Every time you roll a 1 on listen (perception in recent sessions), you instead hear the faint song of the Mariachi.

WoD: Our storyteller was desperate for a name for a nightclub and bar that we wanted to go check out, the only hub of nightlife for our hip, young characters in Bumfuck, New England. A player's roommate suggested off-handedly, "The Angry Weevil."

Originally intended as a throwaway location, The Angry Weevil became a crucial location for our characters, serving as our base of operations for about 80% of the yearlong game.

>>4119914
Samefag: another nWoD game with the same group -- we've got 4 Werewolves, 2 Mages, and a Vampire. The werewolves get in a fight with a fire spirit that's possessed a big, nasty dog. Facts: the fight is in an old house in a low-income neighborhood; the vampire has shot at the dog several times, alerting local mortals that something is wrong; the dog is on fire; after wrestling with the dog, the house is on fire. In an effort to a) escape, and b) avoid media attention, my Elodoth turns into a big dog and runs outside with one of the Mages, who mimics the appearance of a poor, black man. He uses his Time and Space magic so that just as the news cameras appear on the scene, the cameramen zoom in on him and his barking "dog", as he screams "Mothafuckas done burned it down!"

The film clip was shown frequently on the news; our storyteller would mention its appearance on TV and the radio every now and then. In addition, whenever something went terribly wrong, the use of the phrase "Mothafuckas done burned it down" was standard practice.

No you cant be a time traveling combination of Big O, Atticus Finch, Cirno from Touhou, and Kenishro from FotNS. (We keep adding things onto it as he suggests them, its funny really and I plan on waiting till this campaign is over, compiling the list, writing up a charecter to fit what hese listed, then making them the BBEG)
Rage then attack the floor.
Craigton has erectile dysfunction.
"gay ray"
Fuck oytughs
Leper Buffalo
Rastafarian Deamon prince of Nurgle (proxy for otyugh)
Nerf guns are BANNED at the table
Using a pice of tubing as a blowpipe counts as a nerf gun, cus it hurts more,
"DM(me): O dont take improved grapple, thats a pointless feat" *whole session full of otyughs*

There are more and if this thread is prosperous i shall post them

>>4120006
for the first one i meant to say "the BBEG for an Epic followup campaign"

"I. FRY. YOU." whenever someone is going to use a fire based attack.

Its origin are dated back in the beginning of the campaign.
Our dwarf cleric got hit by that armor-burning spell and subsequently ran in flames and jumped on the spellcaster, killing her istantly with THE WEIGHT OF AN IRONCLAD ANGRY DWARF IN FLAMES. We laughed our ass off.

Shania Twain somehow became INTEGRAL to the plot of a one-shot sci-fi thing we played once. Her name will live in infamy at my table.

The fighter in our group decided to use a sack of potatoes as a weapon in an open-market. He rolled a twenty on a monster (DM rules that if we kill a monster with a roll of twenty, we have the right to describe the death in detail). Ever since, he carries a sack of potatoes.

One from a long time ago involved two fighters in our group who always passed the time by dueling each other and the winner got to wear the fencer's "stylish" feathered beret. Both the fighters were about as smart as a dead goat but were FUCKING HUGE so the poor bastard never got his favorite hat back.

One of the first games I played in, there was a house rule: Describe your actions in good enough detail, get a +2 to your roll.
I was playing a monk, from broken 3.0
So, I would invent wild, crazy shit to do as a monk, like jump and swing from chandeliers, and tuck and roll into a flying drop kick.
So, being the spastastic youth I was, I would pump my arms in a "running" motion....a lot.
It got so bad, with my pantomiming, that I was smacked (IRL) and told:
"Stop acting like superman, or you are going to END UP like superman."
This was shortly after we/I did some crazy horseback acrobatics, while discussing Christopher Reeves.

Then there is Disable Tarp. Were, we actually had to disable a tarp. Go figure.

And I think my favorite was, after turning into a "I WANT TO ROLL FOR EVERYTHING" guy for a short while, the party had to get from point A to point B, through some woods, with a map.
As first as he said: "You enter the forest," I said "SURVIVAL CHECK!" and rolled a natural one.
DM:.....ANVILS! GREAT, FLAMING ANVILS ARE FALLING FROM THE SKY ON YOU! YOU CANNOT SURVIVE! ANVILS CRUSH YOU AND THE FLAMES SODOMIZE THE CORPSE.

And good times were had by all.
Maybe I will regale my PbP next.

1) We mention a camel toe visible on the ranger's leather armor at every opportunity.

2) Whenever we talk about something of current culture, like House MD, for example, we quickly justify it by saying "it's an old legend". This started because the wizard (me) said something about Voltron when we were supposedly committing to strict in-character conversation. (I know, I suck)

>>4120035
EXPLAIN. NOW.

Vorpal potatoes.
Ninja owl.
A monk gets double penetration from an ogre and a celestial bison.
The gnome missing the angel with a sling attack by 1, before realizing that rockthrowing is the official gnome sport, gaining a +1 racial modifier. We agreed the stone that missed eventually came back down and nailed the angel in the head.

Another one I remembered, cannibalistic and meat eating horses. It started in the very first encounter we had. I don't quite remember the details, but the DM ruled that now all horses had a desire for meat. It was the first big failure the party had, because the horses devoured the caravan we were supposed to protect. To this day we have no mounts.

>>4120160
It won't impress you much.

>>4120179
Halfling, not gnome.

>>4119844
The Re family. A nigh infinite family of fighters, one of them everywhere we go. One of the players in an old campaign missed two sessions a month due to military obligations. So instead of NPCing his character while he was gone he'd just fade away when his player wasn't there. When the player did show up again his character would just show up out of nowhere, either with the line of "I was away" or if we'd traveled very far from where we left him "my brother/cousin/nephew/uncle sent me a message you'd be here" The character's stats; alignment and gear were exactly the same. His first name would change every time.

>>4120006
POASTAN MOAR

Barbarian rolls 1 on profession check, stands in the midle of the streets yelling SWORDS for 5 hours
PSP's cant break down walls
"theyre very dapper rats with tophats"
All trash contains a monster, of some kind
FAIRY COVERED IN RATS

>>4120214
I'm still interested. I can't imagine how this could possibly happen.

>>4120257
Goddamnit

"Handle Animal." "With finesse!"

>>4120160
We were playing Shock: social science fiction, and one of our players decided that he was married to some high-maintenance celebrity, and she was his Antagonist. After brief deliberation, he announced that he was married to Shania Twain. We reminded him that the game took place 1000 years in the future, so he countered that Shania had her body replaced with synthetics at the first opportunity, and he was now married to Robo-Shania Twain. His Antagonist player really gave him hell, and their conflicts actually reached the point of derailing the entire session; she'd crash her hovercar into his in traffic, literally "running into" him, and they'd get into a (in-character) screaming match about her being an alien sympathizer, wherein he would frequently shout "Sha-NIIII-uh!" in a raspy, nasal nerd-from-Brooklyn accent.

Every now and then, when someone wants to derail a session, or just break some serious dramatic tension, they will imitate the dreaded call of "Sha-NIIII-uh!"

>>4120281
I lol'ed heartily.

A friend and I were playing some crazy old game with ninjas on a Sega Genesis collection for PS2, and one of the buttons was marked "Ninjistu." He would always advise me to "Press Ninjitsu," which would kill all enemies on the screen, to the point that he would say it about every 10 seconds; on his turns, he would only press the Ninjistu button until he used it up, and would die quickly afterward. Now, whenever someone does something crazy and foolhardy, they are said to be "pressing Ninjitsu."

One of my PCs has a nasty habit of rolling 1s at critical moments in games. His most recent was during a Shadowrun car chase.

Wanting to shoot out the tire of the pursuit car he whips out his fuckhuge revolver and rolls five 1s and a 3 for his firearms test. I decided the car hit a large pothole and he fumbled the gun and it dropped out the window. You can imagine the face on a huge troll after he dropped his prized pistol out a moving vehicle.

This lead to a fairly long story involving the retrieval of this gun and once getting it back he managed to roll four 1s, two 2s, and 4 on the first check with it. It is not lost somewhere in the Shattergraves of Chicago waiting to be found.

GM: Quick roll a Willpower save....
Player: I failed...
GM: You have now soiled yourself in fear...all other party members wont come within 10ft of you....

>>4120214
I see what you did there and am ashamed about it.

>>4120369

I see it too! Damn it, why did you have to post that?

>>4120324
Shinobi?

>>4120391
Because somebody had to, god damn it.

- Mentioning a NPC Elven boy we saved from goblins from our first adventure(Even if its another campaign) whenever we need cannon-fodder or someone to carry our stuff.
- Blowing down locked doors with spells instead of bothering to let the Ranger/Rogue try and lock pick it.(One player will always do this, even if he's playing a non-magical class).
- The "steal everything that exists" thief. He stole a COW somehow. We compromised that the cow would just follow him around. He used it for cannon fodder the next battle.
- One player("Steal everything thief") rolling 20's outside of battle, and rolling 1s in it. He rolled a 1 three turns in a row in battle(The result? He stabbed himself multiple times in a row). Outside of battle, He's been able to track something from a year ago, known about unrecorded events from a hundred years ago and talked a army of demon out of attacking a city.
- A travelling "blue cloaked, dirty blond haired" Elven Spellsword/Swordmage that appears that manages to travel from campaign to campaign and has interacted with the party directly a few times(He's my deux-ex-machina way of keeping a newbie party from dying). Only one player has ever asked "Wait, How the hell is he in another universe?".

I recently got into DnD (4e) and on one of the earlier campaigns we had to defend a town from bandits, and in preperation one of the PCs asked if the village had a giant chain ("the kind used to pull boats from the river"), with which we could 'trip' the bandits while they ran across an open field.

One of our PCs now has a shirt that says "giant chain" on the front, and we bring it up all the time.

In one very long campaign I had a monk with outrageously high jump skills. By coincidence a number of adventures had toll bridges and river ferries. The authorities would demand money for crossing and become incredibly upset for me simply jumping across the river.

V:tM. My Ventrue has a phobia of the dark and our DM was having us go out in the woods following a grangrel to find this body. He looks at me and says its pretty dark out there. I say no problems got my flashlight and make a click noise. Then the Brujah that is mute(IC only) says with a voice emulator "Extra Batteries?"

All 4 of us bust up laughing and he was awarded extra XP for it.

And as a Kicker one of our groups grandmother died and the Dm was there saw the guy who made the joke (not the one with the dead granny) and said "Hey extra batteries" and turned around.

The poor guy had a hell of a time not busting up laughing in the middle of the funeral.

We fucked up a generate word roll.

Now we swear by using the word "Puck."

>>4120597
I don't get it at all.

>>4120689
Me neither.

Another trope....

I was playing a monk that had a habit of dying, often. Since I was young, I'd clamour for attention, even while dead. The DM started mentioning my corpse in every room, on every bookcase, in every chest... So when there's a silence after he says: In the room, you see.... Someone bursts out with "A dead Welse!"

"SHIT! I'm FLAMMABLE!"
(Zombie PC got hit by something on fire and it caught.)

>>4120236
FUCK ME THERESE MOAR

-using the blind, power mad psions psicrystal to detect traps in a arena traprun
-as a raging barbarian, the entire party took the easy way out of the building by going out the ground floor window we came in, i decided to take the front door out, ran into two guards and yelled "IM THE CLEANING CREW" then jumping out the window

A dwarf steps out of the door, and looks at the sky, fists on his hips, and shouts, "BOY, IT SURE IS A NICE DAY TODAY!"
Ten hours later, he hasn't moved.
(Done by a total newbie to D&D who'd never played before and indeed forgot he even had a character- the plot progressed without him.)

>>4120790
And now the same story but in Dorf Fort
>A dwarf steps out of the door, and looks at the sky, fists on his hips, and vomits violently fucking EVERYWHERE
Ten hours later, he hasn't stoped.

-Hostage Crisis Tuesdays.
-All medical centers have maintenance walkways that doctors/interns use to escape annoying people/go smoke.
-An in-concert crucifixion of a religious fanatic. (An Inquisitor, for those familiar with Cyberpunk 2020.)
-QUESTIONING IS HERESY
-What a dick.
-Just as planned...
-ELSEWHERE IN THE UNIVERSE...

>>4120827
I read the last one in the old justice leauge narrator voice, and now, you are reading EVERYTHING in that voice

>It won't impress you much.
>Shania Twain

*slow clap*

The backstory for every party my group has formed in D&D is that they're all philosophers to some degree and met in a tavern they all frequented to speculate metagamely.

This next one is in our currently-running nWoD campaign involving a zombie apocalypse. There are three feuding groups of survivors- the Black Hands (standard criminal gang), the Red Knights (crazed religious types planning to unite everyone under God's will) and the Remnants (us- the guys who're just trying to survive by helping each other out.) Our characters are James, a former hacker and occult bookstore owner who's addicted to Starlight mints (played by me), Dominic, a college student and social recluse (played by... Dominic, as he just made himself), and Freya, a former gang leader turned barista (played by my sister). Before we knew anything about the factions, our characters were all at a night club where we met the owner and were given cards with a symbol like a bloody cross on them. Later on, we're headed to a Wal-Mart for supplies when we find the Black Hands there. They say they'll let us go, as long as we promise not to set foot in there again. The leader mentions to "stay away from those Red Knight guys. Buncha wackos in red capes. Their symbol's a bloody cross, you'll know it when you see it." Dominic pulls out his wallet, takes out the card, and SHOW IT TO HIM, saying "You mean this card?" He strips our characters naked, telling them to "leave as they are." Freya and Dominic both scream "Naked?!" James, just deadpans for a second then asks.
"...can I have my mints back?"
We had to stop playing for a few minutes while we composed ourselves from laughing.
So now, thanks to that 5-minute event, "YOU MEAN THIS CARD?! LOOK, I'M TOTALLY A MEMBER!" and "...Can I have my mints back?" are ingrained in all our minds.

>>4120401
Beat me to it.

>>4120857
YOU QUANTUM NIGGER. STUCK IN MY HEAD NOW. ASSBOAT.

A beloved NPC, Human Wizard, was taken over by a new player and ran totally contrary to previous experiences. While he had been before a quite and reserved wizardly noble, the new player ran him as a fuck nuts boom mage who consistently goaded the party into fights.
Quote: "Fuck it, guys! We're sixteenth level, we can totally fuck this dragon up! It's only Ancient!"

The player left and the DM took back control of the NPC. When asked about why he was acting so strangely the last few adventures, the NPC simply replies that he "had the stomach flu"
Stomach flu is now blamed whenever someone violates their alignment.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I must have come down with the stomach flu."

"It's only 20d6!"

From the 3rd ed and 3.5ed D+D rule that falling damage capped out at 20d6, easily survivable at high level. As I recall, someone jumped out of a flying tower, slammed into the ground, drank a potion and was fine.

>>4120930
Doesnt masive damage get a higher DC the higher the damage is over 50, ot is that just one of the rules in Unearthed Arcana

-My group tend to name all unnamed monsters/NPCs/whatever Sky, which is the nickname for one of our players,
-Our stupid half-orc barbarian figured out he'd take a wall.
Inside a cavern. Because he thought it could be magic (Really he did, In real life, not roleplaying). Ofcourse he had to roll a 20 on his STR check...

Fire mephits speak with a terribly fake Jamaican accent.

Psicrystals are always convinced they boast great physical prowess, and must be restrained from fighting the monsters while on scouting missions.

If there are random dungeon features, there will always be a well.

"Use your fireball! I can take it." Years later, still the rallying cry for lethal friendly fire incidents.

'This is gonna be Tom all over again.'
'You're the next Tom.'
'OH FUCK, I'M TOM!'


Tom was the default plothook NPC that our characters took a job from off-screen before the session. Within three sessions, the party concluded that he was working for this band of orcs that inexplicably appeared on the continent (a sort of New World-situation; the continent had no animals of any kind when it was originally settled; it should not have orcs).

He was an optimized level 3 fighter. I was not present for the session in which this all occurred, and my character had stalked off after taking the first /nonlethal/ swing at him for not killing a captive orc. While I was gone the party, which was entirely level 1, composed of a Sorceror, a Rogue, a Cleric and a Swashbuckler, managed to render him unconscious. When he revived, he apparently burst his ropes and pulled a concealed dagger and one-shotted the Rogue, then CLEAVED into the Sorceror.

Long story short, the Sorceror killed him.

Then the party fought with itself, PC vs. PC, over the decision to kill him.

...then Tom was resurrected by his Merchant Guild, and the party was put into massive debt.

But it set this precedent, and now every session we've had since--and there have been about a dozen--has involved at least four rounds of full-on lethal combat between PCs, always over a decision, and always one-against-all. Last session, it was our guest--and, to be fair, he was trolling. Session before, it was me. Session before the session before, it was the fighter, who was being Lawful Anal-retentive. And about three times, it's been the Sorceror...we've dropped each other more than any enemies have.


If I play my Chaotic Good Rogue well enough, I'll be the next Tom.

More fun with lava:

"Aren't we like five feet above the lava? Shouldn't we be getting cooked? I mean, you would fry standing five feet above a campfire."

"How the hell am I sinking in lava? Am I made of lead? You can walk on corn starch that is thick enough! Just because it's liquid doesn't make it water."

My group always seem to kill the bosses in one hit.
This woman called Niniel appears now and then, every time we attack her we crit, EVERY TIME, GM suspects us using loaded dice.
Her friend i took out with a bottle of acid to the face,
Another boss we took out by first triggering a trap, making a wall appear between us and him, then pushing the wall down over him.
And then there's the dragon... Waay higher level than ours, but i improvise, got a mug of the strongest ale they had to offer, + a pack of bolts which i placed into it, i placed it on the dragon's nose (no actions spended) Jumped down, ran the 30 ft to the safe zone, fired a spark from my ring of sparks, BOOM.
Dead dragon, massive damage.

Naked black men with a lazy eye. One of my friend's PCs was abducted in combat by a villain the DM only described as "a big guy" but everyone at the table assumed he was a naked black guy with a lazy eye-- which was why that PC ran the fuck away. He thought the DM was trying to get his character ass-raped.

Small children named Pierre being used for everything from message delivery in a medieval world to bouncing for high-end clubs in a sci-fi game. As a child.

Shouting "I'm an adventurer!" in a non-masculine way. It was created when I joined a new campaign of seasoned adventurerers as.. a peasant stable boy. I could do nothing right and failed every time I did anything, until one of the other PCs gave my character a pep talk.
"You're an adventurer! You're unstoppable!" he shouted, so I swung at a skeleton shouting "I'm an adventurer!" and crit, destroying it. So every time a character "grows up" in our campaigns, we shout "I'm an adventurer!" and statistically do very well for one round afterwards.

When the same "adventurer!" character got a great sword, I had just finished reading Berserk (what was out, then) and decided to emulate it in a silly way. I swung it around doing pitifully until I was cornered in an alley by two guards for a warehouse we were going to torch. Me and a friend were up against them and my friend's character is wounded and he told me to take care of them so we wouldn't do. So, I shouted "I'm going to cleave through these guys LIKE GUTS FROM BERSERK" and rolled extremely well, instantly killing 3 of the NPC guards in one round. So whenever someone does something ridiculous and kills more than one person in a round, our war cry is "GUTS FROM BERSERK."

>>4121084


NPCS created to only die are named "Brian". This story dates back to the time my party of adventurers were chased into a barn in a fortress by a group of Khornate demons. We found a pair of elven mercenaries, who attacked us, so we killed one and planned to take their horses. I took one hostage.
"WE ARE HERE TO LIBERATE YOU, THE CAPTAIN NEEDS YOU WE MUST PUSH ON!" I shout, in character.
"Who are you? You're not even an elf!!" the DM responds.
"I AM THE MESSENGER YOU HAVE TO GO OUT THERE AND FIGHT YOU CANNOT GIVE UP NOW HAVE HOPE SOLDIER" I continue to scream. I roll fellowship and succeed. The character gains morale.
"Yeah! I can do it!" he says.
"WHAT IS YOUR NAME"
"Uh.. my name is awkward."
"NO WHAT IS IT"
".. Awkward. Like.. Awkward J--" and I cut the DM off.
"YOUR NAME IS NOW BRIAN AND YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN DO IT AND NOBODY CAN STOP YOU!"
"my name is awk--"
"BRIAN YOU CAN DO IT" and I succeed fellowship again.
"I can do it!" and we ride out of the barn, bursting through the door.
"Yeah! I'm an adventurer! I'm unstoppable!" says the DM, emulating the above trope. We're immediately faced down by 5 Khornate berserker demons. I do the only thing I can think of, shout "MEET BRIAN!!" and throw the NPC at the berserkers as we make our escape.

>>4120930
Sometimes people survive massive falls IRL as well
http://www.greenharbor.com/fffolder/ffresearch.html

This thread is pretty great.

We were investigating a haunted mansion where a family had been massacred, we came across a room of undead servants and the drowned Lady of the House.

Our resident diplomat asks, "Hello? Who are you? What happened here?"

"DID HE SEND YOU!?" she screams back.

"Uh, who?"

"ARE YOU TESTING ME!?!"

"Excuse me?"

"YOU, YOU'RE TESTING MEEE" she howls.

My halfling ranger steps forwards, he's a deadpan type who just wants to go home, get paid and not waste money on bullets.

"Yes, we were testing you. You passed. Please take this reward in good faith." stepping forwards he presents her with a cupcake out of his rations.

She stared blankly at us for a good while, confused, staring at this cupcake before throwing it at me for 1d4 damage and attacking.

Ever since then, the exchange of items tends to involve someone being asked to take things in "Good faith"

>>4121089
I fucking loled at this! XD

>>4119844
OP I demand to know what the picture is about.

In our Shadowrun game one of my friends wanted to play a drug dealer. So he's driving around asking for information, and these gang members say something to the effect of "We might know, but what's in it for us?"
"What do you need?"
"What have you got?"
"What are you in the mood for?"
"We've got all kinds of moods. What do you have?"
"What DON'T I have?"
This continued for MINUTES, until the gangster pulls out a gun, points it at the characters head, and says, "Man, fuck this bullshit! Start talking or I'm gonna blow your fucking head off!"
To which the PC replies, "You think you can?"
Bang.
So now, whenever things are getting circular, someone says, "What do you need?"

>>4121325
Bard, I think, asks paladin for lesbo sex. Paladin has her code of conduct, so she can't. NYORO~N

Played a game where an NPC was a crazy prospector warning us about haunted mines. We asked what died in there that might be haunting it, he paused, and replied "Rock ghosts!"

Priests seem to have a hard time in our games. None of us are anti-religious or anything, it's just pretty much coincidence.

In one game, there were two guys camped by a wagon outside of town. They were dressed in black, so I assumed they were bad guys and slit their throats while they slept. Traveling missionaries. Whoops.

The next game, a friend of mine couldn't get a priest to cooperate and give him information, so he just kept beating the shit out of him (the guy didn't know anything), until he was eventually injured badly enough to cause brain damage. Thereafter, he was rendered retarded.

All orks speak with Cockney accents.

>>4121375
Im pretty sure thats standard issue for anyone whose into both warhammer and DnD

>>4121358
>priest
>not already retarded

Oh dear.

Shadowrun game, a PC says we want to go somewhere that's completely not where you'd expect shadowrunners to hang out. A nice, quiet, safe place, maybe with a little room where we can talk quietly and maybe have some coffee. DM says, "Like a Christian bookstore?" The Christian bookstore became our official hideout, and one of the PCs had construction contacts, so additions were made to it (under the guise of fixing a leaky roof or something) and the place was full of illegal goods.

>>4121390

That was pretty clever

>>4121325
OP here the story behind it was pretty much created by my friend one session and ended up becoming a focal point (for lack of a better phrase) for our characters. Basically at one point during a break in the session my friend (the ranger) asked to see my character sheet and discovered that my character (the paladin) came from the same city as her. Eventually this came to her saying that the characters were lesbians to which I replied "The paladin has her code of conduct so they can't be." So this developed into a joke were the ranger was following around the paladin constantly having her advances rebuked by a monotone "Code of Conduct"

Side note: She was also the one to draw the picture since I have no artistic skill.

Whenever DM does something shitty, railroads or something, we generally point it out by going "DM DM" in tune to the Mahna-Mahna muppet song.

Clancy the Elephant, an elephant that the players constantly summoned during the last campaign. They decided to name him after he saved their bacon countless times by crushing constructs with him.

LBG. Legitimate Business Gnomes. A Gnome crime cartel with many facets, all of which are led by someone named "Mr. Good[suffix]" and they are all led by the "Goodfather". They're recurring and they must always appear in every campaign, no matter the DM or universe.

Fuck yeah, these threads are great.

-"All right, fuck it. A dragon comes down and pops your head off."
-A human town in which every single shopkeeper has a Scottish accent.
-"...and, that puts you below -10. You're dead." "I roll to disbelieve!"
-"Fuck this. ROD OF WONDER!"

>>4121072
>Niniel
Give her a break; she already had to deal with getting exiled for accidentally fucking her brother.

>>4121089
Someone needs to draw a comic of this.

From the games I've been in...

The Beer Cannon/Launcher, cobbled together from a kitchen and phosphoric acid beer
"Is it a magical door?"
"You're the Duane of the week" (named after a retarded player in one of the very first campaigns I was ever in)
"You fumble your search check on the corpse. Badly. The rest of the party sees you touching up a dead guy with a look of intense concentration. You are now at -2 to social interaction rolls with the rest of the party."

I just got into pen and paper fantasy, dnd in particular, and I'm finding myself drawn to small races.

Other then gnome and halfling, what other small 3.5 races are there? Are they fun to roll/role?

>>4121566
FUCK ME SIDEWAYS AND CALL ME SHIRLEY! This is most assuredly not how I intended to post this and I apologize to everyone who wanted to read about running gags.

>>4121565
That last one is now a house rule, critically fail a search check on a corpse and you accidentally molest it, do it too much and the party will actually become suspicious

>>4121586
Is this reversible? If a person were to critically fail a molestation check, would they find a previously hidden bag of coins?

>>4121463
Someone get a writefag on this right nao.

>>4121586

Well it wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the fact that, immediately before, he'd failed a psychometry scan on a wall of carvings and spent a good ten minutes grabbing the boobs of a statue with the same intense look on his face.

>>4121610
No.

>>4121609
Short answer: Yes
Long answer: in there vagina/urethra

>>4121565

In Monte Cook's World of Darkness, demons can regenerate anime by (the book says this) "fondling a corpse for 5 minutes."

So, my enormous demon spent the moments unwinding after combat molesting the people he killed.

For shame.

>>4121609

Yes, but it's best not to inquire too closely as to where they came from.

Oh yes, I utterly forgot the most popular running joke of the group:

Warren Ellis: Guardian of the Multiverse. Also, he has a button that causes a hand on a stick to come out and slap you whenever you're doing something stupid.

No matter where you are.

>>4121664
>in the urethra

Okay, there's an interesting idea. Who would ever to think to look THERE for, say, a really small invisibility potion, or a miniature wand?

>>4121700
or a bag of gold coins

>>4121711
Difficult to hide something like that given the amount of stretching it'd take.

You could, however, melt a lot of gold shit down and make it into, like, a string of beads. MOST EXPENSIVE SEX TOY EVER.

>>4121609
I would think so.

-"I molest the corpse"
-... ok *rolls* 1, you stick your hand in the corpse... and pull out a large sack of coinage.
-"SCORE!"

>>4121720
Hence why i said it, but in all honesty, unless your character has a serious thing for uretral insertion, it just wouldent stretch enough. and if they ARE into it, then you should consider FATAL as a potential new system

Dark heresy campaign. We randomly roll up characters and the guardsman rolls small hands as his trait. We have mocked him for it every session since.

It's gotten even worse since he started taking it personally and decided to match up hand size with all of us playing. He's a big boy, about 5'8, 260lbs, he has smaller hands than my girlfriend who's 5'7, 140lbs.

>Joe-Jane the gay barbarian/bard, we use him to threaten the players.
>>Had a player once that built up a character to disarm with a ransure, and it didn't matter what was happening he would start bragging now he would just disarm the people. He finally stopped coming to games and we killed off his character and broke the ransure, now when ever some one uses a ransure we break it and burn the remains...
>>>I scare any group I play with by telling them I'm going to play a kender, I pull off kender really well even with the crazy happenings of WTF.
>>>>In-game references to moder day stuff happens all the time, I have a bar with enchanted death knight heads that sing Bohemian Rhapsody.
>>>>>Reoccurring characters like: George the retarded Gnoll barbarian what will do what ever his feeder tells him like no eating the ponies, Tim? Pronounced with the question mark who is a stoner warlock cook, The bar the rusty bucket where you will lose most of your valuables the first night, or the bar Weeping Willow built around a Dryad's home tree the dryad must dance in order to get water for the tree, and the most common character that pops up for us is cheese the skeleton usually some low level necromancer's pet just a human skeleton that follows him around.

Tachikoma quotes when my warforged is doing stuff.

and oddly enough, I'm not the one doing it either

>>4121732
As long as you simply don't mention exactly where it is you're hiding them, you could just have a really high roll check for hiding very small objects in there.

Bonus points for pulling them out at the most hilarious moments, like right before a fight. Just for the look of "where the fuck where you hiding THAT?" on your fellow players.

Our monk has a car alarm on his horse

A while back, some job or another went terribly awry for our party, all because the quest NPC failed to mention something really horrible in an attempt to "test" us (get us killed). At that point, the party's sorcerer put this NPC to the question, asking simply,

"What deuce?"

Things degenerated from there, to the point where most conversations that would have been carried out by roleplaying were simplified down to a simple "What deuce?!"

It's remarkable how powerful "what deuce?" is, and what an amazing tool for PC/DM dickery it has become.

Hmmm.. let's see

Pot smoking paladins, lengthy contracts required to sign into the adventurers guild (the guild inherits all your items if you bite the dust), racist dwarfs and a constantly drunk weapon smith.

In a nWoD we had a character was pretty much a "I rape the gome" guy. He was very irritating. In one session where our characters are introduced me and him go for a drink after hearing that various supernatual shit is real. He gets drunk and wanders off and hits on the ugly secretary at the place we work for. Cue disgusting sex scene when the mage and the vampire with edetic memory walk into this. The mage wants to burn this image into the guy's mind to share what they know but fucks up and burns it into his own mind.

Every now and again the ST drops a "You feel slightly sick after remembering something you really don't want to remember."

due to poor spot/search checks, i now listen for treasure

There is always a German dude with glasses. He will inevitably betray us all. It has come to the point where "You see a man with glasses and lederhosen" has become synonymous with "you're all fucked now".

>>4121956
I must hear more

>>4121979
Well, it started with this German npc who helped us throughout the entire campaign, only to finally reveal himself as the one that had set us up all along. WHAT A TWEEST! He was a great character and everyone loved him.

Next campaign, he showed up again. The exact same guy. It wasn't even the same system anymore, but there he was, working as a bellboy at the local hotel. So, we figure it was just a shout-out to the last campaign and get on with whatever we were doing. He called the cops on us.

And so on, and so on, until finally, we have gotten into the habit of talking to every single man with glasses, simply to find out if he speaks with a German accent. If he does, we suckerpunch him and run away as fast as we can. Nothing can inspire panic in our group like a German man wearing glasses. Even in Call of Cthulhu.

>>4121997

hahahaha

>>4121997
>Even in Call of Cthulhu.

Please tell me he turned out to be Nyarlathotep.

Never leave a casualty who isn't Captain Arrick with Harshman. It will end in tears.

>>4121997
Sounds good. We're terrified of Illithids. DM uses it as a way to scare us.
"Ooh, careful in that dungeon, there might be Mindflayers!"
Honestly, it's only cause we had a TPK due to tentacles...

>>4122011
Hell no! German Glasses Guy is so much worse, because you know he will show up, and you know he will fuck you over, no matter what we're playing and no matter where we are. In CoC, he was just some random museum guard. We had come to find some ancient plaque or something, when we see German Glasses Guy. Before he can fuck us over, we decide to jump him, beat him unconscious and stuff him inside a supply closet. This was in the middle of the day. This is the kind of terror German Glasses Guy inspires in us. We become completely irrational.

>>4121997
You have the best worst DM ever.

There's a recurring enemy in our campaign that just never stayed dead. He's just a normal human, but he always returns.

So far, he's been: crushed by a car, blown up with dynamite, shot multiple times and kicked off of a skyscraper (the 50th floor), mauled by a tiger, sprayed with napalm, tackled off of a cliff, caught in an exploding helicopter, tossed down a mine shaft and eaten by a shoggoth. None of that took him out of action for more than 2 sessions.

He just won't die.

This is one of my favorites:

We had a long running campaign in college, and since we only gamed while school was in session there were frequent breaks for vacations etc. On the last session before the lengthy winter vacation the Paladin returns to his church and collects a mage he has to escort to the northern lands, no big deal. They introduce each other, all is done.

Flash forward 2 real life months. First game of the spring semester. Party is standing outside the church, waiting for Paladin to come out. Shamshad (the paladin) comes out and says:
"Everyone, I'd like you to meet...uh...what was your name again?"
"We were just introduced, Shamshad. That was five minutes ago!"

So now whenever a player forgets something they were just told, 'THAT WAS FIVE MINUTES AGO!' is universally screamed.

>>4122058

In this one pretty shoddy campaign, we were in the Not-Moria, and were walking across this bridge when a demon attacked (yeah). So, our mage casts a spell called explosion. It creates an explosion. We were standing less than 10 feet away from the target on a narrow bridge over a bottomless chasm.

To this day we still yell "Cast Explosion!" whenever it's the mage's turn.

>>4122156
... Which system was that?

>>4122094
I think that our enemy just might be a Wild Dog ripoff.

>>4122172
Or the Master.

Meepo of the Many Accents.

Back when I was running the sunless citadel, I could not do a decent kobold voice, and as a result I wavered between about 19 different accents whenever I had to speak with him, he would start sounding like a gravelly goblin voice, sway into a lisping snake voice, and end sounding like a mexican.

>>4122163
A Swedish DnD ripoff called Drakar och Demoner (Dragons and Demons).

>>4121997
That's just... I don't know whether you have the best or the worst DM ever.

>>4122187
Interesting.

Not my campaign, but Pixy would count.

>>4121997

>>4122187
How the fuck have they not been sued into the ground for making that?

>>4122232

SEELÄ SCHNEIDÄÄRRR?

>>4122236
Well, it's pretty much just the names that are similar this edition. It's heavily based on nordic mythology, and has a market of 9 million (considering less than 5% of the population probably even roleplay, that reduces it to under 450.000).

>>4122187
Everyone knows Drakar och Demoner is just a translation of Dungeons & Dragons done by Åke Ohlmark.

>>4122236
They're not actually anything alike. Completely different settings, completely different rules, etc. The only part that's remotely similar is the name.

>>4122257
Well, the old editions were dangerously close. I guess that's why they've gone through 7 editions in the past, what, fifteen years?

>>4122262
Maybe, but the "generic high fantasy" setting is not exactly unique to begin with, and it did start branching out into new territory fairly quickly. Who here remembers the Chronopia setting? I know I do!

>>4122257
Well, people have been sued over less

>>4122271
I only remember how much balls it sucked.

>>4122285
Didn't say it was good, /tg/. Didn't say it was good.

>>4122287
It's seriously all I remember from it. It sucked. To be fair though, the only reason anyone ever plays any edition is because there's no need to translate everything without making it sound stupid. Mediocre game at best.

>>4122187

actually, more than the name and the fact that they are both rpg's, they dont have very much in common.

Drakar och Demoner is a storytelling game that doesnt give a shit about class balance. Out of the basic classes (entertainer, warrior, priest, hunter, crafter etc) some of them cant even wield weapons or armour.

DnD on the other hand has heavy focus on class balance, levels, ´multi-classing and a fuckton of rules for combat.

>>4122294
On that topic, every spell name in DoD sucks. I think it's some inherent quality of the Swedish language. English has awesome-sounding shit like Blood Frenzy and Wail of the Banshee and shit. Even Magic Missile sounds fairly cool. I mean, can you imagine how retarded "magisk missiiiiiiil" sounds in Swedish?

As a result all of the DoD spells sound all plain, boring, and often downright retarded. I mean what kind of namef or a spell is "explosion", really, anyway?

>>4121072
Shit. Strongest ale shouldn't be grain alcohol. That would never happen.

>>4122353
It's just a matter of lazy design.

>>4122331

>DnD on the other hand has heavy focus on class balance, levels, multi-classing
>DnD, class balance
>*awesomeface*

>>4122271

chronpia setting was best setting ever

written by sum warhammer writer it was DoD goes GRIMDARK

>>4122391
Chronopia sucked. It was a very half assed generic Warhammer Fantasy rip. Their lizards sucked.

>>4122353
Lightning Bolt and Fireball would like to have a word with you.

>>4122404
THEIR LIZARDS SUCKED!? NO WAY!

>>4122391
You best be trolling nigger, or I will kick your goddamn ass. It sucked so bad it turned into a black hole.

>>4122404
Hey, fuck you, man.

>>4122387
Dungeons & Dragons is a bloody Cirque du Soleil act compared to Drakar och Demoner.

>>4122376
Maybe, but the more I think about it the more I realize I can't come up with better alternatives myself. Everything I come up with sounds old-fashioned and/or retarded.

>>4122421
Well, when DoD has goddamn entertainer, sage and handyman as fucking classes alongside assassins, warriors and wizards, you know it's gonna be unbalanced. Anyone playing a goddamn entertainer only has himself to blame.

At least once per session, an NPC will come up to us hitting us up for charity donations. To really really bad charities.

"Claustrophobic drow anonymous"

"Home for colourblind high elves"

etc.

Also, our halfling rogue has this gag going where he carves. He bought a carving knife and carves pieces of wood when we make camp for the night so he can sell them later. DM has him roll a d20 every time he carves. Higher the roll the more beautiful the carving. The problem is, in a year of gaming, the highest he's rolled is a 5.

He tried to sell a carving he rolled a 1 on once and the NPC went "Oh, my that's um... did one of those "special" kids carve that?"

Another time we were in an amazon village as part of a quest. Things were going really well until we hear a crash and discover about 6 of them have thrown the halfling through a window and out of the bar. He was trying to sell them wooden dildos and strapons he'd carved the night before.

That's become one of our favourite recurring jokes. If an NPC asks if we have something, we always say "No, but would ye like a finely carved wooden dildo?"

>>4122458
I LIKE it!

>>4122436
Hey, sages were awesome, they got four language skills for free and awesome shit like cultural knowledge, history, demon lore, magic lore, undead lore... uh... mathematics... chess and board games?

Fuck it, sages were shit.

Some things:
Shadow Shadow Bo Badow
Ya fool! (From Courage)
Ya wanna know what's behind that door?

We had a quest... to escort a flaming flaming gay Bard (pic related, dm admitted once the campaign was over that the guy in the pic was the inspiration) from one side of the country to another. The problem was, women found him irresistible. We had everyone from undead women to amazons to female rogues, spellcasters, etc trying to kidnap him.

Anyway he ended up kidnapped by this matriarchal cult. Took us a week or so game-time to rescue him but we finally did. First night camping

Rogue: Would you like some fish?
Bard *knocking it out of his hand* NO NO FISH NO AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *runs away crying*

>>4122497

Sorry hit submit too fast. "Would you like some fish?" is now a recurring joke and happens almost every gaming session.

"Check the cake! CHECK THE GODDAMNED CAKE!"

Like that guy who had the German Glasses NPC, we had giant cakes as our enemy.

It is now a common fact that Stairs are a ninja's worst enemy. This comes from the first time our group played D&D, in which I attempted to sneakily walk down the stairs as to not alert the guards...and rolled a one. Promptly fell down the stairs.

Also, disguises are never worth it. They always lead to your party murdering you before realizing that you're not actually a guard.

All monsters are mildly aggravated, somewhat pissed, etc. They are never outright angry.

If the party is seen to go over the edge in ridiculousness, they look up and see....dragons. Hundreds of thousands of dragons, filling the sky. And they're all dead. And falling right on them.

Intimidation rolls have become my party's number one way of dealing with stuff during social situations.

Sometimes we don't even have all that many threatening characters, but even the good natured pretty elven bard boy has succeeded in making an NPCs piss themselves in fear.

This was from some pirate adventure my group ran awhile back.

DM: As you enter the cavern, you see that you are surrounded by piles of treasure. Gold, jewels, the whole thing. When you think treasure trove, this room is it. Standing in the center are a group of statues of solid gold, a woman and some children. The are some inscriptions on the wall. You can tell it is in greek.
Me: Ok. I read them.
DM: The inscriptions say that these treasures once belonged to King Midas, and the statues are his family that he accidently turned to gold. Now what follows is a description of possibilities to ressure--
Me: No no no no. Fuck ressurecting or degolding them or that shit.
DM: What?
Me: Look. These people have been trapped as gold statues for who knows how long. They would have no way of adjusting to modern society not to mention the sanitation and diseases.
DM: Your point?
Me: I'm gonna do them a favor. I'm gonna take em, and turn them into gold bars. Its the only merciful thing I can do.
DM: But thats horrible! They might have a chance of being revived.
Me: Listen buddy. I have no problem smelting a greek man's children.

At that point the campaign kind of fell apart. But it was worth it for the DM's facepalm.

>>4122700
Forget "reintegrating into society" bullshit. After several hundred years as statues, they'd be FUCKING INSANE.

A friend of mine is running a 4eD&D game (inb4 hurr hurr 4e), and his party's plans of action have begun to fall into two categories -- Folder A: argue about a plan for an hour, then charge in without any regard for the previous discussion, and Folder B: smoke 'em out. There are extremely rare cases of Folder C: discuss and execute a solid tactical plan, flawlessly.

>>4122714
it depends if they were concious the whole time yes if not they would just be a bit mindfucked by the whole time skipped a few hundred years bit and now everything and everyone is dead with a possible going insane

>>4122729
Either way, they're better off.

Then again, I do find the very idea of turning a beautiful woman into solid gold and then melting her down...strangely erotic.

>>4122700
Given proper thought, the best choice is to bury them.

My mage is on a treasure hunt. After a long and ardously mindfucking labyrinth he finds what he was seeking. The Heart of the Humongous, a football sized diamond. When he loots it inadvertedly triggers a trap which causes 100+ gargoyle statues coming alive and heading to him. Hu shuts the door and trys to communicate with his benefactor a mage-treeant.

>Your majesty I've recovered the Heart of the Humongous, blah..blah...blah.... but look! Gargoyles!

For a three year-long college game, we had a player who ran a rather austere, mild-mannered Monk/Divine Mind, but would always make really sarcastic, out of character comments, immediately followed up with "I DON'T say..." It became common enough that everybody else in the party could do it with him.

The monk player is getting married this summer (to another one of the players, in fact) and I've been threatening that we'll all shout out "I DON'T say!" immediately after his "I do."

>>4122408

Now imagine if EVERY SPELL IN THE BOOK had names like that.

We were trying out 4e. One of our PCs plays a warlord, because he always declared himself the leader of the party in 3.5 games anyway. The DM suggests that, as a warlord, he say some inspiring things when he uses his abilities. Another PC was playing a ranger, and having the worst luck I've ever seen. After having critically failed some five rolls in a row, he had completely failed to help us in combat, fallen into a river, hit his head on a rock, and was in danger of drowning. The Warlord's turn comes up. He runs to the edge of the river and shouts, "TRY HARDER!"

>>4122840
The same guy that played the Warlord had a character in 3.5 who was insistent that to be an adventurer, you needed to know how to do manly things like climb, jump, and swim. So climb, jump, and swim are now universally "Adventurer abilities".

>>4122831
Evard's Black Tentacles = Tentacle Attack
Scintillating Sphere = Shield Globe
Ice Storm = Icicle Fall

I was DMing a game for a bunch of ill-willed monsters, we had a 4-foot minotaur, a flying skull that thought it was a demi-lich, an awakened table (yes, given the option of playing a monster race, someone opted to play a table), and a dretch.

Anyways, after getting chased out of a nearby village, our motley group had managed to find their way into a druids grove that watched over the surrounding regions.
While looting through the grove, the party was discovered and attacked by grove guardians. Things werent looking so good and while trying to escape the dretch attempted to summon an ally dretch for fodder, and in doing so rolled a natural 20
Player: Awesome, can I summon something bigger?
Me: Sure, lets see, *cracks open MM* you can ha-
Player: I want a balor
Me: Thats like a CR 20 monster, you'd have to roll another natural twe-

And of course his dice are in the air before I can finish.
Natural 20, of course.

All the players deadpan as he looks up at me, with that smug look of "You said so"

Me: ..... you summon a balor
Player : I SUMMON A BALOR
He screams as he stands up, all of the players start cheering, and everything goes to hell.
The balor appears, pleased as fuck to be standing in the middle of a druidic grove on the mortal plane, and with a big "Aww Right" summons another balor and they start raping the shit out of these poor druids while the party rides the table out of the forest to backdrop of a smoke filled sky.

Anyways, now whenever shit gets really bad and the party is in over its head, someone always cuts the DM off while hes describing our impeding doom screaming I SUMMON A BALOR!!!

>>4122883
>someone opted to play a table

Gah, that's horrible. Tell him to choose something better next time.

My players almost got defeated by a small monstrous spider. They nicknamed him 'Jacques', and I had him magically disappear rather than dying. He's now awakened and travelling the planes taking levels in swashbuckler. He'll return as a rival who's always eight steps ahead of the party.

>>4122883

A-team shit right there

>>4122950
i see wat u did thar

>>4122950
GARY MOTHERFUCKING OAK!

The Monk's donkey. He killed my character (Another Monk), because he tried to protect the fucking ass. After the Monk was killed by a frost giant, the fucking donkey, imbued with rage, became a NIGHTMARE and snatched the body to ressurect it.

Jacques Cousteau was a NPC in every campaign we had.

>>4119901
Exalted: Butterflies in the dead of winter. Fail an awareness roll? You see butterflies. Hell, one time the ST flipped over to a new day: The sun is rising, the butterflies are chirping...

>>4123101
to be fair, those butterflies were inspired by a fair folk.

Most of these things are retarded "LOL SO RANDUMB XD" bullshit, like naming skeletons and retarded monsters.

This is the best thread in a long time by my reckoning.

Hearty laughs.

We accidentally made a guy with "Really Cool Pants" to be the BBEG.

One of the players looted some artwork that was on the walls of an evil wizards shack to sell for some cash. He unframed the artwork and shoved into his map scroll and was off. When the player got back to town later in the session, he tried to sell it in the local bazaar.

The artwork was worth between 5-10 gold and he was trying to sell it under the premise that it was "magical". So he kept rolling bluff checks against potential buyers. Until one guy came up and offered him a straight up price of 10 gold for the painting of a village. The player said "No, 20 gold". After a short amount of bickering and haggling over the price(I was trying to get the player to stop selling the item and get back to adventuring with the other NPCs) the player says "I'm going to compliment him on his pants, I'm going to bluff him into thinking he's got REALLY cool pants".

A natural 20 happened and the guy did believe his pants were rather "cool". Anyways, that didn't affect the selling price and the player kept the art(not wanting to be short changed) and decided to leave with the group on their adventure.

-A LONG WHILE LATER-

After questing through the forest for the son of the local towns mayor, the group made listen checks. The only player to pass was the guy with the paintings who exclaimed "Is it the guy with the cool pants!?". We all had a good laugh, except for him who kept a straight face and asked again. I said "No its-" and got cut off and he said "THE GUY WITH THE COOL PANTS AND A FRIEND".

Anyways, I laughed again and said "Fine! It is! He bursts out of the trees and demands for the legendary painting you have".

Long story short, almost every 4th battle was the result of the "Guy with cool pants" sending his minions to steal back the painting while the group tried to get it to this legendary wizard to save the world.

>>4123742
Now, anytime the identity of anyone is question we often exclaim "The guy with the cool pants"

DM: You see a Wardrobe in the room, to the left of the bed.
Skippy: I put it on.
DM: What?
Skippy: I put on the Wardrobe
DM: Uhh... Roll a strength check
Skippy: Rolls a natural 20
DM: Okay, you hop inside and burst your legs through the wooden bottom and your arms through the side. It's kinda hard to move....

Now anytime one of the group members that witnessed this see a wardrobe in any campaign, they try to equip it in some way.

Our Guardsman in the DH game I'm running always cuts off the ears of whatever he kills, no exceptions. He never gave a reason for why he does it, nor has he told us what he does with them. A major topic for both ic and ooc debates.

>>4123784
P.S. Skippy thought a Wardrobe was a type of Robe used for War. He was a wizard so he was interested in wearing a robe that had magical properties.

>>4123799
>wardrobe
>ward robe
I can't decide wether to facepalm or think this is awesome. Nevertheless, sounds like a hella fun guy to play with.

In a D&D game we were going over some treasure we had found, and there was some eagle statue or something, and our cleric asked the DM what it did. Before the DM could answer, the sorceror who was looking at the DMG cut him off and snapped "Its worth eighteen thousand gold, that's what it does."

So we would always repeat that whenever someone asked what a magic item did.

a while back i used to play with an overexcitable DM who would often put us in situations where we had to fight monsters WAY over our level... So one day we're wandering through some dungeons at level 3 or 4 and a hydra statue comes to life and attacks us... I asked the DM if the hydra could fit through the door. He looks at me confused for a second before saying, uh no. It rolled really low for initiative, and we all ran out the door and proceeded to use ranged weapons to shoot it to death... a Shitton of arrows later we eventually killed it as it had just kept pushing at the doorway in vain trying to get into the corridor...

bears tend to show up a lot in games we play, and people always make unbearably bad puns when they show up.

Playing in a Star Wars SAGA game, and the GM had a sheet filled with character names for quick reference.
Something caught my eye as he pulled it out: I read the name really quickly - "Frank Balls".
We burst out into laughter for a good 10 minutes, totally derail whatever we were doing.

>>4122735
Ah, now you're getting into the "really weird/not sure if want" area of fetishism.

>>4124430
Ugh, that sounds grizzly. I think I would want the polar opposite. How do you bear it?

Lets see, we have one in particular that came from the evil campaign our group played. It all started when we were searching for a place to stay, and ended up on a cabbage farm. Rather then pay, as it were, we opted to kill the farmer and rest for a couple days after he graciously gave us the information that his wife and daughter were a two day trip away and wouldn't be back for a while.

Before leaving, our fighter decided to sit the man up at the dinner table with a meal before him, put a fork in his head, and put a cabbage where the man's head used to be. It was from that point on that the group would replace all killed people's heads with cabbages from that day forth.

bees as the default go-to monster. use whatever swarm is level-appropriate, but describe them to the players as bees.

when asked what kind of monster they are, the DM shouts, "BEES BOY, THEY'RE BEES!"

>>4122720
LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROY JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENKINS!!!

Warp-Whales.

"Nexus special!"
Basically, if you're found taxing in Nexus, the Emissary would wait until you're having sex, climb through your window and donkey punch you just as you climax. He knows when this is going to happen because he's the goddamn Emissary.

One time, we fought a feral Dodge Viper. It was especially dangerous because it had the Cobra intake package.

Since then "has the Cobra intake package" might as well be synonymous with "dire".

At one point we applied the Cobra Intake Package to a large herd of Roombas. It became the Vroomba Tribe and was responsible for several deaths.

the Fist-Sized Ruby. Sooner or later, in my games, you'll run across one.

Exploding clothes. A friend and I were in a really terrible Exalted game where the girlfriend of the DM was thrust into sexual situations at least once a game session. One of the most common things was her abilities would frequently cause her clothes to explode.

"Perception check for your search please."
Player: Rolls poorly.
"You find the inside of your eyelids."
Player. Rolls again.
"You find the inside of your other set of eyelids." (He's a dragonborn with 7 wis. He's awful at finding things.)

Warlord: "Time to take this guy out. I roar Kord's name and Lead By Example." Rolls a 1.
Players: "More like Lead By Failxample."
The ability is now known as Lead By Failxample until he successfully uses it to kill an enemy twice.
Two sessions later he crit using the ability, so he's halfway to redeeming himself.

poor checks on perception related skills. Initially a bad spot convinced a character he saw catapults.

Very failed spots are now "You see catapults" regardless of location.

Bad listen "You hear catapults"

Bad search "You find catapults... and promptly misplace them"

The Witch.

An old hag was a plot point to continue my groups quest. The monk was paranoid of magic decided to watch the witched hut for a while first. She came out and cast a little cantip to start a campfire, which freaked the Monk out.

He proceded to scream IT'S THE WITCH, fire his bolt at the witch, critting and killed her instantly. But since she was a plot point the DM just had her look at the Monk, call him a prink and walk inside.

A ranger NPC in the tree above said that wasn't a nice thing to do. The Monk, thining the witch teleported up there, again screamed "IT'S THE WITCH", fired an empty crossbow at the ranger, startling him and causing the ranger to fall out of the tree.

From then on the witch was deemed God and would randomly show up just to scare the monk and walk away.

ITT: PLEASE TELL ME I'M FUNNY

Exalted: My first character botched. A lot.

Eclipse almost got killed by a bed. And some rope.
That's how bad the botches were.

Now I'm scared of letting any character go to bed.

>>4124967

hilarious

In every DnD game we will encounter another group of adventuers. Usually a generic group, a warrior/mage/rogue/cleric group that has ironically caught wind of our quest and has decided to try their hand with it.

That we always find a corpse of a clone of one of characters in the dungeon we are heading into.

>>4125053
Our DM once did this. We found a near exact clone copy of our party in this room of a random sewer pipe under a city. Dead. Our wizard flesh to stoned them (after we put therm in diffrent positions) and now we all have wonderful statues of our characters. We put them in a tavern. They keep our table open for us.

>>4124886
Foreplay

>>4125007
foreplay?

>>4125230

Ah lol'd.

We were in jail and managed to break out but our stuff was all held in the castle itself. We ducked through back alleys and managed to steal some regular clothes for ourselves. No weapons, no armour, no gold.

Rogue: I know! We'll ask people to donate to a made up charity!

DM: Ok but you'll have to roll a bluff check.

Rogue: I stand at the edge of the alleyway trying to look as pathetic as possible.

DM: A well-off looking couple walks towards you.

Rogue: I say, excuse me, would you like to donate to *rolls a nat 1* the... rape an orc foundation?!

Took about 10 minutes for us all to stop laughing. Then the DM goes "it's funnier if you picture an orc voice going 'no human no what you doin?! Grognar poop from THERE nooooo!'.

This is a bit of a long story:

Weekend before game session I go into a local bar for cheap drink night. Two girls next to me at the bar who are smaaaaaaaashed drunk and becoming friends.

Girl 1: Lemme buy you a hot dog or somethin.
Girl 2: I can't have a hot dog it's not kosher.

*long explanation from girl 2 to girl 1 of what kosher is, followed by 15 - 20 minutes of girl 1 asking if anything she can think of is kosher or not*

Finally girl 1 stops for a minute and girl 2 takes a big drink.

Girl 1: What about buttsex?! Is that kosher?!

Girl 2 spit flooges her drink all over the bar, the bartender and the mirror behind the bar.

I made the mistake of bringing this story up right before our game session. Suddenly our next quest was escorting the daughter of a higher-up at the mercenaries' guild so she could figure out her vocation in life.

She latches on to the paladin and we get an entire adventure of

"Can paladins cry?"
"What if you've had buttsex. Can you still be a paladin?"
"If you get raped can you still be a paladin?"

etc etc etc

>>4124800

Your tripcode has "Derp" in it. I am...amused.