Last time on Werewolf Reich, we slightly dehumanized our dad, and slightly lowered our morals. Oh, and we almost fingered our wife in the ass. Because anons were pissed off at our wife.Twitter: QuestingQMCharacter Sheet:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dbHfLvUNQVM4qsomLlvpMOEWO7IDEf1fmC1ICYzJBdA/edit?usp=sharingYou pull up with your truck to the old Teutonic Knight's castle, it being very large and imposing still on you and your family."Finally! We're here."Kutyvoka cheers, and drags Sabrina in with her, while Hans just awkwardly stands around."Why are we here again?" He says, looking at the castle you brought your family to."To have fun mostly. Oh, and avoid getting sober."Ivanka pokes you on the shoulder."Oh, hold on a minute... Da, Ivanka?""Stojan... I erh... I just want to talk for a moment.""About what?""Just... About our relationship.""Oh... Oh."You follow her behind the truck... This is one of the few times her Russian stoicism has failed, and she seems a little sad..."Stojan?""Yeah?""I sort of noticed you've been... Avoiding me.""Well... Sorry, but yeah..."She sits down."I don't blame you, comrade.""Really?"You sit down beside her."No... I erh... I'm not very active. I'm fat... And I haven't hunted anything fresh for a month.""Yeah...""I'm just... I'm a sorry excuse for a sniper right now, aren't I? I'm a big target, I'm slow, I'm lazy, and I'm not even attractive anymore. Am I right?""Why are you saying this?""It's just... It's the looks everyone gives. Even you... I just... I just have this feeling from you too, that you've been avoiding me..."Actions>You are the most attractive person I met, and the most hungry person I love...>I just want you to know I'll love you always.>I think.. I think you looked a lot better back when we ran around the woods.>I sort of miss it when you were concerned about eating people and were very slim... And cute...>I think your ugly, unattractive, a slob, and lazy. But I think you can get better.>I've... Well... I haven't been completely truthful. I've been lustful... I erh... I cheated on you.>I'm sorry... But I uh... I wanted to say that I don't love you anymore. Your just... Different.>Don't say that about yourself. I love you, and your big beautiful girth...>Give her a kiss and makeout!>Will you hurt me if I say anything bad about you?>You just... You don't have ANY self-control. You tried to eat me at the prison... I mean, it's kind of hard to love your partner back if she tries to eat you.>I know you didn't mean it, but you just lack self control... Can I help you with that?>This is... Well, this is going to be hard to say...>Write-In
>>786407>I know you didn't mean it, but you just lack self control... Can I help you with that?>I just want you to know I'll love you always.
"Listen, I know you don't mean to, but you lack self control. Can I help you in that? And I just want you to know, I'll love you always.""Well... Thank you. I'm just... I'm concerned comrade. And I uh... I sort of realize this is the first time I ever really opened up to you, isn't it?""Well... Yes, actually.""First time for everything then, eh Comrade?""Yeah.""...Stojan, I just... I keep having a gut feeling that something's wrong, and there's nothing I can do. I can barely do anything as it is...""Right...""I just... I wish we lived out in the countryside or something, hunting rather then sitting around.""Do you find it boring?""Well, yes... And there just isn't anything to do... It smells terrible too..."Actions>Ivanka, I know you hate the city, but just live with it...>When I get a huge palace, I promise you'll have a forest to run and hunt in.>...If you want, I could give you your own cabin to stay in.>I love you too...>I'd like it if you opened up more... Instead of your cold exterior... It could really add depth to your personality. (Try to encourage her to be more warm towards you!)>Think about it, one day our house will be so large you'll have to be a hunter to explore it...>Ivanka, I love you... You know that, right?>I uh... I meant to tell you that I'm sending you to the front line to fight the communists.>Write-In
>>786446>I'd like it if you opened up more... Instead of your cold exterior... It could really add depth to your personality. (Try to encourage her to be more warm towards you!)Shame we can't just live in a cabin in the woods
"You know, I'd like it if you opened up more. Instead of your usually cold exterior... It could really add depth to your personality."Roll me a 1d20+3 to make her more warm and open! Additional +3 if you can compliment her or come up with arguments for her becoming more warm.
Rolled 13 + 3 (1d20 + 3)>>786475
Rolled 14 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>786475>I love you ivanka and I'd like if we could be more open with each other.
"I love you Ivanka, and I'd like it if we could be more open with each other...""I don't see why not then, comrade...""Great... It's a shame I just can't live in a cabin in the woods.""Yeah... That would be nice."Actions>...Kiss her, why not?>Come on, let's get inside.>...Can I tell you something?>Thank you for trying to become more open with me.>You know... Your the best wife I can ask for, even if at times you do unsavory things...>Write-In
>>786512>...Kiss her, why not?>You know... Your the best wife I can ask for, even if at times WE do unsavory things...Good thing we don't have any inter dimensional hooker gods chasing after us here.
>>786512>You know... Your the best wife I can ask for, even if at times you do unsavory things...>...Kiss her, why not?>>786519I am sad at the distinct lack of property damage.The sacrifice is worth I guess tho.
"You know... Your the best wife I can ask for, even in times when we do unsavory things..."You begin to kiss her, and it quickly becomes making out...Actions>...So, wanna tumble? Just saying.>...So, wanna cuddle? I feel a little cold.>Come on, let's go inside, ok?>I missed you too.>...So... Got any vodka?>You know, just saying... But your massive stomach makes a great pillow.>...You have a new idea... Rub your nose against her nose! It'll be adorable!>Write-In
>>786521>Come on, let's go inside, ok?If we can go hunting in the wild we should.I think she'll! like it.
>>786537>Come on, let's go inside, ok?Let's not get too ahead of ourselves here.
>>786544>>786537Oops linked myself
"Come on, let's just go inside, ok?""Yeah..."The two of you begin to go inside, and you help her up... Hans follows closely, along with Daciana...You all head inside to the castle...Actions>Head straight to the basement. You want to go through that portal again.>You know, that portal links you to a mountain... You should try to make something allowing you to survive high altitudes.>Eh, head home. This isn't worth it.>Write-in
>>786555Let's cuddle and tumble with Ivanka in a private room.
>>786555>You know, that portal links you to a mountain... You should try to make something allowing you to survive high altitudes.
Rolled 1 (1d2)Rolling...1=Tumble!2=Try to make something allowing you to survive!
"Hey... Ivanka? Let's find a private room, what do you say?""Sure, comrade..."You head to a private room, and you lock the door behind you..."So, what did you want?"Roll me a 1d20+5 to convince her to tumble you, additional +3 for complimenting her body, or coming up with "great" werewolf pick up lines.
Rolled 2 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>786575"Your black fur is like the night, beautiful and without ugly blemishes"
Rolled 16 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>786575Rollan>>786588This because pick up lines are hard.
Rolled 14 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>786575
>>786594I generally find it easy to come up with stuff by comparing their physical features to nature. Bonus points if it has to do with whatever country they're from.
16+8=24Great Success!"Wanna tumble? I mean, your black fur is like the night, beautiful and without ugly blemishes, truly... You are an aryan among werewolves.""Well, thanks. The complimented was unneeded though..."She alluringly takes off her clothes.You know, your beginning to like that big belly of hers. Or your just growing used to it.Roll me a 1d20+6 for tumbling, anons.
Rolled 15 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>786616>Inb4 1
>>786616Is Ivanka still on track to losing weight? Right now it looks like Stojans into bbw because of Ivanka.>>786624Ain't gonna roll when we have this
She's still losing weight, albit slowly. And that's just Stojan becoming a masochist.15+6=21You tumble her heavily, and after a little while you tire out, and rest beside her, and for few minutes, you cuddle with her. She kisses you on the nose, which tickles very heavily due to your sensitivity... Enough to make you burst into laughter.Actions>Just be adorable in bed with her. She's your wife after all, and you like getting belly rubs, and everything nice...>Try your new idea... Nose rub her with your nose!>Come on, I need to find something to help me not suffocate...>Drink some vodka... Might as well make this weirder if you can...>Ask her if she wants to tumble again after a few minutes?>...Quietly try to think of slim beatuiful women. You can't start being attracted to your wife's stomach, that'd just be weird.>Pat her stomach.. So large and soft...>Write-in!
>>786637>Try your new idea... Nose rub her with your nose!>...Quietly try to think of slim beatuiful women. You can't start being attracted to your wife's stomach, that'd just be weird.Because I get the feeling if we start getting a kink like this somehow Slaanesh will get into this dimension or some shit.I know it's an unreasonable fear but still
>>786637>Try your new idea... Nose rub her with your nose!>>786645At least Stojan is in a monogamous relationship unlike Ren.
[spoiler[Unless anons start outright worshipping Slaanesh or invite it here, you and your anus will be fine.[/spoiler]>>786653For now, at least. I'm counting the days until anons find WAIFU 2 and try to fuck her.You decide to try your new idea... Nose rub with your nose!Roll me a 1d20+6 if it turns out lycanthropes are sensitive to this or not.Because fuck it.
>>786653This and only this. Also next time we fight the Russian we better have a sabaton track to enjoy it to.
Rolled 3 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>786666I'm serious about the sabaton, Satan QM. I want my war metal.
>>786670Will Panzerkampf work? Or possibly The Last Stand? Or The Winged Hussars?
Rolled 17 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>786666Nice satanic Quads.
Rolled 9 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>786666Ivanka is all we need
>>786679Well, were polish, probably best to work with 40:1. Although I do love the fact you put Pamzerkampf first.
Nose rubbing seems to be demonic. Cool,You rub her nose, and she giggles... It seems to be a guilty pleasure from your sensitivities, and feels great, honestly..."So... Want to go again?""Really?""Well, I feel like it. Also... I missed you. And that nose rub kept me from sleeping..."Actions>Sure, let's do this... Show me the money.>We have work to do.>...Can our tumbling just be nose rubbing? It feels good...>Boop her on the nose.>Boop her in the belly button. Ha.>Kiss her, you rarely get a second time...>Pet her... Your tired...>Write-In
>>786694>Kiss her, you rarely get a second time...>Sure, let's do this... Show me the money.Does this mean we can summon Satan by doing lot's of nose rubbing?
>>786694>Write-In: Screw until one of the two are retarded and unable to move. Then. See what hans and Dave are up to.
Not unless you want a Cease and Desist notice from Beezlebub.You kiss her on the nose."Well, come on then... Show me the money..." You say, patting her on the stomach...Roll me a 1d20+3 for more tumbling!
Rolled 11 + 3 (1d20 + 3)>>786705Rolling for summoning Slaanesh tumbling
Rolled 15 + 3 (1d20 + 3)>>786705TO THE MINDBREAK!
15+3=18Success!Your tumbling isn't as good as last time, but still... It's nice to get everything out. Your wife eventually stops, too tired to continue... She curls up against you... Putting a hand around your neck."I wish we could do this more often...""We could. Totally. Yeah.'"Yeah... Sounds nice..."You cuddle up for a few minutes..."Hey... Stojan?""What?""...Why did you want to become a king anyways? I think I either forgot, or you never told me...""What, the king of tumbling?""You wish, comrade."Actions>Is that a challenge?>Well, it's more or less a divine right, you know... I am the first werewolf appointed by heaven itself...>Eh, I liked the title... I couldn't resist...>Nose rub her.>Give her a belly rub!>Let's uh... Get out of bed...>I mostly did it to be cool, honestly...>I have no idea why.>You know, I can't wait for the humans to fear us instead of us having to abide by so many human rules. It would be great.>Hey uh... I want to ask you something... Have you ever considered possibly owning humans?>Write-in
>>786738>I have no idea why.>I guess the title sounded nice.
>>786738>Is that a challenge?>Write-in: I guess it was some weird sense of duty. Some instinct just driving me to take this land and lead it, to safeguard it.
Sorry anons, passing out now.
>>786751Night OP. so we've had people almost get claw to make a contract with Slaanesh in EDQ how many threads in Werewolf Reich until some shitposters try to get us to worship Slaanesh?
>>786756All quest with the chaos gods involved usually reach that point as soon as the qm fails to scrutinize his player base and they're write ins.
>>786763Well I think OP has learned from the Claw incident so we should be fine then.Tbh though I think the decline started when they got lust pheromones
"Well, I have no idea why. The title sounded nice, but I guess it was mostly some weird sense of duty, something was just driving me to take this land and to lead it... Safeguard it against the bolsheviks. Anyways... Was that a challenge?""Da."'I see. Well... I'll try to live up to your expectations comrade. But first... Vodka!"You chug some vodka, and get back to tumbling your wife.Roll me a 1d20 for tumbling.
Rolled 14 (1d20)>>787158
14Borderline Success!By the end, both of you are too tired to continue, but both of you have tumbled to the point of just cuddling, and falling asleep together.After sleeping for a while, she wakes up, along with you."So soft..." You say... Still rather tired."Comrade, why are you sleeping on my stoma-""What? It makes a good pillow.""I see, comrade.""...So, why exactly are we here for anyways?""Besides tumbling?""Da."Actions>Well, we're going where no cuddly werewolf has gone to!>Well, I sort of felt like eating people other then Polish citizens. And besides, ruling is dull right now...>We're going on a vacation, comrade.>Rub noses again!>Well, I never went through this portal before, well, actually I did, but then I nearly suffocated..>I have no idea.>Well, assuming there's humans on the other side, I want to infect them and bring them back... Just to avoid suspicion.>...Did we bring Ritter? I forgot if we did or not.>Write-in
>>787200>We're going on a vacation, comrade.I think the main reason we came here is because Ivanka is a crazed lunatic in the city.
"Well, we're going on a vacation comrade...""You seem to like vacations a lot.""Well, yeah. I get to be with my family... And you, of course."You pat her on the head and give her a kiss."Well... Why don't we get going then, comrade? Unless you had something you wanted to do first of all..."Actions>Feel tough enough for another tumble?>Well, I need to find a way to protect myself from running out of oxygen on top of a mountain... Any ideas?>Can we just cuddle for a little bit?>So, hungry at all?>Let's go home... I changed my mind.>So, when we get to the other side, what did you want to do?>Write-In
>>787263>So, hungry at all?Stojan and Ivanka should start jogging together. Ivanka to lose weight and Stojan to build himself up.
"So, just curious... Are you hungry at all?""A little, comrade.""Huh. You know... Maybe we should start jogging together. Mostly so you can lose weight and I can build myself up.""Well, I don't see why not.""Great!""...Can we jog out to the forest though? Much more beautiful then the city.""Sure."She gives you a kiss."Now... Are you hungry at all?""Well... Just a little."Actions>I bet there'll be plenty of people to eat in the other dimension though. Let's go.>We should find a cabin or something, terrify some teens... Maybe eat one. You know, classic werewolf things.>Come on, I can cuddle your hunger away.>Let's hunt a deer or something...>Write-In
>>787296Put on our tracksuit and let's go jogging in the forest with Ivanka in the woods.
>>787296>Let's hunt a deer or something...
You decide to jog with her, and hunt a deer!Roll me a 1d20+4 to find a deer, be back in an hour anons!
Rolled 15 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>787431
Rolled 20 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>787431
You find in the middle of the forest a very large deer, with great pointed horns, and followed by two smaller deer... Children, you presume. You don't think they've heard you when you sneak up on them...Actions>No... You aren't going to attack a deer which has it's children around.>Try to sneak up to the giant deer!>Ivanka, you get the children, and I get the large deer...>Ivanka, you get the big deer, and I get the children...>Boop Ivanka on the nose and say no eating of childrens.>Write-In
>>787580>No... You aren't going to attack a deer which has it's children around.Think of the children!
>>787580>I'll get the kids, you get the adult
Waiting ten minutes.
Rolled 1 (1d2)Rolling1=Not the kids!2=Nom?
Well, seems like last second it was nom em all. Roll me a 1d30+4 to sneeki breaki. Additional +2 for one liners, or for puns about deer, sneaking, etc..
Rolled 24 + 6 (1d30 + 6)>>787702About to bambi dat ass
I said 1d30 because I was on a phone.Just fuck my shit up, I meant a 1d20.
Rolled 8 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>787748A deer for my dear?
Rolled 11 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>787748Saltyness, I rolled good too
11+6=17Success!You sneak up towards the deer... Who begins to step away from the bushes, probably hearing you step towards it... You prepare to lung, thinking of getting a deer for your dear...Roll me a 1d20+5 for snatch and grabbing the deer.
Rolled 2 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>787782
Rolled 18 + 5 (1d20 + 5)
18+5=23Great Success!The two of you quickly grab the deer, and kill them quickly. The second child deer tries to run off, but you lunge on it, and break it's neck to drag back to Ivanka.Your lunch is rather tasty, honestly, as the two of you eat venison and guts. Eventually you burp, and Ivanka laughs.Then the two of you of course, get into a burping contest after drinking considerable amounts of vodka earlier, like true slavs.After the two of you are done messing around, it seems like Ivanka is a little more warm around you, occasionally smiling when she sees you. She's finally broken out of the constant stoicism... At least, with you.The two of you begin to walk back to the castle slightly intoxicated, and challenging each other to random stuff, such as "who can stand on one foot the longest"... Or, your favorite game... "Who can withstand getting belly rubbed the longest?"Which of course, ends with the two of you on the ground, cuddling with each other... With both of you lasting an equal amount of time getting belly rubbed."Stojan... We should do this more often, da?"Actions>Give her a kiss! You like this warmer Ivanka!>You know, I liked it when you were really stoic...>Nose rub her! Hell yeah.>Come on, let's stop resting on the dirt, let's just head back.>...Have you ever thought about kids?>I don't know why my dad doesn't like you...>You know... You should ruin the mood by talking about politics...>Just cuddle for now...>I demand a rematch, damn it.>Can I tell you something?>Write-In
>>787836>Nose rub her! Hell yeah.>...Have you ever thought about kids?>I don't know why my dad doesn't like you...
You rub her nose with your nose..."You know, I don't why my dad doesn't like you..."She growls slightly at that."Well, I don't like him either, comrade Stojan.""Right... I know. Say, have you ever thought about kids?""You want to tumble me, again?""Well...""Stojan, there's only so much I can take, and besides, I enjoy being with you instead of tumbling twenty-four seven like somesort of shlyukha." She says, as she briefly lapses back to Russian.Actions>Aw... Fine then, I understand...>Come on, you can take a little more...>I was talking about what if we had kids, not if we wanted them right now...>I'm not even sure we CAN have kids.>Kiss her?>Come on, I got you lunch. And I let you eat the deer's kids.>Come on, tumbling twenty-four seven is fun...>Sigh loudly...>Why don't we talk about something else then, Ivanka?>Write-In
>>787879>I was talking about what if we had kids, not if we wanted them right now...>We should get too eating and dragging these back, We have a portal to explore!Honestly surprised she isn't expecting a litter or anything.
"Well, I was talking about what if we had kids, not if we wanted them right now or anything.""I see, comrade...""Well, we should get to eating and dragging these back, we have a portal to explore after all...""Da..."The two of you begin to drag back the corpses..."Just to answer your question Stojan, I don't really want kids.""Why?""Eh... I can't really see myself as a mother."Actions>Well, I can't see myself as a father too...>Let's stop talking about this, ok?>Come on, I mean, having kids would be cool...>Well, I kind of can.>Yeah... I don't know if you'd make a good mom...>Come on, you'd make a great mom.>Can we even have kids? I remember Karkmann saying we weren't meant for breeding or anything...>Write-In
>>787920>Come on, you'd make a great mom.>Can we even have kids? I remember Karkmann saying we weren't meant for breeding or anything... oh god.
"Come on, you'd make a great mom... But can we even have kids? I remember Karkmann saying we weren't meant for breeding or anything."She shrugs her shoulders."I don't know. Ask him, Stojan."You nod, and drag the corpses back. Which you later finish off, and head downstairs to the portal room.. But you first need something to help you and Ivanka survive a mountain...Roll me a 1d20-4 to find mountaineering equipment!
Rolled 10 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>787952its all orger
10-4=6Amazing Failure!There seems to be... Well, there's nothing there that's going to help you. This will make it extremely hard to go up and down the mountain...Actions>...You'll try to hunt down some equipment from a cabin, truck, or whatever... You don't want to suffocate after all.>You can deal with climbing down a mountain! You can do it!>Try to make some mountain equipment?>Head back, it's not worth it.>...Drink vodka and go in. You'll do better drunk.>Write-In
>>788018>...You'll try to hunt down some equipment from a cabin, truck, or whatever... You don't want to suffocate after all.
Roll me a 1d20+2 to see if you can find mountaineer equipment in a forest.
Rolled 7 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>788040
Waiting ten more minute anons.
Going to wait for anons to post, I'll be back in a hour or two anons.
Back anons.7+2=9Great Failure!You fail to find... Well, anything!But you do note, a small trail... It seems some teens are on a hunting trip by a very large hill, then of course there's a cabin by said hill, seemingly overgrown with vines. There is also however, the possibility of just hiking into town and buying the equipment...Actions>Head back to the city to find equipment!>Eh, you feel like stealing/extorting from some teens. Maybe you can scare them like in those horror movies... Or eat them. Or take them back to your family...>Search the abandoned cabin?>...There's one answer. Try to find soviets.>Write-In
>>788420>Search the abandoned cabin?
Putting this off until tommorow anons, sorry.
>>788420>Search the abandoned cabin?>>788572Aww :(
I'm back anons, for a little while.Roll me a 1d20-2 to search the cabin!
Rolled 3 - 2 (1d20 - 2)>>793184
Rolled 1 - 2 (1d20 - 2)>>793184
Critical Failure!You notice that the cabin you search through is... Well, it's completely deserted, save for some scorch marks and a charred unrecognizable body. You can't really tell who it is, but it seems to be a woodsman... In addition, there is clear signs of fire damage, and anything worthwhile would of been destroyed.Actions>Channel your inner forensics detective... Man, you wish you had a trenchcoat, some whiskey, and a revolver... Oh, and a cigarette.>Just continue on to either the teen's camp or head into town! (Specify)>Search anyways...>Head back. You can take on a mountain.>...Just uh, chew a little on the charred corpse anyways.>...You know, Ivanka always wanted a cabin in the woods... Maybe you could restore this place?>Write-in
>>793583>Head back. You can take on a mountain.We should remember where this cabin is. It would be a good second getaway place along with the castle.
You decide to remember where this cabin is, and you begin to head back to the castle...You eventually arrive back at the castle, at around noon...Actions>Maybe you shouldn't head into a portal and leave your nation to your dad. Who you've slightly made less moralistic...>Head for the portal! You can take on a mountain!>...Eh, you'll suffice for not going through a portal, but rather being with your family...>You need to find a phone, you have an important question to ask to Karkmann...>Head into town to buy mountain equipment, or make your own.>Write-In>Write-In>Write-In
>>793794>Head for the portal! You can take on a mountain!No pain no gain!
You decide to take on the mountain HEAD ON!Are you taking anyone with you?>Pelevinka, Ivanka's friend?>Ivanka!>Hans!>Leopold!>Kutyvoka!>Daciana!>Ritter (Though I'm assuming you left him back home.)>Bring everyone!>Write-In
>>793962>Ivanka!Duh>Kutyvoka!She has those legs and doesn't have to roll when jumping which is good.>Hans!Because this is D&D and why not.
You decide to take... Ivanka, your beloved, Kutyvoka, your pet, and Hans, your friend.Hans however, seems confused and slightly cynical, but you take him to the portal anyways... And you try to enter.Roll me a 1d20 to handle altitude!
Rolled 2 (1d20)>>794078Let's hope that jogging helped build up his endurance.
Rolled 4 (1d20)>>794078
Rolled 17 (1d20)>>794078
17Great Success!You crawl out... Barely able to handle the freezing cold and lack of oxygen...And Ivanka comes out next...Roll me a 1d20 to see if she can handle the lack of oxygen.
Rolled 2 (1d20)>>794150Does she even mountain?
Rolled 14 (1d20)>>794150Assuming that Hans, as a Kobold, is cold blooded and doesn't handle cold well. We'll either send him back or carry him in Stojans armpits or something to keep warm.
14Borderline Success!She comes out, and quickly begins to shiver... Hans comes out, and you sort of realize you forgot that to tell him it's a mountain... He does seem to handle it much better, mostly because he's smaller then you."You guys ok?""Hard... To breathe.""By Gott, I don't have to carry your fat asses, do I?Ivanka tries to glares at him, but he seems to largely ignore it, or not notice.."Yeah... Is it just me, or is really fucking cold?"You try to stand, but feel lightheaded, Ivanka even groans a little..."Would you mind if I uh... Pushed you down the mountain?"Actions>Oh fuck no, he's not using you like a sleigh.>Sure, I guess...>Do you know if your cold blooded or warm blooded? Just curious.>Only if you give me a belly rub when we get down...>Erh... How are we supposed to get back up?>We should try to get back into the portal.>Just try to help us up...>Write-In
>>794274>Just try to help us up...>Do you know if your cold blooded or warm blooded? Just curious.I just that since he's a Kobold and those are reptilian, he would be cold blooded.
"First... Are you cold blooded or warm blooded?""I'm uh... I think I'm cold blooded... I just feel it getting colder...""Great... Can you help me up?"He comes over, and tries to push you up... Eventually get gets your back up, and puts his boots into the snow, and try to push you up...Roll me a 1d20+2 to try and stand up. Additional +2 if you can encourage Hans!
Rolled 3 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>794321You can do it Hans!
Rolled 18 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>794321Believe in the Hans that we believe in!
"Come on Hans... You can do it!"He struggles to push you up, and has to take breaks once in a while... But eventually he piles stones behind him, and pushes you up, and you try to stand, altough lightheaded...Roll me a 1d20+4 to try and stand.
Rolled 6 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>794350
Rolled 7 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>794350
Rolled 3 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>794381
7+4=11Failure!You fall back down onto Hans."Get off of me, you weigh like a fucking brick!""Ergh..."You do not feel well... And your stomach just doesn't feel right from the altitude... Your stomach churns, aggravated by this. Kutyvoka finally exits through the portal, going to her knees, obviously not used to the height...Actions>Try to stand up again!>Tell Hans to stay under you. He'll keep warm that way.>Tell Ivanka to try and stand up!>Try to slide down the mountain!>Go through the portal!>Try to get Hans out from under you, he still needs to help you!>Try to calm down your stomach, hopefully you don't throw up on Hans, or in general.>Write-In
>>794435>Try to slide down the mountain!This is turning out to be a farce.
You begin to try and slide down the mountain... Roll me a 1d20+2 to see if you can avoid being separated!
Rolled 6 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>794498
Rolled 10 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>794498
Rolled 1 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>794498>>794498
sorry guys. brb drinking bleach
Critical Failure!You slide down the mountain... Which quickly becomes just you tumbling down the mountain with Hans... You have no idea what happened to everyone else, but eventually you come to a stop... And you try to stand, only with your stomach protesting heavily, and your legs saying "fuck you for doing this", and you think you've sprained them, pulled a muscle, and bruised them... Making it even harder to walk... You look up, and see Hans stumble towards you."Ok... I think we made it. We're at the foot of the mountain, and you look like your covered in snow, you alright?""Y-yeah, I'm fi-"You vomit all over Han's face as you stand up. After a few seconds of silence, he rubs it off his eyes, and blinks."Wow, thank you. Thank you so much. Not only does my back and entire body hurt, but now I smell like a dead corpse.""There's only one human in there...""I'm finding a river or something..." He says, minorly disgusted."Come on, I'm sorry...""It's fine, I went through worse when I joined the German army...""What's worse then being cove-""Crawling through a soviet sewer."'Oh. I'm so sorry.""Yeah..." He says, as he tries to clean out the vomit in his scales."Let's uh... Let's just get going..."HP: 200You have a hard time standing or walking! You find it very hard to run! It is hard to lift in addition!(-4 Agility until treated, and -1 Strength)He helps you stand, and the two of you go looking for a river to bathe in before the stench of dead bodyparts settles over."So, you hurt at all?""My scales protected me, I think. I don't really know... Now, can we just find a river? I don't fucking want to be covered in vomit.""I mean, I'd like to find Ivanka...""You can find her, but I'm finding a damned river or something..."Actions>I'll go look for her... Even though I can barely walk.>Let's not split up... I'll go with you.>Try to get his mind off you vomiting on him?>Finding my wife and pet is more important then getting rid of vomit in your scales...>Come on, the only women here are Ivanka and Kutyvoka, and Ivanka isn't very ladylike.>I'm never headpatting you again.>Write-In
>>794618>I'll go look for her... Even though I can barely walk.We could try licking the vomit off of him. Although that might be somewhat degrading towards Stojan.
>>794657Great, that made me sick a little. Thanks. Just saying though that Stojan would refuse to do that. That's just a little too crazy even for him (and utterly disgusting)"Yeah... Uh, sorry again about the vomit...""I'll just find somewhere to clean off, alright?"He walks off as you stumble off... You begin to search for Ivanka and your pet...Roll me a 1d20-4 to find them.
Rolled 18 - 4 (1d20 - 4)>>794683Captcha ate my dice.
>>794683Well Stojan is already part Wolf/dog and is obsessed with belly rubs. It was just a practical thought.
>>794698I don't think he'd go that far, and that makes me sick honestly.18-4=14Success!You try to find any trace of your wife and your pet... But it seems they're at the top of the mountain, still. You could see Ivanka (mostly by her stomach-size and her largeness to another humanoid, who you assume is Kutyvoka...) You don't think they see you though, even as you begin shouting and waving. Instead, you hear bush crackling from behind...Roll me a 1d20+4 to hide!
Rolled 17 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>794717I sure hope this isn't Ren's bastard son again.
>>794726Why the fuck would you encounter him this soon in the middle of a fucking forest for no reason?17+4=21Good Success!You hide in a bush, and you see something walk into the clearing... A man with green skin and tusks. And wearing fur hides as clothes, along with a rudimentary wooden spear. He seems to be... Well, rather brutish and intimidating, along with being slightly larger then any human you've ever seen... He walks past you, towards what seems to be a... Pond. And sits down to stab fish... You watch him as he does this, and he stabs fish to put in a rather well-made basket...Actions>Sneak up on him!>Rush him!>...Try to follow the trail where he came from?>Wait until he goes away!>Sneak up behind him... And grab his basket and silently eat the fish he catches...>Go up behind him, and say hello. Your civilized, aren't you?>Go behind him... And ask for a belly rub. You feel terrible for puking on Hans!>Write-in
>>794754>Wait until he goes away!I just remember meeting I'm when Daciana and Leopard had that little episode here. I guess it just left a lasting impact.
You wait until the green-skinned humanoid goes away, as you hide in a bush. He stabs the water for fish as you watch...Roll me a 1d20+5 (Additional +2 from doing nothing) to be sneaky.
Rolled 6 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>794816
6+5=11Failure!Your stomach growls looking at the fish, and the greenskinned man takes his wooden spear and points it up, suspicious that something's watching him... It seems vomitting early has sort of gotten rid of your breakfast.Actions>Approach?>Readjust your position!>Stay where you are, and try to be sneaky!>Rush him!>Rush his basket of fish!>Write-In
You decide to rush him!As you look over him, you notice he has two axes by his waist, sort of reminding you of a tomahawk, no doubt meant for throwing, and it also seems like he has a horn in his hands, no doubt used for calling his friends...And so, you begin your charge, but what exactly are you planning to do to him?Actions>Knock him out>Turn him into lunch! Your sort of hungry yourself...>Kill him normally!>Scare him off! If your scary enough, he might just scram...>Grab him and incapacitate him!>Write-In
>>794882>Kill him normally!
Roll me a 1d20+2 for your charge! (-3 from injuries!)
Rolled 10 + 3 (1d20 + 3)>>794921
10+3=13Failure!You charge out of... Only for the fisherman to look at you surprised, and backaway... He stabs his wooden spear at your shoulder and it does a good hit against you... (-25 HP), and he jumps out of the way as his spear seems to be stuck in your gut... He grabs one of his tomahawks, and gets lower to the ground, preparing against another one of your charges...Actions>Oblige him, charge!>Try to pull out the wooden fishing spear in your shoulder!>HUSSAR CHARGE him! (+1)>Try to intimidate him?>Flee!>Try to talk to him?>Write-InCurrent HP175
>>794951>HUSSAR CHARGE him! (+1)
You decide to hussar charge him... As he prepares to throw an axe at you!Roll me a 1d20+3 anons!
Rolled 5 + 3 (1d20 + 3)>>794990
5+3=8Great Failure!Your injured leg gives out, and you fall to the ground, and he takes his time to aim a tomahawk... Which strikes you right in the back, further injuring you! (-50 HP)... You feel a little woozy from your injures now...Current HP: 125Actions>Flee! Your too weak to fight!>Try to get up and continue the fight!>Put your hands up in surrender?>Try to pull out the tomahawk!>Try to bluff him? Your quite injured... Don't need him to capitalize on this.>Write-in
>>795027>Try to pull out the tomahawk!Is it okay for me to samefag right now since it looks like other anons are absent and not rolling.
Yeah, seems like it. I'll allow it.Roll me a 1d20+3 to pull out the tomahawk! Additional +3 if you can think about nice things you like while pulling this out to prevent you from actually thinking about how much this hurts!
Rolled 15 + 3 (1d20 + 3)>>795056It's nothing special. It's just like pulling an axe out of firewood when I was a boy doing chores.
You try to think about how this was just like you pulling an axe out of firewood when you were younger and doing chores... Eventually you get the tomahawk out, covered in your blood... You'll need to get that wound patched up... Meanwhile, you notice the fisherman is backing away, clearly trying to disengage...Actions>He'll pay for attacking you! Attack!>Back away as as well...>Back towards his basket...>Toss the tomahawk at him!>Write-In
>>795125>He'll pay for attacking you! Attack!He's probably not alone. If he escapes he could come back with more friends.
You prepare to attack... And he puts his hands on the horn, and prepares to blow it...Actions>Charge him before he does so!>Taunt him?>Flee! You don't want to deal with his lackeys and allies!>Toss the tomahawk at his horn?>Write-In
>>795146>Charge him before he does so!Although if Stojan was wise enough to bring his machine gun, use that.
You try to take out your machinegun... Only to realize you lost it when you fell down the mountain.Great.So you settle for charging.Roll me a 1d20+3
Rolled 19 + 3 (1d20 + 3)>>795175Fug.
Rolled 11 + 3 (1d20 + 3)>>795175Why can't anons talk first and murderhobo later?
>>795188He's an Orc which I despise and do not trust.
>>795188Well, to be fair this is Dungeons and Murderhobos.You begin to charge him, and you slice at his cheek as you charge, giving him a nasty cut... But before you can take advantage of that, he punts you with a axe in the gut (luckily dealing no damage) and you counter him with backswipe, cracking one of his tusks and staggering him...Roll me a 1d20+4 for your next attack! -2 if you want attack specific body part/location!
Rolled 19 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>795211
Rolled 6 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>795211Called shot to the groin.
19+2=21Great Success!You bring your fist straight into his groin. The greenskinned man whimpers a little bit, pauses, and curls up... So you bring your fists together and hit him over the head, knocking him to the ground and into the dirt as he curls up after your groin-punch...Actions>Finish him off!>Break his horn and flee!>Just uh... Injure him for hurting you...>Say a prayer for your victory!>Tasty! Nom him a little...>Infect him!>Just knock him out!>You know, maybe Ivanka would appreciate it if you brought her lunch?>Try to interrogate him?>Write-in
>>795247>Finish him off!Let's not eat him. Orcs are probably high in fats and their stupidity might be contagious. Just take his fish.
Gonna five minutes anons
You decide to try and finish him off...Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if you can finish him off before he recovers! If you want, you can describe how you finish him off!
Rolled 13 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>795356Let's just drive our claws into his chest or something.
13+4=17Success!You drive your claws into his chest, right where his heart is... This kills hims instantly and painlessly, and you get back up... Walk over to his basket of fish, and pick it up.Actions.>You should eat the fish... Tasty!>You should try to climb back up that mountain...>Try to find Hans?>Try to find where that orc's camp was?>Try to find civilization...>Write-In
>>795423>You should eat the fish... Tasty!>Try to find Ivanka.
You nom the speared fish, and try to find Ivanka...Which means trying to climb back up that mountain...Roll me a 1d20+-2 to see if you can do it!
Rolled 17 - 2 (1d20 - 2)>>795475Welp
15Borderline Success!You begin climbing up the mountain... You make it a good few feet, but you feel exhausted... And your injuries are already quite severe... Not to mention it's night, you lack camping equipment, and it's snowing... You feel like your freezing, and even though your wife may wait for you at the summit, you know climbing up there would be... Well, death... This is what you think to yourself as you look out from a very tall hill to the pine forest, looking dark and intimidating...Actions>Climb back down. You aren't going to freeze to death up here...>Try to start a fire to warm yourself up!>Find shelter... There has to be something.>Just... Rest out in the open. What's the worst that could happen?>Ignore it, and continue to climb.>Write-In
>>795511>Climb back down. You aren't going to freeze to death up here...
You climb back down the freezing cold mountain, and your feet ache for rest... You shouldn't really be moving around, really... But eventually you get to the bottom...You need shelter before you freeze to death...Actions>Try to find shelter.>Try to make a tent or something out of sticks, and start a basic fire... You are NOT going to freeze to death, damn it... Of course, you haven't started a fire for eight years in the forest... So your knowledge is iffy at best...>Try to warm yourself up somehow?>You have an idea... Try to find Hans. He can dig you shelter! Also so he doesn't freeze to death.>Write-In for ideas on how to warm yourself up?
>>795550>You have an idea... Try to find Hans. He can dig you shelter! Also so he doesn't freeze to death.I wonder what Ivanka and Kutyvoka are doing right now.
You decide to find Hans... Which takes you a while...Roll me a 1d20 to see how long this takes. Additional +3 if you can guess at locations he's at.
Rolled 9 + 3 (1d20 + 3)>>795588He's no doubt along the river that the Orc was fishing at. I'd guess that he's somewhere upstream.
Rolled 16 (1d20)>>795588
16Success!It doesn't take you TOO long to find him, but you have contracted minor frostbite... (-25 HP), and you only find him by finding a hole in the ground... And him poking his head out. And you see smoke coming out of said hole."Stojan? You look terrrible...""C-Cold... Too cold..." You say, shivering..."Hey uh... Unless you can breathe in smoke, I don't think you can actually be down here... He says...""T-then vent the smoke some other way..."He seems uncomfortable with the prospect..."But the smoke is the best part... It's warm down here...""P-please... I'm... I'm freezing to death..."He crawls back into the hole, and the smoke redirects itself through a smaller hole farther away... You begin to crawl down... But it seems the hole is very small for you...Roll me a 1d20+2 to force yourself through the hole! Additional +3 (or autosuccess) if you can come up with a idea to get yourself through the hole.)
Rolled 16 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>795680We could just help dig the hole to be deeper
16+2=18Success!You force yourself through, and crawl through the small tunnel to where Hans seems to be... Next to a fire, where he has carefully directed the flame to go out of the hole."So, you can breathe through smoke?""Well, yeah... Warmth feels great, honestly...""Maybe because your a reptile?""...Maybe, I guess... Anyways, want me to dig you some more room? All I can see is your face and your shoulder... Which uh, doesn't look well..."Actions>Sure, I need the extra room.>I'll be fine. I'll know if someone's here because they'll step on my ass.>Do you want me to keep you warm?>Growl at him for implying your possibly fat!>Growl at him for not helping you find Ivanka or Kutyvoka.>I mean, I bet I can take some smoke if it means I can get warmer faster...>If I could, I'd hug you for saving me from this damned frost...>Your a great friend, you know that?>Write-In
>>795721>>Sure, I need the extra room.
"Sure, I need the extra room."You and him dig out a little more, and after a bit you feel a lot more cozy..."Hey uh... You sort of look like you got into a fight.""Really?""Yeah.""I uh, found some greenskinned man and I attacked him.""...Why?"Actions>He was clearly hostile!>I wanted his fish...>Well, I don't trust people who aren't the same color as me. No offense.>...Can you patch me up somehow? I'd hate for infection to set in.>Happen to have any marshmellows?>Let's just sleep, ok?>Write-In
>>795807I didn't trust him. He looked like some murderous brute from stories and legends of old.
"Well, I didn't trust him really... He looked like some murderous brute from stories and legends.""You read too much... Besides, greenskinned? Eating any mushrooms?""What? No...""But I'm just going to go out on a limb and hope you had good reason besides distrust...""Yeah, that's probably for the best."You pat him slightly on the head for not asking questions.Actions>...Just go to sleep.>...Want to talk?>Hey, mind if I ask if you have any interest in women?>So, do you mind if other people become as short as you? You know, mutated?>Just curious, do you eat human meat at all?>Pass the time by talking about women, etc... Basically stuff you can't say in public when women are around.>Can I ask you a question?>Hey... Are we friends or best friends? I'm curious.>You know, for someone shorter then me you aren't too bad.>So... What do you think is in this world?>What do you think would happen if I infected with you with lycanthropy? I'm uh, just asking a question here. Not that I'm going to do that, mind you.>You know, I kinda miss being human at times. Mostly because I don't get into circumstances like sleeping underground or being unable to be on mountains...>Happy that your skills probably saved our lives from frostbite yet?>Write-in
>>795878>Hey, mind if I ask if you have any interest in women?>So, do you mind if other people become as short as you? You know, mutated?
"So... Want to talk about women?""Well, sure I guess.""Mind if I ask if you had any interest in any other women?""I mean... I'm already married... But I'd be lying if I said other women weren't just as attractive.""Huh. Like what?""Can we talk about something else?""Hm... So... Do you mind if other people become as short as you? You know, mutated?""Wait, what? Why?""I was just curious...""I mean, sure tunneling is cool, but I don't think people would like becoming short, coldblooded reptilians..."Actions>Good on you for not betraying your wife... Like I kind of did...>Hey... I was wondering... Could you wingman for me while I visit Martha again?>You should of stopped me back at the party... I can't believe I cheated on my wife.>Well, think about this way... You'd be kind of their father. In a sense. A father of an entire race of humanoids...>Come on, imagine the little adorable kids and female- I mean, it would be adorable...>Yeah, I don't blame you, this mutation stuff is weird at times...>Well, even if you don't like it, you better learn to like it...>Better then a human though. They can't do anything!>Come on, you can tell me what girls you like... I'm your friend after all.>Write-In
>>795937Write-In>You have to admit. Being a short coldblooded reptilian has its advantages and comes with a lot of boons. Just look at it cured you of crippling arthritis. Being mutated is a way to give others a new life.PS: I think that Hans mentioned that he had arthritis when he was human.
"Well, you've got to admit being a short coldblooded reptilian has its advantages and comes with a lot of boons. Just look at it cured you of crippling arthritis. Being mutated is a way to give others a new life...""Well... I mean, I do like being able to walk normally.""Yeah. You see?""Kind of... But I guess I'm not really a fan of making people like me.""I see...""Yeah... So, mind if I ask why exactly you cheated on your wife?""Oh god..." Your regret comes on immediately."Hey, come on... I just want to know.""Please? Can we talk about something else?""Sorry, sorry. Didn't realize it was touchy for you."Actions>It's nothing personal, alright? I just regret it heavily...>You know what? I'll tell you why I did so.>It was spur of the moment.>I'm not cheating on her. I don't even plan to ever contact Martha again.>You should of stopped me, honestly...>On an unrelated note... How did you like my wife when you went out for dinner?>Write-In
>>796000>It was spur of the moment.>I'm not cheating on her. I don't even plan to ever contact Martha again.
"Come on, it was spur of the moment, and I'm not cheating on her. I don't even plan to ever contact Martha again.""That's good, I guess... Anyways, hang on..."You see him get out a chocolate bar ration."Don't feel like going to bed hungry. You?"You feel like sneezing."C-can you put that chocalate away? Please?""Huh? Why?""I-I'm allergic."You sneeze onto the fire twice before he puts it away."T-Thanks.""Is it like that dog thing where if you eat it your dead?""W-what? No, I'm just allergic to that stuff... And Ivanka adores chocolate. Calls it bourgeois. She loves it all the same though.""Well, that's good that you can't die from chocolate. Anyways... So uh... Do you smoke at all?""I mean, once in a blue moon. I don't really do it anymore since I became a werewolf.""Why?"You gag reflexively."It smells fucking terrible... Could just be my enhanced smelling though, but it's fucking terrible...""Shit... Well, there goes smoking and playing cards then.""Yeah."Hans leans back by the fire..."So, you know I don't like being a small lizardperson, right?""Yeah.""So... Doesn't seem like your in any rush to return to being human."Actions>Eh... At times I miss it. At times.>Why would I? I'm a giant wolf man with a appetite for destruction.>Can I just get some sleep?>I'm basically a human... Who eats people. And is bigger and stronger.>Write-In
>>796086>Eh... At times I miss it. At times.>Can I just get some sleep?
"I mean, I miss it at times. But not all the time... Anyways, I'm getting some sleep.""Yeah... I'll get some sleep too..."You fall asleep... And eventually you wake up, feeling Hans ontop of you."What are you d-""Shush!"A few minutes go by before he crawls back down, and covers the hole with dirt... And also stomping out the fire."Something wrong?""There's greenskinned men up there armed with spears and axes. I think they're looking for you...""Shit."Actions>Ask him if you can peek?>...How long can we stay down here?>Well, I'm going back to sleep until they're gone...>Oh, this will only take a second.>Shit, I shouldn't of killed him...>Write-inYour HP135 (+10 from last night!)
>>796129>...How long can we stay down here?That Orc deserved it. He was clearly threatening us and Stojan had to act in self defense.
Stojan dindu nuffin."So... How long can we stay down here?""Well, I mean... I have some rations.""Oh.""Well, either until we freeze ourselves to death, or we run out of food... I can't tell which.""It's still snowing?""Yeah... It's freezing still...""Do you have a gun?""I mean, I had one. But I didn't think we'd need it...""Shit.""So... I think we have two days of food..."Actions>I'll be right back... Do you think anyone will miss a few guys?>Let's just wait for them to go...>Can I see the rations so I can judge for myself?>So... Feel like cards? >Can you tunnel our way out of here?>Write-in
>>796203>Let's just wait for them to go...I just thought of something. What if Stojan tries to howl in order to communicate with the others who are probably at the summit. It makes sense considering they're all werewolves.
"Let's just wait for them to go..."After a while, you hear yelling, and fighting above... Along with snarling. Hans peeks out a little bit, and the fighting comes to an end above, with cheering above... After a little bit you hear running and shouting... And drums.It seems somesort of tribal feud has gone on above you, and you and Hans poke your heads out to a area of corpses... Of short midget like men with massive beards (Along with bearing Scottish kilts and greatswords...) And the greenskinned Orc men. And a few strange corpses... Corpses of... Humanoid Hyenas. There seems to be twenty-six corpses in all, and you are awfully confused... Hans comes out."Well, that was convenient..."Actions>Yeah... Anyways, I need breakfast. Could you look away? (If you want, specify what corpse race to eat)>So... What do you think happened?>Come on, we need weapons... Let's go through their bodies for loot.>You know, we should come up with names for the races here...>Heh, I found something just as small as you. A band of midgets with greatswords!>Write-In
>>796266>Yeah... Anyways, I need breakfast. Could you look away? (If you want, specify what corpse race to eat)Eat the Dwarves. They're probably high in nutrients and minerals.>Come on, we need weapons... Let's go through their bodies for loot.
"Well, if you excuse me... I need to eat a few highlanders."You chew a little on the midgets (Or dwarves, as you decide to call them) and you have to admit, you don't like eating them... It's just all that hair and that smell... It just isn't your favorite plate of delicious sentient meat... You mean, meat. Not that you prefer eating things that think and can communicate or anything.After eating nearly every one of the midgets (Hey, they were short in size!) You finally take to looting their weapons...What will you get?>Loot from the Dwarves!>Loot from the Hyena men!>Loot from the Greenskins?What will Hans loot from?>Greenskins!>Hyena men!>The Dwarves!
>>796308>Loot from the Dwarves!>The Dwarves!They probably have the highest quality weapons.
You begin to loot from the Dwarves... Who mostly have fine-quality Greatswords, and... Well, that's really it. You find the odd knife here and there.Actions>You always wanted to swordfight! Take the greatsword!>Take the knife... Better then nothing.>Loot someone else!>You have better chances with something else...Also, for Hans...>...Attempt to lift a greatsword. If you can even do it...>Knife seems to fit you better... Get it!>Loot someone else...>Write-In
>>796376>You always wanted to swordfight! Take the greatsword!>Knife seems to fit you better... Get it!Wouldn't dwarf greatswords be the size of normal swords?
>>796406Roughly. It would be the length of a bastard sword, roughly... Which would still be rather heavy, but for you it'd be a moderate-sized sword...Hans gets a rather sharp knife, while you easily lift up the greatsword. Cool. Shiny. Yours."So, what's the plan?"Actions>Well, we should find where the dwarves went. They seem to of been the victors.>Let's find the tribes bases...>Well, we need to climb up a mountain to find Ivanka.>We're a party now... And now it's time for HIGH ADVENTURE! Let's find a village of humans and get jobs!>Let's look for treasure!>Write-in
>>796456Let's look at the hyena people.
You go up to one of the hynea people's corpses, covered in blood, arrows, and all nearly lacking limbs... It seems the Dwarves didn't like them too much.Actions>Leave and do something else!>...Try to find where they came from?>You kind of wonder how they taste...>Hans? Do they look sort of like me? Just curious.>Write-In
>>796487>Leave and do something else!Search for Ivanka and Kutyvoka
You decide to continue searching for Kutyvoka and Ivanka.And so, you are now...>Ivanka!>Kutyvoka?
You are now Ivanka, and you have safely arrived at the bottom of the mountain after Stojan fell off it. You yourself are starving, freezing, cold, and otherwise miserable, and so is Kutyvoka... His pet.You don't like her very much. But luckily, you see a dirt road not too far from the mountain, which you assumed Stojan followed... Or hopefully did, anyways. You and Kutyvoka are on a quest to find food, Stojan and Hans, and get warmer. You silently thank your glorious Communist upbringing for teaching you how to start a fire, set up glorious Russian shelter from deviant weather. Truly, Uncle Stalin would be proud of your survival skills..."So... Ivanka..." Kutyvoka says."No.""Come on, can we talk?"A few seconds go by of silence."No.""Please?""No, cyka blyat... Can you shut up? Your just going to ask me if we're there yet.""No I'm not. But are we?"You shake your head, not entertained."I haven't eaten anything in a day. If you be quiet, I won't eat you."She whines a little..."Shut it..."You hear a wagon rolling on the road... Pulled by a few horses. You and Kutyvoka dive into a bush... After a minute or two, a large wagon with a metal frame and door (which you can see shining... Gold.) and about thirty guards bearing crossbows and swords, and heavy plate armor escort it...It seems to be a bourgeois tax collector..."Ivanka? Why are you licking your lips?""Now is not the time for petty grudges, comrade..."Actions>...We must liberate the money (and soldier's delicious meat...) and give it to the proletariat! Viva la revolution! Down with the bourgeois!>Shush... Just let it pass by.>Get out your gun... (50. Cal Sniper Rifle or your pistol)>Where there's tax collectors, there's civilians. Try to find where they came from... Maybe they have some unimportant civilians for you to cull and eat... Or convert to Communism, comrade.>Write-In
>>796558>Shush... Just let it pass by.Ivanka sure is a communist tryhard. It's kind of weird because isn't her dad a anti-communist or Stalinist himself.
>>796578Erh... Her father is a communist Commissar in the NVKD. And a high ranking one at that.
Anyways, ending here for tonight, sorry.
>>796610Isn't he at least anti-Stalin though? I remember something along those lines when Ivanka met him when she was captured.
>>796639I don't think so. I don't remember, honestly.
Ok anons, I'm back.You silence Kutyvoka, and wait for the wagon and guards to pass by... After a little bit, the two of you emerge."Now, where does that wagon go to, I wonder...""Ivanka? Shouldn't we look for Stojan?""That is what I am doing, comrade. But so far we haven't seen any sign of him...""Maybe he went home?"Actions>I think it's far more likely he needs our help. He probably broke his legs again or something...>He's probably fine. Hopefully.>...I'm starting to get annoyed. We've been looking for hours and so far we haven't even found any trace of him!>I'm going home then, if he's home... I don't really like being here.>Write-In
>>799217>I think it's far more likely he needs our help. He probably broke his legs again or something...
"Well, I think it's far more likely he broke his legs or something. He needs our help either way, comrade.""Right... Well, I guess we should look in the forest?""Sounds good, comrade."Roll me a 1d20-3 to search!
Rolled 16 - 3 (1d20 - 3)>>799567
16-3=13Failure!Of course, neither you or Kutyvoka have any idea where Stojan is...PoV shift?>Stojan?>Remain as Ivanka!
>>799656>Remain as Ivanka!
>>799656>Remain as Ivanka!If we cannot find stojan we should find a body of water that will supply us with the necessity's of life.
You decide to find a body of water to avoid dehydration, and probably wait for Stojan to get water... Makes as much sense as anything else, honestly...Of course, that's when while searching for water, you find three greenskinned men, armed with axes and spears, apparently looking for something right by a river.... You and Kutyvoka hide in a bush about thirty feet from them...Actions>Turn around, you don't want a fight...>Oooh, lunch!>Try to wait until they leave.>Approach and try to talk to them?>Come out and try to scare them off... You are rather intimidating.>...Get the sniper rifle (Or pistol!) out.>Write-In
>>799998>...Get the sniper rifle (Or pistol!) out.Murderhobo powers activate!
>>799998>Write-In: stay back, stay low and watch them.
>>800028Don't. We might be able to use them to find stojan and hans.
>>800037They're Orcs. They'll probably see as nothing more then enemies to fight. Also earlier there was a battle between Gnolls, Orcs and Dwarves. They could easily mistake us as Gnolls. Also I'm a bigoted racist against Orcs
>>800050We follow them to stojan. There likely going to find him, then we can kill the orcs.
You take out your sniper rifle, stay low, and watch them... After a little bit they begin to move on a little bit, but seem to be guarding the river, looking for someone...Actions>Move on... You can find another river.>Take the shot!>Take out your pistol, no need to waste limited sniper rifle ammo...>Why use ammo at all? Try to get closer to them...>Rush them!>Approach them calmly? Maybe you can talk?>Wait... Maybe they'll move on.>Head back into the forest!>Write-In
>>800236>Wait... Maybe they'll move on.I'll be willing to be strategically and follow the Orcs to Stojan or somewhere else and then kill them.
>>800246>Wait... Maybe they'll move on.Our QM sure likes to pepper the board with trap options.
You decide to wait until they move on... That's when you see they look anxiously at a sundial... Which eventually turns black from the sun going down... They cheer, drink something from some mugs, and begin to walk off... That's when you hear another band coming... It seems they've been setting up shifts.Actions>Quickly get some water!>Follow the dismissed greenskins!>Ambush the second shift!>Sabotage the sundial?>Just wait.>Your wasting time, move on...>Write-In
>>800366>Follow the dismissed greenskins!
You begin to follow the dismissed greenskins... They seem to be heading back to their camp, if the footprints in the mud are anything...Actions>Continue to follow them!>Ambush them!>Scare them?>Not worth it... Just head back home...>Follow the second shift. They're on duty...>Write-In
>>800486>Continue to follow them!We can always just snipe the orcs from a hill or something.
You follow them... And they seem to enter a campground. It seems to be rather large, and surrounded by a wooden pallisade... Along with lots of huts and a large imposing tower made of crude stone. All of the huts and the large tower is in the center of the village...Actions>Survey the area? Maybe you can get on a hill or tree..>Get your sniper rifle out! You'll snipe them from the bushes!>Assault ti head on!>Head back, you aren't finding Stojan here....>Approach the entrance?>Write-In
>>800559>>Survey the area? Maybe you can get on a hill or tree..
>>800559>Survey the area? Maybe you can get on a hill or tree..
Sorry about the massive wait anons, was getting dinner.You decide to survey the area... Roll me a 1d20+3 for advantage!
Rolled 15 + 3 (1d20 + 3)>>800944
15+3=18Success!After some searching, you find a rather large hill overlooking the village... So of course, you set up a rudimentary sniping position and put camo over yourself... It takes a little while, but you've found a very well-protected spot... Of course, you were forced to take off your white sniper's jacket and just wear a tanktop so you don't exactly stand out in the dark forest above you and stand out in the shade... And your fur kind of doesn't help with the fact that there's white snow all around you, and it's fucking cold. But you aim down the scope... Kutyvoka tries to also camouflage herself, but mostly just looks like a christmas tree with fur.Actions>Just watch them carefully. You have no intentions on firing!>Turn off the safety. You plan on going on a duck hunt.>Tell Kutyvoka to hide somewhere. She's ruining your shot...>Move on. This isn't worth it...>Take out your pistol. You'll challenge yourself.>You have a crazy idea... Try covering your rifle with your jacket. It'll make it inaccurate, but you have a greater chance to remain undetected.>Write-In
>>801138>Turn off the safety. You plan on going on a duck hunt.Murderhobo time
You turn off the safety, and aim down the scope... You see a few locations to fire at...The first location, is the bar... Which if you shoot a lucky shot into, may burst into flames as there is quite literally, a giant keg full of alcohol outside, that is bigger then the building... Along with plenty of greenskinned men drinking alcohol inside. You can smell it all the way up here... If you fired at the keg, at the very least they wouldn't have booze.The second location is the guards by the gate... About seven or so, and all of which are lined up. A very, very good shot could take them out simultaneously.. But they are covered by trees and other foliage, making the shot unlikely.The third location are the watch towers around the camp, positioned with what seems to be snipers. Or archers, you really can't tell... But a well-placed shot could kill the archer or at the very least, destroy the watch tower...The fourth location seems to be a meeting hall, where plenty of greenskins are, and what you'd assume to be the chief, who's painting somesort of large rock with blue finger paint. And a few other men chanting something, along with what seems to be a... Female, with tusks, apparently setting fire to a coffin. Strange. She also seems to be crying a little bit.The fifth location seems to be... Well, pens. Full of caged up humans, short people (with beards and without beards), and finally greenskinned men and women. The guards seems to be... Well, a few strangely armored men, giving off a "islam" vibe, with the turbans, robes and black armor, scimitars, and tanned skin... They also seem to be human. They're in the middle of talking to one of the greenskinned people, and getting right into it...And finally, there seems to be the rudimentary huts... Which you'd assume, are full of civilians. Which would be a warcrime to shoot at.What will you fire at first?>Aim at the bar!>Aim at the guards by the gate!>Aim at the watchtowers (4 Towers)>Aim at the ceremony going on by the main hall?>Aim at the cages?>Aim at the huts... Maybe you can take care of a civilian or two.>Put the safety back on. There's only really civilian targets...>Write-in
>>801257>Aim at the bar!Blow up the keg and then free the short people.
You take aim at the keg...Roll me a 1d20+1 for effect.Additional +2 for puns/one liners
Rolled 4 + 3 (1d20 + 3)>>801323The motherland says hello you slave trading filth.
Rolled 14 + 1 (1d20 + 1)>>801323
14+1=15Great Success!You aim down the scope, and fire into the keg of alcohol besides the bar... Your shot hits...Roll me a 1d20 to see if it ignites.
Rolled 7 (1d20)>>801389Pls be a 20
Rolled 7 (1d20)>>801389
Allowing another samefag.
Rolled 8 (1d20)>>801389Here goes nothing I guess.
8Great Failure!You shot fails to connect... Although the thunderous roar of the 50. cal sniper rifle was alarming to them, they thought it was likely lightning or something, granting you another free shot."So, that was your great one liner?""Oh shut up... I'll get it to explode this time."Roll me a 1d20+4 for take two.
Rolled 11 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>801439
11+4=15Borderline Success!Your scope goes a little shakey, but your fire your second shot...Roll me a 1d20 to see if it ignites, again!
Rolled 16 (1d20)>>801503
16Success!This time, the keg catches fire... And due to the fact the fire has only two ways for oxygen to go...Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if it explodes.
Rolled 5 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>801532
Rolled 18 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>801532
18+5=23Great Success!The barrel promptly explodes, sending flaming beer and debris everywhere... The explosion is loud and great enough where even YOU feel it, and the tavern is promptly annihilated... Of course, it promptly begins raining flaming beer and wood...Roll me a 1d20+4 to find cover from flaming alcohol!
Rolled 9 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>801575That must be some powerful brew.
Rolled 13 + 4 (1d20 + 4)That first one probably wasn't good enough. Let's hope this one isn't worse.
13+4=17Success!You cover yourself from the debris, which seems to set some of the camp on fire... Well, this is certainly chaotic...Anyways, ending this thread here, sorry about not being alive for most of this.