Hoplite Falus reporting in!

What are our orders captain?

You are instantly and permanently my favorite fucking person on /tg/ right now.

That said, you have the sword and spear of Elephantitus at your side.

CRACK THE EARTH
GODS OF THUNDER
MAN AND BEAST
WILL BE TORN ASUNDER
INTO THE FIGHT
I OWN THE RIGHT
TO BE THE KING OF KINGS

Priapus the Powerful will heed the call.

Dickfuckius! no, wait.

Cunnulongoid?

shit.

I'm bad at this

>>4805648
I know, any other time I can make literally over 9000 penis jokes. When you put me on the spot, I've got nothing.

Fellatius the fighter and Sodomus the violator are at your side my lord!

Impotus reporting...this never happened to me before, I swear.

Viagrius the World Weary will heed thy call

thinkofyourowngoddamnnamesicus

Meatus the Mighty at your orders.

My friends...brothers of the 1st legion of Testosterus... heed me, Testicles the Strong!

We have been sent by our Supreme Chieftan Overcompensates, to show the world that we are the most elite and diciplined fighting force ever trained. It is for us to show the weak and yellow-blooded humans the ways of war. Is is up to us to show the uncivilized masses how true soldiers hold themselves in battle.

Upon our spears we shall hold the honor of Testosterus!!! FOR TESTOSTERUS!!!

Master Bateus the Iron Fist has arrived

>>4805676
DO NOT FEAR, MY SON. VIAGRUS THE RIGID WILL SET YOU IN A FIRM AND PROPER WARRIOR STANCE.

But if it lasts for more than four hours, seek the medics.

>Testosterhome

Fapulous the homosexual hoplite here, sexy pants.

The ladies Uterus and Mammares await the return of their brave warriors...

Phimosis the petulant reporting sir!

Fear not for I shall always stand strong and never shrivel back to the enemies tricks!

Gonades the Great!

Innuendus McDickjoke at your service.

Praetor Penetratous for honor!!

Do I have permission to steal this? I need to give the orcs in my world a culture and this will ammuse my immature PCs so much. They would be the fabled warriors of orc culture.

Bukkakus the Taint, ready and aiming for glory, sir!

The one known only as "THE LEFT HAND" has arrived!

Beware, I hear he is a cheater.

>>4805707
Priapus the Potent heeds no such warning! His stance is ever-firm!

My brothers! A minstrel by the name of Urethras has written a song for us to charge into battle with! Let these drums strike terror into the hearts and groins of out enemies!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SEOguApssc

Let the Mighty Flatulus lead the way, fall in rank behind me, men!!
Heh heh...

Peniles Popules the Bumpy here, I swear it is not a disease Jesus Christ lots of guys have them fucking shit just wikipedia it fuck where are you going come back.

Genetalos reporting sir. My lackeys Leftus and Rightus carry my shield and spear, penistus.
FEAR THE NAME PENISTUS FOR HIS POINT EMBEDED IN YOUR SKULL WILL BE THE LAST THING YOU SEE BEFORE YOU DIE.

>>4805744
I lol'd.

Taintimus the Scarred reporting for duty. My deeds are unspeakably brutal. And pungent.

more like phallanx

Glansius the noble will head the charge!

>>4805744
the scotts have no place here you drunken ninny.

Scrotus here.
>>4805752
Go forth, brother! Spread the seed of Testosterhome! And spread it well!

IN THE NAME OF FISTUS, THE ELBOW DEEP!

Bickus Dickus wepowting in, unwess you think that Phawanx do not need Womans?

I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.

>>4805805
Went through the entire thread with a (mostly) straight face until
>IN THE NAME OF FISTUS, THE ELBOW DEEP!
Then I fucking lost it.

Vas Deferenus here.

>>4805806
Biguth Dickuth reporting in, unleth you think that Phalankth do not need Romanth?

i fixed this for you

My brothers! Reports come in from one of our scouts, Diarhhesus, that our rival nation of Estrathens is raising an army, let by our most hated of foes, the barbarian woman named Menstrus. Make no mistake. Her rage knows no bounds.

No force in the world can break the mighty Phallanx!

Flaccidius the strategist at your service.

We must consult our elder Diabetes.... He will know what to do.

God damn, I love you /tg/!

>>4805834

You idiot, he didn't have a conventional lisp.

>>4805845
I say we retreat and wait her out. Then batter her walls into submission after the full moon has passed.

>>4805866
Yes, he and his twin scholar Herpes will certainly know what to do!

>>4805845
Great testecles holy balls! those women think that they can take on the might of the city state.

>>4805866
Of course! Diabeetus will know what to do!

>>4805845
she can only bleed for so long! Grab a pint, for we havent eve come to blows and they bleed.

>>4805845
Her warrior women will descend upon us like a river of blood. Strong we must be, hold strong our weapons we must, and rise up over the bloody tide on red-stained wings we shall!

Lascivius the Insatiable reporting for duty, sir! I'm an expert at beating off multiple opponents at once!

Your council is wise Diabetes,

I believe it would also be prudent to send a spy into thier ranks. I suggest sending my only daughter Mamares. She is up for the task ahead.

>>4805908
Who among us will search them out? what brave warrior gladly walks the path of death? WHO AMONG YOU WILL FIND THEM?

We specialize in short spears, right?

Stipheus, reporting in!

Scrotus, tell us the tale of your first adventure while we plot the rape of our enemies in the Gynocracy.

Circumsicius the Clean is reporting for war.

look at the size of those melons on Mamares!

>>4805938
Speak for yourself! My longspear is wielded in a Monkey Grip.

I am proud to stand by your side. No homo.

Let the armies of Menstrus come. Her crones of Naggicus, and her tempest mood swings shall not break our spirit!

FOR TESTOSTERUS!!!!

THEY CALL ME CACOPHONUS THE LOUD.

WHERE DO YOU NEED ME?

>>4805968
I am Deafus, the hard of hearing.
Can you repeat that?

Bonerio Ærecticles, at your service!

...I was just looking for an excuse to use the Æ, honestly.

Gluteus Maximus the Ever-Clenched, hefting my twin shields in stalwart defense of our most sensitive and sacred gate.

>>4805938
It varies from soldier to soldier. Some use short spears, some use long ones. A couple even curve off to one side. But whatever the qualities of the weapon, we all thrust tirelessly until the battle's climax! Then most of us have to rest for an hour or so.

Master Lo Wang of the far east offers his humble arts to aid your cause.

>>4805931
I, Copulatus the Impartial, second this plan.

>>4805992
Usually takes me about thirty minutes.

>>4805996
what is that skill your women have? the happy ending? it is unbeatable.

Brother Foreskein, with extra cloaks to defend our sensitive areas from the environs!

Penthousicus the Lettered has record your deeds.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/4805536/

I am so fucking proud of you, /tg/. Every last one of you.

I am proud to call you my brothers.

No homo.

>>4806020
On the contrary. I have seen it beaten with fury and perseverence. It is, however, a rare thing to see.

I am Pærnographus the Archivist. I desire to record the exploits of the soldiers so that the feats of these heros can be remembered throughout the ages.

...I want to use these guys in my campaign at some point. Archive thread pl0x!

>>4805996
As do his Western-named son Max Wang and manservant Hung Long. We have ridden hard and fast to come on your aid.

The armorers known only as the Trojan and the Sheik pledge their forgeworks to your mighty Army.

Oralius Munchirus the Iron-bellied, I will feast upon the wicked flesh of our enemies, no matter the foul stench and flavor that may pervade their beings.

I am Taint the Barbarian. I have come to serve you, shall you take me.

I have never said this before
but
posting in an epic thread.

The Mighty Scrotus is proud to welcome you all, good and powerful brothers of Testosterus! Your names will be remembered forever in the songs of Oralus the Silver Tongued, and your deeds will be passed on throughout the ages!

>>4806073
I lost it. I laughed so fucking hard I woke up my house.

Ceveo Maximo here, ready to take on all comers.

Praematurejactulus the Quick. The enemy will learn to fear me.

Circum sisoris the scarred reporting

>>4806115
It is an honor to have served at your side, Scrotus.

My name is Lubricatus. And I shall grease your weapon.

What you call "Phalanx formation," I call "When the wizard gets here you are all going to be on fire."

BIggus Dickus has a wife, you know. Her name? [spoiler]Incontinentia Buttocks.[/spoiler]

Also, Naughtius Maximus and Sillius Soddus are soldiers under the command of the centurion Biggus Dickus.

>>4806189
Diabeetus has Dispel magic held at the ready for him.

>>4806189

One of us has a ring of antimagic field. Good luck finding out who. When the wizard gets here, he's going to teleport away.

/tg/, you have really outdone yourselves. Wow.

Proscrimitus of the Many answers your call!

As do I, Smegmus, the Vile!

>>4806189
That kind of talk is what I'd expect from the crones of Menstrus.

BOYS, WE HAVE A TRAITOR IN OUR MIDST.

>>4806217
If there's one thing we can do, tis cock jokes.

>>4806234

IT IS I, MAMARIES THE ENCHANTRESS, YOU ALL SHALL BE SUBJUGATED LIKE THE FOOLS YOU ARE.

>>4806058
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/4805536/
I went to archive this a while ago, and someone beat me to it.

Hah. Beat.

>>4806261
Ha-ha! I am Hoplite Titifucles, and I know your weakness!

someone plz post a screen of this

Circumsidius reporting general...I fear I misplaced my helmet...

>>4806261
You think you may have defeated me, but I know how to stun you!

Behold! Chocolate!

>>4806289
No fear, I have brought extras.

Mamares my daughter! Have you forsaken the men of Testosterus? You were to be wed to the most honorable warrior in the village.

My men! Whom ever brings back my daughter Mamares from the clutches of the witches of Mestrus may have her hand in marriage!

This thread makes the leadership feat SO much more awesome to use...

>>4806304

GAH! I must depart but I will see you fools dead or enslaved by the next time you see me!

...Has 'Perinius' been done yet?

Carpet Munchus will pull the remains of her enemies from her teeth.

>>4806317
I am SO doing this in my next campaign. Without my DM's knowledge.
>>4806314
Fear not, sire! The chocolate shall calm her emotions. Menstus' vile spell has taken hold of her, but I shall restrain the beast she has become!

Come an get me! I HAVE BOUGHT YOU NEW SHOES.

Frenulo Reporting, sir! I'll hold us together!

>>4806325
Nope. Nor has Penus, surprisingly.

But then again, few take His hallowed name in vain...

>>4805536

Thanks for your request.
It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
This thread has been requested 2 times now.

Consensuas is here, fighting willingly in the name of Testosterus! I also dragged along my little brother Ræpus. He says he doesn't want to be here, but I'm sure he'll like it once he gets used to it.

Shavicles the Itchy reporting, my Lord. I regret to inform you that we are out of talc powder.

I come from the future, warriors of Testosterus!
They call me...
Johnson.

>>4806370

Fail

Pubicus Haren reporting sir, I hear it is cold in these northern wastes, but I have brought warm pelts.

Microdikus reporting! Sorry, my spear seems to be shorter then all the other ones here.

Sire! Sire! There can be no victory here! The nation of Estrathens has a warrior who is invincible. She is known as....

Castratus.

THERE CAN BE NO VICTORY HERE

Waiting for prostate and anus ripoffs...

>>4806383

Fear not warrior, for it is not the length of your spear, but how you wield it!

Prepucium Abruptus will be joining the ranks later on, despite the horrific injuries almost making him unable to stand.

>>4806399
Yeah, but it's easier to kill with a longspear than it is with a dagger.

Behold, I, Zakaria Kamasutra, CHampion of the East, find in you worthy battle-brothers!

(Just so you know, Zakar is a Malay word for penis).

Syphiles reporting in

The regiments of the Addicticus Pornus have pledged their support...as soon as they refresh...

Lecheros reporting in, sir. I heard we're fighting the Estrathens?

...Will we be taking prisoners?

WILLY PECKER ONE-EYE REPORTIN' IN! I CANNAE HOLD A SPEAR WORTH A DAMN BUT I'VE GOT ME AXE! I LEFT ME HOME ON ACCOUNT O' THE LASSES IN ME VILLAGE NOT WANTIN' TA BE MARRYIN' A VEINY CYCLOPS LIKE MESELF. HOPE YA GOT ROOM, I'M A STOUTY.

Prematarus Jaculus has arrived, victorious in the field of battle!
What do you mean, not started?

>>4806414
The damage is done all the same from behind brother, for they shall turn and flee from our engorged mass when we come upon them.

>>4806434

BEGONE! Spread not your pestilence of Menstrus!

>>4806434

Get the hell out of here old man before you sicken the whole army!

Pubestrius, my son, shall join us one day. For now, he is too immature. He snickers constantly, and such behavior is unbecoming of a warrior of Testosterus.

>>4806399
Tell that to Impotitus. His spear snapped years ago and he hasn't been able to use it properly since.

Hemaroidus will tear their arses asunder!

This battle will take place within the realms of Perineum, over which both forces have laid claim. A narrow, barren region which neither force is willing to forsake, though it contains no discernable resources of value.

>>4806448
A crying shame.

Also, I have a report in. The halfling barbarians of the far north have come to our aid! Behold the three seasoned warriors! The twins, Firsthaf and Secondhaf, the wrestler and kneebreaker, and their companion, Decaf the berserker!

Anal Spelunkus the Invisible, spy extraordinaire, will use his superior skills to observe enemy movements from within.

>>4806444

The archers of the Scrotes have arrived, and vow to unleash their fury upon the faces of the forces of the Estrathenes.

>>4806468
The Gooch. A battle of this proportion would have to take place there. Very well. I will lay down my life if need be. Let Castratus come at me. I fear no blade! I fear no spear!
GLORY AND FAME
BLOOD IS OUR NAME
SOULS FULL OF THUNDER
HEARTS OF STEEL

I am known by the name Coytus, the Druid.
I have traveled far and have heard of your plight, gentlemen.

>>4806493

CURSES! The vile forces of the Esrathenes have brought their most hideous gods to fight for them! All will fall before the quaking of Celluitiades

>>4806493
Ah yes, the common soldier of Testosterus has many a name for the land of Perineum, 'The Gooch' being just one.

>>4806515
WE ARE GODS AMONG MEN! WE SHALL NOT BE INTIMIDATED BY THEIR SORCERIES AND THEIR MAGICS. BY OUR VIRILITY WE SHALL VANQUISH THESE GODS OF THEIRS. I TRUST IN MY SHIELD.

>>4806189
>>4806214
Fuck you, Ackbar, our shields CAN repel fire of that magnitude!

>>4806515
>>4806554

FEAR NOT MEN! I Fraticus, have brought potions and salves from the land of Anheuser. This Ice of Nature shall render us immune to all Estrathene trickery!

>>4805898
You Fool! We must find and kill herpes the horrible before he manages to summon the great beast Vagina dentata and bring doom to us all!

This started out ok, now it's boring. Move along.

>>4806583
Your refreshing beverages bring relief and comfort to our stressed out men. Truly, you are a valued member. I am but a footsoldier, but I promise you a seat on the council when this is all over.

Epic Post

>>4806515
doust thou falter at the merest quiver of these beasts?! nay, says I! grip your spear all the more firmly, and thrust all teh harder! merely close your eyes and imagine it were a less horrendous warrior of Estrathens you lay low! stabbeth the wet spot at the lowest fore of their girth, undeterred! so commandeth the stratigist Plumperius the Hunter!

>>4806588
Lies! Lies and slander! Herpes is a great scholar among men...if slightly off kilter for his ailment. Just don't touch him...

Greetings warriors of Testosterous, I am Mons Pubisium. My heavy armor is yours to eagerly support the ranks.

I, Frenulumicus, Second Captain ever to lead the Circumsice, proud holder of the Four-Skins of Protection, granted to me by my father Smegarus, will serve your cause.

I am called Craccus, the Hilt.

Crochus Chesicus here, you men need to maintain hygiene.

>>4806613
Is that you, Retardus Ejaculus?
Surely, you can find the excitement of battle yet!

The Sons of Testosterus have arrived!
We are the spears that pierce evil!
The heavens shall tremble before the might of our colossal spears!
There is nothing we cannot pierce!

>>4806624
INTERNET HIGH FIVE.

>>4806666
Stick him next to Incestuous the Inbred in the phallanx. That'll teach him.

>>4806698
OURS ARE THE SPEARS WHICH WILL PIERCE THE HYMENS!

ILOLD!!!

And your archnemesis would be the Void Discipline Vaginax Xlitorix, yuan-ti half-succubus daemonologist...

>>4806666
GET. also need moar archive. you guys are godlike. all of you. may your phalli remain forever long and hard and your endurance everlasting.

no homo.

Watch out, for a creature of the taint hunts this land, an angry dragon named Nostraspermus.

>>4806638
But I heard him mumbling about the horrid unending waves of armored arachnids and their terrible claws. I shudder simply thinking of the matter.

>>4806720

Are we in autosage yet?

>>4806788
Not yet, but I reckon we're getting close.

>>4806817
>>4806817

I will archive if you tell me how.

We're just passing 160 posts, so we have a little longer.

Eunuchius reporting in. I'm not really in the best of shape

>>4806837
http://4chanarchive.org/brchive/main.php?mode=submit

>>4806837
It already has been. See >>4806272

Preposterus the rediculously endowed joins our number.

And on that note, even Scrotus the mighty must rest, for late is the hour.

Good night, fellow Hoplites. I'm going to polish my spear a bit then go to sleep. I'll try to organize the phalanx roster in the morning.

>>4806862

Thanks for your request.
It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
This thread has been requested 5 times now.

Congrats, your request has just triggered the archival process for thread 4805536

Warriors of Testosterus!! Hearken to me. Our forces are assembled, we stand at arms! May we now thrust forth and subdue the forces of Menstrus!

Our spears are long,
Our strokes are strong,
We'll show our foes where they went wrong!
For Testosterus!
Each one of us,
Shall live forever in tales and song!

By Scrotus' call,
We'll slay them all,
Menstrus' fearsome women shall fall!
And with our might,
by fire's light,
The rebellious females we'll enthrall!

With clash of shield,
and spears we wield,
Menstrus' women will soon yield!
With grevious blow,
We'll lay them low,
and bring back as spoils from the field!

So say Oralus the Silver Tounged!!!

Cojoneius the Sweaty reporting for duty sir.

I, Zoophilius Molestātes, the Testosterian animal caretaker, have tamed many a beast with my almighty spear to be used as war-mounts.

>>4806837
>>4806862
Oh hi, I see you're new here.
Google sup/tg/

>>4807003

Double-Fucking-Entendre the direct, reporting.

I'll double her entendre....

>>4807003
Your encouraging words make my spear feel ever so firmer, poet Exaggeratio Numeruscoitus.

Pelvus Thrasteus the Celebrator has arrived!

Fluffericus the Underapreciatous has come leading the medic core, to keep the members of the phallanx standing tall

This thread is now my deity of choice.

I am the one known as Sphinx Tor.
You cannot escape my clutches!

Bumpus Thrædia

This is basically Asterix the Gaul naming schemes gone wrong isn't it?

>>4808948
Gloriously wrong. FABULOUSLY wrong!

Mentulus Longus reporting in for the third column.

They call me Chief White Tail Swims Upstream. For many moons have I traveled with my nomadic tribe in search of a purpose. In your army, I believe we have finally found it. The Spew Nation will gladly join your cause as scouts and commandos, penetrating deep into the territory of Menstrus. I fear many of my men will die on the coming offensive thrusts, but I am confident that if even one survives the trek through Vaginus Valley and the imminent siege at Cervix Gate, all the way into the City of Womb... I'm confident we can end this war!

>>4808948
Sort of, It was inspired by a combination of Korgoth of Barbaria, Asterix the Gaul, and us just being bored as hell at dinner.

Syphilus reporting for duty, sir!
Er, you may want to put me in a private tent with my mates Gonorrheas and Chlamydiatus. You know, just to be safe

Fear not my brothers, Durexeous the Broken is here.

Jacobus the wise here, with my immense ladders we shall be able to asail the walls of our enemy!

Despretes the Unpartnered here, It seems no other phalanx will take me.

I come from the land of the Titans to lend aid to your cause!!!

They call me Massivius the Well Endowed

Holy shit, this thread is still alive? I thought that we'd've run out of puns by now.

Nerds run out of penis jokes... What are you smoking?

>>4813459
Virginius the Pure

OP, if I might make a suggestion to take things completely over the top? Give them all hooded cloaks. They only pull the hoods back when they fight.

Longus Durus, Pezhetairoi at your service.

With my long pike I shall defend us from charges of horse.

Orgasmus, The Unrelenting, at your command!

>>4813544
Scrotus here.

It shall be done.

Hail brothers!!! I am Extendus the Far Reaching!

I come with extra long spears to aid in the battle to come.

Benjamin, The Chronic at my service!


note: Benjamin = "son of my right hand"