Picking up right where we left off...

>Ask Lolth how she's feeling. We should make sure that eating shadows doesn't make people sick.
She says it wasn't very filling. Kinda like eating nothing at all.

To recap last time: You currently have Driblis and his kobolds guarding a batch of eggs that will hatch hundreds of Giant Cave Spider babies sometime in the next month. They will be very hungry when they wake up, and all they have to eat if they do so right now are kobolds and some shadow meat.

WHERE DID THE HAND OF XOM GO?

>>4871946
Find some elves and use them for food.
The irony will be delicious.

Also, go find some elves for food.

>>4871956
oh I'm sure it's off somewhere...spreading... chaos

OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR FACE

So shadows don't make good food. Let's go chop up the chaos arm for food instead.

>>4872007
I thought that was destroyed. Maybe we should return to Buzzardloved.

>>4871966
>>4871973
Elves it is! You know a good nearby city of elves, and head towards the settlement.

>>4871956
What are you on about? Are you talking about how he stuck one of his two mutated hands into a spider's leg? I am confused.

>>4872061
Xom's arm got deforested, and we have first hand experience to what his hands can do.

>>4872061
The mutating arm devouring Aordor. Unless we did something about that. I don't remember.

>>4872087

At this point isn't Beardbeard pretty much like an evil version of Xom's avatar or something.

>>4872094

That was destroyed by Furious George, the skeletal monkey of Satan

>>4872100
He can't mutate people like priests of Xom can.

>>4872122
What happens if a Paladin of Xom uses Laying on Hands?

There was an elf here.

It is gone now.

>>4872132
>Paladin of Xom
>Lawful Good Crusader of the God of Chaos
>Lawful
>Chaos
I don't think paladins work that way.

>>4872175
You offend Xom with your limited thinking.

>>4872175
They aren't stuck with LG anymore, bub.

>>4872161
>>4872157

I approve of this, wholehearted massacre of an elven town can only be seen as a positive thing.

Can we avoid hacking them up so they stay full of delicious juices? Use an elf corpse instead(unless you can't pick one up).

Part of worshipping chaos is struggling against it. When Xom sends monsters after you for fun, you're not supposed to just let them and kill you. You're supposed to fight them.

Also, isn't there a temple of Yog in Teven?

>>4872211
No you're suppose to survive.

>>4872213
I'd say defile the hell out of it, but every priest we've met so far is pretty kickass, and we're not up to full strength.
Let's just write 'XOM WUZ HUR' on it in elven blood.

A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go, a high ho the derry oh a hunting we will go.

>>4872213
Yes, there is.

>>4872230
You're right, we're not drunk enough to resist mind control.

>>4872211
Xom is the most benevolent god of all, giving the mortals of the world challenges to make them strong, fast, cunning, adaptive. Stagnation is death! Order is oppression! HAIL XOM! HAIL XOM!

>>4872236

Let's go convert the Temple of Yog into a temple to Xom by sacrificing the priests to our giant spider.

>>4872236
Oh hey, we killed Link.

>>4872236
Ask Presley if he has proficiency with swords.

>>4872236
Is that the triforce?

LINK!

NO!

BEARDBEARD YOU BASTARD! HE WAS ONE OF THE COOL ONES!

>>4872247
Take Link's stuff, give it to Presley. Even if he's not proficient with it.
Tell him he'll look more awesome with a sword strapped to his back, and in Beardbeard's glorious dictatorship, everyone is required to look awesome.
As long as you're not as awesome as Beardbeard.

>>4872269
It's impossible to be as awesome as Beardbeard.

>>4872247
>Hey Presley, how are you with a weapon?
"Weapon? Oh no no no! I'm a lover, not a fighter. I'm feeling queasy enough just bagging up these bodies for the baby spiders. I don't want to kill anyone myself!"

>>4872291
"FINE. Pussy. We'll give it to Driblis."

>>4872291
Well pick it up anyway. It might be worth something.

>>4872291
That's almost too faggy to keep him around.
We need a retinue of hard-fighting, hard-farting, iron-fisted, dorfy dorfs!

>>4872291

Man, the pink one is the manliest of the corpses there...

Pick up any loot you can while you're here.

>>4872315

Just kill the whole city then use Loot Everything

So... This is a forum game, then?

I was kind of hoping it was a you know, real game.

Because if you can have a game with STATUS: BBEG...

mmmmm... *fapfapfapfapfapfapfap*

Get Lolth in on the action. She's a giant cave spider, the most deadly creature in the world, next to carp and of course, Beardbeard.

Driblis is in DorfQuest? And not dead (yet)?

I *have* been away a long time.

Forget the loot, it's pansy elf loot anyway!
What we ought to do is make this incredibly insulting, I mean, what's a raid and a mass murdering rampage without "Screw you tree-hugging bastards" written in the blood of their infants on the tree-walls?

>>4872376
Driblis is not only in DorfQuest, but is Beardbeard's esteemed DOUBLE GENERAL.

>>4872377
What about sunshine? Unless it doesn't exist in this universe.

>>4872297
>"FINE. Pussy. We'll give it to Driblis."
You take the Master Sword to give to Driblis later. You take the shield for yourself.
>>4872315
>Pick up other loot
You also obtain large amounts of cashmonies, and the wrath of the local militia. After taking out about 3 dozen civilians, you began to be harassed by some spellcasters.

Is this enough bodies for now, or do you want to try to assault the casters?

>>4872376
All indications point to Driblis probably making it out of this entire thing alive, too.

Rip and tear man, rip and tear.

>>4872414
Well, woo. I'm just glad to see the little guy is still around in the collective minds of /tg/. I keep considering continuing the quest, but I'm a lazy sack of crap.

Ok, off I go again, back to lurkan.

>>4872414
Through the oven shield at him.

>>4872414
I do recall being fried to a crisp last time we faced the runecasting faeries and temple priests.
Of course, enraged slashing is always a valid course of action.

>>4872414

>Is this enough bodies

These are elves, THERE ARE NEVER ENOUGH BODIES!

>>4872431
>Through
Dammit

>>4872434

Plus back then we weren't covered in Xom's Love, maybe some of the mutations gave us magic resistance? Or something?

>>4872434
Dragon armor protects from fire, and since it's the blue eyes white dragon's hide, electricity.

>>4872431
I second throwing the oven shield at him.
Then run, flipping him off as you go with your nonexistant fingers.

>>4872421
You charge.

...Why are they not getting any closer.

>>4872459
I knew this was going to happen. We are only good at fighting dirty.

...Fuck, its a hold spell. And those faeries are done casting. This is going to sting.

Ok, just making us float won't kill us. If they attack, we can reflect it, and if they bash us around, we can bust through the wall/floor to escape.

>>4872495
Shield!

We don't have any magic resistance abilities/mutations! NOOOO!

>>4872511
Note to self: Acquire cloak of magic resistance.

May I humbly suggest that when we finish slaughtering these elves, we set about making a lever which will cover the entire globe in lava?

>>4872459
Attack that damn magic directly. You shouldn't be able to, but that hasn't ever stopped you before.

Throw your shield at them Captain America style.

Well that hurt a lot less than you anticipated.

>>4872551

That's right, we've torn apart reality before, why not again?

>>4872564
CAPTURE A FAIRY IN YOUR ANTIMAGIC BIRD CAGE.

>>4872564
HOLY SHIT that's a big laser. Lets leave, we have enough bodies.

>>4872564
Presley is CREDIT TO TEAM.

I wonder how healthy magic fairy corpses are for growing demon spiders. I say we try to get one. I'm seconding Captain America style shield tossing ass kicking.

>>4872618
We know first hand that they are delicious, but they don't do anything interesting.

>>4872592
Since that hold spell hasn't worn off yet, Presley approves of this idea. He picks you up, adds you to the chain of bodybags, and runs. As quick as his little legs will carry him.

>>4872587
>>4872618
>>4872571
You are not happy with his decision.

>>4872564
PUNCH THROUGH ELF AND EAT FAERIES.

>>4872666
Well, it could be worse. We still have enough to hopefully feed the horrendous spider babies without throwing kobolds at them. I forget, do we have a chef? They should have a nice first meal.

Tell Presley to take the bodies back to the cave, and you'll og get a drink.

>>4872666

Shut up, Satan.

>>4872713
We still need to kill Heracles and reinstate Real-satan by killing Fake-satan.

>>4872734
We don't know about fake satan, and Beardbeard probably wouldn't care anyway.

>>4872739

Satan and Garrelf were added to our hitlist anyways.

Are we unheld yet?

>>4872739
Hey Satan is our bro.
We did give him godhood.

>>4872768

Then he killed Sunbeard with that power.

>>4872709
You are not entirely pleased with this turn of events, but somehow you made it out okay. Its a surprise those spellcasters didn't pursue you. Weird.

Anyway, you decide you want to go get yourself a drink. You send Presley back to the cave to give those corpses to the kobolds. There's gotta be some chef in there to make them all nice and prepped for the babies. You have Lolth accompany him, in case something bad pops up.

In the meantime, you need a drink. Where the hell are you going to go get a drink.

>>4872768
We were going to kill Glittergold anyway. Satan getting godship was just a byproduct.

I think its time we make our own brewery.

>>4872787
Go to cultist and ask for some kay-oss ale.

>>4872787
Eridia!
Also how much moneys do we have from our elfslaying?

>>4872787

Head to the port town, and we can get good and maybe burn the town to the ground if it doesn't get us drunk enough.

Head to Eridia to get a drink. We have a god there that we're planning to kill and usurp, may as well scope out the competition while getting us some booze.

>>4872807
7,209

>>4872802

Well, if they're home yet. But they're heading for the Temple of Heracles if they got our note, so let's deal with Heracles first.

And make sure that Lolth sends us one of her baby spiders to give to Lily as a gift.

>>4872812
I second the port town. Such towns attract pirates, and pirates always get the best booze.

Idea for later: trim off some Xomflesh, feed to Llolth or one of the babies.

What could possibly go wrong?

>>4872807
>>4872812
>>4872815
Eridia it is! You stop at the first bar you see, and get yourself some nice, strong brew.

We need someway to corrupt the temple of Yog in Eridia. We have no god powers, but praying might work.

Did we ever actually heal up after our Musclebeard battle?

If not it may be a good idea to find some healing in Eridia.

>>4872861
We'll be fine once we get some ale.

>>4872858

Say hi to the nice stanger

>>4872870
Good point. Drunkeness heals all wounds.

For a Dorf anyway.

>>4872858

...what, who's that girl?

Did the vampire chick reconstitute from her melting? I mean, if she's Discworld style, all she needed was a drop of blood in her ashes while the ashes were all in one place.

Or is this someone else we've unknowingly fucked over?

...meh, who cares. Be magnanimous, buy her a drink of her choice, as long as it's something the bar has. The gears of social interaction mesh better with proper quantities of alcoholic lubricant.

>>4872881
It's no wonder dwarfs in dwarf fortress take so long to heal, it's because they aren't getting any booze.

>>4872892
It's a guy. Girls are pink.

>>4872861
I think we spent enough time doing nothing really harmful to ourselves since the Musclebeard fight that our wounds have recovered. The hideous mutations and scars haven't, but we can fix those later.

>>4872892

First, they're not pink, so it's a dude. But I believe that that is Rary, the super powerful wizard-dine-and-dasher

>>4872902
...damn, I'd somehow forgotten that.

Shit, that's Findlay, isn't it? I mean, what other dudes with a creepy face and long hair do we know? Besides Garrelf?

>>4872858
Greet Rary. Ask what's up.

>>4872907
SHIT IT IS

>>4872878
You say hi. He replies, "Its a wonder you can still stand, with your injuries. A wonder indeed. Would you like me to help with those?"

>>4872927

Ask him how he feels about godslaying

>>4872919
>>4872920

Do we even know that Rary exists on Beardside?

I mean before now?

>>4872946

No we don't this is a first time meeting.

>>4872927
Free healing? Sure why not.

>>4872927
What's the catch?

>>4872927
"I suppose that depends on what your help would involve."

In other words, how much will it cost us and how likely is it to go spectacularly wrong even without the guiding hand of /tg/ to fuck things up?

>>4872927

If he is referring to our mutations, its a hard call, we are dwarf at heart and should be dwarf in body, but on the other hand, they are signs of Xom's love...

>>4872927
"What wounds? It's just a scratch"

He sounds like he's genuinely happy to meet us.
Yeah why not, we can't get much more fucked up.

>>4872941
"Well, that's a rather strange question. I suppose I am indifferent to godslaying. I mean, its happened a lot in these past 200 years, and I haven't tried to stop it before. Why would I start caring now?"

>>4872983
>"What wounds? Its just a scratch."
"Hahaa, what a tough guy. Well, I could make it as if those scratches never happened. Or your mutations, either. You'll be as healthy as can possibly be. All I ask is all the gold you're carrying, and you will be good as new."

>>4873015
He's known for taking money and running, and we're seven different kinds of fucked up as it is. GET AWAY FROM HIM.

>>4873015

How would we buy ale?

>>4873015
Tell him its all cool, its not like these mutations are a deficit. Plus we wouldn't want to upset Xom would we?

>>4873015
"Know anything that could help me kill Heracles?"

Before we accept this offer, how drunk are we?

>>4873015
COUNTERPROPOSAL.
Beardbeard drinks his fill of ale first. Then we give Rary whatever gold we have left over.
Also, we get to pick which mutations we keep or lose.

>>4873027
I don't think Beardbeard knows that, though. How much gold do we have on hand??

>>4873015
Ask him to just give us working hands and a working leg.

And then to point us to where we can find a cybereye or something.

The rest of the shit we can deal with once we've acquired GODLY MIGHT.

Ask him if he knows anything about the particular habits of, say, Heracles, Pelor, and Ra. Best to keep people guessing about WHICH god we're going to slay, or they might get suspicious.

We can't give up our mutations before using our One Breath.

That said, I'd like to get our normal hands back so we can use our Axe of the Pit again.

>>4873057

Oh, and tell him that we're only going to pay him after he gives us what we want. After the way Queen Whats-her-face fucked with us in the Shadow Realm, I think we'd want to avoid getting boned like that again because we didn't make sure they had to follow through on their end of the bargain.

>>4873065

Come to think of it, if the issue with our hands is the webbing, maybe we could cut away the webbing to give us fingers again?

Or just take that Axe of the Pit and duct tape it to our left flipper or something.

>>4873052
None I believe.

I say fuck it and do it. Retarded bravery is what got us this far, and I'll be damned if we abandon it now.

>>4873084
Retarded drunken bravery.

Just make sure we're drunk, then go ahead.

>>4873083
We have 7k from looting Teven.

FUCK THAT FUCKING FUCK!

Beardbeards body is a walking testement to the life he has lived, undo it all and you spit upon that history.

Hands and a leg would be nice though.

>>4873015
Tell him we need this money for boozing.
Then proceed to spend EVERY GOD DAMN CENT ON BOOZE, AND DRINK IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM.

>>4873045
>Beardbeard drinks his fill of ale first. Then we give Rary whatever gold we have left over.
"Of course. I would never get between a Dorf and its ale."

>Also, we get to pick which mutations we keep or lose.
"My apologies. My brand of magic is rather... all-or-nothing. I can't just pick and choose. At least, not in the way you'd want me to."

>>4873057
"I know more about the gods than probably anyone else in the multiverse, Fate included. Answers will cost you gold, however."

>>4873052
>How much gold do we have?
We have 7209 gold on hand, but after paying for ale we will have a little less than that.

>>4873035
>How drunk are we?
A bit drunk. You'll need a few more flagons to start making a dent in your considerable constitution.

>>4873119
>I don't want your stupid mutations fixing. Legs and hands would be nice though.

>>4873137
HURR DURR DIDN'T FINISH THE BOTTOM ONE

>>4873119
>I don't want your stupid mutations fixing. Legs and hands would be nice though.
"I wish I could help you there, but I can not. My apologies."

>>4873137
Can we go do some annoying fetch quest for the god info?

Getting some hands for our axe would definitely be worth our gold after drunkeness.

>>4873137
Wait, he knows about the gods? Fuck healing, give us the skinny on Fate. And Heracles. And Moradin. And Xom. How much is this costing us?
Does Xanatos put out? Because we're thinking of proposing after we become a god.

>>4873137
All or nothing? I think we should pass. I like some of our horrible mutations.

Hmm... The prospect of getting our hands back is tempting, but we'll lose our poison immunity and One Breath, and we need our breath weapon to use Axe, Ale, Beard, Pride.

>>4873137
Pay for info on the gods; we can get healing elsewhere.

Also, ask him why he came looking for us. Or did he just recognize us from the newspapers?

Accept his offer, and tell him that before we were mutated, we were like, twice as strong as we are now, so that'll have to come back too.

>>4873187
>>4873179

Right on, brothers. Our horrible mutations build character, except for the ones that fuck us over. If he can't fix it selectively, that's no good.

...ask him if he can recharge our breath weapon, though. Or if he knows where we can.

>>4873200
SAY THAT PRIOR TO MUATION, YOU WERE AS STRONG AS MORADIN, NO STRONGER.

You will make it work with nega-logic

Ask Xom what you should do, if he ignores you, kill the priests of the Yog temple and ask again.

Do it! Mutate to Dorf 2.0!

Beardbeard would do it, based on his history. He did chug xom booze just for shits and giggles, after all.

>Wait, he knows about the gods? Fuck healing, give us the skinny on Fate. And Heracles. And Moradin. And Xom. How much is this costing us?
"Why that depends, my godslaying friend. How much gold do you have?"

>>4873191
>Why did you come looking for me?
"Come looking for you? Now that would be rather useless. Important people eventually meet. Its how legends are made. Its how gods are replaced. Its how peasants become the king of a horrible army of cave spiders, marching across the entirety of the continent, forcing the gods themselves to try and stop him before they no longer have any worshipers... but we aren't quite that far in the legend yet. Nothing is a coincidence, Beardbeard."

>>4873223
>Hey, prior to my mutations, I was stronger than Musclebeard!
"You will never be stronger than Musclebeard. There is never going to be a point in your life where you could defeat him in a flat out contest of strength."

Didn't Beardbeard chug mutation beer from a barrel, was xom blessed or something?

This is like the same thing, we should do it.

Wait.

This guy has power over mutations. ASK HIM TO MUTATE US EVEN MORE.

Accept the offer, then try to find a way to get a new breath weapon.

>>4873244

Tell him we have tons of gold in Buzzardloved he can take for his services, he just has to go get it.

>>4873244
>"You will never be stronger than Musclebeard. There is never going to be a point in your life where you could defeat him in a flat out contest of strength."

Unless we become a god too?

>>4873244
Could we ever be faster, have more stamina, be more durable, have better senses, etc?

Ask if he knows where we can get some Kay-oss Beer.

Chugging another barrel after healing should more or less obtain the same results.

>>4873271
this idea, I like this.
we damn well better be keeping an eye towards a rematch.

>>4873266
I think he's saying that while we're alive, we won't ever match him. We're going to have to be struck down and rise again more powerful than he could possibly have imagined.

Either mutate us more, or change what we are completely. We are an agent of chaos, a mutable form would only strengthen our chaotic power.

>>4873244
"I've got about six thousand gold. Or will, after I'm done drinking. Tell me how to kill Musclebeard. And Heracles. But mostly Musclebeard."

>>4873244
Given that he's now Blindy McSightless thanks to us, I figure we don't have to fight Musclebeard in straightforward fashion anymore.

And if Rary's so interested in legends, ask him if he wants to follow along with us for a while. Tell him it could be fun.

Plus, given that he's a wizard, he probably owes us one for replacing the God of Magic with one who isn't as much of a pussy. Don't necessarily say that part to him, though.

Make us our best, whatever it is!

GUYS.

SERIOUSLY.

OUR PILE OF INJURIES IS WAY TOO FUCKING BIG AND OUR HANDICAPS GROWN TOO MUCH.

AS COOL AS SOME OF THE MUTATIONS ARE, THEY ARE HOLDING IS BACK NOW.

WE NEED TO GET RID OF THEM.

Ok, lets chug some beer, get drunk, and get healed up.

Unless we can get kay-oss beer, but I doubt it.

>>4873304
This man is stronger then the gods and has probably killed at least one.

>>4873304
He seems to already know everything that is going on.

>>4873311
You're new here. Rationality didn't get us to where we are, dwarfiness did.

Would Xom have raised us as an undead monster had we not dove into a well after our axe?

>>4873281
>So you're saying that while I'm alive, I won't ever match him. I'm going to have to be struck down and rise again more powerful than you could possibly have imagined.

>>4873311
Fuck that, we have no idea what his 'healing' will actually involve. We got this far as a dorfen pile of mutations, we can go all the way as one.

>MUTATIONS:
>Vestigial Wings
Useless mutation

>No Left Eye
HURR DEPTH PERCEPTION.

>3rd eye on back
Won't effect out ability to kill people.

>What Hands?
This means we can't even use our GOD SLAYING AXE.

THE VERY THING THAT ALLOWED US TO, OH, SLAY A FUCKING GOD?

>One Breath
One use left isn't that big of a loss. Get over it. We'd need to replace it after one more use anyway.

>Poison Immunity
We are fighting gods, not snakes.

>Scales
>Twoface

Both.. well you get the idea.

And should I add WE ARE IN NEED OF WORKING LIMBS?

>>4873335
QUICKLY

While he's got his head against the counter, pour beer in his hair.

>>4873335
No, but seriously. Tell us how to kill Musclebeard.

>>4873329
We can't beat the god of dorfiness by being dorfy. We have to become more than a dorf.

>>4873317

What a coincidence, so did we.

Although I suppose that the real reason to get rid of the mutations is that, up until now, we've been winning our battles against things by just using Xom or Fate or whoever for help. He keeps saving our ass. But if we want to not merely kill a god but usurp his power for ourselves, I think we have to do this one on our own. If we can't take that power with our own strength, then we probably don't deserve it to begin with.

We began this journey with nothing more than our ale, our axe, our beard, and our pride. We need nothing more than that to bring cutebolds and cave spiders to our side, elves and fairies to their knees, and gods to utter annihilation.

>>4873329
Did we ever kill that snake?
>>4873335
Accept the offer. What could possibly go wrong?

>>4873335
"Are you mocking me?"

>>4873342
but he will make us our 'best' look at the fucker, I am sure his definition of 'best' is just as fucked up as we are now, only WE WILL BE HEALED.

DO IT.

Also, ask him to come along with us. He seems like a pretty cool guy.

>>4873335
Well he seemed to do pretty well after the last time he died.

>>4873368
No.

New objective: Go to the dungeon and thank that snake.

SUPERDORFITUP

Let's take the healing. It's not like we aren't going right back to high magical situations and getting ourselves right fucked up again in five minutes, we'll have some more mutations in no time. Also, we need to look into getting warforged prosthetics in case we're handless again. ROCKETO PAUNCH and all that.

>>4873367
I agree. We need to seize godhood and fuck it into submission with the things we started with: Axe, Ale, Beard, and Pride.

>>4873367
In other words, take the offer. TAKE IT. But ask what we'd need to get healing AND the lowdown on the gods.

Also ask where we can find a barber who specializes in adding EXTRA DORFITUDE to beards. We've got an awesome ax, we've got plenty of pride, but our beard and ale could use some work.

take the offer, but then proceed to get more mutations.

>>4873409
Rocketaxe Punch.
It's dorfier.

>>4873335
"Oh, ohhh, that was good. Oh yes. But seriously, though, you already did that. You can not do that again."

>>4873359
>Seriously, how do we kill Musclebeard?
"Well, I'll give you a word of warning. He's not half as blind as you would hope. Being the god of Stone gives you some nice benefits, like tremorsense. Its for the best that you fell unconscious when you did - if you'd kept moving, he would've found you for sure.

Oh, and his skin is made of stone. You'll need some way to pierce through that stuff just to hurt the guy, but I think you can manage it somehow. Just a hunch I have."

>Accept his offer of healing
"Sorry, that bit of info just cost you 2000 Gold. You don't have enough for my healing anymore."

>>4873434
>Beardbeard
>Smart thing
Yeah, there's a precedent of that happening, all right.

>>4873440
Could we give him the Master Sword we were saving for Driblis as a form of payment?

>>4873367
This!

PERFECTLY THIS!

Listen to this man!

We'll get you a hot dorf woman, beardbeard. Picture related?

>>4873440
Well, if we can't afford healing anymore, we might as well get properly drunk.

>>4873440
So boots of levitation + hammer of crushing will make him drop like a bitch?

>>4873460
..BRILLIANT!

>>4873440

Can he mutate us anymore?

>>4873440
Give him a down payment now, tell him we'll give him the rest when we loot the treacherous citizens of Buzzardloved.

Alternatively, offer him some of our gear in exchange. Like the Hydra Armor, for example. Heck, maybe even the Satan Axe; we can't use it with our Spiderarm Axe, after all.

>>4873440
'You said that it would cost as much gold as we have. Well, we have 5209 gold, and it is ALL WE HAVE. By your terms, it is enough.'

BeardBeard, as a dorf, becomes capable of exceptional intuition when drunk. It's how dorfs figured out growing beards lengthens the lifespan of dorfs.

>>4873440
"Well, if you're sure you don't want the other 5,000 gold..."

>>4873477
Instead of healing, we pay him to tie an axe to each hand stump.

What the fuck? He would get the same amount of money either way, and he didn't actually answer our fucking question. Make with the healing, or at least give some small sidequest we can perform for it.

Ask him how much the healing+mutation cure will cost. You have some more money at your mountain home.

>>4873472

Also, do we really want to insult Driblis by giving him a sword made by elves?

Fuck, I'm surprised they can manage swords; it's not as if an elf would have much experience with anything that's long and hard.

Can't he just take the money we left in Buzzardloved, he should be able to just teleport there and pick it up if he's such a great wizard, that's like 19,000 gold.

>>4873460
>Could we give him the Master Sword we were saving for Driblis as a form of payment?
"Ooh, that's a nice blade you have there. I will take that as appropriate payment, yes. Give me that, and I will undo everything that has happened to you. Understood?"

Also, be surprised that Musclebeard is the god of stone.

>>4873471
Just use our Dorfen Telekinesis on our beard and move with that; it'll cushion our movement. Then find that eyestone thing we had and shove it into Musclebeard's face.

But we're going to kill Heracles first. We're already here, after all.

>>4873499
It just occurred to me, but doesn't Driblis use a spear?

Why the fuck were we giving him a sword in the first place?

>>4873508

Am I the only one not trusting the wanted guy?

>>4873515
I don't know man, Heracles has a rocket launcher.

>>4873480
THIS. Pic related, he didn't choose his words with exceptional care.

>>4873508

Is that everything right up to the point before we drank the xom ale, or before we died for the first time.

Because if we lose exp/stats/items over this and everyone else isn't also appropriately reset, blood will flow.

>>4873508
NO
Not everything done to us.

We became an agent of Xom, we levelled up and learned new moves.

Rephrase less ambiguously, and we have a deal.

>>4873508

"Just making sure, this isn't actually going to turn us back into 1st session Beardbeard, right? I mean, physically, maybe, but hopefully not mentally. We don't want to lose our epic badassery."

>>4873508
He doesn't get this offer right next time, we walk the hell out of this bar fast. We are NOT losing all that progress.

>UNDO EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU.

admiral ackbar.jpg!!!!

>>4873508
Just make sure this won't make us weaker or less experienced.

>>4873508
...Wait a tic, he wants the master sword to undo everything that has happened to us... motherfucker, he's going back seven years and fucking up the timeline! Keep it out of his hands, give it to the first redheaded orc we find.

>>4873508
"Wise guy, huh? No, I give you the sword and you undo my wounds and mutations. And that's all!"

>>4873508
HAHAHAHAHA!

I love how eager he is to get that sword.

Too bad we can't hold it to use it as a weapon. I bet it would smart if you hit a god with it.

>>4873508
NEVER. I like our mutations, damnit. We'll keep them. Or figure out a different way to heal them.
Besides, this "undo everything that has happened to you" stinks of Literal Genie.
Let's just keep pumping for god info.
So. Xanatos. Does she put out?

>>4873531
>Just making sure, this isn't actually going to turn us back into 1st session Beardbeard, right? I mean, physically, maybe, but hopefully not mentally. We don't want to lose our epic badassery.
He smiles. "Do you want to accept my offer or not?"

>>4873553
No. Fuck you. Smarmy little bastard.

>>4873553
No.

>>4873553
YOU GET HIM TO MUTATE US MORE.

MOOOORE

>>4873553
Fuck no, we're leaving and healing some other way. Don't let it take the sword. Carry it out in your teeth if you have to, we can find healing anywhere.

>>4873553
Get interrupted by a goldmoon assassin, or Presely.

and then it cycles back to the first part of dorfquest. QUEST OVER VIA TEMPORAL PARADOX.

This is some high stake gambling here.

And what would beardbeard do?

ROLL THE DICE, MOTHERFUCKER!

>>4873553

No! I, for one, do not trust that wanted guy.

>>4873553
>>4873562

Cancel Negotiations: Interrupted by an elephant!

>>4873553
"Not if you're going to be so VAGUE about it. I'll just sit here with my sword and drink away my 5,209 gold that you don't have."

>>4873553
I'm way too skeptical of this, your magic may be all-or-nothing, but those terms are not acceptable.

Make it healing and mutation curing only, or no sword for you.

rolled 1 + 1 = 2

>>4873565

>>4873553
You know what, fuck it. Let's rock.

No matter what happens, he will still have his AXE. He will still have his ALE. He will still have his BEARD. And he will still have his motherfucking PRIDE.

And since he has Logic 0 and therefore listens to whatever the voices in his head (i.e. /tg/) tell him, we can fill him on on whatever shit he may not know about.

Besides, if this motherfucker could actually undo all of time itself, his bounty would be a lot higher.

>>4873578

Tell him we'll give him the Satan Axe instead. Then find some way of defiling the sword as a big "fuck you" to the elves.

>>4873579
Shut the hell up about axe and pride, you gigantic nancy. Are you really that worried about a few damned flesh wounds that you'd risk everything just to get some hands back? We could kill a thousand elves without hands, and we'll kill a thousand more without legs or eyes if we have to. We'll get healed, but not like this.

>>4873579
Logic 0 doesn't mean we can tell him anything, just that he doesn't filter out our stupid suggestions.

The only person we can directly talk to is Lily, who is far away from Beardbeard and not likely to help him after we told her he's evil and shit.

>>4873556
>>4873557
"Congratulations, Beardbeard. You just avoided having your legend entirely erased from the books. So, what do you want to know about those gods?"

>So. Xanatos. Does she put out?
"Well, I don't think you'd WANT to do her, but she probably would, yes. She very rarely gets living suitors."

>>4873559
>Can you mutate me more?
"No, no I can't. I can only send you back in time, not forward."

Beardbeard cancels agree to quest ending deal: Taken by a mood!

>>4873594
That means we're going to get MORE MUTATIONS.

Fuck yes.

>>4873594

Oh man, oh man, oh man, we have to make her our God-bride now.

Anyways, we need to know the god's weaknesses and whatnot I guess.

>>4873594
I kinda like Rary, even if he can majorly fuck up reality like that.

What's the deal with Heracles?

..The leg isn't such a big deal, but we do need to fix our damn hands.

We need to be able to actually HOLD A WEAPON.

>>4873594
That was a close one. We should find out if there are alternative ways to challenge the gods instead of a straight up battle. Can we, for instance, engage Heracles in a dance off with out army of monster spiders as back up ala West Side story?

>>4873630

We are looking at this the wrong way, why fix our old hands when we can GROW NEW HANDS elsewhere

Ask how strong Xom is.

>>4873594
Well, at least he's honest. For that, he shall live to see another day. For the gift of ale, he would live even if he hadn't warned us he was going to fuck us over.

Ask him to fill us in on how to not get our shit ruined next time we go god hunting. And ask why we wouldn't want to bang Xanatos, aside from the whole Goddess of Death thing.

>>4873590

It's more that I figure that as long as we have those four things, nothing else matters.

>>4873630
Say.

He can control time, right?

Could he focus it on our hands and ONLY our hands? Locally reverse only the time for the hands?

>>4873631
THAT SOUNDS AWFULLY ELFLIKE TO ME.

>>4873631

I suspect that if we can prove that we're more deserving of that god's mantle than the god is, we could probably strip it away pretty easily.

So realistically, Xom and Heracles are our easiest targets. And then maybe Moradin. Our pride alone let us stand against him last time, we just need to prove ourselves even more a paragon of dorfiness and we take his title by default.

>>4873642
>nothing else matters
How can you tell what song my Metallica playlist is on? ...You ARE Rary, aren't you? You were trying to influence us to screw ourselves over via rousing speech, well HAH. No one in Beardbeard's head knows the first thing about talking fancy! I'm keeping my eye on you.

>>4873648
There's no point asking Rary to heal us. His offer was a trap from the start.

Ask him which god resurrected us.

>>4873648
Improve our CRAFT skill. Make ourselves new hands. That's the properly dorfy way to do it.

>>4873662
I don't think Beardbeard is as chaotic as Xom.

Hands are easy. We just chop one off, then have it regenerated like we've already done at least two times previous.

>>4873678
We don't need to pay for that information. The God of Fate pretty much told us he did it.

>>4873662
Challenging Xom would cause SAN loss worse then talking directly to Cthulhu.

We seem to be on autosage.

>>4873662
Have you been paying attention? Xom is batshit insane LOLRANDUM!

>>4873711
Ride the waves?

>>4873608
>the god's weaknesses
"How about this instead: The weakest gods are Pelor and Poseidon. With the exceptions of Xom, Yog, Xanatos, and Fate, every other god has been replaced multiple times. Those 4 are the original gods for their portfolios, and have never been replaced. I suggest not messing with them. They have staying power for a reason.

Also Poseidon's only still a god because no one who wants her job can breath underwater. Pathetic, I know."

>>4873631
>We should find out if there are alternative ways to challenge the gods instead of a straight up battle
"Ahaha! The god challenges thing is a farce. You kill a god, Fate gives you their Divinity. It doesn't matter how or where you kill them. Fate made up the entire God Challenges bit to slow down the turnaround rate on gods. I think what broke his back on that was 5 different gods of judgement in the same month. Reality was a mess."

>>4873640
>How strong is Xom?
"Don't mess with that elegant gentleman. If he were to ever take anything seriously, well... I would not want to be anywhere near him. He is easily the second strongest god."

>>4873648
>Could he focus it on our hands and ONLY our hands? Locally reverse only the time for the hands?
"...So you want me to send just your hands back in time to the first dungeon, effectively cutting off both of your arms? Really? Really. Well, if that's what you really want..."

Then..

Could we TIE OUR OWN GOD SLAYING AXE to our hands with bandages?

Like Guts from Berserk?

Or chains.

Or whatever we could find.

>>4873662
>>4873717
Besides, I like Xom. He's our buddy.

>>4873662
Musclebeard isn't the god of dorfs. He's the god of stone. If we want to earn his godhood, we can't get it just by being dorfy; I doubt we're earthy enough to compare, considering how bad Beardbeard is at craftsdorfship.

What we are, however, is strong. If we want to replace a god, it should be Heracles.

>>4873717
And he might just let us have his godhood just because no one would ever see it coming.

>>4873686
>>4873695

I'm just saying that Chaos and War, aside from Dorfiness, seem to be the divine portfolios that Beardbeard currently has the most right to.

Obviously we're going after Heracles first. Xom's cool, we won't fuck with him yet.

Of course, if we really wanted to fuck with this, we could challenge Heracles to a Wargame of some sort. Then Timberserker the game board, leaving our pieces the only ones standing, and call it our victory. Or something.

>>4873723
I'm guessing Glittergold was even weaker than Poseidon?

>>4873723
>"Don't mess with that elegant gentleman. If he were to ever take anything seriously, well... I would not want to be anywhere near him. He is easily the second strongest god."

Has Xom EVER taken anything seriously?

Beardbeard x Xanatos... Just saying...

>>4873723
>"...So you want me to send just your hands back in time to the first dungeon, effectively cutting off both of your arms? Really? Really. Well, if that's what you really want..."

AS AWESOMELY HILARIOUS AS THAT WOULD BE?

NO.

Is it possible to have more than one godhood?

>>4873756
Beardbeard's arm stumps would just be granted sentience by Xom, and graft themselves to something horrible. And get claws. It's a bad idea is what I'm saying.

>>4873723
Killing Pelor sounds so tempting now, but we can't do shit with his divinity.

>>4873774
Yes, see satan

>>4873786
Satan wasn't a god before we gave him godhood.

>>4873774

Good question. Although realistically, aside from the fact that you need to have the right qualities for that bit of Godhood, it would seem to be possible.

And as far as Xom's divinity goes, just ask him if we can borrow it for a while. Tell him it would probably be really amusing.

And we'll give it back once we get bored with it, which, knowing Beardbeard's attention span, won't be all that long.

>>4873795
Only if we get XOM QUEST for a day, where we see what Xom does when not being a God.

>>4873804
How about we just control Xom with his powers for a day?

>>4873795
If Xom is the original, primordial god of Chaos who has never lost his godhood, I doubt he would fall for that.

>>4873723
>cutting off both of your arms
Of course not, just want some way of getting around this crappy mess of mutations. Know of any tricks to get around this? How to get shapeshifting powers maybe?

We don't really qualify for many of the other godhoods:
Pelor is judgement, obviously we don't judge things very well.

Poseidon is sea, and the sea involves CARP.

Yog is law and control. We don't exactly show control, and we're chaotic through and through.

Xanatos is our future wife.

Fate requires too much planning to fuck with.

Nemelex is luck- we rely on brute force, not luck

Ra is sky and weather, and the only connection I can think of is lightning and Beardbeard's hatred of trees.

The only godhoods we can definitely take are Heracles, Moradin, and Xom.

>>4873819
It's not a question of falling for it. He's so random he might go through with it anyway.

>>4873838
yeah, but he's just as likely to turn us into a newt

>>4873836
Lighting is air, and therefore fey magic.

>>4873836

>Fate requires too much planning to fuck with.

So, Fate is DorfQuest's Tzeentch? What would happen if they met?

>>4873838
see
>>4873732

New thread: >>4873858

>>4873836
Since Moradin and Heracles are in the replaceable gods category and Xom isn't, maybe we should stick to them.