OH SHIT NEGRO, you're Fester Winchester, the rootin' tootin' space cowboy, owner of the Marshal. A giant super robot that is also a rootin' tootin' space cowboy. You also died once and is now a cyborg with a huge pompadour. Shit happens. You're part of a space pirate crew lead by your buddy, Edward Roberts.In the last episode, you found out that there's an Anti Space Cowboy/Pirate Alliance gunning for you and your bud's head. With your long lost brother being one of the bosses. THEN you found out the ship's mechanic has been communicating with him through the space internet as she is his girlfriend. The captain locked her up and now you're in the hanger trying to process all that happened. shieeeeeet
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>3890315punch self in face
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>3890340our current pompadour looks silly as hell, I wanna go back to looking like original Fester.
>>3890342Then maybe you could go for a haircut. Your current hair is fake anyway. What with you being a cyborg and all
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>3890356Its real for me okay
>>3890364Sure, anon, sure
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>3890375Let's cut our hair then
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>3890375Anyways, where were we in the last episode? Think it was about some guy claiming to be our brother getting away and use getting his mech
>>3890378Alright. Now how are ya gonna do that?A. Find some scissorsB. Ask Ed for another chainswordC. Direct your giant mech, the Marshal, to shoot your hair offD. Shoot the hair off yourselfE. Your other buddy, Dai, is a cyborg ninja with a cyber katana. So yeah.F. Shove head into food waste disposal to shred hairG. Shove head into ship's thrusters to burn off hair
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>3890389>E. Your other buddy, Dai, is a cyborg ninja with a cyber katana. So yeah.Let's do thisThe other options have us practically shoot ourselves in the head and lead to us dying.
>>3890392What, ya don't like scissors?
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>3890412getting our hair cut by a katana is way cooler, OP
>>3890412Scissors are for pussies. Katana is for real men.......I mean robot....no that's racist. Cyborg men yeah!
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>3890412trusting fester with sharp objects is a mistake
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>3890412>>3890417
>>3890414Anyway, Dai should be in the crew quarters by now. Or sneaking around on the ceiling, depends.
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>3890422Look at the ceiling
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>3890422Poke ceiling with big ol' stick
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>3890430Luckily you found this in the hangar.Now roll 2d100
Rolled 23, 49 = 72 (2d100)>>3890434Dai I know you are there, you always are, for some reason
>>3890437"No im not"
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>3890444There you are. I need a haircut and my only other option is using the Marshal to shoot my hair off
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>3890444Hello there Grey Fox from Metal Gear Solid, have you seen my friend Dai?
>>3890446"Okay then. That sounds dangerous. Now, cutting your hair with a sword. That's safe. So how do you want it?"
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>3890458Let's go for the original fester haircut and clean shaven, this beard is too long
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3890458Original Fester haircut, but keep the beard, or at least the gruff cowboy five-o-clock shadow
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>3890458The way I was before the procedure, this pompadour's getting old.
>>3890460"Clean? So not even that five o clock shadow you used to have?"
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>3890482We'll grow it back.
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>3890482Keep the shadow
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>3890482Keep the shadow.
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>3890506Damn we look fine, hell yeah
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>3890506We lose our sunglasses too
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>3890506fester hates it
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3890506Good think the shadow is magically pernament
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>3890521>>3890509>>3890506yeah, the sunglasses are stupid
>>3890521You put away your glasses as OP grows distressed due to now being forced to actually draw eyes
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>3890527Thanks DaiWe say, as five o clock shadow magically grows on our face
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>3890527Let's get back to the main plot and deal with our evil brother now.
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3890527fester is surprisingly handsome
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>3890527There is still a non-zero chance that that guy who attacked us may not be actually Fester's brother
>>3890534So what you're saying is. There is a small chance, that the mechanic's boyfriend, the evil executive of the alliance, could be PRETENDING to be your lost brother?!
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>3890552we gotta do a DNA test
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>3890552Yes
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>3890575Were so shocked we get a five clock shadow as clear shaven Fester feels wrong
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>3890579>>3890575stop tryting to give fester a beard again, your aesthetic choices led to him getting a dumb pompadour and sunglasses
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>3890593It was there from beginning>>3890594Right, now check out our maybe bros mech and see what Edward decided to do with Mechanic
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>3890594Interrogate the mechanic
>>3890598She's currently being kept in the brig. And looks like Ed got the same idea too, he's already at the door when you got there.
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>3890607Howdy pard'ner
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>3890607Hi [insert her name here as I honestly forgot it] how you doin'?
>>3890611"Hey Fester. New haircut?"
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>3890618Yeah, that old hair style of mine looked silly. I blame the other voices in my head.
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>3890618Yeah, decided to go back to the roots an' look the day I did before this whole mess
>>3890623"Yeah, back when we were still working civillian jobs and owned no giant robots"
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>3890631Let's do a flashback scene real quick
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>3890631Good times....So what're we going to do after it's over?
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3890631Yeh, so what'cha gonna do 'bout 'er?
>>3890644>>3890651dice gods have a pro-flashback bias
>>3890644Oh hey, it's lunch time down in the asteroid mining fields"Hey Fester. Do you feel like the boss is driving us way too hard lately? Makes me wanna, I dunno, tie him up and drag him repeatedly back and forth under a spaceship so that his body will get shredded up by the metallic hull, causing an agonizing and bloody death.....Is what I WOULD SAY if I was a SPACE PIRATE. But I'm not. Clearly. I'm just a regular ol' asteroid miner. Edward Roberts. Not a space pirate"
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>3890675I'm gonna do it ed
>>3890685"Do what? Buy that new figurine you've been talking about for months?"
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>3890696Not just a figurine, Ed. I'm talking about a full on mech!
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>3890696I'm gonna buy a cowboy outfit and wear it every day
>>3890698"Hmmm, everyday? Then you'll probably need to talk about management to give you easier dress codes"
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>3890701It is too late Edward, I'm already wearing it
>>3890707"Under your uniform?"
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>3890715Unveil our cowboy outfit yaranaika style to edwardno homo by the way
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>3890733okay, back to interrogating the mechanic
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>3890733Ed actually smiles as we reminisce
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>3890733Oh hi Dai
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>3890761So we gonna address the fact that Dai isn't wearing the two eyed mask they normally wear over their one-eyed mask?
>>3890766"It's a cyber mask, Fester. I can switch 'em out at will.....and also depending on whether OP is lazy or not to only draw 1 eye"
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>3890781But OP is lazy all the time
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>3890781But what about Konami lawyers?
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>3890781pine for mechanic gurl
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>3890781Man, Dai, remember the mask you were wearing when we first met?
>>3890785DING DING DING! YOU GOT IT ANON! YOU FIGURED IT OUT! CONGRATS! YEAY!
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>3890809Yaycan we get back to the story now
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3890809Anyways Dai, you gonna interrogate her too?
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>3890809>>3890800
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>3890809bandit gives anon a gift certificate to Ross.
>>3890813No. I mean, ahem. Dai pops in to give Edward a little report. The crew looked into the bomb that was sent to us last episode. It was indeed an Alliance bomb. Seems that because the bomb plan failed, they put a bounty on your heads
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>3890834Music sting when Dai says Alliance
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>3890834What did we even do to those guys?
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>3890834So after the bomb fails, the Alliance puts a bounty on Rachelle, knowing Ed will come to her aid because he's totally still into her. Then Smith kills all of us. Neat plan. But we still don't know why they want us dead in the first place.
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>3890866what happened to our Pomp?
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3890866Leave a bad yelp review for them before entering the cell
>>3890868This >>3890342 then this >>3890460 and then this >>3890506 Also these >>3890521>>3890579
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>3890884>>3890869
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>3890884grow it back by sheer will power
>>3890887The space cowboy and space pirate enters the cell as the mechanic sits there in cuffs"C'mon guys, I told you. I'm not a traitor!"
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>3890903why date my brotherhe is ...Bald! EWWW
>>3890905The bald guy was only a disguise
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>3890916Wait what, what does he actually look like then?
>>3890927Probably like you, being probably your brother and all
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3890933Tell her to swear on her love of mechas and John Wayne that she knew nothing about this Alliance stuff. Use our cowboy instincts to tell if she's telling the truth.
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>3890951"I swear! You gotta believe me, Fester, Captain! I didn't know he was a part of that! And I swear that I haven't reveal any intel on us to him!"Roll 2d100 to use COWBOY INSTINCTS
Rolled 9, 57 = 66 (2d100)>>3890977[stare intensifies]
Welp, guess thread is dead, time to go and jerk o-->>3891007 ah shit
>>3891009nice try OP, back to the ink mines for you
>>3891009I have also decided to return
>>3891018fuark"Well, Fester. What do you think?"You dont seem to be detecting any lies or ill intent from the mechanic
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>3891045Mah internal lie detection machine ain't beepin', still, house arrest for a week and no chocolate for that period too
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>3891045I believe her. Also, it's kind of hypocritical to lock her up for her boyfriend blowing up part of the ship considering how many times your girlfriend's shot us. Plus we need mech repairs.
>>3891051"PLUS YOU'RE NO STRANGER TO BETRAYING PEOPLE. SPACE PIRATE SCUM" Yelled the rebel Anastasia. Who Edward did indeed "recruit" by pretending to be working for the rebels but then turn around and murder their leader and blowing up their base, escaping with her in tow."I am a man of many contradictions. But you're right, Fester. Mechanic. You're outta this cell. But from now on you're not to chat or send messages to him, do you understand?""..Yes. Captain"
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>3891057Good...so is there any information or a black box in your boyfriends mech?
>>3891061"Well, I could take a look at it, if you want"
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>3891069Sounds good. Also could you try to equip that coffin shield to the Marshal? I'm squishy and don't want to die again.
>>3891069SureI say, as I shoot Anastasia's chainsword
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>3891074>>3891069Yeah, let's become megatanky Marshal.
>>3891081"Sure. Gonna take a bit to re-calibrate it to fit with the Marshal's systems though. But it will be done"
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>3891095Hell yeah!We need to get another mech into our party, any leads? Particularly for Dai.
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>3891095A lotta work to just strap a big coffin, but sure
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>3891095Cool. Now to smooth over everything with rest of the crew: I'm throwing a barbeque!
>>3891099"The work is more about configuring it so it moves automatically to block attacks"Anyway, lemme just press this time skip button here...
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>3891110Undisclosed time later
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>3891110Wait, freeze on that scene! Is that Heath and Cliff?!
>>3891135PLaying cards against eachother....AND THEY'RE BOTH CHEATING
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>3891158No wonder we keep losing card games to them!
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3891158Don't worry, Bandit's got a royal flush.
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>3891172cut to Fester, Heath, and Cliff all in the brig.
Rolled 64 (1d100)Alright, hopefully we pause at a good time.
>>3891177all 3 has been imprisoned for unsportsmanlike conduct. They will be released if each of them can last 5 minutes against Edward 1 on 1
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>3891203Holy fuck he's swole
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>3891203Good thing we know our best friends weakness, him being traumatized by a word NI as a child when watching Monthy Python
>>3891208Anyway, many beatings later
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>3891251Who knew Bandit could beat up Edward in pretend
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>3891251support >>3891260
>>3891269An Oscar worthy performance
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>3891294Good job Bandit, hey Rachel, did you find anything?
>>3891305Rachel? Who the hell's Rachel?
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>3891309Wait that wasn't mechanics name? Hey wait, if you are over there, then who's holding the remote?
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>3891309Fester named the AI. It doesn't like it.
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>3891309No idea. Disregard that guy. Let's go to a mech dealership.
>>3891311Mechanic's name was Avril, I believe. Ed's ex is named Rachelle, though.
>>3891314After the mechanic added the new COFFIN SHIELD to the Marshal. You told Edward to head for a mech dealership. Agreeing that you need to bolster your ranks before dealing with Smith and then the Alliance, he set a course for the nearest one>>3891315Ed's Ex name is indeed Rachelle. But the mechanic.....was never named.
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>3891323Do some training sims with the Marshal against some practice targets. Maybe we can come up with a new technique?
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>3891323Pretty sure she was when we recruited herEither way was there some data in the bros mech?
I found it! Her name was Rachel Childhoodcrushinton, I was right!
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>3891323Yeah she was, in part 3! Although I was wrong, her name is Rachel Childhoodcrushinton!
>>3891335Yeah. Yeah You are. I checked the archive myself and she is indeed named Rachel Childhoodcrushington.OP must now sudoku due to shame
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>3891337RIP OP
>>3891337Cool, now do some mech training sim: Jester and Fester vs Ed and Heath & Cliff. Also, name Heath & Cliff's mech.
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>3891345dammit
what's with the rolls
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>3891353OP is now in drawfag hell, where he must draw a bunch of mechs for anons to argue about choosing.
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>3891345>>3891353Yeah, training sim time let's go
>>3891364Loading Combat Sim....beep beep beep
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>3891379loading mini game
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>3891379Map: bombed out city
>>3891382Mecha Pong. Online. Dont let the ball get past you!
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3891397bounce the ball back at a weird angle
Rolled 8 (1d200)>>3891401ROLL 2d100 OH SHIT
Rolled 58, 11 = 69 (2d100)>>3891407curve shot!
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>3891409YEEHAW!Can't cheat your way out of that!
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>3891409register hi-score and get to the sim
>>3891412Anyway, the sim has finished loading.
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>3891433Ask Jester for any tactical insight he has
>>3891435"Well, since both of their mechs are melee focused like mine, you should hang back and provide fire support while I try to lock em down in close range combat. But they'd know that we'd do that so they'd definitely aim to take you down first"
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3891442Let's play defensively the and put the coffin to good use. We'll tank the first hits while you make a play!
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3891442Ed's power comes from anger, so remember to be extra nice while fighting him. Heath & Cliff have great coordination, but one is more zany than the other, so play on that if you can. Also, I'mma gonna use this rifle a lot.
>>3891446"Of course. And my play is to use you as a projectile and throw it at them. They'll never suspect that!"
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>3891457ALRIGHT LET'S BECOME THE BULLETDO IT JESTER
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>3891457Jester, I'm not going to lie. This is the best plan ever. JUSTICE MARSHAL KICK!!!
Rolled 141 (1d300)>>3891460Roll 2d200 due to both you and Jester combining your d100s, likewise, Edward and Heath and Cliff will combine their d200 and d100Your combo attack have a +50 bonusThe other guys have a +40
Rolled 28, 94 = 122 (2d200)>>3891468OH FUCK LET'S DO THIS JUST NEED TO BEAT 132AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Rolled 135, 31 = 166 (2d200)>>3891468oh shit!
>>3891473less judging, more rolling!
>>3891471Unfortunately the Davey Jones pulled out its cutlass and puts it in your path. You sliced yourself in half on the blade.whoops
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>3891480we're fuckin' deadsimulation overboot us out
>>3891481Oh shit. When you die in da game you die in real liofe
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>3891480Jester starts beating Ed with the two halves of the Marshal
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>3891485nah we alrightand we get to the sleazy used mech dealership
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>3891485reveal that all this has been Fester playing with models while everyone has been waiting for the sim to load
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>3891504Jester's annoyed because he totally thinks he could throw faster than Ed could raise his sword
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>3891511Meanwhile rebel girl is plot more psychological attacks to drive edward more crazy
>>3891516First she'll start small. Disrupting Edward's daily life. Rearranging his furniture to be slightly different than he last saw them. Turning his chairs 5 degrees to the right after he sat on them. Making his mirrors and pictures crooked. Stealing his socks. But not the whole pair. Just 1 sock from each pair. The inconvenience would drive him mad.
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>3891536Question Ed why we keep that girl around
>>3891545"Gives me something to do. Her constant attacks and revenge attempts keeps me on my toes. Makes me stay alert and ready."
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3891562sudden call from his ex
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>3891575everyone listens in on their conversation
>>3891582It seems Rachelle is being pursued by Smith. She needs some help and is asking Edward to come. That's about 10% of the conversation. The other 90% is both of them taking turns trying to deny their feelings for eachother
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>3891602start taking bets on how long it takes for them to get back together.
>>3891607Alright. Jester and Heath bet that it'll be right after we swoop in and defeat Smith. The mechanic and Cliff bet that after everything is done, the quest is completed, they'll have time to cool down and get together. Anastasia the rebel bets that Edward will never get laid again. Dai is still undecided.Bandit doesn't understand the concept of betting
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>3891618"why would people go and bet money on anything" - bandit
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>3891618Luchabot, Black Horse AI, what do you think?
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3891625>>3891629
>>3891632Luchabot voted for after Smith. While the AI doesn't believe they'll get together
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>3891650How about you, mech salesman we've been ignoring?
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3891681wait why are you still here
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>3891681>>3891683Let's buy our mech already
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>3891681can you sell us a mech or two while you mull it over?
>>3891691Wait, the merchant is still thinking
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>3891731Come on merchant....
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>3891731Merchant decides to go with a combination of ending and smith
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>3891731Ed's done with his call, he mad.
>>3891736And such, each category gets half a mark
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>3891792Ed finds their lack of faith disturbing
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>3891792Edward immediately interrupts the meeting and tells everyone to move to his ex's coordinates
>>3891799In any case. OP mus suspend thread for now as OP's family is paying a surprise visit. will continue when escaped from imprisonmentupdates:https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Fuckin great thread, loved reading thisone. Anons can't progress plot for shit though
more than 1ish day now
>>3894267OP doesnt even know how long a year is. What makes you think he knows how long a day is?
What a bummer
>>3894281I have no concept of time
>>3894343a fact we are well aware of
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>3894343oh shit let's goback to the plot, OP
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>3894343just dimensions
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>3894343time is for suckers
>>3894345Uh oh right. Quick Bandit. Distract anons while I escape into another country
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>3894353You can't escape the GULAG, OP
>>3894356Damnit. Anyway. The bet pool is still open. You yourself haven't made a bet yet
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>3894359We'll put a vote in for after saving her from smith.
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>3894359Plot twist - the last two options are one and the same
>>3894364Of course....as you won't survive the battle
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>3894367That's actually fucking great news. I can finally put Fester to permanent death.So what's our next step, Edward?
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>3894373dick>>3894367will power back our pomp
>>3894373"Hhhrrrgrggrrghhhghghghghg.....We...ready ourselves for battle. Get anything we might neeed. Prepare our equipment and go..hrrrmrm...save Rachelle..nyeeh"
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>3894382Ed... I've noticed that you seem a little tense about something. Over the past few days
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>3894382You ok Ed?Tell me about your troubles, what else friends are for.
>>3894387"It's...hhhhmhmhggghhm..nothing much. Just on edge due to all our enemies making moves against us."
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>3894398Doesn't seem like you are telling whole story, Ed. How about we go for a drinks like good old times.
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>3894398Install our armor upgrade
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>3894398Are you mad because we didnt let you in on the betting ?
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3894398This >>3894407
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>3894415Clean our rifle and revolver
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>3894415Have Bandit help us put on our helmet. Which is just a bigger cowboy hat
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>3894424Now lets go!
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>3894424Where's the coffin?
>>3894433Unfortunately, your STR stat is too low to move in this armor.whoops.Nah just kidding, you're a cyborg with enhancements....But what if that doctor didn't give you any strength boosting ones?
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>3894441Why would that matter in a mech? Its not armor
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>3894441make fuckin PLOT happen
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>3894441he knew that the pomp would be damaged but we can regrow it like right now. Make it grow back like squeezing toothpaste.
>>3894445Because you're not in your mech? You're still on the ship. Wearing armor.
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>3894455Have everyone carry us to our mech
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>3894455>>3894450
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>3894455I thought we were buying mechs, OP
>>3894462Oh fuck somebody remembered
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>3894468Yeah, we need a mech for Dai.
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>3894468i am dying of thrist just give me some plot
>>3894470Right right. You did went to this black market mech dealer after all"So, whaddaya looking for?"
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>3894481We're looking for a fixer upper, maybe something we can upgrade heavily?
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>3894481Ninja mech, in return we can give you two mechs Unless Anastasia wants her ex-leaders mech
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>3894481Cosmic mech from older selection
>>3894485Wait, what's the other mech?
>>3894497One from rebel leader, or did we sell it already?
>>3894485>>3894497>>3894498Yeah I'm gonna ask the same question as anon. The only other spare mech we have is the salvaged rebel leader's mech. Your evil brother's mech is already broken up to be examined and most of it is made into the Marshal's new Coffin Defense System
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>3894503Let's browse the catalog and offer after.
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>3894503Nevermind then, I'm dumb, show catalog then
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>3894503one Mystery Box (tm) Catalogue please!
>>3894516Quiet, there is no such thing as a mystery box
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>3894536Top right looks like it could be a ninja mech.
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>3894536I can give you three bucks, a pack of gum and few bullet casings for mystery box
>>3894541"There's no such thing. You can offer me anything and it would still not exist"
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>3894544WHAT'S THAT ON THE BOTTOM RIGHTTHE VERY BOTTOM RIGHT OF THE IMAGE WITH A SLIGHT TRANSPARENCY
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>3894544scroll screen to the left
>>3894552But there's nothing here. Your eyes must be playing tricks on you
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>3894558Hey, don't try to cover it up merchant, we all know you've got more stuff in the mystery box.
>>3894561There's nothing to cover tho
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>3894568Are you delaying so you can draw more mechs, OP?
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>3894568use ultimate weapon to unlock mystery box (tm)THE MOUSE POINTER
>>3894569No I'm delaying so I can reuse more asset-- I mean there's no box
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>3894581hey wait a minute
big fan of OPs workbut not a big fan of mec /sci fi stuffDo we have an approximated eta on the end of this quest and the start of something fresh?
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3894593it'll go forever.
>>3894585shush, your eyes are playing tricks on you>>3894593Somewhere between now and the heat end of the universe
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>3894597Gunbuster G from Skeleton Island??
>>3894599"The intergalactic black market is a source of many peculiar goods"
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3894597Hmmm...hey Dai, which one do you think is better? I'm thinking of the spider skull, the last on the second row or third on the first row
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3894602I SEE ANOTHER MYSTERY BOXMORE BLACK MARKET STUFF
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>3894602Hey is that another mystery box merchant?
>>3894605"And it'll be our little secret, anon. Don't tell Fester or other anons"
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>3894602Take the one that looks the ninjiest.
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>3894609Yo Fester this nigga's hiding mechs from you
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>3894609SHOW US THE MYSTERY BOX MECHS
Rolled 3 (1d3)>>3894617"Hey man, no need to get feisty. There's no mech in here. Because if you take this option, I'll give [number rolled] of your current mechs a mega upgrade instead"
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>3894629oh shit nevermind let's go with the mega upgrades instead. thanks mech dealer!
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>3894629It's not going to be that easy.
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>3894629Okay foine, hey Dai, which one do you like? I'm thinking the last on the first row looks the sneakiest, but its a bit to girly for a man like you
>>3894645>last on the first rowYou mean this? This looks the sneakiest and girly? This bigass helicopter bird thing?
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>3894650You know what, just open the mystery box.
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>3894650I meant the one below, but now that I think about it, Dai is my third best friend and "he" deserves the biggest selection of mechs available, so open up
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>3894650>>3894659I wanna see some of the mega upgrades before we take this option.
>>3894653YEah okay"I'll give 3 of your current mechs a mega upgrade instead"
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>3894665ALRIGHT let's goShow us them upgrade paths.
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>3894665Do it
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>3894665What sort of mega upgrade?
>>3894672"Wellllll...."A. Beefing up it's stats, giving it a +50 bonusB. Changing its dice by adding a 40 to itC. Giving it the ability to transform into an alternate vehicle modeD. Giving it the ability to transform into an alternate animal modeE. Giving it the ability to transform into a super modeF. Giving it the ability to combine with another mech (if taken this option must be given to a second mech. Leaving only the third mech to choose anything else)G. Giving it a smaller, unmanned support mech that changes its dice optionsH. Extra limbs to do comboYou can also choose to have the chosen upgrade change the look of the mech or not
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>3894694>F. Giving it the ability to combine with another mechSo you're telling me that Ed and I can use the power of friendship to make a pirate cowboy mech?
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>3894694I'm thinking A. or E. for the Marshal.
>>3894698"yea. So do you want upgrades or do you want a new mech. Either option requires you to pay me so i'm good with whatever"
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>3894706And if I choose mystery box?
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>3894710>>3894706You retard, the mystery box was the upgrades.I'll choose >F.for the marshal and edward's mech
>>3894710"...Do you have brain damage? Because if you do....may I introduce you to this wealthy prince I know that needs your help handling money!"
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>3894721upgrade A. for the Marshal,E. for Edward's mechand C. for Jester's mech
>>3894727So. The Marshal will get a +50 bonus. The Davy Jones will be able to transform into a super mode. And the Justiciar will be able to turn into a vehicle. Maybe a space fighter or tank or something."So you want the upgrades, and not a new mech then?"
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>3894738Do we have enough for both?
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>3894738Yeah, let's do it.
>>3894748"You don't but Ed probably does. Maybe you could ask him! Or put it on his tab. But that may be rude tho" says your inner Angel/Demon, it is both angel and demon because your moral compass is wack as hell
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>3894756Let's ask Edward if we can get both.
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>3894756Text Ed if we can borrow some money for Dais mech, in case that doesn't work out do you have cool ninja stealth suits
>>3894761"Hmmmmm....we are in an emergency. As we're gonna need all we can get to save my ex. And then murderizing this whole Alliance. But getting both would set our budget back for months, the crew gonna have to settle on eating canned food for a while....but what if the Alliance drop good loot.....hmmmm"
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>3894779We have food other than cans and pizza we occasionally "borrow"?Either way, this Alliance has a major corporation working for it
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>3894779>>3894784I don't mind eating canned food pard'ner. We gotta give it everything we've got.
>>3894784"...you're right. These assholes are made up of multiple corps and criminal organizations.They got plenty of creds we can take later. Get a new mech too"
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>3894800Yeeehaw!...hey Dai, which one do you think looks the sneakiest?
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3894800>>3894801I think the bottom right most mech fits for Dai.
>>3894801"Probably these two. One is an actual ninja while the other looks to be the most slim and agile, allowing for stealth maneuvers"
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>3894815Top middle one then.
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>3894824CONFIRMLET'S GO
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>3894824Yeah sure
>>3894826"Alright....funds received. The new unit and the upgrades are now being transferred into your ship's hangar. Pleasure doing business, hope to see you again, soon"AND NOW......I gotta go because work time is coming up and communist overlords don't appreciate tardiness. So while the thread is suspended for another day..ish. Decide what should Dai's ninja mech be called. Also decide if the new upgrades would change your mechs visually. Like what would the Marshal look like with the +50 bonus. What would the Davy Jones' super mode be like, and what vehicle will the Justiciar turn into. updates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>3894829Dai's new mech is called Bushi+50 Marshal upgrade is a machine gun revolverDavy Jones' super mode is quadruple laser cutlasses Vehicle mode Justiciar turns into a tank with a big ass cannon
>>3895210Ayy, we got our Grungust.
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>3894829>>3895210You have to roll for it before others do
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>3894829Dai's mech should be called the KogaMarshal's +50 bonus is in the form of a gatling pistols and laser spursDavy Jones' super mode is a flaming beard and a beam peglegJusticar's vehicle mode should be a train with a huge cow catcher, designed for ramming (all Jester's points are in melee)
>rolling after thread is over
>>3895772maybe they just embraced rock throwing culture.Which we all know is the single best and most sophisticated culture.
>>3896023and proud.The best race there is.
>>3895772>thread is overhe said he'll come backof course that's what my dad said when he went to the shop to buy some cigarettes and never came back
>>3896043back in the old days each session was its own bread
>>3896047back in the old days it was in /v/ aka thread gone in a day
>>3896047they also were during the other time frame and on /v/now OP is too busy working in gulag for bread crumbstimes change
>>3896047sadly the communist overlords has prevented me from doing so
By the way, I like how I tried to advocate for plot (but failed) and the whole remaining thread was upgrade selectionat this point I will die of thirst, thirst for plot progression
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>3896060Rolling to murderize you fool
>>3896058mate all quests have been fooling around until we get to the objective by a stroke of luck and then screwing upalso you keep trying to kill people off
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>3896070bring it on ya wuss
>>3896073it was always my dream, that perhaps if I kill something, I can magic plot out of air. But even when I did it, things returned to square one
>>3896075Once again I lie beaten, battered, and now I fade away into the void
Rolled 71, 22 = 93 (2d100)dice check
Rolled 35, 43 = 78 (2d100)noko+dice+2d100
Threads are like seinfeld.It's an adventure about nothing
>>3896141with coldgate ad breaks
Anyway, is it time for thread to continue yet
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>3896165Yes
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>3896172Time for plot. One of the anons has been depressed because you haven't given us enough plot to feed his crippling addiction
>>3896177Yes, but we shouldn't feed addicts their substance. Lest they become more dependant. So let's pan camera over to this computer over here with a time wasting minigame installed
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>3896181Start playing it and we witness the scene where the main character stab NPC's groin.
>>3896183You see a burly guard standing....guard. "Hal, this area is restricted. Leave now or suffer the consequences"How do you response?- Stab him in the dick- Try talking- Do a sick flip- Smoke bomb- Leave
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>3896186steal all his belongings
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>3896195Roll 2d100 to attempt stealing+10 bonus
Rolled 50, 72 = 122 (2d100)>>3896199
Rolled 55, 68 = 123 (2d100)>>3896199WE A DICKASS THIEFGET PICKPOCKETED
Rolled 43, 39 = 82 (2d100)>>3896199need bigger bonus
>>3896202OH SHIT! THE GUARD WAS ACTUALLY YOUR MASTER IN DISGUISE! HE STOLE YOUR GOLD!"You're not ready yet, kid"
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>3896211DAMN! NO WONDER WE LOST
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>3896211cross counter by stealing the gold back with interest
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>3896211Surprise! They are only chocoalte golds!
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>3896211it wasn't actually gold
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3896214Roll 2d100!Your master has a +30 bonus!You have a +10!
Rolled 56, 43 = 99 (2d100)>>3896222OMAE WA MO SHINDERU
Rolled 1, 45 = 46 (2d100)>>3896222
Rolled 50, 34 = 84 (2d100)>>3896222
>>3896223YOU STOLE BACK YOUR GOLD! PLUS EXTRA!"...not bad"
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>3896236NOW STAB HIM IN THE DICK
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>3896236I smash the minigame with plothammer
>>3896238Arriving to where Ed's ex is. During warp travel, use this chance to finalize Dai's mech name and upgrade visuals or whatnot
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>3896246GET IN MECH AND JUMP OUTSIDE
>>3896249We're in warp. Jumping outside right now would mean you'd be lost to the void tho
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>3896254Oh ok. Anyway follow the suggestions here >>3895210
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>3896254Belay that order, we name Dai's mech. It shall be called "Roninbot Cavalier Lone Wolf"
>>3896256Done. And now. Give OP all your money
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3896263let me check my wallet, I think I have some spare euros and a mint candy
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>3896263OP doesn't deserve money
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>3896263Here is my [spoilers]Monopoly[/spoilers] money.
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>3896272Who will pay for the broken the computer?
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>3896272P L O T
>>3896278The Black Horse exits warp, and arrives right where Rachelle's ship is. It's under attack!
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>3896295DEPLOY MECH we out on a seek + rescue mission
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>3896295Move behind the enemy and flank them!
>>3896301Alright. You'll employ that maneuver. Whattabout the rest of the team?
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>3896319We all get in our mechs and spread out across the ship. We don't know where to find the ex
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3896319Ed and Fester will attack important-looking targets.Dai will go after isolated enemies and assassinate them.Jester will support Rachelle's forces and provide relief.
>>3896323And so you split up. Inside Rachelle's huge pirate ship, you entered through the open hangar. It seems like a battle happened here. Smith musta went through this way, as you find the hangar still exploding, with Rachelle's pirates strewn about
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>3896337Dash in deeper inside the ship and roll for encounter
>>3896343Roll 2d100 then80-100: Surviving Rachelle pirates55-79: Smith20-54: Alliance goons2-19: top tier Alliance goons1: Super Ultra Megadeath Kaiser Von Murder - Ultimate Mecha God of Destruction
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>3896337Dramatic entrance!!!
Rolled 36, 3 = 39 (2d100)>>3896364OH SHIT LET'S GO
Rolled 1, 61 = 62 (2d100)>>3896364Oh Shito!!!
Rolled 13, 88 = 101 (2d100)>>3896364Please be ice cream seller pirate ninja
Rolled 93, 31 = 124 (2d100)>>3896364
>>3896371A huge Alliance mech stands in your way! Those assholes musta send their troops to assist Smith! Looks like he's just finished wrecking one of the pirates!
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3896404It's high noon, partner.Get ready to draw our revolver in cinematic fashion.
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>3896404Test the machine gun revolver on him
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>3896404Howdy there pardner, fancy seein' you 'round there parts...BANGBANGBANG
Rolled 34, 14 = 48 (2d120)>>3896409Roll 2d100!You have a +50 bonus!The enemy picks the higher result of his dice rolls!
Rolled 5, 38 = 43 (2d100)>>3896443HIGH NOON, PARDNERUNLOAD ALL THE BULLETS ONTO HIM
Rolled 72, 39 = 111 (2d100)>>3896443Hold still pardner
Rolled 109, 120 = 229 (2d150)>>3896454You unleash a barrage upon the foe! He puts up one of his massive arms to block your shots but the fire rate was too much and half of his mech was hit! He'll attempt a counter attack! Defend yourself!Roll 2d100-He has a +10 attack bonus and picks the higher of his rolls-Your coffin shield gives a +30 defend bonus
Rolled 13, 45 = 58 (2d100)>>3896476Fucks sake
Rolled 9, 37 = 46 (2d100)>>3896476>beat 91COME ON BOYS
Rolled 32, 3 = 35 (2d100)>>3896476
>>3896481YOu are hit with a massive shoulder tackle! While you were able to deploy the coffin in time, it didn't slow him down one bit! You're smashed through multiple walls and is slammed into the last one!
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3896513Kick him in the head
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>3896513we need to get ourselves together or this will be a repeat of the orc fight. Attempt to get loose
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>3896513We need to get some range from this dude!
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3896513Fire the Marshal Beam, that should at least get him to back off
>>3896530Of course. But how? You're backed against a wall. Literally. How are you gonna create some distance?A. Point blank machine gun revolver barrageB. Point blank Marshal Beam, which hits harder but no +50 bonus, hmmmmC. Point blank grenade, maybe you can psyche him out with a suicide attackD. Marshal Kick him awayE. Genuflect
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>3896536MARSHAL KICKU
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>3896536B
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>3896536Spiral Power
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3896536Shoot his stupid face
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>3896536All A, B, C, D and E!!!
Rolled 32 (1d150)>>3896544ROLL 2D100+50 for youHe picks the higher dice rolls
Rolled 119, 112 = 231 (2d150)>>3896555Whoops, put in the wrong dice
Rolled 56, 65 = 121 (2d100)>>3896555Come oooon>>3896555Why are you like this?
Rolled 69, 55 = 124 (2d100)>>3896555
Rolled 7, 61 = 68 (2d100)>>3896555
Rolled 93, 39 = 132 (2d100)COME ON BROS>>3896555WE HAVE TO ROLL HIGH 70s
>>3896557Since I put in the wrong dice. You all get to roll again. He gets a 119, which due to your +50 bonus, you need to roll at least a...70 to succeed.
Rolled 27, 55 = 82 (2d100)>>3896567Dice God pls
Rolled 68, 59 = 127 (2d100)>>3896567WE NEED A 70 PARDNERSURAAAAAAAAAAH
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>3896588TAKE THAT FUCKING 70 YOU FUCK
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>3896588Take 100 instead!!!
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3896588watch this...a 70 for all the yeehaw cowboys we're gonna get it
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>3896606DICE GOD GIVE IT BACK RIGHT FUCKING NOW, I WILL ROLL A 70URAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>3896606Whoops. It looks like Fester is about to die (for real and permanent) again to the first mook he met
>>3896609Better get that grave ready
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>3896620Steal Op's shovel.
>>3896620>>3896626IS THAT A 72BOYLET'S GO
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>3896620No one can actually blame me this time. Only Dice God
>>3896626Congrats. You used the winning number to not save yourself. But steal a shovel.
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>3896636USE THE SHOVEL TO WHACK THE ENEMY PILOT
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>3896636Dice God has decreed Fester to die, and his decree is non-negotiable.Maybe Edward got in over his head to bring inexperienced Fester on such dangerous adventures
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>3896636Because I can finally use the shovel to dig up the hidden golden die! Behold!!!
>>3896641IT CANNOT BE!
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>3896645Oh YES!!! Everybody! ROLL!!!!
>>3896666The gulag is calling and The Golden Dice gives you a one of a kind roll.Roll 2d150Get at least 70 and the thread is suspended on a positive note as you shoot out his head unit, disabling his mech's visionGet lower than 70 and the thread will suspend on a negative note as he'll use your own coffin to beat you up, leaving the Marshal with a debuff next time
Rolled 10, 96 = 106 (2d150)>>3896670
>>3896685Good roll and good bread and good night
Rolled 110, 111 = 221 (2d150)>>3896670ROLLINGU!!!!
Rolled 84 (1d100)e
>>3896685>>3896699YOUR SALVO DESTROYED HIS CAMERA UNIT! THE ENEMY MECH IS BLINDED! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOto be continued. later. some time. dunnoudpates b here:https://twitter.com/notapaladin
24hrishoh wait I forgot OP operates outside our dimension
I've seen this OPs stuff many times before, or maybe it's more than one person with similar styles or there's a copycat or somesuch nonsenseAnyway keep up the cool stuff OP, also do you ever use a name or a trip?
>>3901559He used one when it was necessary, like civ thing
>>3901559>>3901583Yeah. Only when it's super necessary. Normally no names
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3902385he ded
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>3902385with that he was destroyed,and our victory was assured we grow our pomp back as reward
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>3902409>>3902408
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>3902408mostly dead
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>3902408Not him, the other guy!
>>3902411What? No. Only the camera unit was destroyed. The enemy mech is still functional. Albeit blinded.
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>3902427Punch it in the face
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>3902430YOU FOOL! By shooting its face off, you have given it an immunity to face punches! Due to no longer having a face! Getting so close to it also means it can grab you!Roll 2d100!
Rolled 38, 90 = 128 (2d100)>>3902451
>>3902451Punch it in its friggin neck-stump or whatever then
Rolled 23, 49 = 72 (2d100)>>3902451
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3902492Kick it in the groin (or whatever nearby part is still extant). Hard. So that it's knocked back far enough away for us to shoot.
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>try destroying the arms
Did op dieded?
>>3902600His foot fell off.F
my internet is fucking up. Much apolgies. suspending thread til it gets better
>>3902611The curse continues
>>3902611>There is no such thing as a curseYou're cursed OP! Cursed!
>>3902631>>3902641We need to finish this adventure and move on to some exorcist adventure
>>3902679>being an exorcist fag
>>3904061where's OP at
>>3904240Illuminati got him
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>3904243The Communist Overlord got Illuminati
>>3904243It's all a conspiracy man!!!
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>3904253Who were taken by Bandit as we pan out to a scene where bandit plays with these toys
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>3904253That's one weirdarse threesomeBack to Fester smashing the bot across the room
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>3904268gaspRoll 2d100Enemy gets a +20 due to being huge and heavier than the Marshal
Rolled 98, 28 = 126 (2d100)>>3904278Maybe going melee was a bad idea
Rolled 15, 75 = 90 (2d100)>>3904278>>3904280nigga the fuck you doing
>>3904280Fester unleashes a devastating MARSHAL KICK! The blinded mech was pushed back acrossthis hugeass room that can fit 2 giant robots in it and slams into a nearby wall!
>>3904281I told you it was a bad idea!
Rolled 48, 59 = 107 (2d100)>>3904278>>3904280 It's right up in our business, gotta push it back so we've got room to shoot it
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>3904285ACTIVATE DEADEYE MODE AND FOCUS ON SHOOTING THE ENEMY MECH'S COCKPIT
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>3904285Try to throw a grenade into the hole where his camera should be
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>3904285Like I said now shoot the mofo!
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>3904291ROLL 2D100!You have a +20 bonus!
Rolled 83, 12 = 95 (2d100)>>3904301come on OP, give us full budget action
Rolled 89, 13 = 102 (2d100)>>3904301For crying out loud!
Rolled 37, 47 = 84 (2d100)>>3904301Aim at the groin
Jesus christ these rolls
Rolled 89, 95 = 184 (2d100)>>3904301
>>3904309COME ON PARDNER
>>3904308>>3904309You were saying?
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>3904305He blocked the shots in time! Now his other arm opens up and charging up energy! He's gonna blindly fire off whatever weapon that is at you!Roll 2d100
Rolled 35, 63 = 98 (2d100)>>3904326Matrix dodge!!!
Rolled 28, 26 = 54 (2d100)>>3904326Rude
Rolled 95, 53 = 148 (2d100)>>3904326Dice God why do you hate us so?
Rolled 57, 15 = 72 (2d100)>>3904326Shouldn't he have a malus?
>>3904343"i dunno lol" Dice God answers, as the enemy mech fires off a big ol' blast from his palm. He was blinded so he wasn't aiming very well, allowing you to sidestep......but the explosion was bigger than anticipated! The Marshal's left arm was caught in the blast! Taking heavy damage.
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>3904361Alright, retreat, place the coffin infront of us, and chug a grenade in his head hole
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>3904361shoot his feet
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3904361Steal the enemy left arm!!!
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>3904373
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>3904361>>3904363
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>3904363Took up defensive position and threw a grenade at his head hole! Roll 2d100!+20 bonus for you
Rolled 41, 68 = 109 (2d100)>>3904386ROLL 60 OR MORE PARDNERS LET'S GOURAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
>>3904379Dammit, you were supposed to quote me as well!
>>3904386Ah well lets hope someone will come and bail us out as Dice God really doesn't like us>>3904389On second thought no
>>3904390Meh OP's just picking the posts he damnwell feels like
>>3904389The grenade went down the hatch, and exploded. The pilot is destroyed from inside his mech.>>3904394It's highest number in about a minute or two
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3904419Finally...lets check out stats screen real quick
>>3904419Can we use not!Spiral Power to cannibalize that mech to heal us?
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3904419Do some quick repair with help of giant duct tape.
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>3904419where are the others and sell the mech for parts
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>3904438Okay, >>3904422
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>3904438Good, no try to use his arm to repair ours
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>3904438lets see what the others are up to
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3904446I wouldn't call it "spiral power", it's more like "crappy engineering skills"Roll 2d100
Rolled 89, 63 = 152 (2d100)>>3904466Okay Mechanic, repeat the steps again, slowly
Rolled 92, 14 = 106 (2d100)>>3904466
Rolled 15, 44 = 59 (2d100)>>3904466
>>3904469You took the enemy mech apart, hoping to fix the marshal with its parts. But you were so inept that the mechanic had to radio in to walk you through the steps. But even then it still took you way longer than you'd like to admit. By the time you're done, the marshal was at least patched up. But the enemy mecha is now a useless scrap pile, with nothing to gain from it, as you've ruined most of the parts.
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>3904482Good, he was a duck Wonder how others are doing
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>3904482lets look for the others maybe they got some good stuff
>>3904494Dai seems to be getting into the swing of things, piloting the Bushi
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>3904528What about Jester and Ed?
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>3904528Shift to Bandit.
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>3904528"how dai is there anything valuable over there?"
>>3904534"Not really. Took down some Alliance goons though, maybe their mechs are worth something when we salvage 'em. Also managed to find some of Rachelle's crew. They ran off to find their own mechs to help defend the ship"
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>3904548Aight, cool, Imma go...to the Rachelle's bridge, yeahMARSHAL AWAYYYYY
>>3904552And so you head for the bridge. And since it's about 4AM on my end of the globe, it's time to suspend thread again. Communist Overlords demands punctuality in the labor camps.To be continued later. Whenver that may be, updates are here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>3904564That makes me think, where are you from exactly?
2 hours til nothing
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>3911745Will back your illustrious pompadour
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3911883The pompadours of our enemies we will sell
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>3911889Back to going to the bridge
>>3911906Heading to the bridge that's conveniently huge enough to have mechs in it. Hopefully you dont run into anymore enemies on the way
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>3911913Hopefully.
>>3911921So...roll 2d10079-100: Nothing50-69: Pirates20-49: Alliance goons2-19: top tier Alliance goons1: Super Ultra Megadeath Kaiser Von Murder - Ultimate Mecha God of Destruction Deluxe Mk.II
Rolled 18, 28 = 46 (2d100)>>3911925
Rolled 40, 74 = 114 (2d100)>>3911925
>>3911925>>3911932Wait, what's 70-78
>>3911932You fool! By rolling the voided numbers, you've opened up a portal into the abyss!
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>3911937Accept fate
what is it with people trying to get fester killed for no reasonsomeone should murder them instead
>>3911942Cowboys are the most oppressed race
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>3911941DO ITAlso the abyss leads you directly to Rachelle for some reason
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>3911941Reject FateIts shut anyway, Ed would not approve
>>3911945Yes. Turns out "The Abyss" is actually just a brand of elevators
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>3911953What's the sitch?
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>3911953Chat with pirate ninjas hiding in the elevator
>>3911957How can pirate ninjas exist? They're moral enemies!
>>3911956Seems to be a big fight going on in there. You can even here the fighting as you approach the gates to the bridge. The ship rumbles as the battle rages on inside
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>3911964Open door and say hi
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>3911966OH SHIT A STRAY PROJECTILE!ROLL 2D100
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>3911964Shoot first ask questions later
Rolled 68, 80 = 148 (2d100)>>3911976Fuck syntax
Rolled 10, 24 = 34 (2d100)>>3911976SWOOCE RIGHT IN
>>3911981Got outta the way, just in time!
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>3911992Who's fighting who?
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>3911992Retaliate blindly
>>3912001From behind your coffin shield, you fired blindly into the room
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>3912008S H O O T
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>3912008Please don't be rachelle we shot
>>3912012Nah, you hit Edward and Smith, the bounty hunter. But they're too busy fighting eachother to notice
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>3912035Shoot our rifle at Smith's weak spot
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>3912035Cool, keep shooting
Rolled 1 (1d150)>>3912037TAKING AIMROLL 2D100YOu get a +30 surprise shot bonus
Rolled 50, 93 = 143 (2d100)>>3912058I think Edward won't mind a dink or 2
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>3912082KEEP GOING FOR MORE PRECISE SHOTS
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>3912082Too late to Alert?
Rolled 42 (1d150)>>3912085KEEP ROLLING 2d100!
Rolled 57, 14 = 71 (2d100)>>3912092DICE ROLLDICE THROWURAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Rolled 83, 6 = 89 (2d100)>>3912092Shit
Rolled 72, 68 = 140 (2d100)>>3912092
Rolled 113 (1d150)>>3912095wuh ohHE'LL TRY A COUNTER! ROLL 2D100!Smith has a +50 bonusYou have a +30 coffin shield bonus
Rolled 20, 73 = 93 (2d100)>>3912110Darn
Rolled 9, 100 = 109 (2d100)>>3912110NIGGA WE AIN'T BEATING THAT
Rolled 71, 99 = 170 (2d100)>>3912110Oh, for fuck's sake.
>>3912111The Marshal deploys the collapsible coffin shield, but Smith made his mech kick it so hard, you wer sent crashing into the ship's walls
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3912121Not again...alright, fire while strafing! Or something like that, just keep moving
>>3912121>>3912123Use Alert this time, you fool!
>>3912123>>3912128>>3912121YEAH PELT HIM WITH THE MACHINE GUN REVOLVER
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>3912128
Rolled 51 (1d150)>>3912123Pulling yourself outta the wall, you had the Marshal dashing around the room and pelting Smith with revolver shots! Roll 2d100!Smith has a +30 bonusYou have a +10Edward will try to give you a hand with a +40 bonus
Rolled 44, 31 = 75 (2d100)>>3912138LET'S GO PARDNER
>>3912150Edward fired off shots alongside you! But Smith managed to dodge em in time!
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>3912185Damn!We've gotta do a combo attack with Edward so we can put this guy into the ground!
Rolled 63 (1d150)>>3912188But before that, defend yourself from his air to ground attack! ROLL 2D100!Smith has a +50 bonusYou have a +30 coffin shield bonus
Rolled 56, 74 = 130 (2d100)>>3912209
>>3912211Ah shite.Double shite because I've just got a notice from the ol' gulag that i'll have to work on the weekend. So let's suspend things right here. When you just got the marshal's head smashed in. Unless something saves you in the last minute or whatever, like Edward using The Kraken's super mode or Jester barging in with the Justiciar's tank form.In any case, mull that over. Updates be here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin. will continue in about 20-ish hours or somesuch
>>3912232aw fuck, you gotta work within a few hours, boss?
>>3912236Yes. on a Saturday no less. And the Sunday afterwards. 7 days work week, woohoo
wat are your favorite moments in the quest?for me it was the automatic toothbrush joke
>>3913870The parts where I get to run the quest instead of bein stuck at work