>>2600504
"These are just formalities. Your career serving the Imperium of Man is well documented, of course, but we'd like to hear your thoughts. Where are you from?"

"Hygar III, sir. It's an agro-planet."

"I see. Tell me about when you joined the Imperial Guard."

Jim took a deep breath. "Well, sir, it was durin' the attacks. It wasn't anythin' like a warp storm or nothin' so we didn't have no warnin's. One day, everythin' was good, an' the next, we was under attack. Ugly, filthy creatures o' Chaos." He looked like he wanted to spit. "I wasn't in the Guard yet, but they got hit pretty bad. It wasn't even the Guard who came to where we lived askin' for volunteers. It was the planetary government. I thought about it for a moment, an' realized that what they say is true. Better ta die for a purpose than live without reason, you know? Musta been about ten seconds after he asked before I stepped forward. Next thin' I knew, I was on my way. I was gonna be a Guardsman, fightin' in the name of the Emperor." I thought that it was funny how he slurred his words, yet spoke the Emperor's name clearly.

He paused, but I raised my eyebrows for him to continue. He was starting to relax and open up. "I was kinda sped through, you know? They needed bodies out there until the Adeptus Astartes arrived. We were told some were on their way, but until then, it was just us Guardsmen to keep the planet from fallin'. So there wasn't much in the way of trainin'. Basic march, basic lasrifle operation, that sort of thin'. Three days, to be honest with you. I heard that the governor got inta a bit of trouble after it was all over for forcin' that through." The soldier's lip sneered for a moment, but he quickly relaxed again. "Still, that ain't what you asked, now is it?"

>>2600513
"No," I admitted, a well-practiced laugh escaping me. "But I share your sentiment." Confusion crossed his face only long enough for to open my mouth. He nodded and smiled again; catches on fast. "Please, continue. I'd like to hear your account of what happened. It's very interesting so far."

That touched on his pride. Another good thing to get people to open up. Make them feel more worthy than they really are. Compliments are good for that.

"Well, see, we ended up bein' stationed near the line. It wasn't easy, you know? We all knew that eventually those mutants would break through, destroy the town, then head our way. The lieutenant... he wasn't too good about keepin' secrets like that. He was scared, and let thin's slip."

"Were you scared, Jim?" I had to work to make myself sound as pleasant as possible. Just curious about his story.

"Yeah," he said slowly. "Yeah, I was. But that made me mad, too. I saw guys more scared than me, and they weren't even recitin' the fear incantation. That's what made me mad. I said it out loud once and only once. That's all I needed. The other guys... They didn't know, you know? After that, I set myself to work. I ain't no heretic, and if the guys in charge aren't gonna give me somethin' to do, then by the Emperor, I'm gonna find somethin' myself." He paused for a moment, lookin' like he had just caught himself. "Now, I ain't sayin' that the Commissar wasn't doin' his duty, mind you. He was givin' speeches, marchin' through the ranks, makin' sure everybody knew that we were fightin'. For the Emperor, for our homes, for humanity. Those that looked like they were gonna change their minds about bein' guardsmen... Well, they were found wantin'."

"I understand," I said reassuringly. "There was a report from that Commissar, however, that a young recruit showed an aptitude for defensive fortification."

>>2600520
"That," he said in his drawl, ducking his head. "Wasn't nothin'. Idleness breeds heresy, right? Like I said, I ain't no heretic, and I wasn't about to let the lieutenant let us sit on our thumbs. He was new as us, so he didn't really know what all he should set about us doin'. Yeah, we had a nice bunker line, but it was still new. A mess, too. Artillery shells when we didn't have none. Fuel when we had no vehicles. Ammunition that we couldn't use... Nobody had even put up flackboard yet. When I found out that we had plenty, I guess I... kinda asked if we could put it up." He glanced at me and guessed my next question. "Then, as we was settin' that up, I noticed the field outside. Got to thinkin', we'd have more time to shoot 'em if it took longer to get to us, you know? I mentioned it, too, and we got the go ahead to start diggin' trenches. Not so deep that they'd be able to use 'em for cover, but enough to slow 'em down. Got the idea from the primer. Dig deep and the Emperor provides, you know? Honestly, I don't know why he mentioned it. I ain't that smart. It wasn't nothin' that nobody else wouldn'ta thought of once we started doin' somethin', or once the lieutenant got ta that part of the Tactica Imperium, so I never saw what the fuss was about."

From the corner of my eye, I saw Sister Catherine's eyebrow raise. Humility. Most soldiers would brag about that sort of thing.

>>2600544
"Besides," Jim continued, "the good idea wasn't even mine. One of the other soldiers came up with a good idea. She was a thinker, that Lyssandra. She got to thinkin' while we was diggin'. Thought, we got all this fuel that we ain't gonna use since we got no armor, and wouldn't it be kinda ironic if they ended up burnin' themselves tryin' to get to us?" Something that Catherine could appreciate, no doubt. Jim laughed a little and continued. "Liked her, Lyssandra. She was like me, liked to work but also liked to smile. Knew some good jokes, the kind that take the edge off. 'Course, the Commissar didn't like the idea, thought it was wastin' fuel, but it wasn't like we was gonna line the trenches with it until the mutants were headin' for us. The lieutenant liked the idea, though, so the Commissar didn't say nothin'. I think he was happy we was keepin' ourselves busy. He only had ta find one more person wantin'. Good man, that Commissar."

>>2600550
"Anyway, we'd gotten the word that the line had broken and they was headin' our way. Be there within the day. We prepped our lasguns and got to chantin'. Every prayer and litany you can think of, we said it. When it was my turn to sleep, I tore through my primer. The Commissar caught me, though. Demanded to know why I wasn't restin'. I tells him, 'The enemy's comin', sir, and I wanna be ready for 'em. Gotta know my stuff to be ready.' He just looked at me for a moment, then nodded once. 'Ten minutes, then try and sleep,' he says." Jim paused, smiling sadly. "He was a good man. Good Commissar. Commissar Vanderkampf. Coulda punished me for that, and I wouldn'ta blamed him. I was supposed to be gettin' some last rest and instead, I was readin'. He knew I was right, though. We were all under trained and shakin' in our boots, so havin' somebody who knew their stuff would come in handy. He knew when to be firm, and knew when to give. Seen too many that were one way or the other. Wish he coulda come with me."

I forced a sympathetic expression onto my face as he lost himself to his thoughts. I gave him a moment before prodding in a gentle voice. "From the reports, the combat was brutal."

>>2600555
He chuckled weakly, but talking seemed to break him out of the past. "Yeah, it was. 'Course, I didn't realize that at the time. All I knew was that I had to keep alert, like the Primer says. Alert for the heretics, alert on my own mind, alert on the others. It was actually kind of a relief when I saw them; there wasn't the question of when any more. Focus on the front line, line up a shot, litany of the lasgun and of accuracy, shout the incantation of battle... The Commissar, he bellowed fire the moment they was in range, and I pulled the trigger. Just kept right on pullin', too. Soon as I sight one, pull. Sight one, pull. They made it to the trench, we lit the det-tape, and they started burnin'. I grinned and glanced up. That's when I saw it."

"The daemon," Catherine muttered.

>>2600504
"Yeah," Jim said with a weak chuckle. "Way in the back, like a coward, pushin' the mutants forward. Fear is naught, for my faith is strong." He made the sign of the Aquila over his chest. "I didn't know what else they was bringin', so I just went back to shootin' anythin' that was within range. I... I wasn't good at prioritizin' targets back then. If I could draw a bead, shoot it. If it didn't die, shoot it again. Keep on shootin' until it dies, then start over again. We'd slowed 'em down but good, you know? Ended up wearin' out my battery. I was just doin' the litany of loadin' when I dropped the fresh one." He paused for a moment, then gave me an innocent smile. "See, I know that the Emperor watches over us because of that. I know that he caused me to drop it. I know that he was helpin' me, because he knew that I was faithful, and because I'd learned every single prayer, litany, incantation and chant in the Primer. I know, because I'd just crouched to grab it when the rockets hit."

>>2600573
"I didn't even know what kinds of rockets they had, or what kinds of mutants were carryin' it. All I know is that when they hit the trenches, those rockets musta cooked real good, because they started poppin'. Well, when I could hear again." He laughed. "Blast knocked me about but good, you know? Glad we put up that flakboard, for all the good it did. Still tore through the bunker, but kept us from gettin' hurt worse. When I remembered where I was and where I was, I sat up. So much for cover. Jammed the reload in, started firin'. Like I said, though, I wasn't too good at prioritizin' targets, so one got up to me. Went to spear him with my bayonett, but he knocked my thrust to the side. Got a Catachan kiss for his troubles, too." Another laugh escaped the soldier. "Though, I think I hurt my head almost as much as it hurt his. Either way, gave me a chance to stick him good. Just like the good book says, got him two more times, too. Just to make sure."

>>2600577
"Some of the others were gettin' back up, but it almost seemed like they were fallin' back down just as quick. 'Bout this time, though, the fires was goin' out and they was comin' faster. I'll be honest, I thought I was done for. I wasn't gonna go down without a fight, though. Took cover behind what was left of the wall and started chuckin' my grenades, all two of 'em. Didn't think about grabbin' any from the body I was practically standin' on. Like I said, I was new. Young and stupid, you know? The daemon was barely within range now, but I wasn't thinkin' about that. Forgot what the Primer said, I guess. I was takin' out the little guys. I had this crazy notion in my head that if I took out enough, then the next line could take out the daemon. Still, I thought... I knew I was dead as they rushed what used to be our nice bunker."

"Is that when reinforcements arrived?"

"Yeah." Jim grew uncomfortable over that. "The Primer, it don't say nothin' about it, but I wasn't breathin' so I missed them comin' in."

That made me lean forward, curious. "I don't understand."

>>2600581
He scratched at the side of his face thoughtfully. "Well, it's somethin' that I've noticed. Little differences between the new guys and us, you know? The new guys, they don''t breathe. I mean, they do, but they forget to do it a lot when thin's get thick. Start holdin' their breath. When they do that, they forget what's goin' on around them, like they can't see it. They only see what's, you know, right in front of 'em, no matter how downrange it is. Like lookin' through a scope. Personally, I think somebody should make mention of it somewhere, but I'm not gonna question how we're taught or what's put in the Primer." He shook his head. "I ain't no heretic.

"But, see, that's the only way that I can think of that I didn't notice them. I think back, and every time, I'm just fightin' for the Emperor, and then they're shootin' every one of those guys." He shook his head a bit. "Don't remember anythin' after that, though. I only knew they was Adeptus Astartes because the Commissar told me so after the fact. I hit my head, see, and was out for it all. Wish I coulda seen 'em in action.”

>>2600598
“That's a lie,” Sister Catherine hissed. Jim sat back, fear entering his eyes for the first time.

I held up my hand to ward off her accusation. She didn't like it, but she settled down. Returning my attention to the guardsman in front of me, I offered him a sympathetic smile. “Jim, please. We know that you must have seen more than that. Just... be honest with us. You're no traitor, are you?”

He shook his head firmly. “I ain't no heretic.”

“Exactly,” I said in a soothing voice. “You've nothing to fear from us at all, then. Please. Tell us the truth.” The fear was still there, along with... conflict? I could see the troubled look in his eyes. Maybe I was using the wrong tactic. He was a good soldier, after all. “If it might make you feel any better, I could make it an order.”

That got him to relax a hair. A look of hope entered his eyes as he nodded to me.

“You're a good soldier, Jim. You always follow orders, and you obey the chain of command. It says so in every report about you.” I smiled sympathetically. “I order you to tell me the truth about what happened.”

It was like a weight had been lifted off of his chest. His smile returned slowly, though it was a little uneasy. “Thank you,” he murmured.

>The Thin Fa/tg/uy

Where's Astor?

>>2600607
“See, when you see a blast like that shoot straight through a guy you're aimin' for, you sorta realize that somebody else is there no matter how deep you are. So I looked up and seen them.” He paused again, smiling almost childishly. “When I was a kid, I used to dream a bein' an Adeptus Astarte. That some chapter would come and choose me to go through the trials, so that one day I would wear that holy power armor. Childish dreams, you know?

“So I looked up and I saw them. Silver armor that seemed to reflect the sun. I couldn't see the sun, but it shined on their armor plain as day. There were five of them, but that was all that was needed. They were the Emperor's wrath, to purge the heretic and mutant from my homeworld. It didn't matter that the remainin' force outnumbered them so. It didn't matter that the daemon was approachin'. They would end this. I knew it in my bones. The Emperor had heard our prayers, and in His infinite wisdom, deemed us worthy of savin'. When they opened up on those heretics, I felt that I could die in the Emperor's grace with no regrets. But I didn't, of course. I put my head down and got to shootin'. Just because the Adeptus Astartes were here didn't mean that the fightin' was done. They was fightin', so I had to as well, you know? 'Course, I wasn't important no more to the heretics. I was only killin' one or two here and there. The Adeptus Astartes, they was mowin' through 'em. I kept prayin' and fightin' though. Bit by bit, those heretics fell, until only the daemon remained.”

He chuckled a little. “You know how I said I was scared before? Wasn't nothin' compared to when I realized that it was the only thin' I had to left to shoot. I don't think it even realized I was shootin' it, tell you the truth. It just went strait for the Emperor's mailed fist, you know?”

Jim grew quiet again, not quite seeing us anymore. I'd seen the look on the faces of plenty of soldiers. He wasn't sitting before us – he was firmly locked in the past. Reliving those events. “I... I can't describe the battle with it. I mean, I got the words, I just can't use them right. Brutal, really. It's the only thin' that I could think of to describe it. I never knew one of the Adeptus Astartes could be hurt, but he proved me wrong. Seein' them fall and not get up... I don't know when I stepped out behind of cover, but I just sort of started walkin' towards them, shootin' at it as if my shots might somehow take it down. The Captain, or maybe he was a Sergeant, I'm not entirely sure about their ranks, he got into melee with it. His glowin' sword flashed swung an the daemon attacked. The two connected at the same time and... he fell, and it staggered. It almost kinda... I don't know, flickered, you know? Just... It was hurt bad, I know that much.

“That's when the one screamed and fired a shot. Didn't come close to hittin' the bastard, but he was alive and tryin' still. I looked and... Well, I kinda wished that I hadn't. His helmet was gone, along with most of his face. Bleedin' out pretty bad, and there wasn't a chance of him hittin'. Kinda hard to shoot when you don't got no eyes any more. The daemon turned and staggered, and I knew what was gonna happen. That's... That's when I decided to do somethin' about it.”

>>2600638
He was lost in the past, so I dared a glance behind me. The sanctioned psyker was silent, his face unreadable underneath his hood. He'd let me know if he felt any taint coming from the guardsman before us. For now, he was silent.

As Jim began to talk again, I focused my attention back onto him. “I ran up to the guy and... Well, I can't say that I grabbed that cannon he held, but I put my hands on it and heaved. Yelled, let me be your eyes. Praise be to the Emperor, he might've been blind, but he could still hear. He moved that big gun for me as I tried my best to aim it for him. I yelled fire, and he pulled that trigger. Didn't hit, though. Missed by that much. So I wrapped myself around the gun so that I could sight better, closed one eye, and guided it towards center of mass, whisperin' the chant of accuracy. The daemon was so close to us now, I really had to crane to get it aimin' right. With my head on that big thin', I yelled fire again... and everythin' went dark.

“Next thin' I know, the Commissar's slappin' me in the face. Hurt like I was gonna die, but I was still breathin'. The Emperor Protects, right? The recoil from the gun got me right in the face.” Jim laughed, coming back to the present and smiling at me. “Knocked me clean out. The Commissar found me underneath that big guy. He'd crawled on top of me blind, propped himself up so that he wouldn't crush me when he died. I can say that they all died protectin' all of us, but he died protectin' me."

>>2600648
“The Commissar, he got me to tell him the whole thin'. He wasn't lookin' too good. One arm wasn't workin' right and he'd lost an eye, but he was still as powerful a man as ever. He's the one who ordered me to keep quiet about it, see? Tell that version of the story, that I'd got knocked out before I saw anythin'. Ordered me to promise it. I ain't no heretic, when a Commissar gives you an order, you follow it.” He paused to bite his lip for a moment. “But I'm happy you ordered me to tell you. You deserve to know what really happened down there.”

Little did the man know.

“Anyway, after that it wasn't anythin' too much. Dig people out of the rubble and apply first aid. Wait for people to show up. The Commissar made sure that nobody could see the Adeptus Astartes. Never did find out why, never did ask. He had his reasons, I guess. But he made me promise, and I kept it.

“A week later, I was restin' up when a request came for anybody who was leftovers to volunteer for a mission. Needed guardsmen on another planet nearby, a week ago. Maksim and me, we was in pretty good shape, except for the shiner on my face, so we both stepped up. And that, really, is pretty much all there is to that. That's how I joined the guard.”

My smile was genuine. Already, we were getting to the heart of the matter, all without having to ask him directly.

CHAPTER 1 END
TO BE CONTINUED

>>2600616
Buh?

>>2600648
this part needs to be drawn...NOW

>>2600665

This was very, very good. Can't wait for the next bit.

>>2600665

I really enjoyed that. Good job, and I can't wait to see what happens!

Stories like these make me kind of like Space Marines. You know, when they're doing what they're meant to do... dying like heroes, protecting humanity, helping the little guy. Otherwise I can't stand them for being overpowered, semi-immortal gods of war. But for some reason, this, I like. Also I really hope Jim gets through this okay. It's just about always a bad thing when the Inquisition asks you about anything.

You're going to have to wait a week for more. I know what I want to write, and while it'll be about as long as this, I need to figure out some more details. (Slang, lingo, etc)

TEASER FROM THE NEXT CHAPTER: The fun you have with Lho sticks.

>>2600648

This part is full of win. I love it when little people actually do something grand.

>>2600696

I get a feeling Jim is about to join the Inquisitor's retinue...after all, he's a pretty badass Guard.

>>2600648

Damnit!

Had me dangling, Thin, F5ing like this thread was CP.

>>2600698

You...you bastard! A whole week? Fuck!

Regardless: Archived

>>2600701

No, I don't think we'll have such a convenient good end.

Almost 4,000 words, with tons of cross-referencing at my local gaming shop. I don't actually own any of the books since I only recently got back into the scene, and once they understood what I was writing, they were more than happy to provide.

So I apologize both for the semi-cliffhanger ending and making you all wait, but I wanted to post at least this much.

>>2600700
I hope that I'll be able to continue in that vein. After all, this is only his first story. He has more to tell of his exploits...

I also want Jim to end up recruited to the Inquisitor's retinue. He'll have to do a bunch of morally ambiguous stuff that will erode his sense of righteousness... There's potential here.

Hooray! Excellent writings.

very well written. i could see the battlefield clearly, and jim is a fuckin hero.

Actually, can I ask you all for appropriate names for this story? Not just title, but character names. I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around the naming conventions for the 40k universe.

...Which explains why a badass hick guardsman is named "Jim" nicely.

That was pretty awesome.

Jim is awesome, you are awesome, and you should feel awesome.

But I wonder...what did he do that made the Inquisition question him? You know, besides help kill a demon with a dude's big cannon. what went down there that was such a big secret? need moar.

So THIS is how Jim Raynor started his career.

>>2600876

Goddamn it now I'm picturing him like that! It's perfect!

That's exactly how i envisioned Jim during the story. Double awesome.

>>2600845
Clearly he took the initiative and blew up an infested command center.

>>2600876
...I never intended for that kind of association. Jim was just a name for me.

Great, now I'm going to have to fight to keep Raynor from influencing me while I'm typing. THANKS.

>>2600842

James isn't such a bad name for a guardsman, depending on where he's from. It suits his character, were he not so stout and simple-minded I'd be a little put off by such a terribly typical name for a work of fiction.

Generally it's easiest to divide the sorts of names you'll find into three tiers: High Gothic, Low Gothic, and Feral.

High Gothic names are basically what are used on Imperial Worlds, the upper classes of Hive Worlds, and just about every notable figure in Imperial History. Space Marines tend to have high gothic names (exceptions would be the more barbaric/unorthodox chapters, such as the Space Wolves), many many inquisitors have high gothic names, etc. They're typically the sort of archaic, fancy sounding names, even if they're completely made up ones.

Low Gothic are your common names. James here would be a Low Gothic name, but there can be plenty of others, ones shared by real life and ones that are just made up and base sounding.

Feral names are basically any sort of name native to feral worlds. Those are very basic and tough sounding. Space Wolves have Feral sounding names, stuff like that.

If you're looking for a good guide (but by no means the rule) to the different sorts of names, I would download the Dark Heresy core book. It provides a list of sample names common to each of the types of worlds your character can be born to (Imperial, Hive, Feral, and Void-born).

>>2600911
You're welcome!

Jim will die.

>>2600845
>>But I wonder...what did he do that made the Inquisition question him? You know, besides help kill a demon with a dude's big cannon. what went down there that was such a big secret? need moar.

He saw Grey Knights. Almost no one is allowed to live after that.

>>2600845

Jim was in close proximity of a daemon, that's why the Inquisition want to question him: to check for any taint of Chaos. All standard procedure really...

>>2600975
I was waiting for somebody to notice that. Yup, that's one of the reasons.

I guess that I should also go ahead and say that this is quite a few years after he joined the guard. On top of his Commissar forcing him to lie (for reasons that should seem obvious now) there was quite a few things going on in the background. Some of them will be touched upon later. For now, let's just say that this team of Inquisitors has already been to Hygar III, and the planetary governor has been... disciplined.

Kick ass. Looking forward to Ch2.

Fuck, a week?

You should put this shit somewhere I know i can find it.

Very, very well done sir.

I don't put my /tg/-related stuff anywhere but here. I stand with Author-Type Guy in that aspect. Maybe rapidshare when I'm done with it, if people bitch enough. If somebody else wants to post it elsewhere, let them. All I ask is that my name is associated with it so that I can tell my friends that are into 40k (all two of them) that "I made this!"

Well consider this me bitching.

Consider this chapter one. It ain't done yet.

>>2600665
THE THIN MAN YOU TARD

>>2601160
Sorry, too busy being skeletal and writfagging to read books. Or watch movies that while good, are a bit lacking in my opinion.

>>2600975
why not? point me to fluff regarding this, i'm intrigued.

>>2601102
you are :awesome:

Really good writing, Thin. There were a couple moments, if not more, were you had some redundancies, though. "Softly chuckled" or "chuckled softly" came up right after each other, I know that. Very good still.

>>2601440

All Grey Knight operations are classed under the highest level of secrecy, only Inquisitorial forces of the Ordos Malleus are allowed to know when and where Grey Knights have been deployed, other than the Grey Knights themselves.

So any other personnel or citizens who witness Grey Knights in action are either executed or if they are valuable, mind-cleansed.

>>2601460
Alas, that's a major weakness of mine. I caught most of them, but I'm sure that I missed some. I'll keep a closer eye on Chapter 2.

>>2600975

So why would Grey Knights save anyone if they will be killed later for some reason?

>>2601492
I found a codex on rs, I hope it's good.

>>2601581
Grey Knights don't save people persay, they combat chaos. There is a difference.

>>2601642
Well the fact that this one used his last action to save someone instead of spitting at the daemon defiantly, I think adds quite a bit of personality to the nameless supersoldier, don't you?

>>2601642
Scratch that, I misunderstood what you were saying. Who knows? Maybe this GK didn't know the procedures yet. Maybe he felt that such a loyal servant of the Emperor deserved to live? Maybe he decided that someone would need to survive in order to report what happened to superiors. That last one is the most likely.

>>2601581
You know, that's a very good question, and I'm quite glad you asked.

Dangit, I'm supposed to be taking a break from writing, and you all have me going back at it again. Why do you people never let me get chores done?

That was GREAT.

However you write and post the next chapter while im away ill miss it, which would sadden me no end. any chance you could stick it on a blog or something?

what was your other writefagging?

Give me a break.

...Man, I already have two writing blogs and belong to enough writing boards. But I'm not giving them out on 4chan any time soon.

Give me a bit to find one that would be appropriate for chucking around here. Definitely not lj or myspace.

>>2601721
Did one about some guardsmen (including Jim and Maksim!) going to a planet where the marines there were still using Mk II armor. Didn't get saved, though, and I lost it when my HD crashed.

Beyond that, I did some Tiny Hammer stuff. Check each of the three original threads for it.

>>2601740
The Tinyhammer stuff was awesome.

>>2601717
http://thethinfatguy.blogspot.com/ Blog for you, I guess. And anybody else who wants it. Infrequent posts? Check. Ugly non-formatting? Check. But I'll cross-post all of my writefagging from here on out.

THINK OF A FUCKING TITLE NOW so I can put it on 1d4chan without naming it something stupid like "The Adventures of Guardsman Jim"

ty for the blog link, i really want to keep track of this :)

>>2601844
good.

I'd also think a big part of the inquisitorial interrogation is seeing Astartes, much less GK, DIE. Not something you want as news in the Guard.

>>2601773

Speaking of which, where can I find Tinyhammer stuff?

I'm thinking suptg, but i don't know the number.

>>2601931
second

Is the guy doing the questioning a Reasonable Marine? Everyhting is so gentle..

I originally was thinking of "The Inquisition of Jim" but it didn't sound badass enough. More like a sticom or something. ("The Inquisition According to Jim" hur hur hur) Then there was "The Trial," but that wasn't appropriate in the slightest. It's not like I'm not working on a name! Every name I come up with, though, is shit. Hell, my roomie came up with the idea "Waterboarding," but I just sort of glared at them until they went away.

So, yeah, blah blah blah

>>2601972
I'd come up with an overarching title covering future installments.. but for this chapter... well, if it's just a chapter in a larger series (obviously dependent on your plans), I'd just call it something like "Inquisition", something simple.

>>2601972

"Chapter 1: Inquiry".

>>2601931
>>2601958
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/2534387
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/2536652
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/2539046

Also, there's Author-Type Guy's stuffs, which kinda helped spur me on. http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/2564089

>>2601961
Nope. They're just trying a tactic of "good cop, bad cop" in essence. Think of him... Think of him as a smooth con man inducted into the Inquisition.

>>2602008
"Inquisition" works I guess. Simple, to the point, and sinister undertones. So yeah.

Anyway, I'm leaving you all for a little bit because THIN FA/TG/UY NEEDS FOOD BADLY. More (possibly) when I get back.

>>2602019
DISREGARD LAST POST USE THIS GUYS SUGGESTION INSTEAD

>>2602055
Why not call the whole thing, "The Emperor Protects"?

"Standard Procedure"

>>2602041

MANY THANKS GREAT SIRE.

Wow. The marine trying to protect the guardsman? Total bullshit.

Also, the Inquisition is spending way too much time and energy on one little guardsman. Should have been BLAMMED for his late night reading and that should have been the end of it

holy fuck,this is epic.

SAVE'D

Saved too. Also, how dim am I that I didn't realize they were GKs until I read the thread?

Also, what if Jim met Commissar K59?

>>2602852
"Good Commissar, him. A little harsher than what I'd like, but nobody ever runs under his control. Gives some real good speeches, the kind that make your chest puff out in pride and your face tingle. He's a real Commissar, him. No complainin' from me. I ain't no heretic."

I think that the Commissar would have killed him instead of asking him to keep it a secret.

>>2602563
I sense jealousy. What's the matter, faggot. Did nobody like your shitty story about a Spaz Maroon self-insert that killed a bloodthirster with his wang?

Wow, this story is amazing! I cant wait to read chapter two.
Got a real feel for Jim, and I think he came across well. Simple, faithful, but not stupid or blind. The honest soldier, I suppose. One who fights for what he believes with a quiet conviction.

I also like how he is helpful, but acknowledges others' part.

I LIKE JIM! I WANT MORE! YOU MUST COMPLY!

Adding myself to the list of people who saved this. Top Notch writefaggotry, Thinman.

>>2602964
Can we get a drawfag to whip this up? Please?

>>2603108
Whoa, settle down hombre, writefag said chapter 2's a week at least in coming.

And how bad is it that I get ff.net flashbacks reading this post?

>>2603135

Plot twist, it actually came from ff.net thinking people here gave a fuck about its opinions on fanfic.

>>2603108

Commissar: Where did ya learn to shoot Jim?

Jim: Well I ain't never *learned* Commissar! Folks back home used to say I could shoot a rifle before I was *weaned*, but they was exaggeratin' some.

--------

Jim: When I started out, I felt just like you said, but when I hear them daemons a-goin', and all them fellas are droppin' around me... I figured them daemons was killin' hundreds, maybe thousands, and there weren't nothin' anybody could do, but to stop them. And that's what I done.
Inquisitor: Do you mean to tell me that you did it to save lives?
Jim: Yes sir, that was why.

>>2603135
...At this point, it might be less. I was supposed to take a couple of days off for research. Get some more names for guardsmen and commissars, some more planet names, head to the gaming store to read through their copies of the codex, munitions and primer, maybe Dark Heresy, that sort of thing. Seeing as how nobody's replied to my latest batch of resumes, I can't buy them yet, so... yeah.

Now, though, thanks to you guys, I'm starting to do a bit of writing. Don't know how far I'll get before I HAVE to start doing research, but still. Won't be done tonight, maybe not for a few more days, but I am working on Chapter 2 now. (Thankfully, I did get dishes done, and hopefully the lawn mowed tomorrow while plotting.)

>>2603108
Also, thank you in particular. I was worried about that. Yes, he's a simple man. But he's also not stupid. I was hoping to get across the exact opposite, honestly. I wanted him to come off as smart but uneducated. You just made all this writefaggotry worthwhile in my own mind.

>>2603184
I'm not the only one who remembers that movie? AWESOME.

>>2603223
Nah I love that movie. Me and my grandpa watch it all the time. And The Fighting Sullivians as well.

This was awesome, you should feel awesome, etc.
It helped immensely I had some epic sweeping music playing during his account.

This was really very good. Time well spent reading, would read again, etc, etc.

Hopefully the Inqusitors realize the qualities of this guy and not even mention what happens to those who see Grey Knights. They could probably just offer him a place working for one of them "In the Name of the Emperor" and not even mention the 'you saw GKs penalty'.

If a Grey Knight sergeant (Justicar?) makes his last action alive protecting this guy, that HAS to count for something.