Dude I'd love to get into that IRC game.

That's why I never play with people who are further away than a bricks throw.

This is why nobody will ever love you freaks.

Forgot to mention - we started with nine PCs due to someone advertising the game in the main channel of the server. Of which, only I was familiar with Dark Heresy, and only two others had any knowledge of 40k.

Down to a decent size now though. And it only took four sessions to get there.

Yeah, you've got to maintain careful control of your group if you want to avoid drama and chaos. That's generally not too hard in real life, unless you're playing in a public place where someone can cause a scene and get you all into trouble, but over the internet it means you've got to be pretty careful about trust, contact information, and where you're playing the game. Otherwise petty people like that guy can cause trouble.

I don't have any stories to share, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure but it doesn't produce many interesting tales.

The closest example I can come up with is playing FFXI, which I usually only do when working on 40k is making me go crosseyed. It's cheaper than buying new games, and at least it's not WoW.

Our endgame linkshell (guild) leader was theiving nepotic tyrant. Everything went to his family and personal friends first and foremost, and to the rest of us only when they didn't need whatever it was that the BBEG dropped once defeated (one of them can't find his way around with both hands and an online map, but has the lion's share of a lot of things).

I eventually drove him and his kin from the server by seizing the reigns at every opprotunity, and showing everyone else that he wasn't quite the lynchpin he made himself out to be, though the bank (the money that we all earned to fund events) seems to have gone with him.

Almost as planned.

>>3074010
Nothing this bad. Had characters coming to blows and their players getting a little standoffish with each other because of it, but no ragequits and dickery.

Anyway, there spaces in this DH game?

OP again, another IRC story.

UA. Street-level. Four guys working for a Duke in Louisiana. They're sent to meet this Adept who's a good friend of the Duke, who's got a job for us.

They get there, and instead of the contact, they find a rather benevolent-looking priest type. He dodges all the questions they have about what he's doing there and where the contact is, and offers them a bit of cash if they would be so kind as to kidnap another Adept and bring him to the priest.

Now, at this point, anyone with a brain would start thinking Order of St Cecil, and wonder if it would be such a good idea to start handing over the allies of their boss.

Guess what this group did.

One kidnapping later, they hand over their victim to the priest (who was modelled after Father Mulcahy from MASH, incidentally), who hands over their pittance and carries off the poor guy. They linger just long enough to open the office door, confirm that the Adept they were sent to meet was crucified and had various holy symbols carved into his body, before shrugging apathetically and heading back towards the Duke.

The GM gave up on the campaign after that.

>>3074167
Nah, all the people involved are from the same online community. That's probably why it's not worse than it was - opening the floodgates to anyone that wants to roleplay on the internet floods the game with awkward cybersex faster than you can say 'jailhouse gay'.

Little more information about the game in question, if only to prove to the doubters that, although it has problems, online games can rock almost as hard as in-person tabletop.

First, we've got the Guardswoman. She's the youngest of the group in real life, and a bit touchy about it at times. Naturally, she rolled an age of 16 and a height of 5'1".

The guardswoman herself... well. First encounter we had, she got her stomach sliced open by a Khornate cultist with a chainaxe, got dropped down to something like 1 wound. She stabbed the bastard through the heart anyway, took his chainaxe, and since then has shown a childish glee in applying it to other cultists, giggling and shouting expletives.

She (ICly) liked the psyker (who was playing the party medic with his Healer power) out of a childish fondness for 'magic', and distrusts Tech-Priests severely out of the belief that becoming more machine means becoming less human. Very cute RP moment after the psyker got ditched, and she allowed the Tech-Priest to use her Medicae skill to patch her up.

The Tech-Priest is... odd. She has a habit of talking dirty to the machine spirits of tanks, and named her Heavy Stubber "Luna" after she spent a fate point to re-roll removing it from a crashed vehicle - she's since enforced the same to others, leading to a long-las named "Lassy" and similar names.

She became the party leader by default after she raged at a General over cultists smashing the fuck out of a pre-Heresy troopship.

She also has a hefty fetish for fire after the GM let her get her hands on a box of incendiary grenades. She's planning to get her hands on a nice superior-quality bionic arm, and squirrel it away in the hope that the Guardswoman will lose one.

She's also very, very pissed off right now after the Slaaneshi cultists that trashed their hotel room drew a, er, 'profaned' cog on her bed. And the rest of the party thinks she's an alcoholic, but it's just her Potentia Coil having a back-up ethanol-powered generator attached.

>>3074333

This character is fucking awesome and I want you to make sure the player knows that.

>>3074250
>>3074333
>Awesome character details.

>>3074184
>Game's Closed.

You bastard.

>>3074344
Why thankye. I'm the Tech-Priest, although I'm sort of mini-GMing as well by maintaining character sheets and keeping track of wounds and ammo expenditure.

Right, the assassin. Very quiet. Very disturbing when she does speak. Although she's got this weird taboo/phobia about touching dead bodies. Splits her time between climbing up tall buildings and shooting people a ridiculous distance away, and flipping around like a fucking ninja with akimbo laspistols.

Once chased some punk into an alley, right in the middle of a five-man gang bang - Arbitrator with a pipe, dude she was chasing bare-handed, old guy with a web pistol and some hulking behemoth blocking the alley. Ducked the pipe, blew a hole in the leg of the arbitrator, side-stepped a spear-tackle from the guy she was chasing, missed by the dude with the las pistol, dances out of combat to the alley entrance with the behemoth, missed AGAIN by the web pistol, dodges a punch from the behemoth, flips over him, and piss-bolts with las shots from an unseen fifth person chasing her arse down the street to meet the rest of us slow-ass AgB3 punks.

Oh, and if you've noticed a lot of chicks, everyone flipped a coin (well, rolled a D2 on the dicebot) for gender.

>>3074333
Does said unit have a passing resemblence to Bender?

>>3074376
Let me guess: cleric's the only dude? And he's hanging out with the all-female trio of a naive teenager, a pervert and a stone-cold killer?

Finally, the Cleric. He's not a very good Cleric. Lots of anger - hoo boy, lots of anger - but not so much of the faith. We're starting to suspect that he conned his way into the Ecclesiarchy.

Usually seen two-handing a giant fuck-off handcannon, with a small supply of manstoppers for when that little extra bit of fuck-you is required. Tries to be the voice of reason, but he's not very good at it.

What is he good at, you ask?

Singing.

Yeah, I dunno either.

>>3074381
Greyish skin, violet eyes, completely hairless, with three rows of metal studs along her scalp. 5'1" and 45kg, not counting her add-ons, and plans on getting a set of manipulator mechadendrite to justify the Bulging Biceps talent.

>>3074333
>She has a habit of talking dirty to the machine spirits of tanks

Care to elaborate?

>>3074396

>Singing.

>Yeah, I dunno either.

All the better to sing praises to the Emperor.

An odd moment: charging a trio of Slaaneshi mutants, the Guardswoman stabs one in the head with her sword, quickdraws her chainaxe, bisects one from head to groin, and then tears through the spine of one that just dropped to the ground to avoid the Tech-Priest's Heavy Stubber fire. All the time, she was screaming BLOOD KILL DIE FUCK YOU and the like.

After they were dead, we all just stared at her.

Her: "...for the Emperor?"
Us: "For the Emperor!"

>>3074423
She just plugs in her Electro-Graft and sits there with a dreamy smile, and the tank's engine starts sounding more and more like a purr...

>>3074462
>>3074465

>>3074465

That's alarmingly hot.

>>3074465

Why am I suddenly turned on

>>3074465
>>3074481
>>3074485

Drawfaggotry required?

>>3074485
>Why am I suddenly turned on

That´s a very interesting choice of words...

>>3074497
lol'd

Blasting through the ork-infested jungle at 150 kloms/h, and suddenly, out of fucking nowhere, missile just misses us. Orks? Too simple. Traitor Guardsmen wearing Khorne colours.

Assassin sticks jumps up onto the heavy stubber, while the Tech-Priest and the Cleric lean out the windows and start blasting away. Lucky shot damn near tears the leg off the assassin, and a glancing blow with another missile damn near spins us out, but the Tech-Priest manages to melt half the fucking face off the guy manning it with her las carbine right after. Guardswoman cooks a grenade and drops it out the window, but overdoes it and the blast slows us down long enough for the car to pull up alongside.

Cultist takes aim at the Tech-Priest's head at point blank range, but gets thrown off and crawls back inside the car after a burst from the assassin. Tech-Priest, deprived of a meatbag to shoot, takes aim at the wheel instead.

Boom.

Then the bloody thing spins out right fucking into us and we crash into a tree. Bumps and bruises, nothing major. The Traitor Guardsmen... well, one of them was folded across a tree limb like a wet towel.

Backwards.

We never did find out where the others landed.

>>3074344
I second that motion.

Random moments:

Explaining the birds and the bees to a data-sifter working for our Inquisitor after she complained about some guy following her. He turned out to be a cultist. Whoops.

Arguing over how profitable it would be to steal the clothes from a dead Navigator. This one was caused by PCs no longer in the game, thankfully.

The assassin getting half of a why-so-serious Joker smile from a stray bullet, and refusing to let my Tech-Priest give her first aid for fear of me deliberately botching the roll and giving her the other half.

After our hotel room got trashed by Slaaneshi cultists, shooting the lock off another room at random and staying there for the night.

Arguing over whether our destination was to the north or to the south while holding off orks with incendiary grenades. Turns out it was to the east.

Giving an impromptu lesson on parabolic arcs and how they mean that human shields won't save your life when grenades come into the picture.

Getting taunted by the recording of a half-dressed Slaaneshi hermaphrodite crudely imitating the orkish battlecry.

Further moments:

Discussing whether 'Lassy' was a suitable name for a weapon while standing on the sidelines of a three-way battle between Khornate cultists, Slaaneshi cultists, and orks.

Everyone giving the Tech-Priest weird looks for talking gently to and stroking her heavy stubber, up until it vapourised both legs of a mutant dripping with acid.

The chain-axe is now called Daphne.

Mixing up accelerate and decelerate during an emergency aircar landing. Whoops.

Eating dinner with our fingers because the cutlery that came with our room service had Slaaneshi symbols on them.

The General walking in while the Tech-Priest was occupied with two litres of approximately 200-proof alcohol.

>>3074614
>>3074668

I would kill to be in this game, seriously.

I've got a pretty decent horror story.

This was over IRC, we were playing a low level game, with characters we planned to port into a larger campaign after fooling around with them for a bit. The party was a Half-orc Barbarian, Human Cleric, Human fighter, and a Gnome Ranger. We had all played with one another on quite a few occasions before, and the DM was a guy who was pretty good at running his games well. So the campaign starts, everythings going alright. The characters find a message board with different jobs on it, the characters read it one at a time as they were still split up.

The Half-Orc however, has an intelligence score of 4, and has no idea how to read, the gnome, taking the hint reads it for him and tells him to follow her if hes interested in the job the gnome chose (Clearing a giant ant nest that sprung up near a farmers field). So the Cleric meets up with the other two on the road to the jobsight, and the three continue on to the farmers home.

>>3074614

Was Commissar Ciaphas Cain in this game or something?

I really want to get into one of these games. :\ Too bad I don't have too much time to go and play them.

Alright, we fired up the engines on the troop-ship and the autopilot is taking us down. Six insane cultists charge into the bridge, and we're picking them off without too much trouble, the Cleric's handcannon really shining.

Five corpses later, we're patting each other on the back when the Guardswoman says "wait, wasn't there another one?"

Cue a motherfucking Khornate daemon charging through the fucking door and all but gutting said Guardswoman with a chain-axe.


Not long after that battle, one of our now-departed PCs - an Adept, basically a clerk for those unfamiliar - decided to wander off solo through the ship. The dice took pity on him and his first encounter was with two of the local Arbites who had flooded the ship after it landed. The Tech-Priest scored major sympathy points with the General after hinting that all of her people were similarly thick.

>>3074722

This is when we get our first hint that somethings not quite right. At the farmers hut we're introduced to the fighter, a brash young man with fiery red hair. And padded armor. At the time I was really confused as to why he was wearing only padded, I later found out he spent his entire starting cash on a ring of protection +1.

The farmer gives us the details of the job, and we agree on the pay. The fighter however, turns down any payment, insisting that the good deed is enough of a reward for him.

Okay I think, no biggie hes roleplaying, his characters LG so whatever, we'll just split his share between the rest of us. We find the anthole pretty easily, the ranger following some tracks and the barbarian quickly dispatches the few ants lingering around the entrance.

Its important to note that just about every encounter went something like this; Barbarian charges, takes his target out (cleaves into something if he can.) the cleric and fighter take out something together, and the ranger provides comic relief. Besides the one thing the cleric and fighter would take down, the barbarian would DESTROY everything else. By the end of the ant nest he had 36 solo kills to his name, the others maybe two or three a piece.

Now the Barb rolled high on a spot check and noticed something sticking out of the tunnel wall, turned out this was a dagger of shocking. At this point the fighter was sick of not doing tons of damage, and decided that the poll arm he was using sucked, so he demanded that the Half-Orc give him the dagger. The Half-Orc, having none of that offered the little man his old normal dagger, the fighter threatened the barbarian and the Half-Orc rolled intimidation to get him to back the fuck off. Natural 20. The group moved on, the barbarian with his new dagger and the fighter with his old one.

>>3074821

After a few more fights the group came to a fork and despite the dms hinting at treasure along the left path, went right.

Two hours or so of winding tunnels and chambers the Half-Orc notices a skeleton under a pile of debris (The Half-Orc sees almost every random item the DM put in, as he rolled incredibly well the entire game.) Clutched in the skeletons hand is a metal rod, the cleric identifies it as a Rod of Wonder and the Barbarian keeps it, saying that it only makes since as hes so wonderful.

The next encounter the Barbarian uses it, and fills the tunnels with butterflies. Laughs ensue and the ants are easily slaughtered. Then the Fighter demands the Barbarian give him the Rod, as someone so stupid shouldn't have something so powerful. The Barb says the fighters right, and holds it out to him. When the Fighter reaches for it, the barb pulls it back and starts snorting laughter (int 4). This pisses the fighter off, who trys to snatch it. He grabs ahold of it and the two struggle, the Half-Orc telling the small man that finders keepers and the fighter calling him a stupid mongrel.

The DM decides that the Rod activates, and has the Barb roll for effect. The barb rolls 100, which is turn target to stone. Now, this would have turned the fighter into a statue, and with no way for us to restore him, effectively killed his character. The Fighter starts bitching about how unfair it is that his character would die because of the stupid Barbarian not giving him the rod, so the DM lets him off light and instead decides that the Barbarian turned red. This pissed him off quite a bit, but the Cleric calmed him down, insisting that Red suited him and the fact that he was so good at killing things. Calmed down now, the group continues on.

Still more moments:

Guardswoman pondering whether it's worth making some sort of gauntlet out of the giant claw of the mutant she bisected.

Arbites doc swinging by our hotel room after the ship fight. Freaks out over the psyker, refuses to treat him (that Khornate daemon? It's corpse kinda crushed his legs), and hints that we should get rid of him now before he turns on us.

The next day, we've swung by the Arbites ziggurat to have a look-see at one of the latent psykers that went bonkers. Psyker walks in, looks at her, tries to touch her mind... and goes utterly batshit and throws himself at the rest of us with intent to kill. At which point the guardswoman slices his not-completely-healed leg right to the bone, and he collapses. The rest of us dogpile on top of him.

Later, at the Medical Bay... that same fucking doctor comes up to us, looking smug. Yeah, yeah, you told us so. Smart-arse.

When we get back to the city, I just fucking know we're going to run into that fucking doctor again. "Hey, where's that psyker of yours?" Fuck you.

This is what happens when you play Dark Heresy like Commissar Cain: The Roleplaying Game instead of Call of Cthulhu IN SPESS.

>>3074852

The parties nearing the queens chamber, having already destroyed most of the eggs in the spawning rooms they're pretty confident that killing the queen will put an end to the Ants. The Cleric trips on something sticking out of the ground, we're told its half a sword hilt. The Fighter, giddy to get a new weapon tries to pull it out of the ground, and fails five attempts in a row. He decides to take ten, and still fails the attempt. The Barbarian starts laughing at the man, and he challenges the Half-Orc to try it. Natural 20. The Barb pretty much rips this sword out of the ground, and then tosses it to the Fighter, saying that he already had a toothpick. The Cleric failed to identify the sword, but the DM tells the fighter that he hears a voice in his head which tells him to speak the word "alight" when we get into a fight with the queens guard. The Fighter refuses, something about the sword cannot order him around or something...

Now each pc had a different reason for accepting the Job. The Cleric was a chef, and was righting a cook book based off of monstrous creatures. The Ranger was a gnomish explorer scouting for places rich in minerals to mine out. The Barbarian was there to prove that he was the strongest there was by fighting anything big and powerful(This later led to him going Dragon hunting, and finding a Wyvern which he slew. Not knowing that it was just a wyvern, he names his axe Dragon crusher). The fighter, uh, we were never really sure on.

>>3074852
>Rod of Wonder
>makes sense for him to keep it as he's so wonderful.

The mental image of a overpoweringly muscular half-orc saying this with childlike innocence while his tusked face is split in a huge grin, is just so "d'aawww"-worthy.

>>3074974

So, the Barbarian declares as they face off with the queen, that the kill is his and not to interfere. The party agrees and focus instead on the guards in the chamber. Que fighting, the cleric almost goes down but the ranger keeps her up, the fighter dispatches the one guard he attacked and instead of helping the two others, attacks the queen. And scores the final blow (He dealt one damage). The Barbarian explodes, triggers rage and slaughters everything else in the chamber, then proceeds to hack at the ant queens corpse until it subsides, taking her head as a trophy before confronting the Fighter.

The Barb is at the point of killing the fighter, and the fighter continues to antagonize him by calling him stupid and insisting the honorable kill was more befitting a proper knight (he wasn't a knight). The Cleric again calms the Barbarian down, promising him tasty Ant BBQ once they reach the surface. The party heads back out through the tunnels, and the barbarian decides to check out that tunnel they skipped before, while the others continue on.

He finds a pile of corpses, adventurers who hadn't faired quite as well, and a Giant spider who had turned that section of the tunnel into its nest. The Barb has a really close fight with this beefed up spider, barely taking it out. He pries the fangs off of it as a trophy and strips the corpses of their possessions and trudges out of the tunnels, meeting up with the party and telling them what happened. Of the loot he brought, the ranger identifies a thick suit of armor as dragonhide. Can you guess what happens next?

>>3074992
If you guessed the Fighter threatening the Half-Orc and demanding he gives him the suit then you're correct! Now at this point, the Barb player has been pretty patient with the Fighters player. He says that the Barbs eyes focus on the fighter, telling him that the suit is his, he found it and fought for it. The Fighter calls him stupid again and demands it. I'll give a run down of the next portion in character, as I think I have the logs saved.

>>3074989

>>3075037
Fucking awesome.

>>3075004

Don't leave us hanging. Need moar.

>>3074959

You mean "it turns out awesome"?

>>3075004
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF, I've got the session after this saved. Oh well, I'll give my best retelling.

Fighter: "Give me the Armor Orc! Someone as stupid as you couldn't appreciate something so well crafted."

Barbarian: "Little man is making *** angry. Little man leave *** alone..."

F: "Give me the suit and I will!"

B: "*** got suit on own strength! Something puny little man has none of!" The barbarian grips the handle of his axe, his breath becoming heavy and erratic.

F: "I demand you give me it, or I will be forced to destroy you!" Fighter draws his sword, holding it up to the Orc.

B:"LITTLE MAN THREATENS ***!? *** WILL CRUSH LITTLE MAN LIKE TWIG! PUNY MANS BLOOD WILL GREASE *** AXE! *** NOT SAY AGAIN, SUIT IS ***, NOT PUNY MANS"

At this point pretty much everyone was telling the fighter to back off, as the Half-Orc would annihilate him. So the Fighter, determined to get that damn suit, started asking the DM if he could steal it from a merchant when it was sold (The Barb made it clear he planned to sell it to make his axe better at crushing). Hes a LG fighter, asking if he can steal from a merchant. The DM told him no, so he threatened the Barb again, this time the Barb player announced that he was raging, and charging the fighter.

>>3075074
The Fighters player immediately started whining, saying that this wasn't fair and that his character was going to get killed because of the stupid Half-Orc not giving him what he wanted. The Barb player told him calmly that he gave him plenty of chances to back down, and that if he delayed this any longer he'd be breaking character even more then he had been by resisting the urge to stomp the little man beforehand.

The DM has an ominous lightning bolt strike the farmers field as the Half-Orcs charge meets the fighter. The two clash briefly before the Barbarians axe bites deeply into the Fighters side. Desperation flashing through his terrified eyes, the fighter trips the Hulking Orc and breaks away, running for the tree line. With practiced ease the Barbarian catches the wounded man, his axe coming round in a vicious sweep. The blunt side of his greataxe connects with the mans head, sending him into the air before crashing down, unconscious.

Even through all the shit the fighters player had been pulling, the Barb player still decided to deal nonlethal damage, so the fighters player was simply knocked out. The Half-Orc walks over to the mans form, pulling the dagger he had given him from his belt and cutting a chunk of the mans hair off to mark his victory.

F: "Wait, WHAT!? You're taking a piece of his hair!?"

B: "Yeah, He takes trophies. I've done it with every other important fight, I think he'd take a trophy from this one as well. Its just hair, it'll grow back."

F:"You can't do that! Thats bullshit! This is MY character, you can't take his hair!"

B:"Chill the fuck out, I can take a piece of his hair if I want, shit, you're lucky I'm just taking a piece of his hair, I could do whatever the fuck I want to him. I could've killed him, but I decided not to be a dick. So chill out."

F:"If you take his hair I'm going to quit."

B:"Fine, I won't take a piece of his hair."

>[Guardswoman] distrusts Tech-Priests severely out of the belief that becoming more machine means becoming less human. Very cute RP moment after the psyker got ditched, and she allowed the Tech-Priest to use her Medicae skill to patch her up.

>[Tech-Priest's] planning to get her hands on a nice superior-quality bionic arm, and squirrel it away in the hope that the Guardswoman will lose one.

Am I the only one who pictured the Tech-Priest snuggling/masturbating, dakimakura-style, with the spare bionic arm and pretending it was already attached to Guardswoman?

>>3075112

No, now I am as well.

>>3075037
This is fuckin awesome. I didn't think people were actually reading this thing haha.
>>3075108
*** approaches the fallen fighter, roughly kicking the man onto his back before crouching over his unconscious farm.
"Little man all talk, no fight. All puny little man does is talk, *** sick of little mans words, sick of little mans voice. *** make it so you not talk so much."

The Barbarian reaches into the fighters belt, drawing the dagger he had given to the man previously. "*** Take gift from little man, and get present of his own."

F:"I told you not to take any of my fucking hair!"
B:"I'm not."

The Half-Orc brings the dagger to the listless fighters face, he pinches the mans lips roughly between two fingers before he begins to cut. Blood coats the fighters face as the Barbarian stands, holding his trophy in the palm of his hands. "Who stupid now little man?" Says the Half-Orc before gently dropping the fighters severed lips into his coin pouch.

F:"..."
B:"See? You're hairs fine."
Fighter has logged off.

>>3075108

He should have taken that hair.

>>3075112
>>3075130
God damnit, thirded.

>>3075140

Next time you see the Barbarian, tell him he's awesome and should FEEL awesome.

>>3075140
That should read unconscious form. Pretty much the game ended after that, we left the fighter there after the cleric stemmed the bleeding. We also took the loot he had on him for being a dick, theres more to the story if you guys want to hear it, the fighters player comes back at the start of our next session to try to get back in and its pretty fucking funny.

>>3075153

Tell us.

>>3075140

>>3075153
moooar

>>3075153
So the next week we go to continue the game, this is mainly going to be us collecting our reward and pawning off the loot we weren't going to keep (The barb was selling everything except for the rod of wonder, which he still has.) The sessions started and we're going back to town when the Fighters player joins the channel. We're all kinda shocked and ask if hes still going to play.

F:"Yeah, I'm still playing. But only if you retcon the disfigurement and give me back all my stuff."
Us:"Why the fuck should we give you back all your stuff and retcon everything else?"
F:"Because I won't play otherwise."
Us:"So?"
B:"I'm willing to retcon the disfigurement, but I'm taking a piece of your hair then, and you can get back the suff you had minus the dagger."
F:"No, you're not fucking touching him, and he gets to have the dragon hide."
B:"... I'm offering to undo the permanent damage I did, and give you back your stuff at the cost of a piece of your hair, and you're demanding I give you the suit still? Are you fucking stupid?"
F:" Do it or else I won't fucking play."
B:"As if I fucking give a shit, I was being patient with you and trying to let you still play with us but your being a fucking dick. I'm not undoing the damage, you're still missing your fucking lips, and I still have all of your stuff. Fuck off if you want to be a prick."
Fighter has logged off.

>>3075175

Oh, man. Talk about butthurt.

Was this the last you saw of him, or did he try his luck again? Please say he did. I find this whiny fighter amusing.

>>3075175
Why the fuck did you put up with him so long? Are people really that desperate for players on IRC?

>>3075140
MOTHER OF GOD

>>3075175
Ten minutes later...
Fighter has logged on.
F:"Okay... I'm willing to play still... but can I poison ***?"
DM:"Wait, you're asking if a LG fighter can poison someone?"
F:"Yeah, I want to fucking kill him. I can't beat him in a fight, so can I poison him?"
DM:"You're LG..."
F:"So?"
DM:"So you can't poison someone because they beat you in a fight that you challenged him to."
F:"Then can I alignment shift?"
DM:"Do you have a reason to alignment shift besides killing ***?"
F:"No."
DM:"Then no, you fucking can't."
Fighter has logged off.

>>3075185
He was a friend of the admin, so we didn't really want to piss him off. He went and whined to him, and the admin told him that he was the one in the wrong and to stop bitching. He actually shows up later as a minion of the BBEG, with hilarious results if you guys want to hear that as well. Pretty much all the tales of this group are pretty awesome.

>>3075195

Then, good sir, please do continue.

>>3075192
Halfway through the session
Fighter has logged on.
F:"Okay... I've calmed down now."
Us:"And?"
F:"And I'm willing to play still... but I get the suit, and my sword back. And my reward for clearing the ant nest."
DM:"You told the farmer you didn't need a reward, and the suit and sword are already sold."
F:"WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SELL MY STUFF!?"
Us:"I wonder..."
F:"Fine, then I just want the sword back."
Cleric:"The sword was a flametongue, we sold it for like, 20,000 gold."
F:"FUCK"
Fighter has logged off
C:"Jesus fucking christ is he annoying."
DM:"I'm thinking of running the idea of him being a henchmen to the BBEG by him, would you guys care if I kept a side game with him in it and had him interact with you every now and then?"
Us:"No, thats fine by us."
DM:"Okay, cool."

I forgot to mention, the Cleric roasted the ants with some herbs she gathered, and made an epic roll. The food was described as being the most delectable dish we had ever eaten, and there was much rejoicing. The ranger also struck a copper vein in the tunnels and made claim to hit, she sold the deed to a prospecting company in the city we went to for quite a bit. And the Barbarian enchanted his axe, made a chalice out of the Ant queens head, had the lips sown onto a necklace, and turned the spider fanges into a set of earings.

>>3075195
It's a quarter past three in the morning. I seek tales to fight off the demon sleep.

>>3075210
Lets hear the shenanigans he pulled later!

>>3075232
Britfag detected.

>>3075232
>>3075233
Alright guys, We didn't run into the fighter again until we were lvl 8, the story I told took place at lvl 3. So we've got about two months of sessions inbetween. You guys want me to tell some of the stories from those sessions(The great dragon hunting took place during that time period.)? Also, how the barbarian became green again was a pretty cool story.

>>3075192
>DM:"Then no, you fucking can't."
You are a bad DM and you should feel bad for being stupid.

>>3075248
You know what? I would love to hear all of that.

>>3075248
As would I.

How the fuck did I read "had the lips sown onto a necklace" as "had the lips sown onto a mannequin"? Maybe I should go to bed. On the other hand, maybe I should read the rest of this because it's awesome.

Especially how the Orc got his green back, that sounds like a story the Orc parents would tell to their kids at bedtime. If they could read.

>>3075248

Enthral us with your stories. Another britfag doesn't want to sleep just yet.

>>3075251
I'm not the DM. Though I agreed with his decision. We had played games with this guy in the past where he would take CN or NE so he could kill someones character that he didn't like.
>>3075252
>>3075257
Alright guys, I'm going over the logs now, I'll start with the dragon hunt.

>>3075270
I do agree that this would be stupid and isn't by far LG, but for fuck's sake alignment is not a set of rules to determine what you can do and what you can't, it's just a way to give a vague idea of character's personality, ffff.
The guy wants to rob a trader? Sure, go for it, but you are neither lawful nor good. Etc.

>>3075264
>>3075291
You should go to bed, it's late.

Once he's done posting all of this, someone make sure it gets archived.
I'd like to stay, but I need sleep.

>>3075289
He could've just been trying to get the dick to leave.

>>3075304
HAVE YOU TRIED READING THE FUCKING MANUAL
Sup/tg/ archive autoupdates.

>>3075309
When you are trying to make a dick to leave you go "You are a fucking dick, and you are not playing with us any more" and not be a dick to him.

posting in epic thread

>>3075302
heh, double post was more due to it not posting the first half a dozen times I sent it through, and me not paying attention due to being on other boards at the same time.

>>3075328
He was being immature, unreasonable, and fucking stupid, and what happened couldnt have gone any better in my humble opinion.

>>3075175
Reminds me of a flat mate I hat last semester (thank gawd he is gone) who I DMed for just once. He was a druid(I think) with a black leopard and my buddy who was playing a Barbarian. The first thing was this kid tried to get me to let him have a 80 str and I told him flat out no. he asked why a couple times and I finally had to answer, "Because I'm the #*&$ DM and you don't have to play." He shut up.
In a fight he casts entanglement around a group of monsters AND the barbarian. The barbarians next attack sadly was a fumble and I ruled he tripped in the entanglement and hit the Druid by mistake. Key word 'mistake' He then proceeds to have his animal companion attack the barbarian for attacking him, when I said it was clearly an accident.
Yeah after a semester of this guy I still have thoughts of gutting him were he stands (this isn't the only shit he's pulled trust me and it isn't all D&D related)

>>3075328
The one time I've had to kick a dick out of the game all I did was point towards the door and stare at him.

He knew he was a dick & that everyone was tired of it but he refused to do anything different or at least tone it down. After 3 chances I literally showed him the door.

The great dragon hunt.

This story takes place when we're lvl 6. We had done a few easy jobs and are pretty well off for our lvl equipment wise. Our DM uses random loot tables, so sometimes we'll find absolutely amazing loot from the simplest task, and other times we'll get jack all after working our asses off. Mostly this worked in our favor though. We were in a relatively small hamlet, having just deposed the hamlets leader (A slave trader who was stealing the local lizard tribes eggs and young and masquerading as a reverend) we were deciding on what to do. The Barbarian suggested that we hunt something mighty, that way we'd be famous and have jobs come to us instead of looking for them.

C:"So, we just kill something big? *** If you could crush anything, what would it be?"

B:"*** would crush dragon! No beast is mightier, *** would be mightiest of Orcs!"

R:"That sounds a little out of our league ***... Maybe a pseudo dragon or something..."

B:"What is Pseudo dragon? *** has not heard of such beasts."

R:"They're like small dragons or something, I haven't seen one personally."

C:"Then its settled! We'll hunt a pseudo dragon and become famous!"

Naturally we all knew what they were, but decided that this could be absolutely incredible for a less serious and more fun based session.

>>3075374
Continue...

>>3075374
Its like the equivalent of hunting a flying cat... that can poison you. Wait, cats are deadly to npc's in 3rd edition... crap XD

>>3075340
Hah, I don't know about epic...
>>3075374
The group decides that once they reach the city they've been using as a sort of base of operations we'd each go our own way to try and find out what we could about pseudo dragons. The Cleric went to various food merchants to see if any stocked PD parts. The Ranger went to her gnomish bretherin to see what she could dig up, she finds an old soldier who tells her a tale of a fearsome beast, that claimed the lives of many brave gnomes before finally being slain. And the Barbarian... where does he go? But to the library of course!

How this came about is his character decided to ask random people where he could find out about a pseudo dragon, and was kindly pointed to the cities library (Which also functioned as a school). The Half-Orc asked the librarian where he could find a pseudo dragon, she got him a book on draconian creatures, and flipped to the page for him.

Now the Half-Orc can't read as I've said before. In fact, he didn't really know what a book was, but he saw a picture of a dragon on the page and that was good enough for him. He thanks the women and rips the page out of the book, running out of the building squeeling in delight.

The three meet up that night to share what they had discovered. The Cleric had found out that the beasts were poisonous thanks to a merchant which dealt in exotic (and often illegal) cuisine. The Gnome shared the tales the old soldier had told her, emphasising that it claimed many lives before being slain. Finally, the Barbarian pulls the tattered page out of his pocket and lays it down on the table smiling broadly. The Cleric reads it over (The page was pretty torn up, the physical description completely missing) out loud, and the party agrees to set off tomorrow morning to hunt for one.

>>3075439
I thought they kill a wyvern?

What was the Barbarian's name? He's awesome :D

Also, I reckon he'd get along well with cultist-chan.

>>3075468
I've kinda been leaving the names out on purpose :P It was right Orky though.

Continue the story!

>>3075475
I guessed that you didn't wanna give the names out... but maybe an exception? It's hard to pass into legend when you're called "That half-orc barbarian with INT 4 in the IRC game where the fighter was a dick".

Let's call him Azzer Ix

>>3075439
The next morning the party sets out, the ranger clarified the area she had planned to search with the old gnomish soldier. Que a few days ingame for travelling, a few random encounters, and finally us reaching our destination. A dense wooded area surrounding a fairly large clearing. According to the old soldier, they had run into the beast while on an extended patrol. We camped in the clearing for a week, spending the time carefully combing over the area, trying to find the creatures lair.

On the evening of the seventh day, as the sun began to dip under the horizon, our ranger spotted something in the brush to our left. She loosed an arrow and called the parties attention to the disturbance. *** grabbed his axe and charged, cleaving his way through the thick brush.

DM:"A voice rings out in your head, demanding to know why you've come to this creatures home and caused so much destruction."

B:"I have come to crush the mightiest of beasts! To become a legend of Orcish might!"

DM:"The voice responds, its hollow tones resonating deeply. You have come to the wrong place simple Orc. No mighty beasts nest here."

B:"You lie to ***! Come and be crushed!"

DM:"You hear a rustling on the branches above you, as you look a small animal crawls out from its hiding spot, resting on a thick branch. The creature is small, no bigger then a housecat, its scaley hide a dark purple. It looks exactly like the picture you had seen. It wraps its tail around the tree and stares down at you, the miniature dragons voice rings out once more. As I said simple orc, no mighty beasts nest here."

>>3075558
I don't know where you got that from... but his name was Uzgob.

>>3075584
Go on...

>>3075589

Azzer Ix == Asterisk

Where do you guys suggest for IRC gaming?

>>3075671
Look in your own backyard first. If you're active in any IRC communities, start putting the word out for anyone interested in playing tabletop. Damn near any community of decent size will have at least a few old hands and any number of people curious enough to give it a shot.

We were all laughing pretty hard during this entire thing, the out of character was just us cracking up and speculating where this was going to go.

B:"Scaley cowards dare trick Uzgob!? Uzgob crush scaley cowards to dust!"

R:"I'm starting to think that geezer had a few screws loose if this is his definition of a terrifying beast..."

C:"I concur... and I was so excited to add a new recipe to my book... but theres such little meat on the creature, I don't see how I could hope to make a meal of it."

The pseudodragon explained to us that he had not always been there, and that a pair wyvern had once claimed this area as its own. The gnomes had likely encountered them. The ranger noted that it was a pair staying here, and that the old soldier had only mentioned one, so we had a new plan, to hunt the down the remaining Wyvern for glory! The Cleric told Uz that a wyvern is baby dragon to keep his enthusiasm up and the party camped in the clearing that night before setting out to try and find their new prey.

>>3075686
Thats it from me tonight guys, if you want I'll start another thread tomorrow finishing this up and telling another story or two. Thanks for reading all this, I think its been tl:dr for a while now :P

>>3075671
If you want to game with /tg/, you have two choices. There's #dungeonooc on rizon, which tends to have more mature games, and suptg, which is essentially /b/ with dice.

I'd reccomend going to both, although the suptg one has a tendency to create drama whenever it shows up on this board.

>>3075739
#dungeonooc is the ultimate proof of >>3074184

I run a pretty enjoyable GURPS campaign over IRC, and I've never had anything even resembling drama like that, closest we've had is the two people who eventually and politely stopped playing because their timezones and personal habits and college classes didn't gel with the schedule we normally played by so they couldn't really keep it up and stay on their studies.

Then again even though I'd never met most of these people I'd known them through the online community for years, the only exception being my girlfriend of four years, so really we're all a pretty mellow and agreeable bunch.

But at the same time, I can see that the internet is WAY more prone to drama outbursts than any real-life setting, because people are more likely to realize how fucking stupid they are without the proxy of safety.

>>3075251

True, in this case, he could have and would just have alignment-shifted by default. However, said player was a dick, and deserved to be treated as such.

WOMEN DON'T BELONG IN WH40K

RESCUED FROM THE BACK PAGES BY THE WILL OF THE OMNISSIAH

>>3076059
???
In the GrimDark future there is only gay sex and assbabies?

bump for great justice

OP's group is made of win and god.

OP returneth.

Been discussing ideal weapon loadouts for our characters - nothing ridiculous, has to be reasonably affordable on our salaries because the Inquisition are a bunch of tightwads.

Tech-Priest: Already halfway there with Luna. The other half is a hand flamer. Or possibly a harem of a Leman Russ, a Land Raider, and maybe even (oh my) a Baneblade.

Guardswoman: Shove a mono on her chainaxe and she's fine. She's keeping her sword, since she stabbed a Khornate daemon (really a gifted cultist, but no-one has the heart to tell her) through the heart with it, and then named it after her best friend. Tech-Priest whipped up a handbow for her so she could make Lord of the Rings references. She's also got a las carbine with a red-dot sight for when she can't get into close combat.

Assassin: Probably going to stick with her scoped long-las forever, although the needle rifle entry is getting more yearning looks than Cutebold promotions. For close up, she's currently trying to decide between dual autopistols, dual stub revolvers, and dual stub automatics. Silenced no matter which she decides, naturally.

Cleric: Handcannon with a red-dot while closing, then switching to a shotgun with a pistol grip for some point-blank shots, with a monomolecular sword (hopefully, someday, power or chain) in the other hand for when they close the metre or two and get down to business.

>>3076828
>Shove a mono on her chainaxe and she's fine.

I was under the impression that all chain weapons were essentially mono'd already. The RAW say you can apply it to one, yes, but that leads to the sort of rampant faggotry we had with people sticking pre-errata Manstoppers in high end SP weapons from the Inquisitor's Handbook and making bolt weapons obsolete. The effect of "+2 Pen and removes the Primitive quality" is a pretty good indicator that it's meant for Primitive weapons.

>>3076995
Saw a chunk of errata somewhere that basically said it was a generic upgrade. Monomolecular edge for bladed weapons, pneumo-shock enhancement for hammer and whatnot, and so on. Off the top of my head, the chain weapon version could ramp up the tooth speed.

>>3077010
I dunno, it seems to me that an upgrade that costs 40 thrones would automatically be incorporated in a weapon that costs several hundred. I do prefer the idea that it's some sort of improvement besides "make it sharper," however. Maybe use some exotic alloy or mineral for the teeth or, as you said, modify the speed of the chain.

>>3077073
Fluffwise, chain weapons already have monomolecular teeth on 'em. Errata did rule that Power Weapons getting mono'd only had an effect when the power field was switched off, but no mention was made of chain weapons.

In the end, it's in the lap of the GM, I suppose.

>>3075739
I've been through a number of games on suptg already, and I can only tell you don't know what you're talking about. Sure, there are some players who are faggots there, and yet they are neither a majority nor a norm, and anyway there's the same share of them as there is anywhere.

THIS THREAD MUST NOT DIE

>>3077169
aww man, power chain weapons,
a powerfield for EACH TOOTH

MUST PROTECT THREAD!

>>3078651

I thought fluff stated eviscerators were already chain weapons with some kind of crude power field tacked on.

>>3079783
I thought they were just really, really, really big chainswords.

Oh, this is OP. Again. Either you guys love me and the Int 4 barb or /tg/ is damn slow lately. The psyker we booted was trying to hijack our UA campaign in the making, and (in a stunning similarity to the fighter above) approached us with a proposal: if we apologised profusely, he'd rejoin the campaign.

He's currently banned from the entire IRC server.

Good end.

>>3080990
I'm just here for more of the 4 int barbarian, hoping he'll post again in this thread (which is archived on suptg, in case anyone was wondering).

>>3080990
I'm here for both.

And what's up with Fighterguy? Does he think he's God's gift to roleplaying or something?

>>3081763
The guy with the int 4 barbarian is currently posting there.