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File: europeandragon.jpg (142 KB, 640x440)
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142 KB JPG
Character Sheet: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jI0aGxA_2h3SAcPYri-1fdgskbK3IbtfEzSLJ7VY9gU/edit
(Going to be updated soon!)
Twitter: QuestingQM

You finally get back home, carried by Chrysoula... You must admit, tumbling a minotaur is rather hard work, and you head to bed with Elizabeth... Who's still gaining weight from her pregnancy. And there seems to be an adorable little minotaur doll... You hold onto it hugging as you get hugged by your wife...

It's actually kinda comfortable to sleep with it. Just uh... Only in private though.

You eventually wake back up... And you hear a knock at the door. You open it to see your chief servant.

"What?"

"Sir, there's a man here to see you."

"Who is it?"

"It's a Texan elf... His name is Sherman McColt. He's a mercenary looking for work."

"Hm..."

Actions

>Well... I should probably go see him, eh?
>Hire him instantly!
>...Well, tell him to wait...
>...Get a mutagen. No elves allowed... Just saying.
>Tell him I'll be out in a while, ok? I have some things to do.
>...Search him first of all. Unless you've already did.
>Write-in
>>
>>889782
>Well... I should probably go see him, eh?
>>
>>889782
>Hire him instantly!
>>
You decide to hire him... But also see him. What exactly are you going to hire him as?

>Just a guard in charge of protecting you!
>Maybe a second minister of defense?
>Fire your first minister and hire Sherman instead!
>Eh, you just want him around to train your troops.
>How about a new cabinet position? (Specify)
>Write-In
>>
>>889831
>Eh, you just want him around to train your troops.
>Also ask his opinion on experimental weapons.
>Give him the guns. All of them.
If there ever will be a special forces unit, this guy will be the squad leader.
>>
>>889831
>How about a new cabinet position? (Specify)

"Royal guard master and Drill-overseer."

I feel we should create a royal guard, like british red coats and if this guy is as good as he seems then this is a good use for him.

As to the second title, that just means he oversees the general design of the training of our troops. However the minister of defence and him must agree in order to change anything, except in the case of the royal guard.
>>
Waiting thirty minutes.
>>
You go to meet Sherman... You recognize him, but he doesn't recognize you...

Roll me a 1d20+4 for how well this goes.

Additional +3 if you can end thoughts about if your evil, cruel, etc. +2 if you can get him to recognize you.
>>
Rolled 18 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>889941
Obviously just shapeshift to elf. Pray like a motherfucker that Mikhail's mom isn't around, too.
>>
Rolled 11 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>889941
Personally I would give him the title of master of ordnance or something. Give him supervision over the weapons we use in our army. Also shapeshift into an Elf.
>>
18+6=24

Good Success

You shapeshift to an elf... And begin to talk to Sherman.

You hit it off fairly well, and organize a contract...

"So, twenty-thousand now?"

"Yep."

"I like it mister. You have a deal."

"Thanks... Now, of course, there's a few guards..."

You walk past a guard who says Pythos is being trained at a training camp and he'll be back in three or so months. You nod and continue to introduce Sherman to the guards... And the Yuan-Ti Lifeguards, who he'll command over.

You go back to relaxing, and watch the TV... Apparently some group called the Viet Cong in Vietnam is trying to break away or something, and some US Senator called McCarthy called your son a "closet fascist" and his supporters closet fascists or something. Oh.. And apparently there's a coup in Persia to take out the current Shah...

Man, there's a lot of news...

Actions

>...Just continue to watch the TV. There's a lot of events you don't know about happening...
>...Rebels in Vietnam? Wait... Isn't Vietnam... Isn't Vietnam vassals of France, who are vassals of you?
>You should take care of this McCarthy character for your son. It'll get you a few favors from him, at the least.
>Nah, do something else. Something... Sciency. With science.
>See local news in Sweden.
>Write-In
>>
>>890107
>...Rebels in Vietnam? Wait... Isn't Vietnam... Isn't Vietnam vassals of France, who are vassals of you?


Pop by and see the Iranian shah while we are at it. Seems he could use a hand...
>>
>>890107
>...Rebels in Vietnam? Wait... Isn't Vietnam... Isn't Vietnam vassals of France, who are vassals of you?
>You should take care of this McCarthy character for your son. It'll get you a few favors from him, at the least.
Por que no los dos?
We can cook up a plan to do both.
>>
>>890113
This
>>
You decide to investigate to see if your required to enter into this Vietnam thing...

Of course, it seems like since France is your vassal and Vietnam is it's vassal...
Basically, if you don't help them there's a good chance France hates you even more, and along with Reuviere. And it'll lower you prestige for letting a nation under you break away...

But they're just poorly armed and funded communist Viet Cong. It shouldn't be too much of a problem... Too bad you can't go into jungles that hot...

Actions

>Call Charlemagne and redirect him to Vietnam, Renexizia can take over Korea by herself.
>Send a division to VIetnam! (Imperial Division or Russian Division)
>Send a personal regiment to Vietnam.
>Send Renexizia to Vietnam?
>Nah... You'll decide this later.
>Fuck Vietnam, it's a piece of shit land anyways... Just let the French deal with it.
>Write-In
>>
>>890160
>Viet Cong
Send some dwarven soldiers.
Fuck the Viet Cong and their underground tunnels.
>>
>>890160
>Send a division to VIetnam! (Imperial Division or Russian Division)
>Send a personal regiment to Vietnam.
What the difference between a imperial and Russian division?
>>
>>890168
Imperial Division is Swedish soldiers, while Russian Divisions is basically the loyalist Russians... Who are actually numbered enough to count as an entire division. They're also led by George Zhukov.
Also they have about the same quality of your soldiers... Which is kind of saying something.
>>
>>890160
>Send a division to VIetnam! (Imperial Division or Russian Division)


Russian division, swedes are too valuable.
>>
>>890176
We should send Swedish troops to put down the viet cong. It'll boost relations better with France better then a Russian division would.
>>
>>890183
Why not both? More troops can't hurt our odds.
>>
>>890192
We should send some dwarven soldiers.
Burrowing will be invaluable.
Some Witchers would be good too.
>>
>>890192
Less Swedish troops would mean less prestige for Sweden. Russians taking all the glory doesn't sound too good.
>>
>>890215
The Russians are Swedish; they are our citizens not slaves, mercenaries or such. It is better to unite them under that banner of nationalism than separate them.
>>
>>890229
Oh yes.
We should probably also change the name of our empire.
We aren't a holy empire anymore
>>
>>890229
>The Russians are Swedish
Cyka blyat
>>
>>890239
The Russians are our citizens.
We should unite our empire and assimilate into one culture.
A superior latin culture.
>>
You decide to send both divisions...

How much are you sending in manpower? (This is split 50/50 between both divisions!)

>Send the trained soldiers. (One million will leave for Vietnam!)
>Limited conscripted soldiers will go. (Three million will leave for Vietnam.)
>All of your current conscripted soldiers will go... Leaving only the garrisons. (Seven million will leave for Vietnam!)
>See if you can get the Dwarves to help?
>Maybe the Chinese can help?
>Maybe you can get America to help?
>The British, why not? Your married to their Queen!
>Write-In
>>
>>890260
>See if you can get the Dwarves to help
>Send the trained soldiers. (One million will leave for Vietnam!)

Quality trumps quantity in this situation.
>>
>>890247
True. I was just poking fun of Russians being called Swedes. It's like calling Canadians Australians when they were under the British empire.

>>890260
>Send the trained soldiers. (One million will leave for Vietnam!)
I really want to see our military organization and amount of soldiers. Organize everything into stuff like divisions.
>>
>>890260
>Send the trained soldiers. (One million will leave for Vietnam!)

>Write-In
Get the nation's newspapers, TV and radio stations together for a press conference.

Start producing our combat drug and educating the sent troops as to it's effects. If they are willing to use it, they shall be separated (at the squad or such level, no breaking up of teams) into strike teams and such. The rest as well as those who have reached "safe maximum dosage" levels will perform patrols, base security and such.
>>
>>890297
We should also hand out the Witcher mutagen.
Enhanced senses and disease resistance can only be helpful.
While I still consider it unfinished it'll have to do.
>>
>>890306
You ever read the sci-fi story about the race obsessed with creating the perfect war machine, to defeat their inferior enemy? They lost, whilst they waited on wonder weapons their enemies took ground, by the time they had something "good enough" for them it was too late.


We must not fall to such folly. Happy is that nation which in times of peace thinks of war and happier still is that nation which in times of peace has prepared for war.
>>
>>890343
Oh I've that story. It's called real like and one faction called the Nazi did just this.
>>
>>890343
I acknowledge this.
Hence why I desire to release it now.
Even unfinished it gives us a necessary edge.
We can refine it later and hand out a superior version later.
For now the incomplete variant shall work.
>>
You decide to send the trained soldiers to Vietnam... You also decide to pop by Persia in a while... But you settle for watching the news some more.

Apparently German fell for the Holohoax joke, as apparently they're repaying Israeli for all the damage done during WW2... Fucking cuckolds...

Oh, and Elizabeth has apparently has allowed women to join the House of Lords, and some group called the IRA in Ireland have done a terrorist attack to gain the independence of Ireland... Oh, and apparently there was an ad for a COLORED TV.
Holy shit, you are so fucking getting that.

And finally, in world news, apparently the USA has learned how to put... Nukes. On submarines.

Fuck.

Well... Seems like Viktor is using his nuclear tech to full use.

Of course, now you should decide what to do about Persia...

Actions

>Try a military intervention?
>Offer the Shah of Persia refuge?
>Personally go to Persia.
>Offer soldiers the new mutagen... You know, the stronger human genome?
>See about raiding Persia with your mom?
>Write-In
>>
>>890365
>Offer the Shah of Persia refuge?
>Offer soldiers the new mutagen... You know, the stronger human genome?
>>
>>890367
This.
>>
>>890365
>Offer soldiers the new mutagen... You know, the stronger human genome?
Can we even survive in Persia?

Also how the hell did they get nuclear missiles already?
America didn't get to space yet right?
>>
>>890371
Nope but even if they did our advanced tech will allow us to surpass them. Even more so if we can get the patents on dragon steel.
>>
>>890371
Persia isn't that hostile of an environment. A good portion of it is mountains with big forests.
>>
>>890371
Right now it's short range, visible distance, not really "go into the atmosphere" ICBM.

Basically useless except for Allah Ackbar moments.
>>
We should make an H bomb.
We could do it.
Just finish our rocketry and make hydrogen isotopes.
>>
>>890405
Nope, we are going non-nuclear super power. Instead we will create a network of space stations with a large laser cannons, to destroy any form of space craft and to defend our interests.
>>
You decide to offer humans the chance to be better! Roll me a 1d20+2 for how many do this! Additional +2 for catchy slogans! Additional +2 if you can come up with a good name for the mutagen that is not Witcher!
>>
Rolled 14 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>890405
We could make non-nuclear super weapons. Instead of going into nuclear science from the ground up, improve on something like dragonfeul which is incredibly explosive. There's also no nuclear fallout.
>>
Rolled 19 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>890428
"R.E.M" - "Race Enhancement Mutagen"

"A better you, for a better world"
>>
Rolled 7 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>890428
>Go beyond normal humanity and evolve.
We could call the new humans the Enhanced?
Enhance mutagen?
It's really what it does.
>>890439
What about orbital rods?
>>
>>890478
Orbital weaponry like this and >>890423 do sound good considering they're more sci-if then just plain old nukes and don't have the radioactive effect. Although it might take some time since we haven't even launched a satellite like Sputnik
>>
>>890492
We have launched rockets high into the atmosphere so we have the potential.
We just need to calculate the necessary fuel and build the ship.

We'll also need computers for the satellites.

Also we could drop a orbital rod in a fault line in California (iirc there is one there) and utterly fuck it up.
>>
You decide to call it REM... And those who take it, the Enhanced.

It proves to be rather popular among the troops... Now of course, you send a letter to the Shah of Persia, saying he can take refuge in your realm.

You continue to work...
When you hear a knock at the door... It seems to be Lorriana, who's smiling quite satisfied from something.

Actions

>Go answer the door?
>...Oh boy oh boy, new science to play with!
>Tell her to go away, your in the middle of something.
>Write-In
>>
>>890492
We have steel five times as strong as an equivalent non-draconian alloy, far better computers, far better rocket fuel and such.


Assuming we get a critical roll, we will create something really good.
>>
>>890507
>...Oh boy oh boy, new science to play with!

>>890505
I'm just thinking about how we would build or get a space station in orbit. That just sounds like a arduous task.
>>
>>890507
>Go answer the door?
I don't like this for some reason.
She better not have bought the patent for dragon steel.
>>
>>890519
We're a genius.
We could just design a computer to calculate this shit for us.

The real problem would be money.
We also need wireless internet.
>>
>>890519
>>890525
Actually we could do it right now; what I am worried about is operational security, if we lose the documents then another nation gains a huge boon. God help us if the Americans get it.
>>
>>890525
But how would we actually construct the station itself.
>>
>>890552
The same way the ISS was built
Sending up the pieces one by one.
We also need to design space suits.
>>890551
Our security system is actually unbreakable.
Since I or some other anon rolled a crit designing it.
The only way they're getting in is if someone has the title and security string. Which we shouldn't give to anyone.
>>
>>890552
Quite easily; dragon steel frame (generates heat, holds it structural tight, etc), lead lining (keeps the radiation out), asbestos lining (keeps the heat in), our computers and such.


As to the life support stuff; carbon scrubbers are easy to make, oxygen creation is also quite simple yet we could just add a farm and call it a day as to atmospheric maintenance.
>>
>>890571
That is for our computers; we still have engineers, factories, scientists and such under us who know shit. Not to mention diagrams and blueprints.
>>
You go up to the door...

"What is it?"

"Well... Guess what?"

"...What?"

"You remember the crystal I was trying to refine?"

"Yes? The red ones?"

"Well... I found a way to use it as an energy source..."

After a rather complicated explanation of enriching and tuning the crystals... Apparently they can give off enough energy to power a house, just for a human-sized crystal... Though it may seem like a lot, the crystals grow quite fast, and if used give clean energy and produce no detectable pollutants besides smoke from the heat. Not to mention that she seems to regard this technology as rather cheap, and would in theory be the cheapest on the energy market, second to solar panels. The only problem is that the crystals require enough land, similar to a farm, to actually generate enough to power a large section of a city...

Actions

>Make her work on making energy weapons usable for the army!
>Ask her if there's any way to have a "ballistical shield" or something.
>Ask her what might happen if the crystal got loose?
>Make her work on something specific?
>Hug her tightly! She's done good!
>Write-In
>>
>>890588
Well we are still much faster.
We can quite literally outpace them in scientific discovery.
We also have knowledge of modern science which they do not.

And we should probably draft contracts that state handing over our scientific discoveries to other nations counts as treason.

As we gain more and more of the world committing treason becomes a larger offence
>>
>>890577
Dragon steel is expensive and time consuming af to produce. We need to find a way to streamline it.

>>890598
>Ask her if there's any way to have a "ballistical shield" or something.
Nice. I think this trumps nuclear energy in every way possible
>>
>>890598
>Ask her what might happen if the crystal got loose?
>Make her work on making energy weapons usable for the army!
And we can work on rail guns.


We could also develop multi level energy farms for the crystals
>>
"What would happen if the crystals got lose?"

She explains that losing a crystal would heavily hurt the environment, and cause high amounts of pollution and could be very dangerous in high population zones depending on where you dropped it.

"Huh... Try to come up with a ballistical shield, ok? Or laser weapons."

She nods her head and leaves... And you stretch. Today is a good day.
Hey... You wonder if Liz is hungry or not. Maybe you should check.

Roll me a 1d20+6 to see if she's pleased or not with food.
>>
Rolled 6 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>890637
Good thing we solved her murderous appetite.
>>
Rolled 9 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>890637
We need to check in on our blackguard now.
And look for that crystal.
>>
9+6=15

Minor Failure.

You go up, and see one of the slaves feeding your wife grapes.

"Hi Liz. Everything ok?"

"Yeah, a lot better since you gave me that mutagen... And I don't feel nearly as murderous. Just quite hungry."

"Oh. Well, I hope that's going good."

You begin to leave...

"Ren?"

"What?"

"...Do you not want to tumble me because I"m getting fat and pregnant? I mean, I'm sorry about the weight, but I can't really help it..." She seems a little hurt from your comment last night... Or the night before, you honestly forget.

Actions

>I just don't want to hurt the egg at all, Liz.
>...I'm just more mature, I guess. I have science to work on rather then wives to carouse with.
>Well... I mean, if you want, I could tumble you in my human form...
>...Listen, why don't we talk about this later?
>I didn't mean to offend you, sorry.
>I'll give you plenty of tumbles after your done being pregnant, ok?
>Sorry, but I don't like fat women.
>Well, I kinda didn't want to get my dick eaten.
>Write-in
>>
>>890665
>I just don't want to hurt the egg at all, Liz.
>I didn't mean to offend you, sorry.
>>
I just recalled that there is a flaw with laser weaponry iirc.
Something about blooming.
Meaning we can't maintain a directed laser blast once the energy goes past a certain concentration.
>>890665
>It's just that we tumbled while you were pregnant once and it sent you into labor. I'm just worried about the baby.
>I'll give you plenty of tumbles after your done being pregnant, ok?
>>
>>890679
We could make the lasers more powerful by having ultra strong lenses.
>>
>>890706
But that would be concentrating the power.
Basically if there's too much power focused in too small of an area it causes blooming and the energy loses focus and disperses into the air.
It gets worse with fog or dust in said air.
>>
>>890706
But the limit is one megajoule per cubic centimeter.
So I think(think being key here) that icpt can still kill people.
Not sure about ships
And it definitely won't do in a planet.
>>
>>890679
"I don't want to hurt the egg at all... And you were pregnant once and when I tumbled you, it sent you into labor... I'd rather not shatter the egg while it's growing."

"Oh. Sorry, sorry..."

"I didn't mean to offend you, but I'll give you plenty of tumbles once your done being pregnant, ok?"

"...How many times do we tumble per month? I need to do the math."

"About four or five times."

"...Well, you owe me fifteen tumbles by the time this is over. And I can all them on at any time, ok?"

"Sure, I guess. Means more wonderful ass of yours to caress..."

"Your ass is wonderful too, Ren."

"Aw, thanks."

"Yeah... Hey, could you bring me some food? I'm hungry."

Actions

>I'll cook some for you, Liz.
>...Actually, how about no about the fifteen tumbles when your done being pregnant?
>Fine, I guess...
>...Slap her ass?
>I have science to work on though...
>Hey... It's erh, nearly Christmas. I was wondering if you wanted anything.
>...You know Liz... I think we get along just too well.
>Why don't you eat the slave in front of you? I can get another one.
>Write-In
>>
>>890730
>I'll cook some for you, Liz.
>...Slap her ass?

So someone is asking Ren to tumble for a change
The last time I remember something like this was when we got raped iirc.
>>
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25 KB
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>>890717
>>890727
Shit man. This is getting too complicated.

>>890730
>Hey... It's erh, nearly Christmas. I was wondering if you wanted anything.
What are Liz's interests now? Its been a while since we've talked about that. Just that she's hungry and is a closet German.
>>
>>890750
Well for space fighters we can just use lasers for the smaller ships and use rail guns for fighting the big shit.

Same thing here.
(Also Sniper Rail guns wen)?
>>890730
OP how would White Death feel about us if we got him a tricked out rail gun sniper rifle?
>>
>>890763
Although space combat is probably distant, one tactic we could use is boarding. We have some of the most heavily armed and versatile troops in the shape of Dragotaurs and Half-Dragons respectively. We could capitalize on this and use it to great effect.
>>
>>890763
We should honestly try to make Simo Hayha immortal, or close to it.
>>
>>890947
I feel uncomfortable with the one guy that killed us immortal.
At least not until his loyalty is secured.
>>
>>890987
Well he's not a bad guy, so he won't try to kill us unless we fuck with him or his homeland.
>>
>>891006
Define 'fuck with'
I'd rather not taste exploding sniper rounds for breakfast because we decided to Latinize his homeland.

They do not make a good meal
>>
>>890947
>>890987
He's a Finnish sniper who killed us. It's best we just leave him alone to drink vodka all day while he hunts reindeer.
>>
>>891015
Can we make a mutagen to slowly take his sight?
Drug him and be done with it
>Inb4 he gets better when blind
>>
>>891014
Well, so long as we don't shit on Finland, we can trust him to simply tell us when we do something he doesn't like.
>>
>>891024
Personally I think launching a tactical nuke or chemical gas at his general area is a viable option in neutralizing him.
>>
>>891044
If we're lucky that just might work.
Thankfully I doubt he'd take any mutagen we make.
So no dragon sniper yet.
>>
>>891044
Only way to kill him is old age.
>>
>>891126
Just gotta wait until 2002 then. Although it could be earlier considering medical differences between this timeline and real life and that Queen Elizabeth II died like a year ago.
>>
>>891147
I just remembered.
We need to make a way to prevent us from impregnating Liz before she asks us to tumble her.
Something less wasteful then dragon sized condoms.
Mutagens are still an option
>>
I'm back, sorry for falling asleep anons.

>>890763
He'd be ok with it, but would rather raise his animals .

"Hey, don't worry Liz. I'll cook some for you."

You slap her ass and she laughs and blushes.

"Y-yeah. I erh, that'd be nice, Ren."

"Yeah..."

You however, have not quite to decide to leave her buttocks untouched, and you squeeze a little. Her mouth goes into an o-shape, and the slave on her belly begins to sweat nervously. Elizabeth then goes bright red.

"W-well...."

"So, want me to make dinner for you?"

"I-I erh... I ahm... Sure. That would be great Ren." She says, highly embarrased... You take your hand off of squeezing her adorable ass.

"Good. Oh, nearly forgot... It's nearly Christmas. I was wondering if you wanted anything,,,:"

"Well... Maybe if you could use your hands instead of slapping my erh.... Ass and tail, why don't you you get me some new clothes for my half-dragon form? I mean, my erh... My panties have had a rather ravenous dog take them off of me, set them on fire, and then you have them back to me."

"They weren't on fire..."

"Well, I distinctly remember the smell of burning panties."

"Hey, at least your not Chrysoula."

"Chrysoula? What about her?"

Actions

>She actually lacks a bra, and a lot of stuff. And I think she doesn't have panties, actually. Just saying.
>Conspire to teach Blondi how to steal bras. He's the only wingman you need.
>Well, technically she's about to get a bigger closet then you.
>Hug Elizabeth and ask if you can send slaves to do clothes shoping for her.
>I'll... I'll try my best.
>...If we're going back in, I fucking demand you give me some tumbles.
>Just sigh and leave. Nope out of here.
>...Do you want anything else, Liz?
>Write-In
>>
>>891616
>I don't want to go back to the gulag stalin.
I mean
>I don't want to go back to the clothing store Liz. Please... it's awful.
>She actually lacks a bra, and a lot of stuff. And I think she doesn't have panties, actually. Just saying.
>>
"...I don't wanna go to the gulag Stalin..."
You squeak out.

"What?"

"Nothing! I erh, I just meant that I didn't to go back..."

"Oh... I'd greatly appericate it. Besides, it's fun."

LIES OF HERESY THAT IS NOT FUCKING FUN AT ALL I JUST GOT TO STARE AT A MINOTAUR PUT ON CLOTHES HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

Calm down... We were fortunate to have such massive assets to guide our way.

He's right for once.

You shake out of your internalized despair. Liz shoves the entire bowl of grapes down, and tells the servant to leave, which he does so urgently. She lets out a burp which she covers with a napkin. and wipes her mouth off politely.

"But uh, Chrysoula lacks a bra.... Other stuff, and I suspect... I suspect she doesn't actually have panties."

"Scandalous... Not that I'm going to gossip about it... But there's something I could tell..."

"Please don't gossip about it."

"Well, I'd rather word not get out my husband condones women not wearing undergarments or bras. Would you care if I ask you about it?"

Actions

>Hey, I bought her a ton of bras. Which kind of fit, but not really because they're made for stiff and firm boobs!
>Only slight concern for making Chrysoula bigger. With bigger assets.
>...Seriously, please don't Liz. I don't want people to giggle when they see her.
>...Well, in my opinion there's nothing wrong with going commando. Maybe you should try it.
>Honestly, I think she's TRYING to go commando...
>Let's agree that either way, she looks great.
>...Just saying, your ass is the superior reptilian, scaly, and soft ass.
>I don't like it... Too degenerate in my opinion.
>...I fucking love it. Then again, I am a male.
>Write-In
>>
>>891616
>>She actually lacks a bra, and a lot of stuff. And I think she doesn't have panties, actually. Just saying.
Maybe read that book Chrysoula got us about Greek creatures.
>>
>>891676
>...Seriously, please don't Liz. I don't want people to giggle when they see her.
>I got her underclothes. They just don't really make any in her exact size. If they make any at all.
>...I fucking love it. Then again, I am a male.

We should try our Yuan ti form now.
Seems good a time as any
>>891678
It's a shame we can only get new forms by meeting new creatures in person.
>>
>>891696
We can always just go on another road trip to Greece. Maybe we could see how other species are treated and gain their support in taking over Greece.
>>
We should try to find Sergei Korolev, now that the Soviet Union is gone. Also we can try convince our son to give us Wernher von Braun. This will help with the space program. Also we should look into project orion which is a spacecraft propelled by nukes.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sergei_Korolev
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wernher_von_Braun
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Orion_(nuclear_propulsion)
>>
>>891713
>Uses any sort of propulsion for rockets.
At some distance it becomes useless(read anywhere past Pluto)
>>
"Please don't gossip about it. I don't want people to giggle. I did get her underclothes though... Just nothing in her exact size. But I fucking love it. Just saying."

She shakes her head.

"Ah, I knew you were my husband. I was here thinking you'd at least say "maybe get her some panties" but rather, I hear you say you like women without them." She shakes her head a little bit.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Well, I don't see why you like women like that. Next thing I know you'll invite a woman who smells like fish to sleep with us, or has a corny Chinese accent..."

"Really? I wouldn't do that.... And I'd give the woman who smells like fish a bath first."

"How unbarbaric of you. Why, I'd think you'd be British at this rate." She says, pretending to be impressed.

Actions

>Ah. Right... You know, I have caught you looking at Chrysoula's boobs... And staring for quite a bit... Do you like her "package" so to speak?|
>Pat Liz on the head?
>I'll go make you some food now, Liz.
>You know, just by saying that I'd think you'd be German from your temperment...
>Hey, I'm not saying you shouldn't wear a bra or panties... But I bet you'd look fucking hot.
>Just saying, I don't tumble Chrysoula often. I can't really afford the costs in property damage.
>How's that cure with Julius's vampirism coming along?
>Test your Yuan-Ti form?
>Write-In
>>
>>891744
>Test your Yuan-Ti form?
>You know, just by saying that I'd think you'd be German from your temperment...

Teasing the closet German.
>>
>>891744
>Pat Liz on the head?
>Test your Yuan-Ti form?
Aren't there different form of Yaun-Ti like some with legs and some without.
>>
>>891758
Yes. But most slither, and all of them have human-like bodies from the chest up at the least. Also, some can have more then two arms.

You pat Liz on the head...

"You know, I just think you'd be German from your temperment."'

"Oh sod off. I can't believe I married such a lout."

"Ah. Well, we're a family of stubby legs..."

"Why oh why was that ever a good idea in your mind?"

"It's adorable... Now... Watch this."

You shapeshift to your yuan-ti form... You have a snakelike body, with white scales, and four arms. Nice...

"Spooky?"

You slither into bed...

"I erh... That's a little strange, Ren."

"Come on. It feels fine."

"I erh... Right."

You kiss your wife, and find you have a rather snakelike tongue... Like that of a serpent.

"Ren? Just a question... Could you uh... Smooth over relations with the slaves for me?"

"Why?"

"They're.... They're angry at me for eating them. I didn't mean it... Well... Maybe some dark part of me... But if you could do that..."

Actions

>I got it.
>Say no more, Ren will help you with your slave problem.
>Who cares if they like you Liz?
>Honestly, you should just start whipping them at this point.
>Hey, Liz... Why do you not argue with Chrysoula but argue with Frankizka?
>Eat one or two, Liz, and force them to like you.
>Pat her on the head with FOUR of your arms. Ha!
>Write-In

You have also learned that you can do two attacks per round in your Yuan-Ti form.
>>
>>891805
>I got it.
>>
>>891805
>I got it.


>Two attacks per turn
Wew
Did we ever find out what our halfling form does?
I assume traps disarming and stealth.

Doesn't this mean we can wield two katanas?
>>
>>891816
Yes, yes it does.

"I got it. I'll look into it."

She kisses you.

"Thanks. I just don't want people to think I'm somesort of bloodthirsty monster who's hellbent on eating people, ok?"

You return her kiss.

"Yeah, don't worry... Anyways, I'll be back in a bit, ok?"

"Ren... Just wait a minute. I have two questions."

"What?"

"Well... I haven't really gone outside while I've been pregnant... So maybe the two of us should go to a restaurant to get some nice air? Also... Is there any way for me to be... Well... Mammalian again?"

"Mammalian? Why?"

"I just... Well, I find eggs growing in my womb to be... It's weird, ok? Also... It'd hurt a lot less."

"Hurt?"

"Well... About every day it gets bigger... And my body doesn't exactly grow with it... And for hell's sake, just feel my belly."

You press it... And it feels as hard as steel. That is one durable egg.

"Oh... That's uh..."

"Don't worry, don't worry. It's not going to cause my chest to explode or anything... It's just really painful while my body tries to adjust to it..."

"Oh... Well... I'll think about it."

"Right... I don't know for how much longer I'll be able to walk."

"You aren't that fat yet. You just look chunky."

"Ren... It feels like I'm carrying crates in my belly."

"Yeah... It probably doesn't help that it's going to be like this for five months."

"...That long?"

"Yep."

"Well... I erh... That's going to be a painful and long few months..."

"Yeah... So about that restaurant..."

Actions

>...Well, I think that'd be nice to get out of the house...
>Nah... Sorry. I have lots of work to do.
>...Why don't the two of us go raid a village in South America or something?
>I'd rather not have you go berserk and eat everyone's dinner, Liz.
>I don't know about moving you... What if you fall or something?
>Write-In
>>
>>891867
>I don't know about moving you... What if you fall or something?
Now we just design a new sword style based around that.
>>
>>891867
>...Well, I think that'd be nice to get out of the house...
>Having an egg like that isn't so bad. Female Mammals have eggs too, just softer and they keep it inside of them.
>>
"I don't know about moving you. What if you fall or something?"

"Ren... It's as hard as a fucking rock. I think I'll be fine."

"...Well... Maybe. But having a egg like that isn't so bad. Female mammals have eggs too. Just softer and they keep it inside of them."

"Ren, unless you were female and had a giant egg growing in you... Which not only impeded your movements, but moving wrong hurt like hell, you'd want to be mammalian..."

"Males have kidney stones."

"...I know, but I don't think that's really as bad as what I'm going through..."

"Well, it's comparable."

"Have you ever had one?"

"...No. I mean, I could take a piss in other forms, and goodbye kidney stone..."

"...I want to get out of the house before I'm unable to, ok?"

Actions

>Fine, fine... We'll get out of the house.
>I'm not worried about the egg falling. I'm worried about you falling.
>Please stay home...
>Can we take someone with us?
>Liz... Kidney stones are worse, and we get them far more often.
>...I'm sorry that you have to go through this, Liz.
>Just don't drink any alcohol, ok?
>Well, if our child's egg is this strong, think about how strong our child will be.
>...And to think, we have sex so much that pregnancy is actually a common thing.
>Write-In
>>
>>891894
>Fine, fine... We'll get out of the house.
>...I'm sorry that you have to go through this, Liz.
>Well, if our child's egg is this strong, think about how strong our child will be.
So how much longer in game is Liz going to be pregnant? For like another bajillion threads or what.
>>
>>891911
For a while, until anons decide to go back to civ mode.

But since your in tech grinding mode, it'll be quite a while.

So maybe three threads or five depending on what happens. Maybe even two.

"Fine, fine. We'll get out of the house. I'm sorry you have to go through this though."

"Don't worry Ren... I can handle it."

"Yeah. Well, if our child's egg is this strong, think about how strong our kid will be. Anyways... I should make you some food, eh?"

She happily smiles.

"That'd be nice. Thank you, Ren."

You go and begin to make some food for your wife...

HEY, IT'S ME. KHORNE.

Oh, hey. What did you want?

JUST COMING AROUND TO SAY THAT SLAANESH IS BUSY AND DISTRACTED. SO YOU CAN COME TO THE COOL DIMENSION.

Really? Cool.

YEAH. ALSO, MY SECRETARY IS OFF WORK IN CASE YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER. SHE'S KILLING NURGLITES RIGHT NOW.

Cool, cool.

Actions

>Thanks for the heads up, Khorne.
>I'll see you later, ok?
>...I don't think I'll be back for a while. I'm kind of busy.
>How's Constaniza doing? And the shield maiden, Raghilda?
>Anything interesting happening there?
>How's my brother? Is he still pissed at me?
>Write-In
>>
>>891956
>...I don't think I'll be back for a while. I'm kind of busy.
>I'll see you later, ok?
What are some stuff we can do that counts as Civ mode?
>>
>>891963
Occasionally I'll do a "take direct control" thing that moves time by months and allows for better control over your nation.

I don't think I'll be back for a while. I'm kind of busy. I'll see you later, ok?

YEAH, SEE YOU. AND REMEMBER, A FIELD DEDICATED TO ME WOULD BE NICE.

He hangs up, and you bring your wife a large meal... She tears into it and eats it quite fast, giving you a kiss afterwards.

You leave... Man, you can wait to do science...
That's when you run into your dad.
Who hugs you.

"Thank you, thank you so much son."

"Oh, hey dad."

"I owe you one... She erh... She went a little crazy."

"Who, mom?"

"...She spent nearly half a million last night, just trying to get clothes..."

"Oh... Yeah, I saw you."

"I saw you too, with your minotaur wife."

"Yeah..."

"...I don't know who invented those damned department stores. It's a sign of Ragnarok, I tell you... Anyways, son... I think you should stay away from her."

"Why?"

"She got you a lot of clothes for you to try on. And for me."

"Oh..."

"...And for my grandkids... And some clothes for your wives."

"Yeah. So Mom's kind of in mom mode?"

"Yeah... Also... I erh, I found this book in her room."

He hands you a Lord of the Ring book, and breaks the hug...

"Your mom told me to give it to you... And she's also apparently hoping you'll go raid with her."

"She seems to really want to do that."

"...Personally, I think she wants some company besides you and me. She's just itching for an excuse to say hi to us or go anywhere with us."

"Yeah..."

"Anyways... Unless you feel like becoming a dress up doll, stay away from your mom, alright?"

Actions

>Yeah, thanks for telling me Dad.
>I don't think it would be that bad.
>...Hey... Do you actually know any of my wives?
>...So why is mom so... Maternal abut me?
>Thanks for telling me.
>...Why does mom want slaves anyways?
>Can you give mom a timeframe for me?
>Write-in
>>
>>892036
>Yeah, thanks for telling me Dad.
Oh my god... this is triggering muh PTSD from my grandma. Such awful memories... *shutters*
>>
"Thanks for telling me dad."

"No problem... Just uh, she'll probably try and hunt you down later so you can try on clothes, ok?"

"Great..."

"It's your mother, son. Also, she had some slaves sew for her... Which I guess is her version of homemade shirts. They're decent, actually. Mostly tanktops... But there's a lot."

"Oh..."

"...Anyways, if your mom comes around, just remember what I told you."

You nod your head and leave...

Roll me a 1d20+6 to evade your mom. Additional +2 if you can think about what she'll do to you...
>>
Rolled 6 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>892075
Unimaginable things. Telling us to do stuff and do more stuff. Oh the horror!
>>
Rolled 7 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>892075
Also the clothes are all going to be in bad taste. There's no way she knows my style and what looks good on me.
>>
Allowing samefagging to avoid capture.

But anons, is getting captured by your loving mom such a bad thing? She might even read you a book or do things for you.
>>
Rolled 14 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>892086
Must build... Draconic empire.... must get shit done...
>>
14+8=22

Success!

You very nearly run into your mom, who seems to be searching for you. Why does everyone want to talk today? You have cool things you could be doing...

Fuck... And eventually she'll check the basement and find you there...

Goddamn it, there's no winning. Now, you need to think...

You head back to the basement to continue to work on the computer, trying to make that GAME you made less shit and more "oh hey this does things" besides move a cursor.

Roll me a 1d20+6, additional +3 if you can think on how to not get your mom to check the basement to find you.
>>
Rolled 15 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>892097
Free some slaves and have them act as bait. Karesteina will eat that right up.
>>
15+6=21

Success!

You release some slaves and tell them to fuck around your mom, and you begin to work on the computer... You make Ping way better, as there's a ball which reflects off the cursors.

Good enough.

Of course... You kinda look at the nazi computer... Maybe the Nazis have a good example of a clear, aryan game for the youth to play?

Actions

>Nah... Don't look. Their games are probably incompatible or something.
>...Fuck it, why not?
>Well, Claw was addicted to one of the games on the nazi computer. Download it onto a computer and send him a third computer with the game he liked so much...
>...Maybe you should get this Bismark guy down to see if your doing it right.
>Nah. Work on something else.
>Write-In
>>
>>892122
>Nah. Work on something else.
Try and design railguns.
>>
You have an idea... Railguns. Hm... But you need magnets...

Roll me a 1d20+6 to come up with concepts and theories about how to make a railgun!
+3 if you can continue to hide your position from your mom. Also, a +1 if you can come up with a dragony name for a railgun.
>>
Rolled 12 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>892132
A Drake cannon.
>>
Allowing samefagging.
>>
Rolled 16 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>892141
>>
Rolled 18 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>892132
>>
18+6=24

Good Success!

You have a few theories on how to make a Drake Cannon... But they're quite far-fetched... For example, you'd need to come up with an accelerator... And the design would need to avoid overheating...

Roll me a 1d20+6 to come up with what could possibly be a good accelerator for the Drake Cannon in order to speed up projectiles! Additional +5 if you can come up with an accelerator!
>>
Rolled 11 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>892171
>>
Allowing samefagging for ideas.
>>
Rolled 4 + 11 (1d20 + 11)

>>892179
I don't know a lot about science like this but here's an idea. Put in text dedicated to Jupiter or possibly another Roman god like Diana to help accelerate the the projectiles being fired.
>>
Rolled 15 + 11 (1d20 + 11)

>>892179
Text dedicated to Mars, God of war, so he may guide our shells as they head towards the enemy.
>>
15+6=21

Success!

You come up with a limited idea... Mostly some text and words just so the Roman Gods get a helping hand, But you think just using electricity might help... But how would you generate enough electricity going in a certain direction... And not to mention, a power source and a...

Jesus, this is going to be hard...

Well, hold on. What if, like a bullet there was an explosion to propel the metal? But that just makes it a gun... Unless there's some way you can speed it up... So explosion is out of there... Electricity it is. Maybe you can hook a capacitor up somehow...

Roll me a 1d20+6 for general progress and if you get past the idea stage finally... Also, a +3 if you want to describe how the Drake Cannon would potentially look...
>>
Rolled 14 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>892211
>>
File: IMG_1546.jpg (74 KB, 1336x590)
74 KB
74 KB JPG
Rolled 3 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>892211
It would our probably something like pic related. Ren could've seen it in the workshop for some sci-fi game.
>>
14+9=23

Success!

So... You have a very crude design. It sucks ass, practically, but could be very cool.

Mostly because in theory plasma build up would overheat the gun, either causing it to fucking explode, or melt in someone's hands. So that's great. Or the battery explodes. Which is fun. Because there's some heavy fucking acid in that.

In addition, if someone was to hold a handheld model... It would... Well, it would weigh like a motherfucker. And firing it has enough recoil that it could take off arms if not used carefully enough. And the batteries are just... Well, they're too shitty to actually use. You need bigger and better batteries to have a chance to use this beyond two shots.

This is only the handheld model... And the science is faulty behind it... So in theory it could just explode or fuck up somehow.

Actions

>...Try to take a gun and convert it to a railgun... This is the most likely to fail, but in theory could be used by troops, but be the least effective.
>Make a handheld Drake Cannon. This version is the likely to fail and will only be available as heavy equipment to big troops, like half-dragons and dragotaurs. Or as a weapon emplacement.
>Make a static Drake Cannon on ships and potentially airplanes.
>...Make artillery Railguns. They're practically useless for doing anything on Earth... But hell, maybe you can make them fire into orbit? Like a... Nuclear Defense Weapon... In case nuclear rockets get made. This is the most expensive option, and likely to fail thanks to complications or budget difficulties.
>>
>>892249
>Make a static Drake Cannon on ships and potentially airplanes.
May as well design new ships to go with these railguns.
>>
I'm getting some sleep, sorry anons.
>>
>>892281
Night
>>
You decide to try and make static emplacements of the Drake Cannon on ships and airplanes.

Of course, you spend nearly an hour designing what the battery should even be, and after many explosions, you have a certain feeling that the blackguard should be back by now with that crystal...

This is when you get the idea that... Well, Gauss and Rail Guns are quite similar... And you decide to compare it for a while...

Thankfully due to your science books you've had your slaves copy down and into written word rather then "slightly singed" word, you find a rather interesting thing...

Mostly that Gauss would be far less expensive, and battery wise, much better since it isn't using electromagnetic fields to rely on actually propelling the bullet, while Gauss weaponry just use magnet technology turned on and off at the right times to force a bullet out of a gun...

So you decide to give hand-held advanced ballistics the "Gauss" tag, and heavier advanced ballistics the "Railgun" tag.

...Now what to fucking do?

>Maybe you should research Gauss firearms? They're far easier to begin with, and could be seriously cost-effective against heavy armor and tanks.
>Research laser firearms? Who needs recoil when you have LASER BEAMS?
>Research Railguns? The art of causing things to explode from debris will be yours! Muahaha!
>Write-In
>>
>>892472
>Maybe you should research Gauss firearms? They're far easier to begin with, and could be seriously cost-effective against heavy armor and tanks.
>>
Going to wait fifteen more minutes anons.
>>
You decide to look into the theory of Gauss weaponry... Starting with a small pistol. You can always scale it up.

Roll me a 1d20+6 to see if you can figure out a theory to make a working Gauss weapon...

Additional +2 if you could come up with a dragony name for a small Gauss weapon, like a pistol.
Also a +2 if you can continue to come up with idea to hide your position from your mom.
>>
Rolled 4 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>892566
Put a sign on the outside of the door saying "Please use the front door. Staff only past here."
>>
Rolled 7 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>892566
>>
Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>
17+8=25

Good Success!

You finally come up with a few theories for a Gauss gun... Hopefully your mom doesn't find you... But in order to make the Gauss gun a possibility, along with a Railgun, your going to need to do a lot of minor research and it'll take a few months...

After a while, you yawn and leave your laboratory... What to do, what to do... Your way too exhausted mentally to work on science today.

Actions

>Go and find your mom? Get the clothes part over with...
>Maybe say hi to one of your wives?
>Find that crystal! You don't want crystals growing below Stockholm!
>You know, you should take direct control... It'll be worth it in the long run.
>See one of your kids?
>Visit the university?
>Write-in
>>
>>892625
>Find that crystal! You don't want crystals growing below Stockholm!


We are not dealing with crystal monsters right now.
>>
>>892625
>Find that crystal! You don't want crystals growing below Stockholm!

Although can we have an update regarding Korea real quick. Like how much of it do we control and other reports the might be important.
>>
>>892628
This.
>>
Renexizia and Charlemagne are just about to arrive in Korea, and a few of your soldiers.

You decide to deal with the crystal underground in the sewers...

Actions

>Send your elven blackguard to find it, the one you resurrected and don't like!
>Go personally!
>Send a personal regiment to find it
>Send a wife!
>Maybe just tell the sewer maintenance to keep an eye out for a red crystal.
>...It might of gone out to the ocean... Maybe Lynea can help you?
>Write-In
>>
>>892638
>Go personally!
>Send a personal regiment to find it


We will handle extracting it, they are just there to cover ground and secure areas.
>>
>>892638
>Go personally!
>Send a personal regiment to find it
What exactly is the crystal and why are we looking for it. I wasn't here when stuff happened.
>>
>>892655
Long story short, we once performed terafoming in Siberia. It made draconian tiberium and we found it could be used as a source of power, to rival nuclear energy in output.

We did find out however it effects wildlife, grows by itself and therefore we could face a "crystal world" scenario if it is not contained properly. If we fail here, then this region will slowly become infested and spread.

Killing the infected wouldn't help much either, the crystalline growths may still spread from their corpses and cause new sites to start.
>>
>>892655
It's red tiberium.
Highly toxic and it grows.
>>
You decide to go personally and you send the First Draconic Corps.

Roll me a 1d20 to see if you find it. Only first roll accepted.
>>
Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>892673
At least if we fail the crystals will look cool.
>>
>>892676
We will however lose a city and probably have to ask our son to nuke it.
>>
Rolled 6 (1d20)

Border Check anon, roll me a 1d20 and I'll roll you a 1d20. Only first roll accepted.
>>
Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>892683
Hopefully we don't fuck this up
>>
6 vs 11

Success!

You find the crystal drifting down a sewer pipe, and you hear water falling towards the direction the crystal is going as you explore... It seems to be draining out to the sea... Which means...

Shit, you need to get that crystal before it drains out into the sea!
Why is Agility your dumpstat?
WHY!?

Roll me a 1d20-4 to try and grab it! Additional +1 if you can regret making Agility your dumpstat.
>>
Rolled 1 - 4 (1d20 - 4)

>>892697
I never intended for it to be the dump stat, it just kinda happened and I rolled with that fact.
>>
>>892716
WHHHYY!


I would like to apologise to the people of earth, to the dice gods and to everyone else. I think I fucked up...


Barbaric? Pls?
>>
Barbaric?

>Yes!
>No!
>>
>>892722
>Yes!
>>
Roll me a 1d20 for barbarically getting a crystal.
>>
Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>892744
>>
Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>892744
>>
15

Borderline Failure!

You lunge out to grab the crystal, but fall in the sewage. You crawl desperately to get the crystal....

Roll me a 1d20 and only first roll taken.
>>
Bumping.
>>
Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>892916
>15 is fail
Hoo boy, we're screwed.
>>
Minor Success!

You grab the crystal from the sewage, and begin to get up... Wow, that was a close one. And you need a bath. You recall your men back to the palace... You smell like feces, great.
Sewers suck, long story short.

You get out of the sewers and head back home to take a bath...

Roll me a 1d20+5 to avoid your mom to prevent you from losing time and forced to delay your world conquest!
>>
Rolled 12 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>893114
>>
Rolled 7 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>893114
>18 is minor success

Holy shit, QM!
>>
>>893128

Allowing a samefag.
>>
>>893128
To be fair, we are very, very low agility. I mean we have to get better at it levels of low.
>>
Rolled 7 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>893114
>>
12+5=17

Minor Success!

You evade your mother, and get back home... Of course, there's this stinking smell about you... Putrid, smelly...
God, fuck sewers.


>Take a bath.
>Take a bath with someone?
>Nah. That's just the smell of hard work. Go do more work!
>Write-In

I'll be back in two or so hours anons, sorry.
>>
>>893227
>Take a bath.
>>
>>893227
>Take a bath.
>>893163
It's because of large mutations among other things and it doesn't help we have stubby dwarf legs.
>>
>>893227
>Take a bath.

>>893418
I think the stubby legs gave us -1 agility.
>>
>>893482
It in fact did.
Part of the reason I want it undone.
We really need to train our agility with stretches and running an shit.
And not having stubby legs
>>
>>893495
Well it was a unstable mutagen, maybe even ultra-unstable iirc, I think we're relatively lucky. The only issue was Ren's reaction since bad agility is nothing new to us.
>>
>>893522
Yeah but it reminds me that dodging is something we can't do.
It doesn't hurt to shore up a weakness.
Maybe make it not a minus.
>>
You take a bath by your lonesome... And decide to just relax. Comfy, not having anything to do, research... Work on. Rescue people...

You hear a knock on the door.

"Hey... Ren?"

It seems to be Chrysoula.

"What? I'm in the middle of a bath."

"Oh, sorry, sorry. I just wanted to apologize for last night... How I kind of tumbled you in public. I didn't really know that other people were out there. Also, sorry about breaking your car..." She says rather shyly...

Actions

>It's fine, Chrysoula.
>Seriously? I don't really care where we tumble at, Chrysoula.
>I love you too, Chrysoula.
>...I'm in the middle of something. Can we talk later?
>Hey uh... Is my mom still looking for me?
>Get in here, and maybe we can talk about apologizies.
>Write-In
>>
>>894147
>Seriously? I don't really care where we tumble at, Chrysoula.
>I love you too, Chrysoula.
>>
>>894147
>Seriously? I don't really care where we tumble at, Chrysoula.
>I love you too, Chrysoula.
Once we finish computers we have access to automated systems and can atomize industries
>>
>>894255
I hope you mean automate, as I must insist we don't nuke our factories if you really do mean atomise. It is bad for the economy I am told...
>>
>>894301
I mean automate.
We should also take up stretching and swimming.
To make our agility less shit.
We should also spend time with our mother.
As much as I hate to say she's feeling lonely currently.(, reminder that a servant conveniently disappeared not too long ago)
>>
>>894314
Oh most certainly, do you think we could get the navy to sail us and our wives / some of our family over to Cuba for a "holiday"? Or would we be better off just going ourselves...
>>
>>894404
I think it should just be us and our mother.
If only we could do that white fire trick again.

What are the odds of us finding more nukes to eat?
We could cure our stubby legs in one go.
>>
"Seriously? I don't really care where we tumble at, Chrysoula."

"Oh... Well... I erh, ok. I just wanted to apologize to you, ok?"

"Yeah, it's fine. I love you too, Chrysoula."

"Yeah... Hey, mind if I ask why your taking a bath?"

"I fell in a sewer. Don't tell Liz, she won't remain twelve feet of me."

"Really? Why did you fall in a sewer?"

"Long story."

Hey uh... After this, can I spend some personal time with Chrysoula, please?

Really?

...Yeah. I haven't been with her for a while.

Actions

>I mean, if you want, sure.
>Could we get her in the bath with us? Just saying.
>Nah, I'm in the middle of something.
>Just avoid our mom, ok?
>Write-in
>>
>>895183
>I mean, if you want, sure.
We can use this time to rest mentally.
We could play a mental campaign of D&D
>>
>>895183
>I mean, if you want, sure.
>Just avoid our mom, ok?
>>
I mean, if you want, sure.

Great.

You decide to rest mentally...

So... Anyone up for the second edition of D&D?

Can we play a human only party? I think that would be fun.

You spend the next two hours talking and relax with Chrysoula once you get out of the bath, and Flames seems less tense and more relaxed...
Nice.

You also make a human barbarian and have quite a bit of fun...

Eventually, you regain control, and bid goodbye to Chrysoula... Today's been super active...

This is when you see your mother knocking on the door. She doesn't seem to notice you though...

"Ren? Can you answer the door? I have shirts you need to try on before tomorrow so I can take them back if they don't fit you... Did I mention I'll make you some cookies? Please?"

Actions

>Quickly, flee!
>Oh man, your mom's cookies are damned good... Fine, you'll go through that hell and open the door.
>Tell her to go away!
>Can you do anything better mom?
>Well, you were planning to raid with your mom soon... Why not go with her?
>Get a wife to tell her to go away!
>Write-in
>>
>>895276
>Oh man, your mom's cookies are damned good... Fine, you'll go through that hell and open the door.
Normally I hate trying on clothes.
Only for best mom.
Only reason I'm okay with this.
>>
>>895276
>Oh man, your mom's cookies are damned good... Fine, you'll go through that hell and open the door.
We may as well get it over with.
>>
You sigh. You know what has to be done.

You go up to the door and open it.

"Ren? Thank you." She says, as she enters...

"Let's get this over with, mom."

"Right, I know how much you boys hate trying on clothes. I erh... I got a lot though. I even had some slaves sew you a few shirts and sweaters for all your different forms..."

You go with her, and try on shirts, pants, shoes... You name it. It's torture, but she rewards you with cookies, hugs, and chocolate milk for doing this.
God, please end this.

"...Are we done yet?"

"Sorry... But there's some clothes I got for your kobold form. Could you try them on, please?"

"Fine."

You shift to your kobold form, which gives your mom a smile as she puts sweaters on you, all while holding you up and hugging you.

...So uh, how's everything? Everything up to par, Ren? Was it worth it?

Actions

>...I regret nothing.
>...I guess...
>...I'm just happy this is coming to an end.
>I can't feel my legs. Is that normal?
>...Mom better fucking love me after this....
>At times like this, I remember why I don't want to be a child.
>We need a body double of us so this doesn't happen to me.
>Write-In
>>
>>895327
>Worth it. For best mom
>>
>>895327
>...I guess...
>At times like this, I remember why I don't want to be a child.
>>
I guess... I can remember why I don't want to be a child now.

After a few hours of this, it's nearly midnight, and your mom picks you up as you nearly fall asleep standing up.

"Aw, well... We got through most of them. I'll just take the ones we didn't get to back."

"Huh? Yeah..." You yawn, and your mom smiles and pats you on the head.

"You however, need to get to bed. If you want, I could read a book to you, my brave little drake..."

She hugs you tightly and pats you on the head.

"...Is dad here?"

"He's getting a TV from Hansodr, so he's not coming back for two more days."

"Oh."

She kisses you on the cheek...

"Anyways, what's my little hatchling doing in his spare time anyways?"

"Well... Lots of science, actually. For my global conquest."

"Aw. Nice to see your like your father. I was... Well, never really had a mind for science."

"Really?"

"Yes... Maybe your father had a love for it. I don't really know... But anyways, you need to get to bed, ok?"

Actions

>I mean... I can just drink some coffee and I'll be awake.
>Shift out of your kobold form.
>...Well... Why don't you read Lord of the Rings for me? Please?
>I go to bed when I want to.
>...I'll just go to bed now.
>...Can you read me a book in my bed, rather then yours?
>...Why do you act like such a human mom...
>Write-In
>>
>>895388
>...Well... Why don't you read Lord of the Rings for me? Please?
Her maternal instincts are stronk.
>>
"Why don't you read me Lord of the Rings for me, please?"

She smiles. She apparently wanted that answer. And hugs you even tighter.

"Come on, let's go get that book. Now, where is it?"

"Oh, it's right by my bed."

"Great."

She carries you and goes to find it... So she decides to do some small talk.

"You know Ren, being a parent is quite fun, and a nice change of pace... Just erh, saying."

"I bet, mom."

"Yeah. Oh... By the way... I think in a month I'll have to get back to my world."

"...Really?"

She seems slightly sad.

"Well, if you want you could come with me. But I have work to do, sweetie. Also, who's going to take care of my slaves? Kobolds? I bet as we speak the slaves aren't even being whipped..." She tisks slightly...

"Why do you whip your slaves anyways?"

"Well, they're lazy, indisciplined..." She shakes her head as she continues to talk, and the two of you exit out into the gardens.

"So, anyways Ren... Why don't you whip your slaves? It would better motivate them. No offense, but some of your slaves don't even know their place as fodder..."

Actions

>I erh... Well, my wives would hate it.
>I try to be moral mom.
>Hey, mom? Why do you only have one husband?
>If you want, I could do it.
>Just curious, what's your view of humanity?
>I just don't like the idea of whipping people.
>I'd rather have people follow me out of love then fear, honestly.
>I'm just not that sort of person.
>I would, honestly...
>Write-In
>>
>>895461
>Just curious, what's your view of humanity?
>>
>>895461
>Just curious, what's your view of humanity?
Write-In
>Can you tell me a bit about our family history in your world?
>>
"Hey, mom? What's your view on humanity?"

"Me? Well, besides your father, I think humans make for good slaves..."

"Really? Just that?"

"Well, to be frank I have spent very little time at all interacting with humans. Mostly because I find them quite dull. Besides your father, of course."

"So you've never tried to talk to them?"

"Well, I mean, when I was younger and more optimistic, I tried. Then a mage... Let's just move on, ok? I prefer not thinking about the days I was made into a familiar."

"You were a familiar?"

"Please? Can we move on?"

"...Well, could you tell me a bit about our family history in your world? I'm curious."

"Hm... Well, I'll tell you tomorrow. I wouldn't know where to start, honestly."

"Oh..."

Actions

>...So you've never actually tried to get along with humans?
>Was it bad, being a familiar? Just curious.
>So a mage enslaved you?
>So you'd be ok with just enslaving every and all humans?
>You should try to give humans a second chance. There's some good people out there.
>Hey... So apparently in your dimension I might have a kid called Cortez. Would you mind if I traveled back with you in a month to find him?
>Just wait for mom to find the book?
>Well, not all humans are bad. I was raised among humans, personally.
>If you ruled the world mom, what would you do?
>Write-In
>>
>>895513
>You should try to give humans a second chance. There's some good people out there.
>>
>>895513
>So a mage enslaved you?

How does Ren know about his bastard son Cortez? I only remember him from NEQ.
>>
>>895558
We learned about it when we infiltrated a elven Dominion base.
>>
>>895561
Oh I remember now. Speaking of Elves we should probably do something about the ghettoes.
>>
"So a mage enslaved you?"

"Well... It wasn't even a full on, battlemage. It was just an apprentice of one..." She seems quite embarrassed...

"Really?"

"Right... Let's stop talking."

"Oh. Well... You should try to give humans a second chance."

"Why?"

Roll me a1d20+4 if you can argue for humanity and to at least get her to think about not enslaving them all, or tumbling them.

Additional +2 if you can argue why humans are cool. Or at least not as bad as she thinks they are.
>>
Rolled 1 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>895578
>Sparkman. He is a fucking badass that took a bullet from an elven sniper for my son Viktor. He saved your grandchild. You can't say all humans are bad after hearing that.

Reminder that Sparkman is a badass.
I wish we could hire him.
>>
>>895587
Welp
>>
Critical Failure!

"Well, there's Sparkman. He's a fucking badass that took a bullet from a elven sniper for my son Viktor. He saved your grandchild. You can't say all humans are bad after hearing that."

She seems FURIOUS, holding you so tightly you think your chest might just explode.

"A FUCKING PANSY ELF DARED TO ATTACK MY GRANDCHILD!? I WILL FUCKING BASH THEIR GODDAMNED SKULL IN AND I WILL PERSONALLY FEED THEIR CORPSE TO A FUCKIN' GOAT AND THEN USE THEIR BALLSACK AS A FUCKING PLUNGER FOR MY TOILET!" She says, as she reverts to a Scottish accent, and is red with anger. Man, sometimes being related to dwarves suck.

Oh shit, she is fucking enraged. And now you know where you got your anger from.

Roll me a 1d20+2 to calm down your mom about FUCKING ELVES.

Additional +2 if you can appeal to her inner dwarf sense about FUCKING ELVES. Additional +3 if you can argue that not all elves did this.
And a potential autosuccess if you pander to her maternal instincts to not get angry around her children.
>>
Rolled 9 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>895640
>Mother please your frightening me. Please stop.

It's time to pander.
>>
Rolled 6 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>895640
Mom, please don't be mad. I don't like it when one of my parents is mad.
>>
Allowing a samefag if you can pander shamelessly to stop your mom from hating elves.
>>
Rolled 13 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>895726
>Mother please I just wanted to hear a story. Stop yelling about elves. Also one of your grandchildren is a half elf.
>>
Hold up. IIRC Ren's great-grandfather was half-Dwarf. That means his grandparent is a quarter Dwarf, his mom 1/8th and himself 1/16th. Then all of his kids are 1/32nd Dwarf, even his half-elf son Mikhail. This is crazy.
>>
"Mom, your scaring me. I don't like it when one of my parents are mad... I just wanted you to tell me a story, not yelling about elves... B-besides, one of your kids are a half-elf."

She seems torn between rage, and motherly instinct. She settles on both.

"Fucking fine. I'll read you a story. Fucking treehuggers tryin' to kill me grandchildren... Good for nothing..."

By using tactics from Blondi and Renexizia, your mom begrudgingly gets a book... She's still rather pissed off, so you decide to maybe cheer her up.

Roll me a 1d20+4
Additional +3 if you can do anything adorable, and a +2 if you can make her think about better things then her grandchild nearly getting killed.
>>
Rolled 20 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>895761
>>
Rolled 19 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>895761
Try to hug her.
Bonus points if we nuzzle against her with our kobold snout(or however that would work)


Does she know Liz is pregnant with another one of her grandchildren?
We should tell her.
>>
>>895749
I think his granddad married a dwarf, right? So it's different.
I think.
I'm drink a bit of scotch right now, so I could be wrong.

Critical Success!

You hug her and nuzzle agianst her with your little snout.

Her heart positively melts, getting out of the gruff Scottish tone.

"Oh, Ren... I'm sorry about yelling. I'm just a little... Agitated." She settles into a nice, maternal tone, and hugs you, holding you close to her head.

"...You know my wife is pregnant, right?"

"Really? Good job Ren... I'm proud of you. And I'm sorry about getting angry around you, ok?" Your mom seems to be hiding the fact she's really happy at having another grandchild... Judging from her happy expression.

"Rweally?" You say, adorably. Her smile turns extra wide.

"Well, of course. I shouldn't get mad around you Ren... Now, why don't I read you a book?"

You cheer happily, and she takes you back.

"By Tiamat, I wish I had more children. If all of them were this cute..." She mutters. You smile happily.

"Mom?"

"What?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Ren. Say, why don't tomorrow I make up my anger to you?"

"How?"

She thinks a bit.

"Well... Would you like anything?"

Actions

>...Ice cream, please. It'd be nice to be with you more.
>...Why don't we just spend more time with each other? I mean, that'd be the greatest gift of all.
>You don't have to get me anything mom...
>Why don't you make more cookies please?
>Why don't we raid for slaves together?
>...Well... Maybe you could read a book with one of my wives?
>...Hey... Why don't you treat Richard like this?
>Flames, I think Dad is getting laid when he gets back. Hardcore style.
>Smile at your mom being so happy.
>You don't have to make me so much stuff mom, I know you care a lot about me.
>Why don't you get some clothes for my wives?
>Write-In
>>
>>895875
>Why don't you make more cookies please?
>Smile at your mom being so happy.

I know what we could give her.
We could design a printer then guve her the camera.

Then we can give her the pictures printed and a scrapbook.
I think she'd like that
>>
>>895875
>Why don't you tell stories about our family history?
Either way Mikhail is a Dwarf, Elf, Dragon and kind of Human mutt. Then the rest of our kids are also Human, Dragon and dwarf mutts.
>>
"Could you make cookies plwease?"

She smiles.

"...I was thinking... Why don't I make it quadruple butter and double chocalate chip?"

"Really?!"

"Well, I don't see why not. It might take a bit longer."

You hug your mom as hard as possible. Butter is fucking amazing. Chocolate is fucking amazing, your mom is fucking amazing period, full stop.

"Thanks... Why don't you also tell stories about our family history?"

"It's long... And I'm tired. But I'll gladly tell you them tomorrow, ok?"

"Great!"

Your mom carries you back, as some people look on, slightly confused. You eventually get back and she begins to read you the Lord of The Rings book... And makes you cookies.

Which are even better then last time, even though it's huge, about the size of a fist, just because she had to make it bigger to fit everything.
And you eventually pass out on her bed as you eat the giant cookie and listen to your mom. She hugs you tightly, gives you a kiss on your forehead, and lets you sleep in her bed. She goes out to the couch.

You eventually wake up in the morning, relaxed, happy, and cozy. And full.
Cookies tend to do that.

You get up off the bed, and see your mom snoring on the couch, covered up in a small blanket... The entire room still smells like chocolate, butter, and sugar. Your mom has a nice kindly smile on her face as she sleeps, and the dining table in the center of the room is messy with dough, chocolate, and butter...

Actions

>Kiss her to wake her up?
>Shapeshift.
>Waddle out. You have work to do...
>Clean up for your mom?
>...Just uh, climb up onto the couch, and get in her arms. Cuddling with your protective mom when?
>Leave a note for her?
>Write-In
>>
>>895933
>Clean up for your mom?
>Leave a note for her?
Saying we have things to do and thanking her for reading us a story
and that we love her cause she is best Mom
>>
>>895933
>Waddle out. You have work to do...
Maybe just rename the Empire really quick. We aren't really holy anymore.
>>
You clean up for your mom... And leave a note thanking her for reading you a story and being the best mom ever.

You also give her a kiss as you waddle out... And see a note on the door. Probably for you, since it goes up to your face-level.

If your reading this, I'm probably sleeping. Don't try to jump up and open the door, because you'll probably fall and hurt yourself, so instead just pull out a chair and do it, please.
Also, I put the remaining four cookies in a bag on the counter for your lunch, along with a apple juice box, and some cheese.
By the way, I heard that it may be raining, so before you go outside make sure to wear a raincoat, or at least one of my sweaters.
Finally, feel free to ask me at any time if you want to raid. I know how much you enjoy doing that, and I think it would be good for you to get out and see new people.
Love you!

-Karestina.


How sweet. You get the paper bag of your lunch... And you must admit, it's slightly heavier then you expected... Then you finally get up to the door, scoot out a chair, and open it. You could already reach it, but you guess your mom was just concerned about you. You also put on a sweater, and you go out to work. You also decide maybe you should rename the Empire...

Actions

>Keep it the way it is?
>...Take out the word holy. Just The Draconic Swedish Empire works fine.
>Take out Swedish... Put in Draconic Empire instead.
>How about the Byzantine Empire? You hold Constantinople and have a legitimiate claim to becoming the Byzantine Emperor.
>Rome is superior. Declare the Roman Empire...
>Use your inspiration and call yourself the Scandinavian Empire.
>Write-In
>>
>>895986
>Rome is superior. Declare the Roman Empire...

We do hold Rome iirc
>>
>>895986
>Rome is superior. Declare the Roman Empire...
Call it the Dragon or Draconic Roman Empire. In
Latin it would be Imperium Draconis.
>>
You decide to call your empire the Draconic Roman Empire, or the Imperium Draconis.
Hopefully the Kobolds don't get angry about the fact your calling yourself literally the next Rome.

Actually... Maybe you should make sure they don't get pissed at you for doing this.

Actions

>Nah. Let them suck on it.
>...Send the Legate a letter, explaining?
>Get them a gift for their Emperor? Yeah. That'll make them happy.
>Consult the Embassy''s legate?
>Change your mind about renaming the Empire?
>Write-In
>>
>>896082
>Get them a gift for their Emperor? Yeah. That'll make them happy.
A gilded statue of a kobold would do.
>>
>>896082
>Get them a gift for their Emperor? Yeah. That'll make them happy.
We do control the city and have classical temples in it so there's no reason for them to complain that much.
>>
You decide to get them a gift for their Emperor, Like a gilded statute. Hopefully they'll enjoy the gesture.

With that done... You find your chief servant is going up to you.

"Sir?"

"Yes?"

"The kobolds have erh... Completed their fortress."

"Oh, really? That was a short time."

"There's a uh... Well, it's kind of a little heavily armed."

"What do you mean, heavily armed?"

"Well... There's a lot of artillery in there. And anti-air. And traps."

"Really?"

"Two of the slaves were exploded this morning just visiting the fortress-embassy, sir.

"...Really? Damn."

"Also, the kobold's SAM sites are slightly... Easily triggered."

"Really?"

"Well, someone threw a frisbee, my lord... And then a rocket came over and destroyed it."

"...Huh. So even throwing things over it cause them to shoot at it."

"Yes, my lord."

"Well... Just tell me if they start doing anything concerning. And tell them to not lock onto my aircraft."

"Right, my lord. Also, there's been quite a few protests in Stockholm against intervening in Vietnam."

"Really?"

"The average person thinks it's just a war for your personal glory, sir."

Actions

>Well... I'll take care of the protests.
>Can you send the kobolds a bill for those two slaves?
>Who cares? They're going anyways!
>Well, time to address the nation then...
>...Let's reconsider this, actually...
>So NOW they're getting cold feet?
>You know, maybe we should try to figure out how well defended the Kobold fortress is. Could you tell Frankizka to try and spy on it?
>Write-In
>>
>>896145
>Can you send the kobolds a bill for those two slaves?
Even if we don't care about our slaves we kind of have to send a message that you can't blow up our people.
>Well, time to address the nation then...
>>
>>896150
This
>>
"Just send the kobolds a bill for those two slaves, ok?"

"Yes sir... I erh... How am I supposed to get a letter over there without exploding, though?"

"Get a slave to do it. Now... I should probably address the nation..."

Actions

>Broadcast a press conference on TV?
>Hold a speech?
>Order the protestors to be silenced by any means necessary.
>Just run propaganda ads.
>Don't do anything.
>Write-In
>>
>>896193
>Broadcast a press conference on TV?
>>
I'm getting some sleep, sorry anons.
>>
>>896193
>Broadcast a press conference on TV?
I don't like the heavily fortified position the kobolds built.
We should talk to them about that.
>>
You decide to broadcast a press conference in TV to encourage support for the war effort.

Roll me a 1d20+3 for how well this goes.
Additional +2 if you can give reasons why to intervene in Vietnam.
Additional +2 if you can reassure people this isn't about your glory and prestige.

And finally, a +1 if you can remind them their glorious overlord is a dragon, and what happened to the last guy who didn't do what you asked.
>>
Rolled 7 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>897535
>Many of you may be asking why I am intervening in Vietnam. The answer is simple. It is to follow through on a promise. To protect my vassals. Aid my subjects. And protect this empire. This is not about my glory. It is about OUR integrity as a nation. And whether or not we can follow through on our obligations and our promises. For if we cannot help our fellows. What are we worth. What is our value if our word means nothing? Are we just to sit back and watch as we let the insidious desire to ignore problems that aren't directly ours spread. How are we to defend this empire if we do not aid our fellows. So watch your fellows. And protect our empire. So we may take pride in ourselves. In our bravery, honesty, valor, and courage.
>>
Allowing one samefag.
>>
Rolled 13 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>897602
I'd rather we don't pull an America.
>>
Rolled 14 + 3 (1d20 + 3)

>>897535
>>
14+7=21

Success!

You give a long speech to the news, and hopefully it'll be good...

You spend the rest of the conference answering questions and sating the curiosity of a few reporters. Eventually they funnel out, and you head back home.

It seems that it was enough to quell protests, but there's still quite a bit of dissent against getting sent off to war from most citizens...

You head back home, and begin to take a nap on your couch.

Eventually, you wake up a few hours later, and hear the phone calling... You get up to answer it, groggily.

"Yes? Who is this?"

"Hey, it's Revenaris, dad."

"Oh. Hey, what's going on?"

"Erh, not much. I uh... I just wanted to ask you a question."

"Really? What have you been doing for the past few months?"

"Well... Mostly just managing the army. The Kaiser here is actually a pretty cool guy. Even if he's a little paranoid about you."

Actions

>That's good to hear, Reveanris.
>So, when are you taking over Germany?
>Personally, I don't like the guy. A little bit of a cuck.
>...So, that's all you've been doing? Sounds a little vague.
>You know your grandmom and granddad are here, right?
>So, have any love interests at all?
>...How's the art and painting thing going?
>Have a lair yet, Revenaris?
>You better not be turning human, over there. Sympathizing with the human Kaiser.
>So... I kind of changed religions again...
>Write-In
>>
>>897859
>...So, that's all you've been doing? Sounds a little vague.
>So, have any love interests at all?
>>
>>897859
>You know your grandmom and granddad are here, right?
>Have a lair yet, Revenaris?
>So, have any love interests at all?
>So what did you want to talk about?
>>
"So, that's all you've been doing? Sounds a little vague."

"Well... Yeah. I've mostly been working. Rarely painting, I guess."

"I see. So... Have a lair yet?"

"I do. It's not large enough to fit me in when I'm a dragon, but it's comfortable enough."

"I see..."

"Yeah, I have a great view of the German countryside. There's even a little German village next to me."

"How sweet."

"Yeah. Sometimes their kids come up to play with me. I mostly just let them play in my lair, I guess."

"...You let kids in your lair?"

"I don't see why not. I don't have any traps or anything."

"...You have paintings worth millions in there. What if someone steals them?"

"Well... I mean, I doubt kids would do that. Besides, I can always paint more."

Actions

>Revenaris, you should always guard your treasure to the maximium. I can't believe your even letting people you don't trust into your lair.
>Well, that's nice that you and the villagers get along.
>So you just let kids play in your lair? What if they break something?
>Mark my words, one day something valuable to you will be stolen...
>Would you care if I stopped by to see your lair?
>Ignore his optimism and continue to ask questions?
>...So, have anything in your lair besides paintings?
>Hey... How much gold do you have? I'm hoping it's a lot.
>Write-In
>>
>>897919
>Mark my words, one day something valuable to you will be stolen...
For ominous foreboding reasons
>Ignore his optimism and continue to ask questions?
He said he has questions for us.
What questions?
>>
>>897919
>Well, that's nice that you and the villagers get along.
>...So, have anything in your lair besides paintings?
>>
"Mark my words. One day something valuable from you will be stolen."

"Well, that's fine, I guess. I'll just paint something new, or just get a new thing."

He barely sounds like a dragon with that sort of talk...

"Well... That's nice that you and the villagers get along, I guess. Anything in your lair besides paintings?"

"...Well, not really. I have a carpet, but I'm pretty broke right now. Oh, wait... I have a couch, yeah."

"...Just that?"

"Well, digging this place costed me a lot of money..."

"Well... What did you want to task me anyways, Revenaris?"

"Oh, right... I was kind of curious... What would you do if you had erh... Two women you liked very much?"

"Oh..."

"I mean, yeah... I don't know if either of them would be alright with knowing there's competition..."

Actions

>Polygamy isn't for everyone, Revenaris.
>Just ask them, you won't know until you do.
>I erh, have to go. Sorry.
>Who are the two women?
>Just marry one, and see the other one as a mistress...
>Revenaris, neither of them are going to marry you if your lair looks sparse...
>Who's the new second woman?
>Well... Take my advice...
>Write-In
>>
>>897995
Didn't he mention liking an elf?
>Who's the new second woman?
>Well... Take my advice...
Give him advice in charisma and talking to women.
If he has our levels of charisma he can do it.
>>
>>898007
And by that I mean he can into polygamy as well.
>>
>>897995
>Who are the two women?
>>
"Well, who's the second woman?"

"Well... You see, it's this Orc, from Russia. Really tough on the outside. She even punched me once... But she's an absolute sweetheart on the inside."

"...An Orc?"

"Well, yeah. She's really into horseback riding, hunting, fishing... That sort of thing. She's also really clingy if you leave for a while."

"Who's the second? The elf lady?"

"You remember her. My elven tailor from Austria? She's sweet, and has a cute Swedish accent. She just doesn't like you very much, and she makes some damned nice food and clothes..."

Roll me a 1d20+3 to give him advice. Additional +3 if you can give him dragony courting advice. Additional +2 if you can give him race-specific advice for courting orcs and elves.
And a final +1 if you can encourage him to get more women.
>>
Rolled 12 + 3 (1d20 + 3)

>>898072
I'm not sure he should be dating an Orc. Greenskins have nasty underbites and dental health. He should just go for the Elf if anything.
>>
Rolled 11 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>898072
>Kidnappings work if you do it right. Trust me. Just kidnap them to some romantic setting you worked out a head of time and it'll do wonders. For Orcs don't be a fucking wimp. Their a tough race so be a tough man. Elves are fucking hippies so don't be too rough or forceful. Nature walks and shit help as well too. Now go get them. And maybe some more women like a nice half dragon too if you could.
>>
Allowing samefagging for exchange for dating advice.
>>
Rolled 7 + 3 (1d20 + 3)

>>898092
Get her pregnant. That way she'll be sure to marry you. It's kind of how we married Liz.
>>
Rolled 9 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>898092
>Do not take them back to your lair unless you plan to seal the deal. And remember to pay attention to their taste and tailor the date to the individual. See if you can get their friends to like you or else your life will just get harder.
>>
12+9=21

Minor Success!

"Well, kidnappings work if you do it right. Trust me. Just kidnap them to some romantic setting you worked out ahead of time and it'll do wonders. For Orcs though, don't be a fucking wimp. Be a tough man. Elves though are fucking hippies, so taking them out on nature walks and shit make them happy... Now get them. And maybe a nice half-dragon."

"Eh... Well... Got any more?"

"Get her pregnant?"

"What? That's a little blunt, dad."

"Come on. She'll be sure to marry you."

"...Anyways... I mean, thanks I guess for the advice."

You didn't do too much of a good job... But hopefully it's good enough.

"So, anything else?"

"Not really. How's Julius doing?"

"Good?"

"Yeah... That's good. Is he still being nerdy?"

"Oh yeah."

"...Yeah, maybe one day he can break out of his introverted shell."

"Yeah, that's something I'd use to describe him."

"Yeah. Anyways, I should be going instead of talking about my brother. I'll try kidnapping them. Hopefully that works."

Actions

>Yeah. I'll see you.
>...Hey, Flames? Maybe we should get Julius to get out more?
>You know, we should ask Julius about his lair or home. Just to see if it's up to our expectations.
>I'll see you later, Revenaris.
>Oh, shit. Nearly forgot to tell you that your grandparents are here if you want to see them.
>Yeah... See you, Revenaris.
>Write-in
>>
>>898176
>Oh, shit. Nearly forgot to tell you that your grandparents are here if you want to see them.
>>
>>898176
>I'll see you later, Revenaris.
Naval update time.
>>
"Oh, shit. Nearly forgot to tell you that your grandparents are here if you want to see them."

"Oh, sweet. I'll see them soon, you too, I guess."

"See you."

You hang up, and get off the couch. You see Maria walking down towards the couch, exhausted.

"Maria?"

She collapses on you.

"...Hi dad."

"...Why are you ontop of me?'

"...Grandmom held me against my will, trying on shirts... At least she made hot chocolate for me and cookies... Which I can't taste anymore..." She says, slightly disappointed.

"Could you get off me?"

"...Sounds like work, dad... Hey... Just wondering, could I drink some of your blood?"

"Maria, why?"

"I'm just thirsty, I guess. And I'm a vampire."

Actions

>Well, alright I guess.
>Can you drink from someone else?
>Only my wife can drain from me. Sorry.
>Hug Maria? She is your daughter.
>You know, we rarely talk. Why don't we talk a little?
>Write-In
>>
>>898204
>Well, alright I guess.
How hot is Korea?
Could we raid with our mother there?
>>
>>898204
>Well, alright I guess.
>>
>>898214
Honestly, I have no fucking idea because I know nothing about Korea. I'll just say it's moderate.

"Well, alright I guess."

Maria bites on your neck, and drinks quite a bit of your blood. Not as much as Frankizka, though.

"Thanks dad." She says, as she wipes some blood off of her mouth.

"Yeah, no problem... Ow."

"Sorry."

"It's fine... So uh, can you get of of me?'

She yawns.

"Yeah, sorry. Just tired."

She gets up, and you get up.

"Yeah... Anyways, dad?"

"What?"

"...Why does grandmom treat me and all of my siblings like they're four years old, and even you? But you treat us like we're older?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, it's just slightly confusing to me, I guess."

"How?"

"...I mean, grandmom seems really eager to spend time around me and my siblings. To be frank... You don't really seem like you want to."

Actions

>...That's just what mothers do, ok? And besides, how would you like it if I treated you like you weren't capable of making decisions?
>...You look grown up to me, I guess.
>To be fair, you do grow up really fast...
>Well, we're both really young in your grandmother's eyes. I'm not surprised honestly.
>I mean... It just would be kind of weird to treat fully aware people like children, I guess.
>I rule an empire the size of Europe. Of course I'm busy...
>I'm sorry I work so much, ok?
>...Is this about me not visiting you since you met the Serbian Emperor?
>Listen, I'm always eager to spend time around you, ok?
>You know what? I think we need to do a family night. Where the entire family just gets together.
>Write-In
>>
>>898277
>...That's just what mothers do, ok? And besides, how would you like it if I treated you like you weren't capable of making decisions?
>I enjoy spending time around you all okay? I am just really busy.
>>
>>898277
>Well, we're both really young in your grandmother's eyes. I'm not surprised honestly.
>I'm sorry I work so much, ok?

Just imagine what would happen if Ren's mom found Cortez and realized he was her grandkid.
>>
'Well, we're both really young in your grandmother's eyes. I'm not surprised honestly. But it's just what grandmothers do. And besides, how would you like it if I treated you like you weren't capable of making decisions?"

"...Well... I mean..."

You kiss her on the cheek.

"I'm sorry I work so much, ok? Besides, I didn't massacre nearly two-hundred elves to leave my daughter to rot."

She kisses you in return.

"Well, thanks. I just would like it if you could be with us all more, ok?"

Actions

>That's what they all say...
>Well, I mean, I try my best here...
>Maybe when I don't have to micromanage my empire every twenty seconds, I'll have time...
>...I'm sorry for not being very paternal, ok?
>God, it really makes you think why I have so many kids if most of them think I already don't spend enough time with them.
>...Well, you may have a sibling who'll steal the spotlight. Mostly because they'll be a kid for a couple of years, rather then a full-blown adult after two weeks.
>Write-In
>>
>>898340
>...I'm sorry for not being very paternal, ok?
>Maybe when I don't have to micromanage my empire every twenty seconds, I'll have time...

Being a monarch is hard work.
Now that we have a spymaster we can hire more spies and let frankizka micromanage them.
>>
>>898340
>Maybe when I don't have to micromanage my empire every twenty seconds, I'll have time...
>...I'm sorry for not being very paternal, ok?
>>
"I'm sorry for not being very maternal, ok? Maybe when I don't have to micromanage my empire every twenty seconds I'll have time."

"Alright, dad. I'll hold you to it."

You kiss her, and pat her on the head. You get up to leave...

What to do for today?

>Try to lower the concerns of the people regarding Vietnam?
>Maybe you should talk to the kobolds?
>Maybe you should talk to a wife?
>Talk to Frankizka, your spymaster/wife?
>Check with Charlemagne on how well invading Korea is going!
>You should probably appoint a general in charge of Vietnam...
>Write-In
>>
>>898494
>Maybe you should talk to the kobolds?
>>
>>898494
>Maybe you should talk to the kobolds?
After this doing stat gainz and changing some things military wise wouldn't hurt.
And legalizing the Roman salute if it's still banned.
>>
You decide to talk to the kobolds... You go and see that it looks like a traditional roman fort. Low walls, a large moat surrounding it... It seems rather c-

You very nearly step on a spear that extends from the ground, and a few nearby kobold Legionnaires giggle at your expense, almost like it was painfully obvious.

Fucking kobold traps...

A helpful legionary guides you through the maze of bizzare traps, though you do fuck up a few times and nearly got shot in the face, or impaled on a spike.
It's hard to believe they don't lose any men to traps...
Eventually you look around, in a safe zone, and see some light artillery put around. Mostly just mortars, some machine guns, murderholes, foxholes, tunnels, murderzones, judging from the careful angles and very jumpy machine gun positions (after being fired at for nearly a minute straight, the kobold legionary looked like it was a daily thing here, and to simply run once they run out of ammo), and a rather fancy looking fountain. Which probably is fucking boobytrapped, if the paranoid kobolds are anything to note. Miraculously, the Legionary says it's alright to touch, as that is the one thing not booby-trapped in the entire courtyard. But as you get through you eventually get to the main embassy. Which thankfully, isn't as booby-trapped. You pat the helpful legionary on the nose, and go inside...

You see the same clerk from before managing the office.

"Oh. Hi. Haven't had any visitors in a while. Do you have a meeting here?"

Actions

>I nearly got shot over fifty times! Why the fuck is there so many traps here?! This is a embassy for the love of Jupiter!
>I erh, came to see the legate.
>Oh fuck, don't tell me I have to come back later. I nearly lost my foot twice from landmines...
>How the fuck do you kobolds know where all these traps are?
>I need to see one of the support staff here. Either the guard captain or the centurion in charge of translation or whatever.
>Why the fuck do you have artillery here?
>So uh, who was that legionary that guided me here? That guy needs a medal. I think I just traversed twelve minefields, eight jumpy machine-gun positions, and who the fuck knows how many traps.
>WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL PARANOID!?
>So uh, how many people get hospitalized because of the traps?
>So uh, you guys really know how to make a guest feel at home. I feel not paranoid already.
>Write-In
>>
>>898603
>So uh, how many people get hospitalized because of the traps?
>I nearly got shot over fifty times! Why the fuck is there so many traps here?! This is a embassy for the love of Jupiter!
>Why the fuck do you have artillery here?
>>
>>898603
>I erh, came to see the legate.
Shapeshift into Kobold. That way we'll be less likely to be bamboozled by Kobold traps.
>>
"So uh, how many people get hospitalized because of the traps?"

"...No one?"

"Seriously?! How the fuck does no one get hurt by them?"

"Well, we don't. You humans do though. It's quite hilarious to watch, honestly. You should watch Rome's Funniest Home Traps. Always a knocker, those are."

"You find it comedic?!"

"Well, they're painfully obvious most of the time. Maybe you need glasses?"

"I don't need glasses!!"

"Hey, calm down. It was only a joke."

"I nearly got shot over fifty times! Why is there so many fucking traps?! This is a embassy for the love of Jupiter!"

"Well, of course it is. What, do you think we wouldn't booby-trap something that has plenty of valuables and valuable personnel?"

"But... Why the fuck do you have artillery here?!"

"They're technically legally recognized as Long Range Home Defense Devices, you know. I even have one at home for the kids."

Your jaw drops.

"...You... You let your kids play with MORTARS?!"

"Well, they only get smoke rounds. I don't give them HE rounds. Besides, they're mostly useless since we live in caverns, and command just wants to put them somewhere where they can do stuff besides sell them to civilians."

"...You sell mortars to civilians, who live underground.."

"Jealous, surfacer? Your people can only hold little baby firearms."

"...You remind me a lot of America."

He laughs.

"What's America? Sounds silly. Besides, what if my kids get trapped on the surface and gnomes rush them in a group or something? They'll need the knowledge on how to make a home-made mortar in order to defend themselves."

"But... Why would they be on the surface in the first place?"

"I said what if? I mean, there's tunnels going to the surface..."

"Wait, did you say... Gnomes?"

"Well, of course we did. They're our life-long enemy."

"I'm fucking done. You kobolds give mortars out to your kids, which would be COMPLETELY FUCKING USELESS UNDERGROUND! And you have gnomes as your enemy!?"

The clerk laughs a little.

"I was pulling your leg. We don't give our kids mortars, or sell them to civilians. They wouldn't buy them. So we just sell them to Greece in bulk."

You sigh.

"...So you just played a sick joke on me?"

"Well, yeah. Mortars are useless anyways, so we just sell them to Greece for money. We thought they might actually do something on the surface though."
The kobold seems to rather entertained at his "clever" joke on you...

Actions

>I... I can't tell if your serious or not half of the time.
>Wait, are Gnomes seriously your race's enemy?
>...I'm scared to know what you actually teach your kids to do?
>Do you have somesort of program to teach your kids how to make traps or something? Because holy fuck...
>Sherman would love living with Kobolds...
>Just... Send me to the legate.
>Write-In
>>
>>898719
>Wait, are Gnomes seriously your race's enemy?
>I... I can't tell if your serious or not half of the time.
>>
>>898719
>Could you just. Relax with the traps? Some of my slaves died.

Kobolds confirmed for making shit waifus.
>>
"I... I can't tell if your serious or not half of the time."

"Well, there was two civil wars about if it was alright to sell tanks, military equipment, and high-grade explosives to civilians, actually."

"Who won?"

"...That's classified information. I'll keep you in suspense. But seriously, you should lighten up."

"How about no? Could you just... Relax? With the traps? Some of my slaves died..."

He laughs like it was the most silly thing he has ever heard. He even falls out of his seat, other kobold legionaries even join in at laughing, in fact you hear laughing down the hall...

Eventually the kobold clerk wipes a few tears from his eyes, gets back on his chair... And laughs a little more.

"I-I'm sorry. Were you being serious?"

"Yes!"

He straightens up, and rubs the smile off of his face.

"Well... I'll see about giving your slaves a map of where they can go without being eviscerated. Would you like it in color or black and white?"

"Color."

"Right. We'll change this... Every five days? Seems safe enough... No, how about three?"

"Anyways... Are Gnomes seriously your race's enemy?"

"Yes? Don't you surfacers know about the Great War between Rome and Gnomeria?"

Actions

>...I erh, never actually heard of that being a thing.
>Can I just meet the legate now?
>Is there any way I could hire kobolds to boobytrap my dungeon for me?
>...I erh... What do kobold wives do anyways?
>...Is not making traps so foreign that it's a joke?
>Reminder, kobolds can't comprehend the idea of not making traps. And therefor, this makes a fucking amazing joke.
>Wait... Are people listening to our conversation right now? In a different room? Is there listening tubes or something?
>...You have civil wars about gun rights. That's a good thing, I guess. That's fucking great.
>Write-In
>>
>>898790
> *Exasperated sigh*
>Wait... Are people listening to our conversation right now? In a different room? Is there listening tubes or something?
>Can I just meet the legate now?
Damnit they're making me paranoid.
Man I hate kobolds.
Elves are better
>>
>>898790
>Can I just meet the legate now?

>Not Rome and Gnomania
Missed opportunity
>>
"Wait, are people listening to our conversation right now? In a different room? Is there listening tubes or something?"

"Oh, yeah. Didn't you read the sign?"

"...The sign I was reading while I was avoiding landmines, machinegunners, spears, pits, and other traps?"

"Yeah. Your being monitored at all times, and listened to as we speak."

"Right now?"

"Well, yes. Why wouldn't you?"

"Could you not?"

"Sorry, but your a foreign national."

"...I'm technically a Roman Citizen."

"Really? Show me your papers."

You show him your papers...

"Oh. Well, you actually have a choice. If you want, we can provide you a map of all booby-trap locations, and you have the right to not be watched. Unless you want to be, of course."

Actions

>I would like that very much. You know, not being under surveillance while I'm in here.
>I mean, I have nothing to hide.
>...Shapeshift to a kobold?
>What happens if I agree to this? Anything in small print?
>...I'll fucking gladly take that. Please. Give me the map to avoid booby traps.
>Write-in
>>
>>898859
>...Shapeshift to a kobold?
>What happens if I agree to this? Anything in small print?
>>
>>898859
>...Shapeshift to a kobold?
>What happens if I agree to this? Anything in small print?
>>
You shapeshift to a kobold.

"What happens if I agree to this? Anything in the small print?"

"What? Of course not. We just observe foreign nationals. We wouldn't observe our own citizens unless they wanted to."

"Even if they're traitors?"

"...No? They're still Roman Citizens. That's like spying on women in the restroom. We'd never do that."

"You sure?"

"Of course. I'd bet my tail on it."

Actions

>I'll take that shit. Fucking give me, please.
>I'll hold you to it then.
>I don't trust you... So no.
>...Just send me to the legate.
>Is there someone I can report to in order to register a complaint?
>Solaire? Are you SURE you want a kobold waifu?
>Write-In
>>
>>898903
>...Just send me to the legate.
>>
>>898903
>Solaire? Are you SURE you want a kobold waifu?
Ask if he can't just settle for a werewolf.
>I'll hold you to it then.
>>
>>898923
Ewwwww. That's worse then a Orc.
>>
>>898936
But better then a kobold.
Kobold waifus aren't good for blood pressure.
And they leave traps everywhere.
Devastating traps
>>
>>898952
>Not wanting a master artisan cutebold waifu who will stop robbers without even trying
>>
>>898960
>Wanting to get devastated by traps doing innocuous shit like traversing our own palace.

We can make our own traps.
We're a superior trap maker to kobolds anyways.
>>
"Just send me to the legate, ok? And I'll hold you to it, ok?"

He hands you the map, and you go on your way...

Solaire, can't you settle for a werewolf?

I'd like a kobold though...

Actions

>We'll get killed by her in her sleep because she trapped us or something!
>Please? I don't want one now...
>This is unimportant, just keep walking.
>Come on, they don't even have good assets...
>Please? A werewolf would be good and comfy.
>Write-In
>>
>>898972
I find that claim to be highly doubtful. Kobolds are as good at trap making as Russian drivers are at being comedical. You just can't overcome the meme.
>>
>>898987
>This is unimportant, just keep walking.
>Although I can understand your taste.
>>
>>898987
>Please? They make me feel paranoid.
>Come on, they don't even have good assets...
>>898989
We can overcome memes
Our very existence is meme heavy.
>>
Well, I'm going to wait thirty minutes for anons to make up their mind if they want a kobold waifu or not.
>>
>>899006
I also have no doubt any kobold waifu we get will be a spy.
>>
>>899023
Do it for Solaire then. The poor bastard has just been sitting our head and hasn't even gotten laid once. We can tame a Kobold waifu for Solaire.

Also you heard what the clerk said about spying on Roman citizens. As long as we hold Roman citizenship, there won't be any spying on us.
>>
>>899042
>Also you heard what the clerk said about spying on Roman citizens. As long as we hold Roman citizenship, there won't be any spying on us.

>Trusting kobolds.
Give me a second while I laugh.
At trusting the hyper paranoid trap making lizard people.
I'd sooner trust Ren with a maidens chastity.
>Do it for Solaire then.

Hmm....
Fine.
The least paranoid one we can find.
And no traps making in our palace.
>>898987
I'll go with this
>This is unimportant, just keep walking.
>Fine, whatever.

Shady fucking kobolds.
>>
>>899089
At least it makes more sense then marrying a fucking vampire as a second wife just for Ren.
>>
>>899103
Well no one else in our head is interested in frankizka save maybe flames.
Besides frankizka isn't that bad.
She'll make a decent spymaster too.
>>
You just continue to walk... You gotta admit, the kobolds seem to at least not want to kill people in the embassy, as there is no traps.

You eventually go to the Legate's office, and open it up.

"Hi. How can I help you, soldier? And why aren't you in uniform?" The Kobold legate says, as you enter. He doesn't seem to recognize you as Renexizious.

Actions

>I'm uh, Renexizious, actually.
>Shapeshift?
>I'm here to ask why we have fucking traps and artillery...
>Just here to ask a few questions.
>So uh... I heard that if your a citizen the government can't spy on you?
>Shake hands with him?
>Write-In
>>
>>899118
Then there's hardly a difference between getting Franzizka and a Kobold waifu. Marrying a vampire simply sounds suicidal since they can suck all of our blood in the middle of the night while we sleep. But then it turned out she was a forming sister of sigmar (no idea how that happened) and she's rather pious and moral. Then it also turns out Franzizka has a good set of skills, which is spying. This isn't that much different from your concerns about a Kobold waifu.

>>899135
>I'm uh, Renexizious, actually.
>>
>>899135
Don't shake his hand he probably trapped it.
>Just here to ask a few questions.
>>
>>899141
It's because kobolds as a RACE are paranoid trap makers.
With it getting worse the higher their rank is.
I wasn't even there for when we got frankizka anyways.
And she's already proven okay so I don't mind her presence.
I'd be much more wary of vampires we don't know.
>>
>>899166
If anything you should love Kobolds. You're both incredibly paranoid of things.
>>
>>899188
I'm mostly paranoid of kobolds.
Because they're paranoid over prepping lizardmen with an underground empire and capable enough to steal a nuke.

I've been trying to think of how to take either over or otherwise deal with them
>>
>>899218
We could try a political marriage.
>>
>>899238
>Forgetting they get more paranoid the higher the rankings go.
I'm not dealing with the paranoia required to get a kobold of any noticeable status
>>
>>899246
We've seduced fucking sex chaos demons. I'm sure we can woo a Kobold princess.
>>
>>899264
But all that required was good tumbling rolls and not being an asshole.
It's not like her standards were too high
>>
>>899268
Did I forget to mention that she was also an assassin sent by Slaanesh to kill us.

>Blood sucking vampire who turned out to be a moralist
>Slaanesh daemon sent to kill us and claim our soul

Why can't we pick a probably paranoid (really just shy) Kobold princess?
>>
"I'm uh, Renexizious actually. I'm here to ask a few questions."

"I see... Well, take a seat then. That would explain why your out of uniform."

You carefully take a seat after checking for traps.

"So, how can I help you?"

"Well..."

Actions

>I have a big question. Why the fuck are you all paranoid as fuck and prepare for everything?
>So uh, is it true that kobolds get more paranoid the higher up they are?
>I was curious, why exactly are you booby-trapping a embassy this much? It's a little excessive.
>So, I was hoping you would pay the bill for those two slaves.
>So erh... I was thinking about maybe going to see the capital...
>I was curious... What exactly is life as a Roman citizen like?
>I was hoping you heard about the Empire's name change...
>Write-In
>>
>>899283
>Blood sucking vampire who turned out to be a moralist
Wasn't there for that.
>Slaanesh daemon sent to kill us and claim our soul
She was a wimp.
Trash assassin really.
She probably could have taken it sooner.
Just to weak willed
>Why can't we pick a probably paranoid (really just shy) Kobold princess?

Maybe if we meet them first and they aren't paranoid as fuck.
I doubt it completely but why not roll that dice (and get them ones)
>>
>>899286
>So, I was hoping you would pay the bill for those two slaves.
>I was curious, why exactly are you booby-trapping a embassy this much? It's a little excessive.

What is the boundary for this embassy even?
They better not have set up traps past said boundary
>>
>>899286
>I was hoping you heard about the Empire's name change...
>>
"So, I was hoping you would pay the bill for those two slaves..."

"I see, this is about today's incident?"

"Well, yes."

"If you want, we could replace those two slaves. We have a few Drow slaves of our own."

"Really?"

"And as an apology, we'll give you twice the amount of money the slaves costed."

You are... Pleasantly surprised by this.

"Well, that's rather kind of you."

"Of course. And thank you for testing out our traps, we were curious if they were working or not."

"That's... Good. I'm curious, why exactly are you booby-trapping a embassy this much? It's quite excessive."

"Well, we don't know WHAT is up here that could attack us... And so we can defend ourselves against barbarians. We don't normally have this many traps, truth be told."

"Really?"

"Well, most of the time we just settle for trapping locations spies or gnomes could get into. We're just tacking on more defenses just in case."

"I see."

"Besides, I have a new manual, called "Boobytraps for the Modern Kobold." It's quite a great read about the ethics of trapmaking, how proud you should be once you see a blasted Drow or Gnome get impaled, set on fire, or otherwise torn apart by machineguns! Oh, also there's quite a few interesting m-"

"I get the idea. You saw it in a book, were impressed, and you decided to use it?"

"Yes, yes I did! The local trapmaster was quite impressed with the designs, if I do say so myself..."

"I see, well, that's good."

"Quite."

"Oh. Also, I was curious if you've heard about my empire's name change?"

"Really? What is it?"

Actions

>The Draconic Roman Empire.
>Don't tell him... It could end badly... You are in the middle of a kobold embassy after all.
>So your just afraid you'll be attacked? Your in the middle of MY empire? Who would be stupid enough to attack you in the first place?
>Write-In
>>
>>899400
>The Draconic Roman Empire.
>So your just afraid you'll be attacked? Your in the middle of MY empire? Who would be stupid enough to attack you in the first place?
We convinced this Legate that Dragons and Kobolds are each other's kin right?
>>
>>899400
>The Draconic Roman Empire.
>So your just afraid you'll be attacked? Your in the middle of MY empire? Who would be stupid enough to attack you in the first place?
>>
>>899417
Not really. You've barely convinced the guy in charge of learning about you and your history to at least consider the idea.

"First... Your afraid you'll be attacked in the middle of MY empire? Who would be stupid enough to attack you?"

He shrugs his shoulders.

"Who knows?"

"Well, it's the Draconic Roman Empire."

"...Really?"

"Yeah."

He puts on some glasses, and takes out a piece of paper, which he hands to you.

It seems to be a cease and desist order.

"...Wait... B-"

"We request that you change your country's name to something else, citizen. That name is protected under Imperial Copyright status."

The Legate, is slightly agitated towards your name change of Rome.
Actions

>...No, I own Rome, damn it. I have more of a right then you do.
>You aren't even Romans...
>So? We BOTH own Rome, together. Our races are kindred, you know...
>...Fine, fine, I'll change it.
>Well... How would a bribe sound?
>I sent a statue to your Emperor, damn it. He should be happy...
>Please? Come on, it's IN HONOR of Rome, ok?
>Write-In
>>
>>899468
>Can you even have a Roman Empire without Rome?
>>
>>899468
>Did I say my empire was called Rome? Hehe, I was just pretending to be retarded.
>>
Waiting twenty minutes if anons want to confront them or just pretend to be retarded.
>>
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>>899485
>This anon right now.
The legate is nervous.
This issue is going to come up pretty soon.
For some reason I feel like they want Rome now.
>>
>>899519
I'm just worried about how Roman our empire could be considered. We did rebuild the Pantheon and construct many new temples but our empire overall all is still rather diverse, with the Russian part being Russian and and so forth.
>>
>>899548
Well we've already changed the name.
And I doubt saying 'I was pretending to be retarded' will disperse the suspicions.
>>
>>899496
You know let's just point out that we actually have the city of Rome

>>899555
The tactic of just pretending to be retard always always works.
>>
>>899575
What do you think this is?
An image board dedicated to Japanese cartoons?
>>
>>899585
Say what? I thought that this was a forum dedicated to Mongolian tapestries
>>
"Can you even have a Roman Empire without Rome? Well, guess what? I think I have the right to call my empire Rome if it holds onto Rome?"

He grows quite serious.

"...You control Rome? The mythical city?" He looks you straight in the eyes, deadly serious...

I erh, don't think telling the roman kobolds that we hold Rome and have named our Empire after it is a good idea. They'll get pissed off at us. And if we're really unlucky, might even spark a cold war.

Actions

>Yeah, I hold it.
>Erh, yeah. It's on the continent of Italy.
>...What? Of course not. I don't own Rome.
>I erh, sorry. I thought we were talking about a tabletop game there for a second.
>The mythical city? Do you not know where Italy and Rome is or something?
>Write-In
>>
>>899598
>Yeah, I hold it.

>we control the city that they revere and don't think exists
A potential tool for taking over and influencing the Kobolds?
>>
>>899598
>So anyways onto other matters.
Let's change the topic.
>>
>>899614
Actually I think I'll switch to this.
If they try to do anything we have Rome over them.
They won't risk it.

We should be ready to shapeshift by the way.
You never know
>>
"Yeah. I hold it."

You hear Flames internally facepalm.

"...Would you be willing to tell the true Roman empire where it is, citizen?"

This is a bad fucking idea.

Actions

>...Erh, no. Sorry.
>Maybe if you recall my Empire as the TRUE Romans, I might just tell you.
>Pay me.
>What if I do tell you where it is?
>Am I obliged to?
>Where's your manners, Legate?
>Give him a false location...
>...I erh, misspoke. Sorry.
>Write-In
>>
>>899622
There's also the fact that we're Jupiters son. If there was a way to soundly prove that to them then we could be considered a god to them.

>>899636
>>Where's your manners, Legate?
>>
>>899636
>Am I obliged to?
>Sorry but I love Rome. Especially considering the close ties Draconic shares with Latin.
>>
"Where's your manners, legate? And am I obliged to? Because I'm sorry, but I love Rome. Especially considering the close ties Draconic shares with Latin..."

"I highly recommend you tell the true Roman Empire where the mythical city lies. This is my only offer, citizen." He says, rather coldly. He's clearly not pleased by you holding the city. And claiming your the Roman Empire.

This is a terrible idea. I can already feel our relations sinking.

Rest in peace, relations.

Actions

>Laugh, and say your just pulling his leg.
>...I see your very determined to get it. What if I refuse to?
>No. I'm not telling you.
>I'll tell you.
>I will, if you'll pay me.
>What's with the hostility?
>Listen, I'll change the name, but I'll hold onto Rome...
>Write-In
>>
>>899684
>Laugh, and say your just pulling his leg.
>That's what you get for making jokes about giving child kobolds artillery and killing my slaves. Overgrounders are superior joke tellers.
>>
>>899684
>Laugh, and say your just pulling his leg.

Hehe. We were just pretending
>>
>>899684
>Write-In
"First off, I am entirely willing to give you a modern map of the world. It seems like something you might enjoy and rather need.

As to the location of Rome, head north-east from Greece along the coast and you will come to a large peninsula. Known as Italy, from there you can get directions from the locals.

Please note that the majority of the city has been changed since the time you probably know it from, as populations and their needs changed. Not to mention all the wars, both internal and otherwise."


Honestly is the best policy, not to mention the possible tourism...
>>
>>899732
Dude they WANT Rome.
They are obviously going to take it from us.
They consider that a holy city.
You really think they'll let us have it?
>>
>>899740
We'll he would be misleading them into the Black Sea then. Rome and Italy are to the north-west of Greece.
>>
>>899760
Wow I really need to get a map.
Or go outside.
>>
>>899765
Although we should just pretend retardation and not cause issues with the Kobolds over Rome.
>>
>>899760
I feel like we could beat the kobolds with one good hero unit.
Small but powerful.
Like powered armor.
The question is what kind of powered armor.
>>
You begin to laugh... Which confuses the legate.

"I was just pulling your leg. That's what you get for making jokes about giving child kobolds artillery and killing my slaves. Overgrounders are clearly superior joke tellers."

The kobold Legate looks embarrassed, and lets loose a sigh of relief.

"...I feel retarded now, that I couldn't tell that apart from a joke." He laughs a bit with you, clearly embarrassed about him thinking it wasn't a joke.

"Want some butter and wine? I erh... Think of it as my apology for thinking you were serious. And for being a good joke teller."

"Well, sure. Why not?"

After a bit, the two of you begin to drink, while the kobold legate relaxes.

"By God, I was worried there for a second. Anyways, I'll just put this Cease and Desist back into it's box."

"Why did you bring those with you?"

"Eh. We heard about a Holy Roman Empire up here, so we took it with us. I thought for a moment this was the place... Wew." He seems much more relaxed, and drinks a bit.

"Yeah... Well, anyways, this is some damned good wine."

"Thanks, us Brutii know how a good wine should taste."

Actions

>Anyways, let's talk about something else besides Rome, ok?
>I could just give you the directions to Rome, you know.
>Mind if I ask what would of happened if I didn't tell you?
>Do you consider Constantinople to also be mythical?
>Just drink, and get along with the Legate.
>Yeah, well, this is what you get if you pull my stubby legs some more.
>...So, feel like getting some more wine?
>Headpat the Legate?
>Write-In
>>
>>899800
>Do you consider Constantinople to also be mythical?
>What's a Brutii?
>>
>>899800
>Headpat the Legate?
>Just drink, and get along with the Legate.

We should leave and come up with ideas for a potential war against the kobolds.
If we're stronk enough we could deter them and make them our vassals or something
>>
>>899820
It would be most effective to persue the kobolds destruction through the use of chemical agents, biological weapons, economic depression, terrorism, "earthquake" bombs and other such unconventional methods. Alternatively, start flooding their tunnel cities with water, it will at least slow them down.
>>
>>899807
>>899732
So Anons I have an idea that may make power armor viable considering that right now we lack the battery to fuel it.
It could also help with rail guns.

TL;DR
If we can use tiberium as a power source why not a battery?
>>899845
They have basically an infinite economy so economic depression is out.
The others might be viable actually.
>>
>>899845
>>899853
We don't want to destroy the Kobolds. We should be trying of influencing them and making them subservient to us.
>>
>>899853
Because tiberium is a highly efficent power source, admittedly with a minor risk of creating a red zone. Whereas even modern (e.g 2016 batteries) are pretty shitty unless we want to spend thousands for a single shot, un-rechargeable battery.
>>
>>899867
I said prepare.
We should be prepared to fight anyone.
Hell I even contemplated what to do if we had to fight Britain
>>
>>899853
No economy can sustain constant, high growth permanently. They will stumble and fall sometime.
>>
>>899871
I mean why not make tiberium batteries?
If it's as good at storing energy as making it it'd be pretty amazing
>>
You headpat the legate, and begin to drink.

[red]"So,do you consider Constantinople to be mythical at all?"[/red]

"That? Well, sort of. The Eastern kobolds consider it sacred, but us western Kobolds consider Rome more sacred."

[red]"Ah... What's a Brutii?"[/red]

"That's just my last name. Anyways, let's get to drinking for a bit..."

You and the Legate drink and relax for a bit, and after a bit, you get the distinguished feeling your drunk.

"You know... You aren't that bad for a surfacer..."

[red]"Really? You aren't too bad for a short reptile."[/red]

The legate drinks some wine, and you drink some more in your half-dragon for, only to find out your bottle is empty.

"You... You too..." He lets out a burp, and you laugh.

[red]"That's the stuff... Yeah. Can we get some more?"[/red]

"...Maybe. I think I went over my ration limit for wine though..."

[red]"Damn..."[/red]

Actions

>You know... Maybe I should leave...
>Your a... Cool kobold, you know...
>...Let's get a uh... Let's get someone to get some wine for us!
>You know... Right here is a good place to take a nap...
>I'll... I'll get some wine.
>...So... How wealthy are you kobolds anyways...
>Try to get some information from him while he's drunk?
>You know what would be good with this? Pizza. I have a chef which is great at making it...
>Try to befriend the legate?
>Pat the legate on the head.
>Write-In
>>
>>899890
>Try to get some information from him while he's drunk?
>Try to befriend the legate?
>>
>>899890
>Try to befriend the legate?
>Pat the legate on the head.
>Try to get some information from him while he's drunk?

Better yet why not self recharging tiberium batteries?

Then it gets even better.
>>
>>899890
>Your a... Cool kobold, you know...
>You know what would be good with this? Pizza. I have a chef which is great at making it...
>Try to befriend the legate?


>Pat the legate on the head.


Legate a cute, can't remember if is female.
>>
You pat the legate on the head.

"You know... Your a cool Kobold... Why don't I get my chef to make some pizza? It's great..."

"What's pizza?"

"...The best food ever, especially coated with butter."

"Sounds good... I'll get a legionary to give us some more wine..."

You decide to try and befriend the legate.
Roll me a 1d20+4. Additional +3 if you can think of more ways to have a great time.
Additional +1 if you can think of why this guy would make a great friend.
>>
>>899906
Simple; tiberium works as a power source since it generates more tiberium over time. Thus matching the reaction mass to the reaction rate of the generator we can maintain mass of tiberium present.


Thus we must, to make a tiberium unit recharge it have a internal generator. To store the power, we have many methods; chemical battery, kinetic dynamos, capacitors and such.


So, we encounter the problem of having to rely on normal or traditional methods as prior outlined.
>>
Rolled 17 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>899930
Kobold burping contest.
And he'd make a good friend because he's shorter then us and can boost our ego.
>>
Rolled 2 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>899930
Talk about how great Rome is like when They severed the hands of all those Gauls. Also he's great because he knows so much about the Kobold world
>>
>>899941
So we should just use tiberium as a power source and store the energy using traditional methods.

I think I already have a somewhat schematic of how tiberium fueled power armor would work now.
>>
>>899976
Yeah, general rule; using Tiberium in the field is a bit like strapping the Chernobyl reactor to your back with a large button to make it go boom.


We should only use it in bases and space craft at most.
>>
>>899991
So it has a big boom?
What happens when it explodes
And can we make tiberium bombs?

So power armor without a self recharging capacity.
A shame but whatever
>>
17+8=25

Good Success.

You get into a burping contest with him, and you release some heavy metal burps, while he releases adorable little burps. You pat him on the head for being adorable and unable to burp like a proper half-dragon, while you drink some more wine...

"How in the hell are you burping that loud..."

"I have a bigger, better, and stronger stomach, which can process more wine. Also, I'm bigger."

You pat him on the head, and release a massive burp, which echoes through the embassy.

"Damn you..."

You headpat him on the head... And burp in his face again.

"So uh... Why don't I ask you some questions?"

"...Go ahead... I'll answer them as best as I can..."

Actions

>Nah... Nevermind...
>...Pat him further on the head, adorable kobold he is.
>...Have any attractive women here?
>...Have any interest in overlander women?
>How strong is your military anyways?
>So... Where's the nearest city?
>Do you know what the Emperor is like?
>...So what's your religion anyways?
>Did you know I'm the son of Jupiter?
>...You know, for a kobold... You aren't that paranoid...
>Write-In
>>
>>900012
>...Have any attractive women here?

I feel like telling him we're the son of Jupiter is a bad idea.
>>
>>900010
By boom, I mean it will spread a fine dust of tiberium over the area, not to mention the energy released from the power pack.


That would over time result in a new "Red" zone, filled with crystal mass and infected subjects.


>>900012
>...Have any interest in overlander women?
>>
>>900012
>...So what's your religion anyways?

>>900022
Only if we could prove it. Like either from the word of Jupiter himself or that Godly salad.
>>
>>900033
Can we be infected by the stuff?
Wasn't it formed by our blood?
>>
>>900037
>"...that godly salad"


I must have missed that..?
>>
>>900047
Ambrosia done Zeus style.
We can eat ambrosia
>>
>>900047
>>900050
Also any one else who does eat it and isn't descended from the gods dies.
>>
>>900057
I'm wondering if there would have been any other effects to eating it.
If I'm reading correctly those that eat ambrosia typically have their lifespans extended and have their blood replaced with ichor.

I didn't think eating the food of the gods would do nothing to us
>>
>>900070
I think Jupiter said we shouldn't gorge ourselves on it since we're only a demigod.
>>
>>900074
And we would die by eating too much....
or would we....
>>
>>900082
Yes.
>>
>>900082
We would.

I really don't want to risk it.
>>
"Well, have any interest in overlander women?"

"Me? Eh... Some look pretty good... Just saying, your women have huge assets."

"I know, right?"

"Yeah... Ours aren't as impressive."

"Come on, they're adorable in their own way, I bet..."

"Yeah..."
He drinks some more wine...

"So... Have any actual attractive women here?"

"Only hard-asses were sent with us. Maybe they look good under all that heavy armor, but I can't tell, really."

"Huh."

"Yeah... You know, I fucking love wearing the new stuff the scholars have sent us. Apparently it's made of magnesium or something."

"Really?"

"Yeah, supposed to replace our steel suits... Not really useful since we found you surfacers have guns... So the scholars decided we needed an upgrade."

"Huh... How did we get here from women?"

"I don't know, honestly... I just love my suit. It's comfortable, and heavily armored, not to mention flexible... Hell, it doesn't have the problem steel has, where it's really heavy... It's actually quite light, and I haven't seen any dents in it, even after some idiot smashed a piece of armor with it with a hammer for an hour straight..."

He sips some wine.

"Yeah... That'll give us the edge over the gnomes and drow, I bet..."

"Cool... So, about women..."

"Huh? Yeah. I got off topic there. Most of them are hard asses, like the security captain..."

Actions

>...That sucks. Hard-asses aren't good to spend a night with.
>Come on, most hard asses have an inner layer of adorableness. I learned that from my wives...
>Headpat the adorable little kobold.
>I bet you I can kiss one, and they'll just fall right in love with me... I'm just that strong.
>Tell me more about your armor... Magnesium, is it?
>...Eh... Armor isn't as cool as it used to be. Guns are way cooler...
>...Are you at war with the Drow and Gnomes?
>Ask him about his religion?
>Write-In
>>
>>900091
>>900094
but what if we didn't though.
I feel like a mortal eating ambrosia would be less they would die and more they would get their ass smited immediately.

Because stealing ambrosia would be a serious thing.
>>
>>900118
>Headpat the adorable little kobold.
>Come on, most hard asses have an inner layer of adorableness. I learned that from my wives...
>I bet you I can kiss one, and they'll just fall right in love with me... I'm just that strong.
>>
>>900118
>Come on, most hard asses have an inner layer of adorableness. I learned that from my wives...
>Ask him about his religion?
>>
>>900118
>Headpat the adorable little kobold.
>Come on, most hard asses have an inner layer of adorableness. I learned that from my wives...
>I bet you I can kiss one, and they'll just fall right in love with me... I'm just that strong.

Even kobold men admit assets are superior above ground.
>>
You headpat the adorable little kobold.

"Come on. Most hard asses have an inner layer of adorableness. I learned that from my wives... I bet you I can kiss one, and they'll just fall right in love with me. I'm that strong."

"I doubt it..." He sips some more wine, and chews some on his pepperoni pizza. He loves the stuff.

"Want a slice?"

"Yeah."

He hands you three slices, which you eat in a few gulps. You look down to see the pizza mostly gone... You should get some more.

"Anyways... What's your religion?'

"I'm Christian. I though you knew that?"

"Oh. Right. Ecclesiastic Church..."

"Yeah."

Actions

>Come on, I bet I can find a cute kobold to kiss and make my girlfriend.
>The old Roman Pantheon was better.
>...Thanks for admitting our above-ground waifus are better.
>Still, kobold women are hot too, I bet.
>...I should get going home...
>You know, your welcome any time to come to me and hang out. Your a cool guy.
>...We need more pizza and wine... We're partying all night, damn it.
>Write-In
>>
>>900195
>The old Roman Pantheon was better.
It is though
>>
>>900195
>Still, kobold women are hot too, I bet.
>Come on, I bet I can find a cute kobold to kiss and make my girlfriend.
>>
"The old Roman Pantheon was better..."

"Eh... It's ok..."

"Anyways... I bet kobold women are hot, I bet. I can probably find one to kiss to make my girlfriend."

"Ha, want to bet?"

This is where the line is drawn. We cannot possibly seduce a woman just by going up and forcibly kissing her.

Actions

>...Sure. I can do it with only a kiss.
>You wanna bet, Flames?
>Solaire? Want to bet too?
>Let's not get into romance... I'm having a great time here.
>Holy shit, I'm drunk. I should get going home.
>Write-in
>>
>>900275
>Holy shit, I'm drunk. I should get going home.
>>
>>900275
>I could but we have shit to do. Let's go home.

We could tumble a rape victim.
Our charisma is simply to based.
>>
>>900294
>We could tumble a rape victim.

We already have. Her names Katariina.
>>
>>900301
I know.
That's what I meant.
I have no doubt we could win this bet.
But agility gainz beckon to me
>>
"I could... But holy shit, I'm drunk. I need to get home..."

"...Right... Good luck..."

You waddle out of the embassy...

Hey. Isn't there traps out here? And holy shit, it's dark.

Actions

>This is a great idea. Continue onwards.
>...You'll uh, just sleep in the embassy.
>...Get a kobold to help you?
>Write-In
>>
>>900313
>...Get a kobold to help you?
>>
>>900313
>...You'll uh, just sleep in the embassy.
See if they sleep like us
>>
Going to wait fifteen minutes if anons want to stumble around in the darkness with another kobold or just sleep in the barracks.
>>
Lets just sleep here for the night and observe a little bit about Kobold life.
>>
>>900327
We can sleep here and go home tomorrow.
>>
You decide to sleep here for the night in the barracks. It seems other kobolds seem to sleep like anyone else, but before bed most seem to talk a little, and drink some wine. Basically nothing outstanding...

You eventually wake up, and begin to head home, after crossing a courtyard full of obvious traps. Eventually you exit, shapeshift, and head back home...

You arrive home, and decide to check on Elizabeth...

Roll me a 1d20+6 to see if she's been properly fed for the week.

Additional +2 if you can think loving thoughts about your wife.
Additional +1 if you can think about what actually having a kid that would take twenty-one years to grow up would be like.
>>
Rolled 13 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>900371
>Loving thoughts
Like how nice smacking her ass is.
And it would be awful having a kid take 21 years to mature.
They'd require more work to take care off.
>>
Rolled 16 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>900371
>>
16+9=25

Good Success!

You go upstairs to see your wife in her half-dragon form, looking quite comfortable, and with a normal-sized pregnant belly. Like that of a normal person.

"Oh, hey Ren."

"Hi Liz... Your stomach's gotten bigger."

"Right. My doctor says I can't go to my human form without risking my womb exploding... So now I'm in my half-dragon form."

"Oh."

"Yeah. I love you, sweetie. And can you tell the slaves they made a good meal?"

"...You ate more slaves?"

"What? No. I meant that they cooked well."

"You set slaves on fire?"

"No! I meant that they were good at making food."

Actions

>Laugh, and say you were pulling her leg.
>Well, it's good you aren't eating people.
>Well, I have work to do. I'll see you later, ok?
>Kiss her?
>Slap her sweet, sweet buttocks.
>Just three months Liz, and we can tumble, ok?
>Man, I miss tumbling you already...
>How's everything? Do you need more gold?
>I just wanted to check in... I'll see you around, ok?
>Write-in
>>
>>900406
>Laugh, and say you were pulling her leg.
>Slap her sweet, sweet buttocks.
>Kiss her?
>>
>>900406
>Kiss her?
>Laugh, and say you were pulling her leg.
>>
>>900406
>Laugh, and say you were pulling her leg.
>Kiss her?

I feel like if we keep on slapping her ass it will effect the kid. If it's a boy then he'll like slapping girls asses and if it's a girl then she might enjoy it or have a big ass.
>>
>>900417
I don't think genetics work like that.
Or personality.
>>
>>900426
It's magic
>>
>>900428
There is slight amounts of consistency to magic in this universe.
Our child is more likely to just be destructive because chaos taint.
>>
>>900434
Well Ren himself is has ,avid abilities from his father.
>>
>>900417
That's genetically impossible, anon. Good job!

You laugh heavily, and kiss her.

"I'm just pulling your leg, Liz."

"Oh."

"Anyways, Liz... I love you."

"Yeah... I love you too Ren."

The two of you kiss, and head back down stairs... Where you see Frankizka sleeping on the couch. You pat her on the head as she sleeps... Now, what to do...

Roll me a 1d20+2 to remember something.
Autosuccess if you can remember what that thing was.
>>
Rolled 15 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>900442
Wait our Mom is still here right?
Also we said we'd get Chrysoula that bigger closet.
Also we need to remember to feed frankizka.
>>
Rolled 8 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>900442
It's magic I ain't gotta explain shit
>>
15+2=17
Success!

You remember that... Oh fuck, today's your son's brithday. Mikhal's birthday, actually.

Shit. And you forget to get him anything.

We're the best fucking parents ever, aren't we?

Actions

>Shit, you need to get him a present and fast! And his mom already got him a TV!
>...Well, it's too late for that. Just forget about your son's birthday.
>Goddamn. I wonder how many of our kids birthday's we've missed...
>We're terrible fathers, honestly.
>Well, we try our hardest. I guess.
>Write-in
>>
>>900485
>Shit, you need to get him a present and fast! And his mom already got him a TV!
>>
>>900485
>Shit, you need to get him a present and fast! And his mom already got him a TV!
Sciency stuff. He's interested in space travel and stuff. Buy him Sci-fi films and books about space travel and stuff like that. He's a inner nerd.
>>
>>900485
>Well, we try our hardest. I guess.
>Shit, you need to get him a present and fast! And his mom already got him a TV!
What to get our closet nerd son.
>>
You go to get your son Mikhal presents! Mostly sci-fi stuff, space travel, and films!

Roll me a 1d20+3 if you make it on time!
Additional +1 if you can think about what Mikhal would think if you didn't show up!
>>
Rolled 20 + 3 (1d20 + 3)

>>900512
>>
Rolled 12 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>900512
He'd probably think that we're an utterly shit dad.
An advantage of phones and computers.
They can help us with our agenda and important events
>>
You show up right as the party begins... You have bought out TWO entire comic stores for your fucking son, and you have the slaves drag six huge creates of boxes full of sci-fi books, films, comic books, board games... You even get him a few manga books about samurais and ninjas, not that weeb shit. Just to see if he likes it.
You've even debated on adding some... Well, even nerdier stuff... Like D&D books.

Actions

>Nah. You don't need him to be UTTERLY nerdy. You just got him the comic books.
>Of course. He's a Thorrson, so he needs his own tabletop gaming set, complete with dice and miniatures.
>...You also got him a REAL leather jacket. And some gel.
>...You didn't get that much stuff. You didn't want to one-up Katariina's gifts.
>What? You didn't get that much stuff. You were going as your elven alter-ego so Katariina doesn't get flashbacks or something.
>...You also decided to leave the crates outside of the door, so you didn't make Katariina freak out.
>You got Mikhal the biggest and best cake you could. Period.
>Write-In for anything else you got him?
>>
>>900532
>Nah. You don't need him to be UTTERLY nerdy. You just got him the comic books.
Write him a check for 1,000. It's like birthday money but more fancy.
>>
>>900532
>Of course. He's a Thorrson, so he needs his own tabletop gaming set, complete with dice and miniatures.
>You got Mikhal the biggest and best cake you could. Period.
>And even made some rockets to fire off later.

We're going to make it rain gifts.
>>
Waiting twenty minutes if anons want to make it rain or just be a little humble.
>>
Rolled 1 (1d2)

Rolling.

1=Don't go all out!
2=EVERYTHING to your son!
>>
You only got your son comic books, and a check for a 1,000$...

You prepare to knock on the door...

What's the plan?

>Shapeshift from your kobold form to a different form?
>Say you have a deliver for him from his dad? And say that he cannot unfortunately come?
>Say hi to whoever answers the door and come inside!
>Elf form?
>Just uh, run. Hopefully they'll be surprised by the crates.
>Write-In
>>
>>900610
>Shapeshift from your kobold form to a different form?
Dragonblood
>>
You shapeshift to your dragonblood form, and begin to knock on the door...

"Just a minute!" says someone from the other side of the door... It sounds like Katariina!

Actions

>Just stand there. Katariina has never seen your dragonblood form, but Mikhal has...
>Shapeshift again? Hopefully Katariina doesn't notice.
>Say a prayer that this goes well?
>Run? You don't want to be recognized by Katariina.
>...Elven form, now!
>Pretend your a deliveryman?
>Put on full charm, and flirtation. You've seduced Katariina once, you can do it again.
>Write-In
>>
>>900646
>Say a prayer that this goes well?
>...Elven form, now!
I don't trust this going well without being in Elven form
>>
You go to your elf form, and mutter a prayer.

Katariina opens the door.

"Hi. How can I help y- Wait, your..."

You give her a kiss on the head.

"Yep. Hi. Sorry about being away from so long."

She smiles a little.

"You know, I thought you only wanted to erh... Well, tumble me and leave. It's nice to see you were just busy."

"Yeah. Well, I got your son some presents..."

"Rea-"

She pokes her head to see the seven crates, and seems quite shocked...

Actions

>Kiss her?
>Yeah... I got a bonus from Renexizious.
>Renexizious told me to deliver this stuff to you... I spent last month's salary on one of the crates too.
>Slip in?
>Shapeshift?
>Yeah. I'm Renexizious by the way.
>...Sorry about leaving you alone for so long, ok?
>...How's Mikhal doing?
>Anyways, I got to go... Tell me how Mikhal likes the presents.
>Mind if I come in?
>Write-In
>>
>>900664
>Renexizious told me to deliver this stuff to you... I spent last month's salary on one of the crates too
>>
>>90066
>Renexizious told me to deliver this stuff to you... I spent last month's salary on one of the crates too
>Kiss her?
>...Sorry about leaving you alone for so long, ok?
And the façade continues
>>
"Hey. Renexizious told me to bring this stuff to you. I spent last month's salary on one of the crates, but he spent quite a bit on the other five boxes..."{/red]

"Really? What's in them?'

"Oh, he'll love the stuff... Sorry about leaving you alone for so long, ok?"

She returns the kiss.

"Well, thank you. It'll mean a lot to Mikhal. He's hoping his... Well, dad will pop around."

"Really?"

"...Yeah. I wish Mikhal didn't have a man like that as his father... But he certainly knows how to spoil him."

"Oh, yeah. He does. Where's Mikhal?"

"He's waiting inside. I got him a small cake... So I'm sorry, but only he'll get a slice."

"Oh. Is his friends inside?"

"I erh... No."

"Really? Why?"

"Well, he just... He doesn't have that many friends."

"Oh."

"Anyways, you should get a move on. Mikhal will love your present, whatever it is... He just doesn't like you. And I don't think he'd like you at his birthday party."

"...Oh. So your kicking me out?"

"I'm sorry. I mean, if you want, we can talk later, ok?"

Actions

>Sure, I guess. That would be nice.
>Come on, you can let me in. Mikhal wouldn't care at all.
>Shapeshift?
>...He doesn't have any friends to actually take to his party? So it's just you and Mikhal? That's... Well... That's kind of sad, honestly.
>...I hope Mikhal has a great birthday party...
>Write-In
>>
>>901102
>Sure, I guess. That would be nice.
>...I hope Mikhal has a great birthday party...
>>
>>901102
>Sure, I guess. That would be nice.
>...I hope Mikhal has a great birthday party...

This means we can show up a our true self
>>
>>901102
>Sure, I guess. That would be nice.
>...I hope Mikhal has a great birthday party...
>>
>>901186
>>901727
Anyone else want to make amends with katariina.
I am getting the feeling that's why mikhal hates elf us.
>>
>>901743
Mikhail doesn't know that Elf us is Ren though. He just s us because he loves his mom
>>
>>901791
No I mean he might dislike elf us because he thinks we're getting in the way of us socializing with his mother more.
He's also curious on how we met.
Maybe we should tell him soon
>>
>>901791
He hates you because he thinks that she's cheating on you with another elf. He doesn't actually know your in your elf form.

"Sure, I guess. That would be nice. I hope Mikhal has a great birthday party."

You give her a kiss and walk away, and turn a corner...

Actions

>Shapeshift?
>Leave...
>Head back and try to gain entrance anyways?
>Write-In
>>
>>902590
>Shapeshift?
Human
So he does think us and his Mom have a chance.

It is now time to face the awkward
>>
>>902590
>Leave...


>>902621
Nope, we have science to do. We must into space magic and shit.
>>
>>902621
She still probably won't recognize you in that form anon.
>>
>>902634
We should at least visit our son on his birthday.
We should try to be a less shit parent.
>>902636
We can just introduce ourselves
>>
Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>902590
One is shapeshift and two is leave
>>
>>902646
We just got a shit ton of stuff for him and I don't want to put the space program off. If we can pull a sputnik, we can distract people from the war in Asia and make america worry.
>>
Going to wait twenty minutes if anons want to leave or visit your son who just got out of the hospital.
>>
>>902662
>Giving people things
>Actually giving them attention
Anon your really bad at parenting huh.
>>902673
Also this.
>>
>>902662
Also it doesn't take long to visit him on his birthday.
It's one day.
>>
>>902673
I vote to leave so we can do hardcore science stuff
>>
You know I'm thinking maybe we should have never had kids.
Since we're ignoring our son who just got out of the hospital on his birthday.
>>
>>902676
>>902682
True but we can see him later, after he and his mother have enjoyed themselves.


Also I am good at parenting, I just really want to space...
>>
>>902701
You do know he'll wonder why we didn't attend his birthday.
>>
>>902711
We're spending this time coming up with a surprise birthday gift that he really wants which is going into space.
>>
>>902718
>Sending him to space.
That is a bad idea on so many levels.
Taking into account our technological level.

Also part of me wants to bet we crit fail the launch.
>>
>>902711
We are the ruler of a god damn nation, if we start attending the birthday parties of our children then we lose like 20-30 days per year. Then we need to include our wives (cause they'll get prissy) and shit and that hits almost 40 days.


40 days out of 365 days is 10.959 (rounded) percent of the year. A tenth of the year at a conservative estimate.
>>
>>902736
We could quite literally just say hello and show him our rocketry shit.

Or just say hello
Also how many children do we have?
Why 40 days total?
I am sure we have less then 20 kids
>>
>>902736
We could also just celebrate for people living in our palace. And just call for kids that are in foreign places.
>>
>>902756
I think we have around a dozen kids.
4 from Elizabeth
3 from our original concubines
2 twins from that danish concubine
3 bastard Elves

I'm not sure about the Danish concubine but I think I remember something about that. Then there's also Cortez.
>>
>>902776
So 12 days combined with our three current lives says 15.
That's not even a month.

We can spend the time.
Life isn't all about getting to the destination.
Stopping to smell flowers occasionally is nice.
>>
So, final roll call?

>Leave!
>Go and see your son Mikhal!
>>
>>902804
>Go and see your son Mikhal!
Are we still mentally fatigued from all the science or are we refreshed
>>
>>902790
It is.


Then a crazy Vietcong supporting or war hating citizen takes their government allowed firearm and shoots us through the eye, killing us. Again, which is kinda annoying.
>>
>>902809
Refreshed, anon.
>>
>>902804
>Leave!
>>
>>902811
How the hell did they get in our palace?
That person is obviously a foreign spy
>>
>>902819
We have a very shitty security service.


I would point out that no one noticed a person replacing our wife, when for a fair period of time she was getting into the role and thus should have been noticeably not her.

Also we have all those slaves that kinda hate us.
>>
>>902840
>Shapeshifting demon
No one would assume such a thing
Shapeshifting isn't that common.
>Slaves having guns
Wat?
Our citizens can barely get guns due to the crippling bureaucracy
Why would the slaves have any
And how did some crazy citizens get into our house in proud daylight or at all?
We have some decent guards
>>
>>902849
There was still a vampire trapped in our basement for like two weeks and no one noticed.
>>
>>902840
Also isn't frankizka nocturnal?
Who the hell talks to her often enough to warrant them knowing her well.
>>
Going to wait five more minutes for votes, or I roll for it.
>>
>>902856
Who willingly walks into the place where we experiment on live subjects?
And why?
>>
>>902849
We simplified that bureaucracy.

There are many elements that would like us dead; chaos, elves, other nations and genetic purists. They could supply such weapons.

I would point out that there are many ways in and out of our home; the dungeon has sewer access for example. Many of these are certainly not guarded well enough or at all probably.

lastly we don't have good guards. We have only succeeded in past militarily thanks to being a huge dragon and superior numbers. Mostly the first little of the second.
>>
>>902863
Roll for what?
>>
>>902865
>Who willingly walks into the place where we experiment on live subjects?
Ren does.

>And why?
For experimenting which apparently we weren't doing
>>
>>902869
I'm doing a roll call of either leaving or staying, and if it's a tie I'm rolling for what gets decided.
>>
>>902866
If our guards are so shit why haven't we been assaulted by things like elves sooner?

Also the Vietnam thing isn't a pressing concern right now?
At best there is minor dissent that would lead to one or two radicals at best.

iirc we have multiple armed personal here.
>>902873
Ren isn't exactly the image of normal stand up guy.
And basically no one is smart enough to even understand mutagens.
They also lack our blood/DNA a essential part of the mutagens
>>
Rolled 1 (1d2)

Rolling.

1=Leave!
2=Go see your son!
>>
You leave your son to do something else... Yeah. Your son should be good with just presents. You don't want to traumtize Katariina, and besides, your son should get used to you not being there for his birthday parties. Fuck, your kids don't even celebrate them. Waste of money and time in your eyes, you rationalize.
Man, you are such a great father.

Like rocket science. Yeah, that's more important then seeing your son, who got the shit kicked out of him without you even lifting a finger to help him not get massacred by a minotaur, or don't see often. Or better yet, the fact that you can't even be fucking assed to attend his birthday party, which has been on your schedule for a while, and which your son Mikhal is eagerly waiting for you, only to not show up.

Roll me a 1d20+6 to do science anons, since that's more important then seeing your son.

Guess who got triggered at this
>>
Rolled 1 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>902997
If it's Mikhail, we're going to make it up to him.
>>
Rolled 2 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>902997
You? And man are we a shit dad. Couldn't even say hello
I notice we can't be assed to pay attention to our children unless it benefits us in some way.
And we only really promise to spend time with them when we bring it up.
And even then we don't follow through sometimes(like with Viktor.)
>>
>>902997
In my defence, I am willing to go see him later. I just don't think being in the same room as him and his mother will end well or being in the same room as his mother.
>>
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>>903010
I had a feeling this was gonna happen but damn.
I didn't think it actually would.
Maybe Dice God has abandonment issues
>>903021
We'll have to deal with that eventually.
Running from our problems isn't healthy
>>
>>903026
Yep, I would however like to have them both in the best state possible.
>>
>>903026
Eh. We can just use the barbaric
>>
>>903014
Correct, anon. Good job.

Use barbaric anons?

>Yes!
>No!
>>
>>903031
>Yes!
lel triggered
>>
>>903031
When I've noticed we tend to do that.
And that I'm one of the few anons that enjoy spending time around all our kids.
>Yes
What could go wrong?
It's not like we'll mess it up/need it later
>>
Roll me a 1d20 anons!
>>
Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>903039
>>
Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>903039
I have the feeling if we end up on our death bed only 1-3 of our kids will visit.
Revenaris because that's who he is.
Renexizia maybe
And Charlemagne for his inheritance
>>
>>903045
Oh and I forgot Viktor because he's a family man so regardless of how he feels about us he'll visit.
>>
>>903049
Hey, maria owes us her life! She'll at least send some flowers...


And that one that rules germany likes us... kinda. Might make a quick sketch of us for our funeral or something...
>>
>>903064
Yeah but she's bound to Franzizkas will and she's kind of a bitch.
>>
>>903064
Revenaris doesn't rule Germany.
He's a secretary to the Kaiser.
Pay attention to the kids more anon.

And so what if Maria owes us her life?
We probably only did it so Liz wouldn't find out eventually
>>
>>903073
He is co-Kaiser actually. So he kinda rules...
>>
>>903085
>The Kaiser here is actually cool even if he is kind of paranoid.

That's what he said.
It didn't sound like he was Co-Kaiser.
Or at least it doesn't sound like he has any sort of noticeable power.
Last we talked to him he was managing the army
>>
>>903106
Eh, we have gotten massively side tracked. What were we doing?
>>
>>903106
>managing the army
>not being powerful
>>
16

Minor Success!

You... Well, you get a bit farther in making a rocket, mostly just adding additional fuel, not much else though.

You do however, hear the phone ringing, and you go to answer it...

It seems to be Viktorious.

"Hey, Viktor. I'm kind of busy..."

"I don't really care. I just heard that you found Maria, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Good. I erh, I had a report that she was... Well, killed. She's alright?"

"Yeah, she's just a little hurt."

"Fucking elves... Well, thank you for rescuing her."

"Yeah, no problem."

"Yeah. Anyways, can you tell her I said hi?"

"Oh, right."

"Thanks. Anyways, what are you up to? I'm about to visit a high school, teach some kids some things about politics, that sort of thing."

"...That sounds nice?"

Actions

>Well, nice of you to check in. I'm kind of busy right now.
>So how's being president of the United States?
>So uh... Maria actually got killed. I just brought her back.
>...So are you a closet fascist? I mean, you have some fascist tendencies.
>So, anything exciting going on?
>Are you still with the mob at all, Viktor?
>So, what's your next conquest anyways, Viktor?
>Write-In
>>
>>903117
>Spending any time with family
>Sidetracked.
Okay Anon.
I see that anything not beneficial to us means nothing to you.
>>903120
>Handling paperwork
>Powerful
Note I said managing.
He doesn't tell them what to do nor who to fight.
>>
>>903132
>So, anything exciting going on?
>So how's being president of the United States?
>>
>>903132
>So uh... Maria actually got killed. I just brought her back.
>So, anything exciting going on?
>>903135
I didn't mean it like that for god sake, I forgot what we are actually doing as of this moment in time.
>>
>>903132
>Are you still with the mob at all, Viktor?
>So, anything exciting going on?

>>903135
Dude. Managing the army is way more important then actually being a general or field marshal. If he manages the entire army then he could do stuff like position an entire army group to some pointless front and seriously effect the war.
>>
>>903159
Rocket stuff.
And how have we gotten sidetracked.
We haven't even stopped science stuff for that long.
A day or two at most.
>>903167
That would get him executed quick.
Unless he's planning a coup or a betrayal.
Which he isn't because that's how he is.
>>
>>903170
Look at real life. Hitler moved more then half of army group centers armor to the Ukrainian front in mid 1944 in anticipation of a Soviet attack there. Then the soviets attack army group center and the Germans are totally unprepared. This decision alone by moving troops, with good intention I might add, spelled a quick doom for Germany during the war.
>>
"So, anything exciting going on, Viktor?"

"Well, not much. Just dealing with McCarthy."

"...Assassinating him or something?"

"I erh, broke up my relations with the mob. It wasn't worth it, honestly. Not to mention I have some regrets."

"Regrets?"

"You know, whenever you look about on your younger self and just cringe? Yeah. I was way too self-absorbed, honestly. And I didn't really care about anyone but myself."

"Change of heart?"

"I mean, I guess. Then I pretended to be a Republican... Now I'm actually a Republican, I guess. It's strange how I thought I could take advantage of the party and now I'm actually sympathizing with it."

"So you turned from a fascist into an actual Republican?"

"Well... Yeah. I think I just grew up."

Actions

>You don't just grow up from being a fascist to a republican, son.
>But a fascist monarchy is the superior government. Just look at my Empire.
>So, no longer out to conquer the world?
>...So you go to church every sunday, your a protestant... You want all the guns... Is that what we're talking about?
>Well, that's good for you that your growing up.
>Tell him you brought back Maria?
>I think that's good, rather then just lying to the American people and taking advantage of them.
>Write-In
>>
>>903199
But he can't move them however he wants.
He manages the army.
I'm very sure he can't move them wherever he wants.
I'm also sure if he purposefully crashed the army he'd be in trouble for that shit if I'm thinking correctly.

Basically going against orders would be a bad.
>>903222
>So, no longer out to conquer the world?
>>
"So, no longer out to conquer the world?"

"...Well, you seem intent on it. And I don't feel like getting conquered by you."

"So no?"

"I'm not stopping until you stop, really."

Actions

>Well... I'm not stopping at all, kid.
>...Are you sure expanding even more is a good idea?
>Still trying to one-up me?
>Come on. I don't want to get into a fight with you...
>Why do you want to one up me so bad anyways?
>Write-In
>>
>>903222
>So, no longer out to conquer the world?

>>903227
man·age
verb
>be in charge of (a company, establishment, or undertaking); administer; run.

It doesn't have to be going against orders. He would merely need any sort of credible intelligence to act on which could just be false.

Say for example we go to war with Germany and Revenaris is still with them. We could send a spy their and purposely get him captured. The soy could say something like we're invading Prussia via a naval landing when in reality we're attacking through the Netherlands. Revenaris, as manager of the army, could send most of the troops there and make the Netherlands undefended.
>>
>>903247
>Still trying to one-up me?
>>
>>903247
>Well... I'm not stopping at all, kid.
>Why do you want to one up me so bad anyways?

>>903249
Interesting.
Hopefully if that happens he doesn't get replaced.
The question is would the Kaiser even continue to let him manage the military if they entered a war with us?
>>
>>903283
Well Wilhelm II, Nicholas II and George V were all cousins.
>>
>>903290
Yes but the Kaiser is very suspicious of us.
Paranoid basically.
I see no reason he'd keep Revenaris to aid him.
Especially if we do deceive him as previously mentioned
>>
>>903283
It also would have to be against us. It could be against another power like the Greeks, Spainards or possibly even some far away country like Brazil.
>>
>>903304
They would need to enter a war first.
I doubt we could make that happen
>>
[red]"So, still trying to one up me?"[/red]

"Of course."

[red]"Why do you want to one up me anyways?"[/red]

"...That's personal. Anyways, I need to get going, dad."

Actions

>Yeah. See you.
>Come on, why don't we talk a little, ok?
>Hey uh... I'm sorry that I didn't go over to the white house yet. I've been busy.
>...Why don't you tell me? Please?
>Write-In
>>
>>903327
>...Why don't you tell me? Please?
>Hey uh... I'm sorry that I didn't go over to the white house yet. I've been busy.
We'll probably forget later. Again.
>>
>>903327
>Yeah. See you.
>Hey uh... I'm sorry that I didn't go over to the white house yet. I've been busy.
>>
[red]"Hey uh, I'm sorry I didn't go over to the White House yet."[/red]

"It's fine, alright? Now, do you need anything else?"

Actions

>Press on why he wants to one up you so bad?
>It's not fine, damn it. I'll make it up to you, ok?
>Oh. Good to see you aren't holding it against me.
>Hey, just saying... You know who your real mom is, right?
>See you. Hang up.
>Write-In
>>
>>903397
>Press on why he wants to one up you so bad?
We told him his mother was one of our concubines right?
We didn't lie about that right?
why the hell are we such a shit parent?
>>
Roll me a 1d20+4 to press.

Additional +3 if you can give him encouragement to.
>>
Rolled 5 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>903477
Maybe if we find out we can convince him to chill
>I'm your father you can trust me.
>>
Rolled 6 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>903477
>>
Allowing samefagging.
>>
Rolled 19 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>903547
Oh yeah Renexizia is into electronics we should encourage that
>>
19+7=26

Good Success!

[red]"Come on, tell me. I'm your father. You can trust me."[/red]

"...I'm not sure, honestly..."

[red]"Please?"[/red]

He seems to be hesitating...

Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if you can break through!

Additional +2 if you can tell him how much of a good kid he is.
>>
Rolled 12 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>903620
>At least you don't eat national monuments like some of my other kids.
>>
Rolled 13 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>903620
>Come on your the president. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm too proud of you for that.
>>
13+6=19

Minor Success!

"Come on, your the president. And you don't eat national monuments. That's always a good thing."

"...Yeah. How about I tell you later, alright?"

"Sure, how about when I come over?"

"Seems good. Anyways, I'll see you around."

You hang up, and return to working at rocketry...

Roll me a 1d20+6 anons.
>>
Rolled 3 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>903745
We should get around to making phones too
eventually it might help us talk to our kids and keep in touch
>>
Rolled 11 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>903745
>>
Allowing a samefag.
>>
Rolled 15 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>903765
>>
15+6=21

Success!

You further advance rocketry, adding a small compartment hatch, allowing you to put something in it. Maybe in the future you can expand that small hatch to fit a person... Or more electronics.

You hear a loud "Hello?" echoing through your laboratory... What the hel- Oh. It's Lynea.

"Is anyone up there? Ren?"

Actions

>Go answer Lynea's call?
>Nah... Your busy.
>...Shapeshift from your kobold form to another form?
>Yell that you'll be there in just a minute.
>Write-In
>>
>>903802
>Go answer Lynea's call?
>>
>>903802
>...Shapeshift from your kobold form to another form?
Half dragon
>Go answer Lynea's call?
It's like all the people we know socially are conspiring to interrupt us.

Or I'm just being paranoid
>>
You go to your half-dragon form and answer Lynea's call.


You go to find the hole which you've had your slaves dug, and look down to see Lynea.

"Hi! Who are you?"

"I'm uh, Ren."

"...You seem a little small." Her primary head seems quite confused.

"Oh. Sorry. Did you need something?"

"I was curious to see if anyone could hear me. Also... I was kind of wondering if the water is supposed to be this cold."

"Well, you are in Scandinavia..."

"Oh." She seems kind of confused.

"...Do you know what Scandinavia is?"

"...I probably sound stupid for not knowing, but no. I don't know much about anything but the ocean."

"Yeah..."

"Also... Just saying, could you do anything to stop sewage from going into the water? It's disgusting. I feel sick just from swimming in it."

Actions

>...Well... Maybe you should go to another sea cave away from here?
>...I mean, I can probably redirect the sewage to another part of the ocean.
>Sorry, but no...
>...The water can't be bad enough where you feel sick from swimming in it.
>...Flirt with her a little?
>How's the cave down there anyways?
>So uh, if you want, I can probably find a way for you to breath and shapeshift on the surface. I suspect being in the ocean isn't good for your health since it's next to a city...
>Don't worry, I can reduce it.
>...Blow her a kiss?
>Write-In
>>
>>903858
>...I mean, I can probably redirect the sewage to another part of the ocean.
>If you want I can find a way for you to breathe and shapeshift on the surface
>>
>>903858
>...I mean, I can probably redirect the sewage to another part of the ocean.
>How's the cave down there anyways?
>>
"I mean, I can probably redirect the sewage to another part of the ocean. And if you want, I can find a way for you to breathe and shapeshift onto the surface."

"Really?! I mean... Thank you! Shapeshifting doesn't seem that important though."

Actions

>I'd rather you don't stomp on anyone...
>I'll be back in a minute, ok?
>Just saying, the surface is really different from the ocean.
>Eh... I mean, I could. But I'm busy...
>You owe me one.
>Write-In
>>
>>904060
>Just saying, the surface is really different from the ocean.
>I'll be back in a minute, ok?
>>
>>904060
>I'll be back in a minute, ok?
>Just saying, the surface is really different from the ocean.

Wouldn't we need a piece of her to make a shapeshifting mutagen for hydras? Something like a scale.
>>
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>yfw you go on newegg
>yfw you see a new graphics card you wanted
>yfw it's such a low price and you just obssess over playing the Witcher 3, Xcom 2, and countless other games
>yfw you find a new headset, monitor, and keyboard
>isthisreallife.jpg

Sorry about forgetting you anons, your sacrifice will not be in vain.
New update soon.
>>
"Just saying, the surface is really different from the ocean. But I'll be back in a minute, ok?"

"Alright. I'll just wait here."

Roll me a 1d20+4 to whip up a new mutagen!

Additional +3 if you can think how to explain the surface to a female hydra!
>>
>>905419
Did you buy?
>>
Rolled 10 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>905420
>>
Rolled 12 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>905508
>>
>>905507
I slammed the SHIT out of the Buy button.

Anyways, allowing a samefag.
>>
Rolled 1 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>905420
>It's lot's of color and variation. More then the ocean at least.
>>
Use barbaric anons?

>Yes!
>No!
>>
>>905868
yes
>>
Whelp, roll me a 1d20 anons.
>>
Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>905876
>>
Allowing samefagging.
>>
Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>905876
>>
18

Good Success!

You successfully craft a mutagen for her... The mutagen should let her turn to a human form, and allow her to hopefully breathe on land... Of course, you'll need to inject it..."

So you go up to her hole, tell her that you sort of need to inject her with it, and she seems a little worried...

Roll me a 1d20+3 to see if she'll take the mutagen. Additional +3 if you can assure her that it won't hurt, or to stop being a baby.
>>
Rolled 5 + 3 (1d20 + 3)

>>905950
>>
Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>905950
>>
Rolled 7 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>905950
>You're a giant nine headed beast that people think is so awesome that they think you're a myth. You'll be fine.
>>
Sorry about the huge delay.

14+6=20

Success!

"You're a giant nine-headed beast that people think is so awesome that your a myth. Come on, you'll be fine."

You climb down onto her nose, and carefully inject it under one of her scales...

"I don't feel any different."

"...Just think. Think... Fleshy thoughts."

She shapeshifts to her human form, which is a rather attractive woman, with black hair, and blue eyes, with an innocent face...

"I don't... Wait, do I have..."

"Yeah. You have flesh."

She seems kind of confused.

"It feels weird... I mean,... Wait, I'm breathing on the surface?"

"Yeah."

She seems amazed.

"How is this possible? That's..."

"I know, I know. I'm awesome, now... How are we getting up?"

"...Oh. Right. I mean, we could swim out."

Actions

>...I don't think that would work. Besides, you said it yourself, the water is filthy.
>If you want, I could carry you up while I climb. I'm really strong, you know.
>Why don't the two of us climb up?
>Pat her on the head!
>So just saying, don't try to eat anyone, or attack anyone. Your just a little human, ok?
>You know, your kind of cute. Just saying.
>Write-in
>>
>>906312
>It's magic and a gift from the God's.
>Why don't the two of us climb up?
>>
>>906312
>...I don't think that would work. Besides, you said it yourself, the water is filthy.
>If you want, I could carry you up while I climb. I'm really strong, you know.
>Pat her on the head!
>So just saying, don't try to eat anyone, or attack anyone. Your just a little human, ok?
>You know, your kind of cute. Just saying.
>>
Waiting fifteen minutes anons.
>>
Rolled 2 (1d2)

Rolling.

1=I don't gotta explain shit and climb up with her!
2=Flirt a little and climb up carrying her!
>>
"I don't 't think that would work. Besides, you said it yourself, the water is filthy. If you want, I could carry you up while I climb."

You pat her on the heat... And she seems bewildered by this, letting out an adorable "eek"

"Just don't try to eat anyone, or attack anyone. As far as people know, your a little adorable human, ok?"

"Alright... Why did you touch me on the head? It tickled."

"Just a uh, thing. Now, just let me carry you..."

Roll me a 1d20+7 to prove your strength and climb like a man.
Additional +1 if you can boast of your strength.
>>
>>906471
*pat her on the head

Holy kek my english is fucking terrible.
>>
Rolled 2 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>906471
>I once tore a ship in half with my bear hands
>>
Rolled 20 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>906471
>>
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>OP has abandoned us for his new PC and vidya games
>>
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OP wouldn't abandon us he's obviously just busy with something important.
Right?
>>
I-I'm sorry anons!

I-I can't help but play! And loose track of time!

J-Just give me fifteen minutes, please?
>>
>>906701
Okay.
Past 15 and the shitposting begins.
>>
>>906717
Any more than twenty and I will choose to be a bad father to our children. You are warned QM...
>>
>>906701
OP you better remember.
I want to patch things up with mikhal and katariina
>>
>>906701
Comrade all the games are bad for you.
How about camp gulag?
Clear your mind.
>>
>>906767
B-but Stalin.... I-I can play Planetside 2 on Max graphics! J-just two more minutes! Please!

Anyways anons, updating in a few more minutes.
>>
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>>906770
Just remember comrade.
You get too entangled in games.
There is camp to help.
>>
>>906767
That reminds me, when do you guys want to launch something into space; sputnik (Radio on a stick), orbiter (human on a stick), MIR (human in a mobile home) or some other level of complexity (e.g space warship)?

The longer we leave it, the better prepared we will be but the more we risk someone beating us to it.

Also we need to decide if we are going to let other nations buy space tech off us, or instead rent / use under supervision.
>>
Critical Success!

You just so happen to grope her by the ass to "hold her more securely" and climb up the wall, holding her. Eventually you get up to the top, and put her down.

"That was..."

"I never knew I was good at rock climbing. Huh."

"...I mean... That was cool. You are strong..." She seems quite impressed...

Quick! Take advantage of this! She's charmed by our strength!

Roll me a 1d20+8 to flex.

Autosuccess If you can shapeshift to a MUSCLE form.
Auto Critical Success if you can both shapeshift to a MUSCLE form and charm her with a one-liner or quote! Or just say fuck it and do something "forward" with her.
>>
>>906778
We could always design a space jet.
It has practical application and flexes our might.

Amd renting.

Also we should look for radioactive materials even if we aren't making nukes.
They give us mutation points.
>>906781
Shapeshift to Minotaur form and slap her on the ass
>>
>>906781
Minotaur, most muscular form we have.

"I am like atlas, only less stupid."
>>
>>906787
So anons want to slap her on the ass or not?
Just curious.

>Yes!
>No!
>>
>>906812
>Yes
The fact you ask this worries me.
>>
>>906812
Yes
>>
What women in the end won't have their booty slapped or boobs fondled, in today's EDQ?

You begin to FLEX like a minotaur like you deserves to, sweat dripping from your muscles.

"I'm like Atlas, but less stupid!"

And much more lustful!
You slap Lynea on the ass, which propels her a few feet in the air.

"Ow..."

You catch her, mid-flight.

"Sorry. I don't know my own strength."

"Y-yeah. Why I erh... You are..."

"What, strong and beautiful?"

"A little..." She says, shyly.

"Yeah, I know."

You set Lynea down gently...

Maybe we should explain a few things to her about the surface?

Yeah, good idea.

Roll me a 1d20+5 to teach her.

Additional +1 if you can keep her attention focused on your powerful muscles.
Additional +3 if you can give her some Do's and Don'ts...
And a +1 if you can be even more forward with her.
>>
Rolled 2 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>906863
Ren's mom won't, that's for sure.
>>
Rolled 10 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>906863
Katariina.

Just cradle her in one arm and flex with the other
>Do not just take things. Humans have this thing called currency. If you want something just ask me first.
>Do remember that clothes are important. Maybe as a Hydra You don't wear them but as a human they're essential.
>>
Allowing samefagging for more do's and don'ts.
>>
Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>906905
>Don't shapeshift in just any situation. Do it when there's plenty of space and when people aren't around

We should get Ren a Toga.
>>
16+9=25

GOod Success!

You pick her up, and cradle her in one arm, and flex in the other, telling her some does and don'ts. She seems eager to learn, and you give her the basics....

Actions

>Flirt with her a little?
>Tell her to go up to the surface make some friends?
>Maybe take her to befriend one of your wives?
>Tell her the surface is clearly better then the ocean?
>Tell her your busy working on rocket shit.
>Write-In

Sorry anons but I'm taking a 45 minute nap.
>>
>>906928
>Flirt with her a little?
>Ask her if she wants to see us work
She can watch us fire if rockets.
(And make space planes.)
>>
>>906928
>Tell her your busy working on rocket shit.

Sure you are OP... sure you are...
>>
>>906928
So OP how was your nap?
>>
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>>907232
Welp
>>
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>>907256
>>
Rolled 1 (1d2)

I'm back, sorry about oversleeping.

Now, rolling to see what the fuck you do.

1=Flirt and ask if she wants to see you work?
2=Tell her your busy!
>>
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R-roll me a 1d20+4 to flirt with her while I go for a car ride.

Additional +3 if you can think of a good compliment or flirt with her...
+1 if you can be forward as well/

Also a +1 if you can do something with your MUSCLES OF STEEL.
>>
Rolled 18 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>907416
>>
Rolled 3 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>907416
>Maybe some time later I can show you around. All the different rooms. Maybe we can even spend some alone time in one and have some 'fun'

When in doubt
Ass grope
>>
18+8=26

Good Success

"You know, maybe some time later I can show you around all the different rooms here. Maybe later we can spend some time alone in one for some extra fun..."

You grope her ass a little, and she whimpers a little from your groping.

You multitask on making a rocket...

Roll me a 1d20+5 to work on a rocket.

Additional +3 if you can take time off of thinking about Lynea by thinking of something else or insulting Flame's choice in waifus.
>>
Rolled 9 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>907486
>mmm... what suit should I start wearing. I have a classical noblemen attire but that's rather papal. A toga perhaps?
>>
Rolled 3 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>907486
Think about how we're skipping Mikhals birthday to make rockets and flirt with a Hydra
>>
Allowing samefagging!

>>907503
>implying Ren has a conscious beyond not hurting women or his mom
>topokek
>>
Rolled 14 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>907510
I'd rather we be more like Viktor in that regard.
It's fine to fuck with anyone but the family.
Family is important and shit.
>Inb4 called a moralfag
>>
>>907515
Moralfag
>>
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>>907515
Moralfag,
>>
>>907520
Well I enjoy spending time with our children.
It's not like I'd enjoy actually winning this quest if it even can be won.
>>
14+8=22

Good Success!

You get fairly far in research. You'd need some more time for any actual success though...

Roll me a 1d20+6 if Lynea is impressed!

Additional +3 if you can make this harder then it seems!
>>
Rolled 18 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>907710
>This is very delicate work. The slightest error could cause a fatal explosion. Don't worry though I'm a professional.

So how are you enjoying your new stuff Questing.
>>
Rolled 13 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>907710
>>
>>907719
Enough where I get off-focus and play for thirty minutes before updating.

18+9=27

Good Success!

[red]"You know, this is very delicate work. The slightest error could cause a fatal explosion. Don't worry though, I'm a trained professional."[/red]

She seems a little worried...

"I mean... Should I be in here with you?"

[red]"Yeah, it's fine. Don't worry."[/red]

Roll me a 1d20+5 to continue working. Additional +3 if you can compliment Lynea while you do so.
>>
Rolled 19 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>907940
>Your black hair is wonderful, just like your black scales but fine and your blue eyes are like the seas themselves.
>>
Rolled 18 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>907940
>Your blue eyes remind me of the ocean.

One day OP will have the willpower to resist.
>>
>>907956
Nope. The only way he'll stop is if something actually happens to his stuff.
>>
19+8=27

Good Success!

You give her a few more compliments as you work, and eventually you begin to yawn... Jesus, your tired.
And have a slight headache.

On the bright side, you feel like your about to get even further in rocketry... Your latest rocket only exploded just a little.

With your mind a little tired from a headache, you begin to think on what to do... Oh, right. Liz.

You tell Lynea to relax and just wait in the hole for when you come along again, and you go to check on Liz.

Roll me a 1d20+6 if your slaves have sated Liz.
>>
Rolled 16 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>908038
>>
Rolled 17 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>908038
>Only exploded a little
Such high safety standards.
>>
>>908061
Just wait until we have to find out how Space suits work. We're going to need a lot of slaves/test subjects for that.
>>
17+6=23

Good Success!

It seems Liz is napping, and is full. Even having a few plates of empty food and lacking any sort of crumbs... She snores loudly on her pile of gold, adjusting to cover herself more in it. You even see a few stuck pieces of gold in her scales.

Actions

>Leave, Liz isn't eating anyone, so everything is A-OK.
>...Wake her up? You want to talk to her a little.
>Do her a favor and clean up for her.
>...Boop her on the nose.
>Write-In
>>
>>908082
>Do her a favor and clean up for her.
>...Boop her on the nose.
>>
>>908082
>Leave, Liz isn't eating anyone, so everything is A-OK.
she propbably likes the gold stuck in her scales.
>>
Waiting fifteen minutes anons.
>>
>>908093
You should just roll
>>
>>908089
>>908093

I'll switch to this if only so OP has less time to vidya
>>
You decide to leave... Now of course, you need something to do...

Actions

>Try to take a nap...
>See your wife?
>See the kobold embassy?
>You should try to boost your PR with another nation.
>Maybe you should call Charlemagne to see how well he's doing in Korea.
>...You should see your son Mikhal after his birthday party is done.
>You know... You should just take a walk around Stockholm. It'll be nice to see how much it's developed.
>Head to the university?
>Visit America to see your son?
>Maybe you should take up direct ruling..
>Take some petitions?
>Write-In
>>
>>908136
>...You should see your son Mikhal after his birthday party is done.
We can enter civ mode afterwards.
>>
>>908136
>You know... You should just take a walk around Stockholm. It'll be nice to see how much it's developed.

If we take up direct ruling will that make us enter civ mode so that time passes by faster. Don't get me wrong, want to get stuff done and build character but I want Liz's pregnancy to be shorter.
>>
I'll be back tomorrow anons, got to get some more sleep.
>>
>>908157
G'night
>>
>>908157
Night.
Maybe we can take a walk with mikhal through Stockholm
>>
Just woke up again anons...

You decide to see your son Mikhal, and go on a walk with him... Hopefully he isn't pissed off at you.

You begin to try and find Mikhal...

So, I've been thinking a little...

What?

Well, mostly how to actually possibly FIGHT kobolds.

Really?

Well... They're small and little. Not to mention nearly all of them we've seen so far don't use knives or anything... So I'm thinking that they're actually really weak in melee. You could pick one up as a human and throw them, really.

...Continue.

Not to mention their raging sense of paranoia. And slight cowardice from melee and people taller then them. Notice that at all?

He's too busy looking at their floppy ears.

Would you mind if I butt into this conversation? A birdlike voice says... Quoth, it seems.

...Wait, you can hear us?

Well, Blondi can too. And I'm bored and have very little to change my mind.

...I see.

And your curious on how to defeat the Kobold Empire, correct?

Well, getting them subservient at least...

Ah. If you want, I could explain to you a few avenues. And list their flaws. There's benefits to being a Tzeentchian, you know.

Actions

>Well... Sure, I guess.
>Nah, no thanks
>Could I ask you something specific about them?
>I'm trying to find my son. Can we do this later?.
>Write-In
>>
>>908363
>Well... Sure, I guess.
>>
>>908363
>Well... Sure, I guess.
>>
Well, sure I guess.

Good, good. This may get a little complicated for your simple brains...

I'm a dragon. I can comprehend anything, really.

Shush you. Now, any particular approaches? Or do you want me to autistically start spouting how to properly take over?

Actions

>I'd rather take over peacefully.
>Well, I don't see why we can't take over with force of arms.
>Is there any weaknesses in their economy?
>Nah. Just start talking, damn it.
>Write-In
>>
>>908487
>I'd rather take over peacefully. And try to get them to worship the Roman Pantheon.
>Barring that force of arms works too.
>>