In what ways could bureaucracy bring down the the races in 40k, /tg/?
Bureaucracy is already bringing down the Imperium.
How Couldn't bureaucracy bring them down?
If it wasn't for the truly maddening cataloguing system in the black library the Eldar would have defeated chaos long ago.
>>1586264Tzeentchian Decimal System. Every volume arbitrarily relocates itself every forty-five seconds
>>1586273Not to mention growing limbs and spewing warpfire.
>>1586273Or randomly turns into to "spot goes for a walk". Indeed.
>>1586233GW will make up an entirely new god, or even a new set of gods. They feed on bureaucracy, and bestow the power of Red Tape on their more devoted followers.
Every ripper has to keep documentation of any outstanding or unique genetic sequences they have eaten. Every single document has the same title, which is: "What I did on my holidays".
Every time Macha goes to find "What's happening to my Body" it turns into a medical encyclopedia of VD
Kekekeke. Delicious.Have some exploitable.
>>1586306Explains a lot.
>>1586273Greater Deamon of Tzeentch, Due'eyi
>>1586331YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
>>1586399Oh, he only lasted 7.6 seconds before it ate him.And three rodeo clowns.
>>1586418Though, the First Galactic Tyranid Rodeo seemed doomed to fail from the beginning.
>>1586428the carnifex roping contest was a hoot, though
Orks: The only race immune to read tape.
>>1586458Numba Boys: BOSS! BOSS!DIS 'ERE TEEF LEDGA DON'T ADD UP! WEZ MISSIN 4 TEEF!*choppa*Warboss: NOW WE IZN'T! WAAAAAAGH
>>1586458Aaaaare you suuuure?Warboss: ALRIGHT YA GITS, IT'S TIME FER A WAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!Orks: WAAAAAAAAAAAGGG-Weirdboy: OI BOSS, 'FORE YA GITS YERSELF A WAAAGH, YA HAFTA FILL UP DIS 'ERE FORM.Warboss: WHY YOU LITTLE RUNT, I OUGHTA.Weirdboy: OI, IF YA WANTS TO KRUMP ME, YOU ALSO HAS TA FILL UP DIS 'ERE KRUMPIN AUTHORIZZASHUN FORM.Warboss: BUT...BUT...
>>1586458Accordin' to last weeks raports, yoos logged in five hours o' WAAAAGH time, but Big Boss Snagritt 'as yoos down fer only four. Where was yoos for a hour?--Well da copier ran outta toner and so I funk it was a good idea to add more gubbins to it, so it would work betta, but it didn't so I started frowin' gobbos in dere to make it go, and then things started gettin explodin.Ok ya git, i'll mark ya down fer "Makin Copier Shootier" under da timesheet. Now don't slip up again, or I beat yer face off an' feed it to me office squigg.--YUS SIR!
ORRIGHT WHICH ONE A YOU KLOWNZ MADE FIVE HUNDRED COPIES OF THEIR SQUIG WITH THE PHOTOCOPY MACHINE!?
>>1586532I DID, BOSS. I'Z GOT TA THINKIN: WOT IF WE COULD USE DA PHOTOCOPYA TA MAKE MORE FOOD?THOUGH DA SQUIG-COPIES TASTED FUNNY, COME TA THINK O' IT.
>>1586486
Just want to say, I heart you tg, so much right now.
By the way, what about the Necrons? How would you guys make their soulless lives hell with bureaucracy?
The Inquisition would call Exterminatus on most of the known Heretical worlds in the galaxy but the paper work they need to sign just takes too long!
>>1586613Bureaucracy is their lives, when they aren't killing they're filling out piles of paperwork for the C'tan.
>>1586613Necron Warrior: FUCK! BANEBLADE! OW!... Wait! I did it! I made my roll! I'm coming back!Necron Lord: Wait wait wait. Before you go about getting happy and stuff, you need to fill in this recruitment form>Necron Warrior: What?Necron Lord: Technically upon dying you left the army, so you have to reenter as a raw recruit again.Necron Warrior: What? Why can't I return?Necron Lord: You technically, legally died so you exited completely and records have been slated for purging. When they are purged, we can't use them again so you will have to reenter the information.Necron Warrior: Stop the purging then!Necron Lord: Can't. Part of the process.Necron Warrior: Fine... damn it...Necron Lord: Mmkay... sign here... here... now fill out this form for entering into our particular branch of the forces... this form indicating you've completely basic training... and this form right here indicating you are reusing old equipment... all right... and this form waiving your rights.Necron Warrior: Again?!Necron Lord: Form was made invalid upon death. Standard procedure.
As an esteemed records keeper of the Eldar I wish I could say our archives were tidier than the filthy offices of the Mon-Keigh. Unfortunately we have been re-collating since the Fall. And for some reason, if you flip the pages of anything written on Eldrad Ulthuran's letter head what first just look like scratch marks turn into exquisitely detailed, and re markedly dirty animations.
>>1586613Reporter: We At Imperial News Network are pleased to bring you a sneak peak inside the bureaucracy that keeps the Necron army moving. Here we have a board meeting between a PR Rep, the Head of Accounting, and the Human Resources Director. Let's listen.PR Rep: ...Head of Accounting: ...PR: ...HoA: ...PR: ...HoA: ...PR: ...HoA: ...Human Resources Director: ...PR: ...HoA: ...PR: ...HoA: ...HRD: ...PR: ...HoA: ...HRD: ...PR, HoA, HRD: ...Reporter: FANTASTIC!
>>1586634Translated into NecronNecron Warrior: ...Necron Lord: ...Necron Warrior: ...Necron Lord: ...Necron Warrior: ...Necron Lord: ...Necron Warrior: ...Necron Lord: ...Necron Warrior: ...Necron Lord: ...Necron Warrior: ...Necron Lord: ...
>>1586660>>1586669Hang on, filling out the /tg/ "Hivemind!" Reference Sheets.
>>1586674Don't forget to fill them out in triplicate.
>>1586677And don't forget to sign the forms indicating the time spent signing other forms.
>>1586686And then bury them in the backyard for two weeks?
>>1586686>>1586677>>1586674Here you go, sir. This is the first stack of 13.
>>1586677>>1586686>>1586701Did you remember to get them stamped by your Necron Lord supervisor?
IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE 41ST MILLENNIUM, THERE IS ONLY PAPERWORK
>>1586686After filling up those forms, you'll need to go to Hive Bureauticus 34, fifteen kilometers south of here to submit those, then proceed to Hive Bureauticus 285 on Mars to pick up the authorization papers, which are to be filled up and sent, in person, back here on Terra, Hive Bureauticus 12.
Paperite Heretic: PAPER FOR THE PAPER LORD! DOCUMENTS FOR THE DOCUMENT THRONE!Paperite Chaos Lord: Hold it, scum! You haven't filed the documentation allowing cretins like you to chant the Paper Lord chant! Get back to Warp Office 5 and get those papers, or I will send you to the Cubicles of Mortification!Paperite Heretic: Y-yes my Lord!Paperite Chaos Lord: And while you're at it, get me a cup of coffee. Make sure that it's still hot when you get here or else!
Forms for the Form God! Red velvet ropes for the Slow Moving Line!!
>>1586733WE FILED IT FOR CHAAAOOOOOSSSSS
>>1586715Excuse me sir but several of those Hives were transferred to HighGothic numbering with the appointment of ecclesiarcal govonors.Hive Bureauticus XXXIV should have the latest address forms.
Thank you for calling the Administratum...JUST a momENT!Thank you for calling the Administratum...JUST a momENT!Thank you for calling the Administratum...JUST a momENT!Thank you for calling the Administratum...JUST a momENT!
*jams metal pinecone into space marine urethra*Haemonculous: "Ok, now that we've done that, tell me: on a scale from one to ten, with one being mild discomfort and ten being unbearable, emotionally destructive agony, how would you rate what you've just been through?"Grotesque: "Actually they've just recently came up with a way of empirically and numerically gauging levels of pain. It's called 'slaanites', the base level being that one slaanite is equal to a kick to the balls at full force. Has to do with nervous stimuli to the brain."Haemonculous: How many slaans is a kick to the uterus?Grotesque: "I think it's actually less, believe it or not."Space Marine: "I'm actually happy you're not removing this metal pinecone from my pee-hole."
>>1586733>>1586740>>1586742I lol'd hard.
This thread is genius.
>>1586740Whoops, forgot your Libram Documentatis.
>>1586777Here you go.
>>1586748"Thank you for calling the Inquisition hot-line, all our operators are busy, please hold.Your call is important, please hold.Thank you for calling the Inquisition hot-line, all our operators are busy, please hold.Your call is important, please hold.Thank you for calling the Inquisition hot-line, all our operators are busy, please hold."
>>1586783*cue hold music consisting of praises to the Emperor and His most holy and efficient paperwork*
Bureaucracy of the Squats will always feature unfinished documents, due to obnoxiously long red ta
fill out in triplicate please.
>>1586458Orks: The only race immune to red tape.but... to orks, red wunz go fastaso then, red tape would make things work fasterso... orks would potentially have a bureaucracy that actually works, and speeds up the process of things
>>1586882OMFG PARADOX!
>>1586882BRICKS=BLOWN, MIND=SHAT
>>1586882That's a scary thought.
>>1586882Can we hire some Orks for our government? Emperor knows we need it.
Hey, Kharne... Whats happenin?Look, we're going to have to move you down to... Storage Lot B...We've got to move a few boxes in here.How are those TPS Reports coming?
>>1586909Heresy! Our documents are blessed with the thrice-filled out Litanies of the Blessed Form. We will not allow greenskin xenos to defile our holy documents.BANG!
>>1586917Funny thing is, I'm Playing Dark Heresy as a Scribe, and we have a supervisor who wears power armor...and IS that character.
>>1586917ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'M GOING TO SET THIS BUILDING ON FIRE!
Are there 28mm models in suits and ties anywhere?
>>1587023Kharn, you did that last week. Twice.And today, about an hour ago. Three people have died and they're still putting it out.
>>1586917>>1587023I lol'd so hard.
>>1587041THE BOSS TOLD ME TO DO IT. HE SAID IT WAS 'FILE MANAGEMENT'.BUT IF HE TAKES AWAY MY RED STAPLER, I SWEAR, I'LL REALLY SET THE OFFICE ON FIRE.
>>1587075SEE HOW RED IT IS? JUST LIKE MY ANGUISHED SOUL AS IT TOILS AWAY IN THE CUBICLES OF CHAOS.
>>1587082IT STAPLES 3X FASTA!!!
>>1587082Oh, hey, THERE'S my blood for the blood god. Let me just grab that and I'll get out of your hair. Now if you could just move some of those skulls for the skull throne aside, we've got to move these boxes in here...
It's a JUMP.. to CONCLUSIONS mat.See, the mat has all these conclusions...that you can...JUMP TO!
>>1587138Um...yeah, you're gonna have to fill out these Purchasing Invoices in quintuplicate and file them to Scriptorium Agnes in Cubicle XVIII-B so you can enjoy your mat...assuming that you already filled out your Use Electricity Forms in quadruplicate.
This thread depresses the shit out of me.
>>1587171Before you become an hero, make sure that you have signed your death certificate and ensured that your birth certificates are in order. Don't forget to make a photocopy of these, by the way. That'll help smooth things over in the event of your funeral.
Tau would deal with immigration paperwork all day, I'll bet.
>>1587217Welcome to T'au.Do you have anything to declare, for the Greater Good?Do you have any fruits or vegetables, for the Greater Good?Ok, head on in. Please pick up your pulse rifle and armor to your left. Welcome to the Greater Good.Next...
>>1587346If you'll follow the guide drone to your right, you'll find the communication helmet application test. Please answer all questions truthfully to see if you qualify for our long-distance Greater Good broadcasts. Remember, all tests must be reallocated to the nearest member of your species in possession of a communication helmet, to be finalized by a member of the Ethereal class, whom you may find in the room next to the gift shop. Thank you for your supplication to The Greater Good.
>>1587217"Are you here to join the Greater Good?""No, actually, I have freedom.""...Oh? Oh really?""Yes, they said well, I haven't done anything wrong so they let me go.""Oh? Ah, well, off you go, third right on the left th-""Only pullin' ya leg.""Oh! Oh right, you cheeky bugger. Down to th-""The right, second on the left, thanks mate."
If there was bureaucracy then the reasonable marines will automatically win.
TWEEST: All bureaucracy is actually maintained by a cult of daemons located on a world filled with hive-officesGODS DAMN YOU NECOHO
