Oh my god. Some people say that things look like a warzone after a small child or a tornado, but their rooms don't have blackened craters on the walls and bodies strewn about. Hell, there were even a few goddamn TANKS on the floor. Dead bugs littered the room, with a couple about the size of rats splattered across the carpet. Little bits of tiny men were strewed here and there, though it seems it was mostly the bugs. My eyes turned towards the door. The big wooden door was open, with a few blastmarks on the lower half, and the bottom panel on the screen door was absolutely torn away, and there were more little corpses and bugs trailing off outside.

I decided to go get shoes.

Now most people would just think "lol somebody forgot to put away their toys" in that naive little "I'll do my best not to imagine anything wrong" way, but I don't have any kids, I don't know any kids, and they sure as hell wouldn't bring a swarm of locusts into my house.

So I grabbed the broom too.

Slowly sneaking my way back into the hall, I heard the tinest little yelp come from the archway into the living room, and saw a blur of moment down at the floor. Leaping the last three feet, I landed with a heavy thud that shook the old house. Looking down, I saw a few of the tiny men, in green/tan uniforms, dash under my mother's display cabinet. Like a grade A slasher movie idiot, I dropped to my stomach, my head pressed against the ground to look under the cabinet. There were three tiny little men down there, huddling in the darkness. One of them lifted something in his arms and fired a.. blinking laser pointer at me? It kind of tingled where it hit though, and when he caught me in the eye with it, well you know how I goes. I got back up on my knees, giving the tiny men big curse words as I pressed my palm over the offended eye.

Thats when I saw their friends.

Heralded by a throaty, if high pitched, battlecry, about twenty more of the little men running across the carpet, each one carrying one of the tiny laser pointers. A man in a black coat was pumping his little legs as fast as he could, swinging a sword wildly and firing a tiny little gun that couldn't even go "pop", more of a "pap pap". Even a few of the tanks I had seen just lying there were coming about, floundering in the carpet. Fuck.

And me? Me, mister man of action with all the plans? I sat there on my knees, dumbfounded. What the fuck, really. I felt I was kind of screwed. But then thats when the blue guys attacked.

Bigger and thicker than the army dudes, the blue guys had gold trim all over them. They had smaller guns, but they were firing these things that actually went pop, like those little pop-it fireworks you can buy at the grocery store for 50 cents. They didn't serve to do much but blacken my carpet and break up the army guy's formation, causing them to bounce away. The blue guys were oddly silent, though there was this one with a glowing sword that was chuckling to himself.

So while I was having some serious Advance Wars flashbacks, these red rockets started to swoop out from on top of my mother's hutch (she loves heavy furniture). They were going kind of slow of rockets, I remember. Really slow. And they had these skinny guys with red cone-hats riding them. My jaw just drops at this point.

So the army dudes have wheeled about, turning to fire their laser pointers (which have a solid beam. Thats weird.) at the blue guys, which seem to not even be flinching as they just pop away at the army men. A few men on either side take potshots at the rocket dudes, who seem perfectly happy to just fly circles around my living room and occasionally buzz the others.

Now its kind of suprising, but at this point I've at least got motor control back. So I stand up and yell "WHAT THE HELL!?". Everything stops, except for the rocket dudes. They freak out and shoot back to on top of the hutch. But I look down on the green and blue guys and repeat my shout.

Now, I dunno about you, but when someone 60 times my size tells me to give an account, I'd do what he says. These fuckers? No. They break for it. The army dudes dash under the display cabinet, with the tanks driving behind the entertainment center. The blue dudes slowly turn about, and start to run for the couch. I step forward to block them with the broom, since most of them are pretty damn slow, but the one with the sword lifts it up, and with a big poof of smoke (AND ANOTHER BLACK SPOT ON THE CARPET) they vanished.

I pointed the broom at the top of the hutch. "Don't think I've forgotten you."

The room falls silent again, as the red guys with the jet things on top of the hutch try and hide, and the army men go deep into the recesses of the display cabinet, little murderous men under shelf after shelf of dolls. What a day so far. Though oddly, I don't see any new corpses.

At this point I hear some more high pitched yelling coming from an old shelf unit in the far corner of the room. Great. What NOW? Tromping over that way, kicking one of the spiny baseball sized bug corpses out of the way, I find a bunch of green hairless gorilla-dudes staring up at me, every one of them holding some sort of killing instrument, either an axe, or small gun, a few of them had even taken some nails out of a box on the floor. One of them, who looks like he's wearing one of my Mechwarrior: Dark Age mechs as a suit, is yelling at the others as they look up at me. "OI YOU GITZ!! LISTEN UP! 'E MAY BE BIG BUT 'E'S NOT THA' BIGGIST! OI'M DA BIGGIST AND OI'M DA WARBOSS! 'E AIN'T EVEN ORKY, 'E'S A BIG PINK 'UMIE!"

"I'm a what?" I raise my eyebrows, doing my best to look perturbed. Several of the smaller green people shrink down in fear.

The one covered in metal let out a high-pitched yelp, spinning around and stammering for a second before pointing one ugly cybernetic finger at me. "Y-Y-YOU'RE A 'UMIE! A BIG PINK STINKIN 'UMIE! YOU AIN'T NUFFIN! I'S DA WARBOSS! I LEAD DA BOYZ! NOT YOU!"

Great. Just great. I had a little green thing complaining about how I made him feel immasculated. I grabbed a book from the shelf just above him and with a whipping arm motion, smashed him against the shelf. Rather than splatter like a juicy bug, he kind of just crumpled, letting out a weak "Aaaooouuuuuuuuuchh.." before I jabbed a finger at the others, still huddled together. "Stay put." I growled.

Okay. My house has been invaded by little men who want to do nothing but kill. I glanced at the clock. I've only been up 10 minutes. Oh god.

I needed caffiene. I headed into the dining room. Well, we called it the dining room but it too was full of huge heavy furniture, but there was a large table in it, covered in my dad's tools for work. There were papers strewn everywhere, and I noticed more little men on my mom's computer. These ones were funny looking. They wore robes, but had extra mechanical limbs. They looked kind of sickly too, as they looked up at me. One of them started to talk with a weird synth voice. "New Contact. Biological. Specificiations beyond limit. Error. Error. Engaging biological nerve center. Dear god that thing is huge! Its gigantic! Oh Omnissia save u-Biological nerve center overheated, disengaging. Designating contact as Huge. ATTENTION CONTACT HUGE. CEASE FUNCTION. THE MOST HOLY OMNISSIAH HAS CLAIMED THIS TEKNOLODGEE AS HIS OWN AND HIS WILL CANNOT TOLERA-URK!"

I decided to cut him off by flicking him off the keyboard. He flew through the air, hit the monitor, and fell to the desk. The other men stopped in mid motion, one of them even falling over due to his position, like a dead robot.

Need caffiene AND something sweet now. Almost to the kitchen now. Almost.

On to the utility room. Its a lil room with a concrete floor, kind of like a garage that you'd have trouble fitting a bike in. Don't ask me, I didn't build the place. Like I said though, concrete floors. I nearly trip over something as I step down into the room. There's this floating black/green pyramid thing. Fuck it, I don't want to know, the kitchen is right there. I kick it. HARD. It smashes into the far wall and the green lights go dim. Good. Fuckers.

What the fuck is this shit?

It was all kind of surreal you know. I kind of felt like I should be having a nervous breakdown and calling the cops and shit. I mean, I have about 20-30 army men with tanks, about 30 green gorillas, well, heheh, 29. A bunch of little men riding rockets, some ungodly bugs, and whatever that black thing in the utility room is. So I've got at least over a hundred new residents in my home. I stopped making myself a sandwich and sat down, facepalming. What the hell man? ...Well. Then again, I don't see anything here in the kitchen. Maybe I just had a rough night and was sleepwalking AND dream walking.

Then I noticed the little man in bulky green armor standing on my table admiring my fork. As I stared at him, as if I could look through him into normalcy, his raised his dark-skinned head and stared back at me. "I was wondering who would use a hab this large." We kind of stared at each other a few moments more. "So... you're not going to shoot at me or something?" I murmured, taking another drink of my soda.

"It would probably not do well if the Inquisition did not hear that I wasn't attacking you in the name of our Emperor, if thats what you mean." The little man said. It was kind of odd hearing such a deep voice come out so highpitched.

"There's more of you, aren't there." I said, deadpan in my delivery. It was a supreme will of effort not to glance over at the knife block and see if they were already taken.

"Yes, there are a few more squads of my Bretheren. We are hardened warriors though, and fight like many if you wish to seek a weakness." He stood proud, jutting his armored chest out. I stared at him. Barely an inch high. I could flick him into the next room. I could bury them in cat litter. And they were trying to posture. Screw it. "Are you responsible for the bug mess in the living room?"

"If by that you mean the tyranid xenos laid waste in the largest chamber, then yes, the Imperium and my Battle Brothers have ended many of them." He was practically swelling with pride.

"Mmm. So what are you doing here?" FINALLY I asked the big question. Well at least one of them. I damn well wanted to ask more, but hey, one of them isn't shooting me. Although all of a sudden I was tempted to go back to the living room and step on some tanks.

"We are making fortifications and making preparations to assault the Foul Xenos and Traitor Legions, to Purge Their Taint From The Galaxy." Goddamn, you could actually HEAR him capitalize those words. "Then we shall re-establish communicae with the Imperium and bring this world into the fold. Tell me, giant one. Are you abhuman or Xenos?"

Huh. The little black man in green armor was asking the questions now. I cocked an eyebrow at him, the twitch causing my eyebrow to raise higher than he was tall. "Human, thank you very much. You guys are the ones with giant bugs."

"Your feet may tread where they please, giant, but do not let your words wander down that road. We are the Adeptus Astartes! We are Humanity's finest, and are aligned with no Xeno." Oh god. One inch tall racist black men. I heard a clattering noise from the stove. I dared not look. "Right. Well mister Astartes, so I guess you answered my question of what you're doing... but where are you from? I mean, last time I checked you weren't the kind of little green men I expected."

"First, I am Brother Telnas of the Salamanders Chapter of the Adeptus Astartes. Space Marines, in Low Gothic." Oh God, he IS a little green man from space. "We were locked in battle with a multitude of our enemies. It was a glorious battle! But the cursed Heretics cast open a gate in the most hated Warp. The very planet seemed to pull apart as the battlefield was sucked into in the Maelstrom-" I get the feeling that Maelstrom is Telnas' favorite word already. "We landed in this great field, untouched by Chaos, by the Xenos, by the Ork. Battered and dazed we landed in this great field, but Humanity is strong, and lept upon our enemies like they were nothing! The Tyranid seemed especially dazed, cut off from their Mind, we butchered all but a few as we battled our way into this Hive, which I suspect now is your home."

My soda was gone now. Damn. Now I felt awkward as I got the Space Illyad from Inch High Private Eye. My mind rolled through the implications. My front yard was probably a lego-man graveyard at this point. At least the stray cats are probably gone now. I really didn't want to think about the burial work I'd have to do.

"So there are a bunch of you little guys, and you all hate each other, and are trying to kill each other. The blue guys and the army guys didn't seem to have an easy job of it. Though there's still splattered bug bits all over my living room. And how many groups are you? I met the army guys, the blue guys, the robot guys, the red jet guys, and whats left of the bugs."

"Blasphemy! The Heretics live yet! It pains me to my-" I interuppted him "Ah-ah-ah. Don't care. Answer my questions. I heard another noise from the stove, this time I turned my head, and bellowed with a yell that has scared numerous small children. "YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT TURNING THAT GAS ON AND I SWEAR TO GO I'LL DROP A CAST IRON MOTHERSHIP!" Numerous other green-armored men raised weapons, hunkering down behind spice bottles, not retreating, but not trying to ignite the range either. I
turned back to Telnas "Answer my question. How many of you."

Telnas looked angered, like I was pushing HIS buttons. Goddamn ingrateful little vending machine toy. "There are the mighty forces of the Imperium of Mankind. We battled the Ork, the Tyranid, the Eldar, and the Traitor Astartes. There may have been more, but it was a chaotic battlefield."

>>2564130
Tiny Hammer bitches!

"Right. Tyranids are the bugs. Who are the others? I guess the Traitors are the blue guys? They looked a lot like you, only with big things on their head. And they were attacking the army men. They all attacked me in the living room though."

"Ah... Colonel-Commissar Debriac is a.. cautious man.." "He sent tanks against me!" "Very cautious." I glared at Telnas, exaggerating my frown.

I got up, startling his friends over on the over who ducked behind their spice-rack barricade, ducking out and peering through slits in the wood every few seconds, like a deranged bright green game of whackamole. Getting some whole wheat, I started to make myself some toast, rubbing my eyes.

"You know the fact that you're talking to me is the only reason I haven't started killing you all." I said to Telnas with my back turned. He responded with a serious tone, as laughable as it was with his highpitched voice. "Is that a threat, Giant?" "A threat? Ha. No, just a matter of fact. And I'm not giant, you guys are tiny."

Telnas started to object, raising his little out-of-proportion hand into the air at me. I cut him off, easily drowning him out. "So who are the Orks? And who were those robot guys on my mom's computer? I found some green ape guys in the corner of the living room. And yeah, the guys riding the rockets."

I half tuned Telnas out as I focused my thoughs. The urge to laugh maniacally was kind of strong, so I was trying to put that down. Listening to him though, it sounded like the cyborg guys were the "Scions of Mars" or something. Oh god, actual Martians. Adeptus Mechanicus. Times like this I wish I was catholic so I would know the language. The Orks were the green guys I yelled at, and they were apparently supposed to be bloodthirsty savages, though they seemed to cower fairly well from someone 60 times their size. The red guys were the Elder, or Eldar or something. Something stupid like that. They liked to fight and fly around. Well so far they all like to fight. with only a bite left on my toast, I look down at Telnas, deep in thought.

"Alright Telnas. I'm one of those guys who actually cares when someone can talk and think,("Heresy!" I heard quietly exclaimed from the stove.) so I'm not gonna smush you guys. Well at least you guys. Just know this. This is my home. My stuff. Imagine if little men walked into your home and started fucking shit up. So yeah. And no fires. And stay out of the fridge. In fact, just stay on the stove. Here." I hand him the last quarter of my toast, butter glistening on it. Its big enough that he could use it as a delicious crunchy king-sized bed. "Eat up."

"Wait, Giant. I know not your name. If you are a human, Child of the Emperor, I would wish you luck in battle." Telnas looked up at me, almost diplomatically. I wonder if he's their leader. I paused at the doorway back to the utility room. "Jon. Name's Jon."

I stop in the utility room, and look in the corner behind the washer where that black and green thing landed. Gone, with only a scuff on the wall. I get the feeling I'm going to regret that.

Back into the dining room now. The cyborgs are still frozen in place, with their leader passed out. I peer in close. Its REALLY hard to tell, but I tell myself that the guy is still breathing. He's still beeping at least. I take the frozen guys and put them up on the desk next to him, and type out "Sorry" on the monitor for him to see when he wakes up.

I head back to the living room.

First things first, I notice a bad smell. Probably the Tyrans. Teerans.. Bugs. Looking around, I didn't see any of the little army men. Or Guard as Telnas told me. Much like Empires, I always worry about militaries called Guards. No sign of the blue guys either. Thousand Islands or something. But in the corner, right where I left them, where the green brutes. Orks, they're called. I step up to them. They're still on that shelf, though some little ones (seriously tiny, like I've had boogers bigger than them) were trying to pry the crumpled-up mechanical ork back into a semblance of a humanoid shape. I felt a pang of guilt, but then I heard him swear and threw one of the little guys off the shelf. Guilt gone. Thankfully he just landed on the couch, dazed.

"HEY." I shout as I step up. The mass of green thuggy-looking things stand at attention. Or at least try. A few fall over, others whack themselves in the head with their weapons in a pathetic salute. "Which one of you is in charge?" I growled at the Orks. I realized there were LOTS of those little guys. Like at least as many as there were Orks.

"iz da boss" I heard weakly from the mangled remains of the first one. I was kind of saddened by the fact that he was still alive. I felt I should put him out of his misery. I cocked an eyebrow at the other orks. "Anyone ELSE?"

One of the orks started to speak up but was bumped and slugged silent by his compatriots. I didn't need this. "No. You there, speak up." A shorter Ork stepped forward, He looked a little more well kempt than the others, who thought "Mad Max" was overdressed.

"W-well.. Yoos... Yoos da biggist, biggir dan anyfing... and yer roit fighty... and yoo beat da boss.. eh... wouldn't dat make yoo da boss?" He instantly cowered, pelted with thrown bullets, a few boots, and a couple of the little guys as he said it.

I glared at the other Orks, snapping my teeth in a faux bite. Thats really weird. Its been maybe half an hour since I woke up and I'm already half-mad. I wonder what'll happen in another half hour. "And if I decide I'm the boss? You'll do what I say?"

The Orks started to mutter to themselves, while the prone leader muttered again "iz da boss yoo git". I lifted my hand, so they could see it. Curling it into a fist, I brought it down on the shelf, forcing them to jump as I glared at them, issuing my silent message.

"So... where's da fightan, boss?" One of the orks said, scratching his head with a rocket.

I stared at the Ork for several long moments. He was tiny. Orks seemed to come in many sizes. The biggest one was clad in a junky-looking suit, about a third of them seemed to be at least head and shoulders taller than the rest of the crowd. For every roughly-inch-high Ork there was at least one little Ork, small enough to fit a couple on my thumbnail. The one speaking was clutching a tiny little axe that still gleamed with blood. Or ichor. Or something. "..What?" I asked. "Well... Wez da Orkz. Wez gits ta fightan."

"Like, you have to go fight? Now?" The little muscle under my left eye was starting to spasm. Today was getting over the top for me. One of those days eh. At the little hairless green gorilla's nod, I sighed. "Fine. Go find those... tyr. bug things. Go hunt big bugs."

I kind of wondered if the bugs were intelligent. I was probably a bad person if they were, or at least for not finding out if they were. But hey, science fiction has taught us that all bug aliens are evil... right? Goddammit. Fuck this. "And no rockets in the house. In fact, take those big.. eggh. Take the corpses outside. Then you can hunt every last bug there is." I spun around, starting to yell almost maniacally. "NO ROCKETS FOR ANYONE IN THE HOUSE. I KNOW YOU'RE THERE. I'LL FIND YOU."

I went storming off back to my bed. I needed to get away from these little guys. I felt I should be screaming. If they were all hostile I could handle it better. But no, I have little black guys making forts on my stove, hairless apes doing pest control in my room, little rocketmen on my mother's hutch, and...

>>2564147
>Now I felt awkward as I got the Space Illyad from Inch High Private Eye.
Okay, I fucking LOL'd. But it's Illiad.

I threw open the door to my room. right there on the floor, *just* far enough away from the door that it didn't take his face off stood the blue guy with the sword and his blue and gold buddies. Taking a closer look as I stared at them, mere inches from my foot, the quiet ones were insanely detailed, with filigree and embossing and embellishing and all sorts of kinds of things that make them look way over detailed. I wantedt to scrape one clean. Their leader though, despite being shorter, was dressed in simpler armor. Though for some reason he had two snakethings coming off his backpack.

"Jon.." His voice was soft, syllabant, and not highpitched at all. In fact, it was in my head. Now, I know my various genres of fiction. I know when I might possibly be on the business end of telepathy. "Jon... You're having a bad day. Thats understandable, this is a lot to take in. Now I'm sure you have questions... Every moment seems to beg more. Of course you want answers to them. I can help, Jon."

I stared down at the little hood ornament contacting my mind. Little blue men talking to my mind. Ha. Ha. HA HA. HAHAHAHA. "I can literally eat you." I said, matter-of-factly.

"So noted. We'll talk later, okay?" His voice was more cheery as he lead his men out of my room, all of them jogging in unison with their little guns. As for me, I threw myself in bed , jammed the pillow on top of my head, and lay there, hoping that it was all just a terrible terrible hallucination of a nightmare.

Yo! Post this on 1d4chan's Tiny Hammer page!

>>2564186
Fuck that shit, I work for /tg/, not sup/tg/, not 1d4chan, not anyone. ...Cept /tg/.

Anyway, thats the end of Chapter One. Chapter 2 will be less culture shock, more I'M DA BOSS CUZ I'M SO BIGGEST I SHIT COVER.

Any requests?

>I can literally eat you
>So noted.

OH EXPLOITABLE.

Wait, so who are the Blue Guys/ Chaos? Tau? I'm confused who's fighting on the tiny battlefield of the 41st millenium.

...also, this would make a killer Army Men-esc game. A RTT game fought in a house....epic.

>>2564278
Thousand Sons. Blue, ornate, snake-things on the backpack.

This is freaking awesome. Someone give this man a cookie. Hell, buy him a whole box of oreos!

>>2564278

I admit, I love it.

>>2564305
I am rather hungry... Is there anything in particular you like about it?

>>2564335
It's just funny and adorable. Partly because everything is so non-threatening. But as any sort of story likes this will go, eventually it's just got to get out of hand. Like Orkz making a giant idol to Gork and Mork while respawning, you just know shit's going to get fucked up.

Avoid the issues to them killing the author though. At least for a while. But watching Space Marines fight it out behind your canned goods and spices is hilarious.

Basically, it's the best parts of Small Soldiers and Gremlins.

>>2564364
What amused me the most was the Salamanders getting spooked. Its like the idea of the Salamanders acting like tiny stumpy green versions of the Random Players from Red Vs Blue. A bunch of excitable trigger happy morons ducking and jumping around constantly.

>>2564364

Don't forget Indian In The Cupboard.

Someone archive this. now.

Lame.

>>2564392
Haha, I love those "Internet Gamers". They were fucking hilarious.

But just imagine what the OP could do in his situation. Find out how the materials of his work hold up against the weapons of 40k, perhaps make a wall? Or maybe make a giant GorkaMorka idol? Dig out a sand/ earth tunnel network in the backyard?

You're pretty much free to be an inhuman dick if you want, and then spend the rest of your time hanging out with the Eldar or some of the Guardsmen.

Lol, imagine getting a keg of beer/wine, etc. Beer Swimming pools. Fountains, etc.

Shit would be hilarious because Orkz would wreck shit up.

>>2564428
If you think it's lame then why did you even bother posting?

Needs moar writefag! And more drawfag!

I dunno. I want Jon to get along with the 40kers, not just butcher them up. Except the Nids. Nids have no character, they're just OM NOM NOM. Thats all. No fluff. And before anyone says anything about them growing out of control, what exactly are they going to do? Kill until they're killed. No hive ships to re-consume their mass.

No, this is just shock right now.

I find this thread to be dangerously heretical...

>>2564512
..Its not fapfiction though

you need to describe the horror of the AdMech as they begin to surf the internet, finding all the secrets to the machines there for all to find and know. And then stumble across 4chan.

>I find this thread to be heretically awesome.

I would buy this book.

Write it.

this is awesome and you should feel awesome

>>2564569
I would pay to see this movie. Write the script!

This deserves to be made into a game.

Orkz making stuff outta scap, Spice Rack battles for control of the Oregano. The Eldar setting up giant rows of domino's and Lego Forts...

Tinyhammer, Booya!! Good to see you back ATG, but didn't you post this one the other day??

Awesome! I was worried I'd missed this. Thanks man!

>>2564762
I would invent holodeck technology to see this made. Code the program!

>>2564553
They would then find this thread, causing the universe to disintergrate

>>2564553
4chan would scar the most battle-hardened soldier in their ranks...especially if they stumble upon /b/ or /d/ first.
Actually, they'd probably think /d/ would be nothing but HERESY and xenos porn.

>>2564806
The last two posts are new. I'll be typing up more tomorrow, but for now, bed

Factions:
Thousand Sons
Nids
Necrons
Salamanders
Guard (cadian?)
Adeptus Mechanicus
Saim Hann Eldar
Orks (goff? bad moon?)

I'd love to see a hammerhead shoot at your cat or something.

...What happened to the dogs?

What happened to the dogs?

>>2564896
Emperors Children

>>2565062
and dont kill Necrons, make Jon get along with them too, and Tyranids and Chaos.

More plez?

I wonder what the psychers are pulling off of if not the warp? should have Jon start exhibiting psychic power after contact with the thousand sun.

moar

>>2564184
So now he knows his telepathy works. No wonder he's smiling. It'd be pretty funny if Jon wakes up to a bunch of different factions trying to influence him while he's asleep--with each side's troops trying to shut the others down.

>>2566307
and if Chaos Sorcerer is not cut out of his psychic powers, then Nids should not be cut out from Hivemind aswell.

>>2564089
Your pro skub???? I'm raging

Honestly though, I would buy the shit out of this book.

>>2566834
FUND IT!

I'd just like to chip in some praise as well. You're a good writer, OP.

>and if Chaos Sorcerer is not cut out of his psychic powers, then Nids should not be cut out from Hivemind aswell

The Hivemind and the Warp are two different things, hell, if anything, given the fact that the warp is really turbulent at this time (before the eldar fall) all the little psykers would probably be fairly powerful.

The Hivemind on the other hand, isn't even in this galaxy yet, and wont be for another 38,000 years at least.
It might be possible that enough of the nids could manage to band together and form a mini-hive mind node, and that everyone else has to kill it, but not before it sends a signal off into the warp, which results in Hive Fleet Behemoth turning up in 40k JUST AS PLANNED.

Or not, it's your story.

Not entirely fond of this.
it's just some 40K neckbeard's wetdream version of "Indian in the cupboard"

>>2567472
I find your picture to contain distressing color combinations.
During my work week, because I work alone, I wear the same pair of socks the whole time.
When my socks develop holes, I throw them out.
I really enjoy ice cubes in drinks.

>>2567472
Then why did you resurrect the thread to say you don't like it? Nigger, please.

Moar naow, you sir are win

>>2567472
>>2567496
>>2567498
Oh, sorry, I thought we were trading irrelevant personal opinions in this thread.

My e-peen throbs with with joy at the praises you lavish upon me, /tg/. I shall do my best not to disappoint.

To answer some questions, maybe the Tyranids have their Hivemind back, maybe they just took a while to kick back in after the transition. After all, Chaos doesn't NEED the Warp to take cover and shoot things. Either way, the Tyranids are just going to be "background" for a while, then less and less. There's nothing I can DO with a tyranid as a character, since all they are is 10 KILL 20 LIVING CREATURES PRESENT? IF Y, GOTO 10. IF N, GO TO 30. 30 EAT

Crons will be back, with a few neat twists, exploiting their new fluff.

Thinking of adding Tau in there (They just never got into the house being the reasoning) as a balancing force (No Ethereals though)

Dunno what tribe the Orks belong to. Mostly just going off of what I know about Orks from /tg/.

Anyway, workan on the next chapter!

>>2567558
If you wanted I'm pretty sure you could self-publish this story on Amazon for the Kindle. And set your own price for it I believe.

>>2567680
That would involve people owning Kindles.

>>2567472
sure, this may be true. but i liked that movie, and this story is quite good so far. needs more cogboy story tho. id love to see how they would act with all the archiotech we have.

>>2567558

Rich gitz?
Humie sympathizers with camo?
Looters par excellance?
Speed freaks?
Melee monsters?
Feral gitz?

>>2567558
Loving it so far. Any idea when we can expect more?

>>2567982
Touch and go. I keep hitting blocks, getting interuppted, and getting inspiration for other things. But requests and ideas are always useful, even if I don't do them.

>>2567980

They sound like Looter gitz. Seriously, warboss took an old Mechwarrior figure and turned it into biorkic armor.

>>2569008
Really? I just wanted a Warboss, and they're always in armor like so
<---

>>2568978

Could you archive this on a static website so it won't get deleted?

>>2567558
I can see Tyranids being picked up as pets later on.

>>2569068
Just go archive it on sup/tg/.

bampu

This is AWESOME.

>>2569516
It's really not.

>>2569521
That's just, like, your opinion man.

I'm anxious for part duex.

Rly.

>>2569733
srsly.

gimme moar.

>>2569768
This thread is over a day old.
I highly doubt the writefag is even on 4chan right now.

>>2569782
Off and on. But like I said, its touch and go. Here, since you guys are so nice though, I'll throw out what I have so far.

Chapter 2

It was about 11am when I finally pulled my head out. Somehow I managed to fall back asleep for a few minutes despite that soda. I rubbed my eyes, clearing the gunk out as I sighed. It must have been a bad dream. I'm already forgetting the particulars of it, see? Perfectly normal. I just had a bad dream and it lingered while I.. got dressed.. and ate some toast.. Oh mannn....

I looked around my room. Well at least they hadn't gotten back in here. Though there were more than a few places to hide. Under the bed, under the bookshelf, in the closet with no door, hell, even in one of the drawers. Just to be safe I popped open the drawer with my only non-digital porn source, a Letters to Penthouse book. Nope, I'm good. Though looking at the model kit motors and tiny r/c submarine made me worry worse.

Wait, I live in Indiana, what are they going to do with a submarine? Take it easy, Jon. Deep breaths. Mannnn... At least my parents were gone for a while for a fairly unremarkable yet incredibly convienient reason.

Okay. Seriously this time. Long thick jeans? Check. Shoes with thick soles? Check. Broom? Fuck, I left that in the living room. Thats fine. We're all cool here. Deep breath. Okay. I pulled open the door sharply, eyes on the floor to see who was to meet me this time. Huh, nobody. I listened carefully then, in case they were just out of sight. Oh god, paranoia now? Calm down, calm down. Its not paranoia if you're right. I think thats how it goes.

I heard noises coming from the living room. Heading back in there, I really shouldn't have been suprised at the sight that greeted me. Well, somewhat. The mob of Orks were still there, and they were technically cleaning up the corpses... The little green men were in a rough line leading out the door, throwing the little corpses of men, bugs, and even the occasional Ork body almost two feet, coming close to or directly hitting another Ork down the line, who would swear and yell at the first one, and then throw the corpse on down, repeating, like a macabre combination of dodgeball and a bucket bridgade.

I stared at them for a few moments, until one of them, who was getting hit a little more often than not, ran over towards the offending greenskin, tackling it to the ground and starting to punch the crap out of him. "HEY!" I yelled, stomping hard with one foot. Like I said I've got dogs, and that usually breaks up minor scuffles. Of course I didn't expect every single ork to stop what they were doing and look up. "Knock it off!" I growled.

"Yeh! Quit mukkin about and git ta werk!" yelled one of the taller orks. I silently wonder if that whole "more afraid of you than you of them" thing applies to little inch high space men. Well, I hope so anyway. After watching them a minute longer, I headed back into the dining room.

I saw the little men running around my mother's computer again. Glad mine's safe. I make sure to close up the cabinet my dad's computer is in. Yeah, we all have computers, get over it. Its 2008. Only now there was a little green-armored guy, a, whattyacallem, Astartes, standing on the desk, giving orders to the cybermonks. The one I flicked was limply sitting to one side. I stopped in front of the litttle armored dude. Huh. This one's red, and has robot arms. I point towards my victim.

"Is he gonna be okay?" I ask. "While the Vile Forces of The Heretics were most savage in their attack on the Techpriest, it takes more than Massive Blunt Trauma with a Rating of 279% Lethality to harm the might forces of the Imperium! I have intoned the Chant of Ignition and we now await the Ritual Of Booting." Awful casual with the giant asking him questions. I wonder if they're used to this kind of thing. I step past them, pausing only a brief moment to unplug the wireless antenna. Definitely dont' want that to get used.

The pile of junk in front of the mostly-shut basement door only bothered me for a second as I moved through the utility room. After all, if some of them get into the basement, oh well, we never go down there, and they're all wayyyy too short to reach anything important. Except maybe a few inches of water. I wonder if little men can swim.

I throw open the half-doors to the kitchen, and startle the lizard-guys. What was it? Salamanders. I startle the Salamanders on the stove again. I hear the dim yet highpitched cries of them from across the room, "Heresy!" and "For the Emperor!" as they bobbed up and down ridiculously fast behind their fortifications. I couldn't help but think of the whackamole analogy again, though this time I noticed that the spice rack had been busted up and had now been formed into a barricade.

I started to wonder what they were using as nails when a hail of tiny little rockets, like, a quarter the size of firecrackers, whizzed over my head, followed by a rocket about the size of a firecracker. Great. Little green Thumbelinas are shooting at me.

"Hey! HEY! Stop it! Goddamn little mousketteers!" Okay, snappy comeback meter was a little off there. "Dammit I'm here to talk!" After a few moments, the only thing left of their salvo were a few black marks the size of a pencil, and a coffee-cup sized black mark where that missle hit.

Thats all I got for right now. Soon, the formalization of it all.

I CAME THE SUN!

MOOOARRR!

>>Massive Blunt Trauma with a Rating of 279% Lethality

LoL

>>2564215
>>I'M DA BOSS CUZ I'M SO BIGGEST I SHIT COVER.
I lol'd

FUCK YES TINYHAMMER!

If I had the motivation I'd write one too. I remember last thread had like 30 people writing and it was awesome. I particularly liked the one with the sororitas cooking him breakfast with his flamers. It was lulzy.

>>2571013
>sororitas
>with his flamers
I knew sororitas were hardcore bitches, but last time I checked, there was no trace of futa.

>>2571046
their flamers.

Oops.

>>pausing only a brief moment to unplug the wireless antenna

Baaaaaaaaawwwwww

No 4chan heresy?

>>2571046
You have clearly not been spending enough time the Ordo /d/

>>2569076

Hells ya! Turn 'em 'nids into your own super awesome ant farm! Put 'em in a fish tank, and give 'em a little biomass. Have to keep an eye on 'em, and squish the ones that get too big.

>>2571086
I'm rather glad of that though. Only futa-like thing I've seen in the sororitas so far was that chain dildo canoness.

Only halfway through and I'm loling. Keep it up, OP.

>>2571090
This gives me an idea. Nids loev evolution. Evolution favors the species with the best survivability. Kill only the big nids to encourage them to not be big and toothy. Also kill the smal ones that could also be dangerous. Enough iterations and you will have evolved them into D'AWWW-inids.

TINY-HAMMER FUCK YEAH!

/cruise control

This needs an Archive, either of\n 4chan archive or some external place. So good.

This post is why we CAN have nice things.

>>2571258
>>2571258
>>2571258
>>2571258

This.

>>2571120
But without a hive ship to spawn new nids, its pointless. Attack nids only kill and eat. No breeding.

>>2571238
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/2564089/

It is archived, along with the other Tiny Hammer stories. You should repent for asking for this by POASTING MOAR TINY HAMMER

am I the only one who thinks this would make a great movie with Simon Pegg?

move

>>2572286
..bump?

I always wondered what happened if you put sci-fi figs in the magic cupboard...

>>2572309

In the movie a Darth Vader fig and a Robocop fig are turned to life when the kid first tests the cupboard. They fight for 5 seconds before the kid freaks and slams it shut.

They were the most epic 5 seconds of the film.

>>2572309
Sure, put an entire tau army in there, they'll try to convert you to the greater good, then wage their own little war on the world... oddly enough, I think they might win too.

>>2572309
wow i haven't read that book in years

What koind of heratic lets this fall lets this fall to page 5!

tiny hammer is tiny

>>2572674
I haven't read your mother in years.

>>2571090
>>2571120

I think that's what they tried in IA 5 (I think that was it, the Amphilion Project at anyrate) it doesn't end well.

>>2571398
Hell yeah! Pegg would be great for this!

Awesome...

>>2573918
It was IA4. IA5 is The Siege Of Vraks, with DKoK and fuckhueg guns.

this is why i love /tg/

We still need a pic of that scene with the cat being driven like a Krootox.

i do enjoy a good read, i cant wait till the whole storys finished. still, i cant beleave you unplugged the wireless D: with any luck, the cogboys will plug it back in, think of the possibliltys!

>>2575398
Has anyone of you tinyhammer wrtefags added Assassins to this yet?

Dear Emperor, more!

>>2575447
Speaking of assasins, wasn't tere a min-versio of LCB playing out as well?

I mean, before the Vindicare turned int a coldhearted bastard and all.

oh god, this was hilarious when I thought that the first parts of the story was posted in /x/

still a good story, keep it up

MOAR TINY HAMMER

BUMP 4 MOAR

This wasn't the guy that decided to fight with his minis to free other minis, was it?

moar

post moar

>>2576736
No, someone else.

And yeah, someone already did Assassins. Or at least Vindicares.

And you guys don't know how much this means to me, that you like it this much. But no updates today, I'm sick and keep seeing my breakfast.

>>2577513
Ah, right.
It was the Thin Fa/tg/uy, right?

Anyway, get better soon.

moar

I always wondered what my Guard would say if they came alive...

ttt

Arise thread, ARISE!

To be continued?

This thread shall be kept alive!

>>2581792
but tinyhammer threads are dead now

sorry

>>2581795
Why does the good stuff always die?

Come on, I'm sure we can get more of this!

>>2581795
Shut your heretical mouth!
Tinyhammer shall endure!

>>2581942
He's obviously working on it, he's onto something good, I highly doubt he'll drop it.

In the meantime, thread necromancy only get's the warp's hopes up, and you dont want to anger the warp.

Dont make me dump a warp storm on you.

This story is awesome!
For the heretical love of Slaanesh, MOAR!

You guys do know that this thread will eventualy autosage.... right?

>>2582062
holyshitwtfhax?!

>>2581957
I told you bitch to make me a fucking sandwich

>>2582062
yes

BUMP FOR THE BUMP GOD

>>2582169
Needs to have some MOAR FOR THE MOAR THRONE to accompany it.

This is so gay.

>>2582219
no, its really not

want moar, much moar!

Bump.

bump for moar