Cleric: I IS DPS ONLAY NO HEALZ EVEN THOUGH THAT'S WHY I ROLLED THIS CHARACTER

Wizard: I blow shit up, what more do you want?

Fighter: Actually quite the tacticool leader.

Ranger: Kawaaaaiiii animals ^_^.

paladin: Don't make me fall, oh god, please don't.

Dm; Royal bastard extrodanaire.

Cleric: Chaotic Good means I hit on female NPCs, try to climb trees despite being a dwarf and won't shut up about Tenser's Floating Disc

Ranger: I have only been hit twice in this entire campaign

Rogue: I want to kill the cleric. Also I love to kill plot-critical NPCs instead of interrogating them.

Wizard: I have no personality and see no problem in casting Stinking Cloud on children, where it blocks LOS for the Ranger, and ON MY OWN PARTY.

Warlock: I am a Lawful Good Infernal Warlock with no personality. I did not even bat an eyelid when the Neutral Evil Wizard killed a bunch of my hometown's civilians with Stinking Cloud.

Warlord: Would you like a Jelly Baby?

>>3400372
My old group:
[Sorceress] I hate my life.
[Bard] I hate my life more. And you too.
[Psychic Warrior] I am secretly a spy for the far plane entities.
[Scout] While the sorceress is cutting herself, I'm groping her.
*Cleric slaps Scout on the wrists*
[Druid] I don't heal. I'm a druid.

Soul Bow: I'm chaotic awesome and hate everyone in the party.
Half Orc VoP Monk: Grapple and kill evil in the name of Raziel no matter what alingment it is!
Incarnate-VoP-Cleric: My weakest healing spell does 1d8+27 and I can Hammer of Righteousness for 20d8.
Elan Soul-Knife/Psion: I've cut my way out of half the monsters we've fought with minimal apparent damage.

DM: ....half these idiots don't use magic items, the other half doesn't use magic weapons. What the fuck.

>>3400372
And my modern group while I'm at it.

[Gunslinger] Can I plug Snake Plissken yet?
[Techie] I'm gonna run away from the fight and craft something.
[Bodyguard] Chainsaw chainsaw chainsaw chainsaw
[Road Warrior] I jump the pit with my car. I don't need no stinkin' ramps. Serves you bitches right for riding with me.
[Psionic Dude] I'm trying to be Vash the stampede, help!

*After a short battle with a notorious thief*
Justicar(Me): OK, so my last shot knocked him out? Cool. I'm gonna pull out my rope and tie him up so we can take him in.
Rogue: Fuck that! He's made of loot and experience. I shank him!
Justicar: The hell you don't! The Guard didn't call for "Dead or Alive". Besides, we'll get a coin reward for turning him in.
Rogue: Not as much gold as this guy stole.
*Arguing continues*
*Wizard rolls dice and passes a note to the DM*
Note: While they argue I cast Magic Missile. 15 damage
DM: Alright, while the two of you squabble, a bolt of arcane energy pierces the Bandit's chest before he falls over dead at the Justicar's feet.
Justicar: ...
Rogue: ... I loot.
Wizard: Aid Another.

[gangrel] You go on ahead, I'll stay here and hide with some animals.
[daeva] I am moody and my occult knowledge makes me cool
[mehket] Yeah sure. I'll go along with that, whatever.
[nosferatu] Raaaar. I am angry. I hit you. Does this count as fulfilling my wrath vice?

[Rogue] I'll hang back and shoot from my bow, and run away from battle if threatened, when I'm not falling asleep.
[Samurai] If I act like a noble righter-of-wrongs towards evil NPCs, maybe I'll get bonus RP xp, even though I'm partied with a CN blast happy warlock.
[Warlock] CN is fun when I'm awake to pay attention to whats going on.
[Ardent] I can take save or die powers from mantles related to death and totally be good; I just forgot my alignment when I filled in the character sheet lol!
[Druid - Shapechange variant] I'm going to bullshit any numbers I want for AC and damage.

Captain: Alcohol!
First Mate: Stabbings!
Pilot: Sabotage!
Muscle 1: Kill everything except the crew!
Muscle 2: Kill everything including the crew!
DM: Cthulu in space!
Party: Shit!

Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Also, this isn't an exact person, per say, this is like two or three different people over the course of the past couple months.

>>3400552
Part Deux

(Human Fighter) - /emo
(Elf Wizard) - I'm an Elf and I'm so awesome because I'm and Elf and am so awesome. Also I'm an awesome Elf.
(Kender Rogue) - Lawl so RANDUM ^_^;;
(Human Barbarian) - I'm civilized. I rage because I'm angry at myself.

>>3400372
Even older group:
(This one's gestalts and high powered)
[Vampire Fighter/Cleric/Wizard] So I have 4 base attacks and 20th level cleric/wiz spells. I'm not strong enough. Can I get sunlight immunity?
[Psion/Wizard] I mind crush the kids on my damn lawn! What? TN totally does that.
[Ranger/Cleric] I drink. Lots.
[Warlock/Something] I kill the Psion/Wizard because that's how I roll.
[Soulknife/Something] I found useable anti-vampire stuff in some absurd 3rd party book, I think it's totally balanced, gimme!

Cleric - Oh shit, how am I drowning? We're not even near water
Barbarian - It's totally inconspicuous to carry around a 10 foot sword
Sorceror - We're not doing what I want to do. I have a headache now!
Rogue - I accidentally a 4d6 sneak attack. :[

>>3400559
>(Kender Rogue)
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

>>3400552
>>3400558
Feel your pain bro but you sould have just told him to play the game or fuck off. Also he'll prolly come back for more drama now.

[PSYKER] I AM GOING TO USE FLASHBANG ON THE GRETCHIN.
[DM] But your group is in close combat with them!
[PSYKER] I DON'T CARE!

[ASSASSIN] OH GOD WHY CAN'T I SHOOT
[ASSASSIN] I HAVE FUCKING 65 BALLISTIC SKILL WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I SHOOT?!

[GUARDSMAN] I'm a 16 year old girl with 45 strength. The fuck? No seriously, WHAT?

[DM] Okay, the gretchin are coming out of the house but at this speed you can easily get around the corner and be gone into friendly lines before they can muster any kind of real defence.
[GUARDSMAN2] I'M GOING TO RUN OVER THE GRETCHIN WITH OUR TRUCK.
[DM] Even though they're the opposite direction to your lines?
[GUARDSMAN2] YES.
[DM] Drive check.
[GUARDSMAN2] ..90.
[DM] You stall the car six inches from the first Gretchin.
[GUARDSMAN] FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-(He then got shot through the chest by a Mek and died instantly.)

[TECHPRIEST] Can I use Common Lore: Tech for a second? I want to know if I can safely use the truck's battery to recharge our lasgun ammo, or if that's just going to be ridiculously hard and dangerous.
[DM] FUCK OFF THAT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY.
[TECHPRIEST] ..Wat?

[SCUM] Oh jesus, two guardsmen and neither of them can hit an ork, and now my autogun is out of ammo. Fuck it, I'll wade in with my club for the Gang-Up bonus. *Rolls*

[Five minutes later]

[DM] Okay, so that's your fourth Emperor's Fury.. Aaaand the Ork's brain EXPLODES like a ripe melon, showering blood, brain and gore everywhere.
[TECHPRIEST] Did the local Scum they were arresting just rape-crit three orks in a row at close combat while the guardsmen fucked up and swished every attack?
[DM] Yes.
[TECHPRIEST] The guard's been recruiting from the wrong fucking planet.

Druid: Making friends with the BBEG and anything that will talk to him.

Ranger: Falls asleep during gameplay. Only does something cool when he is not playing.

Sorcerer: Shenanigans

Rogue: Mary Sue-ing it up. influenced heavily by Naruto. Also, bitches when he doesn't get his way.

Cleric (Me): Losing Sanity like I'm playing CoC. Would've ganked the rogue a long time ago if his minimaxed ass couldn't take me down in combat.

This is not a bump

[barbarian] KILL, LOOT, HAGGLE
[dwarf fighter] WHY IS MY CHARACTER INJURED UR BEING MEAN DM
[paladin] ROLF SO RANDUMB
[cleric] :afk:

Degenesis Group:
Chronicler: This town sucks, nothing to do tech stuff with. Look there's a whore running from us, I shoot to kill. If i hurt her to bad, we got a doc to fix her up and she can still answer questions.
Hellvetic, Bodyguard of the Chronicler: This town sucks and that fricking guy is shooting at people, again.
Apokalyptik: This town sucks, I wander around, sell drugs and get in serious trouble.
Spitalian: This filthy town sucks, burn everywhere. Time to take controll and eradicate this shit.

[slayer1]: I hate that elf, let's find something worthy to kill.
[slayer2]: I hate that elf, let's find something worthy to kill.
[elven hedge wizard]: Dwarfs suck, I don't know what I am doing here.
[witch hunter]: Let's find some chaos scum and kill it.
[thief]: Wait till the others kill stuff, then loot.

M&M
[Dm/Me] *Narrator as DMNPC = LOL Railroad?*
[Bulls Eye/Green lantern] (Some skills) "I'm totally trying to be batman without being batman. I gather information. Why aren't we fighting yet?"
[Superman] (All powers no skills) "Well I have no skills to handle social encounters, so I'll let these two handle it while my guy eats a bucket of chicken at a crime scene. Why aren't we fighting yet?"
[Imotep from the mummy] (Sneak skills) Nobody's looking? I hide, stealth check of insane. I frame a rich npc for murder and hope my teammates kill him. Why aren't we fighting yet?"

Fighter: MAIM, BURN, KILL!!
Ranger: KILL, MAIM, BURN!!
Wizard: I PUT THE BURN IN MAIM BURN KILL!!
Paladin: I roll for boob size. How many NPCs are my drooling servants?
Druid: ... *yiffan*
DM(me): /facepalm

Dwarf Fighter: Lol I am the oldest person in the game and my background says I'm best friends with high military officials which is why I spit in their face when they ask for requests like patrol duty, also I beat the shit out of my adopted son whom I swore a dwarven oath to protect as my own family.
Sorcerer 01: Hehehe my charisma gets me laid by everyone, I'm naive and stuff (Redeeming feature, awesome sport when shit happens to him which is every session I personally love the fucked up things he goes through)
Sorceress 01: FIRE BURN KILL FIRE BURN KILL (THink Kharn the betrayer) DAMN IM PRETTY.
Elven Rangeress: I IZ BEST BOWMANS IN WORLD, despite history showing the greatest bowman was a human man of an old kingdom even acknowledge by the elves as superior. FUCK HIM IM THE BEST.
Bard 01: Fuck your world man and that it is young I'm bringing heavy metal into it because ITS METAL AND MY CHARCTERS METAL....fuck you you gave me a hot young wife in the game Im leaving how dare you tie me down.
Barbarian: I cannot fucking understand anything those people are saying because there is no such language as common yet and I only speak my native language (No compliants of this character all cool)
Monk: I'm evil, lawful evil and I don't question it, I live by my code and fuck everyone else that tries to get in the way of my promises to protect the first sorcerer. (Second no compliant)

Our first DnD game

Fighter 1: I search for hidden doors
Fighter 2 (me): What's my attack bonus again?
Fighter 3: I move in behind the monster and stab it from behind while it's attacking fighter 2
Fighter 4: I do a commando roll and stab the monster from underneath

We were all in fullplate, and wielding 2-handed weapons

4e

Wizard: Race and stats don't matter for shit. I'm gonna roleplay as if my character was me and take five minutes to decide on magic missile.

Ranger: It sucks that we often have to play during late nights, but I'm going to shout at the top of my lungs in this apartment complex whenever I get a crit - which happens quite a lot because I fudge rolls on a regular basis.

Fighter: ...

Fighter 2: Even though I'm the newest player to this game, I'm going to roleplay the best out of the group and not get caught up in the subtle masturbation and ego wars of the other players.

Cleric (me): Ok, so I'm a Warforged... am I robot?

>>3400647

We had something similar, only it was an assassin instead of a guardsman.

Psyker 1: FUCK, perils of the warp! mah head s'ploded
Loli assassin: I retreat to the shadows and emerge once the cultists are wounded and easier to kill.
Cleric: I shoot grenades into the shadows.
Psyker 1: I'm standing in the shadows when my head exploded.
Psyker 2: *hides roll* my head exploded too. I'm also standing in the shadows.

[Rogue] HELL YES LOOK AT ALL THESE MOTHERFUCKING DICE I AM ROLLING
[Paladin] You make me fall? Fuck you, bitch. Imma greyguard
[Soulknife] FUCK YEAH STRENGTH BONUSES MY BASE DAMAGE BONUS IS ENOUGH TO WIPE OUT ANYTHING I HIT
[Healer] Ooh, maybe if I get leadership then I can play a cohort as a character that I actually want to play!

Sorceress finds something sexy and overly revealing, courtesy of a DM being nice.

Rogue: "That.... looking great there!"
** Sorc poses a bit **
** Bard mumbles incoherently for a moment **
Sorc: "I like it."
** Sorc smiles happily **
** Rogue drools ice chunks **
Sorc: "Is it okay if I came them?"
Sorc: keep
Sorc: keep
Sorc: god damnit sigmund

Group I GM For
[Assassin] - You're all stupid, your Primer is stupid, I'm the only one here who can do his damn job. (This all being scrawled on parchment. Mute asshole).
[Psyker] - I have the demeanour of a deck-officer, a mind flooded with nonsensical visions and an utter lack of fear.
[Guardsman 1] - HOOOOOO-EEEEEE! Imma gonna club me some heretics!
[Guardsman 2] - *screaming in terror and blasting away at things while checking his Primer for the appropriate litanty*

Group I Play In -
[Cleric 1] - I say, I SAY I say, boy, you're a few bolts short of a magazine now, aintcha. That was a joke, son, A JOKE!
[Cleric 2] - I'm going to flit between being horribly cynical and overpowered with faith-based optimism.
[Tech-Priest] - There is a perfectly logical explanation to all of this, fleshy ones. Your superstitions are unfounded. Clearly this arcane symbol was burned into this rock by some serf with a melta-torch.
[Arbitrator] - First I get landed with playing assistant to some psyker, now I'm careening towards something horrible and my sole consolation is my inexhaustible supply of Lho Sticks.
[Assassin] - Madam Barely Appearing In This Picture (only joined at the end of last session)

Wizard: "Planning? Use of knowledge checks to determine whether or not what I'm trying to do can even affect the targets? The hell? I'm the godamn leader, so that dude right over there in the big stinkin' armor is going to march right into that shit and get his shit ruined, while I blast shit apart like a badass. Also I think the party is plotting to kill me."

Fighter: "George is my only friend. Sometimes he tells me about the bunnies... sometimes he shoots fire out of random orifices. Oh, he wants me to walk into a smoking crater. That sounds like fun."

Psion: "I am effectively a non-entity, in that I do nothing without being prompted, and spend most combat rounds buffing myself up so that I can do nothing before the battle ends."

Rogue: "Oh god oh god oh god I think that dude might have a few gold pieces on him. Maybe... I can kill him. And loot him... Fucking Wizard, quit glaring at me, and godammit, quit saying I have masturbatory fantasies about stroking my knives. Mental note: Stab wizard in face."

It is possible that you can tell that I play the wizard.

Bard: I'm just going to sit here quietly, offer a good strategy. When you assholes fuck it up, I'm just going to ignore you and move along the plot.
Ranger: I hate everyone, Elves(despite being one myself), Dwarves Humans, burn them all.
Cleric: I have a 6shot Single Action Army. This gun is the best gun EVER! You piss me off, I'm going to sneak up behind you can cap your ass.
Barbarian: My name is Rockso. I DO COCAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN. Seriously dudes, lots of cocaine.

[Street Samurai]: I contribute positively to the plan for storming this compound to obtain research material.
[Face]: I do some extremely good roleplaying and convince our contacts to go above and beyond the call of duty to give us information for the planning process of the run.
[Technomancer]: I do some wondrous hacking to obtain more information.
[Me]: I contribute to the plan and as soon as we are thbrough the door I cast the biggest fireball I possibly can and run screaming at the nearest security station while throwing grenades and volatile home made explosives.

Ranger: Entangle! Rapid Shot!
Cleric: Spiritual weapon! In the name of God!
Fighter: Yes, but are we getting paid? Ok. Cleave! Why am i carrying throwing axes? They fucking suck.

>>3400991
>Degenesis Group:
>Chronicler: This town sucks, nothing to do >tech stuff with. Look there's a whore running >from us, I shoot to kill. If i hurt her to >bad, we got a doc to fix her up and she can >still answer questions.
>Hellvetic, Bodyguard of the Chronicler: This >town sucks and that fricking guy is shooting >at people, again.
>Apokalyptik: This town sucks, I wander around, >sell drugs and get in serious trouble.
>Spitalian: This filthy town sucks, burn >everywhere. Time to take controll and >eradicate this shit.

VIRAL MARKETAN

>>3401882
School seems to be over.

That's it guys, thread's fucked now.

(Me) Bard/Barbarian: We gotta spread the rock across the land of Motown while I attempt to shepherd you cats around. I also know the rules better than the DM no matter what system we're playing. Thanks for all the rulebooks, /tg/!
Cleric: I am kinda condescending and will constantly try to renegotiate my share of the band's cut despite the fact that I am just the manager. Also my init rolls suck and I have always gone last.
Fighter: I am obviously a ripoff of my WoW character (a Tauren Hunter, apparently) who collects the heads he cleaves off and am surprisingly good at RP.
Rogue: I am the damage dealer with a mad high strength bonus (1d4 + 6 dagger lolwut). I am the drummer of the band and I start a bunch of shit all the time, yet I always give the Bardbarian shit when he initiates the hijinx. Also I am a giant pussy and run as soon as things start to go wrong.
Monk: I am a zombie halfling monk who plays a didgeridoo by wielding it as a quarterstaff. I am new to the game.

Scion:
[Anubis]- I am poor and mopey.
[Bast]- AAAAAAH!!! GET AWAY FROM ME, GHOST CAT!
[Hera]- Hey mom, can I get a lap dance? No I won't fuck you today. I only sleep with MILFs on Sundays.
[Hermes#1]- Ferret? What ferret? Since you're over here, why not play some cards?
[Athena#1]- I am studious and spiritual. Come over here so I can have sex with you!
[Son Wukong]- Fuck you, round-eye. What am I studying? Uh, things. Manly things. Don't call me Gohan.
[Athena#2]- Hey owl, can you talk?
[Owl]- No, I'm a fucking owl. CAAAW!
[Athena#2]- Maybe I should assemble a group of teenagers with attitude.
[Freya]- Ho hum, making jewelry. Why can't I get laid?
[Hermes#2]- Shakespeare with dogs! Don't rape me, dad. My god gave me forty dollars. TO THE BRADDOCK MOBILE!

Dwarf Cleric(me): Srsly u gaiz, the DM's gonna kill us if we do this!
Human Fighter: Fuck armor! I have shiny, well-oiled muscles.
Orc Ranger: I pick fights with everyone because Orcs are Klingons, right?
Dragonborn Warlord: Despite my stats, I do most of the talking because I have a 20 cha in real life.
Both warlocks, one Human, one Elf: Fuck yeah, farming mooks for pact boon!

>>3402185
>Orc Ranger: I pick fights with everyone because Orcs are Klingons, right?

Yes, yes they are.

Wizard: I'm a noob, surprisingly good at RP. Unfortunately, I get pwned every five minutes by random stuff. Good for me turns out I'm like the last carrier of the Vol Dragonmark and Demiliches bow to me and grant me wishes.

Rogue/Warrior: I'm completely inept at RP, but let's just pretend I'm a lonewolfish, grimdark, badass.

Drow Cleric/sorceress: I'm completely nuts, I will let the Rogue fuck me doggy stile and during the groping i will shoot myself in the leg with his gun just for the thrill of it

Warfarged Warrior (me): Can you explain me "FRIENDS"?

[ONE SHOT PCs]

Paladin: I'm a paladin of a Silver Flame and a Shifter, but not a real Shifter, a human who got shifted into a shifter by magic. Oddly enough, I will not commit seppuku for becoming the thing I hate the most, but instead I will disrespect the master of my order and tell her to go to fuck herself

Changeling Sorceress: LOLIMRIKKU...and then I'm going to sexing that sexy vampire over there.

"I don't want to waste my powers so I'll just get knocked unconscious and let the rest of the party deal with it."

"Hello I have ridiculous offensive and defensive capabilities but if something actually hits me I disintegrate."

Dragonborn Paladin: I'M HUGE. FIRE BREATH FUCK YEAH COME HERE FUCKING GOBLIN IMMA EAT YOU.

Human Cleric: *healing and high-fiving the Paladin* FUCK YEAH.

Dwarf Fighter: lol how i swung axe (Perpetually missing and/or crit failure.)

Elf (Fuck calling them Eldarin, it looks like an Elf, walks like an Elf and acts like an Elf, it's an Elf) Wizard: HURRARAGARHGG MAGIC MISSILE FUCKING FOREVER.

DM (me): Your characters are gonna have a heart attack if they don't chill out.

Game 1:

Somewhat-human Monk: I made an oath not to use any weapon but my fists, but I keep doing it anyway!
Half dragon rogue: What's going on? Oh, I climb up a tree and glide over to the enemy!
Half dragon fighter: I have amnesia!
Gnoll paladin: I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I'M LEVEL 6!
DM: Lets us get away with ANYTHING.

Game 2, after game 1 was put on hiatus in favor of a 4th edition game:

Human Wizard: Fuck, level 1 again? Ah well... cloud of daggers.
Human Warlord: I'm playing a black woman with the worst Jamaican accent EVER!
Human cleric: ... what do I roll again?
Elven ranger: D-d-d-dual wield!

Paladin: Can I use craft weapon to make chainsaw-chucks yet?
Cleric: Fuck you guys, I'm going home. No, i don't care that there's a horde of zombies busting into the inn and eating people.
Ranger: I shoot the wizard in the face
Halfling Rogue: I sneak attack the wizard and steal his spellbook
Wizard: I cast burning hands on that zombie. What do you mean it's 'in melee'. I do it anyways. What? I set the ranger on fire? uh...
The Sorcerer: I'm a zombie killing machine. Yep.
Monk: Man, I wish I'd rolled a druid. I'm goddamned useless.

Arbitrator: I AM THE LAW, LOLOLOLOL
Cleric: Unh, TESTIFY! Poppa's got a brand new bag! <goes into a James Brown impression for the next 2 mins, amusing the group> Ah feeeeeel nice, like suger'n'spice! <continues impression for the next 8 minutes, annoying the fuck out of the group>
Adept: My fellowship is 19. Barely roleplaying IS roleplaying my character well.
Psyker: I wish I could get through one combat encounter without rolling a nine-GOD DAMMIT NOT AGAIN!

Genasi Swordmage: Extremely Cocky and lucky enough to have the dice back him up. (ex. Quote to a young black dragon at level 2 "Hey here's a riddle for you, what walks on 4 legs in the morning and doesn't walk anymore after it meets me?" The dragon was dead 5 rounds later, no party deaths)
Halfling Warlord: Uhhh I am just a party buffer right? That means I don't have to get into combat right? Commanders Strike! Commanders Strike! Commanders Strike!
Elf Cleric: IIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMM CCCCCHHHHHHAAAARRRRGGGGIIIIIINNNN MAAAAAAH LAAAAAAZER
Dragonborn Fighter: Pissed and over serious because the Genasi is beating his AC by 3, and is only 2 HP behind him. Challenges and attempts to fight the Genasi on multiple occasions.
DM: "... I hate you all"

Knight: Can I have sex with it? BTW, SPAM HEALS!

Psychic: I BUFF THE PARTY! LOL!

Fighter: How do I keep getting into this shit?

Ranger: I do not understand this "technology" of which you speak. Let us slay some monsters.

Druid: I turn into an animal... LOOK AT ME! LOOK HOW COOL I AM!

I don't think any of you have gaming groups, and you're all pulling these personalities out of your ass.

ENJOY YOUR RONERY

(Me, CG paladin variant) Wow, I designed this class shittily. Good thing I can abuse Two-Weapon Fighting and the Pistols the DM hands out.
(Cleric of the Machine God) Despite my arsenal of guns, I'll use that Power Attack I picked up and wrench things to death. Good thing I can heal.
(Elf Rogue) Well, the fluff says they use longswords, so I'll try that. Why don't I hit anything? Oh shit, another encounter where things try to rape me.
(Swashbuckler & Soulknife in non-psionic setting) DRAMA LLAMA DRAMA LLAMA DRAMA LLAMA LEAVE.

My group includes a sorcerer, a centaur, a satyr, a dwarf barbarian, the hottest aasimar chick you'll ever find (a cleric) and myself, a bard.

I view them that way:
- sorcerer, he's my rival in love, I take every opportunity I get to belittle him, and I'm doing great so far.
- centaur
to the city guard: "don't worry, it's my horse" "hum, you may pass then"
to the centaur: "they should have a mare for you at the brothel"
- satyr, I shamelessly rub my crotch on his goat legs whenever I can to ward off evil spirits (don't ask me why, I failed some bardic knowledge check); great drinking buddy too, he's always have some wine.
- dwarbarian, my best buddy in the party, we've been into countless brothels he and I. He's stupid and dangerous but you can always count on him for a good axe blow or a good laugh.
- aasimar cleric. My goddess, my character is convinced she's the incarnation of some goddess of love and beauty Olidamara sent him to prove himself worthy. Damn chick forced me to turn my character from a cowardly bard into a "OMG I'm so awesome I shield her from that dragon turtle" character.
I flatter her, I buy her equipment, I sing her praise in every tavern, I'm her dog and I like it.
- myself, a bard: "when everything fails, use a bard".

>>3402008

I want to play with your group.

>>3403187

That's.

Realistic.

Very much so.

>>3403690
Continued:
Everyone-OH GOD WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE TROLLS

[Psyker, before the game, in the phone]: Guys, I can't meet the group today, i have things to do.
[DM]: Ok, doesn't matter, I have still 4 players yet.
[--time later...--]
[DM]: Behold, you are in front of the ancient gates of the Tannhauser Hive-city, you see who is supposed to be your contact a few meters in front of them.
[Arbitrator]: I show up, showing my badge and exclaiming "BEHOLD, ARBITES AT WORK, IDENTIFY YOURSELF"
[Guardsman]: I stay behind him, with the lasgun drawed and READY TO FIRE ON AUTOMATIC FIRE.
[DM]: The contact salutes you showing his hands up, apparentely unarmed, and say: "I'm Rick Deckard, I have the access codes to enter in the fortress here in my pock-"
[Guardsman and Arbitrator]: OPEN FIIIIIIIREEEEEEEEE!!!! *throwing dices*
[Adept]: WTF, DON'T SHOOT, DON'T SHOOT.
[Scum]: Stay calm dudes, he's our contact!
[DM]: Too late, their shots dismember and kill Deckard in a few seconds. In his hand is the dataslate, probably with the info about the fortress.
[Arbitrator]: Oh shit, well, I check the body.
[Adept]: *Nods* I take the dataslate and check the info.
[Scum]: I secure the perimeter, in case the cult has heared the shooting and send someone coming to this place.

>>3403859
>gate
>Tannhauser

Were there any C-Beams?

[Wizard]: Every character I play is the same character: a rogue, even and especially if I don't have the skills for it. ALSO, EVERYONE PAY ATTENTION TO ME. ALL THE TIME!

[Warlock]: No, my laptop isn't a distraction during the game. Now let me look only at it except when I'm specifically addressing someone else, and refuse to roleplay. When you asked I game for the tactical challenge, so that's why I made a bland tiefling warlock who I can't even play right. I should be shooting individual minions, right?

[Barbarian]: As a girl, I'm offended that most girls play the "skinny meek elf cleric" type, so I'm going to play a 6'5 barbarian woman! If only I wasn't skinny and meek in real life. I'm going to put in a lot of effort into my character, but get too flustered during the session to do much of anything, especially when Wizard starts taking over.

[Bard]: As a female player, while my character may be a tiefling bard, she is a skinny meek elf cleric on the inside. I'm going to draw pictures of her [editor's note: really good ones, actually] all session because I'm shy.

[Fighter]: While I'm involved and knowledgeable, for some reason making a character whose personality is "he stays out of conversations" sounds like a good idea. I'll still be helpful to the new players in combat and rules situations, but don't expect me to roleplay.

I'm really not sure why Warlock and Bard show up, really.

>>3403923
Probably, they got themselves killed before anything interesting really happened.

>Cleric: Unh, TESTIFY! Poppa's got a brand new bag!

BRB, modding a chaplain mini's armor to have bell-bottoms

Sorc: I'm descended from a line of devils and hate paladins. Also, I don't recognize how rare magic is in this setting

Artificer: mechanical squirrel army

rogue: *wakes up* wha?

factotum: Well, if you took a level in barbarian and got this feat...

monk: I throw things at it

bard: I'm a poet, I don't sing

VoP Druid: I must never retreat!

ranger: I'm gonna make bad decisions and derail the campaign for my own personal adventures

Beyond these, they're actually a really good group. Good balance of tactical know-how, RPing, and best of all, a thirst for the plot.

Group I DM for
Druid: Well fuck the plot I'm going to make friends with literally everyone and set up a communications network, making me the most diplomatically powerful character in the game.
Cleric/Fighter: HERESY!
Paladin/Monk: Is there a reason for me to fight? Yes? Okay lets fuck this guy's cereal up! No? Oh... well blah blah Philosophy I learned last month from an NPC blah blah.
Barbarian: I say wot wot, they let all kinds of riff raff do thi- HULK SMASH! Oops, I'ma bad guy now. *awesome face*
Hermit Fighter: ...Watch me Kung-fu with hobo logic...
Rakshasa Fighter: Shhh, I'm disguised as an elf. That's about my relevence.

>>3403717
continued

the sorcerer: "FIREBALL !" The PCs: "They're friends" The DM: "too late, the spell is already casted"

the centaur, talking to the local lord of crime: "So, you like animals ?"

the satyr: "How much wine can I buy with this", gets a 300gp gem out of his bag

the dwarf: "I wanna be the next Don, hey bard, you play the Godfather's theme whenever I enter a tavern."

the cleric, to some guardmen, "no, I don't know them, you should arrest them by the way."

Myself, talking to some yuan-ti. "No no no, oh my beauty, we're not here to kill you. Quite the contrary actually, we are adventurers driven by curiosity for you people. Now come on, let's talk about all this in your private quarters, just the two of us..."

Amazingly, all most everybody is happy now.
-------------------

SCUM: Hmm... Maybe this's another clue..

ASSASSIN: Oh look, my both weapons jammed again, even though they are mastercrafted revolvers. Bashing time!

GUARDSMAN: Booze, women and a powerblade! What else can a warrior possibly need?

TECHPRIEST: Okay, I rolled twentyon... HEY! Look! A butterfly!..

GUARDSMAN: Why can't we play D&D instead?! I hate percentance based everything!

From a homebrew I play

[Death guy] Is it immune to death? ... Of course it is...
[Light guy] I GLOW!
[Rock dragon] Oh, there goes my MP, I'll just be unconcious over here if you need me.
[Energy guy] Man, foundlings are weak, why did I choose to be one?!
[Spirit commander] I'll do what Energy guy tells me to do!
[Dark/Light guy] You STILL havent printed off the twilight table?! What kind of GM are you?!
[Douchbag] I have over 250 HP and thats it! I'M HELPING!!!

I'm DM: You approch the orphanage, the seer told you the target was inside

Cleric: i'm gonna go buy stuff

Fighter: i run in and start killing children

Sorceress: "sighs" i go into the basement and cast burning hands, then i go and grab the fighter and cast hold portal on all the doors, then i we watch the children die

me: I can't believe were running a Chaotic evil campaign

Wizard: I ONLY CAST SPELLS THAT DEAL DIRECT DAMAGE AND WONDER WHY I SUCK SO HARD
Cleric: I am a massive asshole that only cares about his demigoddess
Goddess: My crits instakill (guess what, she's the DM's girlfriend) and I don't know what roleplaying is. I sometimes do TREMENDOUSLY STUPID THINGS LIKE GETTING ANGRY AT A BEHOLDER and when I can't avoid roleplaying I answer with lots of mmmmhs and uhs.
Fighter: I fully attack. Also I'm not coming to tomorrow's game
Rogue (me): I have a homebrewed class that allows me to shoot gigantic cannons
DM: LOOK AT HOW FUCKING AWESOME MY DMPC IS GODDAMN

>>3404249
Why are you still in this group?

>>3404256
I am not anymore

When I realized that the final battle would be the DMPC VS the BBEG while we fought (brace for it) OUR EVIL DOPPLEGANGERS I just stopped showing up

The DM STILL continued the story even after we all left

Major Bastard: I'm an ex-SAS fascist and I will now be completely horrible to someone.

Lieutenant Suicidal: Sure, I'll try your new experimental combat drugs. GRR ARGH KILL YOU ALL I'm on fire!

Ensign KillSlut: I've got two gallons of vodka, a quarter kilo of ganja and you guys are starting to look right pretty after a week in this fucking APC.

Specialist Specialist: I have a minimum of personality but I stick to it and I will cause you all to JUST AS PLANNED

Specialist Dirtboer: This tank needs more dakka. It will be a tank when I'm done with it.

Specialist DMPC: I'm scared. KillSlut is looking at me funny.

>>3404558
Xyberpunk?

>>3403744
Haha. Thanks. I really have no clue why one of my buddies started saying CAAAW for the owl, but it's become a recurring gag.

In memoriam, Armando Nakamura.

Daeva: lawl, i talk to everyone, make friends, happy happy.
Mehket: just following what my sire tells me.
Gangrel: I SHALL HIT THINGS WITH MY CLAWS.
Nosferatu: I shall kill an important npc in a way that can be traced back to us, because this is vampire and you're supposed to backstab everyone, including the player, lols.

"OMG it's a crack baby, it's not its fault the parents opened up on us. I have empathy 3, so I'm not completely fucked up about this sort of thing"

"What, 3? Pussfag.Mine's 2. Kill the baby now, Wang."

"OK."

*BANG*

Sorcerer: yo dawg, i hurd you liek magic missile, so we put a magic missile on your magic missile so you can cast while you cast.

Warlord: u want me to touch da trap? dis one? K.

Rogue: money. money? i have seven times the ammount of money all of you do. have i shown you my money? no? well, anyway, i steal from you. and let the fighter die, he's got like 20 gold i can take.

Ranger: hey so i'm fairly good at RPing and enjoy this campa-.... did the warlord and the warlock just set off that trap... jesus christ....

Warlock: Hey Warlord!! that tent has a trap on it! flip it over, quick, it'll allow us into the tent!

Paladin (me): so waitaminute, while i wasn't here, you converted our entire group to the dark brotherhood, and i went from LG to NE? THE FUCK?? also, guys, DON'T FLIP OVER THAT TEN-... please, please let them lose the fortitude saves...

DM: OHAI GUISE, I M GUNNA JUST FUK YOUR CAMPAIGN UP, CUZ LIEK, I AM ANNOYING. also, WHATEVER I SAY GOES. PERIOD. LOLOL. oh and PALADIN, THE NPC BEGINS HITTING ON YOU, WUT DO U DOOOOO?


*sigh* my friends are fun. atleast i've got another campaign going that doesn't suck total dick...

[Cleric] (Me): Apparently no one else is capable of being the party face. Oh well, fits my guy
[Sorcerer-psion] (He's been with us for like 2 sessions, so he's not really that fleshed out): I should have just gone straight sorcerer
[Fighter]: LOL I do anything I can to slow the game down to a crawl when not in combat

>>3400372
Rogue: MURDER DEATH KILL! MURDER DEATH KILL!
Bard: *Sit's quietly and reads a book*
Monk: I... oh right, i'm dead
Wizard: I get into melee. No it's cool, seriously, I got weapon focus rapier and power attack.
Kenku: Squak! Nevermore! Nevermore!
Myself: Could we try to save the infested castle rather than slaughtering everyone?

>>3400796
I'm pretty sure you're in my group. Except I'm a wizard, not a sorceror.

For the record, my group, in different words:
Rogue: I say three words all session, and flash my crack while looking for my dice.
Cleric: I'm unoffensive and unintrusive. I don't do much, either. Also, fuck bloodlines.
Warmage: I don't know what classes to pick and I create a cliched backstory. I giggle wildly at sessions.
Wizard: I'm innovating fancy ways to fuck shit up and bitching when they fail. (See DM) Fancy background but little will to roleplay.
Druid: I make friends with the world, and everyone listens to me because I can munchkin the rules away. Deities tremble before my attacks. Pun-pun is my bitch. I ride a rhinocerous into battle.
Fighter: I intimidate things with my chest hair. Like other players. I crack jokes all session. By the fourth hour, I'm getting annoying.
DM: I can't hold an accent in a bucket, but I'll try anyways. My players keep finding ways to escape my plans, so I compensate by changing them on the fly in ways my players shouldn't be able to foresee.

Thank god we can. Between the druid and I, we have damn near foolproof plans with three contingencies - no more than one is ever revealed to the DM. Poor DMs make me paranoid. Tune in next time when I DM a group. Probably the same goddamn one.

[wood aspect] I CAN DO ALL THE DRUGS, SEE YOU IN THREE DAYS AND A KILLO OF HASH AND OPIUM!!! And send me some hookers, guys and gals...
[air aspect] I will summon more demons, i am a wizrd, more demons is better
[earth aspect] When' s combat, I'm bored of this talking
[Fire aspect]I befriend the shit out of them

Firefly RPG:

Captain - <bad irish accent>Fook, I shoot im wit my sixgun till he's ded.
Pilot - Hey, I'm genki and I'm really in your face about it! Isn't it coolcoolcool!!!
Art Dealer - "I'm a black man in space!!!" (actual quote)
Cook - I appeal to his feelings! Wait, shit, I guess that failed again. I do have my frying pan on me if a fight breaks out, right?

Assassin: For the Emperor! My body is a tool and I have no personality!
Guardsman: Bugger, injured again.
Psyker: Fgsdfsf.. *has a fit*

Cultist Of Nurgle: Pus, lol.
Nurglings: Soo coool.

Elven Rat Shaman: Nature is everywhere in this city, it just changed its face.

Ork Street Samurai: *draws gun* Give me his phone number.

Human Rigger: *writes down the Jonsons phone number* Oh well, this run isn't paied that well anyway. I think I'll be heading home now...

Human Bountyhunter: Do you actually suggest we should break the law!? *tries to wirte down the Jonsons phone number without atracting attention*

Human Gunslinger Adept: So we're going in without observing the place first? That sounds like fun!

nWoD Ghouls Game

[Daeva Ghoul] WTF is going on?!
[Gangrel Ghoul] Mistress says I have to fuck you with your own leg bones now.
[Another Daeva Ghoul] Well if you really loved me you'd kill your best friend. And mail me his liver.
[Ventrue Ghoul] I'M THE BOSS OUT OF THE IT CROWD! THAT IS AWESOME!

[Barbarian]: ....... (Bitch hasn't said a fucking word in character, in a role play heavy game.)
[Ranger]: I'm just gonna be a rude little jackass to everyone.
[Wizard]: OMG I'M SO PRETTY AND DEFENSELESS! LOOK HOW PRETTY AND DEFENSELESS I AM. I'm also a bit of a sadist! Does that make me cool?
[Rouge]: Can I use a [x item] as an Improvised weapon? Yeah?
[Paladin]: Look at me! I'm a pretty boy! I flirt with all the girls while serving my goddess!
[Cleric]: Yay god! I <3 god!

Noble Scum: "I'm a reasonable man. A businessman. We can resolve this matter in a way that benefits everyone. Touch my daughter and your name will forever be a byword for "that guy who got locked up and eaten alive by rats.""

Arbiter: "I serve justice, the Holy Inquisition, and the mad promptings of my Tzeenchian pact."

Guardsman: *Covered in the blood of innocents* "What? It's not my fault!"

[noble/scoundrel]"alright, we're on my family's cruise ship. I'll visit my brother
GM: "they're here to meet you, they greet you warmly, etc...
[tech specialist/medic] I go to the medical facilities and start injecting people with morphine
[scoundrel stoner] I sneak to the rooms and beat up a bellhop and take his uniform.
[dagerjunkie pilot] I put on a security uniform and beat up the first suspicious person I see.
[noble/scoundrel] god dammit... I follow everyone around and make sure they don't fuck up my family's ship.

Techpriest: "Ja, no offense, but zat ist a stupid idea."

Psyker - (in a Chinese accent) "YOU LISTEN TO OLD LADY! I GET BAD FEELING!"

Gaurdsman: "Back where I come from we either hang 'em or ship 'em out... is that amasec?"

Assassin: *panics in a corner when Warp entities appear*

>>3405834

>[Paladin]: Look at me! I'm a pretty boy! I flirt with all the girls while serving my goddess!

Sounds like he got into Paladin-ing purely to try and score with a Goddess.

>>3405933

A NOBLE GOAL!

>>3405933
Stranger shit has happened in that game.

Wizard: LinaInverse.jpg

Cleric: Joe Saintly, pretty much acting like what a cleric of Pelor is supposed to be

Sorc/Dragon Disciple/Fighter/Something-or-other, we're low epic and I can't blame him: I AM STRONGEST. Also, a statue made entirely of jewels is my offering for Bahamut (in person, mind).

Druid/master of many forms/warshaper: I wish to be the [adjective] [noun]. My sister doesn't necessarily have the head for numbers this would normally require, but she's getting by well enough with Dragon wildshaping + a buttload of Wilding clasps.

Dwarf fighter/DM mouthpiece: acts sufficiently dorfish.

Rogue (me):

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HandsomeLech
+
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ChivalrousPervert

Pagan 1 - I HIT THE SAXON WITH MY AXE
Pagan 2 - I HIT THE SAXON WITH MY SPEAR
Pagan 3 - CLOTHES ARE FOR CATHOLICS
Roman Catholic 1 - Why are we spending all our time around Pagans?
Roman Catholic 2 (me) - Why is Merlin such a douche?

>>3405995

PIERCE THE SAXONS WITH YOUR SPEARS!

Sororita: IDLENESS BEGETS HERESY! LETS GO! (She honestly says this all the damn time)
Hiver-Scum: *Speaks some incomprehensible jive and attempts to feel up the Sororita*
Psyker: *Not there*
Tech Priest: *Asleep*
Assassin: I'm so fucking cool, I'm gonna be all mysterious and badass now.
That guy who drives the truck: I'm gonna let the Sororita do everything.

Rogue: Apparently I get turned on by killing people!
Ranger: *three-word-sentence*
Cleric: Now, now, let's not get crazy you guys...
Fighter: If you're going to wear armor, at least wear it properly, soldier.
Warlord: *never shows up anyway*
Paladin: 18 CHA FANTASTIC LIES ALL THE TIME

>>3406006

Don't blame me, they're Pagans, I don't think 'pierce' is in their vocabulary.

[Paladin]: I'll protect you all no matter what the cost, praise Bahamut.
*the next day, morning, rolls an 8*
LOLOL, LOOKS LIKE I'M EVIL 2DAY GUISE! I LUV TIAMAT. O LOOK A PUPPY, I CUT IT'S HEAD OFF AND PUT IT ON MY ARMOR SPIKES! XD
[Star Pact Warlock]: Lol, twinkle twinkle little star XD, I TAKE A SHIT ON HIM, lol i'm playing a 16 year old girl, RANDUMBNESS :D
[Dark Pact Warlock]: *afk*
[Wizard multiclassed fey pact]: I don't want to adventure, I'd much rather tend to my alchemist shop.

>>3405995
Nethergate all up in this motherfucker?

>>3406192

I don't know Nethergate, is it any good?

My game is King Arthur: Pendragon.

>>3406231
Nethergate is a vidya.
http://www.spiderwebsoftware.com/nethergateres/index.html

I rather like it.

>>3406264

Kind of reminds me of Runescape for some odd reason. Downloading the demo anyways.

Pendragon is pretty awesome. You play as Knights of the Round Table (or just knights, depending on the year and what you get up to) roaming around killing Saxons for glory. A session generally lasts about 2-3 years worth of game time, and eventually you go on to play your children as knights, or brothers if you die prematurely.

Oh God, my Exalted players...

[Captain Morgan]: We'll have to drink to this later!
[Parrot]: *SQUUUUAAWK* Dumbass, dumbass!
[Mountain Monk]: I am going to be cool, calm, and collected, yet a total badass. Wait? I can't talk to my family anymore if I want more sorcery? Fuck.
[Ranger-ish character]: I like shooting things, and I'm also pretty sane compared to the rest of these fucker.
[party "leader"]:BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD


I wish the ranger would just take over the party already....-_-

>>3406337
At least you have an exalted group. Sad FACE.

>>3406325
If you look around, you'll find plenty of keygenerators for it.

Also, the other games by that company are not bad.

>>3406365

Seconding "at least you have one"

Ranger: What, thats bullshit, my skills are high enough that I can stealth past anyone, and no one can sneak up on me.
Fighter: You crited me again, fuck you, you have to roll different dice!
Cleric: I haven't chosen a name or god yet, but I like to hit things.
Warlord: Doop de doop, I have high charisma and basically say whatever the ranger wants me to say to the NPC's.
Wizard: Blow shit up because my character is ugly, lawl, golf ball blender hippopotamus.

>>3406398
I would say we should make some sort of fa/tg/uy irc exalted game... but that way lies madness. MADNESS.

>>3406472

I should know, I was in one or two. Nobody ever shows up often enough to really get a game going.

>>3406472
>>3406521
Alright. I have an idea! Those in this thread who want to start an IRC game of exalted, say Ai. If you want to run it.. then reply with FUCK YEAR, EXALTED. Please be available one day a week.

> Ai.

Warlord: Hey! I am insane! Let's eat kobolds and hit on random humans even though I'm a 6ft lizard.
Wizard: I like freezing things!
Paladin: Dur...me dump-stat Int
Ranger: I rape the corpse!
Warlock: (facepalm)

Will a quote work?

Dragonborn Fighter: I roll listen to search for a door.

>>3406550

Ai

>>3406608
Solid plan.

Cleric: Hey! This mission looks extra dangerous! Let's give it a shot! Worse thing that could happen is we die and even that'll be fun since we get to go out fighting! :D [nut-job player, adrenaline junkie character]

Rogue: If I kill this guy, who we can definitively say is evil, I have to kill a good guy later so it balances out. If I help that old lady across the street, I'll have to burn down a retirement home later.[plays TN as CN and tries to argue with me every time I say his alignment changes]

That's all of them, just two. That old lady line is a verbatim quote by the way, as is the cleric's entire description.

>>3406643
This is actually true neutral. He has a set of rules(Not chaotic.) And seeks to keep the balance.
Granted he's an INSANE version of the keep-the-balance archetype of true neutral, but he is true neutral nonetheless.

>>3406550

Aye.

...

Ai-ai-ai.

>>3406619
>>3406679
>>3406550
Alright so we have three players. :B Anyone want to run it?

[Malkavian] (Me): My teddy bear speaks to me on occasion, but it's no big deal. It's the little problem I have with wraiths acting like him that's the issue. Also, I'm 7 feet tall and built like a brick shithouse.
[Gangrel]: Fucking Christ, stop trying to compromise every villain we meet! I'm going to kill these child soldiers now because you're all pissing me off.
[Ventrue]: DIPLOMACY SOLVES EVERYTHING. MAJESTY 5 SOLVES EVERYTHING ELSE. HUMANITY IS DELICIOUS.
[Toreador]: I'm old. Like, real old. Also almost as muscular as the Malkavian.
[Tremere]: My Regent is a 12 year old boy. Please, please kill me.
[Nosferatu]: I have ghouled bugs under my skin, and a gigantic albino alligator ghoul who helps me out. I am also a shota.
[Brujah]: SUP GUYS IM GONNA GET KNOCKED OUT NOW
[NPC: Corn snake]: I DO COCAIIIIIIIINE
[NPC: Cockroach]: We found Jesus, mang. Have you heard the good word?

Animalism is way too much trouble for its own good.

>>3406754

Oh right.

[Malkavian 2] I'm slicker than the Exxon Valdez spill, and am an infuriatingly good informant.
[Antitribu Lasombra] YOU ARE ALL INFERIOR MAGETS. OH SHI- SABBAT HIDE ME

>>3406719

Not really, I'd horribly mangle it. But I do know how the system works.

>>3406643
Sorry to break it to you, but that's True Neutral. It's the sociopath's true neutral, but it is TN none-the-less. CN wouldn't want to balance anything out.

>>3406719
I would, but I'm busy as all get-out at the moment not counting the Exalted campaign I already run. Sorry guys.

As one of those Ai's, should I start a new seperate thread, so we can attract a potential ST?

>>3406787

Clarification: I'd mangle the GAME, not the game system. I know charm-fu.

A little.

>>3406787
I barely have a grasp of the rules, haha. Where oh where did
>>3406337
go?

>>3406754
Now I want to play a Malk who thinks southern animals are talking to him.
"YES COCKROACH. I HAVE HEARD OF JESUS. IT HURTS TO LOOK AT HIM. FUCK OFF."

>>3406833
Yes. Do it now. :D

>>3406833

Oh, why not. As a thinly-veiled EXALTED dump?

>>3406850
Hey there
this
>>3406820
is me.

(DM) So, you've entered the tavern, and...
(Elf Fighter) I join the dwarves at the bar and spurn my elven heritage. By the end of the night, I will have a beard made of an unconscious dwarf woman's hair stitched onto my face. I am hilarious.
(Human Bard) I have invented a card game in real life. I will playtest it in the middle of your game. I will not be denied, because I am more persistent than you are.
(Half-Elven Cleric) I am not going into the tavern. Instead, I am going to the nearest marketplace and demanding a comprehensive list of everything it has to offer. I play World of Warcraft. This server/DM will be my bitch.
(Catfolk Rogue) I will enter the tavern and desperately try to cajole others into helping to advance the story. I am a new player.

>>3406852

It's the Gangrel who does most of the 'talking,' poor guy. He's had to pay a snake $500 for a cocaine habit before it gave him information (It ate the bills), and he called about 2,000 Christroaches who wanted him to get several dozen pounds of sugar in exchange for swarming a factory.

Yeah, our story is simultaneously hilarious and infuriating at times.

Cleric: I'm pretty and altruistic, even though my class is made of Hatred (X) talents. Oh, I also have powered armor and an eviscerator.

Assassin: RAWR DEMONS, I GO SHOOTY.

Psyker: I'm 70 and a virgin, being a psyker sucks. At least I look 19. Lol biomancy.

Other Assassin: *laughs happily as he disembowels a demon with his Moritat talents.*

Guardsman: FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU- *wrecks his truck into a demon*

OTHER Other Assassin: . . . *shoots a demon through the head from eleventybillion yards away.*

Techpriest: *is not here, is rolling epic-level tech-use tests to create bionic limbs and is selling them for several thousand throne gelt a piece.*

GM (Me): You made Dark Heresy into Exalted in space. I think we're doing it wrong, guys.

DM: I am a girl. Get over it. I have invented a setting ALL MY OWN. I will therefore be dictating which books you have access to, which will change from session to session. I will also be including a DMPC half-elven BEEYOUTEEFULL cleric. You are required to split loot with her. You are required to like her. I will force you to make Knowledge(Arcana) rolls. I have also decided that we are playing Unearthed Arcana style, but since only one of you decided to be Gestalt, I have decided to arbitrarily eliminate the need for taking up levels in your bloodlines.
Gestalt Warlock/Rogue: I AM AN ELF, I CAME FROM A MAGIC COLLEGE, BUT DIDN'T HAVE TO STUDY FOR MY MAGICAL POWERS, BECAUSE MY SOUL IS DAMNED. IF YOU SAY ANYTHING I DON'T LIKE, MY ELDRITCH POWERS WILL LEAK FROM MY EYES. ALSO, I AM THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS KNOWLEDGE(ARCANA). Also also, because you are not a magic user, you are trash. In conclusion, I am secretly boning the DM, so I get to break rules left and right.

>>3407246

Silver Dragon Bloodlined Human Fighter: I like dragons. I don't do much in character, but I am a powerhouse of death and destruction in combat, which is when I get extremely awesome with my roleplaying. My backstory is that I learned how to fight in the city guard. My superior officer offended my mother's name. I beat him into a bloody pulp and left. Also, I do not like the Warlock/Rogue, but I will not help kill him. Yet.
Celestial Bloodlined Human Monk: I threw away my monk weapon proficiencies and picked up hammers. My backstory is that I am a simple blacksmith's apprentice whose bloodline has decided to kick itself up a few notches. I am in the group because I thought it would be fun to be an adventurer for a while. I regularly argue with the Warlock/Rogue about how magic-users shouldn't be given free reign, while he bitches about "innocent wizard lives" being lost to "ignorant peasants". In response, I have been Eldritch Blasted multiple times. I kick like a mule and bite like a crocodile. My fists sometimes burst into flames, but I have oddly never noticed in the thick of combat.

I'm one of the last two. Catch me if you can.

I am playing with a pretty cool group.

Human Paladin: I was designed to be the greatest rock ever. I tank like a bitch, have tons of health, and pretty much single-handedly deal with anyone important.

Catfolk Spellthief/Assassin: I speak with a really heavy stereotypical Japanese accent, I piss off the mafia, and I pretty much fail every roll (in her defense, that is just her suck luck).

Swordsage: I sit around for most of the time, don't say anything, and just become involved in the game long enough to kill everything with weaboo fightan majiks. My mom is trying to kill me.

Human Cleric: I am a LG cleric who hates debauchery. I am very haughty, and I can't quite get the stick out of my ass.

Elf Ranger/Barbarian/Something: I am an archer, I drink to excess, I have sex with everyone's mother, and I generally act like a dreg. I have no will save, and aside from combat, I am usually a burden.

Dwarf Ninja/Monk: I am a tall dwarf who thinks he is the grim reaper. I love poisons. I TALK IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE IT IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL.

Human Wizard: I am a collegiate wizard, but my DM has made it practically impossible for me to gain spells, and I want to go sandshaper, but my DM refuses to let me get a touchstone.

DM: I worked really hard on this campaign, but I don't show much interest in actually running it.

heres my group
Rouge: Constantly tries to seduce anything that is attractive and tries to become the leader of some sort of criminal organization
Fighter: powergamer extreme and like to solve problems with fists and threats
Ranger: Leader, the only one who ever has plans and any good ideas and yet sadly can't roll, on many occasions, to save his life
Barbarian: are we fighting? no, player goes back to sleep

Cleric: Bahamut obsessed priest, pretty standard

Ranger: has about a 10% chance to hit so far with his bows, bad rolling form. Says nearly nothing.

Warlock: 14 year old gothic lolita with a parsol (played by a girl). Attempts to intimidate anyone and everyone given the chance, then is upset when they get upset. Also questions NPC's incessantly.

Rogue: Badass ninja kills everything with no remorse (me)

DM: rolls a LOT of 20s and likes to set up very difficult fights for a group not prepared for difficult fights.

DM: The PC's are fly's in my web
Fighter: I could kick your ass, but your not worth it.
Palidin: Thats a elder dragon stand back I can take him.
Monk: Seriouly guys I am sick of cleaning up after you ass's
Dwarf Barbarain: Beard doubles as beer storage device.
Elf Druid: Have fun I am going to talk to my animal friends.
Rouge: If its not bolted done I am taking it.

Cleric:human pretty much never gets involved she just stand back an heals now and again. plays slutty.

Rogue:halfing lv1 "I throw my dagger at the head of the magic guards *he laughs* "Ok I jump on him"
DM: "from the bottom of the stares?" "yes" OK
the rogue gets his face broke w/ a slap

me I am new lv1 human bard I 'help" a man out of a bar fight to try and eat his heart/ search him w/ a
dagger.

7'6" half Ork " I jump spin and trough some one out the bar"
Dm" you knock over a line of guards passing by outside"

me latter on hunting kobos "Marko"

kobos "polo" I then shoot them lol

>>3408129
Yo son, you need to drop some ranks in Write (English).

>>3408185
I a lv2 fighter w/ 9int in RIL I just cant spare it

If my players all went in to buy healing potions from a shop.

Paladin: I REQUIRE ELIXIRS OF LIFE SO I CAN SAVE THE WORLD FROM EVIL AND HATRED BECAUSE LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL AS THE PASTORAL FIELDS OF MY HOMELAND WHERE THE BLUE WATER RUNS AS BLUE AS THE SKY AND WHITE AND YELLOW FLOWERS COAT THE LAND LIKE A WARM BLANKET AND....

Rogue: I want him to lower the price, but I want to choose the option with the fewest consequences. Can I roll Insight to see if he'll respond better to a Bluff check or Diplomacy check?

Ranger: I have no idea what we should buy, but I do know that we don't need that. I'll sit here and watch disapprovingly while you think of something else.

Wizard: For the love of! I'll handle it. "Here's 1 gold for the rope. Thankyou Mr. Shopkeep. Let's go do what we're supposed to be doing."

>>3408129
>>3408185
Scanning document...
Language archetype found
Translating...
Complete

Human Cleric: She pretty much never gets involved, just stands at the back and heals occasionally. Plays kinda slutty.

Halfling Rogue: Attempted to headshot a magical guard with a dagger, which the guard just laughed off. Then proceeded to jump on said magic guard. From the bottom of a staircase. Got his face broken from the resulting bitch-slap.

Human bard: My character. I attempted to "help" a man out of a bar fight and eat his heart/"search him". With a dagger.

Half-orc: Spin jumped and threw someone out of the bar. Which the DM ruled as knocking over a line of guards forming outside.

Later on, I went hunting kobolds. I yelled 'Marco'. And, as they yelled back 'polo', I shot them.

>>3408205
I'm a level 2 fighter with a 9 Intelligence score IRL. I can't spare the points.

>>3408303
Thank you kindly.

What's with all the [Cleric] I'm a whore lol posts?

>>3408336
No problem. I've had to deal with it for most of my life and, since I'm planning to teach high school English, I'll probably have to deal with it for the rest of it too.

It just bothers me that I -can- do it.

>>3405927
>Psyker - (in a Chinese accent) "YOU LISTEN TO OLD LADY! I GET BAD FEELING!"

Your pskyer is now my next NPC.

SW Saga Edition
Droid Elite Trooper (me):*fires heavy repeater and missile launcher* I'M NOT THE DROID YOU WERE LOOKING FOR!
Ancient Ithorian Noble/Jedi: Fuck! Keep me away from lasers! And moderately sharp things! And...tissue paper...
Jedi: Lol I can't decide on a sex, so I'll be ambiguous and try to whore myself to everything in site.
Pilot: Seriously guys, if I don't get to use my starship maneuvers I'm gonna be pissed.
Wookiee Soldier: RAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGHHH! *hits stuff with axe*
Rogue I mean scout: Lolz I'm a powergamer from D&D and Saga edition sucks since I don't get to use my sploitz.

>>3408357
You poor bastard. I feel your pain.

>Elf Ranger/Barbarian/Something: I am an archer, I drink to excess, I have sex with everyone's mother, and I generally act like a dreg. I have no will save, and aside from combat, I am usually a burden.
sounds win.


my group.

Ninja (wearing teddybear toque irl) - "KILL KILL KILL!"
Cleric - You know, I'm running out of spells fast because everyone failed their fort saves to that poison, stop running in like an idiot ranger, i can't heal you. I cast a debuff.
rogue - My character is pretty.
Bard - I'm emo. We made the party to make fun of emos and i'm totally winning the lol award. My Chimes of Harmonic Agony do more damage than all of you. I sing for one round, then cast a debuff, then drop some nukes.
Hexblade - I'm supposed to be the frontline fighter, but someone keeps running past me. I cast a debuff, and my invisible panther is also a debuff.
shifter Ranger (me) - WWWAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH! Enjoy my 82 hitpoints and dr 2/silver at level seven, DM. *rolls* I, uhh... I used the wrong end of the spear and stabbed myself again, didn't I??

DM: You know, I can't believe how many debuffs you guys are throwing down every turn. It makes the enemies as useless as you.

[Warlord]: Lesse here... Shift one this way, move six this way. CHARGE. FUCK YEAR, I AM THE BEST LEADER EVER!
[Rogue]: Uhh.. Am I flanking him? Can I use Backstab? Uhh... Deft Strike? Did I use Torturous Strike yet?
[Paladin]: I'll attack him I guess. Gee this sure is boriHOLY SHIT MY FRIENDS ARE IN TROUBLE. BITCH, YOU ARE SO MARKED WITH A HOLY SYMBOL OF IOUN. THERE'S MORE RIGHTEOUS ASS KICKIN' WHERE THAT CAME FROM. LEMME AT 'EM! LEMME AT 'EM!
[Cleric]: Uh, guys, maybe a full frontal assault isn't always the best idea.
[Fighter]: 18 STR, bitches. I could benchpress a fucking car.

Rogue: Boozeless and surrounded by mummies.
Druid: Bear surrounded by mummies.
Cleric: Dead.
Fighter: Dead.
Wizard: Killed himself so he wouldn't go zombie.
FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Barbarian Homebrew - Herp Derp I'm retarded and I play a fighter style class every campaign. I like to act retarded even though my Int is 14. Derp.
Fighter/Assassin - I'm the best at EVERYTHING! I know more about the rules than the DM does so I'm going to argue and find some obscure rule in some random book that says I'm aloud to do something complete FUCK BALLS BROKEN.
Wizard - I'm an Evocationist wizard that has lolz I kill everything spells but as soon as I get hit by something I complain to the DM that it's not fair.
Cleric CG - I'm the newest person to the group yet seem to play mechanics and rp wise better than anyone in the room. oh yes SPAM CURE CRIT!
Cleric LE - I'm a mean sexy yuan-ti that has maxed out ranks in intimidate and I just push everyone around while spamming death spells.
Rouge - "I walk into the bar and hide behind the table" (me) "Why?" "Because I want to sneak attack the bartender." (me) "What reason could you possibly have to do that?" "He might have gold....O_O" (me) " *sigh*Why do I even bother"
Ranger - I'm five levels under everyone else in the party but yet seem to deal out more combat damage than anyone else with basic gear and no magical items.
DM(me) - "You want to do what?" well there goes hours of Plot planing...

>>3408129
>>3408083

Go to sleep, kids. For fuck's sake, this isn't /b/.

Mage1 - Tries to buy magical items of power in small forest town, with no gold. Is surprised he can't have an ancient relic at level 2
Ninja - Was made overpowered, but still can't fight because he thinks hes a barbarian.
Barbarian - Spends 5 minutes turning every corner to make as little noise as possible, then always makes the plan of running into the room screaming.

my first game was a tournament to lv up & get some magics to start a quest with.
I had a lv 1fighter, w/ heavy crossbow rapid reload. I roll the arena champ a minotaur. long story short, I am told by the DM it is almost Impossible for me to win so.....

I go with the death match option thinking hat ever, and chose the weapons,
I pick giant haring yes 6" tall haring, someone in the stadium had the so.... we fought.
the DM rolls baldly I land a crit on the groin spiting it. The minotaur collapses from the pain I win.
every one looks at me and go WTF?
I roll a luck blade as my item. I can't use that char any more :(