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    File :1220090450.jpg-(158 KB, 552x741, 1204173151056.jpg)
    158 KB Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:00 No.2464056  
    You're an Imperial Guardsman, stumbling drunk off your ass back to whatever place you sleep during shore leave.
    On your way back, you encounter an equally drunk Sororita and you both end up stumbling into the same sleeping quarter.
    You wake up the next morning to find yourself alone and NOT purged for heresy.

    What do you do?
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:01 No.2464060
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:03 No.2464073
    Kill something.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:04 No.2464078
    Go look for her.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:04 No.2464081

    get BLAMMED by the commisar for not lining up in the morning parade
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:04 No.2464082
    Check that she didn't take an important part of my anatomy as a trophy from a "heretic" that she spent the night "purging", which is why she was back so late.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:04 No.2464084
    I find the nearest apothecary to do something about my bleeding asshole.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:05 No.2464087
    This is a trap. Good things don't happen to me, otherwise I wouldn't be in the Imperial Guardsmen. I report myself to the nearest Commisar and hope that this was just a test.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:05 No.2464089
    I get the FUCK out of Dodge. Shes probably only going to get her Flamer, and I'll be one crispy Guardsman if I'm still there when she gets back.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:05 No.2464090
    Praise the Immortal Glory and Grace of Him-On-Earth for sending one of his Daughters unto me, so that I might know the peace and comfort that is the Emperor's to bestow. Then get my shit together and report for muster so the Commissar doesn't shoot me in the face.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:06 No.2464097
    Pinch yourself and actually wake up.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:07 No.2464103
    Hey /tg/...
    Whats it like to hold a Sororita in your arms?
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:08 No.2464107
    > NOT purged for heresy.

    So what, no sex?
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:09 No.2464110
    >Get the fuck out of Dodge

    Always the answer.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:09 No.2464111
    Like holding a wall of muscles.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:10 No.2464114
    Go for another go, and do my best to make sure she enjoys it. Sure, we'll probably never meet again, but you never know.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:10 No.2464116
    The singular is still "Sororitas", I believe.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:10 No.2464120
    Don't ask, don't tell.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:12 No.2464130
    go get a bag, fill it with brick, then wrap it in a soft, fleshy material.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:12 No.2464135

    I'm a guardsman, so my death is inevitable. My only hope is to stave off depression by finding her and confessing my undying love. Even if she kills me, the Commissar would have seen to that anyway.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:13 No.2464144
    You're too drunk to remember.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:14 No.2464148
    Are sisters forced to be celibate? I know they are space nuns, but I've never seen fluff reference to sex being disallowed.
    >> Rival Wombat 08/30/08(Sat)06:15 No.2464153
    The commissar catches you, but stops as you manage to stammer out what errand was so terribly important that you missed role call and thus condemned yourself to death.

    With a faraway look in his eye he speaks. "I TOO LOVED ONCE.."
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:15 No.2464154
    I don;t think so, but with their attitude of "BURN THE HERESY! BURN IT! BURN IT ALL! EVERYTHING IS HERESY!" it would probably be hard to get one in bed.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:16 No.2464160
    THEN he shoots you in the head.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:17 No.2464164

    if he didn't shoot you in the head, he'd have to shoot someone in the head, its only right
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:17 No.2464165
    Well, it's pretty clearly implied in the old 2E Codex SoB that Vandire kept them as his personal harem (and bodyguards) during the Reign of Blood. Then they turned on him after being shown ZA EMPRAH by the Custodes and renounced their wicked ways.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:17 No.2464170

    I listen attentively and discreetly straighten myself up.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:18 No.2464173
    Nah, you make a Sororitas come, she'll follow you around praising you like a Thorian Inquisitor.
    >> Rival Wombat 08/30/08(Sat)06:19 No.2464180
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:20 No.2464185

    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:20 No.2464187
    I make her the best damn breakfast I can. Pancakes, Bacon, Eggs, the whole nine yards.
    Then I pray to the God Emperor that she doesn't kill me and gives me a note to excuse me from getting shot in the face by my Commissar.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:20 No.2464194

    Then back2/cannonfodder/
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:22 No.2464202
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:22 No.2464205

    I check my I.G. handbook to see if being a lesbian is heretical.

    If so, I report to my Commissar for summary execution. If not, I continue about my normal duties. If the Sister decides to continue this relationship, she already knows where my bunk is.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:22 No.2464208
    I'd imagine it would be weird for the guardsmen to be doing training and constantly see a single Sororitas just staring at him with a longing look in her eyes. Just staring. all day. JUST STARING.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:22 No.2464211
    Enjoy your mindslaves.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:22 No.2464214
    I don't think you are a girl. Enjoy your penis.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:23 No.2464218
    Would that work?
    "Excuse me, Sir? OH EMPEROR DON'T SHOOT I HAVE A LETTER! Its from a Sororitas!"
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:23 No.2464226

    It's a hypothetical situation, so I am hypothetically a woman.

    I gotta get my fap on after all.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:24 No.2464228
         File :1220091849.jpg-(17 KB, 375x165, Sly_Marbo_Art.jpg)
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    >> The commissar catches you

    I dun care for no fuken comissar mate, I'm Sly Marbo.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:26 No.2464240
    Since they are raised from lolis to be fanatical killing machines with tits, I doubt they would even have an inkling as to what sex is, other than lust = Slaanesh = PURGE FOR DA EMPRAH.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:26 No.2464241
    She could be mai waifu and fight alongside me. In front of me, preferably with that armour of hers.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:27 No.2464252
    I wonder how the fuck I got here to begin with, I'm a traitor guard.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:27 No.2464254
    I'm hypothetically KICKING you IN THE BALLS over the INTERNET.

    Are you hypothetically FEELING my FEET shattering your NUTS?
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:29 No.2464262
    Check your asshole for krak grenades.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:30 No.2464265
    rolled 11 = 11


    Search check
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:30 No.2464268
    >> dice 1d20 Jim Profit 08/30/08(Sat)06:31 No.2464270
    Just trying out the dice thing lol don't mind me
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:31 No.2464271
    Like a corpse, but warmer.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:32 No.2464272
    With his OTHER gun, I suspect.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:32 No.2464274
    You find a small circular object in your anus. Your place your finger through the loop and pull.

    Roll 15 or higher to realize what you are doing before you are done with a -2 modifier for hangover.
    >> Jim Profit 08/30/08(Sat)06:32 No.2464275
    Pay no attention to the guy rolling dice
    >> Jim Profit 08/30/08(Sat)06:33 No.2464277
    rolled 11 = 11

    Damnit I did it wrong, lemme try again
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:33 No.2464282
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:35 No.2464291
    'Ooops, sorry sir'

    If Sly is present in a deathworld veterans list, when rolling for 'ooops, sorry sir', the commisar will be removed on a '1 - 6' instead of the usual '1'
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:35 No.2464297
    rolled 66 = 66

    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:35 No.2464298
    rolled 4 = 4

    If I succeed, I toss them to a nearby low-rank guardsmen for disposal. If he protests I point meaningfully to the nearby Commissar.

    If not, I run towards the Commissar and give him a hug before I explode.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:36 No.2464306

    Shit. Kaboom. I have no regrets.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:37 No.2464309
    They were actually anal beads.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:39 No.2464316
    I say my morning prayer then drink some more.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:39 No.2464318

    Well, I just pulled anal beads out of my ass and hugged the commissar. I pray to Khorne for his blessing as said Commissar pulls his gun on me.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:39 No.2464320
    I don't know why, but that in my anus seems worse to me than a krak bomb.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:40 No.2464325
    Rape the maids.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:41 No.2464332
    Probably because the beads are designed to go out after they go in, whereas if a krak bomb goes in, you have a LOT of problems, the first of which would be just exactly HOW the krak got in there.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:42 No.2464340
    THats an easy one. After I get dressed I just watch what happened in my helmet camera.
    I had to have done something right for her to spare me.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:43 No.2464345
    Congratulations. You just pulled anal beads out of your ass and threw them at your friend. And then you cuddled with commisar.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:46 No.2464358
    you see yourself weeping into the Sister's breast about your insecurities and fears. Weeping like a baby.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:47 No.2464369

    Khorne, because you are so utterly fucked, decides to to make the most of the situation. Your anal beads are filled with his awesome rage.

    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:47 No.2464370
    And what's she doing?
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:48 No.2464375

    ... I destroy the evidence. No one will ever know that I hate my mother and wish I had sucked my father's cock before joining the IG.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:49 No.2464378
    gayer than when gay came to gay town and said, "hey have you seen that gay?" "yah he is totally gay" and then the had gay sex in gay bar with their gay firends.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:49 No.2464380
    petting your head while telling you drunkenly how the God Emperor will makes things right.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:49 No.2464381
    Holding you, LIKE A BABY! YOU BABY! SHE LET YOU LIVE CUSS SHE FELT SORRY FOR YOU! In bed with a Sororitas, and all you did was CRY LIKE A GIRL!
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:50 No.2464387
    Seriously though?

    I doubt a Sororita would actually get drunk to begin with. And even if, by some foul warp magic, she does, then I think she'd be so confused and scared in the morning that she'd forget all about PURGING and fuck right off to confess or something equally pious... Like setting her vagina on fire.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:50 No.2464391
    Laughing. Laughing at how fucking pathetic you are.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:51 No.2464394

    So the only woman in that bed was the male I.G. Go figure.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:51 No.2464395
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:51 No.2464396
    That would be awesome!
    Face full of Sororitas boob, comfort in the GRIMDARKNESS of the future, and I'll bet we ate cookie dough ice cream after!
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:52 No.2464401
    I think she'd just cut it out screaming that every Sister has a heretical, warp spawned abomination growing from her.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:52 No.2464403
    no, you both passed out soon afterwards.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:53 No.2464409
    Yes. Maybe I didn't fuck a sororitas, but I found LOVE. I'm happy
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:53 No.2464410
    Turns out we just talked, watched some movies, ate some pop-corn and traded numbers for a later time.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:53 No.2464412
    meh, I still got comfort and companionship, even for a short while.
    I thank the God Emperor for bestowing these gifts unto me.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:56 No.2464421
    I go back to my unit and brag that I banged one of the Emp's whores.
    Then I die a mysterious, fire related, death.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:56 No.2464425
         File :1220093809.jpg-(87 KB, 571x710, Imperial Guard Rifleman by Stu(...).jpg)
    87 KB
    Clearly I need to grab my lasrifle and go search for her. I will ignore all my duties and avoid imperial presence. When I find her, I will wait for an opportune time and fire my weapon at her head. With her dead, I will put the weapon in my mouth and pull the trigger.

    Heresy averted.

    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:57 No.2464428
         File :1220093836.jpg-(15 KB, 196x300, imperialguard.jpg)
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    You're a Sororitas, stumbling drunk off your ass back to your abbey.
    On your way back, you encounter an equally drunk Imperial Guardsman and you both end up stumbling into his sleeping quarters.
    You wake up the next morning to find yourself alone and no signs of having purged heretics.

    What do you do?
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:57 No.2464430
    No, you found PITY.

    Trust me when I say there is a quite a difference.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:58 No.2464436
    Burn the place down.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)06:59 No.2464441

    I consider the circumstances carefully. There's a twenty-five percent chance that the guardsman is already dead and that I've already spread his ashes. On the other hand...
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:00 No.2464444
    Kill everything that isn't one of your Holy Sisters within a 500km radius. Fire is always the answer.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:00 No.2464446
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:00 No.2464447
    do I still have pants on?
    If not, I pray he did NOT record it.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:01 No.2464454

    You are praised for being thorough in averting heresy, then strapped into a Penitent Engine for wasting the God Emperor of Mankind's resources.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:03 No.2464458
    instead of toast, you find pancakes, eggs, and bacon. along with an IG praying you don't kill him and you give him a note excusing him from being shot in the face.
    >> Techpriest 08/30/08(Sat)07:03 No.2464460
    If I were a guardsman, I'd thank the Emprah for blessing me with some action, then get to morning parades double time.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:03 No.2464464

    The only thing you have on are purity seals, which seem oddly tarnished.
    >> Androgynous Knight of Xom ♥ 08/30/08(Sat)07:03 No.2464465
    I die from joy on the spot..

    Sigh.. Sisters of Battle..

    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:05 No.2464469
    At least we used protection.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:07 No.2464486
    At least it wasn't one of those Frat Boy Space Marines!
    >> Psyker 08/30/08(Sat)07:08 No.2464487
    Thank my Inquisitor.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:08 No.2464488
    There were victory celebrations, that much I can remember. The sort of debased, bottom-scraping indulgences they never let us have back before we became traitors. The alcohol flowed, and if some guy or girl in the Rivers strayed too far from a group they usually disappeared. Then the blood and other body fluids flowed.

    I woke up on some busted old bed in the remains of what was the Planetary Governor's palace, some of my blood-and-filth encrusted clothes half-draped out a nearby window. My head was ringing and as I groaned and rolled to my left, I came eye to eye with what I thought was one of those Sororitas. For a moment my heart skipped a few beats, and I damn near made a mess of the sheets.

    It all came back slowly. She was one of those holy ladies once, but she realized she liked burning and cutting things more than actually praying. Now she was just like me, only with more tattoos to Khorne and a rusty nail put through her lip.

    "Hey there beast" that fallen lady grinned, before kissing me on the cheek and giving me a big ol' scar in the process with her 'jewellery', "You guys were phenomenal"

    "'You guys'?" I groaned out, whilst rubbing my cheek. It was then I became aware of a shuffling behind me, and hurriedly I rolled over.

    There was Khârn, still in full armour, reading a newspaper that was a week old, a cigarette jammed in his helmet's respirator.

    "Heck of a lay" the fallen sister remarked.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:09 No.2464492

    Kharn: He's an alright guy
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:11 No.2464499
    Kharn, too manly for pussy cigarettes.
    >> Random Death Star-Sized Sapient Disco Ball of Tzeentch !4T1uHiOuyE 08/30/08(Sat)07:11 No.2464501
    Oh Kharn!

    *laugh track*
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:11 No.2464504

    Fist bump with Kharn, FIST BUMP WITH KHARN
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:12 No.2464505
    That scene will forever be etched on the insides of my eyelids.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:13 No.2464508
    Warhammer 40,000 is filmed before a live studio audience.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:16 No.2464515

    I wish I were a drawfag so I could immortalize this...
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:16 No.2464517

    You fist bump with Kharn, shattering your arm. After putting his cigar out in your eye, he suggests you go get him a cup of coffee while he finishes this bitch off.
    >> Psyker 08/30/08(Sat)07:16 No.2464518
         File :1220094976.gif-(787 KB, 480x360, 1202483127466.gif)
    787 KB
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:18 No.2464530


    >> Techpriest 08/30/08(Sat)07:19 No.2464533
    And he doesn't have his own variety hour show WHY exactly?!
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:20 No.2464538
         File :1220095224.jpg-(385 KB, 912x1068, WH40KKharnwriterandLofn.jpg)
    385 KB
    I wrote it, and I'm not even going to bother thinking about how the whole thing came about. It's one of those things, I guess. One of those glorious things.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:22 No.2464548

    It's Kharn and Unnamed Traitor Guard. This shit just kind of happens when they get together.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:24 No.2464556

    It's called genius, my friend.

    It's called genius.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:24 No.2464557
    I dunno, UTG's performance this season isn't nearly as good as last season.
    Maybe its because he's no longer new to chaos, but i dunno, I like him better as a bumbling new guy.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:25 No.2464560
    And then after that it's a quick visit to whomever is the Red Rivers medic at the time.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:26 No.2464562

    Well done, regardless.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:28 No.2464575
         File :1220095724.jpg-(79 KB, 742x685, 1219299143338.jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:32 No.2464594
    I would slide it more in with the other side of genuis. Madness. Mind rotting madness.

    Can you really call it bumbling when most of the accidents horribly mangled him and were a direct result of Kharn encouraging him with nudges and high fives?
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:34 No.2464604
    Kharn may be a heck of a guy, but you can't trust him to have YOUR best interests at heart.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:34 No.2464608
    Yeah, the guy is more of just Joe Average who happens to work for Chaos, and amazingly lucky in that Kharn has not chosen to kill him so far.

    I'm sure the rest of the Red Rivers company would give him shit about being a bootlicker if any of them lived long enough.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:37 No.2464616
    Idiots, Imperials didn't have that much stuff like alcohol or whatnot, and especially not guardsmen or sororitas. - -'
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:38 No.2464621
    Oh, they like the big guy too. I mean, you can't get much more of an honest guy than Kharn. He's never a dick about being superior to them, he wears his heart on his giant chain-axe, and if he kills you? You just got eviscerated by THE champion of Khorne. That's a big deal! Most Traitor Guardsmen die of worse or in ignominious circumstances.
    >> Psyker 08/30/08(Sat)07:38 No.2464624
    >>2464616- -'

    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:40 No.2464628

    Who needs alcohol when you have THE EMPRAH! I don't drink because I enjoy it, I drink because I want to escape from reality... a reality devoid of chainswords and galactic genocide.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:44 No.2464645
    Sure they do! How else do you explain Commissars in tanks waving their chainswords around from the turret hatch?
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:47 No.2464655

    Ever heard the phrase "drunk with rage?" Well, sometimes it's literal.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)07:52 No.2464671
         File :1220097144.jpg-(626 KB, 1280x1910, The Redeemer (2002) (Minutemen(...).jpg)
    626 KB
    I always thought it was drunk with SLAUGHT.
    >> Psyker 08/30/08(Sat)07:54 No.2464676
    Few people know this, but actually Commissars possess what is known as the 'Pure Awesome' gene.

    Sorta like the Pariah gene, but not disgusting beyond words. It allows them to do shit that, no matter how stupid, will always seem incredibly awesome.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)08:01 No.2464699
    oh five stars, old pasta made new, praise the gods
    >> Telvanni Wizard 08/30/08(Sat)08:01 No.2464700
    I head-butt her.
    I've always wanted to head-butt a Sororitas, just to see the surprised look on their face when they oh-so-delicately touch their busted lip.
    "How the fuck... oh, right... no Iron Halo"
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)08:09 No.2464729
    Enjoy your death at the hands of battle hardened muscle girl.
    >> Techpriest 08/30/08(Sat)08:15 No.2464752
    We're currently working on getting that gene extracted and implanted into guard forces, to improve combat effectiveness.
    >> Telvanni Wizard 08/30/08(Sat)08:22 No.2464777
    Two Words: Worth It.
    I mean, fuck I'm a guard right? Need mah lulz.
    >> Etna Is My Wife !rwTzXYi3BQ 08/30/08(Sat)08:26 No.2464793
    First off I'd be a Chaos cultist or a Techmarine .

    Second I'd do her up the ass and keep her on a collar for more great loving.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)08:41 No.2464847
    I'd make sure the leash attached to the collar was both short and attached to something firmly staked into the ground, if I were you.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)08:46 No.2464870
    So I roll out of the bunk and try to stand, which is difficult because at this point my pelvis is like so much gravel. So of course I fall over and Kharn gets a big laugh out of it, not being a dick about it or anything, just laughing so hard that the cigarettes jammed into his helmet's grille shoot across the room.

    Nice thing about being shot through the arm with a cigarette is that aside from the ash it's essentially a self healing wound.

    Anyway, so as I'm stumbling across the room to find some tweezers so I can pull Kharn's cigarette butt out of my bicep I nearly slip on an Imperial issue rubber. i figure it's gotta be mine but when I go to pick it up Kharn grunts, points to a tied off trash bag over in the corner and jerks his thumb at the door.

    So I hall my jacket and the trash bag outside. Thing must have weighed a good 40 pounds. Always a little tidy I opened up the bag to toss in my rubber and be done with it.

    The Rivers medic at the time couldn't tell me how exactly those nurglings got into the bag, only that I probably should have guessed that Kharn uses double reinforced trash sacks as condoms before I opened the damned thing. Popular theory is that they weren't even nurglings, just Ol' Kharn's sperm spoiling for a fight as soon as they got out.

    Sure enough the big Red Guy came in through the back wall of he infirmary a couple days later. Shook my hand and told me how sorry he was about the whole thing. It does the Rivers medics real credit that they managed to reattach my arm so quickly. That Kharn, he's a heck of a guy...
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)08:50 No.2464882

    Ever considered she might actually like it to the point of keeping you alive just so she has something to "relieve tension" with?
    >> Psyker 08/30/08(Sat)08:50 No.2464884
         File :1220100653.jpg-(8 KB, 251x247, 1214527993572.jpg)
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    Though I sorta feel sorry for Chaos Sororita's vagina... Or arse. Kharn strikes me as a 'strait through the back-door' kinda guy.
    >> Techpriest 08/30/08(Sat)08:51 No.2464885
    God I hope so. I could show her my mechandrites if you know what I mean
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)08:53 No.2464893
    She stumbles in, dancing the giddily abstracted hop of a hangover trying to put on its underwear. She succeeds and, righting herself, turns to see that you're looking up at her through bleary eyes. "Umm.. Ave, fellow soul-before-the-Emperor. ...You're awake." A little stunned at the redundancy of her own greeting she wobbles and promptly sits down on the end of the bed. There is a long pause. The Hive-dock still sleeps in drunken stupor, but down in the street roadcars and servo-skulls scuttle about their morning errands.
    "Maybe we should.. urh.. you know?"
    "Know what?" you reply after another long pause.
    Under the ruffled feathers of bed-hair the Sororitas white cheeks redden, her hands rubbing aimlessly across her bare and swollen breasts. "D-Don't make me pull rank, Guardsman!"
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)08:53 No.2464896
    Kharn-writer here!
    Not bad fella, not bad.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)08:54 No.2464897
    Toasting in an epic bread.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)08:55 No.2464904
    merely a student at the foot of a master, fellow writefag.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:00 No.2464910
    ... sorry about the smell. I don't change socks that often.
    >> Psyker 08/30/08(Sat)09:01 No.2464914
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    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:01 No.2464915
    Ah, the morning-after round II fuck. The socially acceptable way to express gratitude you didn't bring home someone hideous.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:05 No.2464923
    >The socially acceptable way to express gratitude you didn't bring home someone hideous.
    Also an equally acceptable way to express relief.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:07 No.2464926
    Same kind of feeling.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:07 No.2464927
    I wake up to find I am a woman.

    The Sororita was just THAT fucking manly.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:07 No.2464929
    Her lip quivers for the barest of seconds, betraying a subtle loss of nerve.
    "I...I'm not trained for this situation." she stammers. Small wonder, a quick review of helmet footage from her Sabbat pattern helm at the foot of the bed reveals that you had to help her through much of last night's proceedings. She blushes and turns away just as the two of you begin to get into the swing of things.
    "What's the matter, you didn't like it?" a little more of a goading tone then entirely necessary in your query.
    she pauses before turning back to you quickly, breasts swaying pleasantly enough to almost distract you from the fact that she's staring melta blasts into your eyes.
    "Not at all..." she smirks as she forces you to the bed, a hand on each shoulder, making bruises on top of more hand-shaped bruises. "The problem is that I think I liked it quite a lot."
    >> Techpriest 08/30/08(Sat)09:09 No.2464931
    Hydraulics RISING!
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:11 No.2464936
    I feel my nether regions fill with the warmth of the Emperor's Love.
    Please, continue the sermon.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:13 No.2464937
    No, you're just standing to close to the Techpriest, sir.
    >> Muju 08/30/08(Sat)09:13 No.2464938
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    so i happened to pass by.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:16 No.2464945
    Maybe it's the crotch tattoo but I can't help picturing her with an erection.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:17 No.2464949
    I wish I could find a lady who would purify and sanctify her nipples for me.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:18 No.2464952
    Is that a...a...

    A DOUBLE flamer?
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:18 No.2464954
    at least one part of your anatomy is ready for drill inspection, standing quite erect and at attention, ready to receive orders. You stare down you stomach, discovering a litany of bruises and scratches making purple backed spiderwebs across your chest. Your eyes follow you manhood up to her quivering center. Her anticipation is forming in rivulets down her taught thighs. Tiny streams run down the valleys between great bunched cables of muscle, a bead forms on her engorged clit and seems to drop, in slow motion, onto your cockhead.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:19 No.2464955
    Just take a mug you...
    >> Etna Is My Wife !rwTzXYi3BQ 08/30/08(Sat)09:24 No.2464972
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:26 No.2464976
    Praised be the Emperor!

    DOUBLE PRAISED be the Emperor!
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:27 No.2464978
    Her abdomen is like a rock, some of the muscles charmingly crooked or pushed out of place by old scars. Her body softens ever so slightly towards her not-to-ample bosom. For the first time you notice red circular marks on her shoulders and neck. Realization hits suddenly that those were indents left by human teeth, yours. You can barely raise your forearms enough to grasp her elbows but she follows your lead and lowers her face to yours. Your lips part and grip, tongues slithering hungrily. Her wet snatch leaves a sweet smear across your pelvis, matting you pubes down as you grapple. Her hips buck and you can feel your cock nestle warmly into the cleavage of her sculpted buttocks.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:29 No.2464990
    What the hell happened? Is it an impostor or is our writefag one-handing it all of a sudden?
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:32 No.2464999
    I think there's been multiple collaborators.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:32 No.2465000
    Who cares, I'm stroking my harbl as we speak.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:32 No.2465002
    Many writefags have graced this thread it seems. Just roll with it.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:34 No.2465013
    Seems to be the case.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:34 No.2465014
    I thought all SOB were pedo's. Y'know. All that shota porn they keep and all those 'new initiates' they're prowling orphanages for.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:35 No.2465016
    It took a sudden turn into tasteless Imperial Penthouse letters, with none of the verve or lyrical quality I'd come to expect.

    Maybe I'll come back on at work tonight and take my turn on the Fleur-de-Lys.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:35 No.2465018
    One handing a heavy flamer...impressive.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:38 No.2465021
    Death by multimelta. fucker won't know what hit him. But he'll die knowing what it is to fuck an amazon! Unlike you anonymous!
    >> Techpriest 08/30/08(Sat)09:39 No.2465025
    Is anyone else laughing at the irony of this comment?
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:39 No.2465026
    Kharn-writer here. Just be glad I'm not the one writing it.
    >> Psyker 08/30/08(Sat)09:39 No.2465028
    Patience, my penis...
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:40 No.2465031
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:40 No.2465037
    You're not alone, Techpriest.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:41 No.2465039

    ...Wait... Whut?
    >> Muju 08/30/08(Sat)09:41 No.2465041

    that is correct
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:42 No.2465044
    actually both, first bit of E-Lit i've ever done here

    You gasp for air and she notices her striving is having a detrimental effect of your diaphragm. For a moment her grip loosens and you push yourself up into a half recline. Your hands wander, one finding the back of her head, grasping at fistfuls of hair while the other clenches at one globe of her perfectly formed ass. She is content to let you tease her diamond hard nipples for a short while before she suddenly grabs your shoulders like they're the Oh Shit bars in a flipping Chimera. You cry out, first in pain, then surprise and pleasure and she impales herself on your waiting pole. She grinds, circling her hips. She begins to buck and twist, moving from her abdomen. You dick bends and you find out why she had so many bite marks on her shoulders as you immediately sink your teeth into flesh. It's like biting into skin stretched other armor plate. She grimaces and picks up speed, her own eagerness providing slick lubrication. Her loins have all the heat of an incinerator beam and her inner lips seem to grip like a suctioning vice.
    >> Psyker 08/30/08(Sat)09:44 No.2465051
    Delicious Sororita, must eat.

    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:45 No.2465052
    eh fuckit, someone with more experience can take it from here. I tried writing from personal endeavors but I've never even been close to rough enough to do this justice.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:46 No.2465056
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:46 No.2465057
    I will admit they look fairly similar from the side, but come on, you even drew flames coming from it.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:46 No.2465058
    >Oh Shit bars
    Got me laughing pretty hard.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:46 No.2465059

    god damnit anon

    finish what you started
    >> Techpriest 08/30/08(Sat)09:47 No.2465062
    +Warning. Oil pressure reaching critical levels+
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:47 No.2465063
    if this isn't on sup/tg/ and having a second or third thread when I wake up I will be very disappointed, we have Kharn, Unnamed Guardsman and Adeptus Pentwhoritas for The Emperor's sake!
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:48 No.2465066
    Needs a rear attack for more effectiveness.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:50 No.2465072
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    Keep going.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:54 No.2465079
    >she suddenly grabs your shoulders like they're the Oh Shit bars in a flipping Chimera

    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:57 No.2465090

    I'll try

    Her stamina is incredible. You've seen Ork charges and 3 year sieges, but nothing compares to the terror this woman is to behold, writhing as if possessed right on top of you. She is slightly shorter than you and you manage to find the leverage on your elbows to flip her onto her back. You follow her over with hardly a lull in rhythm and begin thrusting as best you can. You feel the pressure building at the base of your shaft at around the same time you realize that the barking noise you're hearing are her shouts of ecstasy when she's not trying to take off your earlobe or dig a trench line into you striving back with her fingers. She swings her legs up and clamps on. You finish against the hab wall, hammering her back into the plaster as ropes of semen drip from her hole. Just as you both begin to catch your breath the hab door comes off at the hinges, revealing an irate regimental commissar.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)09:59 No.2465094
    >> Psyker 08/30/08(Sat)10:00 No.2465099
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:01 No.2465101
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    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:01 No.2465103
    What a way to go.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:03 No.2465112
    For reasons you cannot begin to fathom there is a smirk on your Commissar's face as she reaches for her holstered lasgun. You still aren't sure what's going on when she unbuckles it and lets the entire holster and belt fall to they floor. It's only when she begins to unbutton her great coat and tosses of her Death's Head cap into a corner that you realize that being shot in the face might be favorable to what comes next.
    "Well Sergeant... you've preformed admirably in the fields of evasion and flanking, but how do you preform when facing two opposing forces with no reinforcements?"
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:05 No.2465117

    Fucking... Jawesome.
    >> Shas'El Mor'Ta Nan !!StG/BQhr0NL 08/30/08(Sat)10:05 No.2465119

    I can't decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:06 No.2465120
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    > this thread
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:06 No.2465122
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:06 No.2465123
    with a twist, I think it's fucking awful but then again it's my first, go running to Xom or Thri-Keen boy if you want quality, I'm good at "verb-adjective-synonym for dick"
    >> Psyker 08/30/08(Sat)10:08 No.2465127
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    >> Techpriest 08/30/08(Sat)10:09 No.2465128
    Oh hi Commissar. I was just... showing her how... bionics work?
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:09 No.2465129
    Looks like it's time for PROMOTIONS! Grand stuff, writefag.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:11 No.2465132
    Holy fucking shit.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:15 No.2465149
    Female Commissar..... By the Emperor... NO!! NOOO!!

    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:15 No.2465150
    This is going to be a BAD END. So much good has to end in some kind of mutilation.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:16 No.2465153
    Lowly Unknown Guardsman becomes a dreadnaught for his services to the Emperor. Anything else is BAD END
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:17 No.2465159
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    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:19 No.2465165
    wow, some nigger had better be archiving this shit for posterity. hadn this fucker out as a pamphlet and Guard enlistment wouldn't even need to be compulsory.
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:23 No.2465179
    >> Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)10:24 No.2465183
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    If its this then I take the Laspistol and blow out my own brains

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