Uh... what?

You just ruled out the 2 most desirable options, everything else just ends in "lol ur fuckt" eventually.

>>949367
That's the point. Those are the easiest, simplest and most obvious choices. I want to see if someone can come up with something creative not involving those two.

Throw it into the sea.
I'm lazy and like plot hooks.

So basically we now need to put it somewhere secure where it will never be found and put to evil uses again.

This is a rehash of the "where are we gonna hide a lich's phylactery to ensure it never gets destroyed" thread.

Cast a permanent polymorph on it into a brick, and build it into a great wall of identical bricks.

Hit it with my sword. A lot.

Thrown into the deepest part of the deepest ocean, where The Tomb of Sargeras will never be found.

Until an Orc shaman desires power.

Dispose of it? DISPOSE?

But it's mine! My own! My...presciousss!

Use Knowledge checks and divination spells to ascertain the exact location of the farthest planet or moon, greater teleport to said far-off planet or moon with MacGuffins in tow, drop off the items, then greater teleport right back home. Hey, I didn't remove it from the Prime Material Plane, now did I?

Cast a spell that places the items in a completely random spot in the universe ever half second.

>>949400

Couldn't the next antagonist do the same?

I'd keep the McGuffins in my pants, and never, ever change them. Even when I die, they shall be defended by a gaseous entity similar to the Smell which just happens to be associated with Foul Ole Ron.

I'd use it.

>>949409

Yeah, but how is he going to know WHICH far-off planet or moon if you just picked one at random? If worst comes to worst, just seal the MacGuffins in a a cheapo version of the Invincible Hikikomori Borg Cube that includes only the Secure Chamber and Dimensional Lock wondrous architectures. That way, all divination attempts against the items fail and nothing can teleport directly into the cube.

Make a goblin swallow it, and then get the goblin swallowed by the Tarrasque.

Polymorph Any Object into grains of sand, with Permanency.

Bury 10 feet deep in a beach, beneath the tides.

>>949435
Tarrasques do shit, I'm sure.
>>949429
I never understood what was so special about divination immunity. If you just use a wide-area divination scan, you'll clearly see a void of nothingness where your warded object is, then you'll know that -something- is there, even if you cannot see it.

>>949445

True, but I guess you could use modern metagame thinki- I mean tactics and deploy many drones/dummy ones to make it a lot harder.

Find a way to transform it into a suit of armor, and stick it in a secret room attached to the armory of a castle. Heavily ward the room with various anti-evil spells. Reinforce the structure, so that even if the castle falls, the room won't. In fact, put it below ground, with a teleportation trigger to allow access it, based on a certain level of purity and virtue. Create another one for yourself. Find a family, and possess an authority figure as close as possible to them. Mold the children into fulfilling the requirements to inheriting it, should the item be needed to stop some great enemy.

Possess new people for as long as it takes. Keep watch over the family. Find a way to keep track of the offspring and relatives that leave. If you need to, use more magic to keep the children following your ideals. If one family doesn't work out, go to another.

That way, the item is more or less secure, and can be accessed easily if the situation requires. Even better, YOU are still around to keep watch over it.


Or you could go for the Terracotta Army approach.

Build thousands of duplicate McGuffins, and put terrible curses on most of them. Scatter them in dungeons around the world, widespread enough so that adventurers the world over will see the McGuffin and say "Oh, hey, it's one of those things. Crap, poke it out of the way with a stick."

Cast Mordankein's (probably butchered that) Magnificient Mansion.

Bring them into the Mansion.

If they are currently not creatures, cast animate object. If they are, skip this step.

Cast Imprisonment on them.

Leave the mansion.

Dismiss the mansion.

They are now trapped deep below the surface of the planet in a state of suspended animation, unable to be affected by anything unless someone casts freedom at the same spot where imprisonment was cast, and that location no longer exists.

>>949460

What if someone actually finds out what they do? Haven't you then just compounded the problem?

>>949460
Oh god, laughed heartily at the adventurer's line there.

>>949471
Mordenkainen

>>949474
I would assume they only LOOK the same, I doubt something with world-shattering powers could be recreated en-masse anyways.

>>949474

No no no. The McGuffin duplicates don't threaten the world. They just look like the real thing.

So there's thousands of fakes that curse people, and one real one that ends the world. People will learn that things that look like the McGuffin hurt them, and stay away. People who are trying to end the world will have to search through thousands of dupes, each one cursing them painfully.

You're a tard.

>>949445
Who's gonna search for an all-powerful macguffin inside a giant turd?

>>949445

www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/mindBlank.htm
>In the case of scrying that scans an area the creature is in, such as arcane eye, the spell works but the creature simply isn’t detected. Scrying attempts that are targeted specifically at the subject do not work at all.

This means that if someone somehow scans the entire surface of the planet where the MacGuffins are, he won't know that his divinations failed, he'll just get back results of nothing special being detected. He won't detect any blank void where the object is, it'll just appear as a normal spot of empty land.

>>949474
Not when they're duplicates. Its like suddenly finding out that there is a dead cat out there that can bring ultimate power.

ARE YOU GOING TO CHECK EVERY DEAD CAT

>>949494
Have you not noticed it already, fool?
The OP is a lich who just got his ass handed to him by a party of adventurers, and lost his McGuffins, but barely escaped with his (un)life.

After much strenuous magical research involving time travel and planar shifting, he has managed to create a working computer which can connect to the intarwebs of today. Now he's trying to find potential ways in which his adversaries will hide the McGuffins so he can reclaim them and DESTROY THE WORLD.

Eat it.

Hopefully the magic makes me more powerful.

Shrink it, seal it inside an amulet, then enchant the amulet with immunity from scrying, immunity from mind reading, fast regeneration, +10 damage reduction, +20 to all saves, and the ability to cast Dimension Door, Cure Mass Critical, Inflict Mass Critical, and Meteor Strike at will.

I can guarantee you no one is ever going to break that amulet to try to get that shit out.

>>949565
Orrrrrr they could just wear the amulet and start destroying the world USING IT INSTEAD OF THE MCGUFFINS.

>>949572

The initial query never specified that I had to save the world. It only specified that I had to dispose of the McGuffin.

>>949593
Point.

>>949572

No problem. Simply shrink it, and place it inside another, even more powerful amulet.

Option 1: Make it part of something else. A powerful golem to defended, inject it into a terrasque or other beast-like monstrosity, disguise it as part of a building, or take it into your own body somehow (last option only if taking the 'guard it with my life' aspect too seriously.)

2: Take it somewhere inaccessible. While outside of the prime material is out of the question, warding it from deep sea creatures and tossing it into the briney depths is an option. If your DM is willing, blasting it off into space is also an option (SPELLJAMMER LOL). Get an Earth Elemental to drag it down deep underground... quite a few options.

I toss it into a bag, into a safe, into a chest, into a golem, into another golem, into the sea and finally, having the golem wait inside an underwater volcano.

Create a gate to some other realm realm in a closet. Tie the McGuffin via a short hemp rope to some spot in that realm. Place the McGuffin in front of the gate and put a fuckload of lamp oil in front of the McGuffin. Then, put a candle on the ceiling attched via tripwire in front of the door. Put Glyphs inside to keep away telporting asshats. Then, put the whole room inside of the head of a Tarrasque.

>>949593

In that case, I trap the item at the centre of the earth. I then use spells to tie the McGuffin's location in with thee very foundation of all reality itself. If the McGuffin is moved, then bye bye existence.

Well, I can't send the McGuffin to another dimension, but I can surround it on all sides with portals to another plane. Six portals should do it - one above, one below, one on each of the compass direction. Put'em real tight to each other, so there's no little corner holes.

Voila, it's technically on this plane, but nothing can ever touch it.

Seal it inside a shovel, enchant the shovel so it never breaks (but displays no other magical properties), then sell it to some random pig farmer.

get a neutronium golem to look after it for you.

Get a hulking hurler to throw it into the sun.

>>949790
A neutronium golem would destroy the artifacts just by being a few miles near them.

>>949818
When OP says destruction is not an option, I assume the artifacts are indestructible.

>>949837
But... it's a neutronium golem!

>>949601
Oy dat's sum gud thinkin' dere boss. You'z really iz da smartiest one.

find a black hole

stick it in

no one is ever getting that sucker out

>>949871

You underestimate the average team of adventurers. If there is a world altering artifact in that black hole then they are going to get it out.

So /tg/ how would YOU get it out?

>>949887
ok, let me change that just to make it harder

the artifact can't be located through magic (mindblank and what not) and everyone that knows the location of the blackhole has been killed and can not be resurrected or contacted, anyone that wasn't killed has had their memory destoryed or altered beyond repair so they know longer know where it is and all sources of information have been permantly destoryed

in addition, the black hole is a super massive black hole at the center of another extremely distant galaxy

the artifact is now effectively sealed in the blackhole forever and no one knows where it is


find that now bitches

I seal the artefact inside my newborn son, and die while performing the technique.

>>949925
I take 20 on my search roll.

>>949373

Throwing it into the sea is NOT lazy

They did that in the Silmarillion

>>949951
after 7 billion years of careful, meticulous searching, you find the correct blackhole that contains the artifact

I like the abundance of "feed it to tarrasque" replies. It seems to provide an explanation to monsters with random magical treasure for no reason. Of course, most of those have no downsides or reason to hide it in a gelatinous cube...

>>950035
Would YOU reach into a 10x10 cube of Ooze for a +1 Sword?

>>950035

I thought the explanation for how things got into gelatinous cubes was just that the cubes ate people who were carrying treasure for whatever reason and the treasure sits there because it can't be digested.

Rust monster.

/thread

>>950077
Except you're not trying to destroy the McGuffin.

>>950059

No, but I could see myself putting a +1 Sword in a 10x10 cube of ooze to make an adventurer ponder the decision.