Kobold digging team have been going missing from their mines. The bosses suspect a dwarf infestation, help them clear the dwarves out of the area so important mining can continue.

Local communist sleeper cell wishes to assassinate the democratically-elected emperor. Are you a bad enough dude to stop the commies?

Some young elves want you to get them some "matches", the latest invention of the gnomes in a nearby city.

The local barbarian tribes have asked the player to procure some steel weapons for their war against another tribe. Another group is being backed by that tribe.

An ancient sword, stuck into a large stone, will grant anyone who frees it, a wish. Some bandits have stolen the sword, while it's still stuck in the stone... stealing the stone as well. Violence is going to occur if anyone finds out about this, so go and get it back.

A gang of robbers is using a mix of illusory and counterfeit gold-pieces to cover up their string of thefts. Go undercover to discover who is supplying them these resources.

A mad dwarf blacksmith has been crafting a number of over-elaborate weapons. While the weapons are functional, the materials they're made from are worth far more than is needed. However, unknowledgable buyers have been walking away with these weapons (for the price of a normal weapon), making them targets for the local gangs.

Oh fuck, i'm starting to think that when you try to not get it right, you're actually awesome /tg/

That's the secret of your homebrews

You play a group of orc bards trying to get laid before their parents force them to get a real class and become barbarians.

A local wizard is working on a theory he calls Phrenology. He would like you to go out and measure the head-shapes of various goblinoid species. And then progress on to measuring the head-shapes of a variety of other monsters including gelatinous cubes, and a poltergeist.

>>4871756
Haha oh wow

>>4870849
I'd do it in a heartbeat.

The players are hired to assist a vampire in getting rid of some pesky elven rangers inhabiting his cave.

The body of a horseman has been taken from its grave. This has disturbed the spirit of the fallen soldier, who has now risen from his slumber. Every night the head rides out on his ghostly steed in search of his body.

A local bear-shaman has requested your help in preventing forest fires.

The ninja has been kidnapped by Presidents. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the ninja?

You all wake up with a spiked iron gauntlet locked on your right hands. The large blood red crystal in it's back glows with a candles flame. The cold stone room you are in has one door, made of wood and coated with old dust. The note tacked to the door is old, the paper is cracked, and the script is scratchy and uneven.
"You needto escape my dungeon. There are weapons and armor scattered about the halls, and I have been feeding monsters and traps in these halls ofr decades.
Good luck"

>>4871128
Some kid pulled a sword, an important and priceless artifact, out of the stone it was in. Kill him and find a way to put it back in there.

A gnome scholar wants some help finding the location of what he describes as "religious human rituals" in the local city. He seems to be describing a brothel, and is apparently quite intend in witnessing the "rituals" in question for research.

A grizzled and extremely powerful wizard living on an island believes that a long-over war is still going on, and has holed himself up in his island fortress. The king has hired you to navigate the trapped environs and bypass the wizard's guardians and discover if he's cursed somehow, or just insane and senile. Bonus for talking sense into him.

A fountain of youth has been discovered. Unfortunately, it is youth for only one person. As the next person dips in its waters, the previous person becomes old and haggard. The local guards' attempts to stopping people using the well, due to the rapid increase in ageing it inflicts on everyone else, have been rather ill thought out. The guards are now far too old to function effectively. Catch whoever keeps bathing in the waters, and kill them to return everyone's age back to normal... before you are also drained of your youth.

blah blah blah THE EYE OF ARGON.

An elf has developed an obsession with collecting dwarf artefacts. Knowing the trouble she'll get into if she's found out by the rest of her village, she has asked you to find and sell a number of other dwarf artefacts to the rest of the village. Hopefully when the rest of the village also has dwarvish items, they'll just be hypocrites, instead of legitimately have a moral high-ground.

High level:

A bored lich challenges the players to a race around the world.

The local well has become blocked with dead bodies. Could you please pull them all out so they can be buried properly. Oh, and find out who put them there in the first place... it might have been murder.

damnit, this makes me want to play, but no one i know would be interested ;_;

A large swarm of giant insects is heading towards our elf encampment, could you try and devise some plan to divert them away, perhaps using the nearby orc and human settlements?

Someone is draining the local swamp, and all the weird animals living there are starting to wander into nearby settlements. I found a three-eyed crocodile in the bath-tub the other day, and I was not pleased!

>>4871950

Annnnnnnd.....stolen.

>>4871950
Fetch me the adventure table! That's number 50 something!

Peasants down by the lake saw a fish crawl onto land, and then disappear into the undergrowth. They've made up some stupid religion they call "evolution", and the other religions are getting quite upset.

Some guy claiming to be a god came by last week, and hung himself upside down from a tree. Now all these funny runes have started appearing all over the furniture, even my best oak chair. You go and get him off that damn tree.

SABOTEUR REBELS TRY AND CRASH CASTLE INTO KING
SUICIDAL REBELS TRY AND CRASH THEIR AIRSHIP INTO KING
PHILOSOPHICAL TRY TO CRASH KING INTO HIMSELF

ANCIENT CLERIC SENDS ADVENTURERS TO GET A PLANT TO BREW THE BEST TEA EVER. TURNS INTO RAGE-DRAGON WHEN THE ROGUE PUTS MILK AND SUGAR IN HIS
ANCIENT CLERIC SENDS ADVENTURERS TO GET A PLANT TO ROLL THE GNARLIEST BLUNT EVER

A BAND CONSISTING OF A LICH, A BEHOLDER DOMINATOR, A ZOMBIE AND A SKELETON CREATE A ROCKBAND, RELEASING A HIT SINGLE CALLED "HOPELESS NECROMANTIC". NECROMANCY, DEATH AND DISEASE RATES RAISE 5000%.

CREATE A RIVAL ROCKBAND, AND MAKE A BETTER SONG PROMOTING LIFE AND NATURE TO RETURN THINGS TO NORMAL.

>>4872071

>>4870736
>>4870849
>>4871039
>>4871128
>>4871447
>>4871756
>>4871834
>>4871950
>>4872005
>>4872047

I love these.

According to our recent polls, 85% of villagers think Goody Webster is a witch. Go and interview her for the local town crier's evening cry.

A crazy old man has been waving a sword around at the market, claiming to be hunting a great white banshee name Wail or something. Take a couple of the local spearmen to "help" him look for her outside of town.

You have been tasked with escorting a strange "tourist" from a far away land and his magical trunk to anywhere he wants to go and make sure he does not die.

There's a guy dressed in some kind of beetle-shell armour, hunting some guy called "Jed". We told him to look in the swamp because he was pretty scary and we don't want to see him again any time soon. Could you go and check if we're okay?

I love this thread

>>4872303
God damn this sounds so familiar. I just can't place my brain on it.

ARCHIVE THIS THREAD.

Some woman wearing a hat made out of knives is going around town telling people not to worship her. She keeps attacking anyone who stands on her shadow too. Luckily, nobody has been hurt too badly as she refuses to go through any doorways.

Then, the other day a bunch of other guys turned up. they won't speak, but just draw a bunch of images on some scroll-paper they brought with them. We think it's some kind of picture code, but they're basically all nuts.

Anyway, we don't want them here as they're scaring away business.

We bought a spell from the local wizard that would keep rats out of your sewers. It's working really well, but now we've got bigger problems... the local cats are starving, so they've started attacking people. We don't know how to turn off the spell, and we don't have enough gold for a cat-banishment spell.

"A long ass fuckin' time ago, In a town called Kickapoo, There lived a humble family Religious through and through. But yey there was a black sheep, And he knew just what to do. His name was young J.B. And he refused to step in-line. A vision he did see of Fucking rocking all the time. He wrote a tasty jam And all the planets did align."
Get there and prevent that shit to happen or we're all fucked.

Someone in town has acquired a magical self-duplicating coin. It's easy to spot because they're all defaced in exactly the same, somewhat rude, way. Could you try and work out how to stop this flow of frankly obscene coinage without crashing to local economy?

Someone found the fabled Ruby Goblin statue, and it wasn't by a person matching the Prophecy's description of the Hero. Could you steal the statue, and then give it to the proper person so it looks like he just, you know, found it?

Erm, look, there's this, sort of problem with me wife, and me, well, "other" wife. Could you, you know, go to the local witch and get some medicine, you know.

The king's only son, a paladin of some renown, has gone mad for reasons unknown and has begun slaying the realm's population, convinced that an undead plague is spreading. The party must find the source of this madness, while at the same time stop the young prince from committing mass murder on his own people.

Couple of the local lads an' me have formed this group for getting rid of any weirdos who try and live in our village. The problem is most of them have a lot of funny shaped religious stuff that just doesn't seem to burn properly. Any ideas?

It's Kobold mating-season again... Could you just stop them rutting with my leg!

A Gnome expedition found an ancient Yuan-Ti artifact.
A Kobold expedtion found and ancient Yuan-Ti artifact.
Both expeditions claim they found it first.
The Yuan-Tis heard that one of their religious artifact had been found by inferior races. It is used to power a shadowy ritual. They want it back. Hire Orcs mercenaries to get it back.
The Dwarves on the near town hires the Pcs to end this crazy flame war happening outside town.
All the hell brakes loose when the artifact is activated summoning a powerful demon on site.
The shit gets real when Celestial creatures shows up smithing everythign on sight in hopes to slay the awakened demon.
The shit gets even more complicated when a missfired spell hits the lair of a Red Dragon on a cave nearby.

A princess has been kidnapped by a powerful dragon. When you show up to rescue her, you find out that she and the dragon are engaged. Can you explain the situation to dear old dad without him blowing a gasket?

A couple of blokes have been indulging in this thing they call "roleplay" after dark. We don't think this is very healthy, especially after the local cleric told us it was some sort of ritual to unleash devils or something. Now, I don't know what Roleplay is, but if the cleric says it's bad, then I don't want it any where near me! Go and get rid of them before them summon up a monster goat or something.

>>4872514

I'm going to need more details, m'lord.

SEXY details.

>>4872612
A young dragon has been kidnapped by a powerful princess. When you show up to rescue him, you find out that he and the princess are engaged. Can you explain the situation to dear old dad without him blowing a gasket?

This knight in really polished armour turned up last week, going on about how he "couldn't fall" and stuff. Me an' a couple of the lads, well, we played a trick on him, made him trip over this rope when we tugged on it.

Wish we hadn't now, he's gone absolutely mental, shouting about how he's fallen and such. He's put mud all over his armour, calling himself a "blackclard" or something, and attacks anyone he sees.

The Mayor speaks: "On the mountains over there *points to yonder* there's a race track. There the giants race against each other at this Giant Prix. The prize is a medal, wich they sought after to prove they're the fastest. That medal is in fact the buckler of our holy goddess. Without that buckler the divine blessings of the goddess are gone and our crops will spoil. We need that buckler back."

Jesus walks into the inn.

A wizard cast a spell on the village, so that they'd be music where ever we go. It's pretty fun. During village get-togethers we can just dance and the music plays itself.

But I see to have picked up a "villain enters" music that plays whenever I enter a room, and people are starting to wander. Could you fix it?

The sun multiclassed to Barbarian.

First we sighted strange lights in the sky.
Second strange lights on the cornfields. By morning strange markings on the cornfields.
Now our cattle is disapearing.
Lil' Bo over there said he saw this strange grey man with a huge head walking at night outside the farm.
Help us! Find what is going on!!!

>>4872747
The barkeep says "we don't serve juice here"

>>4872774
>so very many possibilities.

>>4872788
Shit! if the moon multiclasses to ranger we're gonna be pretty fucked.

>>4872801
But what's its favored enemy? Shapeshifter?

>>4872796
Jesus replies, "No worries, brought my own. ZOINK!"

>>4872348
"I'm looking for a Jed, aye?"

>>4872838
Jesus takes a sit.
Satan enter into the inn.

I got a cool elf script tattoo down my arm so everyone can see it. But all these elves keep laughing at me, so I'm beginning to wonder what it actually says... can you find out for me?

The fishermen keeps singing row row the boat, fight the powa. Now they're rioting the port.
Bonus: Pirates shows up.

Some Halflings are buying up all the stilts in the region. We think they might be up to something, possibly infiltration of the nearby human city.

We uncovered a similar gnome operation. They'd convinced this village that they were actually dangerous giants, and wouldn't go away until they were given a bunch of money.

The chef over there wanna cook something from a book he found floating on da north swamp. He needs help to get the ingredients. They seem pretty nasty, ay? But the meal looks tasty, no? Help 'im. We give ya a bowl of this gumbo, no? Oy! And remember, he needs it for the dinner tonight.

Some mice got in and ate all the fairy cavalry. Take this net and catch us some more mosquitoes of good stock.

This weird tentacled fellow came up outta the lake while I was sailing my boat. I bumped him right on the head accidentally and he went back under the surface. Could you search the lake and make sure he's okay?

We had to take this enchanted ring to the land down under in order to destroy it. However, some genious put it on the catapult, flinging it into on the god damn mountains over there. Go to the mountain, find and bring the ring back here, okay?

The local orcs have started carving phallic symbols into the trees across the village river. And now some of our womenfolk have been seen swimming across.

They say, once you go into the Orc lands you never come back. It must be something to do with the strong currents in the river, so could you build a bridge using those trees.

Oh guys... I put the magic scroll of ressurection on my jacket. And I left my jacket on that island remember? Well, check this out. The island swam away. HALP!

The Gods of Good and Evil are getting together to settle things once and for all in an ultimate test of skill on the basketball court. Your party is security at the stadium.

One of the farmboys is refusing to be called by his name, calling himself "dances with the wargs". Apparently he's been seeing some goblin girl in secret, and we'd like it to stop.

zombies... but instead of zombies... lolis... endlessly multiplying lolis...

Morning. The party yesterday night was awesome. Even the wizard got lucky, how crazy is that? On the street they look something amiss.
PC 1: Dude, where's my horse?
PC 2: That one with the unknown artifact?
PC 1: Yeah.
PC 2: Hmmm... shit.
PC 1: Oh come, on!

One of the bloody dwarves has built this door and lever on the side of his house. The problem is that the door leads straight to some elemental plane full of lava. If anyone pulls that lever the whole valley is going to be flooded, so find out how to dismantle the damn thing.

Dwarves have dug too greedily and too deep.

A giant lost his left boot on the valley. Old man gnome found the boot and used to set a shop. The shop did great. Old man gnome could only say: shinies! One day giant comes back. See his boot and take it away. Find that giant. Find my shop!

A flying ship crashed on the market section of town, causing havoc, panic and severe property damage. One of the stores damaged was the main supply of sausages. Everything was lost. Now the people is rioting. They need their sausages! As the city guard the Pcs gotta stop the riotings while providing new sausages to the crazyed people.

In a far far away land there is a castle. It's abandoned. However on the highest tower lies a yound princess sleeping. Always sleeping. They say that only a passionate kiss can awake her.

NPC: Goblins stole my magic sword.
PC 1: So what?
NPC: I would give it to you for completing your training.
PC 1: Sons of a...

>>4872584
One-shot? More like a chaos free-for-all XD

>>4873051

ALTERNATELY:

I invested in this dwarf mine, see? But they've stopped digging, saying they think they've "gone too far" and "they realize their covetousness." I want you to go down there and get them back to work!