Oh... Oh dear... thats..

Thats a sexy basilisk right there.

Oh my god it continues!
Awesome.

"Lance Corporal, will you kindly stop this behaviour at once." Tarn said with a rather stern voice, there had been a small crowd gathering outside the woman's now open tent to see what, exactly, was going on.

"I'm sorry, Jani isn't in, right now, Mr. Tarn was it?" the woman had put on a rather faux posh accent to speak via the sock, her hand moving so that it looked as though the sock puppet was speaking, "but we simply -must- make haste to find the location of my wife afore something unmentionable happens to her!"

Tarn went silent for a few moments, this had been the exact same conversation that Jaret had reported happened when he went to find out why she had not turned out for morning muster and discovered the woman upturning all crates within her tent. "Alright, we will set about finding 'her', though i must talk with Lance Corporal Jani, first." Tarn repeated, almost grudgingly accepting that if this was going anywhere, he'd have to speak to the woman before any 'search' commenced.

The sock puppet's face tilted upwards slightly, as though contemplating the Lieutenant's request, before it nodded once, "Very well, we find this acceptable, fare thee well, good soldier!" then, the sock puppet lowered.

As annoyed as he was at the situation, he had to admit that it was taking time that would normally be spent not doing anything else, at least it was keeping him and his battery occupied, "Lance-corporal, where did you last have this...'sock'?"

At that, Jani looked rather offended, "Mrs. Jenks is more than a sock, sir!" she huffed, "she is a living, breathing figment of my imagination!"

Tarn had to tilt his head forwards slightly as he reached a hand upon to rub across his face. This was going to be hard on his part, the woman had obviously spent too much time being bored alone.

p.s. drawfaggotry encouraged

>>3824235
Bump!

Obvious sign of the taint. Scourge and purge.

"Sorry sir..." Jani frowned as the thought began to form in her head that she may have taken this a little too far, "but i do want my puppet back."

Tarn straightened up, nodding once, it was, at least, something for his Battery to do whilst they await further orders that may or may not be cancelled at the last moment. He half-turned, addressing both Jani and the crewmen that had assembled around her tent's entrance to see what was happening, "Gentlemen, Ladies, one of the Lance-Corporal's socks has gone missing. Any soldiers not currently required to man the guns may assist her in her search. Let's not keep her waiting." and with that, he moved off to the command tent, where he hoped there would be some shreads of sanity left from the boredom.

He was indeed quite thankful, upon his arrival infront of the mass of Guardsmen now turning over the camp in search of 'Mrs. Jenks', to find that the command tent was alive with marginally sane matter. Several pieces of paper had been torn up and had things written on them, numbers mostly, but here and there was the odd word written. It appeared that his non-coms had been calling around the front line to find out the different positions and had formulated the enemy positions most likely to require targetting by a heavy artillery barrage.

That was quite unexpected, it had been a good two weeks since they had set up and now six days since they had done any meaningful firing. Only now had his command staff seen fit to do this, and only out of boredom, "it seems you've been busy this morning..." Tarn mused out loud to the sheepish grins of the men and woman within the tent.

for those wondering wtf is goin' on, original thread archived here:

http://4chan.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/3802607/

FUCK YES YOU ARE THE BEST WRITEFAG EVER

If that is your Basilisk I salute you. Never knew you'd be a fa/tg/uy.

>>3824772
not my basilisk, unfortunately, merely the searchings on google for a red and black one to go as the picture for the writefaggotry

"Well, we like to keep ourselves busy, sir." Came the reply from his Sargeant-Major as the man placed down another apparent target of opportunity, "what's going on out there anyways, sir?"

Tarn let out a soft sigh, moving across to the table to look over his staff's work, "Jani lost one of her puppets and went a bit loopy. The men wanted something to do, so i told them to help her search for it." which brought a few barely suppressed laughs from the four within the tent, the Lance-corporal had quite a reputation for being a bit eccentric whilst away on a campaign and by the Emperor, it showed itself in odd ways, "what's all this about, then?" he gestured towards the map as he pulled up an empty munitions crate to sit on.

"Well sir," Degla began rather proudly, "I've been calling around the front line, letting them know we're still here and requesting information on enemy positions and strongholds that they've spotted so we can predict where is most likely to require a barrage from us." the woman was positively beaming with the pride of her initiative.

Tarn nodded gently, "good work, Degla," the woman's smile only grew wider at the acknowledgement of her work, "where should i be aiming, then?"

Rorvn cut in and began to explain, at quite some length, the different numbers and words that were upon the bits and pieces of paper, explaining carefully to Tarn where the four of them believed there to be the largest and most dug in concentrations of troops in the area. All the while, Tarn was nodding quietly, taking the information in; it did seem to him that the four Guardsmen on his command staff had thought this all out rather carefully and he most definately approved of their choices. Now all that was required was a fire support request or an order to open fire from Headquarters.

epic and original writefaggotry is epic

"Not much luck in that department, i'm afraid, Rorvn. Though i have yet to speak with Hetia about morning orders from Headquarters. Maybe there'll be something today." Tarn offered a reassuring smile to the gathered soldiers before he let his eyes roam across the map they had adorned with their potential targets.

"Actually, sir, there's been no change of orders yet..." came the familiar voice of the tall vox-operator from behind him, causing his shoulders to slump slightly, "sorry sir."

Tarn waved a dismissive hand, "thank you, Corporal, don't worry about it." he gave another sigh as he looked up to see the four frowning faces of his command staff, "We'll get something through today, i'm sure of it. The army commanders wouldn't drag us all the way out here so that we can sit and look pretty for a dress inspection or something." He turned to give Hetia his full attention for a moment, "acknowledge our orders, same as yesterday. Make sure to mention that we're fully ready to dispatch a righteous bomberdment in the Emperor's name." Hetia offered a soft nod before she turned and moved out of the tent, "and in the Emperor's name," Tarn continued quietly, "i hope there will be something to fire at..."

Dawn of War break!

bumping an epic writefaggotry

Learn to grammar.

>>3825752
Yeah, this stuff needs proofreading.

>>3825767
probably, was just writing in on the fly, dont have a degree in english or anything

"Don't worry, sir, there's bound to be someone out there who..." Degla found herself cut off by the distinctive crashing boom of an Earthshaker cannon being fired.

Tarn was almost instantly outside, his eyes whipping from side to side to see which one of his crews decided to fire without orders or authorisation. He continued the surprise he felt from hearing an Earthshaker fire when he discovered that the only two crews in place were those that were meant to be on duty and of those two, neither were actively working around their guns to fire it, nor were there any smoke trails leading from their barrels. "who fired. Who fired that round?" he demanded in a rather authoritive tone befitting a higher ranking officer.

Soldiers stood around, rather dumbstruck at the situation, they had all heard a Basilisk fire, but it wasn't one of theirs. There was a second boom, then a third. Two long trails arced high in the air, streaking off towards the front lines. Further booms followed, the sound muffled by the distance to the origin.

The entire battery stood silently, watching more and more shells fly off into the distance from an unseen source, all thought of the search for the lost sock puppet was gone. "Hetia...Corporal Hetia!" Tarn almost shouted, anger sharpening his features, slightly scaring the woman who ran over to him, having only known the Lieutenant as kindly and gentle, "get me a channel to Headquarters!"

>>3827086
SHIT JUST GOT REAL!

>>3827086
> "Hentai...Corporal Hentai!"

>>3827086

MAN
THE FUCKING ASSKISSERS FROM THE 49TH ALWAYS GETS TO HAVE ALL THE FUN

>>3824235
That Basilisk looks familiar..
One friend of mine has exactly same looking one in here Finland. Strange..

>>3827296
for a second, i thought i'd actually written that

>>3827353
it could be his, then!
as i said >>3824795 here, its not mine, i found it on google

:V

As the woman hurried away to follow his orders, Tarn's eyes turned skywards once more, watching the barrage fly across and down out of sight. Emperor damn that battery, whoever it was. He stalked back into the command tent, past the four NCOs gathered at the entrance and grabbed the map, pulling it from the table and into his hands. Pieces of paper fluttered slowly to the ground as his eyes scanned across the positions of their regiment, which had been written on the map in a washable ink so it could be used in the future.

There was nothing in the vicinity Tarn approximated the shells to be coming from. Regimental Headquarters had moved a battery into position and had it open fire, even though they were right there and waiting for orders to do so.

Taking the map with him, he all but stormed across the camp to the comms tent, nearly tearing the entrance flap down as he dragged it back to enter. Tarn began to forcefully calm himself down as he waited for Corporal Hetia to pass him the handset. As calmly as he could, he took the speaker from the woman, clearing his throat before he began to talk.

"This is six Battery from First Company, we have artillery firing from the north of our position and we have nothing on our maps about any unit positioned there, please advise, Headquarters..." He hoped that they had a rather good explanation.

"Headquarters here," a male voice replied, "the Ninth Battery, Second company was moved forwards last night and placed in a firing position to begin a barrage around this time. It was explained to us that your battery could use a break from being so far forwards on your own for the past fortnight." it was not a good explanation.

"Thank you, command, Six Battery out..." Tarn said, rather calmly considering all that had just happened. He slowly, carefully moved outside, pausing for a moment in the cool breeze outside the comms tent, "FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCK!" he shouted in a very rare moment of lost composure, "fucking hell shitcocking FUCK!" the camp area cleared of all non-essential guardsmen, even those crewing guns made themselves as unnoticable as possible.

Tarn has angry marine gen's

Was this woman in my regiment, I'd shoot her hand off, and call this an accident.

Also, if a regiment's soldiers are slaking, they have a bad officer. There's always some entrenching to be done (and entrenching a Basilisk must be fun), some position masking, and if that everything is done already, the crews should be practicing their personal weapons or participating in exhausting exercises. This is fucking army, not a resort of any kind.

>>3828546
Armies in the field do not train constantly fucktard. If you're too exhausted from training to perform you're combat duties it does you no good. You only entrench your position when there is a threat of enemy attack, so that you can defend your position, otherwise you just lose mobility. While the officer should be trying to make sure his men a ready combat, he also needs to ensure that their morale stays up (this is not achieved through pointless drills and meaningless psychical labor).

Also artillery units are boring as hell, as you end up doing nothing while waiting for fire orders.

f5ing in the name of the emperor

With the exception of the god-awful the sides, that is a very pretty basilisk.

>>3828740
Duh, those are only men standing down who are training, so it's not a problem unless you are counting on getting hit any minute.

If you are in fucking artillery, you ALWAYS entrench your position, because you don't want that anti-battery fire to get you, you idiot.

If you are using self-propelled guns, entrenching does not decrease your mobility unless there are dozens of guns per kilometer of the front, leaving you no place to maneuver.

And physical labor sure keeps morale higher than sitting all day and doing nothing.

Bumping for tension and awesome.

I want to see them fire D:

>>3828740
Not true. We spend most of our time going to the gym, playing xbawks, and talking about all the things were going to do to women once were back in the states. Oh sure theres the occasional rocket attack but 5 rounds max in retaliation and the bad guys stop shooting for at least a month.

>>3828944
That's when you are fighting damn sand niggers, not any real enemy.

>>3828993
real enemy = DA WAAAAAAUGH

also, regarding numerous comments and a personal feeling that there has been a degredation in quality of the content, are there any suggestions for where this writefag should go? i seem to have begun to run out of things to do

>>3829113
Have it rain hard for a while, then leave mud out. Cue mud sports outside for the guard... and mud-wrestling contests between the female guardsmen over puppet pairings.

Also, just run it through spellcheck quickly, or use word so it'll correct some of your mistakes for you.

>>3829113
Or use Firefox with its built-in spellcheck.

>>3829248
Wait a second...

>>3829113
I've always been curious by the supply chain in the 40k universe.I assume the quartermasters are about 100x more irritating..