i sage the thread

I tell the sun to cut it the fuck out and piss off.

FUCK YEAH, YOU'RE A BABY AND YOU'VE BEEN BORN. You can hardly hear anything over how born you are.

Daddy wants to know whether you're a boy or a girl. Which one are you?

>>3432301

Girl

>>3432301
Goddamnit Hiter!

>>3432301

We are the little girl.

what is this shit?

>>3432301

I wish to be the little girl.

Tentacle monster.

>>3432307
Congratulations, daddy! It's a girl!

Say bye to daddy, being dragged away by the police for looking at naked minors. Bad daddy!

>>3432301
>>3432316
Clearly, the baby is Osaka.

>>3432282
>>3432294
>>3432301

What is this? It's all so happy! Where's the GRIMDARK?

>>3432325

Ah, there it is.

Suddenly, life sucks! You are in a damp, stinking tunnel! You also have amnesia and all that fun stuff.

What do you do, JOAN?

in b4 schlick

>>3432378
Use POSTER to make AWESOME HAT.

>>3432378
Open tool box.

Receive massive spanner set.

>>3432378
Learn to walk! I just got born, I need to start with the basics!

>>3432378

I look in the box below the poster. There's got to be something around here I can use.

>>3432378
look at poster!

RAILROADING. CHOO CHOO.

I stockpile supplies for the coming zombie apocalypse

>>3432378
feast upon own flesh

Detect incredibly obscure, possibly inadvertent Buffy reference.

>>3432378

Take poster.

>>3432383
Your hat-making skill is not high enough to make a truly cool hat, but you make an ugly hat anyway. There is an EXTREMELY CRYPTIC MESSAGE written on the wall behind the poster!

>>3432445

Read the message.

>>3432378
My name's JOAN? Fuck that. Change my name to Princess Rachael Yuyuko Wilhelmina Dragonovna von Skyfucker XVIII.

...then I take the poster.

>>3432445
CLEAN up God damn room

>>3432445
I PLASMA THE DEMONS

>>3432445
WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY PANTS

Convert POSTER HAT into POSTER UNDERWEAR, I don't want fa/tg/uys seeing my vagOOO

>>3432445

What's on the other side of the room?

Open toolbox

>>3432445

Read the message, then look inside the box.

The message on the wall reads "JOAN, YOU ARE", written in something utterly unnameable substance, such as black spraypaint. The message appears to be INCOMPLETE.

In the box there is a roll of duct tape and a very unshiny coin.

>>3432525
Punch CRYPTIC MESSAGE.

>>3432525
Make shorts out of the duct tape, then look at the coin.

Make a crude armor out of duct tape

>>3432525
How much ductape? Enough to make PAINFUL FOR TAKING OFF DUCTAPE UNDERWEAR?

Call out, see if there's anyone else there.

>>3432525
Punch CRYPTIC MESSAGE.
In the FACE.

>>3432525

Duct tape underwear. Do it faggot.

>>3432550
Just stick the duct tape together so only the nonadhesive side is on the surface. Problem solved!

>>3432537
>>3432538
>>3432550
>>3432558
>>3432564

Ignore these faggots, we might need that Duct Tape later for something important.

>>3432576
Exactly why we should get to puntching that cyrptic message.

I get out of the shithole

>>3432576
What could be more important than ensuring the safety of our vulva

NOTHING THAT'S WHAT

>>3432525
in before "no joan you are the demons"

>>3432536
You punch the cryptic message. Entirely unexpectedly, your hand hurts like hell.
>>3432537
In your new, entirely uncomfortable duct tape panties, you cradle your sore hand and oggle at the unshiny coin. It appears old and you can barely make out the number and denomination, indicating the coin as a "2 d" coin, whatever that is in LOLLARS.

You are now out of duct tape, but the cardboard cylinder has not magically disappeared.

>>3432616
FUCK YES.
Burst into song.

Craft bracers out of cardboard cylinder

>>3432616
Gather up some of the pieces of paper on the floor and read them. Then make them into hobo shoes.

>>3432525
JOAN, YOU ARE THE DEMONS

>>3432616
Painfully take piece of ductape from underwear. Place coin on forehead and ductape it there. You now look awesome.

>>3432634
You sing a song about your hurting hand, your new duct tape panties and your unshiny coin.

Your song sucks and you get depressed.

>>3432616

Joan is d'awwwww.

See if there's any water around that you can use to wash the coin in. If you're lucky you might be able to make the inscriptions on it a bit more visible.

Also, do I recognise what "LOLLARS" are? Are they the national currency in this world, or do we still use the Dollar/Pound Sterling/Euro/Whatever?

That one splotch on the wall, to the right of the message, looks like its flipping me off.

I flip it off back.

>>3432678
Let's blow this popsicle stand. Put the tube and coin in the box and take it with us.

>>3432678
Wait, is there more in the toolbox? It looks glowy.

>>3432678
FUCK YES YOU ARE THE GREATEST DRAWFAG EVER.

Joan goes outside

>>3432682
"2 d" is probably short for "2 dollars". Maybe we're in Canada?

Look through the window and see other kids having a much better life.

>>3432688
Echoing this. Whatever's in there that's shiny has to be either important or deadly. Both if I'm lucky.

Taste the coin.

>>3432702
Nah, unless the coin is REALLY dirty, she'd have noticed the two-pieces to the coin (an outer nickel ring, and an inner mostly copper disc).

Pic related.

>>SirDoubleFaggot

I, Joan, realize the meaning of the incomplete message!

Joan! You are...T(on the wall)...he one I love.

This brings hope and happiness, comforting me even though my song sucked and my duct-tape panties are sticky.

>>3432682
You wash the coin in A SPOT OF MOISTURE. You manage to remove some dirt, but the coin remains very unshiny.
>>3432686
You put your things in the box, close it and pick it up. No explosions related to vendors of frozen consumables occur.
You relocate yourself further up the tunnel.

>>3432688
No. It's just standard BOX-GLOW.

Also, LOLLARS are the global currency, except for the Middle-East where the popular currency is sand. "d" is not a known denomination.

>>3432791
Scream "Bullshit."

Examine the duct tape panties. Closely.

>>3432791
Aw yiss, is that some muthafukkin paint on the ground. Grab dat shit, holmes.

What's that thing on the wall near you?

Is it just a cockroach, or a bit of grafitti, or what?

>>SirDoubleFaggot

I, Joan, realize the meaning of the incomplete message from down the tunnel!

Joan! You are...T(on the wall)...he one I love.

This brings hope and happiness, comforting me even though my song sucked and my duct-tape panties are sticky.

>>3432791
[x] befriend bug

>>3432825
>>3432804
Combine.

>>3432804
You scream "BULLSHIT" as loud as you can (you reach 14 desibels), but absolutely fuck-all happens.

Leave room.

CHOO-CHOO

well, this place is sort of terrible, and dull.

I believe it's huffing time.

Huff some paint, lets go on an adventure in imagination land!

>>3432850
Pull the back of our shirt collar towards our face while looking to the side, so we can see if the tag has a "MADE IN [x]" label, or a name written on it or something.

Use COIN on COCKROACH

>>3432855
You are in a tunnel. There is no room you could leave to escape your wonderful life.

Your shitty paper-hat is almost dead from the moisture in the tunnel's air.

>>3432878
There's nothing else to do here! Shlick until you pass out!

Follow source of tunnel air.

>>3432878

Take the hat off and put it under your shirt to try and keep it dry. Walk down the tunnel, occasionally calling out to see if anyone else is there.

>>3432878
Put SHIT ON GROUND in box
EAT bug

>>3432850

Damn she's cute.

I'M TAKING THIS SHIT.
>start punching

HUG TOM

go further into the tunnel, and be mad about it

READ THE NOTE.

>>3432889
You "TOUCH YOURSELF AT NIGHT" for five minutes and pass out from the strain of the effort.
>>3432890
The air simply exists, there's absolutely no indication of a defined source.
>>3432891
You put the hat under your shit, but it disintegrates and falls to the ground, leaving a some residue stuck on your skin. It feels icky.
>>3432894
You see no bugs, but you put the CRUSHED CAN into your box. Then you pick up the...

...the...

...the what? It is soft and cold, and it is dripping something from both ends! The red stuff looks awfully like coagulated blood, and the white stuff is icky! You are overcome by a feeling of HORROR.

I know what to do.

>>3432971
Oh, severed penis. Fun.

>>3432971
You also wake up between passing out and putting your hat under your shirt, because it would be silly if you did it while unconscious.

>>3432971

Put the severed penis inside the crushed can so that it won't drip on anything else, then put it inside your box.

Open the door, get on the floor.

>>3432996

Also, see if there's anything around you can use to brush your hair a bit.

>>3432971
Oh jeez, yuck. But if it's still dripping from the white end, it must've been recently severed.

Shriek and throw the dick away, look to see if there's a blood trail on the ground starting where the penis had been.

>>3432850
A normal whisper is 30 decibels, so JOAN is... Quiet, I guess.

Oh fuck, I think I just found out where this is going.

Anyway, explore more of the room. There has to be SOMETHING else there somewhere.

>>3432971
That's not a bug on the wall? Then is it a drawing of a bug?

>>3432996
It doesn't fit inside the crushed can.

However, your fiddling has an undesirable effect!

>>3433042
Engage in battle with penis monster.
Use STOMP!

>>3433042
OH SHIT

Functional Severed Penis Hentai skit incominggg

Take the severed penis and insert it into your vagina, It might feel good!

Use CARDBOARD TUBE on PENIS

>>3433042
>undesirable
OR IS IT?

>>3433042

Okay, NOW we can do this. >>3433002

INSERT LEVER A INTO PORT B, FIRMLY LIFT LEVER A, AND SNAP INTO PLACE.

Been a while since I had a good dickin...

use the dick, UP THE ASS

Started off good, quickly descended into /b/ failure. Fuck you Double-Faggot.

KILL IT, YOU'VE GOT TO KILL IT

IT WAS NOT MEANT TO BE

>>3433057
It's a direct hit with PANIC BONUS! The SEVERED PENIS perishes!

Use Dick on Vagina in the wall

>>3433163
...Now with an attached image!

>>3433042
throw the dick away, proceed searching the tunnel

>>3433178

Alright, we've stomped the foul thing.

Wipe the gross off your foot, then try to decide what to do next.

Awesome. Now follow blood trail.

>>3433184
You slump down against the wall, trying to calm down a bit. You wonder what you should do next.

Go to sleep, exhasted from all the drama.
Wait for something to develop.

>>3433219
First spread your legs a bit wider, you sleep better...

I wake up, realizing I am still a little kid, in mommy's home. I look around, surrounded by various good-natured toys... but the door is locked from the outside, and I hear crying coming from another room...

>>3433219
You are exhausted and fall asleep! You dream of all the good things.

>>I wake up, realizing I am still a little kid, in mommy's home. I look around, surrounded by various good-natured toys... but the door is locked from the outside, and I hear crying coming from another room...

I attempt to play with toys!

>>3433297
That unicorn has fangs. I become scared and reluctant to leave my bucket.

>>3433297
:c

>>3433297
Awesome!

Ask a happy creature for advice on what to do in the other world.

that vampire horse is going to rape her

Oh, wait... DO A BARREL ROLL!

You are roused from your PLEASANT DREAM by unnatural clanking. Upon opening your eyes, you witness AN UNWHOLESOME SCENE!

>>3433400

WHY WOULD A ROBOT HAVE ASS CHEEKS?

>>3433400
*CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG*?

Holy shit, the door to freedom! And he's taking your stuff! After him!

>>3433407

So you can bite it.

>>3433418
WHAT THE FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCKITTY FUCK-FUCK-FUCK WAS THAT?!

>>3433400

I attempt to steal the Robot's sexbox.

Pinch self to make sure not still in dream.

>>3433433
I was more referencing the Humping Robot from Robot Chicken.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPdvvRAdsbQ&feature=related

Before you can reach the door, the lights behind it go out. The door, however, remains open as the robot did not close it properly.

You hear a chugging noise begin to echo louder and louder through the hallway.

>>3433487
Spend a moment to contemplate the purpose of my shitty existence.

Tell source of noise to keep it down.

I suddenly remember my dream...


IN COLOR

Run down the hallway head on into the noise

THROW THE PENIS AT THE NOISE

>>3433555
>>3433565
Nothing happens and you learn nothing new. It would indeed appear that your life simply sucks a whole lot.

>>3433589
You steel your resolve and begin to move through the door and chase after the box-stealing buttcheek-robot, trying to ignore the ever-increasing discomfort you began to suffer from as soon as the robot had ran away with your box.

Where the hell am I now?

cry for a bit

Try to remember something.

Remove shirt, search for clues.

Cry whilst neatening hair with fingers.

You run down the hallway until you encounter a SPHERICAL CONTAINER. You are also tired and feeling a bit weird in a decidedly uncomfortable manner.

>>3433730
...The container also appears to be very translucent!

Open the spherical container and stand in it ignorant of its contents.

Eat sphere, find washroom.

>>3433730
Open ball
Receive Pokemon

>>3433755
No, open sphere, take item, use it as a toilet to remove uncomfortable feeling.

>>3433730

remove duct tape panties to reduce uncomfortable feeling

>>3433780
This.

>>3433751
Your plan seems to have no effect advantageous to your person.

Follow the advice listed here: >>3433780

Also, examine item.

Push Stiches into the fans

>>3433815

>>3433837
DISCOMFORT INCREASED EXTENSIVELY. Previous discomfort also remains present.

The only item in the container is a very large roll of duct tape.

Take duct tape and explore more of the hall way.

>>3433918
Pee or shit in the thing already!

Wear the spherical container as a hat. Attach it to your skull using the duct tape.

subdue tears and continue on

Use roll of duct tape to make a tie.

>>3433918
use tears as lube to rub privates and reduce pain

>>3433941

This. We'll need a sturdy helmet.

>>3433935
Nothing comes out.

>>3433941
CRITICAL HAT FAILURE.

>>3433943

and also

>>3433929

Examine surroundings.

>>3433991
Adjust your hat so you can still see.

How come her tits get bigger with each picture?

>>3434002

SSSSHHHH

If we question it may stop!

>>3434002
You complaining?

I think she's aging at an accelerated rate, since she was flatchested at the very beginning.

>>3434002

She's going through pubetry.

>>3434002
Guess it's the "uncomfortable feeling".

Maybe stomping that magical severed dick was a bad thing.

>>3434033
rub tits to reduce uncomfortable feeling.

Joan is a dragonborn.

Discus.

>>3433998
Do this already, after adjusting hat of course.

You put the roll of duct tape inside your hatmet. Surprisingly, it is quite comfortable, most probably due to your fluffy hair. In fact, you feel quite entirely comfortable, as the previous discomfort has been replaced with an unexplained weight on your chest.
For some reason, your shirt seems to have become small. As life is always imperfect, you gain a new source of discomfort from the enchanced ventilation of your bottom.

Obvious choice: Remove shirt.

Rip the shirt open a bit so it becomes wider.

>>3434058

Pervert.

>>3434051
Rip sleeves off, use fabric and tape to make more comfortable underwears.

>>3434065
She has to breathe!

>>3433991
Grope tits, something weird is going on there.

>>3434058

Seconding this.

>>3434051
Stop screwing around and keep going down the hallway.

I think we need to investigate the bare bottom problem in MUCH more detail.

Randomly wander around until finding a large source of running water.

Then have a shower.

>>3434082
>>3434074
>>3434073
>>3434059
>>3434058
Goddamnit you guys! We don't have time to masturbate, a robot just stole our fucking box.

>>3434058
Thirded.

>>3434095
This, and remove shirt for breathing ability.

>>3434120
But we must investigate! At the rate our boobs are growing we won't be able to move!

Go after our box.

>>3434133
Obviously the air being pumped in from the vents is inflating her, remove shirt and move further down the hall.

Find out how hard our new hat is. Perhaps we can use it for charging at people.

Your lacking skills in the construction of clothing leaves you with less than the original mass of the shirt, but you manage to cover yourself a bit. Reluctantly accepting that your new clothes will not magically improve, you continue down the hallway, which is of an entirely homogenous design as far as the eye can see.
You do however notice that very far away there seems to be a lack of illumination.

The combined intelligence of /tg/ seems to be exceptionally poor. So far we woke up in a sewer, made a hat out of a poster, punched a wall, then made duct tape panties, stared at a dirty coin for awhile, started randomly singing, washed the coin, randomly wandered through the tunnel, stopped to quietly yell bullshit, tried to masturbate but passed out, woke up with a disemboweled penis, crushed it underfoot, collapsed and fell asleep again, woke up and saw a robot stealing our shit, chased after it, then stopped when our boobs grew bigger.

Now we want to fondle them and try masturbating again. It's like there is a vacuous hole where the mind should be.

This thread is auto saging btw. Might want to make a new one.

>>3434133
Obviously the air being pumped in from the vents is inflating her, remove shirt and move further down the hall.

>>3434172
You forgot about making a helmet out of a spherical box and duct tape.

>>3434177
Indeed, "might". I am, however, not entirely convinced that it would be welcome, considering the reception of this thread.

>>3434172
I was the hat guy. I regret nothing.

>>3434172
We just want to be the little girl with the big titties. Intelligence has nothing to do with it.

>>3434189
It's entertaining, fucked up and pretty well drawn, i'd say go ahead with the Somewhat Disturbing Adventures of Joan.

Still waiting anxiously for ""No, Joan, you are the duct tape" - and then Joan was a poster".

>>3434172
we probably want to fill something.

>>3434189
It's not exactly RubyQuest, but on the other hand it's not exactly RubyQuest.

MOAR FOR THE MOAR THRONE OF JOAN

>>3434189
Hope you will, I for one have enjoyed this all the way from the sun "shining rays of shit straight into your eyes" to the boobgrowth-mystery and improvized clothing.

>>3434189

Aww, c'mon. I'm enjoying this.

You just have to know when to move the scene along. Anonymous gets distracted easily.

>>3433581

This was overlooked but I thought it was pretty cool.

>>3434189
But this is awesome. And don't leave me hanging, I want to find out why the fuck we are growing huge tits randomly.

>>3434189

what keeping it alive for 200 posts is a bad reaction?

DorfQuest faggot here.

I for one would like to see more of Joan, in every way. She is d'aaaw in a pitiable way. Please continue.

We have our helmet, and our clothes. Now after our goddamn box!

>>3434189
moar

More dammit!

New thread: >>3434449