>Chastity
>American goddess

Next week we find out she's pregnant with Zeus's baby. She files for child support.

This is America we're talking about. Goddesses aren't allowed.

where is Hypocrisy?

Chastity?
Justice?
Humility?

Is this bizarro America?

Maybe failed gods.

Now Media, there's a God I can get behind.

Right-wing fringe goddesses, more likely.

I don't see Fast Food.

More seriously, some Just War.

CHASTITY WAS HERE

LIBERTY AND JUSTICE ARE LESBOS

>>4549636
jesus christ, Martha!
i thought you hated /tg/ beause it never gets shit done?
now you sage because w are being imaginative?

Alright, do the German Gods. Circa 1941. Do it faggot.

YOU'RE ALL VERY COOL NOW

>>4549660
99% of america is christian.
Consider what christians say they're supposed to be, peaceful, loving, kind, generous, happy people.

Then think about america.
Gee, those 1% of heathens are loud about their warmongering, hate, greed, and depression, aren't they?

Point: You can have a goddess of something you don't do yourself. In fact, saying one thing while doing another is the american way.

BTW the American justice system is one of the best in the world, second only to Sweden and maybe Canada. it's our prisons that need to get their shit together.

>Chastity

Why would the goddess of nature be named that? Chastity is about repression and the denial of nature.

Wow, I guess America really is pig disgusting.

>>4549693
DAS FUHRER
DAS KILLING ZE JEWS
DAS FUHRER AGAIN
DAS VOLKSVAGON
DAS FUHRER
DAS GUNZ
DAS KILLING ZE JEWS
DAS FUHRER

I know I didn't spell any of the words right in the above post, and I admit I have no idea what "DAS" means.

>>4549706

> 99% of america is christian

>American Gods
>All chicks
>Title should be goddesses, nutfucker

>>4549727
Fucking close enough.

This thread is starting the same way the last one ended, OP; with trite, self-loathing American apologists and holier-than-thou Euro- and Canada-fags.

What people don't seem to get is that the OP's pantheon is the personification of the set of ideals to which Americans aspire. We may often fall short, but they're always there, guiding us. Hopefully, in their pursuit, we better ourselves and the world around us - but failing to achieve those ideals is a part of the human condition, which is why they're the goddesses and we're the flawed mortals.

Destiny, goddess of creationism and religion, depicted as a robed scholar with a bible in one hand and a sword in the other.
Perversion, goddess of distorted beauty in nature, depicted as an Hooded figure wrapped in a white stola holding the new 50 cent album.
Media, goddess of exposure and temptation, depicted as an obnoxious, drunk bitch.
Capitalism, goddess of exploitation and mass-production, depicted as a foreign women wearing rags and bearing a needle.
Oil, goddess of war and peace, depicted in a Dollar bill, bearing an M4 and an American flag.
Privatization, goddess of the right wing and cameras, depicted as a tall, regal figure bearing a torch and trailing chains made of slogans.
Money, goddess of Money and Money, Money with a Money and Money a Money of Money.

>>4549706
99% is a blatant exaggeration.

>>4549706
what the fuck

>>4549741
There, I did it.

Sue me for making it more accurate.

>>4549724

I lol'ed a bit

>>4549742
I make no apologies

>>4549741
Foreigner detected.

Not the band.

>>4549762
I live in canada

We're in the same shit-boat as you.

>>4549767

HAHA! I WAS CORRECT!

...I forgot where I was going with this.

>>4549741
wow
spot on

>>4549739
The issue is that America either doesn't pursue these ideals, or, in doing so, it fucks up the world for everyone else. Probably a mixture of both.

>>4549724

Der. It's "der Fuehrer."

"Das" is either the definite neutral article ("the," basically, but only for gender-neutral nouns) or "that."

>>4549773
You were expecting me to go

"HURF DURF WE'RE AWESOMER THAN UUU"

No. We're all in the same hole. Throwing dirt at each other in it won't get us out.

>Consider what EVERYONE say they're supposed to be, peaceful, loving, kind, generous, happy people.

What countries are full up with these peaceful, loving, kind, generous, happy people, other than fringe utopias like Sweden?

I'm no christfag, but christians aren't the only ones shitting this place up.

>>4549767
The populace of any country that throws people in prison for speechcrime does not have the right to cast stones at us. Or if they insist, at least should do so in a halfway intelligent fashion

>>4549790

DIG UP STUPID

>>4549801
ALL OUR COUNTRIES SUCK ASS.

SOME MORE THAN OTHERS

THERE IS NO JOKE, BUT IF THERE WAS, IT WOULD BE THAT!

Why on Earth does America have a monopoly on Destiny, Chastity, Humility, Industry, Victory, Liberty and Justice? Even the most retarded FUCK YEAH AMURIKA fags must see that that's not only wrong, it's also offensive.

Also /tg/ - Random.

http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Gods_(Americana_setting)

I'm still proud of creating Presidism. Some of my better work, I think.

>>4549706
According to the United States Bureau of Statistics roughly 70% of the citizens of the United States identify with being Christian.

>>4549708
>Why would the goddess of nature be named that? Chastity is about repression and the denial of nature.
Chastity = purity = untainted in all its various contexts, not just sexually. It also fits the naming convention.

>>4549813
Well, Liberty isn't exactly a European value. Europeans don't have a concept of patriotism that doesn't involve fellating the all-powerful state.

>>4549799
No, you're right. all religions are bad.

Including Atheists who treat their belief like a religion.

>>4549833

Neither has America since 1865.

>>4549819
Which is a vast majority, 99% was obviously an exaggeration.

>>4549835
>>4549833
>>4549831
Slightly-better-than-/r9k/ mode?

>unblemished beauty in nature
>America
I lol'd

>>4549835
go back to /r9k/ you can masturbate over how much of a genius you are for saying "HURRR atheism is a relijun" too over there

>>4549833
Wow. I can only hope that one day you realise what a 'tard you are.

You need a slew of neutral/evil gods that exemplar America's negative side, too.

Because human nature is boring if it's all goody goody.

>>4549878

The Johnson to your Lincoln. The Hoover to your FDR. The Nixon to your Washington.

Bruce, god of manliness and beer drinking.
Venom-O, god of poisonous creatures.
Reptatron, god of giant lizards that can fuck your shit up.

>>4549871
I've never even been to /r9k/
And besides, are you denying that there are stupid militant atheists out there?
NEVER underestimate the limitations of human stupidity.

>>4549835 Including Atheists who treat their belief like a religion.

Calling atheism a religion is like calling bald a hair color or health a disease.

Fucking French don't even have a word for Liberty, amirite?

inb4 Communist God.

>>4549954
Marx, duh.

This thread had potential but it got ruined by senseless teenage political bickering.

I guess it's more important to be one of the cool kids than it is to draft up a set of pagan gods based on a classic, idealist America.

>>4549940
Who has presented to stupid Americuns "Freedom Statue" Lady Liberty and liberty too?

>>4549998
You had an idea. You posted it. We gave feedback.

What now?

HIGHLIGHT:
>Destiny, goddess of creationism and religion, depicted as a robed scholar with a bible in one hand and a sword in the other.
Perversion, goddess of distorted beauty in nature, depicted as an Hooded figure wrapped in a white stola holding the new 50 cent album.
Media, goddess of exposure and temptation, depicted as an obnoxious, drunk bitch.
Capitalism, goddess of exploitation and mass-production, depicted as a foreign women wearing rags and bearing a needle.
Oil, goddess of war and peace, depicted in a Dollar bill, bearing an M4 and an American flag.
Privatization, goddess of the right wing and cameras, depicted as a tall, regal figure bearing a torch and trailing chains made of slogans.
Money, goddess of Money and Money, Money with a Money and Money a Money of Money.

>DAS FUHRER
DAS KILLING ZE JEWS
DAS FUHRER AGAIN
DAS VOLKSVAGON
DAS FUHRER
DAS GUNZ
DAS KILLING ZE JEWS
DAS FUHRER

OP is missing Columbia as the ultimate form of all gods combined.

>>4550013
By your powers combined, I am Captain America!

>>4549998
>classic, idealist America.
This

Think of all that old-timey soviet propaganda you've seen. It was an ideal. The nation the propaganda described was glorious. It's kind of like that, only american.

>>4550042
THIS

American gods

Science, goddess of science, depicted as a half-cyborg blonde driving an M1A1 with a railgun over a church.
Uncle Sam, god of america, depicted as an old white man in a red, white, and blue suit.
Freedom, god of liberty and freedom, depicted as a GI sitting on a pile of dead arabs drinking a beer.

>>4550055
So these are less for AMERICA and more for Eagleland?

>>4550072
Science is also in a wheelchair.

>>4550081
Yes, if you want to put it that way

>>4550090
driving an M1A1 while in a wheelchair?

>>4550101
What was that? Steven Hawkins is driving a M1A1 in his wheelchair?

>>4550072
He's feeling kinda awkward. It's not as awesome as the throne of dead Nazis and Japofaschists, but it was old and staring to smell. No one cared about the one made out of dead Koreans and Chicoms, and quite frankly the one compiled out of 60 years of miscellaneous dead brown and yellow people was just embarrassing.

>>4550107
please no. please.

>>4550101
No M1A1. Just a wheelchair. It's a crapshoot.

The thing about the "American Ideal" is that it is, by its very nature, impossible to live up to. A bunch of really smart guys sat down and created the rubric for their perfect society; of course it's not going to work. But the thing is, we Americans still have that rubric and we really, truly believe in its ideals.

We're never going to achieve it. It's impossible. But we keep trying, and maybe one day we might come close. That's the American dream.

>>4550118
But I am Canadian.

>>4550113
i don't see the analogy/metaphor/whatever you mean.

>>4550118
Holy shit, somebody gets it.

Goddesses are easier to fap to than gods.

>>4549742
Not as much as you think.

>>4550129
Scientific literacy in America is garbage. Science is hated by much of the population. The American god(dess) of science should reflect the relevance of science to Americans.

>>4550172
>Scientific literacy in America is garbage. Science is hated by much of the population.
really? you are assuming those people will be allowed to live, aren't you?

>>4550172
which is a crippled old guy on a wheelchair with a synthesized monotone voice.

>>4550182
I'd be up for killing at least half of the population.

>>4550214
anyone over 18 who can't explain calculus is not qualified for citizenship. 16 in some places.

I like this idea:

Destiny, goddess of creationism and religion, depicted as a robed scholar with a bible in one hand and a sword in the other.

^Scholar? Hardly, Quite the opposite, she should be stepping on a scholar. pointing her sword down at him

Perversion, goddess of distorted beauty in nature, depicted as an Hooded figure wrapped in a white stola holding the new 50 cent album.

^Not even, Marylin Monroe with one hand pulling up the side of her dress and the other offering a pile of cocaine.

Media, goddess of exposure and temptation, depicted as an obnoxious, drunk bitch.

^The God of the media is Walter Cronkite, holding something to make you sad in one hand (orphan, kitten) and angry in the other (abuse against women, theft, whatever)

Capitalism, goddess of exploitation and mass-production, depicted as a foreign women wearing rags and bearing a needle.

^ Fair enough, though it would be better represented by a woman in a suit who's constantly selling more and more of herself to get ahead of the others, at any cost.

Oil, goddess of war and peace, depicted in a Dollar bill, bearing an M4 and an American flag.

^Pfft. Only if she's British.

Privatization, goddess of the right wing and cameras, depicted as a tall, regal figure bearing a torch and trailing chains made of slogans.

^... i got nothing.

Money, goddess of Money and Money, Money with a Money and Money a Money of Money.

Moneys the offerings we give, the sacrifice we lay to the rest, because we always need more.

>>4550227
Calculus is the math of change.

DO IZ CITIZEN GET!?

>>4550110
Yeah man, because only the killing of civilized people should be celebrated. Go become an hero.

>>4550227

Fuck that. I arbitrarly ruined my academic career so I didn't have to learn calculus.

>>4550243
you. you will be one of the first to go. calculus is easy and you chose to save yourself the incredibly minimal effort. we do not want you in our country, defective.

>Industry, goddess of labor and dedication, depicted as a muscular woman in a simple chiton and bearing a hammer.

>>4550238
probationary, you are not eligible for the rights to liberty or the pursuit of happiness until you complete your education. you have indicated a desire to learn, which is useful.

I can do calculus, and then some. But I would want citizens to have knowledge in American politics, make them know all articles of the constitution.

ITT We learn Calculus is for assholes.
OTOH, their real-world examples mean you can usually solve it with the equations you learned in Physics.

>>4550306
i think we could have success by shooting anyone who can't find their home town on a map, that'd be about 50% or whatever that study found. then we can move on to useful political knowledge.

>>4550314
the term is elitists.

>>4550123
Right - we strive for Peace, Order and Good Governance, so we don't need to give a shit about the American ideal.

>>4550306

NEW CRITERIA FOR OPINIONS: I CAN DO CALCULUS

When a culture creates a pantheon, it's supposed to be wardens for what their culture sees of the world. You guys are making gods of what you see as defining characteristics of some idealized "American" or "America," but where's your sun/sky god? Your earth/water/ground god? Your electricity god?

What every religion needs -- and trust me on this even though I can't show you my diploma -- is a creation myth. Start from there, tell a mythic story of America's history, and the gods you need will precipitate out of these stories.

You want to really know where gods come from, read some James Fraiser.

>>4550432
>>When a culture creates a pantheon, it's supposed to be wardens for what their culture sees of the world.

Agreed, and the generic seven virtues OP proposed don't represent American quirks at all. They are generic ra-ra nationalistic crap.

The seven vices are much closer. Some of them (like Media) are close to done. The gods of the American pantheon should have two faces, representing the good and the bad of the system. Media for example should represent both truth and consumerism.

Some ideas are so broad they will probably need two gods to model one basic concept.

Violence for example. The cowboy/soldier/Jack Bauer figure uses violence to punish the wicked and protect the innocent. The klansman/Pinkerton/Jack Bauer figure uses violence to oppress the weak and thwart the people.

Or the foreigner. The good foreigner is Columbia's lost child, returning to their true home to raise a family. The bad foreigner is the scariest boogeyman in the pantheon.

Here's one guy's crack at it. Lots of duplication and pop culture, but a good start.

http://community-2.webtv.net/Ace-Detective/USAGODS/

>The cowboy/soldier/Jack Bauer figure
>The klansman/Pinkerton/Jack Bauer

Why did I laugh so hard?

ITT nihilists.

I wonder why Romans didnt have gods of "We suck and are imperialists oppressors that you should all hate" but the Americans ITT do

>>4551150
They did.

When by the name of Yahweh, or Jehovah, depending on your translation.

>>4551176
Not really. Jehovah was fine with knocking over pissant city-states, but backed down from real fights. The Phoenicians never had any trouble in the OT. In the New Testament he bends over backwards not to pick a fight with Rome.

Besides, he wasn't part of the second-hand pantheon the Romans got cheap from the Greeks.

>>4549741
>Media, goddess of exposure and temptation, depicted >as an obnoxious, drunk bitch.
Oh dear gourd, it's Lindsey Lohan. O WAIT, NEVERMIND, YOU DIDN'T SAY COKEWHORING LESBIAN

I like that the OP's pantheon is one big lesbian orgy.

>>4552545
>>Lindsay Lohan

SILENCE! I KILL YOU!

After reading Lindsay Lohan's name, you have to re-read the post in Ahmed's voice.

>American Gods
>Destiny, goddess of science and progress

>American
>Destiny, science and progress

>America
>science and progress

>America
>science

lulz?

Where's TV? Racism? Violence?

You need some neutral and evil gods.

As an idealized list, OP's isn't too bad. However, chastity and humility both seem like traits Americans respect less than many other nationalities. I'd replace Chastity with Family, drop Humility, and maybe split Victory into separate goddesses of War and Peace.

>>4551367
And while I don't remember the Roman counterparts, the Greeks had a lot of the gods of suckage, some even symmetrical to other gods, like Athena/Ares - both gods of war, but one of Just Battle, and the other wanton violence.

If it's something they've experianced, there's probably a god for it.

>>4553532
>less than any other nationalities

fixt

>>4553532
Make War and Peace one god with a split personality.

inb4 this thread devolves in LOL AMERICA IS SATAN MAKE A MEDIA GODDESS LOLOLOL

>>4553542

Or just:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BewareTheNiceOnes

>>4553543
Media goddess.

EXCELLENT!

Sup.

>>4553552
>>4553542

Also, obviously she needs to have a fetish for guns.

>>4553562
AHHHMAZING BUUUK
But really. This is an awesome book :3

>>4553543
>inb4 this thread devolves in LOL AMERICA IS SATAN >MAKE A MEDIA GODDESS LOLOLOL
SOMEONE CLEARLY DIDN'T READ THE FUCKING THREAD.

>>4553562

Stupid cover for a fuckawesome book. Should've shown Wednesday being crazy awesome.

>>4553655
Nah. I liked the lightning cover, the book has a forlorn feel to it.

>>4550908
That's actually a pretty cool site.

>>4553562
GIANT MAN EATING VAGINAS.

Still a good book mind you.

The Swedish Pantheon:

Nobel, god of progress, science and reason. In recent years he has grown into the strongest among his peers, leading the small nation into a prosperity never seen before.

The Mask, god of privacy, secrets and deceptions. One of the oldest gods revered in the northlands, where the common attitude has long been "mind your own business". Has lost a lot of power to Nobel with the rise of the IT-age.

Hoar, god of winter and spring. Worshiped for protection against the long winters, and the coming of Winter. Legend is that he slumbers under the great mountains to protect his ice body against the warmth of summer. His powers have also diminished with radical climate changes in the later ages.

Mayflower, the gentle godess of fertility, summer and harvest. Hoar's hated sister whom have suffered much under his opression in the earlier ages. This has lead to low fertility rate, which has kept the country's population to a bare minimum.

The Aristocrat, once known as The King, is the god of diplomacy, neutrality and aristocracy. He was once the god of war and conquest, but after the ages has changed his ways.

>>4553811
Now that's a good start to a pantheon, unlike the OP's post there's a good variety of concepts there which shows some of the inbuilt conflicts between the forces that govern people's lives in sweden.

All OPs gods would be present in an american pantheon, there'd just be a helluva lot of other gods too. And his description's don't tell the whole story either, surely Liberty is at loggerheads with Victory and Industry who are constantly trying to gain more control over people. Destiny and Chastity/Humility must constantly fight too, progress is forever trampling over old values.

>>4553891
Also seriously here who the fuck would worship humility, her temples would be empty. She'd probably have a lot of them though as she's the kind of virtue people with moeny think that people without money should really aspire to.

>>4549813
Yeah! Like when the ancient greeks had a god of war, no other nation anywhere on earth was allowed to! Once you claim a god, anyone with a similar god can be hit with a LAWSUITE!

>>4553772
...tell me more.

>>4549706
>>99% of america is christian.

Actually, more like 60% identify themselves as Christian. This includes those folks who don't actually go to church, or read the bible regularly, but still believe in God of Abraham and Jesus as his avatar and their personal savior.

I think the real question is: who fucking cares?

Or we could be like the Greeks, not demand that our gods be perfect, and accept that they do dickish shit all the time. They're gods, for crying out loud. Humans standards of morality and justice do not apply to the divine, just as the standards of behaviour that we hold children to do not apply to adults. All religion is the child emulating the adult, anyway, merely blown up to a cosmic scale, searching for an adult that may or may not be there, and may or may not care.

The gods can be seen as the ultimate bad parent.

American goddess of courage and military might. Not sure about a name.

>>4555044
Er...that's Horus.

>>4555044

It looks like something Slaanesh and Tzeentch would make if they were a couple.

>>4555044

I still like Victory as a name.

>>4555044
Valor.

>>4555044
Make it a dude.

And Victory is a good name.

Eagle headed man, Egypt style, with a sword and flag.

Or maybe sword and torch (freedom etc)

>>4555044
I wouldst name her Armament.

>>4555104
Eagle Arms.

Obesity, American goddess of food
Depicted as a huge maternal figure , grotesquely fat, usually supine on a couch or filthy matress

>>4555056
In effect, a furry.

>>4555044
Make it a very very very very scared God/Goddess. He/she will go through any length to cover up any mistakes.

Even messing with the God of Presidism.

>>4555123

No; it looks like a bird because of Tzeentch, (Does that make it furry because it is Chaos?) and it has genitalia and breasts from Slaanesh.

>>4555114
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU DO A CHUBBY FERTILITY GODDESS

Goddess of Nonsense. She is the one behind reptilians, antichrist terrorist arab Obama, Bigfoot, "Tau are the only good race in 40k" and the new date of Britney Spears, and pretty much every local legend around your city.

>>4555134
It has both human and animal characteristics. It's a furry. KILL IT WITH FIRE.

>>4555145

The fire is your penis.

Besides, humans are animals.

>>4555150

We are different, though. We are sentient, and that detail separates us from the rest of animals.

>>4555158
Pretty much the only thing that "elevates" humans is our ability to share abstract concepts. Basically, we think about thinking about shit.

>>4555176

It can be ad infinitum, if you let it.

Wow the trolls are fake raging about imagined furry, awesome. You guys are already much worse than the furries ever were.

OP is bleh, as are other posters. 'specially the liberals raging over the more religious elements (lol, not like the U.S is the most religious western country anyway).

I mean, wtf OP? Paganism in idealized American values? lol. Not even based on actual American ideals?

Manifest Destiny: Depicted as a cavalryman armed with a rifle and saber, riding on a horse.
Self-Reliance: A typical looking middle aged man with a toolbox.
Labor: A hardened worker that takes the appearance of many.
Liberty: Grizzled, aged veteran armed with his shotgun with a tattoo of the Bill of Rights on his right arm, and one of the Constitution on the other.

etc etc...but these aren't really deities.
Uncle Sam: Aggressive and blunt. Always ready for a war. He"ll preserve the Union and it's people at all costs.
Dixie: Has a higher emphasis on local liberty and tradition. Once got into a fight with Uncle Sam.
Lady Liberty: no description really needed.
etc etc.

>>4549932
>Calling atheism a religion is like calling bald a hair color or health a disease.
More like saying bald is a hair style and lack of sickness is a state of health.

Being an atheist, I can say some atheists treat their lack of beliefs the same christfags treat their religion. Remember, when you spout to a random christian that there's no god, it's the EXACT same as them rattling on to you about how there is one.

>>4555218
>>Wow the trolls are fake raging about imagined furry, awesome. You guys are already much worse than the furries ever were.

That's the influence of Conformia, the American goddess of pants-crapping fear and hysteria. Some think she's the evil twin sister of Resourceful Prairie Woman who quietly left civilized life to marry/civilize the Frontiersman and the frontier.

Conformia's other workings include the Salem Witch Trials, McCarthyism, Prohibition, idiotic airport security, the War on Drugs.... pretty much every annoying and stupid moral crusade. She's a perfect tool of Big Business and may be married to him creating an evil mirror of her sister's family.

>>4549706
Only, like, 60% of America is christian, and that number is slowly dropping, thankfully. With any luck, it'll be in the 40's by the time I get around to having kids so they can grow up in a positive environment.

In my opinion, here's what the list should look like.

Freedom
Courage
Ingenuity
Ruthlessness
Determination
Industry
Destiny
Victory
Justice
Deception
Bureaucracy
Cooperation
Diversity

I'm reminded of a sci-fi short story I read WAAAY back in grade school, about an archeologist digging up the remains of the 'North American Empire', in the year 37-someodd. He made particular note of the small household shrines in each apartment, dedicated to the twin gods of 'VideoA' and 'VideoB', whose worship rituals seemed to revolve around feeding strange plastic boxes into the altars and then pounding on the tops of the altars with one's fist.

Tolerance, goddess of treachery and cowardice, depicted as a perfectly beautiful vampiress sparkling in the sunlight.