I stepped into some sort of trap-room in a deep dungeon, with only a cryptic riddle to guide me. The DM had fashioned some sort of long hallway filled with deadly traps and hazards, and so on. Very elaborate.
I ended up just checking the walls on my side and one of them was fake. Found my way out and completely bypassed his obstacle course (which, I can only assume, had some sort of hint telling me to go back to where I started).
Technically it worked because I was thinking ahead and my character was so cowardly he wanted to exhaust his options before having to brave an obstacle course, rather than being the kind of gloryhound who'd charge headlong into it.

Playing an Imperial Psyker in Dark Heresy, I had my head cracked open and an arm torn off by a Greater Demon of Khorne, who then possessed me as the party escaped, as an enormous explosion ripped through the underground city we were in, burning me to a crisp, then the entire thing came down on my head.

Prior to this, we got caught up in a battle between Khorne cultists and Slaaneshi cutlists, and eradicated them, including a champion on either side.

Also, caused half my party to go insane with my fear power, I forget what it's called.

I used Death-Touch on a Tarrasque and its following roll was disastrous, and a long epic battle was thus reduced to a quick insta-kill and no HP lost by the party.

By the time he remembered the whole reflect-spell/invulnerability to magic thing, we were long gone.

The DM hated me, but he was an idiot to let me get away with that.

>>1914162
Your GM is criminally stupid.

I'm attempting to make necrons cool in a homebrew mix of 3.5E D&D and dark heresy.
my players control their own legions
there's an ork WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH on a tyranid infested planet who are bout to discover some very fun things.
and there is a fanatical "chaos" lord who fights both chaos and the imperium, believing himself to be some kind of god-to-be who leads a legion of converted religiously fanatical astartes, and who currently has a couple cult-planet-strongholds.
they're about ot get attacked.

The first time one of our friends played with us way back in highschool during a Shadowrun campaign. Most of us had already been playing the campaign for awhile, and our friend has never RPed before in his life. He's playing a dwarf sam, and during the johnson meet, our GM is asking what we'd all like to do - most of us are silent waiting for our face to deal with it.

The new guy jumps on the table and pulls out his meaty dwarf dick and cock slaps the johnson because he didn't like how we were being talked to. The johnson's guards killed him a few seconds later, and it devolved into a crazy gun fight.

Since it was his first time, we just decided to rewind time and after that he did a lot better, but it was fucking hilarious.

>>1914203
Goddamn I lol'd.

>>1914203
More games need to have rewind for this kind of player indulgence, christjesus.

Best thing that happened to me was being trapped in a large room, the only door out blocked. I had a base land speed of 70. As the enemies closed in I did a run at the wall. The DM ruled that I could run up the wall a bit, and make a jump check towards the door. He gave me a -2 because the jump was off the wall though. At 70 speed though I had +16 to jump. I was trained in jump and had 6 level in it. My str was at +1. I rolled a 20. I flew over the heads of my enemies and landed just in front of the door. Waving goodbye to the silly dorfs that had me trapped I walked out the door, closed it, and locked it.

It isn't cool typing about it, but the way we RP it and the rolls just made it epic. Add in I was level 5 and would have died if I had fought, and it got even better.

>>1914162
>I used Death-Touch on a Tarrasque
Jesus Christ.

I was DM and my players stumbled upon a common area of about 40 adult kobolds and 8 children

They proceeded to slaughter the adults while the children huddled in a corner. The kobolds eventually learned not to rush the adventurers (we had a mage who used scorching burst to take out 4 kobolds at a time) and they spread out to the edges of the common room to defend their homes. My friend's warrior then decided to shoot one of the kids with his crossbow to anger the adults, rolls a 20 and shoots the kid in the face. The rest of the party then taunts the kobolds by descrating the corpses of the dead kobolds. The wizard walked around taking out the individual groups of 3 kobolds before they could group up and swarm him, and our warrior threw a corpse at one of the kids, just before the wizard lit them all on fire.

good times

permanent image (which is deceptively named) + plane shift + delayed blast fireball = one hell of a lot of pissed demons.

So I had this paladin who went to fight this Orc King...

>>1915124
So, um, how is genocide awesome?

Especially if they're just freaking kobolds?

>>1915169
well it was a shitload of exp and they were only lvl 2

>>1915184
Congratulations, you just got the same reaction from me as that furry drawing of Vimes did.

Excuse me a moment.

AOUSFGWOUSHCXJ:OUgfudsog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>1915196

>that furry drawing of Vimes

I need this for my "test how zen you are" folder.

>>1915169

if you have to ask go away and play with your crippled emo vampire furry dolls little girl

>>1915196
a furry drawing of vimes?!? where?

>>1915204
You don't want it, trust me.

>>1915208
C'mon, that guy was a 10/10 and you're a 2/10 just because I'm still angry.

>>1915208

I think he's getting at the whole 'demon genocide is more manly' thing.

>>1915223
>2/10
Victory
hooray for low expectations

Delivered a 34 damage blow in WFRP firs edition, and chopped a Chaos Knight in half with a newbie character.
Strenght 4 + 2 (two hadned weapon bonus)
+ 4*6 (Yes I rolled six FOUR times) + 4 on the last throw.

>>1915208
Sure thing, we'll be glad to leave to you place with sociopathic freaks.

>>1915196

Chaotic Neutral players and characters, every last one of them.

>>1915196

I have never raged on 4chan. I'ma pretty mellow guy, and it takes a lot to piss me off.

But a furry drawing of Vimes or ANY character from discworld...

The very idea makes my blood boil.

>>1915169

Genocide is ALWAYS awesome!

>>1915241
yes, give in to your hatred, use your anger, come to the Neardrage side

>>1915249
The more I think about it, the closer I get...

I can feel the rage overtaking me. It is a good pain.

>>1915241
My throat clenched when I saw it. It's not like the drawing itself was terrible.

Okay, I can't think about it anymore.

>>1915226
Oh goodie, someone's missed something.

That's part of it. It's not badass at all to murder a bunch of kobolds and humiliate and torture them before they die. I've massacred shitloads of peasants on one of my characters, but it's not BADASS, and at least my PC had a REASON to do it other than OLOL XP and SO RANDOM AND EEEVIL XD!11

>>1915262

How do you know they didn't have a good reason? I mean outside of the description that clearly painted them as the monsters in that situation. And, hell, that may have been the point.

Anyway, the only awesome thing I can think of is the occasion that my 3rd level Bard managed to bluff a warhoard into leaving his group alone with a blank piece of paper and promises that he'd blow them all to kingdom come. Or maybe it just seemed that way because this was the same incident that involved our Ninja being turned into a pincushion and dropped into a forest.

>>1915258
good young apprentice, Visualize the drawing, is it not horrible does it not cause your mind to burn in white hot impotent RAGE. Accept the rage, let it control you, and you journey to the Nerdrage will be complete.

>>1915313

Ive statted Vimes up as a Dragonborn Paladin with one green and one red eye- not that you would know as he wears an eyepatch!!!

I guess the most recent awesome thing I've done was in our Hunter-ish UA-rules game where we're all playing, you know, normal people, when we happened upon these guys beating the shit out of another PC. Note that none of us are actually good fighters, and in this system, it's quite easy to die and also get arrested.

I am playing a mailman. His highest skill is Google Maps of the Mind, and his General Athletics is only 25. The other person being remotely useful at this time has one leg and has to walk on crutches, and she swings at the closest guy with a crutch, misses, and drops it. My turn. I then get close enough to see that one of them has a gun, which is very bad. I am also close enough to actually see these dudes, and it becomes apparent that they're inhuman monsters.

So, of course, it's time for an Unnatural check. And of course, I fail, so I choose to fly into a berserk rage to CLEANSE THE WORLD OF THIS FILTH. I pick up the crutch and chuck it with all my strength at the guy with the gun-- and roll a 23.

The crutch flies straight into his eye and knocks him the fuck over; he stays the hell down, dropping the gun and clutching his eye for the rest of the fight.

...Yeah, being badass is a very relative thing.

>>1915307
Because he specifically said it was badass because of the XP.

We were playing an all-dwarf party and while clearing out the kobolds from a mine decided to get creative with our unique stature. We upended a mining cart, everyone gut under it and lifted it on our shoulders, and we all stuck our axes out from under the bottom and chopped and hacked blindly through the dungeon. No kobold can defeat the mining cart of doom!

>>1915521
This is awesome. I wish I was part of that game.

Best moment I had was a game I played just last Tuesday. 'crons v. Dark Angels, using Sam and a chaplain on bike. I swear that the Emperor himself was watching over those two, because after taking four consecutive rounds of getting blasted by the monolith, they made every. Fucking. Save.

Sam took out an entire squads of warriors and then mopped up the remainder of another while the chaplain repeatedly charged after the retreating monolith, two destroyer squads, and the last full warrior squad. That game ended because of a brave devastator who proceeded to knock the last wound off of his destroyer lord.

Oh, what destructin they wrought.

>>1915521
The mental image of this makes me laugh.

Requesting drawfagging of this.

One day I'm talking to one of my IRL friends about our mutual love of Discworld and comics and she mentions one of her friends has a DeviantArt account where she's doing a Discworld graphic novel. So she gives me the link. Pic related.

>>1915632

If i ever see that bitch irl i will hurt her

in Risk
i had been losing like a mother fucker, he had taken every piece of the world aside from the eastern united states,
i had one soldier a single Black man, he had one missing leg,a mold line on his eye, and a mis-shapen arm, i had named him Halfy defending his homeland from the foreign invaders, against 230+ soldiers horses and cannons worth of units
he would never attack just build up men
he eventually used up 3 entire colors
He then said, "oh well might as well end it" while laughing to himself
he rolled 4,3,1
i rolled a 6
"remove on soldier" i said not changing my tone
"damn stupid luck....i'll attack again"
5, 1, and 3
6
"remove one soldier" i said
the result was the same for 10 minutes, i then claimed that Halfy had risen several levels after finishing off 3 cannon crews, he started killing 10 men per roll

Halfy, The half blind, limp and cripped old black man fought off the ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET
for 27 fucking minutes, (i remeber because i recorded it inside the box top) after that last roll
half drew a 5 to-
6 6 6

neither of us said anything for a moment...
i then got up drew up my leg, and screamed at the top of my lungs
"FOR HAAALLLFFFFY!!!!
and Axe kicked the board


shit was so cash

>>1915647
Fuck yeah i lol'd

There was this one time where my (relatively low level party) managed to massively piss off a beholder crime lord. He wanted our paladin dead SO BADLY that he put a one million gold piece bounty on the poor sod's head, and that he had the money to back up his claim. Now, what our GM thought that he was telling us was "you're utterly screwed. Get the hell out of town, fast."

What we heard, however, was "one million gold pieces now verifiably exist in the game world."

Dead cat in alleyway: 0gp
Scroll of Polymorph Any Object: 3000gp
Expression on DM's face: Priceless

>>1915647

NEVAR FORGET.

>>1915647

This thread is now about badass moments in Risk games.

>>1915640
I feel sullied enough via the tenuous friend of a friend link.

So a bunch of us had been infiltrating an undead pitfighting ring and we'd been set up as a fighting stable (our gimick was all our names contained the word iron). Well the week before one of the PCs had mentioned the idea of a special match, man vs bear. Well he hadn't turned up this week and they were getting angry because they'd just brought in this bear. So I agree to fight it with the manager throwing in the towel on his first turn, also I fight it bare chested and un-armed. Turns out a large angry ghoulish ex-circus bear drugged up on speed crack and pcp can kill you before your managers first round.

>>1915647

Dammit! Now, fucking NOW, I have something for that "Warcry" thread from yesterday.

>>1915647
HALFY
TRUE AMERICAN HERO!!!

>>1915676

Note to self: Add this to things not to do in any game ever.

I want to believe.

>>1915676
I don't get it. Even if that much never verifiably existed before, couldn't you still polymorph it?

In a recent con game (3.5), I was last one to show up and got to be the designated trapfinder. I was useful for that, and blew my cash load on a lot of utility items - but I was useless in a fight.

Then the GM springs the final baddy on us. And guess what, he's got a flaming spiked chain with Improved Trip. Well, half the party is falling on their asses from this, so I decide to run the fuck away. I abuse the shit out of Mobility and my spider climbing shoes and run up the wall, across the ceiling, past the attacks of opporunity, and somersault through the doorway over his head.

Then I realize I'm behind the fucker, and he hasn't bothered to turn around since I'm a pansy little halfling. So I backstab him.

Oh hey, max roll. Oops, did I just oneshot the BBEG?

>>1915726
You realise that I mean we polymorphed the dead cat into an identical copy of our Paladin's head and then used it to claim the bounty, right? Our DM's flaw was in making the bounty so ridiculously large. If he said something like a 1000 gp bounty, we'd have been all "yeah, let's get out of here before we get harassed by a bunch of bounty hunters." When he said A MILLION, we started thinking "how can we get our hands on it?"

Whatever, I still think successfully claiming a million gold piece reward for killing yourself is a pretty impressive feat.

>>1915752
ah. I see. Yeah, I would have attempted to kill him and then cast true res or something.

>>1915759
We were much too low level for a True Res. The 3k for the scroll of polymorph object was stretching our party's communal gold reserves.

>>1915769
And I just remembered that in the setting we were in the DM had declared that you can't raise/rez spells didn't work.

>>1915647
MANLY TEARS.

>>1915769
haha. I probably would have hired someone to do it. After all, 1 million is quite a bit.

>>1915772
jesus. well fuck my ideas.

>>1915676
>Scroll of Polymorph Any Object

I'm pretty sure that for 1 million gold the beholder would test with True Seeing and Dispel checks.

In fact, he would just fucking look at it with his Anti-magic cone and it would turn into a cat in front of everyone, and back to the fake paladin corpse out of the gaze.

>>1915647

>>1915647
Halfy is now a fucking meme

>>1915823
Effective duration of the polymorph spell was permanent, and for some reason we thought this meant that it was essentially an instantaneous change and not an ongoing magical effect keeping the dead cat not a dead cat, so true seeing, dispel, and that anti-magic cone of beholderness were to no avail. I guess having looked at the spell more thoroughly we were a little off.

>>1915823
isn't polymorph permanent?

>>1915397
Bitchen! see, that is why I am learning UA good enough to DM it. I must spread the good word, even if I must teach people who have never played a p&p.

>>1915647
YES!!! Oh gods do I love Risk. We call that 10xDamage rule "High Risk" in my circle. It helps shorten the endgame.

>>1915861
The polymorph that we did (dead cat to human head) was a permanent change, but a effects of a permanent duration are still vulnerable to dispelling. If the change had been the RESULT of an instantaneous effect, then yeah, it would have been immune to the various methods of testing veracity, but it was actually an ongoing magical effect. OH WELL

I think it's sad that there are actually false stories in this thread.

YOU'RE LYING ABOUT PLAYING RPGS

FUCK

>>1915647
MANLY TEARS
;_;

>>1915869
UA gives me brain boners. The setting is amazing, but we happen to mostly have combined it with a Hunter: the Reckoning-esque one and we use the UA rules because they are fuckwin.

>>1915647
Risk just got Hardcore

I was playing Inquisitor one time and for the first activation my Inquisitor Lord takes a running jump off a 15' high gantry, firing a plasma pistol one handed at a giant vat of promethium. He lands and breaks both his legs, but at the same time critically hits the tank and explodes it with a 10' explosion doing 6D6 damage to everything within, treated like a flamer hit. The end result is over half the enemy party sent up in flames, and so I send my Rogue Trader with duelling pistol to finish off the survivors (he used the handy ladder not 2' from the Inquisitor's broken body.) My opponent lets rip with a shuriken catapult on full auto at point blank (16 shots) and misses every one.

The Rogue Trader fires back with his one pistol bullet, gets a critical hit to the crotch of the enemy and kills him instantly with System Shock. Both my opponent and me cracked up at first the tank exploding (it also destroyed a good chunk of the map, too) and then the Trader dodging all the bullets and calmly (he used 5 Aim actions before firing with his 6th) putting a cap into the enemy's groin.

The other funny Inquisitor moment I can recall was two warbands playing Hot Potato with a target flare for a Basilisk off-map strike. It ended up with one Inquisitor lobbing the beacon through a window where the enemy Vindicare (a member of the party who had thrown the beacon initially) was camping, and him dying as the house was levelled.

That same battle also featured a Daemonhost teamkilling an Arbites with a scattered attempt to use Telekinesis on a large tree.

>>1915647
FUCKING GODLY

>>1915676

Fucking epic. Too bad this guy is right >>1915823

>>1914162
i lol'd
then i looked at it in shame for not being as epic as >>1915647

HALFY IS NOW A MEME

For the sake of variety, my players and I sometimes switch from our normal campaign of standard righteous heroes to our "Shadows" campaign, where everyone plays a demonic shadow-imp kind of creature in service of the God of Suffering. It's a great change-up in a lot of ways. Players are intentionally malicious, PCs are expendable and die often, as opposed to the normal campaign where permanent player death is a rarity, improvised weapons are the destructive tools of choice and rewards are higher on innocent people.

During one such mini-campaign, a man was ripped in half via tug-of-war between two greedy PCs, a town was sent into infighting paranoia as the Shadows waged a campaign of fear against them in the style of classic monster movies, one PC used another as a projectile weapon, at least three graves were urinated on, and an entire house was brought down on a sleeping priest. I gave my players the invitation to be vicious little fucks and they ran with it, sowing the kind of creative destruction I was in awe of. Maybe it's just easier to be a badass when you're actually bad.

One of my favorite moments was when one of them beat a villager to death with his own severed arm. A second PC, thoroughly unimpressed with this cliché method of killing, one-upped him by beating a nearby villager to death with her own child.
They were heading back with bags full of loot when the third PC then buddied up to them, put his arms around their shoulders, and slit their throats, taking their loot (and glory) for himself as he raced back to announce his glorious victory to his master.

>>1916584
It doesn't work that way kid

>>1916661
I'm currently resisting the urge to host an evil campaign. You're not helping.

>>1916661
>at least three graves were urinated on
>at least three
How the fuck do you lose count of something like that?

During a DnD game we ended up fighting mirror duplicates of ourselves with opposite alignments that were compelled to kill their corresponding player. My brother, playing a rogue, was killed by his duplicate. His alignment was true neutral. The DM decided to let him continue playing as the mirror duplicate because it was basically the exact same person. His first move was to loot his own body.

>>1917043
Little moments like that make me giggle when I try to sleep.

>>1917043
>The DM decided to let him continue playing as the mirror duplicate
This was a pretty standard and uninspiring story until you got to this part, whereupon it became one of the most FUCK YEAH awesome moments in any campaign I've ever heard.

I fucking applaud the DM that basically looked at the situation and just said "fuck it", and let him roll with it.
That takes balls.

I believe I will archive this thread.