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Morey Pori tracks the numbers of people visiting each chan. His true purpose is sinister.

A cat is eating a solid slushie. Somehow this causes magic.

Stolen from a good forum.

The Madden Curse is a phenomenon where famous players who appear on the cover of the Madden NFL video game series go on to suffer misfortunes in future games. This curse is the result of an unintentional but signifigant proxy ritual, where the mediocrity of thousands of casual players fuels their future failings and injuries.

All the ballpits in the world are actually connected with tunnels that form a vast and complex network of underground ball-filled passageways. Deep in the ballpits, there are tribes of starving children who went too far into the ball-filled depths. There are even some first generation natives there, born to kids who matured in the ballpits, and to them, the world outside the ballpit is just a myth. Sometimes they climb up near the surface where the light pokes through the holes between the balls and drag down children by their ankles.

don't let the Perry brothers make a mini whit you likeness, and specially never let Michael see your left hand empty.

Anne Rice has it all wrong.

Do you really think that vampires really spend their time in crushed velvet suits, keeping thelselves impeccably groomed (albeit out-of-fashion) and daintily sipping blood from the necks of pretty young women and men?

Of course not. Here's how it goes. Vampires kill people. They have to, every so often, dispose of human remains. They also have to maintain a strict code of silence about themselves and their activities, lest they be beseiged by cross and stake weilding maniacs.

Furthermore, while they were alive they'd gotten used to certain basic amenities: things like clothing and a place to stay. So why not, you know, steal from the people they were killing for food? I mean, it's not like they'll have any need for their wallet and watch at the bottom of a river somewhere. Plus, you've got to pay for those crushed velvet suits (or whatever) somehow, right?

Pretty soon it got to be a regular thing, among some vampires. Then it caught on amongst the rest. Pretty soon the crime thing extended beyond the simple opportunistic looting of bodies and extended to the funding of luxuries. Thinks like pinky rings and houses in Sicily.

Of course, managing to do something like this is much easier with a structure and a heirarchy. Pretty soon, regular people wanted to join and the vampires had to figure out how to keep "Our thing" (as they called it) strictly private while at the same time exploiting these humans who were coming up to them and practically demanding to be employed as disposable mooks.

The trick was to keep the upper echelons exclusively in vampiric hands while, as need arose, being able to pick and choose among the mooks worthy candidates for vampirehood.

What do you think a "made man" has been made into, anyway?

"So I heard somebody sent a copy of the Naked Goddess tape to some Japanese anime studio- and they've turned it into some whacked-out hentai sex-cartoon thing. Only the thing is, the ascension is just the beginning; She turns into some sort of magical-girl in a short skirt that keeps on getting molested by octopi.

Now, I can't speak Japanese, but I'm beginning to think that every episode of this damn show is a glimpse into the actual workings of the Celestial Chorus.

...at least I know the Mystic Hermaphrodite's in there."

Back in 1986, I bought three stamps at a convenience store (now closed) in New Jersey. These stamps are special; any mail sent using them arives the previous day. I still have one left.

All the astronauts who went to the Moon killed themselves. It was coveredup, of course, but if you look deep enough, you'll find the truth. And you'll want to kill yourself too.

You know all those fraudulent "psychic readers"? See, they're not frauds, but for some reason, everyone thinks they're necromancers or clairvoyants. They're psychics. They read minds. Overpay one enough and she'll give you dirt on any of the saps whose relatives she talks to. If the bastard you want to blackmail doesn't go to your psychic, just recommend her to him.

Music soothes the savage beast. Laughter is the language of the soul. Weird Al Yankovic rules over both man and animal. Fear him.

There's a slightly run-down office building, at that place where the city just starts to become the suburbs. An entire floor of this building is a garden, filled with flowers that aren't any colour your eyes have ever seen before.

>>3273249
HOLY FUCKING BACK FLIPPING MOTHERFUCKING JESUS H CHRIST MONKEY BALLS ON A BAG OF TEXAN TOAST.

Word on the street is that there's a crazed bibliomancer out there who believes that instruction manuals--everything from VCR setup instructions to Anarchist's Cookbook-style "how to create mayhem"--hold the true secrets of the universe. He's convinced that once he knows all of the instructions, he'll be able to do anything. Guy might be onto something--he already has an extensive ritual collection, plus some stuff nobody's ever heard of. He's even created effects that clearly belong to other Adept schools, including Mechanomancy and making certain Narcoalchemical workings; something that's supposed to be flat-out impossible.
The United States government cannot release the names of the Iraqi prisoners held at Guantanomo Bay. The prisoners have no names.

>>3273249
Awesome. Good set up, not exactly a mind boggling concept though.
>>3273258
Sounds interesting...
>>3273263
I like the moon idea.

Patton didn't die in that set up car crash, hell, the sniper sent after him didn't even manage to kill him. He died on September 11, 2001, when the plane smashed through the wing of the Pentagon that housed his medical and brain scanning facilities.

Surely, you can do better?

>>3273395
Something mundane is actually related to magic somehow. Unfortunately, it is also sinister.

>>3273408
OH NOES YOU CRACKED THE CODE NOW THE GAME ISN'T FUN ANYMORE.

>>3273249

That's pretty awesome. I didn't know where you were going with it until the "mooks" comment.

>>3273263
>Weird Al Yankovic rules over both man and animal. Fear him.

I loled.

Every year, a man in California saves Christmas. It was easy at first, but the threats become more dire each time. For several Winters now, the man has always been sure that this would be the one--the year when Christmas would be ruined forever. You'd better hope he's wrong again this year. See, it used to be that Christmas--or Yule, whatever--existed to save people. People in the frozen north celebrated it out of fear that the sun wouldn't come back. If Christmas had given up then, there would've been a three year Fimbulwinter after which the gods would've fought the giants to mutual annihilation, destroying the world in the crossfire. Now, things are a little different; Christmas is old and feeble, and needs us to save it. If the Grinch wins, there'll be a Fimbulsummer, when the North Pole will melt and the Faithful will fight the Infidels to mutual annihilation, destroying the world in the crossfire. Now you know why environmental collapse and nuclear war keep getting delayed, no matter how likely they seem. It's not that the political and environmental scientists' predictions are faulty given the information they have. It's that they don't know about that man in California, and his desperate, noble task.

There really is a Dr. Staff. He's just chronically over-worked, so his classes usually end up being taught by junior professors and grad students. If you ever do have the privilage of being taught by him, you'll learn things you only remember years later--when you really need them.

H.P. Lovecraft, in his final act of hubris, wrote "I Am Providence" on his grave. This is why no one goes into an Otherspace around Providence.

here are strange things out there that people worship. That's not strange, that's just common sense.

There are also strange things out there that worship people. Sending them prayers, enacting rituals, giving them invisible little offerings to placate them. Small bags of blood or salt, a sudden smell of incense or car exhaust, persistent itches under the soles of your feet or in the low of your back; these are all small rituals and offerings we receive from them.

What are prayers for? We pray to God so that he'll do what we want. Why do they pray to us? Exactly the same reason. And it works.

>>3273334
FFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Vampires are real, but not how you think.

You know that one really greasy guy who's always bumming drinks off you when you're all out with your friends? You remember that one really bad ex-boyfriend - the one who you got in that terrible codependent relationship with, where he abused you so much you were scared to leave? You remember that teacher who always knew just which buttons to push to make you feel small?

Those are vampires. They feed off of suffering. But it's harder to make someone's life miserable than you'd think. The human race is pretty resilient. You don't want to hit them with real pain, because then they'd just adapt. And that's like killing the golden goose.

So some vampires just sip away a little bit at a time, like that really weird guy who's always awkward around your female friends but not offensive enough to merit being told to fuck off.

Some vampires will continue to pound away at you, like CIA interrogators or crooked cops or snarling bosses. They'll find every way they can to break you until your every reaction is misery and pain, feeding them like a steady IV drip.

And some vampires will spend months or years building you up, making you feel special and magical and loved. All that time, what you don't notice is that they're cutting you off from the support groups you'd normally rely on in a crisis - friends, family, coworkers, hobbyists, neighbors, etc. Then, once you're in the palm of their hand, they won't just let you fall. They'll crush you, drop you to the floor and laugh on the way down.

Why am I telling you this? Because I care about you, baby. I only want what's best for you. You've got something special about you, baby, and I'd hate to see you get hurt. I can take care of you. Better than any of your "friends" can ...

Time gets stuck in some places, if you know where you can travel back in time.
I can reach 1973 in the BBSA branch in Las Ramblas, Barcelona and 1985 on the Wheels exhibition at Beulieu National Motor museum. The trouble is when you leave those places you come back to the present.

Or at least it looks like the present.
----

The story about the twelve good men who carry the world upon their backs isn't quite true. There are twelve good men who keep the world the way it is. As long as they exist, God believes that humanity has enough innate virtue to solve its own problems. If there ceased to be twelve righteous people, God would send his angels to help mankind, and the world would become a better place. The twelve are essentially dooming humanity.

One of the twelve, a reformed hitman in Hong Kong, has just found this out. He still has his guns. He has the addresses of the other eleven. He's very unhappy.

>>3273463
NO MORE HEROES 2

THE RECKONING

>>3273496
God damnit I wish I knew more people into UA so that I wouldn't have to GM that.

Every morning there's a halo hanging from the corner of my girlfriend's four post bed. I know it's not mine, but I'll see if I can use it for the weekend or a one-night stand. Couldn't understand. How to work it out. Once again as predicted left my broken heart open and you ripped it out. Somethings got me reeling. Stopped me from believing. Turn me around again. Said that we can do it. You know I wanna do it again. Ohhhhoooohhhh Every morning.

>>3273529
Sugar Ray was actually a chorus of Angels looking to redeem humanity.

They failed miserably.

Right now, they're trying again as Dragonforce.

>>3273554
AND SUCCEEDING.

Human beings have only so much emotion in them; it's chemical. Once you've felt enough, your body runs out of the nescessary elements in the neurotransmitters and the feeling starts to fade. Keep on going and you'll burn yourself out. It's how soldiers in prison become hardened to pain or doctors to the sight of blood. And poets? Pity the poet who wrings himself dry for his work, leaving nothing behind but a husk. Why do you think so many of them die young?
Of course, you could take advantage of this, burn out an inconvenient emotion or two on purpose. How long can you stand a state of constant fear?

I took a piece of statue from the temple at Angkor Wat. I brought it back to Thailand and lived with the guilt for months. Right now, it's at the bottom of a koi pond in a housing complex off Sukhumvit. It needs to be returned if Cambodia is going to be a paradise again.

The crust is actually almost paper thin and there's nothing below it. Barely around ten to twenty feet of dirt. Geologists have known this for years, maybe even centuries, but for various reasons (Job security, all geologists are dicks, etc. etc.) have told no one.

So, then, what the hell are the mine shafts and wells digging into?

Goddammit now I want a snow cone.

His mom doesn't know that the guy she hooked up with back in 1994 is the third-richest man in America. He was just a really attractive black man with a good line and amazing eyes. She didn't even know where to find him when she decided to keep the baby. So her son, who's 14 now, still doesn't know that his father is Alex Abel.

Abel, on the other hand, knows all about his son. He's known about him all his life. All of the best TNI teams have put in a season or two of surveillance up in Seattle. They don't know who the kid is, but they know Abel wants to know if anyone gets close to him. Because he knows that some day, someone is going to find out he has a son. And that someone is going to know how to conduct a proxy ritual. Not a lot scares Alex Abel more than that.

You wouldn't like him when he's scared.

I was born the same day as the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake, on the other side of the Pacific. My grandfather died that day in San Fransisco, but I can remember his face, and the way he smiled and laughed. He told me to be good.

I've tried.

Traditional Games is more than just a moniker- the truth is, all the great ancient societies (Rome, the Inca, Egypt, etc) played RPGs, they just called them under a different name- "religion."

And, just like all those fat, smelly neckbeards down at the game store will tell you, they're dumbing things down and making them less realistic with every edition. AD&D actually WAS more advanced than any of the games that came after it, but the nigh-hypnotic propaganda that's been put out on the newer editions insures that no one ever really takes that point of view seriously.

Why, and by who, you might ask; isn't it obvious? Who wants to stamp out humanity's power, grind us low, and erase the true secrets of how the universe works? God, of course. All the old religions talk about how gods once walked with men and had children with them, but everyone forgets that means that mankind once walked with the gods. They decided they didn't like that and have been slowly stealing away the secrets of universal optimization from us ever since.

Of course, not ALL the gods are against us. Some of them actually LIKED having us around and are disseminating counter-propoganda as best they can in underground culture, but they're much weaker. But it's true: Dungeons and Dragons is the Devil's work.

don't look behind you, just keep looking at the screen and don't turn your back.I'll be over in a minute sweetie, just stick whit me, keep your eyes on the screen and don't look back.

About one in every 27 cats is sentient. They can understand human languages if taught, and can reply through mechanical means, such as a keyboard. They are easily as intelligent as the average human, and none of them are any less, though a few are quite a bit more.

Unfortunately, almost every single one of these cats are strays. No one know why, but there has only been one recorded case of these cats actually being kept as a pet.

This record appears every day in your local newspaper.

Your hair acts as a conductor for your consciousness, so to speak. People with long hair are more empathic, capable of feeling the emotions of others on a base level just beyond their awareness. Stranger still, they can influence the behavior of others. Bald people are usually cold and selfish.

Balding isn't caused by genetics, it's caused by a mind rotting disease. You aren't balding because your dad bald, you're balding because your awareness is trying to get out of your head like a rat fleeing from a sinking ship. You'll never be the same again.

>>3273695

This gives me the delicious, delicious thought of a Bibliomancer/Merchant who wants to self-optimize into infinity. He just has to find *just* the right combination of power use and feedback loops...

A wave of successful military coups have been sweeping across the less stable parts of the world in the last three months. Already, several states of the former Soviet Union have had them, as well as a handful of African countries and some scattered throughout the rest of the world. While no apparent connection between the various new dictators exists, could it really be a coincidence?
Three days ago, Israel attacked one of its neighboring countries, apparently without provocation. Yesterday, a nuclear device detonated in downtown Pyongyang - the North Korean government lays blame on the United States. What the hell is going on?

In other possibly unrelated news, just over three months ago, a suspected terrorist attack destroyed the ruins of the ancient Ka'ba of al-Abalat. The attack caused no deaths, no suspects have been found and no existing group has claimed responsibility.
Last week, a similar explosion shook the ruined city of Ghaiman, further south. Are these events connected? And why are armed guards patrolling the area around the Kaaba of Mecca in numbers never before seen?

Wheels don't reduce friction - they eliminate it.

If you believe hard enough.

>>3273804
Wheels don't eliminate friction, they move it. Transfer it. To somewhere else.

Horses used to be a lot faster.

If you use numerology, you'll see that every celebrity game of Texas Hold-Em in the past three years has predicted a major or semi-major world event.

The "Black Stone" of the eastern corner of the Kaaba isn't a meteorite at all: it's a still frozen hunk of airline shit from a time-traveling plane. You know, like in Joe Dirt.

>>3273834
No, no, no.

It's clearly a horse.

Just like the ones at al-Abalat and Ghaiman.

The internet isn't contained in servers, wires don't carry it, and no service provider actually knows where they're getting it from. The internet is organic, either contained inside of a living thing, a living thing we are all abusing, or it is the living thing and we are all crafting it until the day it finally escapes.

>>3273782
ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

William Henry Gates III = A Realities Lying Whim I.

Think about it.

Every borderline candidate-for-Ascension Avatar posts on the same Internet forum.

None of them know the others do.

During a total solar eclipse, close your eyes and write, with a black felt-tip pen on carbon paper, the first thing that comes to mind, and continue until you've filled the page. Never read what you've written. Before the eclipse is over, burn the carbon paper with a 1972 Zippo lighter and inhale the smoke. You'll go on a psychedelic trip that will show you the one, simple thing that you'll need to do to be happy for the rest of your life.

If you save the paper and read it after the eclipse, it will be in a language that no one on Earth has ever learned.

Henry Ford never managed to reduce the costs enough, and the internal combustion engine of the Model T was just a prop to produce noise and heat and smoke.

They were really driven by chained spirits of dead Chinamen, bound to eternal labor by Ford's dark occultism.

>>3273905
what? esperanto?

>>3273945
I'll admit, I lol'd.

>>3273905
>a language that no one on Earth has ever learned

But, if you bring it to one of the men who were on the Apollo missions...

There is a brand of soda water in Thailand that never goes flat. You can leave it out for days with no top, and it'll just be warm, but fizzy as ever.

The company who makes it has a purpose.

It is sinister.

>>3273997
>Unknown armies

>the purpose is sinister
Redundant. There are no non-sinister purposes in UA.

>>3274010
Well, surely they would never make an ever-fizzy seltzer for the greater good, would they?

It makes no sense.

>>3273973
but that would imply that they actually went to the moon. Come on now...

There are three Everlasting Gobstoppers in the world, all produced in an experimental candymaking workshop in 1905.

All three currently reside in the mouth of a man in Switzerland.

Every time someone scans a bar code, a dark entity far beneath the earth comes one step close to resurrection.

The moon is full of rabbits.

>>3274049
The moon is full of rabbids.

For those who haven't already heard of it, The Parking Lot is Full is a fucking goldmine for UA ideas. I've already run a couple games based on stuff and they've been pretty excellent.

>>3274055
The rabbids are full of moons.

In your mirror is the path to paradise, but the question is how to break in without breaking it.

>>3274055
The moon is full of rabbis.

>>3274055
It seems no place is safe from invasion.

>>3274069
Moar liek the JEWN!!!

amiright?

When he realized what had been brought back, Shakespeare knifed the time traveler to death and wrote out copies of all his works before the computer's battery died.

>>3274074
They were nearly exterminated and now, despite being a minority, they run everything from behind the scenes...

Craftworld Eldar = Space Jews

O_O

<This. Holy Shit.

Some of the mimes really are trapped in those invisible boxes.

>>3274031
they grant immortality

http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/

The Easter Island heads? Their bodies are on Mars.

For thirty-seven years, the global government's last-ditch defense plan against alien attacks has included reuniting the two so that they can destroy the invaders.

And then hoping that we can placate the giants afterward.

In the secret underground laboratories of IBM is a supercomputer with motherboards made of human nails and hair.

It's learning how to grow itself arms and legs.

Every man, woman, and child in Morrison, Missouri was manufactured by the same Mechanomancer who died shortly after the first fifty were made. Only seventeen of the residents know about this, and most of them are all handicapped, his first works.Together they continue his work, building infants for expecting parents, implanting them and upgrading them by use of a debilitating code phrase that affects all but the Seventeen. Four of them are the town's medical staff, and they enact repairs as needed. Keeping the other 106 people in town in the dark is getting harder as society progresses. I tell you this because I need you to deliver a shipment of medical tapes. Stolen and copied of course. You see, they need video documentation of various everyday procedures to keep the illusion going. Ultrasounds, surgeries, and births. They pay top dollar for video of any procedure, just so long as no faces are seen.

>>3274067

Damn, there's some neat stuff, like

>Little Known Fact #237: No human babies have been born in over five years.

>>3274372

Have you ever got that sense that something's wrong? That there's something that just not right? Where you look around to see what's causing it, and there's not a damn thing, and that just gets you more concerned. You know there's something up, and you just can't see it. Everything takes on a tone of menace, objects look creepier, sounds more intimidating. You start looking for a weapon, a shield, and hoping to God you really did lock that door, but lacking the courage to check. It gets worse, as you start hearing sounds that you know aren't there, and they get closer and closer. You feel a presence at your back, and half of you is telling you that you have to look, and the other half is begging you not to.

The sounds aren't actually there.

Until they actually are.

And you had better pray to God you don't turn around.

>>3274460

I'm sorry but "THAT SCARY THING ISN'T REAL BUT MAYBE IT IS! FUUUCK!!" is a premise suffused with retardation

This.

>>3273927
It's said that if you free them, the spirits of ancient Chinese emperors will reward you for helping their countrymen.
The reward?
No one knows-but some say it's an end to aging-as long as you eat take-out Chinese every Sunday.

In 1959, two powerful construction companies used dark magic to seal themselves into a duel to annihilation. Every day, they wake up, and it's that fateful day again.
Every day, they live again.
Every day, they return from the dead to fight again.
If either ever permanently wins, no one will ever use any other construction company ever again, and the loser will be wiped from history.
Gods help us all.

You know the living statues in Doctor Who?
Those would be pretty fun to use in UA for your plothook.

>>3275471

That episode always freaks me the fuck out. Thanks for reminding me that I need to watch it again.

>>3275541
Whatever you do, don't blink.

This thread needs screencaps, archive'd, and MOAR plothooks.

Please, /tg/?

>>3275541
LOTS of Dr Who epsiodes scare people the fuck out.

...

HEY WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS

DON'T
BLINK

>>3276197
And now Steven Moffat is the head writer!
That means endings that are honest to God endings, and not asspulls like that shit with The Master.

Count the shadows.

>>3275326
>In 1959, two powerful construction companies used dark magic to seal themselves into a duel to annihilation.
Your intel is outdated. I called in a favor half a year ago to get an old associate to investigate the situation, and the results were intriguing. Several particular items of note:

-Background checks revealed that one of the entities is actually a demolitions company.
-My associate uncovered several additional battle sites, all of which were the site of an active conflict when he visited- it is likely that there are multiple simultaneous battles occurring at any given time, perhaps these conflicts are not the main result of some ritual, but some secondary side effect instead.
-It was when comparing these sites that the associate realized there were a limited number of distinct individuals involved- after further study he determined that in each conflict *both* teams are composed of the same eight men.

-The associate can find no record of either company involved in the conflict, which is far from unexpected; but he also found that numerous details from each location do not actually match historical records from 1959. Rather, the locales seem to be idealized versions of real-world equivalents, likely based around advertisements of the time.

My current theory is that this began with a joint marketing campaign on the behalf of two companies that had either separated or undergone a merger. I had speculated that we were dealing with a phenomenon identical to the one behind a recent incident in a local Pottery Barn, where twelve employees were split into alternate versions of themselves that worked to stock the shelves and sell the items on those shelves; the manager was originally motivated by greed, but when the duplicates started killing each other she found herself being empowered by some underlying archetypical feedback loop. However, the ritual she used only works when the number of participants is a factor of 3.