Oh shit nigger(s) it's the aftermath of Civ Thing and all the tribes who inhabitited the nondescript generic fantasy land has all been enslaved by The Kingdom ruling the aforementioned nondescript generic fantasy land.Now they must either accept their fate or break out and free their own tribe. Other tribes optional.Your current protagonist is a member of the elven tribe, which was captured and made into slaves for the Kingdom. Half work in fields and half work as house slaves.You are The Sad One, once a happy elven hero called The Smiling One, but the destruction of your tribe hasn't been treating you well. You were bought by a wealthy noble to work as a house elf slave in his mansion.Currently you're in the middle of scrubbing the floor, what do you do?Roll 1d100, who gets the highest number is the picked action.Previous threads:http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2Ahttps://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>606300Punch ourselves in the face to get us out of this slumber mood
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>606304try to smile, at least we're still alive
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>606304Always look on the bright side of life
>>606304Eat some meat
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>606308If life seems jolly rotten,There's something you've forgotten!And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing,
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>606308Try to seduce the other houseservants with your elf charm
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>606308Think how sexy your waifus were and now realize they are gone
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>606308brighter
>>606312Well that didn't help at all
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>606319>>606311it's time to seduce more waifus then
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>606319you find Kingdom Idols magazine full of pretty girls
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>606319Go look for a totally legit street salesman
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>606319Remember that your demigod child was killed before it was even born
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>606319Well so much for trying to cheer up our glum pal with a musical number.Back to boring cleaning I guess
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>606319blame the king
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>606319Sing a song of your people
>>606322As you try to exit the mansion, you are stopped by a guard"Where are you going?" he asked
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>606330>>606323
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>606330Looking for pretty girls
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>606330Grocery shopping for the lord, sire
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>606330to get more cleaning supplies that arent here in the castle.
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>606330To find some waifus
>>606331Suddenly, a traumatic flashback
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>606337"OVERCOME IT, WUSS"you hear from afar and actually overcome your sadness
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>606337ripple effect for flash back
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>606337burst into uncontrollable tears, the guard feels pity and lets you past
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>606337Guard takes pity and takes you to your quarters
>>606341>pastAnd so the guard initiates the flashback
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>606347press Esc and proceed to townflashbacks sucks
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>606347Gotta get back. Back to the past. Samurai Jack.
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>606347WOOOOOOOOOSH
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>606347Fuck flashbacks.Send him to his room
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>606347The BGs were playing up the dance scene
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>606347Flashback reminds sad one of how having stuff up his but used to make him so powerful and feel happy
>>606350FLASHBACK TO...RIGHT AFTER THE CIV THING FINAL BATTLEThe giant golem was destroyed and all tribemembers were scattered around the field, including you.Oh shit, the Kingdom Forces are rounding up people
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>606356smoke some dank weed and enjoy the dildo up your ass
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>606356loss.jpg
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>606356they creeped out by you
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>606356Gaaaaaaaay.Skip
>>606359"My lord! We found this elven female, she seems to be some sort of religious figure, and also pregnant"wuh oh
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>606362MUH WAIFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
>>606362say the father is a human noble, that worked in Man o' Man
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>606362King actually sends her to get treatmentshe is now locked in his castle elsewhere
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>606364oh yeah you have to roll for these. What a terrible system.
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>606362Bitchslap the king
>>606364hey, next adventure civ with colonization when?
>>606363Super Elf Powers Activate>>606364Next thread when
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>606369ENGAGE THE KING IN A FIST TO FIST FIGHTMUH WAIFUUUUUUUUUUU
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>606369you slip on your way to save her and accidentally kick the baby instead of king
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>606369calm down you, they have her as hostage
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>606369Glorious last stand incomming
>>606373"Now now, don't try anything hasty...Why are you getting so angry anyway? Is this your wife and child or something?"
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>606378yes pls dont hurt them
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>606378YES, MUH WAIFU AND UNBORN CHILDLET THEM GOI'LL DO ANYTHING TO SAVE THEM
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>606378yeah so can you not hurt her and stuff?
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>606378"...maaaaybe"
>>606380"Anything?! Even stripping down to your undies, do a handstand while bawking like a chicken in a tub of butter?" A guard chimes in"The fuck man"
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>606385YES, EVEN THATJUST DON'T KILL MUH WAIFU
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>606385ANYTHING
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>606385Random Barbarian lich cuntpunches pregnant elf as hard as he can, aborting the baby in the process.
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>606385King: backslap that guard so hard he turns into an elf
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>606385what's a butter?
>>606387"Even anally violating the barbarians?" another guard askedThe King and the other guard has no comment
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>606388>>606391
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>606391King: slap that guard so hard he flies into the ass of a barbarian
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>606391YES, JUST DON'T KILL MUH WAIFU
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>606391The king finally decided to marry our waifu and adopt our unborn child.
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>606391Man that's even gayer than what we did in the invisible forest
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>606391King ashamed of his own guards
>>606395"Well that's dumb why would i do that"
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>606388>>606399
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>606399I HAVE NO IDEAJUST SAVE MUH WAIFU PLEASE
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>606399To mock elves
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>606399I just don't wanna lose my wife & child.
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>606399Because you are a king and your dick is bigger than elves and orcs.
>>606402"Settle down, barbarian"
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>606388>>606405
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>606405I blame elves
>>606405You know this whole enslavement thing is a lot calmer than I thought.
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>606405Beg on our knees and plead to the King to save muh waifu
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>606405who knows some magic maybe good for you
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>606408>>606408anything but this
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>606405The king do Netorare because he can.
>>606408SUDDENLY, The Barbarian Lich runs up to cuntpunch the Elven High Priestess, but was then stopped by The King"THe hell you think you're doing?"
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>606418killing an elf demigod before it is born
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>606418beg for the King to save our waifu
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>606418"MY SON IS IN THERE"The elf had been cucked all along
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>606418A magic trick
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>606418this >>606421
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>606418well king what do you think you should do with the elf since you are soooo smart
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>606420Rolling for this>>606421>>606423Barbs are impotent you dumb barbs
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>606418The Barbarian Lich told the king that the Elven High Priestess's child is actually King's child.His unborn child will fulled doomed his tribe.
>>606420The King is thinking if he should save the elf or not....
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>606430lich asks if he can please punch the unborn demigod
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>606430then a fucking baby pops out
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>606430We bawl so hard that we create a river out of our tears to convince the King.
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>606425skeleton's boners will find a way>>606430how can you choke a skeleton, trivia?he tosses a coin
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>606430How the hell do you even choke a skeleton?
>>606430Lich's head pops off from the pressure to some unknown land
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>606437
>>606435"This is alich, not a skeleton"
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>606439Well that changes everything.I'm still curious in case of skeleton related attacks.
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>606439is there a difference?toss him in the lake
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>606439>>606432
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>606439>>606434MUH WAIFUUUUUUU
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>606439fuck man I dunno plot or something
>>606442"Wait, there's a demigod in there?"
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>606447yes let me punch it
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>606447HE IS JUST TALKING NONSENSEMUH WAIFU IS A PURE MAIDEN THAT WOULD NEVER CONSORT WITH A GODPLEASE SAVE HERwe cry out
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>606447Elves are weird like that.
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>606447Well, you just beat a golden messiah.And I'm pretty sure that was the only godlike being in that giant robot.
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>606447King picks up the lich's phylactery off the floor and crushes it in the lich's face.
>>606368>>606369Soon™gotta finish the end comic first I guess
>>606453looking forward to it
>>606449"Hmmm, seems we're at an impasse. Let's decide this by seeing who makes a better argument for themselves...you there""Yes my liege?""Go fetch this lich's phylactery"
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>606457>"Go fetch this lich's phylactery"good luck with that
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>606457do we have a dead mentor we can summon as a spirit for the trial?Otherwise we're screwed
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>606457magic malletuse it
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>606457make the lich and smiling one fight, winner gets the pregnant whore
>>606458"Here you go my lord, the paladins detected this rock inside that crater lake over there"
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>606462>>606461
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>606462cheaters
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>606462We say that the Barbarians are evil and have been raining down meteors and raising the undead. We even say that the Barbarians are plotting to unleash a meteor on the Kingdom right now.
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>606462heeeeey that's our gem
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>606462woops. His hand slipped the philactery is fucked
>>606466Our gem is red with no glow
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>606465>Barbarians are evilstereotypes are evil, we are not
>>606465"That sounds plausible""THAT'S BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT" Yelled a bunch of captured barbarians"WE ARE CLEARLY SECRETLY DOING A RITUAL OF NOT SUMMONING A GIANT METEOR TO DROP DOWN ON THE KINGDOM"
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>606470>>606461
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>606470meanwhile in space, the meteor spirit drill has managed to destroy several planets
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>606470THEY ARE JUST BEING RACIST TO US, WE DIDN'T DO NUFFIN'WE ARE MOST CULTURED OUT OF THESE SAVAGESWe just low throw rocks...
>>606474[Extremly high budget CGI]
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>606476The King then hears the Barbarian side of the argument here and makes his final decision>>606475
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>606476aliens got pissed
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>606476Maybe one day it will pierce the heavens.
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>606476The Liche escaped during the cutscene.The phylactery is just a cardboard cutout. So is the guard.
>>606479Maybe one day...one day...
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>606481the ayy lmaos get MAD
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>606481flashbacks ends on this positive note and you feel better already
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>606481And on that day a skeketon will be gifted with really coll sunglasses.
>>606482"This is no longer ayy lmao"
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>606486end flashbackWHOOOOOOOOSH
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>606486but that's story for another dayend flashback on cliffhanger, back to todayfeel better about yourself
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>606486Resolve the wife & baby before you end the flashback
>>606488Perhaps you'll remember the rest later
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>606486End the flashback with the phylactery being destroyed
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>606486Alien god smites the other gods. They allowed this
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>606494or notignorance is a blissnow try to leave and find some cute girls to hit on
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>606494Later being right now
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>606494The guard escorts us back inside so we get back to work.In space, the ayy lmaos have been preparing an invasion
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>606494You remember draggos getting anally penetrated
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>606502OH SHIT WHOOOOOOOOOOSH
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>606502guard knocks you out cause you are being weird again
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>606502Now where were we?
>>606504>100 againwhat the fuck going on really for past 2 days
>>606504OH SHIT NIGGER YOU CAN"T CONTOL NPCSSSSsssssss.....
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>606507The flashback starts again, but this time there are a bunch of weird flying saucers in the sky
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>606507>>606495
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>606507>implying guard will just stand and look at weird elf for whole day while that is on the mind tripwell I guess there are not TVs out there yet
>>606508Nigga what did I jsut say about trying to control NPCs
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>606513muh waifualso I was trying to make plot happen
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>606513Resume flashback plot
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>606513king lets you keep wife and baby, she slips and misscarriages
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>606513>>606517
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>606513you are high, you can do EVERYTHING
>>606517"Let's settle this the classic way. You, smiling elf, and you, barbarian lich. Fight eachother"
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>606522I'M FIGHTING FOR MUH WAIFUUUUUUUUWE PUNCH THE LICH RIGHT IN THE FACE
Rolled 55 (1d100)Activate Super Elf Powers
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>606522The fight was brutal and epic so that King cry in manly tears.
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>606522easy
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>606522Fuck mobile postingIma just reroll and reply this time
>>606527"Nice try knife ears, now get to fighting"
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>606533Activate Super Elf Powers
>>606533smiling one misses a dropkick on the lich and accidentally dropkicks unborn demigod.Lich declares himself victror swears eternal loyalty to the king
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>606533barbarian boringly punches elf into submission cause that's real damn easy, cause elves are wussesthis got old awhile ago
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>606533WE FIGHT WITH OUR DRUG INDUCED POWERS WHILE SMILINGDO >>606535 THIS
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>606533Play murderball
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>606536>>606533
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>606533"Noo....! That Barbarian Lich... is actually my half-brother!!!"
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>606536>>606545
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>606545Rip and tear the Lich
>>606546I swear to ass if I have to repeat you can't control NPCs one more time I'm gonna ignore your posts
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>606548Well anywayRIP AND TEAR THE LICH
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>606548thats told some other fag that, I have done it only that one time niggerthought it would be funny to have the barbs most powerful guy betray themeither way dropkick baby accidentally
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>606548Shoot green eye lasers at the rock the king is holding
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>606548Fight lefts elf as miserable as he is todaythe end of flashback
>>606550Tis is a message to everyone you mong
... i took berry's virginity
>>606549Fight fight fight>>606555'k
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>606557dropkick the lich, miss and hit the baby
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>606557elves are weaksause
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>606557Fight for your wife Fight for your people FIGHT FOR REVENGE
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>606557Suplex!!!!!
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>606566fast forward to end of flashback
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>606566MUH WAIFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKEEP PUNCHING UNTIL THE LICH'S FACE CAN'T BE RECOGNIZED
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>606566Crush his skull against the ground beneath you
>>606569"How surprising, the elf won. Welp, that's the end of that barbarian"
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>606574RiP Unnamed Lich
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>606574that's the end of flashback? why are we sad then again
>>606575"Right, now let's throw away the remains of this roc---whoops"
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>606578CRY OUTMUH WAIFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>606578Become the sad one
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>606578and that's why we are Sad One, I got it.now back to reality, ya wuss
Oh shit gotta eat dinner, be back in a bit
Alright who's still here
>>606586Should probably sleep but here
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>606591>>606583
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>606591end flashbacklament the loss of your child
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>606591King. You suck. This isnt funny at all.
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>606591meh
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>606598We're too sad to work and to sad to movewe assume the fetal position
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>606600Cry self to sleep
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>606600We Sad One become Angry One because of the flashback.
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>606600Owner kicks you
>>606601"ey! No sleeping on the job, knife ears" The guard kicks you from your sadness induced sleep
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>606606become an hero
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>606606Your homocidal tendencies reawaken
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>606606get madkick the guard back and GET FUCKING ANGRYBECOME THE MAD ONE
>>606609"Oooh? House elf got an attitude"
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>606612nope your depression comes back even harder
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>606612GET UPIT'S TIME TO GET MADPUNCH EM IN THE FACE
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>606619flood the mansion with your tears
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>606619"WUSS"you hear from afar
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>606619He become so depressed that everybody in his surrounding become depressed too.
>>606621"You're gonna have to clean that up"
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>606625actually go and clean that upYA WUSS
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>606625>>606620keep crying like a bitch nigga so we flood the house
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>606625check on the other house servantsmaybe there's cute maids we can bully
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>606625>>606622I spupport this Idea,awaken your latent powers of emotional manipulation of others
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>606625The guard become infected by Sad One's depression.
>>606628[Totally not Reusing assets]
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>606634you run out of tears
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>606634it becomes impossible to clean because you keep cryingwe start to affect the others with depression too
>looks at thread>see's that barbarians are trying to fuck everything up for no reason Yup, checks out.
>>606637hey, I'm trying to help hereIt's Canon who has murder boner for everything
>>606635Yep, not reusing assets at all
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>606640He got the vision from his God.
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>606640We manage to clean everything up, but we shed one single final tear
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>606640I bet those tears are nutritious. Drink some of them.
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>606640oh come on, you can find new girl no problemhey, isn't that famous Idol's of Kingdom magazine over there? With hot chicks?
>>606643YOu slurped up your tears from the floor"Well that's one way to clean it"
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>606649we try to find a new waifu from the other house servants
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>606649>>606646also nearby there is weaboo mag for 2D drawn girls
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>606655head to the bathroom and read the magazine
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>606655Eat magazine
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>606655Lick the magazine.
>>606657And so you headed to the slave bathroomA hole behind a rock far out in the garden
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>606660Gain exp from the magazine.
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>606660Being influenced by magazine you want to start cooking career.
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>606660Consume the magazine as loudly as possible.
>>606662Perhaps yous hould ask for a position as a kutchen elf
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>606666I mean think about it, a lot of food. Goal in life. Chance to poison king as revengeIt's pretty nice idea to distract yourself from sadness.Also there is always plenty of salt.
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>606666Eat the magazine in order the judge how it tastes.
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>606666>>606667It's time to become Elf Gordon Ramsay
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>606666No you should actually work as assassin because cooking and killing is same thing.
>>606668Tastes like paper
>>606669I'd prefer the name of Mysterious Gourmet.
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>606671check on the other house servants already
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>606671Well we found out that our taste buds are in working condition.Let's set our mission to become a royal chef!Go and beg to become kitchen helper for starters.
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>606671>>606675
>>606673Ah yes, the other house servants, like....this bald elf who's sweeping
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>606681use your authority to make him sweep harder
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>606681Ask him where you can find kitchen?
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>606681why is he bald? Did we ever get that dildo out our ass anyway?
>>606682"How about you go suck dick harder. Asshole"wow rude
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>606685Ask him why he's bald
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>606685>>606683
>>606686"I always hated having long hair, that shit was annoying back in the forest. Now My head feels breezy as fuck"
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>606691>>606683
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>606691Think to yourself about how much of a race traitor and degenerate he is and move on.
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>606691>>606693
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>606691Go to the kitchen make some broth
>>606694"doo doo doo, elf rap sucked anywaaayyyy~"
Rolled 5 (1d10)>>606696>brothFUCK YEAH BROTHTIME TO MAKE QUALITY BROTH NIGGASHave a rock, anon
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>606699Fuck that faggot, LET'S COOK SOME BROTHBecome kitchen apprentice
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>606700leave it by the manlet prince's grave>>606699Time for broth
>>606702As you enter the kitchen, the cook asks what are you doing here
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>606705I WANNA BECOME A COOKAND START A NEW LIFEcome on, show him your backbone
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>606705I want to learn to cook meals so great the king will allow us to become official citizens of the kingdom.
>>606710"A noble mission, perhaps you could start by helping me around the kitchen. First things first...go wash the dishes"
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>606712Are you related to the king or do all old people just have the same mustache and hair style?
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>606712Wash those dishes with your tears
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>606712Wash the shit out of those dishes...
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>606712WASH DEM DISHES
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>606722It's great success!
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>606722Dishes are now clean. Check with the chef for your next task.
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>606722You masterfully clean the dishes...Report in with boss-man...
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>606722Try Talk to tree god in secret.
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>606722You clean that shit so hard they're spotless and shiny and lickety clean
>>606726"Alright, now go and pick up the groceries outside"
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>606734Go outside, pick all of the groceries and then some.MAXIMUM EFFORT
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>606734You go and do that.Gotta get a purpose of life, which is work.This brights your thoughts.
>>606734Elf: Go outside...
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>606741
I'm afk, good luck with current thread vectorLet's make this elf worth something.there should have at least ONE decent elf
>>606748what next chief chef
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>606748Deliver groceries and ask the head chef for the next task
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>606748BELIEVE IN YOUR GOALBELIEVE IN YOURSELFBELIEVE IN HARDWORKAlso fuck yeah, fried potatos ruleBELIEVE IN MEAT
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>606748Realize we still don't fully know what happened to our girl and child.Switch to rage.
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>606748Elf: Complete task, request new task...
>>606750"Now find out where the terrorists a--AHEM--I mean go and peel the potatoes"
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>606758Start secretly searching for these apparent terrorists.
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>606758You peel the terrorist potatoes. Ask if you should also peel the carrots, if so do that as well.
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>606758the potatoes remind you of your unborn childSadness returns
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>606758Elf: Go peel those terrorist potatoes on the double...
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>606758You're not the king are you?
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>606765Your tears enrich the flavor of the potatoes because of just how right their saltiness are
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>606765Stop feeling emotions and finish your job...If you start crying the terrorist potatoes win...
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>606765Peeled ALL POTAOES while being sad.
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>606765Think about how this is the kingdoms fault.Fury peel.
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>606765>>606760Become happier thanks to a job well done.
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>606772Elf: Report back in with the chef
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>606772Finish peeling the terrorist potatoes, granting you a win against the vile tubers. This makes you even happier. Request another task from the head chef.
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>606772>>606776
>>606774"Yes, yes, very good. Now go chop the onions"
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>606783you can't fool us kingembrace your sadness, become one with it
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>606783You chop the onions at an incredible speed. So fast actually that they're unable to make you cry. This impresses the head chef and makes you happier.
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>606783You chop the shit out of those onions trying hard not to cry. You cry anyway
Rolled 21 (1d100)>606783Elf: Chop those kingdom-damned onions like your life depended on it...
>>606784Cut, cut. Of course it's the King you dumbass. But you're not suppose to point that out! We're on a tight budget goddamnit, we can't hire anymore actors!
>>606789>See the King>Remember the flashback>It ain't me playsCry hard while chopping those onions
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>606789Is that why the manlets were laid off?
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>606792FUCK BASKETS
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>606789OP: Open Patreon Account to help with hiring new actors...
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>606789fine thenlets use our tiny amount of happiness to muster the energy to make an escape and bolt for the forrest
>>606794No shit! We had to let them go, just this motherfucker is expensive enough already. And the flashback effects in this episode? That shit aint cheap.
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>606802Alright then, moving on.>>606785
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>606802back to chopping the onions, people come onwe need to make a good broth
Rolled 30124422489 (1d100000000000)>>606802Ok I give you extra funding. It is equal to my dice rolls...
>>606806Chop chop chop chop
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>606810>>606785
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>606810we actually cooking dinner to entire filming crewahem, where was I oh yeah, job well doneNOW MAKE BROTH
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>606810Elf: Deliver chopped onions to your Chef-King, ask for new task...
>>606812"Good job, here's a giant snek head, go and make some snek broth"
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>606822You broth the shit out that giant snek head
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>606822You make broth. Turns out you're a natural at cooking. This makes you genuinely happy for a change and marks the beginning of your new life as an apprentice chef. Chef King is most impressed.
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>606822Make real nice broth tastes like a chicken
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>606822Elf: Be happy, you are now officially cooking something...Elf: Make a fantastic Broth...
>>606825And now...we wait
>>606830The broth is amazing. Turns out you're a natural at cooking. This makes you genuinely happy for a change and marks the beginning of your new life as an apprentice chef. Chef King is most pleased.
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>606830>>606831Cry unto the broth to give it that special salty taste
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>606831fug
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>606830Elf: Be diligent, guard and tend to that broth as if it were your own child...
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>606830Get a bit happier, but follow instructions closely.
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>606830Keep an eye on the broth until it's done.
>>606831"I am most pleased. I'll ask the master later if you can become an apprentice in the kitchen"
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>606842Ask the head chef for further cooking lessons.
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>606842You got a new skills, new job and place in the society.You are no longer a Sad One.You are now MYSTERIOUS GOURMENT! The aspiring cook!TROMBE!
>>606844Your new lot in life doesn't make you pupular with the other elves. Especially the field slaves ones."FUCKING HOUSE ELF""RACE TRAITOR"
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>606846Go rest in the courtyard and sit next to a tree
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>606846Feed them with good food, that should work.
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>606846Feed them broth and tell them of your plan to free them by falling in the king's graces through his stomach.
>>606847"HOOOOOUUUUUUSEEEE EEEEEEELFFFFF" yelled the field elves"Get down from there knife ears" yelled a guard
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>606856Ponder on new dishes and how to make them. Also >>606850
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>606856Set your goal of winning freedom of your people with your cooking.
>>606858Skeptical elves are skeptical
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>606861"EAT IT FAGGOT!!!"
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>606861but broth is so good, they believe in you."Still more useful than endlessly crying baby you were" they say
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>606861Elf: Aren't you an indentured servant of some kind? Don't you have duties to attend to?
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>606861>>606867
>>606868"We're on lunch break"
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>606876Check my new cooking skills then, I promise it's edible. Tested by chief.
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>606876They eat your broth and approve of it. They will help you on your quest.You shall become the Smiling Gourmet, one who brings joy through cooking, but for now you must practice and ponder on new recipes.
I would come up with a sick rhyme but I'm not that good
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>606876Elf: Charisma roll on other Elves. Stoke the cinders of hope fading in their breasts into a raging inferno. Make them believe in you...
>>606885NIgga what did I say about trying to control NPCs? Dont make me shoot this elf
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>606893you won't shoot him, he is valuable actorwhere else you can find such crying machine
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>606893Elf: Convince elves to eat vegetable + snek slurry...
>>606893Are you sure that you have enough money for bullets?
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>606893Fine. Just give them the fucking broth and become the Smiling Gourmet anyway with or without their help.
>>606900Are you willing to bet an elf's life that that's just a prop gun?
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>606893Well if it's just a random elf at least it's not the current protagonist. Also look in the grass for some stuff we could use. Drugs for example.
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>606893OP shoots self instead.
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>606911Imagine running off with the King and making a life together.
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>606911Go back to the kitchen and look at different recipes.
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>606911Whadya think?
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>606911"Like it?"
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>606911Elf: Await other Elf's reaction to eating your stew. Hopefully he isn't allergic to snek...
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>606911Is it good?
>>606921As you head inside to gawk at recipes, you can ehar the field elves say : "It's okay"
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>606940Forbidden Meals
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>606940master recipes lock in confirm
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>606940You decide to become the Smiling Gourmet, one who brings joy through cooking, but for now you must practice and ponder on new recipes in order to impress the Chef King. Begin by strengthening your basesThat being said, I like you OP but you're a fickle asshole. Have some more salt.
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>606940Le start with something short and sweet. Beginners cook book.
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>606940Elf: Inspire him with tales of your dreams and goals while he eats...OP: Roll a die to see how well the protag does?
>>606951>I like you OPMe too, anonI like me too
>>606947Are you sure?! Do you dare delve into this tome of forbidden and dangerous recipes?!
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>606965nah, Master Recipes lock in confirm
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>606965Hell no we don't even know the basics of cooking. Start with the beginner's cookbook.
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>606965FUCK YES!!!!!
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>606965Personally I think we should start with the beginners cook book but this sounds interesting. Let's see what's inside.
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>606965Elf: "S-Surly one quick read wouldn't hurt anything..."
>>606968Forbidden meals need not be hard, just forbidden. Maybe they are super easy!
>>606971By the gods
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>606977JESUS FUCK CLOSE IT CLOSE IT CLOSE IT CLOSE IT CLOSE IT!
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>606977IT'S FULL OF FAST FOOD RECIPESBURN BOOK WITH FIRE
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>606977READABSORBLEAAAARN
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>606977Elf: You have been touched by forces and knowledge that lie beyond the limits of mortal comprehension. You are, for lack of a better word, corrupted...
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>606977Go to the beginners cook book. I want to learn to make parties damn it. Also put the book back where we found it.
>>606989welp, we had a good run guys.RIP elves
>>606986rock we may not see eye to eye and i may still be saltier than the dead sea, but we have to burn that fucking book and kill its author
>>606986"AHAHAHAAH! FOOL! YOU HAVE RELEASED ME FROM MY PRISON! NOW I AM FREE TO RUIN THE TASTEBUDS OF THE WORLD HAHAHAHA! GOOODBYYYYEEEEEEE"Then the Dark Spirit disapears....into...uuh...darkness
>>606993Not Saltier than me! My trip has 'the salty' in it. But I didn't make a code so anyone can slap it on.
>>606995lol nigga it's just a book just stop reading it man. Put it back and go pick up the Beginner Book
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>606995Elf: Begin repressing memories. Check on other elf...
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>606995act like nothing happened and grab those Master Recipes>>606993what left is to find author I guess
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>606995prepare a Royale Cheese for the chef
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>606995Forge the darkness into a ring. The one to rule them all.All being all taste buds.
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>606995Look around to see if anyone else noticed what you just did.
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>606995>>606999
>>607005wuh oh"...i'm telling"
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>607011Elf: Quick, use your dashing elvish charm to defuse the situation...
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>607011Go and (falsely) tell on the guy who saw you before he has the chance.
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>607011Cut his tongue
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>607011Incapacitate him out
>>607022Welp. He did start out as PsychoElf and has killed several innocents so I guess it's kind of fitting
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>607011Rape him...
>>6070330_0...This escalated quickly...
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>607038Just do it. We've done worse then this
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>607038Eh, okay, I'm in a good mood, just say him to be silent about the accident, or you'll try harder next time.Remind him of your time as PsychoElf
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>607038Invoke back the gourmet darkness and try to seal it inside the elf.
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>607038You whispter: "shhhh.... just let it happen... just let it happen..." playing into his lifetime of depression and the vague suicidal thoughts that have been in the back of his mind for years but he's been afraid to confront.
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>607038We slowly go back as our old self.>>607040Well... it could mean either literaly or killing...
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>607038Elf: Overpower and kill snitch. Bake him into a pie...
>>607042"t-this isn't over! You'll pay for this!" then he runs off
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>607054Ah, to be myself againyou are "happy" nowNow back to cooking practice
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>607054You pull out a small black book. Open it to a page that reads "Enemies" at the top. Several names are listed, some crossed out. You add this gobs name to the bottom of the list.p.s. funny other this is on opposite page
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>607054Use the knife to slice your own face and give yourtself a permanent smile.
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>607054Elf: Study the art of cooking by reading beginner's cookbook...
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>607054Look in the beginner cook book
>>607061Jesus Christ man. Refrain your edginess.
>>607066he is bad influence on me
>>607066NoI have decided that the smiling ones original psychosis shall reawaken and be much strongerwe murderer now
>>607066>"Do you want to know how I got these scars?"
>>607066He just decided he should ruin everything for everyone.
>>607064doot doot doo
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>607079look for a book on cooking using people as ingredients
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>607079It's actually real damn easy bookmaster it right away
>>607079Thoroughly study the book and practice its recipes thus gaining a solid grasp of the basics, then move on to the intermediate volume.
Rolled 75, 36 = 111 (2d100)>>607079Rolling for learning
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>607082whoops
>>607081DingWell that was easy
>>607085Protag is well on his way to being a master chef...By the way, does Protag have name?Is slightly confusing just calling him Elf while other Elves are present...
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>607080>>607091and read the hell out of the bookremember elves were cannibals before becoming slaves
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>607091move onto Master Recipes
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>607091next book, whatever it wasrealize it was written by an old friend, reminisce.
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>607091Pick up the intermediate one and study it.
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>607091Elf: Conduct practical test of new cooking knowledge before moving onto the more advanced tomes...
>>607093he is the smiling oneor sad one depending on his mood
>>607104Sad Elf it is...
>>607098reminiscing.....wooosh woooosh woooosh
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>607108it was an elf you knew before you were cured of your psychosis
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>607108Sad elf: Commence flashback. Cue visuals...
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>607108FLSASAAAAASSSSHHHHHH B!AAAAAAACK
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>607108here we go againfastforward reminiscing
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>607108Reminiscing unlocks a series of game related recipes. You now know how to cook Boar, Deer and many other meats and how to make dishes from edible roots, herbs and berries.
>>607114"Oh boy! Can't wait to publish this an contribute to society!"
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>607125>>607119
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>607125stand behind him creepily
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>607125Then the king fucked the shit out of him when he finished writing his name.
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>607126Sad Elf: Do something Excessively Violent...
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>607125and so he did, end of flashback
>>607126Well that was useful
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>607136>>607094
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>607136make a stylish hairstyle or something, you look like shit
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>607136FInish studying the intermediate book and move on to the master one.
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>607136Sad Elf: Read master class cooking book. Realize the food that is your destiny...
>>607143And what would that hairstyle be
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>607149Sad Elf: Acquire Afro...
>>607149FUCK YEAH MYSTERY BOX TIMEAdd some accessories to choose too
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>607149an emo stylelock in
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>607149Short, neat ponytail. And a thin frenchman mustache
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>607149>>607152aw fug, anyway list all possible styles
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>607167>>607156(the mustache is fake since elves can't grow facial hair)
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>607167mystery box
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>607167Sad Elf: Acquire Afro...
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>607167Shaved head.
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>607167mystery boxhopefully there is something edgier in it
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>607177THE BOX
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>607177bottom left, lock in
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>607178Sad Elf: Cancel Selection. Select Afro...
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>607177MYSTERY BOX
>>607187BOTTOM LEFTOPEN IT
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>607187There aint no box. Confirm the ponytail with mustache.
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>607187zoom out
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>607187random selection, lock in
>>607189The stache is made from smearing charcoal on your face
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>607196add eyebrows too then
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>607196God you look like a villainSay "HON HON HON" out loud
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>607196Laugh like a frenchman as you prepare to further study fine cuisine.Also >>607199
>>607199But you already have eyebrows
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>607196Sad Elf: Weren't we feeding one of our fellow slaves before we got distracted by cookbooks, brawls and hairdressing. What is other elf doing?
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>607204Further study fine cuisine. The time has come to study the master cookbook.
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>607204make them THICKer
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>607217perfectnow get a chief hat
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>607217Go back to cooking now that your new haircut has increased your Chef power tenfold
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>607217Sad Elf: Begin studying the master-class cookbook. Train your cooking prowess to it's apex so you can impress Chef-King...
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>607217go full monobrow
>>607223Goddamn my back hurts for some reason, wll have to postpone thread at this moment, will continue laterHEre is update https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>607236get well OProlling for OP's health
>>607236thanks for breadI'd say it's good progress from the crying mess we had in >>606300almost no fuckups
>>607240you hurt me
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>607236It is caused by a severe lack of salt OP, you must remedy this immediately
>>607240You gave OP a brain aneurysm...Well done...
Rolled 1 (1d1)>>607240>>607243well fugmaybe the dice god will be merciful this time...
>>607245Fuck salt 2bh
>>607268but salt is essential to OPs health, without regular harvesting of our salt his life force will eventually drain.we must sate his salt by sacrificing the dragons turn before they even get a turn at as the playable character
>>607280>life force>sacrificing>dragons>playable characterAre you some kind of queer?
>>607280I think we should sacrifice some barbarians instead
>>607346that will do as well, but I don't think Solid or Hats will care very much if barbs miss their turnThe dragon players at least might go nuclear and create enough salt to sustain OP
Oh shit, guess I gotta check twitter more often.
>>607354>implying we will be around to go nuclearLmao were always late
>>607354>>607346Yea. Us barbs don't really care anymore. Canon is just gonna commit suicide anyway because he can. I gave up trying a little bit before the flashbacks.
>>607810I'm just relieved that canon didn't succeed in punching the unborn demigod in the flashback. It was also nice to see the smiling one kill the lich as well.
>>607810It's still worth trying to keep this as a coherent adventure.Even if someone keeps spamming rocks fall and everyone dies.
>>608002He keeps getting high 90 rolls and i get 30 rolls. It wasnt meant to be. All that is left is Skelebool, the Bros and Hooded, but they will be purged cuz Canon didnt like how the civ ended
>>608577Well I'm pretty sure that the recent destruction of the lich proves there isn't a HolyBones yet.You could probably try what I'm gonna do and create a future character.Aka I'm gonna convert an orc to the Kingdom Church religion somehow.
>>608629this is a good plan.
>>608629Sure. Help get Skelebro into Popedom and i can help you.
>>608693I'm not one to sabotage.Best of luck and I'll try with my rolls.
You know what.I have been thinking and going through all the previous threads and adventures and I have come to a conclusionOP is a crazy nutjob with how inconsistent he is.Sometimes he will allow people more control of NPC's more than the main character of the adventure during important partsOther times like in this thread he randomly decides that you can't control NPC's And sometimes he will just railroad like fuck when everyone collectively wants to do go against the plot and prevent itYet other times he will allow someone to completely flip the adventure on its head and change the whole thing upand sometimes when the adventure 'ends' due to something stupid he will allow an undo to keep it goingYet other times it will be a strict no undos allowedand a bunch of other shit as well
>>609243I had just simply never taken the time to think about itStill OP is pretty cool, despite his status as a crazy personThough I hope the next thread is not later today, I might not be able to be here if so because I will be instead finishing off my DnD game with friends
>>609237>Sometimes he will allow people more control of NPC's more than the main character of the adventure during important parts>Other times like in this thread he randomly decides that you can't control NPC'sAnd this is how the manlets died in this adventure. Something I find relatively annoying, since now nobody can decide what an NPC does, but back when the king up and swatted the manlet prince everything was fine.Basically, OP will do anything for salt.
>>609294this, it was going pretty great too, we just bought a piece of land and henshin'd then canon fucks everything up. I hope OP keeps this rule up. I don't want fucking Canon making NPCs come out of nowhere and kill our dudes.
>>609307I want to believe that Masked Rider is actually alive and wellJust in training in a secret place after utter defeat.
>>609307>>609309I wanted it to serve as buildup for some sort smuggling ring which would help the other races bust out of the kingdom through tech (since magic went to fuck).Then Canon happened and OP allowed it.
>play civ thing quest >everything seemed unbalanced and goofy even when it's a civ quest>inevitably turns into saltFast forward to the end.>play civ thing adventure>it's really like the shit op normally does. This is cool>incorporated stupid no npc rules>players really tried to be more serious in how the game is played.>ended up in saltMy initial suspicions were correct it seems. Balancing lolrandumb with rules is hard. Not only that but it really seems like the whole point to op doing what he did was to making a cool story. Which he absolutely did at the expense of some players releasing dangerous levels of sodium-chloride.I do hope his back gets better tho. Nobody deserves pain like that.
>>609342>I do hope his back gets better tho.it won't
>>609342I don't mind the no npc rule. I just wish he has applied it before one race was fucking removed from play.
>>609342>>609352his back will never get better, Though the power of voodoo rituals passed down to me from my grandmother, his back will suffer for the rest of his life
>>609362Seriously though, I hope he comes back soon...It has been so fuckmotheringly boring around /qst/ lately...
>>609363They did the tg vote. Lots of people want this to move back to tg so who knows it might be better. Never really been on tg tho.
>>609367Notapaladin used to do these on /v/ so if /qst/ disappears he will probably just go back to doing them there.Though I hope /qst/ stays from my experience of these type of shit on /tg/ they are super serious as fuck and had ungodly standards and if you did not have the skills of a professional artist and put loads of time and effort into them then they basically tell you to fuckoff
I just kind of wish OP had less king/god implications in his adventuresfrom someone who read them all it's getting a bit boring to have that absolute wall that people keep trying to break and fail miserably everytimethe milder the goals, the more goals players can achieve
>>609404>Implying>He doesn't want the one mega adventure to end all adventures>All NaP Protagonists who are against the king team up to fight himI haven't read them all though. I am frankly confused by the continuity here, where does Kingslayer take place? I think its ending gets referenced in NRFS right? I could be wrong. Also NRFS 2: Feast Knight Adventures when?
>>609437>>609404I think he wants all his various threads and adventures to have some sort of connected canon with events and shitSo he doesn't let anyone kill the king because he already gets killedNo excuse for god though, I guess maybe he is just a proxy device so OP can railroad and interfere with the adventure when the character is too powerful or players too obsessed with an Idea.
>>609437but anonif you can't kill the king it's because he's already been killed in the very first adventure, Horsefucker/Kingslayerthus those are all prequels where the king hasn't been killed by horsefucker yethonestly if there's one thing I want to see in an adventure is "God's" ascension from a lowly deity to killing all other gods and becoming the one and only god
>>609443can't any of you autists start up a wiki page for this?
>>609445>God's" ascension from a lowly deity to killing all other gods and becoming the one and only godI was actually planning on suggesting that for OP to put on the strawpol at the end of this adventureas well as something like "the kings rise to power" or "the kings childhood"I have been wanting to suggest it for quite a long time now, but I alway keep missing the moments where I can suggest the Idea
>>609445>>609449>God's" ascension from a lowly deity to killing all other gods and becoming the one and only godThat's a fucking good idea
>>609448Yeah but that's a lot of reading to figure out what comes before kinglsayer.I'm pretty sure Civ Thing is the earliest one chronologically. Unless something like Peasant Satan was finished before it plot wise, no one ever contacted Satan to check.Then again what does it matter
>>609461Then an inevitable Quest to End All Quests where we play all the protagonists from NAPverse team up to kill the very same God we played
>>609495>it ends on game crashing and corrupting save in a middle of final battle
>>609500DONT GIVE HIM IDEAS
>>609503he'll come up with something more lackluster of the ending, I know it
>>609506I feel as if OP has takes his 'dont let the PC succeed in the end' gimmick too far.It has reached the point where I am kinda sick of itNearly all adventures either end up with the PC either failing/dieing or if they are lucky they just end up with the whole adventure being a waste of time where they achieved basically nothing
>>609512People's disappointment in an adventure's ending leads to salt, then all he has to do is sit back and take it all in.That's how he sustains himself.
>>609520Enough with the salt memes.
>>609520and it only works on people who are relatively new to his threadsAnd I choose to believe that OP only does it at this point because over half the thread is populated by people like solid who is just all "OP is going to make us lose no matter how much you want otherwise" and he does it because that his reputationI am sure that if enough people actually had faith and trusted in OP to give an actual good ending then he would
>>609528blame dragonsthey were the ones who generated first Civ salt
>I don't know how to end it so I'll just make cool looking panels!
>>609533I'd like to believe that, but then again I'm seriously disappointed on how the manlets' "turn" was permanently ended.
>>609542Well that's one way to bait out NaPAlso, nice
>>609544Honestly when I caused that I wasn't expecting the manlet to explode and die because of it.Though you have to admit it was funny
>>609552I don't think anybody was expecting that. The same way nobody expected a pebble to kill the kobold prince.
>>609553I think OP was just in an bad/asshole mood at the time and venting his anger on people in the thread.Though I personally loved the amount of (you)'s I was able to get because I accidentally took manlets out of the adventure
>>609560I think he may have taken the manlets out because since they're "happy little workers" he might just have felt like the manlet hero would just end up being useless to the entire "we're bustin out" plot.Which makes some measure of sense, but I don't feel like it was enough to have the manlets terminated.Later came the "you can't take control of NPCs nigga" rule, which ends up making no sense since he already allowed players to take control of NPCs during the manlets' turn (which was exactly what killed the prince).Like I said, I like OP, he's a pretty cool guy, makes threads that help me escape from the monotony at work and I appreciate that. But this right here grinds my friggin gears.
>>609512IDK, some adventures had satisfying ending if not open ended ones. Off the top of my head, Nameless Rank and File Soldier, Time Police, and I think Wasteland Quest.
man I hope we skip Dragons, I don't think there's anyone here even interested with what happened to them. Let's just go straight to Wan Pan or Hooded Bones again.
>>609576If we do dragons they're probably going to get fucked since we lost one of the final rolls in the civ quest because they weren't there
Rolled 9 (1d10)>>609576>Dragon thread starts>first post - punch self in the face>Dragon dies>he was the last one>thread endsprophecy rock throw
>>609568The funniest thing is how the manlet players blamed me and the barbarians saying we were sabbotaging them just because because I was using a name at the time and vowed to fuck over the barbarians turn because of it.If I was just anonymous like now then chances are they would have blamed OP instead
>>609598Clearly not our finest hour. Can you blame us for getting mad to oblivion though? One second everything's fine next post "Game Over".
Anyone know what to read after Orc Cleric?
>>609362Jokes on you my back has been hurting since childhood, you're too late
>>609661then clearly I am better at this voodoo stuff than I thought.I was able to send a curse back in time to affect you form before I even knew about you.Also thread continue soon or you just checking up on it?
>>609671Ah so it was your voodoo magic that caused my spine to grow with less curves that regular spinesAnyway. Depends, is anybody still here for thread to continue
>>609675I have arrived in time to mess things up.
>>609671>>609675Probably just here to check if the goblins are still assblasted. The answer is Yes to both, though i'm headed home right now and should return in around 15 to 20 minutes.
>>609675I hope people are here and I just finished my DnD campaign and friends just left slightly miffed that they all died because they didn't listen to me so I am in a good mood
So we ahve at least 2(?) peoples for update, nice
>>609691I am here to witness suffering.
>>609691I am here for the broth.
>>609715But is that enoughIs it ever enough
>>609691I managed to break my computer again and I just fixed it.I am ready for more master chef elf.
Well I guess we sum peeps, update in 5 minutes
We should make The smiling one become a secret serial killer as well as a cookWho is with me
>>609729First we gotta make him the smiling one again through the magic of cooking.
Alright, got started on cooking career, now what do you do?
>>609732we should find a way to reawaken his psychotic tendencies in the process, won't be hard I think>>609734grab your kitchen knife
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>609734Study master cooking book
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>609734Find a rich guy to cook for
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>609734More cooking books.
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>609734find steady employment as a cook, find out where the not-king chef is with asking if we can be an apprentice
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>609734forgot roll >>609737
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>609734Cook a cock
>>609734dice+1d100Become famous in the castle for cooking for everyone.
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>609734We should go on a quest to discover the King's fav food.
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>609749
>>609739But only masters can view this book, ar eyou sure you're ready for the ancient knowledge within?
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>609762lets memorise forbidden meals instead
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>609762Realizing the master cookbook is to difficult for you at this point, cook it in a broth for a master's taste.
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>609762So we're a chef now...Pray for ElfChefGod's guidance and study the book
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>609762Talk to the head chef explain you've fully mastered the previous chapters and ask for permission to study it. Also didn't the forbidden book up and burn?
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>609762Continue reading beginner's cook book we aren't ready yet
>>609765Forbodden Meals was already destroyed, this goof up was a result of using stock footage
>>609772We've already mastered that one and the intermediate one.
>>609769Ans you read the texts within...It's blank
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>609780Try the cooking tome then maybe we haven't mastered it enough.>>609779I thought we just had a flashback and learned how to cook direbeasts.
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>609780clearly this just means that we need to devise our own master meals by combining many average mealscaptcha: taste the difference
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>609780keep the book, we can write our own recipes in it once we start cooking human flesh and other intelligent creature flesh
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>609780Realize we had the knowledge in our heart the entire time.
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>609780This means no meals are forbidden. Begin crafting my canibal stew.
>>609780Cearly only those who are authorized can read it. Explain the situation to Chef King and ask for permission.
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>609789fug
>>609786"That's right my pupil. True mastery comes from within. Only when you have mastered yourself will the secrets of the master recipes be revealed to you""Totally not because we used a placeholder propbook though"
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>609793Embark on quest to find the rarest ingredient, or greatest chef to learn from, or some shit like that.
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>609793K, so where's the real book?
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>609793Try making something from the beginner's cook book.We haven't ate yet.
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>609793Cook with a fury unbeknownst to you until now, spurred by your master's words.
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>609793ask him if we actually got hired
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>609793lets practice our cookingtell the bald elf you want to meat him in the cellar and grab your trusty knife and meat him there
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>609793Time to invent some new fucking dishes and try them out.Cooking montage with us feeding the other elves amazing food.
>>609795"Whoaaaah, hold up, knife ears""You maybe part of the kitchen staff now, but you're still property of this household"
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>609815>>609803
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>609815clearly we must secretly murder our owners and cook them into the tastiest broth that ever wasthen we can be free
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>609815Look for the rare ingredient known as bald elf.
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>609815Explain that you're just poping out for some turmeric. They don't want their dinner to lack the proper spices do they?
>>609815>>609806Actually lets feed literally everybody.
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>609815find the greatest chef in the household to learn from
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>609826doh
>>609817"Hell no, faggot" answered the bald elf to your incredibly trustworthy proposal
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>609833>>609826
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>609833n-no ur a faget
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>609833Drag him down there via force
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>609833tell him we want to apologise for earlier and want his help getting stuff from there to make the best cake ever
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>609833Well as long as the guards won't bother us while we get good at cookingTIME TO COOK SOME BEGINNER FOOD AWW YEAAH
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>609833Drag him down to the basement by force.
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>609833Call him a faggot before realising you have no right to the insult since you're an elf
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>609833show him our dank cooking skillz and feed that bitch. I bet he's just jelly because we're becoming a chef master
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>609868you can feel yourself growing stronger. time to transform.
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>609868You know I don't think we've seen the owner yet.Either way resume cooking we gotta be the very best
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>609868Throw bald elf into the boiling pot for talking shit about your food
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>609868Become the Smiling Gourmet. Grand Chef, Feeder of masses.
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>609868Put laxatives in bald elf's share.
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>609868sneak into bald elfs quarters as he sleeps then chop him into the next days mealHe must die for insulting your food
>>609876"Fuckoff dickmuncher" The bald elf has become increasingly paranoid of you and won't let you get close enough to grab him
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>609891>>609883he has to sleep sometime just wait patiently for that moment
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>609868No, we will not prosecute bald elf for hating our food. We will cut off all of his food. Spread rumors about him, make him hated by everyone, especially the master chef. Then, tell him to stop making food for bald elf for being an asshole. (If that won't work, steal something and frame him). Then, after some days, make some food and give it to him. He will depend on us, we will become his only source of food, and he will be our slave.
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>609891>>609878
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>609891Just do your job for a few days.
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>609891Capture him in his sleep and bring the knives
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>609891Gain his trust with great cooking while you wait to strike.
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>609891>>609894
>>609896And so that's what you're aiming for now.
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>609910Begin to reawaken your elder powers. They only apply to cooking now but it still provides you with a large skill boost.
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>609910Skip ahead a week.
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>609893>>609910
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>609910>>609894Btw, you forgot the moustache, OP
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>609910Cook harder, cook faster. You gotta be the best or else you can't smile.
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>609924HonHonHon
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>609924More. Put your heart and soul into it. Fully awaken your powers and become a true chef.also >>609926
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>609924Find bald elf when he is alone and cornered and bring him some broth
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>609924So my 100 ain't gonna count?Fuk u OP. Dis is the second time dis happened.>>609894LET'S TRY AGAIN!
>>609924Smile harder, or they might be suspicious.
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>609930
>>609929YOur 100 was 2late dickweed
>>609929You were too slow.
>>609933How was i supposed to know 2 minutes is too late?
>>609938It's always been one minute since the first reply.Except for the civ thing, that was weird.
>>609938If you've been in these threads then you'd have known da rulez is 1 minute since the first reply is the time window nigga
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>609949>>609894AGAIN!
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>609949this also reawakens your psychosis
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>609949Get rid of that coal drawn mustache. It's unsanitary and could be considered a hazard in a place like this
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>609949cool food smithing knife in bucket of oilremember to air the furnace so the meat doesn't get coldhammer the red hot bread into shape
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>609949Serve everyone in the building Croque Madames. Except the Bald Elf... Let him drool over what he cannot have.
>>609954oh daaaym.Almost got me.
>>609961OP might just ignore yours since its "controlling the NPC's" too much.
>>609952Taking advantage of your new position as apprentice chef, you managed to convince the Chef to cut the bald elf's food.He's even more paranoid and hateful of you now.
>>609965Not really. I never said the master chef is going to do that. I said that we will ask him. If he won't do that, we'll frame the bald elf for stealing something.
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>609969give his food to that one long haired fuck to fatten him up
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>609969>>609958Tell him that if he wishes for food he must apologize first. Only then shall he be fed.
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>609969>>609893
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>609969Create special unworldly delicious food with your elder powers.
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>609969Regain some of them psychic powers.But they only work in cooking related uses.
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>609969Get rid of that mustache. It's unsanitary.
>>609974>>609975>>609973Dice god? Is that you?
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>609969Ok, now tell him to do what we say he does, in exchange for food.And remind him of our past.If he acts up, we can cut off one of his fingers and serve it as a meal to him.
>>609975And so, with your awesome cooking powers you made...bread...and sprinkled some salt on it.
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>609987Make a hole in it and put jam in it
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>609987>>609981AGAIN!
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>609987>>609973
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>609987Regain some powersBut they can only be used for cooking
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>609987>>609893on another note where did all the pro serial killer chef bros go?
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>609987Shave your headIts unsanitary
>>609996You're unsanitary.We had a dank ponytail.
>>610000Its the will of dice god
>>610002The dice god is unsanitary
Welp. Looks like we're going to kill some dragons next thread.
>>609992"Fuck you! I'd rather eat dirt! At least that taste better than the shit you're cooking!"And then he ate some dirt
>>610008Its for the greater goodJust watch its gonna help us escape
Rolled 99 (1d100)