Could you imagine how the "female" aliens would react around us?

Why don't we just wait for the writefag to come back tomorrow?

"We are," added Bade, "perfectly prepared to return next . . . a . . . 'summer' . . . and take up where we left off."

"By next summer," said the plenipotentiary, "the United States will be a solid mass of guns from one coast to the other."

Bade shrugged, and the plenipotentiary added grimly, "And missiles."

Despite himself, Bade winced.

I've had a boner since the last thread

>>2710717
yeah this.

you started the new thread too early. That's why I kept posting in the old one even though it was at autosage

>>2710712
Humans would be treated like The Fonz, but crossed with a berserker.

When I go for this concept, I tend to make humans the toughest.

Some background: the popular perception that humans are physically inferior to most other animals is false: humans are actually hyper-optimised pursuit predators. We can survive and continue to act effectively in the broadest range of climates and terrains, tolerate deprivation better than any species that doesn't have storage structures built into its anatomy (and even that can be compensated for by carrying supplies), and generally perform feats of endurance that would be considered downright freakish for most other mammals. We remain active and functional in the face of injuries that would cause most other mammals to die instantly from shock, and we have metabolic quirks that allow us to sustain high activity levels under conditions that cause other mammals to basically shut down. Only canines can match our performance, and even then, only in a narrow range of climates and terrains; in fact, it's theorised that this is why wolves were among the first species to be domesticated - they're the only creatures that are tough enough to accompany us on hunting trips.

Apply this to a science fiction setting and see what you get.

>>2710721
I only started the thread because I was told to. Only following orders, guv.

You know for all the awesomeness of alien genocide, there will be fuckers who will say that they are sentient beings and also have a right to live. Alien rights will be the new adopt an african baby thing.

Which saddens me greatly.

>>2710722
EEEEEYYY! *rips head off*

>>2710724
Apply this to sci-fi and you start to make spess mehreens look a bti sissy.

I generally do my humans as the most depraved. To any other race the though of strapping bombs to your own children and having them walk into enemy encampments would be unthinkable...

>>2710721
Yeah, he did

but this thread is fucking awesome

>>2710728
By this point we can just give in to our barbarous natures and eviscerate the ET-hugging commie faggots.

These threads have inspired me and I am going to run a game where Humans are a terrifying race. What sort of game should it be? First contact, followed by war? A bunch of rednecks traveling the galaxy that everyone thinks are amazing mercenaries, as suggested in the last thread?

One of the greatest ironies of the universe is that, despite their inherent military superiority to all other species, a vast section of human literature, particularly a genre they call "sci-fi" includes the theme of humans being vastly outmatched by older and more technologically advanced species. This is a trope that is repeated in practically all forms of human media, particularly in what humans call "video games".

...There is something terrifying about a people that have to make-up a species tougher than themselves just for the sake of having something "challenging" for entertainment.

>>2710712
"We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?"
Zapp Brannigan, Futurama

From: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GreenSkinnedSpaceBabe

I'm so glad people started a thread like this. See, all this shit is why I don't like furries. You know the kinds. The ones in obscure forums harping on about having a DANGEROUS WOLF SOUL and how that's why they have 'so much willpower/never give up'

Fuck you, I'm a human. That means I will fuck your shit up.

>>2710738

I like the latter idea better. Humans working as mercs is a natural conclusion.

>>2710738
do the rednecks thing.
And keep us posted.

>>2710737
What if they are hot alien women?
What then, /tg/?

>>2710738
First contact, brutal war, humanity being shakily welcomed into the intergalactic community followed by people spreading like spess AIDS.

>>2710747

Exactly. Why do you want to be something else? You're a human. You're the dominant race on the planet and you have gotten there not through brawn per se, but rather brains and grit.

That's a damned cool species right there if you ask me. This is the best thing I've seen in weeks, and it's given me my own inspirations. Fuck run-of-the-mill (which is how I've been writing my guys), we're the CRAZIEST motherfucking species in the galaxy (well, in the eyes of the rest of the galaxy), and we will prove it by killing anyone who gets in our way!

>>2710749

Will definitely do, I still need suggestions on what system to run it in though.

>>2710747
'My dangerous human soul is responsible for the endangered status of your faggy wolf soul' is the correct response to furfaggotry.

>>2710754
damnit, not rednecks, INTERNET TOUGH GUYS

also, why not do it in SPECIAL, because only humans are awesome enough to come up with such an awesome system

>>2710754
d20?

>>2710755
Actually, it's "U SUK"

You know what freaks out the established powers the most? There are, at this time, around twelve billion humans living in Sol, distributed among various off-Earth colonies and of course Sol III itself. By galactic standards, this puts them somewhere in the middle of the margin of error. Galactically speaking, humans are EXTINCT, and any humans that aren't are just statistical aberrations.

Any race that is statistically extinct has NO RIGHT TO BE A FUCKING MAJOR MILITARY THREAT. I mean, by the spawning pool, if you put a single human to every star in the galaxy, you'd run out of humans before you ran out of stars!

How have they DONE THIS TO US?

>>2710764
Close enough.

I like the idea of Earth becoming like the switzerland of spess, in that everyone would want our mercenaries. Angry switzerland.

Adapt. Evolve. And most importantly, assimilate.

When man looked out onto the world, he did not question how to make himself belong to it - he asked how to make it belong to him.

The first of what would soon be countless of animals we tamed was the canine. In it, we saw strength, ferocity, and loyalty. But we didn't hunch to all fours and growl at them, no - we took the canine and put into them something of our own selves. We took the wolf and made them, in the smallest way, human. We gave them names and identities where they had none. And we trained them to understand full subordination. The canine learned to give up it's life for the human.

We walked our planet, discontent with what we had. We adapted to the harshest of environments, living in places the non-humans would deem "unlivable," and doing it with the crudest technologies. We evolved to this task further, to walk across any land and live. And we assimilated. We were not nurtured by our planet, but instead nurtured it. We taught our crops to grow according to our whims. We allowed the animals to learn how best to live in servitude under us, so that they might advance their own destiny aside ours, by our wishes. Even in our religions, we forged gods not of the plants, but of ourselves. The oldest religions claim we were made in God's image, but now we know the truth - we made Him in ours.

Remember this, soldiers, when you leave this academy. This is our heritage. This is what it means to be human. The other races are content on borrowing their planets. We own them. That is our destiny - to walk alien lands, and tame them.

Everyone seems to be casting humans as ridiculously violent madmen, when in fact humans only act like that when backed up by a large group of other people and are pussies otherwise.

Also we put massive pressure on members of our society to conform, like wolves or social insects. And we have an oppressive hierarchy that will kill huge numbers of people to protect leaders, who if killed lead to a power vacuum thats filled by new leaders. And violent tendencies are shunned if expressed outside of very narrow parameters.

I think aliens would regard us as some sort of dysfunctional pseudo-hive race.

>>2710749
The same thing with female elves.

Elf Husband: "Those barbaric humans and their war-like ways. How they haven't killed themselves yet is a mystery I'll never understand."

Elf Wife: "Sure thing, love. Whatever you say. By the way, I'm going to be out for the evening."

Elf Husband: "Where?"

Elf Wife: "At this... Uh. Archery range! I heard the teachers are quite good at getting long distance shots."

>>2710754
I vote Spirit of the Century.

You know this thread (and the one before it) portrays us as very very similar to the Affront in Excession (by Iain M Banks). Which is awesome.

>>2710775
"Human" is a totally overpowered aspect. And still not nearly powerful enough.

>>2710754
3:16

You have two stats: FIGHTAN and NON-FIGHTAN, and weapons don't have a damage die - they have a kill die. Big rapid-fire energy canon? Kills 1d100 xenos a round.

Humans with canine companions seems like it'd be an interesting topic too. In the case of a hunting/attack dog role, it's symbiosis. The dog helps the human hunt and defend himself, and the human feeds and takes care of the dog.

>>2710769

FUCK YES GENERAL

An excerpt from Learned K'n'k'k'ck'rrr's latest book, "An ordinary traveler's guide to the species of the known galaxy:"

"Once, at least six or seven tilts ago, I happened upon a human tavern on the trading station Outpost 889R. I didn't know what to expect...I've not traveled most of the far 290-360s, and so I took the opportunity to take a look at just how humans socialize.
I was awestruck. For one, the air was heavy with toxic smoke, and despite those choking gases, I could easily detect further toxic fumes, emanating from the fluids they drank. It was loud, raucous, and the 'music,' if you could call it that, was incessant. Now, I'm sure some of the younger generation might like it as a form of rebellion, but trust me, I doubt they actually enjoy it. And I'm not unhip. I've listened to the sraaaTi's (in)famous musical group "iiiOlu yi" and found some enjoyment from it, more than from the human noise. Anyway, the place was dark, smoky, and loud. I found a corner, out of the way, and tried not to draw attention to myself. I don't want to taint the scene when I'm in a new place, you see.
But anyway, the males are screaming and beating each other, while imbibing this toxic fluid in excess. Later I learned that the screaming was laughter, and the beatings across the shoulders and back were gestures of platonic friendship, not unlike our bond-trills.

Anyway, they burn their narcotic leaves, tell stories about sexual conquests, and boast about who could fight the others and emerge victorious. Two who seemed to know each other previous to that evening reminisced about a "hunting trip," which seems to be a male ritual in which men take firearms, enter the woods, and ambush and kill an animal.
The general air was frightening, and I must admit, my rasping plates were nearly orange from the experience. Everything had to do with fighting, war, or danger. Once they had consumed enough, they asked the establishment's operator to "fire up" the machine in the corner. I later learned that this is a term referring to the starting of combustion vehicles, and in my humble opinion, it just emphasizes the danger. Yet, they relish the term, so it seems.

>>2710769
I've never been so proud to call myself human.

But this machine, it seems to be a seat across a log, mounted to a system of poles. They called it a "mechanical bull," and its only function was to move violently, back and forth, up and down, and turn in circles, in such a manner that the person upon it must hold on or be thrown onto the floor.
Luckily, the floor had mats, though I did not suspect that their placement had anything to do with the patrons' wishes. They took turns riding it, relishing the dizziness, the induced nausea, and the pain from being thrown from it. Again, upon further research, I found its origins: men in displays known as Rodeos ride male cattle, known as bulls. They goad these normally docile creatures into bucking and running, and are awarded points based on time able to stay on the bull. These animals, by the way, weigh at least 5 Hr'knt, and have sharp horns protruding from their heads, and their legs terminate in hard, bone-crushing hooves.

>>2710777
Hell yeah, harpoons as cutlery. Takes "If it's stolen from your plate, it doesn't have calories!" to a whole new level of awesome.

After about one n'lzt, not long at all by my reckoning, the toxic environment was wreaking havoc on my spiracles, and I had to leave. I stopped outside to catch my breath, and looked at the cargo vessels with Earth manifests on them. Peeking in the cockpits, I found gun racks, knives, more toxic smoking rolls, and magazines with women on display, akin to one of their zoos (similar to a nature preserve, except the purpose is to hold animals for display instead of for conservation). I heard noise from the bar, and left, lest I be found and hurt terribly by someone finding me looking into their ship's cockpits.
I think that, for those not weak-of-heart, a rustic human bar is an interesting place to go, but it is both frightening and worrisome. Though I do not wish to offend any humans who may be reading this, I must say, without reservation, that they are a danger to everything we know. They are brutish, warlike, and tenacious. Their love of danger and combat is unparalleled, and I say unreservedly that any one of those intoxicated humans, though physically unfit specimens, would be able to, in single combat, best any one of the greatest of the Z'k'k'c'c'tl specialist operatives."

>>2710770

We're not exactly the nicest people when we're given the ability to enact Manifest Destiny on somewhere.

I mean, look at what the Europeans did to the Native Americans. Fucked their shit up right proper. Now imagine that same Manifest Destiny spirit- that "conquer the world because it's there" ideal- but with the entire universe before us.

This makes a shocking amount of sense. We're a brutal bunch at the core.

Manifest fucking destiny, fuck yeah.

I propose a change to the FIGHTAN and NON-FIGHTAN stats: they be merged and replaced with a WINNAN stat. It determines how much you win.

>>2710793

Also, get this: our planet's atmosphere- and for that matter, entire surface biosphere- is like nothing else ever discovered.

To anything looking in, we're living on an enormous ball of toxins. We are FREAKS OF NATURE, meant to be feared.

>>2710770

You don't seem to pay much attention to actual history do you.

Someone else tried to continue this thread earlier, but it 404'd.
Spooky.

http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=4Keu3eKg_qQ

>>2710803
yeah. I did my whole writefaggotry there, and then went to submit, expecting a "field too long," and got a 404. so I backspaced, copied, and pasted.

ITT: fat lardbuckets try to make themselves feel awesum

>>2710810
gb2/b/

Dear Coordinator,

I am writing to you because I am concerned for my second-Broodening son, whom I have recently seen attempting to hide humanophile paraphenalia in his lairhole. His attendance at Indoctrinary has become lax, and my trusted Broodening-sisters informs me she has seen him scuttling with a band of Third-Stage youths. They had apparently molded some gland-spit into replicas of human weaponry, and were pretending to cause disharmonious deaths upon one another.

Please, tell me what to do, Coordinator. I feel I am helpless in this matter.

Signed,
Concerned in Hivecluster X10-HFA-Darkaroshaa

>>2710808
Fuck yes your writefaggotry is awesome.

>>2710810
ITT, the exact same lonely fag sages this thread the same way the did the last.

>>2710769
This reminds of a bit from David Brin's Uplift War. In it, a Tymbrini (alien with glands to quickly change their body as needed, but only so far) notes that while her race can quickly change to adapt to a situation, in the long term humans are even more adaptable. Her human companion has become more fit and agile to deal with the jungle wilderness, and his skin color has tanned to deal with the sunlight. The human has not just adapted to the situation, he has become one with it and become its master.

Fuck year humanity.

Strive for your next breath. Believe that with it you can do more than with the last one. Use your breath to power your capacities: capacity to kill, to maim, to destroy.

Perhaps, you are doing what you were meant to do. Your human mentality screams for vengeance and thrives on the violence that you say you can hardly endure. Your father told you as a child to always fight with honor, but to always fight. Do you care about honor, or do you use honor as an excuse? An excuse to exist in a violent world.

Organic beings are constantly fighting for life. Every breath, every motion brings you one instant closer to your death. With that kind of heritage and destiny, how can you deny yourself? How can you expect yourself to give up violence?

It is your nature.

Do you feel free?

>>2710800
Dude, someone tried to tell me that humans can actually set OPEN FIRES outside of laboratory conditions. I mean, I know that's impossible, nobody could live in that kind of environment, but...jeek, just the thought makes my scales gray.

>>2710811

>BAAAAWWWWW UR BURSTIN MY BUBBL

>>2710812
Hm. Humans vs a bunch of hive minds would be pretty interesting. The humans don't naturally work together, but when they DO, they fuck shit up.

And, of course, as you kill members of a hive, the hive gets dumber. As you kill humans, the others just keep on fighting just as effectively.

>>2710803
I blame xeno interference on our HUMAN IMAGEBOARDS.

Only mankind could create a series of means of discussion that, at its core, revolves around simplistic forms of visual communication that glorifies conflict of thought, often implying that said conflicts would be enacted in force if said humans were placed in proximity to one another.

>>2710811
>>2710814

samefag

>>2710800
It's a funny thought that to aliens we might be the horrific lovecraftian monsters.

>>2710830
I'm >>2710811 and I can safely say we're differentfags.

>>2710830
Believe it or not, there are at least two different people posting in this thread.

>>2710812
Now, now, Concerned. What you have to realize is that all youths have some aggression in one form or another. Usually, it is focused through exercise, art, or logic. Humans are popular subject matter at the time, and imitating them may indeed help him quell the fears we all have concerning them.
However, if his Indocrtinarian performance is lax, and he is with others who are more moltings beyond him than you are comfortable with, talk to him. Your child is your dearest offspring, and you are the one who launched his wriggling form into your home-pond, are you not? You should be able to communicate that his friends are not the best influences, and that his performance is slipping.
If worse comes to worse, you can threaten to withhold him from participation in the more youth-enjoyed hivebuilding ceremony. But remember that fascination with humanity is due to all of our preoccupation with them. They are frightening, and only by exploring such a fear can children overcome it.
As you were my own Brood,
the Coordinator.

>>2710813
thanks. I try.

>>2710826
That wasn't supposed to be humans fighting a war on the hive race, but the hive race becoming concerned that they're being culturally infected by humanity.

Basically, their little larvae are growing up to be meaner and more badass, but they're also adopting utterly un-Broodly attitudes toward...everything. In fact, the Brood youth are much more sympathetic towards humanity than they are towards their own race.

They paint their carapaces with human logos as a symbol of their rebelliousness.

>>2710831
That.... is a very intriguing idea. I'll have to implement that in some way. Perhaps a '10-foot man' principle....

>>2710847
By logos, I hope you mean Mickey Mouse and Coca-Cola.

>>2710847
Disgusting alien gribblies daubed with pepsi logos. Fucking anarchy, man.

>>2710849
Yeah, I like the idea of rolling for sanity loss if you see a Mi-Go, but why don't the Mi-Go roll sanity loss for seeing a human?

>>2710850
>>2710851
they etch them into their carapaces, and fill the etchings with paints.
of course, it comes off with the next molting, but that's still a full 19 seasons.

>>2710802

I think I'm more acquainted with history then the average American, though I'm certainly not an expert by a long shot.
What I'm saying is NOT that humans don't have copious amounts of wars, it's that humans channel their aggression into those wars and forbid significant expression of violence outside of them. I live in america, and while we're pretty liberal about guns, if you walk around with a rifle in your hand i assure you that the police will come and deal with you. Or try and start a fight with someone, you'll get arrested for assault. Any expression of violence in your own society will be stopped by authorities.

>>2710831

What are you talking about?

>>2710850
>>2710851
Anything they associate with humanity. As far as they're concerned, Mickey Mouse, Pepsi, the Swastika, Nike, the Bible, they all stand for one thing - being hardcore and kicking ass. I mean, they're still little spawnlings, when it comes to it, they aren't exactly involved in specialized Antrophology, their ideas about humans come from this thing called...uh, pope culture, I think.

>>2710860
unless it's socially-accepted violence. See my writefaggotry. we're imagining that the aliens see all our violence, whether verbal, emotional, or physical, as strange and abhorrent.

>>2710863
no, pope is the human with the special crown.
I think it's pop culture. Like, those companies, coca-cola and pepsi, they make a drink called "pop" by some humans, and they're really popular etchings.

>>2710867
The drink is acidic and bubbles and froths at the slightest provocation.

Picture it: a pink, largely hairless creature consisting of a roughly barrel-shaped trunk, from which spout a woefully inadequate four limbs and a misshapen head. The rear (or lower) limbs are used for locomotion and make up roughly half the height of the human. In the warrior caste humans these have often been used to deliver fatal blows to unwary opponents. From the side of the trunk sprout two further appendages, the two-segmented arms from which terminate in five boned tentacles used for grasping (far less efficient than our own hydraulic limbs) and various clumsy tasks. The head has two inefficient eyes, an olfactory organ and an aperture used to ingest nutrients.The whole thing is encased in a thin, greasy hide which continually produces oils and excretes cooling fluids in high temperatures.
Beyond this rough guide there is no standard pattern, no uniformity. Each one is a grossly misshapen thing, each hideous in a unique way. I can only thank the scriptures that my tenure as ambassador to the coreward colonies was cut short by a series of brutal conflicts. The exctinction of the insectoid hives was more than worth the peace of mind I feel knowing I am far out of their bony reach.

>>2710867
I'm picturing gangs of adolescent aliens seperated by soft drink brands.

Humans are inherently tribal creatures, and while conditions on their native world forced them into more conventional social structures for a time, the prevalence of cheap interstellar drive technology resulted in an almost complete destruction of any kind of social control on Sol-III. Unwilling to subordinate their interests to those of others any longer, individual families bought small ships in droves, and fled the planet, seeking their fortune in our territories. Now these family-ships have become terrible threats to civilized races, as any human ship encountered has an equal chance of being altruistic and sociable or full of psychotic bandits. While small, these ships integrate technology from across known space, and human psychological and physical endurance means that their pilots and gunners can continue to function long after even a capital ship has given up trying to repulse their hit-and-run tactics. I feel great fear for any who invoke the wrath of more than one family, for they are even worse working in concert.

>>2710876
>>2710867
"POP!" "No, SODA!"

>>2710877
FUCK YEAH SPACE GYPSY PIRATES.

>>2710876
except since they're not human, the most they do is use their gland-secretions to write, "Independent Colony Collective 7UP are weaker than first-stage youths!"

Gosh, I really hate this human circlejerk. The first thread started good, but quickly devolved into generic "humans, fuck yeah" shit. Get real.

>>2710882
I dunno, I'm liking the nonthreatening human-miming insectoid youth gangs.

>>2710882
There's probably a cultist-chan thread for you to whine in.

>>2710882

>>2710882
Quiet, Xeno scum.

>>2710860
You're still doing it. The fact that for a brief century or so some countries have a cultural taboo on civilians carrying visible weaponry means very little.

If you were to go to another planet and you weren't sure about how safe it was wouldn't you carry a sidearm just as a precaution?

>>2710877

... Continue.

>>2710882

Well ain't you a buzzkill.

Lighten up, eh? We're having fun, here, and all that matters is that fun is had. We're envisioning ourselves as the worst thing to ever hit the galaxy and it is a beautiful vision let me tell you.

Go on and leave if you don't like it. We'll keep having fun.

>>2710890
>fun
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

>>2710883
The idea has potential.
What would the reaction be between a meeting of one of these rebellious collectives and a human?

>>2710893
The Human would punch it in the face, of course.

>>2710893

They'd probably revere him like, near to a demi-god.

We're considering a very useful and oft neglected viewpoint.

Humans as an alien race.

The whining is like complaining about people liking Mi-go.

>>2710893
Probably sheer terror. If you've been raised on cautionary tales of psychotic pink berserker aliens attacking other sentients with sharpened metal sticks you're not going to be too eager to meet said bersekers.

>>2710893
probably they'd shunt their tertiary digestive sac straight through to their waste port. it's kind of like Japanese people and hip-hop fashion...they think it's cool, but they see a 6'6" black dude looking ghetto and think, "HE'S GOING TO RAPE AND SHOOT US WHILE DOING DRUGS!" Except with the aliens, it's 10 times worse, if not more.

>>2710893

I'm picturing a meeting between a black guy from south central LA and a 14-year old white Seattle suburbs poser.

>>2710882
Humans have their flaws, don't get me wrong. We're selfish in the extreme, waste huge amounts of time on not just violence and reproduction, but simulated violence and reproduction. But these are side-effects of some of the same traits that made us competitive back when we evolved, and will continue to make us competitive in the event we come to compete with other species in the future. It's not so much a circlejerk as it is a celebration of what makes humans unique, rather than the bland jack-of-all trades baseline we're portrayed as in fiction.

>>2710888
I'd bring a fucking assault rifle. And maybe a turtle suit.

>>2710895
"Ahahahahahahaha."

>>2710893
"please don't breathe poisonous gases on us!"

>>2710831
In ancient times of old, when the stars were young, their lived a race of gods. Originally they were trapped in their own realm called Sol or as they called it E'rthT'er'aa. The Creators kept them in check, and with no one else besides themselves, they turned against each other and the universe was thus, spared of their wraith. But not all things last forever, and neither would the nightmare of sol's imprisonment. All races of the universe remember that moment. The moment when the god race Ho'mOssaPian destroyed the lock. For what seemed eternal, the universe fought back against this horror. Yet even the Creators fell, their backs broken and their skulls turned into trophies for the monster's ego. Our worlds fell one by one. They consumed them like a flood, uncompromising and without remorse. Reality itself soaked in the blood of countless sacrifice to the vile Dark Gods of E'rthT'er'aa. And yet, as suddenly as they came, they stopped. It was like being in the middle of a concert and then suddenly going deaf. None know what happened, perhaps they simply grew bored. Perhaps their hunger had been sated. Whatever their reason, they had ceased in their carnage. Countless millennium have passed, and yet we all know. They will come, will the genocide repeat? Or will other plans of theirs be realized? We do figure this much. To them, we are at best nothing more than toys, to do with us what they wish. At worst, an infestation to be utterly removed....

>>2710908
Indeed. The problem I have is the glorifying and worship of the "badass human" that is rampant in this thread. I have nothing against the creative reasoning itself, but at the ludicrous emotional response that most people seem to have, that it somehow makes themselves incredible if humans are powerful and feared, and obviously they try to further it by making up things that make humans even more fearsome, even beyond what was originally introduced in a good fashion. It borders on simply fanatical rubbish.

>>2710919

>>2710924
Don't overanalyse our fun or anything. I know I'm not picturing myself as a god, towering over an army of cowering gelatinous aliens slaves. Definately not.

>>2710927
of course, Voxi copulation consists of rapid impact of both parties' upper extremities together.
To this day, the Voxi people use his famous mating cry, "high five!" as a euphamism for intercourse.

>>2710919
Humans as the Reapers. I love it.

>>2710924

Well, I don't think there's much anyone can do to fix that, besides stop. And no-one really wants to do that.

So why complain? Eat, drink, be merry, join in the fun! This is /tg/, after all, home of the Pretty and Angry Marines, Joniass Dragonraper, and the Endless Homebrews. Have a little ludicrous in your life.

>>2710831
I remember a story about a CoC game where one of the PCs, a russian doctor, was accidentally teleported across the universe and landed in the middle of a busy street on an alien planet. The Russian made his SAN check. However, the aliens who had just witnessed the sudden appearance of some gruesome thing all went insane. Then the Russian was teleported back home.

>>2710888

Doing what? And have you heard of how the Japanese government has banned civilian weaponry to one degree or another for centuries? I'm pretty sure that have been other times and places that have banned weapons like that.

And i don't know if i would take weapons to a given planet, it would depend, but i probably would.

>>2710919
It...its beautiful...

>>2710936
People pretending to be stuff has no place in this board of dungeons and dragons and skubhammer.

>>2710943

Need I remind you that D&D is all about the roleplay? And the rollplay, but the two go hand in hand like turkey and gravy.

For Pete's sake, man, have some FUN. I've never enjoyed writing plain old humans quite as much as I have here, I think.

>>2710919
So what happened to all of us, exactly?
Did we just grow bored, or did we start to feel guilty, or what?

>>2710939
I would just drop it. They don't seem to get what you're saying, despite it being extremely simple.

WHAAAAAAAAAT YOU MEAN "WE" ARE THE HIVE MIND!?

I'd love to see us have this reputation as bloodthirsty savages, then an alien meets a human and finds that for the most part, we're laid-back people who won't kill you and use your skull as a hat.

That is, unless you give us a good reason to.

>>2710950
"Yeah, so I don't remember anything that happened at that frat party, but the last thing I said was, 'let's steal some military ships and tear around the fucking galaxy.' God damn, I was hung over for a week."

>>2710948
I've been posting in the spirit of the thread all along, in fact I started this one. It was a little bit of irony.

>>2710948

The reason being, of course, that plain old to us is fucking terrifying to others. We live in a culture bombarded by constant propaganda and with media that glorifies war, death, sex, and violence. We conquered our planet by beating the bejeezus out of everything that stood in our way, including ourselves on many, many occasions. We're brutal, violent, and senseless from multiple angles.

We are scary.

>>2710889
Allow me to assure you, however, that when humans meet, it is unique in the extreme. These "reunions," as the humans call it, consist of all the tribal groups descending from a common ancestor meeting on a convenient planet for an orgy of intoxication, reproduction, and violence, some friendly, some not. This is as deeply as most of our sociologists care to look into these meetings, and they miss a fascinating exchange of cultural and technological information. Much has been said about human ingenuity, but it is terrifying how quickly a useful idea will propagate among them. I gave a shield generator to one "Evan Jameson" as payment for escorting a merchant vessel, and less than three standard years later, every "Jameson" derived human tribe was using our shield technology. As a result, I recommend that all civilized races carefully watch what technology they allow to fall into human hands.

>>2710952
And then Human was a Zerg.

>>2710950
Bored. Humanity basically went "Eh, this is getting boring, you want to do something else? I heard theres a new superblack hole in Galaxy V46. Bitchin! I always wanted to get my atoms ripped apart and reconstructed."

Brothers, hear my song of warning! When we descended to this strange blue-green world in our clawships, we had not knowledge of what we would find! Our foes, the [humans] are the most terrible of all. When my broodmates and I climbed from our pods, we rent and tore with our teeth and claws what we thought were their folk, the soft/bloody four-limbed creatures. Yet not soon after they returned, and had a fearsome thing. They had gathered a host of some sort of thing unknown to us, these [metal boxes]. And they shot out more [metals], from these [metal boxes]! They pierced even our carapaces, evolved over millenia! [Metal boxes]! I will perish now, but heed my warning of the [human] and their [Metal Boxes]. We should take them away, but I fear that impossible.

I weep for the hive.

I love this thread.

>>2710953

Play up the double-sided nature. The other races have no idea how to handle the way humans can instantly go from cheerful to RAAAAGE on a mass scale.

>>2710967
Humans: essentially, it's a species consisting entirely of angry drunks, and you're trying to make sure that they don't get pissed, because they're already wasted.

>>2710967

So does that make humans tsundere or yandere?

>>2710972

>>2710963
>metal boxes
>We should take them away
ಠ_ಠ

>>2710975
Depends, do we first wage war on the aliens first, then make peace after devastating half their race, or do we ally with them only to stab them in the back and rape their planets?

>>2710976
you know how it is. agreeing with whatever they say, speaking calmly and quietly, because while they're smiling and laughing right now, they could snap and throw a chair at you.

>>2710963
Dammit now I can't stop picturing him as a Zerg. Fuck you anon.

>>2710963
SSIIIIIINDRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

>>2710981
We fight them to extinction but leave an apology note in the shattered ruins of their homeworld.

>>2710981

St-stupid xenos. It's not like we saved your asses because we like you or anything. Geez what a pain.

as opposed to

Oh. I see you destroyed one of our colony ships. Well, don't worry about, it was in violation of one of our treaties anyway so its no problem right?

...
...
...

Die in a fire.


Which sounds more human to you?

>>2710988
Kekeke

I think the scary thing about humans is that we're violent AND can use tech, FOR violence. Most violent tech races wipe themselves out, so if we survive, we'd be damn good at using tech for violence. Better than races relying on damn slow evolution and peaceful tech races.

If we survive, FUCK YEAH!

>>2710981
Know this, whatever path you choose.
Humans hold the idea of 'revenge' dear to whatever passes for their hearts. Any slight, real or perceived, will be reciprocated a thousandfold, at a time and a place to great detriment to your race.
Beware the human.

>>2710996
Both.

There's no limit on human behaviour!

>>2711000
which is the equivalent of the drunk guy slugging you because he just remembered you were a douchebag once.

I think humans mostly smile (which naturally everyone finds unnerving because FUCKING HELL TEETH) and pat you on the back until they suddenly go THIS SPECIES

THIS SPECIES THIS SPECIES
THIS SPECIES IS AN EYESORE

>>2711005
But his fist is a barrage of nuclear warheads.

>>2711009
Humanity: an easily-pissed-off drunk made entirely of explosions.

>>2711012

So...we're basically a race of Doomriders?

>>2711008
:D

>>2711012

Parable, I'm saving that quote.

>>2711014
NANANANANANANANANANA
I DO PLUTONIUM

>>2711014
I DO FUCKING COCAINE!!!!!!!!

>>2710981
We slaughter many of them, but slowly feel guilty since, well, they are so damn pathetic.

So we let some survive, while keeping a close watch over them.

THIS PLANET! IT WAS MADE FOR ME!

TH-THIS IS MY PLANET!

>>2711017
remember that parabolic said it!
...Now I'm imagining a nuclear explosion with an anthropoid form, wearing a flannel shirt open to show a "no fat chicks" t-shirt, and jeans.

>>2711008
You've hit on something worth noting.
Smiles.
In our animal kingdom, they're symbols of challenge and dominance. We use them to socialize.
I'd assume that would trip up many an alien race.
'why is it bearing its nutrient-receptacle at me? It isn't planning on.... consuming me, is it? .... oh dear...'

>>2711040
they're glistening and white. obviously, they bare them to let their presence known, thus saying, "I am so superior to you that I need not fear your seeing me."

>>2710996
I want to see the first one, just for sheer laughs, and because we'd freak out the xenos.

Imagine, the horror of the galaxy/universe/what-have-you, appearing to fight alongside a species doomed to annihilation since they face a superior foe.

And we kick their ass so thoroughly they never even think of messing with that alien species ever again.

All because one of them bought a human a beer once.
Who happened to become the supreme commander of the human military.

>>2711029
Funny until you realize we'd do it to every planet.

>>2711047
I...i want to see this done...

>>2711049
ah, manifest destiny. luckily, humans will fight and die in droves if they think they deserve something.
well, luckily for the human empire.
sucks for whoever lives on the planet.

>>2710882
"May Fergus Bent descend on your mate."

>>2711040
Why is it revealing it's fangs? Oh goodness it's hideous.

It's oily skin, the foul stench from the protusions of the scalp... Excreting oil from it's glands on it's manipulators ugh disgusting.

>>2711047
Ah, beer. Is there anything you can't do?

>>2711050
seconded

>>2711063

Get you laid.

>>2711063
uh...be too delicious?
all I know is that in my sf setting for d20 (and I'll be implementing some of tonight's ideas into it, believe me), aliens' first contact with humans involved studying them.
they decided that the most acceptable greeting would be, "Hey. We come in peace. Wanna go grab a beer?"

>>2711063
It is the best thing humanity ever invented.
And you can bet after we save some xenos assess because of some drunk dares some human commanders accept, they will praise it as well.

But seriously, imagine how the xenos would react to all this.

We just get there, kick the ass of whoever attacks them and then leave, after they had seen that we were the ones who saved them...

Wonder how that would develop...

>>2711070
I deny that.

>>2711072
FUCK YEAH! And then we'll go to that strip-club and brothel down the road! It'll be bitchin'!

>>2711074
I don't know...
But I want to find out.

>>2711094
>FUCK YEAH! And then we'll go to that strip-club and brothel down the road! It'll be bitchin'!
see, the President of the United States really is probably the most powerful individual in the world. Aliens come down and say, "wanna grab a beer?" I want to know that my leader will be like, "FUCK YEAH I DO." Which is pretty much the only thing I have to hand to George W. Bush. Aliens come and offer to get him beer? he's gonna get him some beer.

>>2711074
We get some favorable trade?
The other xenos thinks we are now xenos species #1s protectors, and stay the fuck away, giving them the chance to expand, while remembering their protectors.

In the end, we'd probably have a decently powerful ally, just from that fight alone, as long as they are smart enough to use it.

>>2711105
Knowing humans, we'd be wise to bring a few nukes along.
Just in case.
...
After all, it could be terrible beer.

>>2711114
Awww shit. he ordered Bud Lite.
EVAC THE PRESIDENT!
FUCK EVERYONE ELSE!
WE GOTTA NUKE DC!

>>2711113
parable, please bring this on somehow.

Humanity getting allies because their leader got some beer from a xenos in the past is too awesome an idea to let go to waste.

>>2711120
man, I'm tired, and tonight was the second piece of writefaggotry I've ever done.
besides, that'd require dialogue, and I suck at it.

From a tabletop role playing perspective :
suppose you play in a galactic space opera campaign.
Usually , humans are the norm against which all others are compared. In this case, humans obviously aren't the norm, they are a scary , fast, powerful warrior race.
So what is the norm ? Or , if there is no norm, how do you handle the character creation process ?

>>2711125
The Neutral People.

The most awesome "don't fuck with earth" route? Help Xenos 1 fight Xenos 2. When the war is over, nuke Xenos 1 back into the stone age.

Not your personal army, Marvin.

>>2711122
I was thinking more in your d20 game, and then telling us what happens from there...

>>2711118
And American Beer is hereafter referred to as "stale gnat piss", except for the product of the American Budwiser Co. which will be referred to as "*weak* stale gnat piss."

>>2711122
Well, I'm planning on adding these to 1d4chan sometime in the future. Good ideas such as these are not to go to waste.

>>2711125
I'd imagine one of two ways:
1: Humans are the norm. Alien races are not encouraged for player-character use.
2: A list of pregenerated aliens that can be player-characters, as well as stats for humans.

>>2711131

If I don't make it, tell my wife I said "Hello".

I have spent much time in the border worlds, and seen several of the conflicts that have arisen with the humans over the territory that they hold. The common perception of the human is that of a supremely physically powerful being. Hulking, warlike, violent and certainly loutish.

Whilst this is very true of them in many ways, it would be a mistake to think of them as being single-minded no society can grow to be as powerful as theirs if it is built purely upon the strength and agression of its individual members. What our politicians overlook as much as our civilians, is their true strength. Not that of their bodies, intimidatring though that may be, but in their ability to create order among such a culture and their prowess for adaptation to their circumstances.

Scholars who read this will like scoff, and not without good reason. Human culture is indeed hardly as unified as that of the core Union species, and indeed internal politics and strife has been a hallmark of their history (the resulting wars undoubtedly contributing to their lack of numbers). But the fact remains that they have managed to join their strengths through this strife, weeding out the cultures that were not strong enough to overcome others, or not adaptable enough to assimilate into the greater majority. And as a result, they now present a culture that is worryingly powerful, and stands poised to expand its territory further, and adapt to those worlds it sees fit to conquer.

In which case, it is perhaps time to ask ourselves whether we should take a lesson from them. Either become strongenough to overcome the predators, or adaptable enough to assim ilate with them.

>>2711125
in mine, humans are...well, expansionist, belligerent, violent, and avaricious, but they're still the baseline as far as stats go (I use d20, so +1 feat, +1skill/level). others may be tougher, but humans take to new roles and have a mindset that sets them apart. compared to the species that would be considered the "norm" from an overall view of the galactic milieu, they'd be cunning and physically tough, which works. I just use the human=normal baseline because adjusting everything a step in whatever direction changes nothing in the end, and I think it's better to play to what players know: that is, humanity.

>>2711125
Either human scale, and everyone else sucks (which is less satisfying - it's better to be awesome because you're awesome than because everyone else sucks) or a basic scale representing galactic average.

What system would /tg/ use with all these awesome Ideas?

>>2711140

All I know is my gut says "Maybe"

>>2711105

...he's an ex-alcoholic. If he grabs a beer, it's gonna be an alcoholic's first beer in ages, which means wild times for everything within a first-strike reach.

"To the best of our knowledge, 'winter' is a severe periodic disease of plants, the actual onset of which is preceded by the vegetation turning various colors. The tall vegetables known as 'trees' lose their foliage entirely, except for some few which are immune and are known as 'evergreens.' As the disease progresses, the juices of the plants are squeezed out and crystallize in white feathery forms known as 'frost.' Sufficient quantities of this squeezed-out dried juice is 'snow.' The mythology refers to 'snow falling from the sky.' A possible explanation of this is that the large trees also 'snow,' producing a fall of dried juice crystals. These crystals are clearly poisonous. 'Frostbite,' 'chilblains,' and even 'freezing to death' are mentioned in the enemy's communication media. Even the atmosphere filled with the resulting vapor, is said to be 'cold.' Totally unexplainable is the common reference to children rolling up balls of this poisonous dried plant juice and hurling them at each other. This can only be presumed to be some sort of toughening exercise. More research on this problem is needed."

>>2711148
Starblazer Adventures, or something else FATEy. Aspects are easier to work with than stats, especially if "Are you dense? Are you retarded? I'm a goddamn Human!" is a default human ability.

>>2711148
I use heavily modded d20 modern/future, with starship combat rules cribbed (and then completely revamped) from Star Wars d20 and d20 mecha.
it works well, though you need a good group and a DM willing to say, "you're doing it wrong." (some species are fairly unbalanced: their balancing agent is purely roleplaying)

>>2711142
Mind posting what your campaign will have, from the ideas posted here in the various threads about this?

Would Dark heresy work well?

Manking is either
- Brooding totalitarian state with Hardass military empire.
- Freeform cowboys colonizing shit
- Star Trek Lol peace Faggots.
- Schemers & Diplomats.

>>2711159
what do you mean, what it will have?
like I said, humans are the standard, statwise. they breed quickly and expand rapidly. they're like sentient rats, though "they don't taste nearly as good," say several critics.
they're also absurdly warlike, with the largest military of any species ever, even though the galaxy is (largely) at peace. while other species are masters of combat, or technology, or even weapon technology, none can disseminate, standardize, and learn like humans can. In the short ~650 years since their introduction to interstellar travel, humanity has amassed a gigantic empire, through sheer ambition and drive. they are not the strongest, not the toughest, nor the smartest species in the galaxy, but they are not deficient in any one field either (Oon-ain criticisms notwithstanding).
I simply wanted them to be a bit less-than-standard-for-space-opera, and somewhat despised, and the more I learned about people, the more I realized I wouldn't have to do anything to make that happen.

>>2711179
Well, will it have any of the stuff discussed here, like the drunk commanding officer leading to a xeno race being saved or things like that?

>>2711189
oh. well, I've already had some species emulating human culture, and if I can find a group to play it with, the human officer trading DEATH for beer sounds like something in my universe already.
Actually, Pat Flynn, mercenary company commander and alcoholic extraordinaire has probably already done shit like that.
"uh...we're getting a distress call, captain."
"Yeah? who from?"
"the ship's called the...[shipname]"
"SWEET JESUS, THAT MAN SPOTTED ME A 5 FOR A WHISKEY SOUR! ALL CAPITAL SHIPS, CONVERGE ON HIS LOCATION, AND KILL THE FUCK OUT OF WHOEVER IS ATTACKING HIM!"

>>2711189
If it does the CO needs to be named Branagen. And the alien race needs to be all female and have one eye.

This thread, and the one before, posits humans as brutish, drunken thugs. Sure, I've met mercenary bands like that, a lot of them. But most of them aren't like that. First contact was with a bunch of stuck up whiners in uniform that kept nagging about "exclusive trade agreements" and "mutual protection treaties". And most humans I've met planetside are just shifty softies that run at the first sight of trouble.

And the posts about fighting those insectoid races? Damn, if they don't breathe oxygen they have no business being on the same planet as you. Unless they're in armored encounter suits. Most hiveminds don't even bother with pleasantries, they just glass your planet and rebuild the atmosphere with methane or whatever.

That bravado of yours is charming, but keep it up without good backing and the Council's just going to pull the same shit on you as it did on us. And then you'll just be another fading race, good for nothing but fighting and dying.

>>2711202
yeah, that's the main problem. no room for new aliens. there's like, 35 or so, all with distinct stats and sections of the galaxy, and that's all. I try to keep them somewhat realistic in their diversity, too.
OK, they're (almost) all bipedal, and damned if many don't resemble earth animals, but I try, dammit.
not to say I don't consider the setting humorous, but the humor is largely character-based (as most pirates and mercenaries are somewhat, if not completely, insane, I play that angle up a bit).

>>2711200
Awesome.
If that happens, no xeno will have any idea what the fuck to make of us anymore.

We kill them in the billions for one xeno species, and then move in to protect another one.

If that is the case, will they ally with humanity in your campaign?
Or will they be too confused to figure out what the hell is wrong with humanity and its tsundereness?

>>2711141
Social insights into Human technological and cultural development

My lords, though it seems as if "the humans" are diverse, fragmented groups and therefore a weak target, I must urge you to reconsider. Our own singular culture has gone unoppressed for millenia, thanks to the systematic removal of "undesirable traits". Thus, we have been in stagnation without much growth at all. It appears that over the last millenia, humans have gone from a group of primitive beasts to... well, primitive beasts that are able to use sophisticated tools with frightening ease, as well as being able to manufacture as such.

Rather than their diversity being a weakness, it is a strange strength- each group plays off against the other, boosting technological and cultural gains in leaps and bounds.

My lords, attacking this race would be folly; indeed, we might think of imitating some of their characteristics to remove ourselves of this period of stagnation we are in.

I hope this finds you well, XXEIM [4,25th timescale]

>>2710747
There was a furry convention down here in Aus once. I went and had a field day. I'm sure I'll get the usual BAWW YOU'RE REALLY FOUR FEET TALL AND WEIGH FOUR HUNDRED KILOS, but given that I'm in really good nick from daily gym, noone there had the heart to throw me out. I went in with my roommates laptop, a wireless internet card from telstra and my balls (figuratively) out. Encyclopedia Dramatica and /b/ provided anti furry propaganda and insults. A few hambeasts told me that I was racist scum. I laughed in their face and told them to stop trying to singlehandedly commit genocide by eating every cow they could. I screamed, I swore, I stole costume heads, I ranted in the corner about the evils of fur. About three hours after I arrived, the police arrived to escort me out.

>>2710998
I hate saying this, but I find it growingly more conscerning the United State's "glamorization" of Bloodlust. Which makes me hate myself as an American.

I mean I fucking love playing Violent Games, I love War Movies, War stories, etc. But we as a society just seem to have one giant Boner for Murder.

Compared to European societies where Sex is "natural and thus is depicted fairly realistically and plainly in european film and media".

It's like the gun industry and the porn industry got together to sell the best combo of all time.

So, should yet another thread be made?
This is pretty much at its limits right now, I think...
Also, has this been archived?

So tsundere...

>>2711229
neither. they trade with them, ally with them, because the government (tends) to keep its word. Pat Flynn is a mercenary, and is pretty much a pirate (an honorable one, but a pirate nonetheless).
But humans are considered...a nuisance. individual humans? not terrible. self-centered, but not horrible. but no one makes a deal with humans without some knowledge that humans are unpredictable. Luckily for most, there's lots of empty space, and the government is, well...it tries to keep a bit more of a leash on expansionism, especially after their last push ended in a huge war that killed billions (you know what happens when a capitol ship's wreckage falls on a planet? nothing good).
However, that war was good for the galaxy. it brought some species closer together, and made the humans reconsider diplomacy as a more viable option (not that there aren't countless skirmishes at all times: the galaxy is a big place) for dealing with governments.

>>2711248
That was quick. Thread for the Thread God.

>>2711203
Yeah...the council is basically humans now.
Tell you what: put on a leash and bark for us, and we'll make sure you can breed again.

As long a your barking makes us laugh.

>>2711254
So, you'll make a new thread then?

>>2711277
count me out. I need sleep.

New Thread. >>2711290

These threads please the Emperor and His faithful.

Do go on.

>>2710711
Our intestines house microbes that- if one manged to get out to the rest of our body- would make our existence as living organism forfeit. These microbes exist to make it easier for us to pass waste.

One theory about how Jesus died was that he received a bruise to his heart after he fell down while carrying the cross. Due to having his arms up in the air, he could not breathe as easily so his heart worked harder and harder to pump blood throughout his beleaguered body. The result was the bruised skin of his heart being punctured. Our bodies can and will readily betray us and kill us off.

While it is possible to suffocate or bleed out on the Crucification cross; it is also possible to die due to pain.

Did I mention we have enough nuclear devices to utterly decimate the crust of our planet several of tens of thousands of times over? Further proving that weapon technology will always outstrip armor/protection technology; we have no real methods of stopping the majority of the delivery systems for these weapons.

Did I mention that 30 years were spent with 2 countries with most of these nukes just glaring madly at the other while giving each other the finger and trying to out-research the other? 2 countries out of 192.

And now we're playing with a device that some think could create black holes and kill us all. Some (possibly unreliable) say it could destroy the entire universe, even.

On that note, one of our greatest fears with our first atomic device was that it could cause a chain-reaction and destroy our atmosphere. Yes, we did test it anyway.

badump