Sun)03:14 No.4873902
         File :1244963647.gif-(3 KB, 246x350, durr.gif)
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    >>4873836
    Since Moradin and Heracles are in the replaceable gods category and Xom isn't, maybe we should stick to them.



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