Previous thread, please read before entering suggestions:http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive/4157304/>Use MIGHTY WATER-GUN on bathroom door.Anyway, fuck this noise. You rain an onslaught of bullets on the door already. No, that wasn't a figure of speech, it's a goddamn water-gun.As the TOILET-HANDLE-DOORKNOB rattles more and more aggressively, you can hear the flushing of the throne intensify. You're not sure what it means for a toilet to flush "intensely," but it does so anyway.
>>4181972Like a sad, sad tuna, it looks as though you are out of water; and yet, the door remains fixed fast in its frame. You don’t think to question your ardent preoccupation with getting into this bathroom. You have to. You know you have to.>What will you do now?
>>4181974Try the *cough* real gun.
>>4182337>Try real gun.In a huff, you snatch the UNLOADED FIREARM from your WEAPONRY RACK. Kind of unclear what more it's capable of accomplishing than could the wall-obliterating water-gun, but it's worth a shot.Heheh."Worth a shot."Heh.
>>4182514The UNLOADED FIREARM is unloaded!Shocker.>What will would do now?
>>4182519Perchance would our knife be applicable to this?
>>4182535Also why do I get the impression that the water gun is a real gun that the Vigilante’s just mistaking for a gun?
Screw it, search through the cupboards, fridge and oven
>>4182538Nope, it's just a genuinely mighty water-gun.>>4182535>Apply knife?You're pretty sure you haven't seen any "knives" around today--of normal length, considerably longer, or otherwise.
>>4183014>Apply short sword(?)That makes much more sense. You grab the RELATIVELY SHORT SWORD and do your best impression of someone trying to pick a lock.Apparently you're a shit actor.
>>4183015Or maybe not? You can hear the toilet's torrential flushing like a pubescent girl now. Even Utnapishtim would be nervous.Perhaps it'd be best if you quit it with the fucking TOILET-HANDLE-DOORKNOB already?
>>4182617>Check cupboards.feeling of moving in circles
Wait a second...What is...
>>4183018...what is Woody Harrelson doing here!?>What will you do now?
>>4183022Insert him into the lock
>>4183030>Insert Woody into lock.You cannot insert Woody into the lock. You cannot insert Woody into anything. His power defies and transcends that which is comprehensible within any material plane of existence.Also, as has been well and thoroughly established, cracking that lock will do nothing to open the door. (Read the damn descriptions people!)>What will you do now?
>>4183191Kick the door!
>>4183661>Commit suicide.You don't see why that should be necessary. Especially when Sally already has it in for you today. God dammit Sally, quit it with your shit! You dodge her narrowly.
>>4184734Ahem.Anyway, moving along.
>>4183662>Kick down door.You are amazed that you had't thought of this up until know. Like, Ariadne forty minutes deep into Jim Henson's Labyrinth amazed.Dance magic fuckin' dance.
Plan might have gone just a little pear-shaped there.Ouch.>What will you do now?
>>4184744Drink, drink like your life depended on it
>>4184744CPR ON THE NPC!!!
>>4184746>Drink! Drink like your life depends on it!You drink like your like depends on it! Which it probably does. Do you even need to breath? You're not positive. Probably best not to test it.
>>4184797*BELCH*Feels like like you swallowed some other stuff along with the water. But you'd rather not fret over it.Also, it sure is convenient that a proverbial author of this scenario would no longer have to draw the water in every panel. If they were to hypothetically exist, you mean. Real convenient.
>>4184748>Perform CPR on NPC.You'd love to do so merely out of the kindness of your heart, although the question of whether or not he needs to breath is just as unclear as it is for you. And it looks like you won't be getting an answer any time toon, as the NPC is still in the bathroom behind the door, which, to everyone's chagrin and absolutely no one's surprise, remains locked shut.Everybody knows that when a door moves, the entire room it's connected to moves with it! It's just common sense.>What will you do now?
>>4184803Ask woody what to do
>>4185422See >>4165149I said read the previous thread, please.>What will you do now?
Then uh... Try to make a hole to enter the bathroom
>>4185598>>4185659Forgot to tag
>>4184803The effort of trying to get into the bathroom is so disheartening that you lay yourself down under the table in utter dismay.
>>4185689>Lie down on table in utter dismay.Ugh.Ugggghhhh.How long have you been trying to get into this bathroom? Five minutes? Shit, it feels like it might as well be three days at this point (*authorial wink*). It's as though somewhere along the way, the struggle to get inside took precedent over your actual desire to urinate.Does that mean what you think it means?
>>4185659>Try to make hole to enter bathroom.Yes, it means what you think it means. You disregard your obstinate subconscious--fuck the bathroom--you wet yourself already. In the meantime, we, the audience, shift our attention up to your dispirited face and away from the action.That's better...>What will you do now?
>>4185876Transcend into another plane of existence
>>4185876If there is a hole in the obstruction that separates us from the toilet, I say pee into the hole!If not, ninja star (or oversized deli blade) this biccch. (I feel like the solution is right under my nose but is just out of reach)
>>4185951>Transcend into another plane of existence.You astrally project yourself into the REALM OF ANU in an effort to escape your sticky, sticky garments.
>>4186219It's underwhelming, so you decide to go back.
>>4186025>Ninja-star/deli-blade this bitch.You don't know anything about no "ninja-stars," much less deli-blades. Not a thing.>What will you do now?
>>4186228Take the remote and start pointing at stuff at random. Thinking the non-television remote (if I recall the name correctly) might be useful.
>>4186228Give up, call mom to pick you up or something
>>4186290>Give up and call mom for help.You don't have a phone, so you do the next best thing and record an SOS message on your TAPE RECORDER.>MOM.>MOOOOOOOOOOM.>MOM, RESPOND.>PLEASE RESPOND.>MOM.You are unfamiliar with this theoretical "mom" character. Even more reason not to expect a reply. You store the TAPE RECORDER back in your inventory and quickly forget about this tangent.
>>4186272>Take remote and start pointing at stuff randomly.Where have you heard this "remote" word before? It sounds familiar.Ah, yes! You hack up the UNMISTAKABLY NON-TELEVISUAL REMOTE. You have absolutely no idea why this was inside of you.
>>4187533You give it a closer look. On the remote are two arrow-shaped buttons. There is also an engraving of some sort of CYCLIC RUNE. The sight of this agitates you slightly for reasons you do not quite comprehend.You are about to engage in your "pointing at stuff randomly" business when you are abruptly and rudely interrupted.>What will you do now?
>>4187537Knock out him and take his remote
>>4187537Press the button again and again. Have infinite copies of yourself.
>>4187552>Knock out assailant and take his remote.Looks like he already anticipated that; he dodges right past your JUSTICE UPPERCUT. This motherfucker's real quick on his toes, ain't he? You've never met anyone fast as you before.
>>4188435>Inquire about remote.You ask him why he has the same UNMISTAKABLY NON-TELEVISUAL REMOTE as you. He tells you that's bullshit. That you're just trying to confuse and gaslight him now.You say that's bullshit. That he materialized right in front of you just now, when you were about to press one of the buttons.He tells you that's bullshit. That you're the one who materialized there suddenly, and that you're acting even weirder than before he pressed the button.This is all a bunch of bullshit.
>>4188438>Just press the button already.Fine. You press the bottom button.
>>4188440The trespasser aggresses you forthwith! But he's too slow--you slide gracefully by his attack.
>>4188448He asks you why you have the same UNMISTAKABLY NON-TELEVISUAL REMOTE as him. You tell him that's bullshit. That he's just trying to confuse and gaslight you now.He says that's bullshit. That you materialized in front of him just now, when he was about to press one of the buttons.You tell him that's bullshit. That he's the one who appeared there suddenly, and that he's acting even weirder than before you pressed the button.This is all a bunch of bullshit.
The intruder presses the button and disappears.>What will you do now?
>>4188451Press other buttons
>>4189304>Press the other arrow-button.Ugh, what's even the point, pun-not-intended? How is any of this confusion your fault?! You feel like the captain of a one-man ship who even then manages to be sabotaged by a crew of imbeciles. All aboard, dipshits!You press the top bu-
-tton. Oh, what a surprise. Fuck all happened.>What will you do now?
>>4190442(By the way anyone who's not watching the full gif animations should do that. They're there for a reason.)
>>4190442Use up-button to fast-forward to end of time.
>>4190442Check bottom drawer for potentially useful stuff.
>>4192381>Use top button to fast-forward through time.That doesn't make any sense. It has been fully corroborated by your one-time use of said button that it obviously serves no purpose.Anyways, another intruder crashes the uneventful party.
>>4193050He is very adamant that you not do whatever it is you are purportedly about to do.
>>4193054Eh, what does he know!? You press the button. Intensely.Whatever that means.
>>4193055Okay, you're gonna backtrack on your earlier assessment. It's doing...something. You can feel time flying by, faster and faster. Epochs begin and end; empires rise and fall; countless rock bands are formed and then dissipate. That last one's less impressive, but it still gets the point across.You're starting to think it might be time to let go of the button now.
>>4193058You let go of the button and arrive in the future. Now, what do we have here?
>>4193063Oh.Okay then.Maybe you went a just a bit too far.
>>4193066alrighty then sorry to bother you guys thanks for the hospitality though really nice to meet you all hope you have fun okay byeBottom button it is!
>>4193071You return to the past, younger-you still standing on the table."Still" probably isn't the right adverb to use in this context. This is all getting kind of confusing.
>>4193077You insist emphatically that past-you not do what it is you know he is about to do.
>>4193079He does not heed your warning.What does he know!? Piece of shit. You fucking hate yourself.>What will you do now?>>4192748Will implement when I get up in the morning. Good to see someone back!
>>4192748>Check bottom drawer.As you recover your bearings from that chilling temporal voyage, you mull over the potential pros and cons of checking inside the bottom drawer.The real question is, why would you do that, when you could always not do that?>What will you do now?
>>4193216refill gun with water from the floor. then go through frame where the door used to be
>>4194260>Refill MIGHTY WATER-GUN with liquid from floor.Hmm...sounds fain to violence. You like it. You dip the barrel of the gun into the remaining sewage water and watch it glug the stuff up. Because that's what guns do. They glug.Your GRADUATED KILLINDER is now at maximum capacity.
>>4194350>Leap through frame where door used to be like a SWAT agent.You are about to make the daring bust when another door shifts in from the darkness and clicks into place.>What will you do now?
>>4194388Inspect the vent in pic related. While we are at it, what time is it ?
>>4194388Also, look at the ceiling.
>>4194455>>4194460>Look at ceiling.You completely ignore what is very obviously the path forward and gaze upward, motivated primarily by the conspicuous splatter of some kind of sticky substance upon your face. On further observation, you find the majority of your hideout's ceiling to be coated in a thick layer of GRAPE JELLY. Funny, you never noticed that before. It's like a Jackson Pollock painting but somehow even more bougie.
>>4194455>Inspect vent.As far as you're aware, there is nothing in the room that could help you physically reach the vent, but apparently it was a good time to get distracted anyway, as you catch sight of a paper drifting out of a slit in the vent and settling down comfortably on the wet floor.>What time is it?(It's either afternoon or midnight, the Vigilante isn't sure, but just like in the Baron's office, there is no indication that the time on the clock has changed at all.)>What will you do now?
>>4194527Go into other room
>>4194527Inspect paper. Perhaps it’s a master haiku you lost.
>>4194646>Inspect paper.You pick it up and scrutinize it carefully. The paper has been thoroughly drenched so far as to render the words unreadable. There are three lines of text: the first and third are shorter than the second. Too bad you'll never know what that means.You store it away in your inventory anyway. Kinda weird to have both that and the dry papers in there. But what can you say? You like paper.
>>4194584>Go into other room.Alright, alright, you'll go. You've just gotta make the entrance sufficiently cinematic. No real purpose to that, you suppose. You certainly wouldn't endear anyone by kicking down their door and jumping in with a lethal weapon in your hands. But you are a fictional vigilante. It sort of comes with the territory.So, uh...you ram through the door. As well as the door that's behind that door, for some reason--you're not gonna stop to ask about that. Of course, concordant with your job description, you do a sick landing pose!>What will you do now?
>>4195083>Look ahead.Aha! Who else would it be but a member of the PANDITS, a gang second only to the TWINTET when it comes to pure ruthlessness. This guy seems to be on the lookout for any trouble...but he hasn't seen you yet!>What will you do now?
>>4195705Gun him down and loot him.
>>4195863>Gun him down and loot him.Take that you furry motherfluffer! You spray the bastard with--well, with water. It is a water-gun after all.
>>4196119Case in point: water-guns do shoot water. Mighty or not.
He is palpably vexed by the moist, moist barrage.You are so glad you got to think the word "moist" today. You'd really been holding out on it up until now. It instantly makes your afternoon that much better.oh shit he's getting closer>What will you do now?
>>4196126Throw your copy of Just Desserts at him.
>>4196139>Throw copy of JUST DESSERTS at him.You lob the bad pun right into his stupid panda snout! Honestly, this was probably the most logical course of action you could have taken in the moment, and that fact kind of depresses you.
He doesn't take too well to the brick-sized tissue. The hungry thug snacks on the book, grinding it between his impressive HERBIVOROUS MOLARS.Excellent source of fiber right there.>What will you do now?
>>4196709Improv haiku the bastard to death.(That is, if the pistol is unloaded)
>>4196790>Verify that pistol is unloaded.His pistol? It's full of stuffed animals, as mandated by PANDIT-POLICY. Your gun on the other hand--or to be more specific, your UNLOADED FIREARM--is, and in fact always has been, locked and loaded.He fires an adorable URSID PLUSHIE at your forehead. It makes a very cute squeaking noise. You return the favor and discharge a round right into his skull.>What will you do now?
>>4196992See what's at the end of the hallway.More woody harrelson???Don't forget to loot the pandit.
>>4196992Claim URSID PLUSHIE as your new sidekick
>>4197949>Claim URSID PLUSHIE as new sidekick.Yes."Sidekick.""Friend."[ The ensuing carnage has been censored for the sake of readers' mental wellbeing. ]
>>4197230>Loot DEAD PANDIT.Ahem. Anyway, moving on.You go to rummage through the evildoer's belongings, although you're still apprehensive about whether or not these guys are just wearing fur-suits or are legitimately humanoid pandas. You try not to think about it too hard.You grab the DOLLBLASTER (for scientific purposes) and immediately realize you have no reliable means of distinguishing it from your other, similarly sized handgun. You are positive you will never regret this decision.You recover your HALF-FLAKED COOKBOOK, too. Go back to eating chutes and...ladders, or whatever it is you pandas do.
>>4198955Forgot this:You cover the body up with the DYAD POSTER to hide the evidence. He's just...reading a newspaper. Yes, that's it.
>>4197230>Look farther down hallway. Possibly brace for more Woody Harrelson?Nope.Nope.Nope.Definitely not him.Why couldn't it be him!?
A few other PANDITS are engaged in a fierce scrap with some FUZZARDS, officers of the local CAW-ENFORCEMENT DEPARTMENT. Probably paid off by one of the Pandits' rival gangs to take them out, you surmise.>What will you do now?
>>4198968Team up with the pandits-- you're black and white, they're black and white-- this is fate! (just make sure they don't see the corpse of their fallen comrade, though).
>>4198968Jump and fly through the scene in amazing gymnastics acrobatics, we dont care about these losers.
>>4199102>Team up with PANDITS. You're black and white. They're black and white. It is fate.They are criminals. The thought itself is making you nauseous.Not to mention that fact that black and white do not equal black, white, and STRAWBERRY RED. Every time you blink now, all you can see are dead pandas. Dead pandas everywhere. This is foresight.
>>4199358>Fly through scene in incredible acrobatic display.Arguably a worse plan than your last one. Those are bird-people. With wings. That let them fly.>What will you do now?(sorry for more intermittent updates last few days, my sleep schedule is whack having to stay inside most of the time)
>>4201258Make a time-copy of yourself, be a one-man team, and take em all down!!!
>>4201328>Make a one-man team using your time-copies.This is actually feasible, and you are not sure how you should feel about that. You record a message on your TAPE RECORDER intended for your future self, reminding him to return to this time and place to assist you. Now you're just holding out on that bastard to actually pull through with this.
>>4204750In the meantime, some familiar faces show up.Huh. You kind of expected more back-up than this.
>>4204754Your presumably oldest iteration explains that he's getting kinda tired of this nonsense, having been through it three times already, and that he's going back to the future when it's all over since he's done his fair share of the heavy lifting. You're about to critique his misuse of the past tense in that statement when he presses the up button on his remote. As he disappears with a yellow flash, he haphazardly asks you to say hello to Rowan for him. You don't know what that means.You weigh the pros and cons of following him into the aftermath yourself, but the fact that he's ditched you so amicably gives you the sneaking suspicion that you're doomed not to. Are you even capable of breaking destiny? Unclear.
>>4204757Well okay then. Looks like this is all you're gonna be working with. On the bright side, you know you're fated to succeed/have succeeded in some form or another, given that your future selves have returned/will return to help you out.>What will you do now?
>>4204763Snipe the Pandits bastards from afar.
>>4204938+1 but with the pandit pistols
>>4204763Go after the police first, given line of sight they're likely to notice you before you actually attack after all
>>4204964Can confirm. Birds of any type have notoriously good vision.I had a chicken sitting next to me some days ago and she noticed some hawks before I did. Plus the hawks knew exactly where the chicken was, even if I concealed her out of view.
>>4204938>Snipe Pandit bastards from afar.You retrieve from your inventory what is definitely not an UNLOADED FIREARM and get ready to blast those motherfuckers to kingdom come. Your future selves stay back, you assume to get a better view of you/their badassery.
>>4206961However, your imminent-future self yanks you back and scolds you, saying that you were gonna mess it up, and that he should do it himself.(Or, technically:"Your imminent-future self yanks you/himself back and scolds you/himself, saying that you/he were/was gonna mess it up, and that he/you should do it himself/yourself.")
>>4206966However, his imminent-future self yanks him back and scolds him, saying that he was gonna mess it up, and that he should do it himself.
>>4206968He unloads into the closest of the PANDIT MEMBER using his UNLOADED FIREARM. It's unloaded.What a dumbass! You would never make that mistake oh wait. Did you mention you fucking hate yourself?
>>4204964>THE BIRDS! KILL THE FUCKING BIRDS!All of a sudden one of the cawps swoops in at your party, talons bared. Your future selves are caught off guard by the foray, but you're good and primed, hitting it mid-flight with your UNLOADED FIREARM.There's more than one thing wrong with that sentence, but you're not gonna pick through it to find out.You hash up a slipshod one-liner on the spot.>One bird with one bullet.It doesn't make any sense. You say it anyway.
The FUZZARD flops onto the ground with a thud. It keeps mindlessly repeating the phrase, "Stop resisting! Stop resisting!" sputtering up blood until it stops being alive. The partner with the megaphone spouts the same thing in conjunction with his now dead friend.>What will you do now?>>4206150(Reminder that birds were once dinosaurs.)
>>4206981We are supposed to be a vigilante, fighting for Justice and Stuff, but the first thing we do is killing 2 people, one of them a cop. What are we doing with our life ?>Fall into an existential crisis, right here, right now.
>>4207168Vigilantes are illegal so to speak, and the cops don't understand our way of thinking...>>4206981After killing the next cop, do the same to the pandits and THEN can we fall into an existential crisis!
>>4207173>Kill other cawp and rest of Pandits.You let your future selves wrestle with the leftover fuzzies. You've got it in for the last avian. No, that's not a movie title.Wait a sec...your gun is unloaded...and that guy just pulled a fucking sword out of his megaphone...
>>4210749Golly gee willlikers! You've been saved by who else but fellow vigilante and good friend ROWAN BATMANSON! How could you ever repay him!?(Remember >>4204757?)>>4207168Yeah the Vigilante hates both cops and criminals. And if you're wondering what it is that he doesn't hate...well, I don't know, he's obviously fucking crazy.>What will you do now?
>>4210751Loot everyone and everything. The corpse, the car, the pile of plushie... Then look around us and at the ceiling. Are we still inside ?
>>4211516And say hello from >>4204757.Now what does Rowan wants for payment, a hug ?