everyone I game with has to pass the beer test. basically, if a guy won't meet me at the pub, blah blah blah

1. Saying "S/He fears you not," when you announce an attack.
2. Getting a headache because of the GM's wife before we leave.
3. Getting side-tracked talking about animu and mango.
4. Eating pizza, getting gassy.
5. Using allusions to anime and vidya games to help explain a visual thing.

1. Each enemy that doesn't speak common will have its own unique sound effect.

2. The DM hosts the guests and supplies snack food (we rotate DM duties, so it all works out).

3. If I don't see you roll it, and it's above 15, you're re-rolling.

4. A natural 1 on an attack roll means you either drop your weapon, or trip. Same goes for enemies.

>>2151998
What if you live in north america and the beer tastes incredibly bad?

1) Bring your own food. Do not expect to be given food, likewise do not expect to give food. (Self explanatory)

2) If there is an issue between two players, Thunderdome. Two men enter, one man leaves correct. (Usually whoever gets beaten senseless first loses)

3) All campaigns must have at least one Tank, DPS, Skillbitch, and Healbitch. (I usually roll tank)

4) One player must bring models each week. First come first serve for effigies. (I naturally bring my Tau, but there are also Orks and Guard between us)

5) If you wish to do something out of the ordinary, prove it is viable (May require calculus, physics, statics, airflow dynamics knowledge, or all of the above.

Among others.

rolled 1 = 1

1. A natural one will always send you prone. If I have to set off a chain reaction to do it, it will happen. If, when you roll to escape your horrid fate, you roll another one, you're probably about to lose an eye. Same for the enemies.

2. If your roll goes on the floor, you immediately say if you're keeping it or rerolling, and stick with it no matter what.

3. If you make a suggestion, or state out loud your thoughts on what's coming next, I will probably act upon it. ESPECIALLY if it was a prophecy of how screwed your group is.

4. Don't be a dick to your fellow players. Otherwise, your ass will be fully statting up a playable character in FATAL before you come back to the table.

>>2152037
then obviously you gb2/europe like the rest of your alcohol-dependent ilk

>>2152059
I live in Canada and the beer sucks. That's why I'm NOT alcohol dependant.

itt dicks

>>2152064
You mean you actually WANT to be addicted to something?

>>2152080
yea getting something to keep my mind off of my shitty job will do me good

>>2152080
I'm addicted to cold turkey.

>>2152094

yeah fuck being constructive outside of work, rite?

A recurring character always shows up in our campaigns, a half elf rogue of unnatural sneakiness named "Vildor". Often shows up mid battle to murder an insignificant enemy, or the party wakes to find him cooking breakfast. When asked where he has been, the usual response is "over there". All the veteran players take this in stride, leaving new players confused. Any questions like "Who the fuck was that?" are always answered very matter-of-factly with "uh, Vildor. Dumbass."

Also, this same DM /always/ includes two goblins tossing a salad somewhere within a given dungeon. If we fail to find and kill said goblins, the whole party usually considers the venture a failure.

1. A natural 1 is a "critical failure." Re-roll the d20 to see just how badly you fail. Anything below a 5 causes disastrous results while a 20 will cause super-human coincidence to make it not _all_ bad. (see: hilarious impalement)

2. If you say it while holding the d20, you're rolling it.

3. Don't ask me to see the map I have. There's a reason I don't give you the gridded out map; you'll start thinking in tiles instead of actual movement.

4. If you roll a 1 on a heal or potion when the chips are down... eh. Go ahead. Re-roll it.

5. Yes, Jordan, you can have a ridiculous sword. Yes, Jordan, you take penalties due to it's size. No, Jordan, you can't have Zangetsu. No, Jordan, you can't call your sword Zangetsu.

1. All taverns are called something with <noun> - Pig

2. Two players always try and start a economical empire of some sort.

3. Always make sure said players are dirt poor.

4. Always spend three hours in a tavern getting drunk.

5. Always refer to a legendary BBEG named Steiner and/or Submarines someway.

When arguing who pays what for pizza we came up with a needlessly complicated system and have stuck with it since.

everyone rolls a d20 until one person is decidedly the highest roll, then they roll a d20, and what they roll is equal to how much they pay for the pizza/food(i.e. 1/20th the pizza cost) then the person to their left rolls and this continues until 20 is reached or goes over(if the total is at 19 and someone rolls a 15 the extra cash goes to either more snacks/drinks or goes into a food-pool) if you roll a 10 or higher you're exempt from the next roll, if you bring in a significant ammount of snacks or drink you are exempt from that roll or the next(your choice), if half the players deem you are too poor to afford your roll, either you can be exempt from the roll, or roll until you can afford it.

>>2152064

Canadian beer sucks? Nothing on 4chan has ever made me this furious.

10/10 "would be trolled again!"

I want to stomp on your throat. Since I can't, unfortunately I'm just going to go to my fridge, and get another world-class Canadian lager, such a Unibroue, Boreale, or Steam Whistle.

>>2152132
>we came up with a needlessly complicated system and have stuck with it since.
I don't think I'd like to be at your table; the houserules would be insane.

The barkeep, no matter what bar, no matter where, no matter the fluff, is always a minotaur named grugg who has a drink called "grugg's special" which is treated as a poison when consumed.

1. The DM has a large water gun at his disposal and is not afraid to use it.

1. Don't play a small race. It never ends well.

2. If you're going upstairs for a drink you better bring one down for everyone else.

3. Don't get pissy when someone doesn't hear/understand you because chances are do one does.

4. Don't- I said DON'T- go behind the GM screen. Look, if you want a book or a mini I'll get it for you just don't- I SAID DON'T COME BACK HERE!

5. Roll on a book. I'm not letting you take a million re-rolls because it hit a crack in the table.

6. Dammit man, I don't want to have to change your alignment, the other players don't want to have to kill you, so just take your share of the treasure and quit trying to steal. Just because you've stopped trying doesn't mean everyone else has.

7. Holy shit, we just got through ONE battle and you want to call it quits? Oh, god dammit, you can play fucking Guitar Hero any time you fucking want, turn that shit off and get back here.

There are probably a couple of others.

>>2152154
We have an orc named Klimtog who only serves milk to anyone under 21 and elves.

>>2152160

> 4. The DM is not obligated to wear pants during the game.

>>2152166
one time we ran into grogg in a xenophobic elf village. I chuckled heartily.

1. "I'm rolling the black die to attack you. Because you're a nigger."

2. "I'm not just going to allow it... I'm going to encourage it."

3. "Dog" must be pronounced "dig."

>>2152105
Tossing a salad or TOSSING a SALAD?

>>2152166
I SEE WAT U DID THAR

1. If you masturbate during a game, for whatever reason, that is the final straw and we kick you out. Then we will always tell new players about you as the terrible player who whipped out his pesky.

2. If you want to draw your character while we're playing, you better also draw everyone else's character.

3. No more than two beers.

>>2152192
>"Dog" must be pronounced "dig."

Wait, why?

>>2152201
> 1. If you masturbate during a game, for whatever reason, that is the final straw and we kick you out. Then we will always tell new players about you as the terrible player who whipped out his pesky.

Everyone seems to have that house rule... its getting really hard to find a group. :(

>>2152108
Ron?

>>2152202
Dwarven barbarian with a lame accent, a la Brad Pitt in "Snatch."

1. No aimlessly going to taverns, you end up spending all day in there.

2. Not everyone in town is ripping you off, these are the PHBs prices for fucks sake.

3. Stop asking for magical items that produce effects based off of attacks or abilities a currently popular character has.

4. STOP ASKING FOR ANY MAGICAL ITEMS

5. No, you can't have an afro.

6. No, your religion can't be jesus.

7. No, your details for eyes can't be lasers.

8. No, you can't speak spanish as elvish.

9. No, you can't speak spanish as spanish.

1. If you do 20 push-ups, you can get a +1 on a physical attack roll. 40 push-ups, +2. Another +1 for every 10 after that.

2. There is no diplomacy, bluff, sense motive, etc., and you be convincing if you want to be convincing. Cha can be used instead of wis for your will save.

>>2152234
Well then wouldn't it be "dags"?

If you puss out on a cigar or cigarette, you're out. There a smoke breaks for a reason, and it's not to strategize. It's to bullshit.

Of course, if you have a valid reason (actually trying to quit) then you are exempt. However, you need to apply a new nicotine patch if you're using it.

1) Stop bitching and moaning about shopkeepers not liking you.

2) Stop moaning about how I'm not including your level one character's EPIC BACKSTORY into my campaign. Fuck your mercenary background and how dare you write about a kingdom without confirming it with me.

3) My word is law. If I say the healing removes your Mary Sue's scars they're removed. If I say "Monster does this special move" don't attempt to contradict me by whipping out the rulebook.

4) Act within your alignment, stop being friendly to everyone your neutral evil. You picked your alignment at the beginning, stick to it.

5) Remain consistent with your character, don't change up your vocabulary from advanced to normal every encounter.

6) Don't bitch when I say roll reflex.

7) Poison is not a "DM JOKE LOL" and I've only used it once.

8) Stop saying "I do this." then after I tell you the result "Lol I didn't mean it."

9) Bring money. Twice in a row and you don't eat.

10) The innkeep is always Scottish. No exceptions.

>>2152245

You're a monster!

rolled 1 = 1

>>2152108
>5. Yes, Jordan, you can have a ridiculous sword. Yes, Jordan, you take penalties due to it's size. No, Jordan, you can't have Zangetsu. No, Jordan, you can't call your sword Zangetsu.

One of my friends did that in a game once. Needless to say, the DM allowed for the sole purpose of Dominating his Fighter and killing the entire party. He's kind of a dick like that.

>>2152201
> 1. If you masturbate during a game, for whatever reason, that is the final straw and we kick you out. Then we will always tell new players about you as the terrible player who whipped out his pesky.

Please explain why you feel obliged to have this rule.

>>2152201
2 beers wtf? Atleast limit to 6-8. If you feel buzzed after 6 beer you must suck dick for a living.

>>2152201

Every once and a while you have to play a one-shot with:
1. No fewer than two beers. Per encounter.

Make everybody roll up a new character that must die before the night is up: let everybody get the Beardy McStonenuts and Axebeard McBeercocks out of their system.

>>2152244

>5. No, you can't have an afro.
>9. No, you can't speak spanish as spanish.

>>2152257
Surprise.

#3 and #1 are related.

>>2152268
I'm having trouble understanding your rage.

Our DM must get increasingly racist as the night proceeds.
This once culminated in him making a random percentile chart for racial slangs.
He would roll on it constantly.

>>2152274

I do those things with all my characters.

>>2152274
Him being a flaming faggot should be your first clue.

>>2152252
Also

11) When I put a miniature down don't go "OMG WHAT IS THAT!!!!???" pick it up and examine it. Way to break the mood.

>7. Holy shit, we just got through ONE battle and you want to call it quits? Oh, god dammit, you can play fucking Guitar Hero any time you fucking want, turn that shit off and get back here.

Oddly enough, my group uses Guitar Hero as a medium for inter-party and 'boss monster' battles in Pro-Face Off with a twist to make it seem like it wasn't just them and the DM.

Losing player also takes a single hit from everyone else* for every ten notes missed and another for making up excuses about their shitty playing.

*They get punched.

>>2152271

This is why I don't actually play any games, I just read about them and troll /tg/, and drink a lot.

If I actually had to sit down for several hours a week with people like this I would probably kill myself.

You have the option of using your strength instead of your cha for intimidate

It works out pretty well for the mute ugly half-orc.

>>2152245

I'll have to stop playing with soldiers then, cause their BAB is going to be xyberhueg.

>>2152244
Other minor rules

10. No miniatures you fags.

11. Stop being a drama llama, there are other players in the game too.

12. Stop forcing the DMs hand and everyone elses hand just to get back to your turn again.

13. I mean stop it, fuck. Do it again, and you're out.

14. GOD FUCK! 5-10 MINUTES BETWEEN TURNS IS NOT LONG! I'M SORRY THIS ISN'T EXACTLY LIKE A VIDEO GAME!

15. Stop capturing and making slaves of every kobold, goblin or other short monstrous humanoid you see.

16. Play your fucking alignment, and stop playing CE - jumping around town trying to kill everyone you see.

17. Rogues don't have to be evil, they can be treasure hunters.

18. Gnomes aren't all gay.

19. Stop crying over how the shopkeep won't give you stuff for little or nothing.

20. STOP ROLLING THE DICE FOR NO REASON

21. Charisma doesn't mean appearance.

>>2152285
I can barely tolerate the game as it is and people just getting up and picking up the controller just sends me off the deep end.

>>2152303
HUGE HUGE HUGE

1. It is not a true session unless the phrase "Rocks fall, everyone dies." passes from someone's lips.

2. If something has potential to be hilarious, it's allowed. Yes, your halfling can try to jump four feet straight up and try to balance on the lip of the four-ton tub of magic oil to dip his shortsword in as long as you don't complain when people argue about whether or not a 19 is high enough to balance on the lip of such a container for the next half-hour.

3. The DM can and will think up a shitty nickname for you and/or your character.

4. Food or snacks are whatever the DM has leftover. And please, next time, try not to drop the plate of delicious wedding cake scraps.

>>2152325
Luckily the guy who owns the X Box and the big screen TV moved out so that's 2 of the biggest distractions out of the way.

1. Dont ask for weird/ stupid shit if you get a genie wish, i found this out he hard way when i wished for an iron golem as a pet, the corpse of a dead iron golem named my pet fell out of the sky and crushed my character and i was told that counted as a real death and had to make a new char

2. Dont be a dick or suggest stupid ideas \, you will die accordingly,

3. if your DM, dont be retarded and piss the party off, and for the love of Tzeentch stop saying "a boulder falls on the party and kills so and son or a specific psrty member

4. if you fall asleep r/l party rules apply and its open season on your sorry ass because usually dinks and food are provided by DMs parents and theres usually coffee offered

Speaking of Guitar Hero, we have a system for Bards - if you roll a natural 1 when doing something Bard-related, you may play Freebird, Devil Went Down to Georgia, or Through the Fire and Flames on Expert, Expert, and Hard, respectively. If you can five-star it, your roll is thrown out and you can do whatever you goddamn please that round, albeit Bard related. Extra points for doing it shirtless.

Four-star or lower, a normal natural 1. And we got to laugh at you failing.

Before every session we have a gang bang with me in the middle.

It reduces everyone's urge to rape every NPC they come across so they don't ruin the game.

I don't have any traditions because I play the game as it should be played and therefore am not a faggot.

>>2152367

I feel sorry for them. Nobody should be treated to that.

>>2152367

DROOOOOOWNING IN MY THIIIIIIIGHS

1. know your limits. no drinking too much unless we're playing kobolds ate my baby.
2. no mary sue characters. you will have to re roll.
3. bring at least 10 bux to the game to chip in for munchies.
4. a casserole is fine too.
5. i disconnected my vidya gaem system for a reason and no we are not playing any guitar hero or gears of war tonite. that's on sunday morning after the club.
6. non pot smokers aren't allowed. when i light up a blunt you are all hitting it.
7. if the die falls off the table, then i hate it for you cause we play it where it lie's.
8. pizza on even weeks, chinese on odd weeks.
9. girlfriends are not allowed unless she's playing too and is not fucktarded. and no PDA at my house unless she brought enough for everyone.
10. rules will be enforced with any and all means at my disposal. not limited to the following.
a. corporal bitch slapping
b. tasering
c. pepper spray
d. banning from the game for a few weeks
e. chemical castration
f. whatever else i can come up with.

>>2152380
and by PDA i mean public display of affection.

>>2152380
[applauds] bravo, theres a table id play at

1) Two crits in a row followed by a hit is an auto-kill no matter what
2) All taverns are assumed to be The Flounder Pounder
3) If the DM is sufficiently annoyed he takes away character's fingers.
4) damn it brad stop rolling with your mouth! you have like 5 d20s in there.
5) you may not wish for infinite clubs.

1. Every Inn is named in the following fashion: The Beholden Beholder, The Morbid Medusa, The Elusive Element, The Grinning Golem, etc

2. I'm used to power gamers, so I routinely add HUNDREDS of HP to anything I consider a boss... assuming the players are getting into an out and out fight. If somebody wants to be witty or clever or an assassin, that's another story.

3. Outsiders, I fucking love Outsiders.

4. Every dwarf is named in the following fashion: Dredrick Marchgravel, Paul Stonehenge, Dulath Ironbender, etc.

5. I homebrew all my loot. If you hint at me that you have an item idea, I'll try to surprise you.

5a. If you TELL me that you need an item, go fuck yourself.

I'm usually the DM, so it's not too hard to write an outsider angle into a story.. I decided to break into 4e with a simple splatter campaign in a Zombiepocalypse setting. How do outsiders fit in? It's a huge holy Dwarven city. Chaotic outsiders(Slaad) are invading for the sole purpose of looting, as if all these ruddy rotting guys are just some sort of sports riot..

>>2152378
THIS STAINS THEY WILL NOT DRYYYYY

>>2152380
>6. non pot smokers aren't allowed. when i light up a blunt you are all hitting it.
Fuck that, I want my DM to actually know what he's doing.

>>2152355
>DMs parents
Underaged b& GTFO

>>2152380

What are you, fifteen?

>>2152404
that may work on /v/, but some of us are 27 and still live with our parents

>>2152376
>>2152378
S..stop it.. Anon!

;_;

Wh.. why are you saying such things? I'll stop baking you muffins!

>>2152397
i'm 27 and been playing since i was 9, i got it down pat and have no problems what so ever hosting a game when stoned.

>>2152414
We never get any of the muffins because all the fat goes to YOUR THIGHS.

>>2152404
On /tg/, people actually live sad enough lives that they can be over 18 and still live with their parents.

My entire group lives with our parents at the moment because free food and board rock, some of us are too lazy to get jobs (and lucky enough to have scholarships to ride through to a bachelor's degree on), or others can't get more than two people with jobs together to rent an apartment.

>>2152414
I bake my own muffins. And I am quite sure they are superior to yours.

>>2152404
no, everyones still in high school and lives at home with parents

>>2152397
Have to smoke pot?

I mean.. really? Fuck that guy.

>>2152428
Why is it sad that if your over 18 & live with your parents?

>>2152423
S..stop it!

You know that isn't true! You feed them too me and say you like my thighs!

>>2152447
Because the optimal time to leave the house is 16, that way you can be on your own and hold your own without any real problems.

I like chocolate chip muffins. The only person whose muffins I trust is this jewish guy two cities over. Takes me 30 minutes to get muffins but by the dark gods those are the best muffins ever.

>>2152452
muffins are good but i likes cup cakes better [wink wink]

>>2152380
>6. non pot smokers aren't allowed. when i light up a blunt you are all hitting it.

What if you have a really good friend that has a job that has frequent surprise drug testing? I get loads of flak from friends when they light up, but in the last 6 months I've had 4 drug tests.

>>2152439
Seriously, buddy, I can see kicking someone out because they don't like you doing it, then you're just a douche bag, but everyone has to do the same shit that you do? That's really not kosher and it just means less for you.

>>2152465
certain exceptions may be allowed. then he must drink an extra beer or three. but i don't have friends with those kinds of jobs so it's all good.

>>2152447
Being one such person, I KNOW it's a sad life.

Living with parents is great. That 600+ dollars that would go to rent and utilities can go towards things like new computers and Warhammer. :3

>>2152137

I raged too. Then I remembered he's probably just an underage b& with no palette for beer.

My rules:

1. Alignment is a guideline. Play your character how you think fits, if your getting to the point your alignment will change I'll let you know.

2. You may only touch another person's miniatures, dice, pencils or character sheet with permission. Basic rules of politeness apply.

3. Everyone is part of telling the story and gets to describe "fluff". I'll let you know about how badly you hurt a target, you tell us how you did that.

>>2152460
Seriously? What communist country do you live in?

>>2152460
16? Where the hell do you live?

>>2152470
I don't care what drugs people do. There was this girl that asked me to cover for her while she smoked INSIDE THE SCHOOL(this was back in high school.. senior year). She was hot, so I did it, but I wouldn't have snitched anyway.

This guy? I'd bust him for being a jackass.

>>2152464
Cupcakes are okay.. but I like nice delicious muffins more. Only the very well made ones of course(which pretty much means you are making them yourself). Blueberry is good..

>>2152490
>>2152491
Iowa

Every inn in every campaign is named "The Horse's Wench"

I defy you to come up with a better name for an inn.

>>2152473
I can totally tell you are a pothead, the paranoia is setting in. You have to make sure everyone tokes just incase one of them rats you out.

>>2152491
>>2152490
Is it even possible to support yourself at 16?

I don't think anyone would hire a 16 year old full time, and you'd never be able to work enough to live on your own AND go to school.

>>2152460

in north america, you're lucky to get a job at mcdonalds at 16. It's not really enough to move out and live comfortably, especially if you're going to school at the same time.

>>2152504
I can tell he's a pothead too, but more because of his piss-poor grammar and spelling than anything else.

I'm surprised nobody's pointed it out yet, honestly.

>>2152503
The Whore's Nipple Bar and Grille

>>2152503

The Whore's Nipple.

Every bar in our games are named that. Not my choice, this was a running joke before I got there.

1)Bring money for food. I spent hours working on this goddamn thing just so I can amuse you tards. I'm not going to feed you too.

2)Don't fucking touch Puddin Tater. No, she doesn't purr. Yes, shes always that pissy. No, she doesn't like anyone other than me touching he. Yes, she just scratched you. Listen to me next time.

3)32 Point Buy. No arguing.

4)Role playing is required.

5)No getting high while we are playing. If you want to light up then wait till the session ends. If you are going to bring it make sure you have enough to share.

6)Taverns do not have shadowy corner tables. You sit at the bar.

7)Don't bitch when a trap kills you. I don't care what level you are or what you were going against.

8)The minute you mention a build you got off of Wizard's Char Op boards you are in a 15 minute time out. I'm serious.

9)If you bring catnip into my house unsupervised then your character gets teleported into a collapsing mineshaft.

10)No female characters. That even applies to you, Lily. I don't want a repeat of the Blushing Elven Psion Incident.

>>2152517
>>2152516
Whore's Nipple mind.

>>2152516
>>2152517

WHORE'S NIPPLE-MIND!??

>>2152505
Fuck.. is it even LEGAL to hire a 16 year old full time?

>>2152523
>>2152525

whore's-nipple-mind-mind

>>2152505
If you are good with legal shit and you're parents were abusive you can get money from the government to live in a shithole while you finish high school and work part time.

>>2152516
>>2152517
Goddamn it /hm/

>>2152495
actually i know of a little shop in Rockport texas that makes muffins of every kind and they range from normal size to human skull sized, and they make it right so on the human skull sized ones theres never a spot without whatever type the muffin is, ex: blueberries in every bite

>>2152496
poor bastard

>>2152523
>>2152525
Whore's nipple mind mind.

>>2152525
>>2152523

double whore's nipplemind

>>2152495
>She was hot, so I did it

You're going to start pretending to be bi now?

>>2152537
>>2152538

TRIPLE NIPPLE MIND

>>2152530

Yes, if they have a work permit and are not in school full time (i.e. they are a senior or otherwise have less than 7 classes ina day).

>>2152490
>>2152491

>>2152516
>>2152517
Ack! 2 hiveminds in less than 5 minutes, I need to go to bed.

>>2152538
>>2152537
>>2152531
>>2152525
>>2152523
>>2152517
>>2152516

oh god I can see forever

>>2152520
I never understood the no female rule... ever

>>2152559
usually the other party members try to molest, rape, or start a relationship with the female character. and it makes things messy.

>>2152520
wow you are a shitty dm, hang yourself.

>>2152559
lulz i sex the guard to get the party past him while he's distracted

>>2152559
Most people who have that rule have some silly horror story to go along with it.

I've personally never had a problem with players using female characters.

>>2152564
Maybe in IRC, I'd like to see that happen with people face to face

>>2152569
Make the guard resist, maybe he's a married man who strongly believes in his vowes. etc.

>>2152555
some schools have a vac [ i dont remember what it stands for] were you can go half day to school and then you goto work, while you work you get credits based on how well you do

When I was 16 I worked at Safeway full time... I was taking online school at the time so it worked out.

>>2152579
Fuck yes! You are the best human being ever!

>>2152583
...Reasoning?

>>2152545
I was about to say that I was mostly kidding with that part, but then I thought about it for a moment.

I did indeed do it because she was hot. If she was some horrendously fat whore I wouldn't have risked going down. Also she was a trouble making badgirl. Was always in alternative school for one reason or another(though she was very nice in person.. weird).

>>2152586
Being 16, working, and on your own, you are what everybody should strive for in the world.

>>2152589
Except you'd be ignorant as all shit.

>>2152575
We had a new player (SIMON HOLMES), he had been with us for about 3 weeks, not a bad guy. He was a little wierd though. He kept hitting on both the player's characters AND the players themselves. Then he graphically described having sex with the character of HARRY DAVIS WALKER, one of the older players in our group. I caught HARRY DAVIS WALKER giving SIMON HOLMES a handjob under the table. Hence the no female rule.

>>2152583
Kay. I worked produce, easiest job fucking ever.
1: Take down old produce.
2: Put up new produce
3: Put old produce on top of new in order to try to sell rotting fruit.
4: ?????
5: PROFIT! (About 280 a week. And at 16? Who could complain.)

>>2152592
Doesn't matter, you're productive and fueling this great country of ours. That's all that matters.

>>2152598
I'm guessing you like NASCAR and hunting as well.

>>2152592
Well, Safeway fag here, I wasn't on my own.
I only took online school so I could work full time to help bay bills.
Single mother,
three kids,
baw,
etc.

>>2152598
Try and concentrate to repress the gag reflex. You don't have quite enough of his cock in your mouth yet.

God damnit!
I knew I shouldn't have divulged my life to /tg/!
THIS IS WHAT I GET I GUESS.

When I was 16 I was part of an internship program where I assisted NASA scientists with their studies. Got paid roughly $350 a week. It was tight.

>>2152627
You safeway person?

Bravo and all that, but I don't like seeing people crawl up someone's ass and living there. It's unseemly.

>>2152615

Smiling also supresses the gag reflex.

Helps when your mistress gives you a gag too long for your mouth.

>>2152569

1) I like to chainsmoke when I dm. If you make any comments about that, your character dies.
2) No, I'm not going to give you a ride.
3) If we're going to play D&D, we must play it in a place without parents/little-siblings. Period.
4) No Furries. No Catgirls.
5) No blacks.
6) Please DO let me know if my adventure/characters/traps/etc were shitty, I'm still working on my DM skills.
7) Equal-payment for food.
8) Nobody has to host two weeks in a row if they don't want to.
9) No you can't borrow my dice.

As for traditions.. Over the past 2 or 3 months of our new campaign, theres been this kid who has really been wanting to play with our group, but none of us really want him to. He will literally call us indivually every game session (He knows we play on sundays), and we all have to pretend that we are doing something else.
Also each adventure I normally have a comical/funny item drop. For example, A 'bag of endless scorpians', a 'Robe of useless items', or The 'head of vecna'.

>>2152666
> No blacks.
> The 'head of vecna'.
> Please DO let me know if my adventure/characters/traps/etc were shitty, I'm still working on my DM skills.
You're a shitty DM.

>>2152615
You are my hero.

>>2152666
>1) I like to chainsmoke when I dm. If you make any comments about that, your character dies.
>8) Nobody has to host two weeks in a row if they don't want to.

So at some point, everyone ends up hosting at least once, and yet you insist on chain smoking.

You're a faggot.

>>2152666
>4) No Furries.
Damn, my Dragonborn was gonna go at them kobolds. That's not fun ):

>>2152666
>1) I like to chainsmoke when I dm.
is fine, except I'd never play with you because I like my lungs.

>If you make any comments about that, your character dies.
makes you an asshole.

>2) No, I'm not going to give you a ride.
FUKKEN SIGNED

>3) If we're going to play D&D, we must play it in a place without parents/little-siblings. Period.
Also signed.

>4) No Furries. No Catgirls.
Signed again.

>5) No blacks.
Meh.

>9) No you can't borrow my dice.
FUCK YOU BITCH

6-8 didn't evoke any particular response.

>>2152688
Well I normally smoke outside if I cant do it inside. In a chain.

1 When a chick player asks if they can perform sexual favors for goods/gold, I say, "Okay. But you actually have to do it to me."
Because they only exploit this in-game where there are no consequences. Once it becomes real they chicken out...
Except one time...

>>2152666
>No Catgirls.

...I'LL KILL YOU.

I'LL KILL YOU TILL YOU DIE.

>>2151979
You ever have someone that has to leave say "Can I reroll?" and then get up and go?

>>2152015
I don't know how I feel about that last one. Hard to imagine a level 20 pc or some uber boss monster tripping or losing their grip on 5% of their attacks.

>>2152052
Same for your first as above.

>>2152105
Hahaha! We always have the same three kobolds in our sessions. Theyre the three kobold stooges, and they have to roll a 15 or higher on their attack rolls or they automatically critical fumble. I'll post the original log sometime. Are the goblins literally tossing a salad?

>>2152160
Why don't you just put some pants on?

>>2152173
Fucking...damn you.

>>2152423
I LIKE thighs...

>>2152730
>I'm a whore bitch with flabby things that insists on doing cute WEEABOO things no matter how much that conflicts with my campaign.

1) None of this "Core Only" bullshit unless you're just starting out. Most third party books are allowed, but run it by me when you make it.
2) Rolling a 1 requires a reroll to confirm your fumble. Depending on the result, you provoke an AoO or disarm attempt, you drop your weapon, you succeed in a highly unlikely manner, or maybe you just cut yourself.
3) If the dice lands on a soft surface, be it the carpet or someone's backpack, we reroll no matter what. If it lands on a hard surface, we keep it.
4) Give new players a chance. Yes, even if he's somewhat annoying, kinda smells a little, and has acne that looks like something out of a David Cronenberg movie, at least one session. Yes, even your annoying little brother. Yes, even the fat goth chick who works at the Wendy's.
5) If your character isn't present, then you may play video games away from the table at a reasonable volume, so long as it doesn't interrupt. If your character IS present, then put the goddamn controller down.

>>2152747
Er, most FIRST party books, that is.

>>2152737 I LIKE thighs...
Fuck yeah, who doesn't like some big thighs and a nice round juicy ass... <3

>>2152666
Remind me never to play with you.

>>2152730
Oh fuck, Fuuka's a yandere! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!

>>2152764
It makes me sad because I'm a short underfed whore.

;_;

Also, I miss high school for this exact reason. My school was full of nice curvy girls. Lots of 'em just the right size...

Gotta have something to grap..

>>2152173
>>2152737
Thanks for the advice, I'll be sure to bring an extra pair of pants to every game to cover all my maps and DM notes while people are snooping around behind the scenes when they could just ask me to hand them a book.

We always have Mr. B, the huge black psionic thrall herd pimp in a blue dragonskin pimp coat, and his scantly clad thrall bitches show up at some point.

>>2152781
Eh, (s)he's looking sketchy in the bisexual department...

>>2152778
Don't be ridiculous.. Anon..

I'm nice.. See?

Have a muffin..

>>2152160
>2. If you're going upstairs for a drink you better bring one down for everyone else.
>upstairs

looooooooooooooooool

Enjoy your basement

>>2152781
hey Fuuka im a nice curvy /boy/. Interested? *wink wink*

>>2152778
HEY YOU, WHAT'S A YANDERE?

>>2152809
This can be MySpace or RapeMeRon.com when it stops being 4chan, faggot.

>>2152812
It means I've laced these muffins with poison.

I mean.. they're chocolate chip!

>>2152808
We do, thank you very much. It's big and cool enough so that everyone can sit comfortably even in the summer.

>>2152818

Steve Wizniewski makes the best chocolate chip muffins. You are not Wizniewski. Fuck your muffins.

>>2152812
Tsundere is when you have a violent and angry goirl who turns out to have an affection for the hero and becomes a love interest.

Ynadere is a girl who is calm and nice and sweet, and has an interest in the hero....and turns out to be a raving sociopath.

>>2152828
>Fuck your muffins.

Pervert.

>>2152835
Knew the first, but thanks for the second.

>>2152108
If his last name starts with T and ends in N, beat him over the head with something akin to his sword for me.

>>2152105

I like the way your DM thinks. He's a good man.

>>2152837

Horrid cook.

>>2152835
Thanks for clearing that up. My moonspeak, she is not so good, but I cannot go to the boards that butt-love the anime for answers, they frighten me so.

>>2152837
*joke I forgot about your muffins and groping*

1. Core only.

2. Alignment matters.

3. Meepo.

FINAL DESTINATION.

>>2152855
MEEPOMEEPOMEEPO

>>2152852
*Stinging slap*

>>2152874
I know it's a worksafe board, but occasionally my fetish involving baked goods manifests itself in the middle of 1:29 AM discussion of muffins between several high people. Blame the chemicals.

>>2152503

The Horses Cock

Get that brand new action!
Gonna let me get with the jet effect!

>>2152894
FAPPING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT

>>2152664
Hey, she saved 3 gold. What's the problem?

>>2152615
Oh shit, I loled.

>>2152707
>You can only attack if you actually go out and kill a man right now. And the rogue can only steal if they actually go out and pick someone's pocket.

Yeah, they always chicken out when it gets real in my games, too.

Fuck you.

>>2152764
>>2152423 and >>2152738, aparrently...

>>2151979

I just want to know what game this was an Ad for, its driving me crazy and i cant find the old magazine.

Can't forget my plastic get down
Ghost electric telephone bones
Blowin' like horns about to shout
Nasty distortion down on the slow jam
All my friends got Dixie soul
Rockin' the plastic, takin' the low road
Rough as a river, cowboy now boy
Biscuit chicken hittin' the wicked
Sandwich soul, a buffalo
Make it back for the finger pointin' down
Ooh got to get it, plastic classic
Totem poles in the briefcase shows

Lonesome whistle blows, my bucket froze
Last Saturday night, I couldn't find my fight
Sippin' whiskey in the midnight shade
Vandalized as I didn't have no time
Up the river, and round the road
A traveling man with a trippin' hand
Soda pop spittin' out slime
Let's get it and realize

Get that brand new action!
Gonna let me get with the jet effect!
Get that brand new action!
Gonna let me get with the jet effect!

The only foods available for purchase anywhere in the world are mutton shanks and pretzel bread. That's it.

Diskobox...
Diskobox...
Diskobox...
Diskobox...
Diskobox...
Diskobox...

>>2152804
Well, I'm not actually an Anon, but-Sweet, muffins! Thanks! ^_^

>>2152812
>>2152835 isn't 100% accurate, but close enough that I'm too lazy to extrapolate.

>>2152818
Chocolate chip muffins are better than cupcakes.

>>2152894
Jesus CHRIST those look fucking delicious

>>2152394

sup doom

1. Every inn is called "The Broken Beaver" unless it's in a port town, in which case it's called "The Salty Leavings."
2. A bullshit DM ruling is called "poisondisease" (one word)
3. A useless NPC that the party has to look after is called a "sweater"
4. IF ITS ON DA TABLE....IT STAYS. This is always said, but never enforced.
5. The host provides the snacks, but doesn't have to pay for his dinner.
6. Video games are allowed only when the party is split. If your character is the only one absent just chill, you'll be back in action soon.
7. Powergaming is fine, but only if you can justify the build within the confines of a plausible backstory. Also, if a character routinely over powers the other PCs and skews the encounters you'll be asked to retire him. As a consolation, the retired character will become an important NPC.

Ressurected for muffin ganbang.

How did this thread turn to muffins?

>>2152781
If I knew you in real life I would love you tenderly untill the sun came up.

Then i'd make breakfast for you.

>>2153024

How does every thread not turn to muffins?

Plain talking (Plain talking)
Take us so far (take us so far)
Broken down cars (broken down cars)
Like strong out old stars (like strong out old stars)

Plain talking (Plain talking)
Served us so well (served us so well)
Travelled through hell (travelled through hell)
know how we fell (know how we fell)

Lift me up, lift me up
Higher Nowama
Lift me up, lift me up
Higher Nowama
Lift me up, lift me up
Higher Now

Plain talking (Plain talking)
Making us bold (making us bold)
So strong out and cold (so strong out and cold)
I’m feeling so old (feeling so old)

Plain talking (Plain talking)
Has ruined us now (has ruined us now)
You never know how (you never know how)
Sweeter then down (sweeter then down)

Lift me up, lift me up
Higher Nowama
Lift me up, lift me up
Higher Nowama

>>2153024

All the best threads turn into muffins.

Well...muffins and musclegirls.....

>>2153033

One more time
We're gonna celebrate
Oh yeah, alright
Don't stop the dancin'
One more time
We're gonna celebrate
Oh yeah, alright
Don't stop the dancin'
One more time
We're gonna celebrate
Oh yeah, alright
Don't stop the dancin'
One more time
We're gonna celebrate
Oh yeah
One more time

One more time
I'm just feelin' celebration tonight
Celebrate

No, we don't stop
You can't stop
We're gonna celebrate
One more time
One more time
One more time a celebration
You know I'm gonna do it alright
Tonight
Hey, just feelin'
Music's coming feelin' on me
Yeah
Come on
Alright, we're gonna celebrate
One more time
Celebrate and dance of free
Music's coming feelin' so free
Celebrate and dance of free
One more time
Music's coming feelin' so free
We're gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance of free
One more time
Music's coming feelin' so free
We're gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance of free
One more time
Music's coming feelin' so free
We're gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance of free
One more time
Music's coming feelin' so free
We're gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance of free
One more time..

Oh and autosage

1. No one cares about how high your stat is, quit telling us
2. Quit rolling to see if you're drunk no one cares.
3. No you can't be a Duskblade.
4. No you can't be a non PHB race. Yes that includes whatever you're look at in the PHB
5. K guys can you quit drawing penises and RP
6. Quit complaining that you don't have any good magic items. It's your fault you're not going at of your way to find them.
7. ok you can rip its skin off
8. Joel next time you argue with me I'm going to kick you in the nuts. I'm the DM faggot.

>>2153054
WITH 4 WHEELS! (wheels, wheels, wheels!)

IS MORE SAFE! (safe, safe...)

IT'S GOT FRICTION!

>>2153024
Through the power of sheer awesome, I presume.

>>2153066
>3. No you can't be a Duskblade.

Why the fuck not? It's basically the ONLY decent fighter-mage base class in all of 3.5.

>>2152747
>the fat goth chick who works at the Wendy's

I'd hit it. Especially if it provided burgers.

>>2154514
seconded.