"From modelling shops, you can acquire BB guns, but before playing with them, it’s advisable to check out your local laws to see what is permissible for you to carry legally in a public place. If you do use this kind of weapon, make sure at all times that it is not loaded with pellets . Although they are designed not to cause injury, being caught in the eye with a pellet can still harm your sight.

If you should wish to play outdoors, you should contact the local authorities and inform them of what you plan to do, then follow their advice. Most will be understanding, as long as no one gets hurt and no laws are broken. It’s best to let the police know of your plans, as other people may call them if they see you running around wielding weapons!"

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

"When you are comfortable (with just saying who you’re having sex with in-game), you can move to the second level. They still need only explain who and when rather than how and what they like. However, sex and relationships are still part of the game. By picking partners for aruna, deeper relationships may develop, and players can start to form an idea of the sort of other characters who might be “their type”. All characters need to do at this stage is specify which character(s) they are taking aruna with, and (perhaps more importantly) who they do not. This develops relationships in the game, as well as sex.
The third level brings more role-play into the activities mentioned above. Now it isn’t enough to say what is going on, now you must describe it as well. It is essential at this point for characters to take on aruna as an essential part of playing their characters. At this point you can bring sex magic into the mix as well. While you can do so earlier, Grissecon and aruna magic deserve the same emphasis as any other magic. So unless you are comfortable going into reasonably graphic detail you can’t do them justice in your game. By now, the players should feel comfortable with their characters taking aruna and describing the way they like to do such things. Are they gentle or harsh lovers? Do they prefer Soume or Ouana? Is Aruna like an itch they like to scratch or a sacred spiritual union? Do they like it a lot, or not so much, and how do they treat their partners afterwards?"

>>2584485
Man... This is why people that shoot eachother with Airsoft guns tend to do it in forests or paintball arenas. To stop whiners freaking out and calling the popo on people.

>>2584507

"The last level allows you to be as graphic as you like. You can now bring in elements such as pelki (killing humans with the Wraeththu sexual organ) and all the darker sides of sex and aruna. This need not be restricted to the NPCs either.Players should feel free to create quite nasty or sexually predatory characters, (Emphasis mine.) if they so desire. The storyteller is also now able to bring in NPCs designed purely for sexual storylines and adventures. Such NPCs can act as sexual foils for characters, forming jealousies and love triangles in established relationships. Don’t mistake this level for an excuse to make everything dark and paint sex as evil. The point here is that there are no more limits to the sexual choices and descriptions you can use. "

>>2584507
>>2584511
I came

I am so fucking lost.

WTF is this shit?

A monk getting a critical hit on a dragon.

The DM described it as a punch that caused its bottom jaw clean through the back of its head and into the wall behind it.

>>2584532

Imagine a book series about a race of hermaphrodites that are basically guys iwth sea anemones for genitals, that exemplify everything /tg/ claims to hate about elves, vampires, and Mary Sues. Said race is supplanting the human population of earth, raping mens' souls and turning them into more of their kind. FOR THE GREATER GOOD. Women have no pllace among them. At best, they can co-exist as faghags. At worst, just more human brutes for the Oh So Good Wraeththu to cull from the earth with their omnisicent morality license, because the Wraeththu can do no wrong.

They also have to fuck each other to stay alive. Now imagine that it's written for 15 year old yaoi fangirls to the point that no self respecting gay man would have anything to do with it.

And it's written by a woman who calls herself Storm Constantine.

And someone decided to make an RPG out of it.

And it sold copies.

Examples of Wraeththu philosophy, quotes, and song:

“Evolution is just another name for mass genocide. If you ask me. What happened to the Dinosaurs should happen to men.”

“Weep away your world, pretty human, for it is yours no more. Weep it all away in that pretty red spray.”

"The thrill of the hunt, the heart pounding chase as the humans stumble and fall, this is truly the sport of Archons. "

“This is ridiculous, how do they expect to work with these new inceptees when most of them can barely string a sentence together?”

I want to be your torment, enemy.
I want to be your pain
I want to be your shriek of agony.
As your soul goes down the drain!

I want to be your ruin, enemy.
I want to be your rot.
I want to be your cry of agony.
As your soul is going to pot!

I want to be your hell, enemy.
I want to be your doom
I want to be your scream of agony
As your damned soul goes foom!

>>2584564
Oh. My. God.

Who's up for a PbP?

>>2584547
http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?t=208403

>>2584564

>>2584607
Daemonette + Farseer + Gantz?

I'm intrigued.

Wraeththu has had a cult following since the late 80s when the series first appeared. The fandom is especially strong among the Goth subculture, although in recent years fans of slash fiction, anime and manga have also gravitated toward Wraeththu.


HAHAHHAHA OH WOW

>>2584696

Wait, this is THAT old?!

My brain is screaming.

>>2584622
I've read that review more then once, still I cannot wash the horrible taste of Wraeththu from my braaaaain

also "foom"

How the fuck do you even pronounce the name "wraeththu"? It's like some horrible eldritch gay lisp.

Exactly.
Ray-thoo.

>>2584751
>It's like some horrible eldritch gay lisp.

I think that's the idea.

>>2584595
>“Evolution is just another name for mass genocide.
THEN YOU DON'T KNOW JACK CUNT ABOUT EVOLUTION, DO YOU?

>What happened to the Dinosaurs should happen to men.”
A METEOR IS NOT FUCKING EVOLUTION. GODDAMN.

>"The thrill of the hunt, the heart pounding chase as the humans stumble and fall, this is truly the sport of Archons. "
I'm gonna go ahead and guess this isn't set in Modern times, then? Shit, why is it that when a game revolves around fantasy race X versus us tool users, they have to deprive us of our greatest asset while they themselves take no penalties, or are given copious amounts of advantages? Where is the challenge?

Bad system is bad.

WHY MUST THIS EXIST?!?

GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

>>2584796
>I'm gonna go ahead and guess this isn't set in Modern times, then?

I think it's set in modern times, or the near future.

Which means the future would grim and fabulous then.

>>2584796
I am struggling to contain my rage as i am writing this but it is apparently supposed to be set in a post-apocalyptic age, with these mutants showing off how superior they are to everyday humans when all they ever do is fuck and chase torment said humans.
Like no one would remember to make firearms...

>>2584833
So they've declared a genocide on all of mankind. Why haven't they eaten an ICBM?

>>2584841

Humans r dum derp derp

I remember in that review there was actually some sort of chemical countermeasure humans could dump in the water supply that would take out the herms an leave the humans alive.

For some reason they never practically applied it.

>>2584833
I believe it's set in some postapocalyptic future. As for why the humans haven't destroyed the Wreaththuthuhthus...there's never really any good reason given.

/rs/ turns up nothing.

Probably for the best.

>>2584863
>>2584834
apocalypticmind?

>>2584857
Oh a setting where humans are World War Z stupid?

>>2584863
So USA and Russia's titanic stockpiles just disappeared? Okay lol.

It should be noted that the wraeththu or whatever don't want to kill all humans.

They want to fuck all the men and turn them into more of their kind. Hence their moral superiority.

>>2584881
Yea I mean there are still old MK-55 SADMs (aka Backpack Nukes) in the stockpile somewhere

>>2584881
pretty much

This thread makes me more stupid...stupider?

>>2584889

Or ya know, just shot all the space hermaphrodites. They run around with swords.

How do you make a spacefairing race that doesn't understand tech past swords?

>>2584900
Well IIRC a Novel had it that infact FLT and AntiGravity were actually kinda simple things... we just failed to figure it for some reason or another (Dark Ages Destroyed the knowledge of something)

>>2584905
Dark ages? How many cliches does that make now?

This is why we need to get cracking on these

Storm Constantine retains all copywright to material based upon the Wraeththu, or derivative thereof, including characters, locations and plotlines.

>>2584956
OH GOD WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THEY INFECTED A MARINE???

Role-playing can be defined as: "Let's pretend, with rules, weapons and magic."

If your armor is rated double the penetration of a weapon, then you can essentially ignore the attack. These leads you to the situation first pointed out by RPGnetter Belphanior, IIRC, where chainmail (AV 8) provides immunity to flamethrowers (AP 3).

>>2585014
Then if we sent our marines to cleanse the filth they'd be essentially immune to everything you can throw at them?

>>2585023

Only if they were equpped. We have to catch them with their pants down.

Emperor preserve our eyes.

>>2585014

Didn't someone say it's possible to die from kicking a car or something else huge and large according to those rules?

Actually it was stated that the Wraeththu defeated the biological weapon plauge used against them with flower penis sex magic, was it was directly inferred they used a similar sort of circle jerk to generate a shield that protected them and the land from direct nuclear blasts.

>>2585619
So Author Wank?

>>2585644
No Schlick.

She's the 50 year old version of those teenage girls that are terrified of sex with penises.

>>2585704
Same shit.

But its EVIL PENIS MONSTERS ARE INVINCIBLE BECAUSE OF THEIR EVIL PENISES!

>>2585714
Someone on rpg.net mentioned that yes, the book and rpg are obvious shit, but when you think about it, the Wraeththu make TERRIFYING opponents for a PC.

The Orcs? Oh they'll just loot and burn the settlement. These things, they'll hunt you down, jam and acid squirting penis into your bum and TURN YOU INTO ONE OF THEM, and you'll love it.

>>2585763
I'd rather march to Malfeas and do battle with Ligier himself than face these demons in battle.

>>2585763

Clearly, if we are to be victorious, we must summon all of our might against this vile army. Tucker's Kobolds. The Angry Marines. Joniass Dragonraper.

This will truly be our most dire struggle.

>>2585890
Shall we get The Rattata Called up?

>>2585921

Yes, with all speed. We must muster before they discover our cave system hideout, lest we not get enough traps set up in time.

Here, Jarvis, take this notice to the Resistance base at Tunnel Exit R, with all haste. We may well need the Metal Slugs before this day is done.

>>2585961
Just pray our Secret Weapon returns...

>>2586040
AIDS?

>>2586040
Where are you Sir Brian...

>>2586067
Nah... Commissar Kharn

>>2586083
Oh, that's plenty secret, that is!

>>2586083

He hasn't been heard from in weeks, but I'll send runners out to search the tunnels.

We're getting correspondence back on the Grimdark vox channel. Ibram Gaunt has already responded, and he's thankfully close by- the Navarre should be in orbit within the hour, and the Ghosts on the ground within three. The Angry Marines have also responded back, but it will take them at least a week to get a battle barge this far out. Ciaphas Cain is unavailable for Emperor knows what reason, the Pretty Marines are engaged on Klepto 4, the Lazy Marines haven't responded back in years, and pretty much every other channel is offline.

...Something is causing a major disturbance in the Warp. I fear we are running out of time.

No word back yet from any of the D20 messengers. Has anyone gotten news from the Exalted or Shadowrun colonies?

So shall we mobilize and begin the Last March of /TG/, though it may be to our doom?

I'm feeling grimdark. A good kind of grimdark.

>>2586156
We're going to send in the EXALTS?! ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?!

>>2586175
No, said the Wraeththu, you ARE the glittery herm boys.

And then anon was Ziggy Stardust.

>>2586156
Pray that Uzgob RokkitRanga returns with Da Shootiest!

>>2586165

I fear it is time. We face a foe more Mary-Sueish and yet more elaborately backstoried than any we have yet stood against.

If we do not stop them now, we may never be able to. Rally the men. It is time for the Last March.

>>2586175

What would YOU have me do? Our forces are spread thin, as they have always been so, and I am low on options.

...If you truly think it unwise, they can stay back. What other resources can we use to fill the gap?

THEY HAVE SPREAD OUR FORCED APART AND ARE POURING INTO THE BREACH. ALL IS LOST (in a sexy kind of way).

>>2586255
Fellow /m/en

>>2586175

We need EVERYONE.

You have the help of the Pretty Marines. We...we are not many and our ranks are weakened by our engagement at Klepto, but we had to come as soon as we heard.

We'll try to keep their attention so that the rest of you can do what you must.

In the Emperor's name.

>>2586255
QUICK-QUICK! WE MUST BE FILLING IT WITH THE BODIES OF OUR GLORIOUSLY SUCCESSFUL COMRADES! THIS PLAN IS PERFECT, YES-YES, THERE ARE MUCH MANY OF US!

>>2586285

No....no....don't be heroes.

>>2586285

...I had not expected this. Your services are greatly appreciated, Brother-Captain, though I suggest you keep your Scouts well away from this battle. Tunnel Exit E needs reinforcements, so head there with all haste.

And be cautious. May the Emperor light your way.

>>2586274

GODDAMNIT, MAKE SENSE OF YOURSELF! FOCUS! YOU KNOW WHERE WE SET THE TRAPS, LEAD THEM INTO THEM! Not now, Adjutant! FALL BACK! BACK DOWN TUNNEL 44! WE'LL SEND A GROUP OF BOWDORFS TO SUPPORT YOUR RETREAT TO THE TRAP ZONE!

>>2586294
Ye-ye-yes most benevolently malevolent one, we-we-we will succeed....fuck...

>>2586320
Is the The Switch Armed? TEACH THEM TO FEAR MAGMA!

Ooh, I have some horribly disturbing copypasta from the last time I saw this on /tg/.

This is what happened

I pull down my pants and expose my writhing, anenome like penis, and bade you to touch it.

...that's scary.

(My sexy bishounen face winks at you, a precursor to what you could be should you bow down to my demands. "Why be on the losing side, my friend, when you can join the winners?"
I wave a few of the tentacles at you, spreading a few wide in a confusing display of sexuality that turns you on despite all logic. "Just touch it. It'll feel good, I promise"

I'm beyond words.
Just because I'm human and worse at everything than you, doesn't mean I'll give into my urges to have hot gay interspecies sex!

"So you feel how I feel? Hush, my sweet man prince, and let us away to the realm beyond the stars..." I run my hand through my tentacle penis and shudder violently, before pulling a small bag filled with white powder out of a pocket. "Let me snort cocaine off of your penis"

"I'll only do it..." I quiver with pleasure as my man-butter begins to flow. "If you give me a blood transfusion."

I pull my shirt off, exposing my beautiful, hairless chest that could belong to a thirteen year old boy. My penis seems to be reaching for you, pausing only for a series of coughing fits that unleash a steady torrent of semen to the floor, leaving hissing puddles that reek with the odor of burning carpet. "Make you into one of us? What makes you think that YOU deserve such an honor?"

"Oh please, my androgynous master! I only wish to feel your blood and other substances courseing though my body! I wish to know the sensation of your burning seed in my orifices! It is the only thing that will save me from the frailties of humanity!"

>>2586330
While laughing at your pathetic hoo-mahn weaknesses, I grab ahold of my magificent penis with both hands with the same rugged tenderness that a fireman holds his firehose. Looking into your glazed eyes, I shriek out, "THEN YOU SHALL FEEL IT! FEEL IT!" Like the firehydrant being knocked over my a car, a stream of urine jets out of the middle of my writhing genital mass, blasting you in the face with the force of a thousand hobos. The fetid stench of my ubermensch piss both disgusts and excites you as you are soaked to the bone. The stench ridden torrent doesn't seem like it will ever cease, the rancid splashing mixing in with the sighs of ecstacy as I simultaniously pee on you and inject a mixture of crack, heroin and lsd into my eyeballs.

As you pour your foetid urine into my face, I pull out a knife and cut off your ambiguous genitalia. As the blood pours out of your open wound, I gulp down both of the salty fluids being sprayed into my face, as I simultaneously ejaculate and shit in copious amounts.

I proceed to hump your oral oriface with the tenacity of a drug-crazed pitbull, ejactulating copious amounts of urine, semen, and blood onto your acne-ridden face. Spreading my arms wide, I laugh as I look towards the heavens and flip off whatever God pretended to be up there, and started defecating myself.

As I consume your disgusting matter, I feel a burning pain in my penis as it begins to engorge and tear into a new, multi-parted tentacle-like organ. As my formerly pudgy, Linux-using frame begins to tone and my hair becomes long and silky, I stand up and expose my beautifully hideous genitals. "I"M THE MAN NOW, WHORE!" I shout as I grab your head and insert myself into your ear, reaching deep into your brain to massage the pleaseure centers with my monstrous cock.

>>2586333
As you begin to violate my aural cannal, a sudden light illuminates the entire area. The world seems to stop as a glittering figure seemingly conceived of pure light descends from on high, radiating majesty and serenity. He looks upon the both of us with eyes that could see through the darkest of nights and the blackest of souls, and opens his mouth to speak.

"Begone, ye wretched, from my sight, and ne'er return"

The burning feeling is soul-wrenchening, and through the pain only one thing could be said.

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW"

You're welcome.

SWEET MOTHER OF GOD OUR ONLY HOPE IS TO LET LOOSE THE SUPER HEAVY!

AND GIVE HIM SAMVICHES!

>>2586326

Everyone but what's left of the the 44,956th Cadian is clear of the flow zone.

...There's too many of them. Entrances J and K are both breached, we can't hold them off like this. ...Throw the switch. May the Emperor have mercy on my soul.

>>2586330
>>2586333
>>2586337

GODDAMNIT, WHAT IS THIS HERESY!

ADJUTANT! SHUT DOWN VOX CHANNELS 44 THROUGH 50! NO-ONE NEEDS TO HEAR THIS! SHUT THEM DOWN NO- huh?

...Excellent. The Devil's Confederacy and the Northern Alliance have agreed to lay down their ages-old feud for the time. Their armies are filtering to the left flank as we speak.

Gentlemen. Devil's Dixie has rallied once more to the cause.

>>2586333

We have reaches Geosynchronous Oribit. Standby. FIRING.

>>2586348
Soviet Armor Advancing!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAW

...Left and right flanks holding. Central three tunnels flooded by magma WHERE ARE THOSE GODDAMN SHADOWRUNNERS, ADJUTANT making them impassable. Only one column made it any distance into the tunnels, and we led them right into Tucker's Kobolds. None of the bastards escaped that. Soviet divisions advancing on the right out on the Field, GDI on the left, and the Nod are causing all sorts of havoc in their base camps.

By the Gods, we're holding them. Send up the warforged and droid brigades to hold the line while we regroup and call up the rest of our troops. We'll smack the bejeezus out of them.

>>2584863
Wraethulhus are the destined next race to dominate the earth. Mere "technology" or "common sense" cannot restrict them from taking what is rightfully theirs.

I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

I... I think this thread has wounded me in some way.

Every time I think this place cannot throw something horrifying, disgusting, terrifying, abhorrent, deplorable and utterly debouched, someone dredges another mound of steaming, rotting, incomprehensible and utterly mind boggling horror in front of me.

That one part of my mind that was hardened here has now been torn asunder once more to bleed fresh rage and disgust.

Let the rage flow.

Rebellion Army Grunt reporting for duty. Comrades in arms, though we shall clog the streets with our dead, there shall be no surrender!

>>2586597

Excellent, the Metal Slug forces have arrived! I was worried the lava flow would have cut them off. Send some of your men out Exit O to aid the GDI, but keep the majority of them here.

Well, with the warforged holding the flanks I've had time to consider a serious attack. Pretty Marines, you shall strike through their forces in the east and clear a path to Hive Cheeselist. Gaunt should be landing his Ghosts there within the hour, along with several groups of Metal Boxes. We can then use these forces to relieve the Soviets on the right and then, with our combined might, strike straight through the zone blasted flat by the Ion Cannon to relieve the GDI, which will also allow us to bring in reinforcements from the Far Realms. Meanwhile, Devil's Dixie can strike towards the Shadowrunner lands, allowing them to counterattack the forces there and bottle these... things into the Valley of Nerdrage. We'll box them into the Valley and then have the Dorfs flood the whole thing with magma from the pipe nearby.

Perfect.

Zeon 3rd Armored Advancing!

>>2586711

I just received information on what we are supposed to be fighting. My God, what kind of monsters are these?

...Well, we fill fight on anyways. If we can handle Martians and Venusians, surely these will not be so bad.

Wolf's Dragoon Mercenaries hailing. Heard you fa/tg/uys were havin' some alien trouble and thought we'd lend a hand. We'll discuss payment later.

Got tangled up in some trouble coming through the Inner Sphere with the Draconis Combine but we're landing dropships outside Tunnels Epsilon, Omega, and Rho. I have a small continence of Cauldron Borne, Fireflies, Marauders, and an Atlas. Just tell me where to advance!

For Kerensky! RAH!

>>2586855
>>2586822

We cannot lose. We have the Emperor's Grace, and THEY DO NOT!

Slug Troopers, to the left flank! Dragoons, to the right! Shadowrunners (where the hell WERE you people) and D20ists down the middle! Guardsmen, take the left and right center!

I can see on the horizon, the sun climbs into the sky! Gaunt and his men are riding the storm in from the east, AND THE EAST IS BURNING RED! NOW, WE ADVANCE! ALL FORCES! FIND YOUR ENEMY, AND SLAY HIM!

FOR THE EMPEROR AND THE GOLDEN THRONE!

>>2586734
No no no! You were supposed to slip around and turn their flank, not advance forward into their earthworks! Now the ratling brigade is cut off!

hay guyz whats going on in this thread

Whatever those horrible little xenos are squirting, it ate right through my myomer muscle cabling! I'm rushing for close range, hoping a few alpha strikes with the autocannons will break their ranks.

If not, keep your distance, my brothers - I'll critical my own reactor. They must be stopped!

WE'VE GOT THE VIC VIPER SPOTTED!

Backup the Rattling Squads

>>2586914

Jump Jet Infantry away!

We'll try to open a hole for the ratling brigade.

>>2586914

[You're ruining my big moment! Zeon 3rd, flow around the earthworks to the right and smash their arms forges. That'll give the ratlings time to regroup and get over the earthworks.]

ATTACK! ATTACK! RUN THE BASTARDS INTO THE EARTH AND STOMP THEIR FACES! DON'T LET THEM GET OUT OF THE KILLBOX- GIVE THEM NOWHERE TO RUN BUT THE VALLEY!

Shadowrunner's here! Sorry we're late. Our damn rigger only knows how to drive trucks and there was a huge traffic jam on the I-5. Street Samurai and mages on the bounce!

Heh heh, let's see how the little hermo-freaks think of our cyber-claws and Predator magnums! WOO!

Rebellion Armored Corps at your service.

>>2586947
sir, it may be too late by that point! where is the air support!

>>2586980

Apparently it's >>2586922. We're all screwed.

>>2586980

Don't worry, we have it covered.

Is that?! YES! ITS THE FOUR WINGS OF SAND ISLAND!

>>2586940

...I thought that was just a legend...

Nevermind me. Viper, you're the only thing we have at the moment that's airworthy. Fly over the fight and clear a path for the Far Realms' troops to cut off these freaks! They'll try to get away, and we have to box them back into the valley!

>>2586944
>>2586961

(About time!) Excellent! Jump Troopers, get around the edge of the fight and drive them into the pocket from the north! Let none escape! Shadowrunners, support the 43rd Valhallans on the right center- they're getting hammered out there!

>>2586962

Excellent, more armor. We're severely lacking on that in the center- spearhead the charge of the D20ists! They're shielding the dorf team we have to use to break the lava pipe, we CANNOT LET THOSE DORFS FALL!

>>2587001
God-Emperor's blessing, air support!

>>2587001

Zeppelin Squadrons, bombard them all!

We'll keep firing until our Reactors blow!

>>2587004
>>2587001

Excellent! You boys get in there, hit those air squads that are pounding our armor! Send a group of bombers over to hit the North River Dam, too- that'll flood the Plain of Reposts and keep them boxed in!

>>2587012
>>2587023

And you boys just start killing anything in the way of the central spearhead! STRAFE THEIR XENO HIDES!

Meh this movie sucks someone change the channel

I dare say, we may not be jet powered but I certainly hope there's enough of those freaks of nature left to feel the fury of our guns!

http://www.care2.com/c2c/people/profile.html?view=contact&pid=791008088

Rage fuel, /tg/.

Rage fuel.

PTE-900 Petey on site. For the Glory of the Brigade!

>>2587009

Oh, we have a little surprise in store for those assaulting the dorfs...

(Anyone with Dorf art, prepare to spam on my next post)

Steady... steady... by god, it's working! They're falling back, the Valley is filling up with their bastard hides! Get the dorf team into position, now! Keep up the fire, pour artillery into the gaps! LET NONE ESCAPE!

Pretty Marines reporting "munitions failures"

we're goin' into the CZ to get some mo' ammo, whose with us?

I am Allen O' Neil, Fearsome Army of Trillions and The Man Who Has Conquered the Stairway of Dead Bodies.

The Dorfs shall not fall while I am around.

Link up with that Monster Tank! Let's push em back!

And I shall lead us to victory

Assault troops, ready to pour into the valley!

>>2587068
Now I really really really need a sketch of the MkIV.

Antivehicle support troops here.

Our comrades shall not fall to armor while we remain standing.

MARV ADVANCING.

>>2587095
>>2587082
>>2587068
>>2587066
>>2587061

ALL FORCES, HOLD!

Yes... YES, they're all in the valley! REOPEN FIRE, BOYS, KEEP THEM PINNED! ALL FORCES, KEEP THE XENO PINNED IN THE VALLEY!

DORF UNIT! CRACK THE PIPE, NOW NOW NOW NOW!

Gunship here; we were shot down on one of the valley walls, but managed to convert the plane to a ramshackle fort.

We will hold for now, although I do not know for how long.

>>2587118
Prepare the fleet for orbital bombardment! I want that place to be a valley of glass long after our great grandchildren are dead!

>>2587121
Keep ya heads down. Covering ya until we can get you evac'd

Oh shit, I've managed to lose my wood. First time in 10,000 years...

MY GODS THOSE BASTARDS FINALLY DID IT, THEY LET IT GO LIMP. DAMN YOU WRAETHTHU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL

>>2587132
Peacemaker Complex Firing!

>>2587121

Mechanized Battalion, moving in to support. We'll hold the ground until they can be airlifted out.

>>2587142
Then grab a gun and shoot someone!

>>2587151
>>2587134
>>2587121

Chopper incoming! Hold for just a few minutes while we evac the airmen.

>>2587156

I'm going to beat them at their own game, Its raep time. Just as soon as I can get some cocaine.

>>2587169
They've Secured Huge stashes... Fight on through and its all yours!

Hurry, boys, the dorfs are halfway through the pipe's coating! That lava's going to flow right through your sector!

KEEP UP THE FIRE! THEY'RE TRYING TO CLIMB THE NORTH SLOPE, BURN THEM DOWN! SPACEFLEET, WHERE IS THAT BOMBARDMENT?

>>2587163

Alright, we're out.

Mechanized Battalion, pull out. The orbital bombardment should be coming soon.

>>2587175
Pinpoint Ion Cannon Strikes In Progress

Metal Slug rolling in!

Wait, don't panic, Rebel troopers. They're fighting with us, not against us, this time.

MIRVs Incoming Get down!

>>2587189

Perfect timing! Slug, keep the troopers' retreat covered! Our Dorfs got taken out, but the Nod forces dumped a massive stockpile of ammo into the hole we dug. I'm going to personally guide an Ion Beam onto that, blow the entire mountain out!

EVERYONE, GET CLEAR! YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THE PIPE BLOWS!

Indolent, cease firing! That's an allied position!

Emperor of Man, you guys were too lazy to aim?!!!

The view sure is pretty from here, sir...

Requesting permission to temporarily rejoin the Imperium of man, just give me a hat so everyone knows what side I'm on.

/thread

>>2587229
Get him a Commissar Hat! Plenty of Skulls and Blood to go around my friend!!

>>2587207

ALL FORCES, CLEAR! CLEAR! ION BEAM INCOMING NOW, GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE IT LANDS! FOR THE LOVE OF THE THRONE, GET-

...I...

...it's so beautiful...

*COMMUNICATIONS LOST WITH COMMISSAR AMAZING. ATTEMPTING TO REESTABLISH... FAILED. ATTEMPTING TO REESTABLISH...*

>>2587231

>>2587240
COMMISSAR!! ALL UNITS ADVANCE DOUBLE TIME!! GO! GO! GO!

>>2587240

Your sacrifice will be remembered by all.

I, General Morden, shall take temporary command of this alliance until further notice.

>>2587254
Not yet! the ground hasn't cooled and they'd be walking into slaggy hermy mush!

>>2587263
DAMNIT! FULL BOMBARDMENT!! LEAVE NOTHING BUT ASHES! DO IT FOR HIM!

>>2587242
Your mother is a whore.

>>2587263

Don't worry. The Martians pledged support in defeating these enemies...for a small price, of course.

>>2587271

>>2587240

Hearing the screams of my chosen falling in service I can stand idle no longer. Faithful and Heretic alike prepare yourselves, we end this with one final stroke.

Even as the fallen join our ranks we must not let our resolve waver, all are considered amongst the faithful if they are willing to remain pure in their hatred.

Even if we all die today we will do so with the throats of our enemy's firmly clenched in our cold dead hands. Steel your reserves and load your last laspacks, I shall lead us to victory... or a glorious death.

>>2587298

We and our Martian allies shall stand by you in this final hour.

>>2587240

*...FAILED. ATTEMPTING COMMUNICATION ON VOX CHANNEL 37. ATTEMPTING TO REESTABLISH... CONNECTION ESTABLISHED. SYNCING VOICE... SYNCED. FLATTENING MODULATION... CHANNEL STREAM SECURE. OPENING CHANNEL.*

... *NO RESPONSE. SENDING SUBSONIC SIGNAL.*

...*cough* *cough* Ohhh, by the Aquila... just... just let me sleep...

*INCREASING SIGNAL STRENGTH*

GYAAARRAAAGAH STOP THE NOISE STOP THE NOISE STOP THE NOISE IT HUUUUUUURTS- ohhh, praise the Throne. *SIGNAL ENDED. COMMISSAR REVIVED*

Ugh. Yes, yes, is anyone listening? I'm alive... barely. I think I'm lying in about a quarter inch of my own blood.

...I'm... I'm in the ruins of the old GDI armory, on the eastern lip of the Valley. I think my inbuilt eyecam link is still working... ...see, the lava's flowing by about three inches from my hat... Okay, if you don't have some kind of medevac on the way already, MOVE your asses, please.

...Good... good job, boys. We won. We saved our home. *sigh*...

*COMMISSAR AMAZING HAS FALLEN UNCONSCIOUS. MONITORING LIFE SIGNS.*

>>2587298
We stand by your side, most holy Emperor!

Battle-Brothers! Join us now, in what may be our final prayer!

"I am the hammer, I am the right hand of my Emperor, the instrument of His will, the gauntlet about His fist, the tip of His spear, the edge of His sword..."

>>2587330

Oddly enough your men seem to be just as durable as my Imperial Guardsmen.

>>2587342

You mean they die with little or no provocation?

I agree completely. Though, they do make fearsome warriors in numbers, especially with *ahem* zombification.

ANGRY MARINES, REPORTING IN! WE ARE HERE AND WE ARE PISSED!

KILL THE COCKSMOKING CUMFILLED CUNTMUG DOUBLENIGGER KIKELORDS!

>>2587338

Hi-do incoming. Come on, stay alive!

Orcone experimental X-Bot awaiting orders

>>2587363
Not if me and da' Boyz get there first, ya puny little 'umie! This 'az been a right good WAAAGH an' now we got more Boyz comin 'ere ta' squish da' lot o ya!

>>2587383

We is da only acceptable hermafrodite race in duh galuksee.

Anyone order a giant crab?

We managed to retrieve the Commissar, but his wounds are grevious and is pumped full of radiation from the bombardments...I'll leave him for you Imperium troops to handle; I've got to go and slaughter the remaining zombie troops we herded in before they break out.

>>2587383
>>2587393
LETZ STOMP SOME HUMIES!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>2587383
>>2587363

DAMNIT! Vic Viper, Resistance Air, hit those Ork flyers! Get the Grey Knights to hold off the greenskins while we pull out the Commissar!

Mordren, what's the status on the evac? We're pulling our forces back to the Tunnels and Hive Cheeselist, we can't cover the blast zone much longer!

>>2587403

He's out and turned over to your men, don't worry. It seems that this situation has gotten...interesting. I think the Martians and I will pull out. Lets see what happens when the Orks run into the zombie troops dispatched earlier...

>>2587399
>>2587420

Thank you, General Mordren. We owe you a great debt.

(MEDICS! Get the Commissar down to the ward immediately, you heard the General! I don't care what you have to do, keep that man alive!)

This is Tunnel Command, with third-in-command Techsoldier Wallus at controls, signing off for the night. Sealing all forward entrances, recalling all patrols. We're buttoning down.

[Amazing here, you guys kick ass but I gotta sack out. Seeya all later, and don't forget the archive.]

Bluuuuuuuurgh

>>2587420
Wotz dis? These humies be fallin' apart 'fore we even try an' crump 'em. Leave dis lot and follow dem otha, humies, Boyz! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Lurch Lurch Lurch*

>>2587429
Air support on the scene!

Agent Frank Horrigan. United States Secret service. Commander Keen gave me a ride.

End of the line anemone penis, time to die.

Lrrrrrrrrrsgh.

Meerrrrrrrrrrrshgh.

Commencing strafing run

Wave cannon primed and ready!

Pretty Marines report groinal breaches to three, no, four Titans. Suspect enemy units may have successfully... *crackle* "No, it can't be enemy action, it's far too beatiful."

>>2587440
>>2587448
>>2587472
Heh heh heh. Iz dat all ya humies got? Buncha walkin' dead humies? Ya gonna 'ave ta try betta' than dat ta stop da Orkz!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BREAK DA DEFENZEZ BOYZ!!!!! I NEEDZ SUM HUMIE SKULLZ FOR ME POINTY STICK!!!!!

This was a triumph.

This is Carter, I have Armitage, Dyer, Pickman, Danforth, West, and both of the Peaslees with me in the Miskatonic library.

We've located a passage in the fabled Pnakotic Fragments that appears to have been left deliberately for us to find. The molecular structure of the drug that will selectively exterminate Wraethlu is depicted with startling accuracy, and we are addressed by name *in a document over a hundred million years old.*

My assistant is broadcasting the formula to all units by wireless as we speak; I must now retire to my study and hope that a stiff brandy soothes my terrifying awareness of the seething vortex of time, the mere mention of which is paralysing.

>>2587497
*Each of the zombies killed in close combat releases sprays of corrosives and mutagens that are able to create other zombies, and the zombie soldiers leap at the Orks and explode, showering them in gouts of gore and corrosives and mutagens whenever they get too close*

>>2587519

Blrrrrrrrrgh.

...make it in time? Ambushed in transit.
Giga wave cannon, Leo Force Dx, Psy bit +, 6-way homing misisles, and what's left of the Bydo Empire hot on my tail.

*You forget that Orks reproduce by releasing spores. Those spores grow at a rapid rate, so for every zombie Ork produced, another battle-ready Ork takes its place*

Meanwhile...

CHOP DEM UP INTA TINY BITS, BOYZ!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>2587519
THE TIME FOR FLESH HAS ENDED

Such a legendary battle requires... a legendary soldier.

Can't hit us up here you undead pieces of shit!

Hi guys what's going on in this thread?

>>2587528
A ton of napalm ought to fix that ugly sonuvabitch

It's amazing how many people show up after the battle is over.

Battle's over?

>>2587609
>>2587429
>>2587338

As far as I can tell, except for the few zombies that the orks decided to brawl with.

War is NEVER OVER.

hooray

Battle's over.

PARTY HARD.

Image limit reached.

The war is finally over.

>>2587687
I don't know what the hell just happened, but epic thread needs archiving stat.

Somebody remember to send in the Sisters of Battle to purify the battleground. After this battle, it needs all the extra purification it can get.

Oh my GOD you are all such fucking faggots.

>>2587915

Thank you for your opinion, call again later.

And to all of you "faggots" who participated in this shit: you guys aren't just awesome, you're JAWESOME. Roleplay threads almost never turn out well, but this one kicked ass in copious amounts.

Thank you all for coming. And don't forget to cast your vote for this demented mass of text at the archive.

The war may be over.

But the price of peace is eternal vigilance.