This shadowrun story is true, I'm the GM... Fuckin' loonies.

Post your greatest fails /tg/!

One time, someone metagamed.

Cyberpunk. The guy's character had just died so he rolled up a medic.

Only thing is, be put the ranks he thought he had put into biology into zoology. Making him a cyber-vet. Brilliant.

My last Shadowrun character died in a golf accident.

The gnome in my D&D party wanted to be cool and have two hand crosssbows.

He died in the first battle he came across due to lack of feats and ridiculously long reload times that provoked so many attacks of opportunity it was beyond belief.

>>749804

I'm either from the future, or I've heard this before...

>>751037
'Tis possible that I've posted it here once before and forgotten.

It is also possible that you know me IRL and I have told it to you, especially if your name is Cel.

>>751079
Not Cel.

But now I'm confounded... When the hell did I start lurking around /tg/?

>>749804

Should have brought a lot of attack dogs or something. That would have been awesome.

Deadlands, our Huckster and Mad Scientist had a brilliant idea to team up to make a huge distraction while the rest of us robbed a bank.

Huckster does some wacky magic, gets alot of attention, and all in all the guards are too busy watching the strange man with cards then to pay attention to us. Now, most sane groups would go "Hey, we did good, let's stop here and get to work" but noooooo not us. Our Mad Sci just HAD to use his new bomb, he rolls it into an abandoned looking home and blows it to flaming dust, at the same time making a skull of smoke seem to rise from the ash and let out a horrid wail.

Now the town isn't distracted, not they're PANICING. Of course, this puts the guards on high alert just when the gunslinger/Mavrick (me) got the safe open. So, the guards turn to get their guns and see us, two white men and an indian standing in the open vault. Now, again, sane groups would go "Shit, run" but noooo, not us. We went for the cash, trying to scoop all the money we could as the Indian let out 'tribal hoots', which was just him yelling in Cherokee (or whatever) to intemidate the guards.

Turns out, when the guards have good guns, they don't care about a shirtless injun screaming.

All in all, one near dead Indian, one dead mad scientist (a possie recognized him when he was scouting for more Ghostrock and killed him), and the rest of us very annoyed. Turns out the GM was nice, he said we got "just enough" cash to please our boss (all this was part of a deal we made to get some high powered weapons), so it was a blend of fail and win.

>>751089

Ever lurk on 7chan's /g/ board? Some of the stories from there have floated over to here.

Attempting to stealthily infiltrate an enemy stronghold in a sci-fi D20 campaign, while trying to move across a large field of rocky terrain being watched with guards and spotlights.

A spotlight passes near my position, and afraid I'll get spotted another character yells out really loudly.

And is immediately spotted by every-fucking thing. As a result nearly all the players get shot up and captured, leaving one or two players to do goddamn everything.

Cock

Setting: Modified d20 system running in a modified version of the world One Piece takes place in.

Situation: The party arrives on their boat on a snowy island and proceed to look around and they eventually find an "abandoned" castle so they decided to do what every heroic PC has ever done: Loot it. After several in game hours of searching the damn place and finding nothing of value, they eventually find a huge locked vault. They can't pick the lock so they blast their way through.

Well, this awakes the castles sole resident: A cranky old woman. She yells at them for making a racket but she tells them that they can loot the western and central wings of the castle but not the eastern wing (where she lives) or the armory (which they just busted open). She then tells them not to go in to eastern wing or else and then leaves. The captain goes along with it. However, three of the crew members decided they want to kill the old lady and take her stuff. They decided to bring a cannon along with them to shoot her with (one of them was actually strong enough to carry it himself).

NOTE: I should point out one thing at this juncture. The first is that the player playing the Captain talks to his second in command quietly for a sec and then hands me a note just after they enter the hallway. The note basically said they are going to wait 30 in game minutes, throw a maltov cocktail in as a distraction, and then charge in to their rescue (which they will probably need).higher range and damage) but a lighter shell (which can pierce wooden hulls but not armored ones).

//Continued//


So the three idiots proceed down the hallway until they eventually come across a small sign in the middle of the hallway that reads "Do Not Pass This Point or Else." They laugh and cut the sign down and proceed on. Then suddenly one of the players stops the others because he just succeed on his spot check and noticed a bunch of little holes in the ceiling and walls. He makes them all move to a safe spot where the holes aren't pointing and rolls one of the spare cannon balls down the hallway (to set off any traps). Unfortunately for them, unlike what they think, it ISN'T an arrow trap: It is a poison gas trap. They turn and try to book it back down the hallway and make it all of 10ft before they fail their fort saves and pass out.

Meanwhile, (well, 15 minutes later in game) the time limit is up and the captain proceeds with his plan. He throws the maltov in and.... BOOOM! The flammable poisonous gas detonates and throws him back on his ass with minor burns. The guys on the inside aren't so lucky and take massive burns from the explosion. At this point, I should remind the readers that they were carrying a cannon with them... A Loaded cannon which is in turn set off by the explosion. The cannon fails its fortitude save and explodes on the person carrying it taking him from 3 HP (of like 40 initally before the explosion) to about -20.

In this D&D game, all the PCs had learned that the scheming crazy gnome wizard character had been hiding an invisible dragon egg in his room and it was just hatching. Everyone was shitting their pants, especially my character and his butt-buddy. We were both fighters and members of the most closed-minded religion ever and wanted to kill the thing. The Gnome was like, "no, dude," and this noble human swashbuckler guy in our party (who was being NPCed by the DM due to his absence) was in my way and had drawn his gun and aimed it at me. He was telling my character to calm down, but he was like, "Fuck your shit, asshole," and moved to go passed him while swatting the gun out of his face. The DM thought it totally prudent to make a called shot to the heart and ended up critting. I took like 40 con damage and died instantly. My character's homosexual partner in battle shenanigans flew into a blind rage and chased the swashbuckler out of the building and eventually challenged him to a duel. My character's friend won and killed the swashbuckler.
Next session, Tommy (the guy playing the swashbuckler) comes back to learn his character killed my character and then got killed in a duel with my character's friend shortly after. He was pretty pissed needless to say.

I'm a castle guard, on high alert. Some asshats are trying to sneak in. So they toss a rock over to the side, and when I turn towards it they walk behind my back and into the castle.

Why is this fail?

BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING BEHOLDER.

>>749757

Had any luck using d20 system rules to make a 'd20Shadowrun' campaign? Just curious.

>>751120
>>The DM thought it totally prudent to make a /called shot/ to the heart and ended up critting.

See, theres your problem.

>>751134
Yeah, that was a pretty fail moment in cinematic history.

Come to think of it, that whole movie was.

>>751144
So was a Human Rogue using a longsword. And apparently they didn't get the memo that Elves=!Vulcans.

>>751156
He was a Rogue/Fighter.

I thought it was obvious.

Shadowrun always has the best fails. Here's one of mine:

We're tasked to break into a relatively low-level data centre and swipe some security. After the necessary legwork we manage to get the place's layout, a basic idea of security, and the staff on hand. And so we make our run.

It all goes well, relatively. No casualties on either side until we find ourselves dealing with the security mage. Now we have to make sure he doesn't go astral. Whoops, looks like we tried to knock him out a little /too/ strongly, and he's dead (we didn't want to do that).

Oh well, moving on. We disable the security system. We unlock the server room and get inside. Start downloading the data we need, which sets off one piece of security we didn't know about: an air elemental.

So what does the tank do? Shoot at it. The bullets pass through harmlessly, until they hit the other computers. Sparks fly, and then the /fire alarm/ goes off. Whoops, hadn't thought to shut that down. Suddenly, firetrucks are on their way. And so is Lone Star.

We make it back to our van, but the cops have already cordoned off the place. Fortunately, my mage, Carl (distinctive style: flamboyantly gay), is a Jedi-mind trick master, and despite bleeding profusely from exertion, he convinces the cops to let us out.

We make it to the corner before they change their mind and give chase. What followed was a chase through Seattle as we had to elude two cop cars (freezefoam, baby) and one security astral projection. That we made it out of /that/ alive is a miracle.

>>751207

d6es everywhere!

My group splint into a good game and an evil game, the plan being they'd eventually fight each other. However the evil side was backstabbing each other to the point that it didn't even make since.

The evil side was just called when the monk's flesh was melted off by the necromancer wizard, then he tried to rape a tavern wench anyway despite being just a skeleton with boots.

I'd never heard of anyone failing at being a mysogenistic neckbeard before then but there you go.

It was a Forgotten Realms campaign. Our group had found a path into the underdark, planning on leading a alliance of human armies against Menzoberranzan (they'd been attacking recently). We were lightly armed, expecting to take a glimpse, mark a path, and go. My Bard held the map and was drawing it as we went.

2 of my party had never been to the underdark before. In fact they were new to D&D in general.

My female halfling rouge walks down, out into a vast, black cavern dotted with paths absolutely everywhere, going for miles and miles, and shrieks "HELLLLOOOOO?!" Obviously it would have created a MASSIVE echo, so I stated it as such.

My whole party freezes in real life. My bard extinguishes the torch in a pool of water and absolutely runs for it. No one else knows the way out. My Paladin tries to light another torch, but it's utterly black.

Only the Bard made it out alive.

>>751296
Were you playing as everything?

Playin AD&D 1st ed. I was a barbarian who got XP bonuses for destroying magic items, rather than keeping them. I get fucked up by a evil cleric, so im down to about 20 hp out of 65. After knocking out the cleric, i proceed to break the cleric's staff over the cleric's body. Little did I know, it was a staff of striking w/ 15 charges left. I break the staff, and it blows up dealing about 70 damage to me and almost wiping out the entire party.
It was worth it to kill that damn cleric though.

>>751296
Were you bard, paladin, or rogue?

>>751296
Your bard, your paladin, your rogue? Playing the game by yourself are we?

>>751303
>>751325
>>751327
>Obviously it would have created a MASSIVE echo, so I stated it as such.
>I stated it as such

I assumed he was speaking as the DM.

>>751330
Playing as the DM, Paladin, Rogue, AND Bard... I think this is the most fail story so far.

Shadowrun: i was new to the game so i had the DM make a character for me, when i get it he randomly put ranks in Parachuting, so i ask him if my character could have a parachute too.

Long story short he gives it to me and we sneak inside a corprate skysraper to talk to the owner. Suddenly we are surrounded by lone stars and it comes to my turn. I see all the seasoned players on the ground with their hands behind their back but i ignore this. I turned around, and pulled my cord to release the parachute, hoping to distract the lonestarmen long enough for us to escape.

What really happened was i release my parachute and it falls softly to the floor in a pile right next to my feet, and i get shot to bits.

BEST FIRST GAME EVER

>>751352
Dumbass.

>>751352
lol

>>751352
Jump out the window, you fucktard!

I was once thrown into an industrial-sized shredder in Paranoia.

He suggested that I had tripped and fallen into it.

>>751378
and get shot mid-air. That's a GREAT idea sir!

This is War from D&D Retardation (http://wikichan.org/index.php/D%26D_Retardation). The group hasn't had too much fail, but the DM has. Just read the wikichan page. There's too much to explain.

>>751389
I take it you believe that opening a parachute in a building while surrounded is a better idea than attempting to bail.

>>751389
Lone Star security forces aren't good enough shots to shred your canopy before you hit the ground.

>>751134

It's sequel is superior simply for the fact that the elf chick teleports her arm into a stone pillar.

My Tau got outshot by orks due to a stompa. I had a million railguns, and a million ones to match them.