Not good.

>>11 rolls, drop two, and place in whatever stats we wanted.

What bullshit D&D game method of rolling is this?

>>4676668
Anticipating tremendous failure.

>>4676668

That is not how stats are generated in DH.....

>>4676668
cont'd

It went fairly smoothly.The puzzles simple, the combat quick, and even his typing had improved. Then came the boss.

My slightly less than combat savvy arbitrator came face to face with an eldar, fully armed. Needless to say, I did not win. Right before he landed the killing blow, The inquisitor bursts in through a wall and blows the eldar to pieces with, and I quote, "A bolter that would put the astartes to shame."

After a brief 'how do ya do and thankya kindly' introduction, he revealed himself to be an Inquisitor, and introduced himself as "Kyle Dark."

I shit you not, sirs.

>>4676715

>>4676697
>>4676709

His method. I don't really care how it's done.

>>4676715

who cares

>>4676715
>"Kyle Dark."

Should have been called Grimm.

>>4676715

Then came the backstory.

Oh lord, the backstory. No way to finish up a 30 minute session like a fifteen minute monologue.

He was apparently an assassin who had taken a contract to kill an inquisitor. Which he did. With tremendous ease.

And because of his great show of skill, he was taken in as an inquisitor.

Yes.

Now imagine that in a fifteen minute exposition.

Aside form the gun, he also carried to power-katanas, "woe and misery," and wore a rebreather at all times, which he showed ample enthusiasm (but not skill) for doing his best voice impersonation of one during the small time we tried doing it vocally.

The first real mission went no better.

>>4676768
It's at this time that you should have bugged out and nuked the site from orbit.

Now I need to trawl the FFG forum to find the recruitment thread for this game so I might know thine enemy.

This is terrifyingly bad

>>4676768

Extremely basic plotline. Cultists in facility, go kill them.I understand now why he wanted better combat skills. We had no interaction with npcs other than the ones we killed, and their were relatively few skill tests along the way.And every time it looked like we might be screwed, the Inquisitor would burst through some window or skylight and kill everybody for us.

I left after that.

I did keep in contact with another one of the players though. Apparently the cover system was taken out later, because he found it too hard to keep track of it. Easily my worst GM, but most other games I've been in were with close friends or at least people I somewhat knew.

I'm so in love with this story right now, it's retarded.

>>4676756
Grim is actually one of the names you can randomly roll.

Kyle 'Grim' Dark would've been the most beautiful troll for something like this around.

>>4676668
>>4676715
>>4676768

Wow, our GM pretty much acts as the Inquisitor in charge of us but, is only brought in after we have done all the work. He gives us missions and sometimes does his own investigates from what we have found. Most I know about him is his name, he is pretty much a high ranking Adept, and he is part of the Ordo Xenos.

>>4676768

Please, as a warning to everybody else out there:

Do NOT try voice acting.

For fucks sake people.

>the cover system was taken out

So he couldn't even run a half-decent combat game? Genius.

I use Microsoft Sam whenever someone talks to a servitor. Fuck this 'rebreather' shit.

>>4676803
More like terrifyingly AWESOME.

>>4676804

I failed my morale check

>>4676827

Yeah. Shortly after that, the players started having "schedule-conflicts" and started disappearing. I wish I had at least screen capped half the crap he said, just for the pure RAGE inducing shit he had in there.

His own personal Emperor-class Ship, DEEP storyline like the loss of his beloved wife, and a weaponised motorcycle, which he rode everywhere.

>>4676868
Oh for fuck's sake.

You know, I wonder if GW started raising prices to PREVENT this kind of bullshit.

Cool story, bro.

I once had a player in a Deadlands game who insisted on taking nothing but shooting and fighting skills. No social skills at all. He even invested all his stat points in such a way that he would become a better fighter. I told him this was a dumb idea, because he would only be useful for a maximum of half the game and completely useless for the rest, but he insisted that this was the way he wanted to play his character, and stupid as I was, I agreed. He seemed like a smart enough guy, so I figured he had some sort of plan when it came to this character. Boy, was I wrong.

First session, the guy doesn't really do a lot besides sit in the corner moping because there's not all that much fighting. The few fights they do end up in, he proves to be only slightly more efficient than the others in combat, despite his massive advantages, mostly because of him being a moron. He even goes so far as to shoot an unarmed, wounded attacker in the face, despite the others explicitly trying not to kill him, with the implication that they were going to question him later. He did not take the hint.

>>4676868
The motorcycle part broke my brain.

>>4676918

>>This player and op's GM

Samefag.

The cover system in this is really simple though.

>>4676868

> weaponised motorcycle

There are combat bikes and the rules are floating around. I assume it was something far worse though.

>>4676939

I'm fairly sure he had no stats for any of his stuff. All of his attacks were insta-hit insta-kill stuff.

Useful for plot devices, not so much for when he goes koolaid-man every time someone stubs their toe and kills everyone in a kilometer radius.

>>4676918
And things just go downhill from there.

You see, this guy soon realized that not having any social skills meant he would pretty much have to stand in the back every time a situation called for talking to an NPC. So what does he do? He politely asks me if there's a way for him to make up for the fact that his character is the least sympathetic person this side of an insane asylum. Delighted that he seems to have taken a hint, I tell him that he can get bonuses to social rolls by roleplaying or otherwise coming up with ways to appear more convincing. Now I think I've finally gotten through to him.

This leads to him deciding that a badass gunslinger probably would go for intimidation. Fine, sounds plausible. I'd sure as hell be scared of someone who could shoot that well. So he declares he's going for a circumstantial bonus to his intimidation roll. BY SHOOTING THE GUY IN THE LEG! This is in the middle of town. The guy hasn't really done anything. He is a civilian who will most likely go into shock and bleed to death from the trauma of taking a bullet to the thigh. Which is exactly what happens.

At this point the guy just looks at me like I'm to blame, but doesn't really say anything. His big Rorschach moment has been ruined and guess what, here comes the sheriff to see what all this commotion is about. You see, not only did this moron shoot a man in the middle of town in the middle of the day, but he also did it with a Derringer he had smuggled into town, since carrying weapons within city limits was prohibited!

>>4676824

depends. my players like my voices. we also have another guy in the group who is an official "acTOR" who's very proud of his voice work, but everything he does turns into half irish half pirate. We hate his voices.

>>4676991
So, how does our favorite gunslinger respond to the sheriff and his deputy rushing toward him brandishing shotguns when he is armed with a derringer with a single shot left? Fight his way out, of course.

He makes a called shot to the sheriff's head and hits. The sheriff goes down in a spray of blood while his deputy looks on in horror. But now it's the deputy's turn. He unloads his shotgun, severely wounding the idiot player, who decides that since he has no bullets left, he is going to rush the man carrying a shotgun and punch him out. I repeat, instead of sneaking out, hiding or even waiting for the rest of the party to act, he decides he will try to fight the guy with the shotgun while unarmed and on the brink of death. He hits, but doesn't cause enough damage to do anything other than bruise the deputy a little. The largely unarmed law enforcer answers by hitting him in the face with the butt of his rifle, knocking him out.

At this point, the player is almost foaming at the mouth, whining about how I had "set him up" and that it was impossible to play the game if I was just going to screw him over all the time.

>>4677072

Okay, so he DIDN'T kill the deputy?

>>4676991
hahahhahahhaaa

>>4677109
I fucking lol'd

>>4677072
At this point, the rest of the party decides to intervene. The huckster manages to create a distraction, giving the others the chance to knock out the deputy, take the moron with them and get the hell out. To this day I still can't understand why the fuck they would want to save him.

The character actually manages to miraculously survive for a few more sessions, until he is eaten by a Utah Rattler (think the Dune sandworms). Apparently, he couldn't understand the concept of encounters with monsters you weren't supposed to fight and so tried to shoot the 60 feet long worm to death with his revolvers.

Needless to say, he left the game after this, moaning and bitching about me being unfair.

Only to beg to get back into the game a month or two later, with me refusing.

>>4677072
I'll be honest here.

I fucking love shitty player/GM stories.

I feel like I've been cheated. I've never had a group so terrible to warrant putting it to memory.

>>4677144
Trust me, it might be fun in retrospect, but this kind of shit is terrible and ruins a game completely for everyone involved.

>>4677168

But you'll always have the memories.

>>4677144
My worst, is some DM that did initiative rolls, for every character, for every ROUND. Made the simpliest combat take forever. Oh that and his girlfriend played some gunsliger with dual pistols that did as much damage as a greatsword, had unlimited ammo, and enough dynamite to blow up pretty much anything she wanted to. Also this was in a low magic setting with no other technology evident.

I SHOT THE SHERRIF

ETC

I once almost killed my party with a giant rat in a World of Darkness game. It's my fault for not making the map I gave them clear enough to show the different ways around the vicissified rat, but then, a player deciding to football tackle a welded steel barrier without Potence kind of fucked himself over.

I've found that favoritism fucks over groups more than direct shttiness. I had a GM which had a hard on for psykers.I understand that theyre pretty unique classes and all, and might deserve a little extra attention, but he just took it a bit too far. special equipment, special (and free) advances, overpowered homebrew powers. It wasnt uncommon for an entire storyline to revolve around the groups psyker.

>>4676668
I cant recall, but doesn't that picture have some fluff behind it?

>>4677210
It does. I can't remember the name, but it was a single Guardsman that stepped inbetween Horus and the Emprah, as Horus was ready to deal the death blow. When Horus killed the Guardsman, the Emprah realized his son was lost, and did not hold back anymore, obliterating Horus' soul and body.

Oh, wait, no, it got retcon'd. NOW IT'S A SUPA SPESHUL ADEPTUS CUSTODES XD

Fuck you, GW. That was the charm of it.
A single man, armed with a mere lasrifle, standing infront of his Emperor to protect him from a walking god of war.

You know, while the OP's tale is indeed horrible, I find the idea of an inquisitor bursting through a window every time the PCs are in trouble hilarious. Just imagine it. No matter how small the problem, SUDDENLY INQUISITOR BURSTING THROUGH THE WINDOW!

>>4677241
Oh shit. That's hardcore.

Thanks bro.

>>4677241

I saw a diorama someone made of it at a local store. He had used a modified Abaddon model to represent Horus and a mix of Cadian, Commissar, and Vostroyan models to represent the soldier. It was kind of crappy, but it was a cool idea, I thought.

>>4677241
Olanius Pius. Single most hardcore Guardsman ever. He used to be sort of a saint to the Guard, before he was retconned out.

>>4677247

"Pious Maximus, this pickle jar's lid is screwed on too tight, I can't open it!"

"What ever shall we do, Marcus Philostratus?"

DA DADADADAAAAAA!

"THIS SOUNDS LIKE A JOB FOR..."

"INQUISIMAN! YAY!"

Shittiest player/DM story?

DnD campaign set in some backwoods part of Faerun no one gives a shit about. Part was me, my best mate, my best mate's brother in law, some other assorted friends, and a guy we will call Ice Cream.

Party is a bunch of 3rd level characters. Ice Cream is playing a Chaotic Evil Druid. Why? I don't know. Apparently I'm a masochist.

So, party is trudging through woods, trying to get to spot wise old neckbeard questgiver gave them as the location of the old temple/crypt/whatever that they needed to get to.

I am indeterminate as to the type of place they were to arrive at, as they never get there.

One player in the party has enough forethought to try to make a Knowledge check to see if he knows anything about these woods. He rolled a 20, so I tell him they are known to be inhabited by at least one Treant.

Ice Cream, by now piss drunk, decides that since he has to take a piss, his character will, too. He walks over to the nearest tree.

I have him make a spot check. He fails.

As his character whips out his member, I have him make a listen check and another spot check. Both failed, do to this guy not understanding what Wisdom is for.

Ends up pissing on the resident Treant who, hearing people walking in his woods, planted himself along their path to see what was up.

>>4677275

Fuck that shit, I'm making a Guard army centered around reverence of Olanius Pious.

>>4677247
The same though occurred to me. Somewhere along the line, I formed the mental image of him just watching through the window whenever we went into a room.

"Alright, alright... took me a bit, but I replaced every window in this building with sugar glass.

Now I need only wait."

>>4677282
cont'd

The Treant is horribly offended, and combat breaks out. By combat, I mean the rest of the party is doing their best to either A) stay the hell out of the Treant's way or B) Try to get the treant unpissed off.

While this is going on, Ice Cream, shitfaced, demands that since he won the initiative (after the Treant kicked him halfway to death during the suprise round) that he wants to cast a spell. I forget exactly which one.

What I do remember is that a) the spell did not do what the player stated it did and b) he couldn't have cast it to begin with, as it was not a Druid spell.

Both of which he would have known if he had bothered to read the spell description.

Long story short: Ice Cream gets pissed off when his character dies, throws a hissy, leaves the game.

Then demands to be let back in thirty minutes later.

Now, since there is no way I can run a DnD game without including this person due to the way our fucked up group dynamic works, I gave up on DMing.

This isn't the only game he ruined.

Once, while doing tag team DMing (my best mate and I swapped off DMing every week, both of us taking turns playing the same character,) the party was in a dungeon when someone's character decided that it was a wonderful idea to just pick up the glass ball with swirling smoke inside of it and break it.

Long story short, the party got transported to Halaster's little maze. They manage (through sheer luck and a natural 20 wisdom check on the part of the Wizard) to find their way out. On the way out, they find that another group was also brought there with them, and the only surviving member is a barely conscious female elf in bloody, damaged platemail.

What does Ice Cream do?

Rolls initiative and proceeds to rape her.

Game ended there.

>>4677284

Good thing he had something to lick when he got hungry.

>>4677241

Ollanius Pius

http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Ollanius_Pius

>>4677202
You think that's bad? Who wants to hear the tale of Celeborn (yes, he stole the name from LotR) the elven king, and the rest of us poor schmucks who had to put up with him?

>>4677284
Then, once he's solved the problem, he needs to jump OUT of another window and thus disappear from view until the next time the characters encounter any sort of adversity.

This happens even in underground bunkers and in airtight spaceships.

>>4677319

Why would I stop you from making me feel better about my group?

>>4677319
Tell us, of course!

>>4677288
>the only surviving member is a barely conscious female elf in bloody, damaged platemail.
>What does Ice Cream do?
>Rolls initiative and proceeds to rape her.

...I can't decide if the player is awesome or holy shit fuck.

>>4677319
go on then.

>>4677326

He did do the out-the-window thing in game, so you know. Supposedly, he was single-handedly fighting off all of the cultists on the outside.

As for the rest of your comment.

"... Are you telling me a lone inquisitor on a motorcycle managed to somehow sneak himself on this ship, WITHOUT the use of a spacecraft, WHILE we were in the warp?"

"Yes sir. We have no idea how."

"It must have taken some kind of Tactical Gen...

CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!"

>>4677372
Awesome.

>>4677372
He must've been in a cardboard box.

>>4677319
All right, this campaign was in a fantasy not-DnD game. The DM had found some adventure online that he thought was super fucking awesome, so he decided to print it out and run it. The problem with this adventure was two-fold. One, it was pretty shitty to begin with. Two, it required the involvement of the prince and instead of making the prince an NPC like any normal person, the DM decided that this role would fall to one of the players.

Of course, the prince role fell to the DM's best friend, a guy who wasn't a dick per se, but was far from the most able of roleplayers and was egged on by the DM to become the worst Mary Sue character ever. Since the DM decided to name the kingdom Lothlorien, naturally the prince was named prince Celeborn of Lothlorien.

I could live with this. After all, those were just names. It could be forgiven if the rest of the campaign was any good. Of course, it wasn't.

You see, the prince didn't start out as a noble or anything of the sort. No, the prince was a knight. Nothing really wrong with this, it's fantasy after all, so why wouldn't the prince be able to fight? The problem comes once we realize that the prince has unlimited funds. Literally. The DM actually allows him to pick whatever the fuck he wants from the book, since he's the prince. The rest of us start out with some shitty armour and rusty scissors for weapons, despite the fact that most of us are either the prince's bodyguards or servants!

>>4677343

Problem with him is that there was no possible way he could be involved in a game session without disrupting it. He had to be the center of attention.

The other shit he has done:

Attacked fellow party members to get his hands on a 'magic' item they found. Said item was a cursed Helm of Sex Change.

Killed another party member simply because he was 'bored' and we hadn't 'seen a fight in like, half an hour.'

Let's not even talk about his dice rolling. I had to have him sit in a specific spot at the table so I could see his dice rolls (mirrors are awesome), because he kept on making them behind things and then quickly picking them up as soon as he 'read' them.

>>4677424

Find a new group man. No amount of patience can help you.

>>4677427

I swear to God, he is the vast majority of the reason I believe that everyone who can't roleplay for shit picks Chaotic Evil.

>>4677411
As we start the adventure, it instantly becomes clear that the whole campaign centres around prince Celeborn and no one else, since every NPC only speak to Celeborn while ignoring the rest of us, and the DM even goes so far as to forcible move the party's minotaur fighter in front of Celeborn every time he is about to take damage, because "he is so devoted to his lord".

The adventure finishes, and I breathe a sigh of relief, thinking it was a one-shot and that we would finally be rid of this shit. But it just wasn't meant to be.

You see, upon returning to the castle, we learn that Celeborn's father has been murdered by a vampire. How the fuck people know this, since apparently the fucking vampire managed to infiltrate the castle and kill the king without anybody noticing it, is beyond me, but what the fuck. At this point, I might as well introduce my character. I'm playing a wizard, and since the DM insists that casting magic without a staff is impossible in this world, and my staff is constantly stolen/missing/broken for one reason or another, I pretty much serve as the brains of the party.

>>4677431

subject change'd

Best moment ever in a RPG.

In my FLGS. I'm 16. We're sitting around during a bustling Magic tournament playing ShadowRun. I was playing a female character, as I am wont to do, for no other reason than it gives me a whole new range of ways to get information out of people, and the GM never made me roleplay anything erotic, thankfully.

We're in a fight with the BBEG, who turns out to be Deus in some sleek, top of the line robot body.

My character gets knocked prone, and then the GM begins to describe, with Deus standing over my battered character, the giant, barbed, bladed dildo springing form the the robot's loins, coming straight for my character's eyes.

I proceeded to stand up in the middle of a crowed store filled with children and screamed at the top of my lungs "NOBODY'S SKULL FUCKING ME!"

My penance was severe.

>>4677449
Yay, making everyone unable to do the one thing they can do!

>>4677314
somone needs to make an advice saint with the banner image
"Die for the Emrah - Become a saint."

>>4677427

THIS MAN SPEAKS NOTHING BUT WISDOM.

Seriously though, if your group can't ditch this albatross, ditch the group. They're completely idiotic if they allow for his antics. The alternative is, and I can't believe I'm actually recommending this, to make sure he's safely out of the group's way ASAP. Which probably means railroading him into an oncoming train or something... Or a single meteor burns up in the atmosphere and in a cunning act of whatever gods of chicanery exist in your setting, plow an amusing hole into his skull and out the other side any time he decides to act up.

Then come back with amusing stories of RAGEQUIT!!!111!!1!!11 When he realises that he's effectively been neutered.

>>4677431

If he's a kid, that would explain it.

Honestly, my favorite challenge is to pick a character I want to play and then completely ignore alignment. I have a lawful neutral character in one of my friends games who wants to destroy a noble family who basically blackmailed his family into falling from the nobility. Lawful Neutral. Overall Goal? Chaotic Evil.

But, yeah. At my old table, anyone who picked CE was usually killed at the first sign of being stupid. I was so proud of my players.

>>4677449

Kill the DM, kill Celeborn, kill the other players, kill everyone you've ever told this story to.

Then take off and nuke the planet from orbit.

It's the only way to be sure.

>>4677449
So, I take charge and start using magic and various investigative measures to track this vampire down so we can kill it. But no matter what I do, I can't find a single trace of the vampire. Detect magic? Apparently it used mundane means to get inside. Very well, I'll investigate the room. Yeah, but the vampire was sneaky enough that it didn't leave a single trace behind.

Long story short, a DMPC (who is the DM's previous character's half-banshee daughter. She was called Éowyn. Yes, really.) barges in, says she knows where the vampire is and forces us to go along with her. We fight the vampire, lose, she defeats it with a single sword stroke while simultaneously managing to get mortally wounded, and tells Celeborn he is the only one who can kill it. Something about royal blood. So, he kills it, which apparently turns his sword into a bolt of lightning that deals insane amounts of damage and only requires touch attacks to hit, and also causes the somehow recovered half-banshee DMPC to fall in love with him.

On our return, we get a loooong coronation ceremony, followed by a looooong wedding, followed by an awkward sex scene that I won't mention any more than I have to, because it was some of the most disturbing shit I've ever experienced.

>On our return, we get a loooong coronation ceremony, followed by a looooong wedding, followed by an awkward sex scene that I won't mention any more than I have to, because it was some of the most disturbing shit I've ever experienced.

MOAR

>>4677462
>>4677461

He's 21 or 22. He's not as dickish as he was a year ago, but I still refuse to DM or play in a game that has even the slightest possibility of having him in it.

I'm all for drinking during a game of DnD, but when you're shitfaced before the game is even started, it's rather disruptive.

Then there are his many other personality defects that surface outside of games.

I would love to find another group to play with, but I unfortunately live in a small southern town, and there aren't really that many people around. I don't know if my FLGS would let me put up a flyer advertising a game/soliciting for a group to play with.

I tried playing one game via the internet, but it just didn't work.

>>4677491

By the Throne, man, I'm sorry. You have my deepest sympathies.

>>4677469

I don't know whether to facepalm or rage. In fact, I may be doing a little both right now.

>>4677469
And this is where shit gets really bad.

You see, in the vampire fight, my character had lost an arm before Éowyn decided to kick it's ass with her lolawesome swordsmanship. Being a complete dick by this point, Celeborn refuses to pay for the regeneration, saying I have to earn the money myself. Of course, since I'm not actually getting paid for risking my life for this asshole king (and the fact that I'M NOT EVEN PLAYING A GODDAMN ELF, SO THIS GUY ISN'T EVEN MY KING!) I don't have the cash. And the DM rules that you can't cast magic with a single arm, so I'm pretty much useless, or I would be if the party didn't rely on me for every single thing that couldn't be killed with a sword.

So apparently Celeborn's had a kid with Éowyn, and the kid's been kidnapped by some evil cult or something for no apparent reason. As usual, Éowyn goes with us as we try to find this evil cult and stop them. I just tag along because I figure I can find some way to regenerate my goddamn arm and cast magic again.

We find the cult, who apparently hid inside a tower made out of black rock on top of a mountain. Yeah, real subtle. Anyway, we fight our way up the tower (and by "we" I mean Celeborn and Éowyn, who is apparently under Celeborn's control now) since they were going to sacrifice the kid and use the power of the royal blood to rule the world or some shit like that. At this point, I'm not even paying attention.

>>4677527
Why the fuck were you still playing?!?

>>4677452

Since the subject has changed...

My favorite moment in a session include:

-A player telling another player what to do in game because the player wasn't playing his tiefling evil enough. And making me laugh with how differently his character acted. The guy who was playing his evil tiefling wrong is still one of my best friends. He's not the best roleplayer, but he tries and it's always really funny, especially because his characters are assassins or hellspawn or whatever, and he never plays them very evilly at all.

-Killing my girlfriend's character due to bad die rolls. Not even to make a point about favoritism, but it was great because the only one who could have helped her was her fucking WOLF.

-Above mentioned buddy trying to stop a ritual to summon a demon by spearing a candle with his hellish chain thingies (superhero game, told you he's not very original), dealing too much damage to it and shattering the candle, and as he watches the wick fall to the ground, he tries blowing to put it out. From 15 feet away.

-My druid casting control weather and producing several tornadoes in an epic level game, and this silver dragon who came to help us rolling a nat 1 on his con check and being sucked into it.

I AM INQUISITOR KYLE DARK, AND I AM HERE TO TAKE IT TO THE LIMIT

Fuck yes.

>>4677527
So we bust in, stop the ceremony, Celeborn kills them all with his lightning-sword (which can apparently also shoot lightning bolts more powerful than mine now) and then we have to watch Celeborn and the DM rp an awkward love scene as they rescue their child.

And here comes the truly painful part.

Somehow, the magic ritual goes haywire, and we're all struck by lightning (except Éowyn, who was holding the kid at the time). When we wake up, we're in the future (seriously, instead of trying to describe what our characters are seeing, the DM just says "you wake up in the future").

Yes /tg/ shit is about to get a whole fucking lot worse. I have to take a break to even be able to type half the shit that's coming up, because the saga of Future Celeborn is so goddamn ridiculous it physically hurts me to even think about it.

>>4677545
Mostly because it was so horrendously bad that I just had to see what would happen next.

Is that...Utsuho as a Terminator?

>>4677555
>"you wake up in the future"
Is there only war?

>>4677495

Your FLGS would probably be happy to have you post a flier. Especially if they appreciate your business. The ones I most often go to make repeat customers by being cool and helpful. If they overheard someone talking about wanting in a game, they'd likely point towards your flier.

Don't be shy, anon. The folks that play RPGs aren't all as anti-social as you might think.

>>4677575
Now i'm making a flow chart for continuum based on this in my head, will post later.

I once had the misfortune of playing in a Star Wars SITH CAMPAIGN that was run by one of our arms-length players. Normally, I hate Star Wars, but I was willing to let things slide for a good time. During character creation, I am informed that Jedi can't have sex, and that the Sith Lords kill each other for succession, so the rest of the players and I decide that we're going to establish a "Clear Side" of the Force, and that to do this, I have to play a charismatic fish-guy (Admiral Ackbar dude). Our purpose is to convince our Sith compatriots that maybe you can get laid, but don't have to kill random people, and still have a good time.

Anyhow, in the first five seconds, we're walking down a suburban street with our Sith master for some unknown purpose, when the planet is attacked by Mandalorians, and the master gets crushed by some sort of drop-pod.

Feeling no incentive to stick around, we flee down the street to where our space-car was parked, and then take to the skies. Naturally, we're shot down and crash into an office building. It is at this juncture that I find out our GM is incapable of simulating human emotion--I attempt to organize the understandably panicked random office workers in order to survive the Mandalorian onslaught. Any attempt at communication is met with "WE'RE GOING TO DIE," and wild, mindless gesticulation.

As Mandalorian doom-troopers march down the street, our attempts to calm and command the local populace continue to no avail. At this point, I am told that office workers are THROWING THEMSELVES FROM WINDOWS, for fear that the Mandalorians might enslave them or whatever.

>>4677575

IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FUTURE THERE IS ONLY MARY SUES. THE IMPERIUM OF ELVES IS BESIEGED ON ALL SIDES BY EVIL CULTS AND THREATENED WITHIN BY ONE ARMED WIZARDS.

ARE YOU A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO SAVE YOUR GAY ELF WIFE?

>>4677605

Y/N?

>>4677605
I'd rather hit myself in the dick with a hammer

>>4677601
This is why I love Horrible Session stories.

I had a DM obsessed with Final Fantasy. Literally he was every bad stereotype of weeaboo and basement dweller.

I and some others were hopelessly railroaded by this fucktard, essentially taking a guided tour of his awesome characters. In a 3.5 D&D game, all the noblemen were level 28 or higher, and we were level 2. He'd throw hordes of Greater Basalisks at us, but since he rigged dice rolls so we couldn't die it didn't matter. I don't know why he cared if we lived or died - we really were just touring his shitty weeaboo fancharacters.

>>4677601

Mandalorians caused 9/11.

...Seriously, though, what the fuck? Canderous was a pretty cool dude.

>>4677601
Having now given up, our party retires to the executive suite, allowing the office workers to murder themselves or cower or run around flailing to their hearts' content. There, we notice that the Mandalorians, in their steadfastness, have begun moving from building to building, marching the occupants out and DEMOLISHING THE BUILDINGS. Sidestepping the fact that this is retarded, we surmise that we'll be able to escape using Sith-badassness by waiting until the nearby building is blown up, and then jumping onto the top of the rubble.

This proceeds without a hitch, except that when the hour comes, we also find out that every Mandalorian happens to be Major Erwin FUCKING König, capable of blasting Sith-types in mid jump from hundreds of yards away. One of our compatriots (our first openly gay character, kudos to the guy playing him) gets blasted for exactly his hit-point total. I decide that I'm not just going to leave him (Clear-Side companion that he is), so we give him the old heave-ho, knowing full well that we're going to get caught no matter what. Sure enough, we are intercepted and then administered exact-hit-point-gun damage by these crack-shot Mandalorian fuckers.

>>4677650
"Wow, great game, guys! See you again next week?"

>>4677650

So they're Anti-Storm Troopers. Who always hit main characters and kill them flawlessly.

No wonder the people were so creeped out, the concept of soldiers in helmets after the protagionists that are actually deadly is an alien one within Star Wars.

>>4677670

Not so alien. The clone troopers flaunted the Stormtrooper Academy rules in the films they appeared in.

>>4677555
Ok, I've had a drink, calmed my nerves down, so it's time for the epic continuation of the story of Celeborn the Mary Sue.

So, apparently we wake up in contemporary New York. I try to ask the DM why the fuck we would be in New York when we obviously weren't in anything even remotely similar to our world earlier. He tells me to shut up and stop ruining the game.

Anyway, we're surrounded by a crowd of people who think we're some kind of mascots or something in costumes. So we walk around for a while, while Celeborn ruins any possibility of immersion (if such a thing was even possible in this shitty game) by immediately knowing what everything is and how it works.

Well, finally, some kid impressed with Celeborns lightning-sword touches the blade, is electrocuted and turns into a smoking corpse. The cops show up, and Celeborn orders us to fight them. I try to convince the others that we should surrender and explain it was all a mistake, but the DM says I do as Celeborn wants, because i's "in character" for me. So we kill the cops, at which point SWAT shows up, and we kill those too, steal their guns, and are now running around with fucking assault rifles and shotguns.

After about an hour and a half of non-stop fighting (most of which is just the DM describing how Celeborn kills everything in gory over the top ways) the army finally sends tanks and choppers against us.

At this point, we all figure we're screwed. All except Celeborn, who pretty much has a carte blanche for whatever the fuck he wants to do. He somehow lures a chopper close enough to him that he can jump onto it, kill the crew, fly it despite never even having seen one before now, and somehow blow everything up with missiles and machineguns. He then picks us up and we fly off.

>>4677650
A simple solution to all life's bad GMs.

>this thread

>>4677685
Somewhere along the ride, the DM decides that I now remember a spell to reverse time travel. This despite the fact that he explicitly said that I could not cast magic with my one arm and the fact that I'm nowhere near the power level where time travel would even be remotely possible.

Alakazam, and we're back in Lothlorien. I get my arm regenerated in return for saving our collective bacon, but still get treated like shit. But it doesn't matter. I can finally cast spells again! Well, too bad the entire party is equipped with modern weapons that can easily outdamage every single spell in my repertoire.

Post-adventure, we learn two things.

One, apparently Éowyn is into bondage and anal sex.

Two, the Lothlorien smiths are apparently skilled enough that they could recreate bullets after a bit of experimenting, so now we have assault rifles with near infinite ammunition.

>>4677685
Why were you and your fellow players still about?

>>4677711
>One, apparently Éowyn is into bondage and anal sex.

Is she Domme or Sub?

>>4677623
Two characters pop up: Vampire and Wizard. Everybody despised that vampire.

We went to a city and were told that there was a monster attacking people. It attacked one of our faceless NPCs.

Whilst searching, someone who sounded suspiciously like Vincent Valentine jumped down from a building like some kind of ninja. I told him that there was some kind of monster and that he should get indoors. He didn't reply to this.

We asked him if he had any information or anything, but he didn't reply. I'm really not sure what the GM was intending from all this. But the guy just stood there. We weren't allowed to move on "because he was blocking the street."

Naturally then, I asked the man to move because he was blocking the street and we really had important places to go. He stared at us. We asked him to move. Repeat.

So I pushed past him, or tried to; without a word (or a dice roll) my character was grappled and thrown all the way down the street crashing into a wall where I lost unconsciousness - again without a save.

The player of the parties silent monk thought "Fuck this shit" and threw a load of knives at him, but even with high attack roles and no rolling of dice on the GM's part, he just says "He catches them in his hands." Cue some WHAT THE FUCK. This was my first roleplaying game, but I knew shit like that wasn't meant to fly.

After catching more knives from the monk and arrows from the elven ranger, Vincent Valentine punches everyone and knocks them out in one hit.

I can't really remember what happened after all that. I know my PC woke up and tried to attack him, but he dodged effortlessly and again KO'd my character without a save or an attack roll.

Apparantly he was meant to be some badass rogue vampire who wasn't really rogue, or something, he was a lone wolf from this clan of sparkly good vampires that lived in the city.

>>4677711
Were the DM and his friend secretly gay?

>>4677685
Since you said that you're too angry and need to take a break I had a feeling you were making this up. Now I'm sure, this couldn't have happened.

>>4677724
OH It turned out the monster, by the way, was one of the vampires gone crazy or something. They were all epic level heroes and just wanted us to 'find it' and tell them were it is. Well naturally it's a fucking vampire, what the fuck are we going to do when we go into an alley and find it? Not spend 45 minutes going back to the vampire leaders secret fortress to tell him we spotted it in a backstreet. It attacks us, or we attack it, and of course it becomes apparant that we're hopelessly outmatched.

So out of nowhere the ENTIRE level 30+ vampire clan drops from nowhere and effortlessly destroys the crazed beast, thus rendering absolutely everything about the quest pointless. And Vampire Vincent is there (I think Vincent was actually his name too, but this was a long time ago) I suppose they had a reunion or something.

The wizard was more of the same. For no real reason, this smug prick pops up from nowhere and summons a shitton of these level 6 goblinoid wolves that the GM liked to sic on us. Not having any of this shit, the monk tumbled out of combat and punched the fucker in the face.

Or would have anyway, but "he has a shield", as in a force field, thus rendering him completely immune to all attacks with no save allowed and all attack rolls pointless. Then he turned into an eagle, which was also immune to all damage. Pissed me the fuck off. Our elven ranger had done the sensible thing and left the game long before that though.

>>4677711
>>4677711
>>4677711
>>4677711
You know that image with the table of ever increasing facial expressions of disbelief and RAGE?

That.

>>4677685

Pretty obviously fake. nobody would stick around for this shit.

>>4677650
Now at the mercy of our Mandalorian captors, we find ourselves in jail aboard their space-ship, naturally. Not content to simply let us die, the GM has kindly restored us to 1 hit-point, but we have other plans, naturally scouring the cell to find a way out.

Within moments, as if attuned to the smell of a twi'lek becoming conscious, burly Mandalorians drag my brother's nude twi'lek off to get raped. She does some mandatory ball-ripping-off, and then is conked out and presumably raped (thankfully off-screen).

Taking all this in stride, the rest of us chill out in jail, bummed out by the loss of our companion. We also secretly pine for the horror to end in a polite way, and unfortunately that was not destined to happen. In a stunning twist of events, a fireball blasts the bulkhead off the prison section and blasts the doors off all of the jail cells.

At this point, we are all arguing that we should be dead. We would love to be dead, in fact. The GM can only say, "Would you rather just be locked up and die?"

We reply, "Couldn't you just have things go differently?"

The answer, obviously, was no. So we enter the hall, and find that the rest of the prisoners have been cowed into staying in their cells somehow, even though they're all doorless and the guards are dead, thankfully leaving their rifles. In an effort to rectify the situation, hoping that the GM now understands that living things (even more, sentient things!) usually do things when affected adversely, I solicit the support of the rest of the prisoners. Again, I get a "WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" so we decide to dispense with the Clear Side and just go with the Murder Every Motherfucker We See Side, until some of them wise up and pick up the rest of the rifles, pointing them toward the enemy.

>>4677713
I was the only sane one in the group, and I guess there was something mesmerizing about how terrible it was. Like a train wreck or something. You can't look away despite knowing you should.

Actually, you know what? I do have a story about a horrible session. A crisis that I and my friends helped avert.

Now, some of you may realize that when I do bitch and moan about D&D, it's out of care. My first actual system was 3.5, without which I would not be where I am today. I am actually in a 3.5 game now, but this is not a story about my current game.

You see, I have a friend. Let's call him... Texas. He has this habit of being not so smart. For example: He plays WoW, but on and off. On and off as in he sells his damn account then buys a new one that's more expensive. suffice to say that his problem solving abilities are lacking.

So, Texas is still a friend. And so when he wanted me to be in his first ever D&D game, how could I say no? He said the game was to revolve around dragons. I fought my better judgment back with a particularly heavy and tranquilizer covered broom and thought "The idea's not original, but if he lives up to it, it will be pretty cool."

I played a kobold ninja, sworn to act for the good of all kobolds. Even if this meant murdering and tricking creatures better than them. In other words, LE. well, suffice to say I was too good at my job, and I ended up tricking two of the dragons we fought to their untimely deaths. He attacked us while we were sleeping, disregarding our scout's spot check, frying us with five young adult dragons while most of us slept. He tried to restart it, but my character would have none of it due to the kobold fluff of being reincarnated, etc.

Suffice to say it was a disaster of epic proportions. But it was nothing compared to his next campaign.

>>4677739
Oh, it is completely 100% true. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

>>4677585

>>4677752
Then either:
1. you lie to cover for your lie

or

2. you lack imagination and the DM and the rest of the group were trolling you and you didn't even realise it

There was a game I was invited to but I was too sick to go to. THANK GOD FOR THAT. My mate came back from that game swearing never to play with that guy as a GM ever again. He told me this guy gave his first level players magic items out the wazoo put them up against a bone golem thing and proceeded to use 3d6 for combat rolls instead of d20's in a 3.5 DnD game I lent him my books for this and I feel they have been sullied. I weeped for the first time in many years.

>>4677752

If this is, in fact, true then I want you to do something for me. I want you to go to your GM and fucking punch him in the face. Regardless of his reaction, I want you to give him the hardest kick to his goddamn balls you can. Once this is finished, I would like you to go to his gay lover, the one who played Celeborn and do the same. If you can do this for me, I will arrange to have between 1 and 50 Internets delivered to you. The amount will depend upon whether or not /tg/ can hear the impact of face and testicles being crushed by blunt force trauma.

>>4677744
..I think I would've killed my character, got up, and left.

>>4677742
Naturally, we avoid these badass level ?? Mandalorians, working our way to where we intuited our twi'lek companion was stashed. Also, the door-weakening explosion was the result of some sort of Jedi charity mission, and the Jedi were on board to distract the Mandalorians while we searched for our gear.

Finding our gear, we resolve to fuck this noise and exeunt to space. We get on board a shuttle and make way for the nearest Hutt smugglin' world, intent on making our way, any way we know how.

Again, unfortunately, that was just more than the law would allow.

>>4677818
We decide to use our shuttle to get smuggly with it, and pick up a job to smuggle three random crates out under the noses of the Hutts, who apparently didn't want this shit moving around without their careful supervision. We say whatever, and load the boxes onto our shuttle, and set sail for Unidentified Drop Zone. In the meantime, a Hutt battlecruiser (or something) notices that we have some "smuggled goods" on board, to which we reply that we just have a closet full of steamer trunks (that's how big this shit was), and we blow them off. We're smugglers now, for fuck's sake, we can dodge the not-Man if we want.

We arrive at the dust-off site, and find a big fucking ship. We let them tow us in, and find ourselves in a hangar, with some badasses asking for their shit. Being shrewd bargainers, we reveal one crate at the door and demand to see our money. They say, "No, you give us the crates, then you get the money."

The obvious response was "No, that's not how this works. We trade, and then you let us go." But naturally, they close the door and tell us that they're taking our crap, with no money. So we resolve to shoot our way out, and the shots ring around the whole ship. Being a passel of pissed-off former not-Sith, we decide to get all up in their faces, and start murdering our way to the bridge, only to find it sealed. We chop through the door with our light-sabers, and then find ourselves in an unoccupied bridge, and the self-destruct is armed.

Being an upright chap, one of our other players took computer-hacking, so he just turned the self-destruct off. We then surmised to commandeer the ship, to use for further smugglin' fun. But, when we returned to the shuttle, we found that our crates were inexplicably missing.

So, to conclude, being fully aware that our GM was just there to be a twat, we resolved to take our shuttle, and blow the ship up with the aforementioned self-destruct.

Needless to say, this guy doesn't game with us anymore.

>>4677750

So about a month or so later he wants to do another game. A plane-hopping campaign. He invited me and everyone from his former group to play.

Well, I get around to making my character about a day before, in my friend's room so we can hang out while we make our characters and help his roommate who was also playing and was new-ish to D&D.

We knew it was going to suck, because it was him. So my friend and I decide to use the opportunity to playtest some interesting builds. Especially since he gave us ridiculous stats (two 18's).

His build was the swift blade. A specialized prestige class built around haste. It's on the wizards site and is a pretty neat concept with a scary capstone ability: Haste cast from a 7th level spell slot can be turned into time stop. Other than that, fun gish type class.

His roommate played a old vow of poverty monk and I played the following: Silverbrow human Stalwart sorceror with 18 Con/Cha to start with, then draconic toughness and every one of my feats draconic, in addition to taking the draconic sorceror substitution levels.

Some other guy played a barbarian. I was a few hp short of his due to this bit of hilarious min/maxing. Straight sorceror. Only problem: I had nothing but ice spells so I was not really all that good.

I want to believe most of the stuff in this thread is true, but I just can't imagine games this shitty.

>>4677856
Sometimes I wish that I could've rolled to disbelieve.

Most of the time, it all happens so fast, you're not sure what to do.

Celeborn is awesome.

>>4676918
>>4677072
>>4676991
>>4677131

My DH group has a guy exactly like this.

A few sessions ago we are on some hiveworld trying to find an =][= informant who might have gone traitor. We find hi and convince him that we are information dealers and arange a meeting. he tells us to meet him tomorrow at an abandoned factory at noon the next day. We are to come alone with no weapons. Suspecting the worst we conceal some knives and pistols to be sure.

So we meet him and his goons, I use weapon jynx to disable all their guns and then all the group start talking to this guy and his goons explaing what I just did and why (we dont want to kill this guy if he turns out to be a loyal servant after all). Then THAT PLAYER with his van helsing-esque "holy mercenary" (for reals), who has'nt said or done nothing the whole game (because we haven't shot anything yet) pulls out a crossbow and shoots the dude in the leg, while we are all talking and trying to convince him to let my char mindscan him.

Fucking retard.

He complains all the time as well that he never gets to do anything because of my psyker being better at extracting information

"huurr I never get to do anything you just mindscan them"

"Fine the next guy you can interogate them"

30 secs later he realises he needs to actually roleplay

"Durr fuck you guys you never help me I have to do everything by my self why don't you just mind scan him its easier . . ."

Fucking faggot.

>>4676824

I do voices every now and again usually for gags, but sometimes for RP.

I don't expect other people to do it though, and I will stop if it starts to get stupid (south african scummers, American indian psykers, and russian tech priests spring to mind)

>>4677911

Russian tech priests are fucking awesome.

>>4677911 American indian psykers
ಠ_ಠ

>>4677911
>russian tech priests

Nuclear wessels?

>>4677936

... from Wulcan?

>>4677924

He's a telepath so it kinda makes sense in a shamanistic way. All spirit walks/journeys and animal spirits talking to him and shit. It does get very stupid very quickly though. Especially when he gambles.

>>4677936

That pretty much sums it up, may as well be Tech Magos Chekov.

>>4677953
>shamanistic
>spirit walks/journeys and animal spirits

This is why native americans fucking hate white people. It's not the whole "stole our land" thing, no that's pretty played out. It's this shit.

Needs moar Celeborn.

>>4677969

The fact that when Native American, a term to refer to all of the tribes present on the American continents before European colonization, is used in conjunction with the concept of shamanism and other animist tribal religions that pertained to many, though not all, of the tribes, is taken to mean that the person is explicitly stating that all Native American tribes everywhere had such customs even when that's not stated at all?

>>4677978
Tell you what, head down to the Denny's on Central during the big powwow in Albuquerque and try and engage some Navajos in this line of discussion. I'll bring my video camera.

I'm so glad my group is a good one. The only problems we've had were with one of the players... He was a decent roleplayer, but he constantly min-maxed every fucking character, and skubbed about pointless shit with the DM and one of our other PC's.

Needless to say, nothing of value was lost when he disappeared into his basement to play RPG's on the internet.

>>4678003

What, and get some crazy voodoo mambo on my ass? No thanks.

>>4678009
If by "crazy voodoo mambo" you mean "malt liquor bottle busted upside my head", then yes.

>>4678025

No, I mean some old wrinkly fucker hopped up on peyodine trying to channel several totems in tangent into my body so I turn into a zombi and get forced to perform menial labor for the rest of my days making pottery and cleaning the adobe huts they keep on the sides of cliffs.

>>4677969

Hey man I've watched The Lone Ranger, I totally know how indjuns work.

>>4677969

I saw Pocahontas, don't worry. I'm an expert in this field of study.

>>4678046
I am intently wishing to do you grevious bodily harm via HTTP at the moment.

>>4678056

You could see some Eskimo witch-doctor about that, I'm sure. Just remember to bring a virgin for them to sacrifice.

>>4678056

You brought the rage upon yourself, dude.

CELEBORN!

FUCK YEAH!

COMIN' TO SAVE THE MOTHERFUCKING DAY, YEAH!

CELEBORN!

FUCK YEAH!

KILLING IS THE ONLY WAY, YEAH!

EVIL CULTS, YOUR TIME IS THROUGH!

CAUSE NOW YOU HAVE TO ANSWER TO...

CELEBORN!

FUCK YEAH!

So, DnD 3.5 Campaign, your pretty standard Fantasy fair, a town is under siege by demons, and the adventurers get to try and clear it out.

I roll up a monk, because the DM made it abundantly clear that "broken characters die fast." in his campaigns... So, well, Monk. My friends decide to play a Ranger, Rogue, Fighter, and a Bard. We all get introduced as people wandering into the city after it'd been taken over by generic demon army.

So I'm trying to cross a river in the city, over a bridge. This is, you'd think, a pretty simple thing. But since the bridge has been so damaged from all the fighting, it collapses under me; the DM says I have to make a jump check or die.

Now, I'm level 6, and thinking "Well, I've got five ranks in jump." I make a jump check to get clear. I roll a 15, and fail, falling into the water.

No, that isn't a typo.

I fall into the water, and think to myself "This is pretty Gygaxian." but decide that, well, there're worse ways to die, I suppose.

The DMPC grabs me and hauls me out of the water. This is the start of a lengthy string of events. See if you can see the theme.

>>4678318
So, the party meets up after everyone finds their way into the city in one manner or another. We all get together and meet up with the DMPC in the church, where they explain the plot to us.

Something about the king having to find a way to kill the demon in charge of this army; we have to go get some... generic artifact, from a tomb.

We go in, and the first thing we run into is a locked door: Cool, we have a Rogue to deal with it. So the player has her stand there, in front of the door, stupidly, for about five minutes, before she realizes that she's supposed to be doing something.

>>4678327
She begins unlocking the door, and then the player gets distracted with her DS and just stops. Thinking that this must mean the door is open (The player hadn't indicated that it wasn't done.) I walk forward and try to open it.

Uh oh! Time for a reflex save!

I pass.

Uh oh! Time for three more reflex saves!

I pass all but the second to last one, and get gassed after dodging whirling blades and flamethrowers in the ceiling. The DM makes a point of saying that I was lucky to pass the last one, because the floor opened up into a pit of spikes right underneath me.

My 2 health and I thank him, and then lay down on the floor while the Rogue berates me for nearly getting myself killed.

>>4678333
We continue further in, and find a magical sword and tons of plot exposition, because some ghosts want to talk to us about how the demon is the king's brother, or something to that effect.

So we bring the sword back to the church, and the king shows up, saying how happy he is that we helped, and taking the thing from us.

At around this point a Cleric joins the party, and the DMPC decides to follow along with us, because we apparently can't be trusted to do anything for ourselves.

We get to go to an abandoned church on the other side of the city, oh boy! We head over, and the place is filled with treasure chests. Thinking "Finally, loot!" we have the rogue open the first chest.

Turns out it was trapped, so she gets a face full of acid, and takes six damage.

The fighter decides to go next and opens the next chest; with his greatsword, from what he assumes is a safe distance away. Crazy ghost lady comes screaming out of the box and brings him down to one health.

The fighter then notes the inconsistency, but we move on, because we don't want to make this a big deal, and the Cleric can heal them anyway.

>>4678339
It turns out that one of the chests actually has money in it. Uh oh. The Rogue wants to take it all, and the Ranger points out that this is basically stealing from priests, which is sort of a no no. The rogue gives him the finger and starts pocketing the stuff, and the fighter, a bit spooked from crazy screaming ghost lady, decides that he wants to be religious and tries to stop her.

Long story short, this results in the bard getting killed.

...Hey, I said it was a long story.

I stop the whole thing by offering up my money for the rogue to have, we all nod and continue on, encountering a crazy witch lady wizard person deeper inside. She gets a surprise round on us because, well, she was waiting for us, or something, and hucks a fireball at the group, killing the fighter and bringing everyone else down to between five and ten health.

Then half a dozen demons jump us.

The ranger and I eventually kill them, but that leaves the crazy witch lady, who throws me against a wall with her bare hands and impales the ranger with her foot.

.

>>4678347
The DMPC, who had taken no damage from the fireball, and the rogue, who was just sort of ignored throughout the whole fight, kill her pretty effortlessly.

I'm still alive, and so's the ranger, but just barely. The Cleric only really has one spell left for healing, and the rogue insists that she's closer to death than either of us, so she gets healed.

The DMPC berates the Ranger and I about our lack of foresight.

I'm beginning to dislike half of our group.

A new bard joins the party, and the guy who played the fighter comes back with a druid.

The druid gets jumped as he's coming into the city and dies five minutes in.

The player makes a barbarian.

On our way back to the church with absolutely nothing to show for our efforts, we get attacked by demons on a bridge.

The ranger dies, cut in half, and I get knocked out. Girl Rogue runs away, because she doesn't want any part of this, and the DMPC kills five or six demons before the cleric even gets a turn. The barbarian goes crazy and kills... One demon, before his arm gets lopped off at the elbow in the demon's death throes.

My monk wakes up to the other players just dumping the ranger's remains into the river.

>>4678350
The guy who played the bard decides to make a Rogue, who shows up several in-game days later, after we've all recovered, and decides that his first act of business to try and get into the group is rob the monk.

...Uh.

So he ends up copping a feel, because the monk has nothing on them, and I punch him in the face, because, well, c'mon. The rogue tumbles behind me, and the player argues that he gets a sneak attack with his sap on my character because I can't see them right then and there.

The DM blinks, genuinely confused, and the dead ranger's player, who's in the middle of making a paladin, argues that, no, that's stupid.

So I get hit on the back of the head with a sap, and turn around, punching the guy in the face again. At this point the rogue realizes that he might want to just cut and run, and runs out the nearest window.

Where he promptly runs into the other rogue. Girl Rogue, upon having a crazy man come through a window at her, screams and runs for the docks.

I chase the guy, because he's a rude asshole, and eventually catch him, punching the guy repeatedly in the kidneys; I emphasize that I want the bastard pissing blood for a week.

The Paladin shows up and has to drag me off of him, and Girl Rogue shows back up because she magically knew the fight was over, or something.

The new rogue's player decides that this is bullshit and has his character run off the pier and drown, then rolls up another bard. The DMPC, not having anyone else to yell at, berates my monk for all of the collateral damage.

Then the bard leaves or something, and the player rolls up a wizard; that's right, folks, he just went through three characters in one session.

>>4678356
So, the big fight comes around, and we go after the BBEG, which consists of us and the king running into the throne room, and then almost all of the players immediately falling into the spiked pit trap while the king, the DMPC, and girl rogue leap effortlessly over it to fight the demon guy.

The rest of us... eventually, climb our way out, and it turns out the king has fucking Ghal Maraz or something, because he hits this demon with a hammer (not the magical demon killing sword, no, but a hammer.) which causes earthquakes or something.

The one-armed barbarian wishes that he had something better than a long sword, the cleric wishes he had something other than a mace, and the rest of us just feel generally inadequate.

But wait, I have PHB2, so I took a feat that lets me do an additional d6 fire damage with my punches for a turn if I expend a stunning fist use. This... Might be useful!

The DM gives me a look as I explain I have this ability, and the demon gets pissed off when a monk hits him with a burning fist, and immediately backhands me through a window and out into the river.

...In the middle of my attacks, but whatever.

>>4678359
By the time I get back int he King's already nearly finished this guy off. With the hammer he's had all along. ...Makes me wonder why he didn't do this to begin with, but hey, cool, I'm right behind the demon, that means that I get to hit him again, maybe even finish my earlier attack round.

I try to do my flaming fist thing, but it turns out that doesn't work, because I'm drenched in water. So I just kick him in the back of the head.

Did I mention that Girl Rogue spent most of this fight hiding in a corner, while the player was on her DS? No? Well she was, and when they come to her turn, she just dismissively states that she's going to continue hiding. Eventually we get fed up and tell her to do something, so she stabs the demon in the back, which wrong-foots him long enough for the king to ram his magical demon killing sword, which kills demons in one hit, through the guy's heart.

So what was all that with the hammer? Well, I guess he was just showing off.

So, big parade is thrown, the king and the DMPC are hailed as huge heroes, and everyone's celebrating and chanting their names. The party gets berated by the city guard captain for letting the king get hurt.

...Hrurgh.

>>4678362
We're then told to go investigate some stuff going on in some kingdom to the south. So we go, and there's some hubbub over there needing to be a new king and voting and politics. Some of the other players seem genuinely interested, but I know already that it's going to resolve itself in whatever way the DM wants no matter what we do, so I jump at the chance for us to go investigate people disappearing in the nearby forest.

So we go into the forest, and find a cave. Something flies overhead, and I decide to go investigate; the barbarian and the wizard come with me, and everyone else heads into the cave.

So I'm wandering around the forest with the barbarian and the wizard, and the wizard sends his owl familiar up over the trees to investigate.

It gets eaten by a black dragon.

"Wow," I think. "Sucks to be that wizard." Before getting swatted aside by the dragon as it lands.

The barbarian frenzies and rushes the dragon, who stomps him into the ground, leaving a man-shaped crater in the ground. Barbarian just got one-shotted. Hooo boy.

The wizard's got one turn before the dragon eats him so hard that his distant relatives wake up with bite marks, so whatever his next spell is, it's gotta count.

He throws melf's acid arrow at the black dragon.

The player then complains that he honestly didn't know that black dragons were immune to acid. The dragon eats his upper body.

My monk is the only survivor, and the dragon pins me to the ground.

I roll for diplomacy.

Natural 20.

The dragon agrees to let me talk for a while.

A pair of ninja women show up in the clearing and slice the black dragon into bloody chunks.

"Wow," I think to myself. "Sucks to be that dragon." Before I pass out from having black dragon chunks bury me alive.

>>4678372
I wake up in some cottage, tended to by a pair of women; I immediately become suspicious and try to leave, and the ninja women knock me out, because they move faster than I can see, evidently.

I wake up in some cottage, and the party is there, with the two women. I immediately become suspicious, and sit up, very slowly.

They explain that the group got attacked by iron golems in the cave, but that the DMPC killed them all with his rapiers, so it's all cool. I then get berated by the ninja women for irresponsibly letting my two friends die.

Barbarian and Wizard both mutter something, while the wizard's player brings back his bard, and the barbarian just stops showing up to the games.

Damn, I wish I was that smart.

So, we get back to the city, where the new king gets elected by the council, because... democracy, or something, I don't know. Demons attack, lead by the big demon from before, and the first king shows back up with his hammer and goes to town on the guy while we all watch. The DMPC dies, because the demon impaled him on his big flaming sword, and this was supposed to be all dramatic and stuff.

The king then killed the demon and berated my monk for going through the DMPC's stuff.

The best part was the DM letting me see that the guy had a pair of +5 rapiers, and then immediately having them confiscated by the king, just to show off how badass this DMPC was.

>>4678378
The king has us go north, then, to deal with riots in generic russian kingdom. Girl Rogue gets a +6 dagger that does x10 damage on sneak attacks, and otherwise always does maximum damage from the front. The rest of us are still stuck with mundane equipment, but nobody complains because it's obvious that the player is sleeping with the DM.

At this point the DM pulls me aside and explains that he thinks my Monk is just really, really broken, and that he's trying to give me fair warning and say that if I don't get rid of them, he's going to have them killed off.

I retire the monk and roll up a sorcerer, as a big "Fuck you" I give her Arcane Thesis: Fireball, because at this point we're all level 9, and I'm feeling like being a bastard.

So, we pass through orc country on the way to Generic Russian Ki-The paladin gets killed by goblins.

>>4678382
Wow. Uh, okay, let me explain. The DM had us attack a goblin war camp because they were a problem, and the Orc king said he wouldn't let us through unless we did it.

Well, so we rush in, and I'm standing on top of a cliff top hurling fireballs downwards, while everyone else mops up what I leave behind.

That was the plan, anyway. What actually happens is it turns out I'm out of range, because when shooting straight down, the fireball just randomly disappears the second it hits its maximum range. Which leaves me able to hit the goblins haman on his giant spider, except his necklace negates my spells.

The shaman shoots a gigantic green fist at me and throws me off the ledge and into the camp far below.

I land on his giant spider, and the two of us start wrestling. I'm losing, because goblins have superhuman strength, and my strength is a lowly 14.

The paladin dies, because the goblins have +17 to hit (He rolled a d20, got a five, and still penetrated the Paladin's AC of 22.) and my sorcerer gets trapped in a flaming tarp. The rest of the party are about to die when the Orc riders show up and cut down all the goblins in one mighty huge charge.

Try having an orc berate you while cutting you out of a burning sack. Now try not to develop any self esteem issues.

I take the goblin shaman's necklace, because I want the damned thing. I put it on and...

...It shuts down all of my spells.

...O...kay. I take it off.

>>4678389
We head up north, and it turns out that generic russian kingdom has a rioter problem. So since it's tangentially related, we check out some ruins that might be the source of... something, I honestly don't know.

We get attacked by a lich, who nearly kills our cleric, and accidentally set off some kind of mega spell that pours magic into the world at an alarming rate.

We get berated by russians, and head back to the starting point in the game to get berated by the king.

The king's been assassinated while we were gone.

Hooray! No beratings!

His court magician berates us for letting him die while we were gone and she was there.

...

So we get sent after the assassin, who we track down to a boat on the ocean, at this point Girl rogue breaks up with the DM, so the assassin pulls out both her eyes.

I set fire to the whole ship, because the assassin has an AC well into the 40s and has a pair of +5 keen vorpal katanas which grant him DR20/DMPC. He kills off everyone in the party except myself and the new DMPC, who is the person that eventually killed him.

We get back into the city and I get yelled at by the court magician for not knowing that the assassin would kill all of my friends.

>>4678394
So it turns out a huge invasion is happening, because a neighboring kingdom wants this kingdom's stuff. The pair of Ninja ladies show up and turn out to be next in line for the kingdom's throne. The only problem is that they're vampires, and also daywalkers. (...Nnnrrgh...) So we get the resident paladin doing his "Lol I'm lawful good, which means I'm lawful stupid." Speech, countered by the court magician's "lol I'm lawful Evil, which means I'm Lawful Righteous Genius and also very obviously a vehicle for the DM's gigantic hard on for the nineties." speech, which leaves the paladin momentarily stunned. But because he's lawful good and therefore has the IQ of puke, he does the intelligent thing and attacks the vampires, who move like the flash and cut him into pieces.

...Most of the party is hovering around Neutral Good or chaotic good. We're starting to see a bit of a problem here, even though the DM keeps claiming that all of his DMPCs are also at least Neutral Good.

...Well, so the other kingdom's army invades, and fuck yeah, helms deep fight!

...Except no, we're nobody important, so we stand behind the walls and fight anyone who comes in. I decide to die with my middle finger raised high, and fly over the battlefield at the enemy commander.

The enemy commander turns out to be a level 20 wizard.

>>4678399
Now let me explain what happens next in some detail: Whenever this guy wants to cast a spell, it just goes off. Whenever I want to cast a spell, I have to make a following checks: A caster level check, where I have to roll over my caster level, followed by a wisdom check, where I have to add my wisdom bonus to a d20 and roll over 20. (My wisdom is 12.), I then make an opposed caster level check with this wizard (I'm level 10.), and finally, the DM flips a coin to see if my spell goes off.

...So rather obviously, my fireball fizzles and my fly spell just shuts down as I approach him, and I fall to the ground. He then takes my sword off my body as I'm getting up and stabs me repeatedly in the chest, which brings me down to -2 health, before tangling me in magical webs of raping, or something.

The DMPC and the rest of the (new) party show up, and one of them cuts me out of the rape webs while a cleric heals me.

I decide to rush the wizard with a rock, and wang him right in the head. He grabs and electrocutes me, because he can do that, and then...

...Oh god.

>>4678408
And then a bunch of black armored knights show up, who all attack by leaping hundreds of feet into the air and then falling on their enemies with their lances, killing them. The leader shows up with a golden hammer, jumps so high he's momentarily blocked out by the light of the sun, and then lands on the wizard, crushing his head.

I pass out, because that's my thing.

I wake up to find out that the black knight who saved my life was none other than the king we thought had been killed. Who just faked his death to escape assassination.

My friends all died for nothing! Hooray!

It turns out he went up to the mountains and was showered with magic, which turned him into a super mega god man.

Him and all his friends, too! And the DM pointed out that this meant that they all got into epic levels!

Meanwhile, we're all level 10, and we still only have mundane equipment.

I stand up, and walk out the front door of the house.

I've never played with that group since.

We've got a 40k player in our group who is usually a liability to whatever team he is on. One of the funny quirks that he has is mispronouncing fairly simple 40k terms. His doesn't have a dreadnaught, but a dreadernaught. No multi-meltas, but multi-maytahs and LAYguns instead of lasguns. It's strange, because he doesn't really mispronounce non-40k terms. We've taken it a step further and use words like duddahnuts when talking to him about dreadnaughts, etc.

>>4678416

Please tell me you're making this up.

I DONT HABEEB IT

I tried a new group a few months back, and the ST decided to make the V:tM game based on Bloodlines. At first we thought it'd be cool, "there's an established setting and NPCs, let's see what else we can pull out of that story since we're a full-fledged coterie." Then he revealed the DMPC, who was a 6th generation Toreador based on the character HE used when he played the game.

>>4678318
>>4678327
>>4678333
>>4678339
>>4678347
>>4678350
>>4678356
>>4678359
>>4678362
>>4678372
>>4678378
>>4678382
>>4678389
>>4678394
>>4678399
>>4678408
>>4678416
>>4678485

that was a fun read, even if it was all/mostly crap

>>4678318
>>4678327
>>4678333
>>4678339
>>4678347
>>4678350
>>4678356
>>4678359
>>4678362
>>4678372
>>4678378
>>4678382
>>4678389
>>4678394
>>4678399
>>4678408
>>4678416

>>4678382
>At this point the DM pulls me aside and explains that he thinks my Monk is just really, really broken, and that he's trying to give me fair warning and say that if I don't get rid of them, he's going to have them killed off.

That's a shame. That monk was the only character that hadn't died throughout the whole campaign to that point.

...That has to be why he was "broken".

I wish I could be in a game this bad. All the shitty games I experience are just boring. These are fantastic. Absolute masterpieces of DM wish fulfillment, monuments to railroading and shitty characterization, miracles of rules ignorance and favoritism.

I envy you all.

>>4678416

>>And then a bunch of black armored knights show up, who all attack by leaping hundreds of feet into the air and then falling on their enemies with their lances, killing them.

You're fucking kidding.

>>4677469
I demand graphic Celebonr/Eowyn sex.

This thread.

>>4676668

I had a terrible player who bullied another player into agreeing with him.

I was running a session that took place in our home town, overrun by zombies and Cthulhu Mythos stuff. Azathoth was just fucking with people and the military was certain the party had been compromised... because the party kept doing weird, out of character shit. Like walking away without saying anything because the enemy can read minds... but the military can't, so how does walking towards the mind reading enemy make any sense.

...the enemy could not read minds, the game was heavily video game inspired, the bad player took his cue to pull his plans direct from these video games and then wondered how the hell I always saw it coming. Idiot.

Anyway, at one point they are going to get the Necronomicon from the library. They fight their way to the library, and get to the front doors. Next week we encounter the library...

..."Ok, so we got the book out of the library, and we are headed back to base..." ...uhm, no, we ended the session with you outside of the library. "Right, after we got the book." Now, the book was not in the fucking library, which is what made the whole thing stupid. In the library was a clue to the guy that borrowed the book and started this whole shit. I don't mention this. I just insist that they never went in the library, while the insist that they did. And they assure me that whatever I had planned for them to encounter inside the library, they can just as easily encounter it outside book in hand... except the fucking book was not in the fucking library.

...guess what, there is no more story after that. I threw a HUGE shit fit and destroyed some of their property. Yes, that is right. The story ends there, I did break something, and I fucking left. /tg/, do it, it feels SO GOOD!

I played one session of a V:tM game in which it was obvious that the DM's vampire was his own personal masturbation fantasy, so nothing too exciting there.

I am with a DM now, despite all his goodness, he gives trickle amounts of experience points and resources. An example comes to mind where we were fighting a basilisk which we were not high enough to do. After winning the initiative, my fighter charges head first in and got an extraordinarily double-20 attack roll in the first round of combat, dealing enough critical damage with his greatsword that he ended up slaying the beast in one swing.

I got 50xp because "it wasn't a challenge." The rest of the party got nothing because they didn't have a chance to do anything.

This is pretty standard. If you don't physically do anything, you get no experience, and I can't recall the last time i've been awarded roleplaying experience. It's all combat xp. As you can imagine, the scaling of the adventure gets steadily more difficult, while we spend an insufferable amount of time at the same level. If your character dies, you can make a new one, but house rule is he/she starts off 2 levels lower than the highest in the group.

We're playing DH with him as the DM, and i'm thankful the rules state that you get experience per hour of gameplay, otherwise the slaanesh rape train would have left the station with us aboard long ago.

>>4679341
>slaanesh rape train
Urge, to convert, rising!
But no, I dont really have any bad GM/Player stories, although I think one of my players in my DnD group is trying to play the Stranger from Oddworld, which is actually fuckwin in my book. The only thing that could be considered bad is when I joined a group in progress a few years ago they made me toss a coin for gender, so I ended up playing a female half orc barbarian, luls were had when, while escaping a villains hideout I (still raging from the boss battle) made a wrong turn and ran into a guard patrol, I used what little wits I had about me to scream out "ME CLEANING CREW" then turn around, haul ass and jump out a window, tie myself to my horse, then promptly pass out from fatigue and be dragged back to town while unconscious. It was a funny campaign overall.

>>4676668

Reminds me of the time I played in an all-sororitas game. I was a novice along with another, under a celestian and accompanied by a seraphim, a hospitaller, and an assassin. We were hunting a Champion of Slaanesh who had, unknown to us, subverted the entire planet's administration and then corrupted the assassin. What can I say? Bad end for all of us.

Two things, first, holy crap, this thread still exists, and second, I don't know whether to wish I had a similar story to share or not. It's been like watching a trainwreck and waking up to find it not only still wrecked but a couple more trains also wrecked into the original site.

Why can't these sorts of things happen to me /tg/?

It almost seems unfair...

>>4681583
There's only one solution, my good sir.

You must become the shitty player!

>>4681639
And then anonymous was a Celeborn.

>>4677109
I see what you did there.

I have to admit, /tg/ version of Kyle Dark would be hilarious

I've told my story before, and while it isn't deputy-shooting, Celeborn-sexing, or monk-lol'ing, it's a shitty player bit.

DM's girlfriend. Oh GOD, how I hate her. Where she came from, I don't know, but one day, we all show up to his apartment for our weekly session, and there she is. She's quiet, just drawing in the corner, clearly weeaboo, and generally not the "roleplaying" person.

But, come next session, there she is again, with character sheet in hand, some drawings of her character, and she's ready to jump in. No problem, even though we're about a month into the campaign, we've had a 2 players vanish, so we're down to a 4-man party. She wants to be a Druid, we have no healer. "Sure, why not?"

Her character is a halfling Druid. Ok. Her animal form looks like a tattoo'd griffin with no wings. It's classified as a cat. Ok...sure. Her alignment is Chaotic Neutral, and she worships the Raven Queen.

So we're coming up on this temple, on the heels of a Necromancer, who was spotted here raising dead Paladins. I spot some strange tracks, and being a Ranger, I investigate. Come to a dead end, about to turn around and leave, when some rocks fall. My Ranger pulls his bow and aims an arrow at the source of the noise. I see the...cat...thing...just sitting there, looking like it's sleeping. So I let it be, and as I'm walking away, it tries to follow us. So I aim my bow at it again, and tell the Warlord "Yo. We've got this animal-thing following us. Should I shoot it?"

It keeps following us about 20 paces behind for like, 5 minutes. And by this, I literally mean we say we're walking back to the temple entrance, and she just says "I follow them." Everyone in the room is facepalming, trying to give her every possible hint that maybe no one's paying attention, because sane people don't talk to animals. After 10 minutes of this, she gets the sense to transform into her real form and actually talk to us.

Now the REAL fun part starts.

>>4681962
Weeeee, backstory time! She's a servant of the Raven Queen, the goddess of Death, who sent her here to stop the unnatural magic messing with the cycle of death. Ok, whatever, I can buy it. We ask her if she wants to help us check the Temple, an extra sword is always useful. She reluctantly agrees. And I do mean that literally. She was half expecting to be able to go off and do it on her own.

So we go in, we do our thing, we're killing zombies and skeletons, it's all good. She pipes up every so often to say "I don't even know why I'm helping you." when things go sour, which will later become her catchphrase.

Session ends after she prevents some epic shit from happening (Necromancer + 500 zombies at the front door, and they want to fight).

Next 2 sessions I end up missing, but suffice to say 5 sessions after the Temple, she's gone. In that time she never spoke to a single NPC, never actually roleplayed anything other than "I follow him.", and never really learned how to use more than basic attacks in combat.

/tg/ decided that I should kick her off the airship we ended a session on. Luckily, she was gone before I got the chance.

I get the feeling that combining all these stories into one gigantic rage inducing Mary Sue would create a weapon of mass destruction.

Kyle Celeborn, the Inquisitorial Gunslinging Monk. He'll come crashing through a window, shoot you with his lightning revolvers and have an awkward sex scene. Then he'll get scolded for no apparent reason.

We had a giant weeaboo new player, which was funny because he's Japanese (American-born like 5th gen, but still).

We sat down and talked to him, explained the different settings and themes. No problems ensued. He's a pretty good roleplayer aside from his love for one-liners.

THE HORROR.

>>4682012
>Then he'll get scolded for no apparent reason.

He'll get scolded for letting a cat die several planets away, and then he'll get tied up and dragged off by leather-wearing princesses wielding whips and strapon dildos.

>>4682027
Even better.

>>4682026
But one-liners are awesome!

>>4682148

Armor is useless against the power of a pun.

>>4682148
>>4682172
Not when you're using them every 4 or so enemies.

He's since cut down a lot and is overall a very solid RPer.

>>4682172

May you be consumed by the heat of a thousand puns!

>>4677742

> Star Wars
> Rape

Methinks I was watching the wrong movies.

I've blocked out the most of the worst campaign I played, but let's see if i can remember it.

Post-apocalyptic game, homebrew system and world. Players were shown NOTHING when making characters, we basically had to drag and ask about anything we wanted to know.
"what races are there?" "well, there's humans, elves, mutants, other humans"
"Is that all?" "No".
Character making was basically a shot in the dark, and most things were arbitrarily decided by the GM, There was even a Luck attribute, which was used frequently whenever there was a chance that the shit was going to hit the fan.

We started as a group of soon-to-be-dead scavengers, but after a series of EXTREMELY unbelievable events, five sessions later we had our own hovertank/bus/large vehicle. The rest of the world basically lived on iguana-on-a-stick and sand. Our vehicle carried about 8 DmNPC's, everyone of them had some sort of mystical power/superhuman senses/half-robots, carried weapons that did like five times the damage they were supposed to do (Apparently, one of the DmNPC's was just THAT GOOD at aiming. We were never able to get even a +1 damage on any weapon, even with maxed out weapon skill)

DM's friend had gone from a noone to some kind of group leader who knew things about the world instinctively, who behaved like she already knew the people we never had met before, gaining the ability to speak to machines and all kinds of crazy shit, not to mention roleplaying with the aforementioned NPC's for about an hour at a time.. while the rest of us just sat there.

>>4682315

Two more sessions, and the rest of the group were basically there to watch the DM roleplay with himself, having discussions between the evil NPC's (yeah, apparently there was a plot somewhere as well, even though the group was completely uninterested in going the way the DM wanted) and the good ones, and the player who apparently was crucial to the story, for some reason. I shit you not, it took about fifteen minutes for the DM's pet to decide what he wanted to eat at a restaurant... and the DM read out the menu.Then he went shopping for clothes.

Restaurant? clothes? in a postapocalyptic world you say? Weird, i know. Apparently there was a technological/magical society around every corner, as long as the DM wanted you to find them. All of them ruled by some kind of guy with extreme powers(which we had no possibility to gain)

Anyways, so we decided after a while, we didn't like one of the factions, because he was apparently about ro "reboot" the world with his hax powers. So we went there, and fought him. Since we were basically useless, at least at these powerlevels, We got our asses handed to us. You know what the worst part is? He just let us go. Like "lol, nice try, come back when you're stronger".
And i just knew this shit was gonna continue and continue, so i basically jumped ship there and there.

Last i heard, the DM's pet had acquired a timetravelling airship, going around all the GM's different settings and basically making friends with all his self-inserts, and having babies with a few of them.

Sorry if i'm rambling, i'm trying to control myself when thinking about this. There were so many shitty things about this, i can't even remember half of them.

When I run a game I usually like to make weak or cowardly DMPC's who tag along with the party. They also only have npc class levels.

>>4682012
Don't know why, but reminds me the dude from Devil May cry...

Railroading DM who always plays the same two furfag DMPC's. Enough said.

these threads are fun :)

>>4682595
No, sir, you must go on. I guess I'll share mine.

I would run DnD and VtM alot, I was about 17-18. My girlfriend at the time played with us, and she always demanded to play the exact same character: A vampiric drow necromancer. Nevermind mind that my setting takes place above ground. On ships. I would have to convince her to play something else. And then this other guy, who is now dating her, would always say that I am 'abusing' her for making her play a level one character in a level one game. Oh, right, she wanted to be a Drow in VtM, too. FFFFFF. The other players were mostly quiet, so it was mainly just me and abuse guy doing all the talking, or this 15 year old kid who played with us, he often played dwarves with hooks for hands and STDs. Seriously. So, yeah, this dwarf would just go around and fucking cut people for no reason, the guy would follow my chick's character around, and she would do things like I TURN INTO A CAT. Because that would be the kawaii thing to do, and a druid ability. She was kind of a weeaboo, and is into Twilight these days. Go figure. The whole game would revolve around me trying to get them to not wander off and kill townspeople, and any time I would have an NPC walk to to them, or guards respond, the abuse guy would go CHOO CHOO. I hate him so much. I ended the session with them being burned at the stake. The hook hand dwarf tried to escape, but, he had hooks for hands. The end.

>>4682859
Oh yeah, in case you couldn't guess, I defnitely don't play with these people anymore.

I dunno, this guy had a DMPC that would just send us back in time and shit. He was in every game.

>The hook hand dwarf tried to escape, but, he had hooks for hands.

That's what got me, I lol'd.

>>4682895
He insisted on the hooks. It was his first time playing DnD, lol. He had no exposure to fantasy, either. I was thinking of making them enchanted or something, since, you know, fucker had no hands. Something to offset that fact. Like, he would pick up maps and try to read them, and end up ripping them up... He kept forgetting he had hook hands, so he then decided that the syphilis made him forget about it, so he would mention that he would itch his balls, only to rip a hole in his pants, or whatever. Right in the middle of random roleplaying and shit. I think that was the sole thing to redeem that shitfest.

So, this thread dies, but troll threads keep getting bumped? fuck this shit

Elijah wood?

>>4681634

>>4682957

Not if I got anything to say about it, been watching and posting in this since around 4:00 am PST; it is currently 4:04 PM PST, fuck the trolls threads, we have some awesome tales full of fail and funny.

>>4683083
fuck yar

Welp, this thread seems to be autosaging...

And now it has been archived for posterity. Or the lulz, I'm not particularly certain which.

>>4682477
I can tell from this alone that you are a great GM.

>>4677241
SWEET JESUS WHY WOULD YOU RETCON THAT?

It actually got retconned a couple times. By the time the Realm of Chaos hardcovers came out, it was a fight with no witnesses on the battlebarge and a single Imperial Fist terminator got wasted. Now, it's apparently Adeptus Custodes and there were a bunch of folk watching peacefully on both sides.

As a Blood Angel player circa 2nd edition, I can't argue too much with the RoC version, though I agree the original is pretty badass, in spite of the fact that Horus would have barely noticed the poor guy.

poopnuts