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  • File :1211258044.gif-(22 KB, 536x902, coverthepurchase.gif)
    22 KB Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:34 No.1775987  
    Sup /tg/.

    First, a bit of background. My character is a Human Paladin who has taken a vow of celibacy (fluff only, not a feat.) My DM is female, and so is the BBEG, an Enchantress. In last weeks session my paladin got separated from the party and went up against the BBEG, who cast Dominate Person and tried to seduce me.

    I told the DM that since this was against my nature I should get a +2 bonus on my saving throw to resist it, but she waved that off saying "Deep down, all men just want to have sex with women, no matter what they say."

    She then went on to say that as I had broken my vow of celibacy, I was no longer a paladin.

    So my question is /tg/, how do I get back at the cunt?
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:35 No.1775997
    Quit the game.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:35 No.1776005
    Sock her in the face.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:35 No.1776010
    Rape her.

    It's not your fault. Deep down you just want to fuck her.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:35 No.1776011
    I hate to borrow from /b/, but you really need to stick it in her pooper. More apt than ever.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:36 No.1776015
    Beat her to within an inch of her cunt life.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:38 No.1776036

    She won't see the irony, but it would still be worth it.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:38 No.1776041
    This. And, OP is probably a reverse-troll.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:39 No.1776047
    The game has been going on for a few years and other than her, I really like the group. None of the players are willing to DM, so starting a new one isn't an option.

    She's a whale.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:39 No.1776049
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    Wear this outfit to your next session. Next time she mentions what men do deep down, just point at the stain and say "fuck you".
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:39 No.1776053

    >> MayorHomer 05/20/08(Tue)00:39 No.1776057
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    What race is the shop keeper in that comic anyway?
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:40 No.1776063
    If you do not voluntarily break your vow of celibacy, you may atone.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:40 No.1776067

    Well then, if you aren't above being petty, hammer this fact into her skull with extreme prejudice until she questions her existence.
    >> / !/////m/ShI 05/20/08(Tue)00:40 No.1776068

    MY VERY FIRST GM ALSO DID THIS TO ME. Her stupid DMPC tried to seduce my PC to get back at another PC. Not only was my PC NOT GAY, he was specifically asexual. But she rolled anyway, said he was seduced, and started to describe them having sex. I was horrified and said that he wouldn't do that, and we argued for a bit and finally she said, "Okay, then they just keep it above the waist." I was too frustrated to keep arguing.

    And good god I would love to kick your GM in the face. I guess you could TRY talking to her and explaining why this sort of thing makes for a shitty story and shitty roleplaying, but she doesn't exactly sound reasonable.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:40 No.1776069

    This isn't about sexual gratification man, this is DUTY.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:42 No.1776091
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    I'm pretty sure that the Vow feats in the Book of Exalted Deeds stipulate that you must INTENTIONALLY and WILLFULLY break them (read: not under the influence of mind-affecting effects) in order to irrevocably break them, so even though your vow of celibacy wasn't a feat, you should still be able to get an Atonement or the like for it. And technically, your vow of celibacy should've been separate from your paladin vows, so even if you did break it intentionally, your paladin vows should've remained intact. It's the same reason why a Vow of Poverty paladin (lol wut) that breaks his VoP is still a paladin.

    But for now, just get an Atonement from the nearest temple and try to get back at her next time.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:42 No.1776093
    o lawdy
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:42 No.1776094
    prob fixed. OP may stop BAWWWWWing.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:43 No.1776104
    In b4 fruitless internet argument about the nature of sex and whether men truly crave it constantly, vs women, etc, etc.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:44 No.1776107
    Doing something while mind controlled is not grounds for losing your various paladin class features. Otherwise, instead of tempting mortals to do evil, demons would just cast mind control on them, make them sin a bunch, and call it a day.

    But since she likely won't listen to logic, just start taking levels in blackguard and rape everything with an orifice. Graphically. While the rest of the group watches on. If the players say something, tell them to take it up with the DM, as she has introduced a new house rule they should be aware of.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:44 No.1776117
    Your Paladin made a vow of celibacy because he's gay and that's B& with his god, so even if you were to break it, it would be with a male. Case closed.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:45 No.1776120
    None of this thread ever happened. You are all liars.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:45 No.1776121
    This is why you make your character enunches.

    Seriously, it solves tons of fucking problems with people who try to fuck you over on sex.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:45 No.1776126
    No, rape the other PCs. You know, in addition to everything else.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:46 No.1776131
    >just start taking levels in blackguard and rape everything with an orifice

    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:46 No.1776136
    Oh god, do this. It would be so worth it.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:47 No.1776144
    >>I told the DM that since this was against my nature I should get a +2 bonus on my saving throw to resist it, but she waved that off saying "Deep down, all men just want to have sex with women, no matter what they say."

    >>She then went on to say that as I had broken my vow of celibacy, I was no longer a paladin.

    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:48 No.1776152
    And if doesn't have an orifice, MAKE an orifice.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:48 No.1776157

    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:48 No.1776158
    If you can, right it in on your character sheet but don't make a big deal out of it. When your paladin gets seduced and the temptress goes for his nuts, the DM gets a horrible, plot-destroying surprise.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:48 No.1776161
    Reread the OP, he said it wasn't a feat.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:48 No.1776166
    >Eunuch non-paladin.
    Fixed it further. Paladins suck. Play something more interesting, like a one armed archer that draws the bow string with his face.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:50 No.1776177

    Then we find out the temptress is a dickchick and you're (literally) screwed anyways.

    It then becomes a Japanese-esque "IT'S KIILING ME BUT I LUV IT" *huge teary eyes*
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:50 No.1776178
    Praise Slaanesh!
    >> ;| 05/20/08(Tue)00:50 No.1776179
    Take her books and fucking rip them to shreds
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:50 No.1776180
    Exactly. When you start to smile they have no idea what to think, and when they go "And you have sex with her" you get to go "No I don't."
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:51 No.1776187
    But then you get to call their awesome seductress BBEG woman a tranny and dickgirl the entire time and piss her right the fuck off.

    Given the DM, they wouldn't want that at all.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:53 No.1776202
    Or, in a plot twist, play a race that is normally sexless like a warforged, but they have "Added Functionality". Then when the enchantress is trying to seduce the paladin, the warforged rogue jumps in and SURPRISE ROBOT BUTTSEX! SNEAK ATTACK DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT D:
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:53 No.1776203
    I fucking bet they will pull some bullshit like "SHE USES REGENEATION ON YOUR PENOR"
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:53 No.1776207
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:56 No.1776235
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    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:56 No.1776239
    Well, that'd be some wierd fucking casting, since Regenerate is a cleric/druid spell and all the extended mind controls are Wizard/Sorc.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:58 No.1776266
    We are talking about a DM who seduced, raped and then made a Paladin fall all in one turn.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)00:59 No.1776275
    Alright, it looks like this is the best way to get some entertainment out of the situation. I was a level 10 paladin, what's a good blackguard build to let me literally rape everything she throws at me?
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:01 No.1776285
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:01 No.1776286
    And what do DMs hate more than anything else?

    Rules Lawyers. So bitching that "you can't do that" will make her extremely pissed.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:01 No.1776293
    Well, you can just go right into ten levels of blackguard... Blackguard Rogues and Blackguard Assassins both work quite well.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:03 No.1776302
    Assassins get daterape drugs.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:05 No.1776318
    Make sure that you explain your character's sudden change of heart from chaste paladin to Rapeguard as an expression of his anger and frustration that his gods and the force of good itself could condemn and abandon him for something that was beyond his control. If he wasn't good enough for them, fuck them! Fuck all of them! RAPEGUARD RAPEGAURD IT'S AWWWWW RIGHT!
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:05 No.1776319
    Oh, and whenever you go to rape something, be SURE to mention that deep down, all men just want to have sex with women, no matter what they say.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:05 No.1776322
    ... And you're done.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:06 No.1776335
    Make sure to get your hands on a Girdle of Gender Reversal, and establish that it's only an opposed grapple check to force someone to wear it.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:11 No.1776360
    And? Seriously,there are fucking bad DM's any many of them cross the line in ways just like in the OP. When they cross the line you need to tell them they crossed the line.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:11 No.1776364
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    Rape her.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:12 No.1776367
    Justification for evil should be maleness. "MEN WANT SECKS NAO"
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:12 No.1776370

    screw that, dude have holes too
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:13 No.1776377
    this idea is a must for it is made of win
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:14 No.1776378
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:15 No.1776385
    True. If you're going to go apeshit, why not go up shitters? Taking on some willing deformities so that you HAVE to force yourself on people could also be funny. A morbidly obese blackguard assassin flinging around date rape drugs...
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:15 No.1776387
    Become a blackguard and rape her BBEG. Make sure you have an antimagic collar and mention you're into BDSM. The main villain has been reduced to a sex toy and you get revenge.
    >> Tzeentch 05/20/08(Tue)01:17 No.1776399
    ... Just as planned.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:17 No.1776400
    The bitch doesn't deserve this much win. Pulling an interesting and fun character out of her cockup would always mean she wins. Just leave, OP.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:18 No.1776405
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    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:18 No.1776406
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:18 No.1776411

    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:19 No.1776416

    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:19 No.1776417
    Tell her your character is traumatized and to atone he takes the Vow Of Poverty and is considering becoming a Monk. At least this way she won't be able to screw the rest of the party on loot.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:20 No.1776422
    >> C-Bag 05/20/08(Tue)01:21 No.1776427
    dis ownz Tzeentch 0wnz
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:23 No.1776442
    Um... you really only need to 'get back' if you failed your save by 2 or less. o_O Anything more, and it wouldn't have mattered anyway and you have no case.

    Is the GM unfair for denying you such a save? Yes. She actually sounds quite sexist. However, that makes her about on par with everyone else in 4chan.

    And anyone expressing a desire for sexual vengeance upon the female GM? You're what's wrong with the world. Just so you know.
    >> Tzeentch 05/20/08(Tue)01:23 No.1776445
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    Fuck me, dear anon? Oh, no... Rather, Fuck YOU.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:24 No.1776450
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    Rapeguard found:

    A new hat!
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:25 No.1776455

    Also she now has to take on a goddamn Monk
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:25 No.1776457

    The real point is making him fall for breaking a vow when he was under someone's control.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:32 No.1776505
    No, she still forced a paladin to fall because she raped him. It's still bullshit, +2 save bonus or not.
    >> Tzeentch 05/20/08(Tue)01:33 No.1776508
    I agree, it was a big, FUCK YOU of sorts to him, despite his virtue, his faith... He was still betrayed by his Gods by evil plying its craft onto him. You do know that many of us Gods favor fallen warriors, and one of your potency would be 'handsomely' rewarded if you were to join the winning team, so to speak.

    Yeah, atone for your sins, and when you're reinstate them, become our initiate, walk out pass, its your true calling! Think of all the Power you could wield... Ah you have to do is, simply humor them for a time, and return much later for your revenge...

    Oh, look at me, a chatter box as always... Haha, well, I'll let you think about it, you'll know how to reach me.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:36 No.1776530
    Fuck off, double nigger. If we wanted to pretend to be intellectual, we'd write in to our college newspaper.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:37 No.1776543
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    >And anyone expressing a desire for sexual vengeance upon the female GM? You're what's wrong with the world. Just so you know.

    Hi, welcome to 4chan! Look out, sometimes people say "nigger" here!
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:40 No.1776560

    just a few secs too late.

    >> Slaanesh 05/20/08(Tue)01:41 No.1776567
    Shut up you pompous bird. The chaste little paladin has gotten a taste of what he's been missing, and now he wants more.
    >> Khorne 05/20/08(Tue)01:43 No.1776576
    Yeah he wants more... and he's going to TAKE IT! VIOLENT FUCKIN'! RIP AND TEAR! MAKE 'EM BLEED AN' FUCK THE WOUND!
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:43 No.1776582
    You missed the fucking point. He's going to rape EVERY-FUCKING-THING that comes by until it delays the game and pisses off the DM so much that she'll HAVE to cave and realize that he shouldn't have lost his status as a paladin.
    ...And then he'll tell her to go make him a sammich.
    >> Nurgle 05/20/08(Tue)01:44 No.1776586
    Yay for my STD's! Look at 'em go!
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:44 No.1776593
    A goddamned Monk/Paladin with VoP that might get back a few feats from Atonement.

    Let's see the Enchantress seduce his min/maxed knuckles. Just as planned.
    >> You already heard this idea Double_Golbat !pnicnCTgx. 05/20/08(Tue)01:45 No.1776597
    OP, this is perfect time for character development.

    Your character now having felt the loving embrace of a woman now longs for mortal pleasures and wishes to only deepen his sexual appetites. Fuck your character levels and your ability to smite evil, become a fucking slut and show the bitch just how sexually inclined men can be, seduce every woman NPC you can, find a way around the BBEG's bullshit magic, tie her up and rape her. Not because rape is edgy, but because it happened to you and its your turn to turn around and turn the tables on that bitch.

    Then when you're done ruining the campaign with your dick, just say "Deep down, all women want is sex, no matter what they say".
    >> Erythnul 05/20/08(Tue)01:47 No.1776614

    Hahaha! Fuck you guys! This is MY territory!
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:50 No.1776645
    A monk's Unarmed Attack may be delivered with any part of their body.

    Surprise Buttsex/Flurry of Blows/Smite Evil. BOW BEFORE THE COCK OF JUSTICE!
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:51 No.1776651
    Just make sure that his NEW paladin code does not mention chastity.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:51 No.1776657

    I prefer Vengeance Cock. It would make a better movie.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:53 No.1776665
    from one of The Arbiter's games, but I haven't seen him around lately. Image is a repost.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:53 No.1776667
    You could always try to ask forgiveness from your god and when your DM says no, that is when your character starts to go batshit insane from abandonment issues. You can't be a virgin, so you decide that you need to have other peoples virginity. This only backfires and soon you become addicted to the sex and can't get enough of it, raping everything that moves.

    classic reap case YAY
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:55 No.1776679
    Chaos unites behind the vengeful lusts of a fallen paladin. More at eleven.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:56 No.1776682
    Epic fisting?
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)01:58 No.1776690
    They have spells for a REASON.

    Blackguard, and be fucking GRAPHIC with your rape, torture and killing of the BBEW
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:01 No.1776706

    Ok, I make a grapple check. Then I pin with another grapple check. Grapple check to loose my belt, and FLURRY!
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:03 No.1776716
    The best part about monk flurry of rape is that your penis eventually does more damage than a greatsword. Every time you thrust, she takes another 2d10+str modifier.
    >> Tzeentch 05/20/08(Tue)02:06 No.1776727
    Slaanesh... What are you worried about? Being a blackguard he's certainly going to have some interesting fringe benefits that you could appreciate, no?
    And Khorne, think about all the violence that will be a result of this, his powers are gone, but he'll have ours. He'll become a warrior like non other, breaking their bodies, then breaking their minds (wink wink Slaanesh), blood will flow, oh, I can assure you, the blood will flow.
    And umm, Nurgle... Yeah. He'll be more than likely immune
    to your diseases, but there's nothing keeping him from being a carrier! I think...

    All in all, everythings good, everyting is just going acording to pla- I mean, it sure is swell. ... Oh, look! A warp storm! See you later guys!
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:06 No.1776730
    Op, just switch over to a blackguard and become a serial rapist, let her groove on what she's created.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:07 No.1776736
    Also, have someone cast Enlarge Person on the monkadin halfway through for additional lulz. Bonus to grapple and increased unarmed damage are just stat boosts. Wearing the BBEG like a condom? Priceless.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:07 No.1776738
    you dont lose your powers if you werent in control of your mind. if your god/the concept of good empowering you cared that much about you not having sex, it would have stopped it.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:08 No.1776740

    Did the OP say whether or not there were arcane spellcasters in the group? This would be more than priceless if there are any.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:09 No.1776741
    Failing that, I think you can get a potion of Enlarge Person for cheap.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:09 No.1776742
    So you'll fuck her right in half.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:10 No.1776747
    And she thought she was going to at least leave a beautiful corpse.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:10 No.1776749
    DO THIS!
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:12 No.1776751
    Upon drinking it, declare you've had a "big boost of confidence."
    If you have a laptop, play music from an ED commercial.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:12 No.1776752
    was that picture made by player 1? it looks like it was.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:13 No.1776754
    I don't think sex works this way, but I don't care.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:15 No.1776761
    See how big you can get before the DM tries to argue that you need an escape artist check to penetrate.
    >> OP 05/20/08(Tue)02:15 No.1776763
    We've got a half-elven sorcerer in the party, I don't know if he has Enlarge Person though.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:17 No.1776779
    Try and pick up a few potions of Enlarge Person then. It's a pretty common spell, and it makes for a decent combat buff. Just save one potion specifically for this though.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:18 No.1776783
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    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:18 No.1776788
    You can buy wands of enlarge person (divine and arcane) on the cheap.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:20 No.1776807
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    >an escape artist check to penetrate.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:20 No.1776811
    "I knew he said he was saving the last charge for the Enchantress, but I didn't think he meant it like this!"
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:22 No.1776821
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    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:23 No.1776827
    drawn by the Arbiter himself i think. it was the op of a thread he made about DMing
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:24 No.1776830
    to squeeze into small holes. when you are at epic levels you can use escape artist to squeeze through a 5x5 inch square. So a giant penis in a cunt could very well require an escape artist check.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:24 No.1776834
    the Arbiter?
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:25 No.1776838
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    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:27 No.1776855
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    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:27 No.1776867
    roll for anal circumference.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:29 No.1776880
    namefag here, or tripfag, I don't remember
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:29 No.1776885
    remember, if you enlarge yourself too much to fit in try dislocating the jaw, that'll give you a little more wiggle room.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:36 No.1776949
    Remember, this is with the Monk/Paladin build, so he's not trying to squeeze in, he's thrusting multiple times a round with enough force to kill a level 4 commoner. If the hole is too small, it won't be for very long.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:38 No.1776953
    And when it's all over, one round of barbarian for the RAGE PENIS. The +4 con has GOT to count for something.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:38 No.1776955

    Note to self, level four commoners can be killed with a sufficiently powerful Monkadin cock.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:40 No.1776972
    um, er, one level. One level of barbarian.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)02:47 No.1777011
    i'm suprised doomrider hasn't turned up.
    He loves rape
    >> Commissar Iratus 05/20/08(Tue)03:12 No.1777127
    Yeah, this. It is the only just solution. Make sure to be either blackguard/rogue/assassin or blackguard/barbarian/assassin and sneak into the BBEG's lair, sneak up on her, then anti-magic collar her. Lovingly describe you break each one of her fingers so she can't undo it. Go into graphic detail about how you cut her clothing off, removing as much skin and flesh as cloth. Relish the rendering of your violent, mind-break sexual assault on her, systematically break each orifice and bone in her body, as you recant a list of her crimes and inadequacies. Then begin skinning her alive, just for shits and giggles. Right before the final stroke remind her "all men want sex, no matter what they say." Then wear her skin around as a cloak and have horrible, mind-scarring sex on top of it.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)04:55 No.1777544
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)04:58 No.1777555
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    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)05:02 No.1777570
    Either do this:

    Or: Tell your GM that a paladin falls if he/she WILLINGLY breaks his/her vows. Even if deep down, your Paladin's id wants teh hot dickins, it's not what he as a person desires, just what he as a mammal with an X choromosome and a Y choromosome has an urge for. Thus, your DM is a bitch, and a stupid one at that. Tell her that she should learn about the id, the ego, and the superego before telling people what their characters' motivations are - and in this case, motivation is EVERYTHING.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)05:03 No.1777573
    have sex with her skinless body while wearing her skin as a jumpsuit+balaclava combo
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)08:40 No.1778276

    Just quit the fucking group and tell her she's a whale that will never find any friends

    and take the rest of the group and all rulebooks and w/e too
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)08:48 No.1778297
    Lol, even though those ideas are not totally accepted by main psychology circles, go ahead and learn shit that isnt important for a night of D&D
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)08:54 No.1778314

    If this doesn't break her continue to do it to all her important (and even non-important) female NPC's. In graphic detail.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)08:57 No.1778321
    Turn yourself into a woman and seduce every male you come across.

    With magic.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)09:04 No.1778340
    Rape the next important female NPC. Sounds like she'll have already planned for that, since it's what all guys want to do.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)09:06 No.1778347
         File :1211288787.gif-(263 KB, 150x150, 1203188851823.gif)
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    If you wanted me to rage while writing this, you succeded. Good Job.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)09:07 No.1778352
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)09:08 No.1778353
    This one.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)09:12 No.1778368
    Make a new character.
    Rape every female NPC and PC and DMPC with the reasoning "Deep down, all men just want to have sex with women, no matter what they say."
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)09:13 No.1778370
    Not another fucking paladin thread.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)09:14 No.1778373
    shit troll is shit.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)09:15 No.1778382
    We get it, we can mix women and paladins, two rage'n'troll worthy things on /tg/. Fuck.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)09:20 No.1778405

    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)09:24 No.1778422
    Kick her in the Taco, Paco.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)09:30 No.1778445
    This Rapeguard Idea is great. Just do it faggot.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)09:34 No.1778460

    Sauce please?
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)09:39 No.1778478

    Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning artwork.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)09:42 No.1778488
    Anon delivers!

    Too bad there isn't art of the other greater daemons there, though.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)11:56 No.1778993
         File :1211299000.png-(71 KB, 332x224, lost_my_virginity.png)
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    >You can't be a virgin, so you decide that you need to have other peoples virginity
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)12:00 No.1779012
    Sauce plz
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)12:01 No.1779020
    failing to keep a vow and losing your paladin thing, is not the same thing, if you look at the exalted deeds tehre are rules for atoneing for your failure for to keep to vow in special cases (this would count as one since its technically rape) simply tell her to undo this or quit the game cos shes just a bitch otherwise.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)13:18 No.1779351
    I don't think things done while under a spell count towards Paladin Falling anyway. If she had Dominated you and made you kill a school full of children, it wouldn't have counted. Same goes here.
    Now if she had merely Charmed your ass, then seduced your character by saying that she would give up her evil ways if you fathered her child, then that would count.

    Well, in that case you're doing it for the greater good anyway. Sex isn't bad if it's for the sole purpose of procreating, just ask the pope.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)14:24 No.1779668
    Oh god this.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)14:38 No.1779738

    It says very specifically that first of all you need to WILLFULLY commit an EVIL act or GROSSLY VIOLATE your code of conduct to fall. And even then have some fucker cast attonement on you.

    tl;dr: you dm is a fucking stupid bitch that doesn't know anything about paladins and you're a pussy for not standing up for yourself
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)14:41 No.1779768
    kill her and take her stuff, it's what d&d is about.

    The GM that is, not the enchantress
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)14:43 No.1779778
    >> Commissar Iratus 05/20/08(Tue)14:51 No.1779836
    I also demand updates on this situation. I want to hear you joyously describe her horrified expression as her carefully laid plans are consumed in an orgy of violence, fire, and rape.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)15:18 No.1780034
    Aye, this situation calls for progress reports...


    PROGRESS! reports.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)15:30 No.1780127
    Meh, Blackguard is a shitty class for this situation. You'll probably need to take one level of Rogue so you meet the Hide requirements, which you'll never use because you'll probably be using fullplate. I guess it might not be so bad if you already have all the feats.

    I recommend making her let you switch to the Paladin of Slaughter variant. Go to the nearest red light district and kill all the prostitutes by jamming your sword into their copulatory orifices. Then you can move on to killing all the women you come across and if you really want to be petty/childish/a total dick, see if you can take the whole party down with you.

    And why the fuck do incompetent GMs always go out of their way to screw Paladin players over?
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)15:36 No.1780185
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)15:53 No.1780297
    also progress reports....
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)15:58 No.1780328

    And then OP was Archaon, Lord of the End Times
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)15:59 No.1780333
    if you do a total conversion you can convert all your paladin levels to blackguard
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:02 No.1780354
    Because they feel the need to punish you for trying to play a class they think of as too moral bound so it will make it boring for the others, when a DM of mine put my paladin in a catch 22 i turned it on him and he got so pissed off he kicked me out the group, i laughed really hard and left.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:05 No.1780374
         File :1211313931.png-(97 KB, 500x400, loli d commissar.png)
    97 KB
    Oho! You, sir, will be getting a call from some very interested parties!
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:07 No.1780384
    Go grow some tits and talk to me later you flat chested freak.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:09 No.1780393
         File :1211314168.png-(132 KB, 400x500, daemonette commissar2.png)
    132 KB
    You shouldn't talk to representatives of Slaanesh that way.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:11 No.1780397
    Everything that can be said has already been said twice.

    In light of that, it would be best if you had four backup plans for your particular method of vengeance, just in case she declares your initial plan to be illegal for some utterly arbitrary reason.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:11 No.1780404
         File :1211314308.jpg-(17 KB, 275x309, Dragon.jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:12 No.1780405
    Captain Falcon
    Captain Falcon
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:14 No.1780423
    There's only one backup plan he really needs - the character suicides, feeling that he's betrayed his god and his own honor.

    And then have every character you make suicide immediately after the DM screws them over. Don't even bother to make a new build - just use the same one over and over again, changing the name every time.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:15 No.1780432
         File :1211314536.jpg-(38 KB, 800x800, Slowpoke Slaanesh.jpg)
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    Slaanesh can work with that.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:16 No.1780436
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:17 No.1780452

    Jesus' tits, why didn't I think of that? It's perfect! But shouldn't he have "eunuch" written on there, somewhere, just to keep this particular problem from happening again?
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:18 No.1780456
    born a eunuch, if it's natural, magic can't repair it.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:19 No.1780459

    ... You... wait, no, a eunuch is made. It's where they cut the man's genitals off before puberty. Sometimes it's even done during infancy.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:20 No.1780460
    Loli-D is not a servant of Slaanesh, silly - she's a creature of Pedozeenurgleornesh.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:21 No.1780470
    He doesn't need it. If he gets raped, he kills himself. The problem is solved because you're making it difficult for the DM to advance any kind of plot, you get to keep shoving more and more loot into the party (your starting equipment), and the DM can't bitch because it's her own damn fault for making you kill yourself.
    >> coolnig 05/20/08(Tue)16:21 No.1780471
    dogg is fukked
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:22 No.1780478
         File :1211314946.jpg-(50 KB, 704x384, Haruhi what.jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:22 No.1780479
    >>I told the DM that since this was against my nature I should get a +2 bonus on my saving throw to resist it, but she waved that off saying "Deep down, all men just want to have sex with women, no matter what they say."

    Well, where she's right, she's right.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:23 No.1780482
    "impotent" is the word you're looking for
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:25 No.1780490

    who dressed up that ugly looking turkey
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:26 No.1780496

    The Angry Metrosexuals of Waterdeep.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:26 No.1780497
         File :1211315181.jpg-(107 KB, 800x600, 1203392535759.jpg)
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    Technically, he could have been born with a genetic defect resulting in a man with non-functional genitals. Problem solved.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:29 No.1780505

    True, but we're looking for a one-word thing that doesn't have to be explained in any terrible depth. The idea of a eunuch is acceptable, as a servant of the universal concept of Good would probably be totally converted to "servant" mode.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:30 No.1780512
    Could do it in two words "Born funky," but that's basically semantics at this point and your idea sounds way better than my "hurr that thar dun't werk hurr" approach.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:36 No.1780536
    born a eunuch.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:37 No.1780543
    technically, when you are born a eunuch, you have a cock, but you won't ever find it getting hard, unlimited limp dick works.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:41 No.1780560

    It doesn't work that way. Castration means that testicles are cut from the body. You might be able to cut testicles off in the womb, but I really wouldn't want to be the one responsible for the first-ever operation of that sort.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:48 No.1780594
    There's always that Eunuch class mentioned in The Book of Erotic Fantasy...
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)16:50 No.1780606

    We don't talk about the Book of Erotic Fantasy anymore. Not since one of the tripfags read through it in that one awesome thread, and ended up quitting roleplaying forever because he didn't think he could ever do it without resorting to talking about bearded clams clamping onto his leg and shaking his valuables free.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)17:26 No.1780783
         File :1211318784.gif-(1.06 MB, 179x134, 1206435675529.gif)
    1.06 MB
    So, blackguard/monk/rogue rape it is ?
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)17:28 No.1780794
    Get yourself Flying. Knock BBEG out, fly into air, hold BBEG upright in one hand and an immovable rod in your other, lubed hand. Place the fist with immovable rod up her snatch, push the button and leave her held in midair by her womb.


    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)17:47 No.1780901
    Rapeguard is an excellent maneuver, but you should go as graphic with the detail as possible. Memorize long bits from BDSM Story Archive's nastiest shit and insist that she plays all the victims in-character to keep up a proper atmosphere.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)17:51 No.1780924
    As a way of restoring your vows have your character castrate himself

    A good way to do this is to tie a rope tightly around your dick and let the bloodflow stop for a day or two, it will eventually die and fall off
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)17:54 No.1780940
    You could turn this into an RP opportunity. You could go all "I served my God and he has forsaken me! Now I will avenge myself on his misguided followers." Take a level in Blackguard and go on a one man crusade against your former religion.

    However, I am curious. Does this DM do this sort of thing a lot?
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)18:00 No.1780963

    Really, does you DM do this sort of thing often? Becuase that's just plain dick.

    At this point, I suggest that you gather all the other players who are disgruntled with her and leave.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)18:03 No.1780977

    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)18:05 No.1780990

    Don't use that word.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)18:10 No.1781025
    No, she'd fly off into space, getting fucked.
    Or if you use variant immovable rod, stick it and and immobilise it with her as the focal point. Unremovable dildo and she's chaste for life. Vengance!
    >> corts crabble 05/20/08(Tue)18:26 No.1781126
    hey, can I have more of the op comic? It's good fappan.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)18:28 No.1781134
    I support this. In before morale boosts
    >> corts crabble 05/20/08(Tue)18:33 No.1781177
    I guess not. Fuck it, I'll make do with just this one comic.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)18:33 No.1781182
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)18:37 No.1781211
    It's part of some MSPaint adventure stories. I personally don't know who drew that particular one, or if they drew any others.
    >> corts crabble 05/20/08(Tue)18:41 No.1781241
    damn. Oh well, I one is enough.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)18:42 No.1781247

    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)19:03 No.1781451
    OP is fail for not sticking up for himself. That style of roleplaying is simply irresponsible and full of fail. Fat Whale GM is the one who needs the Immovable Rod up her cunt.

    As an add-on to graphically raping anyone you meet, get leadership and make your cohort a necromancer cleric. have him start to get you into necrophilia.

    Have the necromancer join you in every single rape/murder you commit and have him raise the victims up as undead for "extended use." Use the undead to overrun and grapple enchantress BBEG (LOL immunities) and, before you rape and kill the BBEG, describe, into graphic detail, all of the horrible things that are about to happen to her. Then describe how she'll become a mindless, thoughtless, soulless servant whose sole purpose will be to appease his everlasting lust, and whisper gingerly in her ear, "Deep down, all men just want to have sex with women, no matter what they say."
    >> Shas'El Mor'Ta Nan !!StG/BQhr0NL 05/20/08(Tue)19:09 No.1781511
    This thread just gets better and better.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)19:14 No.1781544
    sorry, but samefag.

    OP shouldn't just stick to women. women, men, children. elderly. and all of them should be re-animated as undead. imagine the look on her face when you describe your first shota rape victim.

    also, inb4 necrololi.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)19:31 No.1781649

    You must pull a Pyramid Head, and you must use that ending line. Alternatively, kill yourself and roll a new character.

    This thread is fucking awesome. OP, any more tales of horror concerning your fat whale of a GM?
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)19:54 No.1781784
    Find the BBEG, rape her, then Sovereign Glue her vagina shut, then go and pay for the XP and whatnot to atone.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)19:55 No.1781794
    Have him kill and rape fat chicks. Have him burn them alive as he fucks them and revel in the scent of their burning lard falling off of their bodies as they scream into the night.
    >> Anonymous <winkwink> 05/20/08(Tue)19:59 No.1781807
    There are no words...
    >> Tzeentch 05/20/08(Tue)19:59 No.1781809
    >214 posts and 24 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.
    >> Commissar Iratus 05/20/08(Tue)23:17 No.1783066
    Dammit, progress bump.
    >> Anonymous 05/20/08(Tue)23:27 No.1783113
    Have your character go insane and turn into a Chaotic Evil Blackguard, who's sole desire is revenge upon the evil bitch who caused him to fall. Have him destroy everything and everyone, innocent or guilty, good or evil, in between him and the BBEG.

    That or, y'know, get an Atonement cast on you.

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