ALDWINCurrent Quest(s): STOP BEING A FAGGOT. REWARD: Lily's Approval (?)Status: Perfectly HealthySneakiness: Not VeryGold: 97Inventory:Trick DaggerReal DaggerBLACK CloakCamouflaged Cloak (wearing)':3' face
I sex the NPCs lolololol XD.Just trying to recreate the usual gaming atmosphere.
get to know your travelling companions
"Hey, don't screw this one up!" Lily shouts at Aldwin.Hiding with your new camouflaged cloak, Lily finally thinks you're ready to do a real heist! You can't let her down.
>>3577586She leaves - her Pink stands out far too much to help you.Now you lie in wait, on the edge of the road, waiting for something to pass by.What passes by, /tg/?
Swarm of rodents!
>>3577599a fuken Lumberjack
>>3577599A trader caravan.
GET BACK TO DORFING AND LESS OF THIS SHIT
Rush, on their 2006 30th anniversary tour.
>>3577599A caravan of molten lava dwarves.
>>3577615An elf with a missing liver
You see dwarf wearing a hydra bone helmet and hydra scale armor, Satan, and what seems to be a dead and surprisingly manly elf. They seem to be on a quest to resurrect the elf.
>>3577683A caravan of molten lava zombie cod.
another halfling rogue
>>3577703Carrying LILY'S CORPSE
Did gnome die? But.. BeardBeard needs to chop things for my amusement!
>>3577650>>3577622>>3577615>>3577607[[Sorry for the pause, my internet decided to DIE ON ME OUT OF THE BLUE.Lets hope it holds.]]Am ELF ZOMBIE infested with RATS appears! Part of its head is missing, as if decimated by some thick blunt object.
>>3577758Aldwin: Stay hidden and wait for a more profitable target to pass by.
>>3577758Attempt to steal something of value from zombie using stealing-style skills suited for this sitation.
It's a trick! Stay hidden and wait for something else to come by.
Go Mick Foley on it
Hit with AXE (Note: I have missed the last one, so I still maintain everything can be solved by axe-ing and drinking)
>>3577782Ideally something of the MOLTEN racial subtype.
>>3577770>>3577782>>3577637Aldwin waits for better prey.A lumberjack appears!
>>3577791Welcome to ALDWIN http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/3481137/
>>3577791>>3577804See?Steal Lumberjack's AXE. Hit Zombie-elf with AXE.
Is it a real lumberjack? Compare chest hair to find out.
>>3577815His bead is insufficient. His defeat is certain.
>>3577804Aldwin: Continue to hold out in hope of something better. You're a thief not some kind of lumberjack molester.
>>3577804Attempt to steal his manliness!
>>3577804Aldwin, you fuckwit! That's a lumberjack with at least two ranks in manly! Ignore him for the young human, about age 1 or 2, left in an abandoned carriage merrily waving about a lollipop.
Make light chit chat with Lumberjack! Hope for friendship.
>>3577795>>3577823The lumberjack appears to have the MOLTEN subtype. Aldwin waits for something better.
Make a HANDSOME halfling rogue pass by! They'd probably have something of value on them from whoring.
>>3577641A trade caravan appears! The perfect target!There is a HUMAN ARCHER mounted on the horse pulling the hooded wagon, and a DORF FIGHTER guarding the front. No one seems to be guarding the back.
If :3 FACE is made of MEAT, COOK FACE on molten JUMBERJACK and distract him with DELICIOUS MEAT
>>3577868Wait and sneak into the back, grab the first thing of value and leave without getting caught (hopefully).
Stumble dramatically out in front of the caravan clutching your trick dagger to your chest. Insist with your dying breath that they load you into the caravan and take you to the nearest city.
>>3577868SNEAK DAT SHIT
>>3577879he should sooner risk sneakiness then trying to act
>>3577876>>3577881>>3577885Oh how he has been practicing his sneakiness!Aldwin easily makes it behind the Caravan, completely unseen!
>>3577901Check for traps!
Aldwin: Search caravan inventory.
>>3577901...Someone's already back here! Fuck, you've been found out!
Check for LILY'S CORPSE
>>3577923You can't go back empty handed! Steal the man! Or at least his awesome hat!
>>3577923Rob...umm.... Whoever that is. He looks like a Red Mage.No, on second thought, say hi.
>>3577923Ask him which way to Stabsvilleand then STAB him
>>3577923"A good thief doesn't leave witnesses." he says.
>>3577937with the real dagger! Not the trick dagger! Stab with the real dagger!
KILL THAT FUCKER.
>>3577938Throw your BLACK cloak in his face and make a break for it.
>>3577953no. throw black cloak to distract him, stab repeatably with real dagger, then claim to have seen him raid the caravan and jumped into action to help these good tradesmen! Get reward for selfless deed!
I think we should STEEL him in the GUT
KILL HIM, TAKE HAT, THEN STEAL HIM!
>>3577971unless we have an iron dagger. Or copper. What kind of a dagger do we have? Maybe it's adamantine!
>>3577967We could always try and use the spare cloak to disarm him of his blade before opening up a can of brutal highway murder.
>>3577986I don't think we have the skill for that. In fact, I think we're pushing it enough with the original plan.
>>3577948>>3577967>>3577971>>3577974He seems intent on killing YOU!He strikes down with a blow that should have killed you, but training has paid off! The blow deflected, the opposing thief says something surprising."Oh, Aldwin! I remember you from adventurer's college!"The noise of the combat has alerted the people up front."Dammit, they'll think we're both thieves. Lets get out of here!"
>>3578008there's an adventurer's college?
>>3578008He grabs you by the arm, and pulls you away!Aldwin seems unable to keep up with his running speed. He is clearly higher level than you. A name comes to Aldwin's mind - Finlay. That's this guy's name. Aldwin remembers him having a huge ego.
Push all VALUABLES off the cart before you jump off.
>>3578008Have a flashback and remember the one night stand you repressed for so long. Proceed to kill him, take hat, run, etc
Flee the caravan. Once you're clear of danger make sure to bludgeon your new found and now unsuspecting comrade in arms.You set out to rob somebody and by god you're not going to let petty acquaintances stand in the way.
>>3578019proceed along the RAILROAD
>>3578033Its only one more post. This one, I mean."Aldwin..." Finlay asks."Why the hell are you a Rogue? You graduated with Honors as a cleric! Did you think being a Rogue would be easier or something? My Xom you are such a failure."
>>3578057Inform him that CLERICS ARE FOR PUSSIES.
>>3578057Wear his hat. Dance.
>>3578065also, I NEVER REALLY WAS ON YOUR SIDE.
>>3578057Don't take shit from him! Kick his ass! Show him how manly you really are!
>>3578057Because rogues have a much higher tendency to catch tail than clerics. Unless you're, like, a cleric of Olidamarra, then you're just made of sex.
Bludgeon Finlay into a stupor.
"Yeah, all ROGUES are LOSERS, you ROGUE."
Tell him Finlay sounds like fairy, and ask him what excuse does he have for that?
>>3578057>>3578073>>3578074"Clerics are for pussies. And I want that hat." Aldwin draws his dagger.
>>3578008But we ARE both thieves...Still, escape is advisable.
>>3578057BECAUSE AN LITTLE GIRL
>>3578097secretly plan to multi class to cleric next level. But be a cleric of a thief god!
>>3578097Draw your second dagger for the added intimidation bonus of looking like a badass.
We have cleric levels? We should find some sort of rogue/cleric prestige class. Then we'll be AWESOME.
>>3578097"Aw, thats cute. Really. The little Rogue thinks he can take my hat. Adorable.""Kid, I have taken levels in ASSASSIN. Do you really want to pick a fight with me?"
Stare into his eyes as you slowly cut yourself. Now who's the badass?
>>3578122>We should find some sort of rogue/cleric prestige class. Then we'll be AWESOME.That would be the Pedophile Priest prestige class. You know, because they're men of god who do it from behind.Actually given all the time Aldwin spends hanging around children it actually strikes me as a valid course of career advancement.
Use our cleric levels to cast all those delicious CODzilla buff spells. Proceed to teach him why his class is inferior.
>>3578139Throw black cloak over him to distract him. Then stab repeatedly with real dagger. SNEAK ATTACK SNEAK ATTACK SNEAK ATTACK
>>3578139 There's 2 asses in assassin and i'm about to kick both of them.
Throw our ':3' face at him.WE WEAR NO MASK! Alternatively, learn to embrace our cleric levels and kick his ass by virtue of being a superior class.
Heal is eyelids together, take hat, run.
>>3578097REVEAL YOUR SECRET WEAPONMOONLIGHT BUTTERFLYhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIBpbT2wBy4DEVASTATE THE COUNTRY SIDE WITH NANO MACHINES!
>>3578139Try and appease him with a magic trick. Something along the lines of making a dagger disappear into his face.
Also, dudes, Aldwin has no cleric levels that we know of. He's just a shit rogue.
ID lock his knives.
>>3578145[Dammit /tg/ WAY TOO MANY GOOD OPTIONS.]>>3578153"Sorry, there's 2 asses in assassin, and I don't need this arm to kick BOTH of them." Aldwin boasts.Aldwin's glad that wasn't the real dagger by mistake.
>>3578193NOW INITIATE YOUR REAL PLANLILY ATTACKS FROM BEHIND WITH THE REAL DAGGER, SLITTING THE PRICKS THROATLAUGH AS HE DIES GURGLING BLOOD AND THEN MUG HIS CORPSE!
>>3578193now do>>3578150if he doesn't back down.
Put on your rape face which is co-incidentally the same as your ':3' face.
Make tough face while waiting for reaction!
Proceed to lick the knife while putting on rape face
We need to embrace our clericallness, it's the superior class anyways.
(Hold L2) ^ + > + X
Guys, where the hell is Lily?
>>3578259Kill yourself. We won't be rezzing your with our Cleric powers, because we're a fucking Rogue.
>>3578266>∞FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-WHO MESSED WITH MY SETTINGS, I CAN'T PLAY THE CLOCK LIKE THIS
^^vv<><>BA SELECT START
Aldwin: Use Special Ability > Playground Prank > Look Behind You!
>>3578250>>3578221>>3578150SURPRISE RAPE-FACE CLOAK ATTACK!Finlay deflects! ...Rather strongly!
Square + Square + <- (Square+Circle)
The only way we can win is to embrace our cleric levels and learn to accept them! Then use a prestige class to advance both.
>>3578366>>3578308>^^vv<><>BA SELECT STARTSecret weapon: Only mastered cleric spell!ACTIVATE!
we probably should have saved before this.
>>3578376SUMMON MONSTER!*draws card*THE REPULSIVE!
>>3578376well? Get on with it!
>>3578376THIS HAND OF MINE IS GLOWING (UNKNOWN COLOR, BECAUSE THESE PICTURES DON'T HAVE ANY COLOR), IT'S LOUD ROAR TELLS ME TO GRASP VICTORY!CLEEEEERIC FIIIIIINGER!
>>3578410ORDER REPULSIVE: ATTACK FINLEY!
>>3578376It better be ' Greater heals eyelids shut together'
>>3578410Oh, hey, we must follow Nemelex Xobeh, seeing as how we used a card just now. Neato, we just need to believe in the heart of the cards.
>>3578430and it's a deck of summoning! DRAW MORE CARDS! FLOOD THE ENEMY WITH YOUR MINIONS!
>>3578410Don't forget to lay down a trap card before you end your turn.
>>3578416My audience is so much funnier than I could ever hope to be.>>3578417The Repulsive attacks!...That went well.
SCREW THE RULESYOU STEAL MONEY
>>3578456DRAW MORE CARDS IN THE NAME OF XOBEX!SUMMON MORE MONSTERS!ORDER MONSTERS TO ATTACK FINLEY!STEAL HAT IN CHAOS!RUN LIKE HELL!
>>3578466USE MORE CAPS!USE MORE EXCLAMATION POINTS!USE MORE SPACING!
CASTOBESARKA SOULDRAWMONSTA CARDOHA NA SE!
Throw sand in his eyes!Wait... its a dirty road... dirt! Throw dirt! Then take his hat and RUN.
what the hell happened to the people chasing us?
Draw the whole damn deck, zerg rush!
You are playing cards games....SUMMON SATAN!
>>3578488We're fighting in non real-time rules. When we fight the rest of the world freezes.
>>3578504Not enough mana.
>>3578435Nemelex favors the bold.>>3578488We got away. Finlay's quite fast.
>>3578488STOP POINTING OUT THINGS LIKE THAT!
what did we summon?
>>3578511only one bee/hornet? Whenever I summon one with a deck, I get a fucking swarm!
Steal his hat while he's busy with the monsters!
Offer a trade. His continued existence in exchange for all his belongings, especially his hat.
>>3578511NOW FUSE YOURSELF WITH YOUR MONSTERSBECOME SOME SORT OF MONSTROUS ORGY BOSS ALL GENERIC JRPGS HAVE!
Evidently Rogue + Cleric gives us the Cardsharp prestige class.
Finlay begins cutting his way through the horde of summons!
>>3578538 Tell summons to keep dodging and hope he runs out of energy like old mike tyson.
>>3578538HIS HAT FEEL OFF! GRAB IT AND RUN! RUNNNN! THIS ENCOUNTER HAS TO HIGH A CR FOR US!
>>3578538You have a camo cloak, your a rouge... act like it! SNEAK!SNEAK AND STAB!
>>3578538Activated trap card: Pit of Phallic Protrusions
>>3578538USING YOUR ONE OF YOUR BEASTS AS COVER, CHARGE AT HIM, THE MOMENT HE SLICES IN HALF, JUMP THROUGH THE GAP CREATED BY THE MONSTER BEING SLICED ANDA.) STEAL HIS HAT AND RUNB.) SLICE HIS THROAT LIKE A REAL MOTHER FUCKER.
>>3578529Aldwin likes that name. Aldwin is now a CARDSHARP.A CARDSHARP with a kickass hat. Who is well away from Finlay.Fuck. Yes.
>>3578560YOU FOOL YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED HIMNOW HE'LL BECOME SOME SORT OF HIGH DEMON SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU LET HIM LIVE RATHER THAN KILLING HIM.
>>3578542Fell off? You underestimate the poor guy.Aldwin STOLE IT MIDCOMBAT.
We must expand our newfound talents by also learning to use M:tG cards in addition to Nemelex decks. Also all those other Collectible card games, like the one with Trap cards. Trap cards would be handy.
Show off that sexy new hat!
>>3578560Once you've made it clear of Finlay make sure to check inside the hat for any tools/weapons/riches that your nemesis may have been keeping hidden in there.
>>3578573New mission: Seek out new cards for TRUE ULTIMATE POWER.
>>3578573That was Aldwin's last deck, Nemelex or otherwise! He'll need some valuables to offer in prayer.
>>3578578find TWO CANDY CORN become HARD BOILED
>>3578581New Mission: Seek out THREE Blue-Eyes-White-Dragons!
>>3578587Obviously your hat gives a +15 to treasure finding.Wait the eventual breeze to carry it off in the direction of treasure.
>>3578587Cut out your eye as an offering. Ask for an awesome new deck and a cool eyepatch.
>>3578266log out, reroll.
>>3578590Wrong game slick.
>>3578608Nemelex only likes valuable stuff. Is our eye some sort of precious gem? No? Then Nemelex isn't interested.
Go get that approval!
>>3578615We could always try offering our family jewels.
>>3578587Aldwin checks the BAG he looted from FINLAY which was loot from the MERCHANT CARAVAN.Aldwin is on a ROLL today. He finds:-3 loafs of bread-1 pineapple-1 locked wooden box
>>3578628Keep running from Finley.
Work your way back to the caravan from earlier, explain that you killed the thief that was trying to rob them and all you ask in return in a lift.
Make pineapple sandwich, go catch up with lumberjack and liberate axe, pick lock with axe
>>3578628>-3 loafs of bread>-1 pineapple>-1 locked wooden boxSo is this some kind of nega-loot we've picked up? In that case wouldn't we be ahead to discard it?
>>3578649FUCK PICKING THE LOCK.HIT IT WITH A ROCK TILL IT BREAKS OPEN. IT IS ONLY WOOD.USE A BIG ROCK.
>>3578667Stop thinking like a dorf! There are no dorfs in this Dorf Quest!
>>3578641This sounds like it might get you a reward, and what you have here is clearly nothing of value.He returns the bag to the halfling merchant. "I have defeated the thief! Here are your stolen goods, untouched!" Aldwin proclaims. "May I have a ride into town?" He asks, his :3 face well in place."Well tha's mighty kind o' ye!" The halfling replies. "'Op on in the back, we'll be glad t'take ya!">>3578649Sadly, Aldwin lacks lock picks. He really isn't sure why. He plans to buy some ASAP.
>>3578749Now's your chance! Push the halfling off, grab the reigns and steal the caravan, horses and all.
>>3578685I AM NOT THINKING LIKE A DWARF. A GOOD DWARF WOULD NOT BOTHER PICKING IT UP. NOTHING OF VALUE IS IN A WOODEN BOX.I AM THINKING LIKE A CLERIC WHO ATTEMPTED TO THEN TOOK A LEVEL IN ROGUE. HE DIDN'T TAKE POINTS OF LOCK PICKING.ALSO, WHILE IN THE WAGON ON WAY TO PLACE, SEARCH STUFF FOR THINGS OF VALUE. IF NONE ARE FOUND LEAVE THE WAGON AND RETURN TO LILY/HIDING PLACE.
>>3578770There is still the human archer and dorf fighter guard.
>>3578788If you can get the horses to rear then the archer will fall off. As for the dwarf, well, you can outrun him.Unless he's some kind of demon handed dwarf in which case you're already dead.
>>3578779There is little of value, but you do find a RUNE ENCRUSTED SABER.Taking the blade, you return to the hideout!
>>3578819WHERE THE FUCK IS OUR HAT?
>>3578819Sneak around to enter by the back door. Lilly may have trapped the front entrance just to spite you.
>>3578831Held tightly to the chest.
>>3578819you return to Lily, and present your HAT and SABER.
Brace for impact!
Aldwin awaits her response nervously.
"For your first heist, that's pretty good. We can probably get a good price on that saber, and that hat suits you."Aldwin can not suppress his joy.
Time to hit the town.
"Now its bedtime, fuckwit. Gimme a bedtime story. Tell me a mother fucking story about your mother fucking heist, lets go lets gogogo."
>>3578932The door slams open."Yes Aldwin. Tell her EVERYTHING about how you got my hat."
Flourish saber menacingly.
Sacrifice Saber to Nemelex, hope he sees fit to grant us a deck capable of kicking Finlay's ass.
>>3578956"I'm sorry, YOUR hat?"
>>3578819>>3578956flourish saber!Hope for kick ass enchantment.
That last horde seems to have done a number on him.Finlay says he'll leave if you give him his hat back. He's tired, he wants to rest, he got his butt kicked by a lower level character.If he can go home with his hat, nobody will have to take a Death Attack.
To Lily - Cover your ears dear.To Finlay - FUCK YOU AND YOUR HAT, ITS MY FUCKING HAT NOW!
>>3579024Death attacks are serious business! Maybe we should give him back the hat, out of honor. Besides, the saber is the real prize. You could buy an even better hat with the saber!
>>3579024He looks like he's been to hell and back. Either use the saber to put him out of his misery or just give him his hat back.Better yet, combine the two options. Give him his hat and when he turns around, stab him in the back. He may like his hat, but we stole it from him, thus we like it more.Or not. Doesn't matter.
>>3579024 well now i feel bad..
someone archive this.
Point out that he'd have to spend 3 rounds unobserved to do a death attack. Note that He can't even so much as sneak attack at the moment as you're quite un-flat-footed.
>>3579037Lily agrees. Saber is worth more than the hat.Aldwin hands Finlay the hat, and Finlay thanks him.>>3579052Lily hugs him. "You're injured. Stay the night!"
>>3579072However, take pity on him and give him his hat back, he clearly loves it very dearly. Sides, we can make our own hat, and it will be 10 times as awesome, because we made it.
>>3579098That sounds like a good quest to me.
KICK LILY IN THE HEAD
>>3579094Wait until he's sleeping and then murder him.
Ask Lily why she's so pink
>>3579121donk.Finlay declines the invitation, but thanks you for the offer. He leaves.
His back is turned sneak attack
>>3579131All girls are pink! You just haven't seen any other girls yet.
Lily: Kick Aldwin in the groin in vengance.
>>3579154Lily kicks Aldwin's ass for being an impudent upstart and a fail-rouge.
>>3579172She makes a compelling argument.
THIS THREAD IS AUTO-SAGING. NEW THREAD TIME, GNOME. UNLESS THIS CHAPTER IS DONE, THAT IS. IN WHICH CASE see you next week. :3
ALDWIN CARDSHARPCurrent Quest(s): Obtain Cards of NemelexStatus: Perfectly HealthySneakiness: VeryGold: 97Inventory:Trick DaggerReal DaggerRuned SaberBLACK CloakCamouflaged Cloak (wearing)':3' faceParty:Lily
>>3579203Yeah, not much left to do but fill Lily in on what happened.SO, for next time on Aldwin:Sell the Saber?Keep the Saber?Trade it in to Nemelex?But next week, we go back to Beardbeard's attempts at reviving Garrelf. G'night, folks!