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    File :1205823413.jpg-(107 KB, 500x500, choc.jpg)
    107 KB That Damn Mouse 03/18/08(Tue)02:56 No.1358502  
    Time for an old /tg/ classic. Epic moments and quotes in your games.

    "It's like taking candy from a baby! And the baby as well!" Anna on the nature of WFRP skill rolls.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)03:07 No.1358542
    Wow, how totally uninteresting. Random quotes are generally pretty dumb man. I mean, you really need the backstory for something to be interesting. Well, okay, maybe not so much. I could talk about the legend of Pie Day and how everything went wrong, winding up in a total party wipe-out, and that'll spark someones interest, sure.

    But if I just said, "I can see it! The land of Half-Elves and Pie!" I'd just seem like a retard. Kind of like you just went off doing.

    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)03:39 No.1358668
    We were making a deal with Satan. I was a player.

    Me: I don't know if we can trust this guy. After all, he only just stopped trying to kill us.

    Other Player: Dude, he just confessed to BEING the one that was trying to kill us. It's all cool.

    Me: Cool? He was trying to kill us!

    Other Player: Yeah, but at least he's honest.


    "At least he's honest!" "HE'S THE PRINCE OF LIES!" has been repeated ad infinatum in our games since.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)03:52 No.1358728
    We were fighting a palace guard (some kind of magically enhanced giant... I think it may have been made up for this occasion) because we needed to break in and stop the archmage from killing the king.

    The giant guard had damage reduction 20/Chaotic, nobody had any chaotically aligned weapons or any chaotic spells prepared.

    Luckily, we were with a hulking hurler and there were some kobolds backing up that guard.

    TL;DR-Threw kobolds at giant. Hilarity ensues.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)03:53 No.1358731
    This is awesome. Somebody try to top it.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)03:58 No.1358752
    in my last campaign, I was looking for how to make explosives, for grenades, etc. apparently, the BBEG was disguised as the guy who ended up teaching me this. unfortunately, he taught me RIGHT. so, uh, later, when I used my grenade on him, the only thing that needed saying was "Have some irony, you son of a bitch" or something along those lines. it was a while ago.
    >> Random Guardsman !4T1uHiOuyE 03/18/08(Tue)03:58 No.1358753
    >Threw kobolds at giant. Hilarity ensues.

    Massive lulz.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)03:59 No.1358756
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:04 No.1358770
         File :1205827461.jpg-(463 KB, 800x838, a209f44de7c93b820247b1f583a2a1(...).jpg)
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    At the beginning of an Evernight Campaign I ran the obese elven mage shot 3 ice bolts at a single orc shaman. The first bolt annihilated the shaman in one hit. After that he was depressed to have used so much of his spellpoints and have them wasted. Thats when the player got a gleam in his eye and asked if he could hit the altar. Two more rolls later the player was named Altar's Bane, and it has become a running gag since.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:08 No.1358780
    Satan. The devil. Red guy, big horns, goat legs.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:11 No.1358784
    >obese elven mage
    >obese elven
    wow, thats different.
    >> That Damn Mouse 03/18/08(Tue)04:11 No.1358786
    Playing in a WFRP campaign was as a roving Evil based band. A Skaven lead warp-guitarist, Chaos Dwarf on steam powered drums, a Black Orc on bass, Tomb Prince playing his ribs like a piano, Chaos Sorcerer using magic like a synthesiser and Dark Elf on vocals. Best part of the campaign was causing a dungeon to collapse on itself through mind-blowing reverberation, crushing the BBEG and his posse before he even had a chance to fight. We never found the magical maggufins, but such is life. Honourable mention goes to starting a riot at a the Bloodbowl Chaos Cup grand finals.
    >> That Damn Mouse 03/18/08(Tue)04:14 No.1358794

    Penchant for musical theatre, pretty good with a fiddle.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:15 No.1358801
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    He heard he hung around Georgia.
    >> That Damn Mouse 03/18/08(Tue)04:17 No.1358806

    I heard some little fucker stole his golden fiddle down there.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:19 No.1358813
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    Yeah, you hear what the fucker said?
    "Devil just come on back if you ever want to try again. I told you once, you son of a bitch, I'm the best that's ever been."
    What a fucking prick.
    >> Abaddon 03/18/08(Tue)04:19 No.1358815

    DnD is kind of his game

    >> Random Guardsman !4T1uHiOuyE 03/18/08(Tue)04:22 No.1358821
    Guy's name was Johnny, IIRC.

    To be fair though, the Devil did start it.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:22 No.1358822
    What the fuck is with wierd anime lesbian rear-boob-grab?
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:24 No.1358835
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    Hey, He was in a bind 'cos he was way behind: he was willin' to make a deal.
    You know how it is in clerical work.
    I have no idea what you mean, honest.
    >> Random Guardsman !4T1uHiOuyE 03/18/08(Tue)04:28 No.1358846

    It's Rule 63'd Haruhi Suzumiya, an animu.

    Itsuki needs to get his Y chromosome back, BTW.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:29 No.1358847
         File :1205828990.jpg-(114 KB, 509x283, b49385df09deb3adb42166d142be72(...).jpg)
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    I like her better this way, personally.
    >> That Damn Mouse 03/18/08(Tue)04:30 No.1358848

    Yeah, but wasn't he making a gentlemans wager? He didn't start bad mouthing some stranger like a gloating fuck.


    That snotty little cunt.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:31 No.1358852
    "I fight the child."

    No one else will find this amusing, but Christ, it had me in stitches. Probably the fact this is couched as an ongoing action, as if there is going to be some sort of challenge the level sixteen berserker is going to find in the unfortunate waif that he came across.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:31 No.1358853
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    I don't care what it is... just wanted to know why he was posting it so arbitrarily.

    Can I just post anything I want with no rhyme or reason to it? 'Cuz I'm gonna start posting shit like this if I can. And there's nothing you can do to stop me. Nothing.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:32 No.1358855
         File :1205829126.jpg-(52 KB, 449x600, 0d56e297649a2b5ac6de3b0797c563(...).jpg)
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    Yeah and the boy responded, "My name's Johnny and it might be a sin, But I'll take your bet, your gonna regret, 'cos I'm the best that's ever been."
    What a douchebag.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:32 No.1358858
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    Go ahead as long as your post is on topic and doesn't break any rules.
    >> Random Guardsman !4T1uHiOuyE 03/18/08(Tue)04:33 No.1358867

    Got a bigger pic?

    Thanks to you, I am imagining the Haruhi Suzumiya theme song being sung in the voice of Morgan Freeman.

    And it is AWESOME. It IS somewhat disturbing, but still awesome.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:35 No.1358872
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    Fuck yes.

    For those of you who know the Jumpsteady song "Dungeon Master", when my party finally squared down with the BBEG he said "I have the initiative. It's time for the bloodbath."
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:36 No.1358873
         File :1205829366.jpg-(477 KB, 982x600, be8498512d844b2c3df883dba3cc03(...).jpg)
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    Afraid not. Hope this one will do.
    I was mainly posting these to get you to react anyway, so I'm going to bed now.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:38 No.1358879
         File :1205829522.png-(235 KB, 400x393, blacknwhite.png)
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    You're welcome. I've had these on my hard drive for a dog's age and by christ you're all going to see them.
    >> That Damn Mouse 03/18/08(Tue)04:39 No.1358881
         File :1205829543.jpg-(41 KB, 500x500, 1205764449144.jpg)
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    Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with people down in Georgia? A little respect makes a huge difference.


    Shit yeah, pointless.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:40 No.1358884
    C/N cleric throws a doctor, whom the rest of the party was interrogating out of the 4th story window
    party: WTF?
    cleric: I throw my bottle of wine out the window
    cleric (in character): What? he was drunk. *wink wink, nudge nudge*
    >> Random Guardsman !4T1uHiOuyE 03/18/08(Tue)04:43 No.1358892
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    Well, I'm certainly... 'reacting' to 63'd Haruhi (though Yuki and Mikuru are all kinds of DO NOT WANT).

    Animu faggotry vs Morgan Freeman!
    LET'S ROh who am I kidding, Morgan Freeman is awesome.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:43 No.1358893
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    I was DMing a game where the party was on a small, shitty island with a tiny city of survivors and were injured from battling monsters in the jungle, so they were looking for a healer. The only thing resembling a cleric was a medicine man who was selling herbs and poultices from under a lean-to...

    Player: Do these cure HP?

    Me: No, they speed up the rate of your healing when you sleep.

    Player: That's gaytarded. I kick the old man.

    Me: If you pointlessly assault the ONLY DOCTOR in this town, the rest of the residents will likely stone you in the streets.

    Player: Well... then... I kick down his lean-to.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:45 No.1358896
    had one where we had to break into this rich guys house for some needed item
    our team consisted of a half orc barbarian, elf sorcerer and human monk(me)
    we(barbarian, monk, and sorcerer) got in through a second story bathroom window, the barbarian realizing that he makes a shot load of noise decides to hide in the bathroom while I go up stairs and recover the item, I grab it and take off running, sorcerer has to break invis, little girl goes into the bathroom, realises who is in there, leads a young guy with a sword in the bathroom who is sleepy, barbarian punches the guy out and jumps out window, the guy gets back to his feet and comes back down the hall to see the sorcerer who uses ghoul touch and paralyzes the guy and causes the girl to vomit all over of him
    we barely made it out alive, long story short, but goddamn was it fun
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:48 No.1358909
    is this in character or OOC quotes?

    "Could anyone who isn't inside a bag of holding at the moment make a spot check"

    A particuarly vulgar character (we rolled random character traits. This person got vulgar and effeminate. He developed a complex about his lack of manliness so resorted to accusing everyone else of being gay):
    "Drop down that drawbridge faggots and I'll drop down my pants so you can suck on my balls!"
    "Kenrick, you are way over there"
    "All they hear is *whinewhinewhinewhine* balls"

    "Who do I have in my inventory!?"

    "This doesn't work and my boots smell"

    "I thought the idea of being the cleric was to have the flamethrower and all that"

    we also defined our group's play style as 'Pillagegrimage', as we just tend to walk in to town and somehow end up owning it or its economy. When moving on to a new town, we often say that we are continuing our pillagegrimage.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:49 No.1358913
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    2nd Ed. DnD. I was an elvish rogue involved in a prank war with an elvish ranger. I had a sidequest of delivering a letter to a mage from across many towns. Little did I know the ranger made it there first and kind of told the mage there about how I tend to loot mage towers, so when I finally got to the top...

    Me: *huff* *puff* Hello! I have a letter for you.

    Mage: You do? Are you that thief?

    Me: Wha-?

    Mage: An elf just came by and told me to watch my things if an elf with a letter came by, that you like to steal magic items.

    Me: Uh... I have no idea... um... look, just take the letter.

    The DM rolls some dice and as I get the letter out of my secret inside vest pocket, I accidentally knock out my thieves tools that breaks the case and spills them all over the floor.

    Mage: ... if you're not a thief what are those?

    Me: Dentist's tools! I'm a dentist! Ha ha! Ha...

    And then I leapt out the window.
    >> Captain Gary Eraklin, Thracian 18th 03/18/08(Tue)04:50 No.1358916
    I was GMing a DH game, and one of my players had an unbound daemonhost in them.

    That player got shot at with an epic hit by another party member, and 6 manstoppers for a total of 61 AP 3 damage.

    The daemon was unhappy, and choked a bitch.

    There was an "OH SHIT" from every mouth in the party all in a collective 3 seconds. And it was an 8-man party ATT.
    >> That Damn Mouse 03/18/08(Tue)04:52 No.1358921

    Anything memorable, quotes or moments, any game.

    >>"All they hear is *whinewhinewhinewhine* balls"

    One of the funnier things I've heard in a long while.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)04:57 No.1358939
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    I was playing a priest in a supernatural-themed game that I THINK was by Palladium and decades old. Same game as the one with "HE'S THE PRINCE OF LIES!", actually. He was exploring the secret 30s-era mad scientist's laboratory some nights earlier and found a horse pistol and some ammunition.

    Flash forward to us in the middle of hell confronting a demoness of ice and undead. We finally get to the top of her spire and she smirks at us and opens her mouth.

    DM: "Welcome, fools. I hope you--"

    Me: I pull out the horse pistol and shoot her in the head.

    DM: Wha--?

    Me: *rolls* I crit.

    DM: ...

    Me: *rolls more* ... max damage.

    DM: Yeah, OK. She's dead. Shot her through the skull. Just, just forget the damn speech I spent hours thinking up.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:02 No.1358950
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    I used to do a webcomic documenting my real-life "adventures". One such comic was actually ficticious but set up a character's personality. It went as thus...

    Me: OK, guys. The orcs are furious at you and have you cornered with longswords drawn. What do you do?

    Weeaboo Fightan LOLRANDOM Fag: I bend over and take out my butt.

    Me: ... you moon the orcs.

    WFLF: Yes.

    Me: That won't help you in the least.

    WFLF: I do it anyway. TO TAUNT THEM!

    Me: ... the orcs cut off your head.

    WFLF: Shouldn't you roll for that?

    Me: Not having a head means you shut the fuck up.

    So, yeah, ha-ha funny. Whatever. The REALLY hilarious thing is before I even showed this comic to my group that EXACT scenario went down except that the orcs were kobolds and I wasn't the DM.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:02 No.1358953
    Playing Dark Heresy my tech priest turned and entire complex(and possibly planet)'s automated turrets against the inhabitants and purged thousands and thousands of lives in a few moments. I committed genocide.
    Later while trying to access a space station to see if I couldn't pull the party out of a really bad situation I was rolling my dice and I said
    "come on..."
    and the DM chimed in with.
    "Papa needs a new pair of genocide?"
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:08 No.1358971
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    Playing a pen-and-paper version of Inquisitor before the proper books for doing that came out. We were escaping from some hideous giant Xenomorph creature in a ruined town, as we weren't Inquisitors or Space Marines or anything awesome. We lose the alien for a while and duck into a subway tunnel and lo and behold the subway train is fully intact and still working.

    Me: AWESOME, guys! The train still works, we can escape back to the capital city from here! The Emperor giveth!

    The alien then smashed through the ceiling, crushing the train and our hopes of escape.

    Me: Awww... and the Emperor taketh away.
    >> Nyarly 03/18/08(Tue)05:11 No.1358976
    Mutants and Masterminds set in an anime con, during which the reel for a really rare and valuable show is stolen by Doctor Otaku. My character, a techy type with the ability to command his machines, detaches from the main battle between the team and Otakus robo-whores to go find Otaku himself. I find him in the LARP room, he powers up his battle armour to eight feet tall and its clear that rape is imminent. But I get initiative.

    Me: *snaps fingers* Off!
    DM: ... roll a power check.
    Me: *rolls awesomely*
    DM: .. get a hero point.

    It turned out that the "bad guy" was in fact a robot doppleganger ala Doombots and I would have just switched him off as well as the armour. But from that session, "Gain a hero point" became a meme for "railroading in progress"
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:11 No.1358978

    haha, The bastard shouldn't have monologued. Classic villian mistake
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:13 No.1358981
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    Another, previous Inquisitor game where I was actually playing an Inquisitor. This was MANY years ago, and my sense of awesome was... amateur at best. I was playing a character named Derek Zweihander, as I'd just seen Zoolander and thought the "One man, five syllables" line was supreme. Except for...

    Player: So you're my partner in this mission, eh? What's your name?

    Me: Derek Zweihander! One man... six syllables!

    DM: It's five, dude. Five syllables.

    Me: No it's not... six. I saw the movie, dude.

    DM: No... no, "Der" "ek" "Zwei" "han" "der".

    Me: ... dammit.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:17 No.1358992
    Trapped naked in a cell with the rest of my all male party, we noticed a small recess in the floor . . . .

    "I CHOOSE to defacate!"
    >> Random Guardsman !4T1uHiOuyE 03/18/08(Tue)05:19 No.1358996
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    Heh, I can actually see Ben Stiller saying that. Awesome, Anon- I think.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:19 No.1358997
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:20 No.1358999
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    My ex wife is responsible for this one. You can see what led to our divorce...

    Me: OK, great session guys. You get X amount of experience.

    Player: Yeah! I went up a level.

    Ex Wife: Aw, damn. I'm, like, 5 experience away. Can I go out in the forest and kill a bunny or something?

    Me: ... no.

    Ex Wife: Why!?

    Me: You're a ranger. Protector of the forests?

    Ex Wife: So!?

    Me: *NERD RAGE*
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:20 No.1359001
    then, after discovering a small hole in the wall above the hole in the ground that dispensed food:

    *dives to stop the food from hitting the poops, and gets covered in poops*
    >> GLaDOS 03/18/08(Tue)05:22 No.1359006
    I was DM'n a dungeon with a party of 5. The party finds a lab, and a wall of potions. I had set up 600 seperate effects (REALLY bored in class, set through a d6 then d100 roll table. One of the characters found this a little TOO interesting, and went from a LG Human Paladin to a CE barbarian halfling, who happened to be blue and had a staff grafted to his left arm.
    We called him 'Bitchy Smurf'.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:36 No.1359039
    Barbarian character who was fighting some orcs got angry about having his great axe stolen.

    finds the guy who took the axe and rages.
    Then crits, and keeps going.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:36 No.1359041
    OK, last one as I've been scraping for stories and I'm out of pics after this. Less funny, more awesome here...

    I was playing a rogue/assassin with no morals. He had befriended and courted an elvish warrior princess that he didn't know was a princess. She takes him back to her glorious elven home city, the seat of elven power in the country, and introduces him to her family; the matriarch of the city was her mother, her father a henpecked and retired adventurer, her sister was a brave and fierce former legionairre, and her younger sister with a fondness for sharp implements.

    So, I get a wild hair up my ass and use the phat loot from our last adventure to pay a sorceror to grow me a clone, as per the spell "Clone". I stay in the elven city and get in good with every member of the family while the spell takes its time to work. When time's up I have already proposed to the girl and we're set to marry on the morrow. My plan goes into action.

    I take the clone and tell him to act as though he loves this elvish woman with all his heart and soul and I'll make it worth his while. The marriage goes through without me getting hitched (instead my poor clone) and on the night of our honeymoon I show up at the family's sleepy palatial estate.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:39 No.1359055
    I seduce the mother, taking her by the fire and start stripping her for nekkid-fun-times, then slit her throat and throw her corpse in the fireplace. I pick the lock on the chest in her room that contains the dad's old adventuring gear, rush downstairs where he's trancing in a chair and thrust it at him. "Go back to adventuring, you know you want to. Don't ask any questions; you'll regret the answers." He accepts due to my excellent persuade roll and heads out the door. I wait an hour and find the older sister, tell her her mother has been killed and her father's taken off to find the murderer, but he's old and can't do it alone; she should hurry and aid him. Being kind of dumb and loving her family, she asks no questions and does just that. At last, I scoop up the youngest child and taker her with me as I make my escape, being as she's taken a shine to me.

    Flash forward years later. My clone and his wife are ruling the elven city in peace. No one ever found the family members, other than mom's corpse. The girl, who grew up kind of goth, has become a powerful necromancer.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:40 No.1359056
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    I return in the dead of night with the party members that agreed to do this deed... we go from house to house and slit the throats of everyone inside. Up against your average commoner, an assassin, a sorceror, and a blackguard are more than enough match for them. We end up dispatching the ENTIRE town. As co-ruler of this country I rally the guards and tell them of the serial murders taking place and tell them to gather in the square where I'll instruct them further. The sorcer kills the guards with a series of maximized fireballs before they can do any real damage to anybody. The final coup de grace is stealing into the palace bedchamber and confronting my clone and his wife in the throes of passion. She gets confused, he seems a little wary, and I just kill them both.

    I give the town over to the necromancer sister, who doesn't remember it as her birthplace or where her family used to live and systematically over time raises EVERY CORPSE as the living dead.

    ... and that's how you almost single-handedly turn the elven capital to a necropolis.
    >> Chief.Runs.With.Scissors !!fz+QAWSeXos 03/18/08(Tue)05:41 No.1359058
    Okay... Earlier today this happened;

    DM: "You walk into the room. Covering the walls and the floor are more thick web-strands like the ones that were covering the door. What do you do?"

    Me(OOC): (I do what every henchman and villain forgets to do;) *look up*

    DM: "You see four Volkswagen-sized spiders on the ceiling, tending to a large egg-sack."

    Me: 'Hurry guys!'

    DM: "And that draws attention to you and the rest of the party, making the spiders drop to the floor to surround your party. One of the spiders pulls out a crossbow and draws a bead on you." *points to the Mexican PC*

    PC(OOC): (Spiders can't use crossbows!)

    DM(OOC): (Sure they can; it's a gang shootout...)

    Me(OOC): (I call shenanigans... This is neither cute nor funny, it is tragic and wrong...)

    PC2(OOC): (Thus making it not really shenanigans at all...)

    DM(OOC): (I swear to God I'll pistol-whip the next person that says 'shenanigans'...)

    PC3(playing a spider): "Hey boss, what's that place you like with all the goofy-shit all over the walls and the mozzarella-sticks?"

    PC4(playing boss-spider): "Shenanigans? Are you talking about Shenanigans?"

    DM: "A rock falls and squishes the spider with the crossbow... Miraculously it misses all of you..."
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:53 No.1359087
    I once stopped a horde of advancing supervillains with delicious hostess snack cakes.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:53 No.1359088

    If this is all true, then you, sir win an Internet. In fact, if all of your little stories thus far are true, then you just win. Period.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)05:54 No.1359096
    Every word of it. I think I probably paraphrased some of the things that were said, as socially awkward nerds at 4 in the morning are less witty than that, but the content was all true.

    The bit with the necropolis was mostly because my DM was lenient and thought it was hilarious, but it was fun nonetheless. We later went back to that necropolis to kill a giant zombie the necromancer was building to destroy the continent.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)06:04 No.1359122
    Me again, replying to myself. I lied, I'm not out of stories. One more.

    We finally encounter the BBEG of a dungeon. Playing the last wizard I've ever played (for the reasons listed below) I felt stupid in battle for having memorized retarded utilitarian non-combat spells. The BBEG comes out on this balcony high above his throne room, delivers his speech and leaps down from the balcony.

    The second he gets in range I cast featherfall on him. We fired arrows and threw shit mercilessly at him until he died, just after finally landing.

    *takes a bow*
    >> That Damn Mouse 03/18/08(Tue)06:06 No.1359130

    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)06:06 No.1359131
    That's what he gets for being a melodramatic theatrical bastard.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)06:07 No.1359133
    You bastard.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)06:22 No.1359163
    I lol'ed so hard.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)06:22 No.1359164
    >>1359122 I felt stupid in battle for having memorized retarded utilitarian non-combat spells.

    Your group is a pack of cunts. My DM fucking destroys people who only memorize combat spells. He gets this wicked grin, and says things like "Pit trap! Sure would be a nice time to have fly memorized, huh?"
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)06:24 No.1359169
    Not as awesome as the ones posted above but I found It funny at the moment.

    Our brave part consists of a barbarian like warrior, A knight, a thief, a acrobat/jester and lastly our meekly healer. The barbarian were cursed just moments before this instance with a curse that basically mess up any healing attempts on him

    Upon encountering a group orchs the Barbarian boldly yells;


    Before charging towards them.

    Unfortunate for him the only orch armed with a ranged weapon takes it to heart and fires at him. 3 dicerolls later we exclaim that he was just hit I the ball with a rugged barbed bolt. His brave barbarian keels over with not so bold whimper and when the healer forgets that he is cursed or barbarian player exclaim

    "Oh good! Take the pain away! TAKE IT AWAY" before passing out
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)07:55 No.1359350
    This deserves an archive, some of these stories are win beyond compare.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)08:01 No.1359368
    Well, I finally got to roll my drunken master. Lawful Neutral; basically, he believes that the finest art is that of the bar fight, but that killing and stealing's wrong. Fighting for fun, not for serious injury.

    So we get to this guy's house, where we have to find this magical cloak. And the rogue says, "Okay, guys. Let's sneak in." Naturally, my Drunken Master says, "You kin go n'have fun wiffat. Imma gonna sit onna porch an' wait."

    Rogue sighs, jumps in the window. Drunk sits on the porch.

    So then, the rogue botches a move silently roll right as he's walking up the creaky stairs. However, I roll listen and hear the creak.

    So my Drunken Master begins to sing. I have points in Perform(Sing). I do not roll. He is being horrific. Off-key, off-tempo, doesn't remember the lyrics. And so the owner of the shop/person who lives there come out on the balcony and start screeching at my Drunken Master...ignoring the rogue while he steals the cloak.

    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)08:22 No.1359418

    See this shit makes me want to play dnd
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)08:29 No.1359428
    Can be done with other -better- systems, funstick.
    Did something similar with WFRP, except we kinda diverted a carnival right through this bloke's house, pilfering McGuffin while we danced poorly amongst much lootin.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)08:34 No.1359435
    This gives me ideas for future reference!
    >> Saigaguy !n87gAqL9/w 03/18/08(Tue)08:34 No.1359436
    As mercenaries trying to get a job with a dodgey sounding king character to suppress some peasant uprising,

    "Well, we can go in and burn down a village with the best of 'em."
    >> That Damn Mouse 03/18/08(Tue)08:45 No.1359444
    Probably the best quote I've ever heard one of my players let out was in a WFRP campaign taking place in Araby where Jo3hn, taking the role of a religious assassin murdering a Brettonian offical in his home, let this one slip.

    Walking up behind the Brettonian diplomat, he stabs him in the spine while covering the victims mouth with his hand. As the Brettonian died, he tried to turn and get a glimpse of his killer.

    Jo3hn: "Don't look at me. Don't make mine the last face you see, lest the Gods hold it against you."
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)09:17 No.1359479
    So in a sea campaign we have been making extensive use of the Artifice of Kwalish. Or as we liked to call it, the Lobstertron 5000.

    So my half orc fighter/barb and a human monk are crammed into the lobstertron, which is presently carrying a large drawstring triggered underwater explosive (that my character built) in its lobster claws. Our little lobstertron is putputting slowly towards the gaping maw of a 200 foot long fast approaching mega shark.

    There is a sudden moment of darkness as we dissappear inside the mouth. At which point my half orc says. "Smile you son of a bitch" and uses the lobstertron to pull the drawstring on the charge.

    What is seen by all the spectators topside on our ship was a massive flash of light underwater, a massive column of gore and water blasting upwards, and the tattered blasted open remnants of the lobstertron arcing over the ship a hundred feet through the air with its 2 still living occupants screaming as they held on for dear life.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)09:19 No.1359480
    I dun lawl at much, less when im alone, but i actually cried a bit, this is so awesome
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)09:33 No.1359499
    i'm guessing accidental repost.. also MOAR STORIES even though i don't actually play this shit is hilarious.
    >> That Damn Mouse 03/18/08(Tue)09:39 No.1359506

    Thanks for pointing that out. My computer is shitting it's CPU over me right now, shit is going ape.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)09:45 No.1359514

    Oh man, total The Gamers-moment.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)09:50 No.1359519
    You're welcome. Do you play a lot of WFRP? I'd give it a shot, but for the reason that prevents me from playing every other RPG: I'm Billy No-mates ;_;
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)09:53 No.1359521
    My very first Duskling Totemist was obsessed with shiney things (6 int).... we dubbed his alignment Chaotic stupid (an alignment i've since been barred from playing for "being too good at it")
    During out first dungeon crawl, i latched onto a massive 10 ft. spear.... I couldn't weild it, but I just liked toting it around and waving it at people... anyways, at some point we were riding an elephant into snowy mountainside combat, and through what must have been a series of about 5 consecutive nat20 handle animal checks, our ranger convinced the elephant to toss me and my spearlike a lawn dart at a fleeing kobold
    >> That Damn Mouse 03/18/08(Tue)09:57 No.1359524

    Any given week the group and I will probably play around 3 or 4 sessions of WFRP. It's our primary game, before all others. That followed by CoC and BESM.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)10:07 No.1359541
    Aw fuck. I can play CoC with my girlfriend, but she generally views skubhammer etc. etc. etc. with a degree of scorn (so, apparently guns/swords are phallic images? This girl is obsessed with the cock)
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)10:18 No.1359564
         File :1205849923.jpg-(12 KB, 186x300, 1205588097117.jpg)
    12 KB
    ok got two
    gm"an old man asks for help"
    matt "i go dwarven defender..."


    "thats cause weve been stuck in the GOD DAMNED catacombs for the last three days!"
    >> That Damn Mouse 03/18/08(Tue)10:27 No.1359590

    WFRP isn't about guns and swords. It's about being up to your ankle in shit and trying not to catch dysentary on a daily basis.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)10:33 No.1359609
    ...just like real life?
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)10:43 No.1359641
    "Oh, you want to assassinate me? Let me pull out my schedule. Hmmm, the next open position is three years from now."
    >> That Damn Mouse 03/18/08(Tue)10:50 No.1359658

    Mostly, but a lil' more grim and dark. If you AREN'T up to your ankles in shit then you better duck, because another load is past due.

    I've taken to smothering my arrow heads in horseshit before any major engagement. I may not kill the fuckers I hit, but I am guarenteed to give them fucking sepsis.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)10:59 No.1359676
    Crécy up in this shit.
    >> That Damn Mouse 03/18/08(Tue)11:07 No.1359691

    >30,000 killed, including:
    2 kings
    1 duke
    10 counts
    3 archbishops

    Thanks. I just educated myself a lil' more.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)11:16 No.1359720

    Too late! Let the Anymouse hate fester and spread across all /tg/. Let them say this was his final hour!
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)11:20 No.1359734
         File :1205853643.jpg-(874 KB, 1280x2025, stonham.jpg)
    874 KB
    I was actually thinking more of the comic.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)11:22 No.1359737

    perhaps the most epic moment, even if staged.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/08(Tue)11:23 No.1359743
         File :1205853788.jpg-(79 KB, 1200x824, antifurry.jpg)
    79 KB

    Yeah, no.
    >> hola i r j4p$nez3 03/18/08(Tue)11:25 No.1359747
    who wants some of raffy?
    raffy 4tw!
    go chris go chris its your birthday put on your suit! chris oh yea your body makes me so tense, i neeeeed sweet and sour sauce....(everyf***ing where oh baby!)
    >> hola i r j4p$nez3 03/18/08(Tue)11:25 No.1359748
    who wants some of raffy?
    raffy 4tw!
    go chris go chris its your birthday put on your suit! chris oh yea your body makes me so tense, i neeeeed sweet and sour sauce....(everyf***ing where oh baby!)
    >> Aun'La Ukos 03/18/08(Tue)11:28 No.1359757
    Once in a game of D&D, we'd fought through the hordes, the dungeon and the tower, and finally reached the BBEG. He was in some sort of magic purple velvet robe and mask. And no matter what we did, we couldn't injure him, the DM insisted the magic wasn't that strong, but we didn't exactly have a lot of magical gear (stingy DM is stingy). The only unarmored parts of the guy were the eye-holes of his mask. My character was a swashbuckler, so I'd tried a called shot to ram a stiletto through, failed, blasted back to the edge of the room. We were all in imminent danger of dying (no one had more the 5hp left) so I just went, "Screw it! I throw my rapier at this eye."

    Natural 20.

    The cleric's player, who'd been against me playing a swashbuckler, comments, "I told you you'd put someone's eye out with that thing."

    Incidentally, the BBEG's fashion statement also led to the group forever referring to BBEGs as Violent Violet Velvet Guys.
    >> That Damn Mouse 03/18/08(Tue)11:28 No.1359758

    Two awesome things I've learned in one day. Now I have to hunt down the comic. Also - Harold didn't die from an arrow in the eye. Interesting tidbit.

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