sluxs to be you lol!

cage traps and quickly

Yes. It sluxs, lol.

Only one question. Did you make everything out of wood?

Baring that if you throw enough wardogs at him he'll die through self immolation due to the burning pile of dogs he is sitting on.

Raise the bridge. Dragons in DF can't fly

The correct answer is to take those 40 idle dorfs, activate them, and send them in a massed, unskilled charge.

The dragon won't stand a chance.

>>2668901
ONLY HAVE WOODEN CAGES, NONE OF THEM ARE INSTALLED RIGHT NOW.

WILL MY ONE BALLISTA (WHICH WILL PROBABLY MISS ANYWAY) DO ANY GOOD?

>>2668916
That bridge is over a brook. The dragon can walk over it.

also: what operating system are you using OP?

Isn't that a brook? Why the fuck did you build a bridge over it? It's traversable terrain.

Dude, just have a marksdwarf unload is gyro-stablized, fully-automatic sniper machinegun/crossbow loaded with heart-seeking shape-charge, armor peircing, hollow-pit bolts.

Seriously, just shoot the thing, Megabeasts are fucking lame in DF.

It's just a dragon. Don't be a pussy.

No seriously, it's only a dragon. In terms of sources of danger to your fort, it's barely in the top ten. It might put a dent in your army, but you'll be fine. Grow a pair and meet him on the field of battle.

sluxs lol

>>2668931
Ballistas will miss unless you have a great+ operator, but they will always deal insane damage if they hit.

>>2668914
Eh, not everything. Just some furniture.

Okay... getting mah men in position.

That fucking Dragon doesn't move.

What's better (indepedently of quality): Bone or Wooden crossbows?

>>2668988

No difference. The material used in crossbow construction only affects their damage when they're used like hammers in close combat.

FUCK

Sluxs lol!

>>2669005
glare.jpg

This fucking MORON missed three times in a row, and the fourth shot didn't do anything to the Dragon...

>>2669015
>>2669019
I lol'd

...

>>2668891
Dude, what's with the fancy arrow? You actually bothered to open up Photoshop and fuck with shapes/filters instead of opening up MS Paint and shitting out a crudely shapen arrow/phallus?

Way too much effort for a DF screenshot.

>>2669019

Yay, finally a guy who can keep up with the Dragon. He actually managed to hurt it and make it bleed.

>>2669037
Well, no idea. I always have Paint Shop open so blah.

>>2669034
At least he died happy in a glorious one-sided battle. Look at that smile.

>>2669034
Shit. Well, when in doubt throw more men at it.

Goddammit.

>>2669061
Thats just the effect that having all expressive flesh blasted off your face by fire.

>>2668891
yo dawg i put a dragon in yo fort so you can rage while you burn

IS THIS SON OF A BITCH TRYING TO DESTROY ONE OF MY FLOODGATES? HE ALREADY DESTROYED A DOOR.

>>2669081
Yes he is, oh glorious DF how you can fuck things up!

Actually, it's a she. The Dragon is female. Once I killed it, my Dwarves are going to fucking rape the shit out of the corpse.

FUCK SHIT FUCK, THE TUNNEL LEADS DIRECTLY INTO MY FORT.

>>2669105
hahahahaha

>>2669105
SLUXSLOL!

Hah, dumpshit fell down. Now it's gonna get what it deserves.

>>2669108
this dragon is made of epic encounter and win damage

You fucking MORON...

>>2669105

Oh shit, get the fuck outta there! What are you doing?! Go, get the fuck outta there you stupid idiot. Fuck, you're all dead! Get the FUCK OUT

Hah, awesome. They're actually fighting it while drowning. The battle goes on.

>>2669113
O god. It's wrong towards the OP, but fuck, this dragon is making my day. It's literally making it's purpose in life that of being an utter arse as far as I see it. And it's SUPER EFFECTIVE.

They're still fighting, I hope that they can finish her off before they drown.

OP, thank you for sharing this with us. You made my fucking night.

Wait, where fuck did it go? I can't find that Dragon.
I even checked the list of invaders, the Dragon is not listed there, it didn't even give me the message "Slöl Sluxlol has been struck down" or something. What the fuck?

>>2669155

Deeper level with lava and demons. You're fucked.

Wait for it...

>>2669155
Yeah! Same shit happened to me with a Titan I mistakenly set free in my fortress.

The fucker met the full force of my military, and it just vanished. No corpse, no record on the unit list, nothing.

HAH. This fuckfart.

For her corpse shall never be found.

It probably drowned. Check the corpse lists in the stocks menu or scroll through the deceased units list.

The aftermath.

;__;

>>2669230
D;

Great, now the flood is heading to my fort.

>>2669265
The dragon is dead, but its going to take everyone else with it.

>>2669274
Well, if Dwarf Fortress wasn't this fucking awesome, I'd be now cursing and swearing for hours, like I do when I play Dungeon Crawl.

Start digging your way out NAO. I assume that your entrances are cut off?

>>2669265
That slucks, haha.

YOU DIE NOW OP

Also: This is why I hate sculpture gardens.

>>2669368
WHY, I HAVE SLAIN THE DRAGON, WHERE IS MY PRINCESS?

>>2669385
You see you set them up on a bridge so when idiots walk in the bridge is set to drop them into a pit that is constantly filling and pumping out water.

>>2669390
>WHY, I HAVE SLAIN THE PRINCESS, WHERE IS MY DRAGON?

Fix'd for DF's sake.

>>2669121
PORKCHOP SANDWICHES!

>>2669265
WALL THAT SHIT.

Dwarf Fortress: most epic perpetual train wreck among games, ever.

I fucking hate how Military Dwarves do whatever the fuck they want.
Sometimes, in the middle of a siege, they simply fuck off and get a drink or go back to sleep.
I mean what the shit is that about? Fuck.
Niggerfuck. Triple AIDS fuck!

>>2669731
I no longer see the military dorfs as a reliable, well trained force. Instead I see them as Apocalypse Now-style GIs, drafted into a job they hate, just trying to stay alive, shirking and hiding as best they can.

>>2669731
Backpacks/waterskins?

>>2669770
>dorfs
>reliable

>>2669770
Not the other guy, but when I tried giving my dorfs waterskins they decided to fill them up immediately....from the carp-infested river instead ofthe nearby ponds. Lost two of my military dorfs that way, out of 8. Then I made the entire river Restricted with a cost of 100. And they STILL went to the river.

>>2669791
That river must be made of beer.

>>2669791
When you say ponds do you mean murky pools or actual designated ponds?

>>2669807
smallish bodies of water at least one zlevel deep designated as water sources

>>2669800
This makes me hope all the more for booze to be a flowing liquid so I can make a beer moat.

>>2669777

>>2669811
If they're murky pools dorfs will ignore them for fresh water. They don't want to drink muddy, brown water.

This is a very good thread.

My fortress just recovered from a tantrum spiral. down to 18 from 146, though i've got a few (obviously hesitant) migrant waves, which boosted my population to 42. A human messenger got beat up by a tantruming dwarf, and left the fortress unhappy. It wasn't long until a human force of 20 wrestlers/archers assaulted my keep, only to be killed by a hallway of weapon traps. Their weapons will be of good use.

I'm making steady recovery, though my migrant cheese-makers had to grab a pick since all my miners died in the brawls.

Right now, i'm making a tower to overlook the entrance of my fortress, with plans for a marksdorf group in the future. I'm also digging graves for everyone who died. 3x3 rooms, it's the least those bastards deserve.

Pic related. that's my dining hall, filled with abandoned clothing.

>>2669775
Backpacks?

>2669821
>down to 18 from 146
BY ARMOK!
Must have been some popular dwarves.

>>2669812

FUCK YES BEER WELL

>>2669821
Actually, the least they deserve is nothing at all. Since the tantrum spiral is over, it's safe to say that most of the Dorfs with friends are now dead. This means you can safely just dump the corpses in a pit and get on with your life.

>>2669812
I shed a single tear of joy at the thought of a beer moat.

Man, what if we get blood as a flowing liquid? BLOOD MOAT.

Hopefully not vomit, though. Vomit moat sounds really bad.

>>2668891
pff dragons are weak.
most of the time they will kill themselves with the fires they have set.

>>2669825

>>2669828

I don't like the idea of dead dorfs without tombs. besides, i can't make graves for the new dead if i have a hundred waiting already, and i don't feel like designating them by hand

Also

How the hell do i get rid of these guys?

>>2669825
A few of them were married. They were killed by goblin bolts because they were all loitering around the entrance when a goblin ambush struck (3 groups, actually)

>>2669851
Graves? Dump them in a pit. Be effecient. Like a German.

You could build an execution chamber for them. Or, alternately, you could throw them in the same pit that the 100+ dead dorfs are getting thrown in.

>>2669832
OP here.

The entire surrounding grassland is covered in vomit, blood, a mix of both, and even more vomit.

>>2669878
How do such small people produce so much vomit?

>>2669791
watersupply zones only.
USE 'EM

>>2669889
Well, it's not just the Dwarves. The Goblins also love to vomit. Even the Dragon did it.

Just today, my Captain of the Guard - and the only competent hammerdwarf in my fortress, thus the only one worthy of my artifact warhammer - suffocated. In his bed, in the barracks, while he was asleep.

Assassination?

>>2669992
LOLWUT. Maybe his upper body was severaly wounded and he gave in?

We need a drawfag to draw Slol Sluxlol as embodiment of all the dickery in dwarf fortress.

I have the lamest artifacts ever

>>2669970
God, I can't stop lol'ing over that. It's somewhat iconic for adventure mode too, for the characters and their victims to have turn-based crotch-kneeing contests, followed by distance barfing bouts. Very dorf-like, as well; if it moves, hammer it in the abdomen.

>>2669992
See:
>>2669998
It's likely he had severe injuries and went to bed to rest but succumbed to his injuries.

Maybe you should have made him a decent armor/shield dorf too.

>>2668891
Now that I remember to look at the originan subject of the thread, I can't help but lol some more. Dragon comes in, fortress DROWNS. Tzeentch, anyone?

>>2670004
>Neversquirted, an Iron Ring
LOL HOLY SHIT
ARTIFACT COCKRING FTW

>>2670004
"We're putting the band back together"

>>2670016
Neversquirted... hmm, magical dwarven contraceptive?

In all my time on 4chan, I have never LoL'd so hard on any thread. Ever. God, i love you /tg/

>>2670125
Agreed. I tried to find some more dorfan fortan threads on 4chan archive, but failed. Is there a different /tg/ archive site, or have people just not fukken save'd these awesome threads of dwarven misery?

>>2669999

A dragon just appeared at my fortress. For some reason it threw itself into the local volcano. No attacking of dorfs, no burninating things, just straight into the volcano. WTF??

>>2670173

You are not Shitashi.

>>2668891
Awesome story op.
So archive this people

Here you go, until a drawfag decides to do it properly.

>>2670173
They think they are lava resistant lawl.

>>2670173
It probably selected one of the volcano dwelling creatures as it's target. Not realizing that it was not immune to magma.

>>2670210
>>2670212

But the entrance to my fortress was nowhere near the volcano, and other than the occasional fire snake, there's no creatures in the volcano...

>>2670202
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

>>2670212
its the doing of the dragon fire immune tag. Dragon fire immune makes it immune to its own fire so it doesn't roast itself when spiting fire. It implies fire immune which doesn't do anything without proper temperature settings on the creature but makes it think it is immune to lava. This is defiantly in the vein of DF logic as a dragon can breath fire but dies if near stuff that is ON FIRE.

>>2669832
Blud maot is easily acheived by just having a normal moat filled with water and dropping dead things into it.

Hasta be a fresh kill though, during the aftermath of a seige, I take off the valuable metal bits from the dead goblin soldiers and dump/designate everything else into the fucking moat. MAOT RUNS RED WITH BLOOD.

>>2670471
Shit, can you imagine being a human trader come to the place to trade your goods and you cross over scorched landscape littered with old goblin corpses and a moat with so much blood in the water that it's red?

I'd turn around and leave.

>>2670233
Did you have magma forges and such? If so, it may have used pathfinding and thought "hey, I can get to the cream filling if I sneak through that tunnel of red jello"

Drawfag here, working on despiction of the memorable Sluxlol floodpit fight.

Traps. 5-6 stone fall traps are pretty much a guaranteed kill, as is a cage trap.

That's why you have a 20x3 weapon trap corridor at your entrance.

>>2670655

yay

drawfaggotry done!

>>2670677
another drawfag here, requesting a description of one scene you would like to see drawn

>>2671100

Fuck awesome.

>>2671100

So much more kickass than mine. Then again, I don't expect much from a combination of MSPaint and poor to none drawfag skills.

Today I decided to test my new artificial volcano.
Pumps getting magma from depths of the earth were made from resistant materials - bauxite, iron and nickel silver. Pumping system was already tested before. It was safe - even though it wasn't all covered in hatches to stop magma.
I decided to use it to fill small hole I built.
I deconstructed some of the walls around to put floodgate there - of course magma resistant one.
But then I've seen my fail. Not dorf scale fail ("WHAT IS THIS RED THING RUSHING THROUGH DINING ROOM?") though. Magma fell through stairs and started burning my axles and mechanisms. It melted mechanism supporting entire pump tower, which then promptly deconstructed...
I learned 2 things:
Use bauxite mechanism as support
Quadruple-check everything before you do something dwarfy.

>>2671123
>Quadruple-check everything before you do something dwarfy.
No if you double check you are doing it wrong.

>>2671100
This image is brilliant. It captures the very essence of Dwarf Fortress.

>>2670206
>>2671100

I like how, in both of these, Slol is grinning.

Dickishly.

>>2671123
If you're careful enough, you can simply use wood and stone for all your parts.

>>2671142
Not grimdark enough to be essence of dorf fort.
Lacks madness, fire, magma, guts, massacred puppies, dorf babies acting like shields, epic fails killing millions, "fuck the world" lever and dying nobles.
If all of this could be crammed into one horrible image it would depict dwarf fortress.

>>2671170
Won't wooden pump heat up when pumping?

>>2671185
You don't seem to know how dwarf fortress works.

>>2671231
Try this: Make a kitchen out of ice (water). Then make the kitchen cook a meal.

The kitchen will melt into a puddle.

>>2671254

You're welcome.

Personally, I love Dorf Fortress because of the epic stories that come of it because of the immense amount of risk there is from a few dwarves trying to eke out an existence in a world filled with hostility. It is like the old european sagas of heroes and monsters, but with more 'everything dies catastrophically' in it.

I haven't played it myself, but will try sometime this weekend.

This is my impression of the incident.

>>2671307

If you're unlucky, it will be like Beowulf, and its mother shall arrive shortly.

I'm playing Dwarf Fortress right now. It's been a year now and still there's no sight of immigrants.

Everything's going very well. Boringly well. Nothing is happening.

I suppose I just need some kind of project to keep the dorfs and myself occupied. Any ideas of what to do?
My seven beginner dorfs have these main skills: miner, mason/engraver, stone crafter/mechanic, grower/cook/brewer, fisherdwarf, woodcutter/carpenter, administrator/architect.

>>2671393
Carve out 400 bedrooms for your next immigrant wave. They show up in massive numbers when your not expecting them.

Your cheese, potash, and lye makers will make great soldiers. Build some fortifications for them.

>>2671432
...

Why the hell didn't I think of that?
brb, putting my miner and engraver to slave-level work.

>>2671444
Well I do have about 300 rooms, but I guess another 100 wouldn't hurt. Also, I already have in-fort fortifications from where my future marksdwarves can fire alongst a long corridor in case anything gets past the stone traps at the entrance.

>>2671393
make a glass house for your future mayor with a tower that pumps water up and out onto the glass house.

>>2671476
S'pose I could. Gonna need to keep that brewer brewing though. Don't want any sober dorfs working, now do we?

>>2671479
Some time in the future probably. I haven't really mastered the art of pumps and pipes and all that and I suppose you would need metal parts in order to do that as well as a glassmaker, neither of which I have.

>>2671494
Congratulations on your breed of communist dorfs.

>>2670173
dragons think they are magmaproof.
bug

>>2671494
What is that brown stone you're digging into? Mudstone? Bleh.

>>2672380
I don't know about your dwarves but I would not want to sleep in a room that looks like it was dug out of solid crap.

Look Dwarves, I didn't have rough gems the first time one of you decided to make an artifact, why would it be any different the next five times?

>>2672415
yeah well you wouldn't want to subsist entirely on booze and mushrooms either. the problem is that you're just not dorfy enough

So I recently ran into the problem of having too many goddamned dogs in my fortress (gobelves are on the other side of the world, and no megabeast attacks). I initiated a puppy genocide plan, which took two seasons to kill the last of the bastards.

My problem is that two of my dorfs did the strangest thing. One wanted to put a puppy in a cage, the other wanted to butcher it. They kept grabbing the puppy from each other, and after about 15 minutes of watching this debacle I had them both jailed for idiocy.

So my question is, what is an appropriately dorfy punishment which I can unleash on these two?

>>2672811
Cage them via the sleeping trap exploit?

Have them fall asleep on a wooden club trap?

Drop them in a room with a well, and drop food in every now and then?

>>2672857
You mean the Feature

Sorry, but this is epic.

A dragon emerges from the wilds, torching everything it comes across and entering the local Dorf Fortress. In order to wipe out the local Dorf population, it rips open a floodgate - and is unwittingly swept away by it into a pit below, with a Dorfen martial champion. When the water was finally drained out of the flooded Fortress, neither of them could be found.

This is the tale of Slöl Sluxlol, draconic disciple of Eldrad.

I have a tale to tell.

Some of you may have heard about me ranting about my fortress, Buzzardloved, before. Well, I finally had to abadone it last night as goblin raiding parties came pouring in. We already had massive problems with hordes of skeletal undead (especially giant eagles) coming out of the hell pit that was our chasm that was about five away from the entrance to my fort.

So I decided to try and reclaim it. Seventy dorfs went in, all of which were either hammer, axe, or marksdwarfs.

None came out.

It turned out that quite a lot of the roving dead had decided to make my previous fortress they're new home. And that reclamation forces don't like it when their friends die.

So after mowing down the about one hundred or more undead that now stalked the halls of Buzzardloved, the tantrums started. We lost maybe about five people.

They all killed each other. Any that didn't die went insane.

So then I tried to reclaim it again. How many undead could there be left right? Fucking hundreds. And now miasma was choking the halls to, where the previous reclamation force had fallen. They suffered the same fate. Faster, in fact.

I am now attempting to start another Fort on an area almost exactly a like. The only difference is that there are also zombies.

Has anyone else ever had this problem with reclaiming forts?

>>2673252

Is that gold?

>>2673252

What is the point of compartmentalizing your workshops? I realize that it's used to lock dorfs in when they go nuts, but most of them just go emo and mope around. The few that do go berzerk are easily taken care of. Is it just for the convenience, or what?

>>2673822
It's a trully complete DF thread! It has drawfaggotry, epicness, humor and a handfull of WTF.

>>2673187
If nothing else you're proving the name to be apt.

Let's see if I can bump this thread.
Everything on front side is worthless at the moment.

>>2673315
Style.

My dorfs all just rushed outside to drag stuff to the trade depot and all started vomiting everywhere.

What happen!

>>2678792
Clean fortress in not a fortress.
Entrance can be either covered in vomit or permanently closed.

archive, now

>>2678792

Acclimatised to caves. Daylight=bright
ARGHH GUYS WHATS THAT SHINY DISC, MY EYES ARE BLUGHAGHGAHGAHSLDBASHFLBSAFJABVF

OP here.

Holy shit, why is this thread still alive?

>>2678885
Because of fucking epic self-flooding dragon.

>>2678894
Thanks to him, my only source of water during the winter was destroyed, which of course caused about five deaths, which made A LOT of people unhappy.

Right now, I'm fearing for my fortress as everyone is feeling pretty shitty, especially the nobles, but they always do.

God, this aftermath... it's neverending.

her*

>>2678867
This happens to me occasionally.

>>2678867
Fuck, I pissed myself laughing. Brb, changing trousers.

I just noticed my fort's name is 'Rapelabored'.

God damn it. I knew trying to colonize on a Terrifying desert was going to be a bad idea.

>>2679266
That's okay, my last two were Hammeredanus and Rapeforge.

>>2679271
>Hammeredanus

How did that one work out?

>>2679281
Survived for two years before a really popular noble got pissed off and tantrumed because nobody made 30 crystal glass dildoes or something. I mentioned it in another thread the other day. The original expedition leader was one of the last ones to lose it. Right in the middle of a crowd of children, which he used his legendary hammerdwarf abilities he gained from a string of Goblin sieges and antman raids to knock children into the nearby magma pool. He even picked up a couple and actively moved them over to the magma, and drop them in.

>>2679299
epic.

Right now I'm going to mess with Rapelabored for a while, and then go back to Buzzardlove v.2: This time we have zombies.

Which is refreshing actually. I mean, we still had yearly casualties due to the hordes of undead (especially those fucking Cave Swallowmen) but they were all skeletal. All of them.

Even the fucking troglodyte tribes, with their undead troll overlords, were fucking skeletal.

>>2679271
I had a fortress named Rapeforge once.

It died of my elite hammer-champion with adamantine armour and an artifact steel shield going apeshit after her husband got caught on the wrong side of my noble deathtrap.

I had 120+ dorfs. All died.

Nowadays I take SPECIAL care to keep my champions ecstatic.

>>2670004
I disagree.

HOW THE FUCK DO I GET A FORT?

HOW THE FUCK DO I GET A FORT?

QUICKSTART GUIDE = TL;DR

>>2679415
So... how about that obsidian? I hear it's like glass, but naturally formed and black.

>>2679415
I don't know about you but I'd where a crown made out FUCKING OBSIDIAN!

>>2679415
Obsidian is awesomest rock.
It's worth 3x as much as normal rock (flux ones are worth 2x normal rock) and you can use it to make badass swords which are as effective as STEEL ones.

why are my barracks covered in random bits of clothing, do they get knocked off sparring dorfs or something, and if so why don't they put them back on? :/

DRR DRR DRR

>>2679826
Maybe your fortress is a nudist colony.

>>2669842
>>2670202

What Comic?

>>2668891

What is your operating system and game-screen dimensions? I fail at making my screen bigger.

>>2669851
Cool tileset, which one is it?

>>2669851
Looks like a sperm impregnating an ovary...

>>2679849
THIS MAGMA HOLE
IT WAS MADE FOR ME

>>2679949
I read that and I just want to know what happens when they come out the other side. I'm not even that freaked out by what happened.

>>2679943
It needs to look like that for Dorf incest to take place.

So I was thinking of building an underground trade depot to counteract the wave of vomit flowing out of my fortress whenever the humans arrive (it's not as fun as the wave of magma I use for the elves).

Is it even possible to build a depot underground using ramps, or will the traders just fuck off and take their wagons elsewhere?

>>2679943

>>2679975
Can't you just build an entrance into the side of a cliff?

>>2679975

I did this, it works fine.

>>2679975
Using ramps works fine, just make sure you're building wide enough, and check depot accessibility to make sure nothing's messing it up.

Help! I cant seem to find adamantine nor glowing pits on my map, despite the fact that massive tunnels crisscrossing the lowest level on my map and that the site finder said I indeed had these features.

Can anyone tell me how large adamantine deposits and glowing pits are?

>>2679929

Same question. What tileset is that?

>>2680303
You have no pits then.
Use site finder next time.

>>2679826
Dwarves will throw their old stuff away once they can get their hands on some more fancy clothes.
Unfortunately, since those old clothes still belong to certain Dwarves, you can't dump them.

Just ignore them.

Where did OP's posts go?