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/qst/ - Quests


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AW SHIT NEGRO, you're...Edward Roberts, space pirate, mecha pilot and owner of one of the galaxy's most unemotional faces, seemingly perpetually stuck in an expression of slight anger. Your closest buddy and crew mate, a literal space cowboy, Fester Winchester, was killed during your last mission. You then delivered his corpse to a wacko doctor to turn him into a cyborg as a method of resurrection, losing you 1 billion monies.

Now you're heading off after a bounty target, maybe do some raiding on the way, to both pass the time until your bud is revived, let off some steam, and recoup your losses. shieeeeet.
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>3747555
have a cigar
>>
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>>3747562
Remember kids, smoking is bad for your health.
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>3747570
But not if YOU BUY 100% HEALTHY EDWARD CIGARS, USABLE BY PEOPLE OF ALL AGES, TOTALLY NOT A SCAM, ONLY 999.99 PER CIGAR, ITS NOT A SCAM, HONEST
>>
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>>3747575
Exactly! So buy them. Now. While supplies last.
>>
Does anyone have the link to the rest of these?
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>3747585
Buy it...or else...
>>
>>3747588
https://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
>>
Boop
>>
Hey everybody
>>
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>>3747592
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>3747602
Forget it, just give me your wallet
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>3747602
*hands over doritos*
>>
>>3747602
Offer him information on the clintons instead
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>3747609

damn it did my dice wrong
>>
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>>3747607
It aint much, but it's a start
>>
>>3747612
*doritos inside have been replaced with funyuns*
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>3747612
Now, our target
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>3747617
damn it. I messed up again.
>>
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>>3747619
Right. He's some sort of upstart self-styled rebel leader. Supposedly used to be a commander of the system's military before going rogue and forming his own insurgent force
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>3747636
Oooh, warcrimes, where is he located?
>>
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>>3747642
Aaaalllll the way over there
>>
RIP
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>3747651
Man where is everyone
Either way, how well defended are they? Maybe we can pose as smugglers
>>
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>>3747710

Well defended enough that strolling up to their door flying your space pirate colors would result in an immediate shot down.

But that's okay. Thread's ded so now I will put myself into cryo for 12 years until I awake to a much more thread-alive future
>>
>>3747714
Look at it from bright side. At least you'll get enough sleep.
I usually can't make it into the night threads sadly.
>>
>>3747730
The struggle is real
>>
>>3747714
What's the deal with the rebellion, anyway?
>>
Fuck I missed thread
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>3747714
might as well get something in early
>ask dai for a plan
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>3747714
Ask about the cause od the rebellion
>>
OP is dead
>>
Wtf why is Op kill
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>3747714
Oh shit Eduard there's some weird guy in your monitor. Punch them in the face.
>>
Take the long way Space Jump around to keep target from seeing you. Make plans on how to capture target along the way.
>>
RIP OP
>>
why would they kill op ;_;
>>
>>3750129
he had evidence implicating the Clintons in the Epstein scandal.
>>
>>3750217
Who doesnt?
>>
>>3750231
RIP us
>>
>>3750317
Cursed thread, I tell you
>>
>>3747714
Have you ever considered doing an experimental thread on fiction.live to see if you would like it there?
You would definitely get way more players.
>>
>>3750690
I miss threads on /v/. one day the mods will stop being gay again.
>>
>>3750690
Kill yourself faggot
>>
>>3751043
We can only hope but I doubt it will happen.
>>
>>3751043
One day
>>
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>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>3752446
See anything out there, OP?
>>
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>>3752450
a mysterious package
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>3752460
Will it bring back thread from the dead tho?
Even Todd doesn't have that power.
>>
>>3752465
Yes, but if you buy it, then you can pretend he can
>>
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>>3752476
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>3752460
Oh no it contains clues to what I dont know
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>3752483
bring me peter pan
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>3752476
>>3752483
Let's pretend instead that bounty we are after is from some organization with letters DC on them
Or their remnants.
>>
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>>3752490
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>3752508
So what's the deal with the rebellion?
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>3752508
Oh yes, those Space Hindu rebellion against Burger Queen chain fastfood
Weirdos
>>
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>>3752516
Apparently, according to the bounty posted by the ruling government, this rebellion is made of "disgruntled and maddened traitors, aiming to destroy and undermine the totally fair and just government. Thus they should be crushed with prejudice and nobody should join them"
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>3752543
I mean goverment won't lie to us will they.
Always good to be a proper citizen for once.
Let's just ignore DC's channel for now which yells something about aliensyaddayaddainvasion
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>3752543
Do the rebels have a Headtome page?
>>
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>>3752546
Yes. let's not listen in for now.
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>3752563
Let's just review our current plan to attack. It seems we need all forces we can get.
How is Winchester doing? Still dead?
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>3752563
Good goy. Who has ever heard of a pirate that disobeys the government?
>>
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>>3752570
According to the doctor, the procedure will take a month.

In game terms, that means completing 2 quests
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>3752595
May as well check DC's quests, I mean it'll be way easier to gather intel on them during that and then backstab or something.
I'm sure it will all go well smoothly.
>>
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>>3752604
Snooping around the rebel's spacenet site, it seems most of their actual quests are only available to actual recruits and members. Non-member can support the cause by doing oddjobs. But sometimes they do need extra mercs for big offensives.
>>
>>3752632
Let's try to do oddjobs.
Big offensives also good chance to sneakily gather some valuable scrap from battlefield. Any offensives planned soon? If not, go for oddjobs. Trying to enlist may be a bit too suspicious.

Thread is still mostly dead, I'll be off soon, sorry OP.
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>3752632
>>3752640
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>3752632
Fuck that lets go on a bounty, we still have ayys and police on our ass. We dont need more exposure with this rebel crap
>>
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>>3752642

Alright, contacting the rebels to ask for jobs
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>3752654
Wasssuuuuuuuuuuup!!
>>
>>3752648
>>3752654
>>
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>>3752658
"Who am I speaking to?"
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>3752677
Tell the sob story about your dead friend Winchester and how you are short on cash now and ready to oddjobs for them.
>>
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>>3752696
"Yes, I can tell from your unchanging face of slight anger that you are very distraught by the death of your friend and loss of money. But you sure you don't wanna join the cause and take down the corrupt government and free the peoples from their tyranny?"
>>
I'm off, have a good bread, OP. if it'll be dead, blame communism and timezones
Not robots
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>3752719
Depends on your dental plan honestly
>>
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>>3752726

"Dismantle the ruling class. Blow up monuments. Retake factoriums, that kinda stuff"
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>3752736
Sorry not good enough.
I'll do some jobs if you pay me
>>
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>>3752741
"Sure. We always need supplies and the government needs undermining. They have multiple transport crafts around the system, bringing resources back to their factories and foundries. We need you to raid as many as you can and bring us the cargo"
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>3752747
SPESS PIRATE TIME
Tell him we'll do it and search for government ships
>>
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Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>3752752
"Scanning..." says the computer

Roll 2d100 to scan
>>
Rolled 15, 13 = 28 (2d100)

>>3752759
>>
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>>3752762
The good news is that you found a whole squad of them, should be a nice haul. The bad news is that they're being escorted by heavily armed ships.
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>3752777
Dive in there, we can handle it
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>3752777
Use the sandwich knife move on them
also dead thread again
>>
>>3752786
Bread dying only becuz of super robits. That's why I've been trying to kill everyone for a couple threads
>>
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>>3752784
Setting course. Black Horse awaaaaaaaay

>>3752786
shush
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>3752807
Initiate ramming manouver, at the biggest ship.
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>3752807
Plot the course so that you land with your ship knife right on top of one of the escort ships
>>
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>>3752818
"Trying to grind through their armor from the top eh cap'n?"

Also
>captcha says "select all buses"
>image is a truck
>has option to skip
>when skipped it says "you have not completed catpcha"
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>3752827
Yes. Now grind them
>>
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Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>3752833
Roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 1, 70 = 71 (2d100)

>>3752844
>>
>>3752847
ez
>>
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>>3752847
The Black Horse exits warp space and lands right on top of one of the escorting battleships. Engaging Keelhaul protocols, the underside blades grind the ship's armor to pieces! Making a nice big hole and leaving the enemy in disarray!
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>3752876
And then another one
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>3752876
Now everyone put your seatbelts on. We're going ham.
Spin the ship and full engines into the closest pack of enemy ships
>>
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Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>3752882
The other ship has activated its energy shield and the transports have hid behind it! In addition it has launched its own fighters and mechs out for defense!

Roll 2d100 to charge right in there

The enemy has a +20 bonus
>>
Rolled 56, 19 = 75 (2d100)

>>3752893
KEEERUHAURUUUUUU
>>
>>3752895
fuck someone roll
>>
Rolled 55, 99 = 154 (2d100)

>>3752893
>>
>>3752901
FUUUUCK
>>
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>>3752895
Damn! The enemy's defenses are too tight. Their squadrons of fighters, mechs and ship guns fired a barrage at you! Forcing the Black Horse to halt its advance and engage evasive maneuvers!
>>
>>3752925
fester rises from cryo sleep to aid
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>3752929
>>3752925
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>3752929
Are you retarded?

>>3752925
Oh look, a stray contingent of black goo.
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>3752925
Evade their fire and attempt a ramming manouver
>>
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>>3752932
Fester's dead anon. And his corpse isn't even here right now.
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>3752947
Oh look, yellow units!
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>3752947
where is it edward
>>
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>>3752951
"Captain, unknown force approaching" the computer says

Now who could that be. Friend or Foe?!
A. Space Cops
B. Black Aliens
C. Pirate Hunters
D. Rachelle, Edward's Ex
E. Rebecca, Edward's sister
F. Rebels reinforcements
G. I dunno, space god?
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>3752971
Rebecca
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>3752971
F
>>
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>>3752979

The rebels have sent you some help, in the form of a mech
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>3752971
>>3752940
>>
>>3753015
>>3753020
Meant to link this
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>3753015
inb4 it has a shipbusting weapon
>>
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Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>3753025
The rebel mech is distracting the enemy fighters and mechas. This leaves you an opening to ram the big ship!

Roll 2d100

Side note: Do remember that the Black Horse has a big ass cannon inside it
>>
Rolled 72, 100 = 172 (2d100)

>>3753048
>>
>>3753076
Impressive
>>
>>3753076
It was all part of my plan to wait a whole 13 minutes. Yes, indeed.
>>
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>>3753076
>100
Is this the power of the dead thread
>>
>>3753083
So that ship dead, yeah?
>>
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Anyway, with the rebel mech distracting its defenses, the enemy ship and its crew was completely taken by surprise when the Black Horse boosted through its shield, tanked its anti-ship gunfire and impaled it. Right through the hull.

Now would be a good time to fire the cannon
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>3753096
push the big red FIRE button
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>3753096
FIRE
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>3753096
Ok fine... use dat darn cannon
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>3753096
Pssssheeeeeww!
>>
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>>3753112
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>3753125
We win!
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>3753125
Time to implement Fester tactics again
Ye olde loot and scoot
>>
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>>3753138
With the last command ship gone, the enemy is routed and the squadrons retreat. Leaving you free to loot whatever and raid the resource transports.
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>3753149
Keep half of them for ourselves
>>
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>>3753156

Do mind that there's a rebel mech right there observing your resource transports retrieval.
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>3753169
Have Dai'si distract it
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>3753169
Okay, let's just take it to them.

>>3753173
Stop being retarded.
>>
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Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>3753173
Dai is now contacting the rebel pilot to offer thanks and engage in small talk.

Roll 2d100 to see how effective that is
>>
Rolled 44, 23 = 67 (2d100)

>>3753186
>>3753186
E
>>
Rolled 87, 25 = 112 (2d100)

>>3753186
>>
Rolled 69, 4 = 73 (2d100)

>>3753186
>>
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>>3753193
The pilot answered Dai's thanks and further questions quickly and hung up. With the reason that the resources need to be delivered back to Rebel HQ right away.

"Well that went well"
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>3753209
Just get going.
>>
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>>3753218
And so the Black Horse tows the transport ships, following the rebel mech to the drop off point
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>3753230
And we make it there without incident.
>>
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>>3753239
And sure you did. The rebels took the transport ship off your hands and gave you your payment, freelancer's fee. Again they asked you about joining the rebels instead of being an outside help.
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>3753247
Consult OP on who the baddies are.
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>3753247
Psssht like we would give up being a spess pirate
Make fucking plot happen
>>
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>>3753252
Me...I uh mean. Bad is pretty subjective, yea. It all depends on what kinda morality you, uh, agree to. Or some shit. And what kinda, uh, government do you support or whatever.
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>3753259
Plüht hoppåns
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>3753259
>>3753264
>>
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>>3753269
Right, so. Doing odd jobs for the rebels may get you cash, but that gets you no closer to your target, the rebel leader. And the last battle confirms that he's not the only one that has a mech in his army. Perhaps a change of plans is needed. Maybe you could do something that would get you into a meeting with the dude. Or something to draw him out.

Or that bigass alien that almost crushed your ship could re-appear and attempt to murderize you and your entire crew again.
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>3753297
Well we are welcomed in their space now, I think, as an ally, maybe we bluff us having some important info and get to meet him personally
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>3753297
You know, I don't think the rebel leader is actually a bad guy. I feel like we're missing a lot of context.

>Or that bigass alien that almost crushed your ship could re-appear and attempt to murderize you and your entire crew again.
what?
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>3753297
Contact the government and offer to be a double agent. We will continue getting closer to the rebel leader by "joining" rebels while getting funded by government and getting closer to our target by climbing the rebel ranks.

As a bonus that gets police off our ass

then betray everyone
>>
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>>3753304
Ah yes. Good ol' spess pirate trickery.
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>3753343
We use proxies tho, who's the most expandable guy on the crew?
...hmmm....we need to hire nameless mooks one of these days
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>3753343
>>3753348
Nobody on our crew is expendable, at the moment.
>>
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>>3753348
Well let's have a head count. You got:
- Jester Frenks: The only other mecha pilot on the ship. Still believes you're just a bunch of mercs. Remember to distract him or come up with an excuse whenever you're doing something morally questionable
- Heath and Cliff: bounty hunters that you hired on as muscle whenever you need things done planetside or on sabotage missions alongside Dai. HAven't fucked up so far.
- Bandit: the dog
- The Mechanic: the only one you have maintaining the mechs and the ship. Jester seems weirdly fixated on her for some reason
- Dai'Si'Cho: Your other best bud. Cyborg Ninja. Basically your second in command
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>3753368
Shiet, look in ships bowels, maybe we took some people for ransom and forgot about them
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>3753368
So nobody's replaceable.
>>
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>>3753376
"Scans and sec cam footage shows there's nobody down there, cap'n" the computer responds.

Perhaps you need to visit a port to recruit some naive poor fool for this mission.
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>3753368
>Jester seems to be fixated on mechanic for some reason.

Wait what? I know Fester was eyeing her like he knows her but Jester?
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>3753397
>>3753396
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>3753396
What a shame. Now back to plot.
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>3753396
Aight, lets get some sacrificial lamb
>>
>>3753397
That was actually a honest typo. I meant Fester
>>
>>3753420
>Fester
>Jester
>'ester and 'ester
Hey wait a second!
>>
>>3753420
Oof I thought we were moving to some love triangle spess opera
>>
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>>3753408
"Then setting course for the nearest spaceport, cap'n?"

>>3753426
Now let's not get too hasty here
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>3753440
Yes...yes we will
don't tempt me to make a shipping chart OP!
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>3753440
Yeah plot the course, also contact the mad doc and ask if he needs something
also to check on Fester
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>3753440
Dude we have a pair of bounty hunters. We can use them in risk nissions. They barely get any screen time anyway why would we recruit another guy
>>
>>3753456
Because they're not expendable. You wouldn't throw away your bros now, would you?
>>
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>>3753454
bwoop

"Greetings space pirate inside inferior fleshy body. How can I help you?"
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>3753462
I'm going to space McDonalds and spaceport, do you want anything? As how's Fester?...arrrr
>>
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>>3753463
"I am still preparing his body for augmentation. But so far there has been no problems. Your friend seems to be compatible"
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>3753470
Good, good. So, want some fries?
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>3753470
Oh that's good to know. Well, off to find out if the rebels were justified in rising up.
>>
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>>3753480
"Alright. I'll keep you updated on his condition if there's any major changes. Remember that the flesh is weak."

Bwoop. Call ended
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>3753501
Send Heath and Cliff
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>3753501
>>3753508
Yeah send them to uh "appropriate" some poor soul
>>
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>>3753508
"Right boss, you want a new recruit?"

"We can head down to the port and find some for ya"
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>3753527
Mission commenced.
inb4 we actually find somebody knowledgeable
>>
>>3753527
Get me the meanest so of a bitch who no one here will have qualms with disposing of the moment he stops being useful
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>3753549
>>
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Also I now curse this thread with a shipping chart, blame OP for mistyping Fester as Jester
>>
>>3753555
Beautiful.
>>
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>>3753539
And so you sent out Heath and Cliff into port. Now all that left is to wait. In the meantime, you can:
A. Interact with the rest of the crew and build your social links
B. Realize that OP's been hiding the level up screen for multiple threads
C. Customize personal mech
D. Work out, get swole.
E. Practice combat techniques
F. Run a mech simulation
G. Call up sister to check in on her


>>3753555
What is this ancient Sumerian riddle.
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>3753571
A
And its a shipping chart, those whose circles interact are shipped
>>
>>3753571
>E. Practice combat techniques
>>
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>>3753582
Luckily nobody realized OP hasn't given a level up despite you being eligible for about 2-3 of them already.

Anyway who are you gonna hang out with ?
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>3753608
Bandit the cowboy bartender dog
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>3753608
That'll be after talk
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>3753608
Dai'Si, while we hold OP at knifepoint for the levels
>>
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>>3753611
Ah yes, Bandit. You still remember when you first met him. Fester picked him up after your colony was attacked by the aliens. A lost little dog, now an integral part of the crew.
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>3753647
Take him for a walk after beating up OP for level ups
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>3753647
...how are ya?
>>
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>>3753658
Bandit seems happy
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>3753691
Now those levels you owe me
>We say as we enter the basement, OP tied to a chair
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>3753691
Bandit find something (?)
>>
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>>3753706
HMm? What is it boy? Whatcha found?
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>3753718
Oh no! Its Bandits secret plans to take over the galaxy Festers lucky sheriff badge
>>
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>>3753728
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>3753748
Ah Festers badge, still remember him wearing it in kindergarten and being bullied and beaten because of it, initially by me, then by others and me beating them up and starting a our friendship
>>
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>>3753763
Ah yes. Good times.

Beating up children.
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>3753785
Tell Bandit world domination is not the way. Too much effort.
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>3753785
As children. Wait, does that badge have a hatch, like a locket would?
>>
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>>3753791
Especially after you succeed. Now you're the ones running things. Management is way too much work.

Bandit nods in angreement
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>3753802
Walk around and have an random event
>>
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>>3753826
Roll 2d100 to see what happens on your walk with bandit

1-20: Assassins !
21-40: Muggers!
41-60: Insurance salesmen!
61-80: An accident!
81-90: Bumping into someone you know!
91-100: You somehow gain super powers!
>>
Rolled 99, 14 = 113 (2d100)

>>3753848
>>
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>>3753855
"Edward Roberts! Time to die!"
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>3753890
No. Stab.
>>
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>>3753898
BUT WHERE?!
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>3753910
Dick first
>>
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>>3753917
The ensuing image is too violent for the children watching this show. So please enjoy this visual metaphor
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>3753929
loot corpse, who is it this time
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>3753929
>>3753941
>>
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>>3753948
Aside from his clothes and weapon, you found an encrypted data storage device. Whoever this dude was, this thing may hold the answer. Will have to get back to the ship and have the computer crack it to find out.
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>3753957
display corpse as an example to other prospective assassins
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>3753957
>>3753970
I'm sure the public would understand, given the guy was an obvious assassin.
>>
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>>3753970
With your work done. it's time to finish Bandit's walk.....AND ALSO THIS THREAD. WHICH WILL CONTINUE, TOMORROW. ISH. FUARCK
>>
>>3753957
Search the body for any sort of identification or clues.
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>3753988
remind yourself to lynch the guy who confirmed fester's death
>>
>>3753992
Literally a second too late.
>>
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>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>3759300
Lynch the person who told OP to kill off Fester
>>
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>>3759302
And who is that? Could it be YOU!
>>
>>3759304
could be
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>3759304
>>3759307
>>
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>>3759309
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>3759310
back to the totally not evil pirate walking the bartending dog
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>3759310
search him
>>
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>>3759312
Doo doo doo. There don't seem to be anything else happening on this walk. Perhaps it's time to take Bandit back
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>3759318
something happens
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>3759318
Surprise just Kidding it was a space deer out for revenge... well it was suicidal but we made the car jump over it and now its mad at us for not killing it!
>>
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>>3759320
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>3759321
promise to kill him if he gives you an item
>>
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Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>3759323
Roll 2d100 for persuasion
>>
Rolled 66, 74 = 140 (2d100)

>>3759325
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>3759321
well well well we meet again
>>
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>>3759326
The space deer gives you an item in exchange for death. So what do you want anyway?
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>3759333
A bigger gun for a Winchester's mech
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>3759333
A blessed blunderbuss for mechs
>>
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>>3759337
"Take this blessing, it will give you what you desire when you return to your mech"
>>
>>3759341
thank you space deer, We will kill you later
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>3759341
back to socializing with a crew
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>3759341
Kill him to make peace with him, then >>3759344
>>
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>>3759345
The space deer passes on, into eternity.

Now, who's next?
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>3759349
a level up
>>
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>>3759352
Clearly you are mistaken friendo. There is no such thing as levelling up here.
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>3759349
Jester, you want to search his mech for shinies
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>3759358
Let's go to our mechanic
Happy mechanic - not blown up mech during sortie
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>3759358
The mechanic
>>
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>>3759362
Once again the fools were denied their rightful reward and I stand victorious.

"Oh hi captain. What brings you here?"
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>3759368
Some space deer gave me a blessing pertaining to my mech.
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>3759368
Nothing much, I just still can't believe winchester is dead
>>
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>>3759370

"I'm sorry, what"
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>3759373
Nanomachines. Ain't gonna explain shit
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>3759373
I have an ancestor whose beard was literally made of the cosmos; don't question it.
>>
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>>3759376
"Right, um. Then I'll see what this can do for you mech than, Captain....Speaking of which, what do you call it? Fester calls his the Marshal, what about yours?"
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>3759380
COW-PUNCHER 2000
>>
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>>3759382
You got something against cows, anon?
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>3759383
maybe
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>3759383
no lets go play it, its a new stand up arcade fighting game where you fight eachother as Cows
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>3759383
What would YOU call it, Mr. Fourth Wall Breaker
>>
>>3759383
The Schwarze Flut? I never really thought about it.
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>3759391
ffs
>>
Is OP kill?
>>
>>3759398
I am having connection errors when uploading an image. pls hold while I reconnect
>>
>>3759383
>edward is the only one to directly question the audience when they give thoughts to him
is he the most op character
>>
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>>3759386

Well I'll be damned
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>3759405
now technician knows that you are huge gaming addict
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>3759405
Who installed this game
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>3759405
I pick the Guile function.
>>
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>>3759406
What technician
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>3759412
I pick. The Guile. Function.
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>3759412
>>3759403
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>3759412
also known as mechanic
>>
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>>3759414
Shush anon
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>3759412
Back to the robot
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>3759430
Back to the robot?
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>3759430
Play the game with mechanic for bonding
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>3759430
Back to the damn robot already
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>3759430
>>3759433
>>
>>3759434
After we name the robot
>>
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>>3759438
"Sooooo...?"
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>3759448
Cow-Puncher 3000
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>3759448
Schwarzeflut, because when in doubt, default to German.
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>3759448
The Davy Jones
>>
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>>3759457
"Right, keeping that pirate theme huh. Now I can finally enter it into the records with an actual name instead of "captain's mech""
>>
>>3759460
Wanna play Cow-Puncher 2000?
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>3759460
What is the name of jester's mech?
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>3759460
Speaking of computer stuff, some idiot assassin dropped a data storage device
>>
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>>3759462

"It's, uh.....oh yeah he haven't told me yet.huh"
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>3759470
Yeah...say, did you meet Fester before, as you kinda look like a girl who used to suplex him in primary school
>>
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>>3759472
"Hmmmm....to be honest I don't remember much of my childhood, cap'n. Most of it is a blur as I coasted through school"
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>3759470
Know anyone who can deal with a encrypted data storage device
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>3759480
>>3759464
>>3759481
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>3759481
>>3759480
>>
>>3759480
Oh, I see. Wanna play Cow-Puncher 2000?
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>3759480
>>3759484
>>
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>>3759481
"Hmmm...welll"

Roll 2d100

Odds: she knows someone
Evens: It's herself
Zero: Fuck
>>
Rolled 77, 32 = 109 (2d100)

>>3759499
>>
Rolled 6, 94 = 100 (2d100)

>>3759499
>>
Rolled 94, 58 = 152 (2d100)

>>3759499
>>
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>>3759501
"Yeah, maybe I do. What you need, captain?"
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>3759508
An assassin tried to kill me so I killed him and got this encrypted data storage device, I need you to codebreak it and find out which idiot pirate sent him after me this time.
>>
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>>3759511
"Alright, i'lls ee what I can do. Ya need anything else, cap'n?"
>>
>>3759526
I wanna challenge you at COW-PUNCHER 2000!
For the place of the CHAMPION ON THIS SHIP!
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>3759526
>>3759535
fug
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>3759526
Some guy wants to play Cow Puncher 2000 with you
>>
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>>3759540
"Oh? Who?"
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>3759550
That guy >>3759539
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>3759550
>>3759551
>>
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>>3759554
"Huh, weird guy, that (sIlaZEpl)."
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>3759556
Shouldn't we be getting to jester's mech
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>3759557
Let's find out Jester's mech name from Jester
>>
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>>3759557
"YEah, you wanna give it a look over, cap'n?"
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>3759561
sure why not
Ignore lonely anon who just wanted to play videogames
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>3759561
I'll give it a look and ask Jester for the name
>>
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>>3759562
"Yes indeed, cap'n"
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>3759568
What if we paint it gold and put 百 on it's shoulder
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>3759568
Ignore >>3759569, he's nothing but bad idea today. You don't fuck with a man's mech.
>>
>>3759571
百円
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>3759568
I think there's a nametag right here
>>
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>>3759569
Now now anon. You don't touch another man's mech without consulting him first. It's like working inside an office with a shared fridge and eating another worker's lunch.
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>3759579
but gold makes everything better
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>3759579
>>3759576, how convenient.
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>3759579
>>3759576
>>
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>>3759584
"Oh yeah, you're right, Captain. Man, with only one eye you somehow have better vision than me, hehe. Anyway, according to the tag, this mech is called....."
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>3759586
Some shitty Justice name.
Something like GREAT JUSTICE or JUSTICE EAGLE
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>3759586
>>3759589
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>3759586
Cobalt
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>3759586
Ati Radeon 2000
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>3759586
Ooh, adamant and mithril might work
>>
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>>3759591
"Ah yes. GREAT JUSTICE EAGLE JUSTICIAR. In allcaps"
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>3759601
and all that resting on huge image of eagle.
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>3759601
also it's playing some giant robot anime theme for some reason
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>3759601
Just call it Justiciar. The menu doesn't address GaiGaiGar as "King of Braves, GaoGaiGar".
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>3759601
Criticize jester for his dumb taste in names
>>
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>>3759606
"It has a built in speaker, cap'n."
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>3759614
We should probably let Jester know to turn it off when it's not in action. Just address it as Justiciar.
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>3759614
At least it does that without explosions in background
>>
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>>3759618
"The mecha registration list have a limited name space anyway....and done. Justiciar registered to the Black Horse"
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>3759625
Now that the tour is done, leave mechanic with installing that gift and go back to planning our bounty
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>3759625
can we see it stats
>>
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>>3759630
>>3759630
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>3759644
>BGM: Yes
As long as it doesn't override. I don't feel like it's the right mech for that.

>>3759629, but levels instead of bounties.
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>3759644
scroll down
>>3759646
it's not about the mech
it's about the pilot
no one fill the bill
yet
>>
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>>3759646
Levels? What levels? I dunno whatchu talkin aboot
>>
>>3759644
What is bgm?
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>3759655
Lets just get it over with
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>3759655
The Levels, OP. Hand em over.
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>3759656
Big Gun Mount
>>3759655
spill the beans OP
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>3759655
levels or you get dick stabbed
>>
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>>3759668
The beans are spilled. And another secret is revealed. You also had a hat that OP has hidden away.
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>3759674
put everything into dodge
>>
>>3759674
15 into Melee
5 into everything else.
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>3759678
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>3759674
Put 12 into ranged
>>
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>>3759676
What are you some kinda dexfag, anon?
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>3759695
>>3759678
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>3759695
No.
But I played enough SRW to know which stats important.
Also we have 50 kills, what Ace bonus did we get?
>>
>>3759695
Changing to >>3759700. He's got a point.
>>
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>>3759707
>>3759700
Edward's Ace Bonus is.....
A. Damage of all weapons +20%
B. Always counters
C. Combat dice is now d200 instead of d100
D. Have a bonus of +20 for any kind of roll anytime/ Combat or otherwise

Super Ultra Gambling addict option: Roll for it, if get jackpot you get all bonuses
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>3759729
how much is jackpot
>>
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>>3759736

Oh it's simple really. You can either choose 1 out of 4. Or roll 1d5 with 1 to 4 being each choice, and 5 is the jackpot.
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>3759729
D
>>
Rolled 72 + 1 (1d100 + 1)

>>3759743
luck fail me now
>>
Rolled 2 (1d5)

>>3759743
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>3759729
>>3759743
B
>>
Rolled 4 (1d5)

>>3759743
and that's why you always choose counter
amateurs
>>
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>>3759748
Okay so what's your choice then, fair anon?
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>3759755
just choose always counter instead
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>3759755
Roll?
>>
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Rolled 1 (1d5)

>>3759777
Alright. Everyone roll 1d5 and we will choose what the committee deems to be the best result
>>
Rolled 5 (1d5)

>>3759796
>>
Rolled 5 (1d5)

>>3759796
>>
Rolled 2 (1d5)

>>3759796
>>
Rolled 5 (1d5)

>>3759796
>>
>>3759801
>>3759804
>>3759809
STANDING BY
>>
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>>3759801
>>3759804
>>3759809
Edward now has his Ace pilot bonus: Weapon damage increased by 20%, he always counter attacks, his combat dice is now a d200 and every roll he does now has a default of +20 before applying other bonuses
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>3759830
alright
time to name the unnamed crew members, the janitor and the luchador robot
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>3759830
So he basically can solo the game
Neat.
I hope he won't leave party/betray for story matters like in a few battles
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFKnlxB_mXc
>>
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>>3759841
Don't be silly. Why would a captain betray his crew? Anyway Dai needs levelling up for them ground missions
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>3759859
20 to melee
15 to dodge
10 to skill
10 to hit
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>3759859
>>3759860
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>3759859
40 in dodge rest in hit
>Why would a captain betray his crew?
you know how it goes, usually clones and mind swipes
>>
>>3759863
fucking dodgefag
>>
>>3759867
Don't like dodge? Go play SRW A Portable.
>>
>>3759867
It's not like Dai'Si is going to get a mech soon, at the moment.
>>
>>3759872
You don't need to dodge if you can kill him first
>>
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>>3759862

Skadoosh
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>3759877
spill the beans on the kills
>>
>>3759878
We might have to ask he--him about it.
>>
thanks for bread op, I'm out
>>
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>>3759878
Yes, what >>3759882 said. Dai's prior kills during service as a corp ninja is private information
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>3759894
Anyway, we need to figure out who is sending us assassins to kill
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>3759894
Is this it for leveling up
>>
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>>3759898
Of course. Jester can level up on his own time
>>
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Anyway, you return to the mechanic to check on the cracking progress
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>3759928
25 in Block, 15 in Melee
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>3759951
Do we have any clues?
>>
>>3759928
Wha... That ain't Fester and those ain't his stats
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>3759928
This new robocop remake better not disappoint

5 in melee
20 in ranged
10 in skill
5 in block

>>3759951
Am I the only one who sees Edward being held up on a puppet stick in this post? Anyways, you got a lock yet?
>>
>>3759965
Why are you giving the pilot of a Melee mech points into Ranged?
>>
>>3759974
Because I read fester and assumed that the photo was a joke or oversight
>>
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>>3759957
"Got a call from my cracker, captain. Haven't fully cracked it but it's definitely an assassination contract on your head. From another space pirate. Now my guy is trying to find out who"

>>3759963
OP has bugged naming mechanics
>>
>>3759928
Name's wrong OP.
10 melee 20 block 10 hit
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>3759984
Keep me posted on the progress then, I need to know who wants my ass so bad.

Back to planning that bounty we're on now.
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>3759984
Hope much longer will it take?

Also >>3759991.
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>3759991
>>3759984
This, and download the hot fix to the level up GUI
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>3759984
Punch the malfunctioning level up screen to make it work
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>3759984
Mechanic's crack is superlative. Ponder potential enemies
>>
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>>3759999
"About 30 minutes to an hour, captain"
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>3760024
Wait out the time by fixing the levelup screen.

By punching it.
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>3760024
Ok then, check up on the bounty hunters' search for new recruits
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>3760024
Play Cow-Puncher 2k for 30 minutes to an hour
>>
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>>3760032
Smack. Here we go
>>
>>3760050
Much better
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>3760050
20 on melee
10 on block
10 on hit
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>3760050
>>3759991
Much better
>>
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>>3760070
Hm?
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>3760092
Confirm
>>
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>>3760102
Done. OP's beans have been spilled and Edward's hat is still inside the Black Horse's locker
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>3760130
Think on what exactly we’re doing while waiting for the Mechanic to decode.

Do we have any end goal here, aside from plundering space treasure? Is it really worth all the things we missed, space pirating? We never even bought Skyrim on the holotape
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>3760130
Time to spend time naming unnamed crew members
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>3760130
Good. Now phone to check in with Heath and Cliff whilst simultaneously smacking up digital cows for c.45mins
>>
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>>3760147
Right, now name the Janitor and the Lucha Bot that works security.

Do that while...OP goes to sleep as communist overlords require labor in a few hours. Thread will continue later. shieeeeeeeeeeet.

updates n whatnot: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>3760178
macho and gary
>>
>>3760178
cya
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>3760178

Dave, and El Limpiador
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>3760178
Bob and El Securitron
>>
>day or two
so we expect it on the third day I guess
>>
>>3765750
I think you meant to say third day + around 2 additional hours of delays
>>
>>3765760
Plus 1 or 2 weeks
>>
>>3765882
Plus a month
Basically sometime between now and the heat death of the universe
>>
>>3766378
and maybe a bit more than that
>>
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>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>3772101
Slightly familiar fist punches Ed's face.
>>
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>>3772108
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>3772115
>>3760230
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>3772115
No dodging you cheater.
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>3772115
Joshua and Robbo Rob
>>
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>>3772119
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>3772130
THINK, EDWARDS! You need to burn 30-60 minutes until the code is cracked. What activities are on the table?
>>
>>3772138
dis
>>
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>>3772138
Hmm, let's see, you could...
A. Have a battle in the simulation
B. Have the mechanic customize the Davy Jones further
C. Put more skulls on your stuff
D. Call your sister
E. Engage alcoholism
>>
>>3772130
i want to add but its too late waiting on op is all I can do now
>>
>>3772170
B. we must make our mech more awesome, and to impress fester when he gets back.
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>3772173
>>3772170
>>
>>3772176
oh man!
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>3772170
Call sister
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>3772170
>>3772173
>>
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>>3772181
beep beep beep
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>3772192
get a bucket of ice cream and talk to your big sis about your woah as me stories.
Girls are so complicated!
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>3772192
Damn, mechanic got some nice hair. Anyway, wait for Rebecca to pick up
>>
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>>3772200
bwooop

"Heeeeeeeyyyyyy~! Myy favourite person in the whole univeeeeer~se! How ya doing big bro?"
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>3772220
Ooooh Rebecca, you HAVE KNOW IDEA!
I am getting crazy suggestions from other worldly thoughts aftet Fester got fucked up! It just do frustrating being a single pirate in a big universe!
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>3772220
Don't even say anything. She can talk for 30 minutes straight all by herself without interruption
>>
>>3772227
We, as her brother, should know better than that.
>>
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>>3772227
Rebecca then spent 30 minutes rambling on about random stuff, mostly about her day, how she's doing, how you're doing, her raids, yadda yadda. There were also something about her wanting you to abandon your crew to join hers and always be at her side or something. Not sure. You tuned out about 5 minutes in.
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>3772258
great we have a sister who has a brother complex. Fuck hang up already! and just drink the rest of the time away.
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>3772258
Say thanks for the talk and give her the conversational reminder to go see a shrink to deal with her brother complex.
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>3772258
Go to our room
>>
>>3772262
just an unlucky day for this guy here.
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>3772277
Check this dice little man
>>
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>>3772267
"Hahaaa, whaaat complex, big bro? I dunno whaaaaatchuuu are talkin aboout~"

"Captain, the cracking's done. Just say the word when you wanna check it out"

"Who the fuck is this bitch"
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>3772282
It'snobodyseeyoulaterrebeccagottagobye
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>3772282
There ships mechanic. Fester (ow) chose her, for some reason.
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>3772287
this,
and the dice are broken!
>>
>>3772287
>>3772292
>intentionally trying to set our obsessive imouto off
ISHYGDDT
>>
>>3772297
for comedy purposes only.
>>
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>>3772287

"WAIT! ED! NO! YOU MUST PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THE WHOOORRRESSSSS-----" call ended
>>
>>3772304
I'm not laughing and neither will Edward.
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>3772309
you arent the only voice in this head bro.
>>3772308
activate comedy protocol
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>3772308
So what did you get?
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>3772308
Do a funny dance
>>3772309
>>3772316
Fuck both of you
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>3772308
Ask Mechanic for results while putting on our hat
>>
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>>3772316
"Comedy Protocol activated. Engaging hilarious clown video projection" says the computer

"Honk" said the video
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>3772329
I hate this, unfortunate that Clown Guild forced me to...anyways what did you find?
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>3772329
mr anon needs everything to be serious, way to ruin the point of these adventures.

>>3772329
honk back
>>
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>>3772335
Clown blood is on your hands. Your sins will never disappear. Anyway.

"Alright captain, my cracker managed to find out who hired that assassin. It's...."

A. A rival pirate you fucked over in a card game
B. A rival pirate whose crew you murdered during your pirate career before working on the colony with Fester
C. One of your former crewmembers, now out for your blood after you disbanded the crew
D. Some dude that wanted to bone your sister
E. A member of the space government that you fucked over during your pirate career
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>3772359
Lets go wiiiith...C, aka Charles the Chip Master
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>3772359
F. Some sick clown, he is out of his mind god damn!
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>3772359
C
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>3772359
>D. Some dude that wanted to bone your sister
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>3772359
D
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>3772365
>>3772359
>>
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>>3772365

"....it's Chuckles"
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>3772384
I'VE ALREADY PAID MY DUES TO THE CLOWNS, LEAVE ME ALONE!
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>3772384
The weird this he doesnt chuckle. Like ever.
Ed slips on some space lube
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>3772384
I won't let some CLOWN faze me. Lets see him try.
Anyway, what's next on our to-do-list
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>3772384

Go away! Go and fight with mime instead!
>>
>>3772390
Hey, that's a fu--
>spoiler
>>
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>>3772392
Yes. The clown would just give you more excuses to engage Keelhaul protocols.....anyway.

"Captain. Heath and Cliff has returned"
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>3772401
Who did you find?
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>3772401
inb4 they returned with somebody with actual knowledge and not some unfortunate schmuck.
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>3772401

Heath and Cliff returned with a elf who can't stop smilling... creepy...
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>3772401
the clown
>>
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>>3772402

"Some guy claiming to be ex-military, cap'n. Says he got screwed by the gov now he wanna join the rebels. Claims he even has some sensitive information that the rebels can use too"
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>3772431
*whispers* dang he could be actually useful, couldn't you get some hobo who would just do it for food?
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>3772431
very well put him in a holding cell, we must check to see if he is truly on our side. Heath get Truth-o-meter.
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>3772431
What? Guys whole plan is me bluffing that I have secret intelligence to draw him out...ah well...*ahem* HEYYYY there buddy, how ya doin'?
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>3772431
>>3772437
>>
OP?
>>
>>3772501
Fucking net got fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked ove at my place. I cna't post pics, KEEPP GETTING ERROS SHIT
>>
I have also may or may not have passed out a long the way.

Anyway can't do anything. Keep getting connection errors whenever I wanna post with an image. So uh.....suspended tjhread/sadasdasc
>>
>>3772552
Go to sleep
>>
op is being a real pirate now
please wait while he probably gets arrested for dog smuggling
>>
>>3773867
Don't jinx it
>>
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>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>3778515
punch self in face
>>
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>>3778550
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>3778555
ALright lets send that guy Heath and Cliff recruited on his mission
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>3778555 (opened my eyes)
So about that guy we kidnapped.
>>
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>>3778569
"Oh we didn't even need to do that cap'n. He went with us on his own volition as soon as we told him about looking for recruits for the rebels"
>>
>>3778579
So he's actually useful.

Seems a bit convenient.
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>3778579
what does he look like? i need a rough sketch of this guy
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>3778579
>>
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>>3778587

"Ey, remove your helmet. The Captain needs to see your face"
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>3778596
Man's face is revealed to show...?
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>3778596
its a barface
>>
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>>3778601
...and it issssssss!!!!!
A. Some dude
B. Some girl
C. A robot
D. some mutant thing
E. iunno, input something here I guess damn
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>3778613
E, I'll let you decide this time.
>>
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>>3778616
How dare you make me take responsibility for my actioons
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>3778622
Ganbatte, OP-kun!
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>3778622
batface
>>
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>>3778633
>>
>>3778642
He looks like that one race that's obsessed with tubes.
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>3778642
>>3778676
>>
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>>3778676
"Aren't they also space pirates or something? Anyway, Seems our man's not a human, cap'n. Guess the governing army consists of these people"
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>3778681
Very progressive™.
>>
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>>3778697
"So now what, captain? Send word to the rebels we got a government turncoat? Then shove a bomb up his ass and send him to meet the rebel leader?"
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>3778706
Yes thats good enuff
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>3778706
sure yeah yeah
>>
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>>3778721

"Alright. Come, friend. We'll give you a quick medical checkup before bringing you to the rebel base. Then you can take revenge on the government that betrayed you all your want"
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>3778743
PLOT
>>
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>>3778754
"Okay, so. Ed. How are we to proceed? Call up the rebels and tell them we have someone they wanna meet and demand an audience with their leader? Fake an ambush and have our guy take center stage to prop him up as a rebel hero, gaining an audience with their leader?"
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>3778781
Former sounds much less risky. Lets do it
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>3778781
I personally feel like this whole route we're taking is going to bite us in the ass but money's money, so >>3778784.
>>
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>>3778784
You call up the rebels

"Captain Edwards. Looking for more work to help the cause? Or have you come to join us?"
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>3778801
Listen I met someone important. A guy who used to work for the government, he's got insider info on their whole operation. You wanna meet him?
>>
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>>3778805
"And you're sure he's not a spy?"
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>3778811
He seemed disgruntled enough with the gubmint.
>>
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>>3778816

"Hmmmm. That does sound like good rebel material. Bring him over to one of our outposts and we'll check him and his insider info out. If it's good we'll pass it on to our leader"
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>3778839
That sounds okay to me. Let me put you on hold and see how the guy feels.

Shit. Dai'Si, what do we do now?
>>
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>>3778855
"Spin a story about how his info could be war-ending, maybe? The type of info that the less people know, the better, i dunno. The type of info that requires the attention of the rebel leader himself?"
>>
>>3778870
Let's do that.
inb4 he actually does
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>3778875
>>
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Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>3778876
>>3778875
"Well?"

Roll 2d100 to try and convince the rebel

+20 Ace pilot bonus for Edward
>>
Rolled 25, 44 = 69 (2d100)

>>3778885
>>
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>>3778886
"Oh damn. That does sound serious.Alright. I'll contact high command and sort this out soon. In the mean time. Keep him safe, captain"
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>3778900
Of course of course...so Dai do we kill the guy now?
>>
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>>3778906
Why would we kill him? Are you retarded, anon?
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>3778910
Its not like we care about what information he has, all we need is to get the rebel leader out of hiding, but I see your point
>>
>>3778915
Yes, him being alive is what we will use to draw out the leader. As we''ll send him to meet the leader.

Then detonate the bomb in his ass
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>3778910
>Just go walk the doggo or something to time skip
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>3778926
Kinky...so what now? Tomeskip with Edward getting wasted?
>>
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>>3778932
>TOMEskip

BEHOLD! THE TOME OF TIME! Within it, the secret to CHRONOMANCY
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>3778941
Why is it a skull? Why is it always skulls? Is there something you want to tell us OP? are you actually a skeleton and not a blob with limbs?
>>
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>>3778950
Hush anon, i am not a skeleton. I merely subscribe to the 40k school of design. Slapping skulls on everything is cool.
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>3778958
Makes sense
NOW USE TOMESKIP TO TIMESKIP TO THE MEETING
>>
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Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>3778961
Also for seemingly no reason. Roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 14, 73 = 87 (2d100)

>>3778971
Oh for crying out loud
>>
Rolled 100, 34 = 134 (2d100)

>>3778971
o fug
>>
>>3778978
>34
lewd
>>
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>>3778978
The rebels has agreed to arrange a meeting between your batfaced man and the leader to extract info. And you are tasked with delivering him to the rebel base....but on the way you are pursued by the same massive alien that you escaped from before!
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>3778994
RUN
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>3778994
Lure it to some sorry government saps to get it off it ass!
>>
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Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>3778997
We clearly don't have time for this shizznit. Engage evasive maneuvers!

Roll 2d100

+20 Ace Pilot bonus for you

+10 Bigass Alien Monster bonus
>>
Rolled 19, 42 = 61 (2d100)

>>3779026
>>
>>3779028
thats good enough
>>
>>3779028
By the skin of our teeth!
>>
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>>3779028
Once again you managed to engage warp drives and escape the giant beast.
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>3779038
ARRIVE
>>
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>>3779043
YOu exit warp space and arrive at the agreed upon meeting place. A long dead planet with a ring of debris around it
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>3779059
Rebels hail us.
>>
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>>3779063
"Greeting, Captain Roberts. Land your ship on the designated rock"
>>
>>3779080
Okay.
When did we give them our name?
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>3779084
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>3779080

Agreed while making joke about Rock and Roll.
>>
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>>3779084
>>3779086
Perhaps....here? Maybe? They can't have find out you're only here for the bounty, can't they? Maybe your reputation as a space pirate precedes you?
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>3779097
Sufficient explanation
Make the landing
>>
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>>3779101
Hidden on the rock is a rebel base! You landed the Black Horse and awaits a rebel welcoming party to come and take your stooge away.

And that will be resolved.....tomorrow night. Thread's slow anyway and my high seas dog smugglin---I mean, work trip, has tired me out.

shieeet
>>
Opinion: Giant Robots suck and are the reason why this quest gets such low activity. Giant robots are SHIT
>>
>>3782328
>t. robolet
>>
GIANT RObOTS SUCK
>>
>The gulag has no mercy
has internet access
>>
>>3783636
It\s pirated internet
>>
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>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>3785036
Edwards fist makes contact with his face.
No dodges. No evades. No blocks. No cheating.
Straight up face punch.
>>
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>>3785050
Now anon, why are you sob obsess with punching faces? Is there some issues you need working out
>>
>>3785058
I swear OP if Edwards fist will not make contact with Edwards face, I will not buy Skyrim ever again..
And I'll unfollow your twitter
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>3785059
>>3785058
>>
>>3785061
oh shit he means it
>>
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>>3785061
>>
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>>3785066
You're testing my patience. Fist to face NOW.
Or this copy gets it.
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>3785066
Let's get back to the main story of meeting the rebel leader.
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>3785070
>>3785066
>>
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>>3785071
Alright, bwopp bwoop bwoop. Back to the rebel base establishing shot

DUN DUN
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>3785082
Alright, how are we going to assassinate the rebel leader? Let's go over the plan again.
>>
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>>3785083
Right. It's simple. Our rebel recruit has a bomb planted inside him. We'll just have to get him into a meeting with the leader and then boom.
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>3785097
Let's do it. Hopefully nothing goes wrong and we have to fight our way out of there.
>>
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>>3785099
Of course. How could anything go wrong?
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>3785110
inb4 everything decides to go wrong
Cut to us exiting the ship
>>
>>3785117
why would you say that
>>
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>>3785117
Just gotta keep up appearances and deliver your stooge. Don't wanna have them get suspicious
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>3785073
>>3785073
>>3785066
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>3785133
Act cool. We're supposed to be here
>>
>>3785133
Rebels get excited over you appearing
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>3785127
Cause it'll be exciting
>>3785133
Start smoking a cigar too while we're there
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>3785133
>>3785138
f
>>
>>3785135
inb4 edwards fist to poster's face
>>
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>>3785135
>>3785141

Why thank you anon. He didn't specify which face it is that this fist is gonna meet
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>3785143
>>3785138
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>3785143
inb4 he asks us to stay over
>>
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>>3785147
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>3785174
What's the deal with them?
>>
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>>3785177
Yea that is pretty weird. You don't remember visiting this sector before. Do you have a rep here?
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>3785192
speed ahead to the meeting
>>
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>>3785196
Let's put away that nagging feeling that something's gonna go wrong for now. You and your dude are told to wait in this room.
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>3785210
WAIT impatiently
>>
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>>3785227
Roll 2d1000000 to tap foot in annoyance
>>
Rolled 928577, 458507 = 1387084 (2d1000000)

>>3785233
>>
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>>3785236
You stomped on the floor impatiently 1387084 times, causing shockwaves that can be felt across the base
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>3785248
Geez the waiting times here make me anxious, and restless. They make me want to... depopulate a planet through orbital bombardment
>>
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>>3785251

The door opens just as you were about to indulge in your desire for genocide

"Greetings, captain"
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>3785257
DO IT
>>
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>>3785262
Do what?
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>3785274
Do the thing where you tell him all the intricate details that you know and that the leader over here wants to know too you know do that while I need to take a bathroom break, where I could be safe from any hypothetical explosions that might happen in this room. My bladder is bursting, gotta go now
>>
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Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>3785278
Of course.

Roll d100 to use your Spess Pirate Convincing skills

+20 bonus
>>
Rolled 4, 85 = 89 (2d100)

>>3785295
Boom
>>
yo if I'm gonna be the only guy participating I'll end up killing off all the characters soon, who will stop me
>>
>>3785302
hey, you rolled the thing dude
>>
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>>3785300
You have successfully excused yourself out of the room, but upon leaving you ran into another rebel
>>
>>3785305
Don't think I won't do it
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>3785316
Direct me to the bathroom before my bladder kills us both
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>3785316
>>3785323

Why are we planning on killing the rebels again? They're natural enemies of the government, just like pirates.
>>
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>>3785323
"Of course. But ya know I gotta follow ya. Protocols and all that, cap'n"
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>3785367
Yeah OK. Let's just go, I think we got like 2 minutes to burn
>>
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>>3785378
The rebel leads you to the toilet. Ya gotta lose him somehow before the bomb goes off in order to make your escape.
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>3785387
Bro, can you go and buy me some cheesy fish crackers from the nearest vending machine? You can grab yourself a bag as well, my treat
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>3785387
No seriously, why are we backstabbing defiers of authority?
>>
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>>3785394
"Dunno whatchu talkin' about cap'n. We dont ahve those here"
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>3785405
Let's lead him into the bathroom so we can take him down stealthily.
>>
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>>3785409
Alright. Find your opportunity and spring into action.

"..You know captain. You probably don't remember me. But I remember you"
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>3785420
Gaze at him through his helmet visor
Do we remember him??????
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>3785420
What?
>>
>>3785428
>69
ha
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>3785420
N-Nani?
>>
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>>3785428
"You know. You took down some government goons for us and delivered a bunch of critical supplies. I was the pilot sent to provide you backup"
>>
>>3785443
SUPLEX
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>3785445
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>3785443
Oh really? Thanks.

Why we bombong rebels again?
>>
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Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>3785449
"I thought the way you handled those goons were super cool. Even told all my friends and I think they're fans of you now, haha! Makes me wish you would just join us, you know"

Roll 2d200 to suplex the rebel

+20 for you
>>3785451
Money. LEader has a bounty on his head
>>
Rolled 94, 91 = 185 (2d100)

>>3785459
You thought that was cool? then watch THIS
>>
>>3785459
The narrative seems to be implying that we're helping the wrong people.
>>
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>>3785464
With a massive slam. You knock out the rebel. While the guards outside felt the shockwave and thought it was some one taking a massive shit
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>3785472
Any second now, bomb should go off. Time to bail
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>3785472
>>3785473
Oops! All Malfunctions!
>>
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Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>3785473

You slip outta the bathroom and head for the Black Horse. Bomb should go off right about now and it's time to make your getaway
>>
Rolled 24, 15 = 39 (2d100)

>>3785480
>>
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>>3785483
...Aaaaany minute now.
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>3785491
They didn't discover it, it just didn't go off. Just go.
>>
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>>3785494
"WAit! Captain Roberts!"
>>
>>3785513
... What?
oh god oh fuck
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>3785515
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>3785513
>>3785520
UHHHHHHHHHH
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>3785515
>>3785520 already rolled for me.
>>
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>>3785520
"We're gonna need you to come with us. Captain"
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>3785541
For what.
>>
>>3785543
That's meant to be a question.
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>3785541
>>3785543
Get ready to draw your gun...
>>
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>>3785543
"Interrogation, captain. Your "recruit" turned out to be a government spy and tried to kill our leader."
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>3785561
Very interesting. I had no idea. I was just going to get some cheesy fish crackers from my ship, and head back to the meeting. A real shame, if I was there I would have stopped the spy before he even laid so much as a finger on tha boss!
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>3785561
What in the goddamn?
>>
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>>3785564
"Yeah yeah. Save it for the interrogation, captain"
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>3785576
We foresaw this, and made a backup plan. DAISI BAIL ME OUT
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>3785576
old-fashioned superhero transition!
>>
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>>3785583
WHOOOOOOoooooOOOOSSSSsssHHHhhh
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>3785590
fug
>>
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>>3785593

So anyway, long story short. Shit has gone tits up and now the Black Horse is in combat with the rebels
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>3785600
Attempt not to die
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>3785600
And what about Edward?
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>3785600
aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA
>>
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>>3785603
Currently inside a cell while the rebels handle his crew. But sooner or later he's gonna be used as a bargaining chip
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>3785614
Damn!
How is Fester doing?
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>3785614
dude looking at the thumbnail I actually thought for a sec that they had stripped edwards nude haha wouldn't that be fuckin crazy? haha
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>3785614
But I dindu nuffin. We genuinely thought he was a defector.
>>
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>>3785617
uh
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>3785631
Anyway, back to the battlefield. Something happens!
>>
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>>3785633
Jester has launched in his GREAT JUSTICE EAGLE JUSTICIAR to fight the rebels and break open the base so Edward can get out
>>
>>3785665
Alright. What does the map look like?
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>3785678
>>
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>>3785691
It looks like......a to be continued. IN about a day or two. As OP has bumped his knee into the bed and now shit's bleeding hard. FUCK

updates on my funeral are here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
>>3785706
How?