Ring of Spell 'Turning'
When the wearer is struck by an arcane spell, the ring produces a prestidigitation effect that spells out, audibly and visually, the word "turning" in the wearer's native tongue. If the wearer has no verbal or written language, the ring functions as a ring of spell turning.

Scroll of Scrolling:
A scroll that comes with a little black bar drawn along one of its sides. Running your finger along the bar will simultaneously make one end of the scroll roll itself up, while the other end unravels.

Helm of opposite alignment:
Despite the wearers best efforts this helmet never seems to fit his head quite right.

Potion of Spider Climb:
This potion allows the user to climb spiders. Any arachnid touched by the user must make a fort save or turn to stone and act as an immovable rod as long as the user maintains hold on the creature.

I love this thread but have nothing to contribute.

Carry on.

>Ring of Chameleon Power:

FAPPING

>>4680646
>LICKING

fixed

>Any action involving the use of of the wearers tongue will gain a +10 bonus.
You must be the best girl in the whole brothel.

I don't know enough about DnD to make any clever puns though.

>Ring of Chameleon Power:

You know, this one could actually be really useful. A foot-long prehensile tongue could be put to all kinds of uses, not including sexual ones. It basically gives you another manipulatory appendage.

>>4680507
>Scroll of Scrolling:
Think of the combo with symbols of insanity/command/other!

Staff of the Ram:
This plain looking-staff, when given the command word, grows two large horns from it's tip. Counts as a spear for proficiency.

Rod of Lordly Might
Owner of this rod gains Droit de Seigneur up to three times a day, or more if he's up to it. Afterwards, the owner must make a fort save of be fatigued.

>Ring of Three Wishes:
>This beautiful silver ring is set with three rubies. When worn >the ring will vocally make three wishes. Once the third wish >has been made the wearer disintegrates.

That is the most retarded cursed magic item I've seen since the Robe of Powerlessness. No save? Insta-kill? Way to lose players.

>>4680708
And a way to steal food from across the room.

Chameleons have projectile-tongues remember.

>>4680666
The average ability score is 10 right? So with +10 to tongue related skills, this girl can give blowjobs at peak human abiltiies EVERY TIME, and possibly better than any human.

>>4680741
She can lick your ovaries.

From the inside.

>>4680646
...Post the rest.

>>4680731

oh god.....
jar jar binks......

>>4680756
She/he is the CAPTAIN AMERICA of blowjobs. And analingus. Think about it.

[Weapon name] of wounding

During combat the weapon will make snide remarks at friend and foe alike. The subject of such insults suffers -1 on any attempted Will saves.

Ring of Three Wishes (None of which are for you): For all intents and purposes this ring looks and is usually identified as a Ring of Three Wishes, but it also emanates a slight aura of Illusion magic, this is because when it is put on a characters finger, a magic mouth appears on the ring and loudly states three wishes, as determined by rolling 3d%, one for each wish.
1-50: "I wish that nothing would happen"
51-60: "I wish for (a monster that constitutes an easy challenge for the ring wearer as determined by DM)"
61-70: "I wish for (a monster that would constitute a fair challenge for the wearer)"
71-80: "I wish for (a monster that would constitute a very tough challenge for the wearer)"
81-90: "I wish for something intresting to happen" (roll on rod of wonder table)
91-95: "I wish he could have his wish" (player gets to make a wish)
96-99: "I wish something REALLY intresting would happen" (DM choice of anything)
00: "I wish for HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR" (TPK)
(Note, the magic mouth speaks in Micky Mouses voice)

>>4680709
>Scroll of Scrolling:
>Think of the combo with symbols of insanity/command/other!
You can also put scary images at the bottom of the page.

>>4680781
and at the same time, no less.

>>4680760
http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=0442ea4469a54c75d5a101cf914073b4171d5be11fa666d0

>>4680825
...i am so aroused right now.

Bag of Unuseless Items

Three times daily, an item may be removed from the bag. This item will always be functional and potentially useful but never without another specific item. For example, an unsharpened pencil, an axe handle, or an empty lantern with no wick would all be acceptable products of the bag.

Boots of Haste
When activated, makes your legs move really fast. You must succeed on a DEX check (DC 15) or trip yourself whenever you try to move. You take -20 on all balance checks.

Periapt of Health +8
Buffs your CON as normal, but only works if used as a buttplug. The periapt is rather large and jagged.

Oil of slipperiness
So slippery that the stopper won't stay on the bottle, and the oil itself readily spills out.

Belt of the elffriend
Grants you +2DEX and low-light vision. As long as you wear this belt, elves find you hauntingly desirable. Regardless of their alignment, gender and social standing. The effect ends when you remove the belt.

Bag of Holding.
It sticks to your hand, or causes cramps. Whenever you try to drop the bag, you must succeed on a Will save (DC22) or fail.

Towel of Absorption - Like a reverse Decanter of Endless Water, this towel absorbs any liquid it is placed over. 1 square foot of this towel can hold up to 10 gallons of any liquid, which can be retrieved simply by twisting the towel and squeezing (the liquid drains at a rate of 1 gallon per round.)

Necklace of Fireballs.

This necklace is made of at least 10 small red orbs. Each of these orbs is made of a spicy, delicious candy. These candies confer no magical effects other than tastiness.

>>4680893
How much bleeding damage would that do if you stuck that on someone's wound?

>>4680893
I am so ordering one right the fuck now.

Just to help fight Scientology.

>>4680919
I was thinking magma and acid actually.

>>4680893
this is supposed to be for goofy and useless items, not useful and valuable ones.

Staff of INVINCIBILITY
This staff may not be damaged or destroyed under any circumstances

Axe of MANLINESS
Any female character wielding this item is temporarily turned into a male character. No effect on males or elves.

Beer of ANIHILATION
Instantly fatal when swallowed. Causes cataclysms when spilled.

Ring of Animal magnetism.
Any animal with this ring in it's possesion gains a strong magnetic field. Characters must pass a strength test to hold onto weapons while near this animal.

Resonance stone
A round crystal ball about the size of an egg. Vibrates eternally for reasons not yet understood.

>>4680941
>Ring of Animal magnetism.
Any animal with this ring in it's possesion gains a strong magnetic field. Characters must pass a strength test to hold onto weapons while near this animal.

Oh so easy to abuse. Just add spikes!

>>4680941
>Resonance Stone

There are one hundred and twenty-seven of these in all of creation.

They must never be united.

>Resonance stone
Come ON, who can't see a use for that?

>>4680941
>A round crystal ball about the size of an egg. Vibrates eternally for reasons not yet understood.

I can think of some uses.

>>4680972
I see what you did there.

>Potion of Spider Climb:
>This potion allows the user to climb spiders.

I laff'd

>>4680987
Dammit, can't find the picture. You know the one I mean.

Glasses of True Seeing: These glasses see everything. Whether or not they let the wearer see as well is up to the glasses.

Codpiece of elongation: An enchanted codpiece that increases the length of the penis, but only as long as it is worn.

Pen of dictation: This pen tells people what it wants them to write.

>>4681063
could be incredibly useful. Bring a bag of spiders with you and use some kind of control spell to make them climb up a wall, then just use them as stepping stones.

Easily transportable ladder.

Lantern of Relieving:
Lighting this magical item will transform the room the user occupies into a high class washroom. The illusion lasts 10 minutes.

Bag of Tricks:
This plain leather bag is filled with colorful rubber tubes. Once the user fills one with air and folds it, he must declare what it is. If the folded balloon loosely resembles the named item or creature it will function identically, otherwise it will explode with a rather loud pop!

>>4680279
could you make two wishes, then give the ring to someone else to make the final wish and disintegrate?

Or could I wish not to denigrate?

>>4681012
I don't.
>>4681086
No no, the RING gets the wishes.

>>4680987
Assuming the vibrations are at a constant frequency, then it would make an excellent component in a timekeeping mechanism.

>>4681118
Also a musical instrument, if it's audible and a pleasant tone.

We're completely missing the obvious though.

>Potion of Spider Climb
Useful against spiders.

>>4681161
"Quirky magic items" thread, not "can't be useful in any circumstances whatsoever" thread.

>>4681156
No, continue along here citizen, nothing to see.

Meat Hammer

This hammer will cause any wood struck by it to be converted into ham. Hitting the ham with it will turn it into doubleham.

Ring of Eyes: It is a ring with a large eye on it. When activated, the user will see what that eye sees. Only works when worn.

Ring of Eire: It is a ring from the magical Green Island. Any food or drink touched by the hand wearing this ring will instantly cause it to change colour into various shades of green.

Ring of Mad-Jick: A ring created by an insane jeweleer named Jickard. It is black, red and purple, and when you look at it you must make a Fort. save or become slightly nauseous.

Ring of Free Auction - A ring that when worn, instantly makes the wearer win an any auctions in the vicinity. Only works once a day.

>>4681258
>Ring of Eyes: It is a ring with a large eye on it. When activated, the user will see what that eye sees. Only works when worn.

I know a lot of rogues who would love to have the ability to look out of a corner by only sticking out a single finger out of it. Low level magic item, but greatly useful, I'd say. I like it.

Blade of the "I'm Mortal": When you wield this ordinary looking blade, you are overcome with the feeling that one day, you are going to die. Roll a Will save.

Gale of Marmaduke Amulet:
Whilst adorned, a light wind follows the wearer, whispering "Marmaduke". Every day perform a form of sanity check.

Broken Kraken Tooth:
This massive item confers a painful toothache to it's owner.

Helmet of True Knowledge:
A rusty metallic helm that allows the wearer to know exactly what they wrote on a piece of paper, even if it's FLIPPED OVER!

>>4681201
You... you...

DOUBLEHAM!

Ring of Tree Wishes: A simple wooden ring, that will make any dream come true, as long as you are a tree of some kind.

>>4681258
>Ring of Mad-Jick
>Mad-Jick
>Madjick
>Magic

Dust of Freudian Allusions:
This seemingly unremarkable dust will cast an illusion over any object it coats transforming it into whatever the inner ego of the viewer believes it to be a sexual innuendo for.

Pipes of the Sewers:
These enchanted metal pipes come in sets of two and are typically lime-green and wide enough to allow passage to a single medium-sized or large creature. If one end of both pipes connects to a flat surface instantaneous travel between the two locations becomes possible by entering the opening of one pipe and coming out the open end of the other.

Ring of Breadmaking.
This ring's power can be used once per day to turn any object smaller than a house into an equally-sized loaf of bread.

Helmet of Through Seeing: Gives you X-vision, that makes you see through EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME.

>>4681316
The world would never see night again.

Deck of Many Things
Activating this scale model transports you to an extradimensional patio full of random items, monsters, and such, and one barbecue

Bag of Holding
When asked to, the bag will wrap itself around an item to prevent it from falling to the ground. It will give the item back to you when you ask it.

Amulet of the Planes
By speaking mathematical statements, the gem on this amulet will render Cartesian planes as per the request

Belt of Dwarvenkind
While wearing this belt, the wearer is forced to be nice to dwarves

Feather Token
May be traded at any shop for one feather

>>4681333
X-Ray vision that powerful has to be at least equivalent to hitting what you look at with a high-level laser cleric's nuke...

Flail of the H's - A big flail, with three heads, all shaped like the letter H.

Decanter of Endless Walter: When you pour anything from this cursed decanter, some dude named Walter shows up, and starts talking about anything and nothing, non-stop. Only way to get rid of him is to kill him

Wand of Disintegration

When evoked, this wand disintegrates.

Sovereign Glue
When applied to a ruling throne, the next person to sit in the throne is instantly made ruler of whatever the throne is indicative of (for instance, sitting on a king's throne will make you the undisputed king). The downside is that you are unable to stand up off the throne ever again.

Plus one sword.

When in battle this sword has another sword magically appear on it at an odd angle. This gives -2 penalty to the wielder as it tends to throw the weight off.

>>4680837
That was woefully unsexy.

Not-A-Pipe: This Not-A-Pipe is capable of doing many things. One can smoke Not-Tobacco in it. You might be able to get a good deal of Not-Money for it if you sold it at the Not-Store. You could make a Not-Painting of it and start a Not-Art-Movement. Unfortunately, you can't do any of these things in real life as this is not a Not-A-Pipe, but only a mental representation of it that exists only in the context of a tabletop roleplaying game.

>>4681433
Depends on who you are. The net is vast and infinite.

>>4681431
Plus Five Holey Sword: When wielded, this sword sprouts five other swords at weird angles, imposing a -9 penalty to attack. The user must make a DC 14 reflex save each round or cut their hand on the many blades. All of the swords have rather large holes in them.

Girdle of storm giant's smell: After being equipped, it renders the wearer to emit the same smell as a full grown storm giant.

>>4681451
But can you use it to link two command-line programs while running GNU's Not Unix / Linux?

>>4681476 Fuck it we're going to five blades!

>>4681331
oh so exploitable.

>>4681482
No, only in Not-GNU.

One time I was working on a computer with an operating system I had never seen before. I thought it was Not-GNU, but I found out later that it's Not-GNU, it's ME.

(lol geek jokes)

>>4681517
>>4681482
this is what makes me feel at home on /tg/

>>4681482

A quill that makes the lowest form of common currency when tapped on a flat surface.
It cannot write.

Talking skull:
This animate skull doesn't seem to do any magic, except talk day and night. Useful for keeping candles and ravens.
The Mask of Madness:
The white, featureless mask seems like it was sprayed with blood. Upon putting it on, the user loses consciousness for a round. After regaining it, the user is deeply hypnotized: he sees only other's internal organs, eyeballs and tongues, but as exotic fruit and flowers, all smelling wonderfully and seeming delicious- he cannot resist their charms, and is completely focused on harvesting and tasting them all. He gains +X (preferable high number) to damage, attack rolls, unarmed fighting, diehard and 2 extra attacks, and drops whatever he was holding, but is unable to react in a way other than "pick fruit" or try doing so. He also feels no pain, and cannot think of anything else but his current task. The hypnosis ends when the wearer dies, or there are no "fruit&flowers" left (including his alies')
Also
<------

>>4681395
Well laa-di-daa... dumbass.

>>4681333

ZEE GOGGLES. I SEE THROUGH EVERYZING SO I ZEE NOZING!

>>4681555
...what kind of currency is common amongst all sentient beings in the D&D multiverse?

>>4681476
Averageing blade
This magic sword can only deal at most, or at least it's average amount of damage. No magical enchantment or bonus to damage takes effect.

Robe of Disrobing
As a free action this robe may fall to the floor regardless of how tangled up on the wearer it is. Note this will not take the restraints if any are on the wearer, only the robe.

Boots of Elevation: These boots have 6 inch blocks of wood glued to the bottom.

>>4681589
After the sword has been forged but before it has had a chance to be used in combat, it has averaged 0 damage per 0 attempts. How much damage does the sword do on its first attack?

>>4681615
Sorry, the average of it's dice in damage. A 1d12 always does 6. A 2d6 always does 7, so on and so forth.

Phylactery of Undead Turning: By saying the command word, this phylactery causes all undead within 30ft to turn around.

Robe and Wizard Hat: Anyone may put on both of these items as a single standard action.

Tome of Misunderstanding: This heavy book contains instruction on languages around the world, but entwined within the words is a powerful magical effect. If anyone reads this book, which takes a total of 48 hours over a minimum of six days, then she becomes unable to communicate with people properly, instead sounding like a bad translation phrase book. This effect is permanent.

>>4681577
Let's go with a single copper.

>>4681624
Actually, the average of 1d12 is 6.5 (1d4 is 2.5, 1d6 is 3.5 etc).

I think that fact makes the item far better.

Golden ring of 3 out of 100.

When examined looks like a simple golden ring examining it will reveal a simple enchantment of luck.

At the stroke of midnight however the wearers soul is placed in the body of whomever is wearing the next ring.

Sovereign Glue: This glue is able to stick together almost anything. Unfortunately, it only works for kings, queens, emperors, and other such royalty.

>>4681695
CTHULHU'S TENTACLES, easier

The 12 rings of power.
Bestowing immortality to any who wear all 12, one on each finger.

>>4681395
I lold.

Ring of beauty.
When you put this ring on a beautiful naked member of the opposite sex of your species(Just a beatiful member of your species if there arent genders) appears on your finger,your finger is in its butt if you remove your finger from the butt it turns back into a ring.

>>4681722
Not a problem

>>4681725
I think I've already seen that anime.

>>4681085
>Bag of Tricks
>If the folded balloon loosely resembles the named item or creature it will function identically

"It's a snake!"

>>4681725
What if my species doesn't have butts?

>>4681722
Hyperdactyly for the win.

>>4681773
well, thats going to be rather painful for the both of you then

>>4681773
Then a gibbering mouther appears on your arm/appendage/whatever. until you manage to remove it.

I adore this thread

>>4681789
Polydactyly, dork.

Unless they have fast fingers or something.

>>4681810
No no.
The ring turns into a rust monster.

>>4681644
If I understand how this item works, I really like it.

Each ring has an order to it (and I'm going to assume it's circular 100 -> 1) and you get transferred to whoever has the next ring and whoever has the ring before you gets transferred as well.

You could get a lot of adventures out of this ("Oh crap! Who's body is this?!") plus some fun exploitation.

>>4681825
>>4681810
>>4681802
You are all wrong.

A very surprised AO appears with your finger up his butt.

Flail of healing
This +1 flail heals 1d8+1 hit points to whoever it strikes.

Potion of Eagle Eye: Your eyes become eagles, they stick their heads out of your eye sockets and screech menacingly at anyone who approaches you. The eagles will bite your fingers if you bring them close to your face

Horn of basting: When this horn is sounded, all roasted meats within 20' become flavorful and juicy.

Minor pick of tunneling: When this two inch tall pick-axe strikes soil/stone/clay/ect it creates a 5x5x40 millimeter tunnel to appear.

Shield of Sonic resistance: Provides full protection from hedgehogs.

Dwarven plate armor: Dwarf sized armor made of finely crafted dishes, saucers, tea cups, flagons, and a gravy boat helmet.

>>4681822
...hyper doesn't mean fast, moron. It has it's roots in Greek and it means "over", "above", "more", etc.

Breastplate of Command

This finely crafted +2 breastplate radiates a powerful aura of magic. When worn, the armor bestows a dignified and commanding aura upon its owner. The wearer gains a +2 competence bonus on all Charisma checks, including turning checks and Charisma-based skill checks with males. The wearer also gains a +2 competence bonus to his Leadership score with males. Friendly male troops within 360 feet of the user become braver than normal. Since the effect arises in great part from the distinctiveness of the armor, the wearer cannot hide or conceal herself in any way and still have the effect function.

>>4681851
>Dwarven plate armor: Dwarf sized armor made of finely crafted dishes, saucers, tea cups, flagons, and a gravy boat helmet.

DRAWFAG NEEDED.

>>4681722

Well shit.

Bow Ring: A ring shaped like an arrow. When worn, everything will start to lose it's colour, and the world will become so dull, so dull.

Face condoms: When activated the user and all within reach of the condoms participate in auto erotic asphyxiation. All players participating must roll to see if their character chokes to death. If they survive receive +2 to any two attributes of the dm's choice.

OK, here's one we actually used in a campaign:

FrostFire-brand sword: Master crafted dual edge long sword. One edge is enchanted with firebrand, the other side is enchanted with frost brand. While the function normally, the conflicting heating and cooling of the nearby air causes a thick fog to issue forth while it is unsheathed. This fog obscures the view of anyone within 10' of the wielder. Let's hope you have blind fighting.

I added this one to the last one.
Health potion of health potion.
Turns your urine and some other bodily fluids into health potion!

Ring of polydactility.
When the ring is worn, you grow an additional finger on each hand.

Dwarf Barrel:
This seemingly wooden barrel will protect one dwarf that enters it. After the user puts the lid on, its completely impenetrable and indestructible, and also generates water and apples for the dwarf inside it. Should the dwarf want to get out, he can do so with a simple strength check, but the barrel will be destroyed. If something else than a dwarf is put in and sealed, it will melt to a random alcohol beverage.

"Belt of the elffriend
Grants you +2DEX and low-light vision. As long as you wear this belt, elves find you hauntingly desirable. Regardless of their alignment, gender and social standing. The effect ends when you remove the belt."

Fucking awesome.

>>4681942
>>4681722
SYNERGY
YOU HAS IT

Restful Bedroll
Allows you to sleep soundly whilst falling down a hill

Ring of Water Walking
Allows you to form any number of legs at will from any body of water, which will carry you at walking speed until you dismiss them

Ring of Blinking
On command, this ring makes the wearer blink, as with the eyes. The command may be given by the owner of the ring, but it effects the wearer.

Ring of Sustenance
Is actually an onion ring

Bottle of Air
This is just an empty bottle, except any elf wearing green will absolutely do anything for you to trade it to them.

Apparatus of the Crab
This small case allows the user to disguise themselves at will as if using Disguise Self, as well as providing quality smokes.

>>4680723
Maybe it would be better if you gained something after fulfilling the ring's wishes. Other than instant disintegration, that is.

>>4681959

Almost. You need 13 fingers to wear the ring of extra finger and 12 rings of power.

Potion of invisibility: This black oily potion renders whatever container it's in completely invisible.

Potion of water walking: When this is mixed with water, the water will form into a 25 gallon orb with legs and follow the potion user until it 'dies' (1 hp, 10 ac) or evaporates.

Ring of regeneration: This ring will recover 1d4 hp and 1 hardness every round.

Greater ring of metal detection: This stone ring will will emit a tone every four seconds if any metal is within 150 miles in any given direction. The more metal within the radius, the louder the tone, 1 decibel per ounce of metal.

>>4681858
Hyperdactyl is not a word, whereas polydactyl is. The hyper thing was a joke, too, Mr. Downs. Also, I would think any person of average intelligence would know a little about vocabulary.

>>4681948
"Darling, take off the belt."
"I'd...rather not."

>>4681967
GENTLEMEN!!

+2 Axe of Leaving
A great double headed axe that attempts to jump out of its wielder's hands. Also tries to stay stuck in whatever it strikes.

Shirt of Vitality
A thin, white shirt that is constantly wet. Provides a bonus to constitution.

Sweet Shampoo
A shampoo that smells incredibly good, but once put on hair tastes orgasmic. Anything that smells it must make a will save to prevent from sucking/chewing.

Amulet of Cheater Speed - Will allow you to cheat at any game, with surprising speed.

Amulet of Plow-Her - An amulet that causes the wearer to speak in nothing but double entendres. (Cursed)

Periapt of Leif Protection - Will protect you from any bodily harm, as long as your name is Leif.

Amulet of Magic Resist Dance - On command, makes the wearer unable to dance, even to the funkiest of beats.

Lather Armor - An ordinary armor, that when activated starts producing lots of foam and suds, like from a bath. This magical foam will instantly clean anything it covers in mere minutes, and vanishes after about 15 minutes.

Eleven Chain Mail - A chainmail, that weighs 11 times that much.

Me-Thrill Armour! A very exciting armour!

Chain Mail - An armour that, when received, you have to make ten copies of and send to ten of your friends, in just a week, or else your legs will fall of, and dogs will eat your parents!

>>4682057
>Chain Mail - An armour that, when received, you have to make ten copies of and send to ten of your friends, in just a week, or else your legs will fall of, and dogs will eat your parents!
Oh that's just bad. I mean, on the level of bad puns, that takes the cake.

Tarasque in a box: An eight inch cube with a small crank on the side. When turned, a tinny little song will play, the song fills the player with dread and must resist a DC 30 will save to continue. If the song is completed after the will save, a tarasque will explode out of the box and attack the player. The cube has a picture of a kitten and clown on it.

>>4681851 Minor drill of tunneling: When this two inch tall pick-axe strikes soil/stone/clay/ect it creates a 5x5x40 millimeter tunnel to appear.

fxt

Helm of Brilliance:
When worn, the PC is immediately subject to the constant yelling of the word, "BRILLIANT!" by random bystanders.

Band of Shocking insight.
+2 intelligence for one hour after being hurt for at least 5 damage by lightning.

Ring of Socks: Once worn this ring will give the feeeling of having warm wool socks on your feet regardless of footwear or weather. Illusion based, does not actually protect against cold, frostbite, rain or any other effect on the feet.

Sweater of Static Shock: As long as worn, will permanently charge wearer into delivering mild static shock to anyone touching him.

>>4682175

Potion of Fire Breathing

The user is able to breath fire and get sustenance from it as if it were air for the next hour. The potion doesnt protect him from any adverse effects

Full Plate Mail: An armour that will fill any plate with a delicous meal, when you utter the command word. Once per day.

Boats of Speed - Two small rowboats, that will make row increcibly fast - but only if you use both at the same time.

Bracers of the Fence - A pair of bracers made from an old picket-fence. They are extremely uncomfortable to wear, but once a day they can be deployed to form a nice little white picket fence around the wearer, 15 yards in diameter.

Gauntlets of Ochre Power - Anything you touch with these gloves will instantly turn it golden-yellow-brown.

Helm of Char Protection - Will protect the wearer from any attacks based on fire residue.

Tarragon Helm - A helmet that smells vaguely of bearnaise sauce.

Infinite Diaper: White cloth diaper that will absorb an infinite amount urine and of fecal matter without becoming dirty. However it will radiate the smell of all waste absorbed.

Helm of Gayness: Pink armored headress, will bestow upon the wearer up to three hours of pure joy in a single day when used.

Frosty Mugger - A small figurine of a lone high-way man. When the command word is uttered, it transforms into a man, who will instantly start mugging you, all the while showing no signs of emotion.

>>4682225
>Helm of Char Protection - Will protect the wearer from any Blond Haired man in red armor.

I love this thread.

>>4681850

Oh god I lol'd heartily

Mask of the Ninth King

While equipped you cannot gain experience for killing beasts or completing quests. Removing this mask will attempt to remove your face along with it.

Your voice resembles that of Christopher Walken. You gain a bonus of +1 Charisma and +1 Intellect.

>>4682316
Very nice.

>>4681201

Better still would be if you hit ham with it, the hammer turns into ham...

>>4682457
Can I assume that this is because Walken gets all of your experience, and grows ever more powerful?

Ring of the Lich Trio: When activated, the person who activated it is immediately attacked by three end-campaign level liches. They will not stop until the person who activated the ring dies permanently. If that person dies normally and is brought back from the dead, he or she will be attacked immediately. The phylacteries of the three liches will never be found, and will never be destroyed.

It only works on PCs.

(Cock) Ring of Fapping - When worn the user immediately gets the irresistible urge to Fap, and extreme pleasure is gained from even touching the user genitals, this lust is so enthralling that the user forgets about everything else other than pleasing them self. this effect lasts until the ring is removed.

Ring of Protection - When worn on the penis, the chance of pregnancy though intercourse is reduced by 85%.

Ring of Invisibility - When you wear this ring, light bends around your body, making you invisible. As a result, you can't see anything anymore.

Ring of Evasion - This ring constantly evades your attempts at wearing it. Upon catching it (DEX check DC 20) and placing it on your finger, you find it is an ordinary brass ring.

Magic Lantern of Wish Granting

A magical entity appears, informing the user that they shall be the recipient of three wishes, but that no wishes shall be granted until all wishes have been made. All wishes must, in some way, involve the user.

Upon stating their final wish, the being informs them that their wishes shall serve his next master well, and proceeds to grant the previous owner's wishes to the current one.

>>4682580

Boots/Gloves of the Transitive Property: These items appear to made out of a mishmash of materials that don't seem at all suited to proper tailoring. Stone, grass, you think you even see some water in there, goddamn, what the Hell?

-These items, whenever they come into external contact with anything take a piece of whatever it is they touched and makes it a part of itself. They also take whatever was replaced and make it a part of whatever it is they touched.

Example: You immerse your glove in a pool of water. The entirety of the glove becomes a malleable liquid and leaves the concrete it was made out of earlier in the pool.

Matching Rings of High - Fiving.

When worn by 2 people, those two people can high-five each other with their ring-hands from any angle and position and always get the perfect high five including the sound

>>4682850
BEST ITEM EVER

>>4682850
No matter where or when they are.

IT BENDS TIME AND SPACE TO PRODUCE PERFECT HIGH-FIVE

>>4682932
Creepy.

>>4681201
What does Double Ham taste like, anyway?
>>4681628
MY HOVERCRAFT IS FULL OF EELS!
>>4681851
Mmmm...my double ham is deliciously doublemoist now.
>>4682798
Useful. Wear, have someone carry a bucket of water, tunnel.

Occasionally empty bucket of rock.

Fiddle of Fanatical Dancing

Whenever this instrument is played, all around the musician forcibly begin to dance,
jumping higher and quicker the fiddle is played.

Idea stolen from the Brothers Grimm tale; The Man Among The Thorns

>>4683540
i vill not be zeese record, it is scratched

Hat of disguise.

The wearer can activate this item to look just like the wearer of this item.

>>4681570

So wait... This is a mask of PCP?

>>4682580

That. Is. Fucking. Awesome.

Blade of sharpness. Every time you use it, the edge becomes sharper and more capable in cutting through armor, until it becomes thin enough to split an atom.

The resulting nuclear explosion destroys everything with a two mile radius.

>>4683762
The nuclear fallout then lasts for two weeks, mutating anything that MIGHT have survived.

>>4681422
lol, GOD EMPRAH glue.

Potion of Spider-Climb: The imbiber can automatically succeed at scaling the body of any sizable eight limbed creature, and also automatically succeeds at stepping on any small arachnids.

Bag of bump:

Causes item in mind to rise to the top of the bag into clear visible sight.

>>4683899
God damn it why'd I laff?

Infinate Sandvich: Never runs out, still goes bad

A Bag of Sand: Replicates the feel and texture of a females breasts perfectly

>>4684011
God tier for Tranny PC's

>>4684011
Give bonus to Disguise checks involving crossdressing?

>>4682457
As soon as I saw the picture I read the post in his voice.

It was awesome.

however, it is only edible if you go NOM NOM NOM while eating it.

>>4684011
>>4683919
Bag of sand-sandwhich.

A normal looking bag that dispenses sand-sandwhiches.

Bow of Party Impersonation:
A small Bowtie it gives you the ablity to impersonate any voice, but give only a negligable bonus to decive others as it is but a party trick

>>4684146
this combined with
Sure won't make them belive your him, but just simply awesome

Mug of Bear:
when beer is poured into this mug, a bear appears around the nearest corner and proceeds to attack the pourer as soon as possible.

>>4681967
>Bottle of Air
>This is just an empty bottle, except any elf wearing green will absolutely do anything for you to trade it to them.

i see what you did there.

>>4683627
lulz

>>4682225
>Full Plate Mail: An armour that will fill ITSELF with a delicous meal, when you utter the command word. Once per day.
Even better!

>>4683762
>Blade of sharpness. Every time you use it, the edge becomes sharper and more capable in cutting through armor, until it becomes thin enough to split an atom.

>The resulting nuclear explosion destroys everything with a two mile radius.

You realize "Splitting the Atom" is just a phrase, right? It's not actually just one atom that's being split.

Sketchpad of Illusion:
upon drawing in this book, you will seem to dramaticly increase in artistic skills, but when view by others it will simply reveal them as WEEABOO SHITSCRIBBLES

This thread is amazing.

I think I need to create an NPC with an accent in order to use some of these items with pun names without my players noticing.

>>4681085
>Lantern of Relieving:
>Lighting this magical item will transform the room the user occupies into a high class washroom. The illusion lasts 10 minutes.
Emphasis on the word illusion. There wasn't really a toilet there- you just pissed all over the floor.

One Hundred Platinum Piece: Instead of trying to deal with a commodity-based economy, the local empire du jour elected to establish a central bank backed by the magic standard. This three-inch diameter coin is stamped with the date of coinage, a patriotic mantra and portrait, and the words "ONE THOUSAND OUNCES GOLDEN." It enables the owner to cast one wizard cantrip at-will, typically Prestidigitation. Unlike other magic items, it may be sold and purchased freely at its set price of 1,000gp.

Troll's Head In A Jar: If it's still capable of regenerating, why doesn't it grow back and break the glass? It is a mystery. To use: Throw with liberal application of force at ground nearest opponant. WARNING: MAY CAUSE TROLL INFESTATION. DO NOT STORE EXCEPT NEAR HEAT AND FLAME. NOT INTENDED FOR ORAL USE. KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN.

Handy Havercoat: This overcoat has two breast pockets that appear large enough to hold a quart of material, and a perpetually well-tailored main body that always seems to fit just right over an otherwise fully clothed, fully armor-clad adventurer. However, the breast pockets and main body each contain extradimensional space capable of storing about 20 pounds or 2 cubic feat and 80 pounds or 8 cubic feet, respectively. In addition, whenever the wearer reaches in for a specific item, he or she will always find it immediately within reach; retrieving an item from the coat or displaying merchandise stored in the main body of the coat is only a move action that does not provoke attacks of opportunity.

Ψcrystal: This crystal is the 23rd in a set of 24, not including four obsolete plus three other crystals. It has a numeric value of 700. It bestows upon the owner a +2 to psychology checks, a +5 to parapsychology checks, and may be used to instantly calculate the supergolden ratio.

>>4684549
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuclear_fission
Of course, the sword is still retarded. There is so much energy holding the atom together- you wouldn't be able to overcome it with a sword.

>>4684629
>>Emphasis on the word illusion. There wasn't really a toilet there- you just pissed all over the floor.

I think I actually like the idea better, though, that it makes your surroundings a strange bathroom microcosm. To you, the bathroom fixtures and decorations exist, and if you elect to relieve yourself hygienically, the positive effects of recent urination will remain even after you leave the bathroom. You don't actually -go- anywhere, though; any creatures in the area remain, and to them, it seems like you're just whipping it out and pantomiming the act of taking a leak and washing your hands.

Surreal!

>>4682057
>>Chain Mail - An armour that, when received, you have to make ten copies of and send to ten of your friends, in just a week, or else your legs will fall of, and dogs will eat your parents!

Wedding ring for the underage: Its actually a soda can tab...

Ring of Gender Change (Cursed)

Paperweight of Holding:
Once placed, acts as an immovable rod.

Bag of magic darts.
All darts from this bag will hit their desired target. Assuming that target is a dartboard.

>>4682005

>>Greater ring of metal detection: This stone ring will will emit a tone every four seconds if any metal is within 150 miles in any given direction. The more metal within the radius, the louder the tone, 1 decibel per ounce of metal.

Asuming you play on an earth-like planet that range is going to penetrate into the mantle(which is roughly 5.8% iron), IE I would not want to be on the same plane of existence as anyone wearing that ring. That being said it's a great wmd.

Promise Ring:
Does nothing.

;_;

>>4685429

Sorry she gave it back Formen.

>>Ring of Three Wishes:

Jesus, how about just call it the Ring of Fuck you I'm the GM

>>4681992
nuh uh,
wear 2 of those rings, netting you 4 extra fingers
10 -2 + 4 = 12, SUCCESS

Bumping for awesome.

Bump for goodness.