Wow, she's a real bitch, isn't she.

>>3751871

There is only one thing to do. You must satisfy John sexually...

Before people start suggesting this, do no offer John more sexual favors. We want to be on equal footing in that department, not under her control.

>>3751871

Grab her, apologize for being mean earlier, and hug her to no end. Cry a little in her arms.

Shit now tears are starting to roll down my face, I'm so sad for Joan and John right now ;_;

These furry roleplay threads are killing /tg/ more than love can bloom ever did.

>>3751903
>>a real bitch
Well, that depends on how literally you mean it and what you consider sergals to be...

Face it. Joan is a total pushover in the bedroom department.

And just out of curiosity WHY DOES HER TOP KEEP CHANGING

We could stick a submarine in her pooper?

>Ask John if there is anything we can do to make her feel better.

>>3751925

You're too late

>>3751921

>>3751930
>HUG JOHN
>READ MUG
>HUG MUG
>READ JOHN
>MUG JOHN
>READ HUG

>>3751871
Try and have a serious discussion-explain that you were scared and worried about her, that you care about here and don't want bad things to happen, and that she should understand that. invite her in, but don't force the issue

APOLIGIZE YOU DICK!

Tell her she can drink and eat... or keep being angry over you taking her food. Her choice.

>>3751921
>>3751925
You seem to have been to late. Seems that SEX JOHN is the only option here.

Sergal sex. Do it now

KISS JOHN PASSOINATELY

>>3751970

This is not a healthy relationship.

Apologize to John. Seduce mom.

Wow. Lesbian interspecies romance in a post-by-post adventure game and I had nothing to do with it.

You make me proud /tg/

>>3751970
>>3751980
>>3751921
Jesus, people, where did you learn to relationship? Sex now would be unproductive>>3751957 has the right idea

Leave John alone for a while you dumb fuckers. No wonder you fatasses don't have any friends, apparently if they get in a bad mood you harass the shit out of them until they are driven to a murderous rage.

>>3751957

I kept saying this in the previous thread. When it all comes down to it, we have John's best interests at heart. Explain this and try to cheer her up. No more sex until the time's right.

>>3752102
stopsayingwords.jpg

"I invite you into my home, give you a bath, give you free meat and this is how you repay me!?"

I say we force drinks down her

>>3752102
Lick.

>>3752102
pour beer over both faces

>>3752102
OH GOD GET IT OFF GET IT OFF

>>3752102
Ah. Kissing something with a mouth like a damn shark...not quite working.

>>3752130
THIS

>>3752102

Tell her you hope that you can be good friends from here on out, and that you love her, and only wish for the best for her! That said, let's go inside and PARTY!

>>3752102

Om nom nom nom

>>3752153
No Luz what are you doing, she'll rape Joan's entire family if we give her alcohol! Possibly.

Clearly this is the time for hot sweaty verbal relationship development. Whilst sex.

BE EATEN.
DIE.

The skull and/or the book: Do they have some form of magic?

In the form of unlocking dorfy/barbaric heritage?

>>3752192
I think Joan is too busy choking on tongue to do anything about that.

Lesbian bestiality?

Sage.

>>3752188
>>3752180
>>3752169
>>3752147
>>3752134
Christ, People
>>3752131
>>3752127

>>3752233
I keep saying we need to stop thinking about sex and TALK TO HER.

>>3752102

Politely request that John stop gumming on your face.

Ask Grandma to play with the doggie to cheer her up while you play with your awesome presents.

>>3752233
Oh noes! We'd better get our act together because FUCKING GODDAMN SERGALS ARE FUCKING SERIOUS BUSINESS

>>3752250
I agree, but these people obviously didn't recognize the meme, and thought we were being attacked. Or they're just be stupid for fun. either way, detestable

>>3752272
This one clearly is.

DO YOU REALLY WANT US TO DRIFT APART ANONYMOUS?

Yeah, let Grandma deal with this shit.

Bribe her with bologna.

>>pour beer over both faces

>>3752301

Oh shi-

>>3752301


That looks like a death roll.

Good game.

>>3752301
JUST TALK

JESUS FUCKING DAMMIT GOD DOUBLE-FAGGOT THIS ISN'T SO DIFFICULT

>>3752301
well, at least we can claim we were drunk. that's a valid excuse for just about anything, right?

>>3752301
HERE COMES THE JUSTICE!

>>3752301
SQUAD BROKEN

>>3752301
TALK

SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET US MAKE DECISIONS!

Next week, /TG/ operates a ship.

>>3752301

Prepare for crash landing...Why John why? ;_;

>>3752301
That's gonna leave a mark, I just know it.
Is the front door still open? Can any of those idiots inside see this going on?

>>3752348
ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID! -10 STRENGTH VS. A SERGAL!?

>>3752301
XFD

>>3752301

Also:
>X-COW

>>3752344

>>3752331
You're thinking of "I did it for science."

sage for sergals

>>3752370
QUICK. READ THE BOAT

Is Joanquest always such a train wreck?

Yell for help.

>>3752387
Depends on the proportion of stupid people. Also, the sagers.

The more sagers there are, the worse things happen to Joan. Poor Joan. Kids come home, her life goes to shit.

>>3752387
Consider: This Quest is also called Joan's Sucky Life.

PLAY DEAD

>>3752400
Sorry for not approving of your sergal faggotry floating around /tg/ like an old piece of shit that refuses to flush.

>>3752416
I lole'd

>>3752400
>>3752401
This does not bode well.

I just automatically assumed that John and LOLTITS were a couple by now given the previous responses and the bickering and all. What the hell have they been doing all this time if not making out furiously?

>>3752301
Guys, this picture's been flipped.
Joan's just using John as a facehat

>>TALK
Critical talk failure! It would appear that John doesn't exactly want to listen to you.

>>3752424
Yeah, that's the way it was going. Then, sagefags fucked it up

Protip: Every attempt at logic and rationalization has been met with critical failure.

Some kind of... sergal judo?

Fuck John, go back inside and party.

>>3752443
Use John as hat.

>>3752443
Make up a plate for her, leave it at the door, go back and enjoy your party

>>3752443
Grovel. An angry bitchy sergal is the last thing you want given your pitiful physical strength, enormous chesticles and lack of any real redeeming qualities.

>>3752443

Cry, telling her that it's your birthday, and that you want her to be happy as well. Then run inside, to your room and jump on your bed.

>>3752465
You need to work on your cqc joan

>>3752443
Try again later. Much, much, much later.

Meantime, get your face checked out. Your choice if you let Mommy or the Grands see it.

>>3752443
Tell that bitch to go away.

>TELL MOM

>>3752443
Plan B: Kick to the back of the head. Prove you are a true warrior!

>>3752482
;_;

In a "WAAAAAAAAAAH" way or a "WHEEEEEEEEEE" way?

If John wants to be a bitch, then fine. Just means more delicious birthday feast for us.

>>3752464
Fuck, he's right...
THROW LOGIC TO THE CURB!
RIP OFF CLOTHES!
RAPE JOHN!

Looks like Joan's headvoices cannot agree on things, so a rollvote we must have.

rolled 1 = 1

>>3752536
Make up a plate for her, leave it at the door, go back and enjoy your party

Most of these are going to end up with somebody dying..

>>3752496
The punch each other in the face for quality family time. They'll just think Joan is having a nice time, as long as she doesn't get all pouty.

>>3752443

Ask Grandma to go play with the doggie.

>>3752536
Establish dominance, rape john

rolled 20 = 20

Leave bitchy John alone, make sure your face isn't completely broken.

rolled 10 = 10

Ignore John and go back to party.

rolled 11 = 11

Leave John some food, go check out party.

>>3752559
Looks like the winner.

Well that works too

>>3752559
The critical hit has ruled in favor of common sense!

John is of no further use.
Terminate the fleabag.

Why do we even care about John?
She seems like a big bitch.

I'm sure she just wants some food though.

rolled 6 = 6

leave john a plate, go inside

rolled 8 = 8

>>3752559
Let's see if we can confirm the crit

Higher Roll=Better random thing happens to Joan.

>>3752588
Because she just wants to feel loved?

>>3752607
...damn

Draw sword! Battle to the death!

>>3752607

...

Fuck.

>>20
>>Leave bitchy John alone, make sure your face isn't completely broken.
The only damage to your face is punctured skin. You go back inside, locking the door behind you.

rolled 19 = 19

>>3752629
we should still leave her a plate, show her we still love her

>>3752590

We've offered her everything she would be interested, she's just being a stick in the mud to make us feel bad and it's working.

Ignore her and she'll stop eventually.

rolled 9 = 9

Throw something at John's stupid head.

>>3752629
Poor Joan. She looks so sad.

I suppose John will have to be relegated to family dog status at this rate. She's hardly giving us much choice.

>>3752629
Drink 3 beers

>>3752629

Ok, so John hates us. Let's go back and TRY to foget John. In the mean time, I vote we enjoy being how ever old we are!

>>3752641

I would agree with this action.

Leave a plate of food for John.

>Leave PLATE for JOHN
>Practise SWORD

rolled 12 = 12

>>3752669
>3 beers
Or however many it takes to get hammered

rolled 5 = 5

Treat face.
She broke skin. with her mouth.Where has her mouth been?

Most immediately, in a barrelfull of pickled meat, unless she's done god-knows what since then.

Seek medical attention. Infection is the enemy!

>>3752694
Which would one, considering how much those mugs carry.

rolled 11 = 11

>combine SWORD and JOHN

John's probably upset we don't 'need' her anymore.

rolled 1 = 1

>>3752713
COMBINE SWORD AND JOAN

Leave a plate for John, it's by far the consensus.

DANG she's being a bitch today.

Does Joan have a computer?

>>Leave a plate of food for John.
You leave a plate for John.

You return to your crate, hoping that your presents can cheer you up.
The contents of the crate: >>3750228
The mug, book, envelope, sword and silverish skull have been removed from the crate and inspected.

rolled 13 = 13

>>3752713
>>3752691
>Leave SWORD for JOHN
>Practice PLATE

>>3752744

>Open COMPUTER
>Open BROWSER
>Go to /tg/
>Sage yourself

>>3752772
Read book for a while. See how interesting it is.

>>3752772
Wear mug as hat.

>>3752772
Inspect something else from the crate.

>>3752788
Read the book

Dump crate out on floor.

>>3752772

Inspect coins and Gem.

Inspect Axe.

Inspect the book further, like read it.

I think John is pissed off for more than one reason.

I think John's an orphan. Likely, her parents were killed by dorfs.

Read the book, yeah.

Equipt the crate hat

>>3752834
This is possible, but unlikely. She only started acting bitchy when we ate her bologna

rolled 16 = 16

>>3752834
her mammaries and beer drinking abilities say otherwise

empty crate
get inside
GO TO THE LAND OF MAKE BELIEVE

>>3752852
John, not Joan. As in the lesbian sergal that's currently being a bitch at us.

>>3752850
!

>vomit BOLOGNA on JOHN

>>3752850
True. But still, we ate her bologna and ran off crying, and then she grabs us by the face with her teeth and fucking suplexes us?

I think there's more than just a single slice of bologna that's made her mad.

If mom asks what happened to our face, tell her we had a CRITICAL BOOK READING FAILURE.

>>3752879
More like a CRITICAL DUEL-FORK-WIELDING ERROR.

Three holes on each side, ya see.

>>3752871
Maybe it's due to the fact that she's given us so much sexual contact, and we've yet to meaningfully reciprocate.

>>3752871
we did poor a beer over her head

>>3752871

It's a lesbian relationship dude...

Read book.

BARBED WHEEL FOR THE BARBED WHEEL GOD

SKIN FOR THE SKIN THRONE

>>3752885
...

Possible... She probably viewed those acts as gifts, along with the protection she provided. I think that in her eyes, Joan is the one that's ungrateful.

Still, I think it's time to give her space and let her cool down. Maybe later we can borrow some of mom's lingerie...

rolled 12 = 12

Examine that strap-looking thing that was at the bottom of the box.

>>read book
You can almost feel the warp overtaking you. It is not a good pain.

>>3752935
PUT DOWN BOOK. CLOSE IT.

>>3752935
eat the book

>>3752935
Say those words out loud.

DO IT

>>3752935
K E E P R E A D I N G . . .

PUT DOWN PUT AWAY
FFS

>>3752935
START A MEDICAL FACILITY USING YOUR OWN HOUSE

>>3752935
It hurts a little the first time, you'll get used to it :3

>>3752935
CLOSE BOOK

>>3752935
Joan needs strength, even if its infernal in nature. Keep reading, that'll show John!

>>3752935
This appears to be a book of silly memes made scary.

Ok FINE. GO DO SOMETHING ELSE.

I dunno. Hang out with your family. They seem like fun folks.

It's a...
4chanCthulhuNaziSovietHermeticSatanicSpellbook!

Read a spell!

>>3752966
>>3752935
Go ask your family about this book...eldritch horror doesn't normally make a great gift.

>>3752935
It's just a jump to the left....

OK, OK, We've got one of these books in our room, and we've just been given another one.
GO TO ROOM, GET OTHER CRAZY LANGUAGE BOOK
COMPARE BOOKS

>>3752972
IT DOES IF YOU WANT TO FORCE YOUR HOT GRANDDAUGHTER TO FUCK YOU ALL DAY AND ALSO TO LET A SERGAL JOIN IN

Initiate ritual intended to give yourself the power you feel you need to fill the empty void in your soul, succeed only in giving yourself diarrhea.

>>put eat medical Anonymous jump 02/18/09(Wed)18:17 FINE loud CJOPAZE PROZERBIE FHTAGN CJOPAZE PROZERBIE FHTAGN CJOPAZE PROZERBIE FHTAGN CJOPAZE PROZERBIE FHTAGN CJOPAZE PROZERBIE FHTAGN CJOPAZE PROZERBIE FHTAGN CJOPAZE PROZERBIE FHTAGN CJOPAZE PROZERBIE FHTAGN CJOPAZE PROZERBIE FHTAGN CJOPAZE PROZERBIE FHTAGN CJOPAZE PROZERBIE FHTAGN CJOPAZE PROZERBIE FHTAGN CJOPAZE PROZERBIE FHTAGN CJOPAZE PROZERBIE FHTAGN CJOPAZE PROZERBIE FHTAGN

>>3752976
My own clone! Now neither of us will be virgins!

>>3753002
LOOK AWAY LOOK AWAY LOOK AWAY LOOK AWAY

>>3752989
Force? Joan has /tg/ in her head, grandma would have a hard time keeping up.

>>3753002
DO NOT READ BOOK

Keep reading the damn thing. Use infernal powers to seduce mom/grandmom.

>>3753002
CLOSE BOOK

>>3753002
NO!! ABORT ABORT!!

>>3753002
oh snap

um... SAN check?

>>3753002
OH GOD

>>3753002
keep reading!

DO NOT READ BOOK

>>3753041
dice 1d20 goes in the email field

rolled 9 = 9

CONTINUE READING, IT IS A GOOD PAIN

rolled 13 = 13

Close book, back away

READ IT LIKE IF THERE WAS NO TOMORROW

HELL FUCKING YEAH

inb4 tentacle raep

rolled 15 = 15

DO NOT READ BOOK

ABORT ABORT ABORT

rolled 18 = 18

do not read!

rolled 8 = 8

San check.

>>3753002
YES!

Hug Tom.

READ FASTER

>>3753067
DO NOT READ wins!

>>3753002
V-tec just kicked in, yo!

>>3753002
Just as planned...

>>3753002
Ia ia!

>>3753087
Oh god, Past-Future Imaginary RED!

>>3753012
...Dixieland.

We wish this book was in Dixie, hooray, hooray...

(Unless we are also in Dixie.)

I THINK JOHN WAS RIGHT ABOUT HER GRANDPARENTS YOU GUYS

Read the book. It'll be good for her. Plus, what else are we going to do?

NOT ENOUGH BARBED WHEEL FOR CJOPAZE

>replace JOHN with CTHULHU

>>3753097
Someone isn't reading Dorf Quest.

You have closed the book in the nick of time. The room reverts back to normal geometry and you can no longer taste what people are saying.

>>3753116
Go find family. Talk about book.

rolled 1 = 1

>>3753116
Bring this up with the family. If they get evasive, go stay outside with John, bugger the consequences.

rolled 10 = 10

>>3753116
compare it to the book in your room.

>C-XOM

oh dear

>>3753116
>C-Xom
>Xom
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Also, ask grandparents what book is.

>>3753116
Worship Xom.

Ask grandparents about the book.

Ask grandparents about the war between dorfs and sergals.

rolled 11 = 11

>>3753116
this thread is autosaging. are you going to make a new one?

rolled 1 = 1

>>3753116
Read the book again, looking for any way of making yourself a match for the other inhabitants of the world.

>>3753116
Inspect self for any possible after-effects (visually of course).

>C-XOM

Remove shirt.

Shit's going down. I suggest start new thread, asking Granma and Granpa about the book.

>>3753116

Seconding this!!! >>3753144

New thread, ask grandparents about book and sergal war.

New thread: >>3753207