Last time on Dragon Quest we squeezed the Butcher into some fresh Humanaide, got more party members, one half-dragon tapestry maker, who is also naked, some knight who's called the Gefried the Pure, and we killed a vampire and stole his shit.Oh, and also we were Elizabeth for a little while and fucked some rebels up, peacefully though.Character Sheet: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jI0aGxA_2h3SAcPYri-1fdgskbK3IbtfEzSLJ7VY9gU/editTwitter: QuestingQM"What, are you actually falling in love with me?""Honestly, for doing the things you have, it's somewhat hard not to. Also, you taste great.""Is this your vampire way of saying I love you?""...I guess so. Just don't try to exploit that.""Aw, I love you too Franikizka. And I would never exploit your fondness.""Thank you. Now, let's get your brother."You fly for a few hours and eventually find the entrance to Karak Hirn... With your brother standing proud outside. You of course, land right infront of him, causing him to flinch."WHAT THE HELL!?""Oh, hey Richard. I need you to come with me for a little bit.""Oh, it's just you Ren. I'm a little busy right now, as I'm trying to make sure the Karak doesn't starve. Maybe after I get some food I'll help."Actions.>Grab him, and fly off! (Body)>Good luck with that, and fly off.>I guess I can help. Do we get to pillage villages? And I call dibs on all butter.>Write-In
>>424150>We should see if we remember anything about the thing we made for Russia.
>>424150>I guess I can help. Do we get to pillage villages? And I call dibs on all butter.
>>424150I will raze Karak Hirn to ASHES if you don't come with me RIGHT NOW YOU BASTARD SWINE!.
>>424150>>I guess I can help. Do we get to pillage villages? And I call dibs on all butter.
"Oh! Do we get to pillage villages? I love that! I call dibs on all the butter!""...I was hoping to just set up a trade agreement for food, not really rob people of their things."Actions.>I don't have time for this. Grab him and fly off (Body)>Oh. I guess that works too.>Richard, it's not robbery, it's just liberating the lesser species of their belongings... Besides, you like shiny things don't you? (Charisma)>Get on or I'll just burn down the remnants of the Karak anyways. (Intimidation, HARD)>Write-In
>>424229"I wonder if we could magically create food for now..."
>>424229>>Oh. I guess that works too.
>>424229>Oh. I guess that works too.Tell him that he now also own the absolute worst part of Bretonia.
"Oh. I guess that works too.""Yeah, so what have you been doing while I was busy anyways?""Well, now you also own the absolute worst part of Bretonia, congratulations!""Oh... Great. I'm just going to assume it's a gift.""In a sense it is!"He gets on your back."So, where are we supposed to go?""Probably the nearest castle, I mean how far away could one be?""Alright..."You take flight, and can't help but ask a question."Have you read the list I left you?""Yeah. I have."Actions.>So, did you see the part where I ate the king of Sweden for bossing me around? It's a personal highlight.>Oh, have you seen that part where I ate at least twenty diplomats in a single day? I loved that day.>You aren't angry at me, right?>So just wondering... When we get back to Sweden, I have something I was working on for my wife, maybe you'll be interested that it's a dragon mutagen...>Remain silent and continue flying.>Write-In
>>424301>>Remain silent and continue flying.
>>424301>So, did you see the part where I ate the king of Sweden for bossing me around? It's a personal highlight.
Waiting five more minutes
>>424301>>You aren't angry at me, right?
"So yeah. Did you see the part where I ate the king of Sweden for bossing me around? It's a personal highlight for me.""I did, indeed. I wouldn't of done it, but I guess you like ruling things, I suppose.""Yeah, it's nice bossing people around. Now... You aren't angry at me, right?""It's hard to remain angry after a month, but in a sense I still am.""Why?""Well, I'm angry at myself I wasn't there to consul you into the right path, and to probably help you beating the tar out of that king.""Really?""Well, yeah. Your my brother after all. Well, technically my half-brother, but who cares?""Yeah, but why exactly would you help me beat up that king?""Well, he was exploiting you, and doing that to my little brother isn't something I take lightly."Actions.>You don't have to watch out for me, I'm a fucking 32 story dragon.>Oh, man, I was worried you were pissed off at me.>Why the hell are you angry at yourself? It would of been really fucking hard to find me.>Yeah, I'm going to focus on flying now, alright?>Write-In
>>424410>>You don't have to watch out for me, I'm a fucking 32 story dragon.>Oh, man, I was worried you were pissed off at me.
>>424301>So, did you see the part where I ate the king of Sweden for bossing me around? It's a personal highlight.Though I also think dropping the mutagen knowledge could be a good idea, butter him up a little.
>>424410>>Why the hell are you angry at yourself? It would of been really fucking hard to find me.
"You don't have to watch out for me, I'm a fucking 32 story dragon, no one is going to do shit against me.""You're my brother, why shouldn't I? It goes both ways, and it wouldn't be just if you just looked out for me."Actions.>I suppose that's true.>I don't look out for you in the first place.>Who gives a damn about justice?>Why the hell are you the good guy of the family?>Write-In
>>424524>>I suppose that's true.
"...I suppose that's true. But oh man, I was worried you were pissed off at me.""I was at first, but that's over, and I don't blame you for what you've done. Power does corrupt after all, and I'd say you've done a good job of not being too corrupt.""Too corrupt?""Tainted, evil, whatever you want to call it.""Yeah. Mind if I ask you a question?""What is it Renexizious?""Why the hell are you angry at yourself? It would of been really fucking hard to find me.""Because if I don't get angry at myself for failure, failure becomes tolerable, tolerance becomes acceptance, and acceptance becomes weakness, and weakness means failure, which leads to... Well, let's just say bad shit happening."Actions.>Why the hell are you so strict on yourself?>That's a rather... Dominating viewpoint.>Something tells me you weren't raised with mom either.>Remain silent and continue flying.>Write-In
>>424569>>Something tells me you weren't raised with mom either.
"Something tells me you weren't raised with mom either.""Yeah, I wasn't.""Mind if you tell me?""...Only if you promise not to tell anyone. It's... Well, I prefer it not being public knowledge."Actions.>I promise.>I promise. (Lie)>Well, I don't care then.>When have you ever had friends at my place anyways?>Who cares who you were?>Write-In
"Listen, I promise alright?""Thanks. So, back when I was a kid, I was... Well, I was a paladin for Hextor. I don't like talking about it, and many things I've done in his service I'd rather not remember.""Who the hell is Hextor?""Erh, I'll tell you when we get back to Stalkhoml, or... Whatever it's called.""It's Stockholm."Actions.>Why the hell are you so secretive? I've never even heard of who Hextor is.>What the hell is so bad about being a paladin of Hextor?>I understand, don't worry about it.>Write-In
>>424659>>I understand, don't worry about it.
>>424659This>Why the hell are you so secretive? I've never even heard of who Hextor is.Then this>What the hell is so bad about being a paladin of Hextor?
Waiting five more minutes.
Rolled 1 (1d2)Rolling.1=Press further.2=Continue on.
"Why the hell are you so secretive, I've never heard who the hell Hextor is.""It's... Well, basically the church of Hextor teaches that the world is a harsh, unforgiving place. The strong rule the weak, and power is the only reward worth having. Cruelty and mercilessness are necessary tools. Order must be forged from chaos and law from anarchy, but order is meaningless without the will to enforce it. Then we get to the part that tyrants are to be obeyed, and dissenters are to be oppressed or killed, that slaves must obey their masters. That sort of thing, and it's not nice to be in.""Jesus. That's... Well, what was it like being a paladin of Hextor then?""Well, if you enjoy beating peasants up for dissenting, occasional demon summoning rituals, and of course slavery, then it's your choice of church.""How the hell did someone like you join that church?""...We did charity once in a while, and my human parents were devout Hextorians. They pressed for me to join, and they were proud when I did."Actions.>Human parents?>You still talk to them?>That sounds edgy, even for me.>How the hell did you stay in that for so long? You're a fucking nice guy. Not some anti-hero or something.>Oh, slavery? Sounds nice.>Charity?>Continue flying and go silent.>Write-In
>>424787>>That sounds edgy, even for me.>>Human parents?
"Damn, that does sound edgy, even for me.""Edgy? What does that mean?""...Erh, sketchy.""Yeah. You see why I don't really like talking about it?""Yeah, I can see why.""Yeah.""So, human parents, eh?"He sighs."Yeah. My dad who was one of mom's concubines managed to flee and escape somehow, and... Well, he was a knight of Hextor, and I was his illegitimate son.""Ah. Did they treat you well?""Yeah, the guy was pretty nice for a Hextorian, he actually legitimized me instead of his second son.""Huh."["Yeah, I'm still an offical Paladin of Hextor, but I don't really... Well, I stopped doing that stuff when I was younger."You continue flying and fly above what seems to be a castle."Well, there we go. A castle to negotiate with.""Alright, let's not terrify them or anything like that, we just need food and hopefully they can spare some."Actions.>...Crash straight into the castle courtyard!>Land not too far away and shapeshift!>Land directly infront of the castle.>Write-In
>>424858>>Land not too far away and shapeshift!Sigh. No, Richard, having people being afraid of you helps get you things.
>>424858>Land not too far away and shapeshift!
You sigh... Clearly Richard doesn't understand the whole concept of tribute."Richard, having people being afraid of you helps you get things."You land not too far away and shapeshift into your dragonblood form."But this time I'll do it for you, alright?""Yeah, thanks man... Actually, on second thought just look at who's in our party. We have a naked... Half dragon, a very confused knight, some guy with a bow, a guy with a hat, and your vampire girlfriend. How the fuck don't we look suspicious?"Actions.>...The correct answer is that you look too suspicious to be suspicious.>Clearly he does not understand how to run a hare- You mean, a party.>That's a part of the fun!>Wait, are you saying shift into dragon form and land inside the castle, because I think your saying that.>Write-In
>>424942>...The correct answer is that you look too suspicious to be suspicious.
>>424942>...The correct answer is that you look too suspicious to be suspiciousWe could also just leave some of the party here, there is little need for them to go in with us.
>>424942>Wait, are you saying shift into dragon form and land inside the castle, because I think your saying that.
"The correct answer is that we're too suspicious to look suspicious.""...Alright, I'm just going to follow your logic, now let's start going up to that castle, eh?"Your party treks uphill, while Marshal starts telling everyone stories of some dire badger he shot in the eye when he was a child. The knight laughs him off, and Frankizka shakes her head, claiming that "dire badgers aren't a thing." Meanwhile, the tapestry maker has decided to talk to Marshal, and Marshal can't help but be blunt about her... Exposed parts. He gets hit in the face but she apologizes and carries him, while the Knight can't help but claim that "hitting random people could kill them with your strength." Of course, she claims that she carefully weighs her mass-to-muscle ratio or some shit, and the Knight just nods his head.This is the best adventure party ever.You come up to the castle and a guard looks over."Who goes there?"Actions.>...Let the naked tapestry maker do the introductions.>Let Marshal do the introductions.>Let Richard do the introductions.>You'll do the introductions.>Let the knight do the introductions.>Frankizka can do it.>Shapeshift into a dragon and demand to be let in. (Intimidation)>Write-in
>>424998>Let Richard do the introductions.Let's try diplomacy. We can burn and raze our way in later
>>424998>Let Richard do the introductions.Let's give our bro a chance to shine.
'Richard, introduce us!""Hail! I am sir Richard of... Reikhall? This is my brother, sir Renexizious the Dragonknight, and behind us is a mighty adventuring party!""Oi! You all look like freaks!""...Nevertheless, we are an adventuring party here on behalf of Karak Hirn for a trade agreement."You hear muttering on the otherside."Fine! But if you try anything fishy, we'll gut ya!""Works for me."The gate opens slowly."Good job Richard.""Yeah, thank the gods he didn't press further on who most of these people are, since I barely know any of them."You walk into the castle and a man, wearing spectacles and being slightly overweight comes up to you."Ah! I see you are here to negotiate a trade agreement with me!""Yes, yes we are.""Good, good. Now come inside."You follow him inside, and note that the "Castle" is more or less a motte and bailey."So, let's get down to business, what do you need?""Food.""Oh, that's it? Very well. We want some dwarven ironcrafts, engineers for a few days, and hopefully some minerals in exchange."Actions.>That's outrageous just for some food!>Do you know who I am? I have over 3000 confirmed kills... (Intimidation)>Marshal, do your boasting again!>Quickly, knight, act confused so you'll confuse him!>Quickly, naked tapestryworker, distract him!>Richard, do... Something reasonable!>Adelmann, quickly accuse him of heresy if he doesn't agree!>Frankizka, dominate him!>Write-In
>>425100>>That's outrageous just for some food!>>Richard, do... Something reasonable!
"That's outrageous just for some food!""Well, we need our food as well, and we have a notable lack of engineers around here."You whisper to Richard."Quickly, do something!"Roll me a 1d20+1 to see if he can lower the price of the agreement.
Rolled 7 + 1 (1d20 + 1)>>425243
Rolled 10 + 1 (1d20 + 1)>>425243
Rolled 2 + 1 (1d20 + 1)>>425243And this is where being big and scary pays off. Just ask Commodore Perry.
10+1=11Great Failure!"Why don't we negotiate some more? You need something, I need something... We all win.""Maybe, but my prices are set, sir."Actions.>...Come on, just lower the prices so I don't have to stomp all over your little castle, I'd rather not get splinters. (Intimidation, VERY HARD)>...Hey, I'm going to be outside for a few minutes, alright?>Marshal, start boasting or something.>Knight, confuse him so we can bargain better!>Erh, naked tapestry worker, do something smart?>Richard, keep being reasonable! (HARD)>Frankizka, just dominate him or something.>Adelmann, accuse him of heresy or something!>Write-In
>>425315>Frankizka, just dominate him or something.You know what? Easy mode.
"Frankizka, dominate him.""In full view of literally everyone?""Sure!""Ren, find a way to distract people for a few minutes and then we'll talk, alright?"Actions.>Nevermind then...>Sure, I'll find a way to distract them...>So? Just do it.
>>425358>Sure, I'll find a way to distract them...
>>425358>Sure, I'll find a way to distract them...Drowsyness pheromone
>>425358>>Sure, I'll find a way to distract them...We're good at catching people's attention.
"Sure, I'll find a way to distract everyone.""Good."Actions.>...Shapeshift in front of everyone? Not to dragn size, just half-dragon.>...Go outside and shapeshift into a dragon.>Fuck it, just punch a guard or something. (Body)>Maybe Lust pheromone could cut it.>Use a pheromone.>...Erh, summon your familiar to assist!>Magic show? Magic show.>Write-in
>>425389>>...Shapeshift in front of everyone? Not to dragon size, just half-dragon.Sorry, did that startle you? I tend to do this when I find people are trying to rip me off.
>>425389>Write-inChallenge them to a duel for insulting us with their offer.
Waiting ten more minutes anons.
>>425389>>Magic show? Magic show.
You decide to shapeshift into a half dragon...Roll me a 1d20+8 to see if this gets attention.
Rolled 5 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>425489We're a motherfucking dragon, they better pay attention or we'll have to escalate further.
Rolled 7 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>425489
Rolled 6 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>425489
>>425504>>425510>>425526People turning into Half-dragons must be a common sight in these parts or something.
7+8=15Failure!You shapeshift into a half dragon in full view, but it seems no one pays attention."What the hell? Why does no one care that I just became bigger, scalier, and grew a tail?""Huh? Oh, you guys are adventurers. We're used to that sort of thing by now when it comes to murderhobos."You growl.Actions.>Escalate further.>Escalate further outside.>...Whelp, you aren't at your full size yet, slowly get bigger and imposing, maybe that will work. Or maybe you might just thwack someone with your tail or something.>Pheromones, go!>Write-In
>>425553>Pheromones, go!Light Fear
Whelp, roll me a 1d20+2 to see if the pheromones do anything.
Rolled 16 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>425600
16+2=18Good Success!You release a slight amount of fear pheromone."...Well, I suppose I can lower the price just a little. Maybe just some minerals and ironcrafts?""That's better..."]Actions.>But that's still not good enough. (Intimidation, HARD)>I agree.>...How about instead of a trade agreement, how about you give my brother tribute, and I won't step all over your damned castle? (Intimidation, HARD)>Write-In
Rolled 5 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>425600
>>425628>Write-InTry to clarify exactly how much food we are getting from this deal. We need enough to feed all the dwarves.
"We need at least... Well, at least four caravans to feed the dwarves, you do know this, right?""I guessed that, yes."Frankizka whispers to you."Still want me to dominate him? Everyone's staring at you now."Actions.>Sure!>Nah, we're good now.>Hang on, they aren't fully distracted.>Write-In
>>425670Sure, we need to secure the deal absolutely. As soon as we will be gone, they will change their mind.
Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if she can dominate!
Rolled 15 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>425682
>>425670>>Nah, we're good now.
Rolled 7 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>425682
"Do it."You see her stare into the lord's eyes, and they turn red, then back to normal."Did it work?""Yeah it did. Watch.""You know, I have a fondness for dwarves... Why don't I give you the food for free?"Richard scratches his head."But... I thought you wanted something in return?""No no, I insist.""Erh... Alright, I suppose."Actions.>...Tune it down a little, Frankizka.>Sweet, see if he can't give you some butter and money at the same time!>Frankizka, make him say he's willing to be our vassal!>...Frankizka, good job..>Headpat Frankizka, she did a good job.>Write-In
>>425700>>Headpat Frankizka, she did a good job.
>>425700>>Headpat Frankizka, she did a good job.Didn't think her the type but alright.
>>425700>Headpat Frankizka, she did a good job.
You pat her on the head."Good job.""Oh, erh... Thanks, I guess.""Well, thank you sir for your kindness, let's get to signing it, shall we?""Very well."A few minutes later, the "Trade Agreement" is complete, and Richard turns back to you as you leave the fortress."See, I make a decent diplomat."Actions.>You sure did.>Remain silent.>Actually, you should thank Frankizka, she saved your ass.>Actually, that would be me.>Write-In
>>425740>You sure did.Pat his head too so he doesn't feel left out.
>>425740>You sure did.
"You sure did."You pat him on his head, and he just shrugs his shoulders, somewhat confused."Thanks? I guess?""No problem, little brother.""I'm your big brother, technically.""Well, height wise I'm your big brother, so get on my back and let's liberate us a Damned Duchy!"You transform, and fly off with everyone back to Mousllion...What exactly is your plan?Actions.>Go to that fucking Ducal Palace or whatever, that was made by FUCKING ELVES.>Probably should deal with the Carrion Hills, or whatever.>Sewer monsters, prepare to be smoked out!>Actually, you should find a laboratory or somewhere safe to practice a cleansing mutagen... Or you know, you could just turn the entire populace into half dragons. Who's going to call you out on it anyways?>Write-In
>>425774>Actually, you should find a laboratory or somewhere safe to practice a cleansing mutagen... Or you know, you could just turn the entire populace into half dragons. Who's going to call you out on it anyways?
>>425774>>Actually, you should find a laboratory or somewhere safe to practice a cleansing mutagen... Or you know, you could just turn the entire populace into half dragons. Who's going to call you out on it anyways?But look for an actual cure first.
You search overhead for a laboratory you could use... You see a few things that might work out.>There's some sort of small peasant village right by the swamp. It might not be ideal conditions, but you'll have plenty of workers... Wiling or not to assist.>The nobles tower you stayed in is secluded, but has great working conditions.>The city might have a alchemy shop which will prove for highly ideal conditions, but you might attract suspicion from the superstitious peasantry, not to mention there might be previous owners you'll have to take care of.
>>425810>>The city might have a alchemy shop which will prove for highly ideal conditions, but you might attract suspicion from the superstitious peasantry, not to mention there might be previous owners you'll have to take care of.Bribe them, we have half a million worth of gold.
>>425810>The city might have a alchemy shop which will prove for highly ideal conditions, but you might attract suspicion from the superstitious peasantry, not to mention there might be previous owners you'll have to take care of.
You fly outside of the city's swamp, and shift down. As you go through the city's abysmal conditions, you see a man in rags dragged out of a crumbling house by an angry mob and is tied to a nearby post by the mob, and is mauled upon by the crowd.Actions.>Approach the crowd and demand to know what this man did.>...Just continue on, you have bigger things to worry about.>Join in, if he's being beaten by a mob he's probably done something wrong.>Breathe fire into the air to cause the crowd to scatter!>Pheromones?>Write-In
>>425844>Approach the crowd and demand to know what this man did.
"You, there, citizen, what did this man do?""He summoned Creeping Things last night! I saw em', I did! With me own two eyes! He did it with his evil thoughts, I swear!"Richard comes up behind you."We should help, or are you already on it?"Actions.>Demand the peasants to leave this man alone. (Intimidation)>...Clearly your intellect can assure the populace to leave this man alone. (Intelligence)>Very well, have a good go at it!>Pheromones?>I would say YOU are the one that summoned them, why else would you accuse another man of summoning creeping things? (Wisdom)>Write-In
>>425877>...Clearly your intellect can assure the populace to leave this man alone. (Intelligence)Say big words until they go away
Roll me a 1d20+6!
Rolled 4 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>425896
Rolled 16 + 6 (1d20 + 6)
Rolled 18 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>425896
18+6=24Good Success!"I believe that you've failed to properly consider that a simple optical illusion on your eyes might of played a key role in causing you to believe this man is indeed a witch or whatnot. I highly recommend consuming battery acid, or if that is not available to you at the current time, a healthy dose of bleach may cure you.""...What are you saying?""That I am a doctor without a PhD, and your eyes are terrible, in fact they look more reptilian then a normal human eye.""Oi! Your eyes are reptillian, stop projecting on me!""I'm sorry to say, but your major affliction is insanity. Guards! This man is insane and is accusing me of being a lizard person, when I am in fact trained medical personnel!""Oi! Leave the doctor alone!"The grab the man and haul him off, while the mob chases after him!"I knew the lizard people were behind it all! I knew!" he yells into the distance as he is dragged away."...Well, that's one way to handle an angry mob. Sic it on someone else.""He'll be fine."The brutalized man gets to his feet, and thanks you. He hands you a piece of... Moldy bread, and a gold coin he found.Actions.>Thank you, I suppose.>...Erh, do you have anything more... Shiny?>You can keep it, I don't need moldy bread. Or a single gold coin.>Take the gold coin but tell the man to keep the bread.>Write-In
>>425935>Take the gold coin but tell the man to keep the bread.We're much more a meat and butter dragon.
>>425935>You can keep it, I don't need moldy bread. Or a single gold coin.
>>425935>>Take the gold coin but tell the man to keep the bread.
>>425935>Write-inTake the man.
"Erh, thank you. Keep the bread though."He hands you the gold coin and you continue searching for an alchemy store, and you eventually come to the Chapel District. The knight halts you."Excuse me, dragon, but would you care if I went into the chapel district to fulfill my knightly oath of prayer to the Lady?"Actions.>Come on, we've nearly found an alchemy shop.>Sure, I suppose.>Could I come as well? I'm somewhat interested in this chapel.>Would you mind if the party came with you? I think we could use some time away from the flies, sewage, and other nasties out here.>Write-In
>>425963>>Sure, I suppose.
"Sure, I suppose. Just don't get lost or anything.""Very well."He goes inside the large and compared to the rest of the city, well-kept chapel. Meanwhile, outside some sort of street preacher, female as well, is offering prayers and blessings... For only a sum of fifty gold. And if you want to drink from the grail... It's only two-hundred gold coins.Actions.>Marshal's Bretonnian, right? Maybe he can tell you what that's all about.>Eh, ask Frankizka.>No, just continue waiting for the Knight.>Ditch the knight and continue on.>...Prayers for only a few gold? Without any actual work? Look out, here comes Renexizious!>Write-In
>>426013>Marshal's Bretonnian, right? Maybe he can tell you what that's all about.
>>426013>>Marshal's Bretonnian, right? Maybe he can tell you what that's all about.
"Hey, Marshal, what's that all about?""What?""That girl, she's selling prayers.""...Hang on a minute, you don't need to pay money to pray. Not to mention selling the ability to drink from a Grail? That's downright thievery! I bet it's not even real! Not to mention us commoners can't worship the Lady!""So she's a heretic?""Worse! A con-artist!""How is that worse?""My dad lost his sheep AND his pig to one of them!"You see peasants commonly coming up, offering snail shells and other currency to the Damsel. It seems that some of the peasants who pay get dragged away by a militia, seemingly guarding a well, and cries of "I can't pay enough!" follow... Highly suspicious.Actions.>Con-Artist, eh? Maybe you can get in on this... You could always go for some more money.>Hey, Marshal. Give her a piece of your mind or something.>...Something tells you that those peasant's aren't just paying for prayers. Go stop her and her gang.>You don't want any trouble. Just wait for the knight to get back.>Write-In
>>426044>Hey, Marshal. Give her a piece of your mind or something.
"Marshal, give them a piece of your mind or something.""Ha! They will rue the day they insulted the Lady!"He draws his longbow, and aims it towards the guard extorting the peasant.Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if he can William Tell the shit out of this.
Rolled 20 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>426070
>>426072Marshal can apparently only get twenties when he shoots his longbow.
20+4=24Critical Success!He fires a shot and scores a headshot straight on one of the guards, knocking them down. He quickly fires again, shooting one in the neck, and fires a third shot into the final guard, straight in the eye. All of this, in the blink of an eye. He draws another arrow, carefully aims it down, and fires it straight into the Damsel's coin pouch, releasing gold coins into the street. The Damsel cowers and Marshal goes up to her.Actions.>Deal with the Damsel with Marshal.>...Gold coins, in the street? Start stuffing your pockets! Actually, you don't have pockets, so start stuffing your bag!>Eh, just continue waiting.>What the fuck Marshal, are you an elf or something?>...I hate to admit this, but you did good Marshal. You did good.>Write-in
>>426092>What the fuck Marshal, are you an elf or something?>...I hate to admit this, but you did good Marshal. You did good.Marshal must be the terminator with these skills.
>>426092>What the fuck Marshal, are you an elf or something?>...I hate to admit this, but you did good Marshal. You did good.
"What the fuck Marshal, are you an elf or something?""No, I don't have pointed ears, why do you say that m'lord?""...Longbows are fucking overpowered, but you did good Marshal. You did good.""Really? Thank you, my lord!"He turns back and marches up to the Damsel, he begins to threaten her and demand that she go take her "con-artist" skills elsewhere.Eventually the knight comes out, somewhat angry."They're demanding me to pay money to wo-""Hey, knight! I've already taken care of it.""Very good, you'd make a fine squire one day... If you weren't a peasant, sadly enough.""I am honored, my lord!"Actions.>Why the hell not take him on as a squire?>...Well, I'll make him my squire if you don't want a squire.>Squire, I demand you impress them next time, as my position is threatened!>...Head pat Marshal?>Continue to search for the alchemy shop.>Write-In
>>426114>Why the hell not take him on as a squire?
>>426114>...Well, I'll make him my squire if you don't want a squire.
Waiting ten more minutes.
>>426114>>Why the hell not take him on as a squire?
"Why the hell not take him on as a squire?""He's a peasant, and the Chivalry Oath is very clear that a peasant may only move up if he is indeed knighted by the Lady herself.""And how often has that happened?""...Twice in all of Bretonnian history."Actions.>I demand you take him on as your squire, then!>...Fine, I'll take him on as his squire.>Eh, I don't particularly care.>Write-In
>>426180>...Fine, I'll take him on as his squire.
>>426180>I demand you take him on as your squire, then!
Rolled 2 (1d2)Rolling.1=Demand.2=Take him.
"Fine then, I'll take him as my squire then!"Marshal decides to speak up."It's fine, m'lord. I'm not really squire material, really. I'm just a peasant with a bow."Actions.>Whether you like it or not, you are my squire from now on.>Fine then. Remain a peasant, Marshal.>Come on, you're more then a peasant with a bow. (Charisma)>Write-In
>>426215>Come on, you're more then a peasant with a bow. (Charisma)
Roll me a 1d20+7, additional +2 if you can point out why he's more then a peasant with a bow.
Rolled 6 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>426228
Waiting ten more minutes for dice rolls.
Rolled 4 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>426228You're more than just a peasant with a bow, clearly you have the skill to go beyond your station and honour tempered by your humble origins
Rolled 12 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>426228
>>426228You're an amazing peasant with a bow, and you have impressed me. And in my lands, that's than enough for you to gain a place at court.
12+9=21Success!"Come on, you're more then just a peasant with a bow. You have the skill to go beyond your station and honour tempered by your humble origins. In my lands, that's enough to get you a place at court.""...I suppose. But I don't even know how to swing a sword, and all I know how to use is a bow.""Don't worry, I'll teach you.""Oh, thank you m'lord. I didn't expect to become a squire... I can only wonder what my wife would think.""She'd be proud, Marshal.""Thank you once again, my lord, for saving my wife. I am truly indebted to you.""It's no big deal. Come on then, let's find an alchemy shop."Your search eventually comes to what seems to be a run-down alchemy shop, boarded up and abandoned. You also note the boards are placed on the outside, and the window above is opened.Actions.>...Rip off the boards and enter.>Hang on, maybe you can lift someone to the second story? There's an open window up there! (Body)>Hey, Frankizka... Would the tales of vampires being able to turn into bats hold any truth? Oh, and whisper this so no one else hears.>...See if there's a second entrance.>Maybe the sewers connect to this building... Maybe you can enter it through there.>Write-in
>>426282>...Rip off the boards and enter.
>>426282>>...Rip off the boards and enter.Simple enough.
You rip off the boards and enter the room. Inside rats flee, thousands of them. It seems looters have already gotten to this alchemy shop as there is little ingredients here.You can't help but get the feeling you're being watched, as some of the rats, some the size of small dogs watch you and your party enter.Actions.>...Maybe you could talk to Khorne about helping you with this whole mutagen and cleansing the body thing.>Maybe someone in your party can help you make a mutagen to either transform people or clean them of their mutation and... Well, inbreeding. (Specify Who)>No, you'll do it solo. You keep your shit under guard.>...You don't like the looks of this place. Find another place.>Write-InAlso, what mutagen do you guys want to make?>Dragonblood Mutagen (Anesthetic Required)>Half-Dragon Mk 2>Half Dragon Mk 3>Half Dragon Shapeshift>Try to create a Purifier Mutagen.>...Try to make a Dragonblood mutagen that doesn't require Anasthetics.>Write-in
>>426305>No, you'll do it solo. You keep your shit under guard.>...Try to make a Dragonblood mutagen that doesn't require Anasthetics.Fear Pheromones! Get those animals to drop dead from fear.
>>426305>>Try to create a Purifier Mutagen.
>>426312I feel like whenever you use Fear Pheromones ominous music similar to the Imperial March from Star Wars starts playing in the background. Or is that just me?
>>426305>No, you'll do it solo. You keep your shit under guard.>>...Try to make a Dragonblood mutagen that doesn't require Anasthetics.
Roll me a 1d20+6
Rolled 1 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>426321Come on 20
>>426322That's not a 20 at all! Bad dice!Barbaric?
So anons... Use Barbaric?>Yes.>No.
Rolled 18 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>426321Check this 20
Rolled 12 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>426321>>426327Yes
Roll me a 1d20 to save your ass!
Rolled 4 (1d20)>>426337Khorne guide our dice
Rolled 14 (1d20)>>426337>inb4 it's a one
Rolled 11 (1d20)>>426337
Rolled 18 (1d20)14Border Check!Roll me a 1d20, and counter my 1d20!
>>426344Someone else roll, the dice isn't favouring me right now.
Rolled 11 (1d20)>>426344For our dragonic overlords!
Rolled 1 (1d20)>>426344
>>426354H-h-hehe... Im sorry guys
>>426354Oh shit, a double crit fail.Have you guys been making your sacrifices to Khorne and the Dice Gods recently?
Double Critical Failure!You begin mixing with one of your claws in half-dragon form... And hear it fizzing?Fizzing isn't what something like this mutagen should do. It should be bubbling... Suddenly, one of the bubbles explodes violently, and you accidentally spill it into the gunpowder barrel you were using as a regent....Oh fucking shit.You realize you only have a few seconds to do something, before the barrel explodes.Actions.>...Run away yelling at the top of your lungs! Maybe everyone will get the idea to get the fuck out.>Khorne, are you there Khorne?>Grab the barrel and try to throw it outside! (Agility, HARD)>Oh fuck, throw yourself onto the gunpowder, maybe you can take the explosion! (Body, VERY HARD)>Well, you can in theory digest anything. Can you eat and digest a barrel full of gunpowder? (Body, HARD, Very Fucking Risky.)>Write-In
>>426365>Grab the barrel and try to throw it outside! (Agility, HARD)
>>426369You do know we have a -4 for Agility right?
Rolled 2 (1d2)Rolling.1=Grab it and toss!2=FREEZE IT!
>>426375No... besides, who has the time to actually look at and remember character sheets anyways.
Roll me a 1d20+15 to freeze it!
Rolled 19 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>426381
Rolled 7 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>426380Rens character sheet is more of a small book than an actual sheet so I'll give you that.>>426381
>>426387It fucking is, and it is hell on earth to go through.19+15Overwhelming Success!You freeze the barrel solid, and carefully remove it from the premise. It explodes not too long afterwards, and you continue working.Roll me a 1d20+5 to continue research!
Rolled 14 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>426391
Rolled 3 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>426391
Rolled 16 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>426391
16+5=21Good Success!You make a fairly effective Dragonblood mutagen...Bonus: Strong (Obvious in the title!)Defect: Independent (Dislikes being led, and infectees generally like doing their own thing.)Actions.>Refine it further! (Alchemy)>No, no. It's fine.>...Maybe someone in your party might want some of this mutagen?>Write-in
>>426415>Refine it further! (Alchemy)
>>426415>No, no. It's fine.
Rolled 1 (1d2)Rolling.1=Refine.2=Leave it be.
Roll me a 1d20+5 to refine further!
Rolled 12 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>426429
Rolled 10 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>426429
12+5=16Borderline Success!Bonuses: Strong, Sea-Loving (Tends to fair better at sea.)Defects: Independent, Slow (Tend to move slower and have lowered agility)After you've finished with the mutagen, the naked half dragon, Berenice comes in."What is it? I'm very busy!""...Well, erh... Everyone's preparing to make dinner.""What are we eating?""...Rats, and some of the well water."Actions.>...Well, my wife forced me to learn how to cook... I can cook tonight. (Cooking)>Please! I'd rather sack a town and eat it's inbred populace then eat a rat!>...Erh... We don't have anything else to eat?>Leave me be! I am very busy!>Write-In
>>426437>>...Well, my wife forced me to learn how to cook... I can cook tonight. (Cooking)Have you seen Chef by Jon Favreau?
>>426437>...Well, my wife forced me to learn how to cook... I can cook tonight. (Cooking)
Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if you can cook rat.
Rolled 10 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>426444The Jews did this.
Rolled 19 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>426444
Rolled 7 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>426444
19+4=23Success!You successfully cook rat into something... Edible. You find it somewhat degrading, but consume the rat. As you look outside, it's night time, and well... You need a place to sleep.Actions.>...You don't fucking trust this place with it's rats and shit. Find a different place for the night.>This... Will work, begrudgingly enough.>...You must find a way to make this barren shop comfy...>Write-in
>>426450>Summon Smaug so he can kill the rats while you sleep.
>>426450>...You must find a way to make this barren shop comfy...Maybe we can pulverize the floor into smooth and comfy pebbles?
You summon Smaug, and order him to kill the rats while you sleep. He finds this somewhat degrading, but does it anyways. Meanwhile, you decide to make the floor a little less... Rough.Roll me a 1d20+15 for interior home punching design.
Rolled 6 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>426455
Rolled 11 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>426455
Rolled 2 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>426455
11+15=26Borderline Success!You make some of the more... Pointed pebbles a little more comfortable, and you find a small room, which seems to be... Well, a storage room. It's rather small though, and you decide to sleep in there tonight...Actions.>But first, maybe talking to some people might be nice. (Specify who to talk to.)>...Eh, invite Richard to sleepover in your room.>Get Frankizka to sleep with you.>...Maybe someone else.>Write-In
>>426464>But first, maybe talking to some people might be nice. (Specify who to talk to.)Adellman
>>426464>Get Frankizka to sleep with you.
Rolled 2 (1d2)Rolling.1=Talk to Adelmann2=Sleep with Frankizka!
You go to sleep with Frankizka, and she rests up next to you, like usual. Of course, she's cuddled up to you for warmth, since your natural frost aura tends to make poorly insulated rooms effectively a freezer.Actions.>...Tumbling Time! (Charisma)>No, you want to talk to her a little.>...Turn up the frost aura! You fucking love freezers, also she's undead, she'll be fine.>...Maybe you should get her a blanket or something.>Just go to sleep.
>>426478>...Tumbling Time! (Charisma)Because why not.
Goddamn, aren't you determined to get laid every night?Roll me a 1d20+7
Rolled 10 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>426488
Rolled 3 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>426488
Rolled 9 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>426488
Rolled 11 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>426488
>>426478>...Maybe you should get her a blanket or something.Beta mode engaged.
10+7=17Borderline Failure!"Hey, Frankizka, want to tumble again?""...I'm exhausted, not really.""Why?!""Mostly still terrified of flying on your back, that high up in the sky."She clutches closely to you.Actions.>...What, do you have a fear of heights or something?>...Oh, come on. I'd never drop you.>Well, we'll do it tonight or I'll invite that tapestry worker from earlier, damn it! (Intimidation)>...Oh, alright then... Drift into sleep.>Fine, I guess. Want to talk then?>Lust pheromone... Even if it might accidentally leak out into another room.>Write-In
>>426501>...Oh, alright then... Drift into sleep.
>>426501>...Oh, come on. I'd never drop you.
"Oh come on... I'd never drop you."You fade into sleep after that, and wake up in the morning, stepping outside to a rather fat Smaug. As in somewhat obese. You unsummon him to avoid any issues and you find yourself with your mutagen... Now, what to do with it...Actions.>Pour it down the only clean city well!>First, ask if anyone wants a dose of this stuff!>You know, you could just advertise your a doctor and advertise this to people. Even if it might take a very long time.>No, save it for later.
>>426515>Pour it down the only clean city well!
You head to the only clean city well... And purposely drop it in. No one seems to notice, luckily enough.With that done, you have a few more plans to enact.>...Ducal Palace, more like "Your Palace".>You should deal with the Carrion Hills.>...Time for an adventure into the Sewers.>Eh, shapeshift into dragon form and proclaim this city under your control or something. Might as well make it official.>You wonder what exactly is on those ships in the harbor.>Write-in
>>426519>You should deal with the Carrion Hills.
>>426519>Eh, shapeshift into dragon form and proclaim Frankizka under your control or something. Might as well make it official by skullfucking her.
>>426522top kekWaiting ten more minutes anons.
>>426522I'm just ignoring this since other anons didn't vote for it.You decide you should probably deal with the Carrion Hills.As you head there on foot with your party, you find some undead zombies, but it takes little effort for your band to dispatch them. As you continue on, you see the Carrion Hills, right outside the gate. The stench of rot and decay is unmistakable.Actions.>...Transform and burrow to make the hills deeper.>...You know what? Fuck respecting the dead, why not just attempt to eat the corpses? That will take care of the problem and fill you up.>...Maybe you should just go.>So... Anyone got any ideas?>Write-In
>>426532>Burn the corpses?
>>426532>Write-InCreate some supercharged carrion eating insects with alchemy.
>>426532>Burn the corpses
Attempting to burn corpses... Roll me a 1d20+15 to melt piles of skeletons and corpses.
Rolled 20 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>426544This is going to smell horrible
Rolled 13 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>426544
Critical Success!You transform, and Flames is rather eager to set fire to the corpses, which well... It smells terrible. However, it seems this has a universal effect throughout the city, as you notice some of the undead falling over and collapsing... It seems this was a major place for dark power, and you might of just easily taken out the necromantic powers in the land.You shift back down."Well, that was easy. What's next?""...How the... Why hasn't anyone thought of that?""Probably because it would of smelled bad and probably take a lot of gasoline.""What's gasoline?""Nevermind... Now..."Actions.>Take care of the Ducal Palace!>...Sewer time. Great.>Proclaim your rulership over the lands.>...Check out those ships in the harbor.>Write-In
>>426554>...Sewer time. Great.
"Now it's time to deal with the sewers.""So, what's the plan?"Actions.>...Well, we don't really *need* a sewer. Just burrow into it and collapse it.>We'll personally go down there.>Maybe I can burn them out?>We'll send Smaug in to scout.>Write-in
>>426559>Maybe I can burn them out?
Roll me a 1d20+15 to see if burning them out will be effective.
Rolled 14 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>426563
Rolled 17 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>426563
17+15=29Success!You shift into dragon form, and breathe a hearty amount of flames into one of the crypts, and see some smoke come out of some crypts and houses..."...I would say we got most of it, but I think we should still go down there." Frankizka says to you."Into a sewer? Are you mad?" says the Knight, who is quickly countered by Frankizka."What, are you a man or a rat?""I am a man, but sewers of any sort are guaranteed death traps!""Erh... I don't really have my range advantage in the sewers either. I'd prefer not to go down there.""...I can hit people in the sewers who keep questioning why I don't wear clothes, right?"Actions.>...Calm down, we'll all go in together.>Nope, sewers are fucking suicidal. Besides we probably got most of them.>...I'll just stay out here, and we'll send groups down there.>We'll splint into groups and I'll go with them!>Write-In
>>426572>...Calm down, we'll all go in together.
>>426572Make a ton of Dragonblood Mutagen which requires anesthetic and pour it into the sewer. Then breathe some fire into the sewers. I'm sure inhaling alot of the mutagen would work to kill off most things.
>>426583You seem to forget that most things down there are undead.Undead lack the need to breathe.
>>426583This sounds like a a horrible idea that might make dragonblood ratmen so lets go with that
...Fucking fine, I guess.Roll me a 1d20+2 to see how this fucking works. -4 because you'll have to make makeshift anesthetic, which may or may not work.
Rolled 2 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>426590am retard
Rolled 16 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>426590
Rolled 3 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>426590
16+2=18Borderline Success!After many hours of finding buckets, containers, crates, and crafting fucktons of mtuagen, you think you've both deprived yourself of crafting materials for alchemy in the future, and of containers.You start pouring it in, and breath fire in once more. Some skaven come out ablaze and the fumes coming out smell more or less like your body odor when you've forgotten to take a bath for most of a year. Which sufficiently said, is essentially sulfur.After an hour of smelling burning Skaven flesh and seeing them somewhat mutate, you are fairly sure you've cleared out the sewer without actually going in there. Good.However, the amount of physical labor has left your party exhausted, due to... Well, carrying crates right by the entrances."...Can't we take a break..." says Marshal, who's arms have gone somewhat flabby.Actions.>No! We must purify this land!>Sure, Frankizka, you know this city... Is there any bars or anything around here?>Well, I suppose we can rest for another night.>Write-In
>>426603>Sure, Frankizka, you know this city... Is there any bars or anything around here?
"Sure... Frankizka, do you know any bars nearby?""I saw some dockside tavern called the Fallen Heaven. It might do for some alcohol.""Good then. Come on then, everyone."You go down to the docks, which is slightly more upkept then most of the city, as the docks aren't mostly crumbling ruins.Mostly. You occasionally see a building collapse in the distance.As you go down the dockside you eventually find a shanty building called the Fallen Heaven, and enter. For a bar, it's rather unsavory... But you suppose it'll sate your thirst. You decide to take a seat at the bar, with Adelmann taking a seat next to you, Frankizka also sitting besides you, while the naked tapestry maker sits at a table to play somesort of card game. She seems to be winning thanks to her natural intelligence and... Well, nudity. Marshal meanwhile, has decided to drink a little with the knight that's decided to travel with you thus far.Actions.>...Talk to Frankizka.>Talk to Adelmann.>...You know, you should probably get to know Berenice better.>Marshal, your squire. Well, second squire.>The knight... Gefried or whatever. He seems somewhat sociable.>Just get a drink.>Write-In
>>426608>Just get a drink.
I'm continuing this tommorow anons.
>>426608>Talk to Adelmann.We should probably just make sure he's fine with all the shit we've done and that he doesn't want anything changed.
Hey anons, I might be introducing a new dice mechanic system to European Dragon Quest, because we can never have anything simple. It's not going to overhaul the 1d20 system, but hopefully it'll lead to a more balanced and fair system, with failures being a little more common.>ibn4 Ren is a giant dragonI know that, anons. I just care about making you guys a little less ridiculous to beat and immortal and shit.
>>426608>"Talk to Adelmann"
>>426690We will see if it brings more fun.
>>426690I guess we will just need to make ourselves more stronk. More uranium anyone?
>>426690Really, if you want to make Ren easier to beat, have people run from him and attack elsewhere. He is less agile than a brick shithouse, he won't be able to chase people worth a damn while they accomplish objectives.
>>426773Yes. +1 on this. He will have to rely more on his sidekicks in order to act everywhere. And we will have to make choices and put trust to less-powerful characters.
>>426792We can do without dice changes if we do this, yes. Really sets it in stone that we are EMPEROR RENEXIZIOUS and not just a dragon.
>>426608>...You know, you should probably get to know Berenice better.Let's play strip poker and invite our beloved vampire.
>>426798This.the absolute madman
>>426797Emperor of the Holy Draconic Sweden, Amateur of Butter, Mutagenic Researcher, Laser-eyed Berserker, Gifted of Unlimited Libido, Master Necromancer, He-Who-Died-And-Reforged-His-Own-Fucking-Soul, Conqueror of USSR, Tender Lover, Irresponsible Parent, 32-Story Two-Headed Magic Heavy White Dragon.
>>426820you forgot a few titles in there like; Pope (we still need to pick a pope-name), remover of kebab, nuke-eater, gun-inventor, capitalist, industrialist, elf-hater, etc.
>>426839Why not Pope Thor 1?Back home we should deal with the Japanese to make an alliance, in case of war with the US. We have not met yet the Japanese Dragon.
>>426894We could choose a more realistic god if we are going to honour our fathers religion, hell we could even ask him if he can think of which is most appropriate.Don't you mean the Chinese dragon?
>>427251Ah...yeah. The Eastern Dragon thingie is from China. My bad.We will add our pagan father in the critics decisions of the catholic church. I like this idea.
>>427263Just in the naming of our pope-ness. Hell I think we should remove the fine against other religions in our empire, just as a nicety to him.
Alright anons, I'm back.>>426773Good idea, I'll take this into consideration anon, because I don't really feel like fucking around with the dice gods and sacrilege tonight.You decide firstly to talk to Adelmann... And later to play Strip Poker (whatever that is) with Frankizka and Berenice.'Hey, Adelmann.""What is it?" He turns to you from drinking his sewer ale, which hopefully isn't actual sewer water.Actions.>How would you say I'm doing so far?>You really should tune down on the "heresy" accusations.>...This might be somewhat awkward to say... But are we friends?>So, want to check out my axe?>So you remember how I told you about my mutagen, right? Do you still want some?>Write-In
>>427576>So you remember how I told you about my mutagen, right? Do you still want some?
"So you remember how I told you about my mutagen, right? Do you still want some?""I suppose, so long as it does not turn me to the Ruinous Powers or worse."You laugh."No, no... It won't do that, Adelmann.""Good. So, I have a slight question for you, what exactly do you worship?"Actions>...Well, I personally don't worship anyone except myself.>...Oh, just Khorne. Don't worry about it.>Well, back home we have a religion called Catholicism.>Eh, just what my father worships, I suppose.>Why are you asking me this?>Write-In
>>427636>Well, back home we have a religion called Catholicism.
"Well, back home we have a religion called Catholicism.""I've never heard of it. What is it, exactly?""Well, it's basically worship of the one true god, God.""That's a tad bit redundant.""Much of it is.""Ah."Actions.>...Well, I guess it was nice to talk to you. Go over and play Strip Poker.>So, what exactly do you do in your spare time anyways?>You aren't very sociable, are you?>...So why exactly did you become a witch hunter?>Write-In
>>427636>>Well, back home we have a religion called Catholicism.
>>427690>>...So why exactly did you become a witch hunter?inb4 dead family
"So, why exactly did you become a witch hunter?""Well, I was up in a village in Nordland, reavers came from Norsca, pillaged the village I was staying in for a few days, and happened to summon a few daemons. Next thing I knew a nearby Witch Hunter took me on as an acolyte for surviving it, and not falling to Chaos.""Oh. I was expecting something to deal with... Well, dead family.""Many of my compatriots have dead family, yes..."He spits out the sewer ale."This tastes like sewage. No doubt that's why they call it that.""Ah."Actions.>...Leave him and play Strip Poker.>Ask if he'd like to join you for some Strip Poker.>So, I've heard of your ruler, Karl Franz... Have you ever met him?>You know, if you dislike that ale I can probably make it better.>Write-in
>>427725>>You know, if you dislike that ale I can probably make it better.
>>427725>So, I've heard of your ruler, Karl Franz... Have you ever met him?
>>427725>>...Leave him and play Strip Poker.
>>427752We should invite the Witch Hunter, though.
>>427725>You know, if you dislike that ale I can probably make it better.
"If you dislike that ale, I can probably make it better.""What, by setting it on fire?""...Maybe." You also make a mental note to get up and play poker after this. Strip kind.Actions.>Stuff on fire tastes pretty good in your opinion. Boil the ale. (Body)>...Hang on, I know how to mix things around... They clearly don't. (Alchemy)>No! Freeze the cup with your breath, that shit tastes way better then room temperature shit they serve here. (Body)>Maybe a little pheromone directed into the cup? Just as a joke.>...Actually on second thought not really.>Write-In
>>427785>>...Hang on, I know how to mix things around... They clearly don't. (Alchemy)
>>427785>>Stuff on fire tastes pretty good in your opinion. Boil the ale. (Body)
Anons, what if we made some kind of hallucinogenic pheremone? It would be funny if we perfected psychological warfare before the CIA even did shit like the LSD experiments with MK-ULTRA.
>>427785>...Hang on, I know how to mix things around... They clearly don't. (Alchemy)
Roll me a 1d20+5 for Alchemy.Alchemy has leveled up!
Rolled 7 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>427821
Rolled 2 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>427821
Rolled 6 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>427821
Rolled 13 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>427821ayy lmao
7+5=12Failure!You mix around the drink and throw a flower in it for good measure. He takes a sip and spits it out still."Yeah, nevermind. I'm good."He gets up and begins to leave."Are you going to finish that?""No, I'm good."You take his mug of sewer ale and chug it down. Tastes terrible, but at least it's alcoholic.You get up soon aftewards and talk to Frankizka."Hey, want to play some Strip Poker?""...That will be... Interesting. I suppose so.""Great."You go over to Berenice table, where all the patrons have left, with Berenice having a nice sum of gold."What do you need?""You up for some strip poker?""...I don't have any clothes."Actions.>...That's right. Well, I suppose you can pay in another way.>So? Find some clothes.>Eh, I was just asking you to move politely. I want to play with Frankizka, of course.>Write-In
>>427871>>So? Find some clothes.Getting clothes so we can watch her take them off. That is, if we win.
>>427690>>...So why exactly did you become a witch hunter?
>>427871>So? Find some clothesYou have just won all the cash that was in the bar. You should be able to get a tailor to custom make you three sets of clothes for any occasion.
"Come on, get a tailor to make you some clothes or something. You've just won all the cash in this damned bar anyways.""...I guess. It would be easy to find something that goes with blue scales, right?"She gets up and leaves the bar while you sit down. A few minutes later she comes back in... A basic tunic, which barely fits her."...Why haven't you gotten anything actually nice or well-fitting?""Because all the tailors carry tunics. I was busy making a few investments, sorry.""Right. Sit down then."You draw cards, and you get a Three of Clubs, a Nine of Clubs, a Eight of Hearts, a Diamond Jack, and a Eight of Diamonds.What do?You are fully dressed.>Fold.>Call.>Raise>See if you can't judge Frankizka's chances by her facial expression. (Insight)>See if you can't judge Berenice's chances by her facial expression. (Insight)>Cheat! (Agility)>Use a Pheromone to distract them.>Try to use idle small-talk so they'll do some basic mistakes. (Charisma)>Hit.>Write-In
>>427932>>See if you can't judge Berenice's chances by her facial expression. (Insight)
>>427946This. She's the bigger opponent in this game.
Roll me a 1d20+4
Rolled 4 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>427969
Rolled 1 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>427969Remove Cardbab
Rolled 1 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>427976Oh shit.
>>427976>>427980So she thinks we're staring at her chest and smacks us?
Oh my god.Double Critical Failure!You look up at her, and you... You can't even fucking tell what the hell her reaction is. It's utterly blank. Your eyes drift downward..."...Erh, why are you looking at my chest?""N-No reason!" You quickly sit down, and you realize you were actually leaning over. You have narrowly avoided getting slapped, but oh well.You think while you were distracted by her breasts, that you might of accidentally revealed your cards. Shit.Berenice raises to removing her shirt if she fails.Frankizka calls."What are you waiting for, Ren? Are you distracted by something?"Damn it! It's hard to think!Your current cards are a Three of Clubs, a Nine of Clubs, a Eight of Hearts, a Diamond Jack, and a Eight of Diamonds.Actions.>Call.>Raise.>Fold.>Cheat! (Agility)>Hit>Write-In
Roll me a 1d20-4 to cheat.
>>428039for some reason it is not letting me use dice can someone roll for me please sorry
Rolled 12 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>428036I'm a leaf on the wind.
Rolled 18 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>428036
Rolled 19 - 4 (1d20 - 4)>>428043It'sdice+1d20+-4 for negative rolls. Even I forgot.
>>428043Did you input Dice+1d20 instead of dice+1d20 perhaps? It's case sensitive.
18+4=22Good Success!You quickly reshuffle your deck into the pile, and get the following hand.A four of Diamonds, another four of Diamonds, a ace of clubs, a king of diamonds, and a two of hearts.Actions.>Call!>...Cheat again! (HARD, AGILITY)>Use a pheromone to distract them!>All in!>Raise!>Call!>Fold!>Write-in
>>428054>Use a pheromone to distract them!Lust. Maybe they'll want to lose.
>>428054We have two fours of diamonds.This is not going wellWhy did you guys chose to cheat?>Fold!
>>428048oh yes sorry my phone autocorrects
>>428060>Implying any of these anons can into poker.
>>428066I thought this was Hold-em?
>>428066I can't into poker either but basic rules are not that complicated.We don't need to do the hard part of bluffing, we have dice for that.
So, roll me a 1d20+2 to see if this works?
Rolled 20 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>428074
Rolled 12 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>428074Putting on a coat of Old Spice.
You release the lust pheromone into the air. Frankizka is unaffected by this, due to her being undead, but Berenice has a rather interesting reaction."...You know what? All in."Frankizka folds, while Berenice looks at you."...How would you feel about some sort of... Activity, soon after this? I would say you need a reward for rescuing me a few days ago...""Oh come on... He's mine, not yours."Actions.>...Fuck, fold.>...All in, as well.>Ladies, ladies. There's plenty of me to go around.>Erh, no.>Why don't all of us do an activity afterwards? (Charisma, HARD)>Write-In
>>428106>Why don't all of us do an activity afterwards? (Charisma, HARD)Spicy.
Roll me a 1d20+7
Rolled 19 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>428123wew lad
Rolled 11 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>428123
19+7=26Great Success!"Yeah, why don't WE all do an activity afterwards?"Frankizka sighs."Fine, I suppose. So long as I get the front.""Renexizious, what's taking so long with your cards anyways?""Nothing, nothing at all!"Actions.>...How about we do it NOW, rather then later?>All in.>Fold!>Erh... Maybe more lust pheromones will help out?>Write-In
>>428146>Erh... Maybe more lust pheromones will help out?There's no was this can go wrong. Also go all in.
Well, great. Roll me an additional 1d20+2 for even more lust pheromones.
Rolled 13 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>428167
Rolled 14 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>428167I'm scared.
Rolled 17 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>428167
17+2=19Great Success!"All in."You release more lust pheromones, and Berenice grabs you."...Shut up and come with me, damn it. Your too slow at this game.""What the fuck?""Oh, shit what?"She picks you up, slings you over her back and begins to carry you off, while Frankizka is laughing.Actions>Wait, aren't you supposed to be doing this? Oh god, Frankizka, help!>Let it happen.>Please, let me go! I have a family!>Try to get out! (Agility, HARD)>Write-In
>>428237>>Let it happen.We put ourselves in this situation, no use complaining now.
You let it happen, and are taken out back.Roll me a 1d20+15 to see if you can take it.
Rolled 17 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>428260Snu snu?Crushed pelvis.
Rolled 17 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>428260
17+15=32Good Success!Her lust eventually dies down, and you are forced to hug her once she's done. Frankizka eventually comes down the alleyway Berenice took you down."...Erh, do you need any help?""I can't breathe...""...I'd help you out, but right now this is too entertaining, I'm sorry.""Wh-"Berenice pulls you in for another hug, which crushes your stomach. Frankizka is smiling."You know, I think you two are going to be busy for a while.""NO! Please don't go!""Who said I was going? I'm going to watch this hilarity unfold.""No... Please... I don't want to be crushed further.""I think she's waking up. You might want to be quiet."Frankizka blends into the shadows, while you remain deathlessly still, hoping not to startle your lustful kidnapper.Actions.>Frankizka, I will give you anything if you save me, please!>Get my brother, Richard. He might be able to get me out of this!>...Remain quiet, if you wake her up she might demand more.>...Wake her up, maybe you can ask her nicely to stop bear-hugging your internal organs to death.>Khorne, please help.>Write-In
>>428305>...Wake her up, maybe you can ask her nicely to stop bear-hugging your internal organs to death.
>>428305>...Remain quiet, if you wake her up she might demand more.
>>428360Switching to this, and asking Frankizka to join in because it would be cute.
"Frankizka, come on, it'll be cute!""I'll get crushed. No."Berenice opens one eye straight towards you... You pretend to be asleep, hoping that she won't notice anything wrong.Actions.>...Fuck it, break Frankizka and your cover and tell Berenice to "invite" Frankizka in a "group hug.">Maybe she'll think your asleep if you don't move. (Charisma)>Fuck it, try to get out while you still can! (Agility, HARD)>...Fuck it, more pheromone.>Write-In
>>428384>>...Fuck it, break Frankizka and your cover and tell Berenice to "invite" Frankizka in a "group hug."It's what she gets for mocking us.And release a heavy cloud of lust pheromones to grease the wheels.TO GO EVEN FURTHER BEYOND.
>>428384>>...Fuck it, break Frankizka and your cover and tell Berenice to "invite" Frankizka in a "group hug."
"...Hey, Berenice, Frankizka is over there, maybe you should invite her to the group hug."She gets up, holding you. Frankizka tries to escape but is grabbed and forced to the ground, along with you."...I am bored. You two will suffice, for now.""What's that supposed to mea-"And roll me a 1d20+15.
Rolled 20 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>428446
Rolled 13 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>428446
20+15=35Critical Success.Somehow, Berenice falls asleep and releases the two of you from her... Well, embrace. Frankizka shakes her head at you."Why the fuck did you do that?!""...It would be funny.""Yeah, great. Instead of literally being squeezed like a lemon, let's do something productive, alright?""Are you pissed off?""...Just a little. Now, let's go before she wakes up again.""Yeah, hopefully by then she'd gotten over this tumbling thing."You leave with Frankizka, deciding to leave your party to get drunk and mostly relax.Actions.>Take over the Ducal Palace!>Proclaim your reign in dragon form to the city. Might as well.>...You should probably make sure Berenice calms down and doesn't become a public menace with her hugs of squeezing. Or her tumbling.>Write-In
>>428502"Secure Berenice, Marshal and Adelmann before we do shit in the city""Ask Richard to secure the population as a 32 story dragon pops in the middle of the city and go to the Ducal Palace"
>>428502>>Take over the Ducal Palace!
You put a note right by Berenice, mostly telling her to get out of the way, and tell Marshal, Adelmann, and the knight to get the fuck out with Berenice. Meanwhile, you ask Richard to try to get the populace right by the middle of the city the fuck out of there.You head to a less... Well, populated district, as in the Lost Town section, and transfrom. You see no undead and it looks a little more clean, which is nice.As you transform and tower over the city, you stomp towards the Ducal Palace, which is a large elven tower. You crush long-abandoned buildings and hear the yelling of plenty of civilians on the other side of the river. That of fear, mostly. Right as you get to the palace, you see it's doors open, revealing a black knight, his visor closed and a black crown around his head."Dragon, I was wondering when you'd show yourself." He on a rather large warhorse, and his body seems... Well, strange. Some sections of armor seem out of place.Actions.>...And crush. (Body)>I presume your the Black Knight of Mousillon?>...Grab him. (Agility)>Fire? Fire. (Body)>Hang on, you prefer a nice gentle breeze of ICE. (Body.)>Why do you come out of your keep? You cannot hurt me.>Write-In
>>428622>"What is your name, little mortal in a rusted can? I am kind of disappointed, i presumed you were bulkier."After he gives us his name, we give him a nice farewell and we burn and freeze him and the interior of his fucking elven tower.
"What is your name, little mortal in a rusted can? I am kind of disappointed, I presumed you were bulkier.""I am the Black Knight of Mousillon, Maudolibe! Grail Knight to the Dark Gods! Your soul will be mine!""And how will you accomplish that? I can merely just step on you."He laughs, and chunks of his armor burst off, and mutations appear... One of his arms turns into claws, tentacles come from his back, and he grows an additional two hands... You can only imagine what must lie beneath that armor."The Dark Gods grant me power! Face your doom!"His mount's visage changes dramatically, sprouting a pair of wings, and it's face becomes twisted, growing fangs and it's eyes burn with etheral flame. He takes to the skies like an annoying fly, while he summons undead around you, mostly mere skeletons and zombies... While you see a few brutish men loading up what seems to be a few catapults on the walls of the Ducal Palace. Frankizka seems to be casting a spell on your back directed at the undead below you.Actions.>Focus on the Chaos Knight!>Focus on the Catapults!>Focus on the undead!>Fuck this, you might actually need some back up.>Write-In
>>428707Bodyslam the fucking tower, reduce it to dust, fly and fall on this tower, make jam of all that shit.
Roll me a 1d20+15 for bodyslamming.
Rolled 3 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>428810I hope i am not the only anon here. Else, may the Dice God be with me!
>>428818Come on, Dice God!
Rolled 16 + 15 (1d20 + 15)
16+15=31Success!You ram into the Ducal Palace, severely weakening the building. You fly up, and drop onto it, your great weight crushing the building and the catapult ontop of it. However, the Black Knight yells in anger, and lances you right in the back of the neck, striking true and severely hurting your neck and causing lighting to strike there a few moments afterwards. (-4,000 HP)"You'll pay for that, mortal!"HP: 14,000Frankizka casts a fireball into the undead below, who are trying tor climb up by your feet. The undead are aflame and have taken quite a bit of damage.Actions.>Focus on swatting the knight out of the air! (Agility, HARD)>Fire, fire all over! (Body, HARD)>Try to bite him mid-air! (Agility, HARD)>Focus on stomping the zombies and skeletons below! (Body, HARD)>Nom a few skeletons and zombies! (Body)>Cast a spell!>Write-In
>>428865>Fire, fire all over! (Body, HARD)Napalm sticks to demonically empowered killing machines.
>>428865Cleanse this foul dementia with our holy catholic fire!
Roll me a 1d20+15 to set things on fire with Flames.
Rolled 4 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>428884
Waiting five more minutes for rolls.
Rolled 8 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>428884
8+15=23Failure!You breathe fire surrounding you, but the Knight dodges below your stomach, and your fire begins to set some of the city alight in bright red flames. The knight cuts you with his claws at your stomach, which is one of your more weakly armored spots. (-3500 HP)Flames is exhausted and cannot breathe fire. He claims that that was "complete bull" that the knight actually dodged that.Current HP: 10,500Frankizka is preparing to cast another spell, and some of the undead are half-way up your legs.Actions.>Try to shake off the undead! (Body)>Ice breathe time! (Body, HARD)>Try to roll around, it'll make it harder to hurt you, but Frankizka will be forced to abandon ship! (Body)>Take to the skies, even if it might be harder to hit the knight! (Agility)>Try to swat the knight out of the air! (Agility, HARD)>Fuck it, try to nom him mid-air! (Agility, HARD)>Write-In
>>428976I am still amazed that he can cut through our armor that should by all rights shrug off anything that cant penetrate battleship Armour. And even do so much damage while at it.
>>428976Use necromantic healing to heal the wounds and breathe ice on him
>>428976>>Try to shake off the undead! (Body)
>>428985Chaos warp shittery does shit like that mang.
>>428988Or heal wounds and shake off the undeads. But please heal yourself Ren.
>>428992I think i am going sentimental on Ren. Damn.
Roll me a 2d20+15.
Rolled 3, 13 + 15 = 31 (2d20 + 15)>>429000
Rolled 19, 16 + 15 = 50 (2d20 + 15)>>429000Khorne smiles upon us.
>>428990I mean, our skin almost certainly is thicker than his sword is long, how is he even reaching anything important?
Rolled 20, 18 + 15 = 53 (2d20 + 15)>>429000
>>429004It's chaos, literally the definition of "fuck reality"Critical Success, and Good Success!You shake off the undead, stepping on the rest of them with ease. You also make sure to patch up the stomach clawing, granting you an additional 1500 HP. The Knight however, seems to be circling, looking for weakness... But Frankizka casts a lightening bolt at him, hitting his horse but not quite destroying it.Actions.>Swat down this annoying pest! (Agility, HARD)>Nom this knight! (Body, HARD)>Try to grab him mid-air! (Agility, HARD)>...More fire! (Body, HARD)>Grab something to throw at him, like aflame houses! (Body, HARD)>Write-In
>>429024>>Grab something to throw at him, like aflame houses! (Body, HARD)
>>429024>...More fire! (Body, HARD)
>>429024>>Nom this knight! (Body, HARD)Our stomach acid can probably take this. If not, we'll have to eat a holy relic or two.
>>429024>Nom this knight! (Body, HARD)
Roll me a 1d20+15 to nom a knight!
Rolled 12 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>429032
Rolled 19 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>429032
Rolled 10 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>429032
Rolled 11 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>429032
>>429038Khornesmas came early, boys.
19+15=34Overwhelming Success!You chomp down on the knight, and swallow him whole. Tasted like octopus.You of course, belch fire to make sure he's properly roasted alive. With that done, you've successfully taken over the tower... Set only a little bit of the city on fire, and ate some knight.Now of course, that leaves only to announce your reign.Actions.>Roar, and pronounce yourself their ruler, and demand their servitude.>A little more... Gentle. Proclaim yourself their protector and "unofficial" ruler.>Eh, shift back. This place doesn't really have the whole flair your looking for.>Demand butter, plenty of butter!>Write-In
>>429058>Roar, and pronounce yourself their ruler, and demand their servitude.
>>429058>Write-InTry to deal with the fire. We kinda own all that shit now...
>>429058>Ask Frankizka if she wants her Moussillon under our reign, under her reign or under someone else reign, like the Duke of Bretonnia.
>>429058>>A little more... Gentle. Proclaim yourself their protector and "unofficial" ruler.>Try to deal with the fire. We kinda own all that shit now...
>>429066Yeah, that also, freeze that.
>>429058>>A little more... Gentle. Proclaim yourself their protector and "unofficial" ruler.Remember what we promised our brother. This place is his.
>>429066That also sounds smart.
>>429075Fuck yes thanksSwitch to:We protect this landIt is ruled by RichardWe freeze the fire roaming in the city
>>429075This. We want Frankizka to come with us.And be our qt vampire wife.
"Mortals! From this day onward, I shall be your shield from the darkness! I promise that the Chaos Gods will no longer hold sway over this land, and will be ruled by Richard, my older brother!"You turn your head to the fire spreading throughout the city... Well, now you've got to do something about that.Actions.>...Crush the burning buildings. (Body)>Freeze em! (Body)>...Just try to shove them into the ocean. (Body)>Write-In
>>429091>Freeze em! (Body)It'll thaw out.
>>429091>Freeze em! (Body)
Roll me a 1d20+15
Rolled 20 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>429097
Rolled 3 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>429097
>>429091>Write-InMove a street or two ahead of the fires path and begin clearing it's path, removing all flammable things in between.Failing that, start dumping earth onto the fire, starving it of oxygen and covering up it's fuel.
Critical Success!You literally freeze the buildings solid, the fire dies in moments, having no where to really spread to anymore. The populace cheers at seeing the fire easily handled and not to mention, no buildings were damaged!Frankizka seems... Happy, proud almost.You of course, fly outside the city limits to where your party is, and find Richard trying to get everyone to go back inside. You land behind him, along with where the rest of the party is."Hey, brother, so what exactly is the plan with what to do with this city anyways?"Actions.>...Sorry to say, but your staying behind to manage it.>Eh. You'll come back once in a while to manage it, I guess. I still want you back home.>What? We'll just let the peasants do as they will.>This land is your land now, take good care of it, you hear?>Write-In
>>429129>>This land is your land now, take good care of it, you hear?
>>429129>This land is your land now, take good care of it, you hear?
"...So, man. This land is yours. Take good care of it for me and Fran, right?""...Wait... Your leaving me behind again?""Your the monarch this land needs, no... Deserves. Come on.""...At least promise to visit some time, alright?""I promise, man.""Thanks. I'm assuming your ditching me because of my morals?"Actions.>No! Not at all! Why do you think that?>Sort of.>...Yes, you are a pain in my buttocks at times.>No. I just think you'd rule this land better then me, alright?>Write-In
>>429156>>No. I just think you'd rule this land better then me, alright?
>>429156>No. I just think you'd rule this land better then me, alright?"I have an entire planet to run, seems fair I leave this one for you. Do try to set an example."
>>429156>No. I just think you'd rule this land better then me, alright?
>>429156Also, we will visit him soon. As soon as we conquer something else here.
"No, no. I just think you'd rule this land better then me, alright? I do have an entire continent to run, so please set an example here.""...Alright, I guess. I'll see you around then, brother.""Yeah."You turn your glance towards your adventuring party...Actions.>...So, we've got one more quest. We've got to kill Archaon. You guys in or out?>Well, I guess you guys want to come with me back to my world?>You guys will just stay here, alright?>Write-In
>>429175>>...So, we've got one more quest. We've got to kill Archaon. You guys in or out?
>>429175>...So, we've got one more quest. We've got to kill Archaon. You guys in or out?
"So, we've got one more quest. We've got to kill Archaon.""Oh... Well, let's do it. I guess.""...Anyone not wanting to feel free to raise their hand."No one raises their hand."Good. Now, come on. I promised someone that faggot's booty-plated carcass for Khornesmas."Adelmann speaks up."I believe Archaon is besieging Altdorf, if we go now we can most likely take him by surprise.""Good. Let's go."You let everyone hop on your back, and soar to the skies... Headed to Altdorf.Within a few hours, you can see the smoke, the fire, the brimstone eminating from the city and the burned down farmlands surrounding it. The river has been surrounded by hordes, thousands upon thousands of Chaos Warriors, and at it's head is a banner of Slaanesh, led by a large man, with notable boob-plates. It seems this is the transvestite your looking for. It seems he's right in the middle of a monologue, when you hear a familiar voice in your head.SO, HERE'S THE FUCKER HIMS- OH WAIT, HANG ON, HERSELF. ANYWAYS, YOU CAN GO DOWN THERE AND KILL HER IN A SINGLE BLOW IF YOU ACCEPT MY BLESSING, OR IF YOU DON'T WANT IT JUST FIGHT THE EVERCHOSEN OF THE GODS, WITH ALL THE GODS AGAINST YOU. HOW DO YOU WANT IT?What exactly is this gift you'll give me, first off?IT AIN'T A MUTATION OR ANYTHING, IT'S JUST WITHDRAWING MY BLESSING FROM THE FAGGOT SO YOU CAN KILL HIM WHILE HE'S MUTATING INTO A CHAOS SPAWN.Actions.>Fuck yeah, I'll take your gift!>Nah, I'm good. I'll just fuck him up the usual way.
>>429241>Whats the catch?
>>429241>>Nah, I'm good. I'll just fuck him up the usual way.We'll cash in on the Khorne favor later.
>>429241>Fuck yeah, I'll take your gift!Doesn't do to fuck with the only bro-tier god we've met.
>>429241>>Fuck yeah, I'll take your gift!
What's the catch?SHIT, I FUCKING FORGOT TO TELL YOU. WELL, BASICALLY YOU KNOW HOW YOU TEND TO EAT ENEMIES AND SHIT?Yeah?WELL, BASICALLY IF YOU AGREE ANY ENEMY YOU EAT I GET BOTH THEIR IMMORTAL SOUL AND THEIR SKULL, UNLESS YOU SPECIFICALLY DON'T WANT ME TO.Actions.>Oh, sounds metal as fuck. Alright then.>...Yeah, no.>Write-In
>>429284>Oh, sounds metal as fuck. Alright then.We can always veto him for people we like.
>>429284>>Oh, sounds metal as fuck. Alright then.
>>429284>>...Yeah, no.Sorry Khorne, you've been good to us, but that would cause trouble back home.
>>429284>Oh, sounds metal as fuck. Alright then.Only Since we can choose who's souls we damm to eternity.
>>429284>Oh, sounds metal as fuck. Alright then.
Sounds metal as fuck. Sure. But don't expect too many souls, alright?EH, ALRIGHT. JUST DON'T GO FUCKING TRYING TO PULL WHAT THE LAST GUY DID AND GIVE ME PUPPY SOULS OR SOME SHIT.Some guy did that?NOT IMPORTANT. NOW FUCKING ONE HIT THIS FAGGOT.You see the Everchosen suddenly drop his sword, and spontantiously growing flesh, bodyparts, you name it...Actions.>...Fire? Fire. (Body)>Grab him with one of your feet as you swoop down! (Body)>Freeze him solid! (Body)>...You've got to do something Khorney... Shapeshift middair into half-dragon form, and try to hit him with your axe! Hopefully everyone else will be fine! (Agility, HARD)>Acid, meet face. Face, meet acid. (Body)>Meh, might as well honor the new arrangement by carefully decapitating him with a flyby, and sacrificing the head later to Khorne... Or keeping it as a trophy. (Body)>Write-In
>>429319>>Meh, might as well honor the new arrangement by carefully decapitating him with a flyby, and sacrificing the head later to Khorne... Or keeping it as a trophy. (Body)Big man wants a show, let's put on a show.
>>429319>Meh, might as well honor the new arrangement by carefully decapitating him with a flyby, and sacrificing the head later to Khorne... Or keeping it as a trophy. (Body)
>>429319>>Meh, might as well honor the new arrangement by carefully decapitating him with a flyby, and sacrificing the head later to Khorne... Or keeping it as a trophy. (Body)
Roll me a 1d20+15.
Rolled 6 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>429334BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
Rolled 11 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>429334
Rolled 2 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>429334The Gods demand sacrifice.
Rolled 15 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>429334
11+15=26Borderline Success!You narrowly and crudely decapitate him, and fly off into the sunset. You grab his head with your forward left hand, and fly off back to Karak Hirn.That was easy.OH SHIT DUDE, THE OTHER CHAOS GODS ARE GOING FUCKING BESERK, SAVE TZEENTCH FOR SOME FUCKING REASON.Why?WELL, HE APPARENTLY WITHDREW AT THE SAME TIME, SEALING ARACHEON'S FATE OR SOME SHIT. I WOULD SAY THAT FAGGOT MIGHT TRY TO TALK TO YOU LATER, SO KEEP YOUR MIND INTACT.Right. Right.Actions.>...So, when I go back to my world, I'll still be able to talk to you, right?>Tzeentch? Fuck that guy.>Why exactly did you betray Archaon anyways?>You want Archaon's skull? I've got it right here.>Eh, go silent and continue flying.>Write-in
>>429356>>Why exactly did you betray Archaon anyways?
>>429356>>You want Archaon's skull? I've got it right here.>>...So, when I go back to my world, I'll still be able to talk to you, right?
>>429356>You want Archaon's skull? I've got it right here.
You want Archaon's skull? I've got it right here.FUCK YEAH, I'LL PUT THAT SHIT ON MY LOINCLOTH, IT'LL SHOW THAT FUCKER TO BETRAY ME.You know, he didn't really betray you. He just got a mtuation from Slaanesh.IT'S FUCKING SLAANESH, THE LITTLE SHIT. NEED I EXPLAIN MORE?Yeah. Alright. So, once I get back to my world, I'll still be able to talk to you, right?NO. YOUR WORLD HAS NO KHORNATES FOR ME TO ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING WITH, UNLESS YOU WANT TO START A KHORNE CULT OR SOMETHING, THEN I CAN'T REALLY MANIFEST IN YOUR WORLD... UNLESS YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE FUCKED UP.What is it?MINOR DEMONIC POSSESSION, I SENSE YOU HAVE A SECOND MIND, SO BASICALLY I POSSES THAT MIND. DON'T FUCKING LIKE IT BECAUSE IT'S A LITTLE DIRECT... BUT I CAN.Actions.>...I mean, I could start a Khorne Cult.>I'll set up a Khorne Cult... But only if you be a little less... Barbaric.>I mean, I guess I can let you possess Flames.>...I'll allow you to posses Flames, but only if he agrees to it.>Yeah, no. I'm good.>I'll visit once in a while, alright?>Write-In
>>429380>...I'll allow you to posses Flames, but only if he agrees to it.
>>429381This. Deep down inside, Flames wants to be brutal.*guitar screech*
>>429380>>Yeah, no. I'm good.>>I'll visit once in a while, alright?
Hey, Flames, how would you feel about a Chaos God possessing your head?...Are you awake?What?Do you want to get possessed by a Chaos God?I don't know... I like living as myself, alright?Actions.>...Maybe you can split it with Khorne?>No, no. You'll remain yourself... Just become a little more... Erh, brutal?>You'll do it or else, alright? (Intimidation)>Please? Come on man, it's Khorne. (Charisma)>...How about this, you can stay in my head then?>Write-In
>>429396>...How about this, you can stay in my head then?
>>429396>Write-InCould he just posses our berserker eye?
>>429396>Write-In >Fine, let's just go home then
>>429404>>429404Erh, no. Possession only works on living (or undead) things.
>>429404Switching to this, just to see if it'll work.
>>429396>>...How about this, you can stay in my head then?Eh. We'll just have to build a cult to Khorne when we get back.
>>429409Never mind then.
>>429408Then i'll change to let Korne posses Smaug.
>>429410That's heresy, do we really want to be accused of setting up demon cults when we're already having trouble with our current official religion?
You can just stay in my part of the mind, then, just for a little while, alright?Aw... Alright, but you owe me one, alright?No problem.You switch back to Khorne.Yeah, Flames allows it, he's just going to stay in my brain for a little while, alright?COOL. HANG ON, POSSESSING AS WE SPEAK.You feel a third voice pop into your mind.You there?Oh, cool! A new roommate! Wait, does this mean I have to move the pool table?We have a pool table?WHY THE FUCK DON'T WE HAVE A BLOODBOWL TABLE, GET WITH THE TIMES!What's Bloodbowl?I'LL SHOW YOU... DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING MINIATURES OR FIGURINES?I don't know! Ren, do we have any minis?What the fuck are you guys doing? Are you assholes playing D&D or something without me?There's a scary man with an axe! Not to mention he's nerding out about Bloodbowl or something!I CAN HEAR YOU ASSHOLE! I COULD ONLY FIND A DRAGON FIGURINE, NOTHING ELSE.Oh, cool! Ren, did you make this?You sigh... Great.Actions.>...Fucking go on autopilot and see what the fuck everyone's up to in your mind.>...Tell them to shut up, it's hard to fly.>...Khorne, are you fucking touching my dragon figurine? Stop, damn it!>Write-In
>>429427>...Fucking go on autopilot and see what the fuck everyone's up to in your mind.>...Khorne, are you fucking touching my dragon figurine? Stop, damn it!
>>429427>...Fucking go on autopilot and see what the fuck everyone's up to in your mind.Apparently this entire time we've had a gameroom in our brain.
>>429427Just got back from the shower. Did half the roofing for my garage today.We can convert the Sons av Renexizious to Khorne, right?
>>429434Of course you could.
>>429439Cool, can we get a vote for that once we wrap up Liz's conflict?
You go inside your mind, and find yourself on.. Carpet? You look around, and are somewhat amazed."When the fuck... Why do I have a room inside my brain?"I got bored, alright? Half of the time I'm morphed into your body, so I don't have anything to do!""REN! WHY THE FUCK DON'T YOU HAVE MORE MINIS?"You see an axe in the table right in the middle of the room, along with a rather angry looking beserker."Calm down, Khorne. Also, this fucking figurine is for my personal collection."You take it out of his hand and put it on a shelf."SO, WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?""Huh? Oh, usually Ren spends most of the day talking, fighting without us, or just generally having sex.""...DO WE GET TO SEE THE SEX?""Of course we do!""...Could we stop talking about my personal life?""Well, keep in mind we don't really have shit to do all day until it comes to fight things.""Ah.""CAN WE GIVE ADVISE OR SOMETHING?""Yeah, but he never asks for our advise.""...I can hear you.""THIS IS GOING TO GET BORING FAST, I CAN ALREADY TELL."Actions.>Come on guys, I promise we'll have fun together! We're basically all roommates now!>...Wait, if this is my mind... Can't I just summon things for you guys to do or something?>Yeah, just quiet down while I try to pilot us to not crash into a mountain.>Where the fuck do you guys sleep at?>Write-In
>>429456>...Wait, if this is my mind... Can't I just summon things for you guys to do or something?
>>429456>>...Wait, if this is my mind... Can't I just summon things for you guys to do or something?
>>429456>>Come on guys, I promise we'll have fun together! We're basically all roommates now!Here, let's find something massive to kill. It'll be fun!
"Hang on, if this is my mind can't I just summon things?""SOUNDS LIKE MAGIC BULLSHITTERY. BUT I GUESS.""...Fuck, I don't know."Actions.>...Try to summon Elizabeth! Well, not exactly Elizabeth, just... Erh, mental Elizabeth?>...Berenice? You could go for more crushing hugs.>...Go Frankizka!>...Actually, instead of thinking about possible female love interests, just see if you can't just summon miniatures or something.>I agree with Khorne. It does smell like magic bullshittery.>Write-In
>>429456>>Come on guys, I promise we'll have fun together! We're basically all roommates now!>>...Wait, if this is my mind... Can't I just summon things for you guys to do or something?We'll be dreaming up gladiator matches and shit so Khorne doesn't get bored.
>>429474>>...Actually, instead of thinking about possible female love interests, just see if you can't just summon miniatures or something.Let's play some good old fashioned tabletop games.
>>429474>>...Try to summon Elizabeth! Well, not exactly Elizabeth, just... Erh, mental Elizabeth?>>...Berenice? You could go for more crushing hugs.>>...Go Frankizka!Por que no los tres?
>>429474>>...Actually, instead of thinking about possible female love interests, just see if you can't just summon miniatures or something.
You summon a fuckton of miniatures."OH, COOL... WAIT, WHY DO THESE ALL LOOK LIKE DRAGONS AND SHIT?""...Shut up Khorne, think about what we can do with them!""...STAB THEM INTO PEOPLE'S EYES?""What's with you and killing people anyways?"You begin summoning up... Well, all the females you've had an interest in so far. They stand still."Why aren't they moving?""BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR MIND, THEY'RE BASICALLY PUPPETS, AND WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SUMMONING WOMEN IN HERE?"Actions.>...Why not?>...Erh, tumbling?>Goddamn it Khorne, I don't want to tumble with them.>Write-In
>>429496>>Goddamn it Khorne, I don't want to tumble with them.Come on, be a good host, don't piss off the wargod.
>>429496>Goddamn it Khorne, I don't want to tumble with them.
"Goddamn it Khorne, I don't want to tumble with them.""GOOD, WE DON'T NEED YOUR GIRLFRIENDS IN HERE WITH US. IT'S GOING TO GET WEIRD AS FUCK.""Yeah man, take your magical realm somewhere else."Actions.>I-It's not a magical realm, I swear!>...I'm just going to go back to flying.>...Fine, I'll dismiss them.>Write-In
>>429510>>...Fine, I'll dismiss them.
>>429512This. Wanted to see how Khorne would react to that.
"Fine, I'll dismiss them.""Yeah, alright. You should probably get back to flying so we don't crash or anything.""...Right. What will you guys be doing?""I'M SHOWING HIM HOW TO PLAY BLOODBOWL!""Right. Alright."Actions.>...Would you mind if I stayed?>Let's just play some good old fashioned D&D.>I'll just go back to flying, I guess.>Write-In
>>429524>>I'll just go back to flying, I guess.>>429524
>>429524>>I'll just go back to flying, I guess.Be cool, do the shit you need so you get the time to do what you want.
You go back to flying, and find yourself at Karak Hirn. You land outside of it."So... Even though you guys didn't really do anything on the final quest..."Actions.>You guys are coming with me.>No, you guys are staying behind.>I'll take everyone but the Bretonnian Knight.>Write-In
>>429533>>You guys are coming with me.
>>429533>I'll take everyone but the Bretonnian Knight.He can help our brother with keeping the towns safe.
Rolled 1 (1d2)Rolling.1=Come with me!2=Everyone but the Knight.
>>429533>I'll take everyone but the Bretonnian Knight.
>>429538Good point, changing my vote
You decide for everyone, but the knight to come with you, and you descend into the mountains... After a day of searching, you find the Skaven stronghold which was abandoned luckily enough... And go through the portal.On the otherside, you and everyone comes out...Along with... Claw, and some guy with a white shirt and tie."Holy shit, Claw! Your alive!""SH! Bismark is sleeping!"You see in his... Well, slime that there's paper, crates of something called "Soda", warhammer figurines, and somesort of map. And what seems to be something he calls a "computer.""...Alright. Well, come on Claw.""...Fine. Who's the... Erh, naked lady wi-"Claw gets slapped by Berenice and falls on the man in a white suit."Why did you do that?!""I felt like it. Who is he?""Just some autist I picked up. Come on Claw, let's get going back to Stockholm...""...Fine."You find a manhole and climb up, pushing off the grate... You can hear gunfire in the distance, and you see someone burning the Swedish flag! How dare they!Actions.>Get up, and demand to know why they are burning down your flag!>...You couldn't really care right now. Help everyone up, and order Claw to become human again... And stop hugging that human.>Those fuckers are burning your flag! Show them a piece of your mind!>Write-In
>>429550>>Get up, and demand to know why they are burning down your flag!>>429550
>>429550>Get up, and demand to know why they are burning down your flag!
>>429550>>Get up, and demand to know why they are burning down your flag!QM you're really tying the plot together brilliantly. Just thought you should know that. Like fucking sincerely.
>>429564This. You should write a goddamn book, QM.
>>429564Oh, thanks anon!>>429569...Honestly, maybe. Maybe.You run over, shifting into your half-dragon form, and pick them off the ground."What the fuck are you faggots doing?""W-We're rebelling against the Empire, monsieur, and the British whore that leads it!"Actions.>...Hey, Khorne... Feel like some souls?>Knock them the fuck out! (Body)>Throw them to the side, and shapeshift into your dragon form. It's clear this city is in rebellion.>...Oh, did you just say "please take me as a slave?" Well, I'm not one to say no! Throw them at Claw and order him to slime them.>Write-In
>>429576>>...Hey, Khorne... Feel like some souls?
>>429576>Throw them to the side, and shapeshift into your dragon form. It's clear this city is in rebellion.Now is the time to deprive them of their baguettes and cheese as punishment for this rebellion
>>429576>>Knock them the fuck out! (Body)
>>429576Would you like me to cut off the odd angled crouscants you call cocks?
Rolled 3 (1d4)Rolling.1=...Nom for Khorne!2=Throw them to the side!3=Knock them out!4=Threaten with Castration!
Roll me a 1d20+15 for how hard you can knock them out.
Rolled 5 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>429606Let's turn their frowns upside down in a more literal fashion.
Rolled 2 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>429606As long as no nat 1s
Rolled 16 + 15 (1d20 + 15)>>429606
16+15=31Overwhelming Success!You knock them the fuck out! They fall to the ground... That's what they'll get for calling your wife a whore.Now of course, your in a city full of rebellion... You could do this Traditional Style, Khornate Style, or just try to sneak out of the city. (as if!)Actions.>Just shapeshift into dragon form.>...Shapeshift into dragon form, rampage, and show them the price of rebellion! Khorne will have a good time, hopefully!>Nah, just try to sneak out of the city.>Write-In
>>429618>>Just shapeshift into dragon form.
>>429618>>...Shapeshift into dragon form, rampage, and show them the price of rebellion! Khorne will have a good time, hopefully!We can't seem to prevent their lack of faith in us, but we can profit from it.
>>429618>>...Shapeshift into dragon form, rampage, and show them the price of rebellion! Khorne will have a good time, hopefully!Liz did say we'd tear them a new asshole. I suppose we should live up to that expectation.
>>429618>>Just shapeshift into dragon form.Inform Khorne that we might fight Germans soon and then we willl rampage
>>429618>Just shapeshift into dragon form.We should really plan out future inter-dimensional trips
>>429618>...Shapeshift into dragon form, rampage, and show them the price of rebellion! Khorne will have a good time, hopefully!
>>429618>>Just shapeshift into dragon form.>>429618
You shapeshift normally, and tower over the city of Paris. The gunfire goes silent, as the entire city is held captive by fear. You roar, and do your best to look as angry as possible. Khorne also joins in with a... Well, evil laugh which slightly terrifies even you.Actions.>Demand the city stop resisting, or you'll make sure to personally castrate anyone involved in the revolution, you filthy french dogs! (Intimidation, HARD)>Oh, this part is easy. Set some houses on fire THEN start the whole "go back to your life." thing. (Body)>Hang on, the Elfasshole Tower isn't properly decorated. Threaten to destroy priceless monuments until the populace surrenders. (Intimidation, HARD)>Whelp, no time like the present to find a bunch of rebels and fight them!>...Let Khorne intimidate them. (Intimidation.)>Write-In
>>429639>Demand the city stop resisting, or you'll make sure to personally castrate anyone involved in the revolution, you filthy french dogs! (Intimidation, HARD)Also have khorn do his laugh again
>>429639>>Whelp, no time like the present to find a bunch of rebels and fight them!>>...Let Khorne intimidate them.Rip and tear anyone stupid to attack us.
>>429639>>Demand the city stop resisting, or you'll make sure to personally castrate anyone involved in the revolution, you filthy french dogs! (Intimidation, HARD)
Roll me a 1d20+8
>>429639>Demand the city stop resisting, or you'll make sure to personally castrate anyone involved in the revolution, you filthy french dogs! (Intimidation, HARD)Will we get bonus points if we use a persuasive argument?
>>429639>>...Let Khorne intimidate them. (Intimidation.)>>429639
Rolled 9 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>429653
Rolled 16 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>429653Threaten to use donkeys in the castration process.
16+8=24Great Success!"People of Paris! Return to your homes or face my divine wrath! Which will involve castration, donkeys, and plenty of butter!""GO BACK TO YOUR HOMES, OR HAVE YOUR SOUL MINE FOR ETERNALLY!"He adds in an evil laugh and breathes fire in to the air, careful to avoid setting buildings on fire or anything. At this, most of the populace generally... Well, calm down for obvious reasons.Actions.>Khorne! That was my dramatic demanding of surrender, not yours!>...Pay no heed.>...Thanks, I guess. Mine was better though.>Don't fucking do that shit unless I order you to, Khorne.>Join in on the evil laugh!>Write-In
>>429679>Join in on the evil laugh!
>>429679>>Join in on the evil laugh!
>>429679>>Khorne! That was my dramatic demanding of surrender, not yours!>>Don't fucking do that shit unless I order you to, Khorne.
>>429679>>Join in on the evil laugh!Hot damn, we're evil.
>>429692We Gucci, senpai.
You join in on the evil laugh, which echos through the city! You are careful not to raise your head too high in the air, to avoid everyone falling off your back.Of course, you stomp through the city, looking for any signs of rebellion. Which proves to be rather easy with two heads. Of course that comes to an end, and outside the city you see... Well, you see a British Army battalion, led by some female on horseback.Wait... Elizabeth?Actions.>...Well, first you want to search for an excuse to destroy some housing and terrify some people further. Just casual fun, you know?>...Go over to Elizabeth! You haven't seen her in a month!>...Well, you could personally go for some slaves. Break a few buildings and get some loyal slaves from inside! After all, rebellion can't go unpunished!>...Go around the city, demolishing bakeries and cafes. They will know fear, and know they lack french bread if they resist again.>Write-In
>>429704>...Go around the city, demolishing bakeries and cafes. They will know fear, and know they lack french bread if they resist again.
>>429704>>...Go over to Elizabeth! You haven't seen her in a month!
>>429704>...Well, you could personally go for some slaves. Break a few buildings and get some loyal slaves from inside! After all, rebellion can't go unpunished!How long were we gone for?
>>429704>...Go over to Elizabeth! You haven't seen her in a month!
You stomp towards Elizabeth, and put your head down to her."Ren! Your back!""Yep, and I've brought some friends."They climb off your back, while some british officer gives you a salute."Sir! I am Field Marshal Alan, and I am pleased to report your wife marched here with minimal casulties.""...Erh, Alan. Meet Renexizious. Renexizious, meet Alan. Alan's my ex-suitor, and Renexizious is my husband."He continues his salute."Pleased to meet you, sir!"Actions.>...Khorne, nom Alan for me, please.>Pleased to meet you!>...Death glare is necessary.>Well, Elizabeth... I'd like you to meet Frankizka!>Shapeshift downwards.>Write-In
>>429722>>...Death glare is necessary.Introduce Khorne to the family, especially Alan.
>>429722>...Death glare is necessar
>>429722>>Pleased to meet you!We'll do the obligatory deathgrip handshake with Wall Street grin later. Now we're taking back our city.
>>429722>>Pleased to meet you!>Then ignore the guy completely andifferent ask Elizabeth what we missed
>>429722>Pleased to meet you!
>>429722>>Pleased to meet you!
You give the marshal the customary death stare."...Pleased to meet you, Alan.""Y-You too."He backs away."So, I'd like you to be introduced to Khorne.""Who?""...My second head.""Oh... Erh, pleased to meet you.""HEY."Actions.>Eh, the city is pacified for now. Shift down and travel back home with Elizabeth.>...Well, the city needs to pay for dissenting...>Write-In
>>429738>Eh, the city is pacified for now. Shift down and travel back home with Elizabeth.
>>429738>>Eh, the city is pacified for now. Shift down and travel back home with Elizabeth.
You shift down, and begin to travel back to Stockholm with your friends. You take a boat back at Normandy, with the Royal Marines.Of course, when you get on the boat, you decide to introduce everyone to Elizabeth!"Hang on, Elizabeth. I've got to introduce everyone to you before you go below, alright?""I guess."The first person you decide to introduce Elizabeth to, is Frankizka!"Elizabeth, meet Frankizka. She's my..."Actions.>...Well, she's going to be my second wife, alright?>She's a good friend!>She's a vampire who've I've made friends with!>She's a person who followed me home!>Write-In
>>429750>She's a vampire who've I've made friends with!She's quite nice!
>>429750>>She's a vampire who've I've made friends with!
"She's a vampire I've made friends with! She's quite nice!""Oh. Really? Pleased to meet you. I am the Queen of England, Elizabeth the Third.""I am pleased to make your acquaintance, your majesty.""Now, I've got to show you to... Well, Marshal.""Who's that?"You guide her across the ship, to Marshal... Who is absolutely in awe."Marshal?""What is this? It looks similar to dwarven make... Metal ships! How does it float, m'lord?"Actions.>This is my squire!>This is a peasant who swore his life to me!>This is one of my friends!>He's a man!>Write-In
>>429771>This is my squire!>This is one of my friends!Hes a good shot with a bow and his personality is perfect knight material.
>>429771>This is my squire!We should get Marshall a tutor so he's knowledgeable about this world. Also because he's probably illiterate.
>>429771>>This is a peasant who swore his life to me!
>>429771>This is my squire!
"This is Marshal, a good shot with a bow, and his personality is perfect knight material! He's also my squire!""Ah, I am pleased to meet you, Marshal.""M'lady."He bows."Oh, well. Thank you, Marshal.""Now, I'll tell you about... Berenice.""What's with the hestitantion."You look at her, with fear in your eyes and heart."...Whatever you do, don't show weakness, and keep your eyes on her at all times.""Why?"You take her to Berenice, who's talking to a sailor. She turns around, and hugs you."NO! I-I don't consent!""What?""Erh... Berenice, meet Elizabeth.""Pleased to meet you, Berenice!""...Likewise.""Could you stop hugging me now?"She lets go, hesitantly.Actions.>...So, this is Berenice.... Would you care if she slept with us sometimes? She gives godly hugs, and is great for messages!>This is someone I rescued from another vampire!>This is a friend...>Write-In
>>429800>This is someone I rescued from another vampire!Also make mention of Berenice's skills.
>>429800>>This is someone I rescued from another vampire!
"T-This is Berenice, I rescued her from vampires, she's a great tapestry worker as well!""Ah. Tapestries are fine, no?""I assume we'll get along fine, then.""Now... How about the knight?""Oh, I've already met him, along with Adelmann.""Oh. Good.""Anyways Renexizious... I've missed you. God only knows where you went, and I won't pry into where you went. I'll expect you below decks shortly.""Erh, alright."She gives you a long kiss, and leaves you and goes under the deck.Actions.>You should probably talk to that strange man called... Bismark, or whatever.>Find Claw.>Talk to Berenice.>Talk to the Knight.>Talk to Marshal.>Talk to Adelmann.>Talk to Frankizka.>Go underdeck with Elizabeth.>You know, you should probably talk to Charlemagne and Svana, they're onboard, right?>...Find that fucking Alan guy.>Write-In
>>429822>Find Claw.Time to take a look at that marine he caught.
>>429822>>You know, you should probably talk to Charlemagne and Svana, they're onboard, right?
You find Claw, who's cuddling up to who you know as Bismark... And some armored titan. What the fuck?Actions.>Claw, let them go.>Claw... Where the hell did you get these people?>Who's the guy in armor?>Claw, where the fuck were you?>Write-In
>>429858>Who's the guy in armor?
"So... Uh, Claw. Who's the guy in armor?""He's a space marine!""Don't tell me you've been reading 40k again...""Just because I've memberized most of the Codexs and lore doesn't make me a neckbeard. Oh, and I also speak his language.""You grow fur instead of facial hair, and said fur is all over your body. That makes you a double neckbeard.""Hey!""Sorry, but it's true."Actions.>...Could you let them go? The way your treating them slightly distrubs me.>So where were you?>...Can I see the space marine?>Nothing is out of the usual in Clawland, so it's time to leave.>Write-In
>>429883>...Can I see the space marine?
"Can I see the marine?""No!""H-Help me..." says Bismark."Erh... I think your slightly crushing that German guy.""So?!"Actions.>...I'll give you a treat?>Please? I promise to return him. (Charisma)>Do it Claw, or else. (Intimidation)>...There's only one way to deal with a doggo. Pet him until he's unable to fightback.>Write-In
>>429905>>Please? I promise to return him. (Charisma)
>>429905>Please? I promise to return him. (Charisma)
Roll me a 1d20+8 to extract the spess mehreen.
Rolled 2 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>429920
Rolled 5 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>429920
5+8=13Great Failure!"Please? I promise to return him."The space marine says something."Please... Help me... I'm just a nerd who decided to make his own costume... This man... Wolf... Whatever... Stole two of my warhammer figurines and kidnapped us..."Apparently Claw doesn't hear this.Actions.>Fuck this, your out.>Claw, he isn't a space marine. (Charisma, HARD)>Claw, let them go this instant or else! (Intimidation)>Claw, why do you have five boxes of soda?>Claw, can I have the warhammer figurines you stole from the dressed up nerd?>Write-In
Rolled 15 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>429920
>>429973>Claw, he isn't a space marine. (Charisma, HARD)
>>429973>Claw, why do you have five boxes of soda?>Claw, can I have the warhammer figurines you stole from the dressed up nerd?
Roll me a 1d20+8, additional +2 if you can point out reasons on why he's not in fact, a space marine.
Rolled 13 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>430007Claw, you're autism is flaring up now. Keep this up and I'm taking you to a doctor.
Rolled 7 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>430007
Rolled 8 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>430007
"Claw, your autism is flaring up again. Keep it up and I'll take you to a vet.""...But, he's a space marine!""He's just dressed like one. Now, get off him."He hesitantly gets off of both Bismark and the "space marine"."T-Thank you! I feel the slime under my armor!""I can't feel my face."Actions.>Don't worry, your safe now.>...Grab the "space marine" and leave Bismark to his fate.>Eh, just leave.>Claw, what the hell do you intend to do with them?>Write-In
>>430036>...Grab the "space marine" and leave Bismark to his fate.
You pull out the marine, and Claw falls back onto Bismark."So, you aren't a space marine, are you?""No! Just remove my helmet and I'll show you!"You rip off his helmet, which was firmly stuck thanks to Claw's slime. Inside is what seems to be a human manchild, evident by the neckbeard.Actions.>Shove him back into Claw, you don't really care if he's a space marine then.>So, how would you like to join Chaos? I've got a sponsership deal, and I can tell you'll go far!>Talk to him about... Something. (Specify)>Oh. Just throw him overboard then.>Write-In
>>430060>Shove him back into Claw, you don't really care if he's a space marine then.
"Oh."You shove him back into Claw, and continue on with your day.Actions.>Talk to someone else? (Specify)>Well, Elizabeth wanted to see you. Go below decks to talk to her.>Timeskip!
>>430080>>Well, Elizabeth wanted to see you. Go below decks to talk to her.Bring Frankizka and Berenice, too.
>>430080>Well, Elizabeth wanted to see you. Go below decks to talk to her.
You go below decks to see Elizabeth, who's waiting for you in what seems to be a crew member's room, with two rather low quality beds put together."Oh, Ren! There you are. I've got a lot to ask you.""Ah, yes."You close the door behind you and sit on the bed."What exactly is it?""Well... I've got you something for our anniversary.""O-Oh. Right."She gives you a kiss, and brings out a present, and puts it in your arms."Don't worry if you forgot. You are quite awfully busy, after all."Actions.>Oh, thank you!>...Well, I'll make sure to get you something when we get home, alright?>...Your the best wife I could ask for, Elizabeth. Thank you.>Oh. I don't really need a gift, thank you though.>Write-In
>>430104>...Your the best wife I could ask for, Elizabeth. Thank you.
"...Thank you, Elizabeth. Your the best wife I could ask for, and I missed you."You hug her."I've missed you too, Renexizous. Now go on, open it."You tear it open, and see... Well, a book. You look closely, and see it's a... Oh my God, a first edition copy of Mein Kampf, personally signed by Adolf Hitler! Not to mention, below that seems to be a book titled "Nazi Scientists of the Second World War.""I knew your fascination for the Nazis, so I got you these with some minor assistance from M16. They were rather hard to get."Actions.>...Go in for the kiss, she fucking knows you like a goddamned book and you love it... Then escalate to tumbling, of course.>Hang on... I want to invite someone here.>Hug her. It was good.>...A quick kiss of acknowledgement. It was decent.>Just shrug your shoulders.>...Yeah, hand it back to her. She can have it.>Write-In
>>430127>...Go in for the kiss, she fucking knows you like a goddamned book and you love it... Then escalate to tumbling, of course.
You go in for the kiss, and begin to tumble with her... Once your finished, Elizabeth rolls over."Ren... I just want to say I'll miss you while I stay in Britian.""Oh. Right.""...Once you disembark I'll be heading back to Britian. I'm sorry.""I-It's fine. Alright."Actions.>...You should probably tell her about your intentions to have a second wife while she's gone.>...You won't be going back to Britain, your staying here, with me.>Remember? I agreed to come along, alright?>Write-In
>>430157>...You should probably tell her about your intentions to have a second wife while she's gone.>Remember? I agreed to come along, alright?
>>430157>...You should probably tell her about your intentions to have a second wife while she's gone.And mention that you're going to Britain to help her settle in.
"You forgot, I intended to come along.""Right! I forgot, I'm sorry.""Also... Well. How would you feel about me having a second wife?""...What?""Yeah.""Ren... Why? I-I... I leave and you want someone else?"Actions>It's not like that, alright?>I love her, would you rather me marry her or go behind your back?>I-It's not what you think it is, alright?>Write-In
>>430169>>It's not like that, alright?
"It's not like that, alright? I love you, and her.""Renexizious, I was alright with the concubines, hell, I even worked with them in order to please you. I became a half dragon to please you. I fucking made your dragon mutagen to please you, and you toss aside my gratitude and want another woman?!""You finished my dragon mutagen?""I did, damn it! I've even brought it along!""Well... Thank you, I guess.""Ren, how would you like it if I went behind your back to court another man? What if I went back to Alan?"Actions.>...I would kill them.>Well, you won't. I already know this.>Betrayed?>I wouldn't care, honestly.>Write-In
"Betrayed?""Yes! And guess how I feel?""...Betrayed?""I do. At least you told me about you wanting a second wife, and hopefully this is a one time thing your going through."Actions.>...I did lay with a Duchess, called Rosa. Sorry.>Well, whether you like it or not, I'm marrying Frankizka.>...I'm sorry. I wouldn't betray you like that. It was only an idea.>Write-In
>>430209>>...I did lay with a Duchess, called Rosa. Sorry.
>>430209>...I did lay with a Duchess, called Rosa. Sorry.
"...I did lay with a duchess called Rosa. Sorry."She sighs."Ren... Why? Do I not please you in some way?""No! You please me just fine!""You tell me this, but it's clear you think differently. Why else would you go behind my back and cheat on me?""I-I think your reading too deep into this.""You know what, Ren? I'm done with your womanizing. We're married before God, and you break it willy nilly! I demand you stop seeing these women, damn it! I will not be cheated on!"Actions.>Fine... I'll do it for you.>Fine, I'll do it for you. (Lie)>I will not tolerate this. Cease your demands, or else.>No! I love them, just accept that!>...Please, just hear me out... (Charisma, VERY HARD)>Write-In
>>430247>>...Please, just hear me out... (Charisma, VERY HARD)Push it to the limit.
Roll me a 1d20+8, additional +2if you can give reasons on why she should let you have a second wife.
Rolled 11 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>430266She's from a different world, and she needs me to be with her so she doesn't starve or resort to drinking from innocents. She's a real nice person, though. You might like her.
Rolled 15 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>430266To show that we don't discrimnate against someone's race aside from those dam elves.
Rolled 16 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>430266Holy shit.
16+10=26Minor Success!"Listen, she's from a different world, and she needs me, so she doesn't starve or drink from innocents. She's a nice person though, you might like her."She sighs."...Ren, I want to say yes, to make you happy, but if I cave it'll just be a slippery slope of your getting more and more wives, and of me caving more and more.""Then say yes.""...I can't. At some point I'll just be forgotten about, or simply ignored..."She curls up into your arms."Please."Actions.>...I swear I won't forget about you.>The dragon mutagen shows how much I care for you... I am going to make you a dragon, Liz. That way you'll never be forgotten about by me.>I can show her to you now, if you want.>...I don't know, honestly.>Write-In
>>430298>>I can show her to you now, if you want.And swear that you won't forget about her.
>>430298>I can show her to you now, if you want.
"Listen, I swear I won't forget about you, alright?""T-Thank you.""Let me show you her."You get up and open the hatched door, and find Frankizka's rudimentary bed."I need you, Frankizka."[r/ed]"Erh... For what?""You'll see."You drag her along to your room, where your wife is still somewhat pouting, and has shapeshifted into her half-dragon form."...Oh, that's her?""Oh. Hello queen."Actions.>...Come on, let's just get into bed, alright? I think all of us could bond with each other during a midnight chat of sorts.>...Lust pheromone, here we go.>Let's just all sleep together, all right?>Hang on... There's someone else I want to rest with us. (Specify)>Write-In
>>430330>>...Come on, let's just get into bed, alright? I think all of us could bond with each other during a midnight chat of sorts.And Berenice.We're going all-out.
You decide to let Berenice into the room, because fuck having a spinal cord. Well, actually you shift into your half-dragon form to avoid getting squished like last time.You get the bottom, and are quite literally, surrounded by beautiful women. Scaly or not. The bed breaks and goes on the floor. You realize that if you continue like this, you'll need a bigger bed back home."Ren... Why exactly did you invite Berenice into the room?"Actions.>...Well, she's good concubine potential.>...Third wife when?>Erh, just because, really.>Lust Pheromone now!>Write-In
>>430332>midnight chatNo, not with Berenice. We need to get along Liz and Fran and it will still be very hard, no need to make it too difficult.I was sure the second wife thing would not please Liz at all.We should make a decision about tumbling every woman we meet... or we profess polylove and try to convert our people to that. It will not be easy. But fuck lying, we are a man of honor and we have the god of keeping serment in our mind now.
>>430340>>...Well, she's good concubine potential.And gas the room with heavy lust pheromones.
>>430340>Well, she's good concubine potentialMake her go, she will cause problems to the chatting between Fran and Liz.
Rolled 2 (1d2)Rolling.1=Send her out.2=Gas!
And roll me a 1d20+2, anons.
Rolled 4 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>430357
Rolled 1 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>430357You'll see...Lust pheromones
Rolled 19 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>430357
>>430365And that is a resounding NO.1Critical Failure!You spread a lust pheromone through the room."Well... She'll make a good concubine, right?""...You know what, I am the goddamned Queen of England. I deserve better then you trying to make this polygamous. Get out, you whores.""What did you just call me?""Yeah, you heard me. Get the fuck out of our room.""...Fine, asshole."'"What the fuck did you just say to me? I'm trying to save my marriage from my husband being a fool, and trying to marry somesort of whore!""We aren't whores!"Actions.>...Fuck, don't take a side. This isn't your fight.>...Take Elizabeth's side.>Shit, take Frankizka and Berenice's side.>Demand everyone to get out of your room.>Write-In
>>430378Loyalty pheromones a go.
>>430378Supporting this >>430386
Roll me a 1d20+2 to see if this works.
Rolled 19 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>430396
>>430408>>430410God wills it.
Rolled 20 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>430396>>430408>>430410Angry sex!
19+2=21Good Success!You release your loyalty pheromone... You sense they are getting confused now."Come on, relax everyone. We're just here to talk.""...Fine. I guess." says your wife.A few minutes of silence goes by.Actions.>Maybe you should tell them something they both like to do to break the ice. (Specify)>Erh, just go to bed.>You two play nice, alright?>Elizabeth, you can still talk to me if you want.>Write-In
>>430408>>430410>>430429Fucking unreal. How could this go so right?
>>430429>>430408>>430410...sweet baby jesus
>>430429...I'll take this nat twenty and allow you guys to use it once in the future, alright?
>>430432>>You two play nice, alright?Walk out and blast them with lust pheromone. Who knows what will happen?
>>430432>You two play nice, alright?
>>430436Well, let's use it to reconcilliate everybody here. It's such a mess.
Roll me a 1d20+2, or if you want you can use the natural twenty.
>>430444I say we pop the nat 20 so there's no chance we fuck this up.
>>430444Use the nat twenty
>>430442So we get two wives and a concubine by basically mind controlling then?Have we told Liz that we now have off world colonies? And is ren going to visit Bismarck's Nazi world?
>>430460I wanted to reconcilliate them, not minfuck them, but the majority of the anons decided differently.It is the rules of the game, so...I propose we deal with Earth because it is clearly not stabilized enough for us to leave for too long.
Twenty it is.You get up and blast the room with heavy pheromones... Which send them into a lustful overdrive."Erh... Play nice, I guess."A pillow is thrown at you and your forced to duck, and flee the angry, lustful women.You sleep outside in the rain, and eventually wake up.You head below decks, and see the women are... Well, asleep in a massive huddle. It's a start.You arrive back in Stockholm, and unload from the ship... Your positively exhausted. Most people head off to do their own thing, while Elizabeth gives you a kiss."So... Can we just go to England? Without your "second wife" and your new concubine?" "...Like a vacation?""I suppose so."Actions.>Sure!>Well, why not bring Frankizka?>Come on, I like the concubine!>Come on... Why don't I bring Claw?>Can I bring Marshal?>Hang on... I want to bring someone else.>Write-In
>>430490>Sure!Romantic trip to Albion and its white cliffs.
>>430490>Well, why not bring Frankizka?We need to show her around and keep her from starving.
>>430490>I need my squire. Besideshe can learn a bit about knightly ways in England.
"...Why not bring Frankizka?"Her face turns red with anger..."Goddamn it Ren! Stop! I just fucking... I'm fucking going away and even then you want those girls to come with you. They are staying out, no matter what you fucking say.Actions.>...Fine.>Don't talk to me that way, alright?>...Maybe you can smuggle her aboard?>Sorry, alright?>Write-In
"Fine, alright?""Thank you."You climb aboard the ship and sail towards Britain...So, anons...>Timeskip!>No, spend some personal time with Elizabeth. You haven't seen her in a month, really.>Write-In
Time flies by and eventually you find yourself off the coast of Britain. The crew orders you to pick up your luggage and get off, and of course, it's raining.You get off the boat and follow Elizabeth, who walks through the streets, and she decide to talk to you."So, Ren... Is it just me, or occasional around you I feel... Well, lust, at random times? Last night was... Strange, sufficiently said. I felt extremely confused for most of it."Actions.>Oh, it must just be the wind, alright?>...Well, sometimes I slightly control your actions using pheromones.>It must just be you.>Write-In
>>430557>Write-InMust be the superior dragonic gene that we have.
Sorry anons, But I've got to go to work.
Mention the pheromones but say they're uncontrollable.
>>430660Nah, just say I do tend to have that effect on people.It ain't even lying.
>>430665This. Also,we're a terrible husband.
>>430665This, as much as I want to explain....>>430708I went to sleep early and thus missed most of that series of fucking, retarded, autistic, out-of-character and insane events. I would like to apologise for no being present.We must apologise to Liz and explain the reasons for the second wife in greater detail. That being because we need someone to run our nation in our absence and that the chosen individual is powerful and important to our plans.Also the dumbshits(>>430494, >>430500, >>430502) that thoug