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  • File :1198451306.jpg-(35 KB, 400x279, Cake400pxwide.jpg)
    35 KB Chaos Christmas Cakes Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)18:08 No.930585  
    Khorne:
    1: Prep a large baking pan by throwing it at someone.
    2: Crack two eggs over a guardsman’s head.
    3: Add milk, butter, sugar, chocolate, blood for the blood god, skulls for the skull throne, and baking soda
    4: Mix until lumpy and misshapen.
    5: Bake in daemon fire at 10,000 degrees for five minutes
    6: slice and serve, do not wait for it to cool

    Serves 12 weakling followers of the false emperor

    Slaanesh:
    1: Prep a small canyon
    2: dump in 4,020,000 lbs. of chocolate, 700,300 eggs, 403,000 bottles of vanilla extract, 8,530,000 bags of flour, 2,750,000,000 sticks of butter, and 6,855,000 gallons of milk.
    3: Mix 78,000 times
    4: Bake planet at 2,000,000 degrees for one week
    5: Have sex with seventeen people at once
    6: let cool and ice with 487,000,000,000 cans of frosting

    Serves 1

    Nurgle:
    1: Defecate in a large baking pan
    2: Add rotten fruit and nuts
    3: Let sit in a warm, damp, dark area for three weeks
    4: Defecate in the pan again

    Serves 6

    Tzeentch:
    1: Follow directions as stated on the box
    2: Add nutmeg

    Serves 2-4
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)18:10 No.930589
    I quite enjoyed reading your post, good sir.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)18:10 No.930590
    >>2: Add nutmeg

    CURSE YOU TZEENTCH, CURSE YOU.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)18:11 No.930594
    100 points sir.

    Although the slaanesh one probably needs more frosting on people, as well as a large amount of rolling around in the cake while touching themselves.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)18:16 No.930599
    >>930594
    I guessed it was implied to be part of the mixing
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)18:19 No.930605
    Just as planned.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)18:22 No.930612
    He forgot the 10,000,000 gallons of bodily fluids for the Slaanesh cake. Also, he forgot the people must have sex atop the cake.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)18:40 No.930655
    >>930612

    I assumed that went without saying.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)18:48 No.930673
    Nurglecaek should serve 7, but otherwise this is win.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)18:50 No.930678
    good show anon very good
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)18:59 No.930707
    This is why I love Tzeentch. None of his plans involve me eating shit or swallowing more than six gallons of semen at a time.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)19:02 No.930714
    Also forgot smothering someone to death with the Khorne cake mixture and smashing their neck with the mixing bowl until their head rolls away.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)19:08 No.930732
    >>930714
    for best results mix inside the skull of a recently defeated foe.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)19:10 No.930737
    Well Done. Ten Points to Gryffindor.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)19:11 No.930742
    >>930707

    I know!
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)19:14 No.930754
    >>930612
    That's what he meant by "gallons of milk"

    In the grim darkness of the far future, there are no cows.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)19:18 No.930765
    >>930707
    >>930742
    yeah, but think of the nutmeg...
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)19:19 No.930766
    >>930707
    Unless they do. You never know...
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)19:23 No.930779
    >>930754
    no normal cows from before but there are GRIM AND DARK Deamon cows they are fed orphaned children from refugee ships.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)19:43 No.930818
         File :1198456983.gif-(43 KB, 641x518, PROGRESS.gif)
    43 KB
    >>930765
    Nutmeg is delicious.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)20:14 No.930890
         File :1198458871.jpg-(254 KB, 650x3000, themonolithsong.jpg)
    254 KB
    Nutmeg!

    Thread is win, and deserves a win of olde. Pic related.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)20:25 No.930929
         File :1198459510.jpg-(37 KB, 235x508, Merry-Emperor.jpg)
    37 KB
    >>930818
    How DARE you taint My Recipe with your "nutmeg!"
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)21:47 No.931133
         File :1198464440.gif-(5 KB, 80x80, eldar_00.gif)
    5 KB
    >>930929

    It's actually not that bad, filthy mon-keigh.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)22:06 No.931167
    I'll take two of those Nurgle cakes to leave as an offering for the Orks' altars ... after I set them onfire and leave those at the floor.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)22:18 No.931186
    I read the Slaanesh one out loud to myself, I couldnt hold a straight face
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)22:26 No.931204
    What, no Zuvassin or Malal recipe?
    Shame on you.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)22:30 No.931209
    >>931204
    Mall?

    1cup Baking soda
    1cup vinegar
    Serves 1/2
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)22:39 No.931223
    Zuvassin? I've been in /tg/ forever and I've never heard the name o_O?
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)22:48 No.931241
    >>931223

    Zuvassin, Malal, and Necoho, the renegade Chaos gods. No longer canon. Haven't been canon for almost 20 years. GW no longer even owns the rights to some of their names.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)22:49 No.931243
    He's the Chaos god of bad dice rolls.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)22:54 No.931254
    Zuvassin cake:

    Take one of the other cakes. Replace sugar with salt. Leave for another to eat.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)22:55 No.931256
    >>931241

    Zuvassin, Malal, and Necoho:
    1: Take one Squat an
    >> sahgey !!b6caidtq64L 12/23/07(Sun)23:04 No.931272
    WHFB got slightly confused over the rights to the name Malal as a fourth god... so introduced Necoho and Zuvassi to fill the void during a fluff book ...

    Necoho is the chaos god of agnosticism. Zuvassin is like the anti-Tzeench, making sure nothing goes as planned... sorta sod's-law incarnate. And Malal is kinda chaos itself incarnate...

    I don't much get the point of Malal as he's described - he gets power from the others getting power, and he's representative of the destruction of everything including chaos itself... he kinda gets covered by the others.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)23:07 No.931281
    >>931272

    Sounds like they made a good move dropping those guys.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)23:11 No.931286
    >>931272

    I like Zuvassi. Malal is shit. Neko-ho is confusing, and sounds like it should be weeaboo.

    Zuvassi cake as in >>931254

    Malal cake:
    1. Bake a cake as instructed.
    2. Wait for the other gods to make their cakes.
    3. Destroy them all.
    4. Repeat with a slightly bigger cake.

    Necoho
    1. Deny own existence.
    2.

    .... Yeah, the cakes alone prove Zuvassi is the only worthwhile one.
    >> Anonymous 12/23/07(Sun)23:30 No.931303
    malal does sound kinda redundant, but unless i'm missing something, isn't chaos undivided kinda necoho's gig?
    >> Salamanders Fanboi !!Wyx1pV1wpO9 12/23/07(Sun)23:31 No.931304
    >>931272
    Malal represents chaos's destructive tendencies towards everything, even itself. So when Tzeentch has two plans mess each other up, or when Khornate worshippers start slaughtering each other, or when Nurgle and Slaanesh fight, malal gets stronger
    >> Ork cakes Anonymous 12/24/07(Mon)12:24 No.932461
    1: TAKE ONE O' DEM CHAOS BOYS CAKES
    2: MAKE SURE IT AN'T FRUM DAT NURGLE GIT
    3: ADD GUBBINS
    4: FROST IT RED SO IT GOES FASTA
    5: WAAAAAAAAAGH!

    Serves DA MOB
    >> Anonymous 12/24/07(Mon)12:40 No.932474
    Gork and Mork cakes?
    >> Anonymous 12/24/07(Mon)12:43 No.932480
    >>932461
    Actually, that "WAAAAAAGGGHHH!!" Takes place two hours later, screaming on a toilet.
    >> Anonymous 12/24/07(Mon)12:58 No.932499
    Wait wait wait. Renegade chaos gods?

    How does that even work? Are they all neat and button down?
    >> Anonymous 12/24/07(Mon)13:02 No.932503
    >>932474

    GORK AND MORK CAKE:

    1. Bake a cake.
    2. Put a chainsaw inside it.
    3. Put candles on top, but make sure they're explosive.
    4. Give the cake to someone.
    5. Have Mork stand behind this someone.
    6. Wait for him to light up the candles.
    7. Watch as the cake explodes and the corpse rolls over Mork's bent body.
    8. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
    9. Profit!
    >> Anonymous 12/24/07(Mon)13:02 No.932505
    >>932499
    I know nothing of 40K, so I will concede the point to anybody more knowledgeable who corrects me, but I do know D&D, so if I may use that as an analogy.

    Elven communities. Usually Chaoic Good, their Chaos outlook is driven towards absolute freedom. Renegade Chaotic people to them, would be old man Tim, the human who everyday at noon comes to their front gates, shits in his hand, wipes it in his hair, and then does the cossack dance.
    >> Anonymous 12/24/07(Mon)13:03 No.932506
    >>932499
    Chaos actually doesn't mean disorder in some senses of the word. In the case of these deities, it refers more to the primal creative force, as well as the force of basic human instincts, as taken from the Greek deity from which all others sprang. Much like the Gnostic's IAO, but with a certain emphasis on our more animal qualities. Since each Chaos god in the Warhammer universe represents a small selection of humanity's more inhuman qualities, we see where this is an apt association.
    >> Anonymous 12/24/07(Mon)14:07 No.932618
    >>932461

    >>4: FROST IT RED SO IT GOES FASTA
    >> Anonymous 12/24/07(Mon)14:11 No.932624
         File :1198523468.png-(14 KB, 528x488, redonesgofaster.png)
    14 KB
    >>932618

    Forgot my picture. Fucking hell, I'm failing it today.


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