'UMIE BREAD, SQUISHY BREAD, SPIKEY BREAD, 'RE REAL, BUT ORKY BREAD, WAAAAGHLOAF, DON' EXIST. SO, WE'S GOTZ TA MAKE IT. DIS 'ERE'S DA STORY 'A THA GROT WHAT HAS A DOUGHY POWERKLAW, SQUIGSTICK KRUSTKRUNCHER, WOT'LL MAKE TASTY GOBFODDER ALL ORKY, SO'S ALL DA CLANZ CAN EAT RIGHT TASTY LUMPS!
What the hell?
>>842350Waaaghloaf is made using rocks, mud, dakka, and stompy.
This would be pretty embarrassing for even /a/ I think.
>>842390Also, it is red.Grab some early... it always goes fast.
>>842395That is... INCREDIBLY corny.
>>842395da red is 'umie bludd an' sumfink fruity
>>842400sum co'n be innit too. co'n is righ' dakka if ya ask da likes o' me.
>>842350Hai there guvna-san. Wouldst this be that new spinoff show of Wallhamer?Kawaii desu pip pip
GUH!THE ORKS ARE PRODUCING SOME SORT OF NEW BREAD, BRETHREN! WE MUST CLAIM IT FOR THE BREAD GOD!
SCONES FOR THE SCONE THRONE!
The Eldar Harlequins will be the judge of the quality of this "Waaaghloaf."
>>842547ORKY BREAD GETEAT ORKY BREAD!? Y/N
>>842593YYou feel strong after eating the bread and run your cattle through a strong river. 2 cattle die and a wheel is broken. You have no replacements.You and your family starve on your way to Oregon.
>>842613Command not recognized.You need at least 50 humanoid cohorts to succesfully perform this action.
>>8426132 gold pieces and a cloak of fire protection
>>842613Loot oregon for 3 gold pieces.An old miner begs for some money for food.DENY FOOD Y/N
>>842629Eat old miner.
>>842633You attempt to eat old miner.Filthy denim gets caught in your teeth.COMMAND?
>>842645OOH OOH OOH THIS IS THE SECRET EVERYONE'S BEEN TALKING ABOUT IN THIS GAME! DIG A HOLE NOW!
>>842648Grue remains unlootable.>>842656You dig a hole.Underneath you is a yo-yo, some KY jelly, and an old floppy of Space Simulator.COMMAND?
>>842656You dug a hole, you lost THE GAME.Restart Y/N?
>>842663THE GAMEI LOST IT
>>842672You forgot to take the miner out then spit him into the hole.DUH.
>>842675SPIT MINER INTO HOLE
>>842677Bloody, mangled, chewed corpse of old miner is now in the hole.Underneath you is a yo-yo, some KY jelly, and an old floppy of Space Simulator. They are covered by the remains of OLD MINER.COMMAND?
>>842693His dick is sticking out from his pants.
>>842694take KY jelly
>>842699You pick up KY jelly. It's warm.
>>842702use KY jelly on dick
>>842696Dancing apparently does nothing.>>842699You took the KY Jelly from under the OLD MINER's remains.
>>842706Your dick implodes. You are now a woman.
>>842719Take dick and shove it in >>842717's ass.
>>842717>>842719This is going places. Lets go to other places than that.
>>842706the miner's dick transforms into a unicorn's horn.IS THIS AWESOME Y/N
>>842736YExamine Space Simulator
>>842742You pick up Space Simulator. It is still warm.COMMAND?
>>842744use KY jelly on Space Simulator
>>842745you liberally apply KY jelly on the floppy disk.The disky becomes covered in KY jelly.COMMAND?
>>842756put Space Simulator in miner's ass
>>842757You jam the Space Simulator floppy disk into the dead miner's rectum.The casing of the floppy disk shatters.The dead miner's rectum is torn and shards of a floppy disk are layed about you.COMMAND?
>>842771ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO ROLL FOR ANAL CIRCUMFERENCE?
>>842771you walk north, covered in floppy disk and KY jelly.You come to a kite-eating tree.COMMAND?
>>842775Ask kite why it's eating the tree
>>842778The kite turns to you and asks why you're covered in floppy disk and KY Jelly.COMMAND?
>>842782give kite KY jelly
>>842786Kite takes KY Jelly and ingests it.Kite turns into a bad-enough dude.Bad enough dude requests to join party to Oregon.COMMAND?
>>842794You NO.Bad-enough dude walks away, sobbing.The old miner and yo-yo still remain in the ditch south of you.COMMAND?
>>842800BRIDGET appearsHe asks if you will give him the yo-yo.
>>842800You take the yo-yo.It is made of wood and has a pentagram carved into the underside.COMMAND?
>>842800MAGICAL BLACKSMITH APPEARS
we need RP hreads like this more often
>>842800*Ahem* The yoyo is wooden, has a pentagram underneath, and is slippery with leftover KY jelly.Bridget and a magical Blacksmith apopear.Bridget wants the yoyo. Magical blacksmith seems to be mulling about.COMMAND?
>>842803touch the pentagram and your penis
>>842814MAGICAL BLACKSMITH IS FURIOUS AND HIS MUSTACHE BECOMES A SPHINX THAT SHOOTS LASERS OUT OF HIS EYESIT THEN RAPES BRIDGET
>>842814Your penis begins to erect.The pentagram causes Bridget to explode and the Magical Blacksmith to mull about at a faster pace.COMMAND?
>>842822raff or ruse
>>842825You decide to Raff or Ruse.The Magical Blacksmith looks at you with LAZER EYES LAZER EYES LOOK INTO MY LAZER EYES.You wet yourself.COMMAND?
stare backthen taste your pee
I kick off my urine-soaked trousers and hurl them into the Magical Blacksmith's eyes.
>>842835You stare intently at the Magical Blacksmith as he stares into you with his piercing red eyes.Then you pucker your mouth as you find the urine tastes salty.>>842836The trousers you toss lands in the Magical Blacksmith's red eyes.He begins to run around in circles, shouting and screaming profanities.COMMAND?
see what kind of underwear you are wearing
>>842836>>842835Hey guys, can I join ur party?
>>842842You look down and find you are wearing Large, bright orange Fruit-Of-The-Loom boxers.COMMAND?
>>842846blind blacksmith with garishly bright boxers
>>842844You attempt to eat the blacksmith.His face tastes salty, but the est of him is too large to fit in your mouth.You begin to choke on his beard.COMMAND?
>>842849spit out beard
>>842847Magical Blacksmith is already blinded.COMMAND?
>>842849I slice the rest of his body parts with my fork and knife
>>842852You spit out the beard.From the beard comes a One Fish.He requests you find the legendary Two Fish, the Mystical Red Fish, and the amazing Blue Fish for a signle fish wish.COMMAND?
>>842858You attempt to cut up Magical Blacksmith.His skin is made of Dragonforce, and breaks your fork and knife.COMMAND?
>>842861You eat the One Fish.It tasted fishy.COMMAND?
>>842864Use Children of Bodom on Blacksmith
>>842864I decide to look for something else to eat.Goad Player 1 (Person who ate fish) into joining me.
>>842868You attempt to eat the Dragonforce.It does not suit your metallic tastes, as it tastes of tapping and fail.>>842869Children of Bodom stuns Blacksmith.COMMAND?
>>842873eat Player 3
>>842875Use yo-yo on blacksmith.
>>842876OH NO YOU DIDN'TI roll for Devour Resistance!
>>842882I roll for maw circumference
>>842872You belch loudly.It tastes fishy.>>842873You attempt to get Player One into looking for some more food.Player One has just belched.You are KO'd.>>842876Player One eats Player Three.Player Three was infected with the Syphilis Virus.You have Syphilis.COMMAND?
>>842886throw up player 3
>>842886FUCK THIS GAME SUCKSI QUIT GOD DAMN IT
>>842879The yo-yo bounces harmlessly off of the Blacksmith's Dragonforce.He looks slightly aroused.>>842882You roll a 20.Too bad this isn't a dice game.>>842885Your maw is 13 inches wide.COMMAND?
>>842897My mouth is HUEG!
>>842892Player Three is barfed up.He smeels lightly of Stomach Acids.>>842893Player Three quits.The corpse falls on the ground with a thud.COMMAND?
>>842903find cure for syphilis.
i am loling lots
>>842905You ask Blacksmith how to cure syphilis.He asks you throw the yo-yo at him again.COMMAND?
>>842908use penis on blacksmith
>>842910You begin to slap the blacksmith's left arm with your penis, now sticking out of your orange boxers.He appears displeased.COMMAND?
>>842912use penis on corpse
>>842914You begin to slap Player Three's corpse with your penis.Player Three's corpse is still warm to the touch.COMMAND?
As the official Backseat driver of this game, we will have a listing of the PCs:Player 1 : Specialty is Devouring; has a 13-inch mouth.Player 2 : Amalgam of anonymous doing whatever. Lack specialization, so is outshined by player 1.Player 3 : Some newfag who obviously does not know the game system. Quit shortly after joining.
>>842920I was the anonymous who sodomized the farmer's corpse
>>842920And the DM.DM appears unenthused.CONTINUE PLAYING Y/N
>>842924Hmmn, but you succeeded by eating stuff, so far.Your class would still be DEVOURER.
>>842917stick yo-yo in corpse's ass.give corpse to blacksmith
>>842935Hope you saved your game.
>>842932You attempt to jam the yo-yo into Player Three's rectum.The yo-yo fits snugly.You hand over the corpse to the Magical Blacksmith.The Blacksmith appears giddy, and shouts with glee.The Blacksmith takes out a rusty pipe from inside his vest.COMMAND?
>>842943Player Two becomes a full-fledged character.Player Two is a sexually inept wizard.IS THIS AWESOME Y/N
>>842950he's a 4channer with magic?
>>842946You take the pipe.It is lightweight and weak.The Blacksmith runs away with Player Three's Corpse and yo-yo.COMMAND?
>>842956I wanted to shove the pipe in his ass.
>>842953Yes.Player Two also has a mild case of ED.
>>842956use penis on Player 2
>>842958You cannot find Blacksmith again.You jam the pipe up Player Two's ass instead.Player two stands perfectly still and alert.COMMAND?
>>842962You wave your penis in front of Player Two.Player Two still stands alert, with a rusty pipe sticking out of his rectum.COMMAND?
>>842970Is player 2 standing erect
>>842971Player Two's member is half-erect.COMMAND?
oh god... my sides hurt.
>>842975put >>842977's sides in Player 2's ass.
Hay guiz, wats goin-OH JESUS CHRIST, WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT? WITH THE YO-YO, AND THE GUY, OH LORD
>>842982You jam NPC's sides into Player Two's rectum.Player Two clenches, but still stands firsm and still.COMMAND?>>842983Player Four has become a full-fledged character.Player Four is a slutty man-ninja.IS THIS AWESOME Y/N
>>842989Is player 2 erect
>>842990Player Two is fully erect and dribbling pre-ejaculate.COMMAND?
>>842992How many point's do I get for curing player 2 ED?
I quickly disappear and begin to fap at the sight of the blacksmith, throwing darts randomly at Player 1
>>842994You gain 7 EXP for curing Player Two's ED.However, Player Two's ED will return if items in rectum are removed, or remain in rectum too long.Anal Circumference deteriorates to larger size and must be replentished to a larger size every 3 days for 12 days by fitting in more items.COMMAND?
>>842999Player Four orgasms loudly and manages to hit Player one in the eye with a dart.>>843002Player One attempts to eat the dart, but it is lodged too far back into his eye socket to reach with his lips.COMMAND?
>>843002Coat darts in super glue
>>843007Player One walks North a pace.He falls into a hole full of dead Old Miner.COMMAND?
>>843009throw player 2 at player 4
>>843009Artificially insemenate blacksmith
>>843011Player four coats the dark in Player One's eye socket with superglue.Player One tears up quietly.>>843014Player One gets up from ditch, with dart in eye, and tosses the still alert Player Two at Player Four.Player Four loses three toes on his left foot and a pocketwatch.COMMAND?
>>843023put hand up corpses ass and use it as a puppet
>>843017Blacksmith is nowhere to be seen.Semen litters the forest floor.COMMAND?
Pickup pocketwatch and inspect miner corpse
>>843025Player one jams his hand up the Old Miner's corpses' rectum and attempts to pupeteer.He is adept at corpse pupeteering. +5 PUPETEERING SKILL.>>843028Pocketwatch picked up.It says 4:20. It is 1:20.Player Four inspects dead old miner corpse puppet.It appears to be a normal dead old miner corpse puppet.COMMAND?
>>843034>It appears to be a normal dead old miner corpse puppet with player 1's hand up its ass.fixed
>>843034use puppet to communicate with Player 4.
>>843038Player One notices something within the dead old miner's corpse's bowels. It appears to have a light suction effect upon his fingers.COMMAND?
>>843039>OHSHIT! Thats not a minor!I hope not, my hand is up his ass.
>>843040You turn the puppet to Player Four and make it mouth the words "OLIVE JUICE."COMMAND?
>>843034Adjust pocketwatch to read 6:06:06.00Begin summoning a Greater Daemon
>>843048You adjust the pocketwatch to read 6.06.06.00.Nothing happens.You attempt to summon Greater Daemon.You divide by zero.A black hole appears in the space where you divided by zero and begins to swallow up the world, beginning with Player Two.COMMAND?
>>843050Ninjastun Player One before daemon is devoured
>>843051eat black hole
>>843051Throw things into the void to see what happens, beginning with Player One's left peg leg
>>843050Player One attempts ot eat nonexistant demon.You begin to gnaw at the air, saying "OM NOM NOM.">>843052You ninjastun Player One.Player One releases his bowels onto the floor.The black hole becomes larger, and sucks up the dead old miner's corpse's puppet.COMMAND?
>>843053Player One attempts to eat black hole.Player one loses his face.Player one stares calmly at Player Four.>>843055Player Four throws Player One's peg leg into the black hole.The black hole swallows the peg leg.Player One falls over, crippled.The Black Hole becomes alrger and sucks up Player One's other leg.COMMAND?
>>843057Find one of my severed toes and write I LOVE HORSE COCK on Player One's forehead with his feces and my toe blood
oh christ... this is good. needs to be archived :'(
I forcefully remove things from my ass and use my ED to cause a time paradox.
>>843060I use the inverse property of division.multiply by zero.
>>843060Divide by zero again to open another Black Hole to devour the first one
>>843063Player Four finds a severed pinky toe.Player Four dips it in Player One's feces.Player Four writes "I LOVE HORSE COCK" on Player One's forehead.>>843065Player Two removes the object from his ass and gains ED status.Time Paradox: Another black hole is made.The black holes suck each other up and create a Pime Taradox. A larger black hole is formed.Player one loses his middle torso and upper arms.COMMAND?
>>843073I use the inverse property of division. multiplying my the same value will cancel the same divisions.
>>843067Player One multiplies by 0. Black Hole remains.>>843068Player Four divides by 0 again. A third black hole is formed and is promptly swallowed up by the large black hole.The black hole becomes larger.Player One's bust remains.COMMAND?
>>843078open portal and go through it
Find Physicist who can solve this quandary.
>>843081you can try using your penis on the black hole.
>>843079Player One is thinking with portals.Player One escapes the black holes.GLaDOS is not amused.PLAYER ONE 1ST PLACE.TWO PLACES REMAIN.Black hole become larger. 3 turns before it devours the world.
>>843083how many points do I get?
>>843081Player Four attempts to use skill: Physicist.World Effect: Religious Fanatacism cancels skill: Physicist.COMMAND?
Stick penis in Player Two's eye socket
>>843088That's player 2
>>843084Player One regenerates body back, but much diminished in size.Maw size reduced to 7 inches.>>843086Player One gains 23 EXP. Player One levels up!CONGRATULATIONS.Gained Item: Tubgirl Shield.Gained Skill: Nerd Rage.
>>843083Meganinjastun black holes
>>843095take a four-dimensional piss on Player 4.
>>843090*Player Two's skill canceled.>>843089Player Four jams his penis into Player Four's eye socket.Player Two's eye stings slightly.Player Four gains 6 EXP.
>>843088RELIGIOUS FANATICISM ALLOWS ME TO SOLVE THIS WITH PRAYER!ATTEMPT PRAYER!(To bread god)
>>843098Repeat with Player One's eye that doesn't have a dart in it
>>843095Player Four attempts to meganinjastun Black Hole.Black hole increases in mass slightly.>>843097Player One pisses out of nowhere onto Player Four's head.Player Four feels refreshed.Black Hole increases in size.COMMAND?
grow one of my eyes on Player 4's forehead.
Portal Player One into Black Hole
>>843105I feed the black hole F.A.T.A.L.
>>843102>>843099Player Four ninjadodges Player One's piss.Player Four no longer frefreshed.>>843101Prayer fails, God doesn't take heed.>>843102Player Four attempts so jam penis into Player One's eyesocket, but misses.Player Four stubles into portal.PLAYER FOUR TAKES 2ND PLACE.CONGRATULATIONS.ONE PLACE LEFT.Player Four gains 15 EXP.Player Four levels up!Player Four gains item: Anonymity mask.Player Four gains skill: Technical Mumbo-Jumbo.>>843106Player One attempts to grow an eye onto Player Fours head.Player One critically misses.
Can I play?
>>843113Don mask to disguise myself then use Technical Mumbo-Jumno to confuse Player Two
put hand up Player 4's ass and use him as a puppet.
>>843109Player Four portals Player One into black hole.Player One dies.>>843112Player One's F.A.T.A.L. leaks from his pocket into the black hole.Black Hole explodes.Black hole kills Player Two, Player Four.ALL CHARACTERS DEAD.END GAME Y/Y?RETRY GAME TOMORROW Y/Y?
In my eyesIndisposedIn disguiseAs no one knowsHides the faceLies the snakeThe sunIn my disgraceBoiling heatSummer stenchneath the blackThe sky looks deadCall my nameThrough the creamAnd Ill hear youScream againBlack hole sunWont you comeAnd wash away the rainBlack hole sunWont you comeWont you come
Good Game Everyone.I knew sexually-inept magician would be fuckhard to use.
>>843117Satan Joins Game.>>843119Player Two casts awesome from the grave.Player Two is now awesome.>>843121Player Four dons ghost mask and uses Techno Mumbo-Jumbo to confuse Player Two.Player Two confused, but still awesome.>>843122Player One shoves Player Four's dead rectum into his dead hand.Inside is cold.Player Four gains dead puppet status.THE END.
OK guys, I got nachos and gatorade tomorrow.You can all reroll when I return tomorrow night.
Aww! I didn't even get rape anyone!
>>843136Satan Rapes Players One, Two, Three, Four, Old Miner, Bridget, and Magical Blacksmith.IS THIS AWESOME Y/N
>>843139Shove other hand up Player 666's ass
moan and begin to masturbate
Ninjastun everyone, take their loot, run away to new guild, laughing about the whole thing
>>843148Player one uses Satan as ass-puppet.Satan gains puppet status.Player One feels thick, viscous liquid course down his leg.>>843152Satan begins to masturbate furiously, but has no demonseed left to expel.OK, goodnight Players. We return tomorrow night.LIVE LONG AND PROSPER? PERHAPS. LIVE FAT AND NECKBEARD? ASSURED.
>>843154Also, Player Four does this thing too.Night.