"Xom turns his attention at you for a moment."
"You feel a sudden attraction to a bull!"
"Xom is amused!"

"The mistletoe hits! Ouch, that really hurt!"
"You die..."
"Xon finds this hilarious!"

"Xom is bored."
"Your house collapses!"
"Your entire family is killed!"

"Why is my entire family turned to salt?"
"Xom doesn't have to answer your questions!"

"You destroy the city walls by blowing on your horn for seven days."
"Xom is amused."

I dunno. God is clearly Xom, but a lot other gods have their own brand of dickery.

Heck, Zeus practically invented divine dickery. His however was less random, more the sort of dickery you'd get with a drunk quarterback with near infinite power. He was basically Asshole Prime. The Omega and Alpha of assholes.

Apollo and Hermes were sticky fingered bastards, Aphrodite was a slut, Haephastus was bitter and twisted, though not without good reason, Ares was a Dick, Athena never got any respect, and Hera was a shreiking madwoman who was forced into marrying her brother and got routinely locked up in cages to teach her a lesson.
It's pretty damn telling that the least fucked up one of them was Hades.

You were impregnated by a shower of gold.
Xom is pleased.

>>4471891
That's because he basically said 'fuck you guys and your mountain' and went to the Underworld to have his own crib.

>>4471600
All gods belong to the Exxon Mobil cooperation?

http://www.xom.com/

So, God is really out for all the oil?

>>4471915
no, Hades lost the dice roll and got stuck down there. Zeus won like the lucky bastard he is and got the sky, Poseidon came second and got the sea, but he thought the sea was best anyways so he was cool with it.

I don't know much of Eastern mythos, but I heard Japan had some fucked up shit (as usual). Please to be giving examples to compare with the normal Greek/Jewish/Christian/Egyptian/Norse.

>>4471891
But see, that's the random part. Xom's so fucking unpredictable we made a different god for each of his "personalities".

>>4471946
Given all the shit the greeks and their gods did I think Poseidon was right

>>4471950
Go read yourself some Scion.

>>4471943
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xom
Number 3.

>>4471891
Also invented beastiality.

>>4471959
Thanky kindly!

>>4471915
Although his plan to get a wife was less than inspired.

>>4471957

Thanks.

Ascribing the arbitrary nature of the universe to a deity fails occum's razor.

>>4471891

Zeus put the dick in dickery.

>>4472057
Did he come inside?

Pisodon in Latin actually means "Penis Image".

>>4471891
>Heck, Zeus practically invented divine dickery. His however was less random, more the sort of dickery you'd get with a drunk quarterback with near infinite power. He was basically Asshole Prime.

>Hera was a shreiking madwoman who was forced into marrying her brother and got routinely locked up in cages to teach her a lesson.

All the sudden I wanna see Hancock again. I'm starting to think he and Mary were Zeus and Hera.

>>4472057
Zeus put the dick in everything.

>>4472062
He always does.

>>4472062
I remember a story where Zeus turned into a swan and when a girl came over because of how beautiful the swan was he jumped her and raped her. Cool guy.

>>4471891

Hades did kidnap a woman to rape / make his bride. Granted, she liked it and it's still better than most of the other gods but Hades was not exactly a saint.

>>4472074
>Hades was not exactly a saint.
THIS JUST IN: GOD OF UNDERWORLD NOT A SAINT.

>>4472074
Well of course he wasn't. he IS fucking hades after all.

>>4472057

Agreed, never has any other pantheons Big God (IE Ra, Odin, Vishnu etc) ever really be such a collosal dick than Zeus.
This guy? Committed adultery SO many times it wasn't even funny. Just about EVERY hero in classical greek legends was Zeus's kid.
This did not make Hera a happy bunny, and considering that she was never the most stable person in the first place, that's not good.

Also, did Athena ever do any dickery, like, at all? Everyone else has their dickish moment, but everyone seems to leave Athena alone.
I mean heck, even Artemis had her moments of dickery, what with turning Callisto into a bear, and I think she blinded Orion just for walking in on her in the bath.
IT WAS A PUBLIC POND YOU DAFT DIVINE BINT.

Dont even get me STARTED on the dickery involving Tieresias, the Oracle of Thebes.

>>4471915
Wrong. Zues, Poesidon, and Hades drew straws to see who got what plane. Zues got the sky, Big P got the sea, and Hades drew the short straw and was stuck with the underworld. He then went, "Fuck you guys," and started dicking around with stuff whenever he could.

Also, dude kidnapped his niece to fuck him because he was lonely. Not sane.
>>4472063
No.

>>4472092
Well more of a saint than in most other mythologies, at least compared to the rest of the gods.

>>4472106

Athena had some dickery with Arachne - turning her into a spider after a weaving contest.

Other than that... not that I can recall.

>>4472074

Didn't Hades actually agree to let her live in earth for half the year as well? Seriously, Zeus would have locked her in a gold cage until she learnt to stop giving him lip.
He'd then forget about her because he found some new chick and not come back until 200 years later.

Seriously, Hades was probably the least dickish out of all of them.

>>4472130
>Seriously, Hades was probably the least dickish out of all of them.

Yet he was the one who became the bad guy in Disney's version. There's no justice.

>>4472130

Kinda. Persephone's mom (Demeter) got depressed because HAdes kidnapped her daughter. Demeter being depressed was bad because she's the goddess of agriculture and nature and shit. So when her mood went downhill so did the weather.

Eventually Zeus stopped putting his dick in things long enough to get the three of them together to find a solution. Originally, persephone was going to go to her mum, full custody and all but Persephone said she'd stay half a year with Hades and the other half with her mom (after all, Persephone likes a good rapefic).

This explains the seasons.

>>4472143
Guess what'll happen to those Disney guys when they die.

Go on. Guess.

>>4472119

The Arachne thing was Athena? Are you sure that wasn't Hera being her usual bunny-boiler self?

Even so, that's still pretty good track record given her parents.
I get the feeling that Athena was the one who went about doing damage control for the other god's dickery. I seem to recall her being responsible for putting orion and callisto as a constellation as a "sorry about the dickery, here, why don't we make you an immortal celestial body instead!"

I'm pretty sure she was also the one who gave tiersias his ability to see the future and talk to birds.

>>4472151
WELL, FUCK, WHO NEEDS VIAGRA WHEN YOU HAVE RIGOR MORTIS?

>>4472162
I dunno but i have feeling they'll look just like this when they see you.

>>4471818

Loki was basically the /b/tard of Åsgård, though. He wasn't even a proper god. He just hung with them for the sole purpose for spreading chaos.

>>4472186
Yeah loki was a douchebag, but a fucking awesome one at that.

>>4472175

You know, I've been on 4chan for about 4 to 5 years now...
And honestly, that's the first time I've ever heard anyone say that on the internet.

Weird huh?

>>4471950
>I don't know much of Eastern mythos, but I heard Japan had some fucked up shit (as usual). Please to be giving examples to compare with the normal Greek/Jewish/Christian/Egyptian/Norse.

Japanese Mythology basically states the Japanese Islands are made of cum. Also, If I remember correctly one of their creation gods was killed, locked in a cave, then brutally raped to make a god of death.

>>4472214
Yeah, definitely Xom. All of them.

>>4472186
Just like /b/, Loki knew when to take a joke way too far.

He polymorphed into a female horse to fuck with a Giant who was horseracing, then became pregnant with a superhorse.

That's dedication to dickery.

>>4472106
Artemis transformed Acteon into a lamb(or something of the like) and made his own dogs eat him after he saw her taking a bath.

The Orion thing was Phebo's doing. He was like "hey sis, I bet you can't hit that black point on the sea with your arrow", Diana promptly hit the thing, only to later find out that the black point was Orion, her lover.

>>4472164

From wikipedia:

n Greco-Roman mythology, Arachne (pronounced /ə-ˈræk-ni/) was a great mortal weaver who boasted that her skill was greater than that of Minerva, the Latin parallel of Pallas Athena, goddess of crafts. The offended goddess set a contest between the two weavers but, according to Ovid,[1] the mortal weaver's subjects, the loves of the gods, was so offensive that Minerva destroyed Arachne's tapestry and loom. Ultimately, the goddess turned Arachne into a spider.

>>4472235

It was a deer, not a lamb. But yeah, she's a cunt.

This guy got it worse.

>>4472199
Loki == Bugs Bunny