You have finally awoken. Your everything hurts, but you are alive.

Summon nurse for rum ration

Summon nurse or something for healin' action.

Inquire as to how long we were out, and what happened in that time.

>>4771740
RUN RATION!

Kill self

We must thank Presley for saving us. Then we must locale ALE to avoid DANGER of being SOBER.

>>4771749

Damnit, not self.

I thought Gnome was really going to flesh out the character.

Find cleric for scroll of cure severe wounds. Check status of kingdom. Injest at least 1 barrel of ale. Find someone to craft you a masterwork adamantine leg axe, and figure out something to get your hands back.

Face-high-five Cheshire

Wake up that bard and inquire where the hell are we and what the fuck happened.

check surroundings for avaliable items.

>but you are alive.

>ALCOHOLISM: almost sober

AS IF YOU CAN CALL THAT LIVING!

WE REQUIRE ALE.

>>4771728

Retrieve Arms

Woot! It's here!

Ask what's going on. Then commission HEALING ALE to be made by dorfen brewmaster.

The Yilishen Tianxi Group is a Chinese company established in 1999 which sold traditional Chinese medicine products made from ants.[1] More than one million people invested money in the company, purchasing and raising boxes of ants with the promise that they could sell the ants back for a profit, before it was exposed as a ponzi scheme in 2007

>>4771744
>>4771740
>>4771735
It seems to be late at night. No one responds to your summons.

You take this moment to take your helmet back from Cheska.

>>4771778
His arms have been here the whole time!

what exactly is two face?

In 1999, Wang Fengyou, a Liaoning businessman, set up the Yilishen Tianxi Group to make health products whose main ingredients were ants, including a version of Viagra. In addition to advertising the products under the name Yilishen on television (endorsed by Bao Xishun, China's tallest man, and Zhao Benshan, China's most prominent comedian celebrity), investors were offered a significant return if they bought boxes of black mountain ants from the company and raised them to maturity.[4] Buyers, most of whom were unemployed factory workers or peasants, were instructed to feed the ants sugar water, egg yolk and cake, with the promise that after three months, they could sell them back to the company. Returns on investment were reported to be anywhere between 30 and 60 percent,[5][6] and many investors used the profits to buy more ants.[7] Yilishen Tianxi built a factory to produce pills and wine made from the dead ants; Yilishen products were sold in more than 50,000 Chinese pharmacies, and the company's annual revenue was 15 billion yuan.[1]

Fine. Let's test getting up. Then to the booze stockpile. Then let's get our ass in gear & get on that quest. There's conquorin' to be done!

The company was endorsed by Chinese government officials, and Wang, now the chief executive, was photographed with the former Minister of Commerce of the People's Republic of China, Bo Xilai.[5] In 2007, the company received a direct marketing license, seen by many as a government endorsement; Wang was also listed as one of "China’s Top 10 Entrepreneurial Leaders".[3]

In May 2007, the business began to fail; sales of the health products had decreased and Yilishen Tianxi was using investors' money as income.[2] In addition, Wang had made donations totalling $1.4 million to charity and to the 2008 Summer Olympics, to pay for infrastructure such as a subway system in Liaoyang which had boosted the company's public image.[2][3] It was also alleged that the company had spent a large amount of money bribing corrupt government officials in return for favourable treatment.[5] In November, Yilishen Tianxi was unable to pay profits to its investors, and 200,000 protesting investors were met by riot police in the provincial capital Shenyang.[5][1]

>>4771792

Pat Cheska for keeping your helmet safe from thieves and elves, while you recovered.

Our mutations are starting to get a bit out of hand.

You know what I think?

Given that we've already killed one god and blinded another, I say we go find Xom and take his divine essence. Once we ARE the mutations and chaos, we can make whatever leg and eye we want.

Also, hire spies to go and keep an eye on some old friends: Aldwin, Kav, the Goldmoon Slayers, and maybe even Garrelf if we can find the bastard.

sage for furry quest shit

>>4771721
reported

>>4771827
>Dorf Quest
>Furry
Wat.

Also find some goddamn ale.

>>4771806
>>4771813

First, ask Sunson to go off and fry China next evening to get rid of sagefags.

On 7 December 2007, Wang Fengyou was arrested by the public security bureau in Liaoning for disruption of public order after thousands of ant farmers staged public protests outside government buildings which it was alleged he instigated.[3] His arrest and confession was shown on local television, and he admitted that he had been responsible for the protests.[4] The company has since gone into liquidation.[2]

Many of the investors have lost their family's life savings or their retirement pensions; several have committed suicide. One man set fire to himself in Tiananmen Square.[5] Many of the ant farmers believe they are being monitored by the government, particularly after suggestions that they may disrupt the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing.[4][3] Lindsey Hilsum, a British correspondent for Channel 4 News, reported investors were too frightened to show their faces on camera; several were briefly arrested after she interviewed them, and others had been beaten by police for protesting.[7] Investors had been told to register with the local government, but there are reports that compensation will not be paid.[1][5]

In February 2008, another man was sentenced to death in the same province of China after defrauding investors of three billion yuan (US$417 million) in a similar ant-breeding scheme.[8]

>>4771805
Just my nickname for the fact that the right side of his face has been mutated beyond reckoning, due to a facepalm from Xom.

>>4771819

Up. Stockpile. Plan military stuffs.

>>4771836
Won't happen. Mods have came into Dorf Quest to ban sagefag posts. I assume ban, as posts get deleted and they don't post after that.

Bo Xilai (simplified Chinese: 薄熙来; traditional Chinese: 薄熙來; pinyin: Bó Xīlái) (born July 1949), is the current CPC Chongqing Committee Secretary, first-in-charge of the Western interior municipality. Between 2004 and November 2007 he was Minister of Commerce of the People's Republic of China. He is believed to be one of the emerging leaders of China's 5th Generation of Leadership.

Bo Xilai is the son of Bo Yibo, a Communist revolutionary elder, and his rise to fame came from his tenures as the Mayor of the coastal economic hub of Dalian and subsequently the Governor of Liaoning. Bo is a representative figure for China's new generation of leaders who are casual in front of the media, a shift away from the deeply serious focus of Chinese politics. Bo's charisma is known in Mainland China, Hong Kong and abroad, and since his installation as Minister of Commerce has become a political star.

>>4771838
>>4771839
>>4771852
Don't reply. Ignore them. We'll just end up making 3 threads instead of 2 for the day, so they make things worse on themselves.

A native of Dingrang in Shanxi Province, Bo Xilai was born in July 1949, the son of Bo Yibo (薄一波), one of the Eight Immortals of Communist Party of China. Bo began work in January 1968 and joined the Communist Party of China (CPC) in October 1980.

During the Cultural Revolution, when Bo was 17 years old, he was imprisoned along with members of his family for five years, after which they were placed in a labour camp for another five years. The Gang of Four were officially blamed for the chaos of the Cultural Revolution, prompting their release in 1978. During the Cultural Revolution, Bo's father was imprisoned and tortured for ten years; his mother was beaten to death.

Bo worked at the Hardware Repair Factory for the Beijing Second Light Industry Bureau before he was admitted to the Peking University Department of History, majoring in world history, in 1977. He later graduated with a Bachelor of Arts degree. In 1982, he graduated from the Postgraduate Institute of the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences with a Masters degree.

>>4771846
Seriously, we need to go find some way to usurp Xom.

Or at least force him to make our mutations more USEFUL.

But usurpation would be better. We're already going to conquer the world, so we should start by conquering another god.

Bo then successively worked with the Research Office of the CPC Central Committee Secretariat and CPC Central Committee General Office. Given Bo's father's authoritative position in the party, he decided to avoid allegations of nepotism by transferring to one of the most underdeveloped counties in China and starting at the very bottom of the political hierarchy. Bo thus became Deputy Secretary and Secretary of the Jinxian County Party Committee in Liaoning. Then Deputy Secretary and Secretary of the Party Committee of the Dalian Economic and Technological Development Zone, and Secretary of the Jinzhou Prefectural Party Committee in Liaoning, quickly rising through the ranks to become a member of the Standing Committee of the Dalian Municipal CPC Committee, the city's decision making body. He became the Vice-mayor of Dalian in 1990, and deputy secretary of Dalian Municipal Party Committee.

He took up the post of acting Mayor of Dalian in 1992 and then Mayor of Dalian in 1993. The modern city was built upon the colony of Port Arthur during the late Qing Dynasty. He was elected as deputy secretary of CPC Dalian Municipal Committee in June 1995, the city's second-in-charge. In January 1998, he was re-elected mayor of Dalian. And in September 1999, he served as secretary of the CPC Dalian Municipal Committee, the city's number one figure. His term in Dalian was marked by the city's phenomenal growth into a modern metropolis representative of China's economic growth. The Shenyang-Dalian Expressway was built in the early 1990s, becoming China's first expressway. Dalian has since then been known as one of the cleanest cities in China, having won the United Nations Habitat Award, and has a very good overall reputation. However, despite the economic growth and significant improvements on GDP per capita, Bo's tenure in Dalian has sometimes been accused of focusing too exclusively on aesthetic development projects.

Tell Cheska that if she brings us Bo Xilai's head we'll let her play with Poseidon after we steal his Godhood.

>>4771873
I personally suspect Xom actually has no real control of his powers.

>>4771896
He looks like a well-dressed gentleman fox instead of a viscous pile of mutations, so I think he can control them.

Bo spent seventeen years in the city of Dalian, thus serving the longest time in a single region among the officials of China. Although his popularity with the people was well-known, he was denied promotion by then President Jiang Zemin. In January 2001, under the pressure of strong public opinion, Bo was transferred to the province as the vice governor, which happened to be equal rank to his municipal position. In the aftermath of the Liaoning 'Mu & Ma' corruption scandal, a major reshuffle of the Liaoning provincial government took place, and Bo was appointed the Acting Governor of Liaoning Province. In January 2003, Bo was elected as Governor of Liaoning at the first session of the tenth Liaoning People's Congress. However, during the same year Bo was denied by the Communist Party Central Committee members a seat in the party's central leadership.

Bo oversaw Liaoning's development into one of the most economically strong provinces in China, and unlike his predecessors, was clean in terms of moving public funds and other allegations of corruption. Some accused Bo, however, of being fake, a "talker" rather than a "doer".[1]

>>4771761
>>4771752
>Wake up Presley, ask what's going on/where we are, thank him, ask for Ale

>>4771906
Keep talking, your posts only give Cheska more information to use on THE HUNT.

>>4771905
He can't control them. They just don't effect him.

>>4771846

Go back to sleep, get a good night's rest, find out what the fuck is going on in the morning, when people are awake.

>>4771914
He seems glad to see that you are okay.

go back to lulz, furries.

regale Cheska with a dorfen story from your youth

>>4771914
Ok, we're up, booze on it's way. Now, about some questin'

>>4771914
Remember to do a very good thank you. Guy saved your life.

Hu Jintao succeeded Jiang Zemin in the presidency in late 2003, and ended Bo's 20 years service as a local official and Bo was appointed Minister of Commerce in Wen Jiabao's cabinet, replacing Lü Fuyuan, who had health problems with which he was unable to fulfill his duties. Bo concurrently served as a member of the 16th CPC Central Committee, in reality China's central decision making body.

Known for his good looks, articulate speech, open-minded work ethic, and a generally liberal outlook, Bo's phenomenal rise from a municipal official to the Central government has been of great media attention and has since elevated his status to that of a political star. The archetype of a politician Bo presents is seldom seen with a generally serious and conservative leadership in Beijing. He has a reputation of a Kennedy-esque figure, his charisma known to media from the Mainland, Hong Kong, and even abroad.

Bo's term as Minister of Commerce saw the general trend of attracting foreign investment continue. His daily schedule is dominated with receiving foreign guests and dignitaries. He speaks relatively fluent English, having told a not-so-fluent translator to rest for a while as an American delegation's comments were being translated into Chinese. In May 2004 Bo was one of the few hand-picked Ministers to accompany Premier Wen Jiabao on a five-country trip in Europe. Trade policy of the United States toward China has also sparked significant controversy, during which Bo kept a cool head as he headed for talks in Washington.

>>4771935
Oh you're a troll using the whole "Dorfs are furries" joke thing from a while back, are you? Shit ain't been funny in a while, bro.

>>4771939
"Thank you."
"Really."
"Where's mah ale?"

Bo also oversaw the restructuring of the Ministry, whose formation was the result of the amalgamation of the National Economics and Commerce Bureau and the Department of International Trade. Bo sought to balance the amount of attention given to foreign investors and domestic commercial institutions. He began tackling the imbalance from the retail sector, whose recent success was largely owing to foreign companies. He drew out various plans to protect Chinese industries so they would not lose their place inside the Chinese market.

Bo was listed in a class-action lawsuit by a group of Falun Gong practitioners and sympathisers in the United States, who were suing him for crimes against humanity, including allegations of genocide and torture. The lawsuit lacks factual evidence of Bo's alleged crimes, and due to Bo's immense popularity inside China and abroad has failed to gain much attention or grounds for its authenticity. Bo himself states he has never been involved in the persecution and officially his position as governor rather than the Party Secretary of Liaoning means he was not in charge of dealing with Falun Gong. The legal process has since then been dismissed by the district judge in June 2006. Falun Gong enthusiasts continued various other legal measures and their attack on Bo, especially after he became the Minister of Commerce. The accusations has been supported by Bo's political opponents based in Liaoning.

>>4771938

How about we get a leg we can walk on first?

This is not /ic/ faggots, you have five minutes before I go get a mod

>>4771918
If he grants his priests the power to control it then he can control it.

Anyway, once his power is ours we can make it do whatever we say it does.

>>4771957

use IRON AXE as leg

unless you guys did that already.

fukkin' axe leg man

>>4771957
We need something to keep us out of trouble & focused first.

We can fix stuff as we work.

It was widely speculated following the 17th Party Congress in 2007 that Bo would take over as party chief in Chongqing. The transition, however, was not as smooth as previously planned. Bo took over the position on November 30, replacing Wang Yang, who was sent to Guangdong. He also became a member of the Politburo of the Communist Party of China. His move from the Northeast to the Southwest is another dramatic change for Bo in his political career.

>>4771962

Xom's a good guy. He's given us Axes, and he has our back. Let's not pick a fight with the guy who we used as a weapon in our last god-battle.

Let's fight Heracles.

>>4771961
/ic/ is not for quests retard, and GL "getting" a mod

Bo married Gu Kailai in 1986, a prominent lawyer who was the first Chinese lawyer to have won a public case in the United States.[citation needed] Her father, Gu Jing Sheng, a Communist revolutionary and General who led the 12.9 Movement that propelled China to unite against Japanese invasion in World War II. She is also a descendent of the renowned Song Dynasty Prime Minister and Poet Fan Zhongyan.

They have one son, Bo Guagua, who won a place to study PPE at Oxford University but was expelled before he could complete his course.[citation needed]

>>4771914
>ask what's going on/where we are
"Well, after I dragged you away from that fight with Musclebeard, I brought you here, to my secret room. No one else can get in here - its a natural cavern I found by Shadowmancy, and then teleported into. It seems most of Buzzardloved agrees with Musclebeard on your fitness to be king... so it didn't seem safe to keep you there."

>thank him
"Aww, I'd give my life for you, my king."

>ask for Ale
"Well... umm... I could get you some, but it seems I've lost my teleportation powers..."

>>4771957
>Can I get a leg to walk on?
"Oh sure, just a second!"

Fan Zhongyan (Chinese: 范仲淹) (989–1052), born in Wuxian 吳縣, Suzhou (in Jiangsu province today), was a prominent politician and literary figure in Song dynasty China. He was also a strategist and educator. After serving the central government of the state for many years he finally rose to the seat of chancellor over the whole of the Chinese empire.

!!!
No ale? ... that's a problem.

>>4771962
Old satan was our bro, new satan is a dick. Kill new Satan, bring back old satan.

>>4771978
Just ignore them, attention's what they want.

I also think we should not kill Xom. He's always been a good ally. Now, we should figure out how to defeat Moradrin and become the God of Dorfs. Where is our eye of stone melting? Did it melt back down to hell?

>>4771977
Look, we can fight Heracles once we've dealt with the issue of the crippling mutations.

Also, we should head back to the windmill and see if that vampire chick came back. Or if one of her relatives is there. If the former, we force her to return to our kingdom and handle nighttime shit and spying; if the latter, we tell them that we found her dying and she gave us this sweet cloak in exchange for telling her relatives to go find that Garrelf dude who killed her and ruin his shit.

>>4772002
I think we need to
1. Build a new army
2. Train
All after we get some goddamn ale. When we get ale, inquire on what race live on/near the mountain. Any Ogres or some stuff around here?

>>4772026
Seconded.

In the 1030s, Fan served as the prefect of Kaifeng. While there, he took on a young Ouyang Xiu as a disciple; a partnership that would become very important a decade later. However, after criticizing the Chief Councillor of the Song state when he submitted a proposal to reform criteria used in the advancement and demotion of officials, he was demoted to regional government.

Fan was recalled in 1040 when the Liao and Western Xia once again threatened Song borders from the north. Fan, who had long favored a strong defense, was brought back to devise a response to the northern threat. [1]

>>4772002
>Well, after I dragged you away from that fight with Musclebeard, I brought you here, to my secret room. No one else can get in here - its a natural cavern I found by Shadowmancy, and then teleported into.

>"Well... umm... I could get you some, but it seems I've lost my teleportation powers..."

THEN HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE CHUCKLEFUCK?

>>4772002
>Can I get a leg to walk on?

please axe-leg c'mon guys

>>4772025
We fight Heracles WITH crippling mutations, we prove how much stronger we are, and how fit we are to be god of strength.

>>4772046
Shadow-axe leg acquired!

After the Song granted Western Xia indemnities similar to those granted the Liao in the Treaty of Shanyuan, Fan, along with other “idealist Confucians” sought reform at the court. He presented a ten-point proposal covering various aspects of government administration including reforms to the recruitment system, higher pay for minor local officials to discourage against corruption, [2] and wider sponsorship programs to ensure that officials were drafted more on the basis of their intellect and character. However, many of the reforms that he introduced were met with reaction of opposition by conservative ministers who felt the system did not need drastic changes (and who felt threatened by change halfway in the process of their career as state bureaucrats).The emperor rescinded the reforms in 1045 [3] after being, along with his friend and colleague Ouyang, charged with forming a faction, which was considered subversive by definition. [4] Despite this, his idealist approach to governance inspired those like the later Chancellor Wang Anshi.

>>4772060
Wait. What? ...
Um fine. What's one more monstrosity. If there's ale to be had.
Or rum. Rum? An' none of that shadow drink stuff!
>:-<

Fan also began educational reforms in the 1040s. In the early Northern Song era, prefectural schools were neglected by the state and were left to the devices of wealthy patrons who provided private finances.[5] While Chancellor, Fan Zhongyan issued an edict that would have a combination of government funding and private financing to restore and rebuild all prefectural schools that had fallen into disuse and abandoned since the Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms (907–960).[6] Fan attempted to restore all county-level schools in the same manner, but did not designate where funds for the effort would be formally acquired and the decree was not taken seriously until the later Emperor Huizong of Song who expanded the county-level school system dramatically.[7] Fan's trend of government funding for education set in motion the movement of public schools that eclipsed private academies, which would not be officially reversed until Emperor Lizong of Song the mid 13th century.[8]

WHY'S THE ALE GONE!?

>>4772042
>WELL HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE?
"Well, the water on the side there comes from a really narrow cavern. If we can somehow squeeze through there, we could find our way out."

sage for retarded shitscribbles

His most famous work was Yueyang Lou Ji 岳陽樓記, composed on occasion of the reconstruction of Yueyang Lou under the governance of a friend of his. Yueyang Lou, a city gate by the side of Dongting Lake, was known as one of the three great Lou's in Southern China, due to their association with famous literary works (the others being Huanghe Lou 黃鶴樓 and Tengwang Ge 滕王閣). This commemorative Ji was written in prose, with extensive usage of phrases in four. It's most famous for the political ideal he expressed at the end, culminating in the oft-quoted 先天下之憂而憂，後天下之樂而樂 (Feel worried before Tianxia starts to worry, and feel happy after Tianxia has rejoiced.)

He was also known for his ci. Among the most famous are Su Mu Zhe 蘇幕遮 and Yu Jia Ao 漁家傲. Together with Su Shi, he was considered one of the founders of the haofang 豪放 school of ci.

>>4772122
*blink*
"Fine. There better be rum down there somewhere. Proceed."

>>4772058
Okay then, we go kill Heracles and take his Godhood first. We're basically a living incarnation of Strength and War, I think we can legitimately claim his spot.

And maybe we should call up Satan or that imp or whatever and ask if we could get a longer-term loan on that succubus? Our party's kinda small right now and our last few sessions with Beardbeard have been kind of a sausagefest.

Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms (traditional Chinese: 五代十國; simplified Chinese: 五代十国; pinyin: Wǔdài Shíguó, 907-960) was an era of political upheaval in China, beginning in the Tang Dynasty and ending in the Song Dynasty. During this period, five dynasties quickly succeeded one another in the north, and more than 12 independent states were established, mainly in the south. However, only ten are traditionally listed, hence the era's name, "Ten Kingdoms." Some historians, such as Bo Yang, count 11, including Yan and Qi, but not Northern Han, viewing it as simply a continuation of Later Han.

The Five Dynasties:

* Later Liang Dynasty (June 5, 907-923)
* Later Tang Dynasty (923-936)
* Later Jin Dynasty (936-947)
* Later Han Dynasty (947-951 or 982, depending on whether Northern Han is considered part of the dynasty)
* Later Zhou Dynasty (951-960)

The Ten Kingdoms: Wu, Wuyue, Min, Chu, Southern Han, Former Shu, Later Shu, Jingnan, Southern Tang, Northern Han.

Other regimes: Yan, Qi, Chengde Jiedushi (also known as Zhao), Yiwu Jiedushi, Dingnan Jiedushi, Wuping Jiedushi, Qingyuan Jiedushi, Yin, Ganzhou, Shazhou, Liangzhou.

>>4772122
Piss in the water, use Hydra Armor, Dragon Armor, wooden leg and torch to fashion makeshift still, turn pisswater back into ale. Then drink ale. This should also get rid of the water.

>>4772122

Hey Cheska? Feel like going through that hole and taking a peek for us as to what's on the other side?

Widen the cavern, with your axe

Towards the end of the Tang Dynasty, the imperial government granted increased powers to the jiedushi, the regional military governors. The Huang Chao Rebellion weakened the imperial government's authority, and by the early 10th century the jiedushi, who commanded de facto independence, were not subject to the authority of the imperial government. Thus, the Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms ensued.

The following were important jiedushi:
Half-section of the Night Revels of Han Xizai, by Gu Hongzhong, 10th century. A women is seen entertaining guests with a pipa on the right-hand side.

North China

* Zhu Wen at Bianzhou (modern Kaifeng, Henan province), precursor to Later Liang Dynasty
* Li Keyong and Li Cunxu at Taiyuan (modern Taiyuan, Shanxi province), precursor to Later Tang Dynasty
* Liu Rengong and Liu Shouguang at Youzhou (modern Beijing), precursor to Yan
* Li Maozhen at Fengxiang (modern Fengxiang County, Shaanxi province), precursor to Qi
* Luo Shaowei at Weibo (modern Daming County, Hebei province)
* Wang Rong at Zhenzhou (modern Zhengding County, Hebei province)
* Wang Chuzhi at Dingzhou (modern Ding County, Hebei province)

>>4772165
Bah. We're a dorf. Dank holes underground mean nothing to us. In we go!

>>4772167
That will take too long, use your head instead.

>>4772165
>Hey Cheska, go explore the cave.
The water is shallow enough and the cave large enough for Cheska to fit, but Cheska seems to dislike this idea.

Have Cheska scout ahead
>>4772168
Thanks for bumping the thread. Also you do realize that to do any effect you'll have to post more than 200 times?

>>4772184
PISS IN WATER TO TURN INTO INTO ALCOHOLIC PISSWATER

FASHION MAKESHIFT STILL

DISTILL ALCOHOLIC PISSWATER BACK INTO ALE

DRINK ALE, REMOVING WATER

GOD

>>4772184

Priestly, make a shadow-something to go through the hole and take a look around for us.

>>4772184
Hullo? We're a dorf! Tunnelin' ho!

>>4772184
Ask why. He'll have to find a way to answer us. Like write on the wall.

>>4772184
kick her in

>>4772198
ITS A CAT

WE ASKED IT TO JUMP INTO WATER

THIS ISN'T FUCKING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

>>4772199

Don't piss off invisible cats. They'll kill us while we sleep. Also, Cheska kept our helmet safe from elves.

Have Priestly make us a Shadow-scout, and check out that next room.

GARRRGH! PEOPLE!
* Insert * * Dorf *

Guys, Beardbeard's never cared about the mining community. I think he's unlike his brethren in this way. Explain to Cheska it's either go in the hole or starve here.

By the by, what should we be doing once we maneuver Beardbeard out of this cave? He may not plan ahead, but nothing stops us from planning ahead.

In other words, what should we kill next? I'm voting for "usurp Heracles, then find succubus and get her to join party".

Or "get different vampire chick into party".

Both our other main PCs are surrounded by wimminz, Beardbeard is tired of adventuring with sausage alone

>>4772231
Or have the Shadar-kai craft a shadow-based scout that doesn't mind water and can tell us what it can see, and have that scout for us.

I think our party's reached it's level of competence.

It's time to man up & move out.

Hmm, maybe Presley can make some little shadow people to scout the hole.

>>4772241
Rum quest. Or ale. But we've got to get moving.

>>4772253
This, thank you.

>>4772178
>>4772175
>Widen the tunnel with your head
Pansy ass cat... You get to work 'digging.'

Damn animated .gifs, taking forever.

>>4772241
Find Land of the Amazons. Rule them. Gain an army and hot chicks in one go!

>>4772253
>>4772275
Yah. Guess our injuries have us all wussed out. Let's go back to bed. Tell the others to kook up a solution.

>>4772282

Stop that, you're getting nowhere, and your beard is soaking wet. Have Prestly use shadow-scouts to check the next room. Since, you know, WE'RE IN A MOUNTAIN FULL OF HOSTILE DWARVES, AND WE'RE ALMOST SOBER.

After we get out of here:

Go back to Buzzardloved, reclaim ale supplies and any loyal followers, then leave. Preferably in some manner that fucks over all those treacherous bastards.

Then maybe go to windmill, see if Cultist can fix us. She started us down path towards hideous mutations, she can clear it up. And she's only priest(ess) of Xom we know who won't send us on some bullshit fetch quest before making with the healing mojo.

>>4772319

Don't do this. We're on Goldmoon's shit list. The Windmill is Goldmoon territory. Let's not walk into a nest of assassins while we're on death's doorstep.

>>4772299
After you make some progress, you decide to take a rest. Presley takes over from here.

>>4772319
Oh yeah! We didn't get to do operation replace stick with dick. We can totally do that now.

>>4772330
Oh. Wow. We really are wussed out. Ok. Uh .. let the rest of the party have a go at it.

After some time, you wake up. Now to get back to...

>>4772388
...well, your head butt was more effective than you remember it being.

>>4772330
This is probably for the best.

damn shame we don;t have that gem that melts stone anymore.

>>4772388
* blink *
"You're in charge of the Armys' engineer corps." "
"When we get the army."
"After we get booze."
"How long was I out?"

>>4772329

Look, we probably should be heading for Eridia anyway, since a hive of scum and villainy would be a good place to get more minions. The windmill is on the way. And since when has Beardbeard had a survival instinct?

>>4772415
Lets go back and take on the god.

>>4772421

Well, we did already blind him, so I suppose we could probably just shadowaxe his head off without him knowing we did it.

The two of you decide to explore the newly found cave, after BB puts on his armor. Cheska rides atop Presley for safety from the water.

>>4772408
>"How long was I out?"
"About a week, the first time, and a couple of hours, just now."

>>4772443
A WEEK? Shit, son. We need to rouse an army. Do I have ANY local supporters or am I going to have to conquer another race? But we'll do this after some goddamn ale.

>>4772415
Oh, and forgot to add: didn't we leave Goldmoon's shit list after we rezzed Nevada?

>>4772443
And the river opens up into a large cavern. The drillboy is nowhere to be seen.

OOC: Given that Xom's now running around the real world, think we'll run into him?

>>4772474
Ok. Continue exploration. Follow water if nothing else looks promising.

>>4772475
I think we can just, you know, summon him.

Or go find a temple. If we have to.

Wait, a cave river?

Keep an eye out for carp then. Have Cheska eat them before they eat us.

>>4772474
CARP! OH SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!

Ask Presley where this is in relation to ANYTHING ELSE.

>>4772504
>>4772519
Not that carp arn't hard core but come on. We're pretty high up there on the danger scale. Carp won't be a problem.

Seriously though, I think we have to head for the windmill once we've taken stock of the situation in Buzzardloved. It has pretty much the only people we know who we haven't completely alienated yet. And again, Cultist is probably about the only one who can get rid of our mutation problem without requiring a stupidly exorbitant fee first.

>>4772535
Whatever. Let's get somewhere first.

>>4772475

I'm sure he's a million miles away.

>>4772561

Make a Spot check.

>>4772495
Not even following the river looks promising. It seems that your drillboy started to drill, before something happened to him.

>>4772521
>Presley, where are we in relation to... anything?
"Well, my house cave that we just left is about 40 feet above Buzzardloved itself."

>>4772561
Xom is way rad.
You could almost say he was Stalag...tight.
*cough*

>>4772535
Why dont we ask xom?

DEFOREST THE HOLE TO MAKE IT BIGGER
*advice dog*
DONT MIND CAVE INS

Ok /tg ... get creative!

I think it's time to see what that sceptre does.

>>4772566

Tell him to drill straight down. We shall purge our kingdom of the infestation of vile treachery with floodwaters and carp. Any survivors will be beaten back into submission, and casks of ale will be drunk as they float by.

Then head to windmill to get healing from Cultist, for reasons stated above.

Somewhat related
Here is the 4e Dorf Paragon Path that Gnome&/tg/ came up with.

>>4772605
Forgot to add: we're talking to Presley here, not now-vanished DrillDude.

Check to see if Lagann is in that hole before heading down, though.

>>4772590
What, you mean this sceptre?

>>4772624
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

>>4772624
OH GOD THAT BETTER NOT BE A GIANT CAVE SPIDER

>>4772624

Oh hai there Shelob. Sorry, I'm not a halfling. They're two mountains over.

>>4772624
TIMBERSERKER IT

>>4772624

TURN AND THWACK SPIDER

>>4772624

Accidentally kill cave spider while brandishing scepter in air to see what it does.

>>4772624

>>4772624
Carp? No problem. *yawn*
GCS?
OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK

>>4772589

Does >>4772605 meet with your approval?

You hear a faint whisper in your ear, just before getting grabbed by giant fuzzy arms. You have no idea what it said, however.

>>4772672
Rip it's legs off.

>>4772624
Inform that spider that we're Beardbeard, and we've killed GODS (that's plural) and if it enjoys the use of all 6 of its legs, it will stop right fucking there.

If it doesn't immediately run away (or tries to do something silly like informing you that it has 8 legs) cut off 2 of its legs.

>>4772566
BRILL THROUGH THE BED OF THE RIVER. FLOOD THOSE UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS!

>>4772672

FUCK!

"PRESLEYFUCKHELPFUCK"

>>4772672
stab that bitch in the eye with your awesome scepter of king dorflyness.

>>4772672
>You hear a faint whisper in your ear

THE SPIDER IS TRYING TO RAPE US!

>>4772672
DE-THORAXIZATION! GO!
We got at 2.5 in 3 chance. At worst.

So what happened to all that funeral stuff?

>>4772672
let's see what kind of damage our mutant arms can do.

Watch spider shit bricks as its venom has no effect on us. Then crack it open to feast on the tender meats within.

Once repast is done, continue with "flood Buzzardloved to cleanse it, take ale and survivors, head to windmill for healing, head to Eridia to hire minions" plan.

Well, okay, add "kill Heracles and steal his godhood" in there between "healing" and "minions".

>>4772678
No one abducts Beardbeard.

>>4772716

Tell presley to use his shadowcraft to add an axeblade to the leg.

>>4772728
Second

>>4772716
we should totally try and make that spider into our mount. Punch it in the face to assert dominance.

>>4772716

Let the little bastard go now, we've taught it it's lesson and we've got more important things to deal with tonight.

Time to start OPERATION: AUGEAN STABLES as a warmup to eating Heracles' soul.

>>4772705
>Watch spider shit bricks as its venom has no effect on us
Good point. Wade in. GCS repast tonight!

is anyone else afraid of Presley's arms exploding?

>>4772716
nyoro~n

>>4772728
You stick your mutant arm inside the leg's exoskeleton, and Presley makes you an axeblade for it.

Now you just need to get yourself a matching one for the other arm.

>>4772776
Here spidey spidey! Nice spidey spidey!

COMMERE DAMMIT!

>>4772776

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

>>4772738
>we should totally try and make that spider into our mount
>we should totally try and mount that spider

BB confirmed for xenophilia

>>4772776

Well /tg/, you heard the man. Acquire second Axearm, then take one of the spider's eyes and stick it in your empty socket.

And kill and eat the spider, of course.

Maybe ask Cheska to force her way into the spider through a leghole and then tear it apart from the inside out?

Use two legs for axes.

Our dominance proven, replace spider's legs with mutable shadow prosthesis and use as mount.

>>4772785
>Here spidey spidey! Nice spidey spidey! COMMERE DAMMIT.
The spider doesn't want to cooperate. It is afraid of you now.

>>4772870

Poor little guy just wanted a hug.

>>4772870

Lookit the adorable way it cowers in fear. D'aww.

>>4772610
Pretty cool, but I noticed the range on the second power is "Melee weapon" and the target is "Each enemy in burst." If it's supposed to hit all enemies adjacent, it should have a range of "Close burst 1," and if it's a single target attack it should just have a target of "One creature."

>>4772870
now, where were we?

>>4772870

Wait. How did the GCS ( "Jeff?" oh boy ) get in here? Look around the ceiling ...

>>4772870
kill it, wear its exoskeleton as full-body armour, terrorize Buzzardloved.

>>4772915

MST3K mantra.

>>4772908
FFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
one second

>>4772911
>_<

>>4772870

Have Presley go up there and use his shadows to put the leg back on as a sign of goodwill. Then work on turning it into spider cavalry while Presley gets started on PROJECT: AUGEAN STABLES

>>4772908

>>4772870
Get Presley to bring it down to us somehow.

Or see if it can talk, it did apparently whisper to you.

>>4772957
Yes, and affix shadow axes to all legs.

Axespider Mount!

>>4772960
that could have been the scepter. Check the scepter for talking bits.

>>4772798

>>4772960
"Presley! Go tame it!"
"If he gives you any trouble let me know."
* look around the cave some more *

>>4772909
We are here: >>4772474

>>4772915
Good point. You and Presley and Cheska split up to look for an alternate exit. Its not long before Presley finds one.

>>4772988
Herp derp, lookit him shout without making a sound.

>>4772974

Good idea. We can do that while Presley STARTS WORKING ON FLOODING THE TRAITORS OUT ALREADY

>>4773009
that might give out of location, and we still aren't in any condition to fight Moradin again. If we're going to flood the place, we need a way to make a speedy exit before anyone anything is wrong.

>>4773000
Ok. We're one step, give or take a few hundred, closer to some ale.
Whispering GCSs are cool & all but we have other priorities.

>>4772958
Ah, I see, but...I just noticed one other thing. Deforestation is a blast, so it should say "Each enemy in blast" rather than "Each enemy in burst."

>>4773021
Moradin is fucking blind now. I agree that we should heal up first, but the real problem is the traitor city we'd have to slaughter, not the god we blinded.

TUNNEL DOWN. THERE IS ALE DOWN. WE KNOW THERE IS ALE DOWN. DOWN DOWN DOWN FLOOD THE TRAITORS AND DRINK ALE

>>4773040
a blind god of war is still a god of war, and thus extremely dangerous. Bitch will tear our ass apart Daredevil style.

DRILL HOLE THROUGH RIVER. FLOOD DORF FORT. MAKE THOSE INGRATES PAY

>>4773058
Think on this: we hold this little cave in reserve. Let's go get an army.
Once our recovery army has invaded the place we get back here & implement the backup plan.
We drown *everything*
It the the only way. The dorfen way.

>>4773072
AND GET ALE. DONT FORGET THE ALE.

CAPSLOCKS IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR ANGRY SOBRIETY

>>4773081
but first let's get out of this GCS overrun hole in the ground & locate ale, etc.

New thread: >>4773092

>>4773081
We're not going to stay too focused on this plan unless we FIND SOME FUCKING ALE ALREADY.