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  • File :1198206933.jpg-(138 KB, 640x640, motor_23.jpg)
    138 KB Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:15 No.921167  
    >DC 80: Extremely tight space
    >This is the DC for getting through a space when one’s head shouldn’t even be able to fit; this can be as small as 2 inches square for Medium-size creatures. Halve this limit for each size category less than Medium-size; double it for each size category greater than Medium-size. If the space is long, such as in a chimney, multiple checks may be called for.

    Does that mean you can crawl up someone's anus and intestines with a DC 80 Escape Artist check?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:19 No.921191
    oh dear god
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:20 No.921192
    Finally a reason to play d20.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:20 No.921194
    roll an anal circumference check
    >> Sanae Sagura Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:26 No.921215
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    ... Do want.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:27 No.921217
    Okay, someone figure out a way to get our Escape Check bonus to +70 and the ability to take 10 on it by level 20.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:28 No.921222
    what's the hide check bonus for doing so?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:29 No.921226
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    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:30 No.921229
    I can see it now. The party plans to meet with the LE warlord. He requests the casters stay outside, and the fighter to leave his weapons and armor, which he does. Once inside, and the villain is monologuing, halfling rogue armed with +5 short swords jumps out the fighter's ass and stabs the warlord.

    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:32 No.921236
    Yeah, but how do you get a +60 modifier to take 20 with? Or a +70 modifier to take 10 with?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:32 No.921237
    <DM> The orc rogue claps his spiked gauntlets together in a shower of sparks, setting ablaze the grease he's covered himself in. His ring of fire resistance coats him in a soft red glow in the act.
    <DM> "Get ready, my little elf mage. I'm going to climb inside you."
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:35 No.921238

    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:40 No.921244

    DR 20/Anal Trauma will be in d20 FATAL.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:40 No.921245
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    How did that "Boo is tiny, and there's mhere's much of Minsc to search" line go?

    Seriously, crawling up somebody's ass is the greatest use for an epic level character I have heard of.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:42 No.921249
    since there's no limit, you could technically smuggle the entire party up the ass of one guy.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:42 No.921250
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:45 No.921252
    What about encumbrance?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:45 No.921254
    Have a spell caster crawl up a half-orc Barbarian's ass. He pops out, casts a spell, then squeezes back in.

    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:45 No.921255

    So much for the "My vagina is not a clown car." theory.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:47 No.921260
    I'd rather use this skill for unbirthing purposes. It'd be easier to explain why a woman's belly is bulging then a man's gut anyway.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:49 No.921265
    man can you even imagine the noise it'd make when everyone shot out of there?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:52 No.921275
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    I can get to +96 with Take 10 by 20th-level.

    23 skill ranks
    +13 Dexterity (36 dexterity: 18 base, +2 halfling, +5 stat boosts, +5 stat tomes, +5 gloves of dexterity)
    +23 item familiar (69 skill ranks placed into item familiar)
    +30 custom ring
    +2 Llira's Blessing (Player's Guide to Faerun, page 176)
    +2 Agile
    +3 Skill Focus (escape artist)
    Total = +96 Escape Artist bonus (with Take 10 assuming you have levels in Exemplar)
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:54 No.921279
    Wow, I bet you could fit into ANYONE'S anus.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:54 No.921282
    Fuck smuggling, I'd use this in combat. Nobody would dare face me when they knew I'd jump up their asses in the first round.

    I bet I'd get some kind of a title for that. Like Lord Kevin the Anal Assassin, Destroyer of Digestive Tracts.

    Also, my DM would hate me forever and ever. That's a worthy goal in itself.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:56 No.921290
    I'd hate you too for naming such an awesome character Kevin.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)22:59 No.921304
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    >Fuck smuggling, I'd use this in combat.

    Not quite, it takes at least a minute to perform a tight squeeze using an Escape Artist check:

    >Squeezing through a tight space takes at least 1 minute, maybe longer, depending on how long the space is.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:01 No.921315

    There's gotta be some kind of an obscure PRC or feat that lets you do escape artist checks ast standard actions. That's just the sort of thing D&D would have.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:03 No.921321

    Well a successful wrestling takedown would suffice. Actually.

    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:04 No.921322
    If there isn't, we can always use the joke flaw "Delicious", which states you can be easily swallowed whole by monsters 2 sizes smaller than you.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:05 No.921327

    Moar like Lord Kevin, Assassin of the Economy, Destroyer of Business, amirite?
    >> Anonymous. 12/20/07(Thu)23:06 No.921330
    /tg/, this thread made me laugh until I got a cramp between my fucking ribs.

    Well done.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:07 No.921332
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:09 No.921337
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    Complete Adventurer says you can increase the Escape Artist DC by 10 to cut the time it takes in half, which would be at least 5 full-round actions for a tight squeeze. Other than that, I can't find anything that lets you perform a tight squeeze as a standard action.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:14 No.921354
    Are there any spells that could give more "full-round" in a round?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:16 No.921360
    Though I suppose if you bumped the DC by +10 enough times you could get it to a single full-round action. Then use a skill trick to drop it down to a move action.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:19 No.921375
    I jump into the orc's anus and begin thrashing around in my thorn-covered cloak.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:20 No.921379
    Right, but that's the time it takes to get through the space, not into it. So basically that's how long it takes to climb from the ass to the mouth. It doesn't say how long it takes to enter the tight space to begin with.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:20 No.921380
    Though I suppose the horrors of Time Stop just got a bit more bizarre.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:21 No.921384
    Is there a spell that could bind a person for a full minute, allowing for spelunking?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:21 No.921385
    I'll allow it!
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:22 No.921386
    File deleted.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:22 No.921387
    assuming you're hiding yourself and get the surprise round, you could lodge 2/5ths of your body up the ass of whatever before they could react, and I'm fairly certain they probably have some kind of saving throw in there
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:25 No.921398
    Saving throw?

    What, like "Roll for clenching?"
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:26 No.921399
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    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:26 No.921403
    Hold Person at Level 5 is actually potent enough to do the trick. Well, with the +10 to halve the time and shit.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:30 No.921414
    I was thinking like frightful presence. I mean, there's not really anything I can think of that would be higher on my priorities than getting away from the dude who is shooting like a missile into someone's ass. I do not want that anywhere near me, no sir.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:30 No.921415
    This strikes me as a viable combat tactic in nearly every situation. You just have to pass a skill check and your enemy is, presumably, instantly subdued.

    "I crawl behind the leading orc and when his attention is elsewhere, I crawl into his ass."

    "I cast time stop from the scroll and run into Wizardlor the Megaevil's ass."
    "uh gah buh"

    "A dragon! Quick, buddies, cast something that makes me Colossal size so I can crawl into his shitchute!"
    * DM kills self by tearing his own heart out *

    The ideal time to use this would be in a tournament, on another player.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:34 No.921428
    I humbly suggest this thread be archived for posterity.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:34 No.921430
    The obvious solution for the DM is to send in creatures without anuses. Colossal skeletons, aberrations and plant creatures of all sorts, etcetera
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:35 No.921436

    What's the DC check to research a "Grow Anus" spell?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:36 No.921438
    Why grow? Couldn't you crawl into the Dragon's pooper without growing, and that way have all the advantages of the "fighting your way out" part of the "swallow whole" ability without the initial damage due to being eaten?
    A possible way to make "delicious" as broken as broken as "chicken infested"? (That housecat could swallow me whole easy, so I could easily fit in and crawl down!)
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:37 No.921441
    D-n-D will never be the same again.
    Fuck you /tg/ fuck you
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:37 No.921442
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    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:42 No.921459
    >Why grow? Couldn't you crawl into the Dragon's pooper without growing, and that way have all the advantages of the "fighting your way out" part of the "swallow whole" ability without the initial damage due to being eaten?

    That's child's play, fit for low-level characters. Real men first grow into the same size as the dragon, THEN cram their entire bodies into its ass while it curses the day it was born.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:43 No.921460
    anything fleshy only needs one arrow to connect, they're all anuses as far as we're concerned
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:52 No.921494
    While all of these ideas or awesome, there's a not insignificant chance another player at your table is a closet-deviant and or furry who's going to go home after the session and rub one out to thought of your halfling rouge climbing up the frost giant's rectum.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:54 No.921500
    >>thought of your frost giant rogue climbing up the halfling's rectum.

    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:54 No.921502
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    Wait, wait, wait. I've got it. Be a psychic warrior, and then use an augmented expansion once you're inside someone's anus:

    >If insufficient room is available for the desired growth, you attain the maximum possible size and can make a Strength check (using your increased Strength score) to burst any enclosures in the process. If you fail, you are constrained without harm by the materials enclosing you—you cannot crush yourself to death by increasing your size.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:54 No.921505
    Are halflings medium? If they're small, maybe we can cram them up something smaller than an anus. Urethra! /d/ is that way <=
    >> Anonymous 12/20/07(Thu)23:58 No.921516

    They're small. Dwarves are the only race that come to mind that could be small but are treated as medium in D&D.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:02 No.921528
    Perhaps we should take this concept to the WotC Character Optimization boards and challenge them to cook up the most powerful character build that centers around crawling into other people's arses.

    Perhaps even some kind of an optimal 4-character group whose goal is to get one of the party members into the rectum of the enemy on the first round of each combat.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:02 No.921529
    Would it be possible to control someone when inside them? Maybe grabe a loop of intestine like a rein, and force them to do your bidding or face death by supreme constipation?

    Also, what kind of rolls would we be looking at for damage caused by this? In my mind, I would think it to be about like having the constipation of a creature three sizes larger than you.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:03 No.921532
    Say, someone made mention of a joke flaw, Delicious. Is this an actual flaw or a homebrew that became popular on the web? Either way, link to more joke flaws please.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:03 No.921536
    That would be fucking awesome just for the shitstorm it causes over there.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:06 No.921542

    I don't know, clearly there's demand for some kind of a Book of Unpleasant Orifices supplement that details the full effects of all WotC-published creatures' anuses (49,95 at Amazon).
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:09 No.921554

    Really, the effects of anal full body insertion should be listed in the monster manual, like all other stats. They're just milking us for extra cash.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:16 No.921571
    Someones anus/intestines are definitely not 2 inches square, so no. Now, if you had a Small-sized creature (like a halfling), they could fit through a 1 inch square space, which sounds doable with a little stretching.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:17 No.921578
    Presumably the check is so you can gain entrance and otherwise fit. You would in effect be squeezing yourself down to the size/shape of their intestines.
    Now, once you fail/stop the check and are inside... then the damage. Otherwise you just a very surprising case of constipation.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:18 No.921581
    Is YOUR anus two inches wide?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:20 No.921585

    Two square inches does NOT mean a diameter of 2 inches.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:20 No.921588

    It would be after a Strength check from a half-orc.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:20 No.921589
    Have you ever looked at a log after you dropped one that needed some good old effort? Two inch square is not out of the question.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:23 No.921600
    This brings up an interestion point.

    While the initial inserstion would require the DC 80 check for size, this first insertion would enlarge the opening, meaning that additional insertions should be possible with lower checks. Would this stack, or be a one time effect? Because if it stacked, I could see it feasibly eventually being like walking down a hallway.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:23 No.921601
    A circular area of two square inches has a diameter of about 1,5 inches. That's about the size of the average rectum, you just need to stretch the asshole a bit.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:24 No.921610
    d20 FATAL sounds like a better idea by the minute.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:26 No.921614
    /tg/ - we get shit done.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:32 No.921639
    Somebody with an account to spare really should ask the WotC Char-Op board for their ideas on this. I bet their input would be invaluable.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:36 No.921659
    >/tg/-we shit Halflings
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:36 No.921663
    >/tg/ - we get in shit.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:37 No.921669
    As long as you leave out which ExtremelyTightSpace you're trying to get into, it would be within reason to ask for good ways to maximise Escape Artist for use with the associated Epic Skill check.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:41 No.921684
    create a chain of ass crawling...one character crawls into another and that one crawls into another ass.
    start with a fairy or smaller and work your way up the size factor.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:41 No.921688
    But telling them you are trying to shove it up someones ass is the fun part.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:44 No.921695
    You can smuggle an entire army into an enemy compound via concentric ass crawling.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:46 No.921702
    Epic level rogueducken?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:48 No.921705
    We already have our Escape Artist bonus at +96, see >>921275
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:50 No.921714
    Sadly, I would tend to say that the contortions, etc. you make to fit into the smaller creatures intestine would decrease the available space for others to fit within yours.
    Though it would be interesting to have an elephant inside a troll inside a gnome inside a pixie.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:55 No.921725
    D'oh. I misread 921217 and was thinking someone was wanting to get a high check at level 10, instead of being able to take 10.
    >> Anonymous. 12/21/07(Fri)00:56 No.921730
    Logic has no place in d20, only cold hard powergaming.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)00:58 No.921738
    God this needs to be archived.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:09 No.921772
    The rules don't suggest you become larger with someone hiding in your anus, because they foolishly did not think to cover such a scenario.

    What happens with Bag of Holding or portable hole use while inside the anus?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:16 No.921797
    Hmmm. Well, the portable hole needs to be completely unfolded, and if you have the room to do that, you're not in a tight enough anus.
    Similarly, you probably wouldn't have enough room to draw much of anything out of the bag of holding. Though you could probably turn it inside out, thus dumping all its contents.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:18 No.921809
    Do portable holes have a fixed size? cause if you had a 2" portable hole you could unfold it into the anus before you enter, thus creating an anal portal to another dimension, effectively creating an unlimited anus.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:19 No.921811
    FATAL system FTW
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:26 No.921843
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    To expound on this further, the formula of the area of a circle is [A = pi * radius^2], so if we plug in an area of 2 square inches, we get a radius of 0.8 inches and a diameter of 1.6 inches. The formula for the circumference of a circle is [C = pi * diameter], so we get a minimum anal circumference of 5 inches.

    Now I _know_ that FATAL isn't the most scientifically accurate resource out there, but if we use the anal circumference rules there, most people should have an anal circumference of 5 inches or greater.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:27 No.921848
    The DMG has it as a black circle 6' in diameter. Spreading it on any surface gives you an extradimensional space 10' deep. Kind of like a 10' deep hole on demand.
    Of course, if you're DM actually let's you get away with the crawling through the anus and into the intestines of a creature your size, perhaps you could convince them to get away with it.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:30 No.921862
    While you'd have to have a high level character to actually climb inside someones anus with a high degree of probability, you don't have to be that high a level to get, say, a bag of holding, and a craft skill enough to rig some rope to turn a bag inside out while inside someones anus.

    Or you could use an endless bag of caltrops instead of the bag of holding.

    Although thats a lot less cool, but still a horrible way of killing someone.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:31 No.921866
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    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:32 No.921871
    now running an ass crawling campaign, everyone starts off with the stats of

    first 'dungeon': the anus of a tarrasque.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:32 No.921872

    I think we're assuming we're using a small size character, since that makes the limit 1 square inch. And I think you can assume a medium creature has an asshole that can stretch to at least that big.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:37 No.921895
    There's always the bag of holding full to the brim with alchemist's fire. Presumably that many of them inside someone would lead to at least one breaking, being exposed to air, and igniting; which would lead to the rest following.
    Also, the movie SAW popped into my head at your post.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:38 No.921898


    Upon taking a bag of holding or portable hole into an anus, a dimensional tear occurs and a gateway is opened to the plane of shit.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:39 No.921901
    What if the reluctant host were to make a STR check to clench you to death while inside?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:39 No.921902
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    Epic level rogue?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:40 No.921905
    Or suppose he just decides to shit you out?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:42 No.921911
    Gentlemen, these are important factors we need to consider.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:43 No.921917
    You could counter with a strength bonus of your own. I'd say that the crawl-er gets a +2 bonus on this opposed check due to ani not being made to expel things with bones.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:44 No.921921
    you grab hold and pull his insides out with you
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:44 No.921923
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    This is why you either carry a ring of growth from Savage Species or be a psychic warrior and use an augmented expansion: so you can violently burst out of the hapless victim's bowels.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:45 No.921926
    One other thing - according to the description, there is nothing preventing you from crawling into your own anus.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:46 No.921927
    This thread is strangely erotic.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:46 No.921928
    It is exceedingly difficult to expel something more solid than feces... A Fort save with a DC equal to the most recent Escape Artist check the crawler rolled, +2 for each prior successful check would be in order.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:47 No.921932
    Some kind of infinite loop?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:47 No.921933

    Like a snake eating itself, only in reverse!
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:48 No.921936
    Anal circle orboros?!
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:48 No.921937
    Alternately, a feather token:tree is only 400gp. Plant an oak tree right in the middle of them and they will have other things to worry about than getting rid of you.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:49 No.921942
    Well this just opens up a whole new world of options.
    >> Taco-Chan 12/21/07(Fri)01:51 No.921948
    Thread is perhaps THE GREATEST THING TO EVER COME OUT OF /tg/
    I have never laughed so hard
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:51 No.921949
    I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the ubiquitous Decanter of Endless Water yet.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:51 No.921950
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    if you can crawl all the way into your anus that means your anus would have entered your anus meaning that you could yet again crawl into your anus and thus enabling you to enter your own anus an infinite number of times
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:52 No.921951
    And what about those wondrous animal statues? Or a folding boat, even?

    ... And what penalties would be assessed to the check for performing it using a Kwalish's Magnificent Device?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:54 No.921959
    so how difficult/dangerous would entering a tarrasque's anus?

    Because that would be the safest place to hide ever
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:56 No.921968
    What happens when someone is polymorphed into something anus-less while somebody is concealed in their anus? And what of Flesh-To-Stone?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:57 No.921970
    Do you get a circumstance bonus for attempting to grapple with someone's asscheeks?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:57 No.921971
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:58 No.921975
    I can imagine a campaign where there is a horrible creature sealed in the ass of a statue, it breaks free, and there is only ONE WAY to force it back into slumber...
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:59 No.921979

    Somebody's flesh is turning into stone, if you know what I mean.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:59 No.921980

    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)01:59 No.921982

    Seeing as how they're pretty fucking big you'd probably get bonuses....
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:01 No.921987
    i know where my lich is keeping his phylactery
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:01 No.921988
    Unless Tarrasque have surprisingly tight assholes.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:02 No.921990
    Yeah, but the protective scale plates that compose the tarrasque's cloaca would be a pain to get past.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:02 No.921992
    alright so if its possible to enter someones ass

    would it be possible to also enter someone's vagina?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:03 No.921994
    Well you are attacking from behind.

    If you climb into your own anus repeatedly will that effectively clone you,or do you just keep vanishing up your own ass? That is, are there now several of you concentrically up your own ass, or do you just keep climbing through your own anus like a treadmill?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:03 No.921996
    In before jokes about fa/tg/uy virgins!!!1
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:04 No.921998
    if it makes clones of you then i think we just found a cheap way of making an army
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:04 No.921999
    Slightly more specialized.

    You see, not everyone has a vagina, but most every living thing has an anus.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:05 No.922002
    Of course. Remember though, elven vagoos provide a +2 bonus to squeeze into them, due to having been thoroughly stretched by beings of every race.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:06 No.922003
    so whay's that do to the difficulty?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:06 No.922004
    the latter, as you never actually reach your own mouth
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:06 No.922005
    Maybe you could make some kind of generator?

    Except instead of waterwheels and windmills, it's mobial asscrawling, of course.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:07 No.922010
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    This moment shall be handed down to future generations.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:08 No.922013
    Way to fail at threadcapping.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:08 No.922015
    This is all in reference to the Epic Skill Check of trying to fit a Medium Sized creature into a 2" square opening. We're assuming a Small creature, which means we can try to fit into any opening 1" square or greater. You could just about climb up their nose.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:08 No.922016
    Off topic post.

    This is why i love 4chan. We come up with the most hilarous, disgusting shit ever.

    This thread has made me laugh harder than i have in months.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:09 No.922018
    Possible, but in any given group of statistically mixed people there are twice as many assholes as pussies, which incidentally is the same sentence I use to begin describing how the real estate market went bad on us.

    Also, could a woman hide in her own anus AND her own vagina simultaneously?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:10 No.922022
    so here's a situation, we have person A, B, and C

    A is crawling up B's ass and B is crawling up C's and C is crawling up A's ass all at the same time

    what the fuck happens?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:10 No.922024
    you only have one head.

    but i suppose she could put her feet into her vagina, and her head into her asshole.

    or one foot in each.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:11 No.922027
    well if she enters her ass completely then wouldnt she be able to crawl into her own vagina afterwards?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:11 No.922029
    Anal circle orboros!
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:12 No.922030
    Yes, but she has to hide in her vagina first. One that is accomplished, she both is and is not in her anus as well until her box is opened and she is observed.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:12 No.922031

    Theoretically you could climb in your ass, come out your own mouth, and then climb through your vagina.

    Theoretically. But you'd reach a dead end, so you'd want to do step two after you had enough iterations of step one.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:12 No.922032
    she'd have to come out her own mouth which i don't think you can do.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:12 No.922033
    I suppose women have double the carrying capacity then? But at the same time, vagoos don't go on forever...
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:14 No.922035
    didn't the guys from AbbA try this once?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:14 No.922036
    a cheap and very gay way.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:14 No.922037
    well if you go in your own anus that means you can also exit your anus

    and since you mouth is connected to your anus, you can also exit your mouth by having entered your anus

    however you might want to get some acid resistance if you're going to do that
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:14 No.922038
    The Eldar will find this thread, implement it, and give birth to Slaanesh
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:16 No.922041
    but to do that , your mouth would have to come out your mouth.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:16 No.922045
    well if your anus can enter your anus i'd assume your mouth could come out your mouth
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:17 No.922048
    >well if your anus can enter your anus
    i dont' see this happening either
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:18 No.922050
    hey, as long as the dice say i'm good, i can fully enter my own anus
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:18 No.922051
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    This has been a four hour long discussion of anus breaching in D&D. Please tell me that it has been archived.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:18 No.922052
    Essentially, you'd turn yourself inside out.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:19 No.922055
    oh, well forget i said anything.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:21 No.922061
    In the process.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:22 No.922067
    Already fucking archived. Good work /tg/.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:23 No.922075
    This thread better be here tomorrow, /tg/!
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:25 No.922078
    So if you turn your ass of holding inside out, do the contents spill out unharmed, but you must put it right before you can crawl in again?
    >> Lord Licorice 12/21/07(Fri)02:25 No.922083

    You guise do know the sup/tg/ archival does it immediately, right?:

    This thread is here:
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:26 No.922085
    You could create an epic level inside-out player, in theory.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:28 No.922087

    We call those the undead.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:28 No.922088
    >If the space is long, such as in a chimney, multiple checks may be called for.

    WAIT A MINUTE! The intestinal tract is pretty long, so how many checks would it be if you actually wanted to crawl the whole way through someone. Also, much more importantly, what happens if you fail a check after the first check?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:28 No.922089
    going into your own ass and coming out of your own mouth is subject to crazyphysics, and upon looping it enough to where you have, for lack of a better term, eaten your own head, you are transported to the astral plane
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:30 No.922092
    Remember the skill involved is the person entering the ass, not the ass itself. So turning the ass inside out won't effect the occupant but will be unfortunate to the owner (anal prolapse).

    Now if you're using the portable hole/transdimensional ass then turning it inside out does nothing.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:33 No.922103
    I'd say at the very least one for the anus itself, each intestine, the stomach, the esophagus, and to exit the mouth. Probably more than that even, but if the person is a willing accomplice or takes some muscle relaxants it would be easier.

    If you fail you could be expelled back out the ass, or just have to wait and try again.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:35 No.922105
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    So this means his Escape Artist is at least 90, right?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:35 No.922107
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    Prestige Class: Anal Spelunker

    Anal spelunkers are individuals who, whether it be through curiosity, a twisted childhood, or rampant homosexuality, have delved the anus of another humanoid. These individuals hone their anal delving skills until it can be used as a technique during combat; climbing into the enemy's anus and doing what you will within. The digestive tract of a humanoid is a dangerous place, and most spelunkers wear gas masks and protective gear.

    - base Dex of 18
    - skill focus Escape Artist
    - Agile
    - having immersed oneself entirely in a humanoid's anus

    1st level: Improved Ass-Grappling
    - Allows the Anal Spelunker to take an ass grapple check as a free action.

    3rd level: Experienced Spelunker
    - Through repeated anal assaults of other creatures and gathering an intimate knowledge of the anus and intestines, the Anal Spelunker no longer has to take Survival checks while spelunking.

    I dunno, I was bored. Ideas?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:36 No.922111
    I've been visualizing it mentally for the past half hour or so, and I think that no matter how far up your own ass you go you'd never "duplicate" features. In other words, you'd never come head-first out of your own mouth.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:37 No.922114
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:38 No.922119
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:38 No.922121

    Because the distance between your ass and mouth in terms of digestive system tract is constant. You'd just be continually moving through your intestines while they stretched out.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:39 No.922123
    Lemmiwinks did it through mr. slave....
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:39 No.922125
    Yes, i don't think it is ever possible for you to get past your mouth although it is certain you will make it past your intestines and into your stomach.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:41 No.922129
    you can sill get a full hand out of your own mouth
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:42 No.922135
    I feel a few of you are forgetting a rule from Swallow Whole. 1 Large creature can hold 1 small, 2 tiny so forth and so on...

    In other words, one halfling per anus there, buddy.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:43 No.922138
    I've never actually gotten sick to my stomach from reading anything, but after that I felt like I was going to fall over.

    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:45 No.922142
    oh god
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:48 No.922149
    Usually it's not that bad... though it's sometimes silly or fantastic (one has him buttfucking a Da Vinci statue to life), it's usually just hot monzetsu-style interracial fucking. Like, say, two huge black guys double-penetrating a small French boy.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:51 No.922165
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    We're already breaking the rules of physics by squeezing in a space only 2 square inches wide as a Medium creature or a space only 1 square inch wide as a Small creature. I don't think we need to follow the swallow whole capacities any more.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:54 No.922174
    Well what if one was in the stomach and one was somewhere between the stomach and the anus?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:56 No.922184
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:57 No.922186
    They could communicate by shouting to each other.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:59 No.922196
    I think what you mean to say is "nonononogetyourheadoutofmyanus"
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)02:59 No.922199
    Congrats, your request has just triggered the archival process for thread 921167

    Hells yeah.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)03:00 No.922207
    Actually I could see you having multiple ones between the stomach and the anus. Then again, I guess that depends on if they are crawling through the intestines or somehow standing up straight.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)03:04 No.922227
    I'm imagining them crawling with mining helmets, while singing a rousing worker's song in their high-pitched seven dwarves voices.

    Hi ho hi ho
    It's off to work we go...
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)03:08 No.922246
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)03:15 No.922281
    You guys are the rectal cancer thats killing d20
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)03:20 No.922297
    Rectal cancer? We'll send a team of halfling escape artists to fight it, hand to hand!

    drop your pantaloons and bend over.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)03:21 No.922304
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    You know, I just realized that you can get an Escape Artist check to work with the Exemplar's Persuasive Performance class ability, letting you get the crowd Fanatic for you as you crawl up someone's rectum. It'll only get Indifferent creatures Fanatic, and Unfriendly and Hostile creatures Helpful though.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)03:30 No.922331
    I hope you realize you are a hero amongst heroes now.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)03:31 No.922334
    So hostile orcs approach the human-elf-dwarf-halfling party. The Halfling dives into the Elf's ass, giving a persuasive performance of anal speleology. The human and dwarf become fanatic, chanting "UP HIS ASS, UP HIS ASS!" The orcs, meanwhile, overcome their hostility and help ram the halfling into the elf's anus.

    Incidentally, the elf should also become fanatic about the halfling going into his ass.
    >> Lofwyr 12/21/07(Fri)03:31 No.922335
    ... wait, what?

    Is this the next thing up to pulling a rabbit out of a hat?

    "For my next trick, I shall now produce the party rogue from my anus!"
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)03:36 No.922353

    Lets see how long till it gets deleted and the account I made for the purpose gets banned.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)03:42 No.922374
    What happens when the number of rounds through your own intestines starts to get close to infinity? Also, can your body be considered to be an elliptic space at that point?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)03:43 No.922384
         File :1198226632.jpg-(33 KB, 600x450, Patchouli GJ.jpg)
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    Your sacrifice will be remembered, brave Anon. Now would you try editing "anus" to "rectum" or "sphincter" to see if it gets past the word filter?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)03:46 No.922394
    Autosage limit, NOOOOO. This must be fucking stickied!
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)03:47 No.922397
    It does not appeared to be filtered, at least it shows up fine for me.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)03:49 No.922407
    I am laughing nearly to the point of tears
    >> Lofwyr 12/21/07(Fri)04:01 No.922444
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    Okay... so what happens if you're up someone's anus and they get attacked by this?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)04:05 No.922456
    Right, we need a physics major on this, stat. Maybe a maths one too.

    Maybe you'd and up extruding yourself into a 4th dimension of space.
    >> Lofwyr 12/21/07(Fri)04:07 No.922465
    Does that mean you could become an Anus of Holding?
    >> Lord Licorice 12/21/07(Fri)04:11 No.922479
    Oh god, I think I might rupture something laughing at this thread. This is epic and awesome beyond words.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)04:14 No.922489
    You start developing a hateful distaste for maple syrup.
    >> Lofwyr 12/21/07(Fri)04:17 No.922499
    That may depend on how copious the tree's ejaculate is. It could be a splattering or, if it's been a while, you may have to consult the Drowning rules.

    Not to mention the blunt trauma.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)04:23 No.922514
    Great. We've taken a conversation from anal spelunking to tree ejaculate volume. Good to see that whatever board you have a look at, you still know you're on 4chan.
    >> Lofwyr 12/21/07(Fri)04:30 No.922536
    That's not much of a leap, actually.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)04:37 No.922550
    You're just mad because we've got wood.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)04:38 No.922554
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    Why has no one posted this image yet?
    /r/ Player Characters in my anus?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)04:58 No.922619
    I say we use a human instead of a halfling, despite the Dex bonus and the 1 square inch we're missing out on. Why? Because it's funnier seeing a fully-grown man squeezing into someone's rectum than seeing a midget do the same thing. Much more painful too.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)06:14 No.922800

    I note that the description includes "Improved Anal Plundering". Have we perhaps discovered, in this thread, what that might consist of?

    Granted, as a Huge creature, it could only fit into..what... an 8 square inch space; but I suspect that the Improved Anal Plundering trait, being better than the Regular Anal Plundering trait, may offer it certain special opportunities in this area.

    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)06:45 No.922858
    From now on, the feat Improved Anal Plundering makes all Escape Artist checks related to crawling up someone/thing's ass to be standard actions. That seems to be what everyone's looking for.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)07:47 No.923009
    And the feat "Plain Old Anal Plundering" (most likely a pre-requisite of Improved Anal Plundering) allows the Plunderer to Plunder as though they were 1-2 size categories smaller than they actually are?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)07:53 No.923026
    If a creature can be swallowed whole, while another one is climbing up the anus of a large creature, What would the requirements be for meeting up in the middle and having sex, or having an anus crawling deathmatch in there?
    >> Lofwyr 12/21/07(Fri)14:46 No.923750
    It's actually meant for its penis. The whole tree doesn't climb up there.

    Which now opens up some really freaky gay porn ideas:

    "Anal Hand Jobs 4."
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)16:20 No.923904
    Well, if there was someone already hiding in the anus of someone undergoeing Anal Plundering, that would mean that one of two things happens
    1: The spelunker went in head first, and he might end up raped as well.
    2: the spelunker went in feet first, or pulled a u-turn, and his head is now oriented towards the opening. This means that if he brought no weapons, he will be given oral, but has the option to use a bite attack, or if he brought weapons, he can try and internally fend off the Anal Plundering attempt. This makes me wonder, what kind of HD would a penis have to resist destruction? Also, what AC would it have? I mean, it is unarmored, (assuming no condoms) so no bonuses there, but it would, on the other hand, get a full Dexterity bonus to its AC, right?

    This is important shit, we need to figure it out.

    Also, what check would be necessary to pull a u-turn in the anus of someone you are currently spelunking?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/07(Fri)19:40 No.924480

    I donno, if you went in head first it'd get to your feet. Hopefully you left your boots on. (Climbing boots? Anything with spikes?)

    As far as turning around, that'd have to be a really large check. Maybe you'd have to back out.

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