Beardbeard, the violent psychopath who has carved a kingdom out of blood, murder, and subjugation, has finally become the BBEG. Garrelf is now the main PC for this half of Dorf Quest.

So of course, we're going to play as Beardbeard.

What royal decrees would you like to put in place, oh Beardly one?

what is this i don't even

>>4237449
Obviously he should get drunk off his ass in celebration of his accomplishment.

>>4237499
To coronate himself and appoint his new General, Driblis Ifniblifin, he buys the entire city a round of ale! Thankfully Kobolds are light weights, and the population of his city is still only 40, so its not too pricy.

Presley provides a ballad to your greatness.

Bullshit BeardBeard is awesome encarnate, it was a missunderstanding. Let gar forget we tried to save him from the shadow relm, and resed him before that

He knows we go berserk, if he's a dick about it fuck him

>>4237587
Snap.

Your leg seems to have broken.

>>4237672
Well, crap. Now what?

>>4237672
Use your DORFSMITH abilities to make an iron replica of your wooden leg, impervious to snapping.

>>4237704
Beardbeard attempts to unlock his inner DORFSMITH!

Metal leg forged!


...You recall something from an earlier thread about poor craftsdorf skills.

>>4237733
Whatever! Use it anyway!

Or at least hit something with it in drunken frustration.

We need to think up some traps.

This is a first for us.

GET MORE SUBJECTS FOR THE NATION!

Including Dorfs who CAN metalsmith new legs!

>>4237752
>Hit something in drunken frustration

Beardbeard assaults a wall!

>>4237733
Make billions of worthless copper, iron and mithril belt-buckles to skill up our CRAFTSDORFING, then reforge metal leg.

>>4237784
In lieu of any better ideas, I second this plan!

>>4237776
Nearest location of DORFS found! Would you like to assault?

>>4237820
Assault DORFS?

No. Diplomacy, the only way we know how...DRINKING CONTEST

THE WHOLE FUCKING TOWN

>>4237828
Drinking is THE ONLY OPTION.

>>4237828
Wait, screw my last idea; this is awesome.

I'm gonna assume the snapping of the leg is a bad sign.

But... while we're the BBEG and we have FUCKING CONTROL OVER HIM, maybe we should follow the Evil Overlord List?

I propose a peaceful relationship with our dwarven brothers. We may be a hideous mutation, but we're still a dorf.

>>4237828
>>4237837
>Challenge to drinking contest

The king of the Mountainhomes says that if you and your military can outdrink he and his military of 200 Dorfs, then you can have his kingdom. If he wins, then you must forfeit your kingdom to him.

Is this acceptable?

>>4237820
We're FROM there! We just need to recruit, NOT ATTACK!
These are civilized DORFS we're talking about, not some savage Cutebolds!

>>4237891
Tell him you'll do it YOURSELF

>>4237891
Go for it!

>>4237891
No, not yet, we need to go find some troops who can hold their drink first, then we can come back and challenge him.

Sure, BeardBeard can out drink any other dorf, but your cutebolds are lightweights and no match for even the youngest dorf child in a drinking contest!

>>4237908
This might save your kobolds from humiliation, but even they can take a drink or two you don't have to. Are you sure? Everyone isn't going simultaneously - its one at a time, until one person passes out.

Also something you probably all want to see at some point.

>>4237891
This dorf is a whorling force of destruction, mayhem, and CHAOS. Xom has every reason to be protecting and watching over him.

>>4237930
If Beardbeard is a REAL Dorf he can pull this shit off.

>>4237934
Seconding this and the DRINKING WIN THE KINGDOM WITH BEER AND ALCHOHOL

>>4237965
>>4237934
>>4237910
>>4237908

Beardbeard accepts the challenge! There's no way he could possibly lose, no way, no how!

>>4237930
Is there a minimum drinking speed, or can the kobolds wait, sober, until some dorfs crack?

>>4237930

I'm have to say that Arialla is incredibly DAAW-worthy, especially as a downtrodden mute.

>>4238002

The king should be our first opponent! Followed by his generals! Once the leadership structure lies in a drunken stupor, the morale of the rest of the soldiers will be broken, paving the way for conquest!

NOOOO! We don't even want his kingdom, we just want some competent workers.

>>4238002
Aren't we immune to poison? Alcohol is a poison. Thus, we win

The drawfag must wonder why it took 34 threads before the game rules for a drinking contest came up.

RULES TO THE DRINKING CONTEST:
1) One person from each side competes at a time. A competitor drinks until his opponent is comatose, and maintains his seat until he passes out.

2) When a competitor passes out, he is immediately replaced by the next in line.

3) A competitor may not take a drink until his opponent has finished the same flagon of ale. Ie; Once you have finished flagon #3, you cannot start on #4 until the opponent's side has finished Flagon 3.

Last chance to back out is now.

>>4238034
Kingdom = workers, and an army.

>>4238073
... We're screwed!

... DO IT ANYWAY!

>>4238073
don't do it man!

So, we put beard beard up first, and hopefully he gets through at LEAST the king and 199 of the soldiers?

>>4238073
FUCKING PUSSIES

We can take them. We have POISON IMMUNITY!

doitfaggot.jpg
Battle plan:
Use Kobolds to drink. While distracted, collapse roof on the King and claim victory.

>>4238073
better idea; Kill the king, watch enemy fort spiral into chaos because of TANTRUMS.

>>4238112
>>4238106
Shit, we are immune to poison. OUR LIVER IS THE LIVER THAT WILL PIERCE THE SKY!

>>4238073

Hmm, since we have to go all the way or fail partway I think it's best if we use the kobolds first. They're likely to just fucking run away if Beardbeard goes down, so it's best to use the fodder as fodder and hope they can put a dent in the dorfs.

SAVE BEARDBEARD UNTIL THE KOBOLDS ARE DEFEATED.

>>4238103
>Put kobolds up first

That's what I thought too, since the king is starting with his soldiers!

...Kobolds eliminated. They put up a good fight, Driblis drinking down one dorf singlehandedly.

>>4238125
Well, crap.

Here goes nothing, I guess.

>>4238073
How much can Presley drink.

Also his cat.

>>4238125
that's right. Presley and his cat totally count. Give those fuckers a cup.

>>4238125
Promote Driblis to DOUBLE GENERAL.

Berbeard's gtetting kdina durnk righ' bout nwo. Still got fordee fivess more t'go.

DRINK!

>>4238153
Fucking power the fuck through it. YOUR LIVER IS THE LIVER THAT SHALL PIERCE REALITY ITSELF.

Also, where the fuck is Presley and his cat?

>>4238153
>>4238146
>>4238137
Beardbeard, you are IMMUNE to poison. Stay the fuck up! You are almost there! WHAT ARE YOU A STINKIN ELF?

>>4238153
what about presley

quick, cast our 3 breath, it might give us more room to drink more

>>4238153

Beardbeard must not fail! His kingdom is on the line! He must win, for the kobolds, for Xom, for the door shield he looted from his family crypt!

IF HE CAN TURN HIMSELF INTO A ZOMBIE AND SINGLE-HANDEDLY KILL A GOD HE CAN OUTDRINK ONE LOUSY FORTRESS.

>>4238153
Have Presley start playing an encouraging drinking song.

Or kill all the enemy dwarfs while their backs are turned.

>>4238153
MAN THE FUCK UP

DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO TO OUT DRINK THOSE FUCKERS.

This is starting to look pretty bad. You need a miracle right about now...

>>4238169
His poison immunity does not stretch to alcohol, else he wouldn't be able to gain the benefits of it either. It seems to be some sort of chaotic, random, coincidental exception. But you know Xom would never include one of those in anything.

>>4238153
The dorfs get all the beer and I'm the one who's short... beer. Get it? Cuz they're short...

Beardbeard must not fail! HE IS THE BEARDKING!

>>4237934
Xom is amused! A strange feeling washes over you!

You suddenly feel SOBER.

>>4238195
MOTHEROF FUCK WHERE IS PRESLEY

PRESLEY


FUCKING


WHERE

>>4238195
Pray to Xom and satan for a miracle!

>>4238209

YAY!

>>4238209
Bitchin'.

YOU GOIN' DOWN, DORFS.

>>4238195
PRESLEY AND HIS CAT! PRESLEY AND HIS CAT! PRESLEY AND HIS CAT!

>>4238209
ENSUE RAPE

>>4238209
Checkov is amused.

>>4238209

The tide has turned!

PRESLEY NEEDS TO IMPROVISE SOMETHING AWESOME ONCE THE DRINKING DUEL WITH THE KING HIMSELF BEGINS.

>>4238209

Wait a second, sober? Xom is one real fucking asshole to sober up a dwarf under ANY circumstance.

>>4238233
WHY HASN'T HE DONE THIS FOR US BEFORE?! LIKE, WHEN WE DRANK WITH SATAN?!

>>4238233
Under the extreme nature of the situation, I say we give him a pass.

>>4238239
Xom is capricious.

The enemy army has been defeated! Beardbeard has regained his original DRUNKEN level from the beginning of the contest, and now only has the king to outdrink!

>>4238211
>>4238219
PRESLEY is not the KING or a member of the MILITARY, as per the terms of the contest. He is the COURT BARD. If you bring in PRESLEY, the king will bring in MUSCLEBEARD.

>>4238247
Having the king bring in MUSCLEBEARD sounds like a bad thing. Let's not do that.

We can take him.
LET US DRINK IN THE MANNER OF OUR FOREFATHERS; COPIOUSLY!

>>4238209
FUCK YEAH

>>4238247
keep Presley out of it. See if he can do some dramatic battle music though.

>>4238195
loosen our belt.

>>4238247
Oh man, we don't want that. Muscle beard scares the shit out of me. Is presley here, recording our triumph for posterity.

also, inb4 drinking party cancel: Interrupted by Garrelf

>>4238247
>If you bring in PRESLEY, the king will bring in MUSCLEBEARD.

Dare I say it but... I think MUSCLEBEARD could probably out drink ANYONE. EVEN a STONE SOBER BEARD BEARD.

Wait, how can musclebeard be the bard and bartender? Is he multiclassing?

When Beardbeard ascends to godhood, we must make out domain alcohol, that we might summon great alegolems to wage our wars.

>>4238247
can we have Presley play music of drinking and stamina?

>>4238277
He is MUSCLEBEARD the only being in the WORLD that BEARDBEARD shows fear towords!

Beardbeard summons up his mightiest BEEROMANCY - the dreaded SPIRITS OF CHRISTMAS PAST.

He only hopes its good enough to defeat the King's Extra Stout Double Punch Vodka.

>>4238303
Okay, this is just plain awesome.

>>4238303
Fuck, this is awesome.

>>4238282
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPJD3qcIL7s

>>4238277
>Bardtender

>>4238303
VODKA? VODKA?! WHAT MANNER OF DORF BE DIS? WHY BACK IN MAH DAY, WE MADE DUE WITH ALE AND RUM. WHISKEY WAS AN OCCASIONAL LUXURY.

>>4238247
Does muscle beard work out with his beard? If he does Beardbeard should too. That way when gar finds him he can challenge him to a beard contest and kick the elf's pansy ass

>>4238315
man, fuck that shit. We need some motherfucking VIKING METAL up in this bitch.

>>4238328
46 seconds in, it turns into an epic Scottish drinking song.

The SPIRITS OF CHRISTMAS PAST agress!

>>4238328
god damn it, where the hell did my secret cache of VIKING METAL go.

Have some Whiskey On a Sunday until I get this shit sorted out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cd8I1PNV9io

>>4238328
/agree
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoh67mT1K4E&feature=related

The Extra Stout Double Punch Vodka hits you hard, knocking out your eye!

>>4238393
Which eye?

Drink the spirit!

>>4238393
Uh oh.

>>4238393
We must be really fucking drunk.

There's got to be a way to fix this. It probably involves drinking more beer.

>>4238393
OH GOD SOMEBODY CATCH IT BEFORE IT MELTS THE MOUNTAIN

>>4238393
that fool... he's knocked out our eye.

There's only one thing in this world with a lust for ale like a dwarf, and that's a pirate.

he's just made us BOTH...

>>4238393
OH GOD!

I CAN SENSE A PLOT DEVICE DEVELOPING.

GRAB THE EYE BEFORE ANYTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN. PUT IT SAFELY UNDER YOUR HELMET.

>>4238393
Is is possible to perform a sort of ALCOHOLIC DEFORESTATION?

What!? A second attack! The Extra Stout Double Punch Vodka plays dirty!

>>4238423
Hit him back! You can hit him, right?

>>4238423
BOOZE TSUNAMI ASSAULT

>>4238429
It's probably Garrelf.

Genresense is telling me it's so.

I see a stalemate coming, we are probably both gonna pass out with this next round of drinks.

What are the rules in the event that both dwarfs pass out in the same round?

>>4238423
Kick his ass.

>>4238447
>What are the rules in the event that both dwarfs pass out in the same round?

Whoever gets up first and yell "Yes! I win!", will be the victor. Duh.

>>4238447
they both take the crown in a dual kingship and create a dwarven sparta?

>>4238423
BY THE BEARD OF MY ANCESTORS! STRIKE THE WRETCH DOWN!

I'll take you all on with my Gnollish triple fermented meat beer. The only alcohol in the Realms made of rotting animal flesh. Ha-mon, I guarantee you won't be able to Stand it.

KEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>>4238466
Beer made with undead yeasts? Me likey!

>>4238466
Helen, bring me the dog gun, there's a pest in the thread.

ROUND 2: Your ALEDRITCH SPIRITS against the King's LIGHTNING BLOODWINE! It looks like he's trying to take you out quickly with a fast beeromancy summon!

>>4238429
No, you can't hit him back. That'd be like tossing aside your drink in a drinking contest. What do you think this is, a fight?

>>4238447
If both pass out in the same round, then it is a draw.

Wine?

WINE???

Overcome the Bloodwine's lightning fast ability with the power of ALEDRITCH BEARDLINESS

>>4238498
Hey, I thought we liked Gnoll.
After all, there ain't Gnoll-body quite like him!

...

Okay, that was just lousy. I apologize.

>>4238500
BRACE YERSELF

The Lightning Bloodwine strikes accurately at decisively! Beardbeard is reeling!

>>4238498
There's gnoll harm in it.

>>4238498

>>4238500
Wine is shit. Has barely no alcohol in it.

>>4238500
REMEMBER YOUR BEER TRAINING BACK WHEN YOU WERE A LAD IN A DRAMATIC FLASHBACK.

RELEARN SEKRET DORF BEER TECHNIQUE. USE IT.

IF YOU HAVE AN ALCOHOLIC SESSION POWER, NOW IS THE TIME FOR IT!

>>4238532
Hence the low Alcoholism damage, but rapid initiative speed. The King gambled that it would be enough to take you out before he had to take a hit from your Aledritch Spirits. His underestimation leads to his defeat!

>>4238566
Pose dramatically over a pile of your defeated foes.

Make another postcard to send to Aldwin.

>>4238566
Alright, we got a kingdom!

Be sure to promote Driblis to DOUBLE GENERAL for his valiant effort. That's a lot of drink for one Kobold.

>>4238566
>defeat

HUZZAH

>>4238583
Driblis promoted to DOUBLE GENERAL!

MOUNTAINHOMES obtained!

>>4238566
Fondly regard your new kingdom.

>>4238566

We won? WE WON!
WE MOTHERFUCKING WON THE MOUNTAINHOLMES! FUCKING CHOICE AND WIN AND UTTER AWESOME. YOU BITCHES ALL WORK FOR BEARDBEARD NOW, HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

Siege engineers! Ballistae manning one square by thirty square entrances! Stonemasons, carpenters, mechanics! Start building walls, fortifications, traps, and pillboxes with no aboveground entrances, just tunnels to the fortress! AND WE WILL BEGIN TO PIPE LAVA TO OUR NEW DOMINION. IN THE NAME OF BEARDBEARD, IT SHALL BE DONE.

>>4238566
PRAISE XOM BY DOING SOMETHING UNEXPECTED!

>>4238597
order a legendary leg made, and while it is being made get beard grooming tips from muscle beard

>>4238566
right then, set the whole of his kingdom to craftdorfing us a new leg. and a more secure eye socket while we're at it.

>>4238614
>beard grooming tips from muscle beard

HELL YES

What happened to your original leg, anyway? I forget.

So what are we going to do with the 'bolds now? Dorfs ain't very keen on the little buggers, and with a kobold as a general you KNOW there are going to be some morale problems in the military.

Segregated communities?

PICK UP OUR FUCKING EYE BEFORE IT GETS USED AS A PLOT DEVICE

>>4238631
The keg of Xom ale left him with a very short leg, among many other mutations

>>4238631
Mutated by Xom i think

>>4238636
What do kings do with their lowliest of peasants?

>>4238643
This.=

>>4238599
You fondly regard your new city.

Then the kobolds rip it right out of the mountain side and deposit it inside of Buzzardloved.

>>.4238636

NO! They helped us claim this new home, we would be bastards to not treat them as honored war heroes.

KOBOLDS AND DORFS SHALL KNOW PEACE.

THE KOBOLDS SHALL MAKETH THE GRAIN FOR THE BEER, THE DORFS SHALL CRAFT THE BEER, AND ALL SHALL DRINK!

>>4238668
Wow, those kobolds sure are strong bunch.

>>4238643
THHHHIIIIISSSSS

>>4238668
._.

How long does this take?

So when are we going to conquer the windmill?

BUZZARDLOVED STATUS UPDATE

Positions
*King: Beardbeard Godslayer
*General: Driblis
*Bard: Presley
*Records Keeper: King
*Bishop: Priest of Xom

Citizens: 420
*Military: 25 kobolds, 200 dorfs
*Agriculture: 9 kobolds, 81 dorfs
*Mercantile: 15 dorfs
*Technology: 91 dorfs
*Sorcery: 0
*Clergy: 3 dorfs
**Godly Presence: Xom, Moradin

>>4238643
Eye obtained without PLOT injury.

>>4238666
Shut up Satan.

>>4238707
A matter of moments.

MASTER CRAFTED IRON LEG TIME

>>4238723
>*Records Keeper: King

He shall be known as the EX-King from now on!

So Aordor is in ruins, and the elven city is in turmoil after the ousting of its old rulers. Beardbeard controls the dwarven civ. That only leaves two cities and a windmill not under our direct control.

Gentlemen, as the new BBEG I think it is time we took control of this region.

LET NO ONE STAND TALL OVER THE DWARVES, FOR WE SHALL CRUSH THEM UNDER OUR HEELS.

>>4238723
>**Godly Presence: Xom, Moradin

>Moradin

Wut? Explain?

>>4238723
Convert subjects to SATAN and XOM

>>4238724
THIS

Next to get us some us some good Sorcery

Question.. why is beardbeard the bbeg? We LIKE him!

Garelf is both less awesome, and married to a sissy elf bitch.

I want the bad ending! (BB wins)

Its not like he'll stay sober enough to destroy the world..

>>4238737
As the new BBEG our goal should be to maintain at least neutrality, so that Garrelf doesn't join the Goldmoon Slayers to get us.

>>4238740
God o' Dorfs.

>>4238748
>Question.. why is beardbeard the bbeg? We LIKE him!

He's a sympathetic villain.

>>4238761

Who is more awesome than anyone in this series.

>>4238760
But there were a lot of temples in that city, only one of them Moradin. Why is he the only godly presence?

Where is a fey mood dwarf to craft an Artifact leg when you need it?

>>4238768
So? He's also the most evil, twisted, unsympathetic asshole in the series. That makes him the BBEG pretty much automatically.

And so Beardbeard celebrates his success by spending the next week sleeping off the alcohol from the drinking contest, along with his entire army, both new and old members. Conquering the rest of the region can wait a week.

>>4238740
The Mountainhomes had a single Priest of Xom and two Priests of Moradin. As long as you have a dedicated Priest/Cultist/Hag who lives inside your city, their god has influence over your city.

>>4238775
No, that was Aordor with lotsa gods. The Mountainhomes only ever had 2 gods.

I don't think we need to take the Windmill as much as knock and ask aldwin if he'd like to join our new world order

Make him the assassan prince of the dorfs or something, he refuses that's fine

>>4238791
He helped gar elf get his current form. how is that unsympathetic?

Well... Commission busts! OF STONE!

>>4238822
Consider how Garrelf turned out.

>>4238822
Put that against all the assholing he's done. Many BBEGs have their sympathetic moments, it doesn't remove the fact that Beardbeard is extremely bloodthirsty and unpredictable.

Meanwhile, in Eridia...

>>4238861
>assholing

Against elves, mostly.

That doesn't count.

>>4238872
Wait, is Kav still looking for the queen?

>>4238872
YAY KAV! And her stupid, sexy tiny tiny undergarments!

>>4238872

Kav became a crimelord while we were ruining the elf kingdom's shit and becoming lord of the dorfs?

I love Kav.

I think it would be awesome for beard beard to rule, and i wouldn't call him BBEG

Sure he's bloodthirsty and unpredictabe, but he could have just attacked the dorfs, insted he wagered on beer, the other conquest will be similer thanks to /tg/'s input

And when he is in charge it's basically going to be beer for all, now behave im off to kill shit

>>4238891
DM has decided he's the BBEG. His is the final word.

>>4238884
No.

>>4238887
She was a crimelord before she was backstabbed and given to that dragon for a present. Kav has to wonder what kind of sap forgets to change the name of a joint after handing the sack to its old namesake.

She decides to make an inquiry into the matter.

>>4238919
You have shitty DMs if you think that's the case. We can still effect the plot.

What's Kav up to?

>>4238958
So... we send Kav out on a mission, she gets lost, we solve the problem A DIFFERENT WAY, there is no way she could know about the original problem getting solved, Kav goes off and does her own thing and tries to get back at whoever betrayed her?

Hell as long as she keeps the Garters on I'm cool.

>>4238958
"Start flapping yer gums 'r I'll blind ya into next week. Whose da new Big Cheese in this joint?"

>>4238958
Just so you know: Today starts the new MS Paint Adventures!

(Ha, like there was someone here who didn't know.)

Inquire stuff from the boys.

I have a feeling Gnome's drawing something big. That, or his computer busted again.

>>4239070
First one, then the other?

>>4239001
SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO BE SO DAMN TINY AND SEXY!

>>4239080
Inquire to the one who still has a functioning head.

>>4239080
Did you just kill, or at least blind, Problem Sleuth?

Damn you! That horrible wound is going to give him a horrible charisma penalty!

>>4239079
OH GOD THE ZOMBIE FAIRY BABIES THREAD

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

>>4239092

I like how Arialla belongs to inventory instead of party. I suppose that's just Garrelf's attitude to her.

We must redeem Garrelf! Once we gain control, the first thing to do is to move Arialla from inventory to party, no matter the cost!

>>4239086
Nah, Problem Sleuth is over there. That was just some mook.

>>4239085
Asks again.

>>4239107
>>4239080
>>4239079
>>4239001
Despite her being smaller than my hand, I wish to declare my undying love for Kav, right here, right now.
I LOVE YOU KAV!

>>4239092
Y U DO DIS!?

>>4239128
We must polymorph Kav to something bigger, like we did to Garrelf! This will take the imperative even over such trivial matters as converting her for Heracles!

>>4239092

I'd let Kav vampirically siphon my DNA and use it to bear horribly monstrous undead children which would exist as a blight upon the world.

If you know what I mean.

>>4239140
Or just get Permanent Growth cast on her...
Kinda like the permanent growth spell I cast whenever I see her.

>>4239149

Moving on, are we technically in control of Kav now, or is this just an update as to what she's doing before we switch back to the newest wielder of the SATAN ARM?

>>4239128
How hard would it be to get a ring small enough for her...

One concise set of directions later, Kav finds herself in front of the door to the new owner of her bootleg establishment.

>>4239179
Thread is at autosagin' boss.

Also, MORE KAV IN HER ADORABLE SEXY UNDERWEAR!

>>4239179
inb4 Mobster Kingpin

>>4239179
Inquire as to the latest world news.

Look for movement of treasure.

>>4239170
Yes, we are in control of Kav right now.

>>4239175
Get her a normal ring, let her use it as a belt.

>>4239190
Are... are you giving me permission to propose to her?

>>4239237
...

>>4239190
Charge in, kill some gitz.

>>4239237
Well it's not like Gnome could stop her, if she wanted to marry you.

If.

New thread: >>4239250

Presley fanart from my awesome friend.

>>4239262
TUNNEL SNAKES RULE!