Beardbeard and Garrelf stand tall outside the entrance to the mountainhome, ready to find a dragon and takes its eyes. Sunbeard growls at Garrelf, unhappy to see such a good Dorf with such poor company.

Unfortunately, neither of you has the faintest clue where to find a dragon.

Find Switchblade.

Put up a "Help Wanted" poster:

"Ability to guard hordes essential, flight and fire-breath a must!"

Lure a dragon to you.

Start hunting bandits in the surrouding area for treasure and shiny things.

Get a whole lot of it and wait. Dragons lurv shiny things.

Consult the priest?

>>3511175
>>3511179
You two decide to Multi-Task!

Garrelf, with his superior [read: He has 1 rank] CRAFT skill, makes a pretty decent poster to try to lure in a dragon.

Beardbeard, with his superior [read: Dorfen] ability to kill things, hunts for bandits in the forest. He gains 37 GOLD.

I say we respec to Quad-Wielding before taking on a Dragon.

Dorlf companion or not.

Silently plot downfall of backstabbing companion from sordid past while looking insightfully, yet passionately into the distance.

Now we play the waiting game...

Could we fake some dragons eyes?

Make some forgeries or something like that?

>>3511184
Garrelf, still in town, consults the priest. He seems unwilling to help.

Beardbeard, however, has found the Bandit Lord. He may be in some trouble. The Bandit Lord looks displeased.

Perhaps Dork sun could help, we should ask him...

Aggressive negotiations with both bandit lord and priest.

>>3511253
Axe. To the groin.

>>3511253

Flying dorf headbutt!

>>3511237
Sadly, neither of you has the craftsmanship for it, nor are you sure what materials you would use to make a false dragon eye.

>>3511260
The priest mentions he knows at LEAST 5th level spells. Garrelf hesitates.

Oh shit, bandit lord's a mage.

>>3511279

Magic is for wimps, axe him anyway. If the shield doesn't reach the ground use the rope to trip him up then axe him!

>>3511275
Right over the shield, WA-BAM! You knock off his hat.

>>3511279

Maybe... less aggressive negotiations.

Maybe offer him a portion of the dragon's horde and the conquest of its lair as payment for enlisting his bandit army?

>>3511320

Tie him up with the rope, stuff his hat in his mouth and take him into town for reward!

punch mage in throat, beat senseless, extort/ransom, etc

>>3511320
The mage pleads for his life.

>>3511329
>>3511348
You decide not to kill him, like he asks. You instead tie him up and drag him into town.

The REWARD of 2000 GOLD is now yours!

>>3511357

2000 gold should be more than enough to hire a tracker or buy your way to knowing where to find a dragon.

Go looking for a fake dragon eye to buy

go get that torso damage fixed up, the beard combed, and drunk

>>3511376
Beardbeard goes into Ye Olde Magick Shop, to ask about the price of a Dragon's Eye.

Meanwhile, someone seems to have answered your poster...

>>3511396
Horray!

>>3511396
Wait, couldn't we just say that the priest could gouge out the Dragon's eye (assuming him to be friendlyish), regenerate it, and the use the eye as payment to heal our hand?

>>3511396
SATAN wants to know if the position for flying firebreather is still open for your hoard.

He hands you his rather impressive resume, and says he starts at no less than 666 Gold per month.

>>3511175
>>3511396

Gentlemen, I think we just recruited a demon.

>>3511409

god dammit why am I so slow

Let's put it to a vote. I, for one, gladly welcome our new demonic mercenary.

>>3511396
Beardbeard seems to have found something interesting!

>>3511409
Explain your original plan. Satan being, well, Satan should appreciate it's evilness and dastardliness.

>>3511437
Can we rob the shop ala Splunky style?

>>3511437

HAGGLE

Let's go get that Mutha-fuckin' DRAGON!

>>3511451
but... They'll shoot you

>>3511409
Tell the demon that as a test we must see you in combat vs a dragon to see if you are effective. Once a dragon hears of our horde then it will likely come for it and so that the reason for the test.

>>3511409
Tell Satan that you're sorry, but his resume states he is the "Lord of Lies" and as such you really don't feel comfortable leaving him in charge of massive amounts of money for such a paltry sum.

Explain that he will need to give Beardbeard a new, totally kickass arm, as collateral to ensure that he is willing to honestly guard the treasure.

>>3511448
SATAN compliments your plan, and wishes you luck. He seems disappointed the position isn't open, however, but says he'll find work somewhere, he's sure.

>>3511453
You and the store ownder decide to haggle the Dorfen way: A stout drinking contest, winner changes the price by up to 50%.

>>3511502
second

I agree. Satan should be able to take that Dragon.
I mean he is Satan.

>>3511506
DRINK THAT SHIT, THEN

>>3511506
No. Having Satan on our side is better than an arm. Even if we can't haggle him into providing the arm or the dragon eye, we shpould at least hire him.

dorf: We can take the booze.
Drink! Drink! Drink!

>>3511506

Have Beardbeard yell as many dwarven drinking songs as he knows as fast as he can while he is drinking.

Hire Satan, he sounds like a bro.

>>3511506

oh oh, have the elf make a deal with the devil for a new arm for beardbeard

>>3511506
The elf and SATAN form a plan...

>>3511519
>>3511542
FUCK YEAH VICTORY! You maybe druank a'ra little bit. Beardbeard hands ov'r summadaGold, and the fella's ass'stant gives Beardbeard d'Dragon Eye! FFfffffdFffFUCK YEAR.

>>3511506
DOWNSIDE: If we lose we'd have to raise twice as much money.

UPSIDE: We get drunk off our ass either way.

>>3511562
Did we just spend all our satan-hiring money on a dragon eye?

Yes. Hire Satan.
But can we afford 666 a month?

>>3511562
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

RETURN TO DORFPRIEST, GET NEW ARM, CELEBRATE WITH DUAL-WIELD DRINKING!!!

>>3511572
Why do we need SATAN? We have what we need for a new arm, and enough gold left over to get drunk(er) at the bar.

What more could a dorf want out of his day?

better plan, see if we can trade the dragon's eye to satan for a totally kick ass better arm

I say: Go get fucking arm back already!

Ok, new plan. Sell dragon eye for the full 4000 of its value to some random dragon-eye-wanting dorf, then hire satan on the condition he give us a kickass new arm.

Beardbeard's sems more'n a li'l... *hic* ...durnk. 'e wanders o'er t'the temple o' Xom, but the worl' is so spinny. Th'nice swamp lights 'elp you there.

CHALLENGE SATAN TO A DRINKING CONTEST.

Get arm back.

>>3511611
Sell it to the priest for 4000 gold, rather than an arm.

>>3511611

eat the swamp lights

>>3511611
WHY ARE WE TRUSTING THE ELF LIGHTS

ELF TRICKERY IS AFOOT

Make merry with dorffen whores.

>>3511611
Thank spirits. Get ARM.

>>3511630
We need an arm though. How else are we going to carry another doorshield?

>>3511621

If he is still there, do it.

>>3511611
don't we need two? Xom will be pleased enough to give us 10000 stones.

>>3511642
We have satan et us an arm after we hire him.

Suck his cock for a new arm and keep the dragon's eye.

...S'tan? Th' fuck are... Damn elf lights, leadin' me t'the wrong temple! gsjkfslgwkwrl mfewjklnfe *obscure muttering*

...the Priest is dead, isn't he?

Well.
Hot Damn.
Pillage!!!

Throw up.

>>3511668

claim the temple for the dwarven beard god

this may complicate things somewhat. Well, with any hope, we might be able to try and cut a deal with Satan to get a new kick ass Demon Arm.

>>3511693
purging your system seems to do some good. The swamp lights go away, and you see Garrelf and Satan standing over the priest. Garrelf is taunting the priest:

"Oh yeah, how're those 5th level spells working out for ya? THATS WHAT I THOUGHT, AHAHAH!"

Satan seems to have noticed you, but doesn't care. Garrelf has not yet noticed you.

Also, current status:

PAUSE SCREEN
Current Quest(s):
Give Dragon's Eyes to Priest of Xom OR Pay Priest of Xom 5000 Gold. REWARD: ARM RESTORED.

STATUS: INJURED
LEFT ARM missing
Minor BEARD damage
Severe TORSO damage

ALCOHOLISM: Regular Drunk
GOLD: 2

INVENTORY:
Iron Axe
Pick Axe
2 Torches
10 feet Rope
Overworld Map
Scroll of Cure Moderate Wounds
Hydra Hide
Hydra Skull

Party:
None

>>3511731
? where is our dragon eye?

>>3511744
SHHHHHH I missed it.

PAUSE SCREEN
Current Quest(s):
Give Dragon's Eyes to Priest of Xom OR Pay Priest of Xom 5000 Gold. REWARD: ARM RESTORED.

STATUS: INJURED
LEFT ARM missing
Minor BEARD damage
Severe TORSO damage

ALCOHOLISM: Regular Drunk
GOLD: 2

INVENTORY:
Iron Axe
Pick Axe
2 Torches
10 feet Rope
Overworld Map
Scroll of Cure Moderate Wounds
Hydra Hide
Hydra Skull
Dragon Eye In A Jar


Party:
None

>>3511731

new objective, search for the 10 feet of rope that has mysteriously vanished

>ALCOHOLISM: Regular Drunk

WE'RE NOT CHAOTIC DRUNK YET

CHALLENGE THAT FUCKER TO A DRINKING CONTEST

Demon arm sounds like an interesting idea...

Wrap self in Hydra Hide.
Wear Hydra Skull.
Breathe drunkenness over torch.
Pretend to be an angry dragon!

Wait, how many dragon eyes do we need for the arm?

Also: Make your presence known.

>>3511763
2nded

>>3511766
>>3511763
Hey! Maybe we could kill two birds with one post!

>>3511723
hehe, look at the dorf barf
So cute

Give Eye to Satan and suggest him to graft it in his forehead, because while Satan is cool, DRAGON-SATAN is much cooler.

>>3511775
3rded

Convince Satan to kill that Garrelf fuck.
And get the priest to get the arm back

>>3511788
Dorf quest t'aint ruby quest you no!

Stick to the plan. Exchange eye for arm.

>>3511802
me too!!

>>3511760
SATAN!
Wait, no.

GARRELF YOU BASTARD! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DRINKING CONTEST! IF I WIN I GET YOUR ARM.

[animated!]

>>3511788

Here we test how much a dorf really can take.
Drink!

>>3511835
What's the matter you fucking pansy ass Dwarf? Can't take a mere non-dwarf higher being out in a fucking DRINKING contest?

BE A MAN AND CHALLENGE BOTH OF THEM. FOR EVERY DRINK THEY BOTH TAKE, YOU TAKE TWO.

>>3511763
>>3511775
>>3511802
>>3511824
[Sorry I didn't pick this one guys - here, have it drawn anyway!]

>>3511835

Of course, you should still trade the eye to have your arm healed.

You surely wouldn't want to taint your dorfenliness by attaching a half-elf arm to yourself? Keep it as a trophy when this nonsense is over.

>>3511864
:D

>>3511853
Garrelf proposes this.

Beardbeard accepts on the condition that he gets both their arms... and they pay for the drinks.

Satan seems to be disinterested in the contest.

>>3511900
TELL THAT FUCKER IF HE'S REALLY THE LORD OF DARKNESS HE'D ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE SIMPLY BECAUSE ONLY MOTHERFUCKING PANSY ASS CELESTIALS REFUSE A DRINKING CONTEST.

Satan cant ignore a statement like that...
Drink Mutha-Fucka

>>3511905
Both Garrelf and Beardbeard rail against Satan.

He concedes, and says he'll take on the drinking contest.

>>3511930
aww, Satan looks sad.

Pussyass Satan.

Glug Glug Glug!

>>3511930
They meet down at Beardbeard's favorite tavern, and get the contest set up. The regulars are in an uproar. "SATAN VERSUS BEARDBEARD!" They say, completely discounting Garrelf's existence. Garrelf seems unamused.

Satan seems apprehensive.

I wonder if Satan's a mean drunk.

>>3511956

Abandon contest, hug Satan.

Chug like you've never chugged before!

>>3511971
He is the prince of lies, therefore his sadness is a lie. Don't hug him, punch him.

>>3511956
KICK ALL THEIR ASSES.
BY DRINKING.
LIKE A TRUE GODDAMN DORF.

>>3511983
The contest begins!

>>3512005
SATAN slams down his mug and concedes!

He is embarrassed to explain that he had lost his Liver fighting a Solar Archon, and well, he can't regenerate damage from those guys. He says he will gladly forfeit his arm, since it will just regrow.

The impact of the mug hitting the table shook Garrelf, and most of the other patrons. Beardbeard was unphased, and kept drinking.

One down, one to go.

Drink Satan's drink too, because the alcohol isn't coming fast enough.

>>3512018
ADD NEW QUEST TO LOG:

FIND A WAY TO GET SATAN A NEW LIVER

>>3512032
Do it. DO IT.

>>3512018
Garrelf is getting pretty worried.

Beardbeard is waiting for the stupid elf to finish that next drink so he can get another.

>>3512048
GET SATAN A LIVER SO YOU CAN BEAT HIM IN A DRINKING CONTEST.

>>3512032

Garelf gets the drink first, due to superior elven dexterity.

Let Satan borrow your liver, your dorfiness is enough to handle this wimpy challenge.

After the contest, we should let Garrelf keep his arm, take Satan's, and then get Satan a new liver.

We do it, we get a few Demons. Fair Trade.

>>3512032
>>3512049
Beardbeard has never been one for waiting.

>>3512018
HOLD IT! SATAN has troll style regen? SEW THAT FUCKING ARM ON.

>>3512089

Garelf.

YOU DISSAPOINT ME SO.

>>3512077
Satan warns Beardbeard that if you dive in now, YOU won't have a liver either.

You have to agree with him. Every instinct you have tells you this is a dumb idea. Are you sure you want to drink Satan's Ale?

>>3512114

Ale for the ale god! Chug! Chug! Chug!

>>3512114
Ask Satan why drinking that ale would cause him to lose his liver

I hope he's not implying the alcohol would do it.

No guts no glory!
DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!

>>3512114
Inform Garrelf that if we win, we get HIS liver.
Because he's obviously not fucking using it.

The moment of truth...

DON'T DO IT DAMMIT.
NO LIVER = NO BEER. EVEN FOR DORFS.

YOU LIKE BEER, DON'T YOU?

>>3512114
Satan? Claiming beer will destroy a DORFEN LIVER?!?
SACRILIGE! DIVE, MOTHERFUCKER!

>>3512114

Cancel Drink: Interrupted by a rhesus macaque.

>>3512122
Not just the alcohol, he explains. He is quite certain you have proven before your inability to swim, and consuming 10 times your mass in alcohol is bound to have side effects. We've already proven alcohol can effect you; you don't need to prove it can kill you.

I wonder how much a liver would go for in the mercantile...

>>3512137

>>3512144
Well fuck, satan has a point...
Cancel beer dive. Resume chugging vs. garrelf

Get a second opinion. Preferably from the bartender.

>>3512161
Think we could get away with only chugging half?

Don't let elfy-boy sneak in extra drinks while Satan is blathering on about fatal-dosage this or idiotic plan that!

>>3512161
This. Don't worry about the Devil-Ale. It'll kill us.

>>3512114

DRINK IT ALL.

IF IT SEEMS TO BE MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW OFF, INVITE THE OTHER PATRONS.

SO DO THINGS THE GOOD WAY.

IF YOU CAN'T GET TO THE ALCOHOL FROM ABOVE, TAKE IT FROM THE SIDE. HACK A HOLE IN THERE AND DRINK YOURSELF INTO A COMA.

>>3512144
Ask Satan if he'd go to hell if he died.

Because if he did, then MAYBE if we get him his liver, we could have a go at this "giant pool of alcohol" and he could just keep bringing us back.

>>3512144
Tell Satan to shove off, you're a Dwarf, aren't you? What kind of fucking pussy dwarf would you be if you backed down from not only a drink, but a challenge?

>>3512161
>>3512170
You are beginning to see Satan's point, but...

>>3512162
>>3512164
>>3512173
>>3512175
Hmm... oh so tempting...

>>3512137
Oh shit.

OHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT.

DRINKING CONTEST CANCELLED, THERE IS A RHESUS MACAQUE.

>>3512195

Invite Satan, Lily, and Aldwin into party.
Kill the Damn Monkey, then find Satan a new liver.

>>3512195

Shove Garrelf towards the rhesus macaque and grab Satan's arm quick.

>>3512215
SUMMON DORF STRENGTH, HURL DEVIL-ALE AT RHESUS MACAQUE

>>3512195
Throw rhesus macaque into satan's beer mug. Laugh as it drinks itself to death.

>>3512214
Only one Dorf is man enough to chase the macaque!

TAKE SATAN'S MUG AND TRAP THE MONKEY WITH IT.

WAIT FOR IT TO DROWN IN THE ALCOHOL.

>>3512232

Time to go on break.

>>3512232
Got 'im! Feisty little bugger.

>>3512240

Give the monkey's liver to Satan!

>>3512244
THIS
THEN DRINK SATAN INTO A COMA

>>3512240
Name him Rum, and keep him as a pet.

Then get back to that drinking contest.

>>3512228
>>3512233
...What an impressive brew.

>>3512240
We need a monkey sidekick, give him a goofy costume, and a fake beard so he looks more like us, he WILL be the dorfiest monkey ever.

>>3512254
Well fuck.

Satan drank that shit without a liver.

This act of MANLINESS merits a serious go at finding out how to regenerate his liver so you can have another drinking buddy.

>>3512254

Ask Satan to animate the Monkey skeleton into a useful sidekick.

Fuck it!
Chug it all!!!!

>>3512254
I repeat, we need a monkey sidekick, keep the skeleton around as a pet.

Right yeah find Satan a new liver whatever.
He still owes us his arm.
Garrelf can piss off we don't even care anymore.

Ok, here's the plan. Get arm from Satan, get liver from elf, give liver to Satan, have Satan make demon-monkey-skeleton-minion

DON'T FORGET THE CONTEST! GARELF MIGHT BE HALFWAY DONE HIS FIRST ALE BY NOW

I'm starting to feel sorry for the half-elf now. This is ridiculous.

>>3512260
>>3512263
>>3512267
Satan says sure, if you got him a new Liver he'd gladly reanimate the monkey.

>>3512279
>>3512280
Actually, look at the glasses.
>>3512053
Garrelf was on his 6th, Beardbeard was on his 8th.

Speaking of which, Beardbeard's getting behind!

>>3512291

Well, Satan conceded earlier, so let's get the arm from him before we set off on this new quest.

>>3512291
Go and take Aldwin's liver, assuming he's there. If not, take Garrelf's.

He won't need it, and if he does, well, we'll find him one later.

>>3512294

Ok, finish off the elf, then deal with the arm.

>>3512294
GET SATAN'S ARM GRAFTED ON TO YOURS FIRST!
THEN DUAL-WIELD BEER MUGS!
WIPE THE FLOOR WITH THAT PANSY-ASS ELF!

>>3512294

Garrelf:DRINK FASTER STRONGER BETTER DRUNKER!

YOU CAN DO IT MAN!

>>3512298

If we drink Garrelf to unconsciousness his liver will be ripe for harvesting.

>>3512312

Yeah, that seems fine to me.

GO GARRELF, GO, ENTERTAIN YOUR FALSE HOPE, YOU CAN BEAT A DWARF AT A DRINKING CONTEST, YES YOU CAN!.

Sell the old liver on Ebay!

>>3512312
Genius. Drink just enough to stay ahead of Garelf, until he falls unconcious.
Next day he finds himself in a bathtub full of ice with a note.

>>3512312

This.

>>3512312
Doitdoitdoit

>>3512277
>>3512296
>>3512298
>>3512303
>>3512306
Step 1: Retrieve Arm.

As the arm hits the floor, the thud makes you rise off the ground a moment.

...Seems a bit too big to use.

>>3512344
...

FUUUUU-

>>3512298
>>3512312
>>3512319
>>3512328
>>3512336
>>3512340
Elves aren't protected by Mountainholm Law anyway. Lets take it now.

>>3512344

Big arm = more ale

>>3512344
To hell with the pansy ass laws of physics, graft it on anyway.

>>3512344
DO IT ANYWAY.

Make sure to keep the liver well iced.

>>3512361

No need for ice, Satan is right here to hand it over to. If Garrelf protests send our new undead-demon monkey on his ass.

ARE WE SOME KINDA PANSIES? ARE WE ELVES?

GRAFT IT ON ANYWAY. BECOME BEARDBEARD THE DEMONBEARD.

Demon Arm!!!!!

>>3512354
You offer SATAN Garrelf's LIVER.

"Do you even understand the CONCEPT of size categories?"

If it's the arm of satan it should have a fucking awesome special ability.
Pillage!!!!

>>3512392

Satan is a devil, the deal was clearly for a liver, not a liver of specific size, he needs to stand by his agreement.

>>3512392
You know what? Fuck that.

Edit the fucking raws. Demon's and Elves are now the same size as us. Fixes EVERYTHING.

If Satan doesn't want the liver.
Sell it!

>>3512392
GET A WIZARD TO ENLARGE/REDUCE THE LIVER/ARM.

IF HE WANTS PAYMENT...CHALLENGE HIM TO A DRINKING GAME SHIT YEAH.

>>3512393
Satan should be able to make it bigger.

>>3512392

I see three perfectly good arms on the ground there, add our dwarf arm and I see a good four tankards at once!

>>3512398
>>3512398

>>3512418
This can't end well.

>>3512428

Nah, Satan is a cool dude, right? He won't do anything bad to us, his best buddy, right?

Who needs a wizard.
Satan should be able to enlarge/reduce anything.
Ask him!

>>3512418
Ask Satan how he can be a master of his own plane and NOT be some sort of spell caster.

He should be able to change the size of the body parts at whim.

>>3512418
"The deal was for one skeleton monkey, yes?"

>>3512439
Let Satan know that you were JUST KIDDING

oh Satan.
Dont be mad....

>>3512439

Awwww, it probably is demonic and will try and kill us any second now.

>>3512439
Prepare the Axe. It's Skeletal now, and Satan's obviously annoyed. It'll attack us.

Alternatively, use Garrelf as a meatshield. Assuming he's alive.

>>3512453
>Axe
>Skeletal

Yeah, lets just try to calm Satan down.

>>3512451
>>3512453
Oh predictable!

Why wouldn't he like freshly harvest organ offerings to him, cut freshly from a pansy-ass elf right before his eyes?

>>3512465
Saw that coming. Throw it at someone else, deal with Satan.

>>3512465
Ask Satan why he can make skeletons grow but not livers.

A fight with Satan.
Right.
Dorf is Fucked

>>3512475
Out the window with ye.

>>3512477
Why SATAN, why?

>>3512477
BECAUSE I...

>>3512446

>>3512526
inb4 out-of-fucking-nowhere dance number

>>3512526
...huh. That's actually a good idea.

>>3512534
No. Garelf is dead.

>>3512540
You can still dance without a liver!
...cant you?

>>3512537

Since we got him a liver and informed him of his super-magic power to enlarge/smallisize things, can we get his demon arm smaller and that demon-monkey as a nice servant instead? Maybe name it Furious George.

>>3512537
TELL SATAN TO GET CRACKING, WE NEED A NEW DRINKING BUDDY

>>3512550
Look, I gotta be really drunk to dance.

>>3512553
seconding this.
also, fuck the auto-sage feature

He can't regenerate damage from a solar archon.

train the monkey to box and fight it in some kind of animal fighting ring thing

>>3512553
Feels good man.

Put the next part in a new thread so it doesn't disappear on us.

New thread:
>>3512634

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/3512634/

For you kids in the archives.