Hmm. . .well you can't kill yourself. . .so that's out. . .


Jeez, this is a tough case. . .

Well, have you tried animating dead insects? It could go marvelously with an undead garden, and it'll attract all kinds of do gooders to drop by for a visit.

Find a village, rape and kill the livestock, then ride away on the women. Leave the children alive. In 5-10 years, you'll reap the crop of adventurers you just sowed.

Have you tried Princess kidnapping? I know it's had a slump for the past decade or so, but I think it has the potential to be a boom industry, with just the right marketing!

I suggest taking up philanthropy. You know, riding around towns, doing good deeds, building orphanages and stuff.

See, good adventurers HATE seeing evil people doing good things. It boggles their mind. They detect evil on you and then see you giving a new teddy bear to a crying orphan girl on the streets, and they go into conniptions over it.

Just think about it, you're the town's benefactor, they see this, they try to kill you anyway, you get the action and you also get to see them fight the villagers. Then you just run off, leave a trail of clues for them in the forest to find your hidden lair, and then wait for them to come.

Try to expand your animating business! Everyone's afraid of a skeletal horde busting down their doors, and razing their cities, but only for a little bit. Why not branch out into business, organized crime? Blackmail the king/mayor/Grand Poobah into letting your necromancer henchmen into town, then offer goods and services to undercut the rest of the market! Dispossessed laborers and mobsters will go find the adventurers FOR YOU.

Have you tried brightly lit neon signs that say "Evil Lich Here"?

Perhaps you need some hair?

Hurdur I am roleplaying as the picture I put in the image field harharhar.

I tried that manipulative good deeds idea. Sounded great, I thought.

So I went and tilled this farmer's field with some of my skeletons and harvested everything for him. Did all the work!

He comes out, starts screaming at me, and then he calls for some adventurers.

One was a cleric. He was mean.

I tried to explain myself, but this annoying paladin kept running around screaming "SMITE EVIL SMITE EVIL" and cleaved all my poor skeletons to death.

I think something more traditional would be good.

How do I kidnap a princess?

>>1092859

See, to get the good deeds thing right, you need to go into a city and do it with the mayor's or town guard's blessings. I'd suggest polymorphing yourself in order to get an audience with the mayor and captain of the guard.

But princesses... hmm...

Well, the easiest but most expensive way is to pay a dragon to find and kidnap one for you.

>>1092859 I tried to explain myself, but this annoying paladin kept running around screaming "SMITE EVIL SMITE EVIL"

Zee story uv mein life zat is.

>>1092859
Park a wagon with a sign saying "FREE CONFECTIONERIES" in the royal courtyard.

>>1092877

Yeah! Make everyone think you have some exotic new treat, or actually have that exotic new treat (BONBON GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!!), and wait for a princess to show up.

You'll know if you see one because she's going to be really young, really pretty, blonde, and wearing a tall cone-shaped hat with a silk ribbon on it.

She may or may not have visible cleavage.

>>1092871

Die monster. You don't belong in this world!

>>1092892

Woah woah woah. Wait. Since when have princesses stopped showing cleavage? My good fellow, I think you need to stick your head outside for a bit. Really now, a princess not exposing her bosom? Pf, ridiculous.

>>1092859
Find Castle
Send elite troopers+blackguard
????
Princess!

Show off all the expensive magic items you have. Adventurer's would kill their own mothers for a +1 sword (That's why they're all orphans)

>>1092877
I like simple, delicious plans.

>>1092919
You might catch something other than the princess though. Especially if she's into "Dieting."

>>1092907

I'm just saying, I've met a few who were complete prudes, okay? I kind of like it, I don't need to worry about keeping my boner hidden while I'm whisking them away from the castles on my evil steed.

Well, eventually some Inevitables will come around trying to kill you for the whole cheating death thing.

They aren't adventurers though, but they are kinda threatening.

>>1092904

Zat's vot mein fahzar zed ven I vas born, jah.

>>1092919
Brilliant! Who could resist?

>>1092926

My good friend, you have so much to learn about kidnapping princesses. I mean, hiding your boner?

Here's a good tip : Hide it. In her.

Has /tg/ become the D&D monster support group?

>>1092919
I think you're better off hunting Road-Runners.

DREW WHAT THE HELL? WHAT IS THIS?

Wh..WHAT THE SHIT? Free..free confectioneries? What the hell are you a gods damned GOOD SAMARITAN!?

YOU FAIL SO BAD AT FUCKING EVERYTHING DREW!

Expand your empire. Dig out your dungeon, or take over new ones. Encroach into Lawful Good territory, and you're sure to piss off some adventurers.

Or what would really attract some heroes is posting pics of Kiara.

>>1092950

I want to see you with a strapon, dear Blackguard.

>>1092950

Oh great. More D&D namefag RPers...

>>1092956

Hey, I like this guy, he looks legit.

Dungeon Master style, dig under them.

The cake plans never gonna work. Unless you're trying to attract a hambeast.

>>1092956
Oh come on, it's kind of cute.

More this and less 4ed shitstorms and /tg/ won't have to worry about the rippling waves of failure that /b/ started.

>>1092959

He just needs a princess to attract adventurers. A hambeast works fine, as I'm sure anyone willing to marry her is only after her money and huge tracts of land.

Besides, bringing home a hottie would probably make the blackguard jealous. And the princess dead.

>>1092956
>>1092841

Considering this is /tg/, it's actually highly appropriate.

>>1092950
Every drawfag thread devolves into porn. SO GET CRACKINg YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

DARN PCs!

You aren't supposed to come until I have the princess!

You should become and champion of good and dual wield scimitars while embracing the beauty of nature, and place two amethyst into your eye sockets.

You'll get lots of attempts at your un-life then, guarenteed.

>>1092972 Oh come on, it's kind of cute.

That attitude let a gnoll nurse into /tg/.

>>1092926

I kinda like the whole "no cleavage shown" thing too, with princesses. The caste-looking ones give a FAR more satisfying reaction when you rip their bodice off in front of their father.

>>1092981

You know what's really appropreate?

How you fight like a COW!

>>1092841
>>1092956
For once, its from a role playing game that they're roleplaying from. I think thats an unheard of precedent.

>>1092994

Your sword.

Stop waving it around like a feather duster.

/tg/ involves more roleplay than the average game of D&D.

>>1092988

Paladin: *DESTROYS CART* NO CONFECTIONARIES!
Drew the Lich: Nyoro~n. 3:

>>1092988

Quick! Monologue!

Drew!

You pathetic toe tapping pansy loving skull! Your run of the mill skeleton armies will never generate the hatred or fear of my massive Steam Fortress of Doom (tm)! And when was the last time you oppressed a kingdom? I knew you were never going to amount to anything when you tried to crossbreed that tiger and that platypus in college. A lion and an eagle is terrifying. The Tigerpus? Not so much.

You might as well start animating kittens in the pet cemetery, because the only thing you could intimidate is a 3 year old girl!

>>1093017
Mark my words, the second you can powergame on /tg/, all that will change.

DEAR DRAWFAG OP:

D&D drawnin' is a refreshing change. Thanks!

PS: Good luck there Drew. Have you tried summoning an ancient evil? Demons are the chattiest little old ladies in all of the hell planes and I guarantee you they'll be sending out portents and signs to soothsayers and churches for weeks.

>>1093024

Harsh, man, harsh. I happened to like that Tigerpus.

>>1092988

He looks so sad!

>>1093022

PC: I attack him while he's talking.

Drew, you should invest in a few misogynistic ghosts.

Pic related.

>>1092988

Quick, Drew, what's your charisma score?

Use a quick Diplomacy or Intimidate check to stop them from harvesting your delicious EXP!

I think it's DC 30 or something.

>>1093053
Ghost haet panty shot?

>>1093057

More than the living.

>>1093022
>>1093024
I... I'll show you! I'll show you all!

*takes a deep 'breath'*


PATHETIC CREATURES, DO WHAT YOU WILL, BUT THERE ARE EVENTS IN MOTION YOU CANNOT REVERSE!

FALL BEFORE MY DARK CHAMPION IMPUDENT FOOLS! KNOW THAT IF YOU COME TO CHALLENGE ME, A FATE WORSE THAN THIS WILL AWAIT YOU! A TORMENT WORSE THAN THE GAPING MAW OF DEATH!

I WILL CONSUME YOUR HOPE UNTIL ALL THAT REMAINS ARE WITHERED SHELLS OF WHAT YOU ONCE WERE, AND--

and...

W-what are you doing, paladin?

No! NO DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!!

>>1092907
What about loli princesses?

>>1093070

Oh man you were doing so well.

>>1093070

Ouch...was that a critical failure that he just rolled?

>>1093077

T...that's a good question. I don't think I've yet tried...

...I'll be back later. Keep it up Drew! Don't let those mean cake smashers get to you. I'm sure you'll be a horrible lich one day.

Oh no...

BAHAHAHA DREW YOU GOT THE PALADIN RIGHT?

DREW?

. . .Drew?

>>1093105

I like this chick already.

>>1093097

...ouch, man.

>>1093097
Drew?

>>1093105
S-sorry Kiara....

>>1093127

HOW THE FUCK CAN A SKELETON CRY?

>>1093127

Not evil? A Non-evil Lich?! IN MY /TG/?!?

>>1093097

Drew, say something! Blink if you can hear me!

>>1093127
WHAT A TWEEST!

TIME PERADOX

A Black Crusade is the only way to go, champ!

The best way to attract people to your evil castle is to follow the example of the Uberwald vampires. Make sure to post plenty of signs telling people not to go near the castle, remind them not to park in the conveniently placed parking lot. Name your castle Dontgonearthe Castle. It's sure to work.

>>1093128
magic tears of magic

Guys guys! We can stop fighting!
..'cause I got +67 on my diplomacy modifier.
Now we'll never have to fight again!
HEY LICH! LETS BE FRIENDS!
I NEED SOME HELP MOVING A COUCH!
THEN WE CAN WATCH THE SUPER BOWL AT MY PLACE!

>>1093127

Can't say I didn't see it coming, but the execution's pretty amusing.

>>1093147

lol'd hard

poor guy

>>1093127

Zis is just like ven I told mein folks I didn't vant to join zer Yeenoghunite religion, jah.

>>1093147
Ouch. That's rough man.

>>1093147

I, however, didn't see this coming.

>>1093147
;_;

>>1093147

Someone who fails at being evil, so their neutral instead.

'Tis a sad state of affairs.

>>1093147

Its okay Drew, we understand... as long as you tried.

>>1093135

You could learn a lot from this guy.

>>1093147

Hahah! Neutral! Look at my pile of corpses! I'm so manly!

Don't worry. If you can't hack evil, you could always be a druid. *snicker*

Shhhh, shhhh there there drew Don't cry. We'll have you evil soon, I promise. Now now Drew don't cry- SMITE GOOD- Shhh, its okay.

I love this thread.

>>1093152
;_; Why do I like Nurse Verity?

>>1093208
That's actually quite touching.

I almost feel like BAAAAAAAAAAAAAW-ing.

>>1093218
I don't know, but we're in the same boat it would seem. A horrible minority, left off the bandwagon and shunned by other Anonymi for our odd tastes.

Verity... a fanclub of two.

>>1093147

Keep posting under that name, I think you've earned the right to it.

>>1093229

Nay, a club of three. We shall fight until we see porn of her, and we will stop at nothing. It'll be a long road ahead, but if it is a journey you wish to undertake, you have my scythe.

>>1093236

And my katana!

>>1093239

And my morningstar.

>>1093239
Don't you mean your masterwork bastard sword?

>>1093241

Shise ganei baka!

Drew, there's just one avenue left at this point.

Become a transplanarwebmaster by selling off photogenic likenesses of Kiara in the shower to the musculegirl fetishists.

>>1093229
>>1093236
Hush! There is a tender moment on /tg/...let it be

>>1093147

Manly tears for Drew!

>>1093236
Please visit...
>>1092832

>>1093218
>>1093229
>>1093236

gb2fchan, faggots. here in /tg/ we only allow musclegirls

>>1093236
And my katanna.

>>1093262

Go back in your pokeball, slowpoke.

>>1093260
I was trying to find the picture of that Touhou girl with the beer (you damn well know which one I'm talking about), but I found this instead. I think it is sufficently strange to post, though.

>>1093260
musclegirl bad. too hard, tough. not good qualities in human.

>>1092825
Read the Goon Comic recently, eh?

>>1093294
SKELETOR UP IN THIS BITCH

>>1093294

>>1093277
What about Mussel Girls?

I really want to see more of this in the future. Best I've seen in a while.

>>1093307
they good, once they open up to you.

I..Goodbye, Drew.

THIS HAS HUGE AWESOME!

No worries Drew, being evil isn't about those bureaucractic, know-it-all two-bit alignments. It's not about whether or not you show up on the Evil Radar. It's not about how much damage that Holy Longsword does to you.

It's about a willingness to simply let it all go, along with the flesh and blood of whoever dare stand in your way.

>>1093331

;_;

>>1093331
OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

>>1093331
Now he can turn evil in a jealous rage!

>>1093331
KICK HIM WHILE HE'S DOWN WHY DON'T YOU. BITCH.

>>1093352

Poor guy's probably just crushed and crying in a corner in his room right now.

Poor guy. ;_;

>>1093331
Nooooo! Don't go Kiara! Drew will never be evil if you leave!
He'll gather stray cats to sacrifice, and end up adopting them! He'll be that Cat Lich!

>>1093331
You mercenary! You traitor! You, you... BLACKGUARD, you!

>>1093354

Dude, she's got a stainless steel sword-strapon.

Don't fuck with her. Or fuck her.

>>1093331
Skrew her, Drew. You don't need her shit!

>>1093331

YET ANOTHER TWEEST!
WILL DREW EVER SEE KIARA AGAIN? WILL HE EVER HAVE HIS REVENGE ON VANBRUEUR? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON /tg/!

WHAT KIND OF CHAOTIC EVIL IS THIS !? CONTRACTS ?! In *MY* /tg/ ?!

... I don't want to know how likely it is.

>>1093360
Stainless? You WISH it was stainless.

>>1093365

It's always more likely than you think.

>>1093367

Is... is there little bits of flesh and blood still on there from the last time she raped a paladin?

Wait, wait, we are not here to scream curses at Blackguards, my fellow fa/tg/uys. We are here to support Drew.

Let's recap: Drew's got some problems, the primary ones being loneliness and a lack of Good-aligned adventurers. Now, solving the latter will, temporarily atleast, solve the former, so let's focus on that.

Brainstorm tiem, guys. How do we attract adventurers ?

>>1093377
I uh..I.. I take it back, I meant nothing ... oh god don't kill me.

This is one of the best threads I've seen in a long time, Bravo OP.
Bravo.

I-I can't stop watching this thread. . .

>>1093380

You forgot the part where he's actually true neutral. Not even you know...evil. Remotely.

>>1093380

GIVE THE LICH SOME TIME TO GRIEVE, MAN!

>>1093386

>>1093380
You're right!

Anyway, I figure that if Drew become a necro-horticulturalist it might draw some visitors for the sheer novelty.

>>1093147

Awwwwwwww poor little guy.

>>1093356

>>He'll gather stray cats to sacrifice, and end up adopting them! He'll be that Cat Lich!

That cat lich? You mean...

"Hey why don't we go to that castle?"

"Oh uh, man, no. We don't go there. A lich lives there."

"A lich?! But we're forsworn to destroy those undead monstrosities wherever they appear!"

"He doesn't really seem to get out much, its minions keep to their side of the mountain and, well...he has all those cats. You know. LOTS of cats."

"...ohhh, the CAT lich."

"Right. Let's go fight that beholder cult instead."

>>1093380
Dress up in a cloak, sit in the shadowy corner of a tavern and wait!

OKAY DREW HERE IS WHAT YOU DO

Kidnap children for sacrifices to some lich god or another. That ALWAYS works.

>>1093395
Okay forget undead gardens. Undead dance choreographies.

>>1093388

C'mon, his alignment problem is at best secondary - at worst it's an embarrassing problem, at best it's immunity to a solid chunk of the Paladin's and the Cleric's weapons.

>>1093411

Oh god I lol'd!

>>1093380

He could... no wait... pass.

>>1093411
It's a Skeletor figurine? That's hardcore.

Drew, ask yourself something important. WHY do you want to attract adventurers? Power? You're a freakin' lich, you have that. Fame? As a lich you know that that's not only fleeting but that it can take time to grow. Respect? Drew, who's going to respect you if you don't respect...yourself.

Take some time to think about what your GOALS are, man.

>>1093411

DREWWWWWW!!!!

God damn it Drew. This can't go on like this. You have to do something. You have to stop being True Neutral and think Chaotic Evil!

No wait...I had a sudden inspiration.

If there's no real Chaotic Evil to compare you with, that means anything remotely bad you do would be taken as evil.

With that said, there's only one thing left to do Drew! You know what I mean right?

All he has to do is shuffle up to an innkeeper's or mayor's daughter and sort of shyly say "I think you're pretty".

While he's running off, the daughter's overprotective father is going to hire as many adventurers as he can to kill the lich before he can seduce his only child.

Bonus points if his bashfulness and disarmingly charming ineptitude actually DO seduce the girl.

>>1093425
Adventurers make good wights.

IT FLIIIIEEEES

>>1093434

I read that as "adventurers make good weights" at first.

>>1093431
What if the father is supportive of undead rights?

>>1093436
gb2/tv/

Drew...are you sure you want to be a villian? It may not be your thing. I realize there is a lot of pressure for you to be evil, being a lich and all.

But its YOUR decision. If you don't want to be evil, you don't have to be.

woulda been better if it was, "Drew... I'm pregnant..."

>>1093438

Wait...

Oh god, Drew, have the hippies managed to get to your end of the continent yet? If not, you've got a chance!

I'm thinkin' a primary concern here is publicity. Drew, it seems, is poised to becoming known as something of a ... "feline appreciateur". Ahem. Steps must be taken to remedy this. I suggest the addition of more classical undeads, supplemented with elements of more rare, more dangerous undeads. Keeping in mind the loneliness problem, intelligent undead such as vampires or ghosts come to mind, although how Drew would go about acquiring the services of such, I do not know.

Alternatively, his minions need not be undead. There ARE cults of death-obsessed monks, for one thing; maybe he could contact one of those ?

>>1093442

Don't tell him to quit; Drew is a master of the dark arts, he can't be a quitter! He just needs to pick himself up, dust off his shoulderblades and ribcage, and try, try again!

>>1093443

How vould zat even verk?!

>>1093464

Your a nurse, you tell us!

>>1093464
Time travel. Solves everything.

>>1093464

YOU'RE asking this ? YOU ?

>>1093464

It happens when a guy sticks his thing into a woman's thing and they keep going until they reach the point of fulljoy.

>>1093468

Lemme guess, there was an accident with a contraceptive ?

>>1093464

By it not being Drew's baby.

Because it's VanBreur's baby.

>>1093464

I have the strangest feeling that this nurse may in fact not be a nurse after all..
LYING BITCH

>>1093468
... oh wow. Don't tell me we're going to have another Yrag on our hands thanks to you. You know how it always ends. They screw up, then they blame US.

>>1093470
Drew doesn't have genitalia

they decayed long ago

>>1093473
No no no, that's clearly a Remove Disease situation, or iron heart Surge, in a pinch.

He could piss off another group. Who hates liches? Peasants. Inevitables. Mindflayers. Most good-aligned priests. There's TONS of potential arch nemesis to beat!

Drew. . .

~~TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW AFTERNOON~~

>>1093485

Dear Other Drawfag:

Stop it! :(

>>1093487
GOD DAMN IT DREW WHAT TIME ZONE YOU DOUBLE NIGGER

>>1093487

Aggh noooooooooooo tell us what time zone!

>>1093488
The other drawfag seems to be a friend of Drew's drawfag. This drawfag is made of win and awesome, too.

>>1093466
>>1093469

I am a nurse, not Nekromancer.

>>1093470

But zis subject is vot vee in zee medikal craft call zee "Livink Impaired".

>>1093476 Because it's VanBreur's baby.

Zat... BITCH!

>>1093485
why do they always go for the abusive ones? just can't get my head around it. I swear..

>>1093489
Pacific. Probably around 4:00 PM.

Dear Mr. the Lich,

Have you tried luring over an unsuspecting person or persons to your evil fortress, like say cause their carriage to break down in the middle of a thunderstorm that "just started out of the blue"?

You can give them shelter and confide in them in clever hints that you're planning doing bad things to where-ever they are from or where-ever they are going. Throw them in the dungeon at the first chance you get after that, threaten to eat them and their children and then lock them up in a cell, the one with a "secret way" out. Let them escape, give em chase with some of your evil horde so they don't come back and let them go.

Adventurers should soon follow to put an end to your "evil plot". If nothing happens in about a week, set the nearest town on fire and let one family survive to tell the tale.

Good luck!

>>1093496
Perfect for me, fellow pacififag here.

>>1093485
You deserved what you got, greedy bitch. Anon feels no sympathy for you. And neither should Drew. Because he's evil, no matter what the paladin says.

>>1093493

All the drawfags work in tandem with one another.

>>1093024 The Tigerpus

/r/ Tigerpus

>>1093487
The only question is, is Drew going evil, or emo? Let it be Evil! Or at least Angry! Neutral Angry Liches are the best Liches Drew.

Im fucking confused.

>>1093518
That's because you're a dumbass.

>>1093487
*pic related

>>1093496
oh, 7pm east coast-ies like me. That will do

Oh fuck. Did anyone else notice how Drew's looking a bit GRIMANDDARK there?

This is going to be so awesome.

>>1093522
But your gay.

>>1093543
THAT'S YOU'RE, FAGGOT

Drew, I feel ya, bro. Solidarity.

P.S.
We totally need to archive this.

>>1093546
Fuck you and your GRAMMAR, if you had an avatar I would SHOOT YOU IN THE HEAD!!

>>1093547
I voted.

Drew - I was drawing you a fanarts, but OC deleted it. ; ;

>>1093547

I already got it scrapbooked

The most awesome original content we've had in ages. Fuck yeah!

>>1093591
Agreed. Waiting for 7pm EST for my next installment of Drew the Lich

Don't give up Drew. DON'T YOU DARE GIVE UP!

There, redone quickly and sloppily. <:3c Oh Drew, you're adorable~

>>1093411
I know this makes me a slowpoke, but I think Drew's Jewish.

In the end, Drew will get his girl back and become the baddest motherfucker in existance, or she'll die in the process.

>>1093707

Either way, good end. Fuck yeah, undead bonking!

>>1093715

A guy like drew needs to get a classy gal like Kiara a special something. Preferably vampirism before she starts sagging.

>>1093769

She's not going to give a guy like Drew the time of day. See, it's not gifts or fancy clothes or stylish armor that gets the girls - it's a big, stiff rod.

And unfortunately, Drew doesn't have one anymore. Or if he does, it's less "stiff" and more "dessicated and useless".

>>1093776
Kid's, he's a wizard. Specializing in Necromancy, and has enough funds to fund a fortress and more.

Moreover, he's a high level wizard, master over the arcane, and since he's a necromancer, specilizing in life AND death.

He can make her feel things that no stiff flesh rod could ever. And if he wants, he can polymorph himself to anything she could ever want.

>>1093800

But does he have... love?

"Kiara, your first assignment, take out Drew. You only get one shot at this."
"one chance is all I need..."

You have my full approval Drew.

Nurse Verifydfudyafd however does not. Please stop posting in threads like this.

>>1094026
Is it that hard for you to spell "Verity"? Seriously.