D&D 3.5, I was in 11th grade at the time.

My friend was DMing and invited a bunch of new players to try out his campaign. Some of them wrote decent backstories that were pretty believable seeing as we were starting at level one. Figuring everyone was here I asked the DM when we were starting, he stated that one other person was coming. We waited for about an hour then finally the last guy arrives. The kid is huge as far as muscles go, had mid length blonde hair and sunglasses. The DM asks him what his character's backstory is, the kid pulls out a sheet of paper and slaps it on the table before taking his seat. It read "Tordek is in it for all the bitches." I didn't know whether to laugh or just stare at him.

angry wizard.

The worst was my DM's girlfriend's character. She was level one yet her backstory depicted her blowing up whole kingdoms, killing countless kings, and owning her own ninja guild. The thing that was it awful was that the DM would be constantly helping her. "I uh...search for traps." "You find none, but you know there's one there. Try again." Combat was just as bad, as she would get double the exp we would get. Her attacks would always hit too (After she described decapitating the creature and kicking its head up into the air of course). Regardless to say after the first session I never came back.

>>1936229
Don't even TRY to complain about that one.

>>1936229
Tordek sounds fuckwin and I want him in my group

>>1936229
i lold

>>1936229
that guy is awesome

>>1936254

Classic symptoms of desperate DMs. And they say D&D isn't player vs. DM.

>>1936284
>>1936287
Throughout the course of that adventure he was pretty awesome. He raped numerous women and insulted damn near everyone else. In responce to the BBEG's dramatic speech he drew his great axe and said "Well, your just a baby. You want your bottle ya big baby?" in response to the party's wizard doing anything spell related he called him a wuss, when the wizard ran out of spells was the best though "Hey, Mr. Spellman, get in here and cast a spell why don't cha?" "I'm out of spells." "You sucked your spells dry from your bottle you baby? Magic's for wusses.". The best was when he picked on a mentally retarded child, an old man butted in saying in an ever so dramatic tone "Who ARE you? How do you think it's right to pick on a handicapped boy!?" to which he said "I AM TORDEK! SON OF...TORDEK! AND I'M IN IT FOR ALL THE BITCHES!" He then body slammed the old man through a table.

>>1936312

Guy sounds like A Bad Dude.

>>1936321
Oddly enough, his alliance is Lawful Good.

>>1936312
Tell me you still play with that guy.

>>1936328
he sounds more like chaotic AWESOME

>>1936229
>>1936312
This guy is awesome.

I think Tordek is a Pretty Cool Guy, eh's in it for the bitches and doesn't afraid of anything.

>>1936334
Of course I do. He still acts the same as he did back then. In fact every character he ever makes is Tordek, whether it be an ancestor or son, and regardless of whatever the game is. He acts the same in every game and it's always hilarious.

>>1936321
A bad enough dude, I daresay, to rescue the President.

>>1936345
That's the fucking best thing I've ever heard.

>>1936346
Or to hit his own Dick with a hammer.

>>1936312
fucking
awesome

Isn't Tordek the Wizards' premade Dwarf character?

>>1936312
/r/ drawfag to draw Tordek body slamming an old man through a table.

>>1936357
Yeah, I'm assuming he pulled the name from either the starter box or the PHB.

>>1936358
Seconded.

Tordek is a god among men!

anyone who ever EVER made a drow character....jesus fucking christ......and they were always a DARK BROODING MYSTERIOUS EVIL GOODGUY WITH A DARK PAST! always.......

It pissed me right off whenever people put their alignment as evil but always do good shit. I hate evil quests to begin with, but these idots got me so pissed. Granted this was back when i was in high school and not to mention the anime and D&D club were the same fucking club......

>>1936371
well i know what my next character is: a drow that got kicked out for not being emo enough

>>1936358
If this doesn't happen, I swear to god, heads will roll.

>>1936358
>>1936366
Drawfags don't let us down.

>>1936358
THIRDED

>>1936371

It's ironic that original Drow play to their species traits.

I would have penalized him for not following his alignment and changed it to chaotic neutral for uhmm 1500 EXP, but the rest of it would have been for the lulz and gave him 250 XP for the "Magic Wuss" pun. He'll get over the alignment change penalty in 3 o 4 game sessions. By that time the wizard will have learned Fireball and he'll show some respect ;)

some furfag girl that everyone was pussy whipped for. She ended up being a half-dragon who was LOLRANDOM and she bitched and whined until she got a dragon egg that had her future boyfriend in it. Bitch was so fucking annoying and would constantly cry and moan when things didn't go her way.....in fact.... are there any females that are bearable to play D&D with?

>>1936394
Tordek respects no one except the the bitches, trust me.

>>1936394
Tordek would say fuck you.

You are not manly enough to touch him.

>>1936358
fourthed

>>1936396
this is the most correct comic i have ever seen in my entire life.

>>1936400
he will when he gets 5d6 fire damage up his 3rd level ass!

>>1936397
yes, my fiancee who DM's for us enjoys when we suffer and succeed

Tordek is my new hero.

>>1936414
You don't seem to understand, Tordek doesn't think magic's for wusses...he knows. He also knows that some baby wizard is about to get snapped in half over his mammoth and fully erect penis.

>>1936414

Then he'll say fuck you and your magic bullshit, grapple you and throw your ass through several windows.

>>1936414
PSHAW Tordek would merely eat said fireball, and then proceed to suplex said caster's ass into a table.

>>1936397
>are there any females that are bearable to play D&D with?
Those that Tordek has lawful good slapped to realize their mistakes.

Tordek's rod is practically Immovable in his searhc for all the bit- CLANG!

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

>>1936419
Tordek is my new PATRON DEITY

>>1936421
>>1936422
>>1936424

baddudemind

TORDEK FOR PRESIDENT!

Tordek is now a Prophet for the Tordek-faith.

TORDEK IS MY GOD, AND HE WILL REWARD MY WORK WITH BITCHES.

>>1936421
>>1936422
>>1936424
3X Manly combo, goddamn. The player who plays Tordek would be proud.

inb4archieve.

>>1936432

WHERE'S MY TORDEK DRAWING DRAWFAGS?

PEOPLE! Lest we forget the awesomeness that was Bajor not too long ago - the neutral evil cleric who crushed babies with a warhammer for an intimidation bonus during trading, and shitting in random people's houses just because he could.

>>1936439
>inb4archieve.
Just gtfo.

I once beat a warrior like Tordek with my rogue in the arena. All it took was a little of magic and some rope. Critical strikes on defenseless characters, no matter how manly they are give them hell. ;)

>>1936438
BITCHES FOR THE BITCH GOD

>>1936449
he's also in the pantheon of heroes canonized through sheer badass that I am drawing for my own personal use at a later date now.

>>1936449
Tordek and Bajor need to join forces.

>>1936449

Bajor vs. Tordek?

>>1936449
but he uses magic, and is thus a wuss

>>1936458
Please drop off a copy of the PDF on rapidshare when your compilation is complete, good sir. It would be muchly appreciated.

>>1936453
Wrong.
You are already dead but live in illusion you won him.
He beat you up so awesome you went into denial.

>>1936439

in during

Tordek, Bakor, and Jorrack: Manly gods among manly men.

Archived so future generations can witness the manliness.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/1936214/

>>1936473
God, I wish I was a drawfag...I would try to draw this, then fail miserably as the sheer awesomeness would be too difficult to contain on one sheet of paper.

>>1936453
>a warrior like Tordek

There's your flaw, it wasn't Tordek. If it was you'd be dead.

Awesome thread!

Archive faggots should just fuck off though.

Guy once played a bard1/fighter1/barbarian1. Luckily the game never got far enough for him to take a level in sorcerer, a level in rogue and a level in marshal.

>>1936439
Who the fuck is that?

>>1936456

I don't think any of us want to pay allegiance to the Bitch God.

>>1936497

Some dick. Tordek would fuck his shit up, all for the bitches of course.

>>1936504

WHAT ABOUT THE BITCH-LOVING GOD OF MANLINESS, TORDEK?

But who would win in a fight: Mannfred von Mann, Tordek, or Roosevelt (pick either Theodore or Franklin)?

I was going to post some stories of my own but...

ITT TORDEK.

>>1936397
There was a girl in one of my old gaming groups who rules pretty damn well, and had a penchant for making the most over-the-top manly characters she could. She liked Barbarians and Fighters, especially.

>>1936530
fuck, "knew the rules pretty damn well"

>>1936530
>>1936532

TORDEK IS NOT AMUSED.

so is tordek genetically different bro?

>>1936543
Tan skin and blonde hair. Just like his player.

>>1936397
My wife. It's actually how we met. It was a bit confusing at first (she was playing a male elf), although that translated into her character being very androgynous. We started dating after it became evident that her elf had designs for my dwarf's beard. Sexually and not. Every time we camped she'd make a Sneak roll and braid his beard differently.

We still RP together whenever we get the chance. The only quirk is that she's a feminist and flips out when people use the word 'bitch' or similiar. She's currently running a halfling bard, I'm a halfling rogue, and our party is pretty much a travelling circus of height-deficient people (Dwarven Strongman, Gnome wizard, Halfling Druid). We're known as The Halfling Brothers Circus (Druid and me are in-character brothers). We're currently traveling to an exotic land so the druid can finally get a Great Cat for an animal companion.

Tordek is fucking amazing.
TORDEK, god of manliness.
Portfolio : All the bitches

in during epic Tordek thread

So does anyone have Tordek's stats?

>>1936543

Also, he's probably so ice cold that he pisses ice cubes.

>>1936731
Not with me, no. The player has held onto all of his Tordek sheets. He has about three folders full of them.

Tordek's portfolio is similar to George Zimmermans stories.

EXCEPT THEY ARE ALL TRUE.

>>1936731
Big (15)
Strong (25)
Manly (30)
Bitch Getting (60)

>>1936720
this picture is exactly how i imagined Tordek.

All Hail Tordek, God of Manliness

One of my old partners way-back-when when I actually HAD a D&D board was always an emo Drow androgynous fag who claimed to be good, but was always doing petty shit to warrant him/her evil. Like, stealing from shops when we had plenty of supplies, and attempting to kill our party members in "the heat of battle". Not only that, but when we were about to penalize her(the player) for it, she pulled the shit excuse "He/she is really just possessed by an evil spirit creature, which caused me to destroy my entire village, leaving me an outcast orphan who cannot control his/her immense destructive power, so now we all have to try and cure him/her, so drop everything you're doing and HELP ME."

See, we've got it all wrong. Tordek is _in_ all the bitches. At once

one of my former gaming group would always play the most useless weaboo fucking monk characters

There's gotta be bitches in this swamp somewhere.

Maybe like some lizard-bitches or something.

The old guy Tordek is body slamming is saying "HNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!"

One concept I had was a female human whose home was pillaged when she was a baby and she was taken in by the chieftain of a orc tribe, who just so happened to have a stigma against slaughtering though not strong enough to fight back, specifically kids. So he took in the girl, whose parents had been killed. She was raised as a orc and thus, went through brutal training to be a barbarian, all while believing that she was a orc, albeit a very pink one. However, there was eventually a civil dispute between the orcs that followed under the honorable chieftain and the orcs that didn't and thus, the entire clan was nearly wiped out, leaving the girl alone at the age of 14. She travelled on her own, but passed out from exhaustion one day and awoke to find that slave traffickers that taken her prisoner and for a time, she was pretty much a sex object for customers to come in and have their way. The first instance, the guy wanted a BJ, but after he stuck it in her mouth, she bit it off. This went on for several months, until a paladin and company busted the slave trade and freed her from imprisonment. Feeling very happy from being free from such confine, she decided that she wanted to go and give other people that same sort of happiness, in whatever way she can.

That's my concept. Good or bad, I really don't care. It was fun

A superhero game where one character with shadow powers just kept running around with a luchador mask he stole, eating frozen waffles in a corner.

That's all he did, and came up with bullshit reasons why he wouldn't/couldn't use his powers in combat when he couldn't wander off.

>>1936397
Actually, I group has a girl that plays. She comes up with decent, fairly original character concepts that usually benefit the party in some way. She has been the only person to roll a bard, and is currently playing a monk (who can never seen to hit anything D:) that has "rescued" a rust monster from the rest of the group, and now uses it as a mount.

Currently, we have a human devil-blooded marshal/knight, the human monk, a kobold cleric/master inquisitive, a hobgoblin ranger/bloodhound, and a bugbear rogue.

The kobold master inquisitive is freaking hilarious. He carries around a small wooden box to stand on when he is talking to people, and seems to think he is about 9 feet tall. The monk is going to wind up getting blinded (and might go drunken master).

Not all characters of female players are annoying. The closest thing to a problem I ever had with all my female players is that they're less interested in/willing to research and hardcore learn the rules like the guys do, so their characters end up being on the weaker side because they build them just for fun rather than focusing on power (i.e. three prestige classes that don't synergize at all, but all fit the character's personality). Though this actually turned out to be a good thing, since the two male players were very powergamerish, so the women helped balance out the party a bit.

>>1936371

See, our group has the exact opposite problem: The only person who wants to play drow would totally play her to type. Complete with whips, chains, and leather.

We don't let her play drow.

>>1936530

I knew a girl like that. Always played hugely buff male characters who seduced every female he met.

She fucked like a wild animal, too.

Our wizard didn't bother with pages, she just took Lina Inverse's whole gorram playbook.

Also, Well-adjusted, professional fellow who left his demon-worshipping family at an early age (10-ish), found his way to the temple district and found Lastai's temple, got taken in as errand boy for a brothel until he was noticed by a member of the local theives guild and sponsored for training. A dash of Shikamaru thrown in when other characters are acting unusually childish.

Julius, the "cattation" balance paladin, from a city that is temporally faster than the rest of the world so they can get their numbers up faster to defend against the only other kingdom that hates them. He is married to a Gynosphinx, another cattation who's a druid, a female-like construct, and a gendershifting human martial artist who is stunningly exactly like Ranma. He wields metal claws on top of his normal claws and gets two damage rolls per hand attack, due to his class, he can change his alignment to the opposite of whatever is most prevalent in the immediate area, and his sole purpose is to slay gods. He has something like 20-30 kids with his various wives and his race grants something called "speed points" which are similar to action points except they can only be used to get the benefits of a speed-related effect once per turn, such as a haste effect to get a second full round action at the end of an initiative, get a +20 dodge insight to armor class, double movement speed, and so on.

What made it even worse was he couldn't roleplay for shit and was just a fucking furry.

Then there was Serena, disciple of a player-made goddess of magic, the goddess gave her epic-level shit that was a MINIMUM of major woundrous and +5 stuff and somehow wound up with 59 AC (though it became apparent she had no idea how the fuck to calculate AC). She had every spell ever in the game, it was a matter of preparing it each day, and she was always trying to kill fellow party members for giggles, not to mention sleeping with anything that brushed against her character. OH yes, her character was a WINGED cattation. Neutral Good.

>>1938489

>cattation

...

Let me guess...

>>1938489
Cattation, by the way, meets the description of Catfolk or Rakshasa.

Another horrible concept that if it weren't for the fact he showed up for one game and one game only, could have lead to hilarious results, was a construct designed to look like a pseudodragon who had the ability to fold limbs and body parts back like a transformer's toy to turn into a dildo, spinning a centrifugal balance in his chest to cause him to vibrate.

Any of the DMPCs in that particular game were so heinously lifted from whatever anime/game/movie he just watched or played that there were sessions where I'd just bury my face in my palms and leave the room without a word for a while.

The blood elf warlock NO ONE in the game approved who had a soul-stealing staff with some shitty background that she's the last of her kind and from another dimension, robbing the royal treasury before leaving and having some really powerful equipment, and did her best to sleep with anyone in the group and would do her best to get the entire party raped. Literally so, not as in killed or anything. The character functioned like a WoW warlock, with soul stealing and such, the class features were not actually approved by any DM, so we were all glad when she finally died a horrible death. The player was the same one as serena, and her idea of roleplaying was being a complete bitch trying to harm the party as the blood elf despite being chaotic good, and making squealing and loud, obnoxious meows as the cattation who was literally trying to set things up so the rest of the party would die and she could take their things, despite being neutral good.

>>1938540

How long ago was this, and have the scars healed over?

>>1938540
Why was she not punched in the face, or at least slapped, at some point? You did not serve justice that day, Vhailor is very disappointed.

Blind sniper.

Lawful stupid paladin that smote anything he could, never tried to talk things through (forget thinking), just charged into battle and did hundreds of damage.

Same person for both.

>>1938553
Two years ago when the characters were made, with the exception of the blood elf warlock, they went from about level 1-9 before they left our group forever because of STDs they caught from one another and the girl playing was cheating on the guy in control of Julius and caught Hepatitis.

The scars have yet to heal, though I did my best to mess with them, such as the mind flayer freedom paladin who tried to eat Julius' brains, Johnathan the werewolf monk who was going to give them the STD of lycanthropy, and a few other attempts.

To this day, our group speaks of them in hushed whispers. George Threepwood, half orc cleric, is the only one who still remembers all in the group.

>>1938489

>>1938593

You have my sympaties, brave DM.

>>1938540

Is St. Cuthbert gonna have to smite a bitch?

Those are some fucked up players you had there, John.

>>1938686
When doesn't he?

One of the guys in our group tended to make interesting but not exactly... appropriate characters in Vampire. One of them was the worst Lasombra ever.

The original concept was a shrewd old woman who was an excellent lawyer, a Lasombra antitribu with ample amounts of Dominate and Obtenebration (yum, shadow tentacles). Her name was B.P. Sherridan. She could have been deliciously and subtly evil. It could have worked, really, it could have.

Instead, he played her like a sort of senile, genial old woman who didn't ever quite understand what was going on. We ended up calling her Beepy, which is not quite something you'd associate with a Lasombra, let alone any fucking vampire. Evidence:

Beepy: "I haven't had tea in the longest time..."
Winslow: "That's because afternoon tea would KILL you."

She was comically racist (I think she called me a sand demon because I was half-Egyptian) and called all of us "dearie", which was all good, but when she was supposed to be doing productive things, she just ended up taking her ghoul to the movies, ghouling a mouse, or randomly threatening to blow up my character because I didn't trust A GODDAMN LASOMBRA enough and kept excluding her from private meetings. The only remotely useful thing she did was her last-- she took her stupid grenades down into the tomb we had been fucking around with/exploring, and went to attack the mind-controlled vampiric guards in uniforms from various eras who were in front of a giant mirror there. In the first round, she took down the soldier from the Napoleonic era, and then was promptly annihilated by the rest of them.

What did the player say?

"I KILLED NAPOLEON!"

And we could never convince him otherwise.

(The sad thing is, his previous character was somehow LESS retarded despite being an idiotic, happy-go-lucky, one-eyed, deaf Brujah.)

As for terrible, in the first game my friend ran at our high school gaming club, there was a guy (an Aspie, shockingly) who we didn't really know who wanted to join our new Vampire game.

Everybody else had made acceptable characters, but he had to have it his way. He wanted to play Luke Skywalker. In Vampire. So, the ST being inexperienced, she allows him to be a Caitiff with his own telekinesis discipline. He wants a lightsaber, she says absolutely not, but he can have a shitty fake one that he wears around dressed as Luke. Oh, and he had a Delorian.

Now, as a Malkavian or anyone else being deluded, this could have been funny. Instead, he was incredibly obnoxious and insisted on bringing up his abilities as much as possible (and trying to be badass and failing), despite being totally fucking useless and everyone hating him for legitimate in character reasons. Fortunately, the game was short, but while it lasted I saw the most anti-Caitiff shit I've ever seen. And the Gangrel used his claws to scratch I A STUPID into the side of the Delorian.

Then later there was a rather smelly guy who wanted to play Inu Yasha, so his white-haired PC walked around New York City in a fucking kimono. I'm pretty sure he insisted that he had kawaii dog ears, but we all completely ignored it.

When I was a kid (like, twelve) my friends and I were absolutely the shittiest roleplayers in the history of roleplaying. I just played the same damn faceless, personality-free cleric in every setting, my best friend played some anime guy, his friend played a SPACE MARINE - looking back, I don't think we even had a DM, we just talked about how great our characters were and rolled dice. Utter faggotry. We grow and learn, I suppose.

Could be worse. I played a game at a Dungeons and Dragons *camp*, once, and there were these two assholes who would always roll ninja theives regardless of setting. Not only that, but they'd insist on wall-climbing their way everywhere. Everywhere.

Everywhere. Even if there weren't walls, they tried to climb trees, animals, people, ANYTHING. Not a turn went by for five solid days of gaming where they didn't try a climb check on something - at least, not until the DM got sick of it and had a basilisk turn them to stone.

>>1939240
FUCK YEAH GENERICLERIC

Honestly, it sounds like you were the best of the bunch, really.

>>1939099
That's horrible that you had to game with those two.

>>1939261

I am stealing the term GeneriCleric.

>>1939286
Well, that was only for about a month. Then we started conveniently heading to the usual GM's basement without telling them. This avoided both them and the gigantic hambeast who wore elf ears and a big green cape to school and talked about how she wanted to fuck Aragorn all the time, as well as the anime club stragglers who played Teenagers from Outer Space with her.

But GOD that kid smelled awful.

>>1939301
I insist that you also call groups of owlbears "loaves" as well. As in, "You see a loaf of owlbears wandering across the majestic plains."

Elven cleric of some god of life. Took it as an excuse to be a lech. That was one of my more hilarious turns, actually, running around in a party that included a stereotypical dwarf fighter who spent a turn as a brewer before becoming a fighter and spent most of the time drunk, an elven rogue that liked to light things on fire and sneak up behind people and threaten to cut their balls off while poking them with a dagger, a wizard that was afraid to set foot on the ground (never got off his flying carpet)...

I remember in high school, we all tried to make the story go somewhere, but two guys, both named Kyle, managed to derail the game and everything devolved into in-jokes and normal goofing off.

We never got nowhere, but we still had lotsa fun.

>>1939301

I am going to apply it to our group's 'joe pelorian cleric.'

Rogue, wizard (myself), and fighter. Our barbarian was under mind control and our cleric was gone for the day. I think it was a given that the fighter should have been holding the barbarian off as the rogue and wizard gave support, but no. He runs away from us, goes into the closest building's second floor and shoots arrows from it. This left us two low HP and AC characters to fend off the barbarian as our fighter missed every damn shot. The rogue character had some balls and decided to fight him head on, within three rounds he was at 1 health and I had no spells. We run away as the barbarian now goes after the fighter. Immediately he starts shouting for us to help out of character. He bitches and moans as he loses more and more hp, he then states that he won't play if his character dies. The DM, fed up with his bitching and obviously aware that the barbarian character was getting bored (He couldn't control his actions) says "Ok, fine. I'll rolls this one, behind he screen he fudges a roll and says that the barbarian is now knocked out. The DM awards him and him alone 100exp despite the fact that the rogue and myself did all we could. The fighter player now acts high and mighty despite that we were all annoyed with him. One of the worst D&D experiences in my life.

>>1939365
>*"Ok, fine. I'll roll this one", behind the screen he fudges a roll

Sorry about that.

Tordek is the new Chuck Norris.

>>1939316
The only problem was that the player that had the elf was a little, shall we say, fruity. He'd flirt with my dwarf in game, and now and then "accidentally" touch my legs under the table.

When the game was over and I was head out to my car he grabbed me by the shoulders while now one else was around and kissed me. We were kind of young and confused at the time and long story short: I had a homo-erotic experience that I still have crying fits over now and then.

>>1939424

Woooow. It was that traumatizing?

>>1939419
FUCK CHUCK NORRIS

that shit was never funny and you're a faggot for thinking otherwise.

>>1939424
I lol'd.

>>1939434
I just kind of cut off from that entire group and never went back. I've NEVER talked about it with anyone I know personally.

>>1939424
>crying fits
From Lost Love that could have Been, or from having you first kiss stolen?

>>1939424
>I had a homo-erotic experience that I still fap over now and then.

fixd

>>1939365
Care to explain his character? (the fighter)

>>1939458
Spear wielding headband and eyepatch wearing fisherman who was once in a mercenary group which he got kicked out of for betraying them. They constantly hunt him day and night (or so he says, the DM refuses to change the plot to revolve around him.)...We were level one.

>>1939455
I'll go with the first there, because he pitched.

>>1936229
ALL HAIL TORDEK, GOD OF AWSOME MANLINESS

Elven Spellsword with XTREME HARDCORE PAST.

Every single -game-.

Campaign ended with him sucking down epic disjunction

>>1939444
Man, don't laugh at me. It was horrible. You can't imagine how horrible 16 year olds having unlubed anal in the back of a station wagon is.

>>1939542
Well it's your own fault for not staying hetero, really.

>>1939559
Obviously you've never seen the effects of Dad's Liquor Cabinet on a bunch of 16 year olds who are super nerds and never touched a woman.

>>1939567
obviously you and all of /tg/ has.

>>1939424
The only reason you'd be crying is if you were afraid of liking it.

Fuck you guys! I thought you'd be understanding! It's assholes like you that drive people to play drow!

>>1939567
Well, I didn't drink underage because I was somewhat intelligent, so yeah. I was, however, a supernerd (though I'd had some minor experience with women tracing back to middle school). Still, staying straight has never really been a problem for me.

>>1939627
>It's assholes like you that drive people to play drow!
LOL, OH WOW

>>1939627
The effects of Dad's Liquor Cabinet on me only got me Hot Hot Nerdgirl Action.

I really wish she hadn't moved away. BAWWW.

>>1939627
Ha! I can see it now

>I was forced into a gay experience, so instead of telling the guy off, I ran away from the Underdark to live a Drow free life and cry about my threatened sexuality.

>>1939627

Hey, I've never kissed another human that I wasn't already related to, man or woman.

>>1939681
You incestuous pedophile dog-raper.

>>1939689

What, you've never been kissed by a granma?

I wish my dad had a liquor cabinet. Or even liquor.

>>1939701

Or is this the usual purposeful misinterpretation?

thread is win

The only strange one was dad, because he always kissed on the lips for some reason.

>>1939704
or even bitches, good thing I have tordek, patron god of awesome to get me some.

>>1939727
TOO MUCH INFORMATION

>>1939727

Nice lack of a space between the two words, numbskull.

oh god this thread

>>1939762
Hey, stop trying to steal my name. It's not my fault my Wii doesn't auto fill in my name for me, and it's hard as hell to type on this thing with any decent speed.

>>1936229

This is the greatest character ever.

>>1936371
This post has inspired me to make a hippie feel good drow that wears every color of the rainbow at all times.

>>1939850
I have an idea for a drow with a DARK AND MYSTERIOUS PAST that includes living in the lap of luxury with perfect parents and a loving family and love and happiness. But he's still dark and brooding out of spite.

>>1936449
Don't forget his god died and he BECAME the evil god because he had a shit load of followers.

>>1936394

You fucking newfag, go home.

>>1939635
Fuck you,

I drank from when I was roughly 12 years old thanks to my 3 year older cousin taking me out to parties. Drinking and smoking daily from the age of 14 never had any effects on my sexuality. Well apart from the one time that I sucked a guy off, but seriously, who hasn't?

>>1939935
3 year old cousin? Did he take you to them in his petal car?

>>1939954
Learn to read amirite?

>>1939935
dude its not gay if you dont make eye contact

>>1939964
Before during or after?

>>1939964
Solution: Blindfolds. Soft, black silk blindfolds.

>>1939979
Any

>>1936453
>Rogue
>Magic
> ;)

Get the fuck out you fucking newfag cocksucker.

>>1939935
Learn to make up better stories and write them better

>>1936521

If it's Teddy, then all three are the same person.

>>1937881

Not enough Orc Rape.

Our parties "leader figure" is an whiney annoying Lawful Eleven Paladin. He plays the charcther fairly well, but he has constant OOC bitching. He pisses and moans because nobody in the party respects him (the rest of the party is choatic netural), he whines when the Barbian Orc gets to kill things he wanted to kill, and he whines when his alignment constricts him "Why can't I kill people the Bard has fasinated?" Because your a Paladin you dumb nob. So he is all upset that the Bard of the group (me in case your wonder) can prevent him from kililng something, he has the nevre to ask me not to fasnicate people so he can kill them.

for fourth edition i'm making a warlock pestered by fairy voices in his head. convinced he's insane he just drinks to try to drown them out.

>>1940068
Now *that*s a Paladin Falls situation if any. Seeking out more violent means to end a conflict?

>>1940068
>Lawful Eleven Paladin.

I fucking HATE that number.

>>1939041

This is a great character and you suck for not liking her.

>>1940105
Dude what, I loved her. We still had to PUT UP with her.

"The Tremere just showed up at my house last night. They're going to kill me."
"Well, dearie, I'm off to a film with good old Charlie. Would you like to come?"
"YOU-- ...no thank you, Ms. Sherridan."

God, so many amazing characters in that game.

>>1939444

How did you know I was a cripple? STOP RAPING ME D:<

>>1940123

Well, you deserved to die for being fat.

>>1940123
>Mrs Sheridan

Anna?

>>1939935
Well, I haven't.

>>1940135
Aw, c'mon, this is a good thread. Post stories here. Troll me in some other thread or on IRC.

One time we were rolling up new characters for a rousing game in my group's DM's homebrow campaign setting. My general role in our groups is arcane spellcaster, because I'm the only one who can be fucked to learn what most of the spells do, so I decide I'm going Elven wizard and proceed to stat rolling. The group watches on as, on my first attempt, I roll every single stat somewhere in the region of 15-18. I believe his final statline was 16, 18, 15, 18, 16, 16.

At this point I decided that, given my character was practically the most genetically perfect elf to ever exist in the campaign setting, I was going to be the blonde haired, green eyed leader of our party, and I took the Leadership feat. The DM says "You know what? You're the first son of one of the great elven families of the city."

There then followed a great and rousing game where my Aryan super-elf bossed around all the other players (as it transpired that he had technically hired them). He had a tendency to buff himself into insensibility and then charge into combat wielding his signature silvered longsword, despite only having wizard levels, and outshining all the other characters in just about every combat encounter we had to face as a group.

Fortunately a good time was had by all since our DM wasn't retarded and was capable of giving everyone a chance to shine despite my dominance of our group combats. Eventually Super-Elf ascended to the position of head of the family after some other, more evil elven family had him off'd by assassins, and in the process of exacting my revenge I turned the capital city of the country we were in into a giant warzone. Good times.

>>1940150
Had his dad off'd by assassins, I mean.

>>1940147

...Okay, I'm curious now, what's the whole cripplerape thing about? I've seen it mentioned in association with you a couple of times.

>>1940169

Her Ventrue accountant raped a crippled werewolf or something. Basically, MSHI always plays Anne-Rice-style gay vampires, and VtM is her super favoritest game ever, which is enough reason to make fun of her at every opportunity.

>>1940150

Mary Sue!

More of what my friends wanted me to do -- my superhero character in a D&D setting. I hadn't roleplayed under a system like this before. Friends from school insisted I play said character with them. The first battle rolled around and I shot a stun attack at a monster. The game came to a halt and the DM was at a loss. "Uh... I don't know how to handle that..." "Um, you guys told me to do this but just said we'd wing it when it came to this." "Well, uh... I guess write down everything he does and I can try to work it out next session..."
I immediately declined and rolled fighter and continued a short while later. I was the only one who roleplayed, and the only one who seemed to not be goofing off. It didn't last more than two sessions. The DM was whining because "I want to play a character tooooo!" He claimed he knew one of those DMs that will kill you in a session or two (but it's so fun!) and was going to get him to DM for us. This situation was avoided because one guy's girlfriend refused to let him attend ever again.

A friend of mine had his own RP system worked out and invited me to play with him (just to test it out). He also encouraged me to play said character, easily worked out the stats/skills of said superhero character, who was dimensionally pulled into his RP world by it's gods. If my logs are any hint, we ran it for well over a hundred sessions. It was epic., went for a year or two...

As we started to get late-game, he ran out of ideas, took a break. We had a couple sessions after that, which involved some system changes. But he'd changed his system too much to want to continue with it in it's present form. He disappeared into a NWN persistent world for a year. After that I could never get him to resume it.

>>1940169
INSERT SIGH HERE
Part I:
In the game with the aforementioned Lasombra, my first character was a paraplegic accountant, Gangrel and asshole extraordinaire. I can link you to the massive wall of text in the archive about him if you want, but I'll give you the short version: over this year-long game, he went from incredibly pathetic failure to a ridiculously broken Sabbat werewolf/vampire who successfully diablerized the Prince and became a Sabbat hero.

Part II:
The neckbeardiest of my group decided to take a scene that had occurred and change it to a terrible rapefic, and he made it as furry as possible. It's not actually cripplerape; rather, he wrote about MY werepire cripple raping HIS big black vampire. You don't want to read it, I assure you, but it's here:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/1405004/

>>1940198
>Ventrue
WHY IS THIS THE PART THAT MADE ME RAGE

>>1940201
PCs cannot be Mary Sues. DMPCs arguably can.

>>1940214
Here's where the stupid comes into play. We handled the test-RP-system online. There was this girl I knew online who caught wind of this and desperately wanted to play.

She wanted to play a half-dragon. However the DM flatly said, "No. Dragons are gods in this world." To which she gleefully said, "than I coud; be a half drogan god who hepls you guys otu by kicknig everythnigs ass :P" "NO."
-- Note, she couldn't form a sentence for the life of her.

She presented other ideas for him to let her play, instead. Half-cat? Half-elemental? Everything was a halfbreed and she'd banter on about how munchkin it was going to be. He finally got pissed off and banned her from the channel.

>>1940258
Yeah, my Super-Elf didn't automatically win just because he was the personification of my own arrogance. That was entirely coincidental.

>>1940308
That wasn't the homebrew Yhared, was it?

>>1939935

I haven't.

Is it THAT hard to stay straight in this modern age?

>>1940308
However, she wouldn't stop pestering ME about wanting to roleplay, so I agreed to do so separately.

Because I was already playing my superhero, I tried another character out, which was basically a psionic cat that could talk. She didn't want me to play this and wanted something "more human".

After HEAVY pestering, I agreed to play my superhero here as well, with the inclusion of the cat as his companion (I intended to make the cat the main and the hero the side character).

Within one session she's turned the hero into a Ranma-style water-changes-gender character, and dragged him (now her) off to a bedroom. "fast forwerd too morning we no wahts goeng to happin :P"

She did NOT like the cat character from the start, which was obvious. She introduced a half-cat female (Felicia clone), made the cat mutate into a half-cat male, and dragged him off to a bedroom. I lost control of that character and never saw him again.

Any attempt to bring battle into play resulted in her one-shotting everything with her various halfbreeds. She did a 5-mile-wide explosion to kill a demon.

Whenever I introduced a new character, her characters would attempt to test their strength (aka kill them).

After a short time into any given session, I would get a headache just from dealing with the stupidity and hard to read text.

My DM from the other campaign asked why I put up with it.

"Because I'm looking for a chance to utterly derail it, destroy her attempted storyline, and find a legit excuse to kill her characters."

The story ended short when I investigated the player a little. She had spoken lies about her identity (said she lived in Dallas but an IP check pulled up California). I found out she was really a fat, hairy dude. Soon as I hinted his secret, he went into hiding.

>>1940401
I was a bit saddened by this, really. We were getting close to some of the crap I had set aside.

See, any monster or villain that appeared, she'd just blow up or decapitate without asking questions. My characters never, ever were able to enter combat. It would just be over at the drop of a hat.

I even went through the effort of making a powerful demonic creature (I hoped I'd at least be able to participate)... She instantly obliterated it with her advanced magic-tech weapons.

In a previous session she'd buried her sword on a beach to be less conspicuous. She then left that continent and forgot about the sword.

I planned to mention it the next time she tried to pull out that stupid thing. If she managed to make it magically return to her, bring in one of the super villains. I'd advise her not to attack him, but she would anyway of course. But see, that guy's got a heart monitor.. If his life ends, he'd take countless lives with him. It would've been the first step to making her suffer for being a munchkin, and making her an outright enemy. Of course, she probably had some lame ass ability to reverse time too...

>>1940486
>>But see, that guy's got a heart monitor (wired to a bunch of hidden nukes)... If his life ends, he'd take countless lives with him.
fix'd

The dungeon master had a character that just about always had me in a bad mood. This character was a furfag female which he took way too long introducing as "sexy" (the details were inappropriate so I won't specify) anyway 3 things got my real pissed off...
1) she was a professional sniper/shooter with guns...thats right, in a medieval campaign. She was a breakthrough in weapon science and carried around some big rifle which reloaded for every round and had a scope on it...d12 with damage adding bullets and whatever magic would do to the base weapon itself.
2)The DM made it so his character was caught masturbating...again don't wanna hear this, please god let there be a random encounter cause RP is dead.
3) The backstory was so messed up with his character; she came from an amazon type society. And when my Social-Rogue asked what happened if babies were born boys, she replied with "Well, they are magically turned into girls". My character threw up a few seconds later and everyone in character and out was just like "What is wrong with this world. You okay Felix?"
(my chars name)

>>1940612
>2)The DM made it so his character was caught masturbating
THAT WHOLE THING WAS BAD BUT THIS WAS THE WORST

>>1940401
I believe one character was described as a half-dragon half-god, female but can turn male. Also can turn into a dragon. Her mother is the current god of all the universe and some day she'll take her place (for now she's just acting as a party wizard for giggles I guess?). Her father wasn't immortal but he was evil so that completely explains her chaotic nature and need to try to harm potential friends as much as anyone else, and also why she's half-god and can in some ways almost completely be killed (but only by a full-god).

She also has a portable laboratory she seemed to be able to plop down anywhere and could come back "a little while later" with just about anything you could think of.

>>1940759
This whole thing is just a giant facepalm.

>>1940789
It was. Every second. Every line I was groaning and shaking my head. I couldn't stop just because I wanted to see how horrible it could get before it all came crashing down around him/her.

His main character was a chick who had THE "power of good and evil" sword and some armband (given to her by a mysterious old man) that could do anything, from translating any language to teleporting through dimensional gates to new worlds.

These two characters would essentially go to a new world, drag my characters along, and then end up fucking things up so bad they'd have to flee the scene (we're bored! let's go somewhere else!).