We once used a ladder strapped to a horse to get the party's rogue up onto the back of a dragon. Yeah... it didn't go well.

grappled a dragon

brought a balor to his knees by commanding him "masturbate"

>>1574199

Which part of the dragon?

>>1574204
penis

In my younger days when I just started playing DnD we had been playing for about 4 weeks, we'd finally gotten to this chamber. Were we were supposed to be saving the rightful heir to the throne from a sacrificial death.

I burnt him alive. I don't even remember how. I was a monk. I think I flipped a switch and fwoompf. Charred heir to the throne.

Also, I genned a character, I was in game for 2 minutes, upon confronting the lead protagonist. (An witch that teleported into do the old "explain the evil plan" bit) and was burnt alive with one fireball. The DM said it wasn't meant to kill me, but it was funny. I was very upset.

>>1574230

Then it was an outragously stupid DM. If something is for dramatical reasons only, you make sure it's effect is also merely dramatic.

In an Exalted game, one of our circle who'd been flying what was basically a magical jet fighter lost control. I suggested a barrel roll. I was thrown out of the house- Literally.

>>1574305

Well, if the villain doesn't mean to kill you, but accidentally does...

"Shit. I wasn't done monologuing."

out of game, some one does the "Iesu Domine..."
chant, and everyone grabs a book to hit their heads. the one guy who hadn't seen monty python freaked out.

Ok, Monk + Drunken master
Improvised Weapon, Throw Anything, Improved Grapple, and something to go with it.
My weapon of choise: the closest person, thrown.
I eventualy managed to fluff a roll so hard the GM declared I threw MYSELF over 100 yards into an enemy.

I didn't do it but we got a group of dumb orcs to stop attacking the village by having the bard cast ghost sound of "a large group of heavy armored horses in the distance" and then bluffing them into believing that we had a platoon on loan from the king coming to protect the village. The orcs ran off, except for the leader who we managed to kill off.

Ahh, but is it a ladder or a step ladder!?

Swashbuckler with a flintlock pistol. The DM gave us a room in a dungeon with supplies so we could rest, regain health and spells and restock ammunition. There were, of course, kegs of black powder there specifically for my character.

After resting, we leave the storeroom and encounter monsters coming at us from down a long hallway. The swashbuckler makes a hole in the keg and kicks it down the hall, rolling it so it leaves a trail of black powder all the way to the *other* kegs in storeroom. A spark from the pistol's flash pan set it alight and collapsed the unexplored part of the dungeon when the rest of the powder went up, killing everything, including the dragon boss of the dungeon.

We didn't get the treasure, but we got the experience for it.

>>1575768
and then everyone WON right? god i RAGE when the dm decides "everyone levels!!! yay!" without making us play for it.

>>1575790
I don't remember if that was enough experience for us all to level or not. This was, however, indicative of the campaign as a whole. Just playing for shits and grins.

>>1573964
Wait, if stairs are trouble for space marines, then what about ladders? They have the same problem as stairs in not supporting their weight.

big burrowing acid worm thing the DM created. i used my tremmorsense (horizon walker) to tell where he was, and set an immovable rod and dove out of the way as he came up to swallow me

the rod tore up his innards and he took his own acid damage (no acid-resistant scales on the inside)

>>1575818
they carry portable hydraulic lifts with them wherever they go

our fullplate-wearing half-orc was ruled too heavy to be supported by the ladder.

he was above the rest of us...

In my 2nd Ed. campaign recently I critically failed a spell check while trying to cast silence on a group of annoying bats that effectively immobilized most of the party.
It reverted to Shout.
This didn't stop me from screaming at the top of my lungs, so the ceiling caves in.
A wine cellar came down on us.

>>1575854
>>1575848

we were all level 4-5ish, and our cleric was a dwarf in fullplate, who liked eating and weighed a metric ton. we come to a hallway infested with rat swarms, so we turned the cleric on his side and rolled him down the hall. swarm problem fixed

I had a fighter who, every time he was called on to make a save, it was a Will save. And he failed every single time. It got to a point where the DM would simply look at me, I would roll, announce my failure, and sink back into my chair.

Until at last, against a mummy, the fighter made his goddamn Will save against paralyzation with a natural 20. Using his greatsword, the fighter re-enacted the scene from Goodfellas and continued beating the mummy long after it was dead(?) and the rest of the party had to make him stop.

If we aren't restricted to D&D, then I have a story from an Savage Worlds Evernight campaign.

One of my players was playing an obese elven mage. Since this was this groups' first time playing Savage Worlds I wrote up a quick scenario for them to learn the rules. Well at one point they are fighting an orc shaman, and his protectors. Well, the shaman shot a swarm of bees (bolt) at the groups' red knight as he charged through the door. The red knight almost gets knocked out, so the group's mage walked in and cast 3 ice bolts at the shaman in return. The first was enough to kill it. He looks at the battle takes a ruler and points out the other 2 bolts would continue on to hit the altar behind him. Two damage rolls later and the altar is destroyed leading to the character having a new last name (altar's bane), and a running joke for further campaigns.

>>1575691

For some reason this reminded me of the Mario RPG on the SNES, where one of Bowser's weapons was a pair of gloves that let him throw Mario at the enemies.

Had a dwarven bard who I would make up extremely bad tavern diddies to. For giggles I took one of his bonus languages as Aquan and forgot to tell the DM. Our first campaign the city we hail from is attacked by sauhgin. After quite a bit of fleeing we end up coming up through some sewers into a massive warehouse. We go upstairs to find a bunch of bags of flour with fishies tromping about below at ground level. I suddenly grab a bag of flour and pour it out into the air screaming in aquan "THEY HAVE POISON POWDER, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES". Rolled a natural 20 on bluff check and they rolled 1's and such for detect motive. Half of them fell to the ground believing themselves poisoned and dying with the rest running off and dragging off a quarter of the attacking force with them.

Mage fucked up a teleport spell.


My rogue became one half barbarian, and the barbarian became half rogue.

The best part was that I played a female rogue elf, and my friend played a male orc barbarian.

I found a Bag of Un-holding


It launched whatever was put in it a good 20 yards. My orc bard liked to shoot pebbles at the paladin of our group, and then blame the rogue.

>>1575949
Half-rogue half-elf? Half-orc half-barbarian?

>>1573964
Clearly you've never seen a Jackie Chan movie. Ladders are FAR more dangerous then battleaxes

I killed the BBEG of the adventure we were on with one hit from my fists.

I was a cleric three levels lower than the guy and he had just disarmed me. I decide "fuck it, I'll try to attack him anyway" since I had no helpful spells left.

I roll a 20. Then I roll for critical hit...and get a 20. I rolled for instant death and got a 13. In-game, this translated to me doing a ROCKET PUNCH to the face that caused the BBEG's head to explode.

The DM decided to allow it because it was fucking hilarious and made the whole thing totally anti-climactic. And then there was much rejoicing.

>>1576000
I lol'd

>>1576118
>>1573964
>>1574328
>>1575691
>>1575858
>>1575937
>>1576000

My favorites so far.

>>1576118
Do I know you?

Some of my best role playing moments are when I'm the DM.

One of my favorites was when a pair of players decided they wanted some potions, but not only did they not care who they bought them from, they didn't care what they bought. So they go to a flea market and purchase a glowing blue potion from a rather unsavory character. After some deliberation, one of them quaffs it to see what happens. It turns out it allowed him to breathe underwater. Exclusively. Forever.

An equally lulzy moment was when the party found an untrapped treasure box in a hidden alcove. It contained a bottle wrapped in a seemingly greasy cloth. After unwrapping it, and raising it up for a closer look, the bottle fumbled (per oil of fumbling) from their grip, shattered on the stone floor, and exploded (as per the potion of firey burning). The whole alcove became a creamatorium...

A pixie flew up the fire giant's ass and began wailing on his prostate.

>>1578451

...?!

>>1578478
Yup. Right up his ass.

Longer version:
The party tracked down a fire giant as he was getting dressed. the caster used Bigby's Slapping Hand to knock him in the balls, and while he was cringing, the pixie shrunk herself and flew up his ass. After that, she made his life "interesting" untill he agreed to give us his ill-gotten loot.

wut

>>1578534
Giants don't have prostate glands. Your group is composed of retards.

>>1578587

And testicle slappers, apparently.

wut

While the rest of the party was fighting one encounter down a hallway, my half-orc barbarian comes across a pit with skeletons and a LOT of gold in it. He jumps in, critically fails his landing, and gets a lot of damage.

All of a sudden lots and lots of fire ants come shooting out from the tiny holes in the walls and floor that he neglected to spot, and they start to eat him alive, swaming and biting him. My character takes the damage, starts scooping gold into a bag and then starts climbing up the stairs. Thats when the DM rules he was too heavily-loaded, and THEN triggers another trap I missed spotting, breaking the ladder and my character falling back in, failing his landing roll. The fire ants continue to consume me, with even more swams from the ladder trap.

At that point, I remember Ive got boots of flying, and I just fly back out with the loot. Other party members hear my screaming and come to check on me, but havent got any spells left, as they used them all against the creature down the hall. We then get the idea of setting the leader of the party, a dwarven fighter in fullplate, on figher, and he starts rolling around on the floor crushing the swams.

MANY rounds later, the DM reminds us they were fire ants, and so setting the dwarf on fire wasnt doing much additional damage to them, but it was to him. That moment became a running joke for us, and now they wont let me near any treasure without the rogue checking it out first.

>>1578587
then how do you explain the giants knocking up slave girls by spraying their rancid fluids all over nethers?

>>1578604
lolwut?

>>1578623
fukkin lol!

This one isn't nearly as epic as others in this thread, but I was once playing as a typical dagger wielding rogue in a tavern with my party, and while our leader spoke to various NPC's about finding a quest or something for us to do, I began to idly do knife tricks with one dagger. The DM had no problem with this, as my character was skilled with daggers and had a touch of finesse.

Being that it was a tavern, however, my character was drinking. After a few rounds, the DM randomly interrupted and asked for me to make a saving throw. I ended up rolling a 2. The DM said I turned my dagger over my wrist and stabbed my own goddamn hand, pinning it lightly to the table.

>>1578653
>then how do you explain the giants knocking up slave girls by spraying their rancid fluids all over nethers?
Giants can ejaculate at will.

>>1578732

Is that in the same book as "dragons can fuck anything"?

>>1578749

That's in a source book now?

>>1578847
Bastards and Bloodlines?

woah, woah...you telling me that giants can bust a nut whenever they want to? what would be the range and combat modifier for that; because i might just might pit a giant agaisnt my group next game...

maybe a half-dragon giant...

>>1578872

half dragon giant - an unstoppable impregnation machine.

wut

The sorcerer of the group and my Elven Ranger got into an argument and he proceeded to mage-hand me in the nuts. I had to roll to see if they came out of my mouth.

Later on, we spy a stripped elf girl stuck in a magic box. The sorcerer starts stripping down, running at her, not aware of invisible box. He slams, boner first, into it and knocks himself loopy. After trying to break it, and failing, we dig under it. No duh, right? The sorcerer, ever the goofball, takes the diamond dust that powered the spell. He examines it... and snorts it. The DM at this point is enjoying it so much that he lets him live, waiting to see what other madness happens.

The next madness, after getting this poor Elven maiden clothed, in winter gear since its all we had, came when our sorcerer, seemingly having an adversity to pants, got swept up in the winds that go through the Abyss. Well, he starts falling after it calms down, unfortunately right onto the Elf cleric/wizard. She rolls to turn her head, fails, gets a face full of Human wang. She tries to bite down on it out of spite, fails and gets it so far down her throat that she almost vomits, but of course makes THAT save. I, the CN Ranger, just shake my head and keep walking.

>>1578915

And we have a winrar!

>>1578915

I'm hoping that's a troll. I really am. Either way, I wish I could hate you to death.

pantsless in the abyss??? that's just... you know, whatever. if he's strong enough to get there, i guess he knows what he's doing.

>>1578973
Hey, it says stupid but amusing. I'm just glad I wasn't involved more than observing.

As you can imagine, I don't play with this group anymore.

At one point the DM decided we'd stockpiled too much stuff that could come back to bite us in the ass later, so he decides to let us get some magical armor that none of us could use. Of course we stash it in the bag of holding and forget about it. Later in the same dungeon we find ourselves trapped in a sealed room on top of a pedastl holding off swarms of little demon things. I reach in to the bag of holing for a wand and find that it's overflowing with acid (from the armor we stashed). We were all pissed that all our loot was trashed and throwing a hissy fit. My response... ok, well I turn the bag of holding upside down and start pouring the acid in to the room beneath us, ohh yeah DM (who had just recently introduced the boss in the the sealed room) how big was our now full of acid bag of holding?

>>1578872
I just read that bit and my eyes glazed over. Seriously, do you want that in your game?

>You approach the giant wielding his mighty club, you catch a scent of putrid rot from his breath as he roars at you, it smells like moist rotting decay not unlike you'd find on a corpse. However, he seems to get flushed, and stand erect at his full height, his eyes rolling around in his head, his hands clenching tightly around the shaft of the club and wring it. What do you do?

1: I ready my bow and aim for his eyes
2: I begin to get my components ready for Bull Strength on the fighter.
3: I draw my sword and and charge at him, unleashing my mighty battle cry!

The giant continuous, convulsing slightly and fumbles with his belt, gasping, he drops his tattered trousers and you see his monstrous pulsating cock aiming straight at you all! Roll a will save.

>-roll-

>...
>...
>...

>Wow, you're all stunned, unable to move as horrible torrents of his rotten seed begin blasting you all, it splatters all over the place like a white torrent of hate, in your hair, in your armor, in your mouths, everything, he continues this for several seconds until he finally braces himself against his club and ambles off. Roll a constitution save.

>-roll-

>...
>...
>WTF

>Congrats, you're all pregnant.
yeah, no.

>>1579043
sounds like a great encounter!

I was playing a game where our group had to infltrate a keep and plant incriminating evidence to frame a local countess. Each of the members had a separate goal in case one of the others got caught.

I decided instead of bribing guards, or fighting my way through an entire complex, I would just barehand scale the outer wall and enter the top floor from the get go. Despite having no climbing skill whatsoever, he passed his climbing checks flawlessly.

However as soon as he steped inside the window, he was met outside the countess's door by a handmaiden who was startled at seeing a commoner this far past the guard stations. But quick as a blink, my character confronted her verbally. (the following is not exact as the in game convo, but pretty close)

"Now what exactly are you doing, miss? The countess will be MOST displeased."

"S-sir?"

"Had I been an intruder, I would have killed you where you stand. And who would be left to call for the guards? You have endangered the countess's life with your lax reaction time."

She then goes on to question who my character was, who presented himself as a royal inspector. He then coerces her into sleeping with him to make him "forget" about her misconduct. The evidence was planted that night. Among other things.

>>1579043

FUCKING LOL!

This thread needs archived RIGHT FUCKING NAO!

I seem to often be the catalyst for unfortunate events that could have otherwise been avoided.

At the time, I was playing a barbarian/drunken master character. I had decided to make a breif stop over at the thieves guild, alone, to try to boss around the guild leader who was trying to intimidate followers of Pelor at the local church (the cleric in the party was my best friend, but, was taking too long, in my eyes, to do something about the situation). This was a bad idea in and of itself, but, little did I know the head of the theives guild was also a vampire. Being of weak will, I fell very quickly under a domination, and was ordered to send for my allies, one at a time. I sent for the fighter, first.

He arrives alone, wondering what business I have for him. He's met by the vampire, with me by the vampire's side. He catches on very quickly, and miraculously, resists the vampire's domination effect. In a heroic act, he grabs me, and uses his Ring of Wishes, with one charge left, to make a very simple wish - "I wish we were back at the temple of Pelor!"

In an instant, he and I are standing within the temple walls, with a number of very shocked clergy. However, still under the vampire's thrall, I was being beckoned back to the guild, and was powerless to resist the call. I pummeled the fighter, and fled the church as quickly as possible. The rest of the party, who was staying at same said temple followed suit.

Bounding through the city, they had trouble keeping up with me, with the execption of a very quick rogue who was determined to bring me down. With my options running thin, I did a quick inventory of my items, and discovered I had a single Feather Token left - a tree. I activated it directly below myself, and was launched into the air, landing uncomfortably on a rooftop. After catching my breath, the flight continued amongst the shingles of the buildings.

>>1579161
Undeterred, the rogue followed suit, bounding up the sides of buildings at blistering speeds, and eventually cornering me, so to speak, at the edge of a building. After a few rounds of trying to talk me down, the rest of the party arrived. The party's cleric cast Hold Person on me just as the rogue went to tackle me. Timing couldn't have been worse, for me, anyway. We plummeted to the ground.

The rest of the party proceeded to beat me, while the cleric cast a Protection from Evil on me, to at least supress the mind-control. I managed to escape the clutches of the Hold Person after a few rounds, but, the party was taking no risks (either that, or they saw this as an opportunity to take out their frustrations on me - this wasn't the first time I've caused them trouble). They continued to kick me senseless.

When my turn finally arrived, the DM asked what I wanted to do now that I was free of the domination. I elected to cover my head and groin as they curb-stomped me into unconciousness.

>>1579166
>>1579161
Ha, awesome.

We were in some Gygaxian dungeon, I was the rogue. We were spit out after going through some portal to the starting hall. It appeared that we were spit out through a stone monster of some sort's head so my natural instinct was to try and go back the way we were spat out. The rest of the party followed. About 6 feet in the hole was a sphere of annihilation...

4chanarchive.org! gogogo! request /tg/ thread 1573964 for great justice!

>>1579229

Tomb of Horrors. Pwned.

Quit a gaming group by tricking the Mary-Sue characters, namely the DMPC, his best friend's PC and his girlfriend's PC, into letting my character teleport them into space. Is this awesome? y/n

Our party had a really dumb swordsman who had managed to find a magic sword with the soul of a wizard imprisoned in it, that let him use the wizard's fire magic. He never bothered actually learning to control it, though, his usual tactic was to just flood whatever area he was in with fireballs and hope that the rest of us would know to take cover when he started casting.

Well, one day we're fighting the BBEG on top of a tower where he's been experimenting with magitech-- it's not the final encounter, we just happened to have caught up with him. Anyway, swordsman decides that since there's nowhere for the BBEG to hide on top of the tower, it's a GREAT time to drop the largest fucking fireball he can cast.

Long story short, the damn thing managed to hit everybody EXCEPT the BBEG, including sword guy himself. The sword was confiscated by our thief after this encounter.

>>1579256
You mean tricked?

>>1579241
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/1573964/

Our party came across a mid boss evil wizard while trolling around some dungeons. He was pretty cordial at first so we didn't suspect he was going to attack us. He instigated combat by casting Frost Storm at us. All of our party saved for half-damage, but he flubbed his own roll and killed himself in one shot. We just looked at each other skeptically and then looted his corpse.

>>1579166
Actually, on the more amusing end of things with this same character, we were wandering through a complex or another, to what ends, I honestly don't recall. We're being quiet as possible as we check doors and whatnot, but, we apparently didn't overhear a group of bugbears and hobgoblins on the other side of one of these doorways.

I open the door, and end up standing in awkward silence as a number of these goblinoids look up from their card game to me. After a moment, I decide to speak up. I was the only one that knew the goblin language afterall.

"...I've been looking for a good game! Say, I have a few gems that I could throw in to the pile, if you guys want to test your luck."

Silence from the room - maybe a few motions towards their weapons, maybe a few of them taking the gems into consideration.

"OK, let me show you that I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass. Here!" I proceed to reach over to the wizard's necklace, tearing off the largest ruby I can from it, and tossing it into the room. "Tell me what that's worth, and if you want to play for more, just let me know!" I close the door.

Sounds of goblinoids scrambling for the fist-sized ruby erupt from the other side of the door as the rest of the party looks at me in horror. The only one that doesn't look concerned is the mage who was in possession of the necklace I ripped the ruby from.

"You do know that was a gem from my necklace of fireballs, right?" He asks.

I nod.

"Fair enough."

I was barely able to keep the door from flying off its hinges in the resulting explosion.

>>1579300
Me: "Hey guys, I got a great landing spot for that city we visited a few weeks back. We can fix Alriax's [DMPC] sword there, what do you say?"
DM: "Sure."
BF:"Yeah."
GF: "Okay."
Other player: "I'll go too!"
Me: "Sorry, Half-Dragon Half-Celestial Full-Elf Sorcery doesn't take to psychoporting well, I think I can only take those two this trip." [Pointing to DMPC and DM's GF's PC.]
Other Player: "Oh, sorry."
I then manifested the teleport power, Informing everyone OOC that instead of teleporting to the city I instead teleported straight up as far as my range allowed, about 1,800 miles if I recall correctly.

Floating in space, nobody could speak- but I unfold a note I wrote earlier that read, "This is for Charlie." Charlie was the latest in a long line of NPC's the DM killed off when he realized that they were allowing the other PC's to take some of the spotlight away from his DMPC. "Charlie" was a theif my psychoporter befriended, beheaded by Alriax "off-camera".

Folding the note back up, I manifest the power that allows a psychoporter to trade places with an ally, choosing the DM's BF's PC.

>>1579388
BTW, I wish I was kidding when I say the DMPC was a Half-Dragon Half-Celestial Full-Elf Fighter/Sorceror Gestalt.

>>1579403
That's like... 200% of a person

>>1579403

You did it for great justice.

>>1579415
I know, we had so many arguements on that.
"You can stack as many templetes as you want!"
"No you can't, you aren't the product of an angel, a dragon, and two elves!"
"There was no angel, the dragon was also a god."
"Oh that's much better."
"I thought you'd see it my way."
"That was sarcasm, dumbass."

>>1579388
I don't get it?

>>1579388
epic

>>1579444
It ends with all three mary-sue's in space and the psychoporter safe on the ground.

>>1579444
He teleported everyone but one guy they left on the ground to space, handed the DM a "haha fuck you" note, then switched places with the guy on the ground.

>>1579346
Badass.

Hmm, One time while trying to sneak into an elf fort to murder a high-priestess of sorts, the party is caught. So the next session the DM has us in elf court. Naturally the Human Bard takes center stage in this one. So he argues for a while, and it seems like he might just win over the jury, but the judge(How also happens to be the priestess we're after) is a stone cold xenophobic bitch who's constantly talking down to us. Now halfway through, my Kobold Psion decides that he's had enough of her shit, and casts Id Insinuation on the "bailiff" standing next to her.
DM: Okaaay, he fails his will save, roll on the effect chart.
Me: 87, "Attack Nearest Creature"
...
...
DM: Goddammit Gary.

The guy reels back, and beheads her in one fell swoop, and we manage to escape in the ensuing shitstorm.

>>1579444
he managed to TPK everyone in the group to get revenge for the DM being a fag.

>>1579256
no, because once you left they decided to ignore that game.

>>1579454
I thought he switched places with the DM's boyfriend, who was also in space.

>>1579459
I find that a good shitstorm is great cover for any escape.

>>1579476
Probably a typo, because, what would that do?

>>1579476
DM and DM's girlfriend were in space, DM's best friend was still on the ground at first.

>>1579459
Nice, Very Nice.

>>1579388
I approve of this.

>>1579388
Wait a second, so we're to believe that the DM had a girlfriend AND a boyfriend?

>>1579512
BF is Best Friend, but it sure seemed like they were fucking on the side.

>>1579498
I was proud.

In a campaign I was in about a year ago, I was a level 15 rogue with ranks in heal and profession(surgeon), I was the medic basically, and our wizard was CE, and a bastard, basically. He would just up and steal shit from everybody, but I managed to steal most of it back from him.

Most of the time he liked to steal when everyone was asleep( we were really heavy IC back then) so I slipped some Drow poison one night.

He failed his Fort save, and was immediately knocked out, so I get the cleric's help and an immovable rod...I open the wizard up and put the Rod into his torso, right behind the ribs, sew him back up and leave him, all the while the player is bitching to high heaven. So after that
when we went to sleep, I would activate the rod in his chest.

>>1579388
Wouldn't the vacuum rip you apart instantly?
What was the reaction of the other players?

>>1579551
I think that in space, victims suffer cold damage and, after lasting a number of minutes(?) equal to their constitution score, they suffocate.

>>1579551

I wouldn't try to apply real world physics to a world in which a Half-Dragon Half-Celestial Full-Elf Fighter/Sorceror exists.

>>1579551
Not if you do a massive out-breath first. If you completely empty your lungs the vacuum isn't instantly fatal.

Other player reactions? Mostly shock, I'm told the rest of the group was more rebellious after that, and less tolerant of his pussy ways. The group didn't last much longer after that, and only lasted a couple more months because another guy tried to step in as Co-DM.

>>1579585

How the hell does such a being come to exist anyways?

>>1579599
The DM being an insecure fag, and a majority of the group being to big of pussy's to stop him.

>>1579594
You got about 10 seconds, plus the human body can take a drop from 1 Atmosphere to 0 Atmosphere with minor damage. You still die in 10 seconds or so from lack of air and boiling/freezing.

But well played, psychoporter.

>>1579614
Dunno about D&D, but I guess once you're outside the PRECIOUS O3 layer, you either die of oxygen starvation to the brain within about four minutes, or you get baked by UV radiation and...get skin cancer?

>>1579043

Roll to dodge...

Basically, I'm playing a game with a bunch of psychotic bounty hunters (myself included) and a straight man (our doctor). We're all in a crowded bar, bored out of our mind, so I calmly go:

"Hey, Viktor. Your mother was a capitalist pig dog." He was a russian old school commie. Naturally, he takes this poorly. He takes a swing at me, I duck, and he clobbers the guy beside be and sends him flying into the air.

What proceeds to go down is this-- all four psychos in our party wanted to start the fight. Starting the fight meant whoever got the last hit on that poor bastard "Viktor" just hit into the air and made him land on the guys playing poker at the back of the room.

We played human volleyball for six rounds.

>>1579669

Well played.

>>1579669
ಠ_ಠ

Ever play in an environment where players are in a sandbox environment? Can you picture it for oWoD? Werewolves, Vampires, Mages, Changelings, Hunters (the reckoning) and just about every splat you could imagine all put into a melting pot of stupid. Yeah, that's where I started out my oWoD experience. I played a Pooka changeling at the time and just observed the goings on, vampires were overpowered and walking in the sun (Lasombra to be specific), though the most pathetic thing was that the Prince/ST was a Naga Malkavian abbbomination or whatever... Werewolves were having lots and lots of incestuous sex (fuck the litany, I'm sterile so it's technically okay! I say so 'cause I'm the leader of the pack and I'm wolf ST), Mage was run by the same fucker with the daylight walking lasombra, one of those "I'm too fucked up to be playable" characters, but still was played, changeling was next to non-existent at the time save me and at the time, anything human was eaten.

>>1579716
I'm gonna give you all a few seconds to rage... You good? Okay. Like I said, I was new to WoD and I had no other changelings to hang out with, really... They weren't played long and the ST just stopped playing so I was left to just watch, the werewolves were secksing everything, the vampires were busting the masquerade at any given moment, the mages were just typically idiots, but stuck to canon to some degree despite the ST fagging things up and got themselves on the shitlist of the other factions... I saw vampires made for the sole purpose of raping other PCs, splats made for the sake of being retarded (cannibal silver fang, anyone? Can you say 5 hour lifespan?), I saw vampires whip out werewolf exclusive items that required no expenditure of gnosis/blood/rollwhatsofucking ever that would pacify everything despite a will save. Sure, there was the occasional "Leech this" and "Veil that", but it was just a huge clusterfuck to keep up appearances to have more secks.

>>1579722
Damn my innocence at the time, I just sat back and watched with minimal interaction for months as I read sourcebook after sourcebook and probably went through two thirds of all of WoD's entire fucking lore before I went "Hold on a sec, this aint right." which finally set me on my righteous path to cleanse the fucktards. I got one werewolf killed a few times (fucking ST "CPR" bullshit) by convincing her OOC through some IC to just let her permarage go down to 1, and regain a tick of it every subsequent day... You see, she was broken, she had like, 9 rage and would blow four of those points to rape PCs (sometimes literally), so her idea of roleplaying all that FERAL FURY was to smash her face on lamp posts, so I convinced her acting "sane" for a few days would be good for a laugh. 'course, I was buddies with a Fomori player and tipped her off about this too. She fell on the wolf the next day and fucking ate her. We laughed, but she was someone brought back to life (FUCKING CPR).

>>1579724
Same wolf, later, this time was being urged by a wraith to want to sex up my mage and feed off of the emotions... He nails her will save (and she being the biggest fucking nympho ever, forgos blowing a point of willpower to break the effect) and she starts urging me. My mage was far from retarded and typically didn't walk down the street without having spirit sense on, so he saw the whole thing. Rather than cause a scene, he leads her off to a more or less deserted area, though on the way, he notes her beau (who's a wraith) and 'cause I'm a douche and I knew he was psycho, I winked at him suggestively as I walked off arm in arm with his beastial beauty.

>>1579722

BLASPHEMY!

>>1579734
We get to the warehouse, she starts getting hot and horny or whatever and starts using some "urge of the wyld" bullshit thing where if she gets more successes than my willpower, I secks her, game over... So, I start rolling for a time/life effect to cut the blood circulation to her brain to make her pass out and forget what just happened. OOC we know it's a race to see who gets the most successes first, and I let go of my effect, and, get a bunch of 1's. Tack onto the fact I'm packing a shitload of 'dox on me already and my guy just pretty much instantly just staggers, and just looks like he went through a meat grinder. She freaks out, and starts using mother's touch (healing gift) on me until I'm totally healed. I feign being passed out when I come to and start rolling to knock her out again. She catches on pretty quick and starts doing the primal urge thing again, and I know I wont get enough successes to put her out, so I just turn the effect inward and rip myself apart again, fuck that. I'd rather my PC die than get by a fucktard. AGAIN with mother's touch, she heals me completely and she wants the cock NAO. So I just get pissed and brain her with my cane, someone I knock her stupid and she passes out.

>>1579745
That's when that faggot ghost that urged her in the first place showed up. "HEY MAN. HOW'D YOU LIKE IT?" He asks. By this point, my mage is raging and starts swinging at the ghost. "Haha! Can't touch me, motherfucker!" So, one dose of spirit 2 later, I'm giving him a beatdown with my cane that he can feel, and he /hates/ that. "WHY, MAN. I WAS HELPING." So he helps alright, by setting the fucking place on fire and runs off. Pleasantly enough, however, all those near death experiences made all my accumulated paradox go away, so with a few roles, I put out the flames, my dude was singed, nearly raped, caked in blood, but alive... Then the rediculously powerful wraith boyfriend of hers shows up and sees me caked in blood and her on the ground, he tries to read my mind, I blow one of my last willpower points to resist and get the fuck out before he can embody and rape my ass. That little experience got me quite a bit of notoriety, and the other splats just avoided me for a while thinking I had a crazy amount of spheres at my disposition. But really, I just had my starting spheres with maybe a few weeks of experience put into forces, that was it. 3 Time, 2 life, spirit 2 and forces 2, that was it.

I wish I could say that was the most retarded thing I had happen, but I had a lot more insane shit go down where I systematically dismantled the infrastructure of the game, finally after wreaking havoc through more intrigue than their faggot vampires could muster, I just retired my mage who simply put, moved away. They never did get revenge and I figure I gave them the biggest case of blueballs yet.

>>1579749
>>1579745
>>1579734
>>1579724
>>1579722
>>1579716
I was about to make fun of this anon, but suddenly I pictured his mage as Constantine and that made this story kind of neat.

>>1579716
>>1579722
>>1579724
>>1579734
>>1579745
>>1579749

Bravo.

I was in a party or adventurers who were traipsing around the Underdark. Our DM had given us some pretty expensive rares that were not meant for our level, but it was just for fun anyway.

So sure enough we get surrounded by drow. They use all of their tricks and spells to blind and batter us. Realizing we weren't gonna make it out alive, our bonded earth summoner said goodbye to his earth elemental familiar, "fed" him a volcano seed, and ordered him to charge the enemy.

1 round later the elemental vomits up a gout of lava that incinerates all drow in front of him, but he also explodes under the pressure of the volcano now forming within him...in the middle of the tunnel. We attempted to outrun the rising lava river but wound up in a dead end.

But all was not lost. At the last minute our rogue handed our wizard his portable hole, which the wizard plunged into his bag of holding. KA-BOOM! Reality gets torn a new one, and the entire party is blasted into the astral realm; thus escaping the lava!

>>1579745
I'm not really familiar with this system. Were you continually beating yourself unconscious and fighting healing abilities to avoid rape, all before slapping her with a cane, then slapping a ghost with a cane, then running away?

>>1579819

Truly, pimpin' juju is the greatest magic in oWoD.

was playing in eberron and got mugged by a warforged thief. he asked for my bag which had my tools and valuables in, but also had my wand of rust in. i give him the bag, he reaches in to grab stuff and when he pulls out his arm, his hand is missing. we jumped him and used the wand to rust him apart piece by piece. paybacks a bitch

>>1579819
Actually, I tried just putting her to sleep so she wouldn't remember anything and I wouldn't have to explain anything. I pretty much got a critical failure and all the negative energy I had accumulated from previous failed spells tore my pattern (soul/body) to shreds. She used cheap healing techniques to bring me back to conclude the urging, so I prefered to have a bit of dignity. That failed, so I knocked her out. Then the wraith (ghosts who feed on emotions) showed up and acted like he did me a favor by hooking me up with the local ho bag. Typically, you can't touch a ghost, but mages have areas of influence (spheres, think of them as aspect of reality they can control like forces, life, time, entropy, forces, mind, primal ETC) which work through spheres ranging from minor fields of influence and smaller effects sphere 1 where you can effect yourself, have "spere related vision), such as seeing with x-ray vision with forces 1 or sensing "life" with life 1 up to about 5 where you can outright erase someone from creation. As a starting character, you can only have a max score of 3 in any given sphere. So, with a minimal amount of experience, I made myself able to affect most anything, including being able to smack around ghosts which they really don't like at all. Mage is complicated, but it can be fun once you get it.

>>1579669
^^ >>1579043 here... I wrote that had a laugh and didn't think about it, but that, I cannot unsee.

Homebrew, Played a wizard long enough that stark naked he had 20 Int.

Good thing too, because the party ended up item-free, in some cases clothes-free, in a massive oak forest and being hunted by a giant ooze with the power to be vulnerable to only one type of damage at any given time.

My wizard, who didn't even have his spell-book, realized that the ooze's acidic nature ment that it would react badly to caustic base chemicals no matter what the vulnerability at the time was. The ooze's acid and a strong base would react, turning into water and salt, poisoning the ooze.

The DM chuckles at this idea as he thinks this will be useless. but agrees with me. However we find a camp that belonged to a previous group, a massive orc war-band with a massive fire-pit.

Not realizing he's what he's done I smile and start making alchemy checks to make Potash and Lye. Perplexed he gives the group a few days to fortify this postition before the ooze attacks, of which I spend to whole time making Potash, making Lye, or sleeping.

Finally the ooze attacks, and the "useless" wizard manages to lure the ooze into every container I had used to store the fruits of my labors. I then pull out an encyclopedia and show something to our confused DM.

Potash and Lye are also known as Potassium Hydroxide and Sodium Hydroxide- and before the industrial age the fastest way to make them involved straining the ashes of burnt hardwoods like Oak. Our DM had unwittingly given me all the ingredients of two of the strongest caustic bases known to man. Fuck Yeah, Wizards!

>>1579948

Alchemy FTW!

Here's an old story I stole from another one of these threads.

GM: The forest is on fire around you. There's no real way to escape the inferno except to make it across the lake into the cave behind the waterfall and wait it out.

"Shit! Maybe we shouldn't have set that hill on fire!"

"I can't make these swim checks with my armor. Aw man."

"OK maybe I can summon something...yeah I have that slot maxed out so it would add to the stats...wait. WAIT."

"What?"

"It says here I can summon a celestial squid! And with my +4...that would give it 18 strength!"

GM: Let me see that. (A pause) Jesus Christ.

"It can carry us both across!"

"Yes!"

GM: OK, summon the squid.

"It's celestial. Does it have a halo?"

GM: Yes. Yes it does.

"I love this game."

The squid proceeded to wrap us each in a tentacle and merrily swam us across.

Friend (The summoning wizard): Oh celestial squid, you're so strong.

Me (the cleric): And pious!

Later we summoned it again and while it was fighting a young green dragon, screamed at it to call the dragon a cockbite in celestial.

All of the PCs at the table instantly started drawing the celestial squid, with the halo, when he allowed it.

>>1580025

A player in a game I was DMing made a ring that caused your bones to do the same thing as BrittleBone does when the target dies (Libris Mortis pg.73), with the spell trigger of closing the hand with the ring on it. They needed to defeat a blackguard that was quite a bit stronger than them, and so the wizard that made the ring gave it to the rogue, who slipped it on the blackguard in his sleep, slapped him, and ran. The Rogue jumped out a window as the Blackguard got up yelling, grabs his sword, and EXPLODED. Imagine your bones shattering into thousands of pieces and flying out in all sorts of directions while you're still alive. Needless to say, he wasn't alive very long.
___________________________________

In my group's previous adventure, the other rogue and I took these rings these Mages wear that rule the city. We then used this wand he found to polymorph us too look like the Mages. As we came up through the basement of the Mage Tower, we used Raise Dead to make this one dead guard a zombie. We had it follow us up to the first floor and sent it towards two guards. We than ran up to them shouting "ZOMBIES! Zombies broke into the tower!" This sent the whole place in a frenzy and allowed us to reach the top floor of the tower without having to fight a single guard.

>>1580041

Once a mage in our group casted Invisibility on the door of a prison cell they were trapped in. The next guard that came along thought that they broke free and tried to attack them and ran against the door. Out-knocked, he was near enough for the rogue to take the keys off his belt.
_____________________________________

I was playing Star Wars d6 once, and was in a spacesuit, infiltrating an Imperial asteroid base. I found a side entrance, but it was recessed, and the tunnel was protected by a droid turret. The turret was programmed to target anything person-sized or larger, and my KO'd teammate confirmed it.

I stopped to think, looking at my inventory.

20 second later, I take off my jetpack, strap a thermal detonator onto it, and fire the jetpack at the turret.

KABOOM.

>The Rogue jumped out a window as the Blackguard got up yelling, grabs his sword, and EXPLODED.

HE CAME!

We were in the Temple of Elemental Evil, we had been clearing rooms for months by this point. We had the "listen at the door, check for traps, pick the door, rush in and kill everything" process down to a science. We come to yet another nondescript, locked door when our druid, out of nowhere, says innocently "Why do we never just knock?"

So, we had the thief put on a Cap of Disguise to look like one of the guys we had killed earlier, and he knocked while the rest of us hid. The guys inside opened up the door and our thief walked in, gained valuable intel from convrsation, then proceeded to backstab everyone in the room.
___________________________________

There was this batshit insane Necromancer pursuing us, and it turns out that the Rogue had stolen a tome from one of his operatives that was retrieving it.

After a lengthy pursuit, the Rogue gets an idea. So she and the Mage begin putting enough trap spells onto the pages so that as soon as he turns a page, it goes off in his face and destroys the page.

She dumps the book onto the ground and runs off, and the Necromancer grabs the book.

The Sorceress hiding nearby then figures to cast a wind spell.

The fighter summed it up best. "Look at the Pretty Lights."

>>1580025
I'm a squid.

>>1580082
I'm a SQUIIIIID!

>>1580086
Suck my tentacle.

>>1580087
I'M A SQUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID

>>1580076

In an underwater campaign me and the rest of the team are fighting the final boss. This underwater crab monster sorceress bitch...thing that was trying to ressurect some long lost god from a giant egg. We had stormed into the middle of her ritual and we up against a countdown to kill her before the god could be ressurected.

Not before too long, the only character left is my half orc fighter/barb and he's down to single digit health vs this thing that had rendered most of the team KOed or dead.

As near as i can remember, she had turned one of PCs into stone, and a few others got adversely planeshifted into the plane of fire.

Knowing that i had no way of surviving melee with her, and that out in the open i'd be as good as dead vs her magic wand of fucking people up. I grabbed the stone statue that was previously my teammate and used it as mobile cover as i repeated threw a relatively measily returning +1 trident at her. Everything she threw at me smacked into the inert form of my stoned buddy. Eventually i managed to attrition her to death a scant few rounds before the god hatched.
___________________________________

My favorite, and probably oldest awesome memory, was playing a druid in an evil party back in vanilla 3rd Ed. We also had a psionic with us. The DM rolled the critical on a random encounter table while we were headed out to a castle and tossed a 15-strong orc warband at us, each one riding a wolf mount. We killed them ALL in under three rounds:

1) Entangle centered on the front half of the warband
2) Pyrokinesis on entangling vines
3) Shoot any still walking out
4) ???
5) PROFIT

>>1580092
Ima combo breaker D:

>>1580092

Our game of Star Wars D20 has TWO DMs. Normally this would be a shitstorm but it works out pretty well, with a system of checks and balances. Anyway, one DM plays a Jedi Guardian specialized in move object, the other a bothan scoundrel. The bothan DM is up.

During this mission we have to save a noble's daughter on a star yacht. We are standing at the door. Suddenly, I get an idea. I get the Jedi Guardian to Move Object MY Jedi Guardian into the room, near the ceiling. While in the air I pass a spot check to identify the leader. I use affect mind on the leader to make him believe I'm on fire, and then move object myself at the leader with a kicking motion.

Dynamic Entry indeed.
___________________________________

Party was chasing after a guy and a chick riding basically a horse drawn stagecoach. The party is slowly gaining up on them when the driver (the chick) noticed them and begins to lob spells at them while speeding the horses up. Thats when the druid gets a great idea and casts his favorite spell: Entangle. The coach makes its reflex save (attended objects get to make a save) but the horses do not.

Result: The coach continues on a short distance as the horses are suddenly (and violently) stopped. The coach runs over the horses and kills them and comes to a violent stop, throwing the chick flying off the coach and crashes in to the ground taking more damage.

>>1580092
Latter was far more awesome in the original post.

>Psion: I cast pyrokinesis on the vines.
>DM: WAT

>>1580096
4-hit combo over. 4 isn't a combo anyway.

>>1580102

A nobleman who was fond of wearing large amounts of extremely thick, lustrous furs had turned out to be a cunning spellthief who had locked the true nobleman in the basement and assumed his role.

During the confrontation, his bodyguards had our wizard and fighter busy in another room, leaving the rogue and cleric seperated.

The cleric had expended the majority of his spells, and the spellthief had managed to steal a few. The cleric had one spell left: Create Water.

He decided to cast it directly above the spellthief. It was ruled that his thick fur clothing had immediately soaked up enough water that they became so heavy he was knocked on his ass.

Then the rogue stabbed him in the face!
___________________________________

So the melee brutes, specifically a warforged barbarian and a dragon shaman with water breathing, are fighting a vampire aboleth in a pool. They are getting pounded by tentacles that drain levels, but the spell support can't help them due to ink blocking line of sight. So my bard turns a cylinder of inky water invisible so that we can see the Aboleth. The other casters pew pew the aboleth with magic missiles and it dies.

>>1580109

I was a contract adventurer coming back to town with a dragon's head, turning it into the town council for the promise of a letter of marque for the Republic's Senate.

While we were walking through the town, I ask if there's an executioner's gallows. There is, and there's a fresh body hanging from the gallows.

I'm a Chaotic Neutral fighter, so I walk up to the body and start taking bites out of it.

Took 6 rounds and 40 nonlethal damage before they could tear me off it.
___________________________________

I was DMing a Superhero RPG. The quest was to find 14 children that had gone missing. Eventually the party tracks the children to a sewer system where a demon is planning on sacrificing them to bring his master to Earth. So they begin fighting the demon while the children are chanting hypnotically around a pit that goes straight to Hell. The PCs realize that to stop the ritual they need to stop the children from chanting. One of the PCs is an angel turned Private Eye so he's intent on KOing the kids. The rest of the party aren't as nice. The healer throws a knife through two of the children's throats. Next turn the telekinetic throws the rest (being prone easy targets) as in all 12 into the pit to Hell. The Angel then almost kills the telekinetic before becoming an alcoholic and losing many of his morals.

>>1580127

Allow you to tell you the story of my favorite character of all time. A neutral evil Human Sorcerer who had max ranks in Profession (Lawyer) since game one.

He was a scrawny man, tall and lanky. Fine black hair and the like, and the traditional evil goatee, And yes, he did stroke it occasionally.

Well, It all started when the party went to a little farming village who's average IQ was likely on par with a jar of mayo... On the way out, my Lawyer had a brilliant idea to get some money... The only shop in town is essentially a pawn shop, so I go out to the fields and pick up a few rocks... I cast Light on them... And bring them back to the shop as "Health Stones, As long as you carry one, you'll never grow ill! Look at how they glow!" The moron gobbled it up because the town didn't know I was a spell-caster of any acclaim.

That was the start of it..

Second major evil act of mine was using my characters extensive expertise in the law to force a Ma & Pa style Inn to sell to him otherwise he was going to have the place seized for owed taxes... He then turned it into a whore-house... And then burned it down for the insurance money.

After that the party Paladin got fed up with my way and challenged me to a duel of blades, I accepted and surrendered quickly.. And then using my insanely high charisma I convince the Paladin that I've changed my evil ways, that I'll give it all up... So, he allows me to buy him a drink... Next thing he knows, he wakes up in a motel room with a dead hooker on the floor, and outlawed narcotics on the nightstand.

I retired the character shortly thereafter, going off the RP reason that he went into hiding to avoid retribution from the Paladin's Order.

Good times..

This thread is made of epic and win. It seriously should be archived.

>>1580136

In a city that was under attack by orcs, I raided a temple. I found that it was being occupied by a couple of priests and a group of four peasants (3 men, 1 woman) that were hiding from the attackers.

I first killed the two priests, then I dragged the peasants out of the temple into the streets and made them beg for their lives.

On a whim, I made one of the peasants guess "heads or tails" on a gold piece. When he guessed wrong, I pointed my hand crossbow at him and gave him "till the count of three". He started running away. I counted to one before I shot him in the back of the head.

I then took out my dagger, pointed it at the woman (who then started crying out of fear), and asked her: "Which one of these men shall I kill? You shall decide for me, or you will be next."

She starts sobbing even harder and tells me that one of those men is her husband and the other is their son. I start counting to three, when she grasps the hand of her husband and turns away from the boy. She has made her decision.

I turn my dagger to the boy, pressing it against his throat. He is brave and doesn't make a sound, even at the face of death. I kneel down to his level, place my hand on his cheek and say softly:

"I want you to remember always and forever that your parents were willing to let you die to save themselves."

I sheath my dagger and walk away from the three peasants, knowing that I have just ruined a family, and possibly a marriage.

>>1580137

Already has been

>>1579301

>>1580141

In a superhero game, I had gravity control. This is a relatively worthless power-- doesn't do much. I can multiply someone's weight by my own by as many power points as I have, which is 122, or I can negative their weight by whatever number-- I thought "I can just shoot people into orbit!" but it only lasts for 122 yards, and then they return to normal gravity, so they just go up, come down, and take no damage. If I manage to increase someone's weight past their carrying capacity, they become incapacitated, but the GM likes to make bad guys that weigh 120 pounds but can lift sixty tons. It sucks to have this power, except I don't get hit with bullets often.

Fast forward.

Final fight of the campaign, the heroes fighting against the embodiments of evil, us hanging on by the tips of our toes-- we barely manage to defeat the villains, crush them before us, except for the BBEG, an enormous, demon-esque frog, gigantic and fat but incredibly strong, he matches us blow for blow, knocking the two strongest party members unconcious, our HP is getting low, we're running out of power, we may lose.. until..

Me: How much does this guy weigh?
GM: 1,200 pounds.
Me: Uh.. how much is 1,200 times 42?
GM: Why? Uh.. fifty-thousand?
Me: Can he lift that much? I use gravity control on him. All 42 of my remaining power points.

GM: .. *tips over the BBEG's miniature with what could only be described as a pitiful sadness marked ever-so-gently with irritation* .. he's incapacitated.

>>1580141
Okay, that one was new to me, and quite awesome as well.

>>1580141
haha oh wow, I had an evilgazim.

>>1580141
Psychopath much? Seriously, anyone who finds that funny has actual mental problems...

>>1580149

Arrived late to a session. The DM agreed to get me up to speed while the others went out to get soda, so we sat down. I was still at the inn the PCs were at, but the party had left and I was a singular fighter enjoying being alone.

Surprise surprise, three cultists, the enemy we were hunting, pop up to kill me.

Ten minutes later and I'd fucked them all up royally save for one, who I had knocked out and tied to a chair.

Basically, "Give me the information about your cult" and the like and I couldn't get a word out of him, so I busted out a mace I'd been carrying around. I kept asking, he kept saying no, refusing to talk, so I started breaking his fingers with the mace-- kept refusing, broke his hand, kept refusing, I burst the arm off of the chair, shattering the cultist's arm in the process-- and then moved to the next arm. Kept going, brutally torturing this guy, smashing his knees and shins and ribs, until I finally extracted the location of the cult from the cultist by hanging his chair out of the window, and after he told me, I dropped him out of it, killing him finally.

The rest of the party came back about ten minutes later, and we all met up.

Other PCs came back and told me they'd found the cultist hideout and wiped them out, found a greater threat, etc. etc. etc. I asked where. The addresses matched. The GM started giggling. I really should have known.

Whoops.

Norse campaign. I was playing a Dread Pirate Barbarian Multiclass wonder. We were in the middle of a fight against a giant, I think it was an Ice Giant, the fight was next to a loading dock for my ship. I, in typical barb fasion was raging and was tired of chasing the bloody thing as it moved, so I found a stack of boxes, I jumped off of them, attempting to land on the giant and deal some hurt. I made the jump and DM counted it as a charge. He then asked me to make a grapple check, I failed. The giant hurled me across the battlefeild, over 400ft and landed in the ground taking somehting like 20D6 damage and broke half the bones in my body. I survived with roughly 3 hit points left.

I landed next to the cleric. I was still in rage. The cleric healed me and I made it back to do one more blow before a fireball took it down.

>>1580156

If you liked that, you'll like this.

After a look through Libris Mortis, one specific monster caught my eye, so I decided to throw it at a low-level party. Of course, I didn't want to just say "Raar, here's a monster, go kill it!"

So when the party entered the ghost town in the course of their travels, they figured it'd be as good a place as any to set up camp, what with the buildings looking as though they've been uninhabited for at least a month but in otherwise sound condition. They set up their watches as per normal, and the campfire chatter was mostly cheerful. At one point in the conversation, the party Wizard mentions that they should ask about the ghost town when they get to the border crossing checkpoint. During the second watch, about three hours past midnight, the party Rogue spots something moving about in the shadows. A closer look tells him that whatever it is is about the size of a large dog, but is walking upright. He goes to rouse the party.

After about a minute of getting geared up, the party abandons once more the inn of the ghost town to investigate. They get about a block down the way when they hear feet scuffing behind them, but when they turn around they find that the source of the sound was closer and smaller than expected: a halfling zombie. This is when I started some creepy music and some zombie sound effects. The track included a child's laughter, but I shrugged and told the players that I couldn't find another track and was just making the best of things. They sensed combat coming, and the zombie groans were creepy enough, so they took that in stride and started describing how they were circling the wagons and trying to leave town. Since none of them wanted to risk touching the thing, they opted for simply moving faster than it in the other direction, which happened to be towards town square.

>>1580165

They didn't think there would be more zombies on the way. After a couple blocks, they find that they're rapidly becoming surrounded by about fifteen to twenty more zombies, all halfling-sized. Terror starts kicking in, and initiative is rolled.
Five rounds later, the fighter is hauling the Wizard's unconscious-but-breathing body, the cleric can barely keep himself together, and the rogue comes up with a great idea: "Run." They eventually arrive at the town's center, their weapons still dripping blood, when they see a still-living halfling crouching over something by a fire with a halfling zombie watching.

That's when the rogue notices two things. First off, all the doors in town were human-sized. Second off, the halfling zombie watching the living halfling was carrying a teddy bear. right around that point, some of the more damaged zombies that were invested in the chase catch up to the party, and the halfling by the fire turns around and gets up, holding one end of a small intestine and a toy wooden sword in the other, blood caked around his lips. The party's eyes follow the intestine to the lump of flesh the child had been hunched over. The child spoke:

"Why did you hurt my fwiends?" The party turns around to look at the zombies now that they have the benefit of the light. They had all been children in life. I ended that session right then and there. The players to this day hadn't figured out that the undead little girl watching the boy commit cannibalism was a Slaymate enhancing the boy's latent necromantic talents...

>>1580158

We had to search a cave to kill this vamp, the cave was an underwater river system. We had to swim in, but found the sucker. As we go in, I yell something incomprehensable as usual for my batlecry, then (gefore I could Rage) the vamp says to me, "Why don't you see how long you can hold your breath at the bottom of the river for?"

Suggestion, crap. I head over and dive in. Every turn from then on I take my action to *Blurp*. Moment of coolness though. Broke the suggestion and managed to get back into the fight for the killing blow.

>>1580141
That is the most awesome evilness ever.

>>1580167
That one is fine, really. It makes for an emotional impact whereas the other one was just some psychopathic shit about "Yeah, and then I take my dagger and threaten to kill the bitch." It gives D&D a bad name...

>>1580141
>>1580165
>>1580167
O.o
You, Sir Anon, Are an Ammoral, Psychotic, Evil Bastard.
...
Can I be your apprentice?

>>1580141

Thats dark... if i was DMing, an evil character would get some serious kudos for that.

Anyone else find this "Awesome evil d00d" stuff to be retarded?

>>1580175

Hey now, these are all other peoples stories.

From before lots of people knew about the archive.

>>1580184

Once played with this guy who'd spent ages making a giant world and system of his own, let's call it D100. It was weird, but loads of fun.

As one of our first missions point we were trying to stop a huge demon summoning by rushing this dockside warehouse full of cultists as part of the local temple paladin SWAT team or something. My character was summoning based himself and I tried to send in my summon through the front on it's own, but it just got wasted. (Think GM was unhappy with me just sending it in without putting my life on the line as well, good call in retrospect) So I ended up forcing my way in through the front with the paladins using my fire magic abilities to burn and create illusionary fire. Meanwhile another member of the party tried to kick down a door, but a critical failure made him smash his foot through the door, getting stuck trying to fight with one foot stuck in a shoddy door. While we were mopping up the front our roguey guy went in some window after the rogue popped out of a bush to shoot the previous occupant of the window. He thereafter snuck in and got into hot water by finding the summoning circle and the 2-3 crossbowmen stayed to guard it. He promptly made an acrobatics roll for the nearest water. (the circle was in the boat docking bay) Soon thereafter the rest of us busted into the room and my character had by now summoned up a warrior spirit that was axing along by my side. Suddenly all this chaos erupted and we were fighting for our lives, fortunately the crossbowmens bowstrings caught on fire, rendering the bows rather useless, but we were still outnumbered and the summoning was almost complete... They had already summoned up a large, muscular demon in an adjoining room that was coming towards us at great speed.

>>1580188

Now the guy who jumped into the water just started praying the gods for help. Turns out the GM had made a giant sheet for events like this and while swimming the guy bumped his head into a rock. A DIVINE rock. Armed with this fragment of holy mineral he swam up next to the summoning circle, smacked a mage over the head with it and for reasons unknown threw the rock into the circle.

The GM just told us the circle started acting up, sparks lighting and increasing light phenomenae. It was going to blow up. The cause of this jumped back into the water promptly, but my character was stuck between the circle and a muscular demon that got stuck in a doorway due to cumulative critical failures. Defaulting on acrobatics my char rolled magnificently and managed to do a diving slide between the demons legs into the room beyond just before the place blew, taking out the demon and wounding most of us slightly.

Also a guy used roof tiles as shuriken and killed 2 people with them.

>>1580041
I assume the big line in the middle of your post is because you're taking this out of a file you've saved stories in. It makes me happy that someone liked my Brittle Bone Ring stunt well enough to save it.

This was one of my father's stories, unfortunately, so you'll have to deal with hearing it second hand.

My father had made a dungeon where one of the last puzzles before the room with the BBEG was to get through a stone wall. No doors or anything, just WALL OF BRICKS instead of a passageway. The way this was SUPPOSED to work is that there was a Stone-to-Mud scroll earlier on in the dungeon which they were supposed to use to melt the wall. Unfortunately, the party decided to use it to defeat a stone golem instead, leaving them in a bit of a pickle.

Well, one enterprising player has an idea. He digs around in his inventory for a bit, then pulls out a Stone-to-Flesh spell that they saved. He uses THAT on the wall instead, and the group begins hacking their way through the quivvering mass of fleshwall. Squicky, to say the least.

---

In a different adventure, the party found a pair of jars, labeled in Cyrillic (my father was a Soviet Studies major). Both had incredibly noxious-smelling potions in them. One of the players /also/ knew Cyrillic, and started sounding out the characters on the jar. The first jar was a potion of fire resistance, according to the label. The other, a jar of Kraft Mayonaisse, three years past its sell-by date.

I was playing a game with some friends, one of which was new to the game.
So, we killed a wizard and ransacked his tower, and found some special boots. We identified them, and they turned out to be Boots of league-striding.
I had a gnarling suspicion, and gave them to the new guy. He put them on.
His next step caused him 20d20 damage, ripping his leg off, and throwing it exactly a league in front of him.

>>1580202

Oh no, Back when I saw the topic I highlighted the thing and copy+pasted it into a text file. I also have the epic deaths topic in there and about 10-20 screencaps of no-archived topics that I thought were good.

>>1580242
Don't happen to have my "paladin made a pogo stick out of his spear and jumped off a cliff at a dragon to save his party" bit do you? Still one of my proudest moments in gaming.

>>1580260

Maybe. When was it?

>>1580265
Oh hell, I don't remember. A while back. Somewhere in the 3-6 month range I think.

Sometimes, it's the most useless characters that are the funnest. For deep, meaningful roleplay experience in Faerun, I played a Human Rogue/Ranger/Cleric. Yes, that IS correct. Delamar of Silver Marshes. He was an undead hunter by trade, who joined the ranks of Kalimdor, the LN god of the dead.

His career started off as a humble pay-sword, working in Luskan to help tide a pirate uprising that threatened to engulf the city. I was one of many.

Many skirmishes ensued, some we won, most we lost. But one in particular has always been a favorite of mine. Losing ground, our company, the White Dragons, were falling back in an orderly fashion, longspears keeping the enemy from rushing us. As the hunter of the group, the DM decides to have me roll listen. A marvelous 15, plus a hefty listen bonus.

"Over the clash of battle, you hear the faint chanting of divine magic. You can not see where it is coming from, but you can hear it behind a building." Without a second thought
"I pull out my crossbow, aim up and in that direction." Everyone laughed, until I pulled a natural 20 out of my ass.

DM:..... "You hear a ragged scream cut off the chanting."

After that battle, I went and checked. turns out I impaled a priestess of Umberlee through the neck. Got a sweet Adamantine frost axe out of it.
Which I lost in a battle to a kraken, but that is for a different time.

>>1580268

I've been on /tg/ since about November last year, I think the topic may have been here at a time when I was away from home.

It's a shame these topics don't come up more often.

But aside from that, do you still remember the story?

>>1580287
Ah well, I'll live.

Basic run-down: we'd pissed off the DM by all general dicking around, and so while we were climbing down a HUGE cliff we were attacked by a white dragon who's CR was about 10 higher than our party can handle. After a bit of fighting that was getting nowhere the Paladin made a move silently check to climb higher without being noticed and when he was really far above he Sovereign Glued two sticks to his spear to basically make a pointy pogo stick and jumped off the cliff at the dragon. Hit it in the wing, took it out of the air, and fell several miles down and landed in a crumpled heap on top of the also now dead dragon. He got to come back as a Risen Martyr and his spear gained the Holy attribute as a divine gift for his bravery.

>>1580307
holy fuck how did he survive the fall

>>1580287
Fucking newfag

Here's a story that is both true, and will make you rage.

So a friend of mine got married, and she wanted to have me DM a game for her and her new beau. She hands me two character templates - a LG paladin and a CE rogue succubus, and instantly alarm bells go off in my head, but I ignore them because I've been rolling with this chick since high school.

So the game starts with the paladin being imprisoned in a circle of hell, with the succubus ordered to turn the paladin into a blackguard. After two weeks of extremely uncomfortable RP, the succubus is turned by the paladin and becomes NG, and lets the paladin out (because she had 'fallen in love'). Together, they destroy the dungeon and escape to the surface world, where the paladin is sainted for killing a demon lord, and takes the succubus as his wife.

If that spiel wasn't enough, you have to keep in mind that each and every RP session got progressively more uncomfortable for me, as the 'succubus' is constantly trying to seduce the paladin while the paladin tries to turn the succubus to good. Eventually my friend says 'that's enough for today' and enters her bedroom with her husband while I'm packing up my stuff.

So yeah, that made for awkward conversation next time she showed up for our group session.

>>1580315
He didn't

A couple come to mind..like the time my chara took out a frickin dragon with just a stick.
Playing a rogue, party was making it's way through territory rumored to be plagued by a red dragon. Made camp, yada yada, rest go off to hunt while I'm left to guard the tents.
Charas bored, whittling on a stick for no good reason. DM-you guessed it-send the fucking thing right at me. Not thinking, "I throw the sharpeend stick, aiming for it's eye" pops out of my mouth.
Everyones laughing, so I think, fuck it, and roll.
Natural twenty.
The DMs so stunned, he actually whispers when he says, "It's brain pierced, it starts it's death-throes..." Two mroe natural twenties saved my ass from being smacked by a flailing limb. Only loss was a tent that got smashed.

Booting players off the campaign because they refuse to drop the whole alignment shebang

>>1580317
lol ragefag

>>1580326
A single crit off throwing a stick killed a dragon? Your DM is a moron.

>>1580317

I don't see you contributing anything.

>>1580326
3 natural 20's in a row?
son, better let me see those loaded dice.

>>1580333
He was new.
And, truth be told, an idiot.
next compaign, I let my rogue get eaten by a couple of dragon hatchlings to kinda even the score

>>1580342
Loaded? Why, good sire, I have no idea what you are talking about.
These are simply my *ahem* lucky dice.

>>1580307

Most badass Paladin ever.

>>1580347
LUCKY
BY LUCKY YOU MEAN EVIL
AND I AS A PALADIN SHALL BREAK THESE DICE
SWING HAMMER ON THEM

FOREVER MORE THIS LAND SHALL BE RID OF THESE "LUCKY" DICE

>>1580370
He went on later fight the innards of a leviathan. From the inside. Basically he rolled around inside it wearing spiked Mechanus Gear. He actually lived through that though.

He met his final end at the hands of the Tarrasque. He did manage to get on it's back and tried to carve a tunnel into it's head so he could have a boxing match with it's brain, but sadly he was eaten instead. They tried to revive him, but he was having to good a time living it up in Valhalla.

>>1580374
These die will be lifted...nevermore.

>>1580374
Well, whaddya know...my dice rolled a natural twenty and dodged your hammer blow.

>>1580403
What happens if you cast a spell on the dice and they roll 20?

>>1580406
The spells affect will utterly backfire-ie, fireball blows up in the casters face.

>>1580446
"A-ha! I have you now! Eat flame!"
*20*
FOOSH!

>>1580465
Dice: *smug silence*

>>1579585
Space doesn't work that way. There's no such thing as "explosive decompression" because you're body is made to withstand the forces of all that air and shit crushing down on it,and up to a few more atmosphere's worth if submerged. Hell, you can be buried in dirt and hold your breath. Just because the pressure suddenly isn't there doesn't mean you pop like some kind of thin ass balloon skin. Your body can take exposure to hard vacuum for 20 seconds (IRL) before you pass the fuck out, and then there's a two minute window to be saved or die.

http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=741

lrn2SCIENCE n00b, not watch crappy b-movies and Total Recall for all your SCIENCE.

>>1580551
>because you are body is

And you CAN pop your lungs just by swimming out of a submarine fifteen metres down.

>>1574201

What

>>1580551
The story is bullshit anyway. He stole it from an old thread.

>>1580561

How can you be sure he stole it when both posters where ANONYMOUS?

>>1580577
Because it's a vastly inferior version.

>>1580577
Its a sense. You'll gain it too once you become part of the hivemind.

>>1580586

I've seen stories posted by the same person appear a second time in a more abridged form.

>>1580591
ONE OF US
ONE OF US
ONE OF US

This past week, I finally got a chance to break out my alcoholic half-orc barbarian. The way being alcoholic worked was that I had to pass a will save with 15+ on my d20. But hat's just needless info here.

Anyways, Myself and the klepto rogue walked into an area with 4 gnolls and 3 orcs. I managed to kill one gnoll before the DM had them all surround us and start attacking. The Rogue went down fast, and when he hit 0, I raged.

Now, up till that point, I'd been using a +1 Greataxe (Weapon focus: Greataxe for a +10 to hit, etc), but that made the fight too easy. So I switched over to my +1 Goliath Greathammer, which only had a +5 to hit. The first turn, managed to kill 1, then they started to hit. I only took 10 damage from a robust full 56 hp, so I wasn't worried.

Then I rolled a one. Go figure, huh? That breaks my hammer. This is where it gets good. The DM says "Make a luck roll." I did, and rolled another 1. I was about to BAWWW when he said that the head of the hammer flew off, hit another gnoll, killing it. I then rolled another luck roll and got a 2. The hammer ricocheted off the dead gnoll, and hit an orc for 6 damage, killing it. Apparently, the lower your roll for a luck roll, the better. The last roll was a 10, which somehow managed to brain the last orc.

All in all, I killed 7 monsters in 3 turns. I felt good about myself.

>>1580591

I can kind of see what you mean.

>>1580597
>But hat's just needless

lol how do you know hat?

>>1580597
Rogue: STOP KSING! I'LL REPORT YOU TO GMS AND GET U BANNED OLOLOLOLOLOL

>>1580623
>Rogue:

In before...sorry, in AFTER Wolverine.

I was fighting a bugbear alone, while my other two teammates were looting the floor for gold. I was a lvl 1 rogue...

The bugbear threw his spear at me, I caught it out of mid air. I threw it back. Nat 20 to hit, 20 to wound, it's brained.

Well, there was this low-level adventure.

I rolled a crazy wizard (or sorcerer, can't remember). Basically our party was sent out in a dark forest to investigate the dissapearance of a child.

Basically my character manages to get himself seperated from the rest of the party (they were engaging some kind of zombie wolves while I heard the faint cries of a child.

Sure enough i find a cute loli in the middle of a clearing with a ring of 12 or so jet black skeletons standing around her.

I do what must be done and grab the loli and make a run for it. Problem is those black skellies seem to have rocket shoes and the DM says I can barely keep up with them and would tire before I could reach the village. Standing and fighting would be suicide I reckoned.


Basically I do this: I do a short full sprint to get some distance. Stop and cast Alter Self to give myself a pair of big velociraptor legs. The DM rules in favour of granting me greater run speed, given that the spell can even make you fly. (Alter Self is my favourite swiss army knife spell).

Then I ask my DM how much the loli weighs, and sure, she is within my Unseen Servants weight allowance so I command my Unseen Servant to lift up the loli and make her face the pursuers. Then I press a small magical stone, a homing returning +1 pebble, in her hand and instruct her to throw it at the skellies.

First she just panics, but after a round or two she somehow manages to make her will save and starts throwing the pebble while I use my full round running away.

After much running and the loli manages to plink all the skellies to death and I make it safely to town all while the rest of the party wondered what happened.

>>1580691

Ha ha, I was considering posting that story along with all the others.

>>1580607
Because it's 7 AM and I REEEEEEALLY don't feel like spell checking. You get the idea of the post.

>>1580703

Later in the same game, I open a chest without checking it for traps, and get destroyed by a gajillion darts shooting at me.

>>1580701

And this is why kiting is useful.

>>1580592
No, he altered the original story. Stop being difficult.

Also, Kobold Alchemist.

The one thing I can remember him doing that stands out as funny to me is creating an aphrodisiac, putting it on a wedding cake to be served at the King's only daughter's wedding where our band was playing (bard campaign, fuck yeah).

The way it worked was, within half an hour of imbibing the cake, you HAD to have sex. No questions asked. The band's mission was to be entertainment, and secondly, take the princess's virginity on her wedding day.

Everyone in the room had a slice, save for me, because I'm the one who made it. All the nobles were human, the bagpipe player was fucking a goat, the Fey guitar player was too busy looking pretty, the lead singer was getting it on in the corner, which left me and the orc bassist to get the secondary job done. Kobolds aren't equipped for the job...

We understand that post campaign, after the princess was able to move again (6 months after giving birth to a half orc), that the kingdom we had gone to had fallen apart, due to our actions.

Needs more bard campaign.

>>1580701

Mental image was hilarious

>>1580767

Originator of old copypasta'd story here.

I also remember the argument I had with the DM whether about how much XP the loli should get.

The DM reckoned she was just a one-shot NPC commoner, but I was adamant that she did most of the work.

I think he ended up making her a level 1 thief just to shut me up.

>>1580905

I was going to paste that but it seemed inconsiquential. suppose I was wrong.

I once tried to shove a vial of poison in a dragon's ass. When I did, the vial broke. The dragon passed it's save, and I failed. So I was grappled by the dragon's asshole, but could not escape, because i was unconscious from the poison.

>>1581041
OH SHIT

archive this shit nigga

>>1581100

Already done.

A little off subject, but d20 modern.

I played a gunslinging police officer who just kinda wanders around. We were facing off with this guy in a mansion full of zombies and magically linked and evil swords.

We finally found the man, and found out that he had a gauntlet that let him use Caster shells (Potions or wands equivalent for a gun). He was standing nearby, just casually talking to us; not monologuing, but certainly pissing us off and letting us know we will die.

I finally had enough, walked up to him, and just started chanting 'Hey hey hey hey hey!' until he finally stopped talking, stared at me with his evil eyes and asked with a voice full of venom, "WHAT?"

My character has a homemade large caliber pistol. He also had the rebound shot feat, and a house-ruled Improved rebound shot, so I could deal 2d8 damage at any angle. When he turned to face me, I just smiled and... God, I said something, but I can't remember what it was, like 'Too late!' or something, but more witty.

Dice are rolled, highs are made, and now the man has no magical gauntlet, and my holster is smoking.

Good times.

>>1581225
"Too slow!"

I was a 6rogue/7Swashbuckler with a +4 Shortsword of Sharpness. For some fucked up reason we had to go kill some celestial dragon lord on some random plane of goodness to balance out the world.
But my DM hamstrings our party, saying that since one of our guys died, he comes back starting at 3rd level. Bullshit, I know. So we decide that the only good way to to this is to sneak up on the bastard. So I climb to the top of the Temple the dragon's hanging out in, and I'll sneak down when he's sleeping and fuck him up. As I'm waiting, our wizard decides to start casting spells with verbal components, so our DM rules that the dragon hears it, makes the spellcraft check to know the spells, and get really really angry and start attacking.
So, shit has hit the fan. I decide to to get down their quickly and try to help. Due to my haste ,the DM makes me make a balance check which I fail. I fall off the upper level of this building. But at least I'm falling towards the dragon, I say that I'm going to attack the dragon as I fall. I roll a crit which I confirm, so I go in and chop off the fucker's arm. I take a shitload of dmg when I hit the ground, but I'm still alive. I turn to face the dragon, and he promptly bites me in half and proceeds to kill the rest of the party with ease.
I left that group shortly thereafter

>>1580765
12/10

>>1573964
Trapped a raging Red Dragon Frenzied Berzerker in an Otiluke's Resilient Sphere. That would be smart, but then we decided to buff up and FIGHT the thing. We won, but that thing was up and fighting for a long time.

Once our party was trying to attack a house full of, i think it was goblins? or orcs? that took it over, and the rogue/ranger tried to sneak up to the building. Unfortunately he failed the roll terribly, so the Orcs started throwing furnature out the window at him.

In another part, our pure rogue ended up seducing the rogue/ranger AND a serving girl thanks to a series of great rolls. The paladin found out about it, and ended up lecturing the other party members so much that they gained a point in knowledge (religion)

>>1580149

Similar story here, not D&D though, Superheroes. My character was a mealy little dick of a man who also happened to have the weight control super power.

Basically, he could use up his power points to lower or increase someone or something's weight. So he would spend most of his days climbing up to the roof of his apartment building and make random objects (like cinder blocks, buckets of nails, etc...) weightless, let them float across the city until their effect wore off, and then revel in the meyhem that ensued.

Well, eventually a big bad guy came looking for the party and began to hand them their asses outside of the appartment complex. My character was too busy eating an italian sub and watching tv to care about their well-being, until a car came crashing through his bedroom and wrecked all his shit.

That was "go time" for him. He made himself light enough to float in thin air, but heavy enough to fall downward with non-lethal velocity. And right before hitting ground floor, he burned up every power point he had to increase his italian sub, still in hand, to well over 300 lbs.

It's a good thing the bad guy had an unnaturally strong skeletal system, because the sandwich came crashing down on his head so hard, it dented his skull with tomato-sliced imprints.

once, our BBEG fell into a river of lava because his full plate screwed up his jump. It was the most anti climatic fight ever.

>>1581818
Reminds me of the only game I've ever seen where the BBEG was literally talked to death.

Paladin with incredibly low charisma-he botched a roll so badly the DM ruled that the Evil Overlord became so bored of the speech, he actually fell asleep on the spot, and fell onto one of his own traps.
It would have been anticlimactic if we hadn't all cracked up so hard.

I was DMing a game last night, where the monk falls in pit trap full of water, with a crocodile at the bottom. The resulting underwater gator-wrestling was the stuff of legends. What he does afterward is the weird part. he climbs back out, rips all the innards out of the poor now dead Croc and proceeds to try wear the corpse as a disguise. He rolls really well on all his disguise and the hobgoblins (the owners of the croc) seriously thought the croc had escaped until he jumped up and kung fued them to death. He did this throughout the dungeon.

A player in our group had signed an agreement with a brothel owner, stating he would bring back one of his girls that quit and ran. But when the girl turned out to be a succubus that charmed the player into giving her all he owned before planeshifting away, the player had nothing to give the pimp; who immediately revealed he was a chain devil in disguise, and summoned forth a kolyarut to mediate the situation.

With nothing of equal value to trade the devil, the player was shit out of luck, having signed a binding contract. The kolyarut placed a Mark of Justice on the player, who then basically became the chain devil's property; forced to act within the constraints of the Mark.

me and my friends was playing a homebrew dnd-ish game where we were hired on as deck hands on a merchant ship carrying cargo destined for some army.

we were all pretty neutral evil and so it happens that one of the players got to chatting with the captain and gains her trust. then he decides he wants to rape her.

she screamed out and the bosun came to kick the guys ass, and all the crew starts this huge fucking fight on deck. but we rolled amazingly and incapacitated/killed them all with little damage! so what to do...

we decide to go below deck and steal everything we can, which brought us to our next encounter: a golem fit with a repeating crossbow and a hopper of bolts. the golem was guarding the cargo and was programmed to attack anyone who went below deck (and didnt have the secret word i guess).

the golem fires off salvo after salvo of bolts like a machine gun. we said "fuck this" and ran up on deck and jumped in a lifeboat and got the hell out of there after setting the mast on fire. but we forgot we was a week from port. -_-;

>>1582861
Good, you earned it. Giving the rest of us a bad name.

Bump.

Hey, keep the stories coming /tg/.

Sessions go much better while under the influence. I remember watching a game with loose (read: retard) rules. While the details are lost to me since this was many years back, the session pretty much ends with the guy in jail for raising shit in town, then pissing on a guard from inside the cell and then slowly being stabbed to death by pissed off (and on) guards while trying to break down iron bars unarmed.

>>1582861

Anyone who brings rape into a session deserves everything they get, and more. Grow up.

So my party and I found an ancient temple in the middle of a jungle on an island we were semi-stranded on. in the first room, there's some stone stairs with obvious traps all over the place, pressure plates triggering wall darts, pungee pits, standard Indiana Jones type stuff. we get to the top of the stairs, I clear some vines with some fire spell (burning hands I think) yadda yadda yadda, after the vines burn, there's a pedestal in the center of the platform at the top of the stairs, topped with a XBOX HUEG diamond. I immediately ask if I'm closest one too it. upon hearing yes, I grab it right then and there, and a few of my party members are like "no he doesn't I stop him, this is a trap, and I don't want him having that diamond anyway" to which the DM replied, you guys are all still back on the stairs and you can't get to him fast enough without triggering the dart traps. Start making reflex saves." the diamond triggered a giant boulder to roll out of a sliding door and down the stairs. I make a flawless reflex save and manage to jump between some stone statues on the side of the stairs, meanwhile the rest of my party ends up doing some acrobatics to get out of the way and somehow avoid both the boulder, and for the most part, the darts. I think the monk took a point or two of con damage.

Later on, the diamond, combined with an absurdly high intimidate roll gave the dwarf I took it to to get appraised a heart attack.

>>1582241

Anyone else have any stories from a supers game?

>>1581225
"Excuse me. Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight? *WHAM!*"

>>1587004
High School Supers game, I had an ADD speedster. Basicaly the personality of Impulse back when he didn't suck.

Anywho, having the ability to move 40% of escape velocity he'd only learned that he should keep it down to below Mach 1 when in city limits. With his mighty sharpee and able to move faster then the reaction time of everyone else at the school (except the gym coach who was also a speedster) he became a prankster of legend. Once I started a fight between all the PC's and the clique of the school bully by giving them all monocles and mustaches and speaking only in "classy".

I once had this character. He was stationed as a guard in a royal palace, and his best and childhood friend happened to be one of the advisers high up in the chain of command. Well, start of the game, the rest of the party and I get sent on a mission to clear out some monsters in the boondocks that had been causing trouble.

When we got out of those caves, the city was on fire. I rush back to the palace, only to discover my friend had been killed. A highly ornate and unique, but ultimately useless, sword jutting out of him. I caught him just in time to hear his last words. So, I pulled the sword out of him, take him out of the city, and bury him. On his grave, I promised him I would get vengeance no matter what.

So I carried this sword on my back. I carried this sword all over, but I never drew it. I always had a much better weapon to use. It actually got me in trouble a couple of times. I even became a little famous for it. But eventually, I trace this sword down to the guy who owned it, and I get him alone in a barn.

Then, I drew out his sword rather than mine, and proceeded to kill him with it. As he was dying, he looked up at me and asked me:

"Who are you? A-and why do you have this sword?"

And I stared him right in the eyes, and just before he finally passes on, I say to him:

"Me? I'm just a guy who saw this nice looking sword lying around, and I thought that the owner might like it back. Beyond that, I'm just a nobody."

"Ugh. . ."

"Yeah. . .you're welcome."

Sealed a vampire in his own coffin with sovereign glue.

>>1587597
God you're a dick.

>>1587602
Hey, he never bothered us again. We also burried the coffin 6 feet underground.

>>1587597

The cruelest thing ever done in DnD. Fuck that earlier post where that guy broke up a family.

>>1579043
Actually...that sounds like a constantly returning Ogre villain I use.
Tordek the butt-cleaver.
Oh man my friends hate me...

>>1587597

Hahahahahahahahahahaha

This actually happened just last session.

We're up against this fucking fairy gnome guy who kidnaps children, along with a rakshasa and a couple of gnolls and kobolds with templates applied. Gnome guy is the main bad guy for this particular encounter.

My cleric, who is an overly aggressive dumbass, gets hasted, so he casts Righteous Might on himself (double size, bunch of stat boosts), and runs right up the middle of the room. Gnome hits me with a power word stun, and I'm frozen. His next move is to use some bullshit reality manupulation deal to reverse the gravity in most of the fight area. Most of the party, along with my giant frozen ass, start falling up.

Fight goes on for a while, most people forget about me. The power word wears off, the gravity reverse wears off. I'm now falling down for the same number of rounds I was falling up.

The whole time I'm falling, the other players are giving it to the gnome. I keep telling them, OOC - you don't want to be near him. You really don't want to be near him. But my character doesn't want to lose the element of surprise, and our group is really good about the player knowledge type stuff, so they're still in close attacking his ass.

>>1588260

Now, I should explain that this is not a normal cleric. It's a houseruled priest of Tymora class, sacrifices some stuff to give me some special shit. Such as, once per day - Feat. The ability to perform any purely physical Feat once per day. And luckbolt - once per day (and not on the same target twice in a ten day), one particular action results in an automatic success or automatic failure.

Still hasted, still large, I use the made-up but allowed feat Death From Above, which allows me to transfer my falling damage into a single target on a successful attack roll. And I use the luckbolt, so I'm guaranteed to hit.

I do a little back-of-the-envelope calculation, and inform the DM that I currently weigh over a half ton, and am travelling at around 432 kilometers per hour.

Yeah. Paste.

>>1588267
Splat!

>>1588267
so terminal velocity doesn't exist in your campaign world eh?

>>1588481

Once again, I wouldn't try to apply real world physics to something of this nature.

>>1588481
Or basic maths. Twice the size would mean his monk would've weighed around 500 lbs before the buff. Monk von Buttercheeks!

Curses, is this topic on autosage by now?

It is not time for this thread to die yet.

Bump for great justice!